Captain Camp
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That's $50 off with code LISTEN at BlueNile.com. Hello and welcome to another episode of Telling Everybody Everything. It was a tenuous 12 or so hours for American screen addicts when a ban on TikTok that began under the first Trump administration was overwhelmingly passed by a bipartisan majority in both branches of Congress and signed into law by Biden.

forcing a sale of Chinese-owned parent company ByteDance to an American buyer went into effect over the weekend ahead of its January 19th deadline. It was very Cinderella's carriage turning back into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight. Only if instead of Cinderella having a carriage, it was her making a Get Ready With Me GRWM video, and instead of a pumpkin, it was just her staring into her phone's camera with nowhere to post it.

If you wanted to see what tens of millions of people going through mass opioid withdrawal looks like, then you got a taste over the weekend. People freaked the fuck out. My favorite video was Nicki Minaj's younger sister actually calling 911 over the TikTok ban, reporting it as an emergency with Americans trying to access it, getting blasted with a message saying a law banning TikTok has been enacted in the US. Unfortunately, that means you cannot use TikTok for now.

We are fortunate that President Trump has indicated that he will work with us on a solution to reinstate TikTok once he takes office. Please stay tuned. TikTok users and abusers alike flooded unblocked platforms, lamenting its loss. For a precious yet significant monetized few, this was their living. And for others, it was the loss of a community they'd met, the artists and the music they'd discovered, and the troubling amount of people who just use it as their sole source of news.

The prospect of actually needing to put down their phones and touch the earth was apparently all too apocalyptic to bear. But it turns out all that American stress was for naught as the app was restored on Sunday with a notification popping up saying, thanks for your patience and support. As a result of President Trump's efforts, TikTok is back in the U.S. It gives a slightly North Korean dear leader vibes.

But OK. And I would remind teens because, of course, like this is not an accident. I feel like this is a genius way. Like I will hold my hands up and say when President Trump does something smart, I said I will wait and I will watch. And if and when it happens, I will acknowledge it. I think this is a really good way to trick an entire Gen Z demographic into supporting you.

I think taking away for a second the thing that they love most and then giving it back to them, like if they're stupid enough to think that you have done them an incredible service, then fine. And now I think there's a generation of young Americans who will say, oh gosh, President Trump gave me my TikTok.

And I would just remind young people that if you are not paying, well, I mean, forget young people because you know what? Everyone's on TikTok now. I'm on fucking TikTok now. I am there hiding under the blankets like James Charles was when I think he used a VPN to access TikTok.

And he was under the blankets in his house, scrolling through, being like, look, I hope they were not going to find me. I'm on the band TikTok. It became very exciting. That's me when I'm putting Fena and Fred to bed. I'm hiding under a duvet, just watching videos on my phone, pretending that I'm not on my phone until they fall asleep. And then I can sneak out and go downstairs to the kitchen where I can watch some more TikToks with the volume on on my phone.

But if you are not paying for a product, then the product is you. And this is true not just in America, but here in the UK and wherever you're listening from. Just be very mindful that what these trillion dollar companies are doing is just mining your data, mining you as an algorithm.

learning more and more about what you like and then showing you what you like

But that's just edged in the direction they want to edge you. Do you know what I mean? They can influence what you like next just by knowing what you like now. I mean, God bless my socials because I am always going this way and that way and Googling this and Googling that. I mean, I'm going to get the police at my door one day being like, why did you search that? I'm like, well, because I was watching 24 hours in police custody and I wanted to know about a crime.

It is very weird, though, to have a major broadcaster owned by a foreign government. We are very well, the BBC is controversial now in the UK, but I think that we're very fortunate to have a public broadcaster that is publicly funded and regulated. The BBC has not been perfect in its time. OK, there were allegedly a lot of pedos there for a while. Fine. Nobody's proud of that.

There were pedos everywhere. It's not safe to go to Top of the Pops on your own when you're 13 years old. We know that now. But how would you feel about the BBC if it was owned by Iran, for example? I think there would be a lot of British people out of joint about that. Not saying it would be necessarily bad, it's just odd when that is people's only news source. I'd love to have like a TikTok curfew imposed by our government.

And I think that that would be a really happy medium for all governments. It's like, all right, we can have some Chinese broadcasting, but like not a constant stream of it and of anything. I'm not advocating total censorship, but maybe...

There should be some type of app limit, like installed in the app. Like, okay, you've watched four hours of this today. That's the max. Like, no more. Chill out. Please go outside. They should have called that movie It Keeps Going With Us Forever because the drama surrounding the film It Ends With Us and its stars, Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively, keeps hitting depth-defying new rollercoaster loops every damn day.

Self-described masculine feminists.

Justin Baldoni's legal team retained more retainer last week when he launched a $400 million lawsuit against his Ends With Us co-star Blake Lively and her husband, Canadian superhero hunk Ryan Reynolds. Baldoni claims that Lively, quote, robbed him of his movie, LOL, and, quote, tormented not only him but his family and his business partners for a year and a half. As an example, Baldoni points to a meeting he had with Lively and Reynolds' home, which

at their home with them to discuss a version of a scene Lively had rewritten herself. Lively summoned Baldoni to her New York penthouse where Baldoni was greeted by Ryan Reynolds, it says in this lawsuit, who launched into enthusiastic praise for Lively's version of the scene. Hours later, as the meeting was ending, alleges this lawsuit, a famous and famously close friend of Reynolds and Lively walked into the room and similarly begin praising this script.

The screenshots of text messages included reveal that the famous friend is none other than Taylor, presumably Swift. Yes, Taylor Swift has entered this chat and it was only a matter of time. Taylor's not the only iconic figure named in what's now approaching Baldwin's billion dollar worth of lawsuits. Baldoni also cites the character of Nicepool in Lively's hubby Ryan Reynolds' latest superhero romp, Deadpool and Wolverine.

In the movie, there are multiple alternate versions of Deadpool, including a man bun sporting one called Nice Pool, who goes out of his way to flaunt feminist credentials despite underlying misogyny, which as we read this out, I mean, I could see where this is going. There is a theory circulating online that Nice Pool is meant to be a mocking caricature of Baldoni, which is fucking brilliant, by the way, because do you know how many men are walking around like that?

Like, I am a feminist. And it's like, it's so ironic. They do that as a way to fuck women, right?

Which is the antithesis of what respecting women is meant to be about. Like you, okay, so you believe in equality and you want to respect women, but you want to actually just pretend that you feel that way because you think women are stupid and they could be tricked into having sex with you if you behave as though you respect them. I mean, I'm lost, but I would, I would love that.

Some people believe that Nice Poole's comments about Lady Poole, yet another alternate version of Deadpool voiced by Blake Lively, so they weren't really trying super hard in the plausible deniability department, and her postpartum body are not a coincidence given that Lively alleged in her sexual harassment lawsuit against Baldoni that he found, quote, back channel ways of criticizing her body and weight on the It Ends With Us set after she has had recently given birth.

I don't want to get sued myself. I have never heard of Justin Baldoni outside of this lawsuit. Like, who was he? Justin Baldoni before it ends with us. Like, what are his credits? I just feel...

You know, it's not appropriate. There's a lot going on. Obviously, it's going to hopefully loads has come out already. There will be more that comes out over time. But I just have like a spidey sense that I don't like this guy. Justin Baldoni, American actor and director, like just a face value. He looks like a prick. I think I can say that and not get sued. He was on the CW Jane the Virgin. OK, yeah.

And he's directed things. He's from Los Angeles. Okay, like, look at all these red flags. He was born in Los Angeles. And I know people ask me not to slag off Los Angeles people. I think it's okay to, there are wonderful people in Los Angeles, really, you know, banding together during these fires. But what kind of a person is born in Hollywood? Like Shirley Temple and no one else. I know she wasn't born in Hollywood, but you know what I mean? She belonged to the studio.

Um, he has a spouse whom he married in 2013. He has two children. He co-founded his production company in 2019. He has this podcast that he co-hosts called Man Enough. He's also published two books centering on male privilege and toxic masculinity. I don't believe that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds and Taylor Swift are just going to take down a guy who's

Like just making art and is really nice and publishes books on male privilege and toxic masculinity. But I can see a narcissist who's not at all a feminist publishing these books, unfortunately. I mean, who knows? He was raised in Oregon. His mother is Jewish.

His dad is from Cleveland. Fine. Oh, God. He lost relatives in the Holocaust, tragically. His paternal grandfather was a state senator, an Italian immigrant. He ran soccer, track. He did a radio station. He got an athletic scholarship, but then he dropped out of university.

Ooh, what? He, he, oh, in December, just last month, he alleged that he had experienced sexual trauma in a previous relationship during university. And he wrestled with that trauma for the rest of his life. Because in his head, a man can't experience sexual trauma at the hands of a woman. But of course he can. He made his acting debut in 2004 in The Young and the Restless. And then he made a music video. I mean, these, there are no clues here.

Seems like a really nice guy. I just don't know. This lawsuit makes him and the text messages, everything else, it makes him seem like not a nice guy. So I just hope that justice is done and we find out like who are the bullies. Cause I could also maybe see Blake Lively and her friends being like a mean girls camp, but I just don't think it's likely, but maybe that's cause I got a Swifty in my house. Okay. He's on the board of ambassadors. Okay.

at a nonprofit organization advocating for women, girls, and immigrant survivors of gender-based violence. Who knows if all of this is performative? We are telling everybody everything cannot speculate. I can just tell you anecdotally, I have met a lot of performative feminists who are like pure evil.

I can think of a few famous ones, but I've met some in my life who are not famous and who are just losers, but they would tell you absolutely that they'd be a feminist. And they would be doing that with like the singular hope that you might put their dick in your mouth.

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Take the quiz at ilmakiaj.com slash quiz. That's I-L-M-A-K-I-A-G-E dot com slash quiz. A man in Zambia has decided to end his marriage after seeing his wife take a photograph with oldies, R&B star and known abuser Chris Brown during a VIP meet and greet following a concert in South Africa. I shared this on my socials. I could not support this man more.

Chris Brown, of course, is a notorious bad boy of hip-hop and R&B known for middling talent and a string of hits in the mid to late 2000s who is very publicly and graphically called out for raining holy hell down on one of the very few deities we have on planet Earth, the almighty Rihanna. According to court documents filed in the Zambian capital of Lusaka, the husband claims that the photograph which shows Chris Brown planting a kiss on his wife's cheek

disrespected him and has brought irreparable damage to their marriage, further describing it as demeaning and argued that his wife's actions were inappropriate for a married woman. Although we cannot really get behind this reasoning, which is antiquated and puritanical, the fact that it's because of Chris Brown tracks. I would not personally divorce Bobby for having any like meet and greet smooch.

I also don't think that he would divorce me for any meet and greet. I mean, if Bobby attended a Chris Brown concert, like that's the grounds for divorce, I think. Like, okay, it is reminiscent of a different time and he is an engaging entertainer, but I think you've got to have a standard of decency about you.

When a man like this can get away with so much documented abuse, because it's not just Rihanna. I think what shocked people about Chris Brown's physical assault of Rihanna and the fact that he retained his career is you think, okay, like men do this and it's awful, but

They can hide or the woman might not come forward or people might not believe the woman and the woman is just discredited. And you see these horrible ways that something like that is buried. But with Rihanna, like you think Rihanna herself, we saw photos. She's one of the most powerful celebrities on the planet now. And even then she was like very, very prominent. You can imagine.

abuse someone that prominent. Everyone knows about it. There are photos and you still get to keep your career. Nah, I don't like that at all. So yeah, if Bobby went to this concert, I think I would have an issue with that unless he went like ironically, but there's kind of no way to go ironically because you're still giving Chris Brown your money. And I would have an issue with that. We'd have some very serious conversations kissing Chris Brown. I mean, this woman put her own life in danger when she did that. And now her husband, I support it.

Mercifully, TikTok is alive and well in the UK. And a video on this social media platform came across my desk the other day. And I feel like a bad person, but I have to confess, I gleefully shared it with my family, with Bobby, with Violet.

And it really made me laugh. I think it's the most British video I have seen in a while. It is very controversial. Trigger warning is quite offensive. It is about, you know, it's negative about children. It is filled with fatphobia, xenophobia. Okay, before I say anything further, who is this diva?

A cruel headmistress branded a primary school pupil a fat slug and called other children effing ugly but has not been banned from teaching. Nicola Brogan, who led Woodland Community Primary School in Haywood, Lancashire, also said one staff member wouldn't need an inhaler if she wasn't so fat. Panel members of the Teaching Regulation Agency said Miss Brogan called one pupil a wimp.

and said another one annoys the F out of me, he has no personality. The shamed head also dubbed a teaching assistant a fat cow. The disgraced headmistress further branded a staff member Captain Camp and called a Scottish parent an effing jocks. In addition, the panel found Mrs Brogan did make inappropriate jokes with a teacher asking if they would have sex with an Ofsted inspector for an outstanding rating.

There was also evidence the head teacher shouted inappropriately at staff in meetings during her mood swings. Her behavior came to light in November 2019 after two anonymous complaints were made and she was referred to the TRA. The head mistress expressed regret for her actions. Despite finding her guilty of unacceptable professional conduct, the panel did not rule Ms. Brogan should be banned from teaching. The head teacher was also cleared of accusations.

What I love most about this video, and I'm sorry if it offended you, like, you know, I don't know who among us has worked with the public, has worked with kids,

This woman, I'm happy, by the way, that she was spared a ban. I think it would not be in public interest to lose the honesty, nay, the like therapeutic dumping of feelings that this woman possesses. Yeah.

She wasn't saying it to the kids' faces. She wasn't like, you are a wimp. You are effing annoying. She was saying it, you know, the innocent way. And that's like behind everyone's back. She was doing it on group chats. She was just offloading to her colleagues. And I think the real problem is whatever snitches tried.

to complain about this work environment. And what I love, love most about the British public is, of course, I ran to the comments and I thought, well, wow, what's she done here? She's called a colleague at camp.

She's talked about kids being like fat slugs and annoying. Like people are going to be going off on this part. And there's got a photo of her. And it's got the name of the school, her full name, Nicola Brogan, my queen. And absolutely not. There are 5,812 comments, which are mostly positive. Did anyone burst out laughing watching this? I think she sounds brilliant. Gagged everyone. I'm crying.

The way it just kept going. She was reading everyone. Why she got beef with everyone. All that coming from a ginger. She is a ginger.

After working in a school, I promise you this isn't even crazy. Who is this icon? That's just Sue Sylvester. Were any lies told? Primary school. Just violating everyone anyhow. Captain Camp is wild. What in the Waterloo Road is this? Every time I thought it was over, it just kept going. How is she coming up with these?

Jesus, alright Ricky Gervais, I need her as a friend reading everyone to filth. And this is it. I think the reason that I'm tickled by it is it brings back the Gen X experience of going to school. Like we could have really evil toxic teachers who would basically tell us to fuck off to our face.

I had a teacher who used to drink mouthwash during class, and so he could not be called an alcoholic because manufacturers had not yet realized that drinking the pure alcohol and mouthwash made you an alcoholic. And the headmaster knew he was drinking it. Everybody knew. Nobody did anything about it. It's very sad. There were teachers who were dating students. Some students were over 18.

Bobby had like an allegiance with these other teachers. It was so crazy at my school. Bobby and I broke up, obviously, and I was so sad. Bobby was friends because Bobby was like a dude. He was friends with all these teachers who did like sports coaching and stuff at our school who also considered themselves to be like dudes and who would show up at our parties. But like how fucking sad is it when you're like 35 and you're a high school teacher and your best friend's

are like Bobby and his 15 year old friends. And I swear those teachers were like mean to me. Like I was bullied by male teachers who like didn't like me because Bobby and I broke up. Like that's how fucked the school experience was for our generation. And I think it's about time to bring her back. Like get some, get some toxic primary school teachers in there calling people captain camp. I absolutely love this woman. I need to find out what she's doing now.

I think I just found her in LinkedIn, though there's no photo. And if it's her, she's in Warrington teaching at a different school. She is the business and enterprise teacher. Or maybe they just have the same name. If I were her, I mean, I don't know if she could go back to a maiden name if she's married. This outcome was just in December, by the way. Like, it's a very recent outcome.

Please write me a letter. What do you think about this? Would you be outraged? It's telling everybody everything at gmail.com. Do you think this woman was well within her right just to like unwind offload on colleagues and she shouldn't have been snitched on because that is low key how I feel about it.

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Finally, we have a very important update from episode 333. That was the July 5th episode. A listener wrote in to let us know that she was pregnant from a one night stand. And just to refresh your memory, this is the advice I gave her at the time. What happens to that egg is still up to you, unless and until you decide to tell someone about it.

So, especially in a new relationship, I wouldn't advise doing this to, like, a boyfriend, but someone that you're not in a relationship with yet, who doesn't live in your body, who you don't really have, like, loyalties to yet, I would just be really sure first about what I wanted to do before bringing it up to him, and then letting him weigh in, because...

It is ultimately your responsibility to look after that egg. Like that baby, he might be a part of its life. He might not like men dip and bounce all the time and you don't know him very well. So I would just wait. And if you, especially if you don't want to have, it sounds to me like you do. And I think that's great. And like, I just love having babies. So I think that's great. But if he turns out to be psycho, it's too soon to tell. And then you want him out of your life. And if you decide you don't want it,

Like, you could just make that decision quietly by yourself. Bobby's not mad. What? I didn't say anything. You made a face. I didn't make a face. So maybe it's not, like, ethical, but that's what I would do. It's just a tough situation. Decide by yourself, and then tell him what your decision is. Fine. Don't you think? I just think it's tough. Like...

All right. So Bobby was obviously on the fence about that one because what I'm essentially saying is controversial. There are men who would not like to hear me say that. There are women who would not like to hear me say that. But I just think look out for yourself first because I can promise you from 41 years on this planet that

That baby can't look out for you. It is helpless. It is dependent on like your survival to survive itself. That makes you number one. And guess who else is not going to look out for you? That man. He might. You can't count on it. So you just have to prioritize your needs and then tell him what you decide. Now let's hear what the listener decided to do. Catherine, I emailed in the summer. I was pregnant after the first date with a guy. I just wanted to email with an update. I am...

Currently 34 weeks pregnant and baby's doing well and so am I. I did tell the father about the situation and he did want me to have a termination. See? See? Don't tell him. And after some thinking and taking time, I decided I just couldn't do that and I'm at the point in my life where I wanted to have this baby, although I'm very much pro-choice. I told him this and I've not heard a single word from him since.

Well, you did it like a very good and honest way, at least you really did. And you kind of have the best possible outcome because you have decided to have your baby. Well, I mean, gosh, the baby's not here. Who knows now if he's going to like tap dance back into your life, but I fucking hope not because he sounds like an asshole.

Um, I quickly accepted I would be raising my baby alone and I feel very at peace with the decision and I'm very much looking forward to meeting my baby and becoming a mom whilst also being a bit nervous too. My family, friends, and my work have all been incredibly supportive and everyone's happy for me. I've even been brave enough to go to some antenatal classes and despite being the only single person there, I've made some mom friends. Despite it being initially awkward, everyone's lovely. My dilemma is now, girl,

My dilemma is now about whether or not I tell him the baby's born and whether I put in any child maintenance claim. I'm not going to put his name on the birth certificate. Good. Though my work, through my work...

I know a fair bit about legal rights, etc. I initially did not want to put in a child maintenance claim because I wanted to be completely independent, but in all honesty, maternity pay is shit and it would be helpful, but I don't know if it just opens up a can of worms. I'm not sure what to do about this and whether it would be unfair to put in a claim or not. I know he's fairly comfortable financially and what he would have to pay would be very minimal but still helpful.

I also further found out that he has another child whom he does not see either. Really did not do too well with spotting the red flags with this guy, but I'm happy just to focus on my baby and myself once the baby arrives. And she doesn't seem to know the gender because she keeps saying they. That's exciting. I'll be registering to all your baby breastfeeding and potty training podcasts.

Oh my God. Well, I'm really happy that you had the baby because you know me, I love babies and I love being a mom and you can do this. Absolutely. Especially with the support of your friends and your family and your work. It's great. It's going to be a great thing. Okay. I was on board because you told him and then he walked out of your life and I'm like, okay, great. And then I worried like, oh no, what if he comes back? And now like,

Why hold this bastard? I don't mean your child. Why hold this guy's hand? Like he knows math. He knows when the baby's going to be born. He does not need you to think about him, to prioritize him, to put like a smoke signal out, to like call him nothing. He does not need you to get in touch, to be thinking about him at all, to be like, just wanted to let you know your baby's born. Like, fuck that. He can count.

If he decides that he cares to know this child, which by the way is highly unlikely because he does not care to know his other child that you have found, then he can get in touch with you. And how about... Because the best way a man can love his small baby is to prioritize their mother. Because a small baby...

is very much dependent, especially an unborn baby, on its mother's sanctity, its mother's nutrition, its mother's level of peace, its mother's safety. And there are so many men who don't realize that.

They're like, fuck you, but I love my baby. No, it doesn't work like that, especially when a child is very small. You just have to love your child enough to put whatever differences you have aside and prioritize the mother. So has he prioritized his child at all through this pregnancy by asking you if you need anything? No, he hasn't. You do not need to call him when this baby is born. You didn't listen to me the first time. That's fine. I support you. I'm glad you're having the baby. But listen to me now. You don't need to do that. If you would like to put in a child maintenance claim,

I mean, I don't know. I agree it would be helpful. And it's not for you, is it? It's for your child. Like it's in your child's benefit that it receives, they receive financial contribution from two parents. And that's why society has kind of designed that in a nuclear household all along. Like there are advantages to that. But I do personally think in doing that, you are possibly opening up a whole can of worms to,

You could fight those worms. Those worms might come back at you with like entitlement. Well, I pay, so I should see. And don't ever forget, I know you know your rights, but maintenance and contact are very separate things. There are loads of men who have contact with their children, but who pay no maintenance. There are loads of men who pay maintenance, but who have no contact.

And for some reason, a lot of those men feel that one thing buys another thing. But your suitability to have contact with a small baby is very different from this baby having monetary world needs for milk and nappies that you, as 50% of their DNA, are legally supposed to provide.

I don't know, a lot of them fight it. Do you know what's going on maintenance-wise with the other baby? I would like befriend that mom a little bit and just find out how that's going because two of you could be stronger than one. But if she's having a horrible time with him, I think you would be having a horrible time with him too and it might not be worth it. But what do you all think? I welcome your expertise because how much maintenance did I get in my life from my child? Zero.

Please write me an email anytime you want about anything you want. It's telling everybody everything at gmail.com. I'll see you soon.

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