Blu Most on Creating in Community, ADHD Habits, LA Recs & More (pt 2/2)
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I work at this interval of three to five steps ahead. So in my mind, I never want to do the thing that's right in front of me that I need to do, but I do want to do the thing that's three steps ahead of me. So what motivates me to work is let me just finish what I have to do right in front of me and just get it over with so that I can work on the thing that is a little bit further ahead.

Okay, welcome back. We're picking up right where we left off with Bluemost. You know her, you love her. If you're starting here, you may want to go back into part one. This is part two of my conversation with Bluemost. But you know, you can always just be dropped right on in the middle. As I always say when I split these into two, part two, that's where things really come alive. And I'm

That was, again, the case for this episode. Blue is, as you know, incredibly articulate, wise, creative, fun, funny.

We laugh in this. I'm going to get right to it, honestly. But this part is my favorite. Definitely my favorite episode I've done this year, this calendar year. Perhaps my favorite episode ever. We talk about hyperfixation and lesser known...

characteristics of ADHD. We talk about her Myers-Briggs type. We take some questions from mutual friends of ours. We talk about organization and how she motivates herself as a freelancer and

We talk about feeling like you're always working and never working, taking art off of the pedestal and not being too precious with it or your clothes. We talk about her morning routines. Let's get to it. I don't want to keep you waiting any longer. Here is part two of my conversation with Blue. Thank you so much for being here. I'm really grateful that I get to...

get people to sit and talk to me and give me the chance to ask them whatever I want to know and share it with you right now. Okay, here it is.

One thing I'm curious about, to find a through line, or going back to what you said about the five photos, do you have a favorite project right now? Or does that shift what your favorite is? Because I wonder if you, would it perhaps be your most authentic, if you like aggregate what your favorites are of what you've done, would that show you more of a through line? I don't know. I think like what's on my website is some of my favorite. Like I haven't posted, I don't share everything.

And if you didn't love it, it wouldn't be visible. But I don't know. I don't think so. I think that I tend to be the type of person who like in the moment acts on intuition and then I look back later. It's typically six months or more when I look back and can see something and really evaluate it and appreciate it for what it is. So I don't know. I mean, the things that I think I appreciate the most at this point in my life is probably my...

ceramics pre any like pre Instagram pre-career when I was solely a student for maybe six months maybe less that was pretty much the only point in my life where I was not working or doing I was really just doing things for me I think that's probably my favorite work and my most inspired work

Yeah, I think that's like what a lot of my work is built on. That's what my essential thesis was built on, which was essentially like that not everyone has a pedestal in their home. And I felt like art growing up was super unapproachable. And I think that

creating works of art that fit into our daily lives and meld into the things that we regularly practice is just something that's underappreciated and undervalued, but super important. That I think I guess is the through line in all of my work is that making your daily, just the breakfast plate look beautiful is like fun and inspiring and it feels like

not that hard I mean and also beauty is whatever you want it to be I think people like even you you made us a little snack plate and you're like oh it's not going to be but it doesn't matter if you like those colors together you like those textures together just do it because it feels good yeah and the same thing with putting ceramics in your home put them in because you love them not because they're popular I just think that integrating art and creativity in our lives is

because it feels good in it and just gives us something is way more important than putting something on a pedestal because it's worth something or it's valuable and trendy or whatever. That's like the through line.

Yeah, and like using it like a utility. Exactly. Like even like with the clothes thing was funny. I have worked with a lot of brands or gotten paid in clothing or just like lucked out at garage sales or whatever. And I was actually talking about this with Lily. We got matching. We both got the same pants. And one of my best friends, Zoe, is always like your athleisure. I hike a lot and my athleisure is just regular clothes but dirty. Yeah. And I'm like,

Lily was like, oh, I can't wear those on. I was like, oh, they're my hiking pants. I'm stoked. I finally got them because basically I was wearing the pants that I got in a different size when I fell and then they no longer fit and I replaced them recently. And I was like, I'm stoked to have these for hiking. And she was like, oh, I wouldn't wear these hiking. They're too nice. And I think there's something like... But I mean, she wears them all the time in another way, but it's just...

I bought, it actually broke recently, but from my first ceramics teacher, I bought this giant bowl and it was so expensive and it was the only thing I had here and I used it every single day for my salad. And I don't know, I'm not really making a point here other than just use your nice stuff. No, I get it. I completely get it. And I'm actually, that's something that I say in my everyday life is I would rather, okay,

We were kind of taught a little bit, I guess, influenced by society to spend money on the nice things. Like maybe spend money on your fancy dress that you wear to a wedding once a year. And it doesn't make sense. I'm like, spend your money, your hard earned money on a pair of jeans that are really nice. And like you love them and you feel so good in them. And maybe get two pairs in two different colors. And wear those things every day until they're like tattered little pieces.

And they'll look cooler. And they'll look cooler and they're better. And that's kind of, that's exactly my point of like where I'm going back to is that's how I used to be. And then I got to this point of kind of receiving a lot of nice things and feeling scared of them and being like, what do I do?

how do I use these? And now I'm like, no, I can, if it's nice, I can still use it. If I receive, if some company graciously gifts me an olive oil, I'm like, amazing. I'm eating this on my salad every day. I'm enjoying what I've earned. I'm not being afraid of what I've

This is so sidetracked from everything we're talking about. No, I think it's very related because I think it's a scarcity thing, essentially. And I think growing up when... And I think we did similarly. Being precious with things seems... Or being really careful or like I've had to...

But, you know, as I'm saying this, I'm like, I have this beanie that I wear all the time. You always are wearing a beanie. I love my Osmo beanie. I feel naked without it. Is that an Osmo beanie? Yeah. I'm wearing Osmo pants. Oh, great. I'm usually wearing something. Well, it's funny. As you were talking, Heidi is...

the embodiment of this to me. Like, she is someone... She's one of my best friends and has done this podcast. And she's so cool. And is one of the coolest people ever. And I think she, to me, is, like, my style icon. My... You know, I look up to her in a million ways. But I think the way that her...

And she would say this about Asma too. She's like, I just make clothes that my friends would want to wear. And like actually, and I think she wears, she does wear her clothes and she wears her clothes. She wears her clothes. To surf and do whatever. And I think that's why they look cool to me.

No, that's how I feel. I mean, that's how I feel about my nice stuff now. I think I was saying to you the other day that I can only purchase things that are like look better with wear. If it's something that's going to look worse with wear or look worse with a stain or whatever, not for me. Yeah. And I think ultimately my thing with clothes, that's why I think a lot of us are like our world, our friend group, I guess, is like,

likes vintage things or likes things worn in or like work wear or whatever but to me it's like so embarrassing to have something like the most embarrassing thing for me dressing wise is wearing something new that like looks new yeah like it's just there's

And sometimes there's no way around it. It's crunchy. Yeah. A pair of not worn in converse have always been one. It's really embarrassing. It's rough. You need to like go on a run in those. I've done that. Like I've literally like done a hike in something to just, you don't want to be the person. Yeah, exactly. And anyway, I, now I'm forgetting. Oh, but the Osmo beanie, like I have two of them, but I thought I lost my main one. The red one.

The, yeah, the like tannish red one. Oh yeah. I thought I lost it. And I do, there's every once in a while, I, my like old, like scarcity self comes in and I'm like, dang it. Or I stay, I stay in things a lot in a way that's like annoying. Like, uh, it, you can get it out, but it's like, there's oil on this. You know what I mean? Not in a cool way.

Yeah. Or you can try to get it out or whatever, but it's just, I do get that feeling. I'm like, dang it. This is like, oh, it's my favorite. And that part of that is just like your favorite thing. Yeah. It's hard to, hard to replace, but yeah. And now I'm kind of forgetting where I'm going with that, but. Well, that was my whole point of just finding beauty. And that's why I'm kind of like the food styling was just a way of me,

using creativity in something I do every day. And so it's like everything I do, I'm trying to encourage other people to do. It's not because I'm like, this is unattainable. It's not. It's literally not at all. Cut your oranges in a way that you like, you know? Yeah. That's it. It's simple as that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. All right. Let's do, let's shift into rapid fire segment and asking for a friend. Do you have it in you a little bit more? Do I what? Do you have it in you a little bit more? We've been going for a long time. I'm not going to tell you cause it's, cause it's, it's, is it super long? Do you have to go? Oh no, I don't. But oh no, he didn't text me.

Well, I'll... I'm chilling. I'm sure we're landing. Yeah, we'll land. We are preparing for landing. Ladies and gentlemen, please return to your seats. Trade table's up. Okay. So we're moving into the asking for a friend segment first because speaking of Heidi, she submitted a question for you. Oh! Heidi. What does Heidi want to know? What's on...

The top of her ins and outs list for 2025. Ooh. Okay, that's funny that you ask that because me and Cy did that last year. And then this year I was like, I think ins and outs lists are out a little bit. I think, yeah, I think ins and outs lists are yucking people's yums ultimately. So those are out. I think...

hangouts that don't revolve around buying things or going somewhere are in for me. Such as? Having a park hang, having a bonfire, basically hanging out outside or just sitting on someone's couch. I think for a long time. Bold to have a fire hang in our year 2025. Fire themed hang. Fire hang.

Fires are awful. She is suggesting bonfire. Okay, we're bonding over a fire. That could be inside. But I do think that post-COVID, we all went the very opposite direction of just, let's go out. Let's go to restaurants, go to bars. Yeah. And...

We're all feeling squeezed financially or is that just me? I mean, as am I. I think everyone's feeling a little financially owie. And then also I think people just have put a lot of pressure on themselves to go everywhere and experience everything. And I'm like, let's rein it in. Let's get back into our comfort. Okay. I love this, but I'm clarifying. Group hang, podcasting.

So one-on-one hang, free hang, easy. You know, like I love doing errands with friends. I love a walk hang more than anything. But group hang is trickier a little bit. You're not going to do errands with the homies. No, but that's where it's instead of go to a bar, go to a park. But other than park or bonfire, can we, is there any? Yeah, but you sit in your living room on the floor.

Come over, come over, which is like come to our houses that we pay for. Well, that is to live here. So like, why aren't we having more people over? Well, what the time I did that most in my life. COVID. Yeah. So I'm saying people have reverted. No, exactly. And I think people have gone the absolute opposite direction because they got super uncomfortable with it. They were like, you're spending way too much time. Yeah.

In our homes. And now let's go back to that. Those are, and honestly, if you want the people around you to understand you and know you, the best thing to do is have them over to your house. Do you feel like you know more about me today than you did yesterday?

I don't even have to let you finish your sentence. Yes. We're that close that you finished my own sentences because you came to my house. Yeah, no, I know. I can tell a lot more about you. What did you learn about me from entering my one, my run room home? I think that you enjoy your space looking a certain way, but you're not particular about

Like your things are stacked, but they're not stacked like perfectly or in, you know, like alphabetical order, like color organized. And you kind of put everything into the corners of the room, like Animal Crossing. There's really nothing in the middle. I'm unfamiliar with Animal Crossing. Now I want you to be like, can you tell me what you think I should do? Like, I want you to redo it because I trust your vision. I actually was thinking about that.

that when I walked in. That is my dream. That is like, I, again, I don't think I can afford you, but I would do it for free. I would help you. Absolutely. We should do a trading spaces episode. Yeah, totally. I actually love redesigning people's faces. Wait, can we genuinely like talk about this? This would be my, I'm getting my make a wish. Yeah. Oh yeah. No, this is like what I spend my time doing. Actually my roommate's

for them to move in, I did have the, I did tell them that I was like, you unfortunately need to let me be in control of our space. I wish you could be my roommate here. So you, just so you could be in control of the space. I love me. I trust you. So I will help you. I'll help you. I love doing it. It's like my favorite thing. It gets my creative juices flowing. Wow. This is, this is a real, this is a real dream come true. I'm sorry. Self-serving question. You're fine. Ins and outs basically are just,

Spend more time in the spaces that we pay for. Stop being... Let's just be chill. Can everyone just chill out a little bit? There's so much you can do in the spaces that we live in. I'm trying to think of the last few...

We keep bringing up Lily, the patron saint of this episode. And we will do her question next. But we live so close to each other. And I love just all we have been doing the last several hangs have been going to each other's houses or walking. And we went on a trip recently together. And...

As grownups, the only time you really get to know people, I think, is if you travel with each other. Yeah, because it's like a sleepover. That's why I always suggest camping. Yeah, and when it works, it works. We kept saying that, and it's kind of the closest you can get to traveling with someone is going to their house. Going to their house. Yeah, absolutely. You understand how they operate. Yeah.

You understand their preferences. It's a dance because you're in someone else's space. You have to like be respectful and also be yourself and have your genuine relationship while, while respecting them. Yeah. It's like intimate. It's intimate. It's intimate. So I think that's my big in. My big out is yucking people's yums. Truly. Yeah. Including ins and outs lists. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like let's just all get over it. I love it. Okay. Let's do so. Lily, um,

This is from... I'm going to read verbatim. She said she's an introverted extrovert that she likes to be home but never alone. What happens when she's home alone? How does she feel? What comes up when she's alone with her thoughts? Whoa. Ha ha ha ha. And then she has... This is a text. She asks another one that's sort of related, so I'll just read it now. She said...

What did she learn about herself when she took the Myers-Briggs test? Right. I don't think I learned anything about myself because I'm so ENFP. It was crazy. And we are one. We are one. I read the description and was like, I need to send this to everyone I know just in case they didn't know who I was. That's exactly how I feel. Happens when I'm home alone. Okay. You know what's really... Okay. This is part of my ADD and how it shows itself is that I...

tear things apart just to clean them up yeah and I feel like I'm gonna learn a lot about myself right now so when I'm home alone and like just don't know what to do with myself well I call a bunch of people that's obviously duh but you know when they don't answer and I'm actually alone uh-huh I'm tearing up any specific like drawer shelf

I'm like reorganizing it. I'm buying little things to organize it. And then you're stuck. And then I'm stuck and I've made a huge mess. Because you're in the worst before it gets better. Oh, I'm in the storm. I've made it so crazy. Lily's laughing so hard right now because she was away last week and I sent her a photo of like it looking like a disaster area in here because that closet and she was about to board and I was like, all right, when you land, I'll send you the after. That's perfect.

No, that's exactly what I do. And what's so funny is the other day, my boyfriend, Cyrus, and I were... It's so funny that, like, do I say his name or do I say boyfriend?

Cy and I were talking about like lying because I feel like there's like, you know, this appropriate way to white lie. And he was like, yeah, you know, you white lie all the time. And I was like, yeah, I totally do. But like, what do you mean? And he was like, well, you always like whenever I ask what you did today, you say you cleaned. And I was like, yeah.

I can't believe that was the thing that you pointed out. I don't do because genuinely it sounds crazy, but it's like, if I'm left alone to my own devices, I will go crazy. So I must like,

I must clean something. And it's not that I'm like generally just like love to clean. It's that I love to like tear things apart and put them back together. Yeah. That's it. It's just like, oh, me being like, well, all these plates are kind of like in a weird order. So I'm going to take them all out and reorganize them. Like that's what I mean by cleaning. For me, I feel like.

I constantly, especially here, this is why it would be great to have a studio or something. And I think you just helped me realize something. That it's nice to have a studio? Well, because you said earlier, you were like, I love having a studio because I, no, no, no. What you actually said, I think earlier to me was like, I need to have a room to myself that I can just have really messy and keep really messy. And I need to live somewhere else.

And I was like, oh, that's what I find interesting is because when you're in the middle of decluttering or in the middle of organizing, reorganizing the place or the tupper or whatever, like I feel this way when, you know, when your closet always gets worse before it gets better because you have to take everything out. But I, one can't live in that. And so sometimes for me living here,

Which is one room. You know, I'm like, my bed is in the kitchen and also my office and also my recording studio, you know? And the research team is right there. Yeah, the research team. Hi, guys. Work on that generationally or you're out. Um...

And I'm a great boss. I can't, I often like my, I'm apprehensive to start things. And this is like a bigger issue with emails or with anything where it's like, if I know I can't finish it, I don't even want to touch it. Cause I don't want to, I don't want to get to, cause I'll in my brain will feel like that closet organized thing.

moment where closet is open and guts of the closet are everywhere. And I can't live in that. So I would just like, don't even want to look. And then that gets worse. And that's a big descriptor of ADD of, of, of, um, and you just described, and you just described ADD because that is hyper fixation. What a lot of people think ADD is, is just like,

starting a bunch of things and not finishing them and like or not even that it's like doing things all at once but it's actually often characterized by hyper fixation so like fixating on doing one thing and you have to finish it and for me that looked like sometimes working in my studio for like 12 hours and not peeing somehow I was like I don't know how I did this

But yeah, it's like you have to finish it. And then if it's in your own space, it's so nice for me to have a studio where I can go and like create just an absolute mess. Because I think that's who I naturally am is I'm like disorganized and not clean. But I've taught myself to be like excessively clean. Like everything feels very meticulously placed and like...

very organized in my space because I have taught myself that way but my natural state is just absolute disarray so I enjoy having a separate space where I can go do that I feel like you need to stand up and clap like that is I've never wait slow clap

I've never felt so... That's exactly... You're looking at it. I am. I can't get any... I can't sit down to work knowing that... I feel really good right now because I recently reorganized that whole closet. That one I did...

a couple months before, but during the day, I can't sit down to do anything until everything's at least in its place, which, like, is never. Yeah, no, exactly. There's always more to do. I'm already, like, behind me on the plates, actually. Right, no, I know. I feel exactly the same way. I think it, like, never goes away. But a studio... You get to leave. I close the door, and then I go into my house. And what's so funny is, like, when I lived in New York, I would...

I always lived with roommates and I had my room and then the rest of the place was like other people living

like it wasn't there wasn't much common space and everyone in New York is just like kind of out for the day and I would just be out with a backpack you know and so I would like get my work done I would work in public we're here like I feel like working in public's embarrassing and I like can't get it done because I I do like you were saying about community I weirdly do feel like I have community in this neighborhood oh and you don't want to run into them

them. Exactly. No. When I'm in my... I mean, I don't want to talk to anybody. That's why I enjoy... I can't, like... I couldn't work in public now. There's not... It's impossible. That's why I actually... And New York was big enough I could go to my, like, weird places and zone out. But here I can't... I can't do that. I love that I'm mostly on the west side because, like, the...

The idea of walking into someone when I'm trying to just zone out is so upsetting. Maybe I just need to go West. I'm actually under the impression that the West is going to have a creative revival and I'm at the head of it. And I'm like, I'm just going to stay put.

Yeah, you said that to me the other day. Yeah, I'm just going to be waiting. I feel like we should be quiet, though, because let's keep it in that 200 person area. I'll edit this out. A little comfy, cozy. Yeah, I'd like to come over first. All right, let's do another from Chloe. Okay. Chloe asks, what motivates you on a day-to-day basis as someone who is freelancing?

Ooh, that's a good question. Especially with everything. You know, making that good, good money. That's for sure my number one motivator. But I would say what motivates me to do is...

I work at this interval of three to five steps ahead. So in my mind, I never want to do the thing that's right in front of me that I need to do, but I do want to do the thing that's three steps ahead of me. So what motivates me to work is let me just finish what I have to do right in front of me and just get it over with so that I can work on the thing that is a little bit further ahead. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. That's just how I like.

I don't know if it's cool. I would say it's just like how I function. It's kind of like a, it's actually somewhat, I don't know that it's necessarily the best way to function because it does make me feel like I'm not appreciating and valuing what's in front of me, like taking the time to really immerse myself in what I'm doing in front of me.

Because I'm so focused on getting to that third thing. It's like, oh, the fun thing that I want to do is like later, you know, the vision board I want to make is like, that's going to be so fun. That vision board is going to be so fun. But right now, whatever I have to do right now, finishing this thing, not fun. And I don't think that's necessarily true. I think it's something I tell myself.

Okay, interesting. So like, what are the, like, can you give an example of a task that was like met? Because I feel like everyone has that. To me, this is where we like are very different. Because I feel like

Depending on my energy level, I'm like, okay, I had to do this spreadsheet for my accountant. And sometimes that feels so good to just get in the zone and knock that out. But writing the sub stack, which should be more fun, feels disgusting and the worst task. But sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I don't want to do a spreadsheet. I want to do the... I just do it based on my... Your feelings. Yeah, what I'm...

Not inspired. Like I'm not like inspired to the spreadsheet, but sometimes I'm like, I just want to get into this task that doesn't require creativity at all. And it's like very like clear. And that will give me a hit of dopamine to finish where it's like,

I don't know. Or maybe we're saying the same thing. No, I don't think that we're that different in that. I do feel like the dopamine hits help and the... Completion. The completion definitely helps. But I think what motivates me to start is the idea of finishing. It's like, that's what makes me go. Because I tend to, again, hyperfixate. And as someone who works freelance, I'm often working...

Like, I'm just constantly working. Someone will email me and then I'm, you know, out and about and I don't have time and then I'm emailing them back at 8 p.m.,

you know, I'm always working. So it's not like, oh, I shut my computer at 5 p.m. Yeah, the boundaries are clear. And I'm done. And like a lot of the time I'm pitching things. So I have to create things on my own. I have to create a deck or I have to come up with a concept. And that's really fun if I have a natural idea come to me. But if it's, oh, I have a contact with this company. They said that they want a proposal. That's hard because I haven't already thought of an idea and I have to think about that. So that is hard.

But it's just the idea of like, I just want to get to the last thing. Yeah. That will make me start the first thing. Yeah. So I think it is probably similar. The motivation is forced 110%. And that's just the fact of it. Yeah, exactly. I'm not someone who's naturally motivated. I'm actually, I would say that's one of my weaknesses.

I think I force myself. I think it's kind of the same thing as we're not naturally... I'm naturally very messy and very disorganized, but I know that I will die if I allow that to continue. So I have to do all these processes to like not... We've developed a lot of adaptive qualities. It's the same thing of what I was saying about that article of like...

One of the advantages that we have is that we've adapted, we've like adapted some qualities that have made it so we're more malleable perhaps in some ways that if we didn't have some challenges, perhaps we wouldn't be, but you know, it all comes out in the wash. But in the end, if I went to sleep and was like, I have not done anything, I would not, I mean, I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Right. So I have an intrinsic motivation, I suppose, to not have so many things to think about. God, I think that's it for me. It's like I'm what I'm what motivates me is like not being depressed. Yeah. And like and getting a job done. And I don't want to say most people, but a lot of people go to work.

And then go home at the end of the day and they're not working. Right. And they just do what they can do at work. But for me, it's not like I can bullshit my way through my work. If it's not done, it's not done. And then I don't get a job and I don't get paid and I don't.

I have trouble even understanding what that would be like or feel like because it's so foreign to me. It's not even like, I'm like, wow, that would be nice to not, to be able to shut the door and come home. It doesn't even, I can't even, it seems like it would be, I can't even, it's just never going to happen. No, my, I have a few friends that I feel like I relate to in their creativity and the way they work. And specifically my friend Zach is amazing.

very similar to me and I remember her like sitting down with me and telling me how much of a relief it was when she got like a normal office job she does architecture and prior to that she was freelance doing like design and events and curating things and she was like it is so good for my creativity and I think you would love it and I was just like oh that sounds so

Well, and I will say when I did have a full-time job, like that one...

I was able to kind of do that, you know, like it was pretty intermixed, but I was able to, I was respectful, but I didn't care. And so, I mean, I did care cause I was like not going to bite the hand that feeds me, but I was, it didn't inspire me. And I didn't, I just got the, I was able to get the work done, do the bare minimum that made, I cared about the people involved and I wanted to like make them happy, but you didn't care about the work.

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Because the work was pretty kind of abstract because I was just like helping a already big company like remain big. And I was such a small part of it. Anyway.

One other thing just related to this before rapid fires is like some of our work is with people. Some of our work is without people. And I think that's the other thing that motivates me. And I wonder if you relate to this of like my writing teacher put it this way to me once. And kind of like you were saying about your friend that helped you to see this where she was like,

It's kind of like the Didion thing or the thing of like, I don't like writing. I like having written. And she was like, what helps me to just get it over the net is I motivate myself of like, I get to hang out with people and do an activity if I get my work done.

writing done. Yeah. If I get my work done and that's kind of a dangling carrot for me too. I mean, there's nothing better to me than working with someone. If I'm in a meeting with someone or if I'm on set with someone, that is not work to me. Right. This is not work to me. That's ultimately, yeah. And that's ultimately what I'm getting, paying my bills from. And that is not work. The part that's work is the planning. It's the...

invoicing that is the bane of my existence like stop making me just pay me don't make me ask for it that's annoying like receipts that kind of thing that's incredibly annoying and tedious and difficult for me and I think that's what's super easy for other people or some other people but the actual doing the work part easy fun enjoyable it's so funny and then it goes back to what's authentic and what's natural yeah

Yeah, all right. Well, okay, let's do some rapid fire. Just say the first thing that comes to mind. I'm bad under pressure. That's okay. You can take your time. Okay. What's the best thing you've eaten in the last week? Ooh, that's a great question. Chicken.

I only grill things. Grills are very big where I come from. Grilling is a, it screams Michigan to me. I think fire cooking is just so good. I don't know why. We have to cut this out. Can we get rid of ovens? I don't know why. I'm like, every time you say, you suggest a fire thing. And I'm an air sign, but I tend to like fire. I know it's a bad time for fire. I've lost it.

Favorite place in LA. Favorite place in LA. I have to cut all this out. This is a private, this is a private laugh. This is a private laugh. This is a personal private laugh. Wait, favorite place in LA. Wait, I gotta say it again because I gotta cut that off. Don't you love when it's an inappropriate laugh? Oh yeah, like in seventh grade. There's nothing better than a church laugh. Absolutely. I never went to church, so you lost me there, but yes, in class.

Absolutely. Oh man, okay. I feel like I'm 12 in class. Actually, I'm gonna skip the LA one to deepen into my laugh. Oh, okay. But we'll go back to that one. Well, I am down, but you need to specify.

What? You need to specify. I have a favorite of everything. Oh, okay. We'll do LA favorites in a moment. But since I was laughing uncontrollably, do you have a time that you laugh the hardest? Do you have a memory or something that made you laugh really hard? Oh my God. When I was in seventh grade...

I had my first panic attack and it started as like something really silly happening and I was laughing so hard and then I turned into like crying, like not being able to breathe on the floor. And that will always will stick with me. I'm like a very giddy person. I'm constantly laughing. That I have asked that question on this program for years. Yeah.

And no one took it so literally fully laughed the hardest. Yeah. That was the hardest ever laugh. It turned into like deep sobs, deep, deep. Wow. Taking that as the most literal answer to that question I've ever gotten. Okay. Favorite places in LA. Do you want to choose the categories? Yeah.

No, I mean, I'm constantly changing. It's so hard for me to pick a favorite. You're going to have to say a specific. Favorite eating places? Favorite eating places. Okay, I love LaGrade Outdoor. Back to our private conversation about fire cooking. I've always wanted to go there.

It's really good. The first time I went, I thought it was like super overrated. But then I was like, you know what? Everything's overrated. And I love someone else cooking for me over a fire. I like simple ingredients. Really, you know, my favorite place is actually not really in L.A. It's called Fuh 79. It's in like Garden Grove. It's near Long Beach. It's some of the best I've ever had. I have a lot of like underground wrecks. Give us it all exclusive. Oh, no. Or do you want to? So I wish I had my list. I have a physical list written on a piece of paper.

Sai and I just, we're going to make a map. Cool. Piccadilly and Culver City happy hour. They have these insane chicken wings that are like fish sauce chicken wings. Really good. You're a pescatarian, right? So you wouldn't know. Good memory. So many places. I have to make a list. What about favorite place for a free hang? Like you were saying. Oh, a free hang. Parks, favorite, walks. I love Barnstall Art Park.

where's that in los feliz i've never been can we go yeah let's go it's just like a really good view of the city i feel like it's a good way to experience city without being in city it's just a really pretty park it reminds me of the bluffs in portland um never been there either we can also we should also go here i also really love oh my god r.i.p the palisades park so

I guess. It's fine. It's fine. I mean, I grew up here. This is my home. I'm allowed to laugh a little bit about it. Yeah. It's the way we process. Yeah, it's the way we process. I mean, honestly, my favorite place is a place... It's obviously we're not...

It's just funny. Places we loved are gone. It's horrible. And we process through. It's just like, how else are you going to process? Honestly, since I grew up, okay, my dad lived in Beverly Hills, Westwood, and my mom lived in Sherman Oaks. So I grew up, okay, I'll say mostly in the Valley. And my favorite thing to do growing up was like,

every night I think since anyone had a car so maybe I was like 14 or 15 or actually I guess our parents would drop us off too but we just go to the parks like all of the parks in the valley they're like the best place to hang out they're safe and cool and like nice great aren't those like the best memories of being yeah that age in a

thing just hanging out. It's so wholesome, but great. The thing is, I feel like I, and you know, the really strange experience of growing up in LA is that I imagine everyone else grew up with a, with like a, like a horse or something. Yeah. I just imagine everyone else has like horses and like they know all their neighbors. And I'm like, I didn't have that experience that you all had.

so i think i'm really i think i'm really special for being like i love

I'm gonna I'm gonna disillusion you to say that I I have you didn't have a horse I didn't have a horse and I did go to the park with my friends growing up too okay so okay so that wasn't my okay but listen what you do have on me is we could do it for three months really and the rest of the time yeah we did we had to snow pan up right right we did it all year yeah that's a big one yeah

I'm blanking on my fave spots. Oh, you know what's also really good is Sushi Gen downtown. I'm going back to food. Can we go there too? It's in Little Tokyo. That is my favorite place in LA, one of them. Little Tokyo? Yeah. Sushi Gen or Little Tokyo? I've never been to Sushi Gen, but I love going to... Oh, you eat fish. Yes. Aze? Have you been there? Japanese breakfast? No. Oh my God. Lou's Cafe. L-I-U. It's... L-I-U. L-I-U.

I've gotten to like Kikiyaki. I didn't do it the same. It's Taiwanese like breakfast. It's so good. It's in Koreatown. It's like pork and rice or chicken and rice. And then there's like sesame noodles and... Like a bowl situation. Yeah. And...

Just delicious stuff. Like spicy wontons. Really good. What's your favorite food? Do you have a favorite? My favorite food? That's an incredibly difficult answer. Or just what you're into, right? Do you... Like I get... Talk about hyper fixations. Maybe I'll ask it this way. I get a hyper fixation meal. Like I got one right now. I got one from like...

and I make it, do you have? I have hyper fixation meals, but I'd say almost because I'm a very unstructured person. Routine really, really, really helps me. I do have a really regimented morning routine and then the rest of the day just goes wild. But the morning is like step by step.

A routine. Oh great. Okay. Well my Next rapid fire. What are your morning and evening routines and how do they help you with how the rest of your day goes? Okay. Well my morning routine is that I wake up at 7 or 7 30 depending on how early I went to sleep the night before Pretty early though in the morning or pretty early at night because i'm a grandma And then I pass your bedtime right now Yeah, we might be take my probiotics probiotics I

drink my coffee and I drink bone broth and then I go to the gym and I go probiotics. Dr. O'Hara, you have a brandy. So I plug them. It's omni biotic. I'm actually obsessed with it because it's a little packet and like, I see everything about knowing that I've had ADD for so long is, is literally tools. I've gone to so many therapists about tools. And so like figuring out the probiotic, that's, it's not that it's necessarily like I've noticed a big difference of it's

of its effect on my body, but the fact that it's in little packets

means that I can keep it in my bag and if I, for some reason, like, am somewhere else, I can still take it. It's like finding ways and tools to keep routine in my life. It's so interesting because I have these ones that need to be refrigerated. No, no, you never take them. Yeah. I can't. It throws off the whole thing. The Dr. O'Hara's are also in the packet. I don't know if you've ever taken those. No. But the packet. You need a packet. Yeah, the packet's the best. So I take Omnibiotic and then I drink,

bone broth and have my coffee and then I go to the gym for an hour and a half because I love the gym it like centers me I need like physical movement in my life you like like weightlifting yeah it shifts but yeah I like weightlifting and then I come home and I usually two eggs and sourdough toast and like a combination of sauces or something you know that's the only thing that I get

I don't really have a hyper fixation meal in the morning because it's always kind of eggs and toast, but yeah,

I and that's so funny because that's like part of my whole like foodstagram era was just so many people being like give us more eggs and toast more photos of eggs it's authentic it's authentic and I was like that's legit what I'm eating every morning and like the only time you're gonna catch this good ass light is in the morning so you're gonna see my breakfast every damn day you know yeah I was like that's what you're getting well I think it's funny my friend Serena who I co-hosted

the spiraling podcast with she's also a chef and in new york and i remember she we were talking about instagram and she was kind of like trying to help me and she was like i forget there were three r's one was people she was like katie people like seeing routines rituals and ah fuck i don't remember the other one routines was one of them yeah no i think it's comforting like

It's comforting. She goes and gets the same pizza with her husband every week. And she shows that every time. She shows the same thing every week. And I love it. Just like we love TV shows. It's like we watch them on Sunday. There's this person who used to be...

you know, in my food community. And I mean, they're still out there, but they didn't die. But they're called like eggs and avocados. And they literally just every day post like a fried egg and avocado toast. I love it every day. And I think they have so many followers and they're just like,

I'm like, that's awesome. But do you remember breakfast symmetry? No, it's just like for my era of Instagram, but it was just back in 1922. Yeah, it was this guy who would cook for him and his husband every day. And it was just like exactly what it sounds like. But I loved it. I think I'm sure he's still I think he wrote a book. I think he's because he was he had a niche. So he's right. Right. He's soaring high. Yeah.

Yeah, but I... An authentic niche will keep you soaring. That's a little... An unauthentic niche will go soar and then plateau. And then they'll plateau. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. I don't know if that's right. I said it very confidently. No, no, no. I think that's true. I think that's true. I think it's like we never really know if you're authentic, though. You could also be just good at faking it.

Do you think anyone can be good at faking it? Yeah, I mean, okay, I think that the whole... I don't want to get all political here, truly, but I will say this. The trad wife, I think a lot of people give it shit, but I'm so, so proud of these women. They're stay-at-home moms who have...

Made... They're making so much money off of people just following them and giving them shit. And they're just, like, supporting their families. Yeah. Like... It's great. You know, they're doing... I'm like... You're awesome. If you're... I think that everyone should be praising you. Yeah. At least all women should be praising them. Yeah. Because that's incredible for you to... I mean... And it... Well, and that's where the political part... What? Gets a little... Well, it's just...

there's obviously... Yeah, what's the downside? I don't see it. Well, I think that there's like the downside of cosplaying, not, you know, being of a certain class that you're not by being like, we make our own bread, you know, and it's kind of like, well, you have the privilege of being able to afford to buy it. So there's that complication, which I don't necessarily want to get into, but I think ultimately those women, a lot of them,

Not to name names, but like Nara. Whatever. Smith. I don't know. I'm like, I like don't really know anything about Trudeau. None of this. She is... Is this a TikTok thing? Making fun of herself. The TikTok, Instagram. She's making fun of herself because she always is like... She'll be like, my...

My toddlers wanted Cheerios this morning. So I made them Cheerios. And it's as if she had made them Cheerios. She did. But she doesn't make them for that morning. It's not like her kids say, can I have Cheerios? And she makes them and then they're done for breakfast. She's in on a bit of it all. You know, it's a bit. Yeah. And I think it's brilliant. And I think ultimately she's making money off of satire. Even though that is who she is. She started cooking because she had autoimmune disorders and she like

wanted to cook for herself and that meant making a lot of things from scratch but she's making fun of herself and she's making so much money doing it and I would I would argue that it's inauthentic because it's not genuine but like she's found this niche in making fun of it so I think it's success yeah and in a way satire is authentic because satire is you're in on the joke yeah

Right. I don't know. I'm explaining what satire is here on this program. Not me. Okay. Yeah. I feel... I don't even remember...

What? The last thing that I... You were talking about routines and then we... Yeah. Anything else you want to... So then what happens next? You go to the gym, you have your eggs and you come home. And then I don't have that in my schedule. I have nothing in my schedule until I try and eat dinner around like six or seven. When do you transition to day or work after the eggs? Okay. So what time is that about? Which could be after I shower. It depends on the day, but probably around 10. Okay.

Okay. Around 10-ish is when I start my day. And then I try and end my day around like 7. I'm kind of like a 10 to 7 gal. 7 is when I like make dinner. And honestly, once the sun goes down, the winter is hard for me because once the sun goes down, I no longer function. Right. I love, I also like as someone who really, really loves to cook, I don't really like to cook dinner. I love cooking in the daylight. If dinner was in the daylight, I would be happy. Yeah, I get that.

tired and hungry at dinner. Yeah. I don't function well during the night. You know how there's like those biological tests that you can do? I don't need to take one to know that I'm a morning person. Yeah. I think I am, but I think something's like off with me a little that I think I would get middle right now because I've just been like sleeping later, but... Yeah. But it's just, it's like your natural inclination, I guess. But yeah. And then I...

Try and put my phone down by 10 and go to sleep by 11. Do you have some things that help set you up for success dinner-wise? Yeah, I mean, I'm great at prepping. I'm also great, I think something that comes with knowing how to cook is knowing how to shop, and that's something I'm grateful for because I see a lot of people not knowing how to shop.

Yeah, I mean, I just don't. I like go to the, I have a college-sized fridge, as you can see. Yeah, I mean, it's super cute, though. I go to the store as if I'm like a Parisian and I get one thing. Yeah, just getting your... And like, I very Carrie Bradshaw have sweaters in my... I love that. But yeah, I do know how to shop.

Is there a tip you can give for lay people to shop well? I mean, my honest tip now would be like use the tools available now. I didn't teach myself with ChatGPT, but it is available now. So my tip is use that.

I think like a house to make a list, like say what you want to eat and then be like, make me a list based on this and how many people you're feeding and how many meals. I think it's like we have so many tools at our disposal now, but I just learned from process of elimination, like how many times I purchased something that went bad and was like, OK, I'm purchasing too much of this.

I basically shop with staples. I always have like eggs and milk and certain like vegetables that I like and certain fruits that I like. Those are like on my list every time I go. Those are replenishing. And then I have my meals. I'll usually have two other meals that I'll make throughout the week, which will be like a dinner or lunch and I'll eat them in

And I'll usually also make a little bit extra of whatever my protein is and like pair that with something else like rice. So maybe I'll make like chicken, some like chicken dish, um,

And then at the end of the week, I'll use the leftover chicken and make like chicken and rice. So it's kind of like just a switch. Yeah, rice is really good. I don't know. I think that it's kind of like you just have to do it. Yeah. That's my honest, that's my experience. But had I started cooking now, I would use chat GBT because like, why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Do you cook with, do you eat with Cyrus every time or what's your vibe there? Yeah, he is super organized. So he actually meal preps all of our lunches for the week usually on Sunday. That's his thing. And we love cooking together. No one understands me in the kitchen like he does. Oh, that's key. And vice versa. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, we really, really, really cook well together. We've done a lot of catering jobs together or events together. We just know, I don't know, it's like an unspoken communication between us when we're cooking. Yeah, but we'll switch off cooking for each other because it's something that we both do and love to do. It's a good way for us both to show love together. That's so great. And that's so great that you have a good kitchen chemistry because I've known, like one of my friends...

she will cook and her husband will clean up and then he'll cook and shit looking at a lot of people maybe have yeah well we switch off on the cleaning or we clean together we say tag team a lot like we'll be like do we tag team or if the other person has the energy they'll clean but I I would say most days I make him breakfast because I'm already making it always and

He will more often make me dinner because he has like more energy at night, but I will make him dinner to show him love. What are the lunches that he's prepping? Oh my God. He makes everything. What did he make last week?

He made eggplant Parmesan. Oh, wow. These are nice lunches. Oh, yeah. And not a brown bag. And the week before I and I helped him and I made like a Thai marinated chicken salad as well. And then he'll make like Indian food or I think this week he's making us as I speak. I think he's making it like now like a meatball pasta thing.

Yeah. God. So I really like your relation. I, so I wrote down to, to ask you, I, but I typoed, but I kind of like it. I was like, you've been in a rom-com for a while now. Well,

What's your greatest lesson on romantic relationships? I don't know what I was saying, but I like what I said. Yeah, me and Sai have been together for... We're starting our seventh year. We've definitely been on and off because we started so young, being 20 when we started dating. And I think my biggest...

piece of advice well I actually can't speak for everyone well I can't speak for everyone period but I think I can't speak for everyone because I was in such a unique situation starting dating someone so young who I like who we saw a long-term relationship with so early because when I started seeing him I was not the type of person who really had partners I was just not interested in that really but I think the biggest thing

piece of advice that I would have is taking a break or stepping off or what did I call it like the hamster wheel and you when you're in a cyclical relationship of any kind and it could be your romantic relationship or otherwise I think stepping off sometimes is the only way to get back on and change your pace instead of trying to change things while remaining on on it

we've taken steps back to like understand ourselves. We used to live together and then we were like, you know, we're really young and we have so much time and we foresee the rest of our lives together, but we're so young. And I just saw myself getting so domestic. Yeah. And I was like, I'm just still so young. And we have so many other things that we're working on together. The last thing that we really needed to be focusing on was that. Yeah.

It was like, let's just separate that. So we're definitely nonlinear. And I think that's been monumental in us staying together and getting stronger. I think...

Often people, and we were, we did this too, which was follow the linear path that we're told. And ultimately that would just weaken us at every step. It was like, take the next step. And we would just kind of fall a little bit. But now we kind of, I mean, we're naturally more cautious because we have had to change things before, but we also understand what is necessary for the long run. So it's a lot easier to make decisions.

that are based on our personal preferences and our needs versus what is the next step we're supposed to have. Yeah. So I think that's probably the most...

important thing and also that's incredible advice and so wise thank you I do think I think we a lot of people tell us that we're like wise in our relationship and I'm like that only comes with having a lot happen it's not like we're just naturally wise it's just that we've been through a lot together I mean that's how you learn touching the hot stove exactly that's how I learn maybe some people can hear how to do it but I always have to

try it out myself. No, exactly. I mean, a lot of people will ask for advice and I don't really feel like I can give it to them because everyone has their own relationship and their own situation. And again, we started dating when we were 20 years old.

And now it's just, you're different people. We're different. And we grew up with each other and there were points that we didn't like each other, you know, and there will be again and there will be, and there will be people who like each other more. And it's, yeah, it's like ever evolving and growth isn't linear. It's not. And I'm so happy that we love each other.

through all of that now because it just makes me feel more confident going forward that if we could go through all of that shit, like we could get through anything. And that's all it's taken is us. We're, we both came from somewhat untrusting places as 20 year olds and,

and from just like our circumstances, but we've learned to be like, okay, even if this is uncomfortable, this will get better and we can get to a point that we trust each other. But I do think that it requires a lot of work and anyone who doesn't want to put in that work should not do it. It's not worth it. It's not worth it because it is painful and it's like growing pains and they hurt and it's,

And sometimes I wish that I was older when I met him so I didn't have to do that so early. But I also think it helped me grow in a lot of other ways. Because relationships, I think, inform a lot of areas of our life. So I think I feel more mature and more understanding of my other relationships and my work and just other things because of that. They definitely, having had them and not had them, the rest of my life and what I'm capable of doing and what I've been doing

When I felt very supportive in a romantic relationship, just because it's the one you spend the most time with. My work has been different. My personal growing and like,

personal connection to myself has been different and then, and vice versa. When I've been in a situation that's been not so good, it's like everything is everything. And I think it's all really connected, especially that. Yeah. So it's also like us continuing to grow and really being like so young still. Yeah. We still have to constantly acknowledge that.

how our relationship is different because of that. Like how we are going through these, like just figuring out ourselves times and we have to give ourselves the respect to see ourselves as a whole and not together at times. Yeah. And then be able to place the other person back into that situation, like comfortably. A big thing that probably happens

into play with this is communicating. Have you developed any or learned anything on communicating that you think could be useful? I feel like we could do a whole podcast ourselves on our communication. He's so, so understanding of me and who I am. And I think that it took me a little bit longer to be understanding of him because

because I am such an outward verbal thinker and I'm so just kind of tumultuous and chaotic with my thoughts and my ideas. And he's so grounded and calm. And because of those differences, we're like a genuinely different, um, vibrations a lot of the time. And so a lot of our communication, um,

and communication growth has come from us using like words to try and get to the same physical energy space.

So saying something like, I'm, you know, if I come in hot and I come in at like, I'm 100% energy right now, he could be like, hey, I'm at 20. Yeah. I need you to meet me closer to 30 or 40. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so I'm not overwhelming him or, you know, if we're not at the same... That's so good, that percentage, because that...

That gives you, it's gentle language to just communicate a vibe. Yeah, absolutely. And I also tend to be someone who really, really runs on defense. I'm someone who like, someone could scare me. Someone could walk into a room that I wasn't expecting. I'll be immediately scared. My heart will drop. I'm freaked out, but then I'm fine. And when he comes in to anything where I disagree with him or I feel like,

you know, he's judging me or I feel attacked in any way. I come in super hot. I'm usually like complete walls up. Like,

as high as they go for one second and then they drop and when they go up all the way it usually kind of like hurts him pushes him back and then we get into this really bad kind of that's like our biggest thing we get stuck but recently we've been trying to come to a place of understanding the more honest we are with each other the better things will go so if i just say to him for no reason at all that just made me feel really defensive he can be like oh okay

Cool. Let's figure that out. So communication for us is literally has just been...

dumb it continuously dumbing down the ideas that we think are innately in us into the most baby language ever it's tell me how you feel like it's just the most obvious thing but but we didn't think about it for a really long time because in the heat of the moment it be what's most obvious is out the window around the corner down the street because it's not even because you're in this kind of

It's like getting yourself, calming your nervous system so you can be there with each other. Totally. And we use other physical tools. If we feel like we're pitted against each other, we will physically move ourselves next to each other and be like, we are on the same team. We are on the same side. We are looking at the same finish line here. Let's get there together. It's just a lot of, yeah. I mean, it feels sometimes like we're talking to a five-year-old and that's, I don't know if that's the best thing for everyone, but that's been the best thing for us to actually like,

narrow it down because I don't think even coming in together so young I think there's just parts of ourselves and our childhood that influence so much and it makes it impossible to

completely understand someone so if you can dumb it down and talk to someone absolute baseline where we both understand these concepts of we are on the same team it doesn't matter what we went through or how we were raised or what our triggers are this is different than it's yeah yeah so our communication style is ultimately that like we know we have completely different communication styles yeah let's just like find the go down to the foundational basics yeah you're you're

third, the third thing, the relationship there's you and him. And the third thing has a communication style. Exactly. And that's the one where we got to meet. Yeah. Because we will always be different. We can't actually change, which is great. That's why it's interesting. Yeah. I'm never going to communicate the same way he does. And he's never going to communicate the same way I do, but we can meet each other in this other realm for sure.

God, I love that. We could totally do a, we could completely do a full relationship. Yeah, him and I have a lot. It's interesting. And also what I've shared with you too about us being just so polar opposites. It comes up in so many ways. It's like our relationship is a huge challenge that's also so rewarding and so beautiful. Yeah. God. Anything else you want to say about that relationship in particular? Yeah.

Love that dude. I can't wait to meet him. Okay, greatest lesson on friendship.

Ooh, friendship. Oh my God. I'm kind of in an interesting space with friendship. I grew up with like really close knit friends and then kind of shifted. They're still my friends, but I've kind of, you know, obviously shifted into different groups of relativity where, you know, based on work or whatever. And I think what I've ultimately come to terms with recently, and I'm still learning and growing with,

is that friendships don't have to be something that like you curate if for some reason you get along with someone whether they're like even if they're completely different than you and don't like the same things but you just feel like you get along I feel like that is totally fine and that works better even and that's great and I feel like I was always trying to be in the type of friend group that everything made sense and we all had our parts and our places and now I'm like

I can just have all these individual random friends that like serve so much. And I think like my ability to make friends and keep friends has just continued to grow as I've gotten older. And now I feel like I'm just like exploding with friendships and it's almost too much sometimes where I'm like, I feel like I can't give everyone enough, but yeah,

I've stopped, like, judging what my role is or what their role is in my life or whatever. Or, like... Yeah. Like, how we fit together. I'm like, if we have fun, who cares? It's so funny because that seems so un-you. Like, the... What? To be, like, what you were saying doesn't work for you anymore. Yeah. Like, I can't even imagine that it seems like something that you would not... Would not work for you. Me being in, like, a friend group that's, like, specific? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. You just being, like...

Friends have to fit in a way. Or friends... Like, it just seems like that would not work for you. And it doesn't. Right. And I don't think it ever did. Yeah. No, I was always, like... It was always a challenge for me. Because I was like, well, what's my role in this? Yeah. But I also think that just, like... Part of that is being young, I think. Like, when you're younger, it's like when you're in school, especially, that... Yeah. Well, I didn't make any friends in school. In college, at least, at USC, I very much treated it like a job. And I didn't make any friends there.

But then I forget the fact that like I technically people will refer to their college friends. And I'm like, I do have college friends. They just weren't made at school.

Because I wasn't interacting with people at school. I was interacting with people elsewhere. It's your college era. It's my college era. Why do I keep saying era? What's a better word for it? What's a better, what's a synonym for era that's not millennial? I don't think there's anything wrong with era. It feels vaguely millennial to me. I think the negative connotation is like Taylor Swift. The time? I don't know.

We'll ask the research team, but they're on probation right now. Synonyms for it. After their last snafu. Okay, I have bad news. Kate didn't text me back. Oh, right, right, right, right. Her question, so we'll have to do that as an addendum. Or if she's listening right now, text us. Pop us on the group chat with your question. We'll get it to the people. Okay, you've given so many great pieces of advice on this. Is there any advice that was given to you that you feel like is...

sticks with you or is useful yes got something okay okay my first boss and again my friend cindy she i knew it was gonna be from her yeah i mean she was like really influential in my life i didn't realize it at the time but she definitely has been when i started you know babysitting for her in high school like i was 15 and i was like you know i like go on dates with people or whatever and

And I remember one time telling her I was so nervous and I just have a lot of anxiety and I'm a naturally just kind of like heightened person. My energy is heightened. So anxiety kind of like shows more.

And she told me, she was like, you can't get rid of, you know, that feeling, that physical feeling, but you can move it in your body. And she was like, squeeze your toes as hard as you can when you feel anxious. And all of that physical tension and like energy just goes to your feet and it's in your shoes and no one can see it. And it's not in your face. It's not in your shoulders. It's not in your hands. Um,

It's in your shoes. No one can see it. And it's something I use to this day. If I'm talking to someone and I get nervous, if I'm in a meeting and I just feel like, then I do that. Yeah, that's so good. And I think it's just so good. Just it's like moving your physical energy. And then the other thing that I feel like I have, I don't remember who said this to me, but it did stick with me, is that when you don't have the answer, it's okay to say, let me think about it. Mm-hmm.

Because I used to be like, let me just fake it. Let me just like blab and figure it out as I talk. And then someone was like, you know what you're saying. I don't remember who it was.

I wish I could. Yeah. Could shout them out. Yeah. But I was like, if you're listening, let us know if you're listening. But they said like, you know, the answer. And I know, you know, the answer. So just like, instead of working your way there and trying to convince me, you know, the answer, just take a second and say, I need to think about it and then get the answer. And I feel like I apply that in a lot of ways. And I think about that often that,

And it's not just with like when you're talking. It's genuinely just like, I think it's essentially a lesson on intuition. Is you know, you know the answer and you know what you have to say or what you have to do. But just like take a second. I think that's going to be the title of this episode. I need to think about it. Because I need to say that more. And I think it kind of goes back to, I think this was in the non-recorded part of this where we were saying that we, our propensity to like at a party, like,

Blab. Blab, yeah. And I think it's really... It's a little bit off, but it's related, I think, of like... Because I'm pretty good... I can blab at a party. There are people who can't do that. It's not natural. We can work the room. We can, yeah. But it's not always...

And the same thing, like I can, I'm a pretty good bullshitter on the question when I don't know the answer, but it's not, we know that feels wrong. What would be much better? But it's really going to be like writing with my left hand to learn it, to say, I'm going to think about it, but I'm going to think about it. Or even if it's like in that moment,

It's not even like you have to say, I'm going to come back to it. It's literally, let me think about it. And then just let that person, if this is an actual instance of like an ink in a conversation, just let that person sit there for a second. You're not like wasting their time. You're wasting their time in the same. If you think that's wasting their time, you're wasting their time in the same way of just like filling the conversation and bullshitting them.

Like take a second, collect your thoughts. I'm also, while I say this, I will say that like, this is not, it's something that I think about a lot, but it's still not something I always do. It's something that I have to think about a lot because I want to remind myself to do it. Yeah. It's like writing with your left hand. Yes. I am still inclined to just yap and yap. And sometimes it is the best to, to like get out what you want to say. But sometimes you can just say, wait, let me, let me think about how to say this. And then it's like, it literally takes 10 seconds to,

And then you come out, you know, speaking concisely and coherently and everyone understands you. And wasn't that so much more worth their time? Yeah, completely. Yes, exactly. It's much more efficient. I think that's something that it's the similar piece of advice that sticks with me and my friend, Carolina. I remember I was,

I had a big crush on this person and I was spending a lot of time with him. And I was just saying, I'm like, I just, he was not like us with the being able to just talking to wall. And I was spending so much time with him. Cause it was like during COVID. And I remember just being like, being like, Oh God, like I just, I talk and talk and I say the thing and I'm so embarrassed. And like he, and I like, I didn't want, it was like not wanting the awkward silence. And she just goes,

awkward silence is where the makeout happens it literally is and it's so true and i remember like that day i was like i'm gonna let this linger no it's energy yeah if you take the time to just feel the energy a little bit sounds hot awkward silences are hot and also if you are always filling the conversation then you can't actually feel the energy of the conversation

You're not there. You're not there. You're in your head trying to make it cool for everybody. Right. And you need to step back and be like, let someone else. And also, who cares? Yeah. Let there be a little silence. And that's ultimately like whenever I another thing that someone said, like in the same situation was like what I perceived as cool or like why I thought he was so cool was because he was like,

He was thinking. Yeah. His nervous system was calm. Yeah. And I thought that that, and I wanted to be like him in that way. And that's all that I had to do is like squeeze my toes. Who knew? Exactly. And now you'll do it. Okay. Anything else that you want to recommend? It can be like truly anything, book, movie, whatever. But I was thinking TV shows. Well, okay. TV shows for sure. Well, one of my favorites, especially for like my age group is,

Am I out of this? Should I go? You're in this, but it's... No, it's... Well, I'll explain it to you. It's called Search Party. Have you seen it? No, but I've heard of it. It's just like a commentary on our...

kind of main character isms of our generation and just thinking that like everything needs to be so important and and and like we need to be important and it's so funny it's like satire but it's like it's interesting because I I think it was my mom who saw an episode with me or maybe my dad but whoever it was they didn't understand it and it made me kind of understand like this

is satire only to the people who are doing this like we all think that our our we are every moment of us is so important i'm excited i'm gonna it's really funny there's so many shows i could recommend but my favorite book ever is a self-help book maybe you've read it

If it's self-help, then yes. It's called 101 Essays That'll Change the Way You Think. No, I have not. It's actually my Bible. Okay. It's so straightforward. It's these little essays of bullet points. It'll just be like, why are you stopping yourself from getting what you want? Or, you know, why is pain uncomfortable? It's just, you know, kind of philosophical self-help. I have a book for you. I love it. Oh, I knew. Okay. I have Captain...

told me I would love this book. Yeah. And I haven't read it. She's incredible. It's like the one book I won't lend to people because I'm like, this is my Bible. Don't touch it. Wow. Yeah. I'm trying to think if there's any other like movies or shows. So many. I think I need to like make a list.

Yeah, I want your list. I'll give you my list. But yeah, I can't think of any other shows off the top of my head. But yeah, I do love TV. I love a show. I only watch TV with other people. Really? Yeah, I don't watch TV. I just got a projector though. But I've been watching some movies. You should mount it.

You should totally mount it. It's under my bed hiding because I had a guest over, but you, cause I have to put it like right here. No, you should mount on the wall. When I lived in this kind of like studio that had the built-in kind of bed nook and during COVID and Cy mounted my projector behind my bed.

bed like and it just went directly under the wall well what I do love about it is fun to be able to move it around it's so tiny that well that's that's super nice but well yeah well my dream is in all fours you know how Claire comes in and makes I want this I need a Claire like I want this to be like how she describes the hotel room I want that to be I can do that oh

I'm like, this is too much dream come true. I'm getting my make a wish. No, genuinely, I feel if someone gives me a blank slate and says, take creative control, I'm in heaven and that's all I need.

I've never, I honestly, I'm like feeling too much excited. Okay. Anything else that you want to add? You feel good? I feel so good. Okay. The last, the way we end is letting out a deep breath. The name of the show is Let It Out. Did I ring you for all your juice? Did I squeeze you? Yeah, you did. Is that the goal? Because you did. Okay, great. Inhale. Let it out.

This is the longest one I've ever done of these. Really? It's 12 years. Yeah. I'm sorry I kept you so long, but I felt like there were reasons to keep going. Oh my God. Thank you so much for doing it. I'm really grateful. Yeah. Let me talk to Cy really quick. All right. That was it. That was my long, meandering conversation with Bluemost. Follow her. Blue make good.

wherever you follow people. Instagram is the place. And you can see her eggs that she just discussed with the good lighting. And I'm honestly just so grateful that I got to meet her, that we finally did this, that we actually did this. I think so often

When you meet someone at a party and you have a fun conversation and you maybe keep in touch online after, maybe not, or you say you're going to hang out or you say you're going to come on their podcast or whatever, oftentimes it evaporates and that's okay. And so I'm often shocked when something actually does come to mind.

fruition like this did and not only did it happen but it exceeded expectations I had such a great time speaking with her so let us know if you listened all the way to the end I'm really grateful I'll be back next week with another conversation with someone I was stoked to talk to and it's a long one so I'll probably split that into two as well

And I'm just, like I said, really grateful that I get to do this, that I'm still doing this. And I hope that you enjoyed listening. We mentioned my friend Heidi and Ozma in this. And Heidi's been on the show before. And as I said, she's one of my best friends. And I do have a discount code. So if you were curious or you've checked out Ozma, the code Katie15 gets you 15% off, no pressure. But I just wanted to alert you to that information.

Okay, I think that's all. If you want to keep in touch with me, I'm at katydellabout on Instagram. It's just my name. And I have a sub stack, let it out bliss. If you want to join us there and all the info, every way that we can stay connected is in the show notes. Okay, bye bye. This podcast is edited by Jeremiah. Thank you so much.