Riots, Looting, Fire and ICE | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings Episode 293
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Ridgefield, Connecticut. On September 5th, I will be at the Parker Playhouse to show. So come see me after I get Lyme disease during the day. Come see my new Lyme disease personality. On September 6th, I'll be in Huntington, New York, Virginia, Richmond. I'm going to be there on September 19th and then September 20th, I will be in Norfolk, Virginia. Action! For those of you who have been here with us since the beginning of the podcast, you'll know we started with a table. Then we moved to like a dining room patio table.

there for a while for no other reason than it was white. And I was told that a white table would bounce the light off your face and make me look less like the Grand Canyon. So we did that for a while. And then we went to a horse thrown chair, which I loved. But I started realizing that I was super distracted on the podcast, like talking because my undercarriage was taking up half the like I was just like, what? Like it was just like an odd angle. So my camel toe is no longer the co-host of the show. You guys, it is covered now.

And we have this gorgeous oak desk. Someone cut down a real tree so that I could sit here and ponder if the moon landing is fake. Do we even talk about Elon Musk and Donald Trump breaking up? Like, I feel like I'm trying to keep up with everything that's happening, but that's probably like completely old news by now. Look,

Elon Musk and Donald Trump had a breakup. L.A. is on fire, which means absolutely nothing shocking is happening and everything is business as usual. So there's nothing to report at this point. Honestly, nothing is happening right now in the news that an actual toddler could not have told us was going to happen. But look, we all we have to talk about something.

Okay, and I have to take a break on trying to get justice for Shirley Temple so I can get more brand deals. So let's just, let's find something to be surprised about, okay? Because there's truly nothing less surprising to me than all the news that is in my feed on a daily basis. So we kind of just have to like pretend.

you know that we've not all gone totally numb so let's find somebody to be outraged about and controversy is what gets clicks and i put way too many people on payroll during the pandemic when i was taking edibles and i don't have the heart to take anybody off because they get health insurance from it and they're either very mentally ill need the psych meds or they're very pale and they need the dermatologist so let's just need to find a way to monetize youtube i'm not going to start fights with trisha paytas or candace owens because they scare me so look real quick elon musk and trump okay i

I just I'm I know this was like a little bit ago, but I feel like we shoot the show on Tuesday to get it out like Friday or Saturday. And then all the crazy stuff always happens Wednesday. And we're like, oh, I try to like scramble. So Elon posts that Trump is on the Epstein. I love when people think that they're going to dunk on someone with some huge revelation. But it backfires because he doesn't understand that in America, we don't care if you're a criminal.

We only care if you're a snitch. That's our own. That's our third rail. So he was like Donald Trump's on the Epstein list. He thought he was just going to like Mike drop that. And we were like, wait, hold on. Wait, you you knew about this and you only said something when he didn't want to be friends with you anymore. So you were cool with it when you got to ride on Air Force One. But now you have a problem with it because Trump sent you back to Austin.

And not news. Also not news. Also, you own Twitter. You should have known that this is 90% of the posts on your business. We all know this. Gronk could have told me that. I know, totally. Oh, you grumpy that you have to go back to the Comedy Mothership green room where comedians are forced to laugh at your jokes? Yeah, you have to go back to that now. You can't just be like, I'm going to drop a bomb about Trump and Epstein. You own Twitter. You could have leaked that a billion different ways.

where you wouldn't have gotten credit for the accusation. When anyone tries to be a hero, I'm like, what are you deflecting from? Also, I've seen pictures of you with Ghislaine, my boy. Truly, people just started posting pictures of him with Ghislaine Maxwell. It's just like, what are you doing? Maybe it's my dyslexia, but when someone tells me some big piece of information...

I don't even hear it. It's like, you know, when you ask for directions and then the person starts telling it to you and you just can't hear them. You just like go deaf. When someone tells me some big bomb of information, maybe this is my dyslexia. The only thing I can think about is what they aren't telling me. That's the only thing. Why are you choosing this? Why are you telling? OK, Elon, you're telling us about the Epstein list. Fine. Why are you telling us about if they're aliens or not? That's like your thing.

Okay, that's your thing. Why not snitch about the drones over New Jersey of all the things you could have snitched about? Why this one? Why this one? Epstein already said that Donald Trump was his best friend. When Ghislaine Maxwell went to jail, Trump said, I wish her well on camera.

No one cares. The only thing anyone has ever heard Trump say is jobs. Nothing he's ever said has ever mattered except jobs. The only word you won't say without the word replacing robots to do yours. Okay. He talks about jobs. People want jobs. The thing you're trying to eliminate with your fleet of gig machines. Elon's whole thing is I'm going to go to the White House and I'm going to fire a bunch of people.

in the administration that promised to create jobs.

Huh? Trust me, I am all for like cutting out government inefficiency. Yes, we should do that. But I also believe the only person who could not locate inefficiency in a workplace is Elon Musk. He's truly the only person not qualified for the job of knowing what jobs are and are not needed. This is the guy who looks at one of his female employees is like, you should be pregnant with my kids now. She's like, I'm working. He's like, it's not a real job.

I don't even think this is a real position. I just made it up so I could trick women into dating me. This is not the guy that you want in any woman he sees at the White House. He's like, you should just be having a baby. She's like, I'm responsible for the radar at the airports. He's like, nah, let's get you some IVF. A billionaire who made a car that runs out of batteries, who giggles at himself for 20 seconds after being asked a question before he answers, doesn't really seem like the expert on efficiency, but...

The thing that annoyed me the most is when he was like, we're going to cut park rangers. We don't need park rangers. This is inefficient. No, you don't need park rangers, Elon, because you don't go to parks. Because if you're on that many hallucinogens, you're never not at Yellowstone. We have to go look at nature. To feel joy, we don't all just put a computer on our head and pretend to be a warlock merman.

Elon believes that we are in a simulation. To me, that truly should be the main qualification for why you don't get to decide what happens in the real world because you don't believe it's real. He's like, we should fire the park rangers. Wolves are real. We need rangers in Yosemite to protect us from bears. He's like, yeah, no, wolves are fake. I've seen the real wolves. My friends are making them in Silicon Valley.

They're bringing back the Jurassic wolves. Yeah, no, your friend bringing back wolves because they can't get laid that are from Game of Thrones, that's not... That doesn't... That doesn't apply to our lives. Most people... Most people, they don't want to get bitten by... They don't want to be near wolves. Also, most people aren't on anesthesia all day, so they'd feel the fangs ripping through their flesh. I know bears and wolves probably wouldn't want to eat you because your blood is chock full of medicine from Aubrey Marcus, but...

Some of us are delicious. OK, so we need rangers to handle the bears. All right. To have a man go into the government and say there are a bunch of jobs that don't need to exist. I feel like it just would have hit better with me personally if he wasn't the same guy replacing jobs with robots. No one thinks that was a weird coincidence. He's like, we don't need any of these jobs.

If you don't need any jobs, then why are you building robots to replace the jobs? Which is it, sweetheart? We need more desperate people spinning their wheels all day. Yeah, like, we don't need this position. We don't need this position. Then why are you building robots to take the position if it's not a position? Which it? Pick a lane, Elon, even though you're self-driving cars will not. I've seen them in the street. Wobbly at best.

I mean, I guess like what would have happened. I mean, the most evil trajectory would have been if Elon was like, look, we don't need all these jobs. You don't need all these jobs. You don't need this. You don't need that. You don't need all these people that fix bridges and maintain the gas lines. Who cares? They're fine.

He's like, I feel like one robot could do all these jobs. The government employees can all just go home. I have one robot who can just run the whole U.S. government. And we're like, OK, then who programs it? He's like, well, I do. We're like, why would we let you program it? You were on an episode of the Big Bang Theory, my man. I do remember being like, oh, he's probably good at math. It'd be good to have a math guy in there.

I believe he did get in a fist fight on his way out. That's sick. Now you're making me like him again. Why'd you do that? I think it just got struck in the face.

I love that people, when they start texting with Joe Rogan, they think they can fight all of it. I've seen it. I've seen it. People, they'll meet Rogan, they'll get in his orbit, and then all of a sudden they think they can fight. They think it's contagious or something. They've heard a bunch of theory, fight theory. They listen to One Fight Companion with, you know,

Hulk. Speaking of special needs or someone that can't figure out what anyone needs, Gavin Newsom. My main feed at the moment is just all about the L.A. riots and Gavin Newsom and how bad he is at being a governor. Now, I'm going to I'm going to say this as disrespectfully as I can. You guys need to stop treating him like he's the governor. He's not the governor. He's a podcaster.

This is like when you guys are running around. Like, he's my boyfriend. He's not your boyfriend. You've been texting for two days. Here's the problem. When people talk, you guys listen, right?

That's so 90s. Words are only used to manipulate at this point. If someone's doing the right thing, they don't have to speak. Oh, did they say something? If Gavin Newsom was doing the right thing, he wouldn't have to say, I'm doing the right thing. It would just have been done. You got to start treating politicians like your boyfriend. It's not, we're going like, hey, where were you last night, Gavin?

Where were you last night? Tell me. We don't do that with our... We go, let me see your phone. Gavin, let me see your phone. Do you remember this woman who she had a pet boa constrictor? And she would sleep with it every night. And it was like her friend. And the snake was her friend. But it like stopped eating, which is like... And she took it to the vet, like an exotic snake vet. And she's like, my snake hasn't eaten in five days. And he was like, oh, yeah. Well, he's saving up space to eat you. Yeah.

Because they sort of can ascertain their prey's size, and then they make sure their stomach is able to accommodate that size. That's what we're dealing with. Stop it. There's riots in L.A. Pat?

Pat drove by. I drove by on Sunday night. I saw a bunch of police cars. I've been seeing videos of chaos. But then the news is like, it's chaos. It's World War III. And then TikTokers are like, I'm down here. It's not that bad. You can go downtown and find an area that's not that bad.

and tell people it's not that bad. But is it that bad? Because Pat drove by this morning and I was like, what's up? Is it chaos? It was like seven o'clock in the morning. All these people are- But hold on, no, that matters. Certainly sleeping. So it was completely quiet in LA this morning, even though there was a huge riot last night. They reset for tomorrow. So this makes it feel like a performance to me. Downtown is set up for demonstrations.

And there's only a few blocks that matter. And there's City Hall, the Federal Building, the courthouses, all the government buildings. Mm-hmm.

And that's where all the demonstrations are supposed to take place. That's where the LAPD is. They encourage demonstrations by... It's like an arena. It's an arena. It's an arena for demonstration. And this one happens to be taking place in that arena. Like the Occupy Wall Street was in that same three blocks. Right, right. For months. Right. So they've accommodated... It's a...

It's a planned environment for public demonstrations and protests. OK. The walls are like NASCAR walls. They have like ads on the side. Yeah, exactly. It's like First Union Bank, Prime Energy Drink. People are like, how come there's not more media reporting on this? How come? I looked at the videos. I actually drove by a couple of nights ago and there's tons of this is not that different.

of how LA is normally. Okay, this is kind of par for the course in California. Looting, by the way, also is completely normal now in LA. If there wasn't riots, that would be the news. The news would be like, "Hey guys, everything going well here, smooth sailing, everyone getting along and nobody on drugs. Nobody is in a cult, no grown men are making a show called Euphoria about teenagers having sex. There are no tunnels under Jared Leto's home.

Nothing is on fire. And the CVS restocked on baby oil. Doesn't seem like it's being purchased very much. Everything's great. That would be news in L.A., okay? I mean, looting is just truly normal. When we hear about looting in L.A., we're like, oh, okay, some, like, nepo baby's trying to piss off their dad. He got rejected from USC because they can't green screen them on the canoes anymore to pretend they're on a crew team or hire people to take their SATs anymore. So he's just got some time on his hands. Like,

Because a lot of these like netbook, they can have whatever they want, you know, in life. So what do you what do you do when you can have whatever you can buy, whatever you want in life? You have to steal. It's the only thrill they have is to take something they can't buy so that they technically can't have it. Then they have to get arrested. Right. And then the cops are like, you're in trouble. And they're like, but I was doing research for a role. And everyone's like, oh, you're a genius. Put him in a movie about stealing. I want to watch another person hide in plain sight.

Then we'll give him an award for acting the glitz, the glamour.

Guys, as these temperatures start rising, like that Toni Braxton song that's very underrated, I just, I get that itch. Not there. Just like the mental itch to refresh my summer closet. I mean, I'm not going to waste money, though, spending money on stuff I'm willing to wear one time. What are we, five? Quince has become my go-to. Their clothes are timeless, lightweight, classic. They look way more expensive than they are. And, you know, I picked up, I'm not a big dress guy.

You know, but I gave birth. So pants don't pants aren't as comfortable as they used to be. So I'm experimenting with dresses. So they had this beautiful linen dress that I got because I'm just like, what? I'm just like in Italy. No big deal. And then these sandals. I never thought I was a sandals guy because my toes are truly sickening. But yeah.

Only Fans is a viable business, and now I'm wearing sandals. Okay, so $30 is how much this linen dress cost. Light, breezy, and not falling apart in the wash. Here's the thing. Quince is half the price of all of those similar brands because they work directly with the artisans. They cut out the middleman. You're not paying for the model. You're not paying Scarlett Johansson to say bye. You know what I'm saying? Whenever I look at the price of something, I'm like, who am I really? Where is this money going? Charlize? Natalie?

Does Portman need another house? Can I just, you know. You're not paying for the AI licensing of Natalie Portman. Totally. And people watch a Quince ad and they're like, how much of this is Whitney getting? None of it. Look at me. Look, we just got a desk five years into the show.

It's not fast fashion. It is smart fashion. If you're sick of overpriced brands that wear out after one season, upgrade your closet with Quince. Go to quince.com slash Whitney for free shipping and 365-day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Whitney. Again, quince.com slash Whitney. Me. Chubbies. Pat and Chris both got a pair of chubbies. Swim trunks. You call them trunks, right? Yours had octopi. Yeah. I believe it's octopuses. Jellyfish. Jellyfish. Jellyfish. Same diff. But you wore them. They were cute. They're great.

The liner is the best. Tell me, I don't understand if guys are supposed to wear underwear under their jeans or they're built in the swim trunks. Swim trunks, they usually build in like a lobster net. It's really painful.

But not these chubbies. They're like bike shorts underneath. Nice. Okay. So it keeps everything where it needs to be when you're at the pool with other people's kids. Yeah, without snagging anything on the fishing trap. Okay, good. We love chubbies here. It has a built-in boxer brief liner. Okay? The prints are... I believe that every guy's swim trunk needs to be hilarious. It has to be a fun print to disguise, you know... I mean, imagine a serious pair of swim trunks. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Like, guys, we're going to go play Marco Polo. Okay. Chubby's is having its biggest sale of the year, $45 shorts and swim trunks up to 65% off. Select here. Don't miss it. Head to chubbysshorts.com slash Whitney. If you miss the sale, don't panic. You can still get 20% off with code Whitney at checkout. That's chubbysshorts.com slash Whitney, code Whitney. Whatever you do, do not take a blue chew and go to the pool. Thanks.

Okay, so when you were down there, Pat, did you see a lot of police officers? The four main on-ramps and off-ramps by Alameda downtown, they're blocked off. So you can't, from the highway, you can't get right to the spot. But those are the bridges over the highway where everyone's gathering and throwing rocks over the highway. Well, I saw online, you see people were like, how come the police didn't react fast enough? First off, firstly...

The cops in L.A. aren't on threads. All right. My guess is they're not seeing all your social media posts saying, where are you guys? They they probably got off social media during the pandemic when every post was about how they should get defunded in L.A. That's all it was in L.A. All the actors who get paid five million dollars a year to play cops on TV posted about defunding the real police.

They were like, oh, I'm a grown man. I wear makeup for a living. I know how to solve the government. It's very hard to tell what's real and what's not. Like when you see a chaotic scene in L.A., no one takes it seriously at first. In L.A., you see something that's on fire, like helicopters. You're just like, oh, Logan Paul's probably doing an IG live. That's your first default. You hear guns and you're like, oh, maybe that's a new reality show where people have to shoot each other. And whoever has the same injuries are soulmates and they have to get married. Like fires in L.A.? Oh, yeah.

Did a kid have a triple gender reveal where he now identifies as a girl and an explosion? Like, I don't know. Probably. People are like, how come the news isn't covering it more? First of all, if you don't see something in the news, that's on you. That's your algorithm. You don't read the news.

You know what I'm saying? The algorithm literally works for you. Your algorithm is this like, unctuous servant, and you're like this queen. The algorithm is like, "Would you like more of this, your highness?" "More! More of Justin Bieber acting erratic, sir. Here's more. Would you like to look at that shirt again? I think it would look great on you, sir. What about now? What about now?"

You said it might rain tomorrow. Here are some options for umbrellas. What about this one? Your niece's birthday is coming up. How about this scooter? You listened to an Ed Sheeran song this morning. Just wanted you to know he's here in concert in eight months. No?

Fine, I'll remind you again tomorrow. News. People are like, how come they're not covering it more? Who? Who? Who's going to cover it? The journalists? No one's covering the riots for the same reason no one's riding horses on the freeway because that's not how anyone gets around anymore. Journalists aren't covering it because there's none left. Am I the only sober person? I'm wearing a pink shirt with a pink tie and a pink...

ocean behind me and I'm the most sane person in the city. I can't do all this sober if you guys are all going to be on drugs. Okay. And if you cannot change when you get new information, why is everyone's like a, like a Southern bell now who gets the vapors every time something happens. That's not surprising at all. Like, Oh, where are all the journalists? Any real journalists right now are not available to cover these. Maybe, maybe not riots because they're all either at the Diddy trial or doing ayahuasca to cope with the fact that the biggest journalist on TikTok right now is

is the one that got bullied by Blake Lively. You worked so hard to get respected as a journalist. Oops. Turns out being disrespected is actually what gets you clicks. Whoops. Y'all were going for the Peabody. Turned out you just needed a mean girl actress to insult you and that's it. When someone in your lane gets big off something like that, you never even saw, like I wouldn't even have thought of that.

Then what? I guess a bunch of journalists did go down and get shot with plastic bullets. So I'm sorry that happened. And I hope no one's actually injured. But also, why is your hair down at a riot? Your hairstyle tells me how not a big deal this is. A journalist like this is a big deal. Then why are you wearing a helmet?

Why did you just go to the dry bar and blow your hair out and do a lot? You know what I'm saying? Also, if you're to be a journalist, that doesn't mean you get to be in the way. The police are like, can you get out of here, please? I'm not going to die saving your life because you want a book deal about how brave you are. Journalists don't know. Someone's got to tell them. Why does it always have to be me? Why do I always have to be the person that tells people?

the truth about themselves. Journalists don't understand how much people don't respect them. Like journalists going down to the police where there's like a riot. What did they think was going to happen? You thought everyone was just going to put their weapons down and bow? It's like, oh my, oh look, the people who told us to stay inside for three years are here. Let's protect them at all costs. I went to school for journalism. I truly did. I thought I was going to be a journalist. Annenberg School of Communications. And then I went and I interned at a news station. Unpaid, of course.

unpaid intern at a news station and i was like this is mental i was like i would literally just be like should we cover like how dupont spilled chemicals in the water supply in west virginia and they'd be like oh we're owned by dupont we can't do that and i was like wouldn't that be an even better store well that means you have access to all the proof like that's even better shouldn't we do something have you guys seen aaron brockovich am i the only person that watches movies i'm trying to

put aside my personal stuff with journalists right now. There was a journalist that recently spent two days with me and then did a piece that was a page and a half. And she spent the whole time like

Kind of trying to imply that I'm a conspiracy theorist, like it was in response to the CNN New Year's Eve thing. This is what journalists do now. They try and undermine the people who are braver than them by dismissing them as like grifters or conspiracy theorists or whatever. Journalists are like, I'm going to interview the person who did what is supposed to be my job and find a way to discredit them. She implies that I'm a conspiracy theorist because I said the two presidential chefs are.

drown weird. And they weren't just Democratic either. One of them worked for Bush as well. So it's not like I'm trying to take a side or anything about like certain sides, chefs disappear. One of them worked for Clinton and Bush, and then one of them worked for Obama. Fine.

She looked at me like I was insane. And I was like, don't you think it's weird that two chefs drown? I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Like do it. If someone did a piece on like, this is how common drownings are. Cause I know that when you're in the upper, upper echelon, you do die weird ways like skiing and snowplow. Only rich people die that way. So maybe it's like a way that like rich people die. I don't know. So I'm. Or execute their chefs. Or that. Maybe it's, can a man say it? If you see, when you say it, it sounds like news. When I say it, it sounds like I'm like on my period.

Then she Googled it and she was like, oh, I didn't know that. And I was like, honestly, I think at this point we should all have to take tests and get some kind of grade or mark that makes it so you can only talk to people who have done the same amount of reading and education that you've done.

We all have so much access to information. And if you don't know something, it's no one's job to teach you the thing. We should have stickers on our shirts that show how much you've looked into trying to understand the world. And if you're not in my echelon, you don't even get to talk to me. Circle back when you have the green sticker.

Circle back when you're at the moon might be hollow and I'll talk to you. Like if you're not up to date on all of like the companies Bill Gates has put money into, you don't get to talk to me because then I have to tell you and I sound crazy because the truth is so crazy now that I sound insane. Also, you know,

You don't even try to get proof anymore. Journalists are trying to compete with like this news cycle being so fast that they just do sloppy stuff. Now, this happened to me this week. Someone very famous said something wild, wild about me. Also, something very deep, instantly debunkable in an interview last week, like one Google. And you can easily see that it's untrue. And the journalist wrote, Whitney declined to comment, declining to comment.

Is that even a what? In what world would I decline to comment on anything? I got my reps were like, oh, yeah, they emailed at three o'clock. I was filming Bill Maher. And then they put it out at six. So I didn't they gave me three hours and I was doing so on a workday.

I was like, this is journal. You think this is journalism? Like after the CNN thing, all these people like ran articles without even reaching out to me, asking me like, hey, what did you mean by that? Anything like the Daily Beast, dude, the Daily Beast ran a story just saying like Whitney's a conspiracy theorist. She's on hinge, something like that. And here's my thing. I'm a dog with a bone, you guys.

The Daily Beast is owned by a company that is now, it's called IAC. I just, I took a gander because why not? And after, if you're going to write an artless trash piece on me without even giving me the option to comment, like let other people decide if I'm crazy. Let me give a crazy comment and then put it in. Fine. The IAC board of directors. I don't even think I could say it. It seems like a lie. It's written right there, but it seems like a lie. Chelsea Clinton.

is a director of what? No one thinks that's weird. With what qualification? So she got a doctorate in philosophy. First of all, if you study philosophy and get a doctorate, whatever that even means, and then decide to work for a corporation, there's something wrong with you. You've learned every philosophy on life. And the one you picked is the one where you work at a corporation, a glass office where you can't even pick wedgies.

And HR is going to lecture you if you play R. Kelly at the Christmas party. That's the one you chose of all the philosophy you studied Buddhism and all the stuff. And that was it. I know this is a tangent, you guys, but this is an important rabbit hole. Did you know that this is in 2011 NBC hired Chelsea Clinton as a special correspondent?

to be a journalist? Chelsea Clinton got to be a journalist out of nowhere, okay? With her only credentials being that her dad got to run the world for a while. Shouldn't that be the one thing that means you shouldn't be able to have any influence in any way or speak truth to power, okay? She's like, my dad was the president, but I want to speak truth to power. Just yell at your dad. You can do that. I did not have time to look into Chelsea Clinton's journalism and interviews and stuff, but I made time.

I made it. Okay. Henry can go be with his nanny. Chelsea Clinton was a journalist in 2013. And did she interview the Geico get co? Yes, she did. Did I watch this interview? Yes, I did. And I would like to pronounce here on this show, which now has a wooden desk.

That that is when journalism ended and why people trust comedians on drugs now more than any news network. There is an interview of Chelsea Clinton interviewing the Geico gecko. Pat, are you listening? Did she expose the Geico gecko? It was. He's naked. He's always naked.

The Geico Gecko is always in the news. Open book. If Chelsea Clinton is doing a journalistic piece on anything and doesn't open with Ghislaine Maxwell was at my wedding, I have some tea, then I quit.

Okay. I know I'm all over the place. I do think it's important that you all know that this is about the riots and the protests here. It's just, I don't know. I don't know what's happening. And I am in an existential crisis where my brain is like, you got to go down there yourself. That's, that's, this is how bad it's gotten. I'm like, I just got to go down there myself. Okay. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're...

trying to learn how to get over your speech impediment, whether you're trying to build your brand, whether you're trying to launch your podcast or sell your comedy merch, comedy merch. Guys, we were just, come on. We were, we were making so much progress. Squarespace. Then you had to throw that in the merch for your skits. Squarespace makes it so easy. I, okay. Our site is on Squarespace.

Chris Cole just started building a site on Squarespace. And we actually had a really funny fight about this because he's starting his new, like I almost said surfboard, skateboard brand. And I was like, no, they do domains also at Squarespace. I'm right. And we went to the podcast and I played the ad from last week. I was like,

And I was like, look, he's like sold. I know. And I was like, proof you don't listen to the podcast copy. Okay. So Squarespace is genius, but it has this offering services feature. You can like list your events. You can take bookings, you can send invoices and you can even launch an email list and like an email campaign all in one place. Go to squarespace.com slash Whitney for a free trial. Chris Cole. Hey, Chris Cole. This is literally just for you.

Go to squarespace.com slash Whitney for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use code Whitney to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, squarespace.com slash Whitney, code Whitney. Hey, Chris, you're on the pod. What did I tell you Squarespace has now? Domains. Checks out. You can get, it's a one-stop shop. Thanks.

Let's be real. If your credit's not great, everything feels like it's stacked against you. Your car, your apartment, your job. I mean, Mikey's credit is a nightmare and he just went to Germany for some reason. So I don't know.

I don't know what the solution is over there that maybe he didn't know that kickoff was a thing. Kickoff gives you a credit line designed purely to build credit so you don't have to go to Germany like my filmer. Kickoff reports to all three major credit bureaus and they target the key factors that affect credit fast. They diversify your credit mix. They build payment history. They improve utilization. These all sound super important.

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Journalists' job was to make a fake crisis. That's what the news used to be. Remember? Is there arsenic in your drinking water? We'll tell you after the break. That was their job, to just scare you. That's not a serious person. That's a person who's trying to keep you scared and afraid enough to watch through the commercials. Traditional news used to just be to bait you into watching ads, because the ads is the show. We're just the filler in between the ads, right? That's what TV is.

TV was. So it was journalists job to scare you when nothing was wrong. But now things are wrong, like most things are wrong and they don't even know where to start. These people don't know what to do when something's actually scary. But but TikTokers.

They have no ability to feel fear. They have no amygdala left. Okay. These are the new journalists. They will, they will in a heartbeat fall off a cliff taking a selfie. Okay. That's who you want downtown right now. That's who I trust.

They got so many likes jumping off a moving boat and exploding a firework in their mouth that that riot is a welcome day off for them. These are the brave people that will love nothing more than to get shot by a plastic bullet because that is for you page content right there.

TikTok or news, I don't know. These people are motivated, right? Because they also know, they actually know their window is closing. Journalists, real ones, quote, they don't understand. Most of the news on TikTok now is just AI influencers. There's already a whole documentary about the current riot narrated by Clint Eastwood. Came out before the riots even started. It's at Tribeca.

Three AI journalists have already been shot and died in the downtown riots. They've received Purple Hearts. Catch up, you guys. Also, you know me, though. Always find a silver lining in anything. That is my kink. There's some great news here about these riots or whatever's going on. They are burning Waymos. And I think we need to just take the win there.

The National Guard is going in to protect the rioters who are burning the Waymos. It's a victimless crime. Thank God there's no water in L.A. to put out these fires. These are ones we actually want to burn. They would have to make a deal. They'd be like, look, you can burn one American flag for every 10 Waymos you burn because taking jobs is anti-American. And that's what Waymos do. So actually, these cancel each other out.

You can only light the flag off a flaming Waymo. I can see why that would be kind of annoying. The people that immigrated into this country to just drive Ubers and drive cabs are just like, yeah. So we came here to drive you guys around for very little money.

And you'd rather have a driverless car that can be hacked at any time and drive you off a bridge than have a conversation with someone from another country. Whenever I'm on tour and they actually have cabs at the airport, I always take the cabs. I get so much more information. I'm just like, oh, like that's it. That's where the actual news is. OK, I will get through the migraine that the cologne gives me because I'm actually getting news. But that said, I don't flag burning is that that bothers me.

That bothers me. It is legal, though. Burning an American flag, first and foremost, it's just like hacky. Like, oh, what? You're going to give America no ghee? Like, OK, cool. Burn the American flag. I've always had a thorn in my side about disrespecting the flag in other ways, too. And I love bringing up something that gives me the opportunity to talk about something that's been bothering me truly for years. And here it is. So in addition to don't burn the flag because that makes you a dork.

I think we can also call it on the American flag bikinis. Just hear me out, okay? If you're gonna be mad about people burning the flag, maybe don't also put the flag on your bleached butt opening while you do a body shot off your cousin in Lake Havasu.

Does no one think this is disrespectful of the flag? Also, I actually think this is oddly more. Why don't put your butt on the flag? OK, 4th of July is coming up and I have been dreading this. I literally dread 4th of July because of the American flag bikini situation. I this is the time when we all go to Target. We get our American flag bikini that is not made in America. We squeeze that flag made of polyester. Ironically, the most flammable fabric ever.

into our crevices and put it on our oiled up jugs, hoping that this American flag bikini will end up on the floor of some newly divorced guy with tattoos his boat, which for sure is not his boat. It's definitely not his boat. No man's boat has ever been his boat. Okay, so I did check with a friend of mine who's in the military about how he feels about American flags being worn as bikinis, and this is his response. He goes,

I wrote, this is an insane question, but wanted to ask someone in the military how they feel about American flag bikinis. He said, not that insane of a question. It's like how we use the flag in general that is insane, like bikinis, T-shirts, hats. You don't see many other countries slap their flags on anything and everything. It's sacrilegious, as they say, but man, do I find an American flag bikini hot. Yeah.

It's one of the most American things you can do with a secret flag. Well, here's what I'm saying. And I'm not saying that people can't wear what they want. I just feel like that we should entertain that there may be a certain consequence for this. Can we just for a second think about the idea that maybe the fabric of America is being pulled apart because the fabric of our American flag bikinis and board shorts are covered in white claw and Victoria's Secret body shimmer. How can Mexico respect our flag if we wear it on our Taco Grande?

I don't know. How will other nations respect our flag if we use it as a bikini that we wear upside down? Because that's a thing now. I don't even I couldn't even keep a bikini on when it was the right way. Another conversation for another day. We expect everyone else to treat our flag as sacred, but we're giving Timu our hard earned debt to make crop tops for our Vegas weekend with Tiesto is all I'm saying.

is that I just feel like we don't have much of a leg to stand on. We don't want other countries to desecrate our flag, but then we wear one that's made by God knows whose kids.

And I don't mean that in a bad way, by the way. I can think of nothing my son would love more than to work in a factory. All my kid wants to do is a repetitive task with a machine and make something. Okay, I totally get why they thought that they were hitting two birds with one stone with that idea I'm just saying. I'm happy to be wrong. Maybe wearing an American flag bikini, that's how we show how free we truly are as Americans. In this country, we take our symbol of freedom,

And we put it on our hoo-ha, then we dry hump strangers, and that symbol of freedom goes inside of us. Then we get a UTI from that American symbol of freedom rubbing against our birth canal with microplastics, and then we buy a candle from Gwyneth Paltrow, and we go to the TikTok shop and get a suppository. And we tell our boss we can't come to work today because of that UTI. Even though we work from home, we say we can't come in today because this is America.

Okay. Other countries take their symbols of freedom. They put them in museums. They forbid them to be used on clothes or disrespectfully. You can buy an American flag rolling paper. You can roll joints with the American flag. You can find American flag toilet paper. You can buy that here and not go to jail.

All right. I was thinking about this podcast. I was like, oh, my gosh, should we just like take it a step further and like like chat GPT like a Statue of Liberty sex toy like as a joke? And it exists and it's for sale there. You can buy a Statue of Liberty sex toy. What says liberty more than the ability to pleasure yourself with a symbol of freedom and then throw it away?

and your bedside drawer with your Ambien, your Welbutrin, your Blue True, and your gun. That is America. We respect nothing and nobody, not even ourselves. And we are free to do that. We take nothing seriously except maybe the Super Bowl and maybe Mike Tyson. You can wear an American flag bikini. You can. And it's cute. I've done it. I didn't do the bottoms. It felt wrong, but I've done it. And as soon as I went out to the lake, I was like,

Bummer. As soon as I went out, I was bummed because the wrong people talked to you. You've really got the wrong people. It really does like send the bat signal to guys with ankle monitors and barbed wire tattoos to come holler at you. But that's another conversation. So you can wear them, but it's like free speech. There will be an aftermath. If you get to say something protected by the First Amendment, someone responding saying that's wrong, you're an idiot. No, pandas are not fake. No, they do not spray paint polar bears.

They get to say that too. So it's not really speech that's protected. It's a conversation. I feel like we should say it more like that. It's a conversation. It's a back and forth. Free speech doesn't just protect good, brave opinions. You know, it also protects morons who can't stop running their mouths because they're addicted to negative attention. It also protects your coworker who calls women females. It also protects your cousin who thinks the moon is hollow, which I really would like to speak to him because I am intrigued by this theory. I am nothing if not a moon buff. The point is you might just be doing it

The same way that trolls want to troll and just exercise their free speech. Sometimes we just do it to make sure we can do it. Right. So I think we all just have to break the cycle in the arguing. So I'm going, why is he wearing American flag bikini? Cause he can, cause she can, and we can, and I need to stop complaining about it. We're literally at the point where we are all arguing with each other. Just, just,

Just so someone will fight. We don't know how to just have a normal. We just want to get fought with. That's it. That's the only way any of us have proof that we exist. Remember in Ex Machina when he takes the razor to see if he's a robot or not? That's what we're doing. That's what we're all just doing. That's how trolls know they're real. If someone responds, hey, I hate you, you're an idiot. If someone responds back, no, I hate you, you're an idiot. It's like, I'm an idiot, which means I must be real.

That's how we're all just trying to figure out if we're real. I just thought maybe we could all experiment with not wearing flags on our tramp stamps for like a week and just seeing what happened. Let's just see if people from other countries stop burning it. Should we just see? Should we just try one 4th of July, okay, where no one wears American flag thongs? And just see if other countries stop starting cults here and making skittles that make teenagers go bye-bye? Should we see? Should we see?

But then again, do what you want. We're free to have self-respect if we want. Freedom is all or nothing. That's a problem. If you want to fart on the flag, you should be able to fart on the flag. But also, you're free to buy one of the other two billion bikinis that exist. I'm free to overreact if I want about this. I mean, we are also the same species that overpays to go on a plane and sit in a tube of other people's farts. Capitalism just means everyone's getting farted on.

That's kind of the deal. As you shop for your outfit for the 4th of July over these next couple weeks, I implore you, what do I do? I ask you to consider maybe picking something else, like a camo bikini.

You know, like mock the soldiers instead. I don't know. We're the Chinese flag. See how that goes. That'd be fun. Taiwan flag. I don't know. I don't know. Was anything, Pat? Did I say anything totally ignorant this episode? The only thing that I think is missed in all of this is that... Facts? Well, to start, yes. Okay.

No. Okay, so during the shutdown years ago... Pandi? During the pandemic...

A lot of the young people got really bored and started stealing cars and doing street takeovers. We did that. We've always done that, though. Basically, the culmination of it is the car either hits somebody and maims them or has a malfunction and it stops. And then everybody jumps on the car and smashes it and destroys it. Sure. And this is like a nightly occurrence. I have a weird question. Is it being filmed or not?

Constantly. Okay, so it's for filming. So there's hundreds, if not thousands of young people in Los Angeles that are regularly going to these terrifying events. But is it a performance? When we egged houses, we weren't filming it. These are the same people in the riots getting all the good footage.

And then getting all the good footage. They have a recurring role? Yeah. It's the same groups that are doing the street takeovers and getting hit by cars with their camera in their hand. Then you're making me pass. That are going to the riots with the camera in their hand. So are you saying they have been paid to do this? And they're looting with the camera in their hand. No, if you want the good journalism, the criminals are...

Getting all the good footage already and putting it on the Internet. So is there an argument to be made that they are the journalists? Yes. That's the journalist. Did you have said that an hour ago when I was trying to say what you said? You were on a roll. Was I? Was I? So is that kind of the takeaway that there's chaos that wouldn't necessarily happen if it wasn't being filmed just to...

What are they getting out of it besides being young and chaotic? And that's like fun at that age. Are they getting money? Are they posting on their own socials and getting money? They were getting Instagram famous and making money off their footage on Instagram. But Instagram made a very specific effort to demonetize and shut down channels that were just posting street takeover because it's it's exacerbating and promoting street takeovers. Exactly. But it's also what's well, it's the thing with this. It's like, OK, so let's say we went to the moon. Fine.

And then how do you get footage of going to the moon at that time? It's impossible. And they go, well, let's just stage footage. Okay. So I'm also uniquely qualified. I feel like to be interested in this topic because when I got proposed to, I was engaged. And when my ex fiance proposed to me,

It was up in Topanga where my horse was, and there was a photographer hiding in the bushes to take pictures to get that moment, right? And Jason Momoa happened to be jogging down the street, and he saw...

Our engagement photographer thought it was a paparazzi and was like, what do you get out of here? And the photographer got scared because Jason, it's Poseidon or whatever. And so I get proposed to. It's his magical moment. And then the photographer's like, hey, I didn't get it because Jason Momoa just yelled at me. Like, could we just basically stage it?

Basically do it again. And I was like, I don't know if I can recreate that moment. So we just kind of shot like kind of tried. But it was like this is so if something really did happen, but the proof of it is staged. Is that lying? I don't know. So if the footage of the moon landing was staged because we didn't get it.

Are these riots really happening and the footage is staged or are the riots in the staged footage the same thing or is it just staged? If you want to see the real crazy footage of the real things that are happening, find the people that are tied to these street takeover channels. They're the ones running into the Michael Jordan store while they're looting it. The Michael Jordan store?

Oh, yeah. People are... There's a Michael Jordan store? Totally asleep behind the wheel downtown. Obviously, the rioters are going to loot the Michael Jordan store and the Apple store at the end of the night. I didn't know there was a Michael Jordan store. Hold on. If you're looting the Michael Jordan store, this is a completely different conversation. If you're trying to catch criminals that are rioting downtown, obviously put cops inside the Michael Jordan store and the Apple store so that when 300 people run in to loot it, you just shut the door and now you've got everybody. I love the idea of...

stealing like 500 phones from the Apple store and no chargers. And you're just like, just all track. They're all tracking devices. That is so funny. Anything you steal from the Apple store, you're just telling them where, as soon as you turn it on, they know where you are. The dumbest. So fun. But also like no chargers. Like why didn't anyone stealing chargers? Isn't glamorous, but it's like, well, no, no, I gotta, I gotta eat a dongle.

But the journalists don't stand a chance of getting a good shot of anything because they're not invited to the crazy stuff that's happening. But the people who are are certainly filming it. I don't trust anyone that lives in Los Angeles that's doing anything that's

because everyone came here to be actors. So when they do their second choice job, they're still trying to act. Like the homeless people in LA are always the most dramatic homeless people. They're like, may I have a dollar please? Like, cause they were trained in like Shakespeare and they're like, may I have two bits?

You're like, what? So it's like even the rioters wanted to be actors. Well, some of them. I'm going to guess more than not are people who grew up in L.A. There's a demographic of 17 to 25-year-olds that have been regularly smashing cars with their heels every night for four years. Waymoser cars.

The street takeover cars. Because when I look at the Chicago, Chicago and San Francisco are both sort of jumping on now, and it doesn't look as well choreographed as the LA ones. You know what I trust? I'm just like, I'm trying to take inventory of what I trust. And, you know...

drone footage, like when I saw the Chicago, like March and I saw drone footage, I was like that feel, I can see a lot. I feel like these people don't know they're on camera. They're not like trying to, you know, make it more dramatic than it is or, you know, being selective about what they're showing to just show the drama and not like the context of all of it. Like I like a drone shot. Why are there not more drone shots of downtown? And why isn't there just like a live stream? There's a live stream of an eagle's nest.

that I have on it pretty much all times. And there's a polar bear that I watch live. We can watch the Ukrainian war pretty much live. Why can't I just see a live feed of what's going on downtown so I can ascertain whether this is as chaotic as it's. I think you need to find a hacker that can hack into the security cameras downtown. That'll show you the street view. I'm just going to go down there myself. That's literally at this point. Mask up. I would say mask up. No, I looked at all. I looked at.

every news outlet before this, I looked at all the footage I could. I looked at TikTok. I looked at Instagram. And what did I do when you walked in? I was like, what did you see? I literally only want to know what a first person account at this point. I trust...

my friend who drove by more than I do looking at everything and trying to piece it together. There's a lot of people out there and what they want to say is that there's no destruction, no violence down there. So when they're filming themselves walking as a protester, when it's peaceful, that's what they're posting. But the looting isn't always like, let's protect immigrants. It's like this chaos is happening and we're just going to take advantage. Yeah, they don't give a...

They're not immigration. The looters aren't giving the immigrants the phones they need. They don't care about immigrants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're there because it's another it's a street takeover that has a bunch of free help and distraction. And anybody who's breaking into the Apple store to steal a tracking device. Mm hmm.

It doesn't have a political statement to make. Right, right. They're just there for the mayhem. Here's one thing I will say about Los Angeles right now. No one's talking. It doesn't feel like it's happening. The theories that you have about social media influencers and why they go to Coachella is the same thing.

scenario for why many people are going down to the demonstration because they need to get footage of themselves participating in the demonstration. It does kind of feel like the backdrop of certain people's reality show on their social media. They have to participate with the people blowing up the cars to get the footage. All right. Well, then I'm just going to stick to the causes that I know are real, which is that elephants are being abused.

And so don't ride them. We can all agree. We can all agree on that. We can all agree on that. That is something I will use my platform. That is the only cause that I... It's the only cause I will rob an Apple store for. It is the only cause I know has no shady, fake element. I know it. I know. Circuses are bad. Zoos are bad. Don't ride elephants. Stand by that. You should join the demonstration downtown. And your sign just says, don't ride elephants anymore.

You're bricking a cop car. I'll never. I'll never. That is my only cause I trust at this point.