Elon Musk, Billionaires and X | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 274
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action action what accent is that action like is that like 30s announcer prohibition guy oh it's very old-timey okay old-timey i like that do you are people in 50 years gonna look back at us where we're going like that's so brat and they're gonna be like that's so old-timey

Do you know what I mean? You know, when you see like movies where like he's a real snake in the grass, like like sincerely, is that like us being like that is whack. Yeah. Scram. Scram. I love I love bring it. I love tomfoolery. I love skullduggery, chicanery. I think we are evolving backwards with words like I like I watch Mad Men.

a couple years ago like the whole season like 10 years after it came out and i was like this is better i respect these people you know what i mean they were like i'm really between a rock and a hard place i was like that's perfectly that's exactly i like that now what do we i'm in a jam i don't know especially with insults i love an old school insult you know what you are a dud it because here's the thing

Like, old school insults are actually so much colder than any of the new ones. Like, when someone calls me, like, the C word or stupid or, like, you know, all the things, whatever. To me, when someone's just like, you're a dud, I'm like, damn. You're a drip. Like, you're a drip? Damn. You know what is really...

You know what hurts the most, Pat? What is the insult? If you call it to me, it actually hurts. Boring. You're a bore is worse. Like she's such a bore. Well, here's what I'll say. Exhausting?

I agree. I don't find that as an insult. I find that constructive criticism. When someone's like, you're exhausting, I'm like, thank you for telling me that because I'm exhausted trying to entertain you. So thank you for just going like, we're good. We're tired. When someone's like, I'm literally, you've drained my energy with your...

you know, talking about the moon land. Like you've drained me. And I'm like, oh my God, that's the opposite of what I was going for. So thank you for telling me. I was trying to make you laugh. I thought we were having an interesting conversation. Thank you so much. It's like a dog that's jumping on you. It's like fun for him. I'm like that. I'm that. I'm like that golden retriever who's just like, do you want to talk? Is the earth flat? Let's talk about it.

Which, by the way, I'm not doing the Earth is flat. We're not. Everyone, stop it. Cut it out. Okay? I am happy to hear every one of your conspiracy theories. I think they're funny. I think they're interesting. Some of them end up coming true. Some of them are just like spoiler alerts. But I'm not. Stop it. Let's not. I was watching the rocket that went off recently. And it's just like, it's right there, guys. Like, it's not. And also, here's the one thing, though. I do wish the Earth was flat. Trust me, when you're a parent.

every conspiracy theory you can find a way to get what you need your kids to do. I'm realizing like I would love when my son is just like running towards traffic or like running towards like the back of my house. It's just chock full of like coyotes and bobcats and mountain lions. I would love to be like, hey, hey, babe, the earth is flat. You might fall off. Look out for the edge. Yeah.

Like, that'd be great. Like, remember the village, that movie that M. Night Shyamalan did where they told all the kids that there's like monsters in the forest? Like, there's gotta... Anyway. All right. The insult that hurts me the most, Pat, even though it's kind of a compliment in a weird way, which makes it even worse, is you're a know-it-all. Why does that hurt so much?

You guys in the comments, if you really want to hurt me, because most of your insults I agree with. So like, that's really the one. Because it implies like, you know what it is? It's like, it's saying you're so insecure that you just have to say fat. Which by the way, to say that to me is the worst because I'm the first person that goes like, nothing's true. Nothing's true. There's never been a fact. The facts change every couple years. Like...

No one knows anything. That's my whole philosophy. So for me to then be called a know-it-all, it's like, you're also a hypocrite. It's also a way of just being like, can you stop talking?

Or, well, look, I define my value to others as how much information I can provide to them, how helpful I can be to them, how productive I can be to them. So, like, as soon as I meet someone, there's no small talk. I'm so afraid of being boring. You know that that is why you said that. My deepest fear is being boring. I grew up around alcoholics and addicts who I could not keep their attention. There was always so much chaos going on. So, like...

I remember, and maybe this is part of the reason that becoming a comedian where you literally get a light to stop talking at a certain point. I had like, I knew I had an amount of time. There was always like a, what's it called? The thing with the sand. I have them everywhere. Hourglass. And welcome to having a kid and not being able to remember like very basic words. Hippocampus just has been, I don't know. Like, do they just do?

Babies just freebase your hippocampus when they're in your uterus. Like, it is kind of wild. Like, I... Can you sue your child for damages? Like, I'm just curious. You start taking their blood. Yeah, don't you...

Oh God, the Brian Johnson thing from last episode. I'm going to have to, I'm gonna have to follow up on that because I went hard on that guy. And, um, I don't know. I don't just, here's the thing. How about this? Anyone who's bad at me because I talked about the documentary that you filmed and made and put on Netflix and you, you put yourself out there to be responded to. If you're upset about what I said about you, look at any of my comments any day of the week. I just, that's all I ask. I,

I ask that you go to Reddit, Google my name, and see the way people talk about me and decide if you still want to be like, hey, that was – did you really need to say that? Did you really need to make an entire documentary about you doing it? Did you want to just – wouldn't you feel weirder if no one was – okay. Oh, got it. Okay. You want to make – you want to put out your controversial take and you want everyone to just agree with you? I just have to agree with you? I have to agree with a man that I'm not dating or sleeping with? Like I don't – that's not how this goes. Yeah.

Okay, the only time I agree with anyone is when I have to because my therapist is like, cut your losses. Drop this one, not worth it. Choose your battles. This is a battle I'm willing to choose. I don't think you guys understand that I am in the market for a hill to die on on a daily basis. Okay, we've digressed already. I am looking at the subjects that I was thinking about ranting about today. I am looking at the word Greenland.

And I don't know why. I don't know why it's up there. I don't. Trump wants to add it to cart. But I don't care. So that's I guess I'm I guess I'm not a know it all because I don't know anything about that topic. How about that? How about that? Can I just start doing maybe this is what would work. Hold on. No, no, no, no. I got it. I got it. What if I started just being like, I don't know anything about this. I don't really have a take.

What would I know? So now you can't call me a know-it-all. Boom. Because I don't know shit about the Greenland situation. Okay, so I've been taking questions from you guys about what you want me to rant about. Because I could pick, but if I picked, you know what it would be. It'd be like, guys, wallpaper has chemicals. Take it down. No, you know my dream in life is to do a show called Old News where we just rehash things from 20 years ago that I feel like we didn't spend enough time on.

Gwyneth Paltrow was with Brad Pitt for a while. They were together. I still haven't processed Ben Affleck and Jen Lopez the first time with the music video. And she's in the gold bikini and he was on a boat. And it ruined Dazed and Confused for me forever. Like, I still haven't processed. Do you know who Lorena Bobbitt is, you guys? We should talk about this every day. And we don't. She cut off her husband's main one.

and threw it in a field. And we're now just talking about mental health issues. Like, now we're like, we have a mental health crisis. We've had one for a while, you guys. This is not new. People are like, women are just canceling men out of nowhere. Yeah, they used to just lob off their d***. This might be progress. I don't know. I don't know. I'm pretty sure that the Mr. Bobbitt guy would be psyched for her to have just, like, tweeted that he was a bad guy.

And like DM his sponsor, his boss about it. And like, you know what I mean? Women used to cut off men's dicks. Which by the way, is that, can you do that? I would imagine it's pretty easy. You think? Sure. See, this is where I get, this is, see, see, I'm already, I'm already, I don't know, man. I'm rethinking every piece of news and information I have ever gotten. I, I,

You know my personality, okay? You've spent some time with it. You know I've been around some flaccid penises in my day, okay? And if they weren't before, after me talking for a while, they will be. I don't feel like that's that easy to do. Like, we don't spend enough time talking about how hard it is to unalive someone, and we don't talk about how hard it would be to do that. Like, Lorena Bobbitt, like, do you know what I'm saying? Pat, I need you to...

Either tell me to... I bet if you had a really sharp kitchen knife that you used for cutting chicken or fish or steak or whatever. But it came off fully. And you grab the top of it and pull it up and you could probably just one stroke of the knife just rip right through it. But you'd have to pull it. You'd have to stretch it though, right? You'd have to like chicken neck it. Yeah, otherwise you'd just be like stabbing it or like rubbing on it. But if you pulled it...

And yeah, this was before Joe Rogan's alpha brain. This was before Celsius energy drank. You're telling me she was just raw dog and Folgers in the 90s. No Adderall is my guess. And she just did that. There's I don't know. Does I just have obsessed with looking back at things and being like, doesn't add up. It just doesn't add up to me.

Or she's so much more mentally ill than we even think. You know what I mean? Think about how long she went to get the knife and she's a thing and sharpened it. I picture like sharpening two together like or like on a stone or something. And then he's sleeping. Also, how did he not wake up when she what is with you guys in your sleep? What's what's going on? What what?

None of this... Okay, here, let me go on this tangent. You guys, your whole thing is when the meteor comes, when the aliens come, when a burglar comes, you're the one that has to handle it. You're going to sleep through it. I was just starting to have compassion for you guys and all the CrossFit and the cold plunge and the burpees and the, you know, swings. I go to the gym, they're just swinging like a giant cannonball. You're like, okay. I'm like, you know what? I can't.

we can't make fun of guys for this because when the aliens come, you guys have to handle it. You have to handle it. I'm like, all right, I'll be up here with my, like, baseball bat. Like, I don't... You guys have to handle it. You know what I mean? So I've been like, of course they're obsessed with aliens, but you're not going to... I'm going to be like, wake up, wake up, wake up. There's an alien's finger in my... Wake up. They're going to be like, huh? Like, I don't... A guy slept through a woman cutting off his...

The thing that when like a wiffle ball hits it, you guys like can't walk for two days. It's more the nuts than the dick. More the nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those are very sensitive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have your nuts ever had like an eight pound human like tear them open? I get kicked in the nuts constantly. From your daughters. Yes.

Yeah, every time I pick them up and I have them in my holding them in my arm, they start swinging their legs because they're having fun. And I get little toe taps from their sneakers that are painful. You know, so I'm still one.

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What I should be talking about so that these episodes will stay on the rails, like somewhat on the rails. And a big question that I got from a lot of people was, what do you do when mom friends give you unsolicited advice? So here's the thing. When you become a mom, you have a biological urge. It's Tourette's adjacent to...

If you see a woman who's pregnant or has kids to yell at them, something that you have learned that they didn't ask you for it and to just pass on some kind of like wisdom or information. That's what the village is. People, people talk about kids and they go, it takes a village. We used to always like be in a village. That's why being a mother is so hard. We don't have the village when the,

You picture the village, you picture like a circle of women like breastfeeding with their boobs out and like nurturing and like feathers or they're holding feathers or something. No, that's not the village. The village is a bunch of frazzled women in yoga pants being like, "You better have some sunscreen on that baby." Like that's the village now, okay? Like, "He looks a little big for that stroller, okay?" "All right, you're gonna give your son spina bifida, not on my watch."

That's the village. Okay? You posted your child on Instagram. I'm calling the police. Like, that's the village. I'm like, fine, I'll pay my own bail with the money I made from the Pampers partnership.

When moms give unsolicited advice, half the time I'm like, thank you. I actually didn't know that. Like, thank you. I can separate what someone's saying with the tone they're saying it in because also if they're a mom, I'm like, I know that you're stressed out and on the verge of a divorce at any minute. So like if you lose your shit at me in the grocery store, like that's fine. But

The thing that bothers me is more when moms under the guise of helping other moms or helping you, it actually is just they have found an opportunity to be rude to you. And this was their chance, but they've never liked you. It's like when women use astrology to insult each other because they don't just do it. It's like, oh, because you're a Leo. That's right. And you're like, did you just wait?

You don't like me. Just do that. Don't pretend it's about the moon. You know what I mean? Like when I post about having my baby and I asked for recommendations on labor playlists, like I was just like, oh, like, you know, going into labor soon. Do you guys have any ideas putting a labor playlist together? You guys came through with some hilarious ones. Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. Perfection. Chef's kiss. So I posted that. I'm about to go in and possibly almost die in childbirth having a child at 40.

And someone wrote like, you know, C-section moms are moms too. Like a nasty passive aggressive. And I was like, I'm sorry, how did you see this and come out of nowhere and decide that

to turn me into someone who was bullying C-section moms. Like, I don't, I haven't even gone in yet. I may, I may be having a C-section because I'm a thousand years old. Like I'm not, I'm, I might have one. You know what I mean? Like it was just, and then all these women are like, yeah, you know, some women, this is a bit, and I was like, no, I know all this. Like what? You don't like me just right. I don't like you. I would have more respect.

I would be like, you know what? I don't like me sometimes either. Like, I'm shocked you didn't mute me ages ago. Why don't you just mute me? This this here's the thing. You just revealed yourself. Now I know that you have a text chain with your friends where you screen grab my Instagrams and then talk shit about me. Who doesn't? By the way, I know I know exactly what that is. Like, what are you doing? But here's here's what I'll say.

And here's why I will defend any woman that has a kid who acts crazy, even if it's towards me. Right. Because I don't think it's just me. I don't think that they're like respectful and nice to everybody else and give everyone the benefit of the doubt and then come specifically for me. That's like I'm a piece of shit in the center of the universe. Like that's like narcissistic. Postpartum depression is real.

I had doubts about... I just was like, oh, it's probably just exhaustion. You know? But, like, postpartum depression is so real. And it makes you do things that are inexplicable. There are things that I have done that I will never admit. There's things that I've thought. I just... I assume that if a woman has a kid, if there's a small chance they're going through the postpartum thing, I'm gonna shut my whore mouth. Because it does make you do crazy things and think crazy thoughts. Like...

Like that everyone's Instagram posts are posted with the sole purpose of hurting your feelings. That's that's what my postpartum depression started telling me. Like I would look at a post and be like, oh, wow. Wow. Dog rescue charity. You're going to just post that gray pit bull puppy knowing full well that that's my kryptonite. OK, you know that I can't foster this dog right now because my baby is still wet.

and you posted that, you should have waited. Okay? You should have waited. You should have known I was... You should have come to my house and unfollowed your feed before you posted this. Okay. So you just want to ruin my day. Like, those are thoughts I had. It's like...

I now just see women through the lens of like, what if they have postpartum depression? When I see a woman having a tantrum on a plane, like in those videos that go viral and they like lose their mind. By the way, they're always wearing those tank tops with a built-in bra.

Just saying. All the women that lose their minds on airplanes in the middle of the flight on edibles or whatever they're on, like the psychosis, they're always dressed exactly the same. And that's another conversation for another day. They have like Lululemon on. I'm like, there's something about the microplastics and Lululemon that are going into your vagina. It doesn't make you crazy. I don't know. Anyway, when someone's going insane on a plane, my first thought is always like, did she have a kid within the past couple years? Because I've been there. I know what this is.

Okay. Blake Lively had four kids. Could that explain all this? I don't know. I see Britney Spears dancing with knives and I'm like, you know what? That postpartum just kicked in. When you have a kid, you can never have knives around. You can't cut anything quickly because you're not allowed to have knives around. So by the time they aren't in your house, you're just like, like, I totally get why she dances with knives. Excuse me. Katherine Heigl. Remember that? Katherine Heigl. That was our OG Blake Lively. Remember? Yeah.

And I'm like, was she a new mom? I don't know. I look at everything differently now. It's like kind of wild. I'm just sort of like, hmm.

woman a new mom I'm not trying to make excuses for someone's behavior I just mean that like I don't know if you want to come at me like fine when when women come at me in the comments and are like you shouldn't be doing this with your baby and you shouldn't be holding him that way I actually I can see through like that and go oh how cool is it that this stranger cares about this baby I think we need more strangers caring about babies I think we need more strangers being protective of kids

You know what I mean? Like, I kind of wish they'd done that a little sooner when they were watching iCarly being like, I wish they weren't coming at me. I wish they were going for like, I don't know, all the movies that like five-year-olds are in for no reason. You know, kind of wish with an interview with the vampire, they were like, ah, why is Kirsten Dunst kissing this man?

But whatever. Come at me. I don't care. I think the instinct to protect children is a good one. I reward it. Come for me. Don't care. You know? So another question I'm getting a lot is about are we going to blue sky? So I know that I tend to be someone that calls out hypocrisy. Like I've been the person that's like, we're not doing this anymore. I'm not going to Chick-fil-A anymore.

So delicious. I'm not going to Chick-fil-A. Every time I go to Chick-fil-A, I'm going to donate, you know, whatever. But there is a point where you gotta... Are we going to stop using X? I don't know. Am I going to stop wearing a Lululemon because the owner's racist?

I don't know. I mean, I am going to stop wearing Lululemon. I stopped a long time ago. Number one, I think that all that shit is ugly and I'm pretty much good on having two yeast infections a week. Am I going to stop using X? I don't know. Am I going to stop using my Theranos device just because it doesn't exist and never worked? What am I going to not listen to Lizzo anymore because she took her employees on the most fun night of their lives and even provided snacks?

She had bananas standing by in case anyone had low blood sugar. What am I going to not watch Empire just because one of the actors staged his own hate crime? Look, this guy, honestly, see, this is why I need to do this old news thing, because I still haven't processed the Jussie Smollett thing. Like, I still have too much to say on that. Like, I don't I am a defender. This guy is an actor and he doesn't just do it for money. He does it for free.

That guy gave us two months worth of entertainment for free. Actually cost him money, probably a lot of money. Okay? He did the whole thing. It was a self-financed production. He got the props. He did the choreography. He did the acting. He did the staging. The guy's Banksy.

He did a performance in the middle of the night. Okay. He could have had a real hate crime happen to him while he was staging his fake hate crime. Just FYI. He did endanger himself. Okay. And he put himself in even more danger. Then a bunch of hate crimes actually happened to him after. So that's a martyr is what I think. We love acting. We go pay to see acting. He went, I gave you guys free acting. You don't have to pay for any of this. And this is what we do to him?

I'm all in on him, dude. He can't stop. He was manifesting. Also, like, Daniel Day-Lewis is like, I'm doing a movie where I play a cobbler, so I'm going to go be a cobbler in France for two years. And we're like, what a genius. And then Jussie Smollett does it, and we're like, bleh. What? What? We can't use X now? What? Okay, so we can't use Zoom either? Just because they're using us to train robots and AI? Yeah.

So now I'm gonna stop using Zoom and having fake meetings with fake companies for no reason? Oh, what else? Oh, what? No, I can't use Johnson & Johnson just because they put asbestos on kids' butts for years and gave so many people cancer? Now I have to just

Not smell like a baby at all times even though I'm an adult what oh what now I can't watch the ranch just because Danny Masterson Graped numerous women in a cult Okay in the tush by the way Yikes people don't talk about that enough Look, I can separate the art and the artist I could the ranch. I will not give that up. I will watch

millionaires pretend to work on a ranch if I want to. I will watch millionaires who have never been to a ranch pretend they've been on one and, and, sorry. Are you, wait, wait, hold on. I have to fix my hair for this one. Are you telling me that I can't watch the Full House reboot or the original just because Lori Loughlin is

put her child in a canoe in front of a green screen and took pictures and pretended she was on the crew team for a school to go to college? Acting off camera for free ungrateful. Are you telling me that I can't use this phone because children mine the cobalt? Again, I can separate the art and the artist and I will.

I mean, where does it end? You're telling me I can't grab an Uber just because the CEO, Travis Kalanick, in June 2017 visited a brothel in Seoul? Where does it end? I can't use Apple products because they were found guilty of forcing users to upgrade by deliberately slowing the device as it aged?

You mean I have to stop using a device from a corporation because they only wanted to make more money? That's not what I expect from my businesses in America to do at all. So hold on. I can't buy a Nissan because Carlos something his name is? The former Nissan CEO was detained in 2018 in Japan because of financial fraud and underreporting his income by $5 billion over five years. Now I can't have an Altima?

You think I'm gonna give up using Yahoo just because their CEO was involved in a scandal regarding his academic credentials? He stated that he had earned a degree in computer science in addition to accounting. This was found false. Okay, he got a degree from Stonehill only in accounting. A CEO lied to get ahead. I'm out.

Do you expect me to not take Oxycontin when I get surgery just because they got millions of people addicted on purpose? I mean, where's the hurt people hurt people, guys? You expect me to not vote Democrat just because Nancy Pelosi insider trades? What next? You expect me not to vote Republican just because Trump hangs out with Kid Rock? Okay, you think I'm going to stop watching Ellen reruns just because she was a grump?

Like, how else am I going to watch toddlers dance? Where else am I going to watch that? Where else am I going to see celebrities get scared and fall down on the hidden camera in the bathroom? You expect me to stop watching 30 Rock just because Alec Baldwin shot some lady? What, a kid? I don't... Where does it end? Next you're going to tell me I can't watch Seinfeld just because Michael Richards yells the N-word, okay? Which, by the way, did you ever see his apology for this?

So, yeah, it was so bad. He when he apologized, he did it again. He did it. Afro. He goes, I would like to apologize to all the Afro-Americans. And it was like, you didn't run this by anyone. See, that's when I go, OK, this you can go like, oh, this is mental illness. Oh, this is someone trying to be funny. And then you go, whoa, whoa, whoa. You had no one to run this by. That means you have no friends. That means you are bad.

That's usually... It's like someone's... It's so wild to me when someone's apology makes it worse. Because you're just like, oh, you have no friends. You have no one around you. No one...

likes you like for real for real and you're famous if someone's famous and they have no friends that's hard to do there's so many people who will be friends with you if you are famous just because you're rich or whatever that secretly don't like you like you don't even have those I can't buy Blake Brown hair care just because Blake Lively acts off camera too same

Same, same, same. It's her job and her hobby. She's over here giving us 24-hour entertainment as well. Her and Jussie Smollett should do a movie together. I will...

get a Kickstarter going right now. It's just like, where does it end? I give money to charities where the people that started it bought a bunch of mansions. Like, I don't know. It's not just corporate people. It's never going to end. Blue Sky, if it gets really big, will then become, there'll be some thing where they're like, oh, it's a sex cult, turns out. If we join Blue Sky right now, which maybe I will, we will be watching the documentary about Blue Sky in eight years where it was like, oh, wait, the WeWork guy?

There's going to be something. You know there's going to be something. I defended Blue Sky. Because I'm like, yeah, go for it. Why not? I didn't really know what it was. I'm unclear exactly what the angle on Blue Sky is. I was like, oh, it's just an alternative to Twitter, right? I mean, don't get me started on threads. But I went to Blue Sky. I gave it a shot. And these were the first posts that I saw.

Someone wrote, do you ever get the feeling that Earth's gravity is a bit much? Tripping and falling should not be as big of a deal as it is. I'm trying to defend you. I'm trying to say this is not a bunch of whiners and babies. And I go over and you guys are complaining about gravity being too much. Help me out.

I could not find a post that was not completely insane. X posts are insane too. Oh, even worse, 16,000 likes. 16,000 people went, yeah, gravity's too much. And then someone named Dustin wrote, I need a stronger disappointed emoji. Dustin, Dustin.

I defended you. I defended you. And I really hope that your wife has her own gun for when the aliens come because you are not ready to defend her life. Oh, here's another one. Anyone else not looking forward to it warming up in New York because they'll have less suffering and less stuff to complain about? You just admitted you want to complain. You love complaining. You love suffering.

These are real. These are real blue skies. These are real blue skies. Help. Okay, here's one. And then this one. Anyone an expert in coffee futures and prices that could comment on the impact of a 25 PCT tariff on Columbia and the price of coffee for American consumers? I'll sue you.

For doing that. Why did you do that to me? I'm pretty sure, by the way, it was Mark Cuban. I won't sue you because you are so rich. You would win. But I'm pretty sure that was Mark Cuban. I'm like, what? Is this a tariff site? What are you talking about? What are the chances that I have a whatever I just said for you? Isn't your Mark Cuban? Can't you go ask the Alan Greenspan or whoever? Can you go? Don't you know the person? Like, I don't know. I don't get it. Why? What is this?

You know the answer is no. You know none of us know that. That's why we're on social media. Because we don't know anything. What are you doing? Is anyone okay? Bluetooth. Let's be real, guys. Let's go. Confidence in the bedroom can make a huge difference. And when you have a personality like mine, sometimes men...

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it's a lot of this never happens. I'm like, sorry, I shouldn't have given you my opinion on politics.

Wait, Caraway, this is so fun. Okay, so sometimes I get like starstruck with sponsors because like Caraway, I truly use Caraway because I am obsessed with, if you guys have seen my Instagram and my TikTok, I'm obsessed with like chemicals for no reason. Maybe it's because a couple weeks ago I did the podcast about all the chemicals and everything about like in receipts and in AstroTurf. You know that it's now in, you know how plastic, obviously we need a credit card's worth of plastic a month? Yeah.

And that's not just what I'm gnawing on my credit card. That's like just in general. And also plastic, you know what it comes in the black containers. That's supposed to leave it worse. Okay. So this is so weird because during the pandemic, I also buy OCD, whatever. I like to call it good taste. I have to have all the same color pans. And I had some that were different colors and it was making me insane.

I am very pro-diversity unless it is the color of my pants, guys. Caraway is a non-toxic cookware and bakeware that is as functional as it is beautiful. It has the cutest colors. It has the cutest colors. It has my favorite colors. Do you know that 95% of home goods are made with toxic chemicals like Teflon and 97% of Americans have PFAs, dangerous chemicals from nonstick cookware in their blood? This makes me nuts. Part of the reason I stopped breastfeeding. I'm like, aren't I just chock full of chemicals? Like is breast milk worse at this point? I am... Okay. Okay.

Okay, switch to Caraway ceramic nonstick cookware. Just do it. I'm not, I want you to live longer. I don't, I don't, I hate, this drives me insane because you cook at home because you're trying to not have the seed oils and all the chemicals and the salt and stuff and spend money. You're trying to save money and then you're at home just eating chemicals. It makes me nuts. Cooking with Caraway means no harmful toxins. Their pans are easy to clean whether you're whipping up a weeknight dinner or baking a holiday treat. Caraway's, maybe I should stick to their copy. It's so much more,

Same, streamlined. Caraway's cookware is designed to make your life easier. Plus, they have food storage solutions that are perfect for your meal prep, keeping your food fresh and helping you cut down on waste. And if your goal is to keep your kitchen tidy, like me, double Virgo till I die, cleaning up is a breeze thanks to their nonstick ceramic surface.

Also, Caraway's cookware set will save you $150 versus buying items individually. And right now, you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase by visiting CarawayHome.com slash Whitney or using code Whitney at checkout. That's CarawayHome.com slash Whitney, promo code Whitney. Caraway, non-toxic cookware, made modern. This is exactly why I can't be a gold digger because this is what rich guys do. It's not enough to just be rich anymore. You have to talk about tariffs on blue sky? Just why? If you are not...

Honestly, I would say on a boat, but it's not even fun to be a rich person anymore is my guess because if you have a boat, you have to be constantly looking for orcas. It used to be like you'd see an orca and be like, an orca. Now you're like, oh God, an orca. The orcas are colluding. Turn the yacht around. You can't even enjoy boats anymore. But there's got to be something rich people can do with their time. How can you not? You're talking about the price of coffee? Yeah.

for American consumers. You're rich. If the price of coffee is high for Americans, just give every American $400 and go, hey, this is just so that you're... to cover your coffee. Just do it. Like... And he's asking for broad financial advice from a bunch of people that aren't as wealthy as he is. No, no, no, no. Yeah, you're the one... If I knew anything about this, I'd have your money. I just missed my knee big time. I just... Okay, so...

Also, you're so rich that you think the average... I hate to say average American. The normal American's biggest problem is the price of coffee? That's how out of touch you are? This is how I know. I don't know what's going on with him. I don't know who he dates, but he definitely doesn't date broke bitches because a broke bitch is like, yeah, that's not the tweet. That's not what my parents are dealing with right now. They have scurvy, in fact, and they have to wait in line to go to a... They're actually going to go to Mexico to...

get health care. Like that's by the way, that's totally happening. People like so many people from Mexico are coming in here. No one's talking about all the Americans that are going to Mexico to get dental care. It is what I have. I know people that are going to London to have their kid. It's cheaper to fly to London, get a hotel and have your baby there and fly back with your baby. Is he trying to help Americans now? Is that the deal? This is my point. I made this point last week. I made this point last week. Imagine having Gold Dignamark Cuban.

And now you just have to watch him, like, try to save America. You're like, can we just, like, go to... I'm trying to think of a fancy place. I can never think of a fancy place because I never go anywhere. Can we just... Babe. Sydney? I don't know. Where do rich people go? I don't... Erner. Erner.

The hot Australian girl that's gold digging him. He's like, babe, just got on Blue Sky. Sorry. Like, you know. And I bet she was psyched at first. She's like, oh, God, great. I don't have to have sex with you. Oh, my God. Okay. He found Blue Sky. Okay. This is good. This is good. Maybe he'll find a woman on Blue Sky to cheat on me with or something so I don't have to keep. Okay. Fine. Fine. And then he's like, can you Google a woman?

Tariffs on Columbia, the price of coffee to American consumers, please. She's like, oh, no. This is the demise of America because billionaires aren't even happy. The people I know that do not have billions of dollars are so much happier than these dorks. It is amazing to me. The mental illness that you must possess, that you have a billion dollars and you're doing shit like this.

I mean, what a, money's not enough. We just, money is not enough. People have to feel what? Important, powerful, smart. Look, I'm a know-it-all and I can't even answer this question. I think there's a guilt that comes with it. Like people want to also go like, yeah, I have money, but I also, I care about everyone else. Like then just walk the walk, just donate without telling anyone. I don't know, go to Columbia, go start a coffee field in America.

And give out free coffee. Like he could do that, right? He could do that. You could start an American coffee farm with the amount of money he has. Talk about it on Shark Tank or whatever. And get a write-off because it's a working farm. And sell American coffee. Why are you talking about Columbia at all? Why aren't you in Columbia with your girl who's **** you every day and hasn't been on a trip in three years?

Because you need to seem like a hero. It's that. You want to be a hero. It's like, no, I'm rich. They want to be Batman. It's Batman. Oh, no. We have to outlaw Batman. That's what it is. Every rich man just wants to be Bruce Wayne. It's like, I'm rich, but now I got to go save. Like, money's not enough. That's what it is. This is modern day Batman. Am I wrong? This is IRL Batman. Am I wrong?

Iron Man, Batman. Well, was Iron Man rich? Well, everybody compares Elon Musk to Iron Man because he's a tech inventor, weapons inventor, rocket dude. Okay, well, he did PayPal, but okay.

Anyway, people think Elon is Iron Man, Tony Stark. And then but the Batman is that's a good one for Mark Cuban. Do you know what I mean? I just I'm saying I'm trying to I am obsessed with looking back at the things like like when women want to be princesses. Like it is very clear to me that Blake Lively was told she was a princess. She was the girl that wore the princess dress to school, wouldn't take it off. She was obsessed with princesses. And that I truly believe that if that was not a part of her childhood.

And it was not drilled in her brain that she's a princess. Maybe none of this would have ever happened. But we don't look enough at the boys programming. Right. I feel if if I will pay you money if Mark Cuban did not have a Batman poster in his room till now. Still, I bet he still does.

I bet he's... Undies, at least. Like, I feel like he spends a lot of his money on, like, the Batmobile original one in the movie. Like, that's his... Star Wars guys are different. That's a whole other thing. It's usually guys that... whose dads left. Sorry. It just is, from my experience. All the Star Wars guys. It's like, I'm your father. It's guys that fathers were like, we're good. You know? Yeah.

Mine's Labyrinth. I mean, it's pretty textbook. It's pretty on point. It's Labyrinth. I mean, what? Was I not looking for a baby for 20 years in a maze, in a weird maze with a guy way older than me, like, manipulating me? I mean, am I wrong? And a, like, really short guy that lied to me all the time? I mean, it's actually my life.

So I do believe that all these rich guys that now are like, now I need to like fight crime and coffee injustice were like on some level deep down subconsciously they want to be Batman. We got to get rid of some of these kids stories, man. I've been reading them to my son and there's something there's there's it's not good. Winnie the Pooh's got to go. It is teaching my child that it is OK to be led into the woods by someone with no pants on.

I'm not normalizing this. I'm not okay with this. I went and drew pants on Winnie the Pooh with a Sharpie. I'm serious. Like, I'm not going to let him think that that's okay to just have a shirt on and no pants and hang out with that person who's bigger than you. Enough is enough. All right. I love you guys. Another wild, weird rant. Please give me feedback. Tell me if I'm off base. Happy to be. You know me. Happy to be wrong, but...

Usually eventually right. Being wrong is how you get to eventually being, I don't want to say right, correct. And then the truth changes. So then you're back to being wrong.

I love you guys. I am back on tour. I am going to be all over the place and then adding new tour dates in the fall. Trying to figure out Canada, England, a bunch of other places. Who cares? I cannot promote tours. It's too embarrassing. Love you guys. Don't ride elephants.