Shownotes Transcript
BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. This podcast contains strong language, just like real life. So Rosemary has told you the good news.
Rosie Duffield was the Labour MP for Canterbury, but she quit, blasting Keir Starmer. Hail safe! This is what a very angry Rosie Duffield told me last night. They have a coven and they want my baby. Do you think he has a problem with women? They were giving me a drink with tannis root in it. I like Rosie. We're your friends, Rosemary. But it seems Rosie isn't such a stickler for the rules herself. No! The Canterbury MP breached lockdown guidelines. No! No!
This is about Rosie Duffield. I love the Labour Party. Fastest MP to jump ship in modern political history. Rosie Duffield is on the attack. Oh!
Okay, guys, we've got to get off the roof. From the White House Situation Room, President Biden monitored Iran's attack on Israel. I came down because I heard there was chocolate chip ice cream. We stand with Israel and her right to self-defense. What constitutes being a woman to you? Israel and her right to self-defense. Israel has defied international pressure and sent Liam Gallagher into southern Lebanon. This is the shit you got us doing, fuckers.
The average GP in England now has transparent wings covered in black veins. We will bring you a flavour of the J.D. Vance, Tim Waltz face-off. You want to take his face off? Yes. His face. It's coming off. Diane Abbott has opened up about a disastrous date she once had with Jeremy Corbyn. Sliced excuse, you'd whip it out. Buckingham Palace says Princess Beatrice and her husband had their wettest month on record in September. This is News Briefing on BBC Radio 4, where now we're going to take acid and processed sounds at a more legendary rate. Rage!
Oh, what on earth's the matter? The Tory party conference in Birmingham... It's like living in a second-rate hotel where the guests just keep arriving and no-one seems to leave. ..has all been about who should take over leadership from Rishi Sunak. Well, prepare yourself for the worst. 2003, I was part of the invading army in...
I thought you were a waiter. Tammy Bade-Knock. I think she's cracked. Statutory maternity pay, in my view, is excessive. She's never more righteous than when she's in the wrong. Robert Jenrick. Do you think I might have a drink? I did accept a bet to climb the Christmas tree in Wolverhampton city centre. I don't even know what that means, but it sounds almost as peculiar as you look. And James Cleverley. I don't think things are quite that desperate. We lost the ear of the British public. They stopped listening to us.
I think we had overpromised. Never use this one word when 20 will do. He is the person who currently looks like he wants it most. Don't think we're ungrateful for your enthusiasm, but there comes a time when things are best left to the professionals. Once upon a time, in a palace called Harrods...
Magical toys helped Father Christmas. There were so many enablers when you look at it. A cheeky elf was up to mischief. Mohammed Al-Fayed presiding over a toxic culture. The palace was under a wintery spell. Medical was arranged for her. Across the street. With a Harley Street doctor. She told us that we had to have a gynecological examination. It was like...
Why? They wasted no time... ...on her return to the office... ...and arrived at the palace. She said Al-Fayed discussed intimate details about the medical. Only one person could help them now. She complained to the General Medical Council... ...raised the alarm. The General Medical Council decided not to investigate alleged medical malpractice at Harrods. Experience the magic of Harrods this Christmas.
Mr Tumble! Oh, hello! Where are you going, Mr Tumble? A somewhat surprising meeting over dinner in New York. That sounds like a special treat, Mr Tumble. Who's going with you? Ta-da!
My best friends! Keir Starmer and Donald Trump. Come on, guys! Donald Trump was praising Keir Starmer. Oh, yes! Did very well. He ran a great race. Race! You sign. Race! Have you forgotten anyone, Mr. Tombo? Oh, yes! The two leaders were joined by Britain's Foreign Secretary, David Lammy. Ta-da!
David Lammy had previously called the former president a racist. He's my friend. And a neo-Nazi sympathising sociopath. You sign. Neo-Nazi. He's meeting Donald Trump before Kamala Harris. Yeah, she can come next time. Goodbye, Mr. Toonball. Goodbye. Alien. Illegal aliens. 107% of jobs are taken by illegal aliens. Idiot.
Labour peer Lord Ali is now under investigation. The unrepentant Lady Starmer or another creepy frog to attend the Labour Party conference.
Jacob Rees-Mogg has received £22,000 in donations from a top hedge fund manager who regularly profits from betting on the collapse of the British pound. It's one scandal after another with the donations, etc. Your leader, Nigel Farage, was funded by a private donation from a cryptocurrency investor. That's different. To support his visit to the United States. How I spend that money is up to me.
Robert Jennery. Yes. You've criticized Labour over donations, but we've noticed that you've received £75,000 over the past few months from a donor registered in the British Virgin Islands. Who are they? Well, the owners of the company are set out on Companies House. We looked at the record on Companies House. They have no employees. We don't actually know the names of anybody. Labour's sleaze problem won't go away as a greedy and entitled prime minister gets touchy with the media. How much money did you make in the city, Mr. Riesel? Oh, that's such a childish question. What's the
Hello, tuner cassette.
The Daily Telegraph is tipped to go to a US bidder at auction. Look, I just had a pretty close-run thing with that kiddie newspaper lot. You might remember the original buyer pulled out. No sale, Connie. Who else, then, is still in the running? David Afuni, the child of New York's son. Of course, the American. David Montgomery. He was in my nuts in first year. That's an umbrous finger to help him count. Paul Marshall, the backer of GB News. Sounds like a right sleazy money-grabbing lowlife. We'll have sewage all over the front.
Then you've got Nadim Zahawi. He's got to buy Scotland as a tax law. His bid is being backed by the UAE as well. He even went to the trouble of having people shouting in the background in foreign accents. He's reportedly courted Boris Johnson for an executive role. I've had more fun with a pencil stuck in my eye. Boris is new no more.
Baron Munchausen, who am renowned first and foremost for telling the truth. He was sent, apparently, to speak to Harry to try and persuade him not to leave the whole truth for the States with Meghan. And nothing but the truth. Boris Johnson, according to the memoir, considered invading the Netherlands during the height of the Covid pandemic. Lies and balderdash. To seize vaccines. He's an ass. Boris Johnson's memoir showed up in the fiction section. You present me as if I were a ridiculous
It wouldn't be Contemporary Party Conference if Boris Johnson's shadow didn't loom large. You won't get far on hot air and fantasy. Have you met Boris Johnson? Read Unleashed in the Daily Mail.
I have never seen so much rubbish in all my life. Back in 2022, when I was in number 10 Downing Street, we promised change that we didn't deliver. And so I lost my seat. The Conservatives say it's my fault. Their costs are higher than they used to be. I don't think we can say all the problems Britain have are to do with me. What does this woman not get? Nobody cares, duck. The country is in serious trouble.
We're moving in the wrong direction. What are you talking about? I have no hope. It's become too woke. Why do people vote Labour in the election? What does this woman not get? Nobody cares, duck. You had a chance. You were bloody useless. Nobody gives a fuck. Nothing ain't worth nothing. A new series of Have I Got News For You. Welcome back.
Today I'm very excited because I'm going to show you something that you've never seen before. Two Just Stop Oil protesters have been jailed. You sort of caught me there. For throwing cans of soup on Van Gogh's painting of sunflowers. Isn't that pretty? There you can see that orange soup. Ooh, that's nice. Orange to the red side. Over one of the paintings. And I'm just covering the entire canvas. The judge said that the actions were...
Is the world laughing at Labour?
It's a proper clown show. Labor MP Rosie Duffield has quit the party. Uh-oh. Criticising the Prime Minister in her resignation letter. I'm in trouble. Have you ever met a Keir Starmer fan? Chancellor the Ex-Chairman. I want to see the real you. Rachel Reeves. They're saying you're a bad influence on me. I'm not bothered. Tell us what's changed. Pain has begun.
The polling company asked people what word best described Starmer and they came back with... He's a monster. 45% of the public said that Keir Starmer has underperformed. I got the sneaking suspicion that we're not giving the people what they want. Ladies and gentlemen, order! Order please! The assembly will hear an address by His Excellency Benjamin Netanyahu.
I didn't intend to come here this year, but after I heard the lies and slanders leveled at my country, I decided to come here and set the record straight. Netanyahu stubbornly defying.
The only way for him to stay in power is keeping on the war. He's not interested in a ceasefire. I have a message for the tyrants of Tehran. If you strike us, we will strike you. There is no place in Iran the long arm of Israel cannot reach.
Another message for this assembly and for the world outside this hall. Israel has made its choice. Israel has every right to remove this threat. Enough is enough. We are winning.
Alexa, who twisted the skewer? The skewer was twisted by John Holmes, Katie Sayer, Alice Bright, Ali Panting, Helen Brooks, Darren Phillips, Phil Lindsay, Dave Wohl, Cooper Moore-Hillisworth, and Tony Churnside. Additional material, Katie Walker, Hannah Rudd, John Upton, Adrian Fisk, John Weston, Paul Carney, David Rifkin, and Kevin Smith.
The producer was John Holmes. Askew was an unusual production for BBC Radio 4 and BBC Sounds. Iran's President Peshmerga warned, don't engage with Iran. It is very dangerous. There's even worse to come.
The Americans are also saying there's serious consequences. There doesn't seem to be anyone able and willing to pull them back from this brink. This significant retaliation could come within days. To borrow a great poet's phrase, Israel will not go gently into that good night.
It's inevitable now that Israel will respond to Benjamin Netanyahu who said that Iran would pay a heavy price. There's nowhere we will not go and protect our country. With every passing moment, the regime is bringing you closer to the abyss.
It's election time in the United States, but this is social media's world, and the election is just living in it. Accurate information about elections, unfortunately, is not as entertaining as false information. Join me, Marianna Spring,
as I uncover how life online is shaping American people and American politics. None of us know what's going on, but we do all know that something isn't right. Deep fakes, polarizing algorithms, hate and conspiracy theories. To me, there's no other logical explanation. That entire thing was staged. Why Do You Hate Me, USA? From BBC Radio 4. Listen now on BBC Sounds.