Colton Lord A Nurse Daddy
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Trigger warning, you guys. This week's episode contains talks of suicide. Please take care while listening.

Hey guys, welcome back to Friends Anonymous. My name's Lindsay, and who do I have with me? I'm Colton. I am one part of the Nurse Daddies. It's just me. Glenn did not come with me. He was very upset, actually, that I did not invite him out. He was. He's always invited, but... He was very offended. He's like, you're not going to bring me to Arizona. I have time off. I'm like, well, no. You're not going to bring me? Yeah, so I was like, I'm going to see my family and friends. Like, no. And honestly, I think it would have been a culture shock to him. Oh, I bet. Well, to him, and I think to, like,

because I'm from like very rural Arizona so I think that they would have also been culture shocked to see Glenn they're just different areas where's Glenn from he's from the Philippines oh

Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. I mean, I think I knew that. I just... So he... Philippines to Boston? Yeah. So Glenn went from the Philippines. I don't want to get his story wrong, but he went from the Philippines and he did things like the Middle East and then he ended up in Chicago. Okay. And then he did a... He ended up in Boston because he was going to go to like med school. Did like a class at Harvard. Wait, I didn't know any of this. This is a story for Glenn to tell. I know. Clearly, but... I know. And then he... And I'm like telling a story. Did a...

class at Harvard and then ended up just like staying in Boston. That's kind of like how that worked. That's awesome. I bet he'll be glad though that we talked about it. Of course. I'd be like, oh my God, you got it wrong. He's like, actually, let me tell the story. Okay, enough about Glenn. So you're from Arizona. I am, yes. Do you want to tell people a little bit about your background, how you got into nursing? Sure. Yeah. So I grew up in, like I said, Northern Arizona. I don't know if you, have you been up North yet here? Flagstaff? No, wait, is Page up North?

It is up north. I drove through Page. No, I did not. That's not where I'm from. I went to college at Flagstaff, but I grew up in a place called Show Low, like Show Low Pinetop. So it's like northeast Arizona, very small town, like population like 10,000, maybe 12,000.

And as far as like getting into nursing, I've kind of heard you talk about this. Like it was like this, like how it's like your plan B. Like it was never like my passion. Like I didn't have like this, like, Oh, I want to be a nurse. Like I didn't have like a family of nurses. I just kind of like, I did like a CNA course in high school and I just like, I was like, I guess like this will work. Like I had other friends doing it. Like, um, and I just like,

in the classes when I went to college and I didn't think I was even going to get into the program and I did and it just worked out for me. Yeah. That's actually refreshing to hear because I feel like a lot of my guests it is their passion which nothing's wrong with that but it's nice to hear from other people because it's

A lot of us, it's just not our passion. It's not. And I've had a lot of guilt about that, actually. Same. Early on. I'm like, oh my God. It's not that I bring that into my patient care. When I'm there, I'm there for the patients. I can be passionate about the job, but I just never felt like it was what I wanted to do with my entire life. I felt like there has to be more out there. Yeah, no. I relate to that. I mean, I think...

like you said, it's not that we can't be good at our job. We're passionate about taking care of people. And I always say like taking care of people is the easiest part of the job. Like if you have empathy, like it's, it's fairly easy, but the rest of the shit, 100%. I'm like, yeah,

why am I here? Yeah. And that, well, that's what's burnt me out so much is like just all the other stuff. Um, I mean, there's obviously hard things too about like the patient side of it. Um, especially in the ER. Yeah. Um, but yeah, most of it is just like, just the nonsense that like comes with, with nursing and it's, it's not all bad. Like I don't like to like paint the picture, like the,

the profession like a terrible thing you know but I think it's important to like shed light on that for people going into it because I didn't I really didn't know anything about nursing like when I went into it like do you I mean do you have family like nurses in your family I don't um but my husband does his sister was a nurse um but I will say I'll back up a little bit my mom from the beginning was like you should go be a nurse she worked at a bank and she frequently did like

some type of paperwork for people where she would see their income and she was like I feel like nursing they make pretty good money you know for what they do which little do we know she didn't know what they did she didn't know but I uh

I didn't have anyone in nursing, but my dad, when I was growing up, he had a motorcycle accident and was in the hospital for a long time. I'm recovering. And so I got a little glimpse of that side, but no one, no. Yeah. So you weren't like coming from like, cause a lot of people come from like, especially like the Filipino community, like they come from just like a line of nurses. Oh yeah. Yeah. Versus me. Like I had,

I have an aunt who's an ER nurse and she's been doing it for like years. But other than that, like I have like, yeah, nobody. Yeah. And so even like now, I think it makes it more difficult though. Cause like, even like during the pandemic, especially like it was hard for me to like relate to like, you know, my family and tell them like what was actually going on in the hospitals. They're like, no,

No, for sure. Like anytime you try to tell them a story, they're like, they can't relate. They can't relate. It's just not the same. Right, right. So yeah, so I feel like, yeah, like long or short answer of it. I just, I really just fell, fell into it. And here we are. I love that though. Well, do you know what you want your, did you have a plan A?

Because you said like, it's kind of your plan. It's not your end all be all. I didn't like it. Like I, I didn't. And I had like a moment in college cause I didn't, I did not get into nursing school. Like the first time I applied. And so I was like, Oh my God. Like what? Like what? And I was at university and I was on a scholarship, so I had to keep taking credits. And so like the, like the semester I didn't get in, I had,

I had finished my prereqs that semester. And so like, I had to fill 15 credits of just nonsense. Like I was taking like Grand Canyon birds and like, like just like, literally that was a class I took. And just like the most random, like health, I guess like an athletic training class. I got like the first C of my life in that class because I just, I just didn't care. Like I was partying. Like I was like, I didn't get in anyway. Like, I don't know what I'm going to do. Literally. And I applied. And I remember like the day when I got into nursing school, I got the letter and I was, or I got the email and I was like at a party. I was like, so,

so intoxicated. I'm like, open it. And I'm like, oh my God, I got into nursing school. Like I, I'm still convinced that like my program had to meet like a requirement of like males or something. They're like, this guy will work. This one will work. Cause I don't, I mean, I wasn't, I mean, I got like decent grades, but it wasn't like, it was a competitive program and I,

And here you are. Here I am. It worked out. You know what? It worked out. There's no reason to dissect it like that. The universe did whatever it needed to do. And here we are. Yeah. That's kind of how I felt though, too. I was rejected my first year. I don't know if I told you this, but Jared got in the first year. We both applied at the same year. And when we got our letters in the mail, he had the big envelope. Yeah.

And mine was tiny. And I was like, okay, great. We know what this is. I'm a failure again. Great. So I totally relate to that. And then like, I was like, well, maybe I'm not supposed to be a nurse. I don't, I don't fucking know. Cause again, it wasn't my passion. I was like, I'll try again. Whatever. Got in. Yeah. So that's the thing. It's like, I didn't,

Like I wouldn't have even gone to like university. Like if I hadn't had a scholarship, like I just, I didn't have this like huge passion to go be anything. Like I was like, I guess I'm just going to go here. Like college is what I'm like supposed to do. Um, I just didn't like my, my dad's like an entrepreneur. My mom always was kind of doing like, um, like bookkeeping style jobs. So I was like, I really did not know what I was going to do. Like at one point I thought I would be like,

an accountant. Yeah. God, I did not do that. Like no shade to accountants, but like, I just can't, it's just not your thing. It's not my thing. Like I can't like sit there all day and punch numbers. No, yeah, I don't know. Like I have a,

One of my nursing jobs now is kind of at a desk. Well, it is at a desk, and it's hard to sit there all day. Really? They're 12-hour shifts, yeah, and I'm sitting at a desk. I actually wanted to get into that a little bit. Okay, so when you started nursing, where'd you start? I started on MedSurge. Oh, my God. Yes, where I did my capstone was a MedSurge unit, but it was...

also like I don't know what I was getting myself into. It was a med surge slash like psych unit. So these patients had a secondary like psych diagnosis. If they came to the ER, if they had like a secondary psych diagnosis, but they were acutely ill, like medically they went to this unit.

And so we were a locked unit. We had like really sick patients, honestly. And then we would have the ones that were like boarding there waiting for like inpatient psych as well. So that's where I got lucky enough to capstone. And then that's where I took my first job. I was there for about six months and I transferred to an oncology med-surg unit. And then was there for probably...

eight months to a year and then that's when I went to the ER okay but you transferred at six months that's a question I get a lot like I hate my life in blank specialty but I've only been here six months I'm like transfer yeah yeah well mine was if you can mine was like it was by choice but also like kind of not like I had kind of a pretty bad thing happen I had a patient who um

I don't even remember why he was... I think we were just holding onto him because he was suicidal. Was supposed to be waiting for inpatient psych placement. And he ended up... They ended up discharging him, saying he was malingering, wasn't... He's fine, whatever. So we had called his case manager to come pick him up. And I did not know this, but...

case manager sent like a taxi for him. And so our sitter, we discharged him. The sitter took him outside and the patient walked off and he ended up like jumping off the parking garage. Yeah. And like, yeah, he died. Oh. And so what happened was he still had his hospital band on. And so they, people like had seen it happen. Like obviously we're freaking out. They called our unit because he had his band on.

And I remember this like so vividly. I was in a room like helping a patient fill out like an MRI screening form and they called me on my vocera, they're like, Colton, come out here. I was like, okay. And they're like, oh my God, like something just happened. Like your patient, like they just jumped. And I was like, what?

my first thought was like, Oh my God, I'm going to lose my license. Like, you know, six months in. Yeah. You're just a baby. Yes. And so me and the charge nurse like booked it down there and like EMS was already like on scene, like coding him. Like I'm pretty sure he, you know, died on impact, but they were doing the best that they could. They brought him into the ER as a trauma. Um, and immediately after that, like it was, it was like, it was like a movie. Like they like took me aside. Like we have to go, like we went to like this, some, um,

in like the hospital to like do like a briefing. Like all these people that were like high up were in there like making sure like, this is not in the news, like anyone recording. I'm over there just like sobbing. So I'm like, what is happening? And then, but like, that's all they were worried about. It was like, this better not be on the news. Like, of course. And I'm just like, oh my God, like what did I just do? Like, I thought it was all my fault. It was terrible. So that's how I ended up like my manager, my senior manager oversaw that unit plus the oncology unit. So she was like, take some time off.

Mike, when you come back, like you can take a couple of weeks in the oncology unit and just kind of like get back into it. And then once I went to that oncology unit, I was like, I'm going to stay here. Oh yeah. No, that's traumatic. Oh, it was. Yeah. It was terrible. It was really, it was really terrible. And like, yeah, I had a hard time with that for a while. And I think like,

Looking back, I didn't process it at that time. I don't remember any resources really for me either. They pretty much were like, here's five days that you can have off. I went to Lake Tahoe, which was great. But I kind of just came back and was like, all right, back to work. It never happened. But I did get some closure. The story's crazy. This probably was last year. One of the social workers that I worked with there,

And she messaged me on Facebook and she was like, I have the craziest thing to tell you. And she sent me this long audio message and was like, I was at a church meeting and we were in a circle just going around telling each other, I think it was church. We were telling each other what we did for work and she's like, oh, I'm a social worker at...

And one of the ladies was like, this is crazy because this is a hospital system. It could be any of these hospitals. And she was like, were you part of this case? I don't know if it was a brother, cousin. Somehow they were related. And she was like, yeah, I was the social worker helping with that case. And she was like, I just want you to know...

he's at peace. Like if you could, you know, reach out to anybody that was involved in his care and just like, let them know that like, we don't blame them. And like, I know it makes me cry because I, and it's like, I needed that. And it was even like, this was like years later. And I was like, I got that message and I was just was like, I, this is insane. Like, because I carried that for so long. So just to even have somebody just like say that and be like, you know, please send this message along. Yeah. It was, um,

Yeah, that was crazy. That's really sad. In a roundabout way, I got that closure from that situation. Yeah. Now it's like a new grad...

As not a new grad, that's a traumatic story to begin with. But as a new grad, I can only imagine all the fears and anxiety thoughts that went through your head. Yes. Because not only did you just like lose a patient in a traumatic way, like you care about him. He was, he was, you know, not that this like matters, but he was very nice. He was, you know, and I remember like before, in hindsight, you start looking at things like he like brushed his teeth, got himself like ready. Like it was just like things I didn't expect from like,

you know, a patient that was just like discharging from the hospital when he left, he was like, thank you so much. Like, just like very kind, you know, it was like, it was like that whole, it bothered me because I'm like that whole time, like he knew what he was about to go do. Um, and you know, and then like as the hospital, we like, you know, we failed him in a way, like saying he was malingering and just like kind of like pushed him out the door. Like there were just like so many things that happened. Not that it's like anybody's fault. No, it's a system issue though. And I don't like pointing fingers at like a specific person, but it's like,

It's a system issue. Totally. Like almost every time I'm like, oh, it doesn't shock me that that happened. Right. Just because it also doesn't shock me that the hospital wanted to cover it up. Immediately. It wasn't even like, hey, are you okay? That's what I was going to ask. Did anyone ask you that? They, well, my, so when we were down there and they, when they finally took him.

it was so crazy. Like I just, I remember just like how like, it was like slow motion, but when they took him to the ER, like EMS took him off. Um, I remember like my manager looked at me cause she had ended up making her way down there. She's been, she looked at me. She's like, are you okay? And that's when I like lost it. And then, so they, I mean my, yes, my staff, like my nurses and like, they were like there for me, but like the other people, like they did not, but like the people looking out for the hospital, they were like, was this on the news? Anyone recording this? Like, Oh my God.

It's like, okay. I'm hysterical. There was like, I think it was a, it was either a, I think it was a physical therapist who was on top of the garage and he had looked to her and said like, you better call 911. And so she's traumatized. Like they don't care about us. No, per usual. They don't. It's profit over people in every scenario. You said something earlier about you didn't really know how healthcare works.

ran I guess or how it worked because no one in your life was a healthcare worker that's exactly how I felt too and I remember my first year as a nurse like checking myself and being like oh this is a business yeah yes if you don't work in it in any capacity you don't realize it yeah and it yeah and I think especially like kind of like

yeah, jumping ahead, like with the job I'm doing now, like I see the other side of it too, just how much it's ran by just like insurance and money and like everything we do is like, it's money. And it's like, you get it to an extent,

But at the end of the day, it's like when you're there as a nurse, like you don't care about that. That's not what you're trying to do. You know, like that's not your goal. No. Your goal is like take care of people. Yeah. It's disheartening. It is disheartening. And don't worry, we'll get to like some fun, nice, happy, maybe smile things. My life is not all depressing. But it reminds me of the story that recently happened at...

In North Carolina of an ER nurse that was attacked by a patient who, I don't have all the details, but came in with possible psych issues and put an ER nurse in a chokehold, not even her nurse, but put an ER nurse in a chokehold, body slammed her to the ground and broke her leg. Jeez. I don't think I heard about that. It happened just like earlier this month, I believe. Oh, okay.

I'm sorry, earlier in January and broke her leg. Oh my God. I'm like laughing. Cause I'm like, what the fuck? She's like another day at the job. Another day. Just another fucking day. Another day at work. But this patient is probably going to get off. Wow. You know, I mean, you think, I feel like it happens a lot, even when they do press charges, which, um, I've heard through the grapevine that they're going to press charges or that they are, but, um,

It's like, where does that even go? Where does it go? I've had situations where security's asked me, like, do you want to press charges? Like...

I literally was just like, no. Yeah. Why? Right. Because this sounds like more work for me. It's probably not going to go anywhere. Like, I'm going to have to show up these places. And like, at the end of the day, like, I just don't feel like it's going to like do anything. So why? Why waste my time? But I feel like if someone choke hold, put me in a choke hold, slammed me to the ground and broke my leg, I'd be like, no, no, fuck this shit. I would press charges on that. Absolutely. Mine was like, somebody had like spit on me and I was like, I mean, like, I'm not happy about this, but like, I'm not going to press charges. I've been spit on too. I think that, you know, and some people get mad and be like, no, you should have pressed charges. I'm like, well,

The truth is, it's not going to go anywhere. It's not. This one might. I hope it does for that woman's sake. If I had to be hospitalized for something that somebody did, I think I would like... Yeah, and she's out of work for months. PT for months. Yeah, I would like this person better get... Anything. And the patient themselves went on Facebook and was trying to defend themselves in the news report because that one did get out to the news. And it's just one of those things where you're like...

people don't realize what we deal with in a day-to-day basis. No. And you can't explain these things to people. No. You tell them and people are just like, you're lying. Yeah, right. No, I'm not. Or you're exaggerating. You're exaggerating. I'm like, no. No, I'm not. It's another day. It's another day. And some places are not as bad as others. You've done some travel nursing, right? Yes. Yeah. So you can probably attest to this. Some places you're like, oh, this is nice. Yeah. And you get other places, you're like, how do people work here?

No, absolutely. How do people do this every day? Well, now that I know that we both worked at the same facility, we won't name facility. Wow. Wow. How are they? How are they so prosperous? It's like I came back and I was like, oh, we're still doing this shit. Okay. No wipes. Okay. Cutting up pillowcases. Okay. Like it's not for someone that should not be there.

that way no like not at all not at all i'm like you guys have money i know you do of course multiple facilities the ceo i mean they can multi-million exactly yeah i mean you can't provide wipes that's crazy to me but like you said there's other places that i'm like this is pristine this is how it should be ran across the nation yeah which you see more like probably in places like california um even i mean out in boston like there's there's some the health care is definitely like at

more advanced out there than here. Like just when I left here and went, went to Boston, I was like, Oh, like it's, I mean, it still has its issues for sure. Like it's not, it's not perfect. It's still healthcare, but the standards are a little bit higher. I think so. Yeah. I could see that. Yeah. Did you move from a med surgery oncology to ER when you went to Boston?

Nope. So I did that here in Arizona. I went down to the ER. So actually, one of my very best friends who I'm actually staying here with in Scottsdale, she was my capstone preceptor, helped me get that job in MedSurge. And then she went to the ER. And then I just like, she kind of got me the job down there.

So I've kind of followed her everywhere. I've like lived with her. I've like traveled with her. That's awesome. I'm like their adopted child. So no, I worked here in the ER. And then during the pandemic, that's when I started traveling, which I really didn't travel. I say I was a travel nurse, but it was, I did like, I did like four assignments, but they were kind of within the same hospital systems. Still traveling. Yeah. And it was just like all kind of like in New England. So, yeah. Very cool. What do you like about the ER? Yeah.

I like the ER because so before I was in healthcare, I was like, I was a server and I feel like I just like the ER. I mean, nursing in general is a lot like waiting tables. It is. I was a waitress too. Yeah. It's very similar. But specifically the ER, like it's like you get your, you know, say you get your four patients, your four tables, like you're just constantly cycling it now. At least that's how it used to be. Now we're like boarding people for days in the ER. So like you get them and then you're stuck with them all shift. I shouldn't say stuck with them. Yeah.

You have them. But I could. We love you all. Yeah. So I like the ear. I like the change of pace. I like, I don't, I don't want to take care of the same patients all day. I think there's like,

There's some like positive things about that. Like, especially if you're on day three or three, you've had the same people. You're like, I know you like this is, you know, walk in the park if you're lucky. Yeah, exactly. You never know what could happen. That's a problem. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, just like you get, you see so many different things, which is what I like. Yeah. It's hard for me to sit and focus on the same patients all day. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to go back from, I went from the ER, I went to the ICU for a little bit. I was like, I can't,

I went back to the ER. I've talked about going to the ER so many times. And I think I could thrive there. But also there's just some things I'm just so used to with the ICU. Like for instance, charting. I don't know how I could get used to your charting. Because it's so different. It's very just like focused, moving. Right, right. In mine, I'd be like over charting. There was one time I was floated to the ER where I was used as an ER nurse, not an ICU hold. Yeah.

And the charting, like this nurse came up to me and she was like, what are you still charting? And I was like, well, and she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I didn't have access to like their charting system. So like I had to like maneuver around. It was very irritating. Yeah. That's annoying. And I, I mean, but I feel like you would be really good in that sense though. Cause you would, you would, I mean, over charting is not terrible. Like if you're going into detail about things, but like once you've got the hang of like the ER charting, you'd be like, Oh, this is a cakewalk. Right.

charting is like one of the things I can't stand. Like, like when I went to the ICU, I was like, I, you want me to chart what? Like, I don't want to chart all these like I's and O's. Like, I'm gonna give you a rough estimate of what I think happened. Like, um, no, I just, I just can't. And then I'm not like, I'm not like that detail oriented to go sit in an ICU. And like, I tried, I really tried. And it was, they had told me it was like a surgical trauma ICU, which it was, but like, it was like 90% neuro. Oh, I hate neuro. I'm not gonna lie. So,

So like, you know, it's like once I learned like my first EVD, I'm like, okay, that's cool. But then like after that, I'm like, I can't, I just, I can't, I don't want to do this. I don't want to sit here and like, you know, do the neuro checks all day. No, not for me. Kudos to those nurses. Some of them love it. Like my preceptor loved it.

Like good for you girl. Good for you. No, I agree with you actually. I don't, I don't care for neuro. And like in the ER you get a neuro, you know, like stroke patients so different. Like it's fine. You give them, you know, the TPATNK or whatever, they go off to IR and you're done. Yeah. But then once I get the ICU, like I don't want them. No, actually I agree with that. Like all the training we get for stroke, I'm like, but I don't get to use that here. It's like well after the fact when we get them and it's, it's just a lot different. Yes. Well, it's the same with like, you know, like a trauma or just like anything. Like,

a heavy medical patient, like it's fun to like get them as a train wreck. You do all these like cool things to them. And then like in a perfect world, it's like, okay, bye. Go to the ICU and they will take care of you from here. That's what I like. I like, yeah. Do you get any, is anyone ever, how do I phrase this? Has any ICU nurse ever been a dick to you? Yes, of course.

I always ask my year nurses because I hear it happening and I'm like, are you okay? Of course. And then when I went to the ICU, I would hear them, they still being, you know, like what was going on behind the scenes. Like, oh, like before the ER calls, I'm like, what the fuck is going on here, man? Like why? Let's all just be nice to each other. And it's like, I understand that being on the other side, like inpatient, like,

There are some ER nurses who don't do shit, who deliver you something that they should have done things. But then from the ICU or inpatient perspective, you also don't understand the ER side. You don't know what kind of day they're having. 100%. So if we all could just be like that and you don't know what kind of day the other person's having, it would just flow so much easier. But it's just not that way. I totally agree with you. And I think perspective is just...

They don't have perspective. And have you ever been floated to the ER? Because I will be the first to be like, I used to be like, what the fuck? What the fuck? I would never be a dick to them, but in my head, I'm like, what the fuck? But then when I got floated to the ER, I was like, that's what the fuck. This is what the fuck. This is it. And I was like, okay, I am eating my words because they're doing so much just tedious shit down there that no one, no one,

You don't know. You don't know unless you have been down there. Right. And again, like... In the trenches. In the trenches and like facility dependent, like you don't know, like, you know, like some places like you'll get... I was very surprised when I worked here at the said hospital system when you would get...

I don't know how they are now, but like when you would get ICU patients, they were really good about having people around you absorb your assignment. So like you would pretty much have two if you were ICU. Oh yeah. Um, cause even where I work now in, uh, in Boston is actually not like that. Like if you have ICU patients, like, okay, we'll have fun with the rest of you. Yeah. Um, so if you work somewhere like that, or like you can, you kind of can like absorb other patients. Like if you're with like a really critically sick patient, that's, that helps alleviate like, cause,

Because it's hard. When you have a really sick ICU patient and you have four other patients who are maybe not so sick, but you still have to do stuff. Right. And so then you have to prioritize. And so, yeah, you're going to send some people up with some stuff that still needs to happen or didn't happen. Yeah. When I went to...

I won't say the hospital, but when I worked in Rhode Island, it's a very small state, but yes, there's multiple hospitals there. They are a shit show. I remember specifically I had this one patient. She was this cute little, what do you call a me-mom, right? My me-boss. She was so cute. And I had just trusted her way too much. And she did have some kind of brain bleed, but she was totally coherent with it. But one side of her body was totally not working. But she said, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. I can sit on the edge of the bed. I'm like, okay.

Like, no. Looking back, I'm like, no. But I like, I walked out of the room because I had like six other patients like doing all these things. And like, I just remember going back in there and Meemaw was literally on the ground. Like, just like, help, help. Just like in the corner. And like, you know, I'm like freaking out. Like, oh my God, did she hit her head again? Like, it's like, those are just like the things that are just happening in the ER constantly. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. And,

All these fires you're constantly putting out. Exactly. It's a dumpster fire the whole time down there. One of my friends was an ER nurse and she literally said...

Welcome to the dumpster fire and got written up for it. I was like, be around. But that's what it is. That's what it is. Just call it what it is. It's okay. Do you think a nurse's ability to process work trauma has made it easier to process what happens in the world? Or are we really processing? Cause like you said before, like, did you really get to process? I think, well, I think, yeah, I think it really depends. I think, uh,

I think a lot of us are disassociating a lot of the time. And I think, I don't think we process these things as we should. And I think like we're,

when I, when I look back on like these things that I've kind of like witnessed or gone through, like there's certain things that I take home more than other things. And sometimes I don't know why, um, like why certain things like triggering more than others or like, Oh, like lay awake at night, like still thinking about it. So I think if you don't have these good, these good coping mechanisms or like ways to deal with these traumas. And I think, yeah, I think it lives in your body and I don't think you process them well. And I think that's why a lot of nurses, I mean, there's a lot of like substance abuse and like, uh, you know, um,

addiction and

And healthcare and nurses just because of that, I think just cause like what we see and there's not, there's just not a lot of good resources, you know, there's not. No, I agree with you. And I also think some of the general public assumes that we get free healthcare or free mental like therapy if only, but we don't. And so like, that's also another cost to us and some people cannot afford it. They have families. It's expensive. Like my therapist, I'm like, girl, this is expensive. Like, but it's like, for me, it's just like,

I feel like it's like a good investment in yourself, you know? So I just like deal with it. But yeah, my people who, you know, like I'm just grateful. I don't have like kids I have to support. Like, so people that have like families and like all of their things, I'm like, they don't have access to that. And it's, yeah, if you don't have that, like how else are you supposed to find these tools to be able to process it? Um, and we, you know, we, we see a lot of stuff. Like we do see a lot of stuff and,

I feel like you said something that made me think like, if you don't have a support system too, it's going to be really hard. Right. And that's also, yeah, very dependent on, on the person. And kind of like I told you, like during like the, especially like the pandemic, like trying to talk to, I think that traumatizes us all on different levels, you know? Um,

kind of what you're talking about, like I might, like I didn't have like that, like family to go to, to talk about like those things. Cause it turned into a political thing, you know? And so, um, I just didn't have that outlet. And so it is very hard. Like my, all I really had like as a support were other nurses who were also like traumatized from what was happening, you know? Uh, where, where were you during the pandemic? Um, I was working in California as a travel nurse and I worked co-working

COVID ICU for the most part, but I was all throughout California just bouncing around contracts. Yeah. It was tough. It was tough. There's even still days like for the most part, I don't think I processed any of it during it. Yeah. There's like two specific patients that stick out to me. And if I think about them too long, I'll just like lose it because they were wrongly processed.

I don't know. It wasn't... Obviously, none of it was anyone's fault who died of COVID, but watching young adults say goodbye to their mother, father... On an iPad. On an iPad. Mother, father, grandma, and grandpa in a week, and they're under the age of 20? Yeah. That fucked with me. Like full-body chills. Oh, and people agree with you on the politics. Some of my family back home, I'm like...

that and we don't have to get into it but like that didn't believe yeah and it right and i'm like i i'm trying to tell you exactly what i'm saying oh no right right huh like this is not i'm not lying this is not something to like believe and right this is happening that was that was i i really got to a point where i was like i i can't talk about this because like we're not gonna get anywhere and i feel that yeah and like what you're saying with like

the young people, like I remember that like specifically with like the iPad, like you're about to be intubated. Like we need to call your family. Like I can't even imagine, like I can't imagine like that being me or like somebody that I love seeing them on an iPad and then like being like, you know, like, and you can't even be there. Like,

yeah. So like what you're saying, just like use, you know, I also probably haven't processed those things. Right. You know, I have, I've, I just realized this now, like I've never even talked to like my own therapist about this. Yeah. It's like,

a lot of us, we almost had to push that down to make it through that. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I feel like also this is where like a lot of us get dark humor from and like there's different ways to cope with things because the shit we've had to see during COVID and beyond COVID. Um, I remember my first, this is, I was going to tell this later, but my first, um,

CPR experience. It wasn't my patient, but I got to jump on the chest. And you know, it's these phrases we use to like jump on the chest. And luckily no family was in there. And if you're listening, I hope you don't think bad of me. It was,

I'm trying to explain. When I was doing CPR, one of my coworkers was snapping at the door and I look up and she was like, stop smiling. I was like... I'm doing it. I was just excited to perform CPR. And when I looked down... Like the human. Exactly. She was staring at me, the patient was, because I was doing pretty good CPR. But I was like, oh, like... Just, I don't know. Whoa, whoa. And then I thought about that later because...

poor thing didn't make it. And I was like, why was I, I like guilted myself. I was like, why the fuck was I smiling in there? That was not appropriate. But I was just excited to be doing CPR. It wasn't about the patient dying or anything like that, obviously. But I think I go back to like, even those moments where we didn't do a debrief. Right. Most places do debriefs. I've never had a debriefing. Really? Nope. Ever.

Interesting. I was just talking about this. Yeah. I've never, I've never gone through a debriefing. Granted, when I worked here in the ER, I wasn't, we had like a specific trauma team. They've dissolved it. And now it's kind of like everybody, but there was like a team of like three or four nurses per shift and they were

like very seasoned. So like I never even did trauma here. So they probably did more debriefing, but never. But still that's interesting. So maybe I shouldn't say most my experience. There's been more debriefing than not, but when there's not debriefing, I'm even with the debrief, I'm sorry. Like what does it do? It doesn't do a whole lot for that moment. We can go over what happened and what could you have done better? But yeah, you know, it's not, I mean, maybe if they would, you know, provide some kind of just, I don't know. It's like resources. There's like,

A concert if you want to. Yeah. Yeah. Something. Like I said, I've never had any of that. Like, and I, there's been times like I was literally, like I said, I was just talking to my friend about this. Like, and I don't know why like this specific situation really stuck with me, but it was just like a bad motor vehicle accident. And I just, I don't know why, but like this specific one stuck with me. The patient died. They were in their forties. Had, I think it's because like they, they had kids, like the kids were in the back seat. Like the wife had like come in,

And so I just specifically remember this patient and the,

I don't know why, like that night, like I was having a hard time sleeping, just kept thinking, I kept replaying it over and over in my head. And yeah, it's just like, I guess kind of like what we're talking about, like those things, like if we don't process them, like it lives in your body. Oh yeah. And then like something will trigger it later. And it's just like, yeah, that's, I think why nurses, you know, get into just so many unhealthy things. Absolutely. And if you are listening and you're like, oh, I've been through this or I haven't been through it yet, but what can I prepare for? What can I do?

if you can afford therapy, I know it's a privilege to go to therapy, but therapy is the best thing I've ever done for myself or a professional provider. If you need to be on medication to survive, it's totally okay. There's no shame. I was on antidepressants and anxiety meds for three and a half years. I still have a PRN. So like there's no shame in that. And it's like, well, you've got to do what you've got to do. You do. And I think like something that I used to like,

hold on to is like I would think that if I show I'm a very like I'm very empathetic like I I just feel things and like but I don't show it I guess and I always thought like if I showed my emotions or if I like show that this like you know affected me that people are like oh you can't handle this or like and I and I used to carry that with me and especially like being like the male nurse like because before like I didn't come out as gay till I was 24 so most of my like

like early nursing days, like I was like the male nurse, the unit, you know, like all, all those things that kind of come with it. And so, yeah, I always thought like if I show my emotions, like people are going to be like, Oh, like you can't, you know, maybe you shouldn't be here. You can't handle these things. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's important to, you know, maybe not like during like a code, be like in the corner sobbing, but like, but it's okay. It's okay to cry. And also I think of it like if I was a family member and I saw the healthcare worker crying, it makes them human immediately. So it makes me feel better.

Absolutely. Maybe not in the moment. Right. If you're having to like do some CPR, don't be crying. Yeah. Try not to cry on the chest. Let's not. But also if you do let it tear loose, it's you're human. You are. Yeah. You are human. And like we were talking about, like we all come from like our own past. We have experiences like things are going to hit you different. Yeah. Like,

maybe you just see a patient and it's like, for whatever reason, they remind you of like your mom or something and it's like, it just hits you. Like, I don't know. So I think it's important to humanize yourself. - Absolutely. And then talking with each other,

as much as like dark as we can be, it does help for me. It does. For me. It does. Having a good, that was, I mean, even just going back to like nursing school, like when I get the question of like, what was your best advice for nursing school? I always say like, find, just find your people. Like, and I don't know, like, I don't know if I was just very privileged in this sense that like, I had like an amazing nursing class. I don't know if you have. I did too. But like, I still to this day just have like, they're some of my very best friends. Me too. And we like,

we did some very questionable things not as like in the nursing realm just like so we talked about like how did we make it through that just because we partied so much but um they had fun we had fun okay we would literally get out of our out of a test and we someone would bring like i don't know what you call them and like where you're from but like shooters or like nips the little alcohol like a shot you like on the airplane with little like alcohol oh yeah like what do you call them

Have you ever called them anything? I guess mini bottle. I don't know. I didn't think they had a name. We call them shooters. They're like little alcohol. But like on the, I think on the East Coast, they call them nips. Oh, okay. Whatever. Somebody would buy those and we would literally walk. I have videos. Like we'd walk outside and I'll just like take them. We would go to the Mexican restaurant. I'll get margaritas and shots. Oh, we would do that after. Right after the test, we would literally walk. Our instructors literally would be like, you guys are like, we've never had a class like you. So I feel very blessed to be part of that because like we had so much fun.

Absolutely. Like I said, we still to this day will get together and act like we're still in college. I love that. Yeah. I love that. You have to find your people. Yeah. And that's what helps you get through the hard shit and the fun shit because healthcare is not all sad. It's not all bad. No, no. Yeah, there's so many great things. There are great things. And I think people like your account because you tell them you don't sugarcoat things. Right. But you also...

like I think that's just the basis of it. You don't sugarcoat things like, no, it's not the perfect job, but is there a perfect job? I think if I was in finance, I'd still be on social media griping about something. Somebody would still piss me off. Right. You're never going to find something that you're just like, Oh, this is like the best. It pays me a million dollars. I love what I do. Like, right. Even like, you know, like entertainers, like pop stars, like they, if there's something, there's always something. Yeah. Like you're never going to find something that's like,

So yes, you trauma bond, you find your people. I love trauma bonding. Me too. That's why we all are like immediate friends. We get it, right? It is. We just get it. Because like you said earlier, people that aren't in healthcare, like first responders or whatever, I can relate to them almost immediately. You're like, you've seen stuff. I get you. You get me. It's nice. If I say a joke that typically is not appropriate, you're not going to crucify me usually. So, whoops.

that's really nice that was like my my friend that i was telling you about who like precepted me um she like whenever she first got me she was like not happy to get a student like she was like of course i know she was that person when they told her she was going to be precept because i was with her for a month i mean that's a long time to have a student yeah it is a long time so when she said but when i first got with her and one of the first things they told her was like i worked in like the restaurant industry and she was like immediately she's like okay like we can be

we can be friends. Like even just like that thing, like just like you, you get things. Yeah. You relate. Um, what's your least favorite thing about working in the ER? My least favorite thing about the ER. That's a great question. If I have to be honest, it is, and it's not, we all have mental health issues. Okay. But it's the, the, that population when you're working in the ER, um,

when you're like being kicked out and like you're having to like I am people like it's hard and it's like and again it's not them because like if they you know like some of them are doing things on purpose being aggressive but that to me is like the part that one of the parts that burns me out the most is hard is like is that yeah I don't know how to say this I know what you're talking about there's a

First of all, there's patients that can be just assholes or that are assholes, but there's also patients who can't help it. They have psych issues and it can be daunting because there's a lot more of the population with psych issues than I think people realize that we get in the hospital. Yes. Maybe. Yes. And it's not, yeah, I'm trying to like, it's still a frustrating thing. Yeah. Like it's not, it's not like, like, so we all have, we all have some mental health diagnosis like that, even if it's undiagnosed, but like,

It's just hard. Especially when you're in... Because most ERs have a pod that's a behavioral pod. And I always find myself most intimidated there. And I don't know if this is trauma from where I started. I think that may be where it comes from. Even now when I get patients that are suicidal, not that I'm anything against them. I'm already on high alert, triggered. And that stuff is hard. It just eats at you. Yeah. It's hard to deal with. It's hard...

it's hard all around and there's not even a good way to put it. And I know exactly what you're talking about because we'll get your transfers up to the, or the admissions up to the ICU and we have to deal with them too. And it's difficult because you don't want to restrain these people chemically or physically. Right.

And when you bring up restraints online, like people lose it and I understand, but also it's a safety for them too. Yeah. Yeah. Not just me. It's for them. They're losing their mind. They can't help it. Right. And unfortunately we have to do something. Yes. And that's, and it's sad and it's hard. Right. And that's the part that I don't like. And it's not even against the patient. It's just the whole process. Right. Right.

I hate that. It's awful. Yeah. It feels inhumane almost, but it's like, what are we supposed to do? It is. It is almost inhumane, but it's like you, there's no, what is the alternative? Right. What is the alternative? Anyone that like breaking their legs? Yeah, that's exactly. And so it's like, I get that. I get that because I ask you like, what do you like? What do you not like? Cause I think about going to the ER a lot at the time. Yeah. And then I was like,

it's hard it's hard because you deal with that every day down there yeah and and again this is very dependent on where you work like where i am now is more of a kind of a hands-off which in some instances i think is good but like i much rather be somewhere where security's not afraid to intervene yeah because my thing is like when you're somewhere that's more hands-off it's like i feel like it's when

Like if you give people too much room, like when things happen, like the instance in North Carolina. Yeah. There has to be like a happy medium. Yeah. And I feel like there's not a lot of happy mediums. I feel like most places, I say most because it's in my experience is what I mean, are hands off. Yeah.

And I'm like, why are you here? What are you for? What are you doing? Why do I call security if you don't do anything? Sorry, Schmidt's definitely going to make himself at home. This is why I came over here, actually. It was for Schmidt. I just, I see them online. I'm like, I have to meet them. He is my emotional support dog. I feel like he knows. He's doing a great job. Yeah, he knows. His breath does tank, though, so be careful. That's okay. How would, would you, what advice would you give someone who's on the,

like teetering to go into the medical field, specifically nursing? I think asking yourself why, like, why do you like, why do you want to do this? I remember specifically I had, I had an instructor in school who was like, you can tell like the nurses who are like in this for the money. And like, now I'm kind of just like, I mean, like,

Yes and no. Yeah. Like none of us would be here if we weren't getting paid. Like we're all chasing like more money. Like, come on, you'd be lying if you said you weren't. But yeah, I think just asking yourself, no, it's okay. Just asking yourself why, like why, why do you want to do this? And, and I think like if you're kind of on the fence with that, like you,

there's not going to be any harm done by going with it. Like there's so many doors you open, um, being in, especially a nurse. Like if you don't want to be in the hospital, if you get like, I had people I went to school with that like new, like third semester, like I don't want to do this. Yeah. But they just finished because they're like, well, I have this and like, you don't have to work in a hospital. Like there's a million things you can do.

So I would just say, just go for it. I mean, especially if you have nothing else that you know that you want to do. I know. That's what I say too. There's so much versatility with nursing. Like you said, everyone thinks of bedside, but there's so many other opportunities outside of the hospital. So many. What do you do that you said you sit behind a desk? Oh, yeah. So this is kind of, I've been doing this for, I don't know.

I don't know, like eight, eight-ish months now. Basically I triage. So I work at a transfer center. People call in like doctors from outside hospitals, from like community hospitals if they have like a trauma that they can't handle. They call us, we answer, triage the patient and then we direct them to like our two trauma centers in Boston.

So it's like connecting them with our doctors, getting them accepted. If it's like a really bad trauma, we just take them to the ER. But there's like so many different, like our algorithms and pathways change every day. So it's not like I can just like learn the job and then like,

go to work. It's like literally every day there's like an email like this is changing today. And it's like, it's, it's a lot harder job than I thought it would be. But, um, yeah, so it's, I like it though. Cause I can, I do hybrid. Like I work from home. See, that's nice. I like, I don't think I'd want to do it like always. Yeah. Um, but it's a nice option. That's, you said like sitting behind a desk is you get like almost bored. Yeah. I,

I would get that too, but it'd be nice to have it like as like side. I do it part time. So I'm 24 hours there and I did it because I was, um, to be totally honest, I had like, I got to a point to where like my mental health was like really bad. And like, I was noticing at work, like in the ER that I was like not, uh,

I won't say like performing well, but like, I just like, I wasn't caring as much. I was like, Oh, this is like, this is like compassion fatigue. We all get it. Yeah. And I just felt like if I, if I didn't take a step back and just like, kind of like give myself a little break, like that's where like mistakes start to happen, especially when you've been a nurse, like I've been a nurse like six years and this is, I feel like kind of where you start to like,

not like maybe like pay attention as much to things. And like, since I was already feeling like super, like just not well mentally, I was like, I need to like take a step back. So that's why I kind of got into, um, that like role. And it's, yeah, it's been, it's been a nice break. So I'm still pretty in the ER. Okay. My pretty in requirements, like nothing. It's like I can work like four hour shifts and get out of it. That's awesome. Four, four, four hour shifts a month is all I have to do. And that's literally like what I do.

That's amazing. Yeah. I'm, I'm per diem right now. Um, and it's like, I think overall like one 12 hour shift. Okay. At least that's how I took it. Maybe it's three, four, but whatever. In my head, I'm like one 12 hour shift is every three weeks. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

please are you like i love it now you're like one facility are you like no i'm at multiple facilities okay so i bounce around you're like the staffing agency yes pretty much pretty much exactly exactly um but i like it and because i i was kind of in the same boat because when we were traveling we were full time um you know i was burnt out i felt the same way on the icu i was like

I fucking hate it here. That was my thought process every day. I hated getting up to go to work. I hated being at work. Everything about my day. It's a terrible feeling. It's a terrible feeling. And it's, I'm probably not performing my best either with patient families, et cetera, my coworkers. And so I was like,

I got to take a step back too. So I totally get what you're saying. And that's the appropriate move when you're burnt out. I think so. And I think just being real with yourself, like, yeah, I think a lot of us just get to like, and especially for, I don't know if it's like this in the ICU. Well, I think maybe a little bit like the, the ER, especially like it's an ego thing. Like you're like, Oh, like if I leave the ER, like people are gonna be like, Oh, you're not like, you know, real nurse. You're not like an ER nurse. And I'm like,

I had to really let that go because I felt that way. I was like, oh my God, I'm going to tell people I work from home. They're like, dude, you're not a nurse. But that's how people act. Yeah. It's so strange. It is strange. But it's not true. No, it's not at all. Because I don't feel that way when somebody tells me. No. I'm like, oh, that's great. Good for you. But it's like this cloud of like, what will they think? Or like, you're going to lose your skill.

Yeah. No, like you might get a little rusty, but like if you've been doing it, like you'll pick it up. You will. It's like muscle memory. It is. And it's like, it's going to be okay. Like if you, I think at the end of the day, if you're not, I always say like the hardest thing about being a nurse is like taking care of people when you're not okay. So if you're not making, it's like, it's like the cliche, like filling your own cup. Like it's just, it's not going to work and you're going to, you're going to burn out. And I, I have burned out.

Too many times for only being a nurse for six years. Yeah. But it's good that you're taking care of yourself. Yeah. I mean, that's, you're so right. I say the same thing. You have to fill your cup first or else there's nothing left to give. And then you will hate every single piece of your career and your life. Yeah. And when you get there, it's just like, it is the worst feeling. It is. It is. It's terrible to wake up.

I mean, there's always going to be times where you wake up and don't want to go to work, but when you're waking up every day, like dreading it. Yes. And then, and then you get to work and like everyone, sometimes everyone feels the same and you're like, what is this? It can be scary. So it's good to take a step back. But I totally feel you on the, like, I've thought about stepping away from bedside and I'm like, Oh, but

but then am I not a nurse? But I don't think that about other people either. So it's like such a silly thought that goes through our head. - It is, but it's also probably 'cause like we're like also now like online too. So it's like when you're posting things like people, like you just read things and you're like, oh, okay. - I was actually about to pivot to social media. - Oh, okay. - How did you get started in social media?

This is a funny story. Like it was, we had zero plan. I was like already doing like, I had started my podcast and was like kind of like starting. Cause I don't know, like when you first start doing social media, I don't know, like for you, like it's so awkward. Like I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Like I just was like, oh, this seems interesting. So I was already doing that kind of like my own thing. I had like no following, but like I, I posted like,

Glenn had, his daddy does, his name's Glenn. When he gave me his badge one day, he said, go get me breakfast. And I was like, whatever. So I went upstairs, got him breakfast. I recorded the whole thing. And when I got back downstairs, recorded him, gave him the food, and I posted it. And it just took off. And I was like, this is weird. And I literally remember saying to myself, this wasn't not, I didn't want a nursing page.

Same. It's not what I was wanting to do. I was trying to get, I think, away from my break from nursing. And...

so honestly I think we left it for a couple of weeks and then like I posted something else and we just kind of kept going. And so I was like, Oh, like we kind of have something here. Um, and so that's kind of how it like it started. Cause I don't remember, I said something about like when the, when the Filipino nurse daddy send you to the cafeteria and then so like, and then daddy does though. And I was like, what are people going to call me? And honestly, like even to this day, like daddy Colton, like I'm just like you, but like what I was like, if we're going to be the nurse daddy is like, we'll just call me that.

It's honestly funny though. Like when people call me that, like I'm like, please. You're like, wait. I was telling my husband, cause he was like, who's coming today? And I was like, his name is Colton. His name is Colton Lord, which is the perfect name for like book talk. Like that's the perfect name for some like smut book. I was like, oh,

Again, the nurse daddies was like, it's perfect. But I get what you mean. Like it flows online, but I can't. Yeah. I just was like, this is so weird, but that's how we, that's how we got started. And then like, we've really tried to be intentional about like, yes, we have nursing stuff, but like, first of all, we were recording at the hospital, which like,

we were like, Oh my God, we're going to get fired. But we talked to our management. Like we like, we're like, are we okay? They like approved what we were doing. That's awesome. They did. And then there was like, there was always still talk with like our union that we were like doing things wrong. We were getting in trouble, but like so far, like we've been okay. We, you know, obviously don't, we're not breaking HIPAA or anything. I'm a patient in there. Like we are very intentional about like doing it on our breaks. Yes. Um, but still like we've kind of veered away from that. Cause like, especially like the more we've grown, the more we're like, we don't need to be getting in trouble.

So, and people, people will comment. Cause like they can see like they either, Oh, that's where you work. And like, I try to hide the comments. Every time I'm like, are you guys stupid? Why would you out where someone works on a public platform? Still today, people are, Oh, it will come on there and be like, Oh, I know where that is. Like, stop. Yeah.

No, I'm like, please shut up. Yeah. Shut your mouth. Yeah. That's cute that you know, but. Yeah. Like, please don't. But so we tried like, so we do nursing, but like, we like to like travel and like do like, you know, just like other things that we're like, it's not all nursing, but we integrate nursing. Yeah. Yeah. No, mine was the same. I,

just made a video one day and I was like, and it popped off. It was a nursing video. So I had been online. I always say I've been online for like 10 years, just like posting. I've always liked social media. Um, but one day I, it was during COVID and I was burnt out and I was like, Oh, these nurses are making funny shit on here. It was like the end of 2021. And I was like, I want to make, I want to see what happens. And I did. And it popped off and I was like, Oh,

this is fun. But the same thought went through my head. I was like, I don't want a nursing platform. I think I'm burnt out in nursing, but it actually has made me like love nursing a little bit more. Yeah. Cause like you, you build community and you build friendships with other people who are like minded. And, um, and I think just like relating to other people, like in knowing that people are, um,

from like what you're putting out or like, you know, you're helping somebody else. Like, yeah, it just like reignites that like passion of like, okay, like, you know, and it's, it's nursing, but it's also like, you're not, you know, it's different. Like you're not, you're on social media. You're not like at the bedside doing things. So it's like, it's a nice, it's a nice break, but it's, it's a lot of fucking work. It is a lot of work. Cause sometimes like my friends that are not on social media, they're like, oh, they'll ask me like, what are you doing today? I'm like working. They're like, oh, you're at the hospital. I'm like, no. And they're like, okay.

Okay. You're sitting on your ass. Like, that's what they think. And I'm like, hey guys, nursing will always be harder than social media. But this is hard too. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. I underestimated it. Like,

there's some times where I'm like, man, like this, I need some help. No, agreed. Agreed. That's why I was asking you about just like where you store yourself. All these things start to like pop up and you're just like, man, like I am like so overwhelmed. And then on top of it, like I said, I'm still working. Like I work like 50 plus hours a week. So it's just like, it's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot, a lot. I mean, I was full time for quite some time with my social media, but I had to choose social media over like,

Well, I didn't have to. I wanted to. I chose social media over working full time. But I know the thoughts you've had. And honestly, it made me feel more seen too. Because I was like, am I the only one who feels like I can't handle all this? No. Oh my God. No. It's a lot. I have like...

very many times been drowning to where I'm like, I like, I need a break. Yeah. I need a break from it all. I don't want to look at my phone. No, same. Do you, does your thumb ever hurt? I'm like, I'm already getting carpal tunnel. That's what I say. I'm like, I'm going to need surgery on my fucking wrist and my thumb before I'm 50. Yeah. It's very painful. Um, yes. And I, it's, I love it. I do love it. But sometimes I'm just like, man, this sucks. No, I, I totally get it because it can be really, um, people are mean. Oh my Facebook. Facebook.

It's the meanest. I don't read my comments on Facebook anymore. I did that one too many times. I was like, go ahead and be mad. What is happening? Like we only have, we have like 2000 followers cause we just kind of started posting on there. But like one of our videos kind of like took off and I was like reading, I'm like, what is going on? Like why? It was me putting an IV in somebody and people were just like all they were, they were going off about like my technique and like, and then, and just like how like I missed the vein and it probably blew. I'm like, what? You have nothing better to do. Right.

Aren't you tired? I'm like, thanks for commenting. Cause it's just, yeah, it's just helping the engagement overall. But like people are weird, weird. I'm like, I would never go just commenting mean or hateful things ever. Even before I was like on social media, you ain't going to find a comp. No,

Like that? No. Hell no. No. I find it super strange. I'm like, aren't you bored? Yeah. Tired? Yeah. Any of the above? Like, what are you getting out of this? What are you getting out of this? I had, I mean, and that happens on TikTok and Instagram, but Facebook is the worst comments than Instagram than TikTok for me. Yeah.

We've kind of evened out. Like, I feel like we don't get a lot of hate anymore. That's good. Which is nice. That's nice. When we first started, it was... Especially for Glenn. Again, I don't want to keep speaking for him. But, like, people were just, like, body shaming him. And he just... We were like, what is going on? Like, why are people just commenting all this stuff? First of all, rude. Thankfully, he's like...

very confident in himself, which I love. It's one of the best things about him. But like, he was like, why are people commenting? Like it's so rude. It is so rude. So when people say like the most crazy things about me too, I'm just like, whatever, like say what you want to say. Yeah. Well, and that's why you're saying like social media can be hard. It can be hard. I mean, besides like all the like editing and shit that,

mentally it can be really hard to be confident it is but I always like it's nice talking to someone else about it too who gets it because I think before I thought like

maybe I'm not cut out for this. But like, is anyone cut out to be shit on 24 seven? None of us are made for that. Right. It's not good for like, you start reading things like, Oh, do I like do that? Do I look like that? Is everybody thinking that secretly? Like, right. Even though it's like 1% mean comments and the rest are nice. Well, that's what I would tell Glenn. I'm like, look at all these nice things people are saying about you. Yes. Like this one person that's just being an asshole. Yes. It's like, they'll stick out to you. They do for some reason, but it's nice to realize it's not.

just one person you know yeah it's like okay not that I want anyone else to get the hate comments but no but it's nice to look like okay it's nice to be like okay it's not a personal thing these people are just assholes yeah yeah well um do you have any um what's the word

Brain fart. Do you have any encouragement or words for anyone who's wanting to get started in social media? Oh, in social media. Um, cause you guys have grown a lot. We have, and we grew fast. Like we, and again, like I think it was because it was, it was unintentional. I think sometimes like when you're trying to, I noticed the things that we post that we're trying too hard, get like almost the least, you know, it's like when we just post things just naturally, like we get so much more like traction with it. Um,

But I think if like, if you have a passion for something and it also kind of goes back to like what I said about getting into nursing, like just kind of know why you're doing it. And don't lose sight of that. Cause I mean, social media is just like nursing in the sense of like, you can burn out fast and it's like, and especially like, I think at first, like if you're posting and you're not getting things like engagement or you're not getting the views, like there's so many factors to it. Like the algorithm just like, there's like, there's so many things. And so it's like, just keep, if you have a passion for something, just like keep posting, be yourself. And like,

don't veer off of your authenticity. Cause if you start building the wrong audience, like it's not, um,

it's hard to like keep, keep that up, I guess. You know, like if you start building something that's like not like, cause I noticed on like my personal page, I had like, I had posted something once like in like a speedo or something. And like, I started getting like a lot of these just like followers that I, I didn't, I don't want to be a thirst trap. It's not what I'm looking for. Like, sorry, I come to you. Sorry. If you want to say something nice, sure. But it's not like all I need on here. So it's like, if you're building like the wrong audience, like that also can be like tricky, but yeah, just like keep posting. Like if it's, if you're passionate about it, like something I'll pick up.

Yeah, I just tried new things. And anytime anyone calls you cringy, they're jealous. They're jealous. You're doing something right. And the moment you make it, they'll be the ones asking you how you did it every single time. So I'm like, hmm, interesting. Well, I feel like that's all I really had for you today. All right. Do you have any story times? Anything? Oh. Anything extra? Oh my gosh. I know. I put you on the spot. How much time do you have? I know, right? Yeah.

What if I read you a new grad story? Okay. To end it. Okay. This is a new grad story and it reads, it was my first three months of nursing. I was getting a new admission and they told me to get the S bar on the phone. I can barely hear what the other person is saying. So I'm half writing down what I can understand and just trying to listen.

Then they give me the name and I say, huh, about five times. And they start spelling it like T for tomato. And I still can't hear what they're fully saying. So I write down random letters that I do hear. I look at it after hanging up the phone and it seems like gibberish, like literally L-G-I-S-M-W. That's what I heard. I thought the paper was just for me to know stuff. It turns out they collect them and they put them in a binder and

So I had to put it in a binder and I thought, well, maybe no one will look at it. Next thing I know, two minutes later, they asked me, what was the name of the patient? And I said, I don't know. Grab the S-bar. But I die inside because...

They say, who wrote this? I'm like, I couldn't understand what they're saying. And they look at me like I'm an idiot. Very embarrassing. The patient shows up and I'm like, hi, what's your name? I don't know if you're the right person. And everything I wrote down just didn't match anything about the patient. Was that the end? That's the end. That's it. It sounds like the new grad was confused and scared to ask for help.

um clarification okay which i think happens a lot yeah but i think they yeah because you don't want to look stupid you don't want to look stupid i mean i've done that so many times like in report even like to this day like somebody's time i'll be like well okay google this later i'll like asterisk i'm like if you see an asterisk by my stuff it means look google this later google this like underline literally at my job that i do um from home like hybrid like i literally keep google up because like sometimes like there's so many things out there like i'm like what the

like the doctor's like telling me, I'm like Google, like what, what does that, like, what is this? Who do I even page for this? Is this a cardiology thing? Like, I don't know. Yeah. It can be intimidating to ask for help, but I mean, I think just like the more, like the longer you're a nurse, the more like, you're just like, yeah, like you can find anything. Like you don't, you know,

like the information's out there. Like you can find, right. Yeah. Right. And it's okay. It's okay if you don't know. And also it's okay to ask for clarification, even if you can't hear them. Or you can also just say like, listen, this phone is, I can't really hear you. It's cutting out a lot. How about I get bedside report? I love a good bedside report.

Yeah. Oh my God. One time I went to, this was, this was, this was my bad on, I think on the ER side for sure. But I, the ICU was pissed at me. I was traveling and I think this was probably why I like, I was just like disoriented, but I, it was my first travel assignment. I had an ICU patient and I, they got a bed.

I'm like, great, let's go. So I took, I got the tech. I was like, let's go to the ICU. I, we got up there and everyone's looking at me like, what, what are you doing? Like no one called. I never, I never called the ICU to like make sure the bed was ready to give like reports. I was like, Oh, I'll just like give report up there. Yeah. Oh my God. The nurse, the issue was the nurse that was supposed to take the patient was with her other patient down and like MRI or something. So there's nobody to take the patient. I have this ICU patient up there saying, this is really awkward.

Everyone's staring at you. Yeah, they wrote me up because they were like, this is so unsafe. Like, you just brought an ICU patient without a nurse. I'm like, I mean, like, I get it. No, I don't. Come on. I don't get it. I don't get the write-ups. The write-ups are a little excessive from ICU nurses, typically. I just was like, do we have to write me up? Like, nothing happened here. Like, no harm. The patient was... The patient wasn't even honestly, like, that critical. They only had to be in the ICU because they had a...

They had a, they had some kind of medication pump that had to be managed in the ICU. I think he had like pulmonary hypertension. I can't think of the medication off the top of my head. So he had to be up there. Such a R, but I can't think of what it is. Remodulin? Something. Something that had to be in the ICU. And I was like, come on, man. Like they, yeah, they wrote me off. I'm like, well, go ahead.

Sometimes you just, honestly, the time I got run up by my own people, first of all, I was transferred to the ER. Same thing. I had a patient that needed to go and I'm travel here. So this is not my norm. So I'm just going by like what people are. They're like, hey, bed's ready. I'm like, cool. They're like, can you take them? Sure. Took her without calling RT. That was my own fault. I do admit. But I was just in the mindset of, oh, they need this patient. I need to move them. I get there.

I seen nurses all staring at me saying kind of same thing. They're like, we didn't know she was coming. I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. Our secretary just told me the bed was ready. So I assumed, I'm so sorry. And she was like, so I started giving her a report. She was like, did you call her a T? I was like, no. I did not. And she was like, awesome. I literally gave full report to this nurse who wanted to bitch me out. I could feel it. Get back to the ER. And the charge nurse was on the phone with the other charge nurse.

about me and she was writing me up yeah and i was like yeah i haven't even i just got back and they're already writing me up that is crazy but did she die right was she even close like let's just use this as like oh hey like shit like here's a reminder don't do this next time i got it like i can i can take i can understand that i did something wrong like like if nothing no harm came like let's just take it as like a learning experience like it's going to be okay well at the specific hospital like i was not used to like

when I worked here, I had to call report on every patient, no matter if they were floor ICU, a lot of these other hospitals, like you just send them up. Like ICU, like you always call from where I've been. Um, and I just, I just guess I was just in the habit of just sending people up. And so I was like, I'll just take them up. Like, I know, but it's not that deep. It's like, it's going to be like, I guess in my mind, I was like, they assigned a bad, like it's like,

clean yeah like they'll be fine I mean I would clearly I did similarly the same thing I was like all right let's go it's not that deep I honestly I've only written up someone one time in my whole six-year career and it was bad yeah and I felt bad even doing it I was like but girl this this needs to happen this need to happen for you it's not the first time yeah yeah I've I've never I don't think I've ever I don't I wouldn't even know how to write someone up yeah I don't even like that I mean

The nurse, it wasn't even, it was an RT, but it was several. Yeah.

It was like a characteristic type thing. I was like, this is a pattern of behavior at this point. This is a once or twice thing. And I'm a little concerned. And if it's several times and if it's like dangerous and like there could be like a really bad outcome, like then you deserve to be right. And I talked to her one-on-one way before I ever did. And I was like, okay, this is not a. Then that's appropriate. That's appropriate. They're there for a reason, but for them to be just like overused like that. They are overused. So I'm like, really? Like really? You're going to, I'm going to verge this person. Like,

Anyway. Yeah. Okay. Well, where can people find you on social media? Yeah. So you can find at Nurse Daddies on Instagram and TikTok. And then I have my own at Colton Lord 17 on Instagram. So. Awesome. Yeah. We're trying to build our YouTube. It's again, it's so hard. YouTube is a beast.

We're trying. We're trying. We're trying. But for Nurse Daddy's everywhere. Anywhere you have social media, really. Even on Red Note, we still have that. I know. I still have Red Note too, just in case. I'm not posting anything there, but I have it. I have it just in case. I posted one video. Well, I will link your social medias in the description. You guys go give Colton a follow. And thank you so much. Thank you. This was so fun. This was fun. Bye, guys. Bye.

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