Bobby's 9/11
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Hello and welcome to another episode of Telling Everybody Everything. It is Wednesday, the 28th of May. We are just back from Holland, the Netherlands, home of Bobby K's family. And we did some tour shows in Tilburg, Amsterdam, Rotterdam, which were great. They were great. I am still on tour until the 28th of June. So exactly one month from today, Battle Axe.

is a wrap. You can still see me in Milton Keynes, Guilford. This is just off the top of my head. I'm trying to look at my calendar and see what else is left. Reading, Basingstoke. I know that I'm in Cork on the 28th to finish the show. I'm also going to Exeter, Truro. If you live anywhere near Truro and a comedian that you even like a bit comes there, just pop out and see me because I imagine you don't get that many visitors.

Bristol. I'm in Bristol. Okay. June 7th, let me address. One of the country's finest comedians was booked to do the annual Bristol Comedy Garden. I have done it before. It's so much fun. They have like drinks and food and a nice little setup.

and loads of different comedians on stage. Bristolians, historically, are very funny themselves, very good comedy audiences. I just popped on a festival near Bristol the other day at Good Times Live.

And I'm going back to Bristol June 7th because this comedian unfortunately could no longer do the gig. I'm stepping in because I'm in Bristol anyway for my gig that evening. I've had several messages from people who are like, wait a minute, if you're doing a 30-minute spot on this mixed comedy festival during the day in Bristol, does that mean that you are still doing your tour show in the evening in Bristol? Yes.

I've had further questions. Well, is there any crossover in your material? Once again, yes. But I do like an hour and a half, hour and 45 minute tour show every night.

That is like all of my best material. I don't have an extra like 30 minutes kicking around. So it is material from my tour that I would be doing mostly in a 30 minute festival set. If you come to see my show on tour, the entire second section is totally different. Every night we take dilemmas from the crowd.

So you still will be seeing something new if you come to both shows. But yeah, I mean, you're also going to see a little bit of crossover and material. And let me tell you this about my standup.

And everyone's stand up, really. This is like a blanket rule for comedians who are touring a brand new show. If you see them in like 2023 with a show called Mrs., for example, that is going to be a completely different show than if you come to see them again in 2025 with a show that is called Battle Axe. Different titles, all different material. And most comedians will write a new show every two years, unless you're Jimmy Carr and then you're writing a new show like every 10 minutes.

And I'm so proud of him, by the way. I mean, I don't know if one can be proud of one's mentor. It sounds a little bit, you know, patronizing. But he's out in America right now. He is on the Joe Rogan podcast. He's doing Kill Tony, which is the second biggest comedy podcast this week. He is doing Dave Chappelle's gigs. He's doing his own gigs. He's all around the East Coast at the minute. He's just...

He just works so hard and let him be a lesson to us all. And I say to people in the arts all the time to remind you not to let people shame you into working less. People used to tease Jimmy and be like, oh, is there anything you're not on? And Jimmy would look back at them and say, everyone I know works every day. Like if you own a convenience store, you work every day.

If you work in a restaurant, you're probably there minimum five or six days a week as I was. If you work in a sales job, I used to work in my Holborn sales job like 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., including travel time, minimum five days a week. If I wanted to go to the doctor, that was like an issue. If I needed an appointment, I had to take it as vacation time or do it at lunch, which is almost impossible. Forget getting your nails done or doing anything social because I was knackered on the weekend like everyone on earth.

Thank you, capitalism. We work really hard. So, you know, if you're in the arts and someone tells you you're doing too many gigs, incorrect. You're still doing fewer gigs than Jimmy Carr. So lock it up.

Anyway, I'm on tour. I'm still on tour. A lot of the tickets are sold out, though not in Middlesbrough and Sunderland. And I found out why. And that is because we already did shows in Stockton and in Newcastle. We announced those first. So all the people who live in Grimsby and Middlesbrough and Sunderland and like surrounding areas, they came to those shows. And, you know, you don't have to come again. You could come again. If I was Taylor Swift, you'd go again.

Violet went to the C. Taylor Swift multiple times. Multiple. She and I have a trip to New York planned next month. I am so excited to go with her. We remain within the customs limit, but we bring a bag and we just go to Trader Joe's, which is like a grocery store. And we go to CVS, which is a pharmacy, and we just get like silly things, toothbrushes and like treats and different kind of plasters and different kind of medicine and

There are some people who on my socials the other day, they saw some blue eye drops that I use. Blue eye drops could be full of bleach. They could be bad for you. I don't really know what's in them. I don't care. Because if you are tired, if you have children, if you have a demanding work schedule, if you have hay fever, they scrub out the red eye drops.

in your eye because blue cancels out red and then you just have like glimmering shining eye whites and if you have blue eyes it's even better but when i cry i do cry blue tears for a bit i don't know what they're called dazzling something but i think they've been discontinued in the uk which is a red flag but you can still get them in america so if you want to roll the dice and take your optimal illogical health into your own hands do it do it okay

Big drama in the Ryan Kutstra household. And I don't even want to speak about council issues that I have with my neighbors because historically, I'll tell you what happened with the neighbor's balcony and it was a mess. It was a mess thanks to the tabloids. And I don't blame the tabloids for anything. Everyone's got a job to do. I feel very lucky to be spoken about. It's not their fault that I share everything in my life on this podcast and they listen to it and then they print it.

as though I said it exclusively to them. This is just the musings of my life. But when we first moved into this house, which was 2019, there was development going on around us. There are people in my neighborhood who have mixed feelings about that. It is a conservation area. They don't love these new builds going in. So if you are a developer who is erecting a new build, then you have to follow the rules. Fair enough.

And so the developer next door, there was a lot of noise. There was a lot of building. And for some reason, he couldn't sell the house. I did look at the house next door and it was slightly more expensive than my house. But also, I just didn't like the layout personally. There was something about my house that I just thought was better. It was finished and ready to move into. I just liked it more. And that's the one I bought. No disrespect to the house next door. They still were working on it a little bit.

and the kitchen faces a strange way to me so that developer was struggling to sell the house but then also in fairness to the developer covet hit lockdown hit the markets went crazy we were in like a recession that a lot of people would call a depression nobody knew what the world was doing it became really difficult to sell or buy well mostly just sell any house

Or buy, I guess, as well, because I think that the rules on mortgage were changed because of interest rates. I don't know. I had already bought my house. June 2019, I bought my house. 2020 was lockdown. So like eight months later was lockdown.

Then the builder kind of cooled off trying to sell the house for a while and he resumed trying to sell the house and then he started adding new features. So like in lockdown, I saw some dodgy stuff going on that I didn't like. And I knew this because I do have a background in urban and regional planning. Not a strong background, but I sort of know what I'm talking about just a little bit. Just enough to notice planning violations and to know how to look them up and to know how to comment on them.

So Fred was just born. I'm distracted, but I see all of a sudden there is a balcony erected next to us. And I knew it was an illegal balcony for reasons that, you know, it was outside what was originally discarded, like disallowed from the planning permission.

We aren't allowed to have an upper floor balcony. I know that no house on our street or in our immediate area is allowed because it prejudices the privacy of your neighbors. You have protection with your house that you don't get your neighbors just looking down into your lawn. And when this balcony was erected, they had workers like out on the balcony building it, smoking, looking into our garden. I had like teenage girls over at the time lockdown was lifting. I didn't love it.

And so I reached out to the council and I was like, I know that this is an illegal erection. And maybe those are not the words I should have used if I want to deter the Daily Mail from doing an article about it. But anyway...

They did an article about it and, you know, in black and white, you always sound a bit more complaining than you actually are. It's no one's fault. Like, I wasn't trying to cause issues. I just don't want this balcony looking into my garden, not just for privacy, but because it does devalue my own house. If I go to sell it down the road...

The potential buyers are going to go into the beautiful garden that my husband takes such great pride in. And they're going to look up and they go, oh, there are neighbors like staring directly into the garden. You don't have privacy here. That costs me money. That's like, would this developer come ask me to borrow 40 grand that I will never see again? No, he wouldn't. So why am I going to let him knock this like estimated amount off my house price? I'm not.

So that's why I complained to the council. I felt badly then because I didn't realize a purchase was about to go through and then we got new neighbors and all of the council letters and the dealings with the balcony kind of fell on them. And I never meant to cause problems with my new neighbors. I didn't have any neighbors. This was a developer issue.

So, you know, that's all been resolved now amicably. We kind of reached a compromise, but I don't want to cause problems for my neighbors. I don't. I don't think any homeowner does. Like, ultimately, you just want harmony in your community. I love all my neighbors. Anyone I've spoken to, I think, is a gem. So on the other side, this is an old house that does require restoration.

We were very good friends with the neighbors on the other side. They decided to start selling their house as well. Why not? My house, I bought it. The one on the other side sold. The one next to that sold. So the guy next to us is thinking, you know what? I'm going to go back to my home country and I'm going to sell this house. Fine. It didn't sell either. Then it went to auction and all of a sudden it sold very quickly. And now we have a new family in there who are lovely.

Could not be more lovely. Came to the house to introduce themselves, brought me some lilies. That was very much appreciated. Nice little intro. And they said to Bobby during that time, you know, there have been no refurbishments to this house at all, like no modernization for over 40 years. We are going to have to do some renovations. And Bobby was like, yeah, I figured because like that's how it goes and fine. You know, it's not something we were ever looking forward to.

It will mean a year of like dust and noise and planning applications back and forth in the neighborhood, but that's life. And ultimately when there's development on this road, I think it increases the value of all of our properties. Why wouldn't we want more expensive houses on the road? I want everyone to have a nice life, live in their nice house. Fine. So that was the end of the chat and I wish them well and I understand that they have a total right to do renovations and like I look forward to popping over to see them.

Cut.

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Come eat, drink, and be cherry. Join the Gilroy Gardens Cherry Jubilee, a sweet celebration of food and family fun. From June 6th to July 6th, discover mouth-watering cherry-infused delights, spectacular entertainment, and all sorts of cheerful cherry challenges. Join the Jubilee and get tickets now at GilroyGardens.org. The dad at the house messages Bobby and says, I'm going to trim...

Some branches. Trim. Branches. Which now I feel might have been deliberately misleading language. Then we're like, okay great, trim some branches. He said some sticks might fall in your garden and I'm gonna send the guys over to like clean up anything that happens. Fine, fine, fine. This begins on a bank holiday Monday, which I don't think you're even allowed to use power tools on that day, but like I don't really care.

We are out at Costco with the smaller children having the time of our lives. I adore my Costco membership. We got tortilla chips. We needed to refill the coffee. Bobby gets really good steaks from there. We are always pumped up on steak night. It was a blast. The children got some books that came with a little drawing pad.

Violet, not Violet, Fena, the new Violet. Fena and I swung on an outdoor swing, which that reminds me, I'm actually going to order from Costco online without telling Bobby first because we need a swing for the porch. We do. We had a blast at Costco, as we always do. I meet fans when I'm there. They can't believe I'm in a Costco. And I'm like, of course I'm in a Costco. Have you even seen the selection of muffins that I'm allergic to? I got berries in the Costco. Like, I just can't say enough about Costco. I love it there. Then we get a call from Violet.

Violet's at home. Violet does not participate in the family Costco outings. And she goes, uh, there is a giant tree in our garden. I said, what? She goes, yeah, the neighbors are chopping down trees. Does Bobby want to see a photo? And I thought to myself, I don't think I should show Bobby this photo. Not at Costco. I don't want to spoil his day. We haven't even had a hot dog yet. Like, let's wait till we get home. But I knew that Bobby would feel really betrayed if I didn't tell him immediately what was going on.

I show Bobby the photo of literally like not a branch, not a log, like a giant tree has fallen over and through our fence and is in our garden. And in that photo, you could also see that many other trees were cut at the tree line. And I understand that our neighbor, you know, has a right to do whatever he wants at his property. Like, that's fine. But it's kind of it's a big change.

And those trees have been around a long time. And as someone with a planning background,

We are in a conservation area. These are not specifically protected trees. There are some birches at the back that are. These aren't. But you would think that it changes the view and prejudices the privacy of our garden so much. And those trees are so old. Also, it's nesting season. Also, it might be a logging volume issue. Like there are things that we would have just like to discuss and reach an amicable compromise on. Like we are nice. We're Canadian, right?

We couldn't be any more nice. And now we've got an entire tree in our fucking garden. And Bobby is having a meltdown in the Costco. Like not angry, but just like he just looked really sad. And then he got quiet and I had to take the children away from the trolley. I was like, OK, daddy's going to have to deal with this. Like have a few moments to himself just because he loves nature and the garden and nature.

you know, the shade that those trees provided. He just takes a lot of pride in his garden. And I don't think Bobby would chop down anything without telling a neighbor. We have had some arborists come around and chop back branches, but like mindfully, carefully, we've used the best company and we informed all of our neighbors before we did it and told them exactly what we were doing. And like this did not happen. My concern is that I've got small children and dogs,

And if there's a giant tree that is fell in our garden, like I know enough from the arborists, the tree surgeons that Bobby's had around that there are safe ways to do that. You can do a controlled fall with like rope. You can do like little branches at a time. So an entire effing tree, like is this person qualified to operate a chainsaw?

So Bobby's back and forth with the neighbor. It's just ruined the day. Now my husband, it's, you know, it's like when his sports team has lost or something, like something has been robbed from my husband. He's just so sad. So we drive home and I had to hold Bobby's phone cause I did not want him texting and driving and he just couldn't concentrate. So then we get home and I see in the neighbor's driveway that

The truck that they have or whatever, like the apparatus is called for logging, like the logging vehicle that they have is emblazoned with the logo of this very trustworthy tree surgeon that we use. But the guys doing the work are not the tree surgeon.

And they have plans to cut down more trees closer and closer and closer to our house, like literally hanging above our home as they get closer to the house. And I'm thinking to myself, what if this is the licensed tree surgeon that we know and love? Like, why is a tree falling in our garden and what is going to happen when they get closer to our house? So I ring the tree surgeon just to like speak to his wife because, again, I know them. And this is like some skeleton crew. I don't know this crew.

and i was like hey your company car is in the driveway like these are your guys and i'm really confused as to why there's a tree in my lawn and she goes oh these aren't our guys we hire our vehicles out to other tree surgeons and i went omg like do the neighbors even know that this is not the company is that

I mean, even ethical to let another company or just a group of random whomever, like I could presumably hire out a logging vehicle and just go rogue in the neighborhood cutting down trees. So now that worries me. It's not the company that we thought it was.

Luckily, you know, it was tense over the bank holiday, but Bobby got back to the house. He spoke to the neighbor. The neighbor is like very nice guy. Like I said, he's going to not cut down any more trees until we can get a surveyor over just to make sure that we're all on the same page. And I would hope what would happen is

the council can confirm like, yeah, it's fine to cut down these trees and maybe we could both get a quote and maybe meet in the middle. Make sure it is a very reputable tree surgeon cutting, especially as you get closer to our house because the neighbors like, oh, well, we'll fix the damage. Okay, well, obviously, thanks. But that is an inconvenience for me because now the dogs can get out through the massive hole in the fence and

We had to have a felled tree in our garden in the first place. And now we have to have guys back in the garden fixing the fence. Like all of that, even if we're not paying for it, is an inconvenience. I would rather have paid money to not have this happen in the first place. But look, no man is an island. You do not exist in a vacuum of your own rights.

The neighbor, I'm so pleased for any family who gets their dream home at auction and wants to make improvements. It is a long road. And I just want everybody to do things in a way that minimizes the impact on everyone around them. And I also feel like I'm someone who wants to have Bobby's back. And the garden is not really my concern. It's not really my area. That is all Bobby. But the amount of effort that he takes...

into like the curb appeal of the house, the outside, the garden, the nature. Like he really loves it and he was really sad. So I will do whatever I can to support my husband through this difficult time. But can I say back, cast your minds back to 2020 when the balcony controversy was kicking off. Bobby knows that I do not believe he had my back on that occasion. He was like, what does it matter? Give the neighbors whatever they want. And I was like, Bobby Kutstra,

It matters to me. And I think that this has come up, like this has brought us full circle in our marriage that Bobby hopefully sees how ruthlessly I have his back on this issue. My planning permission knowledge from days of yore is coming out the woodwork.

2002 Canadian planning permission, it's still in there somewhere because I've never taken street drugs. And I'm pulling it out and I'm writing the emails and I'm using the correct language and I'm trying to keep everything amicable with everyone. We want the best for everyone. But mostly I just want my husband to feel good about the outside of his home. And a lot of people have said, because I put this on socials, which I know I'll regret. A lot of people have been like, yeah, your neighbor can do what they want. Just plant a mature tree in your own garden.

And that's a great idea. And that's probably what we will do. And when I do that, I will keep it a mindful size because I don't want to just be petty and like block all the light out of the garden, which by the way, the light doesn't even come from that side. It comes from the bottom of the garden, but whatever. We'll do it in a nice way so that everyone can be happy. You know, my husband just needs a little bit of greenery on that side and he'll be happy. I think he's gone golfing today. He will be fine.

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Do I regret commenting at all on Kris Jenner's facelift? Yes, I do.

And I don't know if this is pathological demand avoidance or if it's related to neurodivergence in some way, or maybe I'm just an asshole. But all of my life, especially since being a teenager, I think, puberty really set this into overdrive for me. I have a huge issue with people telling me what I know. I don't know why. It is ridiculous. I should be able to be told what I already know.

But it doesn't work that way. If I am wrongly corrected by someone who like thinks they're right, but I know I'm right, it bugs me and it shouldn't. I wish it didn't. Who cares? But I commented on Kris Jenner's facelift because there was something about it. And we all know what that was. We saw it unveiled in all of its holiness last week. It just looks amazing. It looks beautiful. And as I approach this,

my mid 40s, I'm going to be 42 next month, it is inevitable, of course, that I start thinking about getting a facelift. Not this year, not next year. But when I'm definitely, definitely done having children, I would love like 45, I think is a nice year to have a facelift.

So just to like scratch that itch, I am putting in the groundwork now of doing research. And I feel like I get to know people's artistry. I feel like I can recognize now like who doctor, which doctor has done whom. And this would be true if you were an expert in anything. If you took real interest in football, for example.

You might start to know like the way someone does a play like, oh, bend it like Beckham. He has like a known kick apparently. This is my attempt to explain how I know what surgeon did what. And when I saw Kris Jenner's facelift, I went, that is the work of Dr. Steven Levine. I think I was the first person in the world to publicly say that. And sometimes I question how...

how discreet I should be about stuff like this because I don't want to get myself on any list where a really elite surgeon doesn't like me.

I don't want to talk too much about people that would rather remain anonymous. I wouldn't think that someone that talented who does work with the public would want to remain necessarily super anonymous. But it also bugs me when celebrities have work done and they don't say who did it. So anytime I know something, I'm very happy to tell everybody everything and share it with you. So I said last week, I think it was the 21st or 2nd of May, I said,

I can see that's the work of Dr. Steven Levine. I think it is. And so many outlets online were pontificating as to like, oh, is it Ben whomever? Is it Dr. Garth Fisher? Is it Jason Diamond? Is it all these people that the Kardashians surround themselves with? Oh, that's got to be Dr. Devereaux. Oh, that's got to be like, and I just knew it wasn't because these coming out now are facelifts like we have never seen before.

And Dr. Levine was a star at Yale. He is young. He just got this level of artistry that I knew it was him. I just knew it. And that's what I posted on my very first video. And I saw everywhere, wrong answers, wrong answers, wrong answers. And even in the comments of my video, wrong answers, wrong answers, wrong answers. People correcting me, it's not him, Catherine. It's him. I was like, it's not? I'm sorry. It's not.

Lo and behold, a few days later, Kris Jenner's rep reveals, yes, it was Dr. Levine. And I have been told that since Dr. Levine's consultation fee has gone from $500 to $2,000 overnight, which is the smartest thing he could do because you want to filter out the time wasters. $500 is a lot of money, but $2,000, if my math is correct, is even more money.

And there are people who will want to just speak to him or have a FaceTime with him because he's a celebrity himself now, even though he never courted that. He was always a very discreet, like low key Manhattan doctor. He was known about in his circles, but he's not one of these ones who's on Snapchat, not one of these ones who has time for social media, like I said, because he's the guy. The guy doesn't have to advertise himself on social media.

So that's been confirmed now. And even though it's been confirmed, I'm still annoyed because I'm getting even more messages now from people who do not read the caption on my reel. And they're like, Catherine, it's I think it's Dr. Stephen Levine. I'm like, yeah, I know. I know. I knew that from like before he did her facelift. I knew that he was the guy. I had a consultation with him around Christmastime.

And I just don't want to be blacklisted by him. I don't know how he feels about me talking about him. I've only ever said the most positive things. But what if, well, a few things now suck for me. He's going to be impossible to book in with now. Not like, you know, not everybody's got 200 grand laying around. And by the way, it's probably more than 200 grand now. But he's going to be so in demand that I think I'm going to have to book my age 45 facelift like today.

I need to email his girl and be like, uh-oh. But I wonder, like she did say she would hold that quote for me for a few months, but his prices are reconsidered like every three months. So maybe if I give a deposit now and book a day in 2045, but maybe I'll be canceled by then. Maybe I'll be poor. It is a sound investment.

Your house is a big investment, but you live in your face every day, even when you leave the house. I need to speak to my financial advisors. I need to see how I can mindfully, like in the best way possible, maximize money, put it away like I do for taxes. And I pay that much in taxes several times a fucking year, which I would not be pissed off about if it actually went to the NHS and schools and roads and like good things. So...

I just need to book in now because he's going to be more famous than ever. And I knew it all along. And I hate to say I told you so, but if I get one more person in my DMs being like, Catherine, do you think it's Jason Diamond? No, I don't. Talented surgeon, excellent for skincare, but no, I don't. I know and I've known all along that I really shot myself in the foot by declaring that it was the guy that I am trying to get myself into now.

This is how selfless TV's Catherine Ryan really is. We went to Friesland. So it's tricky when you are ethnically not Canadian, as most Canadians are ethnically not Canadian. It is a very young country. The indigenous population of Canada is extremely marginalized by colonization. You're familiar with that.

here in the UK. And so my background is Irish. My dad grew up in Ireland, is literally Irish. I have an Irish passport. There will be people who still say I'm not Irish. That's fine. Bobby is ethnically Friesian. Friesland is a northern Germanic part of the Netherlands.

His dad is from there, his bepe and all like 13 of her siblings and all 10 of my husband's father's siblings and whomever else, the Dutch. They really like to get it in. They're all from Friesland. And Bobby has never been there. And I think there are a lot of North Americans who never visit their ancestral home, which is fine. And you could be snobby about that.

You can be Italian and be like, you have never even been to Italy. You don't know what it's like. Fine. Well, financially and like logistically, a lot of people can't get there. But it doesn't mean that they were not raised with Italian culture by a Nona. And they have to feel this like ancestral connection to somewhere. So Bobby is Dutch. And his mother, I don't know, like a mix of English and who knows what. But Bobby's dad is Dutch.

And further complicated by the fact that Bobby lost his dad when Bobby was 10. I think the whole family has a lot of curiosity about the culture that they feel a little bit robbed of because Bobby's dad was not there to continue like speaking Dutch to them, like teaching them things about his culture. Obviously, he still has his grandma. He has people in that Dutch family. But, you know, there's a loss.

that goes deeper than just being an immigrant. He misses his dad, he wants to know more about what his dad's life was like. I think the whole family is curious about that. And that's fair enough. And anyone who wants to rob a Canadian of that, right, I think is really rude and mean actually. So Bobby and I were in the Netherlands. We chose not to take the children because we had just taken them to Canada.

And that was a whirlwind trip. And we thought, you know, it's only three days. It is Tillsburg, Rotterdam, Amsterdam, three days. We stayed in Amsterdam every day. And I satellited around with my beautiful tour manager, Annie, which is always the way. And I saw some incredible towns, incredible venues, great audiences. I learned so much. And I even got some presents. I loved it.

But on the Amsterdam show date, I said to Bobby, surprise. And this was a trip that I had planned before we even had Fren and Fenne, but lockdown ruined it. I said, it is tulip season. It is peonies season. We've got the entire day to kill in Amsterdam. Friesland is between an hour and a half and two hours away. I've got us a chauffeur facilitated by the wonderful Annie. And this chauffeur is going to be with us all day. We'll drive us to Friesland and go wherever you want to go.

And Bobby, his reaction was muted, as it always is. He's a man of very few words. His face doesn't move. I'm jealous. I pay for that privilege. He was like, okay, great. So we packed a pillow and some snacks and we went to Friesland to explore. And guess what? Nothing was there. There were some windmills.

a lot of cows and Friesland is huge. I mean, you can have a very scenic day in Friesland if you're considering going there on holiday. They have many lakes. You could do bike trails, you could do hiking, but I'm not about that life. And so we stayed in the car, we went to a casino

which I thought was really special. I did a little bit of recon beforehand. I found a few little restaurants we could go to. I found this little casino. I thought it was exclusive to Friesland, but it was a branch. There's like literally the identical branch, but bigger and better in Amsterdam. But, you know, I just tried to play to Bobby's interests. Like, let's make this trip special for him. So we got to the casino in Leeuwarden.

which is like the biggest city in Friesland, though not where his family are from. And Bobby won like 200 euros right away. We had an orange juice because it was 11 a.m. And then we went into the town to just walk and shop and see things. And we ended up having like the best shopping trip of our lives. We went to a vintage band and like comic book T-shirt store and

But all of this was like beautiful, authentic, like genuine band t-shirts for like 20 euro each. We went into this little shop. I got a Shania Twain tour t-shirt from 2018, a Whitney Houston tour t-shirt, cranberries, Alanis Morissette. Bobby got an Alice in Chains one and all super cheap. Like if you were going to buy authentic tour t-shirts in London, they would be 60 pounds each easily.

And these were amazing. And that's what I'm going to be wearing now for the rest of the spring and summer. Jeans, tour t-shirt. That's me. That's my new vibe. Then we went to a vintage store, which was not something I would usually do. But I just got some like random jumpers.

we got some adorable things for the kids. And then they had in Leo Warden, like so randomly, this designer handbag store. It was like secondhand Louis Vuitton bags, Chanel bags, Gucci bags, Fendi, everything else, Hermes even. And I didn't get any actual handbags, but they were doing this sustainability project where they take the bags and the boxes of designer handbags.

and send them to this lady in Paris, and she makes those into bags. She like laminates them. And I think this is a really cute gift idea for any woman in your life who's a little bit fancy, a little extra. She likes designer handbags, but she's also green. She's also ecologically conscious, and she doesn't want to spend like 12 grand on a handbag, which by the way, I don't. We know I have a facelift to save for.

And I do have a few Louis Vuitton. I think Louis Vuitton is very reasonable as a luxury brand. I have to say, I don't think Chanel is. I don't think Dior is. I am not a Chanel and Dior girl.

But you can get the bags. You can get the boxes. And even when you do buy your own luxury handbags, you can take the bags and the boxes. Instead of throwing them away, do a sustainability project like this and get something extra made. I got the cutest little, like, Dior pochette made from a Dior bag with this beautiful design on it. And they put, like...

you know, like metal little feet on it and a clasp and handles. And it had a long strap as well. It was just so beautiful for 150 euro. And I brought that home for Miriam. So like if you're looking for a holiday destination and you want to do something like a bit strange, stay in Amsterdam. If you like mushrooms, I don't. Well, I don't know. I'm going to try them one day.

But then go off and explore these like lake provinces. Friesland ended up being so cool. We had delicious food there. And then we went to Maram, is that what it's called? Maram maybe, which is where Bobby's family actually lives. And unannounced, like you would in the 90s, we just walked into Bobby's uncle's trucking business. We just walked in.

And the look on this man's face, like Bobby just blew the roof off because he just walks in and this man, Arian, was like, Bobby? Like recognized him straight away somehow. And he goes, oh, you look like your dad. And it was just like such a moment for the village. Everybody was like, oh my God, Bobby's here. And it's just such a funny thing to do in 2025 is turn up at someone's like trucking business unannounced in the middle of a farmland.

It was baller. We loved him. We had a coffee with him. There was a random baby with a woman. I couldn't really decipher whose baby this was. I was like, is this your baby? She's like, no. I was like, okay, well, sorry for presuming. But I would have liked to stay longer and find out more about the family. But they were all like very good looking, very tall, very Dutch, very Bobby-esque.

So it was a fun trip and I'm really glad that Bobby and I could do that. It's like, I don't have many bucket things, bucket list things in my life. I really don't. But it's like, why wouldn't you do that? Who knows when we will be without the children in the Netherlands again. You sometimes just have to go out on a limb and do something like that. And I think that act will have reverberations for Bobby's whole family. Like his sisters were absolutely thrilled and like really interested. I did post in a souvenir shop,

a little keychain that said Paca on it, which is the Friesian word for granddad. And if Bobby's dad was alive, he would be called Paca. And we do talk about him sometimes with the kids. And we're like, oh, you know, you're Paca. And I think I confused the kids because I did tell them we went to like where Paca lives. And I think that Fred might confuse heaven with Friesland because we used to go visit an old auntie of mine.

And we would visit her in an elderly care home in Cork. And I remember thinking she was dead, but then not understanding what the care home was. And I was about Fred's age. And I thought the care home was heaven. And I remember saying to my mom, like, I'm scared to die because I don't want to live in heaven. But my mom was like, holy shit, that care home is hell. It's not heaven. Don't worry.

But I was saying to Fred like, "Paka, paka." I've talked about him living in heaven and then I'm like talking about him living in Friesland. He's going to be terribly confused, but Friesland's a lot nicer than an Irish care home in my experience in the 90s or 80s. 80s, yeesh. And I posted the keychain online and someone corrected me right away. They go, "Actually, actually, paka means granddad, not dad." And I said, "I know."

I know. Paca is my husband's dad. Therefore, he would be my children's grandfather. Is that pathological demand avoidance? Like, why do I have such a problem with people telling me things I know or correcting me and being wrong? Does that mean I'm just an asshole? Can someone Google it for me, please? I'm going to Google it now. I got to go. I'm going to the Hay Festival this evening in Wales. If you're listening to this, it might not be too late for you to get there. It's like 1.30. But if it is, I hope to see you on one of my other tour dates.

Out of Order is coming back with Rosie Jones, Judy Love, and myself. Super fun series. You can watch it on Catch Up if you haven't seen it already. But now there's going to be a series two. I hope you're enjoying Silence is Golden, which is my brand new show with Dermot O'Leary, Fatia Al-Ghori, and Sean Walsh. And that has been getting really good reviews, even though we did not know what that show would be. And I'm thrilled to say that it really focuses in on the audience's

And their quest to not laugh so that they can split 250K at the end. They have like fights between them. Like things go down. It's so not focused on us like I thought it was going to be. Because all we're doing is going out and trying to make an audience laugh who aren't laughing. And that's really embarrassing actually. But I loved doing it. It's super fun. It's super funny. And you can come see me on tour for one more month. And then I'm putting my feet up for the summer tour.

Please write me an email. I didn't do any audience questions, listener questions this week, but Joanne has sent them to me. I'm going to come back in a few days and catch up on those because I know I owe you guys an episode. I so appreciate your support. Please look after each other. Goodbye.

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