We're sunsetting PodQuest on 2025-07-28. Thank you for your support!
Export Podcast Subscriptions
cover of episode EP 60: Nursing 101 | How to NOT Lose Your Nursing Job

EP 60: Nursing 101 | How to NOT Lose Your Nursing Job

2025/1/17
logo of podcast I Beg Your Pardon

I Beg Your Pardon

AI Chapters Transcript
Chapters
Nurse John opens up the episode by discussing the most cringe-worthy and awkward moments in nursing, sharing his own experiences and inviting listeners to participate by submitting their stories.
  • Nurse John shares his own embarrassing nursing experiences.
  • Listeners are invited to submit their own awkward and funny nursing stories.
  • Emphasizes the importance of humor in dealing with professional challenges.

Shownotes Transcript

Your data is like gold to hackers. They'll sell it to the highest bidder. Are you protected? McAfee helps shield you, blocking suspicious texts, malicious emails, and fraudulent websites. McAfee's secure VPN lets you browse safely, and its AI-powered text scam detector spots threats instantly. You'll also get up to $2 million of award-winning antivirus and identity theft protection, all for just $39.99 for your first year. Visit McAfee.com. Cancel any time. Terms apply.

Have you ever spotted McDonald's hot crispy fries right as they're being scooped into the carton? And time just stands still. That's a Philadelphia sidecar. Don't search it up too in Google. Unfortunately, this will hunt you down for the rest of your life. You don't want to see things. People have kinks. People believe that a hole is a hole. And I keep telling them, listen, not every hole is a good hole.

I beg your pardon. Okay, welcome back to your favorite TV show. I beg your motherfucking pardon.

In 3, 2, 1. Hey besties, welcome back to your favorite podcast. I beg your pardon with your favorite host who's caffeinated, medicated, and never hydrated. And now, always moisturized, bestie, Nurse John. What's up?

Bestie, we are in our second week of 2025. I hope you guys are doing well. I hope life is going great. I hope your newest resolution is coming true. And if it's not, every single day is another day too. Make it happen.

That is right, Bessie. Before we continue to this whole podcast, if you're listening right now, do me a quick favor. Make sure that you follow us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Make sure that you share this new episode or other episodes that you haven't watched and you like to everyone in your social media. And make sure also that you give us a five-star review on Apple and Spotify Podcasts. Also, Bessie, if you didn't know, I have my leg two of my comedy tour, The Short Stuff Podcast.

tour coming through this 2025 and it's happening from january until the end of 2025 that is right there's a lot of things happening but if you haven't gotten your ticket to the comedy show the best comedy show of 2025 you should definitely go get your tickets get one for your bestie your partner your family members your colleagues get it at www.nursejohnnshows s-h-o-w-s

And again, Bessie, this comedy show is very special because it's not only for healthcare. It's for anyone who relates to anything customer service. That's right. You can be a mom. That's customer service, baby. You are working 24-7. You can be a pilot. You can be a flight attendant. You can be an engineer. Anyone who's working for somebody else can relate to this comedy show because it's just relatable. It's going to make you feel better because also you're going to be in a theater where there's a

thousands of people who just understands the struggle of working in a day-to-day lives with other people and stranger and dealing with bullshit that is right again if you want to get your tickets come see me in the nearest city near you because i feel like the leg one got sold out completely again thank you so much for every single bessie who have seen the show and for all the postponed show don't worry bessie we are making it happen i am

going to make sure that I still visit you and come to your city but this new leg two shows is more cities now in US and Canada so I can see all my besties everywhere in North America again get your tickets at www.nursejohnnnshows.com

Are you struggling with dark under eye circles? Are you struggling and wrinkles smoothing those under eyes looking tired every single day because you are working 24 seven five out of seven days a week bestie this under eye cream is the perfect

cream and solution for that problem you can definitely go get them at www.philiskin.com and also bestie if you're wondering what keeps your bestie caffeinated all day long that is rice fuel r-y-s-e-f-u-e-l

This is 200 milligrams of caffeine. There's no sugar in it. So that's good for all my bestie who's trying to lose those ways. And also there's so many flavors that they have right now. They have now Sour Punch. There's blueberry. There's strawberry. There's a lot of different things. You know, I'm so tired of Red Bull. So I had to switch up with something more healthy. Because you know, like energy drinks are not completely healthy. But you've got to keep yourself caffeinated. Sometimes coffee doesn't work anymore. So you've got to find another way to caffeinate yourself so you can keep...

working day and night. Now let's crack one open. You know what's missing with this one? Vodka. That is right.

Cheers, Bestie, to all my besties. If you're working right now, night shift, day shift, if you're listening in the podcast right now, maybe you're at home too. I just want to say, Bestie, it's so nice to be talking to you again. It's so nice that we're chatting again. Speaking of gossip, since we're speaking of gossip right now, you know what? We're just going to jump into the topic of this week's podcast.

Okay. So I've asked questions again to all my besties in Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Again, if you ever want to participate, share your stories and stuff like that, make sure that you tune into my Instagram account at nurse.john.

end so that you can submit your story so I can read it to every single one so people can laugh, people can get inspired, people can get motivated. Every single submissions of stories are all anonymous so we don't reveal you. It's just your story. So if you just hear it yourself, you're just probably going to laugh at yourself and your story and whatnot, but they're all anonymous. So if you ever want to participate, always tune into my Instagram account. So anyways, the question I ask people this time is what is the most embarrassing thing

you've said or experienced as a nurse, as a patient, it's,

in your lifetime. And there's so many submission. Okay. I just want to give a trigger warning that this stories are funny. They're not meant to offend someone. They're not meant to hurt someone. They're funny because it's an accident, right? Like you were not thinking when you said something again, it's not, not being careful, anything like that. It happens. We all say things that are not, we didn't want to say, but we said it and it happened and we

We learn from it kind of thing. So if we laugh at this, some of these stories, just know that we're not laughing at the situation. We're laughing at the stupidity that we did in this very, very situation. Okay. Also, before we move into that, I don't know you guys, but like apparently TikTok is going on January 19. That is so sad. You guys, I don't know what's going to happen. First of all, I want to thank you guys for supporting me because honestly, like I started in TikTok and TikTok was like my mainstay.

social media that really brought me, I guess, the fame that I have right now, my popularity, my ability to reach so much people. TikTok has changed so much lives. If it actually gets taken out here in the United States, so many businesses are going to shut down or not grow anymore. And so many aspiring people who just are probably living a regular life just exactly like me. We're all regular people in...

society who just took our initiative and step to just post anything and whatever our crazy selves out there in social media to the world. And it brought us so much like success. And here we are. So like, I'm so thankful for tech talk.

Literally, TikTok honestly has taught me so much more than life and school. But yeah, thank you guys so much. If you're listening to this and you're only following me on TikTok, make sure that you follow me on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube. I post the same thing in there and I keep up actually more in other social media because they're also as large as TikTok now.

Anyway, so like let's jump into our stories for this week. I want you guys to be ready. Get your tissue paper because you're gonna die laughing. Because when I was reading all of these stories, honestly, like I feel bad. I feel like I'm going to hell for even laughing. But let's do this. Oh God, I'm already like cracking the fuck up. Okay, I think we should go like super light. One, I page an attending neurosurgeon for Miralax. Yes.

This is so funny though. You know why this is so fucking funny? Because I've done this when I was a new grad. I was so pissed to one of the surgeons because like they're not responding. But you know what I was asking? Ibuprofen. Like when you get so much experience in nursing and when you realize that there are certain medication and interventions that you don't have to page an attending or like the higher ups because you're gonna sound dumb. You're gonna look dumb and they will remember it.

And during like your new grad years or when you're like a nursing student, you think that being proactive, which is good. Let me tell you that being proactive and doing things in asking for help and working as a team. But there are times, you guys, that I just regret I shouldn't have done those kind of things. Like I've asked for laxative once to one of the surgeon who was doing rounds and probably had bigger issues than him.

getting a lax a day you know what i mean lax a day is not even that bad like you know you can get it over the counter kind of thing so this is just super funny to start with because this is i feel like this is an inside joke to nurses because like really this is bad like this is like asking for talanol you shouldn't be asking that at some point in your career because you would have known or maybe it is something that is already like um protocol in your unit

That's another thing that I realized is that you also have to learn your protocols in your unit because sometimes in your unit, let's say where I worked before, if I can still remember in transplant, like we have a protocol that we can sign as nurses and we can give out Tylenol because it's under our supervision or under our units like law so that we can get the Tylenol and we don't have to ask like an attending or something like that. So yeah, that's really, really funny. Next.

I once acted out a seizure instead of describing it to the critical care doctor.

That is super fucking funny because why would you act out a seizure in front of a critical care doctor? I mean, fair enough. Sometimes, me too, I have a hard time explaining things. And sometimes, like, I get really frustrated when people are not getting what I'm exactly trying to say. So I was like, you know what? I'm just going to do body language explaining or like, I'm just going to act it out.

But I just can't imagine how you look like explaining to a critical care doctor how a seizure went down. So like room number three, I came into their room and they were kind of like,

what what i mean i'm no yeah that's bad that's bad like that should hunt you down that should hunt you for the rest of your life kind of thing or like you should get nightmares of even trying to act out a seizure when you're not having a seizure that is too fucking funny oh my god when my patient starts crying after telling me their life story but i'm emotionally unavailable so i just stand there like this

And you're probably like, um, okay. So here's your call book. Call me if you need anything. Bye.

I literally had those days, you guys, in nursing where I'm just so emotionally, like, tired and exhausted and I have no emotions. But, like, you know, in nursing, like, you have to feel. And for you to feel, you have to have emotions. Like, you have to be rock hard. You have to be one of those senior nurses who have been on the floor for, like, 30 years for you to be, like, a complete, like, best.

Or at least not feel anything. I still feel emotions, okay? Of course, I can control them better now. When I was a nursing student and when I was starting off, like, I was super emotional. I would literally cry with my patient. I would literally, like, be mad if my patient is mad too. Like, I feel like I suck on people's energy and constantly...

kind of like like a chameleon like reenact it or like have the same exact feeling and so like it was harder when i was starting but now like i'm more like able to control my emotions but at the same time like it is so hard to not feel for patient but also there are people out there who are just not that they're not emotionally able or available but like they just don't give a fuck like they just don't have emotional attachment to anything and i salute them for that but like damn like

you gotta show a little compassion towards your patient because I feel like it's such an important factor being a nurse to have an emotional availability and I know like in nursing as a nursing student they teach you that you have to be the strongest no absolutely freaking out and I still stand on that belief that you

You can cry with your patient. You can be weak with your patient. You can show all the emotions to your patient. That's totally fine. Because you know why? Because you're a human being just exactly like them. If you're going through a lot, you just need someone to be there for you and to be emotionally available, like a shoulder that you can cry on.

And if that person cannot do that for you, that is insane. That's crazy. You know what I mean? Anyways, that's so, so funny. Next. I accidentally say same after my patient tells me they hate it here and want to go home. Oh,

my God, I've said that so many times in my career to like my patients, like I freaking hate in this shit. Me too. Trust me. Or like when, when your patients say like, I want to get the fuck out of here. Oh, guess what? Me too. You know what? Take me with you. You know what? I'll go out first and you can go out. Baby, if you hate it here, do you really think I love it here? And now you want me to deal with that bullshit of your attitude right now. And you're telling me,

There's this one time I was so pissed. I think that was like my fourth or my fifth shift. And my patient literally told me, I will make sure that you get fired. Oh my God, please do. Because I'm done. I will get the fuck out of here right now. You know what? Don't fire me. I will sign my own AMA. You know what?

Why can't we do that? Why can't nurses sign an AMA sheet? Like if you're just done with the day, you still get paid, right? Or you still can't go back to your job because just like patients, like they would sign an AMA and they still go back the next day. They still show up, they become a frequent flyer and they're back again and we still accept them. Why can't I do that as a nurse? Can I also have a tantrum? Can I also have a bad day and just be like, you know what, I'm signing an AMA. I don't want to be here right now. I am signing against my will of like,

I would just do that. I was just, please, someone please implement that law. The healthcare workers can sign an AMA form because I'm going to do that. Next. Getting a call to a nursing home for a patient with an infected colostomy bag. And when we arrived, patient asked if it could be due to her letting her husband use it. I made a video of this. It's a Philadelphia sidecar. Oh my God.

colostomy is like a bag in your stomach here. And usually you have a colostomy because you had some type of like, let's say cancer or problem in your GI or like pooping and stuff like that. And you cannot poop anymore in your anus. So now you have a colostomy and you basically poop when you're colostomy. So there is a part of your colon that's out. And basically your poop goes out from there in a little bag. And for some reason, there are people out

there that uses every single hole possible to insert things like dicks. That is right. So a Philadelphia sidecar is when partners or people uses that colostomy, that little colon, that little entrance, that little hole in your tummy where the shit comes out to put a dick in it and fuck it. That's a Philadelphia sidecar. And

And you could have lived and you could have skipped this part, but you did listen to it. So unfortunately, this will hunt you down for the rest of your life. That is right. Don't search it up too in Google. You don't want to see things. People have kinks. People believe that a hole is a hole. And I keep telling them, listen, not every hole is a good hole.

Okay, so just let's move on from that kind of situations. Next. Oh my God. So this is related to what I just read. I had a prisoner patient who would charge men to use his stoma. One of their senior nurses named him the ostitute. An ostitute? Pfft.

That is so fucking funny because ostomy, stoma. Stoma, stoma, stoma. He's an ostitute. That is too freaking funny. You know what? There's so many shit that happens in jail that we don't know. And I salute everyone.

Every nurses who works in jail because you guys seen shit. If you guys seen Diddy, please let us know what he does in there. Please. Next. I was helping my patient get dressed and asked if she wanted a bra. She said, no, I don't have any boobs. And I said, yeah, me neither because I'm flat chested. She responded, you're a cancer survivor too?

at LinkedIn.com slash achieve.

LinkedIn. Your next great hire is here.

Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids' spending with real-time notifications. Kids learn to earn, save, and spend wisely, and parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money with guardrails in place. Try Greenlight risk-free today at greenlight.com slash Spotify.

What the fuck? And in her defense, she said her double mastectomy from 25 years ago wasn't in her chart. I told her I was just flat chested and she said, yeah, you do look a little underdeveloped for your age. Imagine telling someone who had a mastectomy like, oh my God, me too, girl.

You're not a cancer survivor. First of all, she didn't know that she had a double mastectomy. You know what I mean? Like, oh my God, that is the funniest freaking thing ever. I died. I am dead. I would have left the hospital. I would have changed state. You know what? I would just leave the country.

Find another country to live in. I could start brand new because that is the most embarrassing shit ever. I don't even know what to say at that point. You know, I'll probably like, at least you had a reason. I couldn't. I do not. I, yeah.

Yeah, we're going to, we're all going to hell. This is insane. Oh my God. Next. My ER nurse put the crash car in my room, put the pads on me, unwrap an ambu bag and said, I'm just warding off the bad spirit. She doesn't know I'm a nurse.

Somebody said, I saw a nurse bring the crash car to the trauma room for me. The nurse with me just said, it scares off the death from entering because he knows we fight back. I still remember how calm she was.

This is when I start asking people, are you friendly? Like, do you like people? Because you're about to meet a lot of my friends coming into your room. This is like the worst thing ever. You know what? As nurses, we're very superstitious, okay? We believe of a lot of things. Like for example, the full moon. And when we feel like someone is about to like code and stuff like that, we just prepare our crash car.

next to that door that we think if that patient is about to crash at least we're ready and we're fully equipped because sometimes the crash car can also be a little far and that shit a little heavy and sometimes those wheels of that crash car doesn't work at all like you cannot brake on that shit like it's so heavy it

won't turn at all it's hard that is crazy to me because the funniest thing is like we nurses also we don't tell people that we're nurses unless we have to use a nurse card because a lot of times like we try to like separate ourselves from like the nursing profession like when i am like in a hospital i know what they're saying i know exactly what they're doing or you know telling me but of

course i'm not telling them like oh actually i'm a nurse because that's so annoying for me that is so annoying like okay what do you want me to do let you chart for yourself as a patient i'm a nurse you know but if i had to use that card which i did use that once or twice when like my friend was in the hospital and they're trying to like trick us with some bullshit and i was like i'm sorry baby

But I've been working in the hospital. I know exactly what's going on. So please don't use that bullshit on me. But anyway, so yeah, like, you know, knowing that the patient was a nurse, she's probably just like, baby, are you fucking kidding me? I know exactly what's about to happen. And just tell me exactly the truth. Because that's so freaking funny. I cannot...

Next. I kept being woken up after surgery to a really pushy nurses and all I wanted was to sleep. Turns out that was going to be a forever nap because I had a reaction to the anesthesia.

This is why I keep telling people and patient. I was like, listen, you guys, we are not doing anything to harm you. If not, we're trying to save your ass and we're trying to save our ass from all the paperwork and from all the chartings and from all the bullshit that we don't want in this already shortstop, chaotic, shitty fucking shift. Okay. We're not trying to bother you. If we're going to your room forever,

frequently or we're doing stuff in your room frequently that's because that is our job you have to let us do our job you pay for that stay okay you're paying for that interventionist and stuff so let us do our job but i do understand that it's shitty to be waking up every time but trust me a lot of times we just care about you okay next in my first week of orientation as a new grad nurse telling my 10 year old patient and his family were moving them to the oncology floor and then asked

why sorry just give me one second come to the bedside please it's an emergency so it looks like the patient and the family the parents did not know that the patient has cancer and so this new grad nurse came into the situation and said we're moving you to the oncology without them knowing exactly where they're going to oncology so that is really frightful and embarrassing and i i

i feel for him and i feel bad for him because wow next this is also very correlated to this very same situation when i do admit from ptr to oncology and passing the huge shine that says oncology and the wall of hope a huge mirror with kids painted as angels the parents always start sobbing i mean i would also start sobbing i mean like from er to oncology that is crazy and it says like hope is here like

No, yeah, absolutely not. That is so sad. But at the same time, you're just like, what am I supposed to do? I'm just doing my job. Next. The girl wheeling me out of my DNC after miscarriage was making light conversation and asked if I wanted kids. Oh my God.

Because it's so true. There are some times like it's so awkward in the silence. Let's say you're bringing your patient to like CT or like it's just you and your patient in a room. And sometimes you just try to make like light conversation. But sometimes it's the wrong move that you could have ever done. Next. I was a PCT on a med search floor. Had my first code blue, did compression and the whole shabooty. She passed away. Her family showed up and I said, sorry for your loss. They had not been informed.

Oh my god. Girl. I would have passed the fuck out. If I told someone like sorry for your loss and they didn't even know. Oh my god.

I would have quit. Quit? I would not even speak to anyone. I would just run to my car and not be seen or heard from again from anyone. That is disgustingly embarrassing. Oh my God. You guys, this is getting crazy. You guys' experience are killing me. Next. My sister had a brain surgery and was moved to the burn unit accidentally. We're waiting in her room and the nurse came and said, so we lost her, meaning misplaced, but that's not how we took it.

We lost her. That is too freaking funny. I mean, sometimes, you know, this is why I believe like exclamation mark, having a pause in every sentence that you say makes a lot of difference. Or like the use of word makes a lot of difference on how

It's going to impact the conversation and the result of what she just said. Because like, so we lost her. Meaning probably she's like, oh, she's not here anymore. Like even that she's not here anymore sounds bad. But like, oh, she's discharged. Okay. She's going to be in another floor kind of thing. That's basically what it means. But like, oh my God, that is too freaking funny. Next.

My mom fell and broke her hip, hit her head on the way down, did a CT. They proceeded to ask her, who's your doctor for your brain tumor? Yeah, no one had an idea. I'm shocked. To be that person who has a situation, condition, and be asked like, who's your oncology doctor? You're like, oncology? Yeah, you have a cancer. And you're like, what? I would have passed out in there, right there. I don't know what to say, you guys. That is...

I cannot even laugh because that's so sad. Like, no. Moving on. Next. My mom had GI bleed and the ER doctor asked if we had let her oncologist know. I'm like, she doesn't have cancer. The doc said, and that's how we found out she had leukemia. What? This is so unhinged. This should be on like Reddit or like the dark web or...

every single one of us healthcare workers for all of this mistake. Sometimes, you know, you guys, it's so hard to dig in like information. Going back to the whole mastectomy situation of the girl who had a breast cancer and they had to do mastectomy. Sometimes medical records, they don't usually record every single thing if it has been like so long. If it hasn't been like 30, 40 years, like let's say you had a prosthesis and now everything is okay and

stuff like that. Like they don't record it. So then you have no idea. And then you ask this question and they're like, oh, actually I had mastectomy. You're like, oh, well, I've never seen that. And it happened to me many, many times or like figure out that the patient has like diabetes, but it was, it was never written there because it was cured. I was like, your sugar is high. How the fuck is it cured?

And they're like, oh, it's been a while. I was like, uh-uh, that's not how it works. And then so like sometimes you really have to dig deep to people's like my charts or their situation to see actually like what's going on with this patient because everything is correlated. Like your whole system, your whole body reaction, your whole situation right now is correlated to the things that's happening.

that happened to you so they cannot be omitted that's why sometimes we make mistakes because like information is omitted so we don't really have that information until we get it and we're like oh okay that makes more sense oh my god i walked into a patient's room who was being discharged i only found one of your shoes silence then don't think i need to one of his leg was amputated

This happened to me too. So I had this patient, okay? I come in and I do my whole head to toe assessment, okay? And usually in the morning when your patient's like lying down, they have their covers and stuff like that. And I am the type of nurse that I will do my assessment as quickly as possible because I'm not going to be like, oh, I'm going to come back.

and do that later or I'm going to come back because anything and everything could happen anytime. Okay, so I'm the type of nurse who I just want to make sure that I get all of my vital information before I move on to my next task. Like if they're sleeping, if they're like super sleepy and they're tired and stuff like that, I would just do my assessment like while they have their blanket and stuff like that. And so like I was doing my head to toe with this patient and I was like, okay, so push with your two hands, pinch it,

And then let's do the same with your legs. And they're like, can you please push? Can you please push with your legs? And the patient is not responding. I was like, okay, you know what? I'm just going to remove the covers. I removed the covers like abruptly like that. I was like, oh, that's why the patient is not moving it because it's a bilateral amputee. Like I just feel bad. I just left that room and good thing that patient was half asleep. And so like when I come back like two, three hours after, they're like, oh, what did you do again? I'm just so happy.

Because imagine he remembered that. Like he would remember the shit, stupid shit I just said to him to wiggle his feet and push. And there's nothing to push. This one is too freaking funny. One time I told a dying patient I would see him later and he said one of us will.

Listen, you guys, there are habits that we say in our daily things that we, it just comes out of our mouth, right? Like it's voluntary. Like it's not something that you want to say in that situation, but it just comes out in your mouth. Or like whenever a patient like gets discharged, like sometimes I would say like, we'll see you later. But the patient is like, I'm not going to see them later because they're going to be discharged. But like, you know what I mean? But saying that to a blind patient, jail, jail right now. But he's right. Only one of you will see one of you.

Next. I was discharging a patient home on hospice and said to the family, I'm sure he'll be okay once he's past this. The stares and silence was defeating. I was so embarrassed. I just walked out. Yeah, girl, you fucked up. I'm sure he'll be okay after he passed it. This patient is going home for hospice. That's kind of like the end goal of it. So, um, yeah, um,

I don't know. I don't even know what to say in this very situation. So same experience that I've had. And I've never told this to anyone, but I'm telling it to you guys now. And this is crazy. I still remember. I still have nightmare from this. So I was in nursing school and I was doing hospice. And at that time, you know, we were just learning about hospice in nursing.

I remember coming into a room. There were so many people in the patient's room. I'm the type, like, I'm so cheery. I'm so jolly. I try to make things fun and happy. I was like, oh my God, it's a party in here.

Yes, I did that. I enter the room and there were so many people, so many people. The only thing I did not see was the priest. The priest was actually on the left side. So like if the door is on the left, the priest is on the left. So when they come in, the only people I see was the front because I didn't look on the left or the right. And so I was like, oh my God, so many people. It's a party up in here. They're saying their goodbyes and they're praying for the patient because the patient was about to pass out.

Yeah, that's why I am now very careful of the things I said or I say and careful of being too jolly in things. Even though I know it was hospice, I was just like, oh my God, I have to pass this part of nursing. And I was trying to be jolly because my clinical instructor was there too watching me. So I want to make sure that he sees I'm performing well. And so, yeah.

That's a very, very crazy experience for me. I could have left nursing, but I was like, you know what? This should not define me. It's still defining me to this day. But yes, embarrassing. Embarrassing. Next, I work in vet med and was trying to explain fomite transmission and told the man he likely tracketed it on his toes. He was a paraplegic.

So this is not just nurses. Even the vet meds are experiencing this. Everyone like, oh my God, you guys, I think we got to be a little bit more careful. And it seems like we're so unaware of our surrounding and the things that's happening in our environment. But it's not that, you guys. You have to be in that situation to actually feel how it feels to...

Next. Next.

This is insane. I shouldn't even be laughing at this, but this is so funny. But at the same time, like it just reminded me another situation that happened to me, okay? So I work in transplant, liver transplant, pancreas transplant, and kidney transplant, okay? I remember this one time I was with my patient. I don't know if you guys know what lactulose is. So basically it's a liquid medication. So it basically helps people poop.

Because like when people have liver problems or liver damage, they accumulate bilirubin. And when that bilirubin goes to their brain, it becomes encephalopathy. And you don't want that to a patient because that's like really bad. Anyways, we give them lactulose so they can shit all the bilirubins out of it.

Okay. Anyways, that lactulose is super sweet, but at the same time, it's yucky. So if you've been taking it for a while, you just hate it so bad. I'm the type, if I keep drinking like strawberry milkshake, okay? But if I have to drink strawberry milkshake every single day, I would vomit on my 14th time of drinking it at the same 14th time of drinking it consistently. You know what I mean? So that's how lactulose feels like. Okay.

And so like my patient hates it, but like I'm, I was just like, you know, I'm trying to be playful. I'm trying to find ways to make him take it. And so I told my patient, you know what? Just take the Lactulose like it's a shot of vodka. The reason why my patient has liver cirrhosis is because of alcoholism. I'm telling you guys.

bad it's really bad and i just realized it when i left the goddamn room and the good thing is my patient at least did not say anything but i realized what i just told my patient take it like a shot as if it was vodka

I hope God don't judge me for that kind of bullshit I say. Because I would have judged myself. I would have absolutely judged myself. Oh my God. Oh Lord. I love this. Are you guys having fun? Is this like fun to you? And this is again, just to prove every single one of you guys that we nurses, we all do make mistakes. Okay. We're not perfect. This happens to all of us, to the best of us.

Now I'm gonna hydrate because man get your caffeine you guys get your rice fuel because all need caffeine I know how we're gonna continue with this without caffeine because oh my god, I'm falling asleep of embarrassment That's what's happening next. I had a burn patient. His family was giving him a hard time about it I proceeded to say he was getting roasted Oh

I don't even know what to feel or what to say about this. But telling someone who was a burn patient he's getting roasted...

my god i'm trying to stop myself from reacting too much we're gonna get canceled you guys again like i warned you guys like this situation this experiences from people are just this is some people's deepest darkest secret okay please my god next a patient say thank god it's not that bitch i had looking after me yesterday and i'm in fact the same bitch

This is so fucking true. This is so relatable because it happened to me because I remember that one patient who was complaining about another nurse and the patient was describing that nurse in front of my charge, okay? That fucking nurse was me.

And I was like, oh my God, who was that nurse? I don't even know who the fuck he's talking about. But then I go to his room. Okay. And he's like, oh my God, you're so much better. I was like, bitch, that was me. That what you're complaining about. That was me too. You motherfucking liar. God damn it. And somebody said like, I got a blood work done from a patient complaining about the last person who did it. It was me. And she wouldn't stop complaining. You are so much better, man.

I'm gonna hold your hand, sir, when I tell you this. But that same bitch you are hitting on with me. And yep, that's two different people, you think. But that's the same bitch. That's right. This one is embarrassing, but not for me, but for the family members. Whenever I answer a phone at work that has numerous patients and they say like, hi, I'm wondering how my mom is. Who the fuck is your mom?

It's just like they act all offended that we just don't know them immediately. Like people also sometimes like they don't think like they would call like, hi, I just want to check in with my mom, how they're doing. I have 75 beds in this goddamn unit. Who the fuck is your mom? You know, be specific. Tell me exactly who your mom is. Like room number, uh,

name, you know, not Mary, because Mary is very common, but at the same time, like give me more. And many, many times, okay, it happened that there are nurses out there who's giving out information out there in the telephone, and it's not even a family member. That's why we have policies, we have regulations, we have steps to follow before giving out information. That's why what I always do whenever I go to work is that whenever I come to my patient's room, I ask them like, who are the people that you trust with your information?

That's the first thing I ask them. And they're like, oh, my son, Miguel, and my husband, Peter. If they don't mention any other names, I am not giving them any information about my patient because that is the boundary I'm putting in that situation. I'm protecting my license and I'm protecting my patient at the same time. Period. Neox.

There's this one time I was taking a chest x-ray of a patient with a long lung. So I told him I needed to take two due to the length. And he asked what that means. And I said, he has lungs of steel and he could run a marathon. Both of his legs had been amputated. Imagine looking at the fucking chest x-ray. You're like, oh my God, you have a long lungs, bitch. And that's it to BKM.

Not only you scared your patient of thinking that they have a long lungs, but at the same time, you fucked up because you didn't even realize that the patient had a fucking amputation. That is insane to me. I don't know how I'm going to recover from that. I would have just stand there and just be like, yeah, don't mind me. I got problems. I have shit that I have to deal with. I am fucked up.

I would just say that. I would just like humiliate myself in front of that person so that the humiliation goes to me instead of that person because I don't know how I would recover from that. Next, I had a patient who had a pre-oprism. I said, sorry, you're having such a hard day. I walked out of that room. So...

You guys, what the fuck are you guys thinking? And for anyone who doesn't know Priya Prism, listen, I will look it up for you. Priya Prism is a prolonged and painful erection that lasts longer than four hours and it's not caused by sexual stimulation. Sorry, you're having a hard day.

How could I make it better? No, there's nothing to make it better. Again, I would have quit right there and I would not go back on that room. I would pretend that I was not there at all. At all, at all, at all. I told the blind man, oh, there it is. I'm blind. Once while I was looking for something for him in his room.

See, these are the things that we don't, we did not thought about this. Like we were not planning to do this, but it just so happened. Like I would say some kind of stuff like, I'm sorry, I'm so blind in front of a blind patient. Like you were not thinking that time you were just trying to make it light up the situation and you were

unfortunately said the wrong thing in the wrong time in the wrong situation in the very very specific situation that is bad that is funny i wouldn't be back there if i were you i was chatting to a patient with a cancer about his birthday and he said i have to get him a present i said yeah if you're still around let me finish it i meant if he was still on the ward not alive

I would have lost it in there too. Cause like what? Yeah. If you're still around, I mean like, you know, I can, he did not mean bad. Like, you know, what if the patient is actually being discharged like two, three days, like that time. So like, what if he's not around anymore?

Not like that, but like not around, like not in the hospital, in that room. You know what I mean? Oh my God. I cannot. I cannot with this. I tried directing a patient to move their arm in a specific position, but he stared at me blankly. So I was like, you see how I'm bending my arms this way? And he was like, ma'am, I'm blind. Okay.

That's another blind situation. You guys, we need some kind of clinical teaching or like practice how to approach in this kind of situation because this is just getting out of hand. I told a patient in a wheelchair to take a seat and he looked down at his wheelchair and said, done.

There are just things, you guys, that we are not thinking at that very moment. And when we realize what the fuck we just said, we probably just want to shoot ourselves in that very moment. Because what the fuck was that? I told the student I would call his mom and he responded, she's dead. Oh my God. Oh my God.

This is too fucking unhinged. I cannot do this. I had a patient explain she was blind and they responded, I see. I'm gonna have abs after this. There's no way this is all real. I told my homeless patient to get home safe and he said, well, it's right outside.

I had a patient that has just his foot amputated and the other foot only had one toe left. I said, well, at least you have only got one toenail to clip. He said they took the toenail off. What the fuck?

I think we need to take a deep breath, first of all. I hope you guys are having fun with this. I mean, again, this is not to offend people or to make fun of situations that happen. But it's just stupid fucking things that we do unintentionally that just haunts us till now. And I promise you, a lot of this are PTSD to people, okay? Because they didn't mean it to be that way. So please, you guys, be...

Before the cancel culture comes out there, be fucking gentle, okay? We're human beings, yo. I feel terrible one time. I was chatting with a cancer patient. I ended it with saying, well, okay, let me get out of your hair. I would have changed career. At that very moment, I would have changed career and find something else better to do.

Because that would haunt me to this day. I really fear that this is a very original experience that no one can take away from. You got this award. You know what? You got the award of the most embarrassing fucking person in the world. But I had a patient who was a double amputation of arms. I asked him if he needed a hand when he was doing something. He laughed at least. Okay, well, that's, you know, another amputation situation. This is getting out of hand.

I wasn't even thinking about getting out of bed. You guys. See, there's just like words of expression that you're so used to saying. And like you just didn't think that the situation that you're about to say it to doesn't permit you of saying it. Like that is too much to me. I told a co-worker of mine, what an annoying lady. And he said, that's my mother. Period. Yeah.

No, you guys are going to fight in the parking lot, as you should. I had a patient tell me she hadn't gone to the dentist because she was prioritizing others. I said, put yourself first, girl. Forget them. She said, my mother has cancer.

You know what? I will give you a point for motivating her to think about herself. But she got a lot of other things to think about first before herself. Yep. I would have cried. I would have cried. When my manager came up to the bar to silence start a really long staring contest with me and he finally blinked. So I said, I win. And he walked away without reacting or speaking. The ambulance coming to take him to the hospital because he was in diabetic shock.

Imagine telling someone who's in a diabetic shock, I win. You're going to hell right there and then. When I left my Alzheimer's blind patient in front of a window with the sun shining in and she started screaming, it's happening. I'm burning in hell.

I don't want to be part of any of this. You know what, guys? This is getting out of place. You guys are crazy. All of this experience, I could not live with it. You know what? This just reassures me that I am not the baddest person at all. My experiences and the things I've said are not the worst. And there are worse people out there. But

But thank you guys so much for all this submission. I could go on and go on with this. But you guys, I hope you guys had so much fun. And I hope you crack yourself up with this crazy stupidity that we all have because we are all human being. And it's so funny. So thank you for every single one of you who submitted your responses and your stories. I mean, this is crazy. It's funny. And sometimes, you know, this is what health care is. And this is what nursing are.

this is how we survive in nursing. We have dark humor because without dark humor, I don't think we would be able to survive our shifts every single day. Like if we're all just going to be frustrated, angry, sad, depressed, life is going to take us away before anyone else. Okay. So sometimes we just got to laugh for all the pains, all the crazy shit that we go through, all the

things we say that are stupid but at the same time like at least it makes us giggle it makes us laugh and that's why I tell you guys you should come definitely see me on my comedy tour the shortstop comedy tour because there's a lot of this a lot of this crazy shit that you're just gonna feel related to and you're gonna feel seen heard with your family members too so make sure you bring your best to your family members and

your colleagues so we can have a night out together but yes come to my comedy show get your tickets at www.nursejohnnshows s-h-o-w-s dot com and come see me and now thank you so much Bessie for listening to this episode of your favorite podcast I beg you

pardon because this is the only response for this situation pardon the fuck is happening and thank you guys again so much again don't forget to go get your www.phillyskin.com and try my under eye serum and again thank you guys so much for listening make sure that you share this episode and make sure that you follow us on apple and spotify podcast and leave us a five-star review i love you guys so much i will see you again next week bye besties

Yes.