WOULD YOU BLOW UP YOUR LIFE FOR THE OFFICE PRANKSTER?
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With savings up to 30% off and fast carbon neutral shipping, you get top trusted groceries at your door and you can stop worrying about what your kids get their hands on. Start shopping at thrivemarket.com slash podcast for 30% off your first order and a free gift. Dear old work platform, it's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you. Endless onboarding? Constant IT bottlenecks? We've had enough. We need a platform that just gets us. And to be honest, we've met someone new.

They're called Monday.com, and it was love at first onboarding. They're beautiful dashboards. Their customizable workflows got us floating on a digital cloud nine. So no hard feelings, but we're moving on. Monday.com, the first work platform you'll love to use. Welcome to Guys We Fuck, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. I'm Christina Hudson. I'm Corinne Fisher. Slutty, you're horny, and you're shamed.

Hey, you with one? Yeah. Okay. Let's talk about skin. Hello, Earthlings of planet Earth. How you doing? Welcome to an episode of Guys We Hug Down There. Down there.

Down there? Wow. It's the anti-slush shaming podcast. I'm Corinne Fisher. I'm Christine Hutchinson. Welcome to the show. We hugged them down in the basement. We hugged them. Down there in the basement, we hugged them. Oh, like, oh, yeah, geographically. Yeah. Not like the... Anatomically. Yeah, not like the eggplant emoji. Wow. Well, you two...

Screw me for that. Hopefully not. Guys, we both have Patreons for two different things. Mine is more self-helpy. I have a Patreon where once a week you can hop on a Zoom call with me and we can talk about whatever the hell you want. It's a lovely little group that I've started and once a month we also do...

what I call a woo-woo Zoom. And we just do exercises and stuff, but it's really fun. And I tried this experiment with somebody experiencing like a physical ailment. And we just tried sending her energy and it fucking worked. I'm like, I knew it. Chrissy is a healer. I knew it.

I mean, it can't hurt. You know what I mean? I love things that I'm like, well, if this goes awry, it's not going to hurt anybody, right? So yeah, it's a really cool place. And that's where you – the only place other than here where you'll be able to hear me once a week because I don't have my solo podcast anymore. But patreon.com slash Christina Hutchinson is where you can go to sign up today.

And if you want to follow me, there's a little too much breathing noise, Eric. I muted myself just to call. Oh, really? I did. I heard some breathing and I was unacceptable. I'm sorry. It's like Helga Pataki about to punch you in the face. Yeah.

On both my podcasts, there's just always a man making noise in the background. Yeah, yeah. Mine too when I had the other one. Okay. You can join my Without a Country Patreon. It's patreon.com slash withoutacountry if you want to get one new exclusive video news story a week.

But also you can just enjoy the podcast for free. It's on YouTube. It's everywhere you listen to podcasts. Every Wednesday at 9 p.m. Eastern, we live stream the show. And you can call in C-SPAN style and tell me your thoughts on...

what's happening in the news. If something is local to you, you know, you're basically a field reporter that's calling into my show, or if you want to comment on one of the news stories, or if there's something else that you want to bring up, these are all options. Uh, it is a democracy on without a country. And, uh, I hope to see you there. Ooh. And if you want to email us, if you're going through something, you need advice, uh,

You got a story for us. Sorry about last night show at gmail.com and guys, very exciting news. If you love guys, we fucked and you're interested in listening to it ad free and you're interested in two bonus episodes a month roughly where we just read emails and talk about more personal shit and getting the episodes a week earlier than anybody else. And you're like, I, I like guys we fuck, but I don't like any of the other luminary shows. Okay. That's okay. You're in luck.

Go to luminary.link slash GWF promo. You could subscribe to Guys We Fucked exclusively for 12 months subscription. The entire year is $29.99. What? That's so cheap, Christina. It's crazy. This is $20 off the normal annual subscription price and only $2.50 per month. And it makes us look good as hell, guys.

I only like guys we fuck, so I only want to subscribe to them. Well, now you can. Yeah. It's really helpful to the show. It makes us look good, and it supports a place that has allowed us to do, honestly, I'm going to say whatever the fuck we want. Yeah, it's pretty sick. It's been great. Okay, you'll be able to listen to just guys we fucked.

ad free a week early and you get multiple bonus episodes of corinne and i uh revealing some things that we would never dare reveal on the wide episodes because we don't want to and like it's just really good good advice episodes too we go hard in this we have a good time oh yeah we're unhinged they're very fun uh so go to luminary.link slash gwf promo

We're going to read a bunch of emails for y'all today. The first subject line is my fanfic addiction. Hi, I'm Penny. I've been listening to your show for a while and it's really helped me open my eyes to new perspectives. I read a lot of fan fiction and I'm worried I might have an addiction to it.

I know I have a deep sense of escapism, but it's starting to interfere with my personal and academic life. What? That's how you know you got an issue. I was listening to a podcast episode the other day. Actually, it was the star of his CEO. He was interviewing a woman talking about we're all addicts of something. Behavior, people, shows, drugs, whatever. She had an addiction to erotic novels.

Oh, I can see that. I mean, you know, and she like wouldn't hang out with her family or anything like she really she really got into it. She was just reading and masturbating. Yeah. I don't even know if she was mad. I think she was just reading it. But she but exactly what this writer is talking about. It's escapism. That's all an addiction provides. I've tried stop reading this kind of stuff for about a year now, but it never works for long.

Sometimes I just feel like I'll never stop reading it. I really don't know what to do. Please help me figure this out. I also need help with finding a boyfriend that lasts longer than a few weeks. I think it's because you're reading all that. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have the brain space for the boyfriend. A affects B, you know, I really don't know why. I think I know, but they always ditch me when I start getting comfortable with them.

No, I won't get into that. Well, what does comfort look like to you? Just not wearing makeup? Wearing fan fiction in front of them? Right. Yeah. Showing up in tattered sweatpants? Yeah, you got to keep them on their toes. I live with my boyfriend. I keep them on his toes. I dress up. I mean for me, but also a trickle-down effect. Am I that unlovable that no one can stand me? No, but with an attitude like that –

Whenever I start thinking about how all my relationships ended, I start spiraling and begin thinking that I'm going to end up alone. Oh, dear. I just can't live with myself anymore and I need something or someone to help me best Penny. Well, that escalated quickly. You have a victim mentality here and that will turn a friend off. It will turn a romantic partner off. It will probably – it will turn a family member off if your family member is not like that. So I think that's the first step that you have to figure out.

And then ask yourself – you said it. It's escapism. This fan fiction for you is – it's an escapism that rubs you the right way and it gives you what you need. Why do you feel like you want to escape from your current reality? That's the million-dollar question and when you figure that out, you can look into that and start doing work on that and figuring out how to – it's the same thing as like if you were addicted to alcohol. You're just numbing yourself.

Right. In some way. And also with the... It's a little different, but... The extra piece that you added about your personal life. I mean, I think...

You're using the fanfic as escapism, but the reason you like fanfic to begin with is because things always turn out the way you want them to turn out in fanfiction. It's an ideal world. And also, fanfic can't leave you, right? A boyfriend can leave you. Fanfic can't leave you. It's always there. It's reliable. It's going to make you feel... It's going to elicit whatever that feeling is that fanfic elicits that you like. Maybe you're...

to those fair. I mean, would it be pheromones? I mean, I don't know what, but you're addicted to, I would say dopamine. You're addicted to that dopamine rush. Like it's an actual boyfriend is not as reliable. Oh, I wish they were though. Right. You know? So, and,

no human is going to be as reliable because humans have free will and their own life. The story is not completed, you know, whereas the fan fiction story is completed. You can experience the beginning, the middle and the end ending all in one comfortable sitting. You don't have to have the anxiety of seeing like, is this going to work out? But that's life. Yeah. That's interacting with, you know, and you said, yeah,

You know, you try to stop reading the fan fiction and you can't. First of all, how hard are you trying? You can. Just don't... How you stop reading fan fiction is...

you don't, if you, I don't know where you read it. If you read it on your phone blocks, I don't know why I'm assuming you're reading it in a paper form, but I guess fan fiction is more on the internet. She gets a zine mail to her. That'd be so fucking cool. I'd be, I'd be addicted to that too, girl. Um, but yeah, wherever you get it, cut it off at the source. You know, you, you gotta trick yourself when you're, when you're addicted to something, you have to play yourself. You have to trick yourself, like hide all the things in your home, like make sure you can't access it. You know, if you were addicted to a drug, I'd say block the guy you get the drug from, you know what I mean? So like,

do that and try harder. I also, but I also, part of me feels like, you know,

Is there a part of you that doesn't want to put in the work to have a great life? Because it just doesn't just kind of happen. You have to be present for it. So to really form a bond with another human being romantically, to get to know somebody, to allow somebody to get to know you, that's a lot of work. That's not nothing. That's not easy. That's not comfortable. Like all of that is all uncomfortable. And I just wonder if you're just really addicted to comfort. Yeah, you need to exist in reality. It seems like you're a person who like –

doesn't read your mail for a month you know doesn't been there you know like it feels like you're perhaps and this is just like an assessment based on obviously a very short email that you sent but like

are you a person who has a to-do list and like only does the fun things on the to-do list? That's not adult life. Like you, I think, I think make a real effort the next month to exist in reality with all the ups and the downs that come with being an adult existing in reality. Because first of all, a lot of the hard or annoying or not fun things that you have to do, they're not really that bad. And the, the,

like them looming over you is much worse than actually just getting them done. And they can be fun. Yeah. Dumb, boring shit or like even emotionally painful shit, things you have to do, like parts of yourself that you need to look at and take a long hard look at and be truthful with that hurts. But that can also be a fun experience if you just kind of just are more lighthearted about it. We can be lighthearted about this stuff. I always forget that. Yeah. And you can reward yourself just not with fan fiction. Yeah. Don't do fan fiction.

You know, it's just like I often set little things for myself. I'm like, oh, if I like I'll treat myself like a child. I'm like, if you get this, this and this, then you can go and get a Happy Meal. Yeah, me too. They have Hello Kitty toys or something, you know, like, you know, I am.

That's why I don't want kids this week because I'm like, I am my own kid. And I do a pretty good job pairing myself. But like, you know, if you have a temper tantrum, you got to tend to that. Well, that's like when I was at, you know, Paula's son's birthday party and I'm like, oh, do these like all these other parents like think that they have to go to get the cotton candy with a child? But I just waited in

in line behind a child. There was no, I didn't, I didn't need anyone else there. I want a cotton candy. And so I went and got cotton candy. Live your life. She paid them the hourly rate. It didn't say kids only. Yeah. And I think I enjoyed it more than anyone else because I didn't cry when I got the flavor that, you know, like the, there was like a white and a pink and I didn't cry when I got the white. That's good. Cause I'm an adult. Yeah. You couldn't ask for the pink.

No, you could. I actually asked. I wanted the white though in my heart because it was like pina colada flavored. A non-alcoholic obviously. It's a children's party. At my birthday parties, all the kids are getting toasted, huh? That's pretty fun. Right, Johnny? Obviously. Right, Johnny? Oh, okay. It was insane. All right. So this subject says women aren't funny. Okay. Okay.

Hey, C&K. I love it. Thank you guys for everything you do. I've been a loyal fucker since the beginning, and I appreciate everything you've done for this awesome community of folks. I just had a blowout fight with my partner of almost four years, and I just can't help but feel like this is one I could only work through with the two of you. Let's go. My beau and I have a great relationship. Mm.

but we stay super active with one another and love adventure. I've always loved my guy's point of view because he is liberal in all of the right ways and conservative in the same way as I am. I knew my partner as a patron at my bar long before I ever dated him and his, as his, and as his beer tender, I got to know him as a wonderful body positive ally to women and everyone under the sun. How's a guy body positive? I guess he just didn't say like a fat person was ugly one time.

you know, a real hero. Um, one day our bar is going to be higher. One time there was a woman who was over a size six and she said, you know what? She's kind of cute. You can sit here.

He is a tall and handsome white dude who I thought understood his privilege. Then tonight he blindsided me by saying bluntly women comedians aren't funny. Internally, I lost it. Externally, I started off measured and countered his points intelligibly, assuming I'd be able to get him to recognize why his statement wasn't okay.

I actually am going to disagree with you. That's a weird point to come at it from. Don't you think? I'm also going to, I like he, he's allowed to think that exactly. I, he's a hundred percent allowed to think that. I also think he is a lot. I think, I know like I've seen lineups, not for nothing. I've seen lineups of comedy comics, uh,

And the girl was not great. So I'm like, oh, you know, we live in a world where women have to be better at everything to get even a semblance of the same recognition. So I mean – and I've been at shows where I'm like if I was a patron and I didn't know anything about comedy, I would probably think women weren't funny either. So I'd be – I'd just be curious. My favorite comedians are just –

naturally women like I love David Tell too but I mean like then we think you know Kathy Griffin uh Whitney Cummings and Sarah Silverman are two of the best live performers I've ever seen in my life I think they're really uh you know Ali Wong is great like I I truly love female comedians um but I think to tell someone like that they're

their own taste isn't okay is like a little like kind of like the Democratic Party is falling apart. Yeah, because I think you're right. Basically, this sentence just no pressure, but it's like why Kamala lost?

I mean, she laughed too much. No, but everything heightened based off of everything that you said about this person that you're dating before he said these things. It does seem like what he meant was that's just the female comics aren't his taste. That's fine. I mean, it is. We do talk about our periods a lot. Not all of us. It is wildly annoying to say that women aren't funny. I think that's like pompous. But comedy is you have to understand the perspective of

of the comedian to understand the joke. Right. So I, I don't, I can understand why men don't think female comedians are funny, but to me, the issue is not that they don't find us funny. The issue is that it reveals how uninterested and how uninvested they are. They actually,

are in the female experience. And that to me is the problem with the statement. Women aren't funny. It's a, it's telling it's a tell. They gave us so much more information. So like the problem is I don't find you funny. You can find funny as Tate. That's your own personal choice. But what is, what it tells me is if he doesn't find any female comedians funny, then,

It's that he is just genuinely uninterested in the female experience. And that is not anything that is specific to your boyfriend. It is across the board. It is a very common feeling. And that to me is what it's saying. Okay. So I thought I'd be able to get him to recognize why his statement wasn't okay. Big mistake. He dug his heels in and I grew increasingly more irate. I know this stance was completely misogynistic and thinking that

I feel like it's actually more patriarchal than it is misogynistic. Because to me, it's like a it's like a it's speaking that the world is built for men. I don't think it actually is saying that he thinks women are less than it's a it's like a disinterest in the world. And thinking my partner could feel that way and not acknowledge that my points were valid.

kind of shattered my view of him. Is it possible for him to think this and not hate women? Yes. Yes. I don't think he hates women, but I do think he is genuinely, um, uninterested in the female experience, except when it's a whole that he can have sex. Correct. Yes. Obviously I know it is, but fuck, I can't help like this ruined his credibility for me. Men are so fucking ignorant to women's perspective. Sure. And that's why they can't enjoy our stories. Yes. Yes. That it's that. It's,

in the way that we can men's stories. We're also, that's true. I mean, she, yeah, that's a good point. We do universally enjoy men's stories, but we also have been since the beginning of time. So yeah, it's exactly that. And also this is kind of like a thing that I've talked about a lot of times on the, on the podcast. Remember that my, uh, super feminist film school teacher, uh, said to me in that, uh,

women, you know, male movies do better at the box office because wives and girlfriends will go with their boyfriends and husbands to see a film that they're not interested in and men will not repay that favor. Yeah, they really won't. And when they don't, you go, oh, I've been agreeing to go to this shit with you for nothing for you to not fake it with me. Fuck you. Yeah. Um,

Um, it's really, really crazy. It enrages me. I don't want to throw the whole man away, but how the fuck do I get through to him? Is it unhealthy to want to change someone's opinion when it's so fucking wrong? Well, an opinion can't, an opinion actually can't be wrong in my opinion. Can be anything. An opinion can be ignorant. It's your opinion that his opinion is wrong. An opinion. Yeah. An opinion can be ignorant and opinion can be uneducated, but opinion by definition cannot be wrong because it's not a fact. It's his opinion. Yeah. You know, um,

So again, I feel like that is... What he said was fucking arrogant as shit. Sure, yeah. And you know this guy. You know if he's arrogant. You've been... How long have you been dating him? Three years? Four years. Almost four. Oh, so you know this guy well. If this sentence that he said is just part of a larger problem about him, you know that, and then I do think this is worth investigating. It's worth... Don't let this go either way, because I fucking wouldn't. But I would say...

approach it with more of a sense of curiosity, but not like a, don't be thirsty to change his mind because he will not respect you and you won't respect yourself. That's the more important part. Also, how did it take four years for this information to be revealed? This seems like a, like something that would have come up earlier. It almost makes me think he's like one of these men who spent too much time online and has been like radicalized. Oh, oh,

Gross. Yeah, that's easy to do. It's like, you know, I think it's also like, was he always like this? Or has he been changing slowly and you didn't notice and this was the first thing that made you notice? Because that can also happen. Or the love goggles coming off for you. Yeah, I mean, you know, just people...

We want people that we're in relationships with to grow and evolve, right? But what we forget is that growth and evolution doesn't have to be in a positive direction. I would just say something as to the effect of, hey, that thing you said to me the other day about women not being funny, yeah, that really turned me off. And then walk away. Just don't talk about it after that. Give them a cold shoulder for a little bit. Yeah. Let them think about it because it's not your – first of all, it's not a problem. It's not your problem to solve. But like you want to make sure the person that you're with –

isn't a giant piece of shit. And so I can't tell if he is by this because just that comment alone, I would say no. But you know, so just say less. Say less and let them know you know. I wonder if it's an insecurity thing because I feel like that's a common thing that I'll notice if I'm in the crowd during a stand-up showcase and I'm watching the crowd react to –

that go from male to female comic. Like, I feel like it's like a, like men have a hard time being like giving up the power in that room to listen. Oh really? I don't have that problem. Here's the thing though. There's a male insecurity. No, but I've gone on stage. No, no, no, no, no. But no, I'm saying like when I go look out into the audience, it's not like men are like biting their fingernails. Like, Oh no, I don't know if I could laugh. I wouldn't say that, but I'll see sometimes like guys will be like, uh, kind of like looking around the room.

Yeah, not taking it seriously or talking or looking at their phone. Yeah. That's happened to me when I've gone on stage for sure. And I've definitely gone on stage a couple – not very often, but I've gone on stage sometimes and I'm like, you guys don't want to hear a woman talk. Not that they hate women. They don't want to hear them talk. They don't want to see a female comedian do comedy. I felt that a couple times. I don't feel that a lot, but I do sometimes feel fear that I'm exposing their secrets that they didn't think I should know. Yeah.

Gotcha, bitch. Gotcha, bitch. Well, let us know how it goes, Anonymous. Yeah, sure thing.

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Start shopping at thrivemarket.com slash podcast for 30% off your first order and a free gift. Okay, next subject line, wedding cringe.

Here to share my most cringe wedding story, my husband and I have a very close friend from law school. He's a wonderful person and always wanted to be in a relationship but just could not find the right girl. So when he did, we were so excited. We loved her dearly because she loved our friend. Honestly, she is one of the weirdest people I've ever met in my life. At the wedding ceremony, instead of reading her own vows, she played a prerecorded statement of herself. Yes, Queen Slay. Giving those vows.

And played it on the speaker while she lip-sunk. Oh, my gosh. She did like a RuPaul's Drag Race wedding vows. Yeah. Sick. She lip-sunk her own vows. Also, there were about six minutes long, and her new husband, our best friend, winged it with about three sentences. Oh, God. If my husband winged his vows... I'd leave. I'd go home. I would...

lose my go home and I'd say, Hey, catering bartender, you just get all the, uh, the invoices to him. See ya. That is what a slap. I'd be bummed. I'd be bummed. It's so, I always love when people write their own vows. Cause I'm like, Oh, what do we got? What do we got here? To me, that's the only point in asking everyone to show up. And I know any wedding where they're like, Oh, they've exchanged their vows privately. I go refund. Why am I here? Refund.

That's what I know. That's literally why I showed up. It's my favorite part. I love that part, but I also love if there's any drama, like if anything cringy happens, I fucking love it because people are so fucking fucked like in so many ways, like families are so toxic that I love not. I haven't, I have not had a lot of cringy scenes at weddings that I've, that I've witnessed a couple, but not, not too many.

Cool. Thanks for writing us. Keep sending us your wedding cringe stories if you have them. Sorry about last night show at gmail.com. Can I let go of this guilt? Hello, ladies. I have a scenario I'd like your opinion on so I can hopefully let go of some guilt slash shame. It's regarding the way I met my husband. When I was fresh out of college, just turned 22, I took a job at a group home for teenage boys. Oh, no. Hope you didn't fuck one of them. Oh, no. Most of the kids I was... Oh, no. Girl, they gonna write about you in the paper. Dear God.

Well, 22 and 18 is not bad if he's 18. If he's 15, that's fucked up.

Most of the kids I was – but it's also the power dynamic. Most of the kids I was – not even of the age of the – if they're in a group home. Most of the kids I was responsible for were on the younger side, 13 to 15. There was one kid there who was waiting for an apartment placement. He was 18, taking college courses, emotionally mature for his age. Okay, so that's the one you married. That's the one you married. Emotionally – what are you, a predator of a man? That's like emotionally mature for his age is such a predator man statement. She put that in there to make herself feel better.

Much different than the other kids in this program. Kids, again, you're calling them kids. But 18 and 22, that's a close. Sure. If a 22-year-old woman was dating an 18-year-old guy, I'd be like, yeah, sure. I wouldn't even blink. Yeah. I was not in any way responsible for his care during this time at the job. Okay. That counts. That does count. We started to get to know each other outside of that setting. I quit that job. He moved out. We started a relationship. Oh.

Cut to 16 years later. We've been married 12 years and have two children. Girl, let that guilt go. Are you kidding me? It's a little late. You didn't do anything. You've already procreated. We've been through our ups and downs like any couple, but overall we have a great life and he is my favorite person. When we discuss my anxiety about the situation, he assures me that I didn't do anything wrong. He wanted the relationship just as much as I did, et cetera, et cetera. He has no regrets. Neither do I really, but I still harbor some anxious feelings about how it started. Can you weigh in on this? I'd love your spec.

keep doing what you're doing. You're reading too many op-eds. You're reading too many op-eds about bad men. He's fine with it. It's really only his opinion that matters in this situation. I don't think there's any kind of like an age difference or like the situation. Like, you know, I don't think it's like, you know, he's repressing trauma or something from this. I think you're really trying to make your life seem more interesting than it is.

I guess that's what it is. I don't know. There's no problem here. Or you're addicted to feeling guilty over something. There's no problem here. Some people I know are addicted to feeling like guilty about things, which is like in a, in a kind of like a narcissistic way, not saying this is you at all, but just like, Oh, I'm worried that I did something to somebody, you know, kind of thing. Yeah. But even if you said he was 16 and you were 22, I'd be like, well, that's fucked up. But because you didn't work with him,

And if you were, if he was 16 and you were 22 and 16 years later, you are still married. I'd be like, you didn't do anything. Like, yeah, he was a minor, but like, yeah, you didn't, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't care for him. So there's no weird like mommy, you know, complex there. No, you weren't, you weren't responsible for him. You just like, if this is the same to me as like meeting at work, you need to, you need to interrogate those thoughts when they come up, the anxious guilt thoughts, the second they pop up.

To me, that's a little alarming that they're still popping up after 16 years. That doesn't – something's – that's what I'm more suspicious of is why the fuck is this still in your head? Is there something you're not telling us? Is there something else that happened with someone who was like maybe underage? Like is there something we're missing? There's nothing wrong with this. Yeah. It's like – yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't understand why you're guilty over that. My suggestion, because we don't read these emails in advance, my suggestion, had you not said that you had already talked to your husband about it, would be talk to him directly about it. You've already done that. He's probably sick of hearing about it, quite frankly. He's like, you're ruining my boner. How are you not sick of thinking about it?

you know, just, you have to just, so when I say interrogate your thoughts, just whatever part of you, like if I was your, if I was a therapist, which I am not, so don't sue me. Um, I would say like, when did you have an issue with guilt as a kid? Like was guilt a thing where you guilt tripped a lot by your parents, by an older sibling, by a teacher, I don't know. Some figure in your life that some type of authority over you, did they guilt trip you? And if they did, I would say, then you have this comfortability with guilt and maybe you like it,

it's like a little teddy bear for you in a weird fucked up way that can happen. So who knows? Did you read that one? Yeah, I believe so. Sorry. This one. Um, how your Epic roast of me made me level up my life. Greetings, Corinne and Christina and Eric OG fucker here again. Oh, right. Cause she emailed us again and it did say she, she emailed us a year after her original email. This is her most recent one. My name is Monica. I'm a 35 year old female. Um,

who lives in Colorado. It's officially the one year mark of being absolutely roasted by my heroes. That's you on my favorite podcast. And damn, did it completely change my life? See, tough love does work guys. No, it really does. And everybody also, everybody wants to get roasted. Cause it's like, I want the chance to all laugh at the truth that I think is so bad about myself, but we're all laughing about it. So it's actually not that bad. It's just fucking hilarious. Yeah. I remember last December hitting play on luminary and hearing Halloween date from hell, right?

hurt me beyond belief hours before I was going to dump him. Oh, I remember this email because it was, we made clips of this one. Oh, we did. We did. It was wild. I remember this. It was my subject line. So I paused and clueless to what was to come.

Girl, we don't sugarcoat, am I right? We do not sugarcoat, baby. You come here, you get the truth. At this point, if you think that we're just going to be like, oh, that was a good choice you made. No, no. Then why would we even have a podcast? Oh, God. That's funny. Beyond Belief, hours before I was going to dump him. It was my subject line, so I paused and cluelessly

And I gotta say...

All we knew about you was that email. We met it at the time, but like people evolve. Oh, God. Don't you think I wasn't a dumb bitch yesterday? You know what I mean? There were some – Takes a dumb bitch to know a dumb bitch. That's our motto here on Guys We Fucked. And respect for writing back again. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. I mean that's what I'm saying though. Like I feel like people really do respect and appreciate when they roast you because it's like we hide things from ourselves or at least I do. I know a lot of people do. So that's helpful. OK. Moving on. There were so many feelings while listening.

wanting to explain, provide context, defend myself, but I knew I had to really listen to what was evoking such a strong emotion in me. Good, good for you. Yes. At one point I had to pause because I uncontrollably burst into sobs when Karen said, why am I laughing? It's just so funny. I go, you know, wish I wish it was the first time that probably happened.

I uncontrollably burst into sobs when Corinne said, there seems to be a real disconnect between what you want and who you really are and how you are presenting yourself to people. So it was like you had a catharsis. Yeah. As painful as it was to hear everything you both said, I knew I had to listen. Yeah, it is tough, but it is helpful. That's why people get mad at me. Truth hurts. Truth hurts. My energy completely shifted after the podcast. Yeah.

And I moved into a deep introspection, very vulnerable space. I totally understand and have been there where I was willing and able to receive harsh feedback to start making a change. That's beautiful. Here's what happened in that year since you changed my life.

The day after hearing the podcast, I went up to, I went to a pop-up or a meeting, which backed or a reading or a reading or a reading. You know what that is? Yeah. Yeah. I'm reading too fast, which backed everything you two mentioned. Nice. You need, I also like how this, like you went, you went to change, but you're like, I'm going to do woo stuff first. That's very us. Yeah. I totally do that. You need to learn to embody this inner being inner self that you don't let out when you can be yourself.

Who you truly are, your future will be stable, balanced, and you can handle anything life throws you. Picture of aura attached. Yeah, and that's – honestly, that's pretty much like every self-help book, every fucking guru, whatever. That's the crux of everything. If you can authentically be who you are, your life is going to be OK. And then when it's not OK, you can handle it. You know what I'm saying? I deleted all dating apps and profiles very shortly after the podcast dropped. So funny. I'm continuing –

the no dating streak because hashtag therapy during the episode multiple times it was mentioned that I needed therapy were we wrong no we were wrong no I totally remember this email I remember I did find the behavior in the email this is alarming

Yeah. Yeah. That's why that's why I'm so glad you guys write us these fucking emails because when you know, because you're so honest with us because you you do intimately know us. You know, a part of us. Obviously, we present only like a like a small sliver of us on the podcast. But, you know, that sliver very well. And so I feel like that allows you to open up more and be more honest with us to talk to us like a best friend. And then you hear it the fuck back.

back and we don't know you. So I'm not scared to judge you. You know what I mean? So it's like a, it's like a nice, it's a nice little symbiosis that we got going on. I would say like 75% of the emails that people send in is like when your friend's telling you a story where they really think they're not the villain. And as you're listening to it, you're like, I'm pretty sure you're the bad guy in this story. Yeah. And they're like, isn't that crazy what she did to me? And you're like, not really, not really, not really.

Um, that, uh, what was particularly alarming to me is that I had been in therapy for over two years and I would, yeah, I get that. I did a few more sessions with her, even playing the podcast to which she had almost no reaction. So I did finally fire her. Good. I've been diagnosed with PTSD. That makes sense. Cause I do remember your email and that makes sense. Interesting. That, that kind of behavior, when you act like,

when you act like a child as an adult woman, almost always it is PTSD. I am telling you, it is almost always PTSD. Um, I,

I've been diagnosed with PTSD and am being in the beginning stages of starting EMDR therapy, massively eye-opening. Took a burlesque class, which involved conceptualizing and creating my own Barbie-themed performance. Oh, cool. Photos attached and got to rewrite the memories of my dominatrix Barbie costume. It was an incredible and invigorating experience, a journey in learning to love yourself in a mirror. That's great. Ooh, I love art therapy.

Fuck yeah. In an admitted moment of weakness after seven months, I did text the guy from Halloween. I miss your dick. Hmm.

It happens. While I got a couple of months of good dick before he moved out of state, I am grateful to have gained so much more in reconnecting. We both owned our mistakes and poor behavior in our time together, apologized to one another, and now have shared responsibility over the experience. That's fucking great. Oh, yeah, because I remember he was a dick. I needed this closure so bad as I had been shouldering the entire terrible experience as it all being my fault and doing when we were both contributors.

That's great. Not a lot of people get that closure. I'm glad you got it. Replaced dating with trying to build healthy lifelong habits like weight training four times a week.

started a weekly cooking and pseudo therapy night with a friend that's amazing I want that for everybody and yes I have stuck to the rule no commitment no raw dogging oh yeah that's right but Mike was still on the podcast right right right right thanks for the roast the tough love and the life changing advice if you ever need an opening act for your show Monique Latitz at your service that's great cheers Monica I love that email I'm glad you're changed for the better you know

All right. This subject line says, Madam Giselle Pellicott's case. Hey, ladies. Writing in only to suggest further commentary on Giselle Pellicott's case. Now that her husband and about 50 men have been charged, it only needs repeating that monsters like them are all around us. One thing that is surprising to me, though, that is revealing itself is that these abusers also abuse children or at least consume content with it.

For some reason in my head, I thought those things were not entirely mutually exclusive, but at least more than what is revealing itself here. I know you briefly spoke about it, but would love to hear you all deep dive into this topic again now that the charges are out and English language media has more coverage on the case now. Did you read into this case? Yeah, I talked about it on Without a Country. I mean, I didn't...

I like... I didn't like... Yeah, I mean, I didn't like... It's not my area of expertise, per se. Sure, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like... When this story came out, I was... It's such a dark story. Yeah. But it... This...

It just speaks to a type of darkness about humanity that I just try to forget, to be honest. That's tough when you read, you know, when a lot of your email inbox, not as much lately, but like just so many people have been raped. But like that in particular, like the husband and the fact that like, did you read the part where the husband's,

like, if he never got caught, he would have just kept doing it and it would have been fine and no one would have been pissed. I didn't, but, you know, what a logical response to a horrific crime. And a lot of the people... Just, I mean, it's also like you got caught. Like, why would you say that? Yeah, you're...

It's not strategically like, like one of the things they're looking for when they're sentencing you is do you show remorse or not? Like fake it, boo. Yeah. Yeah. You're not even being smart about this. I loved the hurt, the fact that she wanted her name out there to, uh, because she's like, I'm not bearing this burden. They are, they are. And they're, and they all had to be in court and they all had, they all, it seemed like they had great shame over their actions. However, you should, some of them claimed they didn't know she was passed out. I,

I don't fucking buy that for one second. The only excuse that I'm like, there is a possibility that this could be a thing where they thought that it was like a cuckold thing for the couple. Like one guy said that he thought that this was like a kink for both the man and the woman, both Giselle and her husband, that she was going to pretend to be passed out, which is a – sure, that's a sexual fantasy that couples actually enact. Sure. Only one guy had said that, but I'm like, I can't tell if you're fully convinced.

Yeah, that guy did a little bit of research online and he's like, I'm going to try to get out of this. But it's like these guys, you know how I said earlier we can hide stuff from ourselves about who we are? Sure. I feel like a lot of rapists...

hide that part of themselves to themselves. And it was interesting to me to see, like, to see what they had to say for themselves and how, like, they were, like, trembling and stuff. But I also, I was trying to write a bit about this, but it's just, it's way too dark. Maybe I'll make it work one day. But I have this theory that most men, if they knew they would never get caught and the person would never know, I think they would rape a passed out girl. I do. You think most men? I think a, yeah. I don't think most men. I'd say, like, 60%.

I don't, I don't actually think it's that much. I think, I think you're right. I mean, I think it's like, so things like that were revealed in like these, you know, these rape chat groups with like, you know, that had set, you know, the telegraph reported that it had like 70,000 members, but it was like, you know, in this rape group where people were kind of just like, yeah, that was trading rape secret secrets of the trade. Yeah. Tricks of the trade. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's a specific type of man, but I think more and more of these men exist in a world where we have less and less tools that help us communicate with each other in real life, right? So people have trouble even – Maybe that's making rape go down a little bit. No, I think it's like people have trouble even talking with each other, so they –

How can they have sex with a woman? Oh, I see what you're saying. But societally, it's still like of such a high value that, you know, you have to have sex with a woman if you're a heterosexual man. So if it's not offered to you, you must take it. Right. Yeah. They grew up with this entitlement or this like it's a power. It's rape is a is power. It's all about like taking power from somebody. Yeah.

Or at least that's what you think you're doing in your head. So it makes sense that the more powerful women get, the more men would want to rape. Yeah. And also pretty much – I would say 80 percent of my female friends were raped at one point. 80 percent? Yeah. And a lot of it wasn't like – and even – I mean look. Yeah. Yeah. I would say 80 percent of my friends. Yeah. And then they're not traumatic. It doesn't define them. It doesn't like – they don't carry it with them. I mean in the moment it was. But like yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I was like, I don't have my, I don't have a lot of them, a lot of them by a boyfriend too. A lot of them by like a boyfriend who just like wasn't, wouldn't say no when he was drunk or wouldn't take no for an answer when he was drunk. That happened a lot. Um, but yeah, no, a lot of like I could name, I would, yeah, about seven off the top of my head that were strangers. The person who raped them was a stranger. Yeah. I was like, I don't have that set for my friend group, but uh, I mean, obviously it's a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, what are the other thoughts? I mean, unfortunately, I'm also just a little bit – I hate to say it, but I'm like I'm just numb to stories like this because we've read – so it's like as surprising as it was to the rest of the world, like I wasn't as – it wasn't as surprising to me. We just had this inbox for so long. Right, right, right. It wasn't surprising to me. It was just – it was very dark. Yeah, no, it was super dark. But also to –

AOC posted a video on Instagram that I showed you earlier today that I was like, thank you. Why can't we talk like this? She goes, I'm people ask me, Madam Congresswoman, are you coming to the inauguration? No, I am not supporting a rapist or I'm not celebrating a rapist. That's where exact words. I'm like,

Yeah, and of all the things Donald Trump does and says, like, we just forgot that he's raped. Well, it makes sense for her, too, because she is herself a survivor of rape. Yeah, yeah. Makes a lot of sense for her to be able to speak out about that. But, like, rape is so common. It's so common.

And then we started talking about it finally, which is great. But then you realize, okay, now everybody's talking about it because it happens to so many people. But then there's still a numb – like the world has a numbness to it. Like we – getting – raping somebody won't prevent you from –

getting into office raping somebody won't prevent you from starring in a movie again it's got you're gonna take a little hiatus to a tropical island with all that previous movie money you made and everybody's gonna forget about it and then you can do another movie like rape doesn't stop men from anything correct why i don't know if that would ever change because i guess when men run the world then that's not if men are running things for the most part

That's not going to change. And then I was reading – Because it doesn't affect men. Rapists? Yeah. Yeah, right. And also there was a post I was reading earlier today that I found very – an interesting thought was that men don't care about standing up to men who are rapey because then they have no one to protect their wives from. It's a very out there thing, but the more I read about the author was talking, I'm like, I – it's interesting. That's an interesting thought.

Well, because, you know, because protecting is a duty that men feel like that is their men feel very connected to. It gives them purpose. Right. Sure. So if there's nothing to protect women from, then they don't feel like they have a purpose. Right. This is more like a straight. It's like, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It's very interesting. Just right. I just I would love if we took rape seriously. I would love that, too. Wouldn't that be cool? Mm hmm. Okay. Yeah.

Is this me? Yeah, sure thing.

Right.

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Hey, sluts. New listener and now forever a loyal fan. I'm writing this on a whim. I just wanted to thank you for talking about being a voice for 30 to 40-ish women. I've been on a weird as fuck struggle bus for roughly two years now. I went from divorcing my ex-husband at 21 to hitting that slut gate running through the rest of my 20s and into my 30s. Oh, that's a long run. Good for you. That's fun.

That is until things started to become extremely painful and post-coital for me. Fast forward after knocking on too many doc stores to mention, I found out I had stage four endometriosis. It was a mess that resulted in a radical hysterectomy and surgically induced menopause. I felt like a wilting flower.

After having been described as hypersexual for as long as I had been sexually active, waking up with hot flashes and zero sex drive was life-shattering to say the least. Yeah, that's got to be the wildest. And your ego takes a hit because your ego is like, wait, that's not who I am. That's not how I behave. That's got to be like a little – like you kind of have to grieve your old self in a way. I tried all the things. Finally, I found your podcast and –

the right combo of HRT, not just any podcast, but one where women my age could openly talk about sex and you don't have kids. I can't express how much it means to me. Being a Midwestern woman, I always thought having babies was my life's purpose. Oh my God, I'm so glad you found us. Listening to your last episode before the approaching new year this week, it just lifted immense weight on me.

weighted feeling of bullshit failure from my shoulders. This grief isn't gone, but it's not nearly as heavy. Thanks again. Really appreciate you more than this way long email could ever sub up. Oh, that was a short email. It was very short, actually. Don't worry about it. Well, glad you found the podcast. And I mean, you know, whether or not you want to have children, I would hope it's not your like...

soul life's purpose. I mean, if you want it to be, then sure. Yeah. But you know, that seems kind of like there's no end then. Then if you have a daughter, will that also be her life's purpose? And like, that's just it until the end of time. And if I had a kid and I thought that that kid was my life's purpose, then,

I wouldn't, don't think I'd be a good parent to that kid. Yeah, that kid's going to be suffocated. Because then I would take everything that kid does personally. No, you're my life's purpose. Right. You're not going out with Hank. That's a good point. You know, Hank lives in the Midwest. Yeah, but he's got a big dick though. Oh no. Drove eight hours to see you live and he fucked it up. Now I'm going to divorce him.

Hi, Corinne and Christine, a longtime listener from Salt Lake City. Been to all of your shows at Wise Guys. I'm going through it and turning to you for advice. I met my current husband when I was 23 and he was 34. For background, I am a first-generation Mexican immigrant. I have been working very hard my whole life. I have put myself through graduate school.

And now I have a career I love and my dream job, which I got by taking your advice of applying for the job I want, even though I was underqualified. Yes, bitch. So proud of you. We're really doing the Lord's work over here. What a success story. I love that. I love hearing, I finally dumped him or that one. I don't think we hear that.

nearly as often. I cannot, I cannot say this enough. If you, yeah, if you're sitting there kind of figuring out what you want your 2025 to look like and you, you're looking for something new in your career, please apply to a job that you are underqualified for. Anyway,

And also, what does that even mean? Anyway, with the immigrant thing comes a complicated background of overachieving, a lot of loneliness and little support from my family who is far away. Not to blame them, but when I was younger, I correlated moving far away with success. My husband, Jared, is a white male who comes from an LDS. What does that mean? Latter-day Saints? Yeah, I was like, what is that? Maybe, yeah. Supportive family. I guess that would make sense for us all. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Worked a dead-end job, went out Wednesday through Sunday, and was really at the apartment I shared with my roommate. Jared and I started talking and then hooking up. I didn't think much of it, but he wanted to get serious quick. Like most men, he didn't want to be alone. I could tell by how late he talked to...

I could wait. I could tell by how he talked about other girls he dated when we were friends. At the time, my roommate moved to Arizona and I needed a new place to live. Jared offered a rent free option, financial stability because he was older and more established. And I at 22 and without any family thought this is a good deal, at least until I finished school. But it's also a way to control you. Yep. Jared drank a lot, like a whole bottle in one seating, at which point. Yeah.

Yeah. Ooh. Jesus. At which point he was overloving and affectionate. We kept our relationship secret because of work, but one night Jared got drunk and posted a picture of us, which got him fired. Damn. Wait, was Jared your manager or something?

Hmm. He was manager, supervisor. I don't know. Jared Drake Moore sat around the house during the day while I worked full time and started paying rent and covering our bills, which I didn't mind because he had helped me. The drinking was no longer cute and fun. Yep. Drinking is really never cute or fun. Not really. I guess when you're drunk too, you think it is. I realized he had a problem and every time he drank, I didn't believe a word that he said. Hmm.

It was like a love rollercoaster of love bombing and withdrawal. Yeah, it's interesting that you say he was drunk and he was very affectionate. I've never seen that in a guy before. Really? Like usually – like the guys I know, they'll get drunk like –

they're all, they're all, their affection is sober or drunk. Like I don't, you know, no, I have friends who like guy friends who get much more like affectionate, like even just friends, not like sexual. He would cause scenes everywhere we went. It was intense and full of drama. For example, back in 2016, you went to Arizona where my ex roommate moved to, um,

We drove eight hours from Utah to Arizona to see the show. Wow. He was so drunk, he fell out of his chair, caused a scene, and walked out mid-show. Oh, that's terrible. I have no recollection of that, though. I mean, that's happened a bunch. Yeah. At the end of the show, I found him talking to a dumb bitch outside. I literally told her...

To just walk away before I hit her because she kept telling me how nice he was and how much he loved me. That night was crazy. This does sound like one of our shows. This is an accurate review. This sounds exactly. This is exactly why. Also, my head really made me tired. And my comedic head, you're punching her because she said the craziest thing she said was that he loved you. Yeah, it's really funny. You fucking know he does it.

We drove home in complete silence the next day. Oh, my God. Eight hours? That's a long time. That's so much tension. I don't think I can handle that. And that happened many times through the years. He always comes back and gives a speech on how he's going to fix it, eliminate it, reduce it, etc. Reduce it? They ain't reducing. There's no reducing there.

Gotcha. Gotcha.

which his parents rescued him from. Ooh, gross. Many angry scenes at bars. He's put me in a lot of bad situations. I can say I am no longer in love with him. From all the ups and downs, every time that he fucks up, I detach from him more and more. You get turned off. I know that if I work on building trust, he will eventually break it. And I love him because aside from...

the underlying issues of binge drinking, him and I have built some cool things together. We give our child a great life. We work well as partners when it comes to life responsibilities. We divide all adult responsibilities and I don't have to act like I am his mother or carry all the mental load as many of my friends do for their husbands. He really adds to my life in a way that makes my life easier, like in a practical sense, but it's the alcohol. He cannot be without the alcohol. Jared has been going to therapy for over a year in which he completely

quit I felt like my life took a 180 degree turn for the better there was no reason to argue I wasn't anxious or worried about what would happen if we went somewhere together it was just normal and after so many years of grinding it out and finally having a comfortable life I really wanted normal

But in the last couple of months, he reintroduced alcohol into his life. That's probably the wording he used. Yeah. And you guessed it. It all went to shit again. Shit. The last drop for me is that last Friday, I went to a Christmas celebration with people from my MMA gym. I have expressed to him before that I don't love hanging out with them because most of them are significantly younger and I don't have much in common with them. But it doesn't mean that I hate them or dislike them. Sure. So I said I was going to meet them at the bar for a little while and didn't want to stay out too late. Yeah.

I did specifically say I should be back by 1030. The bar that we went to has a burlesque show that started at 10. So naturally, I stayed to watch. By the time I ordered my last drink, I was getting ready to go. My phone said 1040. I texted him to let him know. Oops, I'm already late from the time I originally said. So he texted me back with anger. He hopes it was worth it and that he hopes that I got all the validation I needed from the young people and crazy shit.

I ran home because I was livid. I was extremely furious when I found him passed out drunk in bed. He was so drunk. He just wanted to start shit. I woke him up and we started arguing. It was a really bad argument. I saw red. I grabbed his phone and threw it at him. He towered over me. I yelled back. I told him I would go sleep somewhere else and locked myself in a bedroom. He threatened to call the police if I didn't open the door. What? I opened the door, but in his drunkenness, he accidentally actually dialed 9-1-1.

I slapped him and I told him to not threaten me that I am a whole ass adult and I don't have a curfew and I wasn't scared of him. The dispatcher heard that. He assured them that it was a false call. The police still showed up at the house. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, once you dial, they come. And that was it. I'm, uh,

I'm 31 now and I don't want to spend the next 10 years of my life in this rule coaster being in situations that put my livelihood in danger. But leaving him means losing my financial stability, disturbing my son's life and starting over. And that sucks. I love my home. Well, it seems like you're kind of starting over a lot of times every time he gives up. I was going to say it takes it back. He didn't even have a job for a long time. So you started new then. Yeah. And that sucks. I love my home. I love my luxury car. I love all the vain things I get to have.

I don't. Yeah. Yeah. But my God, the not having the stress of is my boyfriend going to, or my husband going to be fucked up when I come home or is it going to be normal? Like to never have to deal with that again. Could you imagine that? Yeah. Could you imagine that? I don't want to take my son away from his dad. So moving close to his family is not an option.

I was about to co-sign on a home with my mom in Texas, which was a life dream of mine. I've thought about staying long enough to be able to do that, but that's what I've done all these years. I waited for the right moment or waited until I'm ready. I told him I wanted a divorce. I told him I wanted to do everything I could to keep my son's life comfortable and co-parent with him. And

And even though I believe in myself, I am extremely scared. Sure. I am currently staying in the basement and he's in the upstairs floor. Am I doing the right thing? Should I wait until I buy the home? I mean, you got to this guy's an alcoholic. You got to leave. You got to go.

you got to go. And like, I know you said your son's not changing young to notice. And I mean, the autism like might affect like, you know, that a little bit, but he's seven. And if he doesn't notice already, he'll be noticing soon. And I know that you don't want to take your son away from your dad. And I'm not saying that you should, but I also like, don't feel comfortable with like him, like,

Like he's gotten two DUIs. Like I don't – this doesn't really seem like – I would never want him driving my kid anywhere ever. Yeah. Even if you're sober. I don't care. Like obviously relapsing is something that's way too easy for him. And I don't even think he would have categorized that as a relapse. He said he wanted to reintroduce alcohol into his life. That means like –

He just willingly decided to start drinking again, knowing he can't control himself. Yeah. I mean, again, I not to play. I mean, this guy, I think I would. I think I would say you can't like take him to court and be like, you can't see your son until you get sober again, like until you have X amount of days of sobriety.

Yeah, I, I, I'm sure like the way you explain his alcoholism is, and I'm not blaming it at all, but I think, you know, also can be part of the reason why it went on for so long. Like, Oh, he's like, it's been drinking. It's like only like in certain times, like, no, he's a fuck. You're, you're an alcoholic or you're not an alcoholic. He's an alcoholic. You drink every day. And even though he, like, I understand he is not like mean to your son. Right. But just like the fact that he is an alcoholic is,

to affect how he is as a parent. There's no way it cannot. Alcoholism is an addiction. It's all encompassing, right? And he could be fun. He could be kind. He could be all these things and an alcoholic. But it's definitely negatively affecting his parenting. There's no possible way that it isn't. And beyond that, it's certainly putting your son in danger.

Yeah. Physical danger. And your emotional health has been to shit whenever he's drinking. So yeah, you're going to feel so much better without this person. Can you take your son and stay with your mom for a while? Six months or something like that. See how that goes. I would try that. But you're not making the right decision.

You're making the right choice. It's just hard. Yeah, I don't know if like your son's in like a specialty school or something, you know. And also too, like change is scary. I think that's a universal fact of life that I think it's good to just have a reminder of because a lot of times when we feel scared, we mistake that as a sign that we should turn back or do what we were doing and not do the new thing. Don't – just remind yourself. That's okay. Doing something really good for yourself can still feel very scary.

Did I just read the name? That was me. It was you? Okay. Toxic crush ruining my peace. Ladies, I really need your perspective as I have no friends, only podcasts, parasocial relationships. Love it. Okay. Well, I would fix that first. I have three kids and work full time. Okay. Well, that's why. I have three kids and work full time. So sad or not, I have pretty much zero time for any adult friendships. Happy to help.

Sorry this is so long. I emailed a few months back about a pretty much just sexual crush I had on my new boss. Well, cut to now that I've been working with him for a year.

And I essentially have to hurt my own feelings every day. I work with him to get the thoughts out of my mind. And when he's not there, I am legit sad. He is such a direct and honest person, but also a source of chaos in the best way as in kind of a prankster, but not malicious. That's not a source of chaos. Oh, I love it. Chaos in your pants. Love a prankster.

I enjoy. That's just so funny because I'm like, I can't think of anything more just irritating. Depends on the prank. Yeah, I'm not really like I love it's so funny because like Impractical Joker is literally my favorite show, but I'm like, I don't I'm not really pranked in your everyday life. Yeah. Yeah. I don't time and place for prank. I don't really want a lot of pranks happening in my real life.

You go home and there's just, you go to pee and there's just saran wrap on your toilet. No, like, like for me, like life in and of itself is a prank. It is a hundred percent. I'm good with that. Um, I enjoy the way he gets pleasure out of drawn out jokes and unaggressive conflict. He's not perfect, but I can't find one thing. I don't at least respect about him. No, it can wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, girl.

You're doing the thing that I do. And because it's, I'm not, I don't know who this guy is. I have no feelings for him. I could finally point it out. You are putting this guy on a pedestal who, and he does not deserve it. Stop. Stop. Takes one to know one, bitch. I do that all the time. We're all horny for the office prinks. Said only you, dude. Oh, Gary's at it again. Gary. Gary. But of course, someone like that is married. Of course. Everyone, you know,

know what when i when the when the therapist said what are you looking for in a man i said number one prankster i said you know what number two married number three chaos but not too bad prankster but of course someone like that is me this is just the but you really like this guy too much of course is really sending me into stitches but of course but of course someone like this is married no that's literally only you think that

He wasn't a hot commodity, girl. But of course. Sorry. To you he is. You know, adult women, we love pranks.

But of course, someone that is married and I am in a long-term commitment that it's essentially a marriage, 15 plus years together, no wedding, mostly because of the no friends thing and tax reasons. No friends thing? Well, tax reasons, you should get married. Yeah, you would get. That's better. Wait, 15? Did you get tricked? I think you got pranked. Oh, no. I think you got pranked. She loves getting pranked.

Yeah, but you didn't know about this prank. With the husband just saying, no, for tax reasons, we should not get married. Yeah, because if so, that's a prank. Yeah, because there's tax breaks for getting married. That's one of the main reasons to get married. Sadly, I don't know that. But mostly because of the no friends thing. What's the no friends thing? Well, she said above that she's so busy that she doesn't have friends. Oh, that's why you wouldn't get married? I guess the wedding was only for friends.

You don't have any friends? Yeah. I have some friends. That's why you like this fucking prankster guy. Yeah. You don't have any friends. You don't understand what like a nice relationship. He's a bunch of friends mashed up into one. Yeah. So there's no chance of anything happening without fucking up a lot of lives, which I'm not about. I do love my partner, but it does come with a lot of baggage being together so long. Sure.

Sounds exciting. Sounds boring as shit, dude. I'm going to jump up.

Anyway, I have to remind myself every day of all these things, plus the fact that he would probably never even consider touching me, let alone be with me. I mean, in the hypothetical world where we both our spouses die. Die. How about divorce? Die. Why'd you go to death? I think you really you really want to fuck this prankster.

And I could consider another relationship without the ruining lives angle. At least I don't think he would. I honestly cannot tell if he actually likes me or if he is just unnaturally good at making people feel that way. Some are. Some are. For sure. Some are. Yeah. We get along so well as coworkers, but also have a lot in common, but also a yin-yang type of difference. Are you 12? Yeah.

X, I get extreme example. I get extremely loud at times and he is half deaf. So it never affects him. So now it's not yin and yang.

That's I talk loud and he can't hear so it doesn't bother him. Is she pranking us? He's a prankster. He's married and now we learned that he's half deaf. This is the guy that you can't... I don't think you guys can... How well could you know each other if he can't hear you? She's so wet she can't even contain herself over this guy. I think you just want something exciting in your life. And girl, who doesn't? But the prankster? Go to a strip club. I don't know. Do something more...

Let me tell you a little bit about Gary. More adventurous. He's half deaf. He's married. He loves pranking people at the office. Guys, he loves pranks. The pranks of it. Honestly, I can't get over the prank part. That's so funny to me. He doesn't cringe when I talk loud because he can't hear it. He's got so many whoopee cushions. He loves whoopee cushions.

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Start shopping at thrivemarket.com slash podcast for 30% off your first order and a free gift. I so want to know how he feels about me. Just to know if I am imagining chemistry that isn't there. Oh, yeah. Do we have a tarot deck in the studio? You know what? We should. But there's no appropriate way to find out. Oh, there's an appropriate way to find out. It's called a tarot deck. Or divining rods, bitch. You ever heard of them? Ooh.

Okay. Ever heard of that's the ultimate prank. Um, yet all these things don't take the feelings and thoughts away. It's not a healthy way to be me in my journal writing at 12 when I was in love with Mr. O'Brien. Yeah, but I've never been happier at my job. So it's kind of a conundrum. I'm also a bit of a blabber mouth. You sound like a real treat to a loud blabber mouth. So I'm going to tell your secrets and I'm going to tell them to everybody. Hey, I want to fuck you, but we're both married, huh?

And I'm terrified I'm going to blurt out how I feel in a completely unintentional way. It's going to be awkward. It's really – this is like – it's like you're ready to burst here. You have a lot of tension. You see, this is why you need friends. Yeah. You've got to get this out to your friends. Yeah. And that's a two-way street. We listen to podcasts. That's a one-way street. Yeah. It's going to be awkward and it's 50-50 whether he just fires me on the spot or not. Yeah.

He's your boss? Apparently. The prankster's your boss. The prankster's the boss. I don't think I can even quit with how the job market is right now, but this is killing me daily. Killing you daily? I want to be...

Wow. You know what? You're making me feel less dramatic and for that I really appreciate it. I want to know what she does for a living. I want to be able to work next to him without having to remind myself to stop imagining scenarios that cannot ever happen. And that if he was going to cheat on his wife, it would never be with me. You're totally going to fuck this guy. And other mean things that I say to myself that I will spare you. Well, don't say mean things to yourself.

Because it's not working. I mean, the idea that I just had was very bad. So please, just point it. I mean, I was like, put together a really hot dating profile and then see if he's on it and then start a relationship with him. Or you can just, if he has social media, you don't even need to go on a dating profile. Fake Insta. Just start a full Finsta. So first you got to find out if he's a cheater and then find out if he'll lower his standards. Yeah.

Because, you know, start with a hot chick and then, you know, just kind of see. Yeah. I mean, also, who knows what you look like? I don't know what you look like. You're like talking about yourself like you're not. Like it's like crazy that this half-deaf prankster who's married would go for it. And I'm like, how bad are you? I'm kidding.

I really wish you'd attached a pic because now I'm genuinely curious. Are you an oddity? Like what's happening? Right. So please just point me in a direction or something. I have no idea what to do except like you're definitely kooky. Yeah. Which I love. That's good for you, girl. Except go through every day with pure mental anguish about something so silly.

Okay. I mean, like I, I understand, like, I feel like crushes for me, I create them in, you know, spaces where I'm kind of like bored sometimes to keep me focused. Cause I feel like it's like, it keeps you showing up as your best self. Yeah. The energy can be positive. A crush gives you energy. That is really good. Yeah. Really good. Yeah. Also you're with this, you're with your boyfriend, not husband. Uh, yeah.

If the tax thing was his idea, get a friend and talk about that. Yeah. Because that's weird. That's weird. Because literally getting married, people get married to save money on taxes. Yeah. I don't know why you're not married. Unless maybe he's got a lot of debts or went bankrupt or something and then you inherit that. So maybe that's a thing. I don't know. Yeah. Like what were the other reasons? But your life is kind of boring.

Well, you have three kids though, so it's not that boring. Well, I know kids are kind of boring because they don't want to do like adult stuff. But I mean your life is like boring for you. So there's not much happening in your life that excites you except this prankster at work and the feelings that he gives you. The feeling of a crush is so powerful and –

I know I can fan the flames of a crush in my head and I can kind of, it's like I have a joystick internally where I can rev up the crush I have on somebody or I can completely make it go away. I have like complete control over that, which is nice. And it seems like your crush has been revved up with every day that you go into

to work because this is the most exciting part of your life right now. So I would say make something else the most exciting part of your life and then you forget all about Gary and you won't cheat on your boyfriend. Yeah. Do that. And he won't cheat on his wife. Yeah. I think that's a pretty good idea. Yeah. Or just like force yourself to take the – get the ick. Oh, yeah. That – no, I can't. I want to read later. Okay. My dad's speech at my wedding was about my brother's birth.

Perfect. Hi, Corinne, Christina, and Eric. Canadian luminary fucker here. You said you wanted cringy wedding stories, so here you go. I married five years ago, and unfortunately, the subject of this email is completely accurate. My parents have been divorced since I was eight years old, and my brother was five. It was messy, and my childhood and teenage years were full of petty arguments, snide comments, anger, and so much bitterness. That sucks. You would think after they get divorced, it's like over.

That's terrible.

That's beautiful. Oh, he healed. I love that. Oh, no. Your mom's going to get sick. I don't want that for her. I feel like that happens a lot with women. I hate that. Your mom got to move on. That sucks. That really sucks.

Fast forward to my wedding. I was 33 and was still nervous about having both sides of the family in one venue. My dad is historically a great public speaker. So when he asked if he could make a speech at the reception, I said yes without hesitation. He pulled me aside the day before the wedding and asked if it would be all right if he mentioned my mom in his speech. He said because she wasn't giving her own speech, he wanted her to be included. I thought that was so lovely. What a thoughtful gesture. If I had only known. Uh-oh.

He started the speech out with a quick mention of me and my husband and then took an abrupt turn and morphed into this personal, long-awaited, and very thorough apology to my mom. That's so sweet, but so not the time. No. Oh, fuck. No. Damn, that's tough. This is cringy. Oh, God. The atmosphere in the room shifted.

These are the moments I love at weddings when it's not my family. It wasn't even about giving birth to me, the bride.

This is hilarious. What a prankster. Nope. It was about giving birth to my little brother. The labor, the C-section. Pretty sure he mentioned something about her pelvis. It was wild. Oh, I wish you, I hope you have a tape of this. I hope so too. The whole room was silent and uncomfortable. This is so good. Hands were covering, dropped to jaws. Eyes were wide. My husband and I were in shock.

Then to conclude this epic apology slash birthing story, my dad gestured towards my mom at the other end of the room. Everyone turned to look at her. By this point, she had been drinking for several hours, which generally brings out the bitterness and erodes her filter. Instinctually, I leaned over to hide behind my husband. I honestly expected her to yell, fuck you. Instead, she raised her glass and took a bow. Nice. I don't think I've ever been more proud of her.

Five years later, my friends still talk about that speech as one of the cringiest, most awkward few minutes they have ever experienced. My dad has no idea. Oh, my God. Even still? Oh, he really needed that. Wow, he really needed that moment with her. Yeah. I've never said anything to him because he believes he made this heartfelt, noble gesture, and I don't want to rip that away from him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. It happened. It already happened. His intentions were good. Yeah.

My mom never talks about her feelings or brings up heavy topics, so it's hard to say if she has just added it to her pile of suppressed anger or if she was just too drunk to remember. I have attached a few wedding photos, including one of my parents walking me down the aisle. I also have a couple photos of our rescue puff, Rufus. He's very cute. Send all my love to Kevin and Alfred. Oh, it didn't work. Okay. Well, I'll show you the pics later.

They were great. The Wizard of Bras. Dear Corinna Christina, I listened to the bonus episode and wanted to give my experience with having a breast reduction and how it changed my life.

Also, I've been listening to you guys since I was 14 in 2014. Oh my God, you're our daughter. Aw. I'm 24 now and I've carried your advice and wisdom with me through life and dating. You are our daughter. So having gigantic boobs at a very young age gave me a lot of trauma and body image issues. Big boobs run on both sides of my family so I have had big boobs my entire life. At 11, I had a big boob

I was a 34 triple D. No, girl. And by 14, I was a 34 H. Oh, girl. I'm so sorry. I would wear two. Dude, that makes men sexualize you. It's so fucking disgusting. Tall. Tall. I don't know how tall she is. It doesn't matter. I know a lot of short girls with big, yeah. I'm just saying it'd give you back problems if you're tall. Yeah.

I would wear two sports bras to school every day just to bind my boobs. I developed slight scoliosis and was always trying not to shrug due to the weight. It was hard to feel like a normal middle schooler when you have the biggest boobs in school. Dude, the girl with the biggest boobs in school has the worst time. I hated the way boys made me feel about them. I was motorboated when I was 12 by a boy during PE class. I would murder.

murder boat him. And then the next year, another boy would constantly call me Tig O'Biddy's and push me into a bathroom and ask to see my boobs. Okay, there's like a lot of assaulters in your school. My name was Big Deez McGee, but it was from a gay guy who, and it was

So that sounds terribly traumatizing. It was humiliating, especially because my chest looked nothing like the other girls my age. I had to get bras custom made at a store for grandmas called The Wizard of Bras. That's hilarious. Hilarious. I don't know if you're a TV writer, but that's a great show idea. The bras were like $80 a piece and they were never cute. Not even kidding. My great grandmother shopped there. LOL. No.

Oh, girl. My parents banned me from wearing a bikini, which made me feel even more ashamed of them. Fuck them. Yeah. You had to fucking deal with it. Not all the gross people around you looking. Oh, that's terrible. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Like that's often how adults react. It's like the person, the onus is on the person with the body instead of the people reacting to the person with the body, which is extremely unfair. Yeah.

I developed terrible body image issues and an eating disorder that lasted for over a decade. I finally had my breast reduction at age 22 and went from an H cup to a full D. Good for you. I currently live in D.C., so I went to doctor at GW Hospital, Dr. Choa. The surgery completely changed my life. Immediately after, I felt more confident and more comfortable in my own skin. And, girl, I bet you could run way better. Oh, my.

God. I no longer feel like my boobs are swallowing the rest of my body and it's easier to run. Knew it. Something no one tells you about though is how many women get two brush reductions because they can grow back. No. Ew. What? Mine didn't even grow once. I know. And they're going twice. Are you out of your mind?

The more you know. Sorry, girl. Wow. If you have genetically bigger breasts like myself, they usually don't stay the same size about two years after the procedure. I am now an F cup, which sucks. I'm losing some weight so they can hopefully go down to a triple D. The original person who emailed you guys about this said that the surgery was only $10,000, which is false.

Maybe they were in another country. I don't know. I forget the year. Yeah, I mean, it's a different price depending on what city you live in, depending on what state you live in, what country. So many factors. When I saw how much my insurance covered for mine, they covered $30,000. Well, okay. No, no, no, no, no. But also, so this is incorrect. So...

There's a difference. They give you a different price if you're paying out of pocket or if you're paying insurance. Correct. So when they bill your insurance, they overbill your insurance. Correct. And then the insurance company negotiates with the hospital for how much they actually pay. Literally. So you can't look at the billed insurance cost. That is not the actual cost. Corinne and I went to the same ER two separate times. I did not have insurance. Corinne did have insurance. And she got charged more than me.

Cause I didn't have insurance. Remember my eye thing and your kidney stone thing. I remember he told me about the bill. I'm like, what the fuck? So if I had insurance, I'd pay more. Fuck you. Oh yeah. It's crazy. So they do price you totally different. Yeah. Um, I paid $5,000 out of pocket. The recovery wasn't super bad, especially because they gave me Oxy. So I was chilling. Hey, you just have to sleep in an upright position for two weeks. So I purchased a pregnancy pillow to help me do that. I would say that smaller boobs tend to appeal to women, um,

with larger breasts due to more clothing options, reduced pain, better body image, and men being annoying and weird about them. But the grass is always greener because I know tons of smaller, chusted women who say they want my boobs, but I tell them, no, they do not. Thanks for reading this. Yeah, I mean, like I joke a lot about having no boobs, but I actually quite like them. Yeah, because you can run. That's pretty sick. And also they're perky.

Yeah, I just like them. I think they look good. It's literally just bigger boobs, I think, are like look, but clothing is built for them. And like, I mean, you look thinner. But then I was like, oh, I could also just, you know, not eat Taco Bell five times a week. That also would help. That also would help. Haven't heard from my best friend since July 2024. I don't know what to do.

Hello, ladies. I'll save the pleasantries for the end. Let's get into it. Please don't use my name. I've included one fake name for the story. For some context, I'm 25 from a mid-sized town in Georgia. I have done some moving around, but I live pretty close to my hometown these days. When I was in high school, I met one of my best friends. We will call her Casey. Casey and I clicked immediately and have stayed very good friends into adulthood. We've been on vacations. The very first person each other called after a breakup, watched each other graduate high school and go through college. We've been on a lot of

celebrated promotions and grew into young successful adults together. Even as the chaos of adult life took over our schedules, we kept in touch and saw each other at least once a month. In July of 2024, I had my 25th birthday dinner. I invited three people and Casey was one of them. I was so happy she could make it because I know she has a lot going on. She is also the type of friend that takes weeks to reply, but she's also a great friend.

Whoa. So the time – maybe she has kids. So the time we spent in person was even more important. We never ran out of stuff to talk about. I never really minded her long responses sometimes because she's always been like that. And I know she's very busy. But after many unreturned calls –

I don't know what to think.

Also, on Instagram, it says if the person read the message or not. Yeah. Well, that's an option. You could say you could send read receipts or not. Really? I was like, all mine. Instagram options change for everybody, and they go away and come back, and it's so fucking annoying. But that was an option on mine before. Oh, because I was like, oh, I can tell. And I want people to know. If I've read it, I want people to know because— I can tell every single person if they read my message or not. Oh, really? Mm-hmm.

She had recently moved and I can't find her new address. Otherwise, I would have driven down there by now. I haven't seen any police reports or posts or mutual friends or family about a death. Oh, my God. Jesus. The alternative to something bad happening is she could just not want to talk to me, but that doesn't make any sense either. Right. You didn't have a fight or anything, although sometimes you don't need to stop talking. Our friendship was strong and I cannot think of any reason she would decide to completely cut me off.

If you're cutting off a 10-plus year friendship, I'm sure the other person would have some kind of idea why. That's true. Also, like has she acted like this in the past? It doesn't seem like it. It seems like this is very peculiar behavior for her. I've had conversations with my other friends and none of us can think of what would make sense – what would make her choose to completely cut me off. Oh, wait. So are these friends mutual then? Do they know that she's alive? That's an important question. Yeah.

If she lost her phone or something, I don't see why she hasn't reached out on social media. I miss Casey so much. There has been so many times I've just wanted to talk to her in the past six months, and I hope every day she is okay. That is bizarre. That's bizarre. She is the one who introduced me to this podcast. I'm pretty confident she would know this is about her. Casey, if you're listening, I love you, and I miss you, and I hope everything is okay. Yeah, Casey. I mean, I don't know if it's not your real name, but call your friend. You good? I mean, unless she did something, but...

If there's anything else you ladies suggest, I try to reach out. At the same time, she was in a PhD program and working at the school. Like I said, she had recently moved and I'd only been to her new apartment once. How do I cope with this if I never hear from her again? I don't know if this is an intentional friendship breakup or an actual friendship death. If she...

This doesn't make sense. I don't know. I need more context. Thank you for anything you can offer me on the subject. Thank you for everything you've taught me and all the other listeners with your content. And then some really nice praises. Okay, so this is peculiar. You said the last time you heard from her was your birthday dinner. Like, were you sober? Is there something you could be missing that happened that went down at the birthday dinner? Because, you know, birthdays, you know, high intensity. 25.

And but you have mutual friends because this is how we get an answer. It doesn't seem like because you said you asked your friends what you should do. I don't think those friends are also friends with Casey. Yeah, this is also like not normal behavior, especially for like a young person. A 25 year old. Yeah. Disappear into the ether. Obviously, she's working on a Ph.D. I understand that takes up a lot of your time. But still, you have especially if it's a girl, she's got to keep in touch with her friends. Like that's that is strange. Do you don't know her parents? Have you been friends with her for 10 over 10 years?

And you, I mean, like, do you have an idea of where she lives? Like, you don't know, you don't have her exact address, but like, do you have an, I'm like hire, I don't know, hire a private investigator. And you said you tried to text her and she just doesn't. So she didn't block you then if you could still call. Well, no. Do you know if people blocked your phone number? Can you tell? Well, if you have, it depends if like if you have an iPhone. Yeah. And it goes green. Right, right, right. So I don't know if you both have iPhones. Yeah.

I'm curious if her iPhone when you texted her went green or not or it was still blue because then she didn't block you. You can leave – if someone blocked you, you can still leave a voicemail and it just goes to another inbox but they have to know that that inbox exists. Right. But why would you block her? I don't know. What the fuck could she have – that's the thing. I mean I know. Look, people hide stuff from themselves. So there could be some type of thing about you that is –

Is she worthy of not talking to you anymore? I don't know. But I mean, I don't get a clue from this email. Yeah. And I mean, she could I mean, she could have, you know, my one of my thoughts was like, did she like go into a deep depression? Is she having some kind of a mental health crisis? Yeah. Because sometimes with that, you just feel like a burden and you don't talk to anybody. That that could be it. That could be it.

Yeah, I mean like – okay, so like you're like, oh, I might never talk to her again. Like no, you got to look for her a little harder. Yeah, I would say – wait, where does she live? How far away is she from you did you say? You live in a small town in Georgia. One of my best friends. Okay, pretty close to my home down. Okay. Okay, yeah. Go to her –

Go to her work, maybe? Put up missing posters where she lives. I mean, I don't know. That is weird. That's very strange behavior. But you got to... Yeah, I don't understand how you can be this close friends with someone and, like, have such a limited options on how to contact them. Yeah. I mean, I know somebody you can totally dodge social media, which, good for you. But, yeah, I don't know. I hope you find her. Casey, if you're listening, I know that's not your real name, but, like, your friend wants to talk to you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I've never had a friend disappear like that. I mean, I stopped talking to my friend. I didn't tell her, though. When you cut people off, do you have to tell them? No. I mean, you do whatever you want. No, I've cut people off and didn't tell them. They figured it out, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

Guys, if you want to email us at sorryaboutlastnightshow at gmail.com, send us your stories. We're still taking music submissions for the podcast, all the music you hear. It has been created by a listener like you. So you can continue to send your streaming songs only if you are the artist. So whoever is the artist has to email us because we need them to sign stuff or to agree.

Send us streaming links to sorryaboutlessnightshow at gmail.com. I'll forward that along to Eric. Yeah, keep sending us your wedding cringe stories. Do we want to look for another category of story? I was thinking about that. I love wedding cringe. Do you have any suggestions, Eric? Anything you want to hear about? Really putting me on the spot. Use that brain of yours. It's getting worse. It's getting worse? You're still in your 20s. Yeah, I feel like it's getting worse.

Why? Eric is the sickest. You drink spirulina in your smoothies. I know. I've been trying to be healthy. I just feel like I'm getting slower. Well – Do you still have abs? Yeah. That's all that matters now.

Also, too, sleep. I'm getting slower. One of the best things for your cognitive stuff is sleep. I've also really... Do you get sleep? You just ignored that. No, I've been sleeping. I did not sleep very well this weekend at all. Men don't need as much. Really? Especially not in their 20s. Women need like two hours more than men. I did two...

Two and a half hour sessions of sleeping last night. What did you what? You did sessions? This is not the gym. It's not leg day, Eric. I slept for like two and a half hours and I went to the airport and I slept for like two and a half hours. Yeah, so that would make you slow. Yeah, yeah, that and then I've also been – There's not enough spirulina in the world to fix that. You've got to sleep. I've also been weaning off the nicotine. I've been – a lot less. I think that's been –

Oh, yeah. You guys don't know this, but Eric's a little addict. What is that thing that you do called? The Zins. The Zins. Zins. He's a Zin addict. And what does the Zin do? I enabled him, though.

Yeah. I had access to some free generic zin at the other podcast studio that I work at and I hoarded it and delivered it to him like a drug mule. Oh, cute. It was great. No HR here. Blueberry flavored. It was great. Oh, that sounds delightful. And it gives you like a tobacco high? It gives you – honestly, it's like it just makes you feel focused and a little bit sweaty.

So it's like Adderall? That whole boy group loves Zins. I replaced Adderall with Zins just over a year ago. Wow. And then... Dr. Eric. Yeah, exactly. Dr. Freddy. Yeah.

paging dr freddie insurance now paging dr freddie i'm just trying to wear my uh blood vessels down evenly oh my god yeah yeah absolutely well you gotta get sleep boo but is there a topic you want to hear about uh i like hearing i like dumb shit guys say but i mean that's all of our emails so yeah i just never get that never gets old to me uh i don't know i've been having a

A lot of strange dreams lately. Do we have strange dreams in it? No, it's not interesting. People don't care about that. Like a sex dream. Sure, sex dreams. Oh, I had a sex dream last night. Has a sex dream ever – yeah, I would like to hear if a sex dream has ever affected the way negatively or positively that someone felt about someone in their real life. Oh, yeah. Me. I mean me too, James Gandolfini. Oh, that sucks. He's hot though. I don't got to have a sex dream about him. I was 0% attracted to him before the sex dream happened.

very attracted to him after the sex dream crazy that a sex dream about somebody that you are not attracted to can just totally make you want to bang them i was gaslit in my own dream yeah by yourself by myself yeah by my subconscious um what was your i had a dream i was talking to to jenny earlier today at your apartment i'm like i had i had sex in my dream last night with someone you know i don't know oh i have no idea but it was great i'm pretty sure i had an orgasm too

That's happened to me before. Like you had an orgasm in your real life? Like it's a very visceral remembering. Yeah. Guys do that. I've never even had a wet dream before. Really? O-Town. Something's wrong with you. Are you familiar with the band O-Town, Eric? O-Town, no. Okay, so they had a song called Liquid Dreams. Wait, hold on. Let me read you the lyrics.

Oh, wow. This seems right up your alley. Don't look up the lyrics yourself. I'm looking at the pictures. Right, it seems right up our alley? Posters of love surrounding me, lost in a world of fantasy. Every night she comes to me and gives me all the love I need. Now this hot girl, hot. She's not your average girl. She's a morphorotic dream. What the fuck is that word? Maybe it's like morphorotic? Yeah.

Is there a typo? From a magazine. They don't even know what that word means. Why are O-Town using that word? What does that mean? I Googled it and said it's not a word. However, morphotic is an adjective that is relating to metamorphosis. I don't think that. I think whoever wrote these lyrics is wrong. And she's so fine. Dang. Designed to blow your mind. Designed? What is this? AI? She's a dominatrix supermodel beauty queen. Yeah, those fucking exist.

I dreamed about a girl who's a mix to Destiny's Child with a little touch of Madonna's Wild Style with Janet Jackson's smile. You remember this song, Eric? I've never heard this. Throw in a body like Jennifer's. Which one? There's so many. You've got the star of my liquid dream. I think at that time it was probably Jennifer Love Hewitt.

She was known for her body. Oh, yeah. Her big titties. Angelina Jolie's lips to kiss in the dark. This is so gross. Underneath Cindy C's beauty mark when it comes to the test. Well, Tyra's the best. And Salma Hayek brings the rest. It's so funny because some of these people are still so relevant and some of them are still not relevant at all. Or you would not be talking about them in a positive light. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Salma Hayek's still bringing it. Oh, Salma Hayek's so hot.

Like stupid hot. But there – I was telling you about this article. I found it so interesting. Like decentering men – women are decentering men in all these areas of their lives, which really seems to bring them much more joy and happiness. Oh my god. So cool. That's why I've said before on the show, I'm like if I was a lesbian –

instantly a lot of stress I carry day to day would just evaporate because I do internalize the male gay. I just do. Like I don't want to but I do. And so it was about how like women are wearing like just baggy shit, weird shit, whatever. They just want to feel fun and cool and be comfortable in their own clothing. I'm like that's really –

I love that for you and I'm going to start doing that. Oh, can I pose a positive question to the listeners? Okay, nevermind. No, no, I need to know what it is. Oh, it was just, uh, I guess since the new year just started, what are some of the things that you're doing to take care of yourselves in a way? Yeah, you're, you're, you're, you're,

He's trying to – he loves the bro wellness genre. Yeah. Well, you know what? There needs to be more bros that care about wellness. Your brain don't work yet but – Yeah, I'm trying to – You're trying. You are trying. Eric, you're trying to do all these other things and literally there's a very simple and clear answer and that is to sleep consecutively and properly. I really try.

No, there's no trying and sleeping. There's doing or not doing. Yeah, okay, Yoda. That's actually good advice. Yeah. You don't try to sleep. You either sleep or you don't. Yeah, whatever you have, like the setup you have, whatever your before bed routine is, it all needs to be adjusted. My leading up to bed routine is immaculate. Only dim lighting. Only dim lighting for like three hours, the last three hours of my day.

And then I have like a little calming music and then I walk slow. I do this thing where I walk slow. It slows down my nervous system. Like I actually move like I'm in slow motion. It's kind of fun. This is hilarious. That's exactly the kind of thing that I was curious about. Mine is literally turn off the lights and then fall asleep within five minutes. Really? Yeah. I could fall asleep. I could fall asleep right now in three minutes. You're such a guy. I'm always. That's a guy thing I feel. I'm always ready to sleep. Colin was telling me, he's like, fall asleep. Just like sit up and fall asleep. Because the other day before our call, I was like,

I know if I take a nap, I'm going to be down. So I just have to stay up. And he goes, just take a nap sitting up. I'm like, I can't do that. I can't fall asleep sitting up. See, if I want to take a nap in the middle of the day but I don't want to sleep too long, sitting up isn't interesting. I take a nap with the lights on. That's for me the difference between going to sleep and taking a nap. I never fully turn the lights off for a nap because then you're going to get too deep into it. Wise, wise, wise. Yeah. I love sleep. It's the best. I can sleep for 12 hours.

Yeah. No, sleep rules. No, I can sleep well. I can go to sleep. But my problem is I get distracted before I go to sleep. And then it'll be like I'm going to go to bed at 12. And then next thing I know, it's 3 in the morning. What are you doing? Are you on the phone? Scrolling? That blue light. Sometimes I'm scrolling. Sometimes I'm like, oh, I have an idea for –

thing and i'd get a big artist over here don't get on your computer get a notebook or it's like i start cleaning and then i realize that's me that's my mo i just get distracted with things or it's like i'll be i have like film equipment i'll be like mess i'll be like oh i should just clean all my cameras right now at two in the morning bad timing what you gotta stop doing zins at night i'm not i'm really easing off i've been just on the weekends before i do stand up

Oh, okay. Oh, that's great. That's good. I feel like that feels healthy. I only use Zyn before I do stand-up. Does the Zyn make your stand-up better? It's like a focus thing. Well, yeah, but the nerves for stand-up make you focus too. So you can probably – when you cut it off, you'll be fine. I don't really get nervous. Okay.

Well, like, you know, just like not nerves, but like, you know, that heightened state of like I'm about to perform. I want to be good. I feel like everything that I've said is kind of upset Corinne in the last. I just didn't add anything to the show. Damn. I'll see you. No, I like. No, that's why I like you, Eric. You're a good sport. All right, guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. We appreciate it. This has been guys. We fucked the anti slut shaming podcast. We'll talk to you next.

next Friday or if we decide to make this a bonus episode on a Wednesday sometime. Bye. Thank you. Guys We Fucked is presented by Luminary. Created and hosted by Corinne Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by Eric Freddie. Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Cosen. Do you feel the heat, baby, so do I. Drive to the beach, do it slow.

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Cash in the safe, I'm waving goodbye. Bag in my hand, just throw it like diamonds are forever. Girl, baby, don't. It's almost like we're made to feel like two candles. And that's because nothing lasts for long as we're together. Tell me tonight, we're made to feel like two candles.

That's because nothing lasts forever as long as we're together. Tell me I'm the one, I'm the one, one, one, I'm the one. Baby, I'm the one. Baby, I'm the one. Baby, I'm the one. Baby, I'm the one.

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