Shownotes Transcript
Okay, greatest lesson on romantic relationships. Oh, always study romantic relationships.
to really want their happiness more than I want that. I want their happiness above that. I even want them. Does that make sense? Like Marianne Williamson said, do I want him to be happy or do I want him to call? Yeah. And really realizing that there is an amount of respect for their process that I have to have always and trust that the divine is leading them as well.
And creating a lot of space for both of us to have our process in exactly the right amount of time and really trusting that spirit is guiding the relationship, no matter what appearances look like. And in that, may my job be to
to be brave enough to tell my truth and then to let go. And it's really interesting for me. One of my biggest lessons is how much I want to hide, right? How Maddie was saying, I desire intimacy, but I'm so quick to hide and like, look for a way to mask my truth because I'm afraid of looking needy or too much or all the things that our egos come up with that want to criticize us and make us hide for. Yeah.
My lesson, I think, is really like you just you just don't know what's going to happen. If you're like feeling both the feelings of like, I'm so excited, this is going to be amazing. And the feeling of this is going to end in flames. It's like, just do it anyways. And then like, see what happens. Yeah, it's always both. Greatest lesson on friendship.
Know that they end. Greatest lesson on romantic relationships? Wear a condom. Greatest lesson on feeling? Like being a gooey person, feeling a lot of feelings. Oh, letting them out. Don't hold feelings. They're bad if you hold them up. Just let them go very quickly. That's very timely to the name of this podcast. Yeah, no, you got to let them out quickly. What's your greatest lesson on romantic relationships? Hmm.
I mean, I'm really a fan of going with it, meaning against all logic sometimes, you know, what you feel is sometimes so much more intelligent. Greatest lesson on romantic love has probably been, I know Oprah says it, but she's right. When someone tells you who they are, listen to them the first time. Don't date anyone you wouldn't want to be. That's really good. Be willing to receive as big as you give.
When you hear someone's voice, the same neural pathways light up in your brain that do when you hug them. So you...
a feeling, such a sense of connection to them that you can never get through an email or a text. I want to talk about your song, Good Pain. I think about it all the time because wouldn't it be so great if we lived in a, maybe your next life when you come back, it'll be, your song will be called Good Pleasure or something. Like, wouldn't it be so great if we grew through that?
easy things and when things go well but growth comes from hard things so yeah and I think those whether something's easy or hard is almost a matter of perspective and I think like yeah yeah and I think good pain is like a choice that you make to use struggle to your advantage and not to be blown over by it you know yeah
Happy Valentine's Day. If you're heartbroken and you just had a breakup, I hope whatever is on the other side of that is full of richness and opportunity and expansion. And also know that it's okay if it's just hard right now and it takes a long time for it to feel useful or inspiring.
This was obviously all about love, but if you do want to hear about breakups, you can do a couple things. You can read this week's Substack. I wrote 14 things I've learned about love.
breakups and you can come to my zine launch. I re-updated the zine that I made a couple years ago and I'm having a party at Noto in LA on the 27th. So if you're listening to this the day it comes out next week, all the proceeds from the zine sale will
are going to fire victims. So I'd love to see you. There'll be a special guest. We're going to record it. It's going to be a live episode. And I would love to know, do you know anything about love? Do you have any lessons on romantic relationships? I have asked that question over the years, most episodes. And this little collage of answers was from 2019. And
I could make a really long episode with nearly 700. I think we're at episode 600 something. But I pretty much asked that question, probably not every episode, but a bunch of them. And I don't know how early I started asking it. Who knows? Perhaps someday I'll cut everybody's answer and make another version of these that's longer. Or at least, you know, maybe year by year.
Anyway, it seems like a daunting task, so who knows? But I really appreciate you listening. And if you are one of the rare people who have been listening to this for any length of time or since the beginning, I don't know if there are any of you except me, but if you happen to remember any advice on romantic relationships that someone said on this podcast over the last...
13 years, is that right? 12 years. Let me know. Nothing sticks out to me, which is maybe my problem. Maybe I need to pay attention better to these answers. But I'm sure if you jogged my memory, I'd remember. Okay, I am very grateful that you listened to this little ounce of an episode and hopefully see you on the 27th in LA. Let me know if you need anything. I hope you had a great Valentine's Day. I did. I...
I went to a party and I went to kind of another party
I had an interesting Valentine's Day last year where it was the first year where I really love this holiday. It's, to be honest with you, embarrassingly, it's my favorite. I don't even know why. It's not like when I was a kid, my mom didn't make it a big deal or there wasn't anything like that. I just, I don't know. I blame romantic comedies of the early 2000s for my love of Valentine's Day for some reason.
I blame those films for most of my personality as well. Anyway, so I like it. I always have. I really loved it in high school when you would send someone a rose. Do you remember that? It's so weird as a tradition, but I loved it. And anyway, I'm a hopeful romantic. And last year, the holiday seemed more grown up all of a sudden. It felt like all of my...
friends suddenly were in like a proper romantic relationship and it felt like I had not gotten into a college that everyone else had gotten into and I might still go but I'm always going to be a grade behind or like not in their class and it just really threw me for a loop. It didn't last the spiral of that very long. I spoke to my friend Maddie who'd she recently had lost a parent and I
talking to her, I was like, oh, I'm thinking of this all wrong. She was talking about broadening her definition of love ever since her dad died. And I realized that I'm adjacent to so much love. I have so much love in my life and I got myself out of my own little stupid spiral. And anyway, this year I didn't feel that way at all. But I did consider that I'm perhaps in the same spot
non-relationship wise that I was in last year which you know I gotta make some changes if you always do what you've always done you're always gonna get what you always gotten don't they say but until I did make those changes I'm thinking about it differently which is that I yeah I just felt really happy for my friends and I felt really loved and a couple funny things happened my my friend um
Chris hosts this really fun wild party at his office every year. And I asked Stella if we could go together. But it was on actual Valentine's Day this year, and it isn't every time. And anyway, she was like, yeah, for sure, except it's Valentine's Day. So let me check what my Valentine's Day plan is with my boyfriend. But if it's this, then yes, for sure, we'll go together. And I was like, oh, right, duh, Valentine's Day, like, of course.
Of course, you were going to be hanging out with your boyfriend. No biggie. And so I was like, oh, maybe I'll go. Maybe I won't. But I don't think I want to go by myself. So I think I'll skip it. But I'd already taken it off of work. And I work only Friday night. And so I was a little bit like, oh, shoot. I kind of wish I was working. That took me a second. But then I was like, yeah, it'll be good. And then my friend Lauren texted me to go...
to something else. And so I made that plan with her and I was like, actually, this is great. My other thing I'm not going to do anymore and I have it off anyway. I'll hang out with you. This will be good. And then right after I planned that Stella texted me and was like,
we actually want to make this our Valentine's Day plan with you and and then I then I had to text her and be like oh my god that's great and now I have this other plan and but you come there we can merge all together and then go to the party and I was just you know that just underlines the point of so much love around it might not be what you think or the definition that you thought but here
Here I was with like multiple Valentine's Day plans. And who knows? That maybe was a fluke, but I'm really grateful. I'll talk to you next week and I'll see you on the 27th at Noto. All right. Should we deep breath? Fuck it. Let's deep breath. Let it out. Just look me in the face. I think my kink is when you tell me that you think I'm pretty. Did you expect something different? I bet she talks to.
Like she's on a mission I'm adjacent to It turns me on, tell me