Melanomaniac
37:29 Share

Forever!

After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. Your old or broken phone can let you down when you need it most. Perfect. But at Verizon, trade in any old phone from our top brands and get the most for it. Up to $2,000 in value for an amazing new iPhone 16 Pro with Apple Intelligence and a new line on MyPlan. And iPad and Apple Watch Series 10.

That's like a three for one. And you can get it on any plan. At Verizon, trade in your old phone for a brand new iPhone 16 Pro, iPad, and Apple Watch. The other guys won't give you that. Visit Verizon.com today. Additional terms apply. Service plan required for Apple Watch and iPad. Up to $2,000 value based on iPhone, iPad, and Apple Watch. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Telling Everybody Everything. I am in Manchester in the hotel, and I just thought that even though...

The quality is a bit ropey. It was important to come on and do today's episode because I have learned this week to be nice about Meghan Markle.

I spoke last week about her new show on Netflix not because like I want to take the Duchess down or I dislike her or anything else. I said I do like her and I also prefaced every criticism that I had with the fact that she was entirely gaslit by this country and we do have institutionalized racism and unconscious bias. And then I don't like the show and I do think that she comes across as really disingenuous. However,

The press in this country still have it in for her in a massive way because the Daily Mail took everything I said and like cut out anything moderate or nice and just weaponized the negative stuff and somehow

The algorithm like really enhanced the reach and it was in all these headlines and my mother saw it. My mom's like, well, I hope you didn't hurt Meghan Markle's feelings. And trust me when I tell you, I'm not worried about whether this woman thinks I don't want to be her friend or is hurt by me. Like I'm sure that she is quite impervious to this kind of stuff. But wow. Wow. Like I understand now that.

Why you have to say only nice things about Meghan Markle or say nothing at all. Because if you say anything that could be misconstrued as a criticism, and what I said, I mean, it was a criticism, but it was soft. They'll just run with it and it's not worth it because you don't want to be part of that machine. And it is bullying. It's wild how far it reached because this podcast, like I have...

foolish opinions about everything every week. And it would never, ever get the reach that this did. So I felt really badly about that. I have a soul. I don't want to just be like launching vitriol at an innocent woman. And I said, I don't think she's a bad person. So no more Meghan Markle chat. That is what I've learned. Because if I go two out of 10, the Daily Mail will take it 12 out of 10. And I don't want to be part of that. So lesson learned.

I've been so, so busy, which is great. I'm very lucky to be busy. I've been on tour. My tour is only halfway through and it feels like I've been on tour for like most of my adult life, but it's going all the way until June. We have some dates in Canada as well in May, which I'm really excited about. I'm obviously in Manchester now, as I mentioned, doing the show. And then next weekend, Wednesday to Sunday, we're up north. We're in Scotland and then we're in Blackpool and Newcastle and that's going to be loads of fun.

Annie, my tour manager, is so fantastic for a number of reasons. She does all the typing of the dilemmas, which is extra admin than she had to do last tour. She handles like all the tech, all the communication with the venues. Sometimes venues also need her to go and help like load in loads of equipment that they don't already have.

She just does so much behind the scenes. It's such a hard job. And Annie just does it like effortlessly. And when I changed agencies last year, my new agency was like, wow, like Annie does a lot. And I've learned, though I kind of always anticipated, not every tour manager does as much as Annie does. Annie is something special.

Another thing that she does for me on this tour, and I'm not the only comedian doing this, I know Ramesh does this and a host of others do this, is she speaks to the venue about protocol for babies in arms or breastfed babies. They don't have to be breastfed to be babies in arms. There are certain situations where, I will say usually a mother, though I'm sure it could be a father,

Doesn't want to leave their baby at home though most people choose to do that most people will have support or they have the kind of kids who are not velcro babies all of mine were and I think that for mothers especially postpartum is such a delicate and vulnerable time for so many and There are women who come to my shows who go this is my first night away from my children in 18 months and I go 18 months 18 months and you haven't been out of the house and

So I think when you're in that little newborn bubble and you have an eight week old or like a very small baby who just wants to be attached to your body at all times. If you have been cluster feeding, you've had a nap in the day, your baby's up all night anyway, and you have a little window where you can go with your friend or go by yourself or go with your husband to a comedy show, then you should be able to do that.

I think it's really important. And I also think that if you don't support babies, then you don't support women. And I know that it will take venues time to catch up. I know that often when they say no babies or no children under eight, it will usually be, it won't be a bias. It will be an insurance thing or because alcohol is sold in the venue or because like you don't want a six-year-old running around. Um,

And it won't be the venue's fault. It'll just be like standard policy, no children under eight. Though most venues are able to look at that and say, yeah, no children under eight, but a breastfed baby in arms is fine. And none of the venues will have like changing facilities or room for buggies, but a new baby, you just carry it in like a sandwich. And that is fine on my tour. On the London Palladium website is that it's not fine. A lot of people I know have given their tickets away because they'll check

on the venue website and they'll say, no, you can't breastfeed a baby. I mean, it won't explicitly say that, but like it'll say something like that. And then they go, oh, I couldn't come. But you actually can because we've spoken to all the venues and they've asked us weird questions like and that's fine because we're evolving and venues are learning about this. But they'll one venue said, well, what do we do about complaints? And Annie was like, I don't think you'll receive any complaints at a Katherine Ryan show about somebody breastfeeding a baby. But OK.

And we've never had any complaints. We get maybe two babies a week, maybe three. It's not like a free for all like mums and tots event. We do not want you to bring like older children simply because they'll be distracting. It's not appropriate for them. It is too loud for them. There is obviously alcohol. There is obviously foul language, but you use your own judgment to

And you go, I can bring a six week old baby anywhere. A six week old baby is essentially like a part of my body still. And I don't want the women who either don't have support or who can't get out of the house because their baby is so young and so vulnerable. Like I don't want those women to be isolated. So it's important for me that the show is inclusive and that you can bring a new baby to the show. I mean, I don't think it's a huge amount to ask.

And there was a venue this week, the first venue. And we've done like 55 shows now. The first venue of the tour who kind of weren't being collaborative with Annie on it. They didn't ask follow up questions. They were just like, no, like that's a hard no.

And I felt badly because, you know, I don't want to cause problems, but I felt like I had to put on my social media, oh, you know how I always talk about how you can breastfeed babies? You actually can't at this venue. So please don't bring a baby because you're going to be disappointed. And I'm going to do a different venue the next time I come to that town. Not because like I hate the venue or I've got like beef with the venue, but it is important to me and ahead of time, this is something I should have checked. Like it is important to me that everywhere I go is accessible.

And then the venue saw my social media post, which is not what I was trying to do. I wasn't trying to like, you know, influence them through my socials.

And they rang Annie and they were like, okay, it's fine. But can Catherine stipulate to her audience that like, we don't have buggy parking, we don't have changing facilities, rah, rah, rah. Yes, of course. Like we do not want to have like 300 babies there. That would probably be overkill. But in our experience, it just doesn't turn out like that. It is a available option that a few people choose to take advantage of.

And I felt so badly all day. I was like, oh, I never should have put that on my socials about the venue. But I wasn't trying to shame the venue. I was trying to tell people, like, don't. But now you can. It's the good news. So it's March. It's mid-March. I've got April, May, and June of my tour. And you can bring babies if you need to. Lots of pregnant people on the tour. A lovely lesbian couple who wanted to name their baby Ragnar today, which I liked. The more I said it, I was like, Ragnar, yes.

This week, I was on a little podcast tour. I did Welcome to Hell podcast and I did, I'm looking on my phone now. It's Max Belegdy's podcast, The Useless Hotline podcast. And I was so excited to do that because Violet loves Max Belegdy. He was just on I'm a Celebrity Australia.

And he became really famous in lockdown for his TikTok. He's a really funny comedy influencer. He's on YouTube. He loves Disneyland. And we watch him as a family all the time. We love Max. And I'm getting to the stage of life where I'll go out with Violet. We originally met Max at a Mean Girls premiere. And she sees these influencers that she loves. And she's like, oh, my God. She wants to go speak to them. And when we get to them, they know me. And then Violet's like, how would you know my mother, Violet?

And it's like, "Because, bitch, I am mother, okay?" So it gets me a little bit of respect from Violet every time these young people know me. And I feel very special. They're so nice to me. They treat me like an auntie now, you know? I get that kind of like elders respect.

So you can hear Violet and me on Max's podcast. I think it's coming out the end of March. And Welcome to Hell was really fun. And then I had Friday off to get a mole removed, which is nuts. I put a picture of it on my socials. So like I am over 40 now and I have a little bit of a, I wouldn't call it like a full-blown mental illness, but a little preoccupation with death only because I've had sex with people who are dead now.

I've talked about that openly before. I know it makes me sound like a suspect, but it's none of the ones who deserve to die.

And there are people in your life who start to die when you're 40, if you've been lucky that something tragic like that hasn't touched you already. And I love the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and John Mellencamp's daughter, if you don't watch Beverly Hills Housewives and you want to know about her, you know, she is a nepo baby. The original reference is John Mellencamp. She's called Teddy Mellencamp and she's beautiful. She's a lovely mother and she horse rides.

And she's so healthy, but she's been very public about her serious battle with melanoma lately. And she had one melanoma that when she went to investigate it turned into she had 16 melanomas. She shared a lot of photos of them. She shared photos of what her scarring looked like after having many of them removed from her back. I mean, it looks like a Zorro scratch scar. Like it's amazing how much they have to take when there's a melanoma.

which if you don't know melanoma, it's a very aggressive form of skin cancer that is in moles, but it can also be like in the back of your eyes, which is crazy. And that would be undetected for a number of years. My dermatologist was telling me they found very serious stage four melanoma in someone's liver. And they were like, well, where did this come from? Like you don't have any moles. And they had to investigate everything and they found it in the back of their eyes with like an eye test. And there are no symptoms of that. Like it's quite scary.

And also there is like a family illness right now in our extended family that we're all navigating and, you know, things just happen. Like I have never taken my life for granted and I never will. So I'm covered in about 5,000 moles and I've had melanoma before when I was 21. I had like a golf ball size of my leg removed. The melanoma obviously wasn't that big, but they do like at least one or two centimeters on every side to make sure they get all of the borders removed.

And it was stage two at that time, which I'm told would be downgraded to stage one now, the way they define it. But it wasn't, I had no lymphatic involvement. But once you do, melanoma is so aggressive and it spreads so fast. And Teddy Mellencamp, bless her, has tumors in her brain now. Like it's very serious and I just can't get over it because she's got these small, small kids. So I went in to the Cadogan Clinic. If you go private with anything...

you know like try to set aside as much money as you can for like these private health care emergencies because it was not an emergency but i know if i went through the nhs they'd be like nah it's fine and i did have this mole looked at for like 200 pounds by a private clinic near harley street and the guy the consultation was seven minutes long the guy looked at it he was like no

That's not melanoma. It's blah, blah, blah. It was this, I forget the name he used, but it's an inflamed, like very red, changing big mole. And I thought, no, I'm not just going to take, because it feels nice to get an answer like that. No, it's not melanoma. Oh, great. Well, I'll be on my way. But

You can't just walk away with an answer like that. If it's different, if it's changing, if it's on your body, it's just better safe than sorry. So I rang up the Cadogan Clinic and they have a plastic surgeon there and dermatologist. I think they're known for lipo. I don't know why Cadogan came up, but it's near Harrods and it cost me a grand. But I was like, I want to go in on exactly this Friday that I have off and I want to get the mole removed. And they were like, bet. That's what I love about private health care. And this guy was like,

Oh, yeah, it does not look like a melanoma to me. He explained to me like there is a little freckle size thing on the bottom of it that, you know, I'd like to maybe take a look at. But I think it might be basal cell carcinoma, if anything, but maybe not. He used some other word that I didn't know. But he said, you know, there is something that is inflaming the surface of this mole and you don't like it. Let's take it off.

So normally when I've had moles taken off, they cut all around them like pretty deep and then they stitch it into a line and the scar heals like one straight line. But this guy was like, oh, it doesn't have to go that deep. We'll just do like a shave removal, which is still a little bit deep. But the difference is they don't stitch it together in a line. So I've just got this like hole in my arm now, which is way bigger than I thought it was going to be. And it's very unsightly, but I think it's going to heal like flat and normal.

I just feel so happy having it off. And I need to do some mole mapping. I haven't done that in a long time. That's where they look at your entire body with a machine and just like you do that every few months or every year and they know where your moles are and they know if there are any changes. It's absolutely worth doing that. I love that in my 30s when I started to get a bit of extra cash, I was like, filler, Botox, yes. And now in my 40s, I'm like, mole mapping, health scan, MRI,

That's where my focus is now. And then we took Fena into Harrods. We, me, the royal we. I just took Fena out. It's so nice when you have multiple kids to do something with one of them only. Fena and I went to Trotters, which Annie laughed at when I told her the name. It is weird. Their like mascot is a pig and it's called Trotters, but it's a very fancy children's clothing store. I love their clothing. You know, the people who are happy to dress little boys up.

like they're in you know like an old posh movie where they were like culottes and socks and stuff I love little boys dressed like that but Bobby never let me dress Fred like that um just a very like old school English shop really and it's a smart ploy to get kids through the doors they have a hairdressing studio there and the kids look at these fish in a virtual aquarium and

and they're very happy to sit there and they give them chocolate coins and because it was fena's first haircut they gave her a certificate and they took a picture of her on a polaroid and she was so cute and she just sat there very stoic for the haircut like didn't move a muscle didn't smile she was the best and she does not have a lot of hair to cut but we had to get some of the flyaways such a great day such a great day out with fena the girl is entirely portable

And I'm away from them a lot over the next few weeks. Like I was trying to think of a way I could take Fenne to Scotland, but we're moving around so much once we get there and we have like a nanny replacement because Miriam's holiday is coming up and I just don't want to move anybody around too much during that time. But then the following weekend, I'm in Ireland where I could maybe take everyone. But the thing is, we're like Limerick, Galway, Dublin, Belfast, like we keep moving.

And I said this tour, I wasn't going to bring the family, but I just miss them a lot. And I don't have a day off until April 6th. But we're going to see Bing live tomorrow on Sunday at the Arts Depot in Finchley. So that's going to be fun. I think we should get to the emails. I've been neglecting your dilemmas and I don't want to do that anymore.

Oh.

Requires upfront payment, taxes and fees extra. Terms and exclusions apply. Visit boostmobile.com for full offer terms and sweeps details.

Raise the rudders. Raise the sails. Raise the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over. Roger. Wait, is that an enterprise sales solution? Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title, and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply.

Catherine, on the subject of researching women's bodies, can his DNA in my body make me ugly? I should fucking hope not. I don't know. I don't even want to read what you're going to say because I have had sex with some of this planet's ugliest losers. They were not all Bobby until there was Bobby. It was Bobby. It was exactly Bobby. And then it was like a guy who was kind of fine.

He was great, actually. He's a nice guy, but not for me. And then like a guy who was all right. And then like I went on a hard loser streak for almost a decade. Oh, no. Catherine, I recently saw a jarring TikTok.

That leftover DNA from your pregnancies can alter your body chemistry and cause your own DNA to change. Meaning you can start being affected by the less desirable or bad genes of your partner. Catch his allergies or worse, become ugly. Even just dating an ugly bad guy can actually make you uglier. All the stress, high cortisol, constant crying from dating a loser will make you ugly. Yeah, but you'll be thin.

You warned us in your last podcast about not doing charity work and dating beneath. So what do you think about this? Do you think it's true? Did time with a loser even dim your infamous glow? I mean, I was so young when I dated these freaks. And I got very thin, which looked good on me at the time. I'm from a toxic generation. I don't think everyone looks good thin. I think I look good thin.

Yeah, like when I get sick and when I get sad and even when I cry, I look better. Hungover, I look better than sober. So I don't know what's going on there. Listen, I don't know about this. Bobby's good looking. Everybody agrees that Bobby's good looking. I've never been uglier than now in my marriage. And especially when I was pregnant with Fred. So this feels kind of like scaremongering to me. I'm going to take a minute and look into it actually.

Okay, I found this on a fact check study on Reuters. It said a 2012 study did not find that women store male DNA after sexual intercourse as suggested by an old headline which recently resurfaced online from a defunct website that repeatedly published misinformation. So like, yes, let's really hope that that... Why would they tell us that? Like, I think it's actually a good rumor.

I think that rumor protects us. Like there are a lot of junk science theories that like shame us and hold us back. But I think this one is great. I'm going to actually tell my daughters and my son. Oh yeah, if you have sex with an ugly man, it will make you ugly. Well, not ugly. Like I don't mind them having sex with an ugly man, but like a bad man. But your point about cortisol stands, like if they stress you out and they make you sad, okay.

I mean, at the very least, it'll give you an autoimmune disease, which will make you uglier. But then I found this one about male fetal. So this is with pregnancy. Progenitor cells persist in maternal blood for as long as 27 years postpartum.

Rare nucleated fetal cells circulate within maternal blood. Non-invasive prenatal diagnosis by isolation and genetic analysis of these cells is currently being undertaken. We sought to determine if genetic evidence existed for persistent circulation of fetal cells from prior pregnancies. Venous blood samples were obtained from 32 pregnant women, 8 non-pregnant women who had given birth to males 6 months to 27 years earlier.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Where's the conclusion? It's tempting to hypothesize that active cellular traffic across the placenta early in gestation is important and perhaps necessary in inducing tolerance to the human fetus. The establishment of these cells in maternal lymphoid organs or bone marrow may help to maintain tolerance of the fetal graft in a manner analogous to allogeneic organ transplantation. So this is now too smart for me, but...

I think what it's saying is, and I would know this from the number of miscarriages I've had, is I think sometimes your body would see a pregnancy as an invader and attack it. And I do know that there is modulation all the time with female immunology to like support a fetus and keep germs away rather than attacking the fetus.

or like just totally laying down its weaponry and letting like germs take hold. So you need to have this like balance. But I have also read that women's bodies attack male fetuses more if you have autoimmune disease because it is so different to your DNA. Like the more different it is, then the more you attack it. So like this, this maybe checks out. I don't know. I think it's very dangerous to get pregnant for a number of reasons. Like it's amazing that we do it at all, that we agree to do it at all.

I'm sorry I don't have a better answer for you, but if someone does, please write me an email telling everybody everything at gmail.com. And if you're going to write me an email to say all the ugly men I fucked have made me ugly, I'm not going to be happy about it.

Catherine my main client confessed his love then ghosted now my income is affected Catherine this has been a long time coming, but I really don't know who to speak to and what to do I'm a freelance consultant and I was invited to the Christmas party of one of my main clients fast forward to said party as well as my fiance we had a lovely time both my fiance and I noticed that this clients wife

whom he was supposedly separating from early in the year, was all over him. Kind of like teenagers trying to show everyone how in love they are. She got pretty merry and shared something with my fiancé that, but he was way too drunk to remember. Shared what? What is wrong with men? You got to remember the gossip. Anyway, to skip to the main event, as we were walking up to our room, I get a message from my client, which gets instantly deleted. I know I shouldn't have, but I got curious and asked, what's up?

to which he answered, I am in love with you. I didn't know what to say. I panicked because he is my main client. Without his work, I am fucked. We've just put a deposit down for the house and I will be the main person on the mortgage documents, so my finances need to be stable. The next morning, he messaged me to apologize, but the weird thing is his wife also messaged me to apologize. She had done nothing to me.

Maybe she thought I got jealous of how he was pouring. She was pouring her heart and soul out to my boyfriend while holding both of his hands. I don't know. But now two months later, they have pretty much stopped sending me work. I've tried being professional and keeping it to two to three sentence conversations, but not much back from them. Although

Although he's the director, I've been working with everyone in that company. They've all ghosted me. After praising me to everyone at the Christmas party and how good I am, they've all totally blanked me. Is this my fault? What do I do? For two months, I've had almost no work, and now he's apparently taking some time away from his own company?

This is like the life and death of a freelancer. I'm so sorry, but I just feel like...

For all of us, you have to be mindful that there are benefits to working for yourself, but there are also risks. This client saying that he was in love with you is absolutely inappropriate, but I don't think that as a freelancer, you have any legal recourse in claiming loss of wages or loss of contracts. I think if you're really good at your job, like, and you're really busy with one client, it is hard, but you have to keep going.

your fingers in different pies, for lack of a better term. You have to diversify and like make sure that you've got other clients to fall back on, not just because of obviously what amounts to sexual harassment and then like a loss of contracts, but anything could happen. His company could go under, he could get sick, they could just make a creative change for like reasons that have nothing to do with you. Like it's scary being a freelancer. My

Instinct though is that you just have to take this on the chin. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything to like lead him on. Like if I'm wrong about this and there's some kind of like legal thing you can do, but I just feel like there isn't. I feel like it got weird. Not because of anything you did. I suppose you could send a message to someone you trust at the company. If you say you know everyone and you're part of the family and you're at the Christmas party, you could be like, hey, I noticed that

I've been doing less for you guys. I'd love to get the momentum going again. I love working with you guys so much. Like maybe he feels weird and he's backed off because he embarrassed himself while drunk. But just kind of stay around without being creepy and be like still around, still available to do that work. Because presumably if you're so great for them, they'll use someone else and it won't be as good. And they'll be like, could we go back to her? Like how weird is it since the events of the Christmas party?

I think I would keep the door open, keep it friendly with as many people as the company as you can and like pretend like this never happened and hopefully the work comes back. Catherine, I was someone's toxic ex.

I'm a straight man writing in with a dilemma. There's been a lot of chatter about warning women about bad men, cheaters, etc. So I thought the timing was perfect for me to get some advice. I have been someone's toxic ex. I've never been violent. I've never cheated, but I have been needy, jealous and emotionally manipulative. Something really clicked after my last breakup. Maybe it was the regret of losing someone I loved or maybe it was turning 30 and just being that much more mature.

I loved, oh, but I started seeing a therapist and I feel like I've paved the way to self-improvement. Then I started dating a woman from work.

Things have been going great so far, but I was really shocked that 18 months post my last breakup, my ex had written to my new girlfriend to warn her about me, saying I was manipulative, saying I was, well, what I was. I've mixed feelings of being hurt by this. Part of me wants to confront my ex, but also I know she didn't lie, so who's in the wrong here? Is it once a shitty boyfriend, always a shitty boyfriend? I appreciate your opinion and help.

How cute are you? Only 30 and thinking like, oh, all the ladies are mad at me. I would reach out with your current girlfriend's permission or like consent for lack of a better term. I would reach out to the ex and I wouldn't do it angrily. I would just be like, I have owed you an apology for 18 months. I know that it was the wrong relationship for both of us because everyone is an asshole in the wrong relationship.

It doesn't mean you're a bad person, but good people do bad things in the wrong relationship. And I think it's about taking accountability and reaching out and being like, I was manipulative. I was needy. I was jealous. Like it wasn't right. I think I've matured a lot since then. And I owe you an apology. That's all you can do. That's all you can do is like right your wrongs. And I would be completely transparent with this.

with your new girlfriend and be like, here's the drafted letter I'm going to send my ex or I'm going to, I wouldn't meet up with her maybe, but just get everyone's consent to draft this letter. Show it to your girlfriend. Be like, I'm going to send this to my ex. Keep it friendly. Keep it short. Just say sorry. And then, you know, you're, you're, nobody wants to receive a message like that from their partner's ex. But I would also explain to my new girlfriend, I was in my twenties and I'm a boy. So that makes me legally 13.

And I was not in the right relationship and I behaved badly and I feel badly about that. But I've done a lot of work myself and I feel like this is the right relationship. And if you see signs of me being needy or jealous or emotionally manipulative, then I would, you know, be really disappointed. And I would hope that you would pull me up on that because that's not who I want to be. And I feel like I've outgrown that behavior. And I'm sorry that you had to deal with the confrontation from my ex.

and really if i had apologized to her maybe that wouldn't be happening but i didn't want to talk to her anymore so now let me apologize to her and then i'm sure you can smooth this over i don't expect that any of bobby's exes would have like great things to say about him to me because ultimately those relationships ended sometimes there is fair warning like sometimes a woman will reach out and be like uh

He's abandoned his son or he like cheated and he did this and he, you know, watch out for him. There was a lady who wrote in, this man was like a polygamist basically. He had three girlfriends and a wife on the go. So that's different. But you just behave like a bit of a dick in your 20s. I think that this is, you know, surmountable. You can get past this. And I have a few exes in particular who would say horrible things about me. Horrible. But they would be wrong.

My most recent ex would say nice things about me though. And I would say nice things about him. But I've dated some s-s-s-psychos. And if they would reach out to Bobby, Bobby would take that with a grain of salt, I'm sure. "Katherine, my boyfriend of three years won't sleep with me anymore. I really need some advice. I've been with my partner for three years. In the beginning, we'd spend weekends at each other's places and our sex life was good. After eight months, we moved in together and we've been living together ever since.

And since then, our sex life gradually reduced until fast forward to now, we haven't had sex in a year. Oh, that is bad. Since we've been living together, he has disclosed that he sometimes lacks sensation in that area and can find it difficult to climax with a partner.

If I initiate sex, he makes an excuse. Too tired, too stressed, can't perform on demand, etc., etc. I have tried nice underwear. I've asked him if there's anything he wants to try, but nothing works. I stopped initiating altogether because really knocking my confidence being turned down all the time, hence the year of no sex.

I've suggested he goes to the doctor, but he won't. I think he's too embarrassed. I love him, but sex is an important part of the relationship for me. I've been supportive about this issue for the last few years, but I'm getting to the point where I'm worried if we stay together, I will have to live without sex. I'm only in my 30s and he's the same age. I'm not ready to give up sex. Please help. All right. So if you're in your 30s,

I would presume that you are not au fait with the iconic HBO series Sex and the City. If not, you need to look back at the Charlotte York relationship with... Oh, I can't even think of his name. Troy. Mick. What was his last name? He's like a Scottish last name. Troy, the doctor. Anyway, McDougal, thank you. Thank you. I can hear you screaming through the podcast.

So Charlotte was walking along the road being like, there are no good men in New York. And then a lovely car comes along and nearly neither, either almost hits her or like saves her from something. And this man gets out with an umbrella and he's like a knight in shining armor, picks her up off the ground and they fall in love instantly. And he's a doctor and he lives on like Park Avenue. He's amazing. And they get engaged and they get married and they have sex and everything's good. But then once she becomes his wife,

He can't perform anymore. He doesn't want to have sex. He's got this Madonna and the whore complex with her all of a sudden. And she finds him masturbating, looking at like dirty magazines, which is so vintage. But that's Troy McDougal.

And she puts her face on the ladies' faces in the magazines. And she tries everything. Like Charlotte York is a trier. And she's trying to fix it. She's trying to fix it. But ultimately, like the sexual dysfunction in their marriage was too much for her. And she found like a hot sexual chemistry with her real estate. Was he a divorce lawyer? Yeah, he was. He was her divorce lawyer, Harry Goldenblatt, whom she married and had children with. So...

What I'm saying is it is very sad if your partner has a medical issue and he's got shame or embarrassment, that means he won't go to the doctor. But in a new relationship like this, like three years where you guys don't have kids and you've just moved in together and you're in your thirties, I mean, if it's not going your way, you can make yourself miserable for the rest of your life. Trying to convince this man to prioritize the intimacy in your relationship and prioritize his own health.

But if he won't, like to a point you've hit a brick wall and you might just need to move on. I wonder if you've had conversations with him to be like, this is important to me and, you know, I need you to do something about it. And if you are unwilling to do anything about it, it's going to lead to me feeling unloved and unworthy and dissatisfied. And I need to move on because I'm only in my 30s and I'm not going to do this. I think partners work together to solve issues. And I would never say like,

you know, to any gender, like you should be fucking every day if you want. Like not everyone's going to get their sexual needs met all the time. But if you guys haven't had sex at all in a year and he's unwilling to seek help or to communicate properly with you, then that would be a deal breaker for most people. And you can be a good person and leave a man who is also a good person because you're sexually incompatible. Because guess what?

Past a certain point, you're not in a romantic relationship anymore. Your housemates, your best friends, your co-parents, your whatever. But you do need to have that intimacy. Sorry. Sorry for him. Thank you very much for listening to a hotel episode of Telling Everybody Everything. Please look after each other. I wonder if I have anything to tell you. Oh, Canada's Got Talent comes out on Tuesday, March 18th. How do you watch it in the UK?

I don't think you do, but there'll be clips online. Maybe you've got a VPN. Love ya. If you want to ever write me a message, just telling everybody everything at gmail.com.

I'm Josie Santee, health coach, wellness editor, and host of the Every Girl podcast, where we cut through the noise with realistic, expert-backed advice to help you thrive in every category of life while still loving the person that you already are. And part of loving yourself is being really authentic to you, including the clothes you wear.

In partnership with Nordstrom, we're helping you update your spring wardrobe so your style is fit for your best self. Nordstrom brings you the season's most wanted brands like Skims, Mango, Free People, and Princess Polly, all under $100. From trending sneakers to beauty must-haves, we've curated the styles that you'll wear on repeat this spring. Free shipping, free returns, and in-store pickup make it easier than ever.

Shop now in stores and at Nordstrom.com. Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? Well, with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision makers. You can even target buyers by job title, industry, company, seniority, skills, etc.

Wait, did I say job title yet? Get started today and see how you can avoid the void and reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started at linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply.