RIP Meg Ryan
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But there is a solution. A new proposal before Congress would close this loophole and ensure these foreign investors pay taxes, just like the actual plaintiffs have to.

It's a common sense move that discourages frivolous and abusive lawsuits and redirects resources back into American jobs, innovation, and growth. Only President Trump and congressional Republicans can deliver this win for America and hold these foreign investors accountable. Contact your lawmakers today and demand they take a stand to end foreign-funded litigation abuse.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Telling Everybody Everything. Not the actress. Not Meg Ryan, the actress. Trigger warning. I know a lot of people really love their pets. And especially in my life right now, I have friends who have chosen a child-free life

They are single or married women who have really bonded with their dog or their cat. But in the case of my friends, I don't really hang out with cat people. These are mostly dogs that we're talking about. And I have a few girlfriends in particular. Oh, my God. My God. Like, I cannot imagine what they will do. Because our dogs, unfortunately, don't usually outlive us. Their life expectancy is...

is what like I knew a 22 year old golden retriever lab mix when I was young, but that dog was called sailor. That dog was on boats a lot. That dog was swimming in the water and running up and down the beach all the time in Sarnia.

I believe that water might have been compromised, but I mean, it didn't affect the dog. The dog had a long, beautiful, healthy life and then got arthritis and started to slow down and ultimately died like a very peaceful death in old age. But the family was still obviously devastated. Like it's a part of your family. And when I lost my first dog, Biggie, that was really, really hard. Like that was my first dog and I had him as a single parent.

I mean, I was rarely single, but I didn't have human children or, you know, a partner that I actually liked. I fucking loved that dog. And I remember being very heavily pregnant with Violet, bringing him into the vet when I was poor.

And I hate that vet. And, you know, I have left some Facebook comments just being like, I wouldn't go there. I wouldn't. I've told this story many times. I don't want to libel anybody. But the vet was like, we need a grand for a scan. Oh, no, we need a grand for another scan. There's no specialist who can look at that scan. We need blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And eventually we took him to a different vet who was like, listen, this dog has hydrocephalus. There's so much fluid on his brain. He has basically no brain left. He's like down to a brainstem. And it was true. Like he was losing control of his body. And this vet was like, who told you that they could not diagnose him? Because like this dog doesn't have a brain. Like I'm looking across the room. A student could tell you that like what's left is the size of a walnut. And I was like, okay. And yeah.

Yeah, like what a horrible loss that was. And Violet was already six months old when he died. He lived for about a year after that diagnosis. And luckily I had a new baby to distract me. Otherwise, I really do think I would have been institutionalized for grief. It is horrible losing a pet. So if you don't want to listen to the rest of this episode, don't. It is about losing a pet.

A lot of you may know that Meg Ryan, our teacup shih tzu, Megan, had pulmonary hypertension. We first noticed an incident where Megan was breathing very shallow. Her vital signs were bad on an evening in November. I think it was probably November 10th or 11th.

I remember because Bobby and I had a big fight that week, which is rare for us. I had come home from a corporate. Oh, and the reason I know the date is because I will just remember the big fight date with Bobby and like I will never forgive him when I think about it forever. So that is like lucky to have in my brain because I just know the things that happened that week forever, forever, forever.

So, November 10th or 11th, I came home from my corporate at midnight and Bobby had put Megan to bed and I looked in the crate, like they all sleep in their own little crates with blankets side by side, Megan, Manny, and Cardi. And Megan's vital signs were bad. And Bobby did say to me, like, she's breathing a bit funny. But when I looked at her at midnight, I went, oh, no, no, this is an emergency. So, I took her very luckily on our road to

We have a vet that also offers a 24-hour service from a company called Vets Now. And you pay way more for that service. And they will admit your dog like at 3 a.m., you know, anytime in the middle of the night. If you have a medical emergency, you can take your dog there. And that is a godsend because what would you do if you didn't have that? I took Megan in. And at that time, the vet on call was like, okay, well...

she might not make it. And I was like, what? I couldn't even fathom at that point. Megan was nine or 10 years old. I thought, no way. Like this is, you know, Megan's happy. Megan's usually fine. I just got home and she's breathing weird. I don't know why.

They were able to get her oxygen back, her blood oxygen levels back. They put her in an oxygen tent overnight. They gave her Viagra, which has an off-label use for pulmonary cardiac issues. It's

I think expands your blood vessels or thins your blood or does a combination of the both. Whatever men use it for to get a boner, dogs can use it for to like have better circulation and blood flow to their heart and lungs. Great. So we got her home. We took her first to the Royal Veterinary Hospital, like the best. And they're not far from us either. We have access to all of this incredible care there.

They did not know what was wrong with Megan. They were just like, you know, we've taken this test and that test. We can't do a lung biopsy because we don't think she's strong enough to be sedated and to have, you know, fluid put in her lungs and then extracted to test the fluid and see da-da-da-da-da. And we don't know if it would be conclusive anyway. So we're just, for now, I guess, going to manage this thing. And Megan was taking two doses of this Viagra plus another drug a day for almost a year.

I mean, this has gone on a long time. And in between episodes, Megan's really happy. Like she eats and she plays with the other dogs and she runs around like she's happy. It's her quality of life is good. And then kind of every four to six months and then every three to five months and then every two to four months, we'd have like episodes where we'd have to bring her in again. She'd be breathing shallow. Her vital signs were bad. Her gums were blue. I'd bring her in.

And she just had fibrosis of the lungs and fluid in her lungs and sort of inflammation. They didn't know why. And I started thinking from my own little home Googling, maybe Megan has lungworm. Finally, they treated her once for lungworm, which I have since found out is sometimes difficult to diagnose on a scan. And I thought she got better after that. And then she had another episode and I brought her in Wednesday, March.

Actually, I emailed the vet over the weekend and I said Friday night, I said, Violet says Megan's breathing a bit weird. Can we bring her in? They said yes. And then Violet called me back and she said, actually, Megan's fine. So I went, oh, OK. I was on tour. But then by Wednesday, I noticed and Bobby noticed Megan was on the cusp of another episode again. So I said, Violet, will you bring her in today? Like, this is the trouble. There's so much Chinese whispers or whatever, you know, non-Chinese.

anti-PC version of that term we use now. Although if I was Chinese and people said Chinese whispers, I wouldn't mind. You know, I like it. Chinese whispers. It sounds nice. It sounds like a sparkling wine. But anyway.

Violet is 16 almost. You know, she knows all about Megan. It is her dog. So Violet brought Megan in. I spoke to the vet over the phone to get all the consents. And at this point with Megan, they keep telling me to put her down. They are always sort of intimating, which I don't know why. Megan is an absolute cash cow. We have spent, I would say, like half a New York facelift on this dog, minimum like tens of thousands at this point.

because we love her. And if there's a chance that she can get better, then we'll invest everything that we can. If I could have invested more into finding out what was wrong with Biggie back in the day, I would have. I mean, I did. Like how I came up with even a thousand pounds at that point, I really don't know. So...

That vet was like, oh, yeah, it's the same story again. I said, well, don't do any tests on her. Like these are uncomfortable for her. Just put her in the oxygen tank, which, by the way, we have at home. Megan sleeps in a nebulizer tent every single night to give her extra oxygen. Like we are giving this dog medicine five times a day now. We take her out gently for like really short walks. But she's happy in between these episodes. Again, like she seems fine sometimes. Yeah.

So this vet was like, all right, well, I'll do the usual like reviving thing that we do with Megan. And then if she seems well enough to go home at 6 p.m., she can. Otherwise, she'll stay overnight. And I said, will you treat her for lungworm again? Because I think that was positive. Fine. So 6 p.m. rolls around. She's good enough to come home. This was Wednesday evening. Bobby took her home and left.

He does not always answer text messages clearly. If you send Bobby three text messages, he'll read just the last one and then he'll give you half an answer. Like for example, and I love my husband so much, but he's, you know, a man. We are taking some friends to see Oasis and my contact for those tickets was like, can you confirm what night you need and how many? And because it's Bobby's friends who are flying in to come to the concert with us, I said, Bobby, will you respond to this email?

Bobby responded, we need him for this night. And I was in the email chain and I said, Bobby, you didn't say how many though. So like answer the full question. So this happens sometimes. It's fine. Bobby has many strengths. This is a very small weakness. And it's, you know, we have small kids. We're both guilty of it all the time. Our communication can be better. So I asked Bobby via text because I'm on tour. I said, did they treat Megan for lungworm?

Because I couldn't see on the invoice whether they had sent us home with treatment or whether they had treated her in office. And Bobby said, quote, Megan has lungworm treatment. So I took that to mean, oh, they sent it home with us. Has. Okay. So I come home that evening from tour. I look around the kitchen. I can't find any lungworm treatment. I'm thinking, okay, well, we need Megan to be treated as quickly as possible. Where is this lungworm treatment? I'm fine. I can't find it.

The next morning, I should have brought it up with Bobby, but I didn't. I took the kids to school. And when I did that in the car, I saw the lungworm treatment. So now this is Friday morning. Friday morning. Is it? What? Wednesday? Thursday? What day is it today? Sunday? Oh, Wednesday. So this must have been Thursday morning. I'm so sorry. Okay. So Wednesday, I can't find the lungworm treatment. Thursday morning, I find it.

It was in the car. I took it out and I put the little drops on the back of Megan's neck. That's how you do lungworm treatment. And then I went on with my day. I saw Bobby and he said, oh no, it was lungworm treatment. Now Megan had lungworm treatment. I said, I thought you said has, he did say has. He goes, yeah, it auto-corrected to has, I meant had. And I'm like, okay, well now she's had two lungworm treatments, one on Wednesday, one on Thursday. Is that bad?

And I should really have treated that like a medical emergency. Like I would feel better about myself if I did. But I just thought, I mean, how bad can it be to have a couple of drops of long-warm treatment on your neck two days apart? She was meant to have it two weeks apart. She had it two days apart. Okay.

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We got you. Visit Verizon today. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers. Instacart is on a mission to have you not leave the couch this basketball season.

And then...

I got home from tour Thursday night. Megan was in bed. Everything was fine. I chatted to Violet. And then Friday morning, I woke up with like a startle. Like it was 6.26 a.m. And I just went, and the children hadn't woken me up that night, which was weird. Bobby was in bed with Fred. I was in bed with Fennah, but she hadn't woken all night. So I was asleep from like 12.30 a.m. till 6.30 a.m. straight. And that was unusual for our family.

And I woke up in a weird way. Like I was woken and TMI, I was woken by the feeling that I was going to shit my pants. This has never happened to me before, but obviously we all know when it happens, you have to take it quite seriously. And I was like, huh? And I was sort of confused because I was in a state of sleep and I went, oh my God, I have to go to the bathroom. And then I heard Fred stirring and Bobby was going to take him down. And I said, no, Bobby, I'll take him down. And Bobby said, why? You were on tour last night. You got to bed late. I'll just take him down. I said, no, I have to go to the bathroom.

Bobby was like, okay. So I take Fred, we go downstairs and I went straight to Megan's bed. I always do. The first thing I do before I make coffee, before I do anything, we come down the stairs. I let each dog out of their bed. They're expecting us. They go straight outside and

And as I came around the corner, I saw in Megan's nebulizer tent where she sleeps that she was laying down on her side. And that's not normally how she sleeps. When I come down, she can usually hear me coming down the stairs. So she stood up wagging her tail, number one. But if she is tired and she's asleep, she kind of sleeps like on her tummy with her head in her paws. She was on her side.

And I knew I didn't have to go to the bathroom anymore, by the way, that you have to go to the bathroom was a false alarm that just got me downstairs first. And I looked at her for a minute before I approached and I could see that her chest was not going up and down. And I sort of, you know, this is something that.

We have been anticipating, again, the vets always said like, this is not going to get better. Like this is fatal. So what do you want to do? And I have said, you know, my uncle has a pulmonary issue and we're not putting him down. Like we just treat him and he has good days. And I think every time he gets out of the hospital, he's back to smoking and, you know, we just let him live his life. And I'm going to do the same with Megan.

And I sort of feared that she might have an episode that she didn't recover from at home or she might pass away in her sleep. So then I went to pick her up and she was very soft and floppy and not to get into death. But when someone passes away, they get stiff and cold quite quickly.

I don't know if anyone has experience with death, but they get, you know, it happens very fast. But Megan was not cold and not stiff at all, like very soft in my arms. So I picked her up and I wrapped her in a pink towel. And I kind of just, her eyes were open, which I don't love. But maybe, I think she had just passed, like,

before I got downstairs or minutes before I really do. She wasn't breathing, but maybe she still had a little pulse or like knew that I picked her up. I want to believe that. And then Fred was with me and I just said, oh, Fred, you need to put your trousers on. He was sleeping naked from the waist down, you know, like Donald Duck. And I just said, OK, you got to put your trousers on. Megan is not feeling well. We have to take her to the doctor right now. Brenna and Daddy were still sleeping upstairs. And Fred said, OK, so I

Put Megan wrapped in her pink towel on the sofa gently. And then I put Fred's trousers on. No shoes. I slipped my sliders on, picked Megan back up, and we walked out the door. I put Fred in his car seat. Megan was in my arms the whole time. And then I drove genuinely two and a half minutes down the road with Megan in my arms. And that's when I got upset. Like, I had been... I'm so good in a crisis. And...

Maybe my dad on and off was not the perfect husband. He was not my mom's favorite person. They got married very young. But even she will always say, your father is so good in a crisis. And I love that I have that because if something really hits the fan, like I don't get upset right away. I know exactly what to do. I'm too confident. That's the problem. I'm overconfident. I will always just move forward.

And when I'm, when something's going wrong, I move forward for better or worse. Like that suits me well. I don't hesitate when something goes wrong. Grab me and grab Fred, drive. And we got there. And by this point I was quite tearful. And then, uh, we parked, I took Fred out of the car and we walked in and Fred was very, he's not used to me being upset, but he was just very stoic about the whole thing. He had his dummy in his mouth and he was just like, okay.

I rang the doorbell, the 24-hour overnight vet team. They know Megan from previous episodes. They opened the door. And then they were so kind. These people have to tell people, console people who've lost pets all the time. And I cannot imagine how hard that job is. And I just said, I woke up and I found Megan like this and she's still soft and I don't know. And I gave her to the lady and the lady said,

I wasn't quick to take Megan to the back. You know what I mean? The lady looked at Megan, the vet, and took her from me and just was like, yeah, okay, sorry, poor Megan. We know Megan. I think everyone sort of saw this coming. And I did say to her, like, she's been really sick, but I also gave her too much lungworm treatment. And the lady was like, no, like, that's not why she died. Like, Megan has many medical issues. Megan is incredibly medically fragile.

And she took Megan and then she said, I'll just, I'll hand this over to the daytime vets and I'll have them call you and discuss what you want to do. I'm really sorry, blah, blah, blah. And Fred asked me, I caught myself together. I was only upset for like a few minutes.

And Fred, oh God. And there was a woman in the waiting room. And if she was there, she had some medical emergency too, because you are not at the 24 hour vet at 6.32 AM unless something has gone terribly wrong. And I couldn't tell if this woman was already crying when we arrived, but she was crying by the time we left. And

Like, I think I would cry too if I heard this like mother crying about what was clearly like the cutest, smallest dead dog. And she's got a little three-year-old boy who's like, mommy, is Megan coming home again? And I was like, no, I said, you know, I said that, oh, it's so stupid that I get upset still. I said, I think the best thing to do with a three-year-old is to tell them whatever truth is age appropriate and not to lie again.

So I didn't say the words like dead. I just said, you know, Megan was really sick and we had to come to the doctor a lot and she is not getting better with us. So she's going to come here and feel lots better. Like she is going to feel better now, but she can only feel better if she goes. It's so stupid. Is it a back to dog world? I said she has to go be with her mommy and daddy.

And then she'll feel so much better. She'll go to Dog World, which is so dumb. But I just chose like Dog World as the afterlife. And Fred was like, oh, OK. And I said, she's not coming. And then he was like, OK. So we left. By the time we got home, Bobby and Fanna were waking up. They were just coming down the stairs.

And Bobby was really confused to see shoeless Fred and me coming in the door. He was like, why are you guys outside? And I said to Bobby, Megan died. And Bobby was like, what? And Fenugreys did not clock it at all. She did not care. And then Bobby starts to cry. And by then, I wasn't crying anymore. I had my cry, and I was quite composed.

So then Bobby gave me a hug and he was crying. And then Fred turned against me. He goes, why are you angry with my daddy? I said, I'm not angry with your daddy. Daddy's sad because I told daddy that Megan's not coming back. Just like I was sad. And Fred was like, oh, okay. And Fred is so interesting now. Like in my standup, which I started touring 92 shows ago in September of last year, I

I described Fred as being this really toxic male and really aggressive. And I mean, he did hold a sword to my neck the other day from the backseat of the car while I was driving. I mean, like he likes weapons and things. It's, you know, I didn't grow up with boys. I don't get it. But he is also very sensitive and emotional. And he he thinks about things. And I suppose that's normal of any three and a half year old. They start to really analyze things.

So Fred was just very observant through this whole ordeal. And I have to remember now this was Friday morning, two days ago. The rest of the family has been told about what happened. You know, Violet was understandably upset. Bobby was upset. But Fred and I are the only people who saw Megan. Like Fred...

will have some understanding of like, oh, okay. I saw that. And I saw my mom cry. And then Megan didn't come back after that. You know what? I hope that I told him enough of the truth because he asked Bobby maybe an hour later over breakfast. He said, Bobby, he said, daddy, is Megan coming back? And Bobby said, maybe. And I said, no, no, Megan's not coming back. I don't think you should wishy-wash what's happening with kids and

Violet's approach was she was like, you need to tell Fred Megan is dead. You need to tell Fred Megan died because Fred is going to have to tackle death in his life. Like Violet is quite a blunt instrument. And I disagree with that as well. And so I'm not really sure what's right. I think everybody chooses to explain pet death to their children in their own way. God forbid they actually have to tackle the subject of like familial death because

But I just thought that was the best way, like sort of hint at an afterlife, which I don't feel is a lie. I do believe in the afterlife in some version of it. I don't really articulate it well. I can't conceptualize what it means, but I think it would be, I don't know. I don't think this is the end. I believe in souls. I don't know. So dog world back with her mom and dad and feeling better. And I do think Megan at points was certainly suffering, but

So that's what we told Fred. And he asks kind of every once in a while. He's, you can see, he thinks about it. He's like, what? Where did Megan go? Is Megan coming? Like, he wants to understand more, but I just think age appropriate. This is what we're going with now. And, you know, Megan was 11, nearly 11. And she was such a lovely little dog. Everybody loved Meg Ryan. And,

I'm just so sad that she got ill in the later part of her life. I will never know. Like, I won't know if it was lungworm. I didn't treat her for lungworm as regularly as I should have. You have to treat your dogs for these things because they can be fatal. But her breed, she's so small, you know, and Biggie was the same. He was a teacup imperial Shih Tzu. So, so, so, so, so, so small. Megan's smaller than she looks in photos.

And those designer dogs, like a lot of the reason why people are against them is not only because there are rescue dogs who are looking for homes and problems with that, problems with breeding, but it's just they do come out quite medically fragile sometimes. Even though we got her from a great breeder, she's still like a designer handbag dog.

So I will always have guilt about that. I've Googled like what happens if you give too much lungworm and the result has said it can be fatal. It depends on which lungworm treatments. Some of them are ivermectin and they'll interfere with the nervous system. Some of them are other drugs. But then I spoke to the vet subsequently. You know, they called to see how we were doing. And I like I just love closure. I love closure.

I know that I need it. And if I didn't ask the questions now, I'd just be Googling it for the rest of my life and blaming myself, which I will anyway. But I said, I gave her too much lungworm treatment. She was treated one day and then she was treated the next day. And the vet said, yeah, people call us. They do that all the time and their dogs don't die. And I thought, right, but Megan was really small and that could have been what did it. But, you know, the piece that I have with that is that I think, you know, every single time we took her in,

The vet was nudging us to put her down. I think this, you know, it's an ending and we can't take it back. Whatever the cause, she had just had a recent episode. It is statistically like far more likely that her heart had just had enough and

You know, I don't know exactly what happened. It could have been my fault with the miscommunication with the lungworm treatment. I've Googled, like I've gone into an absolute rabbit hole searching about that. But I think it was just Megan's time. We were told she might pass away on the evening that I brought her in, which was 19 months ago. And...

We got her for an extra 19 months. So it's been so sad. And I think it'll be sad on and off. But I deal with it a lot better. I'm dealing with it much better than I dealt with Biggie dying. And we will just appreciate the other dogs. Because I can't believe Manny outlived Megan. Manny was medically fragile for a while himself. But he's a mutt from Wolverhampton. And he bounced back.

And it's just so horrible losing a pet. Like, it's just a reminder, like, don't even get a dog. It is almost not worth it unless you sort of factor in the grief counseling that you'll need, knowing they don't live longer than you do. And now all I can think about is some of my friends who love, like, I have a friend in Sarnia who sells real estate and loves,

her entire like identity is linked to this dog that she loves so much. It's her best friend. It's on the benches, like the real estate ads, her business cards have a photo of her and the dog. She goes everywhere with this dog. Like it's a very special dog. She loves him so much. And I was just thinking, what are we going to do? Chatz v'shalom. It's hard. It sucks. And for the first time, like I...

I have so much responsibility right now with work and my kids, and I just don't even want to get another pet ever. I was sort of addicted to getting dogs for a while. I had four dogs at one point, and a horse, and a cat, and hamsters. And I don't have a desire to go down this teacup shih tzu love affair road again because it's just so difficult for everyone in the family when they go. So...

I hope that you have enjoyed photos and stories about Meg Ryan throughout her life. She was such a special dog, really amazing. And I will always be left with questions about why she got sick in the first place and then also why she died. Bobby and I need to communicate better via text. And I love the opportunities that come my way, but sometimes being busy means...

you like overlook things. So I feel bad about that.

Now at Verizon, we have some big news for your peace of mind. For all our customers, existing and new, we're locking in low prices for three years guaranteed on MyPlan and MyHome. That's future you peace of mind. And everyone can save on a brand new phone on MyPlan when you trade in any phone from one of our top brands. That's new phone peace of mind. Because at Verizon, whether you're already a customer or you're just joining us,

We got you. Visit Verizon today. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

But

But there is a solution. A new proposal before Congress would close this loophole and ensure these foreign investors pay taxes, just like the actual plaintiffs have to.

It's a common sense move that discourages frivolous and abusive lawsuits and redirects resources back into American jobs, innovation, and growth. Only President Trump and congressional Republicans can deliver this win for America and hold these foreign investors accountable. Contact your lawmakers today and demand they take a stand to end foreign-funded litigation abuse.

On the plus side, we do have a surplus of Viagra in the house. We've got months and months and months of Viagra supply from Megan's Leftover Medicine. So if anyone is looking for some bootleg boner medicine, come get it here. All right. I did not do questions and answers last week, nor did I do them the week before last.

I would always love to receive your dilemmas, your questions. This goes very well on tour. Oh my God. The dilemmas I've been getting on tour. You just, you have to be there to see it. They are more wild than anything we've ever had on the podcast. But if you'd like to write me one to the podcast, the email address is tellingeverybodyeverythingatgmail.com.

Let me take this time to tell you that if you're going to confirm that it's my fault Megan's dead via email, you could just leave that out. No need to tell me that. I will blame myself forever anyway. You know, your role as a member of the Telling Everybody team is just to like, you know, we listen and we don't judge. Take from my mistakes lessons to better your own future. Let's see now what problems you have had this week.

Katherine, I'm reaching out for advice on an ongoing family issue that started during our wedding planning. We found our dream venue in Scotland and since we're both in our mid-20s and early in our careers, aka little side note for me, way too young to get married,

We had a tight budget. We split our guest list 50/50 and we limited their plus ones. This included cousins and some friends because we simply couldn't afford to invite everyone's partners. We applied this rule fairly to avoid signaling anyone out. One cousin didn't take it well.

I later heard, but not from her directly, that she was upset her boyfriend wasn't invited and decided not to attend the wedding. She vented to my sister and other cousins, and then her parents backed out without explanation. Since then, they've been distant, ignoring our wedding and now me entirely at family events."

To make it worse, they warmly congratulated my sister when she eloped three weeks later. Texts, photo likes, the whole thing, none of which they did for us. At gatherings, my cousin pretends I'm invisible while others avoid addressing it and just tell me how, quote, awkward it is.

It's isolating, and it makes me dread seeing my own family. In the past, when I've tried to talk to her directly, she either denies the issue or complains through her dad, who passes it to my dad. She's always been a bit self-centered, but this has made me feel like a complete outsider. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation. Well, this is another pitfall of getting married too young. Like, my main concern is that if you're in your mid-20s...

You don't really know exactly who you are going to be and who your husband's going to be. And God willing, you guys evolve and grow and change together. And you always love each other. But I don't know. I think in the modern world, you're going to live to be like 120 now if you look after yourself. And getting married in your mid-20s, it just scares me a bit. A bit. And as an aside...

Have you seen what's going on? I'll get back to your question in a minute, but have you seen what's going on with Cardi B and Offset? So they have had a tumultuous relationship since they got together. He had babies with someone else, and I know that he left her for Cardi B because that is in a song lyric. You left your baby mom, now Cardi's your wife-to-be.

He got with Cardi and he was a philandering sex pest for the entirety of their relationship. He would shower her with gifts. She loved him for some reason. Obviously, Cardi B has a tricky upbringing and a toxic type, but she would sing all the time warning him, be careful with me, please stop cheating on me. And he did it again and again. She had what, three of his children now? Three? Yeah.

And he just never, ever, ever was able to be faithful to her. He'd apologize. You know, there'd be new Birkins on Instagram or bundles of roses, whatever. But he's a fuck boy. And it made me very angry all the way along because she comes across like such a strong person.

And, you know, there are women who are very competent on the outside, but they get themselves into relationships where they accept poor treatment behind closed doors. I've seen it so much. And this was Cardi. And I was like, when are you going to stand up to this man? So finally, they've had many breakups and makeups. Finally, it seems like they're done. And she was pregnant with one of his many children at the time.

I don't know what the catalyst was, but he said to her publicly, like, you have three kids. No one's ever going to want you. And you're pregnant with my child. And I loved Cardi's real fuck you response was getting a new boyfriend.

And then Offset responded by crying online, being like, me, I love Cardi so much. Like he couldn't handle that she was getting fucked, getting dicked out properly by somebody else while she was pregnant with his child. He tried to slut shame her for that. Like what kind of woman who's pregnant with a child? What kind of man cheats on the love of his life, the mother of his children, and

during her pregnancy and beyond when she's postpartum, when she's not postpartum. Like he never stopped cheating on her. And here he's trying to be like, oh, you're disgusting because you have a baby in you. Yeah. And what? So now he's angry. They were young. Like Cardi was what, 22, 23 when she married him. And now they're having a divorce and he's asking for spousal support because he's a little bitch.

He wants to flaunt his wealth and his diamonds and his money and buy her all these Birkin bags and be like, I'm the man. And now he wants spousal support in their divorce. Why? Because his feelings are hurt because she moved on when he said she wouldn't be able to. And just again, let it be a lesson to all of you. If Bobby and I ever split up, I am in big trouble financially.

I won't be able to afford a divorce unless I am moving swiftly on to a very rich man who covers the gap. By the way, just to close out the Megan bit, I don't blame Bobby for the text thing because what I should have done in that exchange when he said Megan has her lungworm treatment, when I read that, I wasn't really clear. I should have clarified, but I didn't want to be annoying, but I should have said, what do you mean has? Has had?

Had it's with you. She needs it. Did she have it at the bed or not? I should have gone back with that. So this is, you know, a lesson for us both. But anyway, the other pitfall of you getting married in your mid twenties is that your friends and your cousins, presumably, and your sisters will also be in their mid twenties and they will be in transient relationships, right?

where they feel like they're in love and I should be able to bring my boyfriend and they won't really have the kind of empathy and understanding for how much a wedding costs or for boundaries. And they're going to feel personally victimized when you don't invite their boyfriend. I thought Scottish people were a lot more direct than the English, but apparently I was wrong. Maybe you're posh.

But I don't see why after months of feeling alienated or even at the time of your wedding, I mean, I can guess, you know, at the time of your wedding, you're really busy. Fine. But I would get these people together or at least send her a text one-on-one or a voice note or a snap if you're mid-twenties and be like, hey, I'm

I want you to know that it was not meant to be any form of slight against you or sign of disrespect when I excluded your boyfriend. My husband and I are on a really tight budget. We are in our mid-20s getting married, and we just could not extend the invite to everyone, and I only got control of 50% of the guest list, and I was

We wanted to include as many family members as we can. And to do that financially, we did have to limit plus ones. And I'm so sorry that you felt offended by that. I wish you had spoken to me directly about it at the time. And if it was really, really important to you,

You know, maybe I could have switched some tables around. You could have pointed out on my guest list who you'd like to uninvite so that your boyfriend could take their place. I could put that responsibility on you and you could cross off someone. If that's how you want to play it, that's what I would do. At the time, I'd be like, okay, you want to bring your boyfriend. Understood. No problem. Cross someone off this list because this is my budget. Who in my family is less important to me than your boyfriend? And please let me know and then your boyfriend can come.

People don't know how expensive a wedding is. And soon, maybe she will know. And then she'll feel like shit. The fact that her entire family are like colluding with her in like ostracizing you is crazy. And also, your dad is giving me the ick.

Because he should be standing up for you. My dad has had an absolute blinder of an episode today on telling everybody everything. I just finished telling you he was good in a crisis. And let me tell you something else. If anyone in his family started slagging me off for not inviting them to my wedding, he would turn around and tell them to go fuck themselves. I really believe he would. Well, he would have just paid for it.

which is why I didn't have a wedding. He's paying, I think, for Joanne's wedding, which is happening in London, which confuses the fuck out of me because I just looked at the invitation and it says 5 p.m. brunch. What? I knew it was a brunch. And I thought, great. My kids love doing things in the daytime. 5 p.m. brunch, Joanne? The fuck are you talking about? What happens in Kelowna at mealtimes?

5 p.m. brunch, are you going to be serving eggs benedict with a wine list at the reception? What's going on? My plan, I think, is to go to the wedding with my children, who then will have to leave at 7 p.m. We only live 15 minutes from the venue. I don't want to like pawn them off and get Miriam to take them.

Because I think Fred would be upset, but I equally think Fred is not flexible and he'd be upset to still be at the wedding post 7 p.m. I could maybe keep Fena. Maybe. We could maybe rent a hotel room at the venue and like take turns going upstairs with them. But you know, who the fuck knows? Fred advances so quickly, but by the time of your wedding, he could be a whole new man. We'll see. We'll get the children some Red Bulls. We'll see how it goes. But what the hell are you talking about 5 p.m. brunch?

Anyway, people deep weddings when they shouldn't. I'm sorry that you're having this trouble with your cousin, but again, it can be solved by communication.

And it's not too late to present her with the guest list and to say, I really struggled with this. I wish you would have told me at the time. Please cross off the name that you think your boyfriend should have gone in place of. And the good news is, is when she gets married, you probably won't be invited. And that is great. That is a blessing not to be invited to someone's wedding. Enjoy your night at home.

Okay, one more. Catherine, a friend of mine has recently made it public that she and her husband of 20 years are separating. She's not my very best friend by any means, but having been through divorce myself, I'd love to reach out to her so that she knows she has a nice lady in her corner. And to be so for real, I'm a bit curious as to why this seemingly perfect couple had parted ways. And there it is.

You're like, I want to offer my support and get the tea. How do I reach out? I don't think she wants my pity by any means, especially as separation appears to be the most amicable one I've seen. Our children are mates, and I've seen this woman and her now ex out at their son's football games. They sit together, etc. Very pleasant. So do I text and say I heard the news that I'm sorry? Do I offer congratulations? Open to your thoughts. Um, okay, yeah.

Who's this woman to you? Your friend. She's made it public. Okay, so it's not like whispers or rumors. It is your friend who's made it public. I think that a text would be appropriate and you can go in softly, softly with a joke. So just like you signed off to me, do I offer my support or extend my congratulations? You can send her a text that says, um...

I saw you at the football game. Everything looked very amicable. Wow, you did a much better job than I did in my separation. It was really tough for me. So whatever way it's going for you, I extend an offer of like support and a listening ear and or congratulations.

LOL. Like that is perfect. I think just to be like, Hey, however it's going, I'm here for you. Are you sad? But like acting fine at football, I'm here to listen. Are you thrilled? And maybe he's an asshole and you want to tell me about that. Congratulations. I think that leaves the door open.

And when people get really judgmental and offended by comedy, it's like you don't see what an incredible tool it is for you to extract information from people and slide in softly, softly. I wouldn't make it longer than that. I'd just use the joke to be like, however it's going, you have my condolences slash congratulations. She will hopefully get it. And she will hopefully let you know why she decided to leave this man. And then you will hopefully let us know.

Divorce is so tough. May it never find me. I don't know what I would do. I don't know. Like, I think we probably won't get divorced because Bobby and I, no matter what, like we have this very strong friendship, but you never know how you feel after 20 years. 20 years is so long. How long have I been married? Six? Seven? I don't know. I think we have kind of grown up. Like, even though we're different,

We still love each other as much as we did when we were 15. I still, like, I know him as the same person, bumps along the way. Also, one really useful thing, which again is why you shouldn't get married too young, is the way Bobby behaves about his ex-wife. Bobby was very briefly married when he was young.

And when he talks about that, which she doesn't anymore, when we got back together, obviously we're like unpacking, like, where have you been the last 20 years? What's been going on? He never slagged her off to me ever. He was always just like, yeah, you know, we were together. Things were going really well. Then things went badly. We broke up. We got back together. We got married. We realized very quickly that was a mistake and we were better off apart. And there were some tough times of like,

you know, navigating that and then fine. It was great. He never ever did any character assassination, never like went after her at all. Like when he talks about it, it's just very amicable and matter of factly, but then they weren't married very long and they didn't have children. 20 years, there's going to be some baggage, isn't there?

And the way that I talk about my exes is so toxic. And I thought maybe the problem was me. I was like, oh my God, I keep talking about these guys like they're monsters. And then I dated someone and broke up with someone who wasn't a monster. And we're still very good friends. We talk on the phone all the time. And I was like, oh, no, they were monsters. It was just them. It wasn't me. I am capable of an amicable breakup.

Anyway, ups and downs this week. It's June. Oh my God, it's June. It is Sunday, June 1st. I am still on tour for 28 more days. That's it. Then you will not be seeing Battle Axe ever again. I'm in Basingstoke tonight. And then...

I am at the South by Southwest Festival at the Truman Brewery Complex in London on Monday afternoon. That is going to be crazy. I'm sure all of you have heard about South by Southwest in Austin, Texas. It is coming to London. There's so many amazing events. You're absolutely going to love it. Idris Elba is going to be there. I'm in Exeter next weekend, June 5th. June 6th, I'm in Truro. June 7th, I'm in Bristol twice in one day. Then I'm in South End. And then I'm in London.

Then I'm in Middlesbrough, then Sunderland, then Lincoln. Then I'm going to New York for a bit. Then I'm in Hastings, Eastbourne, Stevenage, Norwich,

Then I'm hosting something very special for Netflix, which is so exciting. So exciting. I don't know if it's publicized, but it's in London and it's going to be awesome. And then I'm in Woking and then I'm in Cambridge. And then I finish the tour of my favorite place on earth, Cork, June 28th. There aren't many tickets left. Get them if you fancy it. Otherwise, I'll see you back here next week. Please look after each other. Goodbye.

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