IS IT MY INTUITION OR ANXIETY?
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Did you know that foreign investors are quietly funding lawsuits in American courts through a practice called third-party litigation funding? Shadowy overseas funders are paying to sue American companies in our courts, and they don't pay a dime in U.S. taxes if there is an award or settlement. They profit tax-free from our legal system, while U.S. companies are tied up in court and American families pay the price, to the tune of $5,000 a year. But

But there is a solution. A new proposal before Congress would close this loophole and ensure these foreign investors pay taxes, just like the actual plaintiffs have to.

So,

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Hey, y'all, quick heads up before we start. You're about to hear a bonus episode of Guys We Fucked that normally only our subscribers get. If you like what you hear, avoid missing out and subscribe now. It's only 29 bucks a year and it's easy to do. You could sign up either on our Spotify show page or at this page to listen on other platforms. Go to luminary.link slash GWF promo. Again, that's luminary.link slash GWF promo.

See you in the bonus episode lounge, dearest fuckers. Welcome to Guys We Fuck, the anti-slut-chaining podcast. I'm Christina Hutchinson. I'm Corinne Fisher, the slutty boyfriend. You're slutty, you're horny, and you're shaming. Hey, you a slut? Yes. Okay. Let's talk about

Hello everybody, how you doing? Where you been? Did you drink water? Where SPF? Does it help? I think so, who knows? Welcome to a very special bonus episode of Guys We... It's the Anti-Slut Shaming Podcast. I'm Corinne Fisher. I'm Christina Hutchinson. Welcome to the show. Alright guys, let's read a bunch of emails. Did you have anything you wanted to discuss before? If you want to email us at sorryaboutlastnightshow at gmail.com. Make sure to make that subject line entertaining.

Here, wait, let me go to my files and see if there's any I have like all these guys both. Well, there is a new there is a new thing that's interesting that they're actually introducing legislation to can or to consider I think how painful IUD insertion. Yes, yes. I thought that I read about that.

I thought that was a really interesting to go over. And I was really happy to see that because, you know, we've certainly, I don't have an IUD. I'm a pill gal, but new guidelines. Yeah. This is from the New York Times. New guidelines call on doctors to take IUD insertion pain seriously, which is, you know, nice because for, you know, so long and just historically in general, women's pain is often neglected when it comes to medical procedures. And then,

specifically black women's pain is even more, uh, uh, not, not reacted to, not respected in any way, not respected. And it's like that woman that's being a fucking human incubator and she's laying on life support because she's pregnant. Yeah. Fuck that. And she's like nine weeks pregnant or something. Yeah. In the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. That's really wild. Whoever's doing this to her.

you're the state legislators involved with these laws. Her name's Adrian, right? I believe so. Yeah. Boy, your karma next lifetime gonna be thick. That is awful. And it's also extra offensive when we look at how black people are treated in America in general. The one time you fucking care about her is when she's cooking a baby? Right. Fuck you. It's, well, and then,

And also bringing this child into a world that is – where you're not even – it's like such a – treat it as second-class citizens. It's crazy. It is crazy and it's like – It makes me – yeah. That story, I had to really work hard. That's why I smoke weed because I can't –

That is a – that was a tough one to compartmentalize. That poor woman's fucking family. Like their relative, their loved one has to be treated like an object. It's just – in a fucking country that doesn't even respect her. Like –

What is happening? That's why I love Luigi. Because look, it would be so fucking cool if we could do things the right way and run for office and get elected and propose the changes and make them happen and make people's lives better. But

That doesn't work. There's a fucking health care bill out now because Luigi murdered that CEO. How long would that health care bill had to take? How long does AOC and Jasmine Crockett and Bernie Sanders have to fucking yell at you in your face to to to make these changes? It's like when you think about how the taxes we pay that they're funding what?

People are going off of – like the whole Medicaid cut, I'm like you are fucking insane. You're paying to murder everybody in Gaza with Medicaid cuts. You fucking animals. It's awful.

I just, this is why I smoke weed. Micah. Yeah. I actually cut out a line from my concess concession speech at the end. I said, well, this is why Luigi killed the guy. And then I said, but you're so right. I didn't have that, but I, but I, but like, I would have, that's the thing. Like, I'm not like, I'm not like part of the Luigi fanfare. Like, but I am that being said though, I'm like,

It's difficult. I go, how can you not see why he did it? I'm not pro it, but how can you not see why he did that? I remember right after he did it, when they found out there was words written on the bullets, I go, oh, who...

Who is this guy? But then all these stories came out. People were sharing their horror stories, which we've heard. I've heard since I was fucking born horror stories about how people have to more. They lose their house because they they had to have a last minute surgery. Like what? Well, again, everyone. Stop saying we're the richest country. No, we're fucking not. Like we might have. I guess we have so much debt. First of all, we are. But it's just it's not. It's not. It's not distributed even. Where's the riches? Yeah.

Well, but all I mean, I would argue that the riches are in our our our freedom of speech, which is now being altered. Yeah, that's like that's how when we talk about the richest country in the world, I do stand firm that I would not want to live anybody else anyplace else. But with this administration right now, that's, you know, all being altered. You know, when people when you're being interviewed about, you know, things you talk about in your stand up set when you come into the country, we no longer live in a place of free speech. Yeah.

No, we don't. And so that president is so fucking stupid. Like the words he says are stupid. The way he strings together a sentence, he doesn't make a point. And then he's surrounded by people go, what are the care that fucking blonde chick that like, well, you should know that if something is fake, we're going to call it out. Oh, I want to push your head into Donald Trump's.

sweaty asshole after he's climbed the steps of his brand new Abu Dhabi play. Where the fuck you guys playing? Dubai, Qatar. Sure. There we go. I know there's different places. I do know. I do have a globe. Uh, but it's like, what, why are I, I hate this. Why? And the problem that I have with my parents that drove me so fucking insane. People write us about this where they had a partner that did this, that drive them absolutely insane. Um,

You're saying something is true when it's so clearly not and no one's doing anything about it. What else? What what course of action does one take from there?

Well, and also, I mean, I think, you know, there's been studies about like what is intelligence really? And I do believe that intelligent people are empathetic. So like that's where to me, Donald Trump really lacks intelligence is his lack of empathy. Totally. Total lack of empathy. And it's and but we see a lack of empathy and in many leaders. And I think this is where problems arise arise. And it's it's so interesting how like.

I mean, the way I'm realizing the world works now, I'm seeing it clearer. Recognition. Oh, hell yeah. I did it. You're always having – you always have recognition. That's true. That's true. So give me a new lesson. Anyway, the way things work –

It is so unfair. We're on a very beautiful planet that we just destroy. And the population is there. There's bullying. There's manipulation. There's lying. There's all of these like terrible. I know there's a lot of great qualities, too, but the terrible ones are louder, unfortunately. And like now in this world, we have Biden is has stage four cancer. And Donald Trump's probably going to live to be one hundred and fucking 20 because he didn't learn his worldly lesson yet. Biden did. Yeah.

Why do we have to suffer because Trump didn't learn his lesson? But that's what this presidency is. Well, yeah, I mean, for taking Medicare away from the people that fucking voted for you, you fucking animal. Like, I feel. Well, they're learning a lesson, too, now. They are. And I'm not happy about that. I'm not happy about it either. But let me tell you, I've put people on a pedestal that shouldn't be put on a pedestal. So I get I have a lot of compassion for the Trump voter that is now fucked.

because they voted for him and they were so excited about him and they believed what he said. Like, I have complete compassion for that. I totally understand. We went to that rally. I'm like, damn, these people are good fucking time. They just want to have fun and live their life and like be able to afford food. Like,

That's pretty, that's not asking a lot. Right. And I know a lot of people on the left are angry because they're like, well, no, they didn't care about these like groups of people. And I'm just like, you can't make someone care. And I'm like, there's plenty of people on the left who like, you know, again, the left is like notorious for not providing affordable housing for people because they don't want the people living by them.

So that's really. So I'm just like, we also say that we also pretend to care about large groups of people and actually don't when it comes when it when it comes to the actual execution of legislation. So everyone's full of shit. Yeah. Is my is my end result. It is the lesson. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, again, that was a that was one of the hardest pills for me to swallow.

during my mayoral campaign where I was like, oh, wow. Again, I thought it was probably true that the left in many ways was just as bad as the right. And I'm like, they really are.

Yeah. It's just a lot of people who only care about themselves. Yeah. That's, Hey, that's one thing we all have in common. Yeah. So we can start there. How about that? It's just like, if you're financially okay to still then only, I understand when you can't, I do. I, it's easier for me to understand when you can't take care of your family unit, how you don't have the energy or the time to care about other people. But when you are financially fit, you're,

And you do have the time and energy and like funds to care about other people. It's your responsibility to do it. And still don't. Yeah. Then that's where I have a much harder time understanding that. That's the problem. Me too. Me too. And it's just like –

The fucking starvation with Gaza. Like the Gaza thing. Oh, yeah. They haven't gotten food since March 2nd or something. That is. They're holding aid. It's crazy. That. Oh, God. There's so much. There's so much grave injustice. It's crazy. It's crazy. I want to. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It makes me so mad. It makes me so mad. It's not good.

Neither of these emails, guys. If you want to email us at sorryaboutlastnightshow at gmail.com. First subject line, I had a psychotic break and thought I was a sex offender. Oh, boy.

Dear Corinne, Christina and Eric. And just so you guys know, Corinne is C-O-R-I-N-E. So just fucking there you go. It just it like looks so bad spelled with. Sorry if your name is spelled with two R's, but I just think Corinne one R two N's is like just visually beautiful. Yes. And with that, I would say Corinne like that's a Corinne. You're the way you're spelled is Corinne. Well, you know, they mean I mean any. No, I every Uber driver just says hi, Corny. Every time.

every time you know and every uber uber driver me they get my name fucking right every time i'm like wow i don't know just the amount of times that someone has earnestly called me corny that that that is my parents gave me that name is crazy i don't think anybody's named that again my my friend said the only like there's a character in hairspray the musical named corny collins i believe and that's the only time i've ever heard of someone named corny that's a musical

I always get so excited when smart people listen.

I know. Thank God. You're a doctor. Can you look at this mold? Thank God. I'm also a massive wacko, have your book, and have watched the special YouTube videos numerous times. Thank you. Well, thank you. We really appreciate that. I could go on for hours about how important you are to me and how important you are for the world. That's very sweet. You show me that there are people who give a shit about other people and who champion understanding as well as celebrating the weird and wonderful and the dismissed.

Christina, I was going to go to your London show, but I got rejected again by a girl I love. Apologies, I was not in the state to watch the show, but really regret missing it. That's all right. I'll be back. London's my fucking favorite place ever.

I am a psychiatry doctor and you have shaped me into the doctor I am today. My goal is to work forensic child and adolescent psychiatry so I can help improve the lives of children who have been victims of trauma, including sexual. That's fucking incredible. Thank you for your service. As well as treat those who perpetuate, uh, those who are perpetuators of sexual violence or harmful sexual behaviors. That's also very, very, very important. Fascinating work. I imagine I will, I will link at the end book, some fun facts, um,

that are guys who's fucked and psychiatry related. Anyway. Oh, I catfished you with my title, but I'll scallion that later. Huh? What? Okay. Well, I am now 26 years old and I'm going through my first heartbreak fully aware. I'm out of the acceptable dumb bitch era for, but for some reasons, but for reasons I'll explain in a bit stunted development wise. What? 26. That's exactly that. You could be a dumb bitch at 68.

I myself have a significant mental health history. I would say I could tell by the fact that you catfished us. Yeah. I already don't trust you. Just so you know, you've already broken my trust. I had a psychotic-like break during my GCSE exams around 15 years old after sending a somewhat sexual picture to a guy on Tinder because as an eternal uggo who never got any attention romantically, I was desperate to get some validation. I immediately panicked when he sent back a

pic and immediately deleted all my accounts. My mom always told me, quote, only idiots sent pictures. I spiraled. I became convinced that he was going to the police to report me because what I had technically done was distribute child pornography. He would be in trouble, not you. He didn't catfish us with this fucking subject line. So I immediately felt that the police were coming to get me and that I was on the sex offender registry. I would cry every time I heard police sirens. Oh, it's crazy. The fucking things we think when we're young.

I would hear sirens every time where there were none present. I would message Childline, a kids charity in the UK, multiple times a day to ask if I was an offender and whether I was going to prison. And I even developed a ritual of praying three prayers three times each day every night to stop anything bad happening. Oh, obsessive compulsive disorder manifesting itself. Truly. Yeah.

this reminds me of the time where I thought that you can get pregnant from masturbating as a kid and all I did was masturbate and every time I peed I'm like for some reason I thought if there was blood in my pee that meant I was pregnant so every time I peed I was like today's the day I'm gonna have to tell my parents I'm pregnant I honestly thought that was there ever blood in your pee because it just means something's wrong no oh okay I just thought that that that was what I thought

I thought – I also thought, like, that you would get, like – I, like, sat – I had a bathing suit on and my friend had a bathing suit on and I sat on his lap in a pool, but I could, like, feel his dick, like, it, like, you know, when it floated up in my butt. And I thought – I was like, I go, oh, I'm pregnant. Yeah. I mean, so, like, so what I'm trying to say, Ryder, is I get it, especially if that's verified by your mom and, like, only idiots send pictures. That was a –

she might've meant well and I'm sure she did, but like that was a dumb thing to say. You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. While you're planning beach trips, barbecues and three day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

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I can't tell you how often I hear, oh, I'm a little OCD. I like things neat. That's not OCD. I'm Howie Mandel, and I know this because I have OCD. Actual OCD causes relentless unwanted thoughts. What if I did something terrible and forgot? What if I'm a bad person? Why am I thinking this terrible thing? It makes you question absolutely everything, and you'll do anything to feel better. OCD is debilitating, but it's also highly treatable with the right kind of therapy.

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If you think you might be struggling with OCD, visit nocd.com to schedule a free 15-minute call and learn more. That's nocd.com. Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? Well, with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision makers. You can even target buyers by job title, industry, company, seniority, skills, etc.

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They do, but I feel like it sucks. They don't starve you. This, among other issues with school, led to a massive breakdown and I became depressed and developed anorexia. I still am profoundly depressed and still have anorexia. Damn. I missed all my teen and early adult experiences being unwell and being in med school.

I also only had flings with emotionally unavailable people, so it was low emotional stakes and it just reinforced my narrative of not being good enough slash thin enough or pretty enough or that I was broken. I have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is relevant to my question. I met a girl at work two years ago. We started dating, but I rushed to make her my girlfriend. We lasted a month because I freaked out and ended things because I was concerned that I couldn't feel love.

She was devastated and I missed her. So we decided to be in a situation ship. Yeah, that'll work out, which I know now she only agreed to because she could work. She could have me. We were effectively a couple just with no labels.

I was going to move for further training for work and we agreed to end it then, December of 2024. I realized I loved her earlier last year but I didn't say anything because I assumed she didn't love me. We never had an argument. We weren't perfect by all means but it was good.

It happens. It does happen, which broke me. Yeah, no one likes hearing that. Oh, my God. That's terrible. I've heard that. It's awful. Well, that's a story you're telling yourself. Keep that in mind.

I asked to try a real relationship and she was considering this but after I had ended up with a job three hours away, she got pissed that I didn't consult her about where I ranked the jobs. But during that time, I was so out of it. I was just surviving. After surprisingly ending up with a top five pick, I was expecting to get my seventh or eighth pick that would have been to stay in the area I was working in at the time so we can make things work. Yeah.

yeah, but you gotta go after the big fucking goals. Don't stay somewhere because someone you love is there. If it's gonna work out, it's gonna work out. You can move across the world. If it's meant to work out, it will. She said that it was the final straw. I plunged into a deep depression, gained

Gained 20 kilograms, which we now know is about – 55 pounds. Yeah, because it was 25 kilograms. Oh, 20. So like 50-ish? Maybe less. In two months – oh, two months. Damn, girl. Started taking overdoses and unfortunately let my full borderline personality disorder out on her. I would message saying, please, I'll do anything and apologizing frequently for things that I felt I did. And then I eventually split –

Mm-hmm.

She said no because she still had trust issues, so would never believe me when I said I loved her and that she was going to move to Australia for two years next year. There would be no point as we knew it would end. Again, this broke me. I ended up – that's because you're looking for your self-worth outside of yourself. This is the problem. This is the main problem you're having, which is a very common problem. I ended up spiraling, cutting, and taking way too many of my meds.

She assumed that Insta stories I posted were about her, but I was just singing songs because it was cathartic. Oh, no. You were singing. Okay. I want to see these stories. And because I really meant them, but I guess, yeah, they were inadvertently about her. I was going to say. They were about her. Stop. Stop.

She saw that I cut myself and that I smoked during this time, which caused a rage, and it's broken my heart. I have attached the pictures of the chat. I fully admit that I probably annoyed her with my moods, but I don't think I deserved this, but I need an objective opinion. I need to know how do I move on. I feel everything times a thousand with a borderline personality disorder. I don't want to be alive.

every day I mean that's most of us I'm literally just working to help others so it's at least a productive use of time if I have to be here

This has just made me not want to do anything. Yeah, because that's not a good way to go about life. I was about to start therapy. Oh, you should. But now I just wish I was dead. That's kind of like how you know you need to start therapy. Wait, girl. Also, too. You should get a therapist. But this is the kind of shit we talk about on my Patreon. Not to plug it, but I'm going to plug it. This shit, people come and they're like...

I don't get it. I want to die. Nothing makes sense. This is stupid. I'm done. And I'm telling you, talking in a group or if there's a group therapy in your area, which I'm sure there is, do group discussions.

I think you would be very helpful because you're going to realize a lot of people feel like you. But also additionally, you have borderline personality disorder and I'm guessing you need to be on some kind of medication and it needs to be professionally managed and it doesn't seem like you're doing that. No, no, no. And then how can you help others if you're not helping yourself, right? Yeah, and I'm sure there's like... Definitely go to that therapist. And I'm sure you probably... You have to go to a specialist therapist. Again, like you're in med school to be a therapist. I mean, I guess you know this, but...

You can't just go to a regular talk therapist. You would have to go to someone who specializes or should, I'm guessing, go to someone who specializes in borderline personality disorder. We've talked about this before with bipolar disorder. It doesn't make you an unlovable person by any means, but you have to...

be responsible with the diagnosis and manage it properly. That is your responsibility. Yes. And you could be in such a healthy, loving, committed relationship with bipolar, with like with all these things, with manic depressive, with whatever. And yeah, that's, that's, but you're, you're one of those people we talk about, uh,

Sorry to group you, but there's this trend I noticed that the people that were most ill-adjusted emotionally in high school are the ones at your reunion. They're like, oh shit, you're a therapist? But I think one of the reasons why that's common is because, well, you can't help yourself, but you can help others and you take gratification out of helping others. But it's like that's a story you told yourself, girl. You can help – act like you're one of your patients. Yeah.

You would be way kinder to yourself, first of all. And borderline, I mean, this isn't like, this is me just taking it off of like reading and talking about it and thinking about it and knowing people with it. Borderline is different than narcissism. I don't know that narcissism can be...

I really don't. I don't know. I know people that have had like narcissistic parents and they figured out a way to make it work. Cool. But borderline, like one of the tenants of borderline is you think everybody's out to get you. You think everyone's against you, but that's just a thought. And I know the thought is powerful because you, you react from the place of that thought. Like,

emotions in the body when you feel them, you just, yeah, sometimes it feels like they take over. But when you have that thought of she hates me, you're manifesting it. You're behaving in a way that's pissing off your ex-girlfriend. She's saying she's pissed off with you and you go, oh, I knew it. See, there is something wrong with me. There's not. You decided when you were 15 or earlier that there was and you clung to that.

So it's just an undoing that needs to happen. Yeah. And to go off what you asked, I mean, I'm sure you've looked this up. I hope you would look this up. But I do know people who have been diagnosed and then not done the research. And that fucking pisses me off. I'm not saying that's you. That's me being mad at people I've dated. But so number one, you do need a specialized therapy. It says the gold standard for borderline personality disorder is it's called dialectical biopsy.

behavior therapy, DBT. Um, that's the gold standard. It teaches skills and emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. And then also sec secondary, you can go to a cognitive behavioral therapist, which I'm more familiar with CBT, but you want to go to DBT. So you need to specifically look up that kind of therapist. I talk therapy is not going to be enough when you actually have a, a severe diagnosis. And then yes,

it does recommend medication supportive, not curative. It specifies, uh, you know, just depending on what you're experiencing. Uh, but there are SSRIs, uh, for mood swings, anger, and anxiety. And then they could change your life. Um, um, Lamotri, the gene for impulsivity and atypical antipsychotics for severe dissociation. Again, I'm hoping because you are studying this, that you know this, um, uh,

And it says important meds are best used alongside therapy, not instead of it. Again, I'm just all saying this as a recommendation. I can't actually – we're not doctors. I'm just getting this off the internet. But like – Look, I know a lot of – You need to be doing the work here. I've met a lot of people with borderline personality disorder, a lot. So it's not some rare you're the fucked up one and no one else is fucked up and it's just you.

No, a lot of people have this. A lot of people have this. You are one of them. But like it's just a matter of undoing and taking care of yourself the way you would want to be taken care of. Be your own – like fall in love with yourself. I think you need to fall in love with yourself. And so the rest of this email is only a couple more sentences. I can't talk to my mom about this because she's not OK with gay that much. Well, that sucks and I don't trust her because we have a difficult relationship.

We're going to SZA and Kendrick in July, which I know will be hard. I'd be super grateful if you could roast me and give me some advice on how to move on. Love, a loyal but fucking dumb bitch. Why are you still going to a concert together if you're not together anymore? Like, I understand you bought tickets. Because you secretly want the complications of the dynamic. Exactly. It's like, I know you want tickets, but you can fucking resell them. Like, stop it. Like, there's a million places, vivid seats. And then you're going to start having a better reputation with yourself by doing something like that. Right? Yeah.

Like by not going, by not giving into this like kind of cancer-y dynamic, this super toxic dynamic, you're choosing yourself. Oh, it's not as exciting and thrilling in the immediate. But afterwards, you probably will get a little bit of a high of going, oh, fuck.

I put myself first there and I did something that I didn't want to do, but I knew it was going to be best for me. And that's awesome. I'm sorry, but I think what you're doing is you got this diagnosis and you don't exactly know how to handle it. And you haven't handled it. And since instead of handling it, you're distracting yourself with this relationship. That's obviously not going to work. That's what I think. And I think people probably are maybe are like treat people with these severe diagnoses

or is it diagnoses? I think it is. I'm the wrong person to ask that. So I think people treat people if like they get a severe diagnosis like this with kid gloves. I'm not going to do that because again, I think that makes the diagnosis worse. I agree. Because then you cling to it like it's a badge of honor. I agree. No, it's not.

I agree. I think it's very obvious from this email that you, that, and that you need to seriously handle your diagnosis. Um, and then you can move on to relationships from there. It has nothing to do with being gay or anything like that. Whatever. No one cares about that. It's 2025. Be gay. Be gay. I mean, your mom cares, but that sucks. Like, I don't know. It's kind of like you talk to friends about relationships, not really your mom. I mean, you're an adult. Um, I think, um,

So that's what you need to do. And also, I think it will also help you because I think with where you're at now, you're in medical school. But once you have your own practice, I think if you haven't fully managed your own mental health, you're going to have imposter syndrome when you're dealing with other clients. And let's fix that. Let's fix the problem before it happens. Also, check this out. Check this out, this thing I just realized.

If you get your borderline personality diagnosis in a place where it is manageable and it does not control you and you control it. And it doesn't need to. Do you know how many clients with borderline personality disorder that think they're fucking broken that you will change their life? Excuse me. That's amazing.

So fucking take care of yourself. And then you show other people that it's possible when they would be, there's millions of people in your exact same boat, but you have a medical degree in psychiatry. So you have the opportunity to take control of your diagnosis and then show others. And that's, you're just effortlessly showing people how to live a better life minus the session you would give. Do you know what I'm saying? So like that leading by example is so fucking powerful. And I think that you have a beautiful opportunity to do just that.

Yeah, stop enjoying chaos. All right, so this says, please read response advice to a fucker who wrote in on 422. So not that long ago, and there's already more problems? All right. Hey, ladies, I wanted to share my insight on the first email you read on your most recent April 22nd bonus episode. A listener... Oh, it's... Oh, yeah, the ex with the dog. A listener wrote in about her ex holding her dog hostage, and I have some advice to share coming from someone who went through a similar situation a few years back. I would murder...

It's a bit of a long story, but I believe it may help. It's also dramatic as hell. So I'm sure hell yeah. Some people will find it entertaining because anyone I tell this story to is always blown away. Keep in mind that certain things I did throughout the duration of this story, I don't recommend doing, but perhaps you can learn from my mistakes and get some good advice from someone who was in the trenches of an awful situation similar to yours.

I, at the time, 21 years old, was in a relationship with an extremely abusive narcissist and pathological liar, 32 years old. And our relationship began shortly after COVID hit or shortly before COVID hit.

escalated fast in our relationship and he ended up moving in with me in the small room I was renting. Okay. Alarm. Why is a 32 year old moving in with a 21 year old who lives in a one room? Because he doesn't want to take responsibility for himself. Yeah. When COVID hit, we both ended up working from home in that room together. This sounds like a horror movie. Yeah. That's a woman's horror. Spending every waking moment together due to the quarantine. And let's just say it turned into a living hell really quick. I ended up getting pregnant. No. Oh.

But immediately decided to get an abortion because I knew there was no way in hell I was bringing a child into the fucked up situation I had found myself in. Good for you, girl. And also you're 21 with a 32 year old. Yeah. I went through a period of depression after having the abortion, not because I regretted it, but mostly because of the hormonal changes my body was going through. Sure. On top of the fact that I was actively being abused by my ex who had not been supportive of my abortion and guilt tripped me about it incessantly. Of course he wanted to trap you.

Anyway, our lease was coming to an end and I was extremely isolated from all my friends and family and didn't know what else to do. So I ended up agreeing to sign a new lease at an apartment with my ex and his friend. Terrible idea, I learned. Shortly after moving in, my ex started bringing up how he thought we should get a cat for me because he knew I was depressed and he thought having an animal to bond with would be good for me. We ended up adopting a cute little sphinx kitten. Oh, sphinx kitten. And this cat quickly became my entire world. Oh my God.

We bonded so fast and truly was the only light in such a dark period of my life. One good thing your ex did for you. What I failed to realize at that time, however, was that my ex had wanted to baby trap me. Just what I said in the relationship. And when that didn't work, he attempted the next best thing. Pet trapping me. Oh, that's fucked up. I never thought about that. Yeah. You always got to make sure when you're when you're if when you're adopting an animal, be clear. Whose is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my. I'd go on a rampage.

page he fully intended to use the cat as a means to manipulate me and keep me stuck in the relationship with him and unfortunately it worked damn dude six months passed the longest six months of my life and the abuse was only getting worse and all of the life was getting sucked out of me things were spiraling quickly between me and him and i knew i couldn't stay living like this and that i had to get out but i felt so afraid and trapped that i just put all of my focus into my cat oh girl

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Although we had technically got him together, I was the main caregiver of the cat, paying for all of the vet bills and care, doing everything for him. He was mine. My ex didn't care for the cat at all. Of course not. Things spiraled and worsened to the point where my ex was punishing me by giving me the silent treatment for an entire week. That's a gift. I know. I was like, that sounds great.

She goes on to say, I was happy not to talk to him, but getting the silent treatment from someone you live with and work from home with in a very small shared space is extremely uncomfortable. It is. It is. And anxiety provoking and will drive you mad after a long. That is very true.

So I decided to leave the apartment and go spend one night with a close friend of mine who also happened to be his niece. Oh no, he loves that. Oh God. This was my first night being away from my cat since we had gotten him and the cat and I were so bonded that we both had separation anxiety and I didn't want to leave him, but I was truly going crazy stuck in the house with my ex and I needed one night away to breathe. Little did I know me deciding to do that would send my whole life crashing down around me and nothing would ever be the same. Hmm.

Well, I mean, right there, I'm thinking you should have taken the cat. Did he fuck with that cat? Don't fuck with cats. My ex knew where I was going, but he wasn't happy about it. I went anyway and spent the night with his niece, my closest friend at this point. And we had so much needed girl time. I had a nice night talking before going to bed. When I woke up the next morning, I had a sinking feeling and missed my cat so much. I immediately hurried back home. When I got back home, my ex and my cat were both gone. I'm glad that he was gone, but.

My heart immediately started racing. I knew something was terribly wrong. I asked the other roommate if he knew where they were, and he said that my ex had mentioned something about taking the cat to get registered for him as his own. Oh, you fucking cunt of a man. I started panicking because I instantly knew that he was doing that to punish me because if he was able to get my cat, who was still young and I had planned on registering. Okay, well, you should have registered your name.

immediately registered under his name that he would be able to keep him in a breakup if things went south between us, which they were definitely headed that way. Your ex's...

people could be such monsters it's really sad everything that happened next was a whirlwind and quickly became the biggest nightmare of my life he came back home with my cat who he did indeed get registered and microchipped to his name only what I did next I don't recommend doing I just don't know what to do and I was in an extreme state of panic I decided to take the expensive guitar I had bought for him his most prized possession on it

Pawn it. And I put it in my car and locked it in there. In my frantic mind, I thought I could use that as a bargaining chip to

uh and that i until he smashes your windows yeah exactly and then i would it's easy to get the guitar yeah and then i would give him the guitar back if he gave me my cat and then just let me leave and move out right then with the cat i had no knowledge of narcissists at this time oh that sucks so i didn't know that was the worst thing possible yeah yeah yeah you ignited him so the situation escalated escalated further and he called the police immediately and reported that's what they

do that I had stolen his guitar the police came and spoke to us both it was an absolute wreck while he was calm and collected and painted me out to be this crazy hysterical girl my friend's ex did it's crazy and the cops convinced me to give him the guitar back as long as my ex agreed that nobody would be taking the cat anywhere and the cat would stay at our residence with the both of us that means you have to stay there we both agreed these to these terms and the cops left but the second they left my ex took my cat got in his car and drove away with no word of where he was being taken okay

At this point, I broke down and called my mom and she insisted on coming to help to me and helping me move my stuff out saying I couldn't stay there anymore. I,

I agreed because I knew that my ex wasn't going to bring the cat back home. He told me he was going to have his cat stay with one of his friends. So I moved back in with my mom and immediately got to work trying to figure out how I could get my cat back. I was contacting all of the mutual friends we had trying to figure out who had ended up with my cat and wasn't able to figure anything out. Then a few days later, my ex told me that he had rehomed my cat and that I would never see him again.

I was so confused because why not just let me have him? Well, because he wanted to torture you. But if you didn't know about narcissism and yeah, if you were still thinking logically, if you were going to rehome him anyway, but that was all part of the abuse. He just wanted to continue to hurt me however he could because I had moved out and left him. I hope this guy gets his dick run over.

The next weeks of my life were filled with trying to hunt down my cat. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and even had to take a leave of absence from work because I was so distraught without him. I spent money on a private investigator to help me locate my cat. I genuinely did every possible thing I could think of to try and locate him, but nothing worked.

some private investigator i know weeks of this went by before i finally ended up discovering that my ex lied about rehoming the cat and really he had been hiding my cat at his shady friend's gross trap house the entire time trap house isn't it like a drug house or something or like an abandoned house what's it's yeah yeah it's like uh it's like a frat house and like a drug den they sell drugs out of you right okay got it got it once he found out that i knew no i had

Where my cat was. My ex ended up taking the cat back home with him. But at this point, even though I was still on the lease of the apartment, they had changed the locks and I wasn't living there anymore. So I couldn't get back in. I feel like if you got, if you did end up, I didn't, you know, I know we still have more of the email to read, but I feel like at this point, if you got your cat back, he would murder you. Hmm.

Because he would completely lose control. This is where I realized I needed to go the legal route. I was in contact with multiple different lawyers presenting my situation and trying to get legal advice of what I could do. I was met with the same legal advice every time. Animals are considered property. So if there was a dispute on who owned the property, it would have to go to small claims court. Small claims, however, would only reimburse me the cost of what my cat was worth, not actually get my cat back. So who cares? Yeah.

So the only legal way through the courts that I could get my cat back was to go through district court, which would take months, if not closer to a year, and I would need a lawyer to represent me and would cost thousands of dollars that I didn't have. Yeah, and your ex would love every second of that. But even in that scenario, my ex could easily rehome the cat again or lie and say the cat died or any random excuse to not be able to actually get the cat back to me, even through the courts. Like that chimp crazy lady. Yep. Oh, I don't know where he is. I don't know where that giant...

gorillas the fake well she brought the fake ashes and said that she had been cremated and it was like obviously a bag of flour it all felt so hopeless but I proceeded with at least getting the court process started anyway in the meantime I began to try and get my cat back through other ways I did try to break into the apartment one time when I knew my ex was gone desperate times all for desperate measures that would have been the first thing I

I did, but that didn't work out well. I only attempted to get in because I was still on the lease and it's also against the terms of the lease to change the locks like my ex had. And when I spoke with the leasing office, they agreed that my ex had violated the lease by changing the locks and that I should still legally be able to access the apartment. So that's the only reason I didn't get in, get a locksmith.

I knew I wouldn't be in actual legal trouble, but I definitely don't recommend trying to break in somewhere your animal is being kept if you're not on the lease or have any claim of having residents there. Yeah, because that's like last time we were talking about that and I was like, don't do that. They're going to call the cops again and then you'll actually be in trouble. Yeah. More weeks passed of me trying to be creative and find other possible ways to get my cat back because the courts were taking so long and my lawyer was not very optimistic about the situation in general because these types of cases are really tricky. Yeah.

I genuinely just felt like I was dying without my cat and no matter what, I didn't give up trying to get him back. But after a few months had passed, I started to give up hope. I got to a point where I decided that there was only one way I could actually get my cat back in a timely manner. And that was to get back with my ex and temporarily move back in with him. Uh, well, if it's strategy, I don't necessarily recommend this, but it worked for me.

I was disgusted at the thought of getting back with my ex who I despised at this point. And I didn't even know if he would want to get back with me either, but I figured I at least had a try. I unblocked my ex's number and to my surprise, without even texting him first, he was texting me about how much he missed me. There you go. Trick the trickster. And wanted me to quote, come back home.

I was repulsed, but I played along. I pretended to miss him and agreed to meet up with him and then move back into the apartment with him just so I could see my cat again. I missed him so bad. I would do anything just to fucking see him. Oh my God. The cat. Yeah. So I moved back in, pretended everything was fine with my ex. That's like a lot of work. That's so much work, but I would totally do it. Sure.

And enjoyed being with my baby again. Again, the cat. But I knew I needed to leave. Our lease was quickly coming to an end. And my ex had this great idea of wanting us to move to a state hours away from everything and everyone we knew for literally no reason. Great idea. Well, there is a reason. It's because he's abusive. Yeah, yeah. Conveniently for him, it's a state that has the worst abortion laws, which in hindsight is the only reason I could think of him wanting to move there. This guy's a fuck.

fucking cunt so he could actually successfully baby trap me this man is literally yeah um i tried to talk him out of it because there was no logical reason for us to relocate there it was entirely random but he said that he and his cat were moving there with or without oh okay and if i didn't agree to go along then i would never see the cat again take the cat when he's at work and move out

Well, is he still working from home? I felt so trapped and scared and saw no way out. I almost gave up and agreed to move just so I could be with my cat. But a small part of me felt that if I moved there with him, I may not make it out alive. I agree. So I decided I had to act quickly and I ended up leaving in the middle of the night. Yes. Yes. It was the most frightening thing I've ever done, but also the best. I snuck out and began driving. And I want to say I love the story, but

previous writer do not use this as any type of inspiration. Yeah, don't get back with the guy. Okay. I'm so glad this worked out this way. This is a great story and I'm glad you wrote us. It's a great story. Please do not use anything that happened from the female. And she even says this. Please don't. No, she said she was like, she was like, maybe pieces of this you could use. I would recommend using no pieces of this.

Yeah. Anyway, so I decided I had to act quickly and I ended up leaving in the middle of the night with my cat. It was the most frightening thing I've ever done, but also the best. I snuck out and began driving to another state where I had some family and was able to stay with a relative until I got back on my feet again.

Oh, good to know. Good to know. Wow.

People just don't care about animals in this way. Legally, the animals are so low on the totem pole, it's very hard to get in trouble for animal stuff, unfortunately. You just won't get arrested for something like this. Even if the cops are called, they will not arrest you. Wow. They will say that you need to work it out in court.

So for the writer of that email, if you were somehow able to acquire your dog again, even if your ex calls the police. Yeah, I wasn't saying that you would get in trouble for stealing the dog. You get in trouble for breaking into the apartment. Yeah, that was my point. Facts.

even if your ex calls the police, they won't arrest you for taking him because you have a claim of ownership on him as well. And they will tell your ex that he needs to take you to court to get the dog back. You will get arrested for breaking into a place that is not yours though. So be very careful about how you proceed with actually getting your dog back in your possession based on your email. I am unsure of the exact details, but,

of the place you had lived at with your ex for a few years before you ended up moving away temporarily for work reasons. I think we went over this. I think that's the problem. You can't break in because it's his home. Right. I'm pretty sure that was the case. Because that's the whole problem. Is it a home that he owns, an apartment you both rented? Are you both still on the lease? I'm pretty sure she wasn't on the lease. Yeah. I think we went over this. If it's a place that you can still legally access because you're on the lease, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Well, I don't really want to give this person's advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To be honest. Yeah.

Let's just skip over this. Trying to find a way to get your dog back. Yeah. Oh, okay. Here we go. There we go. Okay. So my ex called the cops after I left with a cat, but there was nothing they could do because, again, having the cat was not a crime in and of itself. Yes. And is a legal dispute. Keep going, no.

And the cops told me my ex needed to take it to court. I thought I was in the clear from there. He going to take it to court, but he got energy. But like I mentioned, my ex is literally psychotic and could not accept the fact that I had tricked him and won. Yes, exactly. So he actually did file in district court to take my cat away from me. So ultimately, I didn't avoid the court route, but I am very pleased to say that it went in my favor.

Oh, shit. This is so stupid. My ex foolishly chose to represent himself rather than get a lawyer. You fucking dumbass. Even if you're very smart, I highly recommend never representing yourself in court. He was such a narcissist. It's a very bad idea. So like my favorite videos online is...

Yeah, it's a very bad idea. There's videos of this? People representing themselves in court? It's a very bad idea. That's very funny. That's fucking... I gotta go look that up. I'm gonna write it down. And he's fucking stupid and obviously didn't do any research on representing yourself in court. He didn't even know that he was the plaintiff. Wow.

Shut the fuck up, dude. That's so funny. And it looked, I mean, this reminds me of, I was Googling everything so that I knew what was going on in the courtroom for my trial or my hearing. And it looked like the judge was holding himself back from laughing the entire time. Oh, hell yeah. That probably drove your ex nuts. If this was on C-SPAN, please send us the town and the date so I can look it up. Oh my God. Give us the URL. We found Eric's kink. This is my kink too. My God. Wait.

Whereas I retained a lawyer to defend myself against him and my lawyer absolutely smoked him in court. Well, let's hope so, which was extremely satisfying. When it came down to it, my ex did have the registration and microchip paperwork in his name, but that was all he had. And the dates on those were the same dates that we had broken up.

There you go. Yes. Oh, this is

So I got to keep my cat. It took almost a year before the final court hearing though. And I did spend thousands of dollars on the lawyer fees, but it was worth it to be able to win that fight ultimately and keep my cat legally forever. Watch that fucking shit. Fuck squirm. When he thought cockily that he could represent himself and he didn't even know if he was the plaintiff. That is so beautiful. Oh, I needed this email. I want to see his outfit. I also hope that you, um, it's a Margaritaville button up.

Did you know that foreign investors are quietly funding lawsuits in American courts through a practice called third-party litigation funding? Shadowy overseas funders are paying to sue American companies in our courts, and they don't pay a dime in U.S. taxes if there is an award or settlement. They profit tax-free from our legal system, while U.S. companies are tied up in court and American families pay the price to the tune of $5,000 a year. But

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I also hope that you change your name on the microchip registration. Yeah. So my, yeah, so that he can't like, he basically can track where you are. Well, I don't, you don't have a microchip, but you don't, I don't think you have real time tracking usually on your animal. Isn't that what the microchips for though? No, yes, but you have to go through a thing. I don't think it's like live, like people put air tags on their, on their animals to do that. But the micro chipping, I believe, um,

You have to contact them and say my pets lost and then they can access it. I don't know. I don't know that you have live view always. And if you do, I'm like, Oh, I should log, log onto that. Um,

So my final advice would be if you can avoid the court rule, I would recommend it unless it is truly the only option. And if it is, then don't give up the fight for your dog. If you truly love him, remember to look up the animal property laws in your state because it does vary by state. But no, police do not like to get involved with animal ownership disputes and you won't get arrested for having the dog in your possession. If both of you claims to have ownership on the dog, as long as you didn't do anything illegal to retrieve. Right. Very important. Very important. Yeah.

Every situation is very different and I wouldn't necessarily recommend anyone do what I did in terms of getting back with your ex to get your animal back. Yeah, I'm going to actually step in and say hard no on that, listeners. And I'm sure in some situations that's not possible if the other person isn't wanting to get back with you, but even just pretending to get along with that person as much as you can could work saying what they want to hear and appeasing them. Yeah, because one thing narcissists are is they're fucking dumb and it's very easy to... It's actually pretty easy to manipulate a narcissist. You just compliment them and they're so...

They're so out of touch with reality that they're like, oh, really? Yeah.

It's weird. It's almost like you have to be your own hostage negotiator and handle the situation with extreme care until your animal is back in your possession. Don't do what I did and throw gasoline into the fire when someone else is in possession of your animal because this only makes things much worse. And whatever you do, if your ex allows you to be around your dog again, but maybe still refuses that you take him fully, do not be afraid to take your dog and get the hell out of there at the first possible chance. Yeah, what is he going to do, assault you? Then you call the cops. I mean, let's, again, like this is a great circumstance if the person knowingly does not have a gun.

Oh, right. Let me think about that. You guys, like, this is a problem. I'm like, no one wants to hurt me and everything's safe. Well, this is the problem with, like, women getting tough sometimes. Like, we forget how, like, we forget how violent men are sometimes. And you can be as self-confident and as empowered as you want. My emotions feel violent. But, you know, and also fucking, Donald Trump just made machine guns legal again. So, are you...

So we really don't, again, I love to be confident and empowered, but not, do not jeopardize your own safety and do not like overestimate what you are capable of physically. And don't underestimate what, especially a male partner or ex partner is physically capable of. Hold on. He made machine guns legal. Yeah. I believe that was over the weekend. He was busy. Yeah.

I don't look at the internet for one weekend. What the fuck? Yeah, machine guns, legal again. Oh my God. Okay, well, I'm not going to say what I want to say on that one. Yeah, Trump administration reverses Biden, allows device for semi-automatic rifles. He let the bomb stock back. Cool. Legal again. Cool, that's great.

Okay. Oh, yeah. That's the thing that Steven Paddock used. Wait. What's going on? What? Sorry. I'm just connecting. This girl wrote us a second email. Oh. With a different... I didn't put this together. Oh. That's weird. Well, she nailed it. Oh. Interesting. Okay. Yeah, because this is the letter. Sorry. Well, we had already... We nailed it on the first time. Yeah. Yeah.

Where do we... What episodes are we... This is the solo episode. Oh, okay. So it'll be wide. And this is wide too, though, right? This will be... Yeah, this one will be wide. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the solo episode that came out on Luminary on Friday... Will be public in two days. The 23rd. What are you talking about? It'll be public in two days from when this comes out. Well, the solo episode will be... Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're right. So this one will come out after? Okay, yeah. Okay, well...

I mean you know who you are, Ryder, but you just wrote us – so there was an email in the solo episode that's going to come out in two days from a woman that we kind of tore apart in terms of like – it's not everybody else that's a problem. It's you. I didn't realize you wrote us another email about the same problem. It was a totally different subject line. So that's what threw me off. But you had the letter. Thank you for donating to my campaign though. We were tough on you, but you needed it, especially now that you wrote the letter again.

you know there's a lot more context with more information you you definitely um wait weird wait yeah yeah but there's more this email is like different than the first one you sent me not that doesn't make me feel comfortable yeah okay everything's fine um what how much time are we doing eric we're at 50 okay this is like a five page email should we do it this is from 2023 but uh because actually yeah you guys got emails more on your problems

Should we read this one? Sure. Okay. My brain is torturing itself in a new relationship. Help. Now, I just want to make clear this email because there's a period of time where I'm, you know, we can't get every single, now every single email I do see because I'm looking for music submissions too. But, you know, over the last couple of years, I've certainly skipped some. This was an email from 2023. So I don't know if this person was going through this problem still, but if you are, cool. I figured the subtext was pretty relatable. My brain is torturing itself in a new relationship. Help.

Hi, guys. This might be a long rambling mess, but hopefully you can read this and give me some wisdom. I've been listening to you since I was 14. I'm now 21. I know you're going to say, dump him, but help me out. You guys have basically raised me, and I'm a Luminary subscriber. I will save more ass kissing for the end. A little bit of background about my life and previous relationship.

That's difficult.

I'm sure she loves it when you call it the nut house.

I get what you're saying. Woohoo. At this point, my mom has completely broken my heart and I don't know where our relationship goes from here. I can't even remember the last time we had a coherent conversation and I don't have a whole lot of hope for her recovering at this point. So that's definitely done some damage and I'm figuring out how to navigate this because it's ongoing. Now I will give you some background about my only other relationship, which was when I was 17 to 18.

I was super infatuated with this guy for years before we became friends and started dating. Of course, it was amazing, but at first it eventually became scary, toxic, and codependent. A few weeks ago, you guys spoke about dating someone who has a serious mental health crisis. Well, this happened to me at the ripe age of 17.

Several months into dating, he had a horrible psychotic episode where he thought he was the Buddha and was communicating telepathically. Jesus Christ. So people were, thought people were out to kill him. All the typical stuff. Yeah, typical. Typical straight guy. You know what I mean? You're embracing

He would call me and other people frantically at all hours of the night freaking out. Oh, baby. He probably has schizophrenia. Poor guy. And one night he would be saying how connected we are and how much he loves me and then screaming at me saying I cheated on him. He's not here. He's not in his body.

And we are done. But when he was talking about how connected you were, I'm sure it was like amazing. I know. That's a problem. One minute he would be saying how connected we are and how much he loves me and then screaming at me saying I cheated on him and we are done the next minute. Eventually he was in the ER after a crazy night and I went to see him after his mom called me saying he wouldn't stop talking about me. I stayed there with him for hours, which for hours with him just doing scary schizo shit

Before being wheeled off to the loony bin. The best part is he was a huge gaslighter and always, this is in all caps, always told me that he would see me, quote, get wheeled off to the loony bin one day because I'm batshit crazy. Yeah, that's a thing they do. They yell at other people for acting the way they're acting. So funny looking back. Huh.

Yeah, hilarious. We stayed together through it and it was super traumatizing, especially because this was six months after my mom's first psychotic episode. But our relationship only got worse. He slapped me in the face one time and told me he would kill me if I ever cheated on him. Fun. Straight guys, am I right? Looking back, this really scares me. And he has hurt people before. Oh, no. He is also an MMA... Yeah, I was thinking about it.

He's also an MMA fighter. So he could have really fucked me up. I was so stuck in that cycle for a while even though my gut told me it wasn't right. But I felt like I couldn't live without him. Yeah, he very carefully orchestrated that feeling within you. I mean just so you know, there's a lot going on psychologically. I finally ended it when I went to college and I was finally able to see how fucked up it was. And I swore off dating at least for a few years. Cut to now.

Throughout college, I've gotten to know some guys but never really cared about them and I still felt shaken up from my ex. I still had my nerves about it but recently I started to feel more open to it. So I meet this guy a few months ago. Did you say you went to therapy? I don't think you did because that's a really traumatizing experience both with your mom and that guy, very traumatizing. So just give yourself more credit and like really take care of yourself mentally.

I met this guy a few months ago who is the same age as me and I'm super attracted to him, which is very rare for me. We clicked immediately and I feel completely myself with him. I like that there were no games or anything. He was straightforward and is far more thoughtful than any guy I've ever talked to. This is going to sound real Freudian, so do with that what you will, but it finally feels like I have someone who takes care of me in a lot of ways.

I feel I've really fallen for this guy, but being in a relationship has been bringing up feelings I didn't realize I had anymore. I constantly – this wasn't that long ago also, keep in mind. I constantly feel anxious about where it's going, normal, how and when it will end, makes sense, if it will end badly and just overall terrified of being hurt again because I'm already hurting so much.

I thought dating, let's just stop here. And let me tell you something that might make this, might make this, might make this much better or much worse. You don't need to fear being hurt in life because you will constantly be being hurt. That's, but that's just so it's, that's what life is. If you can, there's so many times I've said in this podcast, wait, I don't think,

People are good. Like, I don't think like this kind of sucks. And you and Mike were like, yeah, we've known that the whole time. And I'm like, what the fuck? I thought I was holding out for better tomorrow. Jersey strong. But no, you will get hurt. You will have your heart broken. You will get broken up with. Everyone you love will die. Exactly. They're definitely going to die. So you're going to get hurt. But it's like...

you know what's really going to hurt you? On your fucking deathbed, realizing you didn't live your life because you were so scared of getting hurt. Don't be one of those. Yeah, are you going to live your whole life thinking about getting in the pool as everyone else is swimming in the pool and having a good time? That's a good metaphor. Like, come on. I thought dating a hot guy would be a good idea. I mean, yeah. But I forgot the fact that they all get hit on wherever they go. Yeah. Yeah, that's tough. That's tough. That's his responsibility to not, like...

make you feel bad with that. Yeah. Yeah. And it's your responsibility to have, you know, self-confidence. Yeah. Yeah. Both true. I try to have the mindset of if someone else can take him from me, let them. Yeah.

Okay. Uh, but I still feel jealous when he goes out with his friends and I know girls are trying to talk to him. You don't want a guy that no one's talking to. I know. I know. Honestly, I get it. Like dating down and it looks like it could feel a lot better, but that's all for your ego anyway. So like it doesn't actually matter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. Um,

Sometimes I feel like he might be bragging because he's always tells me about it. That's okay. That is something to pay attention to. I don't like that. What is his tone? I don't like that at all. Or is it just like, is it just like a funny, like, cause I sometimes tell my boyfriend when people hit on me, if it's like funny, not to make him feel bad. Yeah.

Yeah, so ask yourself in your gut. And now keep in mind, your gut may still be recovering from those two experiences you were talking about the ongoing experience with your mom. So your gut might be a little off. This is where therapy is going to be super clutch. Sometimes I feel like he might be bragging because he always tells me about it. Maybe I'm overthinking. But whenever a guy hits on me, or tried to text me, I don't feel the need to tell him about it.

that's fair yeah you make a very good point yeah like how often is it like is it every once in a while or is it like multiple times a week yeah and like i like i i have i i'm dating somebody who gets hit on all the time he's never told me the only reason i know is because i see it and all his fucking friends talk about how he just gets hit on all the time um it doesn't help that i know my ex likes to flirt with other girls over text he swore yeah but this guy that your ex was in the loony bin this

This is a different person and you have to treat this like a new person. And you remind yourself that you are repeating a pattern by dating a similar type of person, which we have yet to. Well, Christina and I will see. Yeah. It doesn't help that. I know my ex likes to flirt with other girls over texts. He swore even when we broke up, he never did anything physical, but how could I trust his word? Yeah.

One thing that really triggered me the other day was when he texted me asking if one of the girls in his friend group could wear the same costume as us on Halloween because she couldn't pick one. What the fuck? You're a fucking adult. Are you kidding me? Fuck off with that shit.

Not you, writer. This might sound dumb, but I was already breaking down over everything all day, and then he sends me that shit. Yeah, yeah, no, that's not cool. Usually I am a doormat, but I told him how I felt because I'm not doing that anymore. Good. Sometimes the pendulum swings too hard in the opposite direction, but I like this for you. But also, okay, so if you're acknowledging that you're a doormat,

it's probably not a great idea for you to be dating someone who you're not comfortable with their level of attractiveness because like you're probably just gonna like do you think that to date someone attractive you just have to be agreeable first of all from a strategic standpoint guys don't like that no they like when you're a bitch yeah exactly there's a little book on it yeah um i bought it recently oh it's a good book um uh well i kind of read the first couple chapters i don't

It's like you wrote it. I go, I've been living this. I go, this wasn't a tactic. This is just how I was born. But yeah, so being overly agreeable, men don't like that. No one really likes that. Also, you don't like that. That doesn't feel good. That's a survival mechanism. If you had to be agreeable to a parent so they wouldn't hit you or whatever, or your ex so he wouldn't hit you,

then that's just a, that's just carrying, that's carried over from your past relationship, which is fine. That's makes sense. Scientifically makes sense that that happened, but now we ain't going to do that anymore. Yeah. And secondly, if you're so step one is acknowledging that you're a dormant. I like that. You know that about yourself. What are we doing to fix it? That's no way to live your life again. You're in the passenger seat of your own life. You know, it would be a big power move. Dump the hot guy. Uh, I know it sounds silly, but it's a small, uh, but it's a small thing that made me spy. No, we take Halloween very seriously here. We, we agree. Yeah. And like, uh,

I was offended when you told me he said that. What the fuck? Get your own fucking idea. Do you have any ideas you could have? Yeah. And she's not even the queen of Halloween. So she was that mad. Imagine how mad we are as a group. Girl. We stand strong with you. Yes, we do. Solidarity.

Ever since then, I just felt extra paranoid and anxious about this friend. I met her soon after and we started dating and she was pretty cool. And I honestly didn't get much of a vibe that they like each other. But I know she's one of his best friends from college. She lives a few hours away, so they don't see each other often, but they talk often. And I know he talks about me to her a lot, which I'm not sure if it's a red flag or not. That's a red flag. Wait. Men don't talk about their girlfriends that much.

See, Eric, you just heard Eric saying no. How many times? Say you're having a conversation with one of your male friends. So if 100% of the conversation is the total conversation, what percentage would you spend talking about your girlfriend?

On average? Yeah. Like just a regular conversation? Well, not like, not like, hey. With a good friend. Like if you're having a deep conversation or if you haven't seen each other in a while. Maybe if it comes up situationally, maybe, maybe 10 to 0%. How many, do all of your friends even know when you're in a relationship or not? Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's pretty low. My room's cleaner. Okay. Okay. So they have to look for clues. Yeah. Yeah.

Context clues. Eric might be dating someone. One of his other friends who is a guy told me that I seriously don't need to worry about her. But again, who can trust a man? We're going out with all of his friends next weekend. And my anxiety has just been so crazy about it that I'm like, if it doesn't go well, I'm just going to dump him. AKA, I'm scared of seeing how we will interact with other girls.

okay, yeah, this is all the world that you've created in your head from the trauma you've had, which is fine, but we're going to move on. This is also so much. I'm like, do you have like a job or a hobby that you need to get to? Like, it seems like you got schoolwork. Yeah. You got that history paper in. I feel inclined to just push him away before I get hurt. Yeah. That's anxious avoiding classic bitch. I don't even know if the good parts are worth it. Yeah.

No, what you're saying to me though is I don't know if I can handle being in this relationship and is it worth the anxiety that I feel? He's not – I'm not a fan of this guy. Me neither. I don't think he's the worst. No. Certainly not a fan. He seems mid. Yeah, yeah.

Tell him that. He's never done anything to make me suspicious except the Halloween costume thing because in what world would I be cool with looking like a damn thruple? Exactly, girl. I agree. I'm trying to stop the rambling, but I guess my main questions are how do I know if it's my intuition or my anxiety? There's no intuition going on here. If I had the answer to that question. I'm going to step in and say there's no intuition going on here. No, it's all anxiety because intuition feels subtle and calm. Always. Always.

Even if you aren't about, even if I've got an intuition about something bad and I knew it was right because I didn't feel anxious about it.

So there you go. I get panicked and feel I get a panicked feeling and I get the strong urge to just randomly dump him or avoid any pain. That's anxiety because you're trying to heal the wounds from your ex-boyfriend and your mother, even though I would miss him. And I feel like we have a good thing going. But at the same time, this relationship is teaching you a lot. At the same time, I know I am the codependent type and I crave the closeness. Well, closeness is not codependent, but I also fear it. I also fear it and want to pull away.

Also, how do you guys feel about close female friends? He says they have never hooked up or been attracted to her, but no grown man wants to be your friend. And attraction can also change. Okay, so we say that, but that's in a relationship. That's in relation to men approaching you as a woman. We never said that like men can't have one of my close friends. One of my best friends is a guy. This is a straight guy.

We've never fucked and we're not attracted. So it's a thing. The origin of no grown man wants to be your friend is with men approaching you and things that they want from you. So please don't take that in another way. Obviously, men and women can be friends.

They 100% could be friends. Also, too, I think the full phrase was, when in doubt, no grown man wants to be your friend. So if you're like, wait, what's going on here? Odds are he ain't trying to be besties. Um...

Sometimes I wonder why he isn't just with her. Yeah, but that's your trauma talking. What? And also, okay, let's just play out. This is why I love to do this with anxiety. Worst case scenario, he fucks her in front of you and you break up with him and I knew I was going to get hurt. And then you move on with your life. Yeah. That's what's going to happen if that happens. You're not going to die. This is the root of your anxiety is you think you're going to die. But really, you're afraid of being hurt again, which is something that's going to happen anyway. Yeah.

Might as well have fun with it. You're going to get hurt again. We don't know if it's by this guy. We don't know if it's by another guy. By your best friend. We don't know if it's another person in your life. By your mom. We don't know if it's by a circumstance. A car. We don't know. A dog could hurt you. But it's going to happen. So just...

So, but what are you going to do? So you're, that moment's going to be bad when you get hurt, but are you going to also make all the other moments when you're not getting hurt bad by, uh, preempt, like by reacting to the hurt prematurely? Yeah. Cause that sounds such a waste of time. Such a waste of time.

To be completely honest, I do think I'm more his type, but that doesn't even matter. You're right, it doesn't. I'm going to a therapist for the first time in a while in a few days. Yay! Mostly to figure out how to deal with mommy issues and relationship anxiety. I feel like my brain has been torturing itself ever since I got into one. That happens, even though he mainly does nothing wrong, minus the things he said in this email.

Overall, I feel a strong connection with him. We both say it feels like we've been together way longer than we actually have. He's saying it in a way like, oh, it feels so long. This fucking ball and Jane. But should I just sabotage myself and dump him? No, why? If not, how can I work through this? Going to therapy? This is all happening in your own head.

Again, this was just a stream of consciousness that I randomly decided to write because I can't stop thinking about it. Well, I hope it helped to write it out. As a side note, I have lots of water in my chart including Pisces, Sun, and Venus. All right, you've lost me now. And Scorpio. No, I'm like, that sucks, girl. Rising in a Libra moon, so maybe I was born with a little crazy. Christina is in my dream blunt rotation. Oh, hell yeah, girl. But, but, what,

that doesn't make you crazy a Pisces sun just means that you're an emotional person and that Libra moon should help you balance it out if anything you gotta lean into that Libra moon more oh you went to Satterton High School? fuck yeah this is a brief I was gonna get thanks for listening Corinne, Christina and Mike cause that was who was on the podcast in 2023 love you guys go birds go birds indeed so this email you wrote us 2023 I'm curious Ryder what happened?

Tell us. Give us an update. The guys we fucked time capsule. Yeah. Because I'm like, oh, I think it would be cool if the person who wrote us listened to us talking about this email that you wrote in 2023. Maybe you're completely moved on and you don't even remember this guy. And you're like, what? I can't even believe I liked him. I don't know. Or are you together? Do you have kids? Like what? I would love an update.

Well, I'm probably not kids yet. She's only 23. Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah. She's 21. Yeah. You're so young. Oh, my God. You started listening to us when you're 14. You know, it'd be extra funny if she barely remembers this guy. I feel like that's happened. Like there were guys that I remember like fully having like the three week long breakdown about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even think about them. And if I see them, I'm like, it's so funny. Love is so fucking weird that way. Romantic love. Because you're like.

the most pain you've ever been in. And then fast forward, time really does heal. Cause you're like, what do they, what do you even like about that guy? Yeah. There's so many guys. You're so detached. Who like, I definitely was so upset over for like, I'm not talking about month, month ones. Those ones were like longer connection, but like guys that I was upset over for like one to three weeks. And like now if they even like try to come up to me, like at a party or if like at all, I'm like, get away from me. Ew. Ew. So please write us and let us know how you're doing.

That was a fun episode. This is a wide release one. So if you're listening to this and you're not a Luminary subscriber, just know that

that this is what you're missing out on. You miss a lot of good stuff if you're not on Luminary, honestly. I'm keeping my secrets to the Luminary subscriber bonus episodes because I know which ones are getting a wide release. We really go rogue on the Luminary episodes. They're super fun. I mean, the show in general, I would say, I would give two thumbs up too. Two thumbs. Yeah. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for being a Luminary subscriber. If you are, if not, join the club, baby. And...

Eric, do you have anything to say? Oh, I was just going to say, send us your music at Sorry About Last Night. SorryAboutLastNightShow at gmail.com. SorryAboutLastNightShow at gmail.com. Send us a song of the summer, baby. Yeah, give us some tunes. Probably not going to be as good as Kesha's new single, but you can try. Oh, I haven't listened to it yet.

I love her. I'm so glad Cash is back. Her last album was fucking perfect. I am so glad Cash is back, baby. She's great. She's thriving. I love her. This has been Guys We Fucked, the anti-slut shaming bonus podcast, but it's wide released. Is that correct? Right? Yes. Correct terminology. All right. We'll talk to you when we talk to you. Thanks. Bye. Guys We Fucked is presented by Luminary, created and hosted by Corinne Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by Eric Freddie.

Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Cosen. I've seen you walking on your own. Never talking, always wearing earphones. You're Miss Big Shot, I'm Mr. Small Fry. But if you need some loving, I might know a guy. Let me.

Can I be your convenient boyfriend? Not to seem sleazy or annoying, but I happen to see that me and you live only two little blocks away. So what do you say? Can I be your convenient boyfriend? It may not leave

I saw you.

The Supermarket At the Bank And the Starbucks In Target You're out of my league But right down my street Just gotta find a way For us to meet

Let me be your convenient boyfriend Take you to your dental appointment How easy life could be If me and you had a meet-cute at a block bar Where I would say Can I be your convenient boyfriend I wouldn't

Ooh la, ooh la