YOU DRANK CANDLE WAX THE FIRST TIME YOU MET HIS FAMILY? ft. Rachel Feinstein & Pete Brennan
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Welcome to Guys We Fuck, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. Oh, you having sex? I'm Christina Hutt. I'm Corinne. So slutty, you're horny, and you're shaming. Hey, you a slut? Yes. Okay.

Hello, fuckers. How you doing? Where you been? Don't start fires. Welcome to another episode of Guys We Fucked. It's the Anti-Sletching Mean Podcast. I'm Corinne Fisher. I'm Christina Hutchinson. Welcome to the show. If you want to email us a problem or a story, it's sorryaboutlastnightshow at gmail.com. Today's subject line, am I a predator? Hmm, we'll be the judge of that. Okay. Hey.

Hey, fuckers, long time listener, first time writing. It's always the best. This is an issue I struggle with and I feel some level of guilt and shame and I'm not sure what to do with it. You came to the right place. Going to get shit for this, I'm sure, because it's weird. But from my reality, it's not that crazy unless that's how I rationalize it to help me sleep at night.

I'm 33 male, met my kid's mom, 22 female, when she was 17. We worked together. I was 28 and we became friends. No, you didn't. I kind of saw her as a little sister. That you wanted to fuck?

At the time I was engaged, my fiance and I had just had a baby. Then a few months later, COVID came and lockdown started. During that time, my fiance lost her job and somehow started doing ketamine recreationally while I was at work. I don't know how anybody does that drug recreationally. You fall asleep. I think when you're like bored, you want to just like zonk out, you know? I guess. I guess.

I like to party as much as the next guy, and for a while it was fun. We had nights at home with the roommates, always a sober person at home to mind the baby, but eventually it got out of hand. My youngest kid's mom, we will call her Laura, started coming over to smoke weed and chill with us as we were all coworkers and had a rapport, so it seemed pretty normal. She began to help my fiance with babysitting or cleaning around the house when she was depressed or, in my opinion, too high to be responsible.

I would say that's pretty fair of you to bitch about.

What?

Yeah, that's weird. We talked about it. Hey, this should not be a thing and so on. And one day she kissed me. We got a little closer and when she turned 18 – oh, okay. She was 17. When she turned 18, we were messing around and she got pregnant. You get all these chicks pregnant. I wasn't thrilled about it but was – she was good with my other kids so we tried for a relationship for the sake of the child. I have my own father issues and it felt wrong to sign over my rights but having the baby wasn't my choice and I respect her choice.

I didn't feel like a groomer. I never intentionally tried to pursue her. I never isolated her from her life. I was down on my luck and not in a good place, and someone kind came and treated me good, in quotes, or at least better than I had been treated by my own fiancé. But part of me feels gross and feels like I ruined her life. You didn't ruin her life. And now we can barely talk on the phone. After three years, our relationship kind of ended in a similar way. She lost herself to drug use. Oh, it sucks.

I became the income...

I became the income, the car, the punching bag, and I sustained all manner of physical and mental abuse. But at the end of the day, I feel shame and embarrassed that I fell in love with someone 11 years my junior. It happens all the time. Do not be ashamed of it because they were simply nice to me. That happens all the time. That's a trope. I think that happens. So I'm not sure what your question is here. That's the entire email. But maybe you're asking us, are you a bad person because this happened? Well, I think the question is –

is that, am I a predator? Am I a predator? Oh, right. The subject. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. I mean, I think I actually don't have a problem here with the age gap. I have a problem with the way you see women in your life. So even though these women, yeah, did, did seem to have like some bumpy roads, it seemed like the only way you kind of describe them is that like, you know, they're good with your kid, like the things that they're doing for you. Like, what is the relationship like, like you actually relate to women or do you just,

like them, like based on how they treat you and like kind of like the acts of... How they're with kids. Yeah, like how they provide for your life, like coming home to a clean house, being good with your child. That was the issue that I saw with this email, not the age gap. I mean, whatever. I mean, I don't love it, but I don't think that's the main problem here. Not at all. Not at all. And I think like it seems like, yes, these women like the...

women in your life maybe weren't taking accountability and were on drugs. But where's your – Yeah, why do you keep hooking up with women who lose themselves to drugs? Yeah, it's like it just keeps happening. You're the common denominator. Right. So I would really do some deep diving into like what is that? Am I trying to rescue these people? And also too, like Corinne said, making sure that you are into that person individually into that specific person.

person in front of you and not just the idea of a woman. Yeah. Cause there's no way this is as black and white as the email seems that you're just, you're dating out of control drug addicts and you're just, you're on the job toiling away from AM to PM punching in, punching out. I'm sure. A woman, if a woman emailed us this, I mean, there'd be a little bit more words, but like she described the situation. We'd be like, ah, you're not taking responsibility for something.

So it's your job to find out what that is because we don't know you. I'm guessing by the fact that these women eventually both ended up losing themselves, even if it is for a period of time, to drugs, that perhaps you are attracted to women who kind of feel lost. So when you get into a relationship, they kind of really put...

they're all into the relationship and get lost in you until that doesn't work anymore. And then they get lost in drugs. So, you know, you maybe you need to look for people with more of their own, uh, developed personality outside of, uh, just how they exist in relation to you. Yeah. Look for a woman who's not running from something. Have a nice day. Yeah. See ya. Thanks for writing. Thanks for calling. Thanks so much.

Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oh, key to the crickets. No, I'm going to be at Looney Bin January 10th and 11th. I'm so excited. Yeah. Looney Bin is a, we've never performed there, have we? Tulsa, Oklahoma, no. Yeah, that's what I thought. Like, I've heard of Looney Bin when I first started listening to Marc Maron's podcast like a decade ago. He always talked about the Looney Bin. I'm like, oh, the Looney Bin. I'm going to perform there one day. Well, I am. January 10th and 11th. Do we have fuckers in or near Tulsa, Oklahoma? No.

Then come and tell everybody you know it's going to be really fun. And then Toronto, January 17th and 18th, I'm going to be at Comedy Bar. Tickets for that are available at the link in my bio. It's at Christina Hutch. And as I said at the beginning of this episode, or maybe not. Wait, when was this one coming out? This one, we don't have a date for this one yet. Oh, never mind. Yeah. We're fine. Yeah. All right.

Sorry, we're actually being responsible, so I don't know when some of these come out and then people are like, why did you promote a show that already happened? Because we're actually being responsible. I know it feels irresponsible, but it's because we're being responsible. Yeah, we're being too, we're gifted and talented education students.

That fucking... Yeah. This is just a thought that I had when I move. I have this every time I move. Yes. I usually stay... I like staying in the same place for a long time. Like 10 years was the 34th Street apartment. But I've moved three times the last four years. But one thing I noticed, women...

We're economically... We're at a disadvantage economically because of how much fucking shit there is to buy for us. Oh, I think about that a lot, yeah. There's creams and lotions. I think it's a conspiracy to keep us down financially. I do, too. By the third time I'm moving, I'm like, what the fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How the... What the fuck? Hair, skin, we got a cream for every fucking part of our fucking bodies. You don't need all those creams. No. If your skincare regimen is beyond five items, you're doing too much. Yeah. Yeah, it does seem like that. You don't need that. Yeah, man. Just like...

so many and then these fucking things expire so I've had all these things that I hold on I hate holding on to stuff I love throwing shit out it's one of my favorite things in the world is throw it right in the trash don't throw it away as soon as it expires you have at least six months on those products expiration dates are merely a suggestion Christina for food and for skin products don't throw it out right on are you crazy you've been throwing it out right on the date because I don't want to poison my

skin you're not on the date but like well first of all you're never gonna poison i don't want it i don't want to break it out what i mean is i don't want anything to like break out my skin it wouldn't do that it just wouldn't work it just wouldn't do the thing it's not gonna hurt your skin it just wouldn't do the thing that's supposed to do so like if you know if it's a collagen cream it just it's the same as like a protein powder right right so protein powder as the expiration date passes you're not hurting yourself you're just you're not getting less protein than it says on the label oh yeah

Do not be throwing it out right on the date. Guys, no one raised me and I'm just trying to figure this out. Okay. I thought it was like – I mean I didn't learn this from my mom. I learned this from like an episode of Adam Ruins Everything I believe. Oh, I didn't watch that show. That's a great show though. But yeah, I mean also you can Google for different products. I mean there are certain things like milk that actually do expire pretty much on the day. You can smell that. Anything else, eggs, you can go way longer than it says. Yeah.

You can smell it. Most things you can smell. But egg you can't smell. Yeah. Oh my God. You can smell bad egg? Yeah. If you crack it open, you know if it's bad or not. Because groceries are so expensive. I throw shit out when it's fire. You can go out a week beyond the expiration date on eggs. And box items and canned items, I mean, a year? Really? Yeah.

You can, I mean, most, yeah. It's wild. Yeah. I had no idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Creams and creams are just going to lose their potency. You're not going to hurt your skin. Right, right, right. Yeah. So that's just going to. Jesus Christ. But yeah, I mean, medicine, you know.

Ibuprofen, anything that adds up. Right, yeah. Jesus Christ! I just didn't know. I thought that sometimes I go by the book and it's not at all what you should be doing. And I just, the more I live, the more I realize when I was going by the book, I shouldn't have. And when I wasn't going by the book, I should have. Yeah, I know. It's exhausting. It's like a, it's a, you know, keep an eye out starting from here. That's how I read an expiration date. Okay. Keep your eyes peeled. Yes!

And your nose. Yeah. And your nose. Yeah. Okay. Be on the lookout. Right. Well, then there's something like I, I downsized. So I'm moving in with somebody and none of my shit, like I have, I built a shelf. I am, I love dude stuff.

I love mowing lawns. Oh, I can't wait to have a lawn to mow one day. I fucking love yard work. The smell is great. Oh, it's great. I have a freshly mowed lawn. Oh my God. And weeding and gardening and like, I want to build a table. I want to, I want a table saw. Okay. When I built the shelf, I was like, I want to fucking build other things. And I totally get why guys love building things. It feels, you, everybody has a masculine and feminine side to them. I love when my masculine side comes out of me. That's why I love working on cars. That's been a fucking years since I've done that. But like,

I love doing man stuff and feeling manly. It's so fun. And then I get to step into the girly things. But, yeah, it's nice to not be surrounded by your stuff. I thought I was going to fucking hate that. And I love it because it's not distracting. Oh, yeah, because there's nothing fun around because it's all Collins. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, he has fun stuff. He has good taste, but like, it's like, I'm not, yeah, it's his stuff. I'm not interested in it. I'm not like, I'm like, yeah, I'm not trying to like, I'm not curious about it. So, uh, it's really, you get a lot done. And I forgot about this. I forgot. I felt this way. I felt this way with Steven. When I moved our relationship, like start Steven and I's relationship started off, uh,

There was just contention with the Stoya stuff, I remember. And I remember we did a photo shoot and he's like, be sexier. And I cried. Yeah, I was there for some of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, literally you were in person. I'm so sorry we invited you over during Sandy. That was the worst night of your life. Well, there was a lot of tense photo and videography shoots with Steven. Yeah, totally, totally, 100%. Yeah.

Sorry, Corinne. I don't know if I've ever officially apologized for that, but that sounds terrible. But also, I mean, notes to him, I don't think anyone's ever gotten sexier by having someone yell be sexier at them. Very true. Very true. And I wish I thought of that in the moment, but, you know, you think of the shit years later. Be sexier! What? Yeah. Okay. I'm scared now. Yeah. Yeah. But I forget, like...

With my issues and stuff, like, you know, your issues come out in relationships for a lot of people, not for everybody. But, like, the safety thing, the feeling, like, safe in this bond, you know. I remember with Steven when we moved in together, I felt like I could relax and I could breathe for some reason. And I forgot I felt that way until I remembered when I moved in with him, with this relationship, with this current guy. Yeah, I should have said that. This current guy? Yeah.

them for like five years. I know. I never want to like glue myself to anything. You know what I mean? Anxious avoidant. I'm always ready to leave. As you just moved in. Huh? As you just moved in. I know. Whatever. It's the right thing. It's the right thing. But...

I forgot how safe it feels to like live with a person. Like there's a lot of downsides that I'm sure I'll experience just mainly like if I want to freak out, I don't want anybody there for that. But there is like the safety that I totally forgot is something I feel where you're like, oh, wow, because it is like a further level of commitment. I wasn't treating it that way. I was treating it as like I'm broke and I want to like be able to save money so I can buy a house. But I'm like, oh, yeah, that's really nice. So it's been nice.

It's been nice. How are you? How many days has it been? Like five. Well, I really expected to not like it. I didn't want to move in. Well, that was surprising because it feels like something that typically you would really want to do, and especially with this current guy, because you really like him. I love the current guy. I love him most.

Yes, but I also think that living by yourself is the most bliss. It's incredible. I want this for every man, woman, and child. Not child. You've got to have an adult. Right, yeah. Not kids. They should be living with someone. Every person. If you have never lived alone, you owe it to yourself to live alone. I've had the most fun living with myself.

by myself. I think even if like people sometimes like even if you can live in a tiny tiny apartment by yourself I think that's better than living in a big gorgeous apartment with roommates. I could not agree more. I could not agree more. There are I've met I've come across in life very

couple a handful of people who truly enjoy having a roommate yeah and those people I guess shouldn't live alone but everyone yes yeah totally yeah and I know a couple of those people too I'm like oh you're like communal yeah that's great there's a couple communal people yeah I can't imagine but that's it works for you but yeah it's really live alone but it's it's yeah it's not because when I don't like something I

I really don't like it. I really don't like it. And when I love something, I really, really love it. And so I'm like, oh, I'm surprised. I'm like, this is kind of nice. It's like a nice little flow. And then how I wanted to get engaged so that I can do an alien retreat. I think I'm just going to host an alien retreat. Yeah, I saw that when you posted the video from Voices in Our Heads and everyone was like, no, you can just do that. Yeah. Because I was like, I would just –

I'm not even nearly as into aliens as you are. And that's fun. I just go. Yeah. Right. All right. Cool. I'll let you know. Cause I talked to a lady, I interviewed her yesterday for voices in our heads. She can communicate with aliens now. She had a lot of these other abilities, but this is one she got. And I was like, and she told me some shit. I'm like, Oh my God, we should do a retreat. So I'm like, you know what? I'm going to do it. Well, when we were at skiing fast and I didn't hear from you, I, I had assumed that you had driven area 51. Yeah. It's area 51, but you were actually just sleeping cause you had your period. Yeah. Yeah.

But I was like, oh, because everyone was like, where's Christina? I was like, oh, she probably just drove into Area 51 and doesn't have service right now. I did look it up. I was like, I'm not too worried about it. I was going to rent a car, but then the period came when I was like, I'm not. I just need to sleep. But yeah, there's too many stories of like you can get so close, but it's not on the maps. You kind of have to guess, and it's by a certain gas station, and there was too many up in the air things that I'm like, ugh. I'd rather –

intentionally go to Sedona, meditate where people have historically conjured aliens and do that. I noticed that you also updated your Instagram bio to invite the aliens in. Yeah. I said, wow. Yeah, I don't know. I told Carla this yesterday when we were interviewing her. I was like, I don't know if you've ever had an interest where...

It's very fiery and passionate for you. And you kind of don't know why you're like, this is fucking random. I mean, not random, but what I mean when I stopped my life to run a Spice Girls newsletter for five years, I would say was a bit of a commitment. I get that though. Yeah. I mean, the alien thing, like it's, it's interesting, but I'm, but I, I'm telling you, I feel like this is going to sound psychotic.

I feel a closeness with them and I don't know why. I don't think that sounds psychotic. I mean, that's how I feel. I guess it's a little bit more like basic bitch, but that's how I feel with dogs. Right. Yes. You have a special kind of thing with them and for them. I literally feel like, you know, that we're connected in a, you know, I used to tell everyone that I was a dog in a past life. Yeah. I mean, dogs do connect with you like on the street very randomly, very intensely. I just really feel connected to them. And, you know, sometimes I take mushrooms and cry in a dog bed. Yeah. I remember that. I remember that. Yeah.

He's not having fun here. He needs to go. I've never seen so many tears. It was like you dipped your face in olive oil. That's how many tears you had. My favorite thing is when you, is to look at your face when you, after you did mushrooms or acid and then to look at you look, I mean, every time I've looked at myself in the mirror, I look, it looks like a pile of garbage.

Like if garbage was a person. It's like you took extra expired makeup and put it on. Yep. It's wild. I mean, I look and sometimes even like just like it's like craters and just it looks like you've aged 15 years. Yes. Like if you got a chemical peel but it had the reverse effect, it made you look 10 years older instead of 10 years younger. Yeah. But you feel light as a feather. Yes.

Not stiff as a board. You feel light as a feather, my friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mushrooms are the shit. Yeah. Good stuff.

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If you're ready to use a CRM that actually gets you, visit Monday CRM and start your free trial. Yeah, no, I did. I did do. I attempted to do drugs twice at Skank Fest. I'm going to give a thumb. This is the first time I've tried. When I did the jam, were you on then or no? What day was it? You seemed like Saturday. You seemed like. No, I wasn't on. Something. I wasn't on. No, I think I was just having a good time. Fuck.

I think I was just genuinely happy. Christina hadn't witnessed that in a while. I think I was just... I swore I was going to ask you what drug you took us on. You know what? Okay, so I'm trying to go through the days because I did... It's the night you saw... Wait. What? It's the night you saw... God.

oh oh oh you know what yeah i know i wasn't on drugs because i didn't want to be on drugs to see garth brooks and it's too much money to be on drugs yeah and i and i genuinely well it was genuinely one of the best concerts i've ever been to um you know it was pre-rape pre-sa uh accusation um and uh yeah no i just had had a really good time i think i also felt lighter because i had escaped from skating fest for a couple hours and i i it was just it

Skank Fest is just like, it's a wonderful festival, but not if you've had sex with half the comics there. It was just like I have. It's just too overwhelming for me.

to be around so many people and like you know exes are there and it was just like I had a lot of anxiety going into it yeah and then honestly it just it was I had anxiety over nothing and everything was fine and I was like so happy to be with the person that I was with and we were having a lovely time and he was being so nice and like you weren't on drugs you're just happy I wasn't yeah yeah no I had a great skank fest this year this was absolutely my favorite one I spent most time in my hotel room though that's why

yeah like that way when I went to the beautiful hotel room so nice I love that hotel when I went to the venue I was connecting with people and having great conversations and like having meaningful moments with people as they came about and then I would go back to my room and I'm like oh that's the trick you have to like protect your energy yeah well I yeah I mean I kind of had someone with me like who was basically like at his job to like protect my energy but I just I find it

Yeah. No, no. Like no one was being mean. Everyone was nice. It was just, it was, I just get overwhelmed. And also I'm like really bad in heat. It's just too hot for me. It was so fucking hot. 104 degrees is not an acceptable temperature. It was fucking rude. I was mad. That's how hot it was.

Yeah. But I do, I just lean into my favorite part of skating fest, which is, uh, just like me treating it like a fashion show because that's one of my least favorite parts of calm or one of my only parts of comedy that I don't like is that I don't get to dress the way I really want to dress because it interferes with the actual art form. Yeah. You know, you just can't dress like a two cent whore. Um,

which is how I really feel my best self. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so I get to do that at Skank Fest. And so that's what I look forward to. And I just always like, you know, treat it like a music festival. Yeah. Yeah. That was fun. Gotta make it fun for you. Yeah. No, I did drugs twice. Um, well, I, I, I ate,

I flippantly ate a CBD gummy because they never do anything. CBD? Like a CBD NTHC gummy. Sorry, one of the ones that was in our swag bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really did it. I challenged the gummy in my head and it was only 10 milligrams and the gummy challenged me back. Yeah. And I was sitting in my bed and I was uploading an episode of Guys Be Fat because we never stopped working. And all of a sudden...

I started looking. I told the story on the Skank Fest episode, but I started looking at the YouTube and I was like, that's Corinne Fisher, but you're Corinne Fisher. And then I fucking knew we were really...

Yeah. I knew that was going to be a bad, a bad rest of your as a person who loves weed. Yeah. Fuck edibles. Well, I've only had one other edible that ever worked on me. And that was San Diego. Yeah. That was, well, it was in Palo Alto and we were at my brother's house. We separately thought we were dying. And I, I, I wash, I cleansed my body because I wanted them to find a clean corpse in the morning.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just sat there and cried. Yeah. I just hoped someone would come in and read my mind. Yeah, and then when I made it, what the fuck was that? Because it was a bagged cookie. It was a, I remember, it was a cookie, it was packaged. Yeah, it was sealed. Sealed. It was like from a dispensary. Exactly. But I don't, I'd never eaten an edible before I know.

Yeah. So I didn't know what the grams were. I had no idea. And then I secret, but I didn't tell you about that in your brother's house. And then I took a bite before we went to the airport and. Oh yeah. It was so bad. It's not good. Yeah. It was like seven children in wheelchairs all staring at me. And I'm like,

How is that now? They were telling Christina a secret. How the fuck? You never see seven children in wheelchairs at an airport. And I took an edible and there were seven children in wheelchairs. Yeah, you don't even see seven people in a wheelchair. I know. Except for at skate parks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. 100%. And then on my birthday...

I decided to try mushrooms again because again I haven't done any drugs since my dad died and I thought it had been a long enough time and I was with someone who I trusted who's good at drugs and so those kind of drugs and I don't like snorting coke you know and so he gave me a

put a piece of mushroom chocolate in my hand that, and I said, this is way too big. And he said, this is tiny. I said, no, we're going to need to cut this in threes. Yeah. And so I took literally one square of it. And then, uh,

That one was less bad than the gummy, but it still was not the effect that I like from mushrooms because I've never – I basically only had like really like hysterical fits of laughter from mushrooms except for the Tool concert when I had like a – I went deep. But even that wasn't bad. Your birthday. Remember we went to the hotel on your birthday, me, you, and Tommy? That was so – Oh, in the cat skills. In the cat skills. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were laughing so hard. That one was really fun. But yeah, this just still was not giving me the effect. I think I like –

eating raw mushrooms better than in the chocolates sometimes in the chocolate it's too intense yeah and then so I kind of just found a safe space in the skank fest green room and I sat next to Justin Silver and another person and then he was sober so that's a good but I mean I was like glued to that couch for like three hours and then I finally decided that I should make a reservation at a steakhouse because it was my birthday and I hadn't eaten in like a really long

time. Yeah. Yeah. And then, and then I came down from it, but it was, so it didn't last all. No, but there was a while when I was like, I, I just can't move from this couch right now. Cause I can't interact with, it was one of those ones where if anyone who I didn't really like or know tries to interact with me that I was going to have to give them a preamble where I was like, hi, I'm on mushrooms right now. And I can't talk to you cause I don't know you that well. Yeah. Yeah.

Which I just kind of say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of just say the thing. Like, I remember when I was at Lollapalooza and I was rolling on Molly, and Penny came up to me, I kind of just said, I'm so happy to meet you, but I'm on Molly right now and I can't continue this conversation. And then I walk away. Yeah, because Molly, you don't... Molly, you want...

Oh my God, don't fuck with me, I'm all right. Well, because when you, it's like you're on the ride, but if someone kills the vibe, you can fall off the ride and then get pissed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was Eric's first skank fest. How was your skank fest, Eric? I had a good time, aside from the first day. I had some jaw problems. Oh, right. Fucking Eric had another medical issue. It's still not fixed. I still can't open my mouth all the way.

What happened to your jaw, Eric? I was just sitting at a movie a few weeks ago and it popped out of place. Sick. And I haven't been able to open my mouth all the way since then. Like Jewish, Jewish, Jewishist. Studio room. My stomach, my hair, my eyes. I was about to bring up this. Happy Rosh Hashanah, motherfuckers. Oh my God.

I was going to ask, when you take mushrooms, does it feel like far more emotional? I feel like it's such an emotional drug. For me, it's like laughing gas, usually. Yeah, it's that too, but I also...

I think life is so beautiful. Like, I'll cheer up over how beautiful. That's me on Molly. Yeah. Mushrooms, to me, I just can't stop laughing. I'm, like, doing voices. Like, I... Laughing on mushrooms is the fucking best. Yeah, I just, like, everything is, like, I'm, like, a toddler. I think, like, the way my feet move around me is amazing. I think you would love ketamine, like, inner well and stuff, the one that I do. Famous fast food.

Last words. I think you would love ketamine. I know. Well, it's so gentle. Well, I wanted to do ketamine at the Skating Fest because my anxiety was... I really wanted a Valium. But again, these are drugs I've never taken. That's anti-anxiety? Yeah. But I was like, we can't start... I didn't want to start...

you know after such a long break from drugs I didn't want to start by doing something I had never done before especially in a hot climate and especially with like a group you know around a group of people I didn't trust the any of the medical yeah yeah people who are around it was like they just put a green shirt on a mutant and then they were like oh they'll help you column goes a column to row I was like I just did a show and everybody put stuff in my hat it was just all these pills like Luke's pills I'm like dude no absolutely not absolutely

Absolutely not. Yes, you could look them up, but you don't know if they're laced. Don't do the pills. I had so much Narcan on me. I know. And a guy, I had gone to Target in Salt Lake City to get Narcan. I purchased it from the pharmacy ahead of time because it's much easier to get in Salt Lake City than it is in Las Vegas. I had Googled this. I looked into it. And then there was a group actually on Fremont Street walking around handing out Narcan, and I took two.

Everyone was passing it by. I said, oh, I'm excited to get this. I'm Narcan'd up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't even do any drugs that one would need Narcan for. Which ones do they need? Heroin? No, it's mostly for coke if you have fentanyl. Oh, okay. I guess fentanyl could sometimes be in molly too. But I mean, I think it's most commonly in cocaine. So I get very nervous. I'm always loaded up with Narcan. Especially after this comic. That one comic died in LA. Fucking hell.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, a couple of comics died that way. So happy I hate cocaine. Oh, I fucking hate cocaine. Well, and I was standing, I was standing like near the ring at Skank Fest and a person not associated with Skank Fest walked by and he fell and he hit his head on a really hard piece of metal that was holding a pole. And I mean, the way I had my Narcan present, because I, and then the mutant goes, no, like he hit his head and I go, oh.

I saw the whole thing, but I was like, I think he hit his head because he's on drugs. You don't just fall down and hit your head. I was like, yes, I understand what just happened. I was like, I understand what, what happened right now, but I think what caused that could need Narcan. Yeah, that's wise. And I would, I would bet a lot of money on that. Oh,

Oh, God. And I was like freaking out. Jesus. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. I just get so much anxiety about like just, you know, because like it's like if there is a tool that's like super easily accessible to most people, we should all have it on us in a time like this. I also kind of just have PTSD from comics dying all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And people for you. Yeah. So I'm just kind of like to be ready. Everyone's like...

I was like giving it out to other people who were with me. I was like, you need one and you need one and you need one. We all need to be armed. Yeah. With the Narcam. Yeah. I was like reading the instructions because I was like, now I have it, but do I know how to administer it? Yeah. I mean, there was a lot of people that had no soul behind their eyes in that ring on Skank Facts. By the time we got to the goddamn comedy jam, I'm like, ugh. Like, I don't like that. Yeah. I don't like that. Yeah. Cocaine sucks.

Hopefully everyone's okay. Yeah. You know who's really okay? Today's guests. Goddamn right. Yeah. They're safe. They're funny. They got it all. Yeah. One of them is a stand-up comedian with a Netflix special called Big Guy that if you have not watched it yet, you have to fucking watch it. It's one of my favorite comedians in the world. The other one runs into burning buildings for money. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a very warm welcome to Rachel Feinstein and Pete Brennan.

Okay, we are here with Rachel Feinstein and Pete Brennan. Is that okay that I said your last name? We can cut it. Yeah, absolutely. I just want to make sure. It's no secret. The famous Pete. I don't know about that. You guys are great. Your special big guy on Netflix is fucking fantastic. Oh, thank you guys so much. You really capture. I've been obsessed with firefighters sexually for a long time until I went to a firefighter single mixer. Oh, no.

And I went and I was so excited because everybody on the podcast knows how obsessed I am with firefighters. And they're like, God, go to this mixer. I've been trying to tell her she likes like fucking poets. And I was like, that's just not aligned. And I went there. They're deserts emotionally. And there was one hot guy. I was like, he's really hot. Sat down next to him. The first thing he says, and I'm just quoting him. Can I guess? Yes. My cousin stopped getting a period when she got the vaccine. Yeah.

legit never got it again close it was before COVID he goes this bartender is so fucking retarded I asked for tequila soda not a vodka soda fucking retard I'm like alright I'm gonna go that's beautiful it was so hot and I'm like no that would have destroyed on Kill Tony yes it would have it would have

So, and then you talk about the special, like the emotional, like the depth is a little shallow, but then you go into burning buildings for a living, which is why it's why the attractions are in the first place. Why? What is that? What is that? Why are you guys all? What's up? We're kind of like comics, I guess. The highs are highs, but the lows can be low. But, you know, we like that adrenaline. Yeah. Yeah. After we get pumped after a good fire, we'll be like, whoa, that was a good job. Have you ever gotten pumped after like a good connection?

A good connection? Yeah, it's thrilling. Yeah, sure. To be vulnerable. It's definitely a different kind of pump, though. Yeah, a less good one. You know what I mean? She's not talking about getting laid. No. She's like, yeah, after the third pump, that's when I really start gaining steam.

And by the way, that, I mean, with all due respect and thank you for your service, that is a wild lie. No, he doesn't, he runs from any emotional discussion of anything. Yeah. Yeah. I could tell by the fire buildings easier. Right. Yeah. There's, um, there was a Esther Perel's this great relationship, uh, writer and, she had a guy on who was FDNY and he was, he turned into, he, he ended up coming as psychologist, but he works with men on masculinity and he said, he goes after nine 11, uh,

these guys were ashamed to have a panic attack after being in 9-11. They would go away and be ashamed to have a panic attack. I'm like, you were in 9-11? You have a panic attack anywhere you want. And so that opened my eyes to like, oh, fuck, that's worse than I thought. Yeah, I was post-9-11. I got on the end of 03. Oh. But I was in Manhattan College, and we saw it all happening from the Bronx. It was pretty wild. But...

Yeah, you know, I think now they really went 180 with like the mental health and the fire department, which is good. Yeah. Oh, so there's more services available to you? Yeah. Because you see shit. Yeah. That's traumatizing. I've seen a lot of stuff. What's like top three? I have about 20 years on the job now, so I've seen some stuff over the years. I've seen like, I remember one, like a guy hung himself. He was all blue. I saw that. You know, that was pretty wild. Then I remember just seeing- Why did he call you? Uh-

That's a good question. Who are you going to call? By the way, can I say that is a good question? Like my friend was like, because Pete's like, by the way, he always answers me in phrases that I don't understand. He's like, because we do ABCs. What does that mean? And he goes, airways, breathing, and circulation. Like I'm a dumb bitch. I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm supposed to know that. ABCs. ABCs. That's why he'll answer me the shortest possible answer. Like, he'll be like, third battalion, ABCs, 175. I'm like, I don't know these codes. Like, I'm a Jew from Bethesda. Yeah. Like, yeah.

Yeah, like my dad's name is Howie. He dresses like he shops at a used bookstore. ABCs. And I'm like, wait, what's that? So that's airway, breathing, and circulation. So they're the first. And that's in New York. That's not true. Oh, you guys do. Everywhere. Oh, okay. But you see how she remembers ABCs now? Yeah. So you get these little tricks and they work. Right.

She's got to do some digging to find out what it means. But the trick is that you could explain it to me in the first place. You couldn't, like, you, like, rolls his eyes at a look at me, like. He used to, I mean, he'll text me in military time. I'm like, what time are you coming by? 20 over 400. I'm like, I don't know. Military time drives me nuts. I hate military time. My boyfriend's European and he does military. I'm like, stop it. I'm like, I'm not. It's serious.

Like, can you just give me like, are you going to come at four or four 30? But he always, from the very beginning, he'd be like, you know, I'm like, how, how was your day at work? Like, I'm thinking I'm going to, he's going to be like some hot little fire fact. And it'd be like, Oh, it's 10 77. You know, it was a fire. Yeah. We got, it was like, Oh, we just missed it. We were boxed out. We didn't read the ticket. I'm like, I don't know what any of these, what ticket? Like what?

Yeah, it's funny. I guess I don't realize how much jargon there is, you know? Yeah, because it's your everyday speak amongst your guys. That's how we speak and amongst everybody gets it. Now, what did you think, Pete, when you came, you got the call and you saw the guy hanging and his face was blue? What was going through your mind? I mean, you know, he...

You got to kind of play it like, probably like nonchalant kind of. Yeah, he's not going to carry that. You got to be coy when you come across that. The guy's blue. Well, there's also this thing of like, I'm a child of trauma, but when stuff happens, I've called 911 on so many New Yorkers, honestly at least 15 times. On other people? Yeah, because they've had a medical emergency. But when there's a medical emergency that I've witnessed and I've not witnessed anything that brutal.

I, I, I'm like fucking superhero and it's such a rush. So I kind of get it where you're coming from and you do have to remain calm and vigilant. You know, you don't know who around you was related to the person. Everyone's freaking out. It is a high to be the calm in a hurricane.

It's also the one thing, like, I mean, it's like the exact qualities that serve their job or the exact qualities that make a disaster in a relationship. Right. But I mean, I'm just saying, like, you have to work pretty hard on becoming available again emotionally. Like, my friend was talking to Pete about how, like, her mother was passing away and she said in the final...

like moments of her life that FDNY came is was like during COVID. So she basically had to be like her nurse. And she said, you know, and you give them morphine at the end. And like, so which is very common to administer morphine, like as someone's dying, but often people will blame themselves. Like, did I give them too much morphine? And so she was really emotional. I'm telling this whole story to Pete.

And she's like, and then the FDNY came and they took over. And she's like, and I didn't realize though, like what if I gave her too much? Because then she was just, she had passed away. And Pete was like, and I looked at Pete and I just gave him a look. And he's like, well, how much did you give her? And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just tell her she didn't kill her mom. Tell her she didn't kill her mom. But he doesn't realize in that moment, he just sees her. He's like, yeah, but she didn't give me the exact measurements. I'm like, no, you got to tell her she didn't kill her own mother. Yeah.

But he doesn't always realize in those moments, like remember we were at that wedding and this guy, Pete's like college buddy comes up to him. He was getting married. He walks up to Pete and he's like, man, I love you, man, more than anything in the world. He was obviously, you know, shit face, but he's like, it means a lot that you made it here. And he's like, our childhood, everything. You were the one. You were my closest one. Pete goes, all right, buddy. Okay. And he just like zooms off in the other direction. Yeah.

Well, the guy – the psychologist, that same psychologist I was talking about, he goes, I know guys that would have gotten – like if they got a piece of glass ripped open their arm, they would take a – I knew a guy that took a piece of tape, put it on the arm, and ran into the burning building. Now, that is the guy I want to save my family. So that's like these qualities that you have that do –

cause emotional, like, but they're also really good qualities. So it's like that balance. Perfect for the job. Yeah. Oh yeah. For the job. It's great. Cause you get, just get like that focus on just your task. Do emotions scare you? That's good. Yeah. Well, that was, that was in her special. She kind of, Rachel kind of talks about how she does the, uh, the British novel. Yeah. Oh yeah. Right, right, right, right. There was a bird. I want to express something to him. I'm just like, she was alone in this marriage. Yeah.

He didn't know to touch it when he came home and ask a question. Like he's never like, when my plan lands, I'm like, you have to be like, did your plan land? Did you get in? Okay. I don't need too much. Like I'm on the road for 20 years. Like I'm used to, I'm just like, you gotta just be like, how was that? Are you okay? You're probably fine. Right. I'm like, you just gotta ask.

because you're my husband. Be her protector. I'd have to go missing for weeks before he would look for me. It would be like a solid three weeks. Well, you should talk to my mom because my mom famously said, well, if the plane goes down, we would see it on the news. There you go. Your mom's the same way. Wow, that's exactly. Smart woman right there. Her travels like super safe. Come on.

You have to ask me like a question. I was in the middle of taping my Netflix special my first half hour and I had to tell Pete, listen, when I'm taping something, you have to send a text. Like I was like, send a text.

Oh, text. Okay. You have to, I long let go of like flowers or brand or gesture. And he's like, well, it's going to be fun. Right? I'm like, no, no, no. It's because of, yeah. Yeah. You want to just set your check in just a big swipe of a check in special. Okay. I'm about to go on stage. No text. And then, um, he, I text Pete, like Pete, I'm about to go on for my Netflix special. He goes, Oh, I'm talking to my college buddy. What? Pete.

Pete. Why? And then I go, who? And then he's like, I can't remember who it was. Who was it? I don't know. Yeah. Okay, so I call the guy because I know his number, right? Because he's a therapist, so I always call him when I want Pete to become emotional. I'm like, what the fuck do I do? He just screams about the founding fathers and punches the microwave if he has a feeling, you know? And so I'm like, Gabe, what do I do? And Gabe's like, I go, are you on the phone with Pete? He goes, oh, yeah, we've been talking for a while.

15, 20 minutes about the pool, football pools. I'm like, did he mention that I'm taping a Netflix special? He's like, no, that never came up. Oh my God. Yeah.

Yeah, and then I FaceTime him, and I'm like, do I look okay? Which is what I always ask him. And what do you always say? You go, there you go. I'm like, that's not an answer. That's what you say when you're proud. Or solid. Pete. Looks solid. Or if I'm wearing a dress, like the other day, I remember I came in, I was like, do I look all right? He goes, denim. I'm like, you can't scream out the material.

No, it's a compliment. Yes. Like 3% spandex? No. When was the last time you cried, Pete? Oh, it's been a little while. You don't say. Can you remember it, David? Like a real cry? Yeah, it's a fake cry. Yeah, what's the other option? I don't know. Maybe like when you watch like a commercial or something. I knew it was going to relate to a commercial. Like a holiday commercial. Yeah.

Just a little tear, you know? Okay, so let's start... You know what he cries about? Like when old Brooklyn changes. That's what gets him emotional. He's like, yeah, you know, it's not like it used to be with them buildings. We're over here. And then, you know, like, but yeah, our wedding, not a single tear, my friends. Now, does that, Rachel, does that make you...

go I'm not gonna fucking cry either or are you like well I'm gonna still express myself emotionally except for me I know I would get like a little butthurt from that and then just like put a little bit of a wall up

You know, you know, that's a really good question. And you know what it feels like to be married to a first responder. It feels like, you know, I've always wanted to go to confession. I'm a Jew. So I was always jealous of confession. I always wanted my brother to like hold up a sheet and pretend like something so exciting about it to me. I'm jealous of all things Catholic, obviously. Um,

But it feels like if you were doing confession and then you just had a feeling that the priest left, like you were in the middle of the darkest admission of your life and you're like, I don't think he's... Or you hear...

Back there. Yes. Speaking of snoring, often when I'm discussing something emotional, I would say it puts you right to sleep. Like, I'm like, yeah. That is often where Pete gets really drowsy. Yeah. Yeah. When I'm kind of emotional, you'll be like, yeah, the times I have wept. It's not that he...

And the thing, I will say this about you is you don't, you're not defensive when we went to therapy, like, cause he's very direct. Like it's just all like the stats, the hard stats, you know? So like usually it's his side, your side. So I'll be like, yeah, you know, like he didn't send me a message when I taped the Netflix special or, you know, if I say, do you know, do I look okay? He goes, there you go or whatever. And then, um,

I'll be like, yeah, he doesn't really support me like emotionally. Or if I ask for a hug, he goes, you're good, right? You can get there without a hug or something. And the therapist was like, is this true? Peter's like, oh, yeah, all of that. Yeah, yeah. Like not that any – do you have anything to add? No.

She'll be like, have you had the same experience in last relationships? An opportunity for him to really gaslight me. No one's ever said this before. He goes, no, they all say that. They all say like emotionally they feel very alone and kind of empty. You can work with it because he's honest about it. Yeah, you're acknowledging it. Yeah, you're right. I acknowledge it and I'm not denying it. Okay. But it's funny. This goes all the way back to like high school. Like I played basketball in high school and I remember the coach –

One day it's just like, Brennan, do you have any emotions at all? Oh, Jesus. If they're yelling it in sports. Yeah. But he was like this Bobby Knight light, like this guy that would just red face, throw things, kick things, curse. You know, he's one of those guys. And I was kind of just like, you know.

Just smiling. So you won't get really sad, but you also won't get really angry? Just no emotion? Well, I'll let you take on this one. Yeah, I've gotten angry. Don't get me wrong. Everyone gets angry. But for the most part, yeah, like if it's – I'm pretty much just like, I don't know, kind of like stoic-ish. Yeah. Or like just like – at least I try to be. I would say for like –

yeah like two months and then there's yeah that he pops off which is probably true we're emotional beings yeah that's what happens they bottle it up but that's true of a lot of first responders and then all of a sudden I'm like why is there a dent in my microwave and my brother was like Pete probably put it there I'm like it's always there yeah so it's like

Yeah, so it would be like norm, flat, flat, flat, and then you would like scream about like the founding fathers or like, yeah, or something about like Facebook or something. Oh, taxes. Yeah, yeah. But it would really maybe be other things and not really the tax code.

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What were your parents? How close were you with your parents? Because if it goes back to high school, it goes back before that. My parents are like complete opposites. Like my mom is like this short little Colombian woman born in Colombia. Okay. Like from Cali. She immigrated here in the late 70s. And then my dad's like this.

Irish-American guy grew up in Brooklyn like it's pretty much his whole life So my mom's like the Spitfire and then my dad's like super quiet, you know, so they're kind of like contrasts. Oh, it's a track a little Yeah Did they fight?

Well, my mom would shout at everything. Yeah. Every little thing. Okay. I think that was just normal. You could just, like, that's still jarring your nervous system regardless. Even if she's excited about it. Oh, yeah. Anything. Like, she would raise her voice like. All day long. Yeah.

Whenever I'm over there, it's like fascinating. The dad's like, yeah, right. Yeah. Come on. Get out of here. Scram. He always tells her to scram, which is amazing. He's always like, yeah, scram. Leave me alone. Scram. She's like, you idiot. What is wrong with you? Like he loses something and she'll go like, yeah, but it's all day long. Like, look at this spot on the floor. Peter. And when she comes to our house, it's just like, Peter, why would this be like this? This needs to be here. Yeah.

That's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. That would make me mute. Yeah. And she has produced some of the quietest sons. That makes sense. Well, wait. So question for you, Pete. What was it like to fall in love with Rachel? Oh, that was fun. I'm so sorry. It was a game of ping pong. Like a game of ping pong. Oh, that was. No, it was great because we got set up.

actually by another fireman and we met at a Christmas stag like in Fort Greene Brooklyn I don't know we just hit it off and then like in the beginning it was just I don't know so new I never dated a comic before so it's just like it's pretty fun yeah it was cool it's just different you know and we did a lot of traveling and got to you know meet a lot of people see some cool shows who said I love you first

See how he just tells you the activities. Yeah. He was like a bowling, you know, he's like hiking. It's, it's literally like how somebody fills out a Bumble profile. Yeah. It has nothing to do with the emotions. It's just like the interest on a Bumble profile. Yeah. We did have an early bowling date too. Yeah. Yeah. That was a date where we went to bowl. Okay. We haven't had sex yet. Okay. You think this guy is like, you know, going to be trying pretty hard to close this up. Right. Um,

My friend took Pete's picture to a psychic. Okay. Early on. I know. Shit. I would do that. And she goes, listen, they all, my friends all called Pete backdraft. They were like, they said backdrafts, a good guy. Just one thing. One warning. The psychic gave. Oh, and she goes, he said, she said he always has to win. And I'm like, it's fine with me. I don't care about winning. Like second to last is fine for me. I'm like, that's fine. Yeah, he could win.

So then, yeah, like cut to like the second date. We go to like, we go bowling at some like dive bar in Williamsburg or something. And Pete's getting like a spare every single, like, you know, just, and I'm just right down the gutter again. Like to the point, you know, when you bowl that bad, it just like makes you feel confused, like an archaic sadness to it. Yeah. I just wanted to be good enough that it could be cute. Like I could look back on the smirk. I'm like, you know, see, I'm like a boy, but I'm just a hole in the same. Yeah.

I just wanted to be just good enough. But I was like, just, it was, I was depressing after a while. I was like in a low grade depression, just right down the, and I go, oh, can I do your turn? You know? And Pete's like, no, the rules are the rules. It's my turn. Like his mind, he's like, I got to win. I'm like, there's no one watching. Playful. If a tree fell in a forest. Yeah.

I had a good score. I keep it going. What moves you? Because you are, you witness some really extreme situations, right? Like, and you witness people at the end of their life, after the end of, right after the end of their life, dying, about to die. Like, it's just so intense. Like, so that's obviously has to be moving. But like in life, what moves you? Like,

I mean, right now, it's, I guess right now, like, just watching Frankie, right? Like, that's always fun. Like, that's our daughter, four years old. She's so cute. She's such, like, a fun age right now because it's just, like, everything is just, like, I don't know. So, like, exciting and, you know what I mean? So, like, that's cool. And, like, also, like, we see some bad things at the fire department. We also see great things, too. Oh, like what? You know, like, just people

people getting rescued. Or even like people that overdosed and like we Narcan them, they come right back now. So it's like, it's not all bad stuff. And delivering a baby. Yeah, we delivered a baby. You delivered a baby? Oh. Yeah, it was funny. We delivered a baby. Firefighters could do that? Yeah, I was working with a guy. If it's pre-hospital. Oh, okay. So we delivered a baby with a guy, Lappin, that I used to work with when I was a fireman. And he helped deliver the baby on his birthday. Oh. Yeah, it was pretty cool. That's cool. Yeah. So that was kind of, that was my one and done for

For a pregnancy. Okay, but the last time you've cried, that wasn't over a commercial. Oh, man. I got to go back, yeah. I guess. Like years? For me, I guess like when my grandma died. When was that? That was during COVID. Okay, so a couple years ago? Yeah. I was in the airport. I went to tell him. I was at the airport too, yeah. You told him? Well, his mom like texted me. We're about to get on a flight. And she's like, you know, you need to tell Pete. But like that was her mother. But yeah, yeah. Oh.

So I had Tom right before this flight. Yeah, I thought maybe I would have cried when Frankie was born, but I was more excited and happy. Because sometimes you hear the dad's weeping and stuff. But that was more just like, oh, this is cool. I don't know. It's pretty wild. Like, wow. You're like that Pete Davidson character on SNL. You're like, oh, okay. That guy's like, oh, we're doing this now? What's his name? I don't know if I'm that bad. Ha, ha, ha.

I asked you about feeling and you laughed. Humor is an emotion, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I guess I got the humor. Yeah, I was like, obviously you appreciate humor. So that's like a start of kind of your relationship with emotions. Yeah, I do. I do appreciate good humor. And, you know, so. But you also seem like mentally even keeled in terms of like, do you have like mental difficulties?

Do you have depression? Well, no. I've talked to a therapist now. I see a therapist now, which I didn't do before. So I would bottle a lot of stuff up. So now it's different. Now I kind of took advantage of some of that stuff. I think that helps. Yeah, it opens you up.

I mean, I will say all of these people that every first responder family really, because they're like half my crowd now, is all like firefighters all over the country. And usually they're wives, sometimes they're husbands. But it's like, yeah, they all have the same exact almost. It's almost eerie cocktail of issues. And honestly, the whole family kind of deals with it. And then other weird things that I wouldn't expect to be so specific. Like after the special aired,

you know, like somebody from like, I think it was like Finland wrote to me and they're like, yeah, they're all obsessed with Bitcoin and they all do the same thing when they come home from the house. They all love crypto here too. And they all like, yeah, they're like paid by the government but don't entirely trust it and then they go back and then she's like, oh, my husband also does the morning round. So I've learned a lot about

firefighters, because of the material I do, sometimes I just tell a joke and I don't realize it has to do with the firefighter thing. And then they come up to me after and they explain everything to me. The other badge baggers, who I really appreciate, the other fire twats, siren sluts, they come up. Siren sluts, that's amazing. That's the literary term. That's great. So they'll come up, like this one woman was like, because I have a joke in the special about how Pete goes around, you know, when he comes back from the firehouse. I'm like a kid in an 80s movie. I'm like, fuck, he's walking.

walking up the lawn like I'm just throwing shit in drawers because he's just so OCD you know like his like he'll fold his dirty laundry like his side of the bed yeah like his side of the bed is like you know like it looks like he's gonna make a suit out of my skin and my side is just like fucking yeah just jacked yeah so when he comes back from the fire as he walks around our home and he's like what's this talk to me about this over here what happened over here looks like you brought some dishes to the sink but you never really rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher and

And that, and like, and I didn't know. And I'm like, I talked about this special, like he's going to write up an incident report, but it was actually, it was actually like another, uh, like fire wife that explained to me. And one of my shows, she was like, he's doing that. Cause he did. They do the morning drills. Cause that's what they do at the firehouse. Oh,

And they go around and ask, what's this? What's that? What's going to happen if this happened? And that's exactly what he does to me. But I didn't know it had to do with the firehouse. But they all explain everything to me. They're like, no. You know, I was like, oh, it's like sad that they have to have second jobs. And my friend's like, no, it's because they're traumatized and they don't want to sit still and go up to you. It's not because they don't make enough money. Like, I thought they didn't pay him enough because they all do like four jobs. And she's like, no, it's because they can't sit still.

Yeah. But they are exposed to so much, so the whole family is kind of exposed to it, you know? Right. But then there's also all the highs of the job, so I do feel like that's part of, like, I don't know, like, you know...

I mean, Pete's almost like, I feel like you're almost like an accidental feminist. Like you wouldn't, he's not jealous. He doesn't care about my job because he loves his job and they work like we work. They're on three days and they're off the rest of the week. So like he gets a kick out of it and was the first guy that was like, sure. Like, you know, I mean, it's fair to guess he probably thinks feminists are like Nazis or something, but like you, but you are like, but you are like that. Like he's like, I don't care if you change your name. Like that's your name.

do what you want with it. You know, like he's about keeping his fucking shit straight, you know? So it's, it's like, he's, you're very like, you know, hands off with everything with my career because in here, not, he's not gonna be mad if I work on Christmas cause he might be working on Christmas. Right. Yeah.

That's nice. Yeah. That makes sense. But the morning routine, I guess she talked about it too. There were three open seltzers. That was a true story. Remember that? Yes. He's reminding everybody that I had three open seltzers in the morning. I feel like that's just like a woman thing that we always have like an almost finished drink lying around. Yeah. Because it's a little too much. Yeah. Yes. You're right. It's a little too much. It's just over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah you gotta do a little less and how are you emotionally Rachel and Pete like tracks seltzers well I he's always like what's this this street right here this street open right now you wanna explain this to me and he always thinks I'm gonna have like a solid report I'm like there's not gonna be any good excuse for this yeah you gotta open a fresh one because it's not fizzy anymore and then it's just water and you need the fizzy fuck's point of view yeah but then you have three that go flat yeah I guess you could have dumped it in a recycle I wish they had like gulps of seltzer

Yes, a gulp. That's what you need. You just need a gulp. You're right. You need a sweet little gulp because I'm so tiny. So my mouth's so weird. But yeah, no, I mean, I think like you, me emotionally, I mean, you know, my, my father, my,

was sort of like in a rush down the aisle has never said I love you like for opposite reasons like he's just kind of like this neurotic to me oh like he's like come on let's go like on my wedding day we gotta go we gotta get over it like I'm like do you have somewhere to be after this dad yeah

So – although I will say like he's not a man's man. Howie Feinstein is a piano player and he was a civil rights attorney. But I feel like I do tend to try to like save –

guy and like yeah I remember calling very early in my 20s just like calling AA like again and again and being like you understand he's an alcoholic like I was dating this guy and they're like yeah yeah he has to be the one that called and I'm like he's not gonna call he thinks shots are the problem like I didn't even get it that I wasn't supposed to be the one calling you know right yeah so I feel like I have to you know like I get very obsessed with trying to like

and, you know, and... Usher you into your emotional life, but it's like you are your own person. Right. Fix it all and, you know... Relationships are wild, especially when you live together. And I haven't experienced this, especially when you procreate together. Like, you're just, like...

who they are to you is, I don't know. It's like, you know how like it's hard to direct yourself in like a stand-up act. Like you need like an outside because you're in it, you know. It's like when you're in a relationship, sometimes you just get so like enmeshed just because physically you're just around each other a lot. But it sounds like you guys have time away, days away. Yeah. Where you're not around each other. Yeah. Like I'll do 24s. I'll be out of the firehouse for 24 hours. Oh, wow. And then sometimes she'll travel alone.

you know, now that we have Frankie's, we don't travel as much together. We still, we still try to here and there, but yeah, so we have, we have time apart. Yeah. And then I think in the beginning I was like, remember we went back to your, he introduced me to his family. Do you remember what happened? Do you want to tell them? For what? Around Christmas? Yeah. So he's like, he's like, so we've been dating like, you know, two months. I really liked him a lot. And, but he, I was like, had no idea how he felt about me. Like it's anyone's guess. Still, I'm not entirely sure. Yeah.

And then he texts me, any interest in going to Chris up to my family for Christmas? Any interest. Any interest is such a P text. Yeah. So I showed it to all my friends. I'm like, he's inviting me to his family for Christmas. Yeah. So I'm thinking that they all knew about me. Oh, no. And so we get there. Yeah.

And I had maybe 30 presents for everybody because I'm like, this is Christmas. I want to bring a ton of stuff and get it all right. And then apparently about five minutes from the house, Pete texted, bringing a girl. So they were all furious. How old are you? Peter. I almost call you Peter now. I was in my 30s at the time. Peter. Peter.

So we, they were, I didn't understand, but like, it felt like every gift was wrong because they were just opening it and like, but I know, I know now know that they were just more and more upset with him because they had nothing for me and didn't know who I was. So I was like, what am I doing wrong? Am I getting like, what aspect of Christmas? And then remember what I did after that? Was that the same? Was that the following? Yeah.

Either one was around the same time. I guess as soon as he walked in, my brother's wife's making this mulled wine. And Rachel goes, yeah, I'll try a little bit. So she picks up and she takes a drink. And my brother goes, no, no, no, that's not the wine. It ended up being a candle.

Oh my God. She took a mouthful of candle wax. Holy shit. No burns. No, but it was superficial, but everything congealed like right here. So she had like purple wax teeth.

That's how we started. This is how Pete brings back a Jew for Christmas. I was going to say, yeah. With a mother that would have preferred to marry him. I had such, I had to, you know what I mean? This is a woman that keeps an impeccable house. And then I come over and drink wax. I drank wax. It was a heavy sip. The whole family was just like. It was a good. You want to show that you love the woman?

It just curled all around my teeth. And I just remember all the family just stopped and like froze. And they just like looked at Pete, looked back at me. And I was like, okay. And then I just went upstairs. I think your brother talked about it in our wedding toast. He was like, and then with the grace of the Queen of England, Rachel went upstairs and softly removed the wax from her teeth and just reemerged like nothing had happened at all. She bounced back. God, I've never heard of that one. That's crazy.

But then I feel like they liked me because I told them. No, you played it off great. And I guess in your defense, the mulled wine did look like the candle. Yeah. You know. Honest mistake. It was both like in a mug and they were both purple. So no one, while you reached for the glass and then you put it up, no one said, no. Probably happened so fast, I'm guessing. I don't know if they were watching the sip. Yeah. They were just like, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's an honest mistake. His brother's wife, who's like, who I will say does run a pretty impeccable home. She runs a tight ship. Yeah, she just turned around. She was like, oh.

That's a candle. That's not one. Oh, my God. Okay, Mike. I think Pete's girl just drank a candle. Huge rank of fucking candle. On Christmas. On Christmas. Now let's go back to the part where you send the text. Why didn't you think to say that you were bringing Rachel more than a couple minutes ahead of time?

I don't know. It's a great question. I just kind of like... How do you think about it? Like, don't you think they have to make a place setting for her at the dinner table or something? Yeah, like enough food if she has dietary restrictions. I think it was more than five minutes. I think maybe I gave them like a half hour or something. Still day of. Even day of. Even day of, to be honest.

Morning of... Okay. Well, it wasn't even on Christmas. It was like a follow Christmas because everyone couldn't make it together. Okay. It was still planned. It wasn't as... Basically, they celebrated Christmas about five days afterwards because Pete was doing a 24. He had a day and night tour on Christmas. So they scheduled like a... But I'm not really sure that's... Yeah, and then my cousin likes to host, so they kind of alternate. So we did it, my cousin. So they wanted to do presents at their house. Why didn't you tell them half hour before?

Seemed like the right time. I don't know. Were you like nervous? Was anything going through your head? Were you nervous about bringing Rachel home? Or like, would you just... No, I think I just like kind of forgot. I think it was one of those things. You ever do this where you're like, oh, I got to text about this. And then like, I'll do it in a couple of minutes. And then you kind of just forget about it. Yeah, usually... Then I'm like, oh, wait, I think I forgot. And then I kind of texted. Okay.

Logistical answer. Yeah, it just kind of slipped my mind kind of thing. Right. Sort of like texting your girlfriend the day of her Netflix special. Yeah, right. You went to do it. Yeah, I went to do it. And then I was like, oh, wait, I got to do something. And then I kind of just forgot. Okay. Yeah. Happens to the best of us. Sure. Now, has anybody in your life ever forgotten something, like an important date for you and you were affected by that? Or even just a little disappointed? Yeah.

A little disappointed. I don't know. I guess maybe when I got promoted to lieutenant or captain, some people didn't show up. And I was kind of like, oh, I thought this person would show up. Okay. Yeah, that sucks. But it wasn't like, ah, my day's ruined. Not devastating. Yeah, of course. Yeah, it wasn't like devastating. Yeah, it's not that bad. But it was kind of just like, oh, it would have been nice if so-and-so showed up or something like that. It was funny at the captain's ceremony. So he told me that we were going to do a captain's ceremony.

That was like when we were first – we got promoted. And so they call it getting made, right, which is funny because everything in the fire department is very like similar to the mafia in a way. They keep it all inside. You know what I mean? Like if we need a plumber, we keep it inside the family. If the guy is not a plumber, he's got to be from the FOIA department. Yeah. So everybody that's working at our home is a fireman. Everything is very like handled inside. Our boy Petey is getting made. And they all love him as a boss. His fire –

because they always say, like, you know, he's very easy, very cool, under pressure. Like that guy, that guy, Stephanie, at your old house, was saying, like, you talked him through his first fire. You helped him with his breathing. And he's a very good, very easy boss. They say no ego, very, like, nice. So they came out with a... Pete was like, I hadn't really...

I didn't know your family I think that might have been the first time I met your mom before Christmas and so I didn't really know his parents yet so he's like well they're gonna sit up in front you know and you're gonna sit with these guys these firefighters and he like gave me their numbers and he's like their job is to like meet you at the front and like you know kind of

show you the ceremony and stuff. So I dress like a fucking stewardess. I'm like, this is like, oh, it's an important ceremony. Yeah. So, and then, um, they all had like sweatpants with like tall boys in their pockets. And then these guys, I will say they were a fucking great hang. I mean, they're all so fun. It's like hanging with comics. You can say anything to them. They don't give a shit. Yeah. That's the thing with Pete. There's never a moment later if we go out where he's like, when you said this, I felt like there's never a second, like, no. And they could, there's a lot of, they could take like a half,

a heavy amount of ball busting because that's the firehouse kitchen. It's like the comics table. So I sat up there with all those guys and then they make these big banners and it says like, Peter, you know, Peter Brennan, 1118. And then when they call his name, you know, they're like, Peter Brennan or whatever and they go, he's a camp now.

or whatever. So they go crazy, insane. And so I thought the ceremony was going to be maybe a little more serious. The guy, first of all, the accent, I mean, it was like amazing. Like it was like a cartoon. He had a very thick, thick. Yeah, he's like, in life, when you're promoted, it's like when you go down, I was telling my wife, Diane, it's like when you're driving down on a football field and you're about to make that goal. You know, it's like when you're about to make that goal on a football field. Feels very similar. Yeah.

And then these guys in the back were like blowing air horns like really loudly. He's like, all right, stop knocking off with the freaking air horns already. And then, you know, Pete gets his cap. We come out. We come downstairs. And then in the middle of the night, so one of the guys that was supposed to like babysit me calls me.

maybe six times pretty hammered and he's like I love you I'm gonna steal you from Pete we're gonna make little blue babies and we're gonna go rescue how do you feel about going rescue it's like going blue right that means we need a special rescue officer or whatever he's like we're going blue I don't care if he's a cap I'm gonna go rescue I'm gonna make blue babies with you ah fuck me

And then he just like hangs up, right? Like three missed calls at five in the morning. And I was honestly, you guys, so excited because I was like, now Pete's going to get jealous. You're right, right, right, right. I love it. It's the worst one ever. What did you do? So I told Pete the whole story and he's like, yeah, he's a nutty one. I would have been devastated. Yeah.

No jealous. If you know the guy, you're like, ah. That's just what he does. That's him. It was 4.30 in the morning. Come on. Have you ever gotten jealous in a relationship? Maybe like when I was in high school. One time I remember you got a little jealous with me. A little?

A little jealous? Okay. Because I made a point and I said, because before Pete, I dated a FBI guy. Ooh. FBI? Yeah. Cool. And so I was like, oh, you know, when so-and-so said, in this relationship, this happened or whatever, and I referenced the cop or whatever. And then that was the first time you've ever given me an emotional note. And I was excited because I was like, I know how he feels about something. And I think we went to the gym and afterwards you're like, don't bring up DXs when you try to make a point with your guy. And I was like, oh,

very good point. Like I was like, I was, you were totally right. I was totally wrong, but I was like so excited. I was just like, we had an issue and I was just like, but you were, you were in the right. Absolutely. For that one. But yeah, but I do feel like it was that then. Yeah. But I do feel like he was like a librarian. Pete wouldn't have cared. I could have like, yeah, it was probably cause yeah, he was a little more alpha. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like who cares what the librarian has to say, right?

But another badge guy. That's when we're getting into murky territory. You do a lot of males. You take a typical working class guy. A lot of them don't have friends. Firefighters, you guys are bonded with each other in a way that I'm like, I want that for all men. You have a lot of boy time. Yeah, it's cool. I guess because we do everything together. We check the rig together. We have chow together. We drill together. And even when we go in, we're going in together. So you get a lot of that camaraderie.

And you're spending 24 hours with the guy. Right. You smoke a lot of cigars. Yeah, he smokes some cigars. What kind of conversations are going on? Everything. Is it ever about home life or is it more surfacy stuff? Oh, everything. We undo everything I've accomplished with him in 24-hour shifts. Some guys will say you could solve all the world's problems on a firehouse kitchen table.

Yeah. And come home with a few pamphlets with every conspiracy theory edited into a YouTube video. I was going to say, I was like, what happens after we're 24? There is some different, you do get different characters and there is always like the conspiracy guy. Right. Yeah. There's like the funny guy. There's the guy who's going through the divorce. There's like the guy studying. You know, you get like different characters, but.

No, I will say the guys that are with you at your firehouse now are really nice and they're just like a lot more grounded. And the last one you were at when you were at MITA too, they were like very – they were very chill and they were very nice to me. I do feel like it kind of helps that even though I know that they have very mixed feelings about the amount of shit I talk. Yeah.

I do feel like at least like, you know, when you walk up to, when a comedian walks up to the comedy cellar table with a non-comic, like you can feel the energy change, right? And they're just like, you know, don't bring this. They say, they call us civilians. Like don't bring a civilian up to the table. And I used to feel like that when I go to the firehouse. Like, you know, you can feel like the chemicals change when I walk in the room. Sure. Like I'm just going to talk to Pete's wife, like stiffen up, you know? And now that I do feel like that they know that I am in fact like a, you know, a deep pig. Yeah. Yeah.

Not just some skirt, you know. Yeah. But, like, I do feel like they're a lot, like, warmer and nicer. I'm sure they're also more careful about what they say to me because they've had a smack of a talk. But they're very, like, they're very cool and warm. And they come by the house all the time. Oh, they do? Like, you know, like, Zach comes by. Yeah, we get a couple guys. They're wonderful with Frankie. And they help with everything around the house. And, no, it really is like a family. Like, if I need anything, they would always...

Help me. Yeah. I mean, it is like they take, you know, they're very warm and very insanely generous. I mean, if you have any problem, it's all just like stacks of kish, you know, like, yeah, they're all just trying to help anybody that needs anything. They help. Yeah. So they're very like they all do come by a lot and like, you know, help out a lot with everything. And they really love Pete because he's such a good boss. Like everybody really likes that. The only complaint they have with you is when you're not there, if you have to go on medical leave.

because they like you. Oh, that's sweet. Because they say you lead without any ego and you're very creative. Yeah, you feel... Your energy is really great. You have a really...

Yeah. You could hang for a long time with him. Like immediately you give that off of like there's an ease. You have an ease to you. Okay. Yeah. I'll take that. Yeah. You have an ease to you. No toxic masculinity. No toxic. No. Good. Good. I like that. Yeah. But don't worry. There's regular masculinity there. Oh, okay. Yeah. He doesn't have the chauvinist stuff. Yeah. Like he doesn't have that like women should did or none of that. Yeah. And they all cook. So they're like, that's what I'm saying. They're almost like accident. Yeah, we do. In that sense. Yeah. We do all cook. Right. Yeah. We do. We do a lot of cooking. Yeah.

It's like your job is essentially team building. And that's a really valuable skill. Yeah, exactly. And life-saving. And remember when we first – do you want to tell them about what happened when we first went out and you went to the date and how you spoke to me and what happened? How I was described? The way we were set up is my buddy sent me a text and he goes, any interest in meeting a semi-famous Jewish comedian? Semi-famous?

Yeah, semi-famous Jewish comedian. That's the least arousing expression I can imagine. Yeah, so somehow I agreed. I mean, that sounds fucking fucked. Yeah, yes. So then, yeah, I came up, oh, I slept here from... It was really cute. It was fine, and...

Oh, that's cute. He started speaking to me in all this Yiddish. I was like, I speak English. Yeah, I started. I started practicing all my Yiddish, you know? Did you Google Yiddish? I was holding like a knish, you know? Oh, wow. Maybe not that part. That's very cute. That's very sweet. Yeah.

You know, I had to get the Jewish part down. Yeah, so he came speaking like a lot of Yiddish. We can do English from here on out. You taught me Yiddish that night. You practiced so much Yiddish. Oh, that's so cute. That's so thoughtful. No, I didn't look anything up. I grew up in a neighborhood that slowly started turning Jewish. Okay, nice. So you pick up a couple phrases. Right. What did you think after the first date with Rachel? Right. We had a lot of fun. It was actually very funny because...

I don't know. It was the strangest thing. Like, our buddy who set us up also kind of acted a little strange, too. And then he's like, ah, Pete's not going to take you out for dinner. You know? And then, like, immediately afterwards, I was like, oh, Rachel, you want to go out the next day? You want to go out for dinner? Like, it was, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. He kind of cock-bucked him a little bit. It was interesting. Why? Maybe he wanted to go out with you. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like he wanted to go out with you. He was like, we had a mutual friend, and he was married at the time, but I think on a

So now he's happily married to somebody he really loves. But yeah, he was like, he was like, you know, he sent me up with Pete, but then I'm not sure he expected it to go so well, but he kind of gave me all these warnings about him. Warnings?

He's like, he's a good guy, not the kind of guy that's going to take you to dinner, though. And I'm like, what kind of guy doesn't take you to dinner? Yeah, everybody needs to eat. And then he just kind of kept telling me all these things about it. And then when we got to the bar, my friends all called you back draft. So they all came with me, by the way. I was like, I have to go to Brooklyn to meet this fireman. They're like, welcome. So they all came for this firehouse Christmas party in Brooklyn.

And they were like, yeah, Backdraft is supposed to be there. They all got to that like at exactly seven or whatever. And then you weren't there. And I was like, I felt so stupid. So I'm like, I got to blow out for this. And I'm just waiting for this firefighter that's not going to show up. This is dark terrain. I mean, yeah. And so and then I found out later was because the other guy didn't tell Pete like Pete where he was supposed to go. Oh, yeah. That's why I was like such a strange thing. Whoa. He wanted to date.

something it was something going on yeah there was something weird yeah sometimes you're in a weird place and you just yeah or you're projecting you don't realize that yeah and then where do we go after that i can't remember we went to an italian restaurant where you could drink out of like a bowl like a like a king yeah it was like old school you know but it was cool it's in the upper east side or yorkville and then uh yeah and that was it then we kind of hit it off from there right yeah i remember i was like uh we got yeah i think then we went like the next day and uh i

I remember meeting her at a bar. It was, and as soon as I showed up, she had like an aggressive amount of mustard on her shirt. I spilled mustard on my shirt. I thought he was like lifting his chin up to kiss me. And he was just like, it looks like mayonnaise and mustard on your tit right there. Yeah. So, um, it was a good glob. Okay.

And then, yeah, you were like, and I was like, wait, what? And then you were like, no, you got some smear of something. And you started to tell me what it was. You're like, I think it's mayonnaise mixed with mustard probably. Well, you bounced back from that pretty quick. No, she played it off well too, you know. She didn't get freaked out or anything. Oh, my God. We ended up having a laugh about it, you know.

First kiss? I don't know. Yeah, I think it was after our Italian wine drinking out of a bowl. Yes, that's right. Yeah. The first night we went out, I was like, listen, I can come over to your house, but I'm not going to have sex. I don't... Because I've never had sex outside a relationship because I'm just whatever, super like...

Just because I'd get attached, not for any other reason. And so I was like, you know, you're going to have a semi. It's not going to be fun for you. I used to have a joke about this. I'm like, if I was your sexual attorney, I'd recommend that you don't take this deal. You're going to get nothing out of it. Right, right, right, right, right. You're going to have to stay furious with a semi for the next 12 hours.

And Pete was like, no problem. It's cool, kid. You know, whatever. So we went back to your place. And then I think we just, yeah, we made out that night. And then I fell asleep. And then, yeah, you were very nice. You were very much a gentleman. And then...

I think the next morning, but my, but I did not expect to go over there. So like my underwear was like, not good. I was like, right, right. Yeah. Sometimes I do that. So I'm like, I don't want to have sex. So you don't. I would do insurance. Right. Trust me. But it never works, especially if you're drinking. If you're drinking, forget it. My underwear was like jacked. Like it was like deep granny panties proper. You gotta just kind of remove it selfily. Yeah. Yeah. By yourself. And I had like, I had all this stuff in my purse that fell out. Like, so, cause I always, cause again, I really am like a,

pretty a deep mess so like and I'm like teaming with ADD so I'm always leaving things everywhere and so like I had just gone for an audition and I think I bought like nylons for the audition or something it was just like not sexy things that fell apart like people

elder looking pantyhose and like the longest receipt from Goodwill. Like it looked like a telenovela from Goodwill. Yeah. And this is a guy that like his place was like, you know, it was very like I could tell that he wasn't in a relationship by the way it was decorated. I was like, there's no woman currently in his life. They would not have allowed any of these choices to be made, but it was very organized, but just like man swipes at decorating. It was like pictures that were the picture you got from CVS.

in the frame. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like there was like a man and a woman looking back at each other like each other like and so I was like and as I was leaving your house I like I leave and I'm like fuck I left.

a fucking panic like I know I leave some like just clump of debris and not hot debris either just like a debris that you see like after you broke up with somebody like but I don't have to deal with this shit anymore right so so that you came to the door with that like pile of like change and a goodwill receipt you know and you handed it to me and then you're like I think you forgot this and then I go and I turn around I go you know when you expect a sentence to be like hot and it's just like

a disaster yeah I took a big swing at the end because I was like I was fighting for my life there like he just handed me the fucking goodwill receipt I'm like I've never seen this guy again you know I cock teased him and he's just handing me like literally like some chewed up peanuts I'm like it's over it's a wrap so I was like I go next time I come over I'll wear better panties but it just like it wasn't a hot sentence it just like was not a hot sentence like I meant it to sound hot but it just sounded like what do you

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Something to look forward to. All right. All right. You had a cute response. Yeah. Something to look forward to. And also, like, it makes you feel good, like, when you have a verbal blunder, like, something like that. Like, you're like, oh, that made me feel better about myself. Like, that's okay. Yeah, you did say, I remember that's when I really heard your accent, which used to be, like, a lot thicker. Or maybe I don't hear it anymore. Right. But it was like, he was like, something to look forward to. And I was like, all right.

so maybe and then and then I left his house and I was like I went to my friend's house because I didn't want to call him because I was like I really like him I actually need supervision I don't want to call him yeah so I spent the night at my girlfriend's house and my friend that set us up Irene Bremis really hilarious yeah very hot comedian who's married to a retired firefighter she was like

You know, don't call. He's not going to call you till after his 24 because he wasn't calling, wasn't calling. You know, and she's like, he won't call you till after his tour, you know. So my friend was like, I'm like, can I just say this? Can I thank him? She's like, you don't fucking thank him. No, fuck that. Yeah. She's like, nothing to thank. Forget that. Yeah. So I didn't do it. And then you did text me after the 24 just as, yeah, you did text something. Yeah.

That I don't remember. Yeah, you texted like, that was like, so when we were at the bar at the end of the date, the first time we were set up at that Christmas party, there was this guy at the bar that kept getting kicked out and then he would come back in again. And that's very funny to me when someone's told repeatedly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, ah! Like, I love all those like 80s comedy tropes. Like, that's my favorite part.

favorite part of trading places. Yes, when someone leaves and then comes back in through a variety of entrances, it's never not funny to me. It really is funny. Or a fun-loving disguise or a Santa costume. I'm like, this is all terrific. So this guy who was maybe like home-lish or something, he kept coming back in and he was like, the bartender was like, buddy, you gotta get out of here. Then he'd kind of come back in through like,

a northern door and he's like yeah how about this way or if I crawl so I kept joking with Pete that that was his dad you know and I was like he wants a relationship with you after incarceration he's trying to like weave whatever your relationship is going to be and one thing I do remember is like he just right away got the dumb game I was playing and he was like I'll play this with you right right right so then afterwards I think you texted I was like the only time I believe that you've texted me a compliment he said like

You said, my dad said you looked very beautiful or something. Or my dad said you were gorgeous or something. And I was like, it was very sweet. I mean, you had to attribute it to a missionary character, but it was still something. It's coming back now. Do you like getting compliments, Pete? They're okay. I'm not like...

hungry for them where i'm like i need a comp but i guess here and there if you get a nice compliment it's cool or like not like a pat on the pat on the back kind of thing yeah or like yeah recognition an attaboy okay that's what we call them at the firehouse you get an attaboy nice yeah boy when did you know rachel was the one um i'm pretty quick actually we moved pretty quick yeah yeah

Lesbian speed? I don't know how fast that is. Fast? Okay. He said no homo. I'm not gay. Yeah, right.

Come on. Oh, my God. Masculine. But, yeah, I don't know. But it happened pretty quick because, like, I don't know. Before, you know, Rachel started having stuff, like, in the apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden she was staying more than not kind of thing. Yeah. Then it just kind of just happened, you know? Like, I think we dated maybe a little bit.

a little less than two years before we got married. Okay. Yeah. When did you know you wanted to get married? We met in November and then we got married in September of 18. We met in November 16. Okay. Yeah. So it was a little, but also too, we were both a little older, you know, I think that kind of helps too. Were you like looking to get married? Yeah. At this point, I think when I met her, I was like 36, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't a kid anymore.

And I wanted to have a kid. Yeah, yeah. So by the time we got married, I was 38. I believe the question was, when did you realize? These are a lot of hard stats you're giving them. You're like, 37, Christmas of 92, I first, no. I think what they're asking is when you first realized that you wanted to marry me. Like some qualities about her that you knew that was like, oh, this is the kind of woman I've been looking for. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to say like an exact moment, but I guess like,

I don't know. I don't think they're looking for the military time, but... 2,300 hours. But, like, when did you know and maybe why? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe, like, six months in and, like, we were doing a lot of traveling and, like, it just felt easy. Yeah. You know, like...

Because when you're traveling with someone, you're spending a lot of time with them. Sure, yeah. In the hotels and stuff. It's so fun traveling with a partner. Yeah, so then like... Yeah, I'd say probably in that kind of time frame. Did you consult your friends, your family? Like, I think I want to... Or did you just do it? Yeah, of course. And then with Irene... Your firehouse bros. Irene, who helped introduce us with Junior, she kind of like...

Like when it was getting time to propose, she kind of came up with the plan and we kind of like coerced the plan kind of thing. That's so cute. We did the bait and switch. So how'd you do it? So Irene was supposed to meet Rachel in Monty's, the Italian restaurant on McDougal. We have to go down the stairs. But instead of Irene showing up, I showed up. Oh, I've never heard of that. Oh.

So then I'm thinking, I was like, oh, it's downstairs. It's tucked away. Yeah. It's going to be like a nice, quiet, intimate proposal. I'm not looking for the whole crowd. Yeah, yeah.

I kid you not. I open up the door. It is elbow to elbow. Every seat is taken. I had to like creep around people and I'm just like, oh, this is horrible. You're breaking fire code. Totally, totally breaking fire code. No exits. But...

So then I'm just like, let me just get this over with. So then I pretty much just like. Love that. Yeah. I was like, this is too nerve wracking. And then I just dropped to the knee and I, you know, proposed there. Were you shocked, Rachel? And then some lady like in the crowd is just going, it's a proposal. It's a proposal. Now everybody's. Oh. I started screaming at him. Yeah.

And then Rachel grabbed the ring before she even said yes. You gotta get it in a crowded space. No, it could go in a vent. It didn't even occur to me that he was supposed to put it on my finger. I'm like, I'll take this.

That's so funny. Just a fucking deep, deep trash. I'm like, ah, okay, all right. And the lady in the crowd would say, you have to say yes. You have to say yes. Yes, yeah. They were all screaming at us. It was very New York. This woman was like, it's a proposal! It's a proposal! Which, of course, you know, Pete's worst nightmare. And I was going to say, afterwards, we ended up meeting up with all these comics. So, like, Keith and Liz and everybody. But he, yeah, you got down on one knee. Do you remember what you said?

It was simple. Yeah, simple. Yes. I said, you make me a happy man. Do you want to make me a happy husband?

Aw, that's cute. I like that. Did you guys – I'm so fascinated by this. Couples, like, I guess you talk about, like, do you want to get married? Do you want to – you feel each other out. But then, like, some couples will, like, go ring shopping. And I'm like, that takes the surprise out of it altogether. So it sounds like you were actually surprised, right? No, no. I knew it was going to happen. No, I had a team of people working on these impromptu conversations with Irene. You think they were like, oh, they brought that up. They were meeting. Yeah, I'm like – So you knew, like, this night it was happening? Well, I had a feeling it was going to happen that night because –

Because she didn't show up to meet me and she doesn't ask me to dinner. Oh, okay. So this is weird. And then Pete was like wearing a very... When he came in in this really puffy coat, I felt so bad because it was so... He was just like trying to maneuver himself with this. And I was like, oh, he's going to...

he's gonna propose but like I think we talked about it though like I was basically like I just didn't think that Pete was gonna want to marry me and I was like I'm wasting time with this guy because he's gonna want a certain type of woman he's gonna want like you know some nurse from Long Island or something so at one point I just said to him I was like listen you know if you want to just I want to get married so if you want to just drive out to the forest and drop me off like some animal you fail to domesticate wow just leave me back in the wild that's what

Yes. Remember? I told you, drive me back out like a cat that you couldn't tame inside or something. Sure. Was that surprising to you, Pete? No, not really. No. But had you ever felt like you wanted to drop her off in the woods like a cat? All the time.

I can picture the woods right now. Right. I got the map and everything. Yeah. No, it's... No, it's... I wanted to get married as well. Like I said, I wanted to have kids and everything. To Rachel. Yeah. Okay. To Rachel and, you know. Yeah, to Rachel. Right. Thank you. I need a Diane Sawyer over there to clarify that point. Yeah.

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What was it like when you found out you were pregnant? Like, that's always, like, you know, in the real of your life when you're at your deathbed and you look back at these moments, like, that is one of the big ones. Like, getting married, getting proposed to, but, like, you have positive pregnancy tests. Like, what was that like for both of you? Well, we had already, like... So, after we got engaged, like, he...

So we were engaged. We were going to – I think we were going to get married in like four months or something. Oh, wow. Quick. We were doing pull-out method. No, this is when I – and then I found out I was pregnant. Then I ended up having a miscarriage. And so at first I was like, fuck, I don't want to be this pregnant on my wedding. I think it was maybe five months before that I got pregnant by accident. So then I ended up going to get like legally –

We went to the courthouse first because I wanted to be on his insurance because I thought I was pregnant. Then we had a miscarriage and we were taking dance classes at the time. And I do remember that we took, you know, you're, you were really good dancer. We had fun dancing. We do a lot of dancing and karaoke. That's great. Oh, it's so cute. So we were taking this like Latin dance class and we were having a lot of fun. And then after that happened, it was, you know, it was very sad. That was the other time I saw you, uh,

you know, I mean, that has, of course I was sobbing. You were emotional. Yeah. And so we, we decided to, and I felt guilty because, because I was had, you know, of course I had conflicting feelings cause I didn't want to be, you know, so it made me feel bad for having those feelings. And then, so we, we walked all the way across the Brooklyn bridge. I remember we, we were like, we have to cancel this dance class. We have to cancel this dance class. We were leaving the hospital and, and then we just kept walking. Yeah. And then we just kept walking. And then, um,

And then we ended up at the dance class and then we just did our dance lesson. Yeah, that was the dance for our wedding. So we did like... It was like half ballroom dance and then it like...

stopped and then went to like a little salsa genre. So it was good. So we ended up having fun with that. Yeah. And so we did a dance class and then I was like, uh, but it was kind of good to go through something that, you know, it was obviously heartbreaking at the time, but it was definitely the right timing for so many reasons. But like, I, I do feel like it was like, Oh, okay, this is how we're, maybe this is one skill we could use to deal with stuff. And, and,

And so then we, then when we realized we, then we went to like a doctor after we got pregnant and I'd got some like some blood work done to see if I was going to be able to get pregnant after we got married. And they were just like, I remember the nurse called me one night right before you got home. And I was like, what did the blood work say? And she was like, I mean, it's not going to happen. You know, there's no eggs. It's not going to happen. And she was like, she was so abrupt. She was like, I'm like, well, what does that mean? She goes, your score is like 0.008 or something. And I was like,

well, what can you explain what that score means? And she was like, I mean, it's not God. It's like, listen to the number. It's not God. She's like, you're not going to, it's, you can't even do IVF with that score. Like, that's how she talked to me. So when Pete came back from the firehouse, I was like, oh my God, sobbing. So upsetting. So then, but then, um, I just, and then we went to like a fertility person just to check it out, you know, but I couldn't get, they had the same score, same answer. You can't do IVF.

So I was like, okay, well, we'll adopt or do a donor egg or something like that. But then I went and focused on this pilot, which then sold the pilot. And then I was like, I'm telling you, I'm pregnant. And the doctor was basically like, a lot of times when women have this idea that they might want a child, they imagine. I'm like, no, no, I'm pregnant.

pregnant yeah like i know yeah when it was such an obnoxious response right so then yeah like i and then i had you park the car i went in for like to find out for sure to get the sonogram because that's how we found out before like when you know i didn't which i didn't know but you can find out the baby doesn't have a heartbeat and that's can i thought that was the happy moment that was the moment where pete was going to be sitting there and then she was looking for the heartbeat i thought it was like her instrument the first time and then she's like uh

No, it's not a lot. And it was so sad. Oh, my God. So I was like, I didn't want a typical codependent me, like all my cocktail of issues here. I didn't want Pete to see that again. Yeah. So I was like, and I didn't want to feel as emotionally responsible for him as I felt in that moment, you know, because of my own balance of wanting to take care of like, you know, other people's whatever. So I was like, park the car. And I told him like, don't go to a garage. Like, and I was like. Oh.

I got in there really fast and I was like such a manipulative Al-Anon kind of thing to do. And I was like, can you do it really fast so that I find out before, you know? And then they were like, oh, you're pre and he walked in right at that moment. And then it was like, oh yeah. Hey, there's your baby. Yeah. Wow. There's your baby. That's so wild. And there was the heartbeat. Yeah. That was, that was the big one. That's so, what do you feel during that? Once you feel that once we heard the heartbeat, it was just like, whew.

Because that was like a scary moment. Yeah, yeah. Right. But then does it dawn on you like, that's a person. Like that's got to be the craziest experience having a child. And then like a couple months later, you get the 3D image. Then it's like, whoa. This is like really happening. And then we had her during COVID. So he was on the job and it was really crazy. Delivery?

Yeah. And then I had, I was diabetic, they found out. And then like, so I needed all these extra appointments. And then like, I was hospitalized once because there was so much bleeding and he was at a car accident. So he couldn't get to the hospital. Like he was on the job at a car accident. So I feel like then I got this crash course of like what it's going to feel like to like, you know, just like it was like a lot of crazy shit happens. And he was on the job. So it was like,

People were saying that we needed to separate because he was on the job and I was like, I don't think I can handle that. Like, yeah. So, and then they weren't sure whether he was going to be allowed in the delivery room, et cetera. Yeah. But then, so we finally, but so when we actually had the baby, I think because I'm so career oriented and I like,

I had considered all the hard aspects of how I would juggle this. Like, I think a lot of women, when they put it on a pedestal, they have a baby and they go into kind of like a dark spiral to the realities in this. And, but I think I like, again, typical, like pre controlling, but been with a lot of trauma. Like I'd like thought of every potential. So I was like very, very,

pleasantly surprised because it was like I was just like oh my god it's so like yeah it was just this immediate it was very fun and very exciting and like is it a love you've never experienced before kind of thing I've always heard people say that I'm like really

Yeah, it was crazy. I like I told my friend, I was like, what if I don't connect to her? And like, yeah. And you do hear that happen sometimes. But she was like, you're gonna. Yeah. And again, I think it was partly because I thought I'd gone through every other thing. Right. That it was like, so yeah, I mean, it was insane. But it still feels like it's made up because I had a C-section because I, I was like, I didn't want to be a hero. I'm like, I don't give birth and fucking grapes. Fuck it. Yeah. And then

They were like, that's a way to control to make sure he's in the room with you to get a plant C-section. But also I was like, I'm not fucking ripping my vag up. Pete's mom was like, the Brennan head will shred you. Oh. She was like, they all have

Big heads. It will shred you, Rachel. I was icing my vagina for weeks. Oh, my gosh. Okay, I've heard enough. I just scheduled my sex section. Yes, just scheduled it. Wow. And here's what a twat I am. I was like, I want a small scar. And I kept bothering them about that. And then they gave me a small scar. But during the actual procedure, that's all you have to do, be like a tireless twat. And they give you the scar you whine about. Nice. During the procedure, the guy was like, she wants a small scar. And the other doctor was like, I know. She told me that like a hundred times.

I didn't know you could request. I was like, yeah.

Who wants a big scar? I know. You were there during the C-section? Yeah. So they take your organs and put it on a table. Yeah, but they put... Did you see that? No, they put like a sheet so you can't see any of that stuff. You didn't want to see it? Nah, that's a little too much. I feel like I'd want to see it. Yeah. Because you can't feel it, right? You just feel pulls and stuff. It was the fastest thing I've ever experienced. Really? It was like, I swear to God, and I have a time stamp too. It was like 12 minutes. I was like, how the fuck did this happen so far?

We went in the room. It was like, I thought it was the beginning of like the medicine kicking in. And then they just like hand me the baby. Whoa. Insanely fast. Yeah. It was longer stitching her back up than it was. Wow. Yeah. It was so fast. The birth itself. Like I did not enjoy being pregnant at all, but like, Oh, you didn't know. Everybody feels so differently about it. I, yeah.

But also I think all the trauma that was going on in my life with like, with not knowing what's happening with COVID and he was on the job every day and like, and just being, and being hospitalized. And yeah, I had to prick myself because like they didn't, they couldn't get me my extra appointment. So it was a crazy, but then when she was there, the birth was fantastic. Cause it was just so quick. I mean, it was like an operation. I'm like, why doesn't everybody do this? Like, I don't want to fucking, yeah. Yeah.

So then and then I feel like it was kind of a nice blessing in a way because then we weren't allowed to leave the room. And so we were just like the three of us and they just help you. And you're just like holding this little bit like it's the sweetest thing in the world. And to this day, when she comes in the room, I'm always like, I can't believe I just like made this person like rounds a corner and like says funny shit. It's very funny. I imagine she's very funny. Yeah. She's so cute. Yeah. Oh, my God. And completely obsessive piece. And she's just like, oh, she's daddy's a girl. Yeah.

I will say everything that I had wanted you to do and then you did it when we were going to have a baby. Like I was like, you need to do this and you can't do that anymore and you got to come back from the firehouse and not sit around there. Now it's like straight out. Yeah, yeah. Pete's mom, Yaron, was like, Peter needs a girl to soften his heart. She said if Peter has a boy because he is a competitive, he will push, push.

push, push him. She was right. She's like, he will push him too much. But a girl, she can do anything. She can be a ballerina. She can be a firefighter. He's not going to care, my Peter. And that is how it is. Yeah. Like it's definitely, yeah, it definitely does. Yeah. I feel like having a bed, having daughters that does something to you that I can't put words because I don't know what it's like, but like it does, it does something very specific to a man having a daughter, like to your heart and to your,

Like, do you – like, my brother, he has a son. But I remember he was, like – he cared about things in a totally different way ever since he had his kid. And it's beautiful to watch him, like, become a dad. Like, do you ever – because if it's a daughter, do you get prematurely, like –

when you start dating, I'm going to fucking get my fire X. I ask guys about that at the firehouse because a lot of guys have older kids and stuff. And it's pretty funny. You know, the big thing I'm hearing right now is you kind of lose them from like 12 to like 16 ish or like that. But then they come back to you. Yeah. So I heard for girls, that's like the tough phase. Like now it's like the easier phase. Yeah. Cause you're just an adorable person.

child. I think it depends though. I mean like, yeah, I mean, I don't think you have to lose them. So don't like, don't like prepare to lose her. Maybe, maybe she'll be there the whole time. Right. But it just seems like they get like super independent. They know it all. They just want to be with their friends or they want the door closed and like that kind of thing. Yeah. Or they don't want to be seen with their dad, you know? Yeah. Like drop you off around the corner. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she knows for sure. Like,

like, I was like, I'm going to be the permissive parent. Like, I'm like, yeah, I'm a comic. I don't care. I don't run a tight ship. I don't run a ship at all. But like, but it's funny with, with Pete, just like, I'm like, she's got to go to her bed in her bed. And you know, like we read her stories and she comes in ours later. But like with Pete, it's like, she's up at like, yeah, she's there watching movies. They're watching like casino. And she's like, what the fuck is Frankie watching? Yeah. She's like,

He dresses her like Steve Jobs. He's always in like a black turtle like I didn't know she owned or whatever. That's so cute. No, they hang like hard all day. But I also feel like you are a worker. So he likes tasks. Yeah. So like your acts of service.

So these emotional questions are more of a challenge. Yeah, yeah. He likes, like – so all those, like, things you need to do, like change – like this. Like that's – he's, like, you know, he's action. Actually, he wants to keep going. So he's very into, like, take her to the park. He's very activity-oriented. Yeah. So that – I feel like you guys are always, like, off on, like, some adventure or something like that. Yeah. And you bring her, you know, to Costco and you're always, like, running around town together. Yeah. Do you ever take – did you take her to the firehouse and get –

She's been to the firehouse. I slid down the pole for her a couple times. Oh, that's cool. That's so sweet. And there's always cereal or ice cream at the firehouse. Oh, yeah. She always gets one or the other. Sometimes both. The guys get stiff now because now he's a chief. So he's got a driver. Whenever we come in, they pull out all the stops. She's, what's it? What does it eat? Ice cream. And Frankie is cocky about it. She loves it.

Also, I will say she doesn't like, she's not like...

The only problem is like she has been since she's been raised half at the firehouse. She's always hanging out there. She's always like leaning on some guy. Some fireman watching like a YouTube video that he's showing or something. Yeah. She calls. I talk about this on stage. She calls me sweetie. She's like, sweetie, I'm watching a video. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Lou is what they call lieutenant. She's like, I'm watching a video with the Lou. Like, you know, like. Oh, my God. That's so funny. So I will say like I have to. She's so extroverted that I have to teach her that like men are bad. Yeah.

Right, right, right. She's like, I mean, I'm joking. Yeah, she says hello to random people. I've read her like every Stranger Danger book and she's just like, hi, what's going on? How's your day going? Where are you from? What's your name? Like every strange man. We just in Vegas, she actually, it was a girl walking by and she goes, I like your shoes. Oh, she's fun.

Yeah. What a trip. She does also give people a lot of things and I realize like she's got a little bit of me like overcompensating. I also always give people an out. Like I'm like, do you want to come over later or no? And now that's how she asks people to hang out. She's like, do you want to come for a play date or no? Do you guys want a second one? No, no. Nah, we want it done. Yeah, yeah. I feel like one sounds perfect.

Yeah. Two sounds like not like twice the work, but like three times the work. Right. Yeah. Just too much. Yeah. And you just have to go through all the things again. Yeah. Yeah. Like she's in a good fit. Like, yeah. Once like the potty training and all that, it's like, this is fun now. Yeah. This is easy. Yeah. This is when they really start writing. Like they're coming in.

into your room with good lines. Yeah, they tell you what they want, you know, you don't have to guess. So this is good. Yeah, and then I think like, oh yeah, we were in a cab the other day and I took her to my first podcast, like last minute Pete had to do a 24 and so I brought her with me to this podcast and then afterwards it was like, I was like, okay, she could watch a video outside, like I made this work somehow and then I got back in the car afterwards and I was like so proud of myself, you know? And then I'm like, oh, I'm juggling, I am juggling it all. And then,

The Uber driver like turns around and like smiles. And I was like, you know, and then we had brought dolls. So we were like talking back and forth with our dolls and Frankie. And I was like, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm Gamal or whatever. I'm like, oh, what are you going to do then? And Frankie goes, both my parents just died. And I was like, what the fuck? Okay. And then I call Pete. I'm like, did you fucking show her a casino or something? How the fuck does she know this? You know?

And the Uber driver, by the way, was like immediately very alarmed. I mean, and like changed his whole view. Like if there was a window, he would have closed it like hard. He was like, you're on your own, you sick bitch. Like why are you teaching her this stuff? Yeah, that was Spider-Man. She watched Spider-Man. Oh. I call Pete flipping out. I'm like, what the fuck, dude?

Did you show her? Did she ask me this? I was like, did you show her Casino? And he was like, no, I swear to God, it was adult Spider-Man. Yeah, yeah. She picked it. She's like, oh, she acted like she's seen it. I guess in the beginning there's a scene where the plane goes down and she remembered that. And then I go, Frankie, where did you hear that? And she said the same thing. She goes, no, Daddy's telling the truth. It was adult Spider-Man. And she goes, a lot of parents pass away in these films. That's true.

I was going to say Batman's parents too. I was like a lot of superheroes have dead parents. All the parents are always getting killed off. Simba. Simba, Lion King. And she's watched Lion King a couple times. So she's getting it. Yeah. She's named after his grandfather who was a firefighter. So she's a little Frankie. Yeah. A little Frankie Tanky. Her real name is Elena Francis. Are there girl firefighters?

Yeah, there's a couple out there. A couple? I worked with two of the sisters that were on the job. Oh, cool. Yeah. What if she wanted to become a firefighter?

Who, Frankie? Yeah. Yeah, I'd have no problem with it. Nice. Yeah. What if she wanted to become a comedian? A comedian? Sounds like she's already on her way. I'd rather she be a firefighter. Yeah. Sounds very funny. I think so, too. Sounds very funny. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe she could do both. Yeah. That could be her side job. Yeah. Remember when you took me to the firehouse and that female firefighter, what was her name again? She was really good. Yeah, Deanna. Deanna.

they were talking about a female firefighter on the phone one day and I was just like being such a fucking nosy bitch. I started like listening. I'm like, let me see how they support her. Yeah. Yeah. So I heard Pete and this other guy talking about her and he's like, oh yeah, she got the chops. You got like, and it was just all, I was pretty impressed. I was like, I feel like in the 1950s, this would have been a very different conversation. Yeah.

They were all just like talking about what she could or could like, you know, it's just like, oh, she's good. She's new. Like the way they would talk about any new guy. Yeah. Right. Like, oh, she's good. And she's, and I asked Petey's like, oh, she's great. And so I met her and it was so cute. She took me up to her locker and opened it up and she had like a little firefighter Barbie in her.

That's so cute. She's amazing. What is her full name again? Deanna Melnick. She's incredible. Her and her sister are these badass firefighters. That's cool. I think she's a fire marshal now. Is she a fire marshal now? Now she carries a gun. Hell yeah, Deanna. Wait, do you have a gun? No, you gotta be a marshal to get a gun. A fire marshal carries a gun? Yeah, because they're like fire police.

What's the fire? Do you shoot the fire? They'll make the arrests if they find arson. Oh, arson arrests. Oh, okay. Yeah, so they get the guns and everything. Your friend Kevin's a fire marshal.

Yeah, so no, he's back. He ended up becoming a lieutenant now, so he's back in the field. Yeah, but fire marshals are like a detective, basically. They go and they tell you if the fire is suspicious. And Kevin, he was always really funny. He was a fun firefighter, too. But he was like, he's a good hang. And remember, he used to tell you they would go to a fire, and then he would always say the same thing to the lady. He'd be like, ma'am, I'm not going to rest until I get to the bottom of what happened right here. Then he'd look at Pete and go, let's get some lunch. But...

But he was a great marshal. That was just like his joke. But he was pretty funny. He was a fun hang. Yeah. But the marshals, like you always tell me you understand their jobs because whenever we watch like some murder on TV, you'll always tell me, I'm like, is that fire suspicious? And you always tell me if it is or not. Yeah. That's great. Nice.

Yeah. He can always tell, like, if a fire is, like, you know, he'll be like, nah, it's probably suspicious because it has these reasons and that reason. Yeah, you're always, like, really quick to get me. You also always size up a building and you'll be like, that's how we'd have to escape. We'd have to get through there and it's got a nice slanted roof so we could, he's told me many times our house is pretty flammable. Wow. Wow. Well, you got a survivalist on your hands. Yeah, you would just hit it with the can, right? Hit it with the can. Hit it with the fucking can. Oh, my God, the can.

But yeah. This was great. Thank you. We're honored to be your first podcast, Pete. Yeah, it was great. You were fantastic. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, you really did. Any last words? Anything you want to promote? Rachel, obviously your special Big Guy on Netflix is so fucking funny. Thank you, Big Guy on Netflix. Also, I am about to announce a new tour tomorrow. I just waited because the summer, like after the special, I just kind of wanted to write a little at first, but it's called the Under-Medicated Tour, so I'll be...

I love it. So I'll be, I tried to call it the America's favorite pig tour. And they were like, no, you cannot. I was like, why not? America's favorite pig is fun. But everybody was like, don't call yourself a pig. I was like, how about America's fun loving pig? I love it. My tour names were so bad. I was like, how about butt loads of class tour? They were like, no. Butt loads of class tour. I think these are fine. That's great. I think these all work. I think these all work.

Yeah, but no, it's called Under-Medicated Tour, and the tickets are on, follow me on Instagram, rachelfeinstein underscore, or at punchuplive.com, or rachel-feinstein.com, and they have all the road dates. Pete, you want to promote anything? Man, I got nothing. Fire safety? Stop, drop, and roll. There you go. I think that's a good catchphrase for you. Oh, what causes most fires? You've told me this before, like things you wouldn't expect. Not the curling irons, but...

Oh, not of course the most, but dryer fires. You got to clean the lint out of your dryer. Oh, my building caught fire because of a dryer fire. Yeah. Good tip. Thank you. Hey, you don't think about it. You go, I clean it. Yeah, you don't really think about it.

You got to clean out that lint. We have a fire extinguisher in studio. I love safety. Wow. I'm impressed. We have no clue. I have no clue. It would be, it goes out. I got to take 10 minutes to read the directions. I would be on YouTube. Like how to extinguish fire. But we do have it. So halfway there. Yeah. Is it like a grenade? You pull out a pin. Yeah. Yeah. They pull a pin. And then you just aim and shoot. Aim and shoot.

Oh, okay. We got it. Pull the pin out and squeeze. That's it. Okay. Point and squeeze. I figured it had to be pretty user-friendly if they're just everywhere. Because you've got to think on your feet. Yeah. And is there an instance, like is there a certain type of fire that we don't use the extinguisher that we should use something else or just run? Oh, that one's pretty good. That ABCD. Electrical fire is fine? Yeah. Okay. What did you say ABC? That's an ABC...

That's for like the classifiers that it puts out. But I thought ABC is when you are asphyxiated or something. Yeah, that's for medical stuff. That's another acronym. There's two ABCs? Yeah. There's like 10 ABCs. What's the other ABC?

One's like regular combustible. B is like liquid fire. C is like electrical fire. Oh. So you can put them on any of those three and you're good. And so that would be any of the kind of fires that could potentially erupt in this room would be within the class of... Yeah, I would say. Oh, cool. All right. So they have a perfect extinguisher. Perfect. Now, oh, question. These heaters...

Yeah, it's way heavier. No, please. Can you not have fabric against them? You know the heaters that the metal pulls? Can you not put stuff against them? Will that cause a fire or no? I mean... Does it melt something? You need to get like a spark or something. It might melt something if it's too close. Okay, but no fire. Yeah, there's always like hot pipes in New York, but there's not a lot of room, so you sometimes get to lay fabric against them. You got shit on them. Yeah, those are like the steam pipes, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those don't cause fire. Yeah, you'd be all right with that.

But the space heaters can cause a fire if you don't unplug them. Space heaters have got to be careful. Oh, the space heaters are very – The hot item now is lithium-ion batteries. Yeah. Okay. All these Uber and Uber Eats people, all their scooters are catching on fire because of their – Yeah, these batteries, they're just exploding. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's wild. Fast too. Yeah. What has lithium-ion batteries? Anything that has – like they have to charge.

Is that any rechargeable batteries? Lithium? No, but like the bigger ones, like the bikes and things like that. Yeah, that's the one. Like your phone would be all right. Oh, okay. Yeah. But there's nothing that we have to watch for in terms of our Amazon Prime purchases. No. No. Your Amazon Prime is very safe.

Trust me, we get a lot of those. You would think we have stock in Amazon. What's the dumbest fire you've ever put out? Like for the dumbest reason. The dumbest fire? Like an actual fire fire? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I mean... Then you're like, are you fucking serious? How about the dumbest call? Sometimes we'll get like... We'll get a call for like...

In a subway, like a subway fire. And it ended up just being like a little piece of, literally like a little piece of paper. That's not because it's just stomped on with their shoe. And like, oh, we'll show up and things are already self-extinguished. Right. I have called the fire department a lot on the trash cans. Sometimes trash cans will just go up in flames. Trash cans too. What the fuck just happened? I was standing here for 10 minutes.

And then it just went up in flames. Yeah. What are people throwing away? Cigarettes or what's happening? Cigarettes. Yeah. I always put the cigarette out fully and then you put it in the trash. And then you get class threes. Well, you get the most of it. You get class threes or you get odorless. You get a lot of class threes. And that's when some guy thinks he smells gas and then it turns out it's like...

Nothing. Yeah, odor or something. Yeah, we get a lot of passerbys. They think they smell stuff. Well, I will say I called the fire department on gas, and they mocked me at first, and then they said, oh, you were right. Actually, it was leaking in the basement. Wow, that's really dangerous. You saved a lot of people's lives, right? I called the fire department on gas once, and it was a pizza parlor down. They left their ovens on, and they were like, huh, we don't know where it's coming from. And then they had to come a third time, the fire department, and they're like, if this went on for 20 more minutes, you would have been dead.

it would have exploded. Why are you guys both saved people's lives? Yeah. My dog, I ran out and I said, I'm making this call from outside. But I like when I see a trash can on fire, I'm like, I called 911.

No, no, you don't call. I'll call. I'll call because you got to stay. Didn't some lady once tell you to take your boots off when you call? Yeah, yeah, I've had that. She was like, not on this carpet. You guys do stomp through no matter what. I feel like the level, if it's not that serious, maybe you could do less stomping. I put the little booties on. Because I have framed photos in my wall and there was a lot of stomping.

bang and they're just they're so they're so they're so beefy I was like watch out these are fucking Vincent Price lobby cards so please don't touch them one of a kind yeah we're not too good with the finesse no yeah finesse doesn't save lives no no did she say never mind or something or what

Yeah, we're not taking our boots off. Yeah. She was like, the rules are the rules. They were like, all right, for me. And then she called for like nothing. It was like something. Yeah, it was nothing. But I remember one time I was locked inside my apartment and then the firefighters broke through the door. Because I had to go to Sirius and I didn't have any of the tools. Right. And so my doorknob wasn't working. So I couldn't like...

screw it back in and I was like I gotta be serious at 9.15 I gotta call the fire department I gotta get an interview so you called the fire department for that yeah and they came fast as shit because P was the chief of the OS so they came in like two minutes and then they were banging down the door with a fucking axe and I swear to god while they were banging the door down I was like putting on more lipstick I was like I gotta look good for this and

Yeah, they came through and like, I swear to God, it felt like two minutes. It was like four guys in my living room. Yeah.

And they were like, you know, all clear, Cap. All clear. Also, I thought of something else. You know when you park in front of a fire hydrant? If people are parked in front of the fire hydrant that you have to use, do you break through the car? It's been done. Yeah. That's not just in the movie. Because it's some dipshit that parks in front. And I've done it too. But do cars actually get broken through so that you could hook the hose up? It's happened, yeah. There's definitely pictures of it out there. That's hilarious.

And they can break into any car too because you have to break into cars a lot because for car accidents, like, you know, they have like, they use these things, these big giant. Yeah. How did you know we're called Jaws of Life? I don't know. I just knew that. Yeah. Yeah. I've gone by accidents on the highway and I'm like, whoa. Like, I've seen firefighters prying people. I'm like, whew. That is not for the meek of heart, that job. No.

That's it. Joys of life. Yeah. She loves to use that term. And then when I, cause it's like one of the three tools I know. Yeah. Yeah. Remember the time they came by the firehouse? Like I was like, I was like, uh, Captain Brennan's upstairs, but they didn't know me. And I go, Oh, just say the Jews in the lobby. And they were like, I was trying to get on the radio and just, I was like, just say, we got a Jew in the lobby, Jews in the lobby. They were like, we can't say that, man. And then it said he got out. He was like, boss, your boss is here.

And then Pete came down smoking a fat stick. Yeah, a nice cigar. Yeah, but it was kind of cute. Now that he's like a chief, they give him a nice salute. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. That's pretty cool. A little respect on your name. A little respect. Thank you for all you do for me and emotionally. I hope you really grow from this, you know? Shit.

These girls gave you a lot of hot tips. Now all you got to do is use them shits. All right, I'll shut up. Well, thank you both. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your time. Yeah, thank you. This has been Guys We Fucked, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. We'll talk to you next Friday. Guys We Fucked is presented by Luminary. Created and hosted by Corinne Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by Eric Freddie. Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Kozen.

But who am I crying to?

Cause anybody is a unique cause it's all been said. Not sure what did. Less confusion I suspect. Some net part chain. But I feel just about. With some new worries to come. Cause you're not a. Like I said it really isn't how. I never seem to leave my mind. Decisions. Never seem to leave behind.

I'm not crying too, cause anybody is saying cause it's all been said. And helping, it don't ever seem to leave my mind. The decisions, that I can never seem to leave behind. But who am I crying to, cause anybody is saying cause it's all been said.