Jillian Bell and Chelsea Devantez
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Hello everyone and welcome to Wrong Turns. This is a podcast that celebrates disaster, celebrates the microaggressions of life against humans. And so I invite my funny friends on, people that I love and I admire, to hear about their most

humbling moments and joining me today we have actress, comedian and screenwriter with 73 acting credits from Idiot Sitter to Curb Your Enthusiasm to 21 Jump Street. Her latest show is Kind of Pregnant which is streaming now and she's just directed her first movie which is called Summer of 69. Congratulations. Thank you. It's Gillian Bell. Hello! Yay! What's up Summer of 69?

Yeah. Was that subtle? No, it was so, so subtle. Okay. That's what I was going to. I barely caught it. Also on the show today, we have my fringe twin and my Instagram idol. I love you. I love your comedy. You're also director. You're a writer from Bless This Mess, Girls 5 Ever, The Problem With Jon Stewart, your memoir, which is so fucking beautiful. I shouldn't be telling you this. It was a RuPaul book club pick. And you also host the podcast Glamorous Trash. It's Chelsea Bloody Devante. Woo!

I've been trying to cut my bangs like yours since our last podcast together when you told me how to do it and I've failed every time. I don't know if you've seen it, but I'm going for yours and I'm landing at mine. What do I? I feel like you have the little split right in the middle. I keep trying to trim it just right. It keeps coming back together. It just keeps focusing in the center. I don't know why you would want my split. My split literally splits the Internet. Someone's got a Twitter account just of the little split in my friend. I'm on the right side of history. Yeah.

I love the split. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. It's gorgeous. I love the split. It's a 90s boy band curtain. That's what I was going for. I was, you know, it was almost the 90s when I decided on this haircut and then it came in and I was like, I'm picking this forever. And I know that George Clooney had that same thought one day about his hair. He was like, this works. We're doing this. So did JC Chazet. It was out there. It was working it. Thank you.

Thank you. And it's nice that Chris changed his mind. Remember, he had those dreadlocks. So I'm glad he was like, you know what? Yeah. I'm not going to stick with this. Yes. And he did not. Poor 2020. That's right. Unlike everyone else. That's right. Chris Kirkpatrick? Yeah.

Yes, Kirkpatrick. Okay. Well done. Christopher Allen Kirkpatrick. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. We've got a true fan. Don't worry about it. We're going to get into it later. Yeah, yeah. Very, very... A deep dive, this one. That's just a taste. This is a podcast that is for people who experience disaster, whether or not disaster finds them or they go running after it. Would you identify as either of those camps? Yeah, I would say I...

my most predominant qualities are fragile and reckless. - Cool, cool, cool. - And those don't go well together. It's not a great personality. It's not fun every day.

And so are you having to pick up the pieces or are your friends and loved ones, your husband trying to pick up the pieces? You know, my pills do a lot of good work. Therapist making a lot of money off that health insurance. I have a lot of journals. I've ruined a lot of trees with all my thoughts and feelings over the years. No, I think that's good, though. It's good to take it out on the paper, not the people. Yeah, I think that's right. If someone's suffering, it's me. It's not others. No, exactly. That's what's so great about women. We just develop autoimmune diseases. We just hold it inside and then give birth to it once.

That's right. When you least expect it. Exactly. Bring on the menopause. That's what I'm waiting for my day. What about you, Jillian? Oh, how would I describe myself? Anxious. More anxious. And getting more anxious as you're saying it. Yes. Yeah. Slightly. Can you feel it? I'll tell you something really quickly that I just thought of. I used to write poetry.

- The story could stop there. - And that's it. - Yeah, it's really just that. - Thank you so much for coming. - Thank you so much. - Goodbye. - I wrote poetry when I was 14 at Catholic school and just about the first time you have a sip of alcohol and then you crash your car.

Oh, is that poetry? Is that a country music song? It might be. A lot of my poetry was like, you have sex for the first time, obviously because of pressure. And then your baby has AIDS. So these were fear poems. Yeah. You hadn't lived them. No, I just was an embarrassing woman, young woman. You were writing poetry about experiences you hadn't lived, but were sure to happen. Exactly. Okay. I

Yes, I was like, okay, if you try any of these things, again, Catholic school. Is this because you'd been listening to Alanis Morissette? I was, but also I was at Catholic school where if you were like, what is sex? They were like, no.

So I think that I just thought that anything that brought you joy would also be damnation. Yes. Yeah. Then you'd go to hell immediately. Of course. Of course. And yeah, the devil liked it when you rhymed.

Just a classic ABAB, my baby gets AIDS. Exactly. I have all of the, I have to do a night where I just read them all because they are so sad. You have to. It is literally, I had a sip of alcohol and then I got behind the driver's wheel and I, everyone's dead.

everyone. Oh my god, so okay, so the anxiety did start quite young. This one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fictitious as well, which is my favorite kind. I know. Yeah, yeah. I know, it's not real. No, I love this about you. I think you're completely adorable. Chelsea, you have a micro-humiliation story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went to college in New York City and I'm from all over the southwest. So it was like a real culture shock for me and I was

So devastated by everyone who was unhoused in the city, you know, and it was just like so much. And so at the dining hall, I would always steal extra food and like give it away throughout the city.

- I know, right? What a sweet little angel. - What a little angel. - A little angel from New Mexico just stealing from the university to give to the poor. So one night I saw this unhoused gentleman and I handed him an orange and he said, "I am not hungry, nor am I homeless."

- No. - And then the silent part was you stupid bitch. And that's when I like really took stock of him and I realized like the cart he was pushing was like a band cart. The beard was a choice. - He lives in Silver Lake. - Yeah, the Silver Lake of New York City. Yeah, like he was just like definitely from like the cool part of Brooklyn that costs a million dollars now. - Sure, sure, sure. - Yeah, and I was so,

It was just such an insult. And then all of a sudden I just realized like how bad of a gift an orange was. Yeah. And I stopped doing it only when I had money, which was rarely, but I moved to money from that point. Right, right, right. That's very good. Yeah, yeah. It's hard to know these days with all the fashion. You know, everyone wants to look like an artisan from the, you know, like I think my boyfriend recently was looking at pictures of himself from like seven years ago and was like,

wow, I was really dressing like a Dickensian twink. Yeah. I hated someone who everybody called a beach magician. So I think it gets really confusing when there's not a lot of buttons buttoned.

A lot of patterns, I'm assuming. So many patterns. Yeah, a little power clashing. Yeah, he could have been given an orange immediately. He sounds like he liked hats. Yes, yes. Jillian, I'm dying to know some of your wrong turns. Oh my gosh. Okay. Well, I wrote for SNL for a year in 2009.

And probably the most embarrassing one involved a member of NSYNC. So that's why I know. Oh, my. Chris Kirkpatrick's middle name. Right. So I was writing with Kristen Wiig and it was just the two of us in the office. And I don't remember who the host was, but this was not the host. All of a sudden, there's a knock at the door and in comes Justin Timberlake.

Not hosting, but dropping by because everybody knows him and loves him. Yeah, yeah. This is some real Jon Hamm behavior. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. So Kristen and Justin know each other, so they're chatting. Meanwhile, I'm on the couch behind her computer because we were writing something together. And I'm just staring at the floor.

as hard as I can to avoid eye contact with Justin Timberlake. Why? Who clearly clocks this because I can't look into his eyes. Why? Because I was obsessed with him. I wanted him to be my husband. You're going to come immediately. This was going to be like Justin Randall Timberlake born January 31st, 1981 in Memphis, Tennessee. Like I was obsessed with him. Oh my God. Baby blue was his favorite color. North Carolina was his favorite basketball team. I mean, I knew all the facts.

Okay. How has that crush endured over the years? It's gone. Okay. I mean, just because I've grown up. Did the Britney Spears memoir just wipe it dry? You know, yeah, that was rough. The abortion story with the song. Where he soundtracked her abortion. Yeah. And I've always wanted to know, what songs do you think he was playing when she was having an abortion on the bathroom floor as an underage virgin? God.

Quote version. That's too soon. Gone is crazy. That was a crazy. I'm so sorry. That's terrible. Oh, my God. OK. It was bye bye bye. Sure. Oh, no. And he did all the harmonies. So. OK. So Kristen and Justin are talking and I'm staring at the ground. Now, this is about three minutes of me just staring at the ground. And he's fully noticed that I'm like not making eye contact with him.

They start doing a bit because she has a picture that is potentially one of the posters for MacGruber. And it's like this cool Charlie's Angels pictures of her from the back with like, you know, her button jeans. She's doing this. And they were doing a total friend bit where it's like, oh, girl, look at that butt. And she's like, check out that butt, you know, and it was totally friendly and they were just having a good time. And I decided that.

chime in out of nowhere because you've got that anxiety of I haven't said anything for seven years and like and I think they started going dirty with it as a bit like being like oh yeah someone's gonna tap that ass you know and so I go out of nowhere I just go yeah put a penis in that butt oh

And then I look back at the ground because no one acknowledged that that moment happened, though it did. So I'm staring back at the ground. Did they look at you? Kristen did. I think she kind of laughed, but Jess was like, oh, yeah.

uh and then they just started the amazing thing to be the first and maybe only thing you ever say to your childhood yeah without eye contact i will leave the story saying two things and that is it so the first thing is put a penis in that butt that is the name of this episode the second one was they started talking about mcgruber and kristen said if you're in town why don't you come to the premiere

And he's like, oh, I'm going to be back in L.A., but I will go the first night it's out. And she goes, Jillian, are you going to be here? You should come. And I go, I'm actually going to be back in L.A. too. So I guess we should go together. And he goes, is Keenan on? And leaves. And leaves.

And then Kristen was like, okay, so what should we do for this beat? And I go, I'm sorry, I need to take a moment. I'm sorry, I need to take two years off of this career. I just met Justin Turbelake and all I said was put a penis in that butt and would you like to go out with me, basically? And so, yeah, that was my one interaction with Justin Turbelake.

It doesn't end there. I've had several. I'm so happy. These all happened while I was at SNL. Oh, my God. I was a baby writer. I was 24. Oh, my God. And just living the life. Yeah, living the dream. Yes. And you drink if you get a sketch on and you drink if you don't get a sketch on. And so it was just like college basically for me. One drunken night at an after after party. So that's somewhere around like 4 a.m. to 8 a.m. Yeah.

Kesha was the musical guest and I was very drunk and she was dancing on the dance floor but everybody was kinda drunk where you kinda need other people to bump into you to make it feel like you're still moving. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause you're losing it and I walked over to her confidently, I grabbed her hand and I raised it to the sky

And I said, we're going to live forever. Oh, top of my lungs. And then cut to Monday morning. Seth Meyers is our head writer. And he said, hey,

New writer. Did you grab Kesha's head and tell her she was going to live forever? And I was like, yeah, I made her a promise that I could not keep. And he was just like, okay. And that was the beginning of our meeting. Our entire meeting. Everyone is there. Is this why you were only there for a year? Probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

I didn't get asked back after that first year. That's crazy because this is all the funniest shit I've ever heard. And I'm going to grab Kesha's hand. I said, give them give them tenor. Tenor. Tenor. Thank you. Tenor. No, we knew what you meant. We knew it. No, tenor is good. That's a that's a hard word. I feel tenor. Give her tenor and give someone else a beer. Sent by someone who's never had tenor. It was like, do they still do that for professors? And

Anyways, that is hilarious. Yeah, I have terrible. I'll sell one quick last one. Please, I want a million. The last one is that this one is not SNL, but this was just before SNL. So I was warming up. I was going to a sketch show and I was going to go see it with my sister. We got there. We were a little too early. So we're like, let's walk across the street to this Mexican restaurant. We had too many margaritas.

We're about to walk back because the show's about to start. And as Brianna's like the light is turning green and we're about to walk, she goes, I think that's Elijah Wood. And I go, what? And she goes, I think that's Elijah Wood in that car right there driving. And he had his window cracked. So while we were walking across the street, I go, hey, Elijah. And he looked over and he smiled. And what did I do? I went.

And he just kind of looked confused and then kept driving. Randomly parted off. What the hell did I just do to Elijah Wood? He seemed so sweet, but I was just like, hey, are you Elijah? But he's like, yeah. With a sweet, sweet face. Spirit of like a jock bully just took over you. I know, but I didn't have anything to do with it.

anything to say so I could have said there's so many things I could have said you were great in the good son you're you're an icon you were in that movie where you were very small what is it Frodo Frodo Lord of the Rings yeah he was also in the movie where the you know the wave swept them away but he saved Lili Sobliski and her maybe 15 year old pregnancy kind of unclear what a hero what a

- Oh, a little angel. - There's so many things. What a sweet, sweet smile. - I hope this makes it to him 'cause it does sound like the kind of story where he drove away and said, "I don't wanna do this anymore." - Do you think that's why he stopped acting so much? - Yeah, like he's like, "Can I-" - Just 'cause of that moment with Jillian? - I wanna publicly apologize to Elijah Wood. I did not know that was actually gonna be you. And by the time I went to do, which was just my bad improv, I'm just, I'm sorry.

I love you and I respect you and I panicked. Yeah, that was really nice. That's pretty nice. That's pretty nice. And I'm very embarrassed. We're going to tag him in that. Quick content pause. There's a city on the rise you should know. Indy's leveling up with a red hot sports scene, standout restaurants and experiences that hit different. You know that feeling when something clicks and a place just feels right? That's Indy. If you know, you know. Plan your trip at visitindy.com.

We'll see you next time.

And we're back. Okay. I've had a few. I mean, I've been working...

with celebrities as an interviewer since I was 22. So I was, that was my job was just interviewing people. So I got to watch them from the very beginning all the way through to the very top of their careers. So I did like Selena Gomez's first ever interview, Justin Bieber, like Nicki Minaj, like every, like Kesha. She was pretty wild. She, we for some reason brought on an inflatable trend

crocodile and she rolled around all over the floor with it and then made out with it on live television so I think she would have loved the moment with you I hope so I'm surprised if not I publicly apologize to Kim had a moment had one a moment that made me want to truly kill myself recently with Catherine O'Hara you know from Schitt's Creek an icon I walked up to her at the Elle Woman of the Year Awards and she is I've been in love with her since I'm alone

And my boyfriend and I love Schitt's Creek so much and he's so in love with her. So I was just dying to tell her how much I love her and how much I've always wanted to meet her and how much I look up to her. And I was like, I just love you so much. I was like, also, my boyfriend is in love with you. And she was like, oh, my God, that's so sweet. I was like, no, he's truly got the biggest crush on me. He's in love with you. He hopes that I look like you when I'm old.

when I'm old. Not when I'm older or later or just hopes I look like you one day. When I'm old and I don't know and my best friend who's with me just goes, and then she just looks at me and then classic Catherine O'Hara, queen of graciousness, just smiles at me sweetly and goes,

"Well, that's nice." And I was like, "I don't know how to beep beep reverse out of this fucking moment." But it was one of the worst moments of my whole life, I think. - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, but what I love about you is, I meant something so good. Everything was so great. - You just forgot her. - I just, yeah.

I just tanked my brain just short circuiting. Or just, you know, a period. Hopes I look like you. Yeah, my boyfriend's desperate for me to look like you or dress like you one day. There was really just, I just hadn't thought it through. I always go mouth first, brain later. And also tweet first, brain later. You know, it's a nightmare to be me. It's a nightmare in this brain. I think both of yours are actually really sweet because you both do come off as like, you're like, ah, fuck you. You know, beep, beep.

you drive away. But instead you're like, I feel bad. I feel terrible. I caused a moment, you know, other lesser people would be like, got Catherine. Yeah. Cause I, I,

Can you imagine someone wanting to take care of someone? There's some monster out there. Listen, man, it's just hard. I don't know what it is about celebrities, but it just brings out sometimes the absolute worst in us. I asked Jim Carrey for a selfie at the Golden Globes because I was sat next to him, which was truly just like the trifecta of crazy moments to be on a show that's nominated for a Golden Globes to get to go to the Golden Globes and then sit next to Jim Carrey, who I

as a child, was my childhood icon. And so I'd take the selfie with him and he's super gracious about it and so lovely. And he looks happy in the photo. And then Trudy, about eight days later, an interview comes out with him saying, like, nothing I hate more in the world is than when a fan comes up to me and just asks me to take a selfie. And I was like...

I tipped him over the edge. No, come on. You're seated right there. Very different. I must have. Because when I asked him, I remembered a slight moment of his eyes dying when I asked him because he was so excited for me to come up to him because he's such a gracious, like he was being so gracious. And I was like, oh my God, I love you so much.

could we take it? Because in your head, you're thinking, I don't want to take up loads of your time. Right. I don't want to force you to have a conversation with me, a mere plebeian mortal. So you think, let's just have a photo together. And they're thinking, oh, I'm just an Instagram moment to you. And then a week later, so I'm sorry. I think I've ruined everyone taking selfies with Jim Carrey after that moment. And wow, listen, it's hard. I don't, I'm not famous and I don't want to take a selfie. You're around celebrities all the time. Do you not like? I,

I have something that really, I don't know why. We didn't have TV mostly growing up. I think it might come from that. So I didn't have like this, like these faces to fall in love with. I was just so alone, just me in the library. And so there's something missing in my brain. And this made me think of one story where we were at this, we're at some, one of the parties,

before Emmys where it's like you're at the top of a hotel and it's like an agency or something. Yeah. And I had a friend who was like, I will meet every person I'm obsessed with tonight and be like, oh, that's Issa Rae. I should go meet her. Yes. I am. I don't ever, ever, ever approach or talk to. No, no, not cool. It's like, no. So what happens is she had an agenda. I saw your wedding. You're cool. Yeah. We all saw your wedding. We think you're really cool. Oh, my gosh, you guys.

photos on my Instagram. It's the best thing I've ever done, even though I do have a career. No, so I'm at this party and my friend is like, I'm meeting this person, this person, and I'm standing next to her and she goes, Chelsea. I'll name him because it's only embarrassing for me. She goes, Chelsea, this is Jake Lacey, who was on like Girls and like very cool. And but she turned and introduced me to him and then she ran away.

And what I realized is that she had literally spotted Issa Rae and she but she had already come up to Jake. Oh, and so she didn't want to leave him alone. You were there. Pulled me in. She has run away. But and I am I'm so panicked of like taking up people's like I just don't want to be a burden. Yeah. I said to him, it's OK. You don't have to do this. And I walked away.

Which almost is worse. That is almost worse because now he's just alone. He's like, I'm just a person at a party being forced to meet you. And I'm like, but I was just like, no, no, it's fine. Go have your party. I had this moment at the AFI Awards. Again, I was...

Nominated. No, no, no, I wasn't. The show was nominated that I happened to be lucky enough to be cast on because they needed an Indian. And so I was at the AFI Awards and it was a brunch and it's like full of just the A-list of the A-list and then me, right? And so you've got just...

it was like call me by your name was nominated like all these like huge huge movies huge stars were there like Charlize Theron like I think Julia Roberts Angelina Jolie everyone's there Nicole Kidman who's there every year because she's literally working 10,000 days a year um and so then you've got this director this like super famous director I would say arguably one of the most famous directors of all time and I used to work in a video store where I used to serve

you know, amongst many other celebrities because I worked in Hampstead. So I was like, oh, I used to get to, you know, watch movies all day and then watch the people from those movies come in constantly. So it was the greatest job of all time. And him and I used to have like a little rapport

rapport and I was this like sweet chubby little Indian kid you know who was precocious and a film buff and you know he would enjoy chatting to me about film so I hadn't seen him in 20 something years I uh maybe 15 years and so I um see him at the thing we make eye contact and his face lights up and I'm like I can't believe he remembers me from almost 20 years ago so I was like oh my god how

And he puts his arms out and starts walking towards me. And I was like, fuck, he really remembers. God, he must be so proud of how well I've done from the video store to now being here with him. Oh, follow and I'm a noob. And then he asks me how Quantico is going. And that is Priyanka Chopra's show. And I realize, oh, no.

no, he doesn't have any idea who I am. I'm being super over familiar with him. It's post, maybe it's around BLM with like, we're becoming conscious of white people confusing brown and black people with each other. I don't want to make it uncomfortable and weird. And so you said Nick Jonas is doing so good. We're in love. I,

I put on an Indian accent. No, you didn't. I did. No, you didn't. I did. And I said, well, you know, I've had trouble with some, you know, adapting to some of the stunts. But, but, you know, overall, I'm having such a great time in America. And, you know, I just love to be here. It's so nice to be nominated. And yeah, that's I think it's like I'm

I think it's racism, but I'm also Indian. So I think it's like maybe not. It's meta racism, but it's also a felony to impersonate another person. So I'm going to lose my green card. I think after this as I'm so devastated, he didn't ask for a selfie. The lengths you went to help that person. I just say,

He's an older man. Yeah. I just didn't want to have that. I didn't want that to be how it ends between us. Yeah. So I just, and I wanted to have him enjoy talking to me. I just wanted that experience one more time. So I was like, if I had to do it in the body of another woman, then that's what I have to do. Can you imagine if after you did it, he goes, Jamila, I was joking. Oh, nice.

Well, look, if anyone is looking for someone to play the sister of Priyanka Chopra, I am around. I have the accent down. You're ready? You're ready? Okay, so we've covered that we're all not great with celebrities. We'll be right back after this break.

And we're...

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We're sweating, but we're back. Chelsea, what was your wrong turn? What happened? Oh, it's just so, it's so embarrassing that it's like, the story's going to edge on sad. And I'm just going to really try and keep it in lighthearted humiliation. But so I was not cool in any way in high school. I was a real swamp witch. And I...

But I was. Wait, so we've been the same our whole lives. No wonder we've ended up with the same haircut. Yeah, I mean, when I meet people who I went to high school with, I went to college with, and I'm like, hey, they are like,

They have no, they cannot connect the two individuals. So were you invisible or were you hated? I would say I was known for the wrong reasons. Okay. I'm not sure they inspired hate, but it didn't inspire admiration. Okay. They were like, she's really there. But not in a cool Jennifer's body kind of way. Yeah, no, no, not at all. But I was friends with the most beautiful girl.

coolest like the opposite of me she was extremely thin cultured she was a writer she DJ'd the parties wow okay one of those girls briefly made friends with me when I was 12 for three weeks and I realized it was because I was just like her pet

pig was this a real friendship it was no no it wasn't three weeks it was quite long I basically have this thing where like I get into a room I look for the strongest woman in it and then I pledge my allegiance I'm just like I will you I will fight for this woman but right behind her that's just called jail yeah that's what we do in jail yeah okay yeah so I was just like yes I will serve and support like this woman is amazing and she was just so stunning and I was I was I was the fun one

one and I had a zine. Oh. Because I got kicked off of the school paper for too many typos. And so that was pretty cool. And I was in love with the class clown, right? Where it's like, this is my twin flame. You funny, weird. Me funny, weird. Like we are supposed to be together. And he didn't think so. So we would every now and then when we were drunk, we would hook up. Okay. But never in his sober mind was it probably a decision he made.

I know. Well, who wants to have sex with a swamp witch? Very swampy. I do. I would. I would fully have sex with a swamp witch. I think I've had sex with several swamp witches. Listen, they're really dedicated and magical in their own ways. I agree. And I had a lot of love to give, but he didn't want it. And so we would only kind of like hook up, but we couldn't like have a relationship because, you know, anyways. So one night towards the

end of the year. Oh, by the way, this is a scholarship boarding school.

No, those two words don't usually go together, but it is a boarding school, but everyone is there. So everyone's super smart. Yes. And everyone has pledged to like try and make the world a better place. And then I another wrong turn is being this career. Yes. I wasn't supposed to do that. So no, you're supposed to do a job that heals the world. So we were in a boarding school and towards the end of the year, she's like she's dated all the cool hot guys. There's none left. And she's like, I think I'm going to think I'm going to go for the class class.

clown guy who's always around oh no and i said does she know that you two have been yeah no because it was it was like no it was like it might it was like a secret because he just like wouldn't love me and because if he's not going to claim you publicly you're not going to tell people that you're his secret yes and so in those ways it probably wasn't a real friendship but i tell her then i said no no no please don't please please no no we've you know we've been together i'm in love with him

And she goes, do you think he loves you? And I was like, why did she say it like that? Yeah. Because it was unbelievable to her. And oh, I don't like her. Oh, she's on my fucking list. Yeah. No, no. And the story's not even going to

about her so she I mean it is about her anyways that night she sneaks down to his dorm room there together for the rest of the year and we share a wall in boarding school so I had to really hear them falling in love for the last two months of school oh yeah no it was so bad so of course somehow there's some costume party where even though he has chosen her he dresses up as me

What? Like for his like a costume. It's like seniors graduating to be you. Yes. Yeah. And I think it's like a wig and yeah, like like a fucking mop on his head or something like, yeah, he's like dressing as me and I I might have dressed as him. And anyways, it's it was so confusing that what what would you do? What would you do at a cool party where the person you love who is dating your best friend has dressed up as you? Well, you do what I did.

I pantsed him. Ah, I told you pulled his fucking dick out. No, no, just got to boxers. Okay. But it was just like, I don't know. I think I was just like, I have to act. I have to do something. You have to reclaim your dignity. Yeah. And I'm, I'm, you know, I'm not gonna be violent, but I'm gonna try. Like I was just, I don't know what I was doing. Okay. So humbling part of the story is that a few days later we're in the cafeteria and

It is laundry day. Yeah. I have I'm doing my laundry because I'm out of underwear. So I'm not wearing any underwear and I'm only wearing stretchy like really stretchy pants. Oh my God. I'm just I'm starting to get hot. Oh my God. I know where it's going. Yeah, of course. And, you know, we're just two twin flame class clowns. And he's like, well, got a prank or back.

Pants is me. In the cafeteria. Oh. I have. We're on. And basically he's just showing the high school what he already rejected. Oh, no. No. No. No. I know. It's horrible. Were you bush out? Yes. Yes. And also like. It was single pussy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was also like. I was like. This is.

17 at a boarding school to do good for the world. We weren't like getting our waxes in. No, no, no. No, your pussy has spectacles. Yeah. No, not even a monocle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got a tree on its back. Yeah, in fact, maybe he didn't see a lot of goods because there was so much push. It's reading. It was probably...

- Yeah, yeah. And then I just had to keep living.

I had to stay alive for like two more months till graduation and then I had to keep going after that. Were you holding anything in your hands when it happened? No, I was just walking in. Thank God, thank God, thank God. I was just walking in. Straight back up. Yeah. Did you own the moment? Did you flee? I have no idea. That part of my memory is gone. That was like, dissociation was like, don't worry, girl. Don't worry, girl. We're going to dissociate. You don't have to take the second part with you. I know I got my pants on.

And I don't know much after that. I'm so relieved that that's the part that you remember. Did you notice people see it? Yeah. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. It's like, it was one of those where it's like, oh, a couple people notice or like the room. No, it was like, it was like this giant den.

dining hall and the tables are circular and there's this long like a wedding aisle path down the middle to get to the food and I had just walked in it was like it was unsurvivable but saying it now I'm like uh oh I gotta let's see my therapist's realtor yeah it was just so it was just so oh and I had oh and I had loved him so

But it really felt like, you know, the girl who doesn't wear underwear and gets pants in the cafeteria probably doesn't get the guy. No, but she does become a comedian and work with Jon Stewart and write a bestseller book. That's true. That's what happens to that girl. And that's when people are like, are you born funny? Some people get pants funny. Yeah. Some people are like, there seems to be no other options. Wait,

Wait, can I ask you what I think all the listeners are thinking? Yeah. Why not the bathing suit bottom? Wow, such a great question. A little judgmental. No, no, no. No, no. No, it makes sense. No, no. No, no. No, no. I'm just curious because I feel like... Really? No options? Yeah. She was too poor to have a bathing suit. That's what she's going to say. I don't think I would have given your bathing suit an orange. Sorry.

Sorry. I had an orange peel just like around. No. I think I was at a high school time in my life where I would like couldn't bear to be seen in a swimsuit. So also, again, imagine showing your full bush. I still don't have a bathing suit bottoms. I'm still only wearing one piece. I wear a swim dress, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. I don't wear a swimsuit. I wear a swim dress. Wonderful. It's a 1940s swim dress. Yeah.

Lovely. Yeah. No, I don't. I don't think I like had a swimsuit because they were all like, you know, bikini tankinis were in. But like that's that wasn't going to. Oh, yeah. Those are thick and then have. So how'd you feel now, Jillian? I feel like shit. I would like to make a public apology. Yeah, to me. There's so many public apologies to make. Oh, my gosh. Oh, you're both amazing. We'll be right back after the break.

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That's 1-800-Flowers.com slash Pandora. Okay, so before you guys go, I want to read you a quick wrong turn story. We got this in from one of my Instagram followers when I sent out for something to read out on this podcast. And she said, I'm a waitress in LA and I was trapped in Mexico for 14 months during the pandemic and my Spanish is pretty good. Now, whenever I see someone complaining

in a restaurant carrying something heavy, I shout "muscles!" And whenever I said it to Spanish-speaking guys, I always got a funny look. Now the other day Alejandro, one of our best buses, was carrying a mountain of plates. So I shout in my loudest, proudest Spanish

muscles she says it in Spanish oh how do you know how to say it in Spanish okay fine so you could so when she says it she said you could hear a pin drop every time and she's really confused everyone in the kitchen was looking at me like I said something very wrong so I panic

Muscles. I'm saying that you have big muscles. Nope. Alejandro pulls me aside. Apparently, musculos is muscles in Spanish. But for the last six months, I've been saying masculos, which I now know means more buttholes.

Which I think is a great thing to shout. I do too. It's our soul positivity and we just don't have enough of that. You know, all this body positivity, no mention of the butthole. Where is the laugh? It still hides in the back in shame, in the darkness, in its cave. Yeah. But butthole rights. Butthole rights. It is quite mortifying because she is still there.

there. Yeah. It's mortifying that she did it for two years and no one said a thing. No one said anything. Maybe they just grew to love it. That woman just fucking loves assholes. This is Julie. She talks about buttholes a lot. Americans apparently love assholes. This is Julie and she's got Tourette's.

You know, that's probably what they thought that was. Anyway, thank you so much to that listener. Thank you to you two. You are such dream guests. You're so fun and funny. I can't believe this is the first time you two have met. Your chemistry is so perfect. And I'm so happy. I've been in love since Idiot Center. I'm a big, big fan of yours. So I'm so excited. I watched every episode. Oh my gosh, I can't believe you watch Idiot Center. And how does everyone feel?

Yeah. No, like, great. I... No, I think... I think being married to a Jonas brother has to be really hard. Thank you. You know, it was a lot of stunts again, but I've really adapted. The fact that...

you went into that detail. That's what I presume she's doing on that fucking show. Yeah. I adore you. This was so wonderful. It was so much fun. The second I got the call to do this, I was like, 100% I'm coming on and telling terrible stories. I'm happy that you're here. And it's just, I think, been probably one of the most deeply relatable shows of this entire series. Before you go, tell everyone where they can find you and what they can watch or read.

Oh, yeah. You can find me at Chelsea Devontes on Instagram. No Bush. I'm sorry. Maybe one day. Who's to say? You know what I mean? The world's going in weird places. Instagram stories only last 24 hours. And you can listen to my podcast, Glamorous Trash, where we recap viral articles, celebrity memoirs, all kinds of stuff. Mine is at Jillian Bell. Yeah.

I'm saying this with a question. No, it is on Instagram. And please watch Summer of 69 on Hulu. It is such a fun movie about female friendship. And I just hope you watch it. It looks, I've seen the trailer. Directorial debut. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm very proud of the movie. Yeah, this is awesome. Love you lots. Love you too. I love you. Get that on camera.

Wrong Turns was created and produced by me, Jameela Jamil, and Stuart Bailey. And thank you to our launch producer, Eve Bishop, our editor, Shannon Joy Rogers, and consulting producer, Colin Anderson. And if you would like to hear more from me, you can follow me on Instagram and all that and TikTok. But also I have a sub stack that I write several times a week called

called A Low Desire to Please. It was named after my dog, Barold, who I sent to training school and his report card came back saying, "He's very smart, but he has a low desire to please." And in that moment, I knew he was my child that I had birthed out of my vagina, 'cause there is no way that is not my dog.

And so I decided to take inspiration from that. I have a sub stack called A Low Desire to Please. It's completely unfiltered, very inappropriate. It's the bane of my publicist existence. And it's got parts of what you'll hear on wrong turns. You know, some of my disaster stories really elaborately told and then other thoughts and opinions. So maybe find me there. Maybe don't. That's enough of me. I'm going to fuck off now. Bye. There's only one place where go-go beats pulse through the streets.

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