WE DID THIS TO JUSTIN BIEBER?
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Kroger, fresh for everyone. BetterHelp Online Therapy bought this 30-second ad to remind you right now, wherever you are, to unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath in and out.

Feels better, right? That's 15 seconds of self-care. Imagine what you could do with more. Visit betterhelp.com slash random podcast for 10% off your first month of therapy. No pressure, just help. But for now, just relax. Welcome to Guys We Fuck, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. I'm Christina Hudson. I'm Corinne Fisher, the toy friend.

to slutty, you're horny, and you're shamed. Hey, you a slut? Yes. Okay. Let's talk about fucking.

Hello, everybody. How you doing? You okay? You good? It'll be fine. It'll get better, maybe. Or it'll get worse. Welcome to another episode of Guys, We... It's the Anti-Slouching Me Podcast. I'm Corinne Fisher. I'm Christina Hutchinson. Welcome to the show. If you want to send us an email at sorryaboutlastnightshow at gmail.com. And make sure that you're subscribed to our YouTube page. We put a lot of money into that. And, you know, you guys...

mostly listen to the audio version so much so that we're like really why are we spending the core amount of our budget on the video part yeah but it also feels like at this point why would we not have a video element and then people look at the video numbers and they go well no one listens to this podcast anymore middle-aged women dried up vaginas and i go actually a ton of people still listen to this podcast they just listen to the audio version again please like

consume it however you want to consume it. Obviously, like we love everyone who's listening to it for whatever reason. But, you know, if you want to see it, don't you want to see it? We just we just sometimes wonder what's really the point of putting out the video version. Yeah, for sure. For sure. So, yeah.

You know, we just maybe maybe there is no point and we could save ourselves thousands of dollars. So much money. So it's fun. All right. This email subject line says, I don't want to get canceled. Drunk story's gone wrong. Hi, girls. I've been thinking about writing this email for a very long time, but I couldn't find the balls to write it a little about me. I'm a 30 year old gay guy from Mexico. Growing up, I struggled connecting with straight males.

don't need to uh i honestly felt intimidated by them especially when i was a kid during university i started to get over this fear uh and going out of my shell little by little in my last year i became really good friends with this straight guy called daniel fake name uh we constantly went out for beers oh no you fell in love with him didn't i i grew close to his family but

And I considered him to be my best friend. However, during one Christmas party, I became really drunk and tried kissing and touching him. I knew it. The next day, I felt like a huge piece of shit for what I had done and because I had a boyfriend. Oh, there's two strikes on that one. I tried to apologize, but Daniel told me he didn't feel comfortable around me anymore and we haven't talked ever since. Oh, that sucks. I mean...

You did him dirty. You assaulted him. Yeah. And also, even if I had a male best friend who got drunk and tried to kiss me, but I wasn't attracted to him, and that wasn't the dynamic of our relationship, I'd also feel comfortable around that person. This wasn't the only time this has happened. Oh, no. Two years ago, a similar situation happened with a guy I used to work with. We went partying, got hammered, and I intensely tried to hook up despite his girlfriend waiting for us back at our Airbnb. Maybe don't drink for a while. Yeah.

It feels like when you drink, this stuff happens. I have to admit this only happens when I'm drunk and there have been one or two other instances, but less serious. Whenever I remember these situations, I feel instant dread, anxiety, and I've had to ask my therapist for emergency sessions to discuss these memories. Good. I know I was wrong. I've apologized, but still feel like shit to my former friends.

I have a healthy sex life. I'm kind of attractive, I think. And I'd never do something like this while sober. So I don't know what goes on inside my mind when I'm drunk. I don't get wasted that often, about four to five times per year. But it seems like every time you get wasted, you try to hook up with a guy. Yeah.

Yeah. And I could hold my alcohol quite well, like any good Mexican. Nowadays, I have lots of friends, male and female. There aren't those that many non out non binary people in Mexico. I'm about to start my master's in the US and I'm scared to get in trouble if I get drunk. Oh, yeah. Especially in these times.

but also you're going to get the shit beat out of you. Maybe you're going to do this to one guy and you're going to get physically really hurt. Just so you know. Um, not that that's an okay reaction, but I'm just telling you this is what's going to happen. Um, I've thought about getting sober, but that doesn't sound appealing to me at this moment in my life. Why not? What do you think? Should I stop drinking or am I taking it too far? What do you think of this situation? Love from Mexico. And I hope you come by one day. We mean,

I love Mexico. We've been to Mexico. Oh, I love Mexico. So yes, you should stop drinking. But additionally, what I think is happening is that because in your early childhood years, you felt intimidated by straight men and didn't know how to relate to them, that the only way you know how to relate to them, and this happens to women too, is sexually, right? Oh, it does happen to women too. Yeah. So the only, and that's what happened, like a lot of young women who don't know how to relate to people will use their sexuality. You're doing the same thing. That's a good, that's very good information.

I totally agree. And that should make you feel like less of a piece of shit, but you can't do that. You can't be assaulting guys. So you got to figure that. So I would say...

you need to do, do like a sober summer, right? I've done a sober summer. Um, and then I just loved it and I kept doing it, but, uh, do I know, and I know sober summer is hard, probably the hardest season to be sober during, um, you know, as Danny Palmer famously said, uh, one of my worst ideas. Um, but I actually think it was great. Um, come on, get drunk.

Yeah, I think you definitely need to be sober for a couple of months. And also, we live in a time when... Can't you smoke weed or do something else? Yeah, weed won't make you do that. I feel like...

This erratic behavior, this unlike me behavior, it happens when people do cocaine and drink alcohol. And I've honestly noticed it more when people drink alcohol because some people drink alcohol and they just switch. Yeah. I don't know what their body chemistry is, but some people have this like weird switch and you're like, wait, who are you? Yeah.

Yeah. And also you said that you're coming to the U.S. You're about to start your master's in the U.S. That's going to take a lot of work. You're coming to a new place, new place, fresh start. And there's so many out non-binary people, out gay people. Like, I don't know if you're going to be in a major city in the U.S., but if you are, you're going to have all your pickings of dick. Yeah.

Yeah. And, but, but truly, I mean, and not to like, I don't want to fill your head with nonsense because of the administration that's going on right here. Dude. Truly. You're going to, you're going to fuck up. You're going to sexually assault a straight guy and he's going to get you deported. I mean, like it's something crazy is in this environment. Yes. Like it's something that like, I'm like actually worried for your safety because you like, this is not the time. This is not the time. Not the time.

It's not the time. It's not the time. Because you're getting your higher education. That's so exciting. That's good for you, man. Yeah. You're fucking making your future. You're carving it out for yourself. That's beautiful. Yeah. And I totally agree with you. I think that... Shit's real wild right now. So you're going to want to be on your best behavior. And again, I shouldn't be like that, but I just...

I like to tell you things factually, not how they should be, how they actually are. And it's not a great time. Even for people who are Americans, we are being asked crazy questions when we come back in the country about our political stances, about what we talk about. Jenna Freeman did it. It happened to Hassan Piker as well. I don't know. He was, I think he was, he was, he was, he, no, he's born. He lived in Turkey for a while, but he isn't born in America. Um,

So, yeah, you know, you got, you know, and Hasan Piker is an extreme example, but Jennifer Egan is not an extreme example. So, you know, you want to you don't want these things to be happening right now. But in general, I think it's a good time to solve this problem because you're ruining friendships, which is a huge problem to begin with. And then on top of that, you're putting yourself ultimately in physical danger. Yeah. Yeah.

So go get your higher education. Have fun. Have fun in America. Be gay as hell. Suck a lot of gay dick. You know, whatever you do. And enjoy it. Yeah. And if you honestly feel like you don't relate to straight men, you don't need to hang out with them. Yeah, they're not that great. This is a totally fine solution. Just don't hang out with straight men. Yeah.

If you don't relate to them any other way but sexually, that's fine. Think of how many straight men don't relate to women also, anything else than sexual. Honestly, don't be friends with women then. Don't even try. It was easier for me to befriend male comedians when I started than female comedians, and I think a lot of that was because I was more comfortable like, oh, the sexual aspect of this –

even though that's not present in this dynamic, it could be. So that's power to yield. And that was the only way I felt like comfortable talking to them. Also, a lot of those guys weren't interested in being friends, as I pointed out. Yeah, they were. Come on. Christina. Todd Berry wanted to be my friend. So many instances when Christina was like, oh, yeah, we were talking about comedy. I go, you were talking about comedy. They were thinking about how they wanted to fuck you. Yeah.

but now I'm old and that doesn't happen. Ah, yes. Ah, yes. So many times a 10 year veteran male comedian needs a comedy advice from someone who's been doing it for three months. That's classic story. Show you the world. What can they learn from you? A thing or two about a hot body. So funny. Um,

Let's promote.

So if you're in a city and you have something crazy going on in your municipal election, write into withoutacountrypodcast.gmail.com. I'm interested in interviewing people who are running for city council or mayor or controller or anything that positions that you have available, state senate, you know, whatever it is.

Uh, so that's something that I'm doing right now because I'm so fascinated and I have so much knowledge of municipal politics on the mind right now. And I don't want to, um, you know, lose that or not have that go to good use. Uh, so we live stream every Wednesday at 9 PM Eastern time on YouTube, uh,

And again, you can send me information at withoutacountrypodcast.gmail.com. I also do an exclusive video news story for my Patreon subscribers. And you can be a subscriber for as low as $6 a month. It's patreon.com slash withoutacountry.

Very cool. And another Patreon URL I'm going to give you is patreon.com slash Christina Hutchinson. Very different type of Patreon where we talk about our problems and we cry, we laugh. And then once a month we'll do a woo-woo themed Zoom where we do meditations and it's very enlightening and fun. And one of my favorite parts –

There's so many dudes in my Patreon that are really – if you're there, you're curious about yourself and you're curious about the world and how people work. But I'm like, man, I've never had a group of people and then all these straight guys that are just –

lovely. I'm like, this is what I'm talking about. This is what I need. Because sometimes when people are nasty or disappointed or whatever, it just upsets me so much. So it's a space that I carved out for myself on the internet that is lovely. And you could talk about some very intense stuff if you want. Or some dumb shit your co-worker is doing. You want to talk smack? Spill the tea? I got a table. I'll listen. Patreon.com slash Christina Hutchinson.

I had a Akashic Records reading. Oh, I knew this was coming. My soulmate is not reincarnated on this earth. Your romantic soulmate? Yeah. So then what do you do? That's what I said. Just bide your time? But she...

can exist at different times. I already knew that. So like, just in this lifetime, you don't, he's not incarnated, but, but she said the woman was really good. She nailed a lot of like dynamics about me and why I'm here and what my, she said my, my purpose, this lifetime or my goal, the thing for me to learn this lifetime is the value of recognition.

I don't really know what that means. I gotta like spend more time thinking about it. The value of recognition? Recognition. Like you getting recognition or you recognizing things? Me recognizing things in the world. Like me recognizing and myself. That's why, you know, because you're constantly like discovering things. True. Sorry.

So I'm knocking that out of the park. You know what? You know what? Okay, this haunts me. The pattern told me that... The pattern's so accurate. For me to be happy in this lifetime, I must come to...

what was the wording? I must come to enjoy that giving in and of itself, like giving back just for the reward of giving back. I said, I would like a refund. This sounds fucking terrible. That's my fucking goal. And also, especially with you know me when I help people how nasty they are.

Not everyone, again. Many of you are very lovely. Yeah, sure, sure. But the nasty ones do stick out. I'm actually not even talking about really listeners. I'm talking about people I know in real life at this point. Good friends. But yeah, and I was like, yeah, it's like you must see a public service as a reward in and of itself. So right there, you knew that I wasn't going to...

win the mayoral race. Um, so I knew that like 10 years ago or no, like five years ago, whenever we started using the pattern. Uh, but I, I read that and it has haunted me ever since. And I don't like doing that. No, no, no. I love being of service to people, but I would like, uh, someone to notice. Right.

Are you kidding me? No. But I will say. No kind of recognition at all. I don't even mean an award. I think awards for public services are actually disgusting. Yeah, that's egotistical. But like just, you know, someone, you know, maybe I could have like a little, like a, I don't know. Good job, girl. Yeah. Yeah.

Get a sticker? No, but honestly, the most – Come on. The most – the moments that I love in my life so much that like they build – I mean you don't have a self-esteem problem, so that doesn't matter. But like they build self-esteem. They build like a good rapport with – I build a good rapport with myself is when I do something kind for a stranger or whatever and like no one knows about it. I don't talk about it. Like there's so many homeless people I've sat with.

sat with them i could i could guesstimate yeah a bunch which is fine but like you know that's not you don't get recognition for that but like no that's your but the part but not getting recognition for that is part of what makes it feel good to be honest no so i think my problem with it is like i can do a lot of good stuff without recognition but then i would like a i was like but that can never be a part of my life where i get recognition for like anything yeah yeah

Korean podcast queen. It just seemed like that was a nice way of them going, you're not going to be any more famous. And I really didn't like that. I don't want to be famous for helping people. Yeah, like, ick. Oh, see, I do. That's fun. Well, no, like, I don't want, like, you know,

I don't want like an Instagram where I give homeless people burritos. No. Well, that's rude. And then film it and go film it and sort of go find me. Like, I don't, I love those. Actually. I do follow a ton of them. And there there's my favorite one is like, you don't even see the guy. Yeah. Like he's just behind. He doesn't want to be on camera. And like,

you have to film it. People are like, why are you filming it? Like, well, you have to film it. That's how you fundraise. Right, exactly. So people can see that the money's going. That's how he's fundraising the money to buy these people, you know, like their homes and stuff. But you do help people in that, like, out of both of the voices, our listeners are like, and then I thought, what would Christina say or what would Corinne say? It's mostly what would Corinne say. Because, like, you come out of the gate with this, like, no, fuck that. Know your worth. This is what you're going to do and fuck that shit. Yeah, but, like,

I'm just like, oh, maybe they didn't mean it and maybe they could have tried better. No, that's the advice that's actually going to help people. So you do. I genuinely like helping people. I feel like it's like a waste of time to not. Yeah. But I just would like something else also. Yeah, right, right, right. Right, facts. I'm not really like a nurturer. No, you're not.

that's oh no that might just be a conversation i told myself because like i i actually had a lot of healing moments when my dad was in hospice and i was like oh i actually am a nurturer i just think i don't think i've ever loved anyone before great like the way from air like the way i love my my the way i love my parents oh okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i just feel well but but it makes sense because they have been nicer to me than other people sure yeah they were the nicest for sure

Okay. Anyway, sorry. No, but you are nurturing actually. We went off topic. You are nurturing. In my own way. Because the moments where you have to be honest to people, like you cater your – like if you have to tell somebody something tough, you really take the time to – I'm just thinking of the – you wrote me an email once where I could tell you so took the time to be gentle and in a time where I really was sitting on a knife.

Just squatting over the knife. Just poking my asshole with the knife just to see how it felt. But you were very nurturing. Very nurturing. Can I tell you something? So your manager and I were talking a lot during that time because we were concerned about you. Yeah, yeah. And he... I didn't send him that email or anything in advance. I was actually on a Zoom with him when I received that email. He told me. Oh, wow.

And I think you read some of it to him. Yeah. He told me after. I was like, this is I needed to hear. And he goes, Corinne, I was very nervous when Christina started reading that email. And I go, you're handling her with kid gloves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I go, she always says she doesn't like being handled with kid gloves. So I try, which I don't. I'm giving her what she asked for. Yes. And I needed it. I asked for it because I needed it. And I did put a lot of thought into that. Rick really thought I was going to kill me. I know. You want to come hang out with me in Nantucket? I'm like, ooh, okay. Yeah.

And then I almost ran over my fucking dog. Oh, I heard about that. Oh, my God. And I was just screaming and then tuck it on a bike path. He's all I have. Me and Rick were very close during that time because we were really working in tandem to really keep you off the knife. And it worked. I went in and tuck it. I got some honest advice in an email. I think of that every time I wear my Nantucket sweater that you gave me.

you earned that sweater girl you earned it I saved my friend from killing herself and all I got is this sweater from the richest beach town ever I like that sweater second richest it's a sweater that I never buy for myself but I like you know how when someone buys something like oh this is like when I want to feel like a preppy like Hamptons lady I like just wear this around it's a very nice sweater it is very nice thank you Nitchak is a very nice place it's crazy

I want to go there again, not suicidal, so I can enjoy it. Well, that's what a great review for a place like you enjoyed it even when you wanted to kill yourself. What a testament. Yeah, seriously. To how great that place is. We were right. Did I tell you about the Kevin thing? He was on the basket. No, Rick did. He fell out of the basket. Rick told me. I ran over a tree root. I thought I ran over Kevin's body.

I was like, I'm going to, sorry, Rick, but you got another client that's going to die on your watch. I'm sorry. Like I, I can't be here. But then he was fine. Yeah. He was scared. He was mostly shaking. Cause I was so right. Cause dogs are reactive to us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't also like, I was, I was kind of just like, well, like, yeah, if my dog, I, that's terrible. That's awful. It's like a family member. Yeah. Bad time. So I would understand that. Yeah.

yeah him and deb went to go get the car to pick me up and there she was texting me like you okay you good you okay you're good i'm like yeah rick i'm good yeah i think i guess the alarming part was like when you found out that you hadn't killed your dog and in fact hadn't done anything to him he just fell off the basket that you still were in continuing your reaction but i was like that's like the adrenaline yeah honestly it was it was i called justin yeah i called justin silver and i called the vet would you call the vet to say nothing happened to my dog no i think

I thought I ran over, but he was bleeding. Kevin was bleeding. He still has a scar above his eye. So he was bleeding. It was alarming to see a puppy bleeding, especially after thinking I ran him over, but I ran over a tree. I see. I see. I see. Okay. I didn't realize that anything had actually happened. Yeah. No, no. He had cuts on his paws and his face. So it did some damage, but we're all still kicking.

Nantucket. Sorry, we really went on a thing. But you're Akashic Records. Oh, so you're soulmate. We really went on a tangent. We're way too comfortable. I'm way too comfortable with these microphones because I totally forget I'm talking on a mic. I didn't want to hijack your story, but I just had to tell you that. That's very funny. Okay. So...

Yeah, my soulmate is not reincarnated, but she said it's like a twin flame thing where if they were reincarnated, it wouldn't be, it'd be rocky. I have, I have, I saw, I believe I have one of those. But she was saying when you get an Akashic Records reading, I've gotten two so far. Sorry, now I'm laughing because I'm thinking, because I'm like, so wait, like your current partner, I'm like, so that wasn't rocky enough? Nope. Nope.

God said, hold my beer. So what does that mean? How bad would it be? You kill each other? It's like the movie Hancock. No, that's a boy reference. Isn't that Will Smith? What does he do? That's Will Smith. The only Will Smith movie I know is Men in Black. Don't reference a Will Smith movie on a women's podcast. You're going to get kicked off the show. I'm going to mute myself right now. Sorry. What happens in Hancock?

Oh, they just have that same type of like twin flame partner. They get close together and things become – Yeah, it starts ripping down the environment around them. My thing now is not – it's not toxic, but – No, no, no. You've talked about – It's been through it though. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you went through and like you're like, yeah, I have to get through there.

But yeah, she said that he's been in your... And so I... This is getting really... But I feel like the listeners, if you don't know what to talk about, just look it up, but you probably know what to talk about. I had a past life regression with Anastasia once. I had two. I had two past life and one future life, which was fucking wild. And again, I don't know if any of this shit's true, so who knows, right? But...

I had this moment where my dad was my dad and I was in this – I could see it so clearly. It's so interesting. These readings are so interesting. I could see it very clearly. The house that I lived in, I did not live up to my potential because it was a time where like women were – like I lived with my brother and dad and I just had to take care of the house and I fucking hated it. I didn't have a purpose, anything. But in the middle of like a memory from this life, a guy with blonde hair –

You know the movie Hercules? Yes. The blonde guy in Hercules, like the prince. Like the Disney version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yes. Uh-huh. That guy. He looked like that guy. And he just knocked. It was like knocking on a screen like it was the Truman Show. And he goes, hi. And I thought...

Who the fuck was that? Like, who was that? But I wasn't like, oh, that's so-and-so. Like, I didn't know him. So I don't know if that was him. But I brought that up to the lady. And she goes, that would make sense because you guys have had a lot of incarnations together. This soulmate of yours. And they've been very toxic. Like, one time he killed me. And another time I killed him. Oh, so you literally were killing each other. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like, good. Stay on the other side, boo. But she was like, yeah, he...

the vows that you made with each other and the promises, like they're fucking up, they can, they can fuck up, they can put blockages in your life in certain places. Um, and a lot of times. Like with other relationships? Yeah. Hmm.

and just me reaching my potential and all this shit. So I'm like, so she did a little clearing, but, uh, I thought that was very interesting. And I was like, very relieved to know that that toxic flamey soulmate thing, like he's not incarnated. That's great. Well, also what I wonder, it's so, it's so interesting to me that, you know, in, yeah, in recent years, the information has been offered to me that like your soulmate is, yeah, can be like a really toxic relationship. But then I'm like, well,

Why are we using the word soulmate? Exactly. We should call it something else. Yeah. Like toxic guy. Yeah. Something. Yeah. Because I'm like, so then what does that mean? So soulmate really means like that your souls are entwined. You're like from the same soul group. From, you know, so this is like. Which is why we have multiple soulmates. Like they could be like, like your dad could be one of your soulmates. Right. So. It's not always romantic at all. For sure. Yeah.

So to me, this is just like this language is misleading. It is. And language is important. We need to change that. Well, and then also sometimes like if you ask like the tower, like, is this your soulmate? It'll be like, yes, but it's like that doesn't mean that this is the person that you should be with. Correct. And it's very annoying. So fucking really takes, you know, takes you down the wrong path for one to two years. Yep. Maybe more great material.

I guess. How are you doing? I'm good. I was, what am I doing? I was looking through, oh, this is what I wanted to do. I saw this video about the four, that there's like apparently four biological stages to the process of falling in love and that most people never even get past, never even get to three. People will usually like run. I don't run, I run towards.

Number one is attraction, like the lust, the initial, like the, you know, like we're driven by the sex hormones, sparks, the sexual desire prime is a body for mating. Uh, the biological purpose is explained as ensuring reproduction by creating physical desire before emotional, uh,

connection. I'll say this stage is mostly physical. You're drawn to someone's appearance, scent or vibe. It's more primal and less about emotional compatibility. And then the second stage is romantic attraction or infatuation. It's driven by dopamine, uh, Nora, Nora, pine friend, Nora pine friend. It's like an adrenaline like effect. It's saying, uh, low serotonin, which is obsessive thinking. Oh, I thought that was a disease I had. Um, phlegm,

The function is that it creates the euphoric obsessive can't stop thinking about them phase. And the biological purpose is to focus your attention on one partner long enough to form a deeper bond, which is very interesting that there's actually a purpose to that like mania that you feel. So you're that crazy. You might be.

Three is the attachment or bonding phase, which is driven by oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, and vasopressin linked to long-term monogamy. And this is the function where you build trust, intimacy, and a sense of safety, which I think a lot of people never get to that sense of safety. Oh, what? That's crazy.

And the biological purposes, it supports long-term partnerships for parenting and mutual protection. This is a phase where love becomes a deeper emotional connection. It's why couples who've been together for years still feel in love just in a calmer, more...

So like less sexual basically and like more just like we're connected. And then four is commitment and pair bonding driven by reinforcement of oxytocin and vasopressin over time plus behavioral conditioning. So you're just like used to being around that person. The function is that promotes long-term loyalty, cooperation, and mutual investment and the biological purposes eventually evolve.

advantageous for raising offspring and ensuring stability. In this final stage, you choose your partner again and again. It's less about excitement and more about consistency, trust, and shared goals. Boo. No, I'm just kidding. Well, and it's very interesting though because I think like that's,

It's interesting to me, especially because like my boyfriend now, I feel like it feels completely different because it's not like manic. Right. Yeah. And I'm like, and I think so many people get find a partner like that and then just think of it like, oh, this is like not exciting because I don't feel like I'm in danger. Yeah.

A hundred percent. There are people who are addicted to their own stress hormones, which is a lot of people. They, that stage is where they run. Yeah. And it's certainly like for me was an adjustment because you're like, okay. But for me, it wasn't like I didn't make me want to run it. It made me actually rethink past relationships. And I was like, was I ever in love in those past relationships? Or was that some kind of like, maybe it was only the first weird, like manipulate, like not manipulation, but just like weird mania.

and I'm like because this just feels like completely different and I've never like I always feel safe within myself so I was never really seeking safety outside but I do actually feel additional safety that I've never felt anywhere before besides from my own parents wow and so I was like that's very interesting yeah because it's never something I was looking for so it never felt like it was missing but now that it's here you're like oh shit that's nice hello welcome to

welcome to my house that's sweet you know i actually feel you know i actually feel like i feel it for my dog too like alfred like i like you know like when he sits at the bathroom door when i'm taking a shower to protect me i'm like you know he's not i didn't need that but it's really sweet really sweet and i really it really feels i genuinely appreciate it yeah totally it's really really kind yeah it is really kind dogs

but yeah, I just thought that was it. So I was like, you know, I think just a note to people and, and, and seeing it broken down like this and hearing that statistically, so many people are kind of just looping those first two again. And again, if something feels like, I guess I don't want to use the word boring because I've been in a relationship with that's boring and that can be different. Well, the person was boring. Uh,

Yeah, the person maybe was kind of boring. I don't know. I can't really tell. But like if it... I think calm is perhaps a better word. Like if it feels...

Like that's a good sign. Not a bad sign. I know. It's crazy. Some of you all. Especially with like summer flings and shit coming up. Like listen, if you want to, if you want something crazy and toxic, sure. It's enjoyable. But just like don't let that be your gauge for future relationships. Right. Like you can do it. It is fun. Recognize it. Like, all right, I'm going to lean into this shit that's probably not going to go well, but that's okay. I think it's fun in the moment, but then I think we don't really account for that.

how long the repercussions will hinder our life, like moving forward. That's what I think we don't take into account. How it will shape. Like in the moment, I think it's a fine usage of your time if you just want to do something crazy. But yeah, I don't think we really...

are accounting for all the time that it will damage afterwards. Also, that study is also, or that article is saying we are not biologically wired to be fun whores. Like it's like, or like polyamorous or anything. Like it sounds like our biological wiring. I mean, no one, it's all up to interpretation of why.

Well, I mean, a lot of mammals are, I mean, some, some have, you know, lifelong mates. Some don't like mammals. It varies. The conversation with Nathan Lentz was very interesting because there was more animals practicing monogamy naturally than, than I would have guessed. Well, that's why, you know, cause anytime someone thinks that, you know, says like monogamy isn't natural. I'm like, well, actually it is. So we can't use that anymore. Yeah. Damn.

But sorry, fellas, do whatever you want to do. But like you don't need to be by all, you know, but also like biologically we're set up to reproduce and you also don't have to do that. Yeah. So speaking of don't want it. I haven't wanted a kid in a while. It's been a couple months. Proud of you. Yeah. No kid. No kid. No dice.

Did anything happen? Everybody I know with kids just talks about... And I've just been seeing people with their kids in public. There's obviously a lot of cute interactions because kids are so cute. They're fun and cute. Some kids are twats, but a lot of them are cute. But the parent, mostly dads I've seen, they're just like... There's this one dad-daughter I was walking behind, walking to the subway, and she was saying something, and it was like just...

purple one or whatever and the dad goes oh wow cool he wasn't even trying to be interested in a conversation but I'm like I feel like being a parent is a lot of playing games that bore you listening to conversations that bore you it just doesn't sound interesting I like talking to children I think they can see things with a fresh sure perspective yeah yeah I really value a child's yeah insights on the world I think that there's a lot of wisdom to be gained there that we often overlook

Well, I was thinking about on the way to the studio today, actually, I was thinking about how, you know, this thing I've been talking about recently where I just don't, and especially as like I'm, you know, approaching 40, like I just really don't relate to adults my age at all.

They all seem so pretentious. And I also think that's just because I'm in, um, I'm in different circles than I would have been had I stayed like in my hometown. So yeah, around people, you know, especially in Manhattan or like, you know, I was in the Berkshires this weekend, just people who are fucking more pretentious people.

people with money. And so I'm not used, I'm not used to being around adults with money because that's not how I grew up. So that's not, that's not how I viewed adults when I was younger. And I don't know if like the perspective was different because I was a kid. Adults with like money and fine interests, I find to be really fucking annoying. I don't know. I just really don't mesh with people with money. And I'm talking about like,

I guess it could be definitely old money. I don't really do. I guess it could be new money, but new money is usually fun. New money can go either way. You can go fucking kid rock, which I mean, I also want to do that, but like, you know, or you could go, you know, weird like museum curator kind of energy. And I like, it's not like I don't like love or art or appreciate it, but it's just like the pretentiousness of it. And yeah,

Dude, going to a suburban baby shower, you're like, I'm different. Yeah. I'm different. Well, I think part of the reason I don't want to have kids is because I never stopped. I never stopped like honoring my younger self to begin with, my inner child. I never stopped doing it. That's why I just went to Claire's before I came to the studio. I think a lot of kids, people...

have kid not the sole reason but a big part of joy in having kids is that you get to do all these things that society has shamed you out of doing you get like you get to like have a part like have a party and you get to eat candy and you get to see a Disney movie that you couldn't that would be weird if you went to see it as an adult see I don't see that's crazy I just go and do all those things

Just do the goddamn kid thing. Most people don't do it though. Like most people like shame themselves out of trick-or-treating by the time we were like in early high school. I trick-or-treated. Not me. I trick-or-treated into college. Oh yeah. In New York, Arizona.

The apartments are dense. You get so much candy. And also the thing is no one even had a problem with it that I was doing it. Yeah. No one cared that I was trick-or-treating. They thought it was funny. Yeah. They thought it was funny. Like, oh, look at that girl. She's look at her go. Like, I don't care. I'm like, we, we, we, we like set these deadlines for ourselves when we have to stop enjoying like childlike things. I actually just don't have to ever do that. And if you,

please don't ever, my God, if you take one thing away from listening to guys, we fucked fucking never let your inner child die. Like keep them alive and feed them and nourish them. Well, I'm like, if you want to have a kid cause you want to have a kid. Great. But you shouldn't have to have a kid as an excuse to do all these fun things yourself. Yeah. That's crazy. Like, I just, I feel like I see that a lot and I'm like, Hey, like, did you need that though?

though yeah I don't know I got a whole ass kid because you didn't want to go to party city by yourself rest in peace I know so sad you know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans getting burned by your old wireless bill while you're planning beach trips barbecues and three-day weekends your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back

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We are here with comedian, podcaster, L.A.er, dog owner, and recently engaged Justin Martindale. Hello, welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. You're so fun. Glad to have y'all here. Yeah, we're happy to have you here. I'm so excited to be here, and yeah.

that you guys wanted to have me on. So yeah. We love doing your podcast so much. You have such hot celebrity goss. And I know Corinne, you love pop culture and celebrities and stuff. I do love it. You've been a little busy lately so you haven't been able to dive in I'm sure. Well, I still have been constantly tracking the relationship between Justin Bieber and Hailey Bieber. And that's the first one I wanted to ask you about. But like did he?

What? The day to say makes me now rethink about their relationship. I know. Rethink Hailey and Justin's relationship? Yeah, because if he was abused by Diddy like that, well, I mean, Justin, no matter if he was abused by Diddy or he's been abused. We're talking Bieber, not me. Justin Bieber has societally been abused.

abuse. I mean, to me, he's like, you know, he's kind of like Britney Spears in that we're all complicit in the abuse. Yes. Yes. That's a good analogy. I look at Britney Spears Instagram account every day. Yeah. We did this to her. We did do that to her and I also feel like we did do that to Justin. I mean, his mom always

also did it to him a little bit, but like, you know, when you need to get out of small town Canada and your son has an amazing talent, sometimes you got to take him to the radio morning show or sit him on a stoop and have him play guitar. Yeah. You know, sometimes it's going to be best for the whole family. It is. It is pretty rough because, uh, Esther Provitsky and I were talking about this cause we are rooting for Brittany so much. Yeah. But now we're just kind of like, I'm like, ah, like, oh,

Maybe you need someone. She's carrying around a baby doll now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's catching her hair on fire. She stopped dancing with the knives. I feel like we made a mistake. We did. I did want to say it. I wanted a woman, a strong woman to say it. Yeah. We made a mistake. I bought a free Britney necklace off Etsy and it's still hanging in my room on my necklace display. And I go – I just look at it every morning and I said, you know, sometimes it's okay to say that you made a mistake. No, I mean –

Like, with Gaga's Mayhem that came out, like, we could have been on a different timeline where, like, Gaga and Britney did, like, Perfect Celebrity or Garden of Eden or something. And it would have just been, like... I see these, like, AI videos now that people make, and they, like, just make these, like, oh, what would it be like if Britney and Gaga did this song? And you're like, oh, it's so cool. I know. I know. But Bieber's the same way, where I feel like... I don't know. I just...

Everyone's like, oh, he's ripping a bong. And I'm like, can we not say ripping a bong? Yeah. Just stop. He's dad? I get it. I feel like it's okay if you smoke weed. Whatever. It's 2025. But I don't know...

There's something in the face. Oh, yeah. In Bieber's face? Yeah. He's twitchy. It's like sunken in. He looks like itchy. Hollow. Yes, yes. It's not good. We always – I think many of us had an inkling that Hailey was really brought into the family as more of a caretaker than a romantic partner. And then when they had baby Jack, now there's this whole other element of like, well, now you've brought a third party into this. Who's the third party? I don't know.

I don't know that. They have a baby Jack. Oh, right. I thought you meant like... I honestly didn't know that until you said it. Oh, you thought it was a thruple? Like a thruple. Yeah. I don't get excited for children. You know, little baby Jack. Yeah. Yeah. The famous third. Yeah. And then even last night before I went to bed, they were, you know, Justin had posted a couple sexy photos. Really? Yeah.

No, photos of Hailey for Mother's Day. Like, mama, she is so beautiful. And then everyone was like, Hailey, you stole Justin's phone. Like, people are not. People are very anti-Hailey. They still really want Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. It's not going to happen. Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez, in my opinion, one of the best couples of all time. I had a huge crush on Benny Blanco long before he dated Selena. He was dating a hot model girl.

model before selena say about him like wow that genie granted you like four yeah yeah benny blanco is so hot well i was introduced to him when he was on the the dave show the show about yeah little dicky yeah yeah yeah and uh i was like who is this guy he just has an aura about him i love i just i thought i had i've had a crush on him for years and then when i found out he was dating selena gomez i said

That's perfect. See, that's what we like. Because didn't Hayley come after Selena for so long? Yeah. It's funny because I was covering. I was not covering the Met. I was literally judging in my underwear with coffee on my couch posting. Because I do a Met Gala recap on my Instagram every year. And people were like, where is it?

We're waiting. And I was like, I had a friend's birthday party last night. I'll get to it. I'm sorry. Unacceptable. I know. And I posted the picture of Haley, which I was like, oh, okay. She's not wearing pants. And I'm like, all right. Well, okay. She had like a big blazer on. Okay. But then people were like, look at her toes.

Her toes are hanging on and her toes are just literally just like over, over, over the, over the shoe. I mean, just the Haley Bieber, we could just rip to shreds, but Selena, no, everyone's team Selena. I love Selena. I love them both. I like Haley. I met in person to her.

Mean to who? Selena. Yeah. Yeah. It was like a kind of a dick boyfriend to her. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, they're both mentally ill. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone is mentally ill. Selena's announced it. Justin, we just kind of assessed. I know. Yeah. Yeah. We can all take a gander. But again, I truly don't think there's any way you could be as famous as Justin Bieber and not be.

be mentally ill facts. It's fame in and of itself at a certain point of, you know, for that level is a mental, mental illness. You can, you're not, we're not born to have all eyes on us at all, all the time. It's the new death, you know, it comes, it comes for everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Mental illness. It comes for everyone. Yeah. So he's just not okay. Um,

Kylie Jenner, and again, I never give a shit about this, but certain celebrity news sticks out. I'm like, what the fuck is that? And Timothee Chalamet.

No, now, now, now. I know. She was, wait, wasn't she? No, Kendall was dating A$AP Rocky. Oh, A$AP Rocky's so fucking hot. It's like, oh my God. Who's Kylie date? But A$AP Rocky's with Rihanna? No? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I love that. I love A$AP Rocky. And I love Rihanna. A$AP Rocky getting some babes. Yeah. But Kylie and she was dating a rapper before who she had the kid with. Tyga? Tyga. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then now Timothee Chalamet. And I was like, what is this? I'm like, good for Timothee getting his rocks off with that fucking perfect fucking 10. But he, I read recently, he very, I say vehemently, but I'm putting that word in his mouth, refuses to appear on her Instagram or on the Kardashians. And I'm like, wait a second. Now I love their love. Their love. Their love.

love because he's a real star she's like a concocted star like exactly to me he's he's a movie star she was born into it and she's it's just different like like she's not got the cachet is different yeah yeah yeah totally much higher caliber that's why i didn't like them as a couple but then like when and timothy shall may i think is very pretty like beautiful face yeah i'm not attracted him because he feels like boyish to me but when i read about that i'm like okay daddy

Yeah. Put the put the put your foot down. Yeah. What do you think about them? I don't know. I because there's there's days where I'm like, is it fabricated? Is it?

Maybe. Maybe real, but then I, you know, there was some video that went around where it was some award thing, but he like leaned, he won something or was accepting something and he like leaned in and she like tried to kiss him and he like moved his face. Amazing. Yeah. No one's ever done that to her. I know. I'm like, does he just like,

Is it like insult hot? Is it like a fetish? Yeah. Does he like make her drink a glass of milk? You know what I mean? Is he like Dom in the real world? Yeah. Is it like, yeah. Wait, that's kind of fun though if he is. Well, he also skipped the Met Gala to go to the Knicks playoff game. That's pretty sick. And I thought, wait, now I like this guy. Exactly. I said, I would also skip the Met Gala to go to the Knicks playoff game. What is a playoff game?

It's a higher level. It's where men get together and they all have one ball. It's the World Series. Are you familiar with that? But for basketball. Got it. Yeah. Great. I'm like, ah. It's just like, so after they all play each other in the regular season, then it's just the best teams playing each other. Right now they're in the Eastern Conference, so it's the East Coast teams playing each other and then the West Coast teams are playing each other and then one will reign supreme from each and then that's the mega, mega one. And one will die.

Yes. They get killed. Yeah. Yeah. What is it? Boston and New York. Right now. Right now we're in the Knicks defeated the Pistons. And right now they're two to one against the Boston Celtics. All right, Danny. Okay. I went to the playoff game on Saturday. Yeah. And,

It was a good game. And Timothee Chalamet was there. Oh, was he? He was. Was Kylie? Yeah. Or was Kylie at the Met Gala? Kylie was not there. Kylie was in the car where she belongs. No, the Met Gala was another playoff game. Oh. Saturday. It was during the week. So is it just...

There's only one Met Gala a year, right? Yes. Because I feel like there's about three Met Galas a year. No, it just happens so quick. It just keeps happening. And they have a theme, right? Yeah. What was the theme this year? Dandy? Dandyism? Yeah, it was like... What's that? It was tailored to wear a... God, what was it? It was tailored... Very long. Yeah, very like dandy, tailored, black excellence. It was like a Fiona Apple album title. I wish Fiona Apple was there. Where is Fiona Apple? She just released

a new song. Thank God. I listened to it in my backyard and I said, I really needed this right now. Thank God. Yeah. The world's on fire for the Apple Gives. Always.

Yeah, but no. So, yeah. So it was it was like 70s, like black tailored specific like 70s. Yeah. And it was I mean, like, you know, the Met Gala, not traditionally, you know, super, I guess, inclusive of other cultures. But yeah, I mean, I felt I was proud of them for actually highlighting black culture. Yeah. Yeah. It was it was a lot of people took inspiration from, you know, Bianca Jagger and.

And, you know, like Grace Jones. So it was just kind of like this time period. It was just kind of throughout history. So there were some good nods to like, you know, Victorian culture. There was some good nods to like Harlem in the 20s. Like it was cool. There was some really good. I actually will say that this was the first one that I was kind of like the men.

Okay. Good job, man. There was some nice tailoring with shoulder pads and stuff. I forgot who it was, but there was one guy who had a really structured suit that I really liked. Was it Billy Porter that wore this gorgeous gown? Or was it half gown, half? This was a couple years ago. And you were like, oh, whoa. Oh, with the big dress at the bottom? Yeah, it was so powerful. And then I started seeing more guys playing with skirts and stuff. I'm like, yes. I could never...

I wish I could. Well, at the Met Gala. I know. It's just so like fucking dope. I wouldn't do a skirt. I wouldn't do a dress. And good for the guys who can. I couldn't do it. Yeah. Because I'm tall. It would just be a lot. Yeah. I would do a cape. A cape? Yeah. Cape anytime. A walking stick? I love when men wear eyeliner. Ooh. I love when they wear eyeliner. Youngblood? Oh my God. And they get their fucking nails done. They get a manicure. Oh my God.

Oh my God. I'm seeing a lot of men in pedicure chairs. Was that because of the 90s or what? No, just like in general. Like take care of yourself, man. Like, you know, next try face stuff. You know, mostly to straight guys. But I see more of men in pedicure chairs. I'm like, yes, I'm loving this. Yeah. At least in New York anyway. Have you had like celebrity run-ins? Because you live in LA and you're at the comedy store all the time. Like I wanted to ask you what was your best and worst celebrity like interaction moment?

Time of Witness. Oh, man. Best? I mean, I feel... Your favorite. I mean, the one that blew me away was when I met Joan Rivers, which was awesome. Oh, Jesus. That's so cool. Crazy cool. I mean, because I feel like celebrity, it's just so... She's a legend. She's like...

Yeah, for those of you who don't know, Joan Rivers. I mean, it's one of those things where I think celebrity, everyone can be a celebrity. Yeah, sure, yeah. It's very diluted at this point. It's vapid, it's empty, yeah. Yeah, and so for that was just like, I was actually covering the Met Gala. I want to say that was- Cool. I don't even remember.

See, it's always happening and you're always covering. Yeah. But I was actually doing that one. Oh, not from your – And then she died and I was out of work. No. But it was the one where Beyonce wore like this like long black train. I can't remember what year that was. I think it was the one where Rihanna wore the yellow, like the big yellow. Oh, yeah. Classic. But like we went over to Melissa's house, her daughter. We did like a writer's room and she was like – introduced me and she was like, oh, this is Justin in this little tiny –

Joan came up and she was like, oh, I know Justin. I was like, does she? Did she Google? Yeah. Like, I don't know. But I was just starstruck because we're all sitting at this table and literally just shelling out jokes to her. And she's just looking at you. And if she liked it, she would just, like, tap her assistant. And I was just like, oh, legendary. What assistant? But then...

And then I was testing for E, some pilots at E, which of course is just a rite of passage in LA. Of course. It just won't end. Yeah, yeah. And then she was actually walking through the building and I saw –

her assistant and he was like, Justin, I was like, Hey, how are you? Good to see you. He's like, do you want to say hi to Joan? I was like, sure. And she walked by and she's like, Justin darling. And I was like, Oh wow. How do you remember me? Like it was, so that was, that was the best. And that's like above a meeting that feels like that. Yeah. Several interactions. Yeah. Yeah. And not only does she remember you, she has good feelings about you. Yeah. Like she like, yeah, of course. And that was, that was just magic. And then everybody else, I just feel like it's either in like,

a baseball cap and or like you know just a hoodie and you're just kind of like who is that oh okay or now I mean especially in LA you'll be walking down the street and you just see like hordes of people yeah and you're like who is it and I feel like oh like around one person kind of thing oh yeah yeah yeah and like back in the day it was like oh Lindsay Lohan's like leaving you know uh

Ben Sherman and she's shit-faced, you know? And you're like, it's 12 a.m. or 12 p.m., what? And now it's just like, oh, that's Little Labradoodle. He has 45 million followers on TikTok. And you're like, why am I 98 years old? So, I mean, it's just very much whatever. Fame just doesn't mean what it used to mean. It has lost its value. Which is that...

Do you hate that or do you... I hate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, again, Andy Warhol predicted it. We'll all have our 15 minutes of fame in the future. So we knew it was coming, I suppose. But yeah, no, it's... And it just...

And it also makes more people want to pursue it mindlessly. I don't know. I had studied fame for my whole childhood. I had a real plan for it. And I feel like people are just being like, I want to be famous as a job option. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut, not famous. Do you have people here in New York like...

Because I know we do in L.A., but I feel like people in New York, if you ever ask them, they're like, oh, so what do you do? And people just will honestly tell you I'm a social media influencer. Yeah.

Didn't say that here. That's frowned upon here. I would assume so. We don't fucks with that here. I mean... You're going to get judged out the building if you say that. As you should. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And God bless it, but it's like... I see influencers or people checking video setups outside, and I just see New Yorkers go, move! Get the fuck out of my way! Oh, I love that. I love that. We also have a lot of food influencers here who are very new to the city and always...

I stay having the worst food anytime I listen to an influencer. Like the worst... If I walk in and I see some kind of neon sign, I know that I've gotten got. Like if it says pizza love pray, like I know I've gotten got. Not pizza love pray. I just go, oh. There's also... But first, coffee. A pink neon sign...

Is a bad, yeah, that means that you're going to have a bad meal. About a dream or a goal. There's a certain leafy wallpaper that you also know you're going to have a bad meal. The jungle wallpaper. The jungle wallpaper. And the zebra wallpaper. You're going to have a bad meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like a neon sign that says, shh. Yeah. Oh, no. You know what? We do have, and you reminded me of this, Corinne, and I've seen this many times. It's been a minute since I've seen it, but I've seen it. You'll be at a restaurant, like New York, right?

does food very well. Absolutely. Atmosphere is super important in a restaurant. The lighting, the wattage of every light bulb, how many light bulbs, how many do you have, how loud is the music? All of these factors are very well thought out. And then you'll go to this dimly lit, gorgeous, luxury restaurant and there's a fucking food influencer with a stick, the tripod thing. Yeah, tripod.

But a ring light in the dimly lit restaurant, they don't... Justin, they don't even eat the fucking meal. I'm paralyzed. They order the fucking food. Well, it's calmed slightly. But there's shots of it. Yeah. And then they'll take a bite on film and fucking leave. I want to throw them into the Hudson. You should. It's disgusting. That's so...

How is that allowed? Go during the day when it's closed or something. I know. Is it closed? I've seen it so many times. Well, like some of the restaurants, like open at 5. But still, like that type of – have you seen that type of food influencer? It shocks me every time. It's awful. I follow a lot of food influencers because I'm genuinely interested in food. Same.

Yeah, I mean, I can't trust them anymore. Yeah. And they're all at the same spots. Like, you know, like the corner store or whatever. Like, it is a new restaurant. Everyone's there. And they're like, here, this is the Bolognese Tiramisu. And I'm like, no one needs that. Power corrupts. No one needs that. That's awful.

We need to start shaming these people. I know. Like loudly. Loudly. I think the restaurant needs to say no. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, stop. You're fine. Look at all your tables. Tables are full. You don't need this guy's fucking video. If a restaurant is good enough, they don't need influencers is the thing now. Word of mouth. Go to Pizza Prey Love. You know, go there. Influence away. So there's a lot of influencers in L.A.

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's wild. Do you think influencing is a cancer on our society? What are your thoughts? I mean, it's – I hate the fact that everything is content and I hate those words. Everything is content. I hate it. I hate it. I hate the word content. I just feel like – I hate the word content too. I want it to be banned. It's just gross. I am a huge fan of Living in the Moment.

And I like to post when I want to post. Yeah. And I know a lot of people in LA who have snapped. Because they're like pressuring themselves to do things. Because they are constantly having to put stuff out and-

The minute something gets below a certain amount of likes, they're like, I'm trash. Everyone hates me. It's terrible. I've seen people just lose it, and then they have to post about taking a break. And you're like, oh, this is just- When they post about taking a break from social media, I'm like, just fucking take the break. Just go. We're not going to be pissed. No one will miss you. No one cares. And if we do, we will call you like a person. Yeah. And it is wild. I have-

I just don't know. I recently took a trip to Mexico with my fiance. We were just like – I just finished like a little mini tour, which was fantastic. And he was working and we were like, let's just go to Mexico. We took our dog. It was like Easter. We went to Punta de Mita. It was fun. It was beautiful. And I took –

pictures and videos. And that was it. Isn't that nice? Yeah. And I posted them when we got back. Yeah. That's how I started. Yeah. I know people who have gone on trips and I am on the goddamn trip. And the dashes are tiny. And when I say the dashes... The stories, I know. Oh. Yeah. The tiniest dashes. That should be legal. I keep thinking to myself, like, get off your phone!

I know. Get off your phone. And I'm also just like, how annoyed are people around you? Right. Like, and also like, you weren't the only one there. Like, I would be like, can you just work on, like, we're just eating dinner. Like, just put it down. Just eat it. Oh, man. Eat it. So it makes me question everything about this person. Yeah. I'm just kind of like, what, like, oh, it drives me insane. I think we are as a society pretty quickly since the invention of Instagram and like social media popping off.

Are getting sick of that shit. I think we're like more people are sick of it than not. Yeah. Super exciting. I love a good mute as well. Yeah. Oh yeah. Corinne loves the mute. I block. I'm horny for mute. I restrict. I mute. No one knows. No one knows. Can't give them the satisfaction of a block. No. I know. Cause then if you block and they find out, you'll never hear. Have you ever blocked somebody and they're like, Justin, what the fuck? Mm hmm.

It's like, what do you, what's the point of the, didn't you know I just blocked you? Why are you calling me? But also like, why are you crazy? Why are you looking? Why are you looking if I block? That's weird. Yeah. Or I also love it when people find out that I, that, that,

me and somebody else have blocked each other they're just like did you guys like it'll be like it'll show up on you know whatever that who knows somebody like how do they know because people know shit you know they'll just they have the time yeah i mean that's a whole that's a whole sub genre of celebrity fandom is this person unfollowed this person or this person blocked so-and-so blocked so-and-so and you're like okay i do have a theory that they like i

anytime someone reveals to me that they have one of those apps that show who unfollows them, I get, I get actually scared of that person and I treat them differently.

Who would do that? A lot of our colleagues, Christina. Are you serious? My Celsius almost came out of my nose. Ew. You are obsessed with the wrong thing, my guy. To me, there is no bigger, like, yeah, it's such a reveal about their personality. I tread more lightly around that person. Yes. Because I know that I'm in a territory where someone could really lose it at any moment. And the fact that they just mentioned that in no shame is crazy. Crazy. That's crazy. Absolutely nuts. God.

But also Instagram does, and they still does this. It unfollows people on your behalf. And I'm like, what the fuck? They want to keep it spicy. It's been doing this to me for three years. Yes. Me too. People that I love and I'm close with, they're like, no one ever gets mad because they know, because it's so dumb. Like we're not even, there's no fight. There's no what? Like it's crazy, but it's so like, it's like the walk of shame now is like following back a person that Instagram unfollowed on your behalf that you're like, Oh, sorry. I have done that before.

It's a bullshit. Yeah, yeah. I get that. They're stirring the pot. I'm still waiting for them to come back with that feature where you can tell every photo that a profile has liked.

There's going to be a lot of breakups. I actually can't believe that they undid that. There must have... Someone at corporate must have gotten in trouble through that. The CEOs is all liking titty pics and they didn't want that fucking feature anymore. I think that's what happened. My suggested reels is just porn. Really? At this point. Mine aren't. Oh, let's pull it up, shall we? Mine are like women... Like hot model women. My dog's getting rescued. Who has something really bad going on physically? Everyone...

Every once in a while I'll get like a dosh and, but it's mostly titties. And I'm like, I'm not a guy. That's so funny. Whoa. Oh my God. That's Jesus. That top. Right. It's a lot of hot guys. I do have an album on my Instagram called guys. I'd fuck. Uh, and I add people regularly. It's mostly like Riz Ahmed. Isn't that? I'm like, that's wow. I am a Christian woman.

But wait, that's great. I want my algorithm to be that. That's all it is. But I like stuff. Like, I search for hot guys on Instagram. Like I said, I have that guys I'd fuck. It's not many, but the ones that are, I look at them. But I love a good link tree. Ooh, that's when you can. Link tree? Yeah.

That's when you get to know somebody. What do you look for in a link tree? Porn. Oh, maybe that's why I have the reels. Maybe that's why I suggest it. Cause it's, I'm always like, why are you here? And then I'll be like, Oh, I think tree. Oh, like they're a porn actor. Or, or, or, and then I'm like, Oh, they're on Twitter.

Yeah, you gotta find it. And then you're like, oh. Right. They sucked it on camera. I feel like a little porn detective. Yeah, that's cute. Just like, I'm on to you. Yeah. And then just, you know, then. Well, that is a fun game. It is fun. Is this person just really hot or are they actually promoting and selling sex actively? That is a fun game to play. It's really fun. It's the fine line. It's the good link tree. Yeah, yeah. What do you have? Or like people who have like an Amazon wish list.

Oh, yeah. What? I'm supposed to buy stuff for you? I know. I'm confident, but one day I do aim to be the level of confident where I can put up an Amazon wish list. I think that's peak confidence. Peak confidence. I haven't gone to that level. I feel very uncomfortable asking people to give me money or stuff. What would you want?

what you want on your Amazon wish list. You know what? I would have toilet paper. I would have like necessities to save money. No, I would have dumb shit. Under eye patches. Yeah. I would have dumb shit that I'm like, if I buy this for myself, it's irresponsible. What if someone else buys it for me? Yeah. I'm like the fart silly putty. Yeah. Fucking sound machines, like sound effect machines. Gadgets. Fog machines. Chachkis. Ooh, a fog machine. Various types of lights, like battery operated lights. So you like totally transform yourself.

I'd have like a lot of white socks. I want to just have so many socks that they're always like the whitest white they can be. You should do an Amazon wish list. I can't. Wait. What if we all three did it? I just, I can't. I don't think it's responsible. Well, hold on. But if the guy, the person buying you something wants to, it makes them happy.

Yeah, if they're like, hey, what you give me, what this podcast gives me regularly, I want to give something back. Like, I want to try Skims men's underwear. They make it for men? I didn't know that. Every guy, I've had, well, not every guy. I've had maybe like three guys in LA being like, I wear Skims underwear. And I'm like,

I need new underwear. LA is so special. Not that I'm like, I have a shortage of underwear. Yeah, right. You want to try something new? I want to try something new. And I've had people recommend. They're like, they feel great. They're breathable. But does it suck you in like Spanx style? Yeah, I have no idea. Or is it just the skin is like slim? It's shapewear, yeah. But they have regular, no, they have regular stuff too. They have just regular underwear. Oh, okay. Yeah. But I...

I don't want to buy Skims underwear. Right, so Amazon wish list. Well, can you buy Skims off Amazon? I don't know. But if somebody wants to order me a three-pack of Skims. Just Martindale on Instagram, guys. Because I don't personally, I'm like, ugh, like they need any more money. You know what I mean? And also just, ugh. But also my theory, too, is there's a lot of people with a lot of money. Yeah. And they sometimes are like, I just want to buy something for somebody just because. Mm-hmm.

Maybe I want her to have white, the whitest white socks. I know, but I can like, I can order. Yeah. I just, I can't get there. I look, I, I mean, I can, I look at people's, I look at people's Amazon wishlists and I go one day. Yeah. Well, the thing is like, there are some comics that have Amazon wishes, but they're also the comics that have only fans. So I'm like, okay, I get that.

Because a comic, do just like comic comics have Amazon wish lists? Like does Theo Vaughn have an Amazon wish list? No, to me like, that motherfucker's rich. To me, Amazon wish lists and sex work are very close. Hand in hand. Yeah, yeah. They're working close. Like buy this for me, daddy. Yeah. I need a paper lantern.

Yeah. And also like, I just, I also energy wise, I can't have things from like men in my home. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. I don't even, I don't even buy, use tarot decks that men created. Wow. I didn't even know they created. Wow.

No offense. You don't want like a possessed doll just showing up on your doorstep? Yeah. You're like, oh, thanks. It's for the studio. Are you woo-woo? That's Annabelle. What? Am I woo-woo? Yeah. Like, what is it? Tarot crystals, astrology. Talking to ghosts. I don't know. Yeah, but I'm not...

I mean, I get vibes for sure. I'm not like L.A. woo-woo. Oh, sorry. So you just live in L.A. and it's there and you can't help but notice it? Well, I feel like in L.A. a stranger will just come up to you and be like, I'm a witch. And you're like, you're just day drunk in a bush. You know what I mean? Yeah, and you just have finger tattoos. Stop it. Exactly, yeah. And L.A., they'll let you know. We have a house of intuition store where they sell rocks and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've probably been to all of them.

Yeah. I mean, I'm definitely like, I pick up stuff. Like I can be like, Ooh, there's something in this room or something like that. But I'm not. Yeah. I'm not. I'm not like, I don't know. Yeah. You'll seek it out. One of my dear, dear friends. She's just like, all right, you guys get ready. Harvest moon tonight. And you're like, all right, cool. Okay.

get your moon water ready and you're like oh yeah what is moon water again? just water that's set out in the moon yeah water that's set out in the moon isn't that all water? it's charged no no no you can actually put it in the windowsill and charge it like a crystal I do that it's like an iPhone for water yeah yeah

You just sit it outside and charge it. Absolutely. So you have a fiancée. I do, yeah. How long have you and your partner been together? How did you meet? Oh, man, we met in real life, which is shocking. I love that. Sexy. Love that. So hot. Yeah, it was perfect. Yeah, we just met at a bar in West Hollywood, which is like, what? And he was actually on another date.

Okay, so I know a couple that got married because of that as well. Oh. Interesting. Because they were on another date? Yeah. And it's weird. He was on another date. He was on another date. I was actually at the comedy store, and it's so funny. We were just talking. Woo-woo. Oh. I know. My friend who's an astrologer, a celebrity astrologer. Oh, okay. Yeah. Kyle Astrologer.

That's his actual legal boss name? Well, he does astrology for Cosmo and all these other magazines. He's actually, I mean. Astrologers are legit, dude. He will let you know. Like, I found out that I was an Aries the whole time I thought I was a Pisces. No. How did you think you were the wrong sign? Because I was born on March 20th. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the last day of Pisces. I'm February 19th. See? But sometimes they say that's Aquarius. Yeah, Aquarius Pisces. And I have a fucking tattoo that's Pisces Aries. Oh.

I know. And then he's like, let me do your birth chart. No, bitch, you're six minutes into Aries. And I'm like, no. So I just have like Madonna's Immaculate Collection on my chest. So funny. So he was like, you're going to meet somebody in the fall. Because I had a friend of mine who was an ex. We were off and on. He passed away in 2021. Oh, my God.

And I was kind of like, all right, well, you know, and then COVID. Yeah, I know. I was like, I don't want to go out and meet people. Like, this sucks. Yeah. And he was like, just come out. You know, because in L.A. we have like, I've lived here for 10 years. So we're going to celebrate. And you're like, okay, cool. We wish you left like four years ago. Yeah.

And so I had two spots at the store and then it was like 1130 and I just randomly hit him up and was like, are you guys still out? And he's like, yeah, come meet us. And I was like, all right. And I got there and I'm looking at all the guys there and I was just like, ugh, just cookie cutters. Yeah, yeah. And then I like looked over and there's

Evan and he's just like this like puppy dog and he's looking up and he's like how's the weather up there that's what he said how's the weather up there and I was like that's a very cute opener yeah very cute and he had big old eyes and big eyelashes it was just like you know and I went okay and we kind of like hung out and like exchanged looks the entire night we did not exchange numbers so then a couple days go by and I think it's the weekend and then I was like all right let's get on these dating apps whatever and I see him and he has a new haircut and

He's got his, you know, his clothes have changed. I think he's had like his shirt off in one. And I'm like, wait a minute. And so I hit him up and I'm like, were you the guy that I met at High Tops the other night? And he goes, I thought you looked familiar. Oh. And then we went and had coffee. And then, yeah, and then that's it. We've just been. You knew right away? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh, that's cool. And it's just so funny because that's just how.

How it happened. A lot of times, like, relationships do be running smooth like that. Like, that is a possibility for people that you don't realize and then you hear about it and you're like, oh, wow. It just happened. Yeah. And I mean, now, you know, we're planning on –

which is like, so exciting. And we're, we picked a date and now I'm like, oh shit, should we change the date? Ask your astrologer. I should. Wait, why do you want to change the date? Because it's the day after Wicked 2 comes out. No one's coming. Justin. I know. That's the gayest thing I've ever heard and I've heard a lot of gay things. No one's coming. Everyone's going to be at the premiere. Are you serious? No, no. Okay, I'm like, that's. But I told, I told him, I go, I swear to God, if we have our first dance and it's like, because I,

I'm going to jump out of a window, out of a window and go out the window. I will say this though. I love, I, you know, we love each other so much and he gives me shit and I give him shit and I had to give him, I had to give him shit this morning cause we walked down to a Starbucks and, um,

were paying and it was like a fancy starbucks it was nice oh reserve starbucks it was a reserve but they like have like maybe i don't know maybe it was i don't know but it was like working on and it puts your name on like a oh yeah that's not i mean not to they do that at mcdonald's as well maybe it's so like up to date i was like i don't want to burst your bubble but mcdonald's also does that it had like you know like a stop like like like i don't know

Yeah, like here's the orders that are ready. Here's what we're working on. These are the orders we received. It was like Hogwarts at Universal Studios. I'm like, ah. And then so I'm ordering the coffees and they're like, oh, how do you want to pay? And I'm like, oh, a Starbucks card. And I pull up my Starbucks card on my app and it was just like $0. And I was like, oh, it's okay. I'll just pay with a card. And Evan's just like, oh, you don't have money on your Starbucks card? And I'm like, can you –

Shush. You poor fuck. I know. I was like, shush. And he's very loud. He's very loud. So I'm just like, can you just shut up? I'm like, everyone thinks I'm a peasant here in a Starbucks. This is the fancy one with the computer screen on it. This is a nice one. There's a Pomeranian inside. You got...

No, you've got to go to the one right by Chelsea Market. It's a Starbucks reserve. You know right away. It is like a New York nightclub but a Starbucks. It's sunken in so you take steps down and there's lounges and there's waiters. What? I was going to say I was like the waiters I could get into. The waiters are wild. And they have different menus. Do they have espresso martinis? I'm sure they do. I'm sure they do.

Waiting for alcohol? I think so. Their menu is super expanded. It looks like a really fancy hotel lounge. What? The whole thing is like that. It's very fancy. Weird. Very fancy. Yeah. I was trying to get, when we were doing petitioning for your mayoral run, I went into that Starbucks reserve. Everyone was a Republican. Oh, yeah. You went for mayor. Yeah, yeah. I did. That, though. Yeah.

Yeah, no. Yeah. I'm not mayor. Okay. I'm not. I'm not mayor. No, there was a whole big thing. I conceded last week because the Board of Elections. I mean, they really do. They really do everything they can do to get you to not get ballot access, especially if you're trying to get on the actual Democratic ballot. It's easier to get on the ballot as an independent because they just know that you have absolutely no chance of doing anything.

Well, this is giving Mechalla. Oh, thank you. I mean, look at this. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did channel dandyism. No, but she like totally stepped into the Merrill role like seamlessly. I'm like, fuck yeah. And of course, this corrupt fucking system. Oh, of course. Sucks.

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Who proposed to who? And in a gay couple, how do you pick? You know what's really funny? I was proposed to. Because I told him, I was like, look, I've never been engaged. She's been engaged before. Oh, yeah. Okay. And he actually... But never married. Never married. And he broke off the engagement and moved to L.A. and was only out there for like two weeks. Because he needed to find you. And met me. He needed to find you. Oh, my God. Because I knew you. And then...

I told him, I was like, look, if we ever do get engaged, I just want you to know I'm not proposing to you. Yeah, drop those hints early, man. Yeah. And he was like, why? And I'm like, because you've been engaged and I have not. I don't know what it's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair. And he was like, okay, game on. And that was also like if you want to like continue with this. Yeah. Like –

Cool. Just so you know. Just so you know. And so we went to Hawaii last September and we were there for six days and had the best time. It was such a beautiful, beautiful trip. And there was this one beach in, God, where was it? Was it a black sand beach? I feel like I remember seeing your photos. Oh, I wish. No, this one was, oh my gosh, why am I forgetting the name of it? It's in Oahu where the pipeline is. I can't remember. Pipeline. Pipeline.

Why am I forgetting the name of it? But anyways, it was beautiful. It was like white sand. It was like snow. Like you'd step in it, like go up to your knee. And I was like, God, this would be a great place to propose to someone. Not like, you know, wink, wink. Oh, you said that out loud? I said that out loud. I was like, this is beautiful. There was no one on the beach. It was crazy. And it's funny because then he was like, that was the one day. He goes, I had the ring with me the entire trip. Except for that day.

Because how smooth would that have been if you happened to... But then he was nervous. Like, we went to a luau. We went to, like... There were so many other places we went, and he was just like, I'm not going to get up in front of a bunch of, like, people visiting from Oklahoma. Yeah.

to be like, my gay lover and I would like to express... Because, I mean, they would bring people up. They're like, oh, how long have you guys been married? And they're like, we've been married, I don't know, how long? 32? 34 years? You know, and it's like, oh, God. So it was the day we were leaving, and we're packing up, and he's like, hey, come outside, you know, look at the turtles. Because we were on, like, the 28th floor of our hotel, and...

looked at the ocean, which was gorgeous, and you would look down and there was no beach. It was like its own...

But if you look down further, that's where the hotels kind of have beaches. But we were like right on the edge of the beach. So you would look down and there would be the water. And you would see like sea turtles like swimming by. And I was like, you know, turtles? And I go outside and I'm like, there's no turtles. And he's on one knee and I'm like, what? And he goes, will you marry me? And so I was like, yeah. And that was it. But then I was like, well, now I want to propose. Yeah.

So then I was like, I'm going to do it because I've never proposed to somebody. And that's a surprise. Yeah. You wouldn't expect. And so he had no idea. And over Christmas, my family and I went to my sister-in-law's farm in like Mississippi. And my family and we were all outside by the by the pond. And I just we all took a family picture and they all backed away. And they knew. And he left and I turned around and yeah.

That's so cute. So it's sweet. Yeah, we're very happy. And what's wedding planning like? I love asking this to people that are engaged. Like how involved are each of you? How much do you give a shit? What are your priorities? Is there a theme? Yeah. Oh, is there a theme? No. I mean, we're getting married at this like – Met Gala? I know, right? Love. Gay.

Gay. It's just... It's going to be small. It's going to be at this place in L.A. that the food and beverage director of Chateau Marmont bought. I've heard of it. It's beautiful. And it looks like a little mini Chateau Marmont. Cute. In downtown. I love that. And it's like inside, outside, Spanish, old, like 1926. And we're just kind of going for like, you know...

like dark jewel tones. Yeah. Like, like some rose gold. Ruby red. That's cool. Like eucalyptus and gardenias and just gentlemen. We're both from the South. So we kind of want it to be a little Southern. Yeah. And then just like have our family and friends there. So that's cool. Yeah. Maybe a stripper. We don't know yet. Your wedding. That'd be epic. I've never seen a wedding with a stripper. Maybe a stripper. Right.

Like at the after party, like have like a go-go boy or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like I want, you know, I definitely want the straights. I'm like, how good of an ally are you? Yes. Do you support us? Yeah, yeah. You can have like the box levels type of performance where a guy like takes a drink of whiskey from his asshole.

That's like late, late afternoon. My mom would do that. Yeah. Yeah, my mom would definitely do that. Yeah? No, no. I was just saying, I was like, wow, what a mom. Cool. She's very progressive. But I also feel like we have friends who would be the set go-go dancers. So we're like, if so-and-so wants to get up there and dance, just let them. But I mean, that's what's good is that we have a lot of friends who are like, oh, I'm a singer. I'm a DJ. I'm a, you know, I've got...

I own a floral business and I'm like, okay, come on, come, come, come, come, come, come. So that's good at least. That's fun. Yeah. Is there going to be a lot of comics there? Not a lot. Okay. Not a lot. And also it is interesting because I've had, I have asked some of, some of my friends to come and I'm like, Oh, you know, I've got like a save the date, you know? And they're like, well, it's, it's classic LA, classic LA, but,

I'm like, you know, the wedding is in November and I'm like, would you be in town? Would you help out? I just, I don't know where I'm going to be. I don't know where I'm going to be. Wow. And I'm like. That is LA, it's not New York. Well, can you save the date? Yeah, put it in the calendar. It's a point. I know, but like. Ew. Yeah. I have a friend of mine.

Name, name. I know, should I? No. I'm like, just played Coachella. Oh, okay. Not too shabby. Okay. And I reached out to this person and was like, hey, I think it would be kind of awesome because A, we're friends, and B, do you think that you would

uh, be able to DJ like my reception for like two hours as a friend, two hours. It would be so much fun. Yeah. I would love for you to be there. Everyone would get the biggest kick out of you being there. And, uh, it would mean a lot to me. And the person wrote back, um, I've never done a wedding, so I'm going to decline.

Wow. And I was like, oh. That's such an L.A. response. You just did Coachella. Like, oh.

A wedding's too much. This is easier. Like a small wedding. This is like an easy. You literally show up. It's literally an open mic. Wax on, wax off. You just show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just go, you can fucking press a button all I care. Yeah, that's the equivalent of asking like a famous comedian that you know well, can you officiate my wedding? That's great because that's something for everybody to enjoy. Yeah. And you don't know what they're going to come up with. Oh, see, I interpreted it as like the wedding was below him. Like he doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't hang.

do weddings. Oh no, no, no. It was like, I've never done a wedding, so I'm going to decline. Like, I don't know how it would go. I don't like, I'm like, you literally just show up for two hours for your friend. Yeah. On there. You do what you normally do, but like way less. Yeah. On their like most special day. You know what I mean? Like the one they remember forever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's live band. No. Okay. No, no, no. But, uh, uh,

Actually, I have a piano player. So there's a baby grand when you walk in. And so I have a friend playing piano, the pianist at the comedy store. Oh, nice. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, so she'll be playing some piano. But it's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah, I feel like I love immersive theater. And I feel like if I ever got engaged and had a wedding, I would really go hard on. Like I'm planning a birthday party for somebody, and I am.

In it? I am in it. What is it? Let's have fun. Lawrence of Arabia theme. Work. Palm readers. Oh. I want to have like belly dancers. So Moroccan, like a Moroccan. Yeah, Moroccan. I'm going to have a cigar roller. I'm going to have, yeah, we'll have to put this episode out after the party happens. I was going to say, I was like Christina. Wait,

It's a surprise. We got backlogged. We got backlogged. Well, it is. That's why this is crazy that she's saying this. Well, it's happening in a couple weeks. So we'll just – yeah. Subscribe to the Patreon to find out. But like I love planning like a – I'm like, oh, man. I can't imagine how carried away I would get with a wedding because like I would want the experience to be good for the guest. Like I would want to kind of ignite their creativity in it and like find out –

see if I could curate ways for people to interact with each other that maybe is a little different, you know? Like, that's not average for a wedding. Like, the weddings that are good, like, really stick out as a core memory. Uh-huh. Like, the ones... Have you ever been to, like, a really good wedding? Oh, my brother's. Oh, nice. My brother's wedding, and this is what's so funny. My brother, um...

He's in the Air Force. And him and his wife just had their second baby. And congrats. Mother's Day, yay. But we were... Cool, cool, cool. They had their wedding. And my other brother, he was not married at the time. And I think this was maybe eight years ago. And they had the most awesome wedding. To the point where my younger brother and myself were just kind of like...

Fucking errant. Like, how are we supposed to top this? He had beer donkeys at his wedding. What's that? What's a beer donkey? It's a donkey that walks around with beer in its satchel. Like, what? So we're like, I know. And it was in Texas, so it made sense. That's amazing. So there's just, like, donkeys walking around with, like, satchels filled with ice with beers in them. I would hug the donkey the whole wedding.

So not only are you getting emotional support from a little donkey, but you're like, ah, I'll take this Negro Modelo. Thank you. Wow. Oh, it was great. It was so good. That's a great idea. Yeah. Wait, what else was there? That's so innovative. I mean, just buffet and cakes. Oh, nice. Love a buffet. But it was like the...

Yeah, yeah. The silver, you'd lift it up and oh, it was just, there was like a brisket cutting. Yeah. Ugh. Cool. So it was just spectacular. But I'm the same way. Like I love, for me at least, I'm like, I like spooky and blech.

Oh, this sounds so lame. Like I was like, if there's taxidermy, sure. Oh, that sounds like my kind of language. I would have a macabre wedding for sure. Yes, yes. Like I love like a good owl. Yeah. Like just a random owl. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Pheasant. I like this a lot. I love like, you know, like a magnolia. Very like Haunted Mansion-esque. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Like from the South. Like you mentioned fog. Yeah, yeah. If I could come out with a rolling fog. Dude.

You can. You can. That's so easy. Get a phone machine. Amazon, dude. Yeah. It's so easy. Yeah. I'm going to put on my Amazon wish list. Yes.

fog machine. Full circle. Fog machines are awesome. I had one for a long time. It gets clogged though. You got to clean it out good. Yeah, you do have to clean it out good. But no, they're very effective and they're not that expensive. Yeah, they're really cool. And you can get colored lights so that you're walking into this like blue fog. Like a thick fog. Whatever color you want the fog. Ruby red fog. Whatever. Ooh, yeah. But would it be bad if they're like, okay, the wedding's about to start and you just hear...

I'd be like, oh, let's go. I'd be like, oh, is Dak on a wedding? What is up? Keep me on my toes. It's like the violinist is playing paparazzi by God. Oh,

Okay, but that's a good idea. That's a great idea. These are very good ideas. That's a beautiful idea. We will be having like pop hits. Yes. But like instrumental. Like orchestrated. Pop hits played on string instruments is my favorite. It's my favorite. Like Vitamin String Quartet. Yes. Give it to me. Bridgerton Soundtrack. Yes. Give it to me. Anytime I have a massage where you can pick your own music, I'm always like pop hits on strings. Yes.

Yeah. Do you have a favorite? Because I think we're going to, I think we're playing around with songs, but I think mine, I think ours is going to be like Love at First Sight by Kylie Minogue. Because we just saw Kylie Minogue in LA. Oh, nice. She's amazing. So good. Have y'all seen, is Beyonce here yet or no? No, she's not here yet. She's coming. Are you going to go see it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen all of her tours. Yeah, I've never seen her.

It's a life-changing experience. I'm sure, yeah. She worked out all the kinks in L.A. There was a whole bunch of... I heard. Lots of robot malfunctions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, isn't her daughter sick of performing with her? No, Blue isn't. Wait, is it... Rumi was... It's Rumi. Rumi's a younger daughter. So Rumi, I just read about yesterday. First of all, did not know she existed. Yes, she's kept out of the spotlight. Okay. And the son, she's a twin. But it's a fine...

I follow it because Mrs. Dow Jones talks about why Beyonce has all her kids as part of her tour. It's to set them up financially for the rest of their life. What do you mean set them up? They are set up. It's crazier because she's salaring them as employees. It's really smart. As she says in one of her songs, my great-great-grandchildren are already rich. Right. God.

That's a lot of brown people on your Forbes list. She's creating generational wealth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, Blue. So, Blue very famously was on our last tour. Did an okay job. She was 10. Relax. People are so mean to her. People are cunts. She was so great. She was great. She's fucking 10. Yeah, the Sia girl was also that young. Oh, Maddie? Yeah, yeah. Maddie Ziegler is amazing. Her improvement in dancing...

has night and day from this tour. Like those videos from the LA Cowboy Carter tour, I'm like, girl. She's in like. You killed it. I think she's in like 20 something. Numbers? Numbers, yeah. That makes sense. I think there's like 40 something numbers. Wow, so she's in half the show. That's amazing. Well, as Beyonce tours more, she's a part of the actual tour show less and less.

She's tired. Like meaning there's a lot of breaks. There's a lot of breaks. Like Renaissance tour had this amazing dance break when everyone was voguing and it was incredible. It must be hard because it's like

She's 13 now. And that's such a like pivotal time in a young girl's life. Like that, what is it, like sixth, seventh grade? Yeah. And all of her friends are doing stuff. They're about to go on like summer vacation. And it's just like. She's like, I'm on tour with my mom. And it's weird. I'm on tour with my mom. Beyonce. Beyonce.

What? And I'm being bullied on the internet. Yes. Did you see the documentary? Her tour documentary? Beyonce's documentary? No, I do need to watch that though. It's very good. She explains in that documentary that Blue had her first couple shows on the Renaissance tour. There was video surfacing and one of her friends that Blue went to school with pointed out like, did you see that negative comment? Like,

showed blue because she's not really on social media she's not allowed she was the one who showed her blue all of these negative comments and she got really hurt beyonce in the documentary was fucking pissed of course i would hate to be the girl that told blue ivy about the meat comments and have her mad at me but um i can find out who it is oh my god really you have those superpower you and corinne are very similar you can like find things out but i told you how how

But then, but, that made Blue want to get better. And Beyonce was like, hey, this is the limelight, baby. Like, it's not fun. It's not kind. It's not gentle. But if you want to take that, I'm pissed that you saw that, but if you want to take that and get better, you can. But I get it. But if you want to be on this tour, you got to work your ass off. Like, she was pretty hard on her in terms of like, this ain't easy. And then she's fucking crushing it. But it is interesting because I feel like,

that's what Beyonce's dad did to her. Sure. Because he would make her run like around the track singing full voice. She would be on the treadmill. Yeah. Yeah. On the treadmill singing. And like, I feel like I, I, I,

You know, I do think that there is some sort of setup for Blue. I mean, my God, Blue was in a Black Mirror episode, for God's sakes. Do you remember that? She was? Yes. It was either like last season or something where it's a brilliant episode. I can't remember. No, no, no, no, no. I'm lying. It's not a Black Mirror episode. It was a HBO Max show about the future, and I can't remember.

I can't remember. Same thing. But it was like futuristic Virginia Woolf. Do you know what I'm talking about? No. Is it Westworld? No, it wasn't Westwood. It was like, God, what's his name was in it? This is going to bug the shit out of me. It was a fantastic show. But there was an episode that was centered around, it was kind of like Virginia Woolf. Okay, love that. But it was in the future. Cool. It was fantastic. Life is but a dream. Oh, wait, no. Juliette Binoche was in it.

Oh, React to Manager? Oh my God, I'll find out. I'll find out. I'm just blanking. I had no idea. But anyways, in the show, it's the future, and he was like, oh, so-and-so wanted to get those Blue Ivy tickets. And I was like, that's totally going to happen one day. Yeah, it is. It is, because the way that she has stepped up to the plate and improved her dancing is incredible. I'm going to find it. Everyone just banter real quick. My favorite Blue Ivy, my boyfriend and I talk about, I want to channel like...

all the energy I want to channel every year, like, it usually has to relate to Beyonce just because she's my favorite person. But the Blue Ivy clip where she's at the award show, she's maybe like five or six and Beyonce's on one side of her and Jay-Z's on the other and she goes like this. Like, they're trying to talk to Blue and Blue, like, shushes them with her hand movements. She's the manager. Doesn't even say anything and I'm like, dang, girl. She is the manager. And she's like, she'll tap someone. Like, Beyonce won, what was it, Best Country Album? Yes. And Blue was like, get him.

there yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what's wrong with you mom she's like sorry honey yeah yeah could you imagine i couldn't imagine i couldn't i couldn't i couldn't i want to know what goes on in that house me too

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To claim this special double roses offer, go to 1-800-Flowers.com slash ACAST. That's 1-800-Flowers.com slash ACAST. I do what I don't, you know? I respect her so much that I'm like, whatever you want to share with us is great. I respect that. I cannot. I won't forget it because she's my favorite person, so I'll look it up later for sure. It's so good. It's somewhere. This has been really fun. Is it over? Is this it?

It is it for now. Okay. Is there anything you wanted to touch on that we didn't get to talk about? I don't know. I feel like, uh, I'm excited for your wedding. Thank you. I am too. Do you think, uh, and this has been so fun. I'm so glad I got to see both of you guys while I'm here. This is, uh, um, and my listeners on my podcast, love the two of you. So next time you all come back, please come back on. Um, what do we think that the orbit space mission was fake? Um,

But, oh my God, if it was, that would be amazing. It seemed quick. Well, I mean, it was 10 minutes. Yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't know that. How far up are you even going? Higher than a plane like an F- To me, to me, that's what seems, I go, it's only 10 minutes. Like, are we even- Did they go to space?

When do we start considering it space was my question. Right, because Navy pilots sometimes have these really high-powered planes that can fly to where their face mask comes off. Like the gravity is – Oh, the G-force? Yeah, the G-force. No thanks.

I also thought just like from a, like a, the way we value celebrities more than regular people, it seemed not smart to send that many celebrities. And like, it wasn't our best of the best, but there was some good ones on there. That one girl that wanted to go to space, but was sexually assaulted in school and then didn't go to space. And then the, the Asian girl, she was in, she's in her story is incredible.

She was slated to be an astronaut. She wanted to be an astronaut her whole life. And she was going to school. I forget what the degree was she was getting. And then she was sexually assaulted. And that just totally derailed her and traumatized her and all this shit. So she pulled back from her schooling and then ended up on this fucking flight. And I'm like, fuck yeah. That's who I want going. Well, I felt like...

a lot of like actual female astronauts too. Right, right, right. There's like, you know, there's her, there's Kelly, Girardi, or something like that. But yeah. But then think about it. You went through all that, right? Yeah. And then here's your moment. And then you have Katy Perry fucking singing. Look at the flower. Like, like, like,

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Can you just shut up? I've been through so much. Yeah. So much, Katie. I still really want to see Katy Perry live in concert. She's one of the pop queens that I haven't seen. That being said, I feel like she's really on people's bad side. Well, I think she's also more revealed. That moment ruined her for me. I think even before the space thing, she has revealed to us to be more Republican than we all originally assessed, and people don't like that. That is what it is, though. That is what it is, though. Is she mad Republican?

Well, she also started supporting publicly some lower-level political candidates where everyone started asking questions about where her beliefs lie. Yeah, right, right, right. Important. Interesting. But I also think that a lot of

People think that only country music stars are Republican and the rest of Hollywood is liberal, and that's also not true. That's also not true. You are a fan of a Republican whether you know it or not. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, you've got American Idol on right now, and Carrie Underwood sang at the inauguration. Oh, yeah. Is she Republican? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. She's saying that. She's saying. I want the honor of singing at a presidential inauguration, which I do understand. That one doesn't count, though. That's your friend choice. That one doesn't count. I know. It just like doesn't. Like even if you wanted like one, I'm sorry. Like that one's like a. Paid for by Bezos. It's just not a real. It's just not the same. I know. I would. I felt like had. I'm glad it went well. And this is just like dark for me. But like had that exploded, I would have been like, oh, no.

Okay. Oh, you know what I mean? Like Chris McCall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go to pizza. Pray love. Well, that would have been like a, that flight would have really dented pop culture a little bit. Just, it would have nicked it. I think it would have scratched it with a kitten. Yeah. But the big conspiracy was that the door was like a piece of foam board. Like when it landed, when the, what do you think? I,

I don't know. I also think the moon landing was fake. Exactly. So is this our new flat earth? That's what I want to know. Well, no one's been on the moon since. That's kind of weird. But also, I was... Yeah, but it's because we had to invest in other things and we were like, you know, competing with Russia and we just realized it wasn't a good financial investment for the country. I mean, like, I...

I mean, I went to space camp, so I've actually read a lot about NASA and space and because it is my dream. Like the one thing I am on board with is I did hope in my lifetime that space would be accessible for the everyday person via like a public transportation. But I just don't think with the timeline that I have, most likely that it's going to happen for me. And I'm pretty bummed. Oh, there's nothing I would want.

I would literally want to go to space. I really want to go to space badly. I just, I experience like to see what, to see earth from that far away and go, we're just as insignificant as I thought. Oh, okay. Now I'm on board. You know, like look at that little ball. It sounds terrifying to me. You're talking about space. Like it's fucking Iowa. Yeah. Yeah.

Or torture. Like I asked you to go vacation in Des Moines. Is space Iowa? I mean, I don't know. But you know what I mean? I just feel like a vacuum. And then I just think of like, I feel like Sandra Bullock just like,

Just wobbling around. Flipping into nothingness. Now that's who I would have loved has been, I would have been happy for Sandra Bullock if she went to space. Yeah. There's a slew of people that it's like, okay, like you guys go, but like space. Well, I wanted Lance Bass to make it. I know. He's so bitter. He's so bitter. Why did he go? I don't know. We need to make it happen. Yeah. We need to make it happen. He always wanted to go to space, right? Or he was slated to. He was slated.

to and then it never happened and now Katy Perry has beaten this podcast. Yeah. But if I would do Wormhole...

Oh, I would love that. But then how can you guarantee you're going to get back out of the world? Who cares? But if there was like some like city in space where like, like give me that, I'd be like, all right, this is cool. I can get on board with that. It's a little insulting though. Like the first all female, you know, crew astronauts, but, and it didn't even really go into space. Give them 10 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. That's 10 minutes. Cause,

Don't leave with the all-female crew. I feel like I would have a panic attack in the travel. Sure. Like those people who got stuck on the space station. Oh, I mean, real astronauts for nine months? Yeah. My God. I don't know how they did that. Came back with her fucking eyelids flat. Like, what the hell? That's too long. She's like, I don't have any bone marrow in my legs anymore. And they're like, what? And Katy Perry's up there with a daisy. Like, man, condition. Yeah.

Get out of here. That woman came back like 80 years older. Like, shit. Yeah, I don't know. That really rubbed me the wrong way. And I'd be like, no one fucking cares about anybody's opinion of Katy Perry, really. But I really didn't like her after that. Yeah. Well, and then the conversation started to go towards, does the Botox in your face migrate in zero gravity? I'd be fucked. Fuck.

Your filler stays put, right? Hey, your filler stays put, right? Why is it in her shoulder? Five, four, three. Oh my God. Her last word. Your lip filler goes in your eyebrows. Is she a lizard? I don't know. When you come back, everything's different. That's so funny. That would be terrifying. Katy Perry's a Picasso. But it would be fun to come back and you're on a different timeline.

Oh, I wish. That would be fun. Like a positive timeline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like a better one. That's what I wonder. The people who were there for nine months. Did they come back and they were like, what? You know what I mean? Right, right, right. How much were they updated? Right.

I know. I always think this to myself often when I'm brushing my teeth in the morning. I'm like, man, if someone has been in a coma for the last three years, boy, do I have a story for you. Like, what a wild mindfuck. I think this is the most mindfuckery time to be in a coma. I mean, I feel like if you're going to be in a coma, now's the time.

I mean, now's the time. Yeah, but how stressful is it going to be when you get all that info that happened while you were in the coma? But then you don't have to know about it. You got to deal with it. You don't tell them. You just gaslight them forever. Ooh, that sounds fun. Right? Like they're like, what did I miss? And they're like, nothing. Nothing.

If I woke up in a coma and someone told me really nothing is what I meant. Yeah, we had lunch and that's really it. Got a dog. Or like how long was I out? Like two days. And it was like eight years. Yeah. Just lie. Lie. If you're in a coma, just lie. Literally lie there. What a unique experience. That would be fun. Being in a coma.

Sounds fun. If you're in space, that's what I would want. One of those little tunnels. Oh, yeah. The pods. Yeah. Give me a pod. Wake me up in like 20 light years. I come out just snatched my fillers in place. Yeah.

If you, they could do like, what is that? The freezing, then they freeze Walt Disney. Oh, the cryogenic. Yeah. Would you ever do that? Like later, I guess. Cause you want to be frozen cryogenically when you're still, you still got it. What was that movie with Sylvester Stallone? Demolition Man. Didn't they do that? Well, they freeze them and that was a great movie sponsored by Taco Bell. Yeah. Um, but like they froze them. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to feel that. Yeah. Yeah. We'll see. Oh,

No, I don't want to do that. What is your podcast called? Where can we find more of you? Where can we see you live? You can follow me at Justin Martindale on Instagram. You can listen to my podcast, Just Saying with Justin Martindale. It comes out every week. You can watch it on the Comedy Store YouTube page. Listen to it wherever you get your podcasts.

And you can catch me. I'll be here this week in New York City. And then the 23rd Memorial Day weekend, I'll be with Leslie Jones at the Soboba Casino. Soboba. Yeah. So yeah, go check us out. And yeah. Amazing. Yes. Thank you guys for having me. Thank you for being here. Enjoy New York. This has been Guys We Fucked, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. We will talk to you next Friday.

Get some sleep. Or she'll probably eat something. Get some. I get some.

I don't show up or even try

I'm always inside. Always inside. I'm always inside.