BEING DISABLED IS THE LEAST INTERESTING THING ABOUT YOU? ft. Tina Fiml
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What if I told you that right now, millions of people are living with a debilitating condition that's so misunderstood, many of them don't even know that they have it. That condition is obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD. I'm Dr. Patrick McGrath, the Chief Clinical Officer of NoCD. And in the 25 years I've been treating OCD, I've met so many people who are suffering from the condition in silence, unaware of just what it was. OCD can create overwhelming anxiety and fear around what you value most, make you question your identity,

beliefs, and morals, and drive you to perform mentally and physically draining compulsions or rituals. Over my career, I've seen just how devastating OCD can be when it's left untreated. But help is available. That's where NoCD comes in. NoCD is the world's largest virtual therapy provider for obsessive compulsive disorder.

Our licensed therapists are trained in exposure and response prevention therapy, a specialized treatment proven to be incredibly effective for OCD. So visit NoCD.com to schedule a free 15-minute call with our team. That's NoCD.com. Welcome to Guys, We Fuck, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. I'm Christina Hudson. I'm Corinne Smith. You're slutty, you're horny, and you're shady.

Hey, you with what? Yes. Okay. Let's talk about fucking. Greetings, human beings. How are you doing? What a world we find ourselves in. Welcome to another arousing episode of Guys...

We, uh, it's the anti-slut shaming podcast. I'm Corinne Fisher. I'm Christina Hutchinson. Welcome to the show. If you are in New York city and you are a registered Democrat, a reminder that those, uh, democratic primaries are happening June 24th. And if you're doing a

participate in early voting you can vote as early as june 14th i haven't talked about the race in a while i am still working on it in different ways i am endorsing and collaborating with dream don't rank evil andrew for mayor it's just uh yeah it's basically telling people to rank five candidates in the rank choice voting that fills out the entire form none of which should be andrew a

Cuomo. Um, and I am officially registered and it's crazy that you have to officially register, but I am officially on the books registered as a write-in candidate. Um,

So, um, and you're on the voting guide. Uh, I'm on the CFB voting guide. Although there was, so if anyone has a copy, I did not receive a copy. I really desperately need one because it's really cool. And I'm going to frame it. It's like, that's the only memento I have to show. Um, but they sold, they sent out 3.5 million copies with wrong information. My name's on it. Another woman who they knocked off the ballot. Deirdre Levy is on it. Um, um,

Eric Adams is listed twice. He's not even running in the Democratic primary. So there was well, there was a whole like push for the head of the campaign finance board to step down because of that recession.

huge error. It's a really big error. Well, I, you don't look at the thing before you send it to print. I mean, you got to look at it. Yeah. So if anyone has that, please DM me. I'm, I'm desperately searching for a copy. Everyone I know who's a registered Democrat, I have reached out, uh, to, cause I, I, I got my, from the board of elections, my voters guide, but they just like use little animals to represent, uh, the candidates. They don't actually have like candidate by name information on there. The CFB has a much more, um,

you know, all encompassing guide. But anyway, yeah, I am officially registered as a writing candidate, um, which, so there'll be a blank bubble at the end of your sheet. You can fill in the bubble and then just write Corinne Fisher. You have to spell it right. C O R I N N E and Fisher. And that's all we're doing. F I S H E R. Um,

for it to count. Corinne, you know, the emphasis on the N, so it's N-N-E. Yeah, and again, like, I would rank, you know,

Rank whoever you want, but it's a form of protest. And I don't feel uncomfortable because it's a five thing. And if we were only voting for one person, I wouldn't say vote for me. I would say vote strategically or for who is actually able to be elected. I mean, I am able to be elected, but you're not going to win via write-in. But it's totally fine to do this. In the general election, I would advise not to write me in.

It's not ranked choice for general. No, it's not. But you can still write in, though. And I would definitely not encourage you to write me in for the general. But for the primaries, hell yeah. Let's do it. I absolutely would recommend that as one of your five choices. And fill out five. And this is a great time, if you're a New Yorker, to go to your local Board of Elections or go to the Board of Elections website and get your mail-in if you want to do –

vote by mail. Super easy. Every election I've ever voted in New York city, I almost always do it vote by mail just cause I don't know if I'm going to be available. It's just, you got a lot of stuff to do. You're busy. Yeah. And, and, and then also no matter where you are, uh,

I hope that watching Christine and I go through this experience has encouraged you to be more interested and knowledgeable about your own municipal politics. Yeah. I've seen a lot of young people running for Congress and for their local officials.

Absolutely. So, you know, support run for something yourself, any of that, just, you know, keep your finger on the pulse of what's happening. Because again, we wonder how we end up with corruption in the White House. Well, it doesn't start in the White House, it starts on the ground floor, which is municipal politics. And then by the time we ultimately usually notice it, it's too late and too big, and it's not able to be in our hands anymore. But on a municipal level, it's politicians are super accessible. Yeah.

So they don't necessarily, not many people are paying attention and they love that. They do. They do love that. That's how they wield their power. And I think that a lot of, a lot of politicians, one thing I learned from this process through you is that like, they don't like outsiders, even at the municipal level. Granted, we aren't talking about like the most popular city in the world, but,

Yeah. The municipal level does not like newbies and that's pretty dumb. Because they've been... Because things have been just going on with little to no interruption for so long. Yeah. So, you know, by kind of starting to meddle, it's making their job much more difficult than it needs to be. Good. Which is great because when...

Because then you're asking more of them and the quality of the politicians and the government you get will be higher. Yeah, I certainly hope more young people run because, my God, I'm still watching the news. It is not great. And again, when we say young for politics, I'm talking like 50 and under. That's young for politics. Isn't that amazing? Ladies, are you 45? Are you 45 and want to feel young as hell? Run for your local government. Who needs Botox when you have municipal politics? Fuck yeah.

Write us an email, guys. SorryAboutLastNightShow at gmail.com. That is where you send it to us. Today's subject line, my friend's boyfriend took his life and blamed her. Cute. Love that. Hi, Kurt and Christina. Long time fucker. I've always wanted to write in. I wish I was coming to you with something more lighthearted, but I'm curious to know your thoughts on this trigger warning of suicide and abuse.

I have a friend, we'll call her Jane, who dated an abusive man for two to three years. They met on an app and moved in together fairly quickly. My other friends and I really tried to get to know him and hang out with the both of them, but he always seemed to get really drunk, always carried around a flask of tequila. Jesus. Yeah.

Drifted off into their room to be alone or would leave the party. We usually brush it off, but as they dated longer, we caught on to the way he treated her. Jane is one of the sweetest, kind-hearted people I've ever met. She's always trying new hobbies, hosting dinners for friends, and overall such a bright light in the room. However, this guy, we'll call him Jack, always put her down.

He would tell her to shut up or call her stupid, and she would occasionally have pretty big bruises, which she brushed off as being from sex. Over time, we started to watch her light dim, and she pulled away from us when we tried to talk to her about what was happening. Oh, Jack had a hold on her. It was sad to witness as a friend, but I stuck by her as an outlet if she were to ever want to talk. She eventually told me that he would push her or hit her when she fought back. Finally, in 2023, they, in quotes, broke up.

It's very weird. I know.

And would see that she was at his place often. We left it alone until May when Jack took his own life. Jane hadn't heard from him in a few days and called the cops to have them do a wellness check. It was traumatic for her and she completely changed as a person after this. I went to his services and provided any support she needed during that time. But there has always been this little voice in me that has so much anger towards him. Yeah, girl. Me too.

He treated her horribly and even told her that he would do this if she didn't take him back, making her live with this guilt. I guess my question to you is now almost three years later, she still talks about him every single time I talk to her. She puts him on this pedestal as the greatest love of her life. Oh, boy. Oh, shit. And best man to her. Okay. She's still in the delusion.

because it's comforting to her, I'm sure, even though many of us know the truth. Am I awful for feeling angry and not wanting to support this anymore? I've hinted to her that I didn't agree with the way he treated her. I want my friend back. I know that she wants to go back to the way she was before this, but he lingers in every conversation. It's a tough situation, and I don't expect a clear answer, but I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on how I can support her in moving on with her life. Appreciate you both for giving us this platform to share these stories. Best ever.

Well, I mean, obviously, number one is like, has she seen a therapist about this? Because no matter what the circumstances are, this is something where she needs help. I mean, specifically, I might even recommend a grief counselor. I have found that a lot of times a therapist isn't enough. Like, unless you just by chance have a therapist who they themselves have experienced a lot of grief, like, they're not going to be...

excellent. Yeah. Um, in, in helping you navigate that, but there are specifically people who are by trade grief counselors. Uh, I wish I had known about that earlier cause I would have gone to a grief counselor, but I know through a friend who lost her mother, um,

So I would specifically recommend seeing a grief counselor because this is like a complex grief, similar to when, you know, people's parents die who they had a really, you know, toxic relationship with, but they're still really sad and you're kind of confused because you're like, well, you hated that bitch, but like, you know. You wanted her dead and now she is and now you're sad about it. Right. So, you know, it's kind of like this and like, but also it seems like

I don't like they broke up, but it doesn't seem like there's any part of this story where she ever kind of like acknowledged that

that this was a negative situation. It doesn't seem like that in the story you're telling me. So that's going to be very hard to deal with, especially posthumously, because we societally have a tradition, let's say, of making the dead seem much more iconic than they were during life. Oh, we do. And I really hate that.

I do too. If you were an asshole when you were living, I'm going to call you an asshole after you die and I don't care. Yeah. Just because you're dead doesn't mean you weren't a prick when you were alive. And this guy certainly was. I think that she – I'm not like nervous for her but I'm like, oh, girl, you need to grieve. You need to first grieve the fact that you were with somebody who abused you and I think one of the toughest parts of that is –

Why did I like as the person abuse? I've never been like abused like this in a romantic sense, just just by my mother. But I think that like you have to deal with the fact that you stayed in a thing that was abusive to you. And I think you have to grieve like how the fuck.

Could I have done that? And there's so many reasons and they're all legitimate and they all make sense. But I think that she has to kind of come to terms with the fact that – yeah, come to terms with the truth of what this guy did to her. I was watching a fucking –

docuseries last night on Hulu. Who was on Hulu? About like these women that were conned by, I thought it was going to be like the Tindler Swindler kind of thing. And it was, but my God, these, some guy essentially took a gay guy, a gay makeup artist in Los Angeles, who's a very handsome man in like his 50s,

And he took – gay guys take a lot of photos of themselves. So he took – and I knew that. I'm like – Happy pride. Yeah. Good for you guys. And so he took this guy's – he just took all the photos off this guy's Instagram and catfished these women, one on Words With Friends, one on a dating app, and another on Instagram. But he ended up catfishing thousands of women into giving him $10,000, $20,000. They never – none of these women met this man. Mm-hmm.

who stole this gay guy's identity by, by using his pictures. They fell so hardcore in love with him. And I watched the text messages like being pulled up on the screen. I'm like, you didn't even fucking know him. What? And, but,

And woman after woman was interviewed in this docuseries and they all thought of the same thing. And the guy didn't even give him that much. He just said, I think you're beautiful and I love you. Like obviously repeatedly throughout the day over the course of two years. We love bride crumbs. If that's all it took, these women were legitimately in love with a man they've never met, which I cannot understand. But you know what? If it can happen to her, then it can happen to me and it can happen to you and it can happen to you.

So if it happens all the time, just watch 90 day fiance. It's fucking wild. So imagine the manipulation that can occur on such a gigantic level when you're in person with when your friend Jane was in person with this piece of shit, dead guy, Jack.

Like, well, also this is a situation where like there's, I'm guessing there were very high highs and very low lows, which is like, which is intoxicating. Yeah. Yeah. It, like, and you don't, and when you invest a couple of years into it,

You don't want to believe that though that one year that now two years that now three years were for nothing. And so you, you, you won't allow yourself to believe that what is happening here isn't love because you're like, well, why, why do I feel this good? I mean, there's many reasons why she felt this good because he was fucking being super manipulative and saying what she wanted to hear. And the breadcrumbing thing is real, man. It's so real. So she needs, she needs like a trauma counselor, right?

That's very skilled in grief, but also this guy seems like a narcissist or something. Sociopath, who knows? And when you're also dealing with a very rare situation in which a guy threatens to kill himself if they break up and then actually does, that's like 0.0001% of the person who does it. But it's like a form of abuse even after she was...

But Gabby Petito was dead before he was dead. He was. But the thing I found interesting about that case is Brian killed himself. Yeah. But in his suicide letter, he still lied.

Oh, what did he, I forgot about the case. He was like, I didn't, he basically said he didn't kill her. I would never kill her, but he very clearly killed her. Yeah. I mean, and he killed himself so he didn't have to deal with the legal repercussions, but it's like, you know, and he still stuck to his lie. So I'm like, wanted to control the narrative. If, if, if the writer of this email said that they, the guy blamed her, did he blame her in a suicide note? I don't think so. I don't know.

I broke up. Yeah. So I'm curious, like, you know, obviously he said before they broke up, if you leave me, I'll kill myself. So I'm assuming that's where you got that from. I don't know if he actually expelled it out in a suicide letter, but even he could have done that. But that's people that do that are still manipulative to the grave. I mean, they're just like every second that they're alive in this human body, they will be trying to twist your reality into something that it's not.

And to answer your question, I think at a certain point, it's fine to set a boundary with her to say, I love you so much. I love being your friend. I want to be here for you, but I cannot sit here and listen to you talk positively about a man that we both know was abusing you. Something really short like that.

think there's anything wrong with that I think setting a boundary sometimes is good because I think sometimes you get you know just the same way as we get addicted just like talking about a breakup or something like you can get addicted to talking about that you know this kind of a situation and I don't think there's a problem with saying that and maybe like it'll like wake you know wake her up a little bit ultimately it's her own journey so there's not a ton of control you have over that

And like, you know, fair warning, she could react very negatively to you setting that boundary. I still think it needs to be set though. I know. I think hiding the truth from her, continuing to hide the truth from her, you're not actively hiding it, but like you, you have to address it. I think that like a lot of times as self-aware as we try to be, we can not see the truth, whether we're subconsciously hiding it from ourselves or not. And I think that, yeah, the most loving thing to do here is tell her the truth.

She's going to see it eventually. That's why... You know, a lot of people... Like, that's how...

These situations happen. I mean you can't blame any one person for it because there's so many layers. But like when someone dates someone who sucks – and when I say sucks, I don't just mean like has a bad attitude. I mean it's like abusive and manipulative and narcissistic and so-so, but whatever it is, all these isms. Like when is it the friend's responsibility to say the truth? It's scary to say the truth to somebody because you don't know what the reaction is going to be. But I feel like as a society –

we are – we like tiptoe around the truth way too much. And I wish we didn't. Like just because you're telling somebody the truth doesn't mean it's not loving. It's also very hard to hear that once you're stuck in that mental cycle of like that feedback loop of like the low, high, low, high, low, high. And it's – yeah, to unwork that is – I mean I was stuck in that with one relationship over COVID and that was –

extremely difficult to break out of once it's over. Yeah. Well, and I think also, you know, it's like, it's my, perhaps right now, Jane's in like this coping mechanism. It might be easier for her to, um,

like hold on to the memory of having lost a good boyfriend than a bad boyfriend. Yeah. You know, because that's a double whammy. Losing a good boyfriend is a little bit of a cleaner break. It's not as complex. You know, it's something that's a little bit more relatable. We can show a little bit more empathy towards that. Yeah. And so it's easier. So like, even in like, you know, your brain survival mechanisms, I feel like they just try to make things neater and cleaner, which is why I do believe when, when people who, um,

of questionable ethics die, it's just easier for us to have this blanket understanding in quotes of as a society that we don't talk ill about the dead. Yeah, we should start talking ill about the dead. I love talking ill about the dead. Let's do that. New podcast idea. And you can hear us other places speaking of new podcast ideas. These aren't new podcasts, but these are other places that you can hear us talk.

Oh, I thought you were gonna do something about YouTube. And I was like, yeah. So yeah, make sure to subscribe to the guys. We fucked YouTube. We're on. We're on YouTube full episodes every week. Yes, they do come out mostly in two parts. We'll do the you know, on Friday morning, you'll get the guest interview. And then on Saturday morning, you'll get the intro.

that's just the way we were advised to, to do it by luminary. Uh, you know, I don't know. It makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. It did, it did actually help the, uh, you know, the metrics and stuff. So I don't know what to tell everybody. That makes you, that makes you unhappy. Something, yeah, everything makes people unhappy. So,

uh, whatever. Um, and then I still live stream without a country every Wednesday at 9 PM Eastern time. Uh, you can join me. You can call into the show live. I am actually in the studio at that time. And then if you have any topics that you want to talk to me about, uh, politically, you can email those to without a country podcast at gmail.com. Do not send anything else there. If it's not related to the show, I will not respond. Um, it's only for without a country stuff there. Um,

And I will respond to almost everything for that for Without a Country. And specifically right now, I'm kind of talking to the listeners about municipal politics. And I'm very interested in what's happening in your city as far as municipal politics go. Because that's not information that's easily accessible when I'm living in New York City. That's not going to come up in my news. But I want you to start looking into that and find me some stories about what's going on in your city as

and the scandals and who's running and yeah, the battles. And that's something I'm going to be starting to talk about a lot on the show so that people just get more interested in general on the, uh, about that subject matter. Yeah. And then I have, uh, I have my Patreon where, uh, a couple of times a month I do group Sherpy where we just talk over zoom for about an hour about, uh,

relationships is certainly a topic that comes up a lot, romantic and parental and work. And like how do you make a safety plan? I was talking this week about how – or the other week I was talking about writing a –

doing a project, a writing project, a performance project about when somebody else is so deeply tied to your story, but when their biggest fear that other persons is the truth, like how do you go about that little dance? Um, and, uh, yeah, we just philosophize and talk about, uh, how to deal with life. And once a month, uh, we do, uh, what I call woo woo theme zoom where we do like a group meditation and we do psychic exercises and they're actually very interesting. And, um,

A lot of people have been – are much more perceptive and they're surprising themselves with it. So that's always exciting to watch unfold. So that is Patreon.com slash Christina Hutchinson where you can go, be a member, listen to the audio from all of our conversations or participate in one. Eric. Eric.

I'll be in Minnesota this weekend. It is the 5th through the 8th of June. I'll be in Minneapolis, the House of Comedy, at the Mall of America. So yeah, come see one of those shows. And then I'll be in Edmonton the 3rd through the 6th of July.

And that will be at the comic strip. So please come to one of those. It'd be very fun. Amazing. And then make sure you're following us all on social media. I'm at philanthropy. I'm at Christina Hutch at Eric Freddie. And we're at guys. We fucked without the U and fucked on everything. Thank you. Thanks guys. Um, current helped me pull off pretty good.

pretty big surprise. That was good. That was good. I was very nervous. I was nervous too. You're nervous. And I could tell you were nervous. That was making me a little more nervous. And then other people that were coming to the party were nervous. I'm like, fuck. But, uh, because when you, when you get so close, I know we've been, we've been planning this for a

months i mean you've been playing we've been playing this the surprise element for months and i'm like we we made it so close i was so proud of you for keeping the secret this long i know it's very difficult for you it actually wasn't as difficult because i was doing it out of love because i also too like when if i'm attending a surprise party i want to see the person be a surprise as i as i you can get them yeah i want that host to get a real mad surprise yeah so uh yeah i was at the guys who fuck studio every day last week um putting together these

these photo boards because i was in contact with my my partner's family members in ireland trying to get all these photos and it was really cool to just you know i mean this whole thing i was was done out of love i love when it's someone's birthday as you know i just love when it's someone's even if i don't know you i love when it's your birthday i just want you to feel the best and i happy birthday to everyone who's celebrating your birthday today motherfucker happy birthday um

But also, too, it's a reminder – like my birthday every year, no matter how I'm doing mentally, career-wise, love-wise, no matter the circumstances of my life, when it is my birthday, February 19th, I wake up and I go – the whole entire day until I go to sleep, I feel like a queen. I feel great even if I don't do it. And my birthday is in February. It's in the worst month to have a birthday. Yeah.

It's the absolute worst month. It's the darkest days, the shortest days. It's fucking freezing out and it doesn't matter. And a lot of times like I'll, I mean, I used to have like pretty sick parties, but now I don't really do much. And, uh, even still, I feel like a million bucks on my birthday and it's,

the challenge for me every year is to live every day. Like it's your fucking birthday. Not like it's your last day on earth. Cause if it was my last day, I'd be trying drugs. I've never done like, I have so much to do. Yeah. Don't tell me to live like it's my last day. Cause I would be, I would spend the remaining dollars in my savings account on like a Ferrari. So that's not how I want to live, but I do want to live every day. Like it's my birthday. So,

Yeah, so I love when it's people's birthdays and when it's your boyfriend's birthday and it's a big birthday. It was a big year. That was very exciting. So the whole planning process took so much time and so much effort, but it was all done out of love. And it was the same thing with like working on your mayoral campaign. It was all done out of love because I like truly believe in you. So that also reinstated this thing of like –

When you're doing something out of love, you can't go wrong and you will do a good job. You just will. Like it's kind of like that's the key to life. Too many people have jobs that they hate and I understand like you need to make money and feed your kids. So that's – but then like really see if you could try to love the job you have because it makes it more enjoyable. So yeah, I was planning a lot.

I did – obviously I told him about this. There was a political benefits gala. I told him months ago, save this date. I know it's the day before your birthday, so I'll make sure you put it in your calendar. He was so gung-ho. I ended up getting an audition for a Lena Dunham movie that I had to film on Monday. I submitted this past –

Tuesday or last week. And so I told him the day of the party, I was so fucking nervous because as you said, the closer it gets, the more I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Because you're like, you really don't want to fuck it up now. We're four hours away. I know. So much effort. And all these people are coming in. They're flying in. They're driving in. So I really wanted it to be good.

And so I said – I'm like, what am I going to tell them because I need to go down to the venue with my friend Ani, our friend Ani. To decorate. Yeah. She's like a producer and a set designer. She's incredible. She just does everything. She wears a lot of hats. And so I hired her. I'm so happy I did to help me set up the space. And so I went down there to help because – and we had like a bunch of people helping us. And so I was there for like three hours and I'm like, what am I going to – I was –

I was racking my brain over what am I going to tell him that I'm doing for these three hours? And Kevin had conveniently got a very severe rash and I had to take him to the vet the day before. So I'm like, maybe should I say Kevin? I know. I'm like, thanks Kev. But then I have to take Kevin. I can't take Kevin. So I'm like, you know what? I'll just say I got a call back. And I told him I got a call back and I'm like, he's like, that's a,

I'm like, oh, should I have said something else? I feel bad. He was so happy. And then while we were there, on my way back to the apartment, I'm like, callback went great. I made the casting director laugh. Like, I was just judging it up.

I was really judging it up, but he was, and he was getting excited. I'm like, oh man. But in that moment, I like didn't care. Cause I'm like, oh, he's going to be so surprised. And then we go so far as to, I order a very fancy, like the fanciest Uber you can buy. Um, the big, the black SUV picked Colin and I up. We went to your apartment to pick you and your boyfriend up. You both looked dashing.

And, uh, in, in Korean was like, uh, cranking up with this thing of like, we're going to say at the event, the metal detectors are backed up. Sorry. I can't. I had a whole, I was so good. I had a whole, I thought, I thought about this all day. It was so good because we, because all of this political event that was good, that, that we set up to be whether or not I was on the ballot. Yes. Thank God. I had a time. Cause even when you told me that about that a couple of months ago, I was like, well,

What if I don't make the ballot? Yeah, it doesn't matter. And AOC was going to be there. Andrew Cuomo for the first time was going to do an event. So in the Uber, we're talking about, should we take a photo with Andrew Cuomo? And you can record him, and he doesn't have to know. Well, the thing was, I really had convinced myself that this was a real political event that I was genuinely getting excited about. Oh, no.

So I was method acting at that point. I was also method acting. And well, and I also knew that we were both nervous and I was like, Colin's going to be able to sense that we're nervous, but it makes sense that we're nervous if this is a big deal. We are nervous about this big political event. Yes. You know, and my, I had, I had told,

my boyfriend everything that we were going to say in advance because I knew that he would be laughing at us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he was just like, he's kind of quiet anyway, so he didn't really say anything which was on brand for who he is and he was like looking out the window and he was like, I was laughing and he was like, so I just started looking out the window and he was like, and you guys started talking so much louder because you were excited. Yeah.

The drive from your apartment to the venue, I was going to shit my pants. But it was also so quick. And then I was, I was really, I really was trying to keep engaging in the conversation. But then also I was, I had to be on text because I was supposed to be, you were coordinating with Ani. I was giving Ani alerts. And then the drive to the,

downtown got, was so much faster. It was way quick. And then I was like, but even the Uber, so the Uber driver was like, Oh, what hope? Cause I was like, okay, I got to pick a hotel that this event's going to be at the wall street hotel. And then we're at that. The metal detector is going to be backed up and her campaign manager is going to tell us to go to a bar next door to the actual bar. Yeah. Shout out to Ulysses on Pearl street and in the financial district of New York city. Um, fantastic bar. Uh,

And so I was like, okay, we're going to say we're going to go to Harry's because Colin was just playing at Ulysses the night before. And I feel like that's going to fuck us up. Yeah. To go to Ulysses would be too suspicious because Colin goes to Ulysses a lot. Exactly. So, but the Uber driver was helping us out without even knowing it. Cause he's like, oh wait, the Wall Street hotel. That's really fancy. I don't think you were in the car yet. And he was like, oh, what time's the event over? And I'm like, it's over at 11. He goes, cool. I'm going to like circle around there afterwards. I'm like, yeah, man, do it. I'm like, oh no, it's okay. We're lying, but I can't tell you that. There was a lot of people.

a lot of people down there so hopefully he picked up a ride. Hopefully. And then we went to this place Harry's and then Colin goes why don't we just go to Ulysses? They have TVs and the Knicks games on. Yeah because we wanted to watch the Knicks game and he goes and then he was like Harry's didn't have TVs. Right. And I'm like

I guess we could go to your assistant's shop. And then when he said that, I was like, Colin just gave us an assist to his own surprise party. Which put him further into the matrix. Exactly. Because then there was no idea he would expect anything because he's the one who suggested it. And I was like, this is great. He was like, he blacked out for the first hour of that party because he goes, there's no event. Wait, there's no, you didn't have a callback? There's no event? No, after the surprise, he turns to me, he goes, so wait, is there a political event? I said, no, Colin, now it's your birthday party. I said, obviously.

not but it was so in my head I was like I hope he's not actually really excited to meet like AOC or yeah yeah I mean because because watching the Knicks game in the car he didn't he was like yeah you know I was like I don't like disappoint him yeah I don't know he was not disappointed but uh we pulled it off we fucking pulled it off it was such a great surprise and everybody in there was so like when you put it together an event and it's out of love it's

It really shows. And the people there, his friends are just really lovely, very talented musicians, like some of the most talented musicians I've ever met.

ever witnessed touring with like fucking Sting and Adele and all like every major act. And so, so it was really cool to like watch him play with his friends and stuff and just watch the person you love just feel so loved. And to give them that as a gift was really, was really special. And the surprise part was just, I'll never forget that. That was, that was a core memory. I think, I think it's so funny because then you're like,

Does the person who was surprised then question what a good liar their partner is? Well, that was what I was going to bring up next. Because I was like, did we do too good of a job where there's no mistrust in the relationship? I actually think, yeah. I started thinking.

Because I was like, because also like, and then I was talking to Colin privately. And then like, I, I, we were talking about the audition and I like, it was a couple hours into the party. And at that point he hadn't even known that the callback was a lie. And then I was like, fuck. Yeah, no, no, I would have told, I would have told him. I was like, you know, cause we were, he was just like, I was just like telling him how we pieced it together. Like a magician revealing their secrets. But I overheard him talking to one of his friends on speaker the other night. And the guy was like, yo,

I don't know, man. Your girl is way too good at lying to you. And I'm like, oh, no. I keep putting a wedge. Keep him on his toes. Yeah. Happy birthday. He was alarmed, but I'm like, I got, first of all, I got a BFA in acting. Okay. Give it to me. I'm a great actress. I just am. Sorry. He wanted something to be done. You like, yes, you, you sense that he was a,

he wanted a surprise. He wanted a celebration. He did. And I was kind of already leading him to believe that we were going to do some dumb shit in the park on the day of his birthday. And I could see the disappointment in his eyes. He says he wasn't disappointed when I was leading him there, but I could tell he was, uh, cause it's a big, it was a big birthday. And so, um, yeah, but he, you know, I, and, and,

As a former people pleaser who – it's so interesting. Your whole life when you just want everybody to feel good and you want everybody to feel loved. But for the first three quarters of your life, that comes from a place of extreme anxiety and terror. But then the most recent quarter of your life, it's coming from a genuine place. It's not coming from a place of fear or from a – like that is actually who I am. And now I can do it for the right reasons. But it felt very good to express –

my love for somebody and to have that expression of love be so palpable to the people that love him. That was really nice. Like they really had a good time at the party. I had a cigar roller for the boys and then I had a psychic for the girls. Shout out to Marla Edgar. She was a fantastic psychic. Um, I was super excited to have her there because I wanted to do like Lawrence of Arabia theme, lightly Lawrence of Arabia themes cause that was his favorite movie. So I'm like, Ooh, a palm reader. But she was just a full on psychic. Um,

And so all the guys at the party, they're all artists. So I'm like, okay, even if they're closed off, you're curious. So many guys I taught, I ended up hiring her for two more hours. So I'm like, if you want to stay the line, there was like a giant line for her. All these guys were like, I don't want to go to a psychic. I'm like, why are you afraid of the truth? And they're like, yeah, I'm like, don't be a pussy, do it. And so I just use masculinity against them and pressure them. And a lot of them were like, oh, fuck.

Oh, oh, fuck. She told me some shit. I'm like, good. Hell yeah. You gotta get an astrology app next week, boo-boo. I did my job. So I was gonna tell you this on the solo episode, but I'll tell you it now. So my boyfriend went to the psychic. And he's dated witchy girls in the past. So he's open, but not into it. He's just like, he'll kind of try whatever. He's bi-curious. Yeah, so...

So he like it was like the end of the night and he Christina came over and she was like, why don't you get, you know, a psychic reading? And I was like, yeah, yeah, get one. And so I waited in line with him and then he ended up getting one. He was the last person that she saw. Oh, shit. So first of all, she starts it by going, what time is it? Oh, I got to go. So the energy might not have been great. Yeah.

And I had had one hours ago. I was like one of the first five people to have one. Also, the last two hours, they were playing music on stage. It was super loud. It was very loud. I could tell that was like throwing her off. Yeah, it was very loud. She had to like fully like get in people's ears. Yeah. So whatever. He finally, you know, he gets the reading and then he comes over. You know, I obviously gave him space and I didn't even like look at him when he was getting the reading because I didn't want my energy to be on him. I wanted him to have his own experience with that.

and then he comes over to me and he like, doesn't say anything. And I'm just like, Oh, so how was your reading? Like, what did she say? You know? Yeah. And then she was, he was like, well, what did yours say? And I was like, no, I was like, no, no, no. What did, what did yours say? Cause I was like, now you're hiding something. And then he was like, he like wouldn't tell me. And I was just like,

I was like, what did she say to you? I was like, are you okay? Did she tell you you're going to die? And then I finally, I was like, did she tell you to break up with me or something? And then he goes, no. And then he goes, kind of. And which was crazy because we were like, there's no way she didn't see us together in the line. And so...

Oh, no. He felt so bad. He's like, I didn't want to kill the vibe. He's like, because you were so excited because you were like... Well, not everybody got a great... A couple people got readings that made no sense to them, but a couple people had crazy shit happen. So it's like hit or miss. It was like...

He was like, everyone was coming off being like, you know, life changing, positive. So she starts reading off by saying to him, like, are you single? You look lonely. And then I was like, which like I could understand. Like he kind of like does that.

He looks like a loner. Yeah, yes. Lonely. And he is a loner, which is what I like. I actually think he's by far my favorite boyfriend you've ever had. And I'm kind of a loner too, so I'm like, this makes sense. Loners stick together. Yeah, yeah. And then I think he laughed because she was so wrong. And then I think that maybe it irritated him.

Oh, no. And then like, so she didn't say like, break up with your girlfriend. But she did say, you know, remember, like, if you're feeling lonely in a relationship, that you should, you know, break up with the person. So then because my reading actually felt

So aligned with other readings that I that I've had in a very specific way that I then was convinced for the rest of the weekend that he wanted to break up with me. And like we and like we oh no. And like we talk about on this show so often just didn't have the courage to do it. Oh no.

And, like, maybe was thinking, like, in theory, like, she's the type of girl that I should stay with. And, like, it's just not meshing. So, like, I should just, like, you know, like, push these feelings to the side. So then I started getting mad. And I was, like, deeply depressed over this. Oh, Corinne! And then...

Oh, because because I was like, literally any other boyfriend could have dumped me and I wouldn't have cared. And then I was like, of course, the one I like, the one I like doesn't want to dump me. And I was like, this is a nightmare. But then I was you know, so then I was like, I was like, listen, I was like, if you want to break up with me, it's OK. I was like, just like, let's not drag this on any more than we need to. And he was like, Corinne.

He was like, I'm not going anywhere. He was like, I don't want to break up with you. Fuck yeah. He was like, this is crazy. Maybe she was talking about where he works or something. He was like, this is getting crazy. He like banned me from psychics. He was like, this is so wrong. Well, he was like, this is why I don't go to psychics because this is, this goes off. And then,

And then we had to make a pact by the end of the weekend. And then it turned into a running joke where I need like, you know, cause I live in the East village. There's a lot of psychics around where anytime we passed by, it's like, he like made me, he like made me promise him to not talk about psychics anymore in, in relationship to the thing, because then he started getting paired and then he started getting paranoid that I was using it to break up with him. Oh,

but I was trying to like put it on him and then and then he started getting paranoid the webs we we like I was cheating on him or something I was like I was like no no no I said who has the energy at 39 to cheat on someone what are you talking about a 39 year old man was but yeah I was like I have no energy to do that yeah yeah um or interest and it was it was that's so funny and I was like because I was like

And then like, because when I didn't know what was going on, I was like, Oh, I was like, I can't tell Christina. I was like, she's gonna be so upset. It is what it is. I'm not afraid of the truth anymore. That this psychic caused, you know, a me, us to break up. But then I was like, well, and then I was like, well,

I'm not upset either because if he wanted to break up and the psychic was the person who needed to tell him to break up with me word then obviously he should and then he was like Corinne no I mean he's like I'm not going anywhere okay good okay okay and that's yeah it was made me laugh so hard and I felt that I

felt so bad because I wanted her to give him like inspirational advice about his career or something like I was excited and now he's never gonna go as psychic again she had to have talked about other things with him right no just five minutes of how lonely he must feel like

Okay, well, I'm going to chalk that up too. And like I said, some people got readings. My one friend got a reading that was so accurate. It was not life-changing in any way, but I know this person very well. And so she was like, okay, a home construction project is taking up a lot of space and a black dog is taking up a lot of space in your head. Those are the two things –

And it's like, that was exactly, he just got a new puppy, this little black dog, and he bought a house and he's doing a deck and he's trying to figure out. And like she, I mean, there was nothing profound exchange other than like, these are the things that are on your mind. So she's reading his energy. So like some readings were like accurate, but like, you know, uh, mine, mine,

Mine wasn't a life-changing one or anything crazy, but she said – did I tell you what it was about? She said I was really good with kids and basically she said there's a large child sex trafficking ring, which I mean I already know those exist. You've opened my eyes to those. It's just the nature of how vast –

trafficking and child sex trafficking specifically the darkest kind is and so she's like I think we're going to be exposed to something very vast and like you would be really good for those kids to like help them with that I'm like I mean word but I mean yeah I would be I'd be fantastic about it but I want to do other stuff and so yeah she was talking about another project I'm working on and she and she's just said things that were accurate but like yeah you're working on it with like a little guy I'm like yeah yeah

And so yeah. But then Colin had a really good reading and a couple people like had a pivotal reading, like a kind of a pivotal life change moment reading. Yeah. So it was hit or miss. But if it was the very last one, I could tell the music they were playing was like it was a lot for her, which I mean it was a lot. It was very loud music. Yeah. So maybe her aura was crowded. Yeah. It's probably hard to speed run psychic readings. Also that was like the 40th person, 50th person she's read. Everybody was doing it. So I'm like that's also a lot. So maybe it's that.

I don't want to get, get down on psychics cause they are, you know, and also too, even I, who's like obsessed with psychics, I take everything they say with a grain of salt. Yeah. Except Laura Lynn Jackson who read me cause she got, I mean, well, I, I, I more so do it by like, there has have been certain specific things that I've been told by multiple people. That's very interesting. Those are the ones that's like the pieces that I hold to be true. That's very, yeah, that, that would be of interest to me if you're getting the same thing every reading.

But yeah, I mean, was she like, no one understands you and, uh, not no one, uh, kind of, but it was like, but it was in a more positive, in a more positive way. Oh, good. And she was like, which I've been told before, um, but,

but yes, like that, it makes sense that no one understands me. But, but then she was like, you can use that to help like counsel people basically. And I was like, well, I kind of already do that. Yeah. But yes. Um, yeah. So, and then, and she told me something similar to what she told you about, like, we're going to be exposing,

to big things but it wasn't regarding sex trafficking she just kind of said like there was gonna almost like we're gonna reach rock bottom which I think we are kind of already knew as a society yeah like on a large scale but then there's gonna be a rebuild and she was like you could be really pivotal in that rebuild yeah yeah so I was like that's kind of similar to what she said to you yeah

Yeah. I do think society is headed towards a little bit of a rock bottom, but you got it. You got it. You got to head towards that rock bottom and hit it and then accept it so you can pivot. But again, like when you actually break those things down in your head, you're like, that's kind of generic and you can kind of always say that that can always be true. Sure. But, and that's true as well. I don't know. You know, like I'm always like, yeah, I'll like talk to psychics, but then I'll talk to like magicians and I'll be like, now how would this, you know, cause magicians know how to manipulate and play gay. So I always ask, I like talk to magicians and like,

mentalists. Dude, mentalists? So often and I'm like, well, how, so how do you go about that? Like, you know, magicians really won't give away their secrets which is so annoying of you guys. I know, I almost want to train to be a mentalist so I can learn the secrets because that is the craziest shit I've ever seen but it must be, but a lot of people are dumb.

Frankly, they are. They're basic, they're predictable, and they're kind of dumb. And also if you're at something like that, you most likely want to believe, need some healing, are going through some grief. So you're vulnerable to that. That's the only part of the whole woo-woo that really bothers me is I think a lot of it is taking advantage of people's grief and monetizing it. Disgusting, yeah. And that part really bothers me.

Other than that, it's kind of like, eh, it's just entertainment. Like, you know, take it with a grain of salt. That being said, though, I do feel like recently, like, I've just had things that, readings that were like, just so not how things turned out that I'm like, nah, I probably gotta just not. Not.

not dabble in that as often. Not even look at it at all. Yeah. And I wasn't even looking at it that much, but I'm like, not even at all. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it can get, that can get addicting. Yeah. Um, but yeah, great party. Great party. It was a great party. Congratulations. I was, I was, I think I, I think I freaked him out for how good of a liar I was. Good. Keep him on his toes. Yeah.

Yeah. It's 2025. Christina, keep me on your toes. Okay, guys, let's get to our guest. She's fantastic. I love this conversation. She's a stand-up comedian. You've probably seen her on Comedy Central a bunch. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a very warm welcome to Tina Frimmel.

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I had a moment where I practically got emotional. Oh, that's so funny.

That's an honor. Yeah, that's awesome. Well, and the conversation we had after that, we'll get into it, you know, during this interview was so interesting. Like we have, we have a lot in common with our, like the healing of the, the healing that can come with, um, with like exploring kink and just being sexually adventurous is like, it's, it's the best in my, it's like such a potent healer.

So let's get into it. Let's start. So before we started on the mics, I was telling you about somebody that comes to my group, Sherapy, with cerebral palsy, which you have cerebral palsy. And to my understanding, it shows up differently in everybody. So some people can walk. Some people can't. Some people have motor control. Some people don't. So what has your experience been with that? Right. Yeah. It's a little bit like a spectrum, except not. It's just...

more chaotic than that. It's all over the board. Yeah. Like, it can really affect you in almost random ways. Okay. For me, like, it affects, obviously, speech. Yeah. Mostly, but also my, like, five motor skills and, like, a little bit walking, but, like, I don't use any kind of aid, mobility aid, um,

I don't really need any like elevators or like it's not so much a balance. Yes, because you can get around. Yeah, although I say that, but then I'll like eat shit on the plane. Which we're all susceptible to. I mean, that might just be a team effort. I saw a woman this morning actually on her phone so engrossed in what she was looking at.

And she ran right into a pole. Oh, yeah. So I'm like, oh, man. I can't believe I don't see that more often, honestly. But I've been living in New York for five years now. And now I just get back up. Yeah. Like, I'm no longer faced by, like... Eating shit. Eating shit in front of, like, ten people. And, like, oh, just, oh, no. It literally happened yesterday. Fuck. Like, I got tacos and, like, had my phone. And it just...

Hate shit. I'm like, oh, God. Now, does anyone help you when you fall? Never. Oh, what a thing. I was wondering if it was like, because no one helps. I was wondering if they would help you. Okay, no. The one time in Midtown, in Midtown, I... New Yorkers, what the fuck? But in Brooklyn, no. They,

Brooklyn. Oh, interesting. Wow. Well, if I see a woman like blocks away with a giant stroller trying to get into a venue, I will run the whole door. I'm like, we guys fucking help each other. I'm actually surprised by that. Cause I've seen New Yorkers come in to help strangers in various kerfuffles. Yes. Well, let me tell them, like I, I, I was so, so shocked. It started to cry. And then she was like, okay, okay. But like in, like,

I just said like in Brooklyn now it's just kind of like oh god not again all this shit again and I just like pop back up and I'm like oh no like don't look at me

Don't think. Yeah. Look the other way. That didn't. It was like a cat. Yeah. Yeah. A cat will like fall off a thing and be like that. Yeah. Brush it off, baby. Yeah. Walk away. Walk away.

So how was it growing up? When you grow up with cerebral palsy, do you know you're different? Are you told you're different through an experience that's mirrored? Or do your parents talk to you? How was that for you? Yeah. Well, I never got sat down and told, like, hey, you have those things. Like, the first time I ever...

Found out that I was different. Because when I talk, I sound normal to myself. Yeah, right. Like, it's harder for me to talk. But, like, in terms of hearing it, like, rattling in my skull. Yeah, yeah. I sound fine. Like, I sound like you guys. Yeah. So I did not know that it was, like...

different all of a sudden but then one time I was about four or five and my whole family my mom and dad and my older brother were in the car uh and just quiet and then my older brother said hey guys why does Tina sound weird

And it was a long pause. It was a long pause. And my mom and dad would just say, we're not going to talk about this right now. And that was it. End of conversation. And that's how I learned. Now, I say that as just a thing that happened. But ultimately, I actually owe my mom and dad

Like, an incredible upbringing of, like... They... Except for things, you know, they never, like...

treat me with extra, like, hey, gloves. Like, they never, they just shove me in with other kids and, like, go play soccer and tag and, like, just get out there. And, like, I owe it to that mentality of, like, no, just do it. Yeah, yeah, don't even think. Get out there, just do it. I had, like, therapy and physical therapy and stuff like that, but...

But it was, yeah, kind of like bit by bit by bit learning through...

other people and how other people reacted to me that like, Oh shit, I'm different. Yeah. Damn. Like other kids, like, Hey, why do you talk like that? What was, you know? And, uh, yeah, I just kind of took that cue. So, yeah, so you started getting, so you were mirrored by your parents as if you were just like, there was, you were just like your brothers, except you were a girl. That was it. Uh,

But then when you got into school and are there any that stick out to you that shaped you or that –

in a good or bad way. Yeah, well, like, I went to an amazing private elementary school called the Bridge School, which was, like, admittedly very, very hippie. Oh, that's cool, though. It was in a refurbished barn, like a cowboy barn. Wait, that's cool. Where was this? Millbury, Vermont. Oh,

Oh, I was going to say, it sounds like Vermont. Yo, Vermont's the best. Did you grow up in Vermont? I did. Yeah. I went to college there. Yeah. I really love Vermont. I came straight here from, like, straight to New York. Those are two opposite environments, man. Oh, yeah. Wow. I mean...

Either one or the other. Like, I cannot imagine living anywhere other than New York or Vermont. Yeah, yeah. It's a weird, it's a thing. I don't know. I love either extreme.

But I, yeah, I went to like this private school and I was so fortunate. There was never like bullying at that particular school. That came later. Yeah. Later. Like in your adult life? Well, more like high school. Like I went to one school, public school for like a year and got bullied out of the school. Like I literally got driven out.

Jesus Christ. That's so crazy to me because in like, you know, these are... It's like pretty modern times and I feel like we...

in my school, well, there was a little person, not the same thing, but she was like the queen of the school. She was bullying us. That's funny. Because we elevated her to like queen status. She got cocky. So it's like kind of like treating someone who is different in the reverse way. Almost like coddling them or handling them with kid gloves and then she wreaked havoc on the entire school. Good for her. Good for her, bitch.

I was like, well, well, and then oddly enough, like, like the first school that I went to, yeah, I got bullied out and then I transferred to a school just in the next district. Uh-huh. Like,

15 minutes away. Uh-huh. And completely different story. Really? Completely. What was that story? Well, that, they, they, they love me. That was the hippie, is that the hippie school or no? No, that was just another public school. Okay. But I think that was like, the first school was in a more rural area. Yeah. Where like,

My mom would tell me this just to make me feel better that like a lot of kids and a lot of kids that I met, their culture was do not be different in any way. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so funny with high school and like kids because like it's her mentality, right? So I feel like the first kid to react to somebody who's different, I feel like everybody just follows suit in a way of like and they could either go, hey, you're the shit. You're different. I love that. That's fucking dope. Or they go, fuck your problem. And then everybody like everybody follows suit. So it's like you have two opposite experiences 15 minutes away. That's so interesting. Exactly. I mean, I say it's

clear that the friend group that bullied me the most they were just doing it to make their friends laugh like they were doing it for that status for that you know and um

And actually, it was weird. Like, one boy in particular who bullied me, but then messaged me on Facebook at the time asking me out. So it was like that. I was getting all these, like, weird, I mean, well, yeah.

Yeah. That was the beginning of a lifetime so far of getting mixed signals of like, am I disabled or am I pretty? Yeah. I mean, but you can just be both. Yeah. How? It was,

Well, at the time, it's like, no, that's not a thing. Those are two mutually exclusive things. Yeah, because those are not opposites. Yeah. And in theory, yeah, you're right. They're not. And yet you would be told, oh, wow, you're actually really pretty. Yeah.

Like, you are like, oh, you don't look like you should be disabled. Okay. Wow, guys, really killing it with the communicating and the connecting. Wow. And the lifting people up. Well, I mean, and that was something that, like, that really shaped my life.

My first relationship to dating, sex, and being wanted and being sexy or something like that was, like, having a kid on the school bus say to me in front of all his friends, like, I bet you've never been kissed.

And he was right. I haven't. Yeah, how old were all these kids? How old? That guy wasn't fucking making out with chicks underneath the blue shade. It's always the fucking dipshit kid that's fucking got a gut and doesn't do any sports that's like, I bet no one fingered you. Oh, yeah, exactly. Okay, Todd. Exactly. It was just like the kid down the street. Yeah, yeah. Like, who is he? But it was all just the words and like,

you know, that was kind of like, oh shit. Like, I mean, it got ingrained. Like, oh, I guess, I guess dating sex being desired is,

that's not for me right yeah yeah when it sets the stage so early that that is something that elevates some women above other women like i feel like we set that stage so early and men know that and they or boys know that and they weaponize it against us exactly yeah it was always boys yeah it was none of this ever came from women oh that makes me happy because sometimes women can

be cold. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was too. I was bullied by women in high school and that. Yeah. So, but, but it's also, it's different when it's guys doing it because it's like sexual bullying. It's like your, your femininity and your, your, your attractiveness and your appeal is what they're dangling, which I mean, that never stops. I mean, you fucking, we're going to go to our grave being sexually bullied by men. Yeah. Some, a guy, somebody. Right. Um, but yeah, those are two different,

deep cuts well yeah and like it hurts because at that age of like coming straight from the source yeah coming from boys yeah you know and like oh shit like well yeah this is not girls thing this is not you can't pin it like oh they're just jealous right right oh

this is like you know I'm being told how I appeal to men right well I mean there I think there's like probably power though in the way that your parents raised you that you're not different and so you're walking and people see like look at you and they're like well you seem like you're different but you're not acting like you're different and there's a lot of power in that and men don't like when women hold power as you know in for many things that you do in your life including stand-up comedy oh yeah no but I I

wouldn't you know it, that's the thing. Yeah, for sure. That like, you know, seeing a powerful, confident woman, person,

With this, like, you know, low-hanging fruit of, like, oh, well, they have a disability. Right. Let me knock them down a peg. Right. Like, for whatever reason, yeah. To make them feel bigger, in quotes. Yeah, exactly. Just something within them, like...

I mean, my theory. My theory is that, you know, people that still comment or say things to me in person, man, they, um, it's, my theory is that they're grappling with, like, well, I'm not confident and I'm able. Mm. Yeah. Girl, you just nailed it. Yeah. And so what the hell is wrong with me?

Yeah. Oh shit. That's very, that is so what's happening. Yeah. Cause that, that type of guy, that category of guy that's so insecure, like the male comics, I reacted negatively to Corinne running for mayor like that. I'm like, what is this gross? Like you hate yourself. Like you like, and you're throwing it at us. You're throwing at the women in your life that you deem to be like,

up against odds that you couldn't imagine yourself even, like, standing a chance against. Yeah. Oh, no. Wow. Fascinating. Everything comes from energy. Like, I'm a big bully, but I'm, like, energy's not being created and destroyed. Totally. I take it a little bit woo-woo. But, like,

I'm really into mediumship. We can talk about that later. You have a sign that says palmistry right behind the show. You're in the right place, Tina. You're in the right place. I was thinking of chugging this one. But yeah, whenever people come at me, whether that be something so basic like I hate comment or something like my ex

hardcore manipulating me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It all comes from, I think, I think just, it comes from something. They don't just wake up and decide that. 100%. They have an emptiness in them. And they try to fill it by...

Sex, drugs, dating, making somebody feel smaller, being obsessed with building a shed, you know, like we're just running from that kind of person. It's not just men. Go build a shed. Garden, dude. Don't talk to me. Just go build a shed. Yeah, yeah.

So how was dating when you started dating? Like how did that go? Well, actually, I did not start dating until my late 20s. Like really just getting out here basically. Yeah.

Yeah, New York. And the apps, the apps helped. The apps were what got the flow started. I could actually go on dates. Before that, I think it was just a confidence thing where I could never connect. I think I went on one or two dates in high school. The first date I ever went on, I thought was a date.

Um, but it was a friend of mine, an older guy that lived on my road, and he took me to the fair. Oh, that's a date.

What age gap? What kind of age gap are we talking? Oh, like four or five years. Okay. When you're younger, that's a lot. You're like 80. Whoa. Exactly. I know. I was like so excited and we didn't do anything. Like, I mean, we didn't make our case or whatever. No bases. But like...

Oh. Oh.

Did you say anything? No. It's probably for the best. Well, maybe it was just two dates. Maybe he was just playing the field. I think it was something like his ex-girlfriend. Oh, weird. I don't know. I recognize. That's some high school shit. It was high school? Yeah. Yeah, it was like early high school. Yeah.

But, I mean... So dating was pretty sparse when you were in Vermont, but then you came to New York and got those apps. Yeah, I came to New York, got the apps, and I was, like, struggling to get anything going. I think also just, like, I got burned in school in that, like, I... You know, there was, like, one or two guys that, like, I really, really had hardcore crushes on that, like...

never reciprocated it and that just like you know oh that'll number on me that'll take real estate up in your brain for years man i don't know i don't know how to stop that yeah do you have a funny dating profile like what what how what do you lead with on your dating profile oh i don't actually it's not funny i really just like because i i never know whether i want to like

mention that I'm disabled on there. So I felt it in another way. I just talked how much I love horror movies. Nice. Like, go into and I'll, like, list, like, here are the exact things I love to see in a horror movie. One, decapitation. Two, like...

Okay. I like that tactic. I did do that at one point, like, just to, like, filter out, like, if they can handle this, they can handle asking me to repeat myself a couple times. You know, like... That's so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um... Yeah. So...

I like this approach. I did too. I did that. But, like, yeah, that was the thing. I was constantly, like, do I mention that I'm disabled? Do I not? Have you ever tried doing that on a profile or no? Yeah. Okay. So I've gone on dates where I did not mention it at all. And that went terribly. Right. I mean, they just, like, completely...

Foot in their mouth. It's all that they could talk about. That you're disabled. Yeah. Interesting. I think they were trying to, like, talk themselves into it. Right, right, right. But then, like, I would put it on the profile, but that in itself doesn't seem...

great either because like being disabled is like the least interesting thing about me right right right right and you know at the end of the day like I don't want I have to live with that in real life all the time anyway can I just not and it's just not a defining characteristic of a person like it's just in theory but um

Yeah, no. But, I mean, I've gone on great dates. Yeah. And really, like, I thought, like, oh, we have something here. And then the bitter end, he said, I'm sorry, like, you're great, but I can't do this. I can't, like, I've never dated a disabled person before. Okay.

I'm getting an Uber. Have a good night. Okay, okay. And just, you know. And how does that, how do you read that? How do you process that? How does it make you feel? I mean, nowadays, and I'll be totally real, like, having a career in disability helps. Like, having a, being a successful comedian. Mm-hmm.

Dude, you and also to like, there's so everyone's not like everybody has a podcast, but and not quite as many people, but it's a lot more is a stand. There's so many people stand up, right? So it's like having a unique thing about you that's authentic that you can like run. There's so many comics. You are certainly one of them. That's like, this is like the way you own it on stage is fucking gorgeous.

you're so commanding and the jokes you make that's why there's this one girl in my Patreon with cerebral palsy and I was like go watch Tina Frimmel like there's a couple comics that fucking own it and I love the way like I see you sense anybody who's uncomfortable and you just go at them in a way that like it's from a comedy standpoint it's just

Oh, chef's kiss. It's perfect. Yeah, well, and exactly. It's like, if that ever happened to me today, that, like, I go on a date, and then at the end of it, he's like, I don't know if I can do this. I mean, to me, it would just be, like,

Did you not do your homework? Yeah. Like, hello? I usually, like, now it's, like, I'm bulletproof because a lot of times if someone says some shit to me, I have a... I already have a joke about it. You have so many comebacks. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah, we'll cover that. What are your favorite comebacks or, like, top two? Oh, man. Well, I mean, people often, like,

think I'm drunk or like excuse me being drunk or um I don't well it's not so much a comeback like I don't even say anything anymore because I'm I'm just I'm just bored yeah like I'm just like you know yeah I made that joke in 2017 yeah yeah yeah

Go on YouTube and look it up. Right. Honestly, a great or not like a comeback where like putting somebody in their place is just like you bore me. Bye. You bore me. See ya. Yeah, honestly. So I would love to get into the conversation that we were having at the stand that I loved because I just really related to the healing power of being sexually adventurous. Yes.

How did it come about? How did you – what did you think of it before it was an actual reality in your world and how did you make it a reality and how did it go? Well, you know –

A lot of people that are in, like, the kink world, they talk about, like, I've always been kinky. I've always had that little nugget in me. For me, it was never that. But I've always been someone who wants to try everything twice. And, like, I attribute that to the fact that I, you know, I had a traumatic birth and, like,

actually died at birth. Oh, wow. And I, what I call living in the bonus round is like, I'm now like, I almost was not here. This all almost didn't happen. So it's like, I have this real adventurous kind of lust for, ah, lust for life. It sounds cliche, right?

You want to experience things. But, like, everything. Yeah, yeah. Like, I wanted to see the world. Yeah. And I always – I kind of looked at it like, I wonder what it's like. You know, because, I mean, I always felt a little bit like – Yeah, like, what are you guys doing over there? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I –

I began dating a guy who was into polyamory and into BDSM. And BDSM is like, that can be, when someone knows what they're doing, you're like,

See you next month. I mean, I will hang out with you for a while. I wish I knew what he was doing. Oh, okay. That's very opposite of good. That's very bad. I wish he knew what he was doing. Damn. Tell me more. Well, you know, I think a lot of people, you know, in one way or another can relate to this, that like they come into a new experience and

with a person, a partner that like has more experience than them so they just kind of take it at face value like oh this is what it's

I can show you the world. Exactly. That's what I say on stage. The easiest way to pick up a guy is just say you've never seen Rocky, any of the Rocky movies, and then they just turn into Aladdin. They just want to show like – That's exactly it. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just like, oh my gosh. I really was so excited that I could actually have the chance to explore kink and –

and submission and dominance and like, because a lot of people just don't. Yeah. They just have that in them and then they meet their person and the person's not interested. Yeah. It's that, you know? Yeah, that's a wrap. And it's inside thoughts forever, baby. Yeah. And they just fester and collect energy. And then, exactly. It's the worst. And then it comes down weird.

weird, weird things. Yeah, then you just yell at the guy at the grocery store, you're like, sorry. Yeah, it's tough. Sorry, just really want to be... Smacked. Smacked. In a consensual way, yeah. But, like, so he, like, the, um, I began dating someone who was very dominant and very, um, I mean, it was pretty much, like, very...

not hardcore, but, but like consistently like that, you know, like a dom, like in other areas, not just sex, like meaning like, Oh yeah. Oh, okay. Um,

Um, it was. Was there a convo about this? Like when you were getting to know him, was he like, hey, a little bit about me. I have this thing that I like that bleeds over into areas of my life. It was like, it wasn't a, it should have been a sit down convo. Yeah. Like that. That kink is entirely all about

communication like very very very um trust you have to be trusting yeah that was a big issue unfortunately okay i i could never fully trust him um for just like micro reasons that constantly showing me i'm not heard i'm not safe you know and um but there were so many girls i couldn't

Put my finger on them. I think just my body felt like. Body knows. But, and unfortunately he would get really angry. That he would be like, why, why can't you trust me?

It's always good to yell at someone to get them to trust you more. Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't think that would work. It's like telling a screaming baby to stop. Yeah. What? Yes. The fuck? Exactly. No, they were just... So he didn't really know how to connect then? No. Because kink, that's why kink I think is so sacred.

you have more like the person that's sub when I learned this, I was like, Oh, this is fascinating and sounds even more intriguing to me. The sub kind of has the control because the sub says when we, if we keep going or if we don't, right? Like in the Dom is, is kind of like,

held to that yeah even though the dom is acting you know whatever ways the aggression that you guys talk about but it's like that's why it's so interesting because it's like when you're a kid and you play pretend and time disappears and it's so fun and you just lose yourself in your imagination but then when you add that as an adult to like bdsm and kink with somebody you trust that's like a kid playing with his imagination but like times a thousand like it's just otherworldly blissful yeah well and the cool thing that i learned about kink

is, at least in my point of view, yeah, it's about sex, but really it's more about, well, it's pretend. In the BDSM king scene in Brooklyn, they call it play. Yeah, play parties. I love, yeah. They don't call it sex parties. They call it play parties. And they don't call it fooling around. They call it play.

Right. And you're playing with power. Yeah. Oh, 100%. And you're right, by the way, that the submissive person, the bottom, the person under, they have all the power. They're the one calling the shots. Yeah. Entirely. So there's a – well –

There's so much responsibility in kink that both parties have to have. Can you walk us through what good responsibilities that you've found to be like, okay, next time I'm doing this, these need to be present? Oh, 100%. Well, yeah. Actually, I'm continuously learning. Sure. But...

It was all about communication. A lot of people have the light system, so red light means stop, yellow means, like, hey, I don't like this. I'm not done playing. I'm not done, like, being sexy, being kinky, but let's change what we're doing or slow down. And then green means hell yeah. And green is...

As important as, say, like, a yellow. Because green, like, the dom needs that kind of guy. They need that respect. Like, hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah. A good dom, which I've been with a good dom. You have. Okay, good. They're constantly going off of the green light, green light, green light. And they're so in tune with you, a good dom. Yeah.

And it's up to you to give the green light. And, like, I think once two people have been together long enough, they don't need to literally say green. Exactly, yeah. Green or whatever word. They can, like, feed off of each other and they just, like, know the signs. But, um...

That's huge. It's huge to check in with yourself. It's also huge that if I'm a king scale, let's say I'm at a four in terms of, let's talk about what they call impact. Impact means spanking, hitting, whatever. Let's say that like,

I'm interested in impact at, like, a four. So, like, I, yeah, maybe a little bit, like, teasing a little bit. But I happen to know that my partner loves to be at a nine. Uh-huh. You're doing a four. Correct. Like, you both need to both...

that it's a four and you're not going to five. No, you're at a four. So kink is entirely about not pushing the boundaries. Yeah. Not feel... And there's a lot of nuance there. There's a responsibility as the four, you know, the lesser person to...

not be controlled by their desire to please the nine and, like, push themselves outside their own comfort. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yep. Because if you do that, you're just doing both of you a disservice because it will... That's a little traumatizing because you're like, I violated my own boundaries. Yeah. That's scary. And one thing that I've learned in my experience is...

If it does not blow up today, it will blow up in a month, in six months, in a year. Like, it will derail. Yeah, yeah. If you're not totally 100% like doing what you want to do. You're so right. And a conversation is so important. I personally have too many female friends throughout my whole life up until now, like up until recently. And we hear about it in our inbox. Yeah.

It's a lot of times younger women, like younger women who are just starting out having sex, 18, 19, 20, 21, whatever. And the guys that they're hooking up with are just smacking them out of nowhere or choking them and they don't know what the fuck they're doing because it's not like a – you're not choking a robber. Your sexual choke is not –

There's so much – Corinne read an article on the podcast a while back about how like deaths that can happen because your windpipe got dented from sexual choking that you didn't even fucking discuss. And so it's like giving women that agency and that's why I think Kinkin especially – like I totally get like the high-powered male CEO wanting to get spanked by a woman calling him pathetic. Like I totally get how that's so great. And then like women too, like I –

Culturally, we're just treated like shit. But then we have this beautiful power that we can feel, like this self-empowerment. And to have that played with is like, oh, my God. I just love it so much. So you've had good doms and bad doms. Let's talk about like what's a good dom for you?

I can't tell you how often I hear, oh, I'm a little OCD. I like things neat. That's not OCD. I'm Howie Mandel and I know this because I have OCD. Actual OCD causes relentless unwanted thoughts. What if I did something terrible and forgot? What if I'm a bad person? Why am I thinking this terrible thing? It makes you question absolutely everything and you'll do anything to feel better. OCD is debilitating, but it's also highly treatable with the right kind of therapy.

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But

But there is a solution. A new proposal before Congress would close this loophole and ensure these foreign investors pay taxes, just like the actual plaintiffs have to. It's a common sense move that discourages frivolous and abusive lawsuits and redirects resources back into American jobs in

innovation, and growth. Only President Trump and congressional Republicans can deliver this win for America and hold these foreign investors accountable. Contact your lawmakers today and demand they take a stand to end foreign-funded litigation abuse. A good job, well, I would say a good job is, I was just talking to a friend about this, someone who not just works,

physically dominates churches, whatever. It controls what happens. But controls and takes responsibility for the eroticism of the moment. And then the submissive can just... Their one job other than communicating, their one job is to just relax.

And just, they're on the ride. Yeah. And the Dom is the ride. Yeah. Very well said. And kind of like, the Dom is literally the director of the scene. And so, one thing that I'm realizing...

Oh, well, it's hard to say all this because it really does depend on like the kind of person like, like, but for me, this is what I'm finding. Yeah. I'm finding that, um,

when I can be out of my head, it's so easy to get in your head. And I get really in my head about dirty talk. Oh, yeah. I'm like, that, like, I should be dirty talking right now, or if I am, am I saying the right thing? Yeah. I'm like, oh, say something, and I'll get a big reaction, and then be like... Shit, how do I top that? I actually thought that was...

Yeah. Like, damn. Or, but then there's, yeah, like, the thrill of, like, saying something and having to get a reaction. Like, okay. But I, yeah, I get it really in my head, and it takes me out of the moment because it's easy to slip into performative kind of, like, experiences

I want to turn you on. I want this. And, you know, I've been kind of eagerly looking for a situation where, like, I can just, like, kind of get away from that, get outside my head. And I think a good mom does that. They really...

It takes, I think, a lot knowing the person. But to just, like, your job is just to relax and feel good and, like... Yeah, and let me know where you're at throughout the process. Exactly, exactly. So that's, to me, like, the key of a good job is entirely take responsibility for, like, the...

What happens in the scene and how it feels. Now, when you go to these play parties, I think going to a play party in and of itself could be considered a kink, right? Because kink is such a scale. It's a very vast scale. You can be vanilla kinky as an oxymoron, but you can for sure. You could think these little things are just really...

you know, they, they move you sexually. Um, but when you go to these parties, like, what is it, what does it look like? Is that like, I just, for our listeners who've never been like, maybe they're imagining everyone just smacking the shit out of each other. Like, it's not like that. I've been to a couple very erotic environments. And like, the cool thing is you don't have to fuck at all. Nope. That's awesome. Because then you can go, all right, no pressure.

Zero pressure. And just like somebody else in the next room, like fucking and very – you can clearly tell if it's performative or not. Oh, yeah. Especially a woman can tell. But when it's not performative and it's genuine, you're like, oh my god. Just being in that sexual energy is like –

Oh, yeah. Well, and the thing is that I actually go to these things and I don't. Yeah. I just, I hang out. Well, my ongoing joke with my friends is I go for the hot tub. And it's kind of true. Where else are you going to get a hot tub in New York? It's kind of true. I mean, I've gone to...

parties that were normal and parties that were sapphic and really just going to meet people and there is a sexual charge in the air. But yeah, so I go to parties that there's one particular spot that's

got a multitude of rooms, which I think is like the key. Yes, I agree. Because I've gotten to ones that were kind of just in one giant loft. Yeah, and you feel like you're at like a 70s porn shoot. Yeah, and it was like dividers in between like the dance floor and the mattresses. Yeah. Oh, God. Not my vibe. But, um...

The place that me and a lot of my friends go to.

it very much is there's a backyard, there's, um, a B-Y-O-B bar. Yeah. There's a hot tub, there's a fireplace, and that, that is strictly all about, like, making connections, talking. The most you can do is make out. Oh, in these common areas. Yeah. Oh, so you can't fuck in the hot tub. That's very smart. Yes. No. Hygienic. No, absolutely not. Very smart.

I would definitely now go in that hot tub knowing you can't fuck in it. Yeah. Sounds great. Although, yeah, but you can be naked in it. Okay. Also, which. That's fun. I've got some personal opinions on that. But. Care to share? Yeah. Well, maybe it doesn't even make a difference because it's like a piece of fabric. Right. But like, I don't.

I don't know. I feel like a guy could very easily jerk off in the hot tub underneath the water and I wouldn't know because of the bubbles. And it may be harder for a girl. Although, it's a hot tub with jets, so maybe not that hard. Yeah, a little bit of the honors. Yeah. A little bit. Well, very much, you know, these...

parties you have to be approved right yeah um so there there is that level yeah and they usually give you a spiel on consent yeah that's a very important imperative yeah and you should you know if for the listeners if you're going to go to these places like do research look at the reviews but also make sure like you feel like comfortable along the way or to say you're going to feel like nervous because it's something new but like to make sure you

Keep in mind any red flags that pop up in your head. Have you ever had a bad experience at a sex club? No. At a play party? No, I haven't. I've only, you know, I've only been, I think, like, three or four times. Okay. And I actually, like, full transparency, I've hit a wall in the last month that, like, I kind of don't want to go with them anymore. Yeah, so you're not craving it right now. I'm not, yeah. Like, I don't, like...

You know, I've gone to them and, you know, accidentally got involved with people who turned out to be the exes of other people. And that, I felt just, I felt like a monster. Oh, yeah, but you didn't, I mean. I didn't mean it, but it's just like, yeah.

Being put in that situation, like, oh, my God. Because I'm the kind of person, I would rather get my feelings hurt a hundred times before I would ever want to hurt someone else's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I... It was just like, oh, my God. You know, that experience just really... I'd already kind of been like, I'm not getting a whole lot from casual escapades at all. But, you know, I've been there, done that. But you had... So you're going through a breakup, or you went through... You were saying you had a breakup. Yeah. Can we talk about...

The Polly thing? Is that something we can talk about? Oh, yeah. Because this is a situation that has come up a lot in our email inbox. And so how did it come up for you in this past iteration of your relationship? Yeah. So I recently ended a romantic relationship because he was polyamorous and I was not. I mean, this is like fresh. This just like happened recently.

The other day. Yeah. And so the word that polyamorous people use sometimes is de-escalation. Huh. Which the... That's manipulative. I don't know why. But yeah, continue. Wait, they use de-escalation to describe what? So kind of the way of thinking is that kind of one core way of thinking about polyamory is that

Yeah, you have a series of relationships in your life, and it's on a scale. It's on a spectrum. And so I think the word de-escalation is all about trying to avoid the black and white. Okay. And it's kind of like someone can say, like, be romantically, like, dating and...

playing a future and then realize that's not working let's de-escalate into friends have sex sometimes i feel like that's a word polyguys you yeah that seems like oh what a great deal for me i mean whatever if that's if that's what you want if you just want to be fuck buddies and it is a great deal yeah i mean like uh

Depending on the day, I have a variety of feelings about this word. Like, I am... There was a while that, yeah, I had the same reaction. Like, that seems a little bit just... Something's off. Something's a little bit off about that. Like, I don't know. Yeah, a little bit. Like, my manipulation radar was like...

But not with the person at all, but just with the word. Yeah, they're used to it. Maybe you're like, mm, something. But, like, so the breakup that I just had was actually, like, probably, like, I can imagine two people having a more amicable separation than we did. It was really just this kind of, like,

So you de-escalated into not talking anymore. Well, you know, kind of. I mean, as cheesy as it sounds, it was like I said to him that, like, this actually feels like we're escalating. Because, I mean, what it was was just us hitting a breaking point of, like, oh, we can't do this. Because, I mean...

I'm rooting for him and he's rooting for me. And I'm rooting for him to fill his cup and really find the way that he thrives. But I could not – it was hurting me so badly. Yeah, it was impeding on the way you thrive. Yeah. To feel safe in the relationship. And it began to –

that really rub up against my values and also what I'm looking for in a way that I can no longer really just work through it or talk through it or push it down. And I mean, well, yeah, to be totally real with you guys,

I hit an emotional wall. I burst into tears one night. And, like, I just... It was kind of a thing that I was trying to be, but more and more consistently it was piling up and...

You know, it was hurting more and more and more and kind of punching the same area that was already bruised. But that's a great guy. Like, he's, like, I don't know, just, I was trying so hard because...

I just wanted him in my life. Yeah. Like some capacity. I, I just didn't want to lose this person that I'm at. And, uh,

But I couldn't do it. And I just, I burst into tears. And it was not just, like, weepy. It was, like, it was, like, a little, you know, one of, like, the little kid cries. Yeah. It's like, ugh! Yeah, it's a buildup of pressure. Yeah. Slowly over time. Like, it was really, like, my inner kid just, like, exploding. Yeah, yeah.

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Thank you.

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How can we be in each other's lives in a way that does not hurt? Did you find that? Yeah, I mean, it's so fresh. So that's trial and error. I mean, we're like taking a mini break. From talking and stuff? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Actually, all my friends, we have our locations shared. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And, uh, it's a thing because we hang out at the same cafes and cover bars and stuff like that. And, um, so it's great because you can see like, Oh, so-and-so is there. Yeah. I'll go to that coffee shop. Um, uh,

I've definitely told this to other people that thought it was so weird. I get it. Now, I know people that share locations, like, friends that share locations with each other. At first, I did think, I was like, what the fuck? But then they told me why. I'm like, oh, that's so cute. Yeah, I kind of like it. Yeah, it wasn't controlling or it didn't seem that way. No, yeah, it's never, never, never. I've never had any, like, controlling or, like, toxic things come about from it. Like,

But I do look at, like, social media. I'm like, I wonder what's happening over there. Like, oh, where are they? And it has been helpful because, like,

He and I, we're just, like, taking space, and we live very close to each other. Oh, okay. And so yesterday or the other day or something, I was walking to a bagel shop, and thank goodness I, like, had the thought to, like... Check. Check. Because he was walking there at the same time. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So...

We're going to go to Dunkin' Donuts today. I was redirecting to another cafe. But we're taking a break and just coming back. Yeah, seeing how the energy is. I really hope it's not bullshit. I really hope we can actually...

You know, being each other's lives. Yeah. That's nice. So you can be friends with an ex. Yeah. That's nice. That's, that's, that's, I think a mark of like maturity and you know, I don't know. Just, yeah. Well, well, like I said, not always. Sometimes they suck. Yeah. And they do have another ex that is blocked on my phone. What he do. You have to block some of them.

But, like, so it feels really amazing to, like, have this other extreme of, like, oh, my gosh. Like, we're literally separating because we care about that person so much. Yeah, that's nice. That, like, you know, but... Yeah, yeah. Like, with the needs can't be met, it's nice to be like, let's care for each other in that way. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, being poly, like, that's, like, a very...

that's like a, seems to be a core part of people and how they want to navigate relationships. And I've heard a lot of stories where one person's poly and one person's more monogamous. And it always seems like the poly person like cannot be tamed into the monogamy. And a lot of times the monogamous person will attempt to,

polyamorous lifestyle, but I don't really, I can't think of an example where it's worked out because they're just two foundationally different approaches. Dan Savage called them. I've actually met a lot of monogamous people who have the same tune that like, oh, they try, and I think it's such a welcoming idea that like, oh, let me try polyamory. I'm monogamous.

And I love monogamy, but let me try. And the thing that I'm, at least right now in my life, realizing is, oh, that's the key indication that it's not going to work. Because I have lots of polyamorous friends who talk about having a light bulb moment. And their youth, when they find polyamory, they're like, oh.

oh my gosh, I didn't even know this was a thing you could do. So they feel something clicks. Yeah, it clicks. And it's like, oh my gosh, thank God. Like, yes, oh, it works. And then there are people who are kind of like me. You're like, what's that? Yeah, I'm in the office, but I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Yeah. And I, you know, kind of meet people.

fantastic people that are into polyamory and I'm like, oh, let me try it. Yeah, yeah. I'm a secure person. No, I'm not. You can be secure and poly's not for you though too. Exactly, exactly. There's nothing wrong with like, I want to be the only one you adore. Yeah. That's it. Like, that's fair too. And, you know, the...

Sometimes I worry that it's a misconception that polyamorous people don't like monogamous people or, like...

Like poo-poo monogamy. No, I mean, I know that, like, the other night when I hit a wall, I was around a lot of my friends who are polyamorous. And, I mean, they've been reminding me over and over that, like,

No, you can be monogamous. It really, like, it's not better. It seems like poly people have a big gas tank, have a bigger capacity, and they just have to...

like discharge their energy in the form of like loving multiple people at the same time. If they're relationship poly or sexual poly, there's so many different kinds. But like I did talk to one person once. I think it was after a show who was a listener of the show and was genuinely poly. And he was like, it's a lot.

But it's the only way that I – like it's the best way for me to function in love and romance because it feels right. But it's a lot. It's not like easy. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. Just like kink is. Like it's communication. A relationship is a lot of work. That is one of the things that I love the absolute most about polyamorous people is –

They set the bar so high for communication. Yeah, that's cool. It's crazy. Now that I venture back into monogamy, I mean, after this, I'm just like, okay. Stay awake. I've tried polyamory, and I now know...

Absolutely cannot do it. And I kind of go back to monogamy. The bar is really high for communication. Like, I cannot... I now have to have an extraordinarily communicative voice

But that was my partner. Because it just made me feel. Once you have that experience, you're like, oh, I'm putting this in my must-have checklist. Oh, yeah, 100%. And then it's all about intention. And a lot of it, I think, just, well, intention but also common sense. It's like, well, if they did that,

Would I want to know? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Totally. But, well, polyamory, from how I understand it, it's all about abundance. So it's all about people who can feel within themselves that they have the capacity to love more than one person. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

But you're right, that, like, that's a beautiful thought and a beautiful feeling to have. And yet there's so much logistics that go into it. There's, I mean...

that was the one thing that that I I noticed was really not working for me in polyamory and again not nothing to do with my person the person was just the way polyamory is designed like you know you're sharing your time and and um I realized that

I want a person that will surprise me at the airport, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And when you're in a relationship where you're showing that person, you're showing the time and energy of that person with another person or two other people. Right.

not gonna happen yeah yeah yeah and I don't think I could do I would I can totally see myself trying poly like if I if I trusted the person I'm like oh this is interesting like let me see how this feels probably wouldn't like it but who knows but yeah that's like the romantic stuff I'm like I fucking live for that shit and the other thing is like I've talked enough polyamorous people and um

Polyamory is also about fighting against the idea of being somebody's... Like, being owned by someone. Property. Possessive. Yeah, possessiveness. And I've been noticing more and more when I talk to people about that. In my head, I'm like, well, I kind of want to be... I do too. Somebody's person. That's why I don't think it would work for me.

I love, yeah, I love kind of being just someone's little person. Yeah, your person, your partner. Yeah, yeah, totally. I never want to make someone jealous or painful, but I do get a little bit of happiness that when a partner notices another guy kind of like,

or kind of interested in me and then they tell me like, oh, that kind of made me a little bit prepared.

Or they like wrap their arm around you or something. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You like me. Yeah. Well, this has been a fantastic conversation, Tina. Thank you so much for, for, for being here. Um, you are such a great standup comedian. Uh, what would you like to promote and where can people find you on stage? Like where can we get your dates? Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent. Where do we get more of you?

I'm on tour all this summer. I've got a bunch of dates and then picking them back up, I think, in the fall. I'm all over. I'm in Dallas. I'm...

Dallas, upstate New York, the Hudson Valley. I'm in Nashville in two weeks. Nice. Where do we go for tickets to see your tour schedule? If you go to my Instagram or any social media, you can find the link tree in my bio, and the tickets are right there, baby.

And we'll link Tina's Instagram handle to the description of the episode so that you can get more of her. Thank you so much. Thank you for being on the show. I love you guys. We love you too. This has been Guys We Fucked, the anti-slut shaming podcast. We will talk to you next Friday. Guys We Fucked is presented by Luminary. Created and hosted by Corinne Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by Eric Freddie. Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Kozen.

I'm you for your amusement. I'm not something to brag about. Don't you know I've been through the mud, through the mud, so my roots can grow through the mud, through the mud. No,

I'm not affected by your emotional overflow. Hey, I'm a lotus flower. Watch me bloom in the river. Consuming at my roots. Providing substance for you. Hey, I'm a lotus flower.

Once you open me up, you'll see the jewel in my heart. But from the outside, I'll be full as well. I'll help you dream and help you stay tucked in and warm and tight. My energy

I'm a lotus flower. Watch me bloom in the river. Consuming at my roots. Providing substance for you. I'm a lotus flower. I'm a lotus flower.

Overflow of emotion. I'm a lotus flower.