Taylor Swift, Kendrick Lamar, Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni | Good For You Podcast | EP 276
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I am going to start the show by saying that I'm a stand-up comedian and I am on tour. I'm so bad at promoting stuff because it feels corny and hacky and it makes me hate myself. I'm on tour. It makes me so insane that every time I am in some random ass city that I had to take six planes to get there, Toledo, Ohio, and then I'm like in the airport the day after the show. It's like six in the morning and a bunch of people like, Whitney Cummings, what are you doing in town?

Like you recognize me without makeup at 6 a.m. Like, you know me. They're like, how's your knee? Yo, how's your shoulder after the surgery? I'm like, you know about all that. But you didn't know I was here at the Majestic last night. Winnie Cummings dot com. You know what to do. And honestly, if you don't know how to find tickets, just don't come. Anyone who's like, oh, you're coming to Tampa. How do I get tickets? If you don't know how, don't come to the show. The whole thing will be too hard for you.

if you haven't figured out yet how to get your own tickets. All right. Super Bowl. Here's the thing. It seems like the big takeaway from the Super Bowl is Taylor Swift getting booed. I want to talk about it. You know that I always have the last take. You know that I'm late on everything. All right. Everyone had their take on it. And mine is not anyone else's take. OK, dyslexic till I die. Taylor Swift got booed at the Super Bowl.

I'm not with it. I don't think it's cool. I don't think it's hip. I don't think you're hip. I don't think you're funny. I think there's nothing funny or cute about this.

Look, it is interesting because it is another reminder that we're so over billionaires. Like, billionaires are just not humans to us at this point, which is very interesting. We will be hunting them any day now. We know this about me. I am white trash till I die. Okay, yes, I had a child out of wedlock. Yes, I often get to a stand-up show, bring my luggage on stage, and change on stage for the show. Yes, that has happened.

Yes, I have endless number of stray dogs that sleep in my bed with me. Yes, I had to get rabies, Montecroval antibodies because a raccoon ran up my leg that apparently was on fentanyl. And it was like, that girl's my friend.

OK, that's me. Yes, I almost barely lost an ear. OK, it is it is hardly so back on. And yes, I have an 81 Silverado that does not work in my driveway. Yes, my family is from West Virginia and Texas. Yes, I am a filthy stand up comedian who has spent most of her life in grimy as comedy clubs across America, eating tetanus potato skins and flying Spirit Airlines. But still, all that considered, my kink is class.

OK, you can have criticisms for someone and still be classy about it. Like when I went on CNN and roasted the Democrats, like I at least I was in heels and pantyhose. OK, I had pantyhose. All right. I had some made in China as pantyhose. My hair extensions were from India. I was classy about it. All right. If you have notes for Taylor Swift.

That's totally fine. But like that day, Taylor Swift, I just feel like she was not there as Taylor Swift. She was there as Travis Kelsey's girlfriend. And I think it is classless. Maybe it's also because I play sports and I think it's not sportsmanlike to distract one of the players in a way that is like below the belt. Do you know what I mean? And you could tell that her getting booed, distracted, whatever.

Travis Kelsey. You don't come for someone's girl at their game. I don't know. I just feel like that was low even for Philly fans. I'm an Eagles fan, and that was low even for them to boo a girl so that he couldn't focus on the game. Boo when he throws the ball or when he's on the field. Don't go for the man's heart. Go for his injuries. Go for his knee. Don't go for his girl. That felt very tacky to me.

You could absolutely tell that that's I don't know. I felt like they were not a cohesive team at all. They were distracted. They weren't mentally present. I feel like they were still going to lose. I don't think they would have lost that badly had his girl not been booed. You know what I'm saying?

And now the question is, why did she get booed? People say it was because of politics, you know, who she endorsed, you know, Justin and Blake Lively. No, no. Okay. I'm going to be very clear with you. I do not buy that any Eagles fan for a second gives a shit about the Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni drama. Eagles fans don't know what that is. No Eagles fans are like,

That's the girl from Gossip Girl who was mean to Anna Kendrick. Like they have no, they don't, they only watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and the Tom Hanks movie where he had AIDS because it took place in Philadelphia. Like they don't, they're not like, I hated Serena in Gossip Girl. I'm Team Blair. Like Eagles fans do not give a shit. Eagles fans are like Taylor Swift ruined everything.

It ends with us. That was my shit. Like, no one cares. Like, what are you talking... I lived in Philadelphia for three years. No Eagles fan is like, wait, Deadpool, Ryan Reynolds made fun of Justin Baldoni's man bun? And when Blake was doing the breast junket, she wouldn't let another actress talk? Like, no, that's not an Eagles fan. Eagles fans are like...

Wait, in the movie, she stopped at a convenience store for a sandwich and it wasn't Wawa. That's my enemy. Like it would never be about what we think it is about. Like Eagles fans are like, wait, she wears red a lot. Taylor Swift wears red. Those are Redskins colors. Like that's the closest thing I can think of. And yes, they still say Redskins. There's not a chance Philly fans say Commanders. My guess is this. My guess is and hear me out is that she was booed because all of these guys, all these dads, Eagles, dads,

Their daughters asked for a ticket to a Taylor Swift concert, and then they had to go to the website and see that it was $3,000. And they're like, I'm not spending $3,000 on a Taylor Swift concert. I already spent all my savings on a Michael Vick painting. I don't have money left over for this girl to complain about her exes. Like Eagles fans can't afford to go to Taylor Swift shows. They spent all their savings on bailing their friends out of jail after they set cars on fire after the Eagles won. Like there's no money left.

for overpriced concerts. Like these guys saw Taylor in the stands and they're like, hey, my daughter still won't talk to me because I can't afford to go to your show. Like, I don't know. I just, I don't, I don't buy it. I feel like they were more like, I had to put a second Morgan on my house to take my daughter to see you and you didn't even play the Rocky theme song. Like none of these Eagles fans care about what's going on with Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively. Like they are all patiently waiting for Candace Owens to return to her regularly scheduled programming.

Am I the only person that feels bad for Taylor Swift? Like, I just feel like that was so, oh, I don't know. That kind of hurt my heart. But we're done. We're like done with billionaires. I feel like for Eagles fans in their minds, they were actually probably taking it easy on her. Like, I actually that's probably their version of taking it easy. But I just feel like I don't know. It's also, by the way, beneath Taylor Swift to even go. Why did she even go? She sold out that venue three times on her own. Like, why is she even there? Like, I don't know. Why are you your guy? Can everyone like just don't go to your guy's work?

You know, Pat, every time your wife's here, I'm like, are you how you're going to get the egg? Like you don't go to your guy's work. Like it's just not you're too famous. Like the one thing about being famous and much just suck to be as famous as her because you can't just blend in. She's trying to really get tank top and jean shorts. She's trying to just be like, like, I'm just his girlfriend. Like you're not like you're you. You can't. I don't know. It's a tough time for billionaires and blondes. I got it.

I wish I wasn't taking so much joy in that, but it's just not the year for because remember, it was like it was like like diversity and we want body positivity. And then Barbie came out the movie and Taylor Swift went on tour and everyone was like, this is what we want. OK, we're we're back. And now blondes is not your year. You know, white men are back. Unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you. I do feel like I don't know.

People are like, oh, Taylor's a mean girl. Okay, maybe. Maybe. I mean, how do you know? How do you know? Also, she didn't become the biggest musician in the world because she was a doormat. Of course not. Like in the music business, I hope she's a mean girl. Honestly, I hope she is a mean girl because she had to come up in a business that was like,

baby oil r kelly you know i mean like she she you have to be a mean girl to survive think about all the girls that probably weren't mean girls i don't know alia i don't know britney they probably should have been a little meaner that's all i'm saying i think that you have to be to survive that business i also taylor swift i think we have to be very careful with this thing of like let's cancel taylor swift she's a mean girl blah blah i think you have to like

I don't think that we can pretend to care about kids and then take away their idols if they're not like complete psychopaths. You know what I mean? Like her fans are a lot of teen girls. Can we let the teen girls have this, please? Can we let them have anything? They love Taylor Swift. Can we not destroy Taylor Swift so that, you know, Taylor's next album is about Satan? I am so anti-canceling Taylor Swift because I think teen girls at this point have so few things anymore to look forward to or any people to look up to. We can't take Taylor Swift from them. Okay, they...

Teens almost just lost TikTok. And you saw how that went. Imagine if they lost Taylor Swift. They have nothing left. Teenagers have nothing at this point. We already took away candy flavored vapes.

I don't think they let them eat Tide Pods anymore. Those glory days are over. They've lost their parents' attention because they're on the Justin Baldoni thing and TikTok. OK, their parents won't even talk to them. They're taking away cell phones from kids at schools now. So now kids actually have to sit there and be alone with their own thoughts and like learn, you

You know, and everything learned that AI is about to replace them and that they're never going to have jobs. I mean, teenagers right now, what do they have? OK, they don't get to listen to R. Kelly or Michael Jackson. They can in my house. But no, not R. Kelly. That's way too sexual. But we still do play America. That is on a loop in my home. It's a patriotic bop.

They lost Sam Smith. They lost Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande. They're not singing anymore because they just want to do the theater. OK, the kids, they can't play with lawn darts. All right. They got rid of seesaws. The Cosby show is off the air. Most moon bounces and trampolines aren't even fun anymore. They're all dorky and safe. You can't even like fall on the motor.

You know, that's the funniest part about going on a moon bounce is watching your friend get concussed on the motor when it started deflating. They now inflate them the full fully. OK, they don't even have urban outfitters. I go to an urban outfitters in every city I'm in. Holy shit. Does urban outfitters suck now? I mean, this is so I'm sorry. It has gone. So I am available for a paid partnership. But that said, I'm.

Has it gone so weirdly downhill? Urban Outfitters is all T-shirts from 90s stuff that teenagers have never heard of. Urban Outfitters, it's all like Nirvana shirts now. You're like, you know he killed himself, right? Does anyone have any idea what is Biggie shirts and Nirvana? I'm like, do these teenagers even know they're wearing tube tops?

that celebrate suicide and murder. Like this is so wild to me. When I was a teenager, Urban Outfitters is how you spent $50 to look like, you know, Courtney Love. And now it's just ironically like corporations. It'll be like a shirt that just says like dial soap. You're like, wait, huh? This is so wild. I just we can't let Taylor Swift be taken from our teenagers. OK, they also lost Brandy Melville. Brandy Melville. Remember the documentary came out of the store? The founder of the company was demanding

Can anyone get rich and not go crazy? Or can any person get rich if they're not insane? The guy that started Brandy Melville was asking the employees to send feet pics and chest pics saying I'm going to consider them for the Instagram feed. OK, what we can't they can't even go to Brandy Melville anymore and get their little tank tops. I just I don't know. Teenagers already can't read.

They can't do most teenagers truly cannot spell. We've taken away their literacy. Now you're going to take away their favorite music. Can we just not? I mean, teen boys to teen boys can't even sleep with their teachers anymore. Teenagers can't even be teenagers. OK, they get their period at like 10. I mean, their period even moved up. They don't even get to be kids. Like, can we not take away Taylor Swift? OK, who cares if she's friends with Blake Lively? OK,

Who cares? All right. You have to know when your teenager's hero is the best case scenario. All right. And then you got to protect them at all costs. OK, my teen hero was Kate Moss and Courtney Love. OK, I saw it MTV on New Year's Eve. Courtney Love threw like lipstick and nail polish at Madonna. And I was like, sick.

I don't that's what I would like. I feel like the girl who's like broken hearted and kind of emo, like that's best case scenario. I grew up idolizing Kate Moss, who was truly anorexic, smoked cigarettes. I started smoking cigarettes because Kate Moss was my primary role model. Taylor Swift doesn't smoke. She doesn't do any of that. I don't know. You don't get to cancel someone because you don't like their friends. You loser. Dennis Rodman is friends with Kim Jong Un.

Is that how you say it? No one's mad. They're like, look at him. Look at him being able to just have compassion for people with different backgrounds.

Trump, literally, when Ghislaine Maxwell went to jail, he said, I wish her well. She's a great person. And we don't care. We all have whack friends. Most people are whack. Like, what are the chances that someone doesn't have whack friends? OK, if you dorky ass dads boo Taylor Swift and cancel or make her want to quit, I'm just just get ready because Taylor Swift could walk away and be like, you know what? Never mind. And then what? And then

The artists that your daughter is going to be listening to are Sexy Red and Cardi B talking about wet ass. So just be careful what you wish for. All right. They're going to go back to listening to Kanye West and your daughter is going to be wearing a swastika tube top to Coachella this year. It's just we're not doing it. I will not allow you to take Taylor Swift away from these kids. I say no to this, but something we do need to take away from the Super Bowl.

is the memory of Kendrick Lamar's bell bottoms from men's brains. You know what? Let's talk about protein shakes. Enough about the Eagles and all them. I've tried many protein powders. Most of them are gross. Let's just be honest. Protein powders are sickening. They're either chalky or left a weird aftertaste or feel like you're eating wharf.

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for Charlize Theron to be the face of a brand. And then I'm paying for that. I love Charlize. I just, you know what I'm saying? Okay. Quince has solved all my problems when it comes to being so stubborn about the way I dress. I want nice stuff, but I refuse to pay top dollar. You see, I'm obsessed with Quince. You know this. This is a little Quince number. No big deal. They have everything from like cashmere sweaters starting at $50, which is what they should cost. Okay. Silk tops, $14.

14 karat gold jewelry. Bite it, I dare you. Priced at 80 to 50%. Okay, I am dyslexic. Why can't we say that? Why? It's 50 to 80% less than similar brands, but like it's between 80 and 50% less. Why does 50 have to, why does it have to be escalating?

I don't know. Look, I had a lot of fluoride as a kid. West Virginia water did me wrong. It's luxury stuff at Quince, but without the guilt of overspending. What makes Quince even better is that they work directly with the top factories, cutting out the middleman and no children work there. You get premium quality without the markup. You get clothes without children's tears.

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They have lots of styles, lots of sizes. Everything is very classic. So treat yourself. Treat yourself to a little luxury with quince.com. Go to quince.com slash Whitney to get free shipping and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Whitney. Get luxury without the high price tag. Ta-da. Now, I was watching the Super Bowl with a guy friend of mine who saw Kendrick perform and was like, oh, those bell bottoms, like those are kind of sick. And I was like, nope.

No, Kendrick can do that. Not no other man. Mikey can kind of do this. Mikey, but they're baggy at the top too though, Mikey. They're not bell bottom. They're baggy from the top.

Do you know what I mean? You're like, that's like ketamine chic. You know, this is Kendrick's were tight and then they were full bell. No other man can do this. This is like Mike Tyson's face tattoo. He's the only person who can pull it off. Okay. I implore men to please, please stop. Please. I'm begging you to not. I am literally begging men to not wear bell bottoms. Okay. We are already in a fertility crisis.

We already have population decline. You cannot start wearing bell-bottoms. Like, I just, I can't do this again. We, I just feel like we've let so much slide as it is. We let V-neck slide. We let you, we are, we're literally letting you guys wear bracelets with science in it. We're letting you wear a bracelet that tells you how you slept. And we're being chill about it. Like, oh, what's up with that brand? Oh, that's, uh, tells me I, uh...

slept last night? Uh, slept six hours. I'm like, do you not know how you slept? What are you, are men, I'm, I'm genuinely confused. Do men wake up and they're like, how did that go? Like,

Like, what just happened? Like, do you guys really not? Which makes leads me to believe you just want to wear a bracelet, which is totally fine. Maybe we gay shamed you too much. If you guys want to wear a bracelet, like just you have to bring like a charger into it and like pretend it's about like like blood metrics. Just like wear a bracelet. It's fine. But we're letting it slide. OK, we're letting you wear the aura ring. We're letting you wear jewelry with the aura ring, with the thing, whatever.

And you charge the ring. It tells you how many calories you ate today. We're listening to you talk about it as well. And we're letting this slide. We're letting you wear a ring that's not a wedding ring. In your 30s, when you and I have been dating for three years, and that's the ring you're wearing? I mean, I feel like we're being pretty cool about this, you know? And by the way, even if you do wear an actual wedding ring that doesn't have signs in it, you guys now have to make them black. The black wedding rings, you guys are like, yeah, gold, nah, dude. I ain't gay.

My ring's made out of the Batmobile. Like, we let that slide, even though it looks so dorky. Like, I didn't sign up to marry a warlock. Women are so bummed when their guys have a black ring. We're just like, oh, God. But we're letting it slide, though. We're being cool. We know it's important to you, okay? But we can't let the bell bottoms—

This is we have to draw the line somewhere. All right. We were already cool about the Under Armour. We were cool about the hookahs, the hookah shoes. We're letting slide. We're already cool about the Crocs and the Birkenstocks and the hats where you leave the sticker on them and the price tag. You just leave it on. We've let that slide.

Bell bottoms, we can't let slide. We're already letting you listen to David Goggins and Andrew Huberman and doing things other men tell you to do all day. We let you wear jerseys with another man's name on the back of it, sometimes down to your knees. We already let you wear shorts with a thousand pockets. Like we already let you take selfies and post photos of yourself on social media. Like we're letting you, I feel like maybe, maybe we've been too cool, frankly. You're asking too much with the bell bottoms. We already let you say crashing.

Like we're letting that slide. Crashing at Todd's place. You're 40. What are you? You're not. I'm sorry. We literally let it slide that you guys never go to the doctor and we're going to have to be your personal nurse from like age 50 on because you won't take care of yourself. Can we please not do bell-bottom jeans? You're 45. You're going to trip over them and you already have a bum ankle and knee. I didn't sign up for a BG. I don't. I just think we have to like.

I know a bunch of brands are going to start coming out with bell bottoms because Kendrick looks so cool in them. But this isn't for you. OK, like, I don't know. I don't know. It's hard, though, because if the bell bottom covered the hookah, maybe is it hookah? It is tricky because if the bell bottom covers the Crocs or the Under Armour sneakers, maybe I should be encouraging this. I do need to regroup. I'll think about it. I'm just saying, OK, how about I'll make a deal with you guys. No bell bottoms on men.

And we will let you bring back Oakley's. How about that? We can. OK, no bell bottoms. And you guys can bring back Tommy Hilfiger. Remember when men just wore another man's name across their chest and they thought that was normal? Remember, like Tommy boy, like what is a bigger red flag than a man wearing another man's name on them? And then boy.

I cannot believe I sweated those dudes so much in high school. Oh, God. No bell bottoms. No bell bottoms. But how about this? You can bring back CK1. You can bring back, you know what? You can bring back those white braided bracelets. You remember those? The shell with the, they were like, they were like for Dave, guys that listen to Dave Matthews. I don't know. They're like, they're like white braided. Remember, there was the seashell necklaces. Honestly, we can bring that back.

But we're not. Pookas? Pooka shells. Pooka shells. Between the pookas and the hookas. I really, I'm out, okay? I just, I think that we're at a very fragile time in society. The aliens seem to be on the way or here. There's drones. There's not, we can't.

Men can't be in bell bottoms. You guys have to be ready to defend us at any time. I think a meteor is coming soon. Like, I just I don't think this is a good idea. I think Kendrick knew I knew how to get rid of white people. Honestly, Kendrick knew make them all start wearing bell bottoms and they won't be able to outrun the media. It's actually kind of genius. I don't know.

I'm just saying no bell bottoms on men. I've already been convinced a couple of times that I am gay and I fear that this would really just put me over the edge. All right. Last thing I I've tried to just do certain takes on like tick tock and stuff. I try to do like just the current events kind of takes on tick tock, because by the time a YouTube video comes out on the podcast, I feel like I'm so behind on shit like. But I do think the Justin Baldoni, Blake Lively situation, I know everyone's kind of like, I don't know.

It doesn't seem actually like anybody's getting sick of it. I don't want to talk about like getting the weeds about it. Candace Owens is like crushing it on that. I'm not going to get into like the case or whatever. I'm more interested in why we're all so obsessed with it. Like, why are we so obsessed with this? I think it's important to understand like human nature wise. I have some theories. Number one, is Blake Lively all of our moms?

Like, are we so obsessed with this situation? Because Blake Lively is just all of our moms. Like, is she our mom? Like, mommy, mommy? Is she just recreating our childhood circumstances? Like, is Blake Lively all of our moms? Think about it. She wears patterns that don't match.

She makes bad jokes that are always like a little too mean. Her hair is always messy. She wears way too many bracelets and crazy ass earrings that like make noise. Like she has to like be the center of attention at all times, even when she's not talking, like it's gotta be clanging. She texts at 2 a.m.,

She sends texts at 2 a.m. that make no sense, makes terrible jokes. She's never with her kids, acts kind of drunk. She's always drinking gin in her interview. She drinks at work. She's always drinking that gin during her interviews. Like she drinks at work. This is literally my mom.

Like Blake Lively is my actual mother. And when you call her out on something, she's like, that's not what happened. That's not what I said. That's not what I'm doing. Like, that's my actual mom. And you just give up because you're just like you're you are in such a different reality. There is no point in even trying to figure out the truth with you. Like, she's so hypersensitive. This is exactly how my mom was. Like, if you ask for anything, she'd be like, well, why don't you get another mother? You'd be like, what? I'd be like, no, I just should we head out for school? She'd be like, why don't you get another mother?

I'm like, cool. How do I do that? I would love to. So like a store, like I don't like, hey, when's dinner? She'd be like, well, dinner's maybe one day I'll get hit by a bus.

Like, what? That escalated kind of quickly. Like, my mom used guilt to control me or make me, like, stop asking for anything. And that's exactly how Blake Lively I feel like she is. If she doesn't get what she wants, if she doesn't get to wear what she wants in a movie, she'll sue you. Like, that is, like... I was literally raised by this woman, okay? So that's one theory. She, like, brings up all of our, like, mom issues. Number two, could it be that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, like...

feed into our prom queen and prom king trauma. Like, symbolically, they are the prom king, right? Prom king and prom courts, whatever. And the prom queen and king are being, like, taken off the pedestal. Like, I feel like it's that. Like, we...

we went along with this. You know what I mean? We were like, okay, we kind of want to be the prom king and queen, but we kind of can't. So like, I guess we just like have to be jealous of them and like we want what they have. And then this happens and we're like, wait, dude, we don't have to be jealous of you. We were the cool ones this whole time. Like we were who you guys actually pretended you guys are the losers and

we're the winners. Like, I feel like that's so validating. You know, the idea that it's like you guys had to manipulate to get where you are. Like we knew, we knew it deep down. We knew that you didn't deserve all that popularity and you tricked us into thinking that we were the losers, but you're the losers justice for the dorks. Finally. Okay. I just, I feel like there's a part of that. Like, like we knew there was something off about the theater kids. Like, like I knew that you guys pretended to be the dorks, but you were actually the bullies. I knew it.

My instincts have been validated. I always say it. Bill Cosby's big thing is he didn't curse. Never forget it.

I think there's also something that plays into our like cheerleader quarterback drama. Remember, like we always wanted to be like the cheerleader and the quarterback. Like we always wanted that relationship. And now we can finally stop being jealous of like couple goals, you know, because like we're all like all of this perfect couple stuff. Like that's not it was never perfect. And there's this like plot twist. It's like, oh, no, you guys were actually like bullying people. And we're all relieved that we can stop being jealous of

of this like perfect couple. Cause it's like, I don't, I don't have to be jealous of you. It turns out you guys were some weird bully cult and I can feel good about my choices. You know what I mean? Like look at Blake and Ryan before this. Right. And I was like, ah, God, I really messed up in life. You know, God, I really should have that. I don't have the paragon of happiness. I don't have the couple goals. And now you see all this and you're like, you know what? I kind of nailed it.

Being alone with pitbulls, telling jokes to drunk strangers at night, kind of where it's at. You know, people look at all this and they're like, I knew I was right to collect dolls.

Like I knew traveling with the Ren Faire was way cooler than being married to the quarterback. Like it just shatters the whole social construct of what we all compare ourselves to. You know, it makes us all feel like a little bit better that they couldn't even figure out how to not blow up their own lives. Like this like paragon of perfection isn't perfect. I think it's just been like such a relief, you know, like to be able to be like, OK, I may not be like the blonde with the quarterback, but at least I'm not paying 30 million dollars in legal fees.

It's like if that's what it costs to be couple goals, like I'm good. Dude, nonstick pans is a whole thing. If you're still using like those sticky things, bad news, harmful microplastics, they get in your food. Apparently they're making the frogs gay. There's all kinds of bad things happening. I am not a scientist, but I do not mess with these like pans things.

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Also, the whole thing has been made so much bigger because of TikTok. And I also feel like everybody's just so stoked that random people are now the best journalists. Like journalists used to like go to journalism school and like get, I don't know how that worked, but there was like a whole thing. Now the best journalists literally work at Chipotle. I follow a couple of people who are doing Peabody award-winning journalism who

who I DM, one of them works at a mall kiosk. It is so much more fun to get your news from someone who was on their lunch break from Build-A-Bear than

than watching some weird nepo baby in a studio reading off a prompter like news that they got from a pharmaceutical company like how do you like news was so weird before and like I don't I just think it's like I just love getting like real people delivering news about this like it's just been so sick because there's been a lot of things that like just random sleuths on tiktok

have found. And then Justin Baldoni used it in his like everyone's Aaron Brockovich. Like Aaron Brockovich is one of my favorite movies. And this is just like my shit. Like the revolution has begun. And downstairs Downton Abbey is like, oh, no, we have Wi-Fi, too. You assholes. Like it's just like it's just so funny to watch. I don't know. But it's also like makes you realize that like TikTok news, people be like, I don't know, maybe it's this or like

I feel like it might be this. Whereas news used to always be like, it's this. And this is the truth. Like,

how goofy, like no one thinks like that except like news people that they're like, well, we can't be indecisive because that would be make us look dumb. Now it looks dumb to be decisive because you're like, oh, you think you know the truth? Like what? You're dumb then. Like anyone who think imagine, imagine thinking, you know, literally anything like imagine. I feel like

I'm at the point where I feel like the more we know, the dumber we get. Right. Because you can't trust. OK, hold on. So people will say they'll be like, you know, you can't trust that. That's fake news. That's not true. That's not real. That was never true. They lie. Fake news, misinformation. And then they'll be like, Tulsi Gabbard is a Russian clone. And you're like,

But I thought everything was fake. I thought you couldn't trust anything. And you're like, no, this is I have good authority from 8chan. You're like, what? Like, I just like if everything's fake, how do you know anything? Like, we have to pick a lane. Like, I'm literally down to not know anything. I've said it before. Like, I don't know. I am literally at the point where I'm on some post-intelligence shit. Like, post-intelligence. There's literally...

I don't know. I believe that if you don't learn anything in the first place, you probably know more than the person that learned it all because eventually it's all going to be debunked. You know what I'm saying? Like I learned that soy milk was good for you.

Like literally they were like, soy milk's good for you. It's healthier. I drank it for eight. All my friends drank soy milk for eight years. Now all my girlfriends had their tits cut off and all my guy friends have tits like it's not. But had I not even heard about it, I would still just be off soy milk. I'm not taking on any information. That's my thing. I think if I learn nothing new, I'm smarter than everybody at this point. There's just I can't because

Because also, like, even when you learn something, it's actually it's like dating or anything. It's not about knowing it. It's about the chase. Right. It's about the chase of trying to figure it out. Like, you know, like we've spent so much time being like, where are the aliens? Are there aliens? And they're like, there's aliens. And I was like, OK, next. No one cares. Now that they said there's aliens, we're like, don't really care anymore. It was like it was more about the fighting about it.

And now that they actually got like if Jesus showed up, people would be like, like, what? Pick me and pick me much like no. It's about the waiting for him to come back. Like it's like no one actually wants to know the thing. It's about the chase. And it's about it. It's about it never being possible to be known. You know, it's like people are like, I know. I know that the pyramids were a power plant. You're like.

For me to disagree with you, I'd have to spend like two months watching all the Rumble videos. And you might be right, but it's really you're just going to win because you spent more time on this. Like, I can't debunk it. But also, also, especially when it's someone you're dating and they're like, you know, I figured out the pyramid thing. I'm like, you don't know where I'm from.

Well, like, what's my birthday? Go. And they're like, no. So they just figured out that there's another city under Atlantis. I'm like, what's my middle name? Go. Like, it's just I feel like we're at the point where we have all the information in the world and we were like dumber than ever. You know, like I was at a show the other night and someone was like, you know, dinosaurs are fake. And I was like, OK, it is so amazing to me that we have access. We have videos, photos, documentaries. I know that can all be like.

you know, AI, like whatever. But researchers, professors, scientists, the more proof we get, people are like, nah, like, I'm sure there's lies and stuff and they're charlatans. But it's funny how people now too much proof seems shady. Like, it's like, I don't know, all these scientists, they have, they're trying kind of hard to convince me. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like...

I feel like the scientists are trying too hard to make me believe them. So this feels a little, look at all this evidence they have. Like, you wouldn't have all that evidence yet. No, they've been digging with an eyelash curler in the Sahara their entire career to get these bones. Like they, now everyone is convinced everything's a distraction. That's like the main thing. It's like how anyone who's successful now, people call a grifter and you're like,

no, like, no, the person just made it. And they're like, nah, the person's a grifter. It's like, well, then you should try it. Because, like, you're the grift then. That's, you know...

I just think that everyone now is so focused on everything being a distraction. But like, not everything's a distraction. Sometimes it's just, it's like the aliens are here. That's a distraction. It's like, but you've been waiting for the aliens. Maybe these are the aliens. You know, like if the CIA documents on JFK, I think they were just declassified. If they prove that the CIA killed Kennedy, you know, everyone's like,

It's a distraction. It wasn't the CIA. It makes too much sense. No, nah. If it says the CIA did it, then that can't be it. Okay? Like, that's a PSYOP.

They can't. It's not the CIA. It was it was probably the mafia. You're like, can when you get the truth, will you even accept it? They're like, no, no, no. The CIA hired Oliver Stone to make all those movies about the CIA doing it the way they hired Stanley Kubrick to shoot the faking the moon landing. These documents prove it is a distraction and that it was suicide. You're like, oh, my God. Like, are you?

This is the video game that never ends. I don't know. I think there's a point also where I've decided we have to stop being mad at people because of their beliefs.

This is maybe a little more like philosophical here. I don't mean to be boring, but like, does anyone else feel like people need to believe certain things? Like I guess beliefs at this point are a religion. Like Christians need to believe there's a heaven and a hell, right? They go through life going, I'm going to go to heaven if I do this. That person's going to go to hell because they did. That only helps them whatever. All of our beliefs serve an emotional need. Like people who think Amber Heard is innocent, they need to believe that-

that she's innocent because they want to be able to get away with the kind of behavior that they do. And this is proof that it's OK to behave that way or like she was just smeared or something like people need it.

To, you know, validate their own, you know, batshit crazy ass behavior. Right. So we have to believe certain things to justify the way we live or our choices, you know, like like Leonardo DiCaprio, like people will be like Leonardo DiCaprio is gross. He only dates young girls. And that's why I will never date him. Like, I don't think you're in the running.

Even when you were 22, I don't think you were in the running like but that like that's why I'm not dating him. Like that's not that's not why I don't think that's why, you know, but whatever you need to believe, go for it. It's like people think the moon landing was faked. I feel like that's how they sleep at night knowing they didn't become an astronaut, you know, because every kid wanted to be an astronaut.

And they didn't, you know, because school doesn't know school wants you to do something like that. Right. They want you to be workers. So like, yeah, the moon landing was fake, which is why I didn't go. It's like, wow, I deserve myself. I'm just saying, I'm just trying to not blame people for believing other things than what I believe. I'm now going to switch to blaming their parents for creating a wound that made them need to believe something so dumb that fixes the wound. Right.

All right, you guys, I have to go introduce myself to my child. Can't wait to meet him. I'm on tour. I'll be in Florida next weekend. Love you guys. Thank you guys for sending in questions about what you want me to talk about on the podcast. It's actually really helpful. I know you guys want me to do like a skin video. I'll do that as soon as I can figure it out. All right, you guys, love you. I'm just, you know, I end these awkwardly. Don't ride elephants. Bye. Bye.

Thank you.