Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
You're listening to Don't Take Bullshit from Fuckers with your hosts Greg Barrett and Cain Holloway. Hello and welcome to Don't Take Bullshit from Fuckers. I am your host Cain Holloway, one and only. This week Greg is on a boat that has terrible service or he's in the Bermuda Triangle. We're not sure. Pat's with me today as always. Indeed. Indeed.
Um, so it's, um, been quite a week to put it as mildly as possible. Uh, I think for those that don't follow Greg or I, Greg or I, uh, for those that don't follow us and didn't see the posts we made, um, Greg posted that his dog Topper passed away, uh, after 11 years. And then, um,
I, the next day posted about how Griffey passed away, my cat Griffey. And, uh, I think we lost him on the same day. Cause I waited a couple of days. Oh, uh, I'm not sure. Cause I called him and left a voicemail. Um, but he like, he's been done unresponsive. It's been hard to get ahold of him. So, um, but I called him and, and I'm pretty sure it was probably on the same, same day. Cause it was, uh,
so weird that I checked Instagram and it was a picture of his dog. And I was like, Oh, he doesn't just post one picture of his dogs. He barely posts selfies or clips of his own standup. So, you know, this is a, I, this isn't a first pet, but this is a, this is a, this is a feeling. I don't think I've felt with any other pet. Cause it's not, you know, it's,
You know, a lot of this is going to be like cliche to say, because I think it's just happens when everybody starts to, when you love something very deeply, but it's like, it's just, it feels different than the, you know, like I had a childhood dog, but then he was like mainly my parents' dog, you know, especially when like I moved out and it was like doing my own thing. And then, you know, I'd like cats growing up and they would just like,
die of old age or go missing, but I didn't like understand it. Like the next, you know, it was just like my parents took care of it. And so, you know, I got, and also I didn't, I didn't want pets. I like, I've been talking about this with my girlfriend. I wasn't somebody that like really wanted pets in the house. It wasn't like I, I wasn't against it. I just, as a comedian who,
is always like thinking about you know i'm like thinking about my act and what i'm gonna do next with my career and all this stuff i just like i wasn't against it i just never really thought about it it was never my idea to get a pet to have that companionship it's not and it's like i don't know just sort of walk in a room and animals seem to be doing their own thing animals are
either like me or they didn't but i wasn't i wasn't their priority and they weren't mine anybody's dog they're like if my dog that's what i think is so funny about people who do that on their dating apps when they're like if my dog likes you then i'm gonna like you and it's like your dog doesn't know half of what's going on when some random guy comes over to your house
your dog's gonna be like is that the uber eats guy because he's he's coming too far in for bring food but uh i didn't like i didn't want to get him i didn't want to get a cat i just remember kelsey brought home a cat um while i was at work and didn't tell me about it and
And it was just this cat in my house. And, and I was like, she was like, I named her bungalow. And, and I was like, okay. And, and then, and bungalow was like, not, didn't want to kick it with me. Like she just was doing her own thing. And she had more of a bond with Kelsey. So I was like, all right, whatever we have, we have a cat. That's just how I looked at it. We have a cat. And then over time, you know, bungalow and I got,
We figured each other out. My girlfriend before that, she wanted a cat. We went and I was like, pick out whatever cat you want. It doesn't matter. I don't care. It's to make you happy. But then Kelsey comes home one day and was like, there's a cat next to...
Giggles Comedy Club. There's an adoption agency right next to, it's called Paws in Seattle. It's still there if you're a Seattle listener. It's on Roosevelt. And she's like, there's a cat that looks like Batman. And if you're a fan of the show, you know I love Batman. He's like my top three favorite superheroes ever.
I think it's him, Spider-Man and Wolverine. And so she's like, you got to see the Batman cat. And I go, okay, but we're not taking him home. Like it's, I don't want another cat in the house deal. Like we're just going to window shop. And she's like, yeah, sure. Whatever. And then we get to the adoption agency and he's, he's like all by himself. He's just like chilling all by himself. All the cats are like in a,
cat orgy sleeping on top it's like this big cat nap uh pillow top mattress and then just this one rogue cat sitting on a perch like batman like just all by himself like batman and uh she was like it's him and i go oh i know it's him he's practically wearing a cape and uh i go over to the glass and um
He like turns and looks at me in the glass. And then I wanted to get like a closer look at the markings of his little black Batman mask. And so I put my hand on the window. So then he wanted to get a closer look at me. So he put his paw in the middle of my hand on the window. And I was like, what the fuck is this? This is some trickery.
I was like, who's that? Who's that? Which what's, what's his name? And they were like, it's waffles. I'm like, that's a fucking dumb name. Waffles. He doesn't look anything like the, like the colorings or the markings of a, of a waffle. He's black and white. Do you eat black and white waffles? No. So we, we took him to, I was like, can we see him? And she's like,
Yeah, you can see him. We'll put you in this little room. And he was all over me. We go into this room and he's just like, he won't. He's like all over me and he's like marching on me and look at my nose. And he was, I just was so, and then he'd go over and he'd like smell Kelsey. And, but then he'd come back to me and lay on me. And I was like, okay, well, all right. All right. Okay. I'm compelled to, I need to take him home.
And so he was the first cat that it was like, it was my choice to take him home, you know? And, uh, you know, it was then after that, he just like, we've kind of fought over his name until I, you know, we were watching the Mariners and I was like, what if I was wearing my Ken Griffey Jr. Jersey, my childhood hero. And I was like, what if we named him Griffey? And she was like, I don't think so. And I'm like, look at him. He's so Griffey.
You won't let me call him Bruce. So let's compromise. And that's a cool name. Look at him. He's so griffy. Even he looked at me when I said it. I'm like, he's already responding. He can't be Waffles. That's so stupid. All pet adoption agencies give their pets food names. It's so annoying. I went to go look at... With my current girlfriend, we went to go look at some pets. And Junie was...
Our dog, Junie, was, what was it? It was like Elegant. Her name was Elegant. Ew. Yeah. And I was like, she's not. First of all, this is a trash dog. She's a white trash dog. She's the farthest from Elegant.
But yeah, then there was another dog and she was like, this is Snow Cone. And he was brown. And I'm like, you guys don't understand at all how colors or food works. Who wants to eat a brown snow cone? Think before you start naming the pets. Also don't name the pets.
Because you want us to take them home, don't you? Go, that's the black and white one. That's the brown one. That's the golden retriever. They're all two months old. No one knows how to shit yet. Good luck. That's just how it should be. Stop naming them your own cute little names.
Also, do whatever you want. I don't really care. I'm not, you know, I don't. I'm hostile and I'm tired at the same time. But, yeah, he was just like Griffey for forever. And then he, you know, me and him, it just was a bond that we just bonded. And, you know, I posted about it, but I think it's true. It's like he was just...
I don't know. He was like, I don't know if I necessarily have a whole thing or belief on soulmates or whatever, but that's pretty close to feeling like you have one because it's just someone who, you know, I talked to him like he was a person and he would talk back to me in his cat language and I spoiled him rotten. And, you know, I tried to give him a good life. And so, and I didn't see it coming that
at all. Like people are, I found him and he was gone. And, uh, I said it in the post too, but I mean like Bill Burr hit it on the head with his bit. Like I went four days, four days. I went from fuck this dog to, Oh my God, one day this thing's going to die. How am I going to emotionally be able to handle it? And I'm just, uh, it's, it feels, uh, terrible. Uh,
It feels like a family member has died and they, you know, he had so much personality and he had, uh, he had, uh, we had a routine and, you know, and, uh, I loved him. And I'm, I'm also coaching somebody right now and, uh, trying to stay sober. And, uh, you know, my girlfriend drinks and, um, she, when it happened, uh,
after we had like finally got him situated she took all the booze out of the house which I told the person that I'm coaching you know a lot of alcoholics will be like probably you know or at least I would hope would take it the way I took it which is I'm very grateful that she's here to do that and it's not that I would this would drive me to drink I don't know what would um
Because the pain of it all feels pretty unbearable. And it would be a lot easier to just kind of drink it all away. But that's what got me in trouble in the first place, you know. And so I just was so grateful that, you know, like I worked on... This is the part of like the show that don't take bullshit from fuckers where it's like you have to recognize your own...
defaults about yourself, like be honest about what your faults are and how they could creep up at any time. And, you know, it's a reminder that, you know, I'm a, I'm an alcoholic, you know, and that, that, but I spent so much time trying to not take my own bullshit and work on building, um, like I work hard at being sober. And from that comes a support system, um,
you know, the people that are, that don't understand it fall by the wayside. I can't, I can't depend on them. So I don't. And then in times of crisis, like the one I feel right now, you know, I'm reminded like, Oh, I put in all this work into sobriety. And the result is I have all these people that cared about me. And at the same time, I'm reminded of my sobriety because I'm
telling a guy who is also going through a crisis, I'm telling a person who's also going through a crisis that, you know, buck up, don't let this pain define you, work hard on getting better for everyone around you, but for yourself specifically. And it's sort of serendipitous that I'm helping this person
at the same time I'm feeling like this, you know? So because I worked hard at being, trying to be, uh, just trying to be better all around for myself to better my life and not, not get bogged down by all the bullshit around me, you know? So anyway, long winded, but you know, I'm in mourning and, uh,
I don't know what section, what are the stages of grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Bargaining. I think I did both denial and bargaining on the day. And then I feel depressed. I usually have a lot of energy on stage and I went up to go do some shows. And I'm like, this is what you get.
You know, I'm like trying to do my bird bit, how much I like chickens, you know, and I'm like trying to do the thing. And I'm like, I don't know. Moving on. What about ducks? And then I'm trying to do my duck bit. And I'm like, ah, you know what? Ducks are fine. I don't care. People are like, what's happening? Is this his act? Is this, is he trying to do Andy Kaufman where I just go up with half-hearted premises? But if you're, um,
If you're in, have dealt with this before and you have good coping mechanisms that aren't harmful, you can hit me up, hit up the show at dtbffpodcasts at gmail.com or at, I don't have any, you know, I wish I had solutions or I wish I could turn this into some sort of, oh, I learned, oh, I learned this from this experience and what a interesting experience
you know, take, uh, I don't really have any of that right now, you know, but that's also the process. I think of all this kind of shit, it's just like, I kind of take it day by day and I'm angry randomly and I'm sad all the time. I'm sad all the time. I haven't been sad all the time in a long time. And so to be sad all the time now is, um,
a little foreign to me and people don't like it, people don't like me being sad. Cause I'm a guy who walks in and I'm talking to everybody and I'm usually trying to sing some song that's on and belt it out. I usually want the attention. And so when people, when people who know me are like, you okay? And I just, I'm like, yeah, they don't understand what's happening.
you know, they're very concerned, which is nice. But then they're also like, why is he being a dick? And Kane's never addicted me. And, uh, you know, I just gotta, I just be like, follow me on Instagram. That's all I say. That's all I've been saying. Like,
You want to know what's wrong? Follow me on Instagram. What if this is a ploy to get more followers? What's wrong with you? And I'm like, I don't want to talk about it. Follow me on Instagram. But yeah, I mean, if you have any, if you have anything that help could help, you know, cause I like talking about them, but I also,
Only have so much. Talking about him makes me feel like he's around, but I only also like talking about him, talking about his quirks and his things that he used to do and the dynamic between the two of us. To people who got to see it, it would be way sadder and more depressing of an episode if I was like, well, let me start from the...
let me tell you what our routine was like. He'd do this, you know, and then people are like, he's really given all these details just so, you know, it would just be too sad and it would just make me feel worse. But anyway, yeah, I don't know. I'm kind of rambling because I didn't prepare anything. I don't feel very prepared, but just to kind of guys, like if no, what my state of mind is, you know,
and I love, I love doing this show, like doing the shows, my, one of my favorite things that I do. And so that helps. Um, anyway, yes. If you have anything, if you have any things that helped you when this happened, feel free to go to DTBFFpodcasts at gmail.com and email the show or at Kane Holloway. And you can, uh, you can send it there. You can DM me and I'll respond and,
say thank you and all that. We'll be right back. Hello, segment two. We're skipping over what does this mean? Because inspirational quotes usually piss us off. There's, we don't have many that go. And so rather than take the gamble and
and ruin my day in a different way let's just skip it all together also i don't have greg here to say things that make me go i didn't think about it like that you're right it's worse so so uh we're just gonna go on right onto a reddit remix
Reddit remix. Did my boyfriend really make a Tinder account to view men's haircuts? No. No. No, he did not. No, he didn't get off Reddit.
I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, and for the last three months we've been living together in quarantine. He had a buzz cut since I first met him, except for the last three months hasn't gone out to get a haircut for obvious reasons. A few weeks ago, since things have opened back up, he was talking about maybe making an appointment to get a haircut. I asked if he was just going to get a buzz cut, and he said yes. And I said I thought his hair looked really good longer and that maybe he should just get a trim.
A few days ago, I went on his phone to play Spotify and I noticed that he had Tinder downloaded. I opened it up and I saw that it was set up as a woman's account set to swipe on men. It didn't look like he had messaged anyone yet.
When I confronted him about it, he told me that he created the account to look at men's haircuts. I asked him why he didn't just Google men's haircuts. And he goes, when you search for men's haircuts, it's literally all just male models with undercuts. If you search for a man in his 30s, it's just stock photos. Online dating is the easiest way to see pictures of a few hundred real random dudes in their 30s so I can find a picture to bring to the barber.
When I asked about Facebook, he goes, so I'm just going to go get an identical haircut to one of my real life friends. So I look like I'm a single white female in him. To me, his reasoning sounded plausible, but he's pretty smart and good at making logical arguments. When I told my best friend, she goes, do you really want to be one of those women who believes men's ridiculous excuses for cheating? What do people think? Could this actually be why he's made a Tinder account? Look, man,
First of all, you go to any barbershop for guys and they'll have, you don't have, go to the barbershop.
Hey, man, do you know a bunch of guys with douchebag haircuts? And they'll go, yeah, we're a barbershop for men. Remember how that was a thing and then we're trying to bring it back? Now all the barbers are bald and have tattoos. And you're like, what gives you the right to cut men's hair? You don't care. Also, why do you look like a tattoo artist? Also, why do you look like you just got out of prison? Why is this barbershop illegal?
So hard. There's so many hard-ass barber shops that are tailored specifically for men to be men. It's so weird that they're like that. I feel intimidated walking in there. It's like going to the gym, but for insane people. So number one, all he had to do was go to those hard-ass barbers so he can figure out what kind of stupid-ass fucking...
twilight haircut he wants to have two obviously he's downloaded tinder to catfish guys because that's some weird kink that he has that's a weird kink he might not be gay but he's but he's probably gay either way he didn't tell you about it
That's the other big red flag. He didn't say shit. You had to find it. And then when you asked him, he's like, oh, it's to look at men's haircuts. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Then why did you pretend to be a woman? Why is there this multilayered plan to figure out what haircut you have? Hey, stupid. You probably get pretty close if you just let your girlfriend cut your hair.
Whatever haircut you think you want to have, whatever haircut you think is the thing, it's not the reason he has Tinder. That's such a long way to go. I mean, he had it ready, too. That whole idea of like, who thinks to do that for real? Let's really figure this part out. Who really thinks...
For realsies, hey, you know what? Google's not doing it for me. I can't get any straight answers at Sam's Club. So, you know what? Tinder. I'll pretend to be a woman. Is he Lex Luthor? Why does he have this multi-layered four? It stops me in my tracks.
That you would write about this and that we're talking about it because if you pull up that he's catfishing guys, there's some weird closeted thing going on. It, none of it. That's not, it's not true. Even if it is true, it's so weird. It's so weird.
So I would say he's a liar anyway. He's a liar anyway. Tinder is the app for fucking. It's the fuck app. Even if he's pretending to be a woman to look at men's haircuts, he might as well be asking them for feet pics. Either way, he's doing something fucked up.
He's doing something weird. He's jerking off to something he probably shouldn't be. And therefore, he's not telling you about it. You're not sharing it. It's not a thing that he if he would have come to you and be like, babe, wouldn't it be kind of funny if I downloaded Tinder, which feels like a Black Mirror episode? What if I downloaded Tinder, pretended to be a woman? Then I looked at all these men's haircuts so I can get a real haircut. What does that sound? And if you heard that and we're on board, you're you're off.
Go to therapy and get your shit worked out. Don't believe. Yes. And your friend is right. Don't believe men's lies. This is a weird one. Even if it's true, it's still bizarre. Yeah.
And you shouldn't be around for it. Because if you find things on your boyfriend or your girlfriend's phone that makes you go, huh, that's not cool. And then they got to tell you there are nine different reasons why they have it. If you Google men in their 30s, you don't have a good. So you're just going to look at guys. I got an idea. Go walk on the street. Go to the park.
Why do you have Tinder on your phone? There's so many different ways to look at guys that you go up to the guy and you go, hey, excuse me, mister. I'm another guy. I'm just I have I'm trying to get my haircut and I want a specific one. Maybe maybe I don't get it because I don't have hair in my haircut anymore and I'm not that precious about it.
But I also have friends who have hair and they seem to have like one or two styles that they go with. Once you're, if you're a guy and you figure out what your hairstyle is,
That's your hairstyle. You just go and you do it until you maybe you watch a movie and you see a fucking James Caan's kid in Ocean's Eleven. You're like, can I get my hair that high and pulled back? Is that even a possibility? And you go to the doctor, you go to the doctor, you go to the fucking the barber and the barber is like, you have a widow's peak.
And it's falling out rapidly and you're 23. And then you go, okay, so I guess just give me a fade and I'll go fuck myself. Your boyfriend's doing something weird. I don't even know what it could be. This is such an odd thing. I don't even know what it could possibly be because if he goes to meet up with these guys, he's,
Nothing's going to happen. Because these guys are going to be like, I got fucking catfished by a weird guy who wouldn't stop looking at my hair. Just go get your hair cut. I also don't understand how hard is it to just go trial and error? Fuck. I hate both of them. I hate them both because I don't think she should be writing in and I shouldn't be giving advice to this. It should just be a thing that you go, huh, strange. I'm moving out. Yeah.
That's so weird. Anyway, what do you guys think? How do you get your haircut? Would you go on Tinder and pretend to be a different person so you could look at people's hair like a psycho? Yeah.
Are you currently struggling with dating or relationships? Do you have... Maybe you're struggling at work and you're trying to figure out how you want to stop taking bullshit from fuckers. Well, this is the show. And email your questions in, dtbffpodcasts at gmail.com. You can also...
Follow the show and send your memes and your questions to the Instagram DTBFF podcast. Get on the Discord. Hang out with everybody that's on the Discord. People are going back and listening to old episodes and talking about it. And it's a cool little hang. Go to Discord slash DTBFF podcast.
To support the show, go to Patreon, patreon.com slash DTBFF podcast. We got bonus episodes. I did a flash movie review and spoiler talk. And there's video. We're all caught up on the video episodes. And so you can go check out our beautiful faces there. Just throw in a dollar, five bucks if you want the bonus episodes.
A dollar a month to see our faces. Five bucks a month for bonus episodes. More to come. I'm sure there's more movies and Reddit remixes and
Too hot to handle season three is coming out. So we got that to talk about. Uh, the new bachelorette is out. Greg is also keeps emailing us about fucking all these other dating shows. I created a monster. Really? You did. I was like, Hey, watch the bachelor with me. And he's like, have you seen all of these plus F one? And you're like, slow down, slow down, man. Um,
If you're interested and you're in the San Diego area, I don't ever plug this, but I'm a burgeoning, is that the right word? A burgeoning tattoo artist. And if you want to come get a tattoo from me specifically, hit me up. DM me. We'll get it all figured out and you can come out to the tattoo shop that I work at. And if you are my next going Dutch show, my dating comedy show is...
July 27th. And if you're in the San Diego area, please come out. I would love to see you guys. I'm going to have a great lineup. Last one was really fun. Follow Going Dutch Comedy on Instagram. Follow me at Kane Holloway on Instagram. I'm at DTBFFProducerPat on Instagram. Follow Greg, too. It's Gregers.
And go to GregoryBarrant.com if you want to see show dates and have some coaching. If you want coaching from me, again, just DM me. You can also call into the show. What's that number, Pat? Oh, that number is 323-379-5544. Don't take bullshit from fuckers.
Fuck them.