KEVIN SPACEY, GUY PEARCE, CASEY ANTHONY, MEGHAN MARKLE | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings
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action oh shalom everybody uh we did get an email sorry i'm jumping right in to um uh to us from our youtube rep and i would like to tell all of you that are if you're watching me right now how dare you how dare you frankly do this do you know what i'm saying why are you even here you're not going to subscribe so why even bother like why do this

You're just out there watching thing. No, I used like just the boys of YouTube, just watching it, moving on, watching, moving on. You guys, you put a ring on no channel. Do you, is it because you're, what is it? We have gotten feedback. Someone over at YouTube had to type this out and I am mortified audience consumption. So there's like this whole thing of our channel, uh,

and what our fans are like, and you're a bunch of fair weather feckless, please stay with us and subscribe. But apparently 82% of the views is coming from viewers who are not subscribed to the channel. 82%, okay? This quote can indicate that the channel is leaning heavily into mass appeal. God forbid I be mass appealing, okay?

God forbid I appeal to everyone, yet no one. Is this like being a topic whore? Like she slept with everyone, but no one will commit. Is it that? You want to be more niche? Like, I don't. Okay. Oh, it gets worse. This can indicate channels leaning heavily towards mass appeal, but not giving viewers a reason to subscribe slash stick around.

OK, looks like we need to do our Kegels over here at Good For You Podcast because they are not sticking around. OK, performance, 91 percent of content viewed on the channel is new content. This largely is a good thing, but does indicate the need for the channel to post. Why are balloons going up, Pat? Why do balloons just go up on the show?

Oh, that's got to be an OBS setting. It won't be on the raw camera feed, but maybe there's some interactive. If you were, while I was recording this, because Pat's not here, just trolling me with the stuff you're putting on the screen. By the way, please do that.

Can you, like, because I never watched the final episode on YouTube. I have no idea what's on there. So, Pat, these are all notes for you because I have no clue what this show is. I'll put some animated tears shooting off your cheek. If you just start trolling me with, like, balloon emojis and, like, fireworks around my head when I'm trying to be really serious.

So you guys are coming for new content, which, by the way, is in quotes for some reason in the email. This is largely a good thing, but does indicate a need for the channel to post regularly in order to maintain relevance. OK, fine. I'm no one if not someone who will take a note. I am nothing if not obedient.

I am nothing if not just a servant to the algorithm gods. Now that YouTube told me to lean more into an evergreen format with a longer life cycle, let's dig into the Kevin Spacey, Guy Pearce drama. They said specifically around a holiday. And look, when two grown men are bickering publicly about something that happened 30 years ago, that's my Christmas morning. Santa came early this year.

And apparently so did Kevin Spacey when he saw Guy Pearce walk onto the set of L.A. Confidential. Now, I will start by saying that all three of Kevin Spacey's accusers have perished. So I am not going to accuse him of anything because I need to live at least long enough until Elon Musk makes a hologram of me to raise my son and make sure he's not an annoying nepo baby. OK, all three. Sorry, I'm trying to silence my phone. Who is that?

I'm trying to Kevin Spacey knows something about silencing all three. Pat, you want to fact check me on that just to make sure I do get a lot of my news these days from Hurt Metzger. So do you all three? This is true. This isn't I didn't find this out from Rumble. All three of Kevin Spacey's accusers are on the other have flown Spirit Airlines.

They're gone. All right. You know what? How about this? Let's argue that it's a coincidence. I argued that we should try to forgive Blake Lively due to postpartum depression times four. I argued that Meghan Markle's just doing this whole vanity project for the farm permit, the agricultural working farm thing to not pay property taxes. I can defend any the indefensible.

But three? Even I can't figure out a way to figure... Pat? Three? It seems confirmed by multiple sources. Three. I'll send you an article. I don't want it. I don't need it. Don't send me anything. Okay? I don't...

Two, I could argue. Three, tricky. I mean, I'm just curious. What is Kevin Spacey's take? Like, what does he tell himself? How they all died? Like, what's his story in his head? He's like...

Look, the weight of the guilt from falsely accusing someone is why they all pass. Like, what is he saying? He's like, they felt so badly for lying about what I did that they had heart attacks. Like, is that what he tells himself? What does he tell other people when they ask him? I'm just you know, he has like an answer for that. We know they didn't die from age related complications. So I just.

Look, I'm obsessed with the story real quick for context. The actor, Guy Pearce, you know him from Memento, right? Which is a movie that was based on me in the pandemic. He went on a talk show and he said on the talk show that Kevin Spacey was aggressive and and like sexual with him.

on the set of L.A. Confidential 30 years ago, right? Slightly difficult time with Kevin. Mm. Yeah. The time you were working with him? Yeah. Yeah. He's a handsy guy. Thankfully, I was 29 and not 14. Yeah. Interesting. And then Kevin Spacey filmed a response, like just a video response to Guy Pearce, okay? And...

I'm sure you know who Kevin Spacey is. Kevin Spacey, he's famous for being in the movie Seven, the movie and the age. Kevin Spacey was also on a show called House of Cards. I think it was called that because he wanted little boys to think he could build a fort. I don't know. Okay, so here's some of this video. You want to have a conversation? I'm happy to do so anytime, anyplace. We can even do it here live on X if you like. I've got nothing to hide. But guy, you need to grow up.

You are not a victim. When Kevin Spacey says grow up, I can't. Grow up. Why? So you can stop being attracted to him? Why? Grow up sounds like a creep's prayer before the cops kick down their door. Like telling Guy Pearce to grow up is so crazy. Like I thought the only person Spacey ever wanted to grow up was Benjamin Button. Allegedly. Allegedly.

Why put yourself in this situation? Kevin Spacey is just like, he's more reckless than me with what he puts on Twitter. Also, by the way, Kevin Spacey is doing this comeback tour type thing. He went on some podcasts. He went on the Dr. Peter Atiyah podcast. And somehow, none of them saw the irony that Peter is a doctor who specializes in how to stay young. Like, no one...

Like, I don't know if you've been accused of underage antics maybe don't go on the podcast that keep everyone feeling 18 again, or honestly maybe that's a loophole for creeps, because if you live to 100 and still have vitality, and you date someone who's 30 does that scratch the same itch.

Of your mental illness. This is a real question. You know that I always am trying to figure out how creeps are able to, you know, like remember Jared from Subway. I can't get over the fact that he was like six foot eight, like, and he was like a weird pedo like you're six eight everyone's kid size to you.

Like, do you know what I'm saying? Why are you trolling Toys R Us when everyone is basically tiny to you? Honestly, I do feel like Jared from Subway should date Kevin Spacey because after Kevin Spacey told someone to grow up, he's officially 10 years old. I mean, does emotionally 10 years old count as being attractive to creeps?

Because in this case, I feel like now Kevin Spacey is about to get a taste of his own medicine. A bunch of creeps are going to be like, hey, I want to hang out. Him saying grow up is all the proof I need that he hangs out with underage people. Because only kids say that. When an adult says grow up, it just...

it's the best thing in an argument because you automatically win. It's how you, it's like slaughter rule or something. It's like the other person immediately wins. When someone's like, grow up, you're like, oh, I just won. It's like the Ronda Rousey arm bar for the other person. As soon as your adversary says grow up, they should just like streamers should come down. Like balloons should come up. Like it's just grow up. Like you're out of slams. Hey, grow up.

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that we used to put on pedestals and only see in movies, like Unravel. I remember growing up, Pat, when you would know a celebrity, you would know of them and you would see them once a year. And there were these mythical titans of glamour. And now they're just on Twitter going, hey, grow up! And you're just like...

You're like the annoying neighbor who's yelling at me because I kicked my ball into your yard. Like, it's just it is so hard to explain that. Like, I watched American Beauty. I idolize this guy and he's just like not even good at fighting. It's so weird to me when actors can't act like they're good at something. They just act like you're good at fighting. Just say a monologue from one of the movies where you did win a fight. Why are you challenging a guy to a live debate on Twitter? Here's why I'm obsessed with this.

I've become obsessed with the things we grew up on influencing our adult behavior. So I believe we are officially living in a world that has become WWE because the adults now are the first generation who were raised on WWE, right? And they're now the famous ones. They don't know any other way to solve a problem. And they're doing it like this. And honestly, I find it hilarious. I welcome it. I volunteer as tribute to be a ring girl and these adult men being like, you and me.

Meet me on Twitter. Actors can't just like fight in the parking lot like like most men, you know, so it's like meet me in front of the cameras. Bring your best Shakespeare monologue. Let's get our makeup done. Get our hair plugs secured and have a verbal sparring. It's just like this is the only thing dorkier than when Zuck and Elan pretended they were going to fight. You remember that?

It was like two people whose brains are the only reason they've ever gotten laid in their life. They're like, let's give each other CTE. Like what?

Like, this is not a good idea. And you know that I see fishiness everywhere. Like when I heard about the Elon Musk, Zuckerberg, like fight, I was like, Oh, yeah, I know exactly what they're doing. It's so when they're both in court for some wild crime that we don't even know is happening, like, like meta, you know, destroying the minds of I don't know, a billion children. And he's in like some tribunal. And they're like, Did you intentionally make Facebook addictive? And he's like,

I can't remember. I was in a self-inflicted boxing incident because I wanted Dana White to think I was cool. And I have an injury to my hippocampus. I don't remember. Like, like, I feel like everything those guys do now is just for when they're in court later, they have an alibi or an excuse. Like, like when the judge is like, did you suck? Allow creeps to stalk kids on social media. He'll be like, I wish I could tell you, but I, uh, I don't have a brain left after tripping over Alon's foot when

When trying to give him a knuckle sandwich, your honor, like, like that is such a good idea for them to both get like severe CTE so like I don't remember ruining the world. Zack and the lawn fighting spacey and guy Pierce, I mean, is this, is this evergreen enough for you people.

You know, subscribe now. I'm not wearing a bra. Is this going to work? Okay. No, I'm not trying to stay evergreen. You know me. I can't do that. The things that are interesting to me will just never be interesting to other people. And I have to accept that. Um, so next I would like to address, um, my evergreen queen, Casey Anthony. Uh,

Look, this actually is evergreen. Hot criminals, like, never go out of style, okay? And luckily, Casey Anthony is back. She's back in the zeitgeist because she joined TikTok, like, a week ago and then immediately got bullied off of it. This is important. This is, like, a pivotal moment in history for so many reasons. If you don't know who Casey Anthony is, look, she was...

She's convicted of not unaliving her daughter. I'm just going to leave it at that. She started TikTok account recently. I think she chose TikTok, you know, figuring like, who cares if China's spying on me? They'd be happy I chose against having a daughter. Like, I feel like maybe that was the connection there. China saw Casey Anthony and was like, oh, yeah, she's waiting to have a son. Smart. We like her.

So she posted this video on TikTok. Okay. I am a legal advocate. I am a researcher. I've been in the legal field since 2011. And in this capacity, I feel that it's necessary if I'm going to continue to operate appropriately as a legal advocate that I start to advocate for myself. My goal is to continue to help give a voice to people.

to give people tools and resources that they can utilize so they actually know where they can turn to. She says she's a researcher. Okay. No, we know. We know. We know. We've seen your Google history. Okay. She then says she's a legal advisor. In case you didn't trust Casey Anthony enough, now she's talking like a lawyer. She then says she's a legal researcher as well. Cool. Okay. So you're spending every waking moment trying to figure out who did it?

Is that your research? Have you found the person yet or no? Like, what even is a legal researcher? Like, who isn't a legal researcher at this point? I've read the whole Justin Baldoni lawsuit. I am also a legal researcher. I can act out the entire Johnny Depp, Amber Heard trial word for word.

word. Do I get to call myself a legal researcher? Honestly, if you're on TikTok at this point, you are a legal researcher. We are all Erin Brockovich at this point. You know, I'm obsessed with delusional people. I aspire to be a delusional person. If you think I am one, thank you so much. But Casey Anthony says she's here to give people quote tools and resources. What tools and resources does Casey Anthony have that I need? What tools and resources does she even have? A shovel and duct tape? Are those the tools?

That she has? Like, what are, what are you, she's talking about lifting people's spirits. What do you mean? Like summoning the dead? What, what are you, like the fact that she made this video means she has no girlfriends. You know my thing. If someone doesn't have girlfriends, trouble. She says, oh, but she did say she became an ally of the LGBT community. Really? Why? Because they slay?

Can anyone think anything through? Am I the only person that thinks anything through? I'm just curious. Even when I come out with a very problematic take that gets me in trouble, I have thought it through, to be fair. Casey Anthony, within a couple of days, had 11,000 followers. This is bad news for humanity, but it was good news for me because I did learn that you can succeed without posting crowd work clips.

I did not think this was where I was going to get my inspiration to stop posting crowd work clips. But here we are. Thank you for that, Casey Anthony. So Casey Anthony is on TikTok for a couple of days. And I'm just like, OK.

It's over. Like, society's over. And in a wild turn of events, Casey Anthony was bullied off of TikTok, which I did not expect. This is great news, even though if Luigi was on TikTok, he would have two billion followers and women would need to wear diapers at all times. But still, OK, I mean, truly, when a guy does what Casey Anthony did, people argue about whether we should like put him in the pro wrestling hall of fame. But the point is, look at us.

We have morals and standards. We didn't let this go full Gypsy Rose. She didn't become a lifestyle influence. When I saw that Casey Anthony was on TikTok, I was like, here we go. It's starting.

Within a year, she will have a line of bath toys at Target. That's how dark I feel like society has gotten at this point. We love notoriety so much that I was like, okay, yeah, we're all so dead and soulless at this point. I was totally bracing myself for Casey Anthony being like the face of a VPN or some app to hide what you've Googled or like some dating app for people who want to focus on the future and not the past. And like, here's the other thing. She's on TikTok. And I looked at her and I was like, uh-oh.

She looks great. She looks great. Her skin is flawless. It's downright luminous. And I do want to know. I want to know her skincare routine. And that is toxic. She has no eye bags. Zero eye bags. Look at me. I haven't committed any crimes and I have eye bags. I can't sleep because I leave my son for two days a month to perform in Wisconsin to pay for his life. And I'm torn apart over the guilt. I miss bath time with my son one night and I'm riddled with shame and guilt. I seem like

Seems like she never, she could have afforded to maybe miss bath time every now and then. Seems like bath time was not her strong suit. Why does Casey Anthony look like she sleeps eight hours a night? I'm like not even kidding. I do, it made me take a good hard look. Like, am I doing life wrong? Like, why do psychopaths look so good? This is, honestly, this is her best defense strategy. She can just literally say to the jury, like, do I look like I've committed a crime that I covered up? Look at my face. Do I look like I've aged a day from guilt? Look at Nancy Grace, wrinkled mess.

You do the math. It's like, why does she look so good? What is her secret? Not that one. I mean, she could have a face cream. I'm serious. Like you, I, that's what I thought was going to happen. She looked so good. I was like, Oh no, here we come. Here's the, here's the face care line. She's going to be like, forget childcare. Skin care is my true calling. She could sell a concealer. It was going to be like, there's zero evidence of dead skin cells.

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barbed wire and like steel wool or something. I'm not sure what was going on out there.

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Don't get it crammed in your crack. I mean, me on news. Can you guys call me about that tagline? I have some, I have some 50 and want to look 30. I'll help you get away with it. That's my thing, right? I truly thought.

This could happen. That's how sort of misanthropic and how gone my brain is from all of like the horrendous things that I have seen. Like she could have a concealer line. We I'm so surprised that we didn't let this happen. Casey Anthony concealer. No one knows how to cover something up better than me. Like it could happen that she could have like a girl boss book about how she turned her trauma into a billion dollar company. Like I was accused of drowning and now I'm drowning in money.

I don't put that past us. And I know this is dark, but this is kind of the direction we've been going in and this nihilistic idiocracy. So it's gotten so apocalyptic out there that I would not have been surprised if she got to deal with a podcast company to be like a mommy influencer where she made herself a victim. And then we would have all been like, Casey Anthony, she was traumatized too.

She had a vaccine injury and then she did that. Like she was the real victim because she was a woman who was treated unfairly by other women. I could see us doing that. You know what I mean? We forced her to be a mom before she was ready.

And there was in the court, there was a power imbalance. It was a smear campaign. I can see we have started defending indefensible stuff like a little too much under the guise of like they were traumatized. Sometimes there's just no excuse. Sometimes there's just no excuse. And that's OK. Right. Like.

I truly thought that was going to happen. I was bracing myself for that. But you guys came through. You bullied her and deleting her account. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of us. Bravo. Morality wins for once. See, this is why we need bullying. It's a great example about somehow bullying is the only option.

to keep a modicum of human decency. We got to keep bullying the psychopaths. And also side note, we have to keep bullying the nerds. We stopped bullying the nerds and things have gotten a little bit out of control. They're trying to bring back the woolly mammoth. Like we got to keep bullying. We got to leave them in the lockers a little longer. And

I feel like sometimes we bully the wrong people. This time we got it right. And I know this is an oddly positive take on a really negative, spooky thing, but I do think sometimes we have to focus on the wins of our tribal, brutal, online, feeding frenzy, social media madness, because we're always like the trolls and the online, the tribal. Sometimes it's good. It's a society we had to mass shame someone and go, no, we do not want Casey Anthony to be a judge on Is It Cake?

No, we don't want Casey Anthony on Dancing with the Stars. It's too far. I'm glad there's a line for us that is just too far as a society because we love a criminal. Criminals are like our new celebrities. The biggest TV stars at this point are Jeffrey Dahmer. OK, I mean, Luigi is we're obsessed with it.

I mean, Luigi, brace yourself for this. I will be shocked if he's not on armchair expert in the next two months talking about his childhood and, and how his dad didn't throw a baseball around with him. Or, I mean, we're going to see him on Jay Shetty's podcast, blaming toxic masculinity and like video games for this. You know, like I'm sure he'll be on Mel Robbins being like, let them, let those CEOs show who they are. Don't text them back and don't shoot them. Let,

them like I dude I'm the first to say that I think the Menendez brothers case does deserve to be reassessed but also why the desperation to let them out it's a why so they can get on hinge is that how bad the LA dating pool is at this point that women are like let out the Menendez brothers like people romanticize the Menendez brothers like they want to date them like what is the

I mean, I guess I see the appeal. Like, I don't have to deal with any annoying in-laws, you know? Look, I want to see the Menendez brothers on Rogan more than anyone, but it does feel like we don't really have a plan for the Menendez brothers once they're out. Can you imagine being in jail for 30 years? Okay, is it even fair to let the Menendez brothers out at this point? Is that even humane? They went into jail in 1990, right? Yeah.

To get out now, if you went in in 1990, feels cruel. It's too sinister. They'll go right back. They'll go back. They'll be like, no, thanks. It was better in there. In 1990, they went in the year The Lion King came out. They're like, oh, it just got out of jail. And, you know, The Lion King had come out right when we went in and we Googled Lion King. And what came up with Cecil the Lion? Is that, who's Cecil? Who's Cecil the Lion? Like, oh.

You're not going to like that story, sir. The Menendez brothers went in the year Friends came out. The year Friends came out, they became obsessed with Friends. Everyone did. And then they went into jail. The Menendez brothers are going to come out of jail and they're going to be like, you know, our one wish now that we're out is to meet Chandler from Friends.

I don't think they're going to enjoy life outside of prison, given when they went in. Aladdin came out that year. Aladdin came out the year they went into jail. Someone's going to be like, what's the last movie you saw in the theaters? They're going to make Aladdin starring Robin Williams. I'd love to call him and tell him how much it meant to us and how it got us through our 30 years in jail. Where do I find him?

I mean, they went to jail right when music was also getting awesome. And if they got out now, they'd be like so bummed out at where music is gone. Like when they went into prison, Don't Turn Around by Ace of Base was the number one song. And I bet that song became their mantra in prison. Britney Spears had just gotten big when they went in. How are we going to break it to them? They're going to be like, yeah, the last album we bought was Britney Spears. We love her. Can we meet her? Like,

yeah we're like oh she may be the only person who's been in solitary confinement longer than you two i don't know like like my guess is her dad doesn't want you two hanging out okay if the menendez brothers go free all i ask is that you have a camera on britney spears's dad when he hears the news that's really all i ask

I just, I like went through all of the stuff that came out that was big in the zeitgeist right before the Menendez brothers went to jail. And it's just all, because when you go to jail, you're like 30 years later, like, okay, this is, let's just pick up where we left off. You know, they're going to go through all of their stuff. This was the last movie I rented. This was the last, whatever. The biggest movie was The Hunt for Red October starring Alec Baldwin. They'll be like, is he around? Alec Baldwin? Love that guy. They'll be like,

Well, yeah. And believe it or not, you two have a lot to talk about. By the way, I could do this literally all day. But I do need to go watch The Meghan Markle Show again. I keep finding new things to be obsessed with. True art. Every time you watch it, you find something new. All right. I keep finding new things. I'm currently watching The Meghan Markle with Love Meghan Show just recently.

as a pass looking for her facial expressions when someone else is talking because she does glitch and like wince. You see her face? She's being very patient. She literally was like...

Like, she is so pissed off that someone else is speaking. It is so funny to me. If you stop being mad at Meghan Markle and just enjoy the show for the brilliance that it is, it is everything you would ever want from the comeback starring Lisa Kudrow, Larry Sanders show. It is just...

I can't get enough. I've never felt better about being an attention whore. You have to understand that the Meghan Markle show, you guys might hate it, but attention whores love it because all of a sudden I seem like meek. I seem meek, shy and humble. Thank you, Meghan.

Thank you, Megan, so much for making me seem like a mature adult. All right. Well, if Casey Anthony, Kevin Spacey, Guy Pearce and a little Megan Markle don't make you guys want to subscribe to this forever, I don't know what will.

Thank you for tuning in. And I'm on tour. I'm going to Milwaukee soon, Tarrytown, New York, New Hampshire, Concord, Chattanooga. I don't remember the rest. I love you guys. But WhitneyComings.com for tour dates. I'll see you soon. Don't ride elephants. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.