YOU LOOK LIKE A CLOWN AND NO ONE’S GONNA F*CK YOU? ft Steph Tolev
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Welcome to Guys We Fuck, the anti-slut-chaining podcast. Yo, you having sex? I'm Christina Hutchinson. I'm Corinne Fisher. The sluttiest boyfriend. Mr. Slutty, you're horny, and you're shit. Hey, you a slut? Yes. Okay. Let's talk about fucking. Hello, everybody. How you doing? Drink some water, go make a sign, and go protest. And welcome to another episode of Guys We, uh.

It's the Anti-Slut Shaming Podcast. I'm Corinne Fisher. I'm Christina Hutchinson. Welcome to the show. If you want to follow us on social media, do that. It's at guys we f-c-k-e-d. Yes, that. And I am personally at Philanthropy Gal. I'm at Christina Hutch. I'm at Eric Freddie. Oh, seamless. Perfect. If you want to email us, it's sorryaboutlastnightshow at gmail.com. We've been getting some good ones lately. Today's show is called

Today's subject line, I've never had a boyfriend who wanted to see me naked less. She says a bunch of nice things and then on to her issue. I'm a 34-year-old woman turning 35 in the fall. So you're elderly. I've been dating a 31-year-old male since mid-February. It's my first boyfriend in a while, a few years. I had something last year that was long distance and horribly toxic, but sex was amazing, unfortunately. That's always how it goes.

Okay, so you have a friend. That's right.

That is your friend. You have a friend. You have a really good friend named Jeff. Yeah. And he loves to kiss you. But that's it. He kisses me on the cheek and forehead all the time. Or he's gay. He's gay. Jeff don't. I don't know if Jeff likes you like that. Happy pride to Jeff. Yeah. Happy pride, baby. Has his arm around my shoulder or his hand like on my knee when we're next to each other. But it feels like there's no passion or lust when he touches me. Yeah, this is a gay man. Yeah.

I hope you included a picture. The forehead kisses is the gayest shit I've ever heard in my life. I love forehead kisses. That's either gay or that's like a family member. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He barely puts his hands on my waist in that like intimate way. He never touches or gropes me. He's never asked for nudes once. Women, we're never happy. He never gropes me. Just grope a titty. I don't even care if it's at a doctor's appointment. Then I really liked sending... He never asked for nudes once.

I really like sending them when I'm dating somebody. I've talked to him about it and he says he was inconsistently taking medicine. Huh? And his doctor said the flux from it can cause low sex drive. That doesn't stop you. That doesn't change. Okay. When you take medication that lowers your sex drive, that lowers...

Get the fuck out of here, Jeff. Get out of here. No, your badge is telling you Jeff's gay and you're not listening.

That's what's happening. That's why you're getting a yeast infection. Listen to your pussy. He's amazing and makes me happy in every other way. Of course he is. He's a fun gay guy. But this lack of sexual desire really eats at me. I wish he would just eat me. Smiley face. That's not happening. He's not going to do that. Gay men do not like eating pussy. I'm a very physical person and feel like less than six months in is way too early to be not fulfilled sexually. There you go. You're right.

He didn't want to have sex until we were actually boyfriend and girlfriend. Yay. And I thought that when that happened, it would be like open season. It just hasn't.

The few times we've had sex, it was great, but he doesn't even cuddle after. That's pretty straight. He jumps up and gets stressed right away. Oh, he grew up Catholic, but so did I. His parents may be stressed because he's Catholic and gay. And this is not smiled upon in their community. It's true. His parents may be a little more conservative than mine, but were, but were, I didn't think his morals were any different than mine. I'm kind of stuck on what to do. You should break up with your friend.

I don't want to end a relationship that I truly do enjoy being in because I'm not getting as much sex as I want when I want it. This is a little different. Okay, so this is not like the sex has ebbed longer, like several years into the relationship. The sex was never there. Ever. So this is not... It was never there. This is not a romantic relationship. He was dangling the boyfriend-girlfriend can in front of you and you go, okay, fine, we're boyfriend-girlfriend, still not fucking in. You're in your 30s. Yeah.

which even sounds crazy reading back. Okay, good. But I also don't want to be in a relationship where I don't feel physically desired. Okay, so you got to break up with your gay friend, Jeff. I want someone who wants to rip my clothes off after not seeing them for days, not a hug and five kisses on the cheek. Mm-hmm.

Any advice is welcome. Just kidding. Girl, Jeff don't like you like that. Yeah. But he loves you. I'm sure he loves you as a person. He likes your company. But nobody wants to be alone. And I think Jeff might be using you for company. Yeah. While he figures his shit out. Yeah. And as a decoy for his conservative Catholic parents for the holidays. Gotcha. Yeah. He's going to be, you know what? He's going to get an erection when you say yes to going to Thanksgiving dinner.

Oh, man. And he's going to sing Pink Pony Club the whole time. Yeah. Lady Gaga tickets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like, OK, so like just yeah, I just say, hey, do you want to see what is the abracadabra? Yeah. Yeah. Tour. Yeah. And then, yeah. Yeah. See how big his eyes get. Yeah. That'll that'll tell you how gay he is. Yes. Yes. Queen.

But hey, sounds like Jeff could be a great friend. Yeah, put him on the will. He's going to be there for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just not your vagina. Yeah, he's got to be honest with himself. Yep. You know what I mean? And he's not. He's using you as this little lying barrier. Yeah, Jeff's going through a tough time. It's not your problem. And it's not your pussy's problem either. But you're making it. What a better thing to do in Pride Month than to tell your gay boyfriend, maybe you should think about what you want in life with some honesty. Yeah.

yeah it's not me i mean it's not me also if you just want to make sure like put on a very homoerotic film oh like not actual porn but just like google like films with the most homoerotic scenes in it and see how riveted he is brokeback mountain yeah magic mike wait what's call me what's the call me by my name what's that one oh wait

army hammer oh okay i was like i was like i heard of that when i didn't see it but i was like i gotta add it to my list i am a fan of brokeback mountain or just put on a rugby game and see see see where his eyes go yeah just see yeah uh but jeff you know he's battling himself and that's again like corinne said it's not your problem yeah but you could be a loving friend and say hey this obviously isn't working out it would be cool if you um said something since you're the one with the lack of desire but i can't

unsee it and it's the elephant in the room. Yeah. Again, it's much different like if it's like stops like a couple years in or something but if it's never there. Yeah. You can't make it there. Unless you're virgins. But you're not. But you're not. Yeah. So, yeah.

Yeah, come hear us at other places. I have a Patreon where once a week I hop on a Zoom with you lovely people and we talk about our problems. And I got to say, the depth of these conversations is it surprises me every time and I always leave feeling...

just fucking fantastic. And once a week I do a zoom, a woo theme zoom. And Corinne, guess what happened the last time I did it? I do a psychic exercise every time. Flicker. Oh no, I freaking wish. Um, so I do, we do like a group meditation and cause people showed interest. I'm like, all right, if you guys want to do witch shit, I'll fucking do witch shit.

So we do group meditation and then we do a thing where we send – if somebody has like a physical ailment, we try to send them energy just to see if there's any effect. And another thing we do is we do psychic exercises. Well, the Telepathy Tapes is a fantastic podcast that I really enjoyed and it talks about a study that I learned years ago in a Laura Lynn Jackson seminar about how a lot of nonverbal autistic children have these – are extremely sensitive to thought energy and just energy in general.

And so there was this experiment where this kid wrote a word on a piece of paper and his brother, who's nonverbal autistic, three floors below him, knew what he wrote on the paper. So after we did this exercise, I was like, I'm writing a word on the paper and I'm thinking of it. I want you guys to tell me, like, see if you can get it. See if you can get the word. And I was just looking at it and thinking about it. And fucking two people got it. And I'm like, yo.

You don't got to be nonverbal autistic to rethought energy, baby. Can I ask what the word was? Apple. Oh, okay. Now, you could say that statistically that would be a common word or like dog or something. I just wrote down apple and I was like, you know, if you get like a texture out of this word or a color or a shape or anything, anything that is related to the word, that's something that you're picking up on too. And two people said apple. Out of how many? Like 12. Yeah.

Yeah, there's only 12 people on these things each time. It's pretty good. Yeah, I was very impressed. So yeah, come join us. Patreon.com slash Christina Hutchinson.

And if you want to hear more about the news, uplifting, municipal, national, and international. Guys, I'm really, I, okay, so I asked for municipal news stories going on in like, you know, cities from listeners. And last week, people sent me the juiciest, best, there was one from New Jersey that was better than any soap opera that I've ever heard.

Watched in my entire life. I almost fell off my chair laughing. I'm telling you, if you're not paying attention to municipal news, you are missing out on the drama and the tea. So we've been doing that. But of course, we always do national and international news on the show. It's without a country. It's 9 p.m. Eastern time on Wednesdays. We live stream.

We might be putting it a little bit earlier, like 8 p.m., but for now it's at 9 p.m. on Wednesdays and you can always access it on YouTube. And then there is full audio everywhere you listen to podcasts, you know, when Mike Harrington decides to do it on time.

But it's always on YouTube. Yeah, it's good. I'm fixing it, guys. I see your emails. I'm fixing it. This is not my issue, but I'm in charge of the YouTube. I go in and edit the YouTube myself sometimes when it doesn't get done. So I'm on top of it. Thank you so much.

Oh, and also while we're on it, make sure I was, I was trying to hand it off to Eric, but he doesn't want the attention. So, um, this is coming out this Friday. Yeah. Um, so, so for our luminary listeners, make sure if you're in New York city that you are at a, you're a registered Democrat that you're voting in the primaries. Early voting has already, uh, begun. And then you have until Tuesday, the 24th to, uh, make that, uh, you know, send that ballot in, get that ballot in, uh,

and of course you can still write me in Corinne Fisher, C O R I N N E space F I S H E R. You have to spell it right. Otherwise the vote doesn't count. C O R I N N E. Corinne Holiday Inn. Legally registered, uh, as a campaign and you want to rank five candidates. Don't,

Don't rank corny. And don't rank corny and don't rank Andrew Cuomo. Yeah. Is what the city of New York is asking you. When we were at the No Kings March, which was such a fun time, we saw Brad Lander. That was fun. We did. Okay. I was like, oh, Brad Lander. This brings me. Okay, Christina, you asked me to keep a list. Yeah. Oh, of all the things. For when Christina's missing the most.

Is he one of the predators? No, I thought it was. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's not a predator. I don't know. No, no, no. Bradley is a fine man ethically from what I know. Okay. So what I do. Wait, did you ask me on air last time to keep a list or was that. I was privately. I was like, ah, we want some clippable moments. Okay. That's funny. Well, so Christina asked me to make a list of like times when she's like completely misses what's going on. And I actually literally wrote it in my phone.

For the Brad Lander moment. Because so Brad Lander is the current controller of New York City and he is one of the 11 mayoral candidates. So I've done like, you know, mayoral forums and stuff and endorsement meetings with him throughout this process. He knows damn well who I am and he is not interested. And so I said, this is Corinne Fisher. She ran for mayor too. Yes.

So we're marching in the No Kings March on Saturday. And Brad Lander just happened to be his whole crew. And like Brad Lander himself happened to be just right next to where we were marching.

And first of all, Christina goes, it's him. And then I'm expecting like a celebrity and it's Brad Lander. We also saw Mark Ruffalo. Which Google him. It's funnier if you see the picture. It's also somebody whose photo I've looked at so many times. No shade. There's something about him that I don't like. His policies are good, though. And I'm most likely going to have him in my top five because I have to for the city. But she's like, there he is.

He is. He's, she's like, you know, I don't know if you, you didn't grab him, but you like touch his shoulder. And you're like, and she's like, Brad, this is current Fisher. She ran for mayor to cut to me. This is what I'm wearing. I'm wearing a swimsuit from Walmart that says I love to party with the number two. I'm, I'm wearing the shortest booty shorts. I'm wearing electric yellow, uh,

fishnet tights. I have a gold metallic party hat on that I've written fuck Cuomo in Sharpie on and put tape over to laminate it because it's pouring rain. And then I have a yellow rain jacket that I used for my Greta Thotberg Halloween costume. This is the visual. Okay. And then, oh, and then I have a sign that said Jaden Smith also threw himself a birthday parade, which is a fun fact and true. Yeah.

I still don't see a problem with any of this. And that's why I love you. You beat yourself. He wishes he was having fun. I've never seen a man get away from me so quickly. He did march rather quickly. And I noticed his pace did pick up. Brad does not want to be associated with me. He doesn't give a shit that I ran for mayor. He is so glad I'm off the ballot. Who knows? He could have helped. If he did, I wouldn't have been as nice to him.

And then, so of course I just like try to make a joke. Cause number one, I know he knows who I am. There's no way there's not that many candidates and we've done several meetings together. There was an endorsement meeting for, uh, like a, like a day, a gay democratic group where they didn't fucking tell me when I was speaking the order that I was speaking in. And you gotta have a line. They were doing it by pulling. And so, you know, Brad gets to got 10 minutes and I got a 30 seconds. Like I literally, I,

think I literally got like 30 seconds and I was like well you can't poll if no one includes you in the polls so and so I like was standing in the back and then they called my name out of nowhere after Brad and so like I run up and I like fully I like fully ran into his chest which is hard because he's not even taller than me no

Little guy. Which is okay. So that was our last interaction, I think, before this. And you could... He definitely knows who I am and he definitely does not want to be associated with me. And then I had to make a joke and I was like, yeah, now that I'm conceited, I can go back to dressing like myself. And meanwhile, I thought the whole thing was fine. Christina goes, you know... And then...

No. After that, you know, because Zoran, Mamdani, and Brad Lander have cross-endorsed each other. And then after that, you said another one of my favorite things, which is like, well, if you were still running, Zoran wouldn't have co-endorsed you. No, he wouldn't. Maybe he wouldn't. No, they're both locked in with the DSA. Ugh.

God, all these fucking groups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The DSA had previously endorsed Brad Lander for a controller. So, you know, they're already was in good graces with them. They're well, I mean, it's also they're they're, you know, they're working the system here. Politics can be fun and it should be. But it's not. That was funny. Now that Corinne's not in the race. That was fun. That was a fun time. I just I couldn't say anything because you were just so happy. And I go, you know what? I'm going to let Christina think that Brad Lander was stupid.

So happy to get out of it. You know, no, Brad Lander loved that I was running for mayor. He was so supportive of it. I'm sure he has a crimfisher for mayor sticker on his laptop. Well, he fucking should. And I'll mail you one, Brad ski. I'll mail you one.

And even after that interaction, I'm going to still rank you, Brad. Yeah. Even though I don't even know if I've ever had a pleasant interaction with you and I don't know that I trust you at all. How's that? Someone's got to go on the ballot. Yeah. And his policy, like when we're going pure policy, that, you know, Jessica Ramos was my number one match.

If she's going to her, she's a traitor. She's going off Scott Stringer and Brad Lander, basically, but he's a, but he's a, yeah, he has multiple accusations against him. So Brad, you get one of the five rankings because you've never raped anybody that we know of that we know of. Yeah.

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But I loved – so your sign said Jaden Smith also threw himself a birthday parade. Mine said – it was a quote from Ms. Stormy Daniels that said sex with Trump was the worst 90 seconds of my life. Felt really good about that. The people really responded to that. They loved it. And when we – I posted a picture of my sign on my Instagram and I went back and forth between allowing comments and not.

Because I knew I was poking the wounded masculine bear with that. I knew it. And then all these dudes who don't follow. I'm like, don't comment. If you're not following me, shut up. If you are following me, we'll see. But all these guys were like, whatever. She fucked him. That was her. And it just reminded me of wounded masculinity. And there's a new, there's a book I'm reading that I really love that I dare I say it is the

modern version of Getting to I Do. I think it's more, it just speaks to like deeper truths than that one, even though that one was really good. It's kind of old. It's called Sovereign Love by Danae Logan and her name is spelled D-E-N and then the E has the same apostrophe the way Beyonce's last E has. This is a really great book. It was recommended to me by a woman who did my Akasha Gregor's.

But she talks about the masculine and feminine energy and how we all have – every person on this planet has both masculine and feminine. And here are some examples of wounded masculine energy. Aggressive.

Stuck in mind or not present cold and distant competitive withdrawn bullying competitive. I'm like, okay, that's that could be good bullying struggles to communicate needs has to be right reactive withdrawn runs from love narcissistic needs to fix avoid an attachment.

Afraid of failure. Ignores emotions. Wounded feminine energy. Irrational. Desperate. Needy. Manipulative. Insecure. Seeks external validation. Inauthentic. Chases love. Victim. Critical. People-pleasing. Projects emotions onto others. Lack of boundaries. And one person can have both wounded masculine and feminine. I think for competitive, they mean specifically, I'm guessing, competitive with your partner.

Oh, not competitive in general. She actually does talk about that. I'm like competitive with your partner. I, that, that has never even dawned on me. That's almost every couple that we know in the entertainment business. That's like, that's how that saying there, you know, there should only be one headshot per couple came to me. That's so lame. Um, but healthy masculine energy. Cause we need to talk about that more. So you know what it looks like.

creates safety, witnesses without judgment, holds space, present without a goal, integrity and awareness, guides, committed to truth, listens deeply, supportive and encouraging, faces fears, humble, seeks mentorship.

Reflective, peaceful, and grounded. Observes beyond what is seen. Responds instead of reacting. Healthy, feminine energy. Intuitive, loving, playful, and expressive. Fluid, heart-centered. Surrenders, connecting. Births, creates, manifests. Vulnerable, compassionate, sensual, and affectionate. Receives, connected to source energy. Authentic, and trusts. And she has this interesting quote. Surrenders.

Yeah. Well, I don't love that one, but the other one was good. The current societal structure leaves men most commonly choosing between one of two options. Submit to the societal blueprint of normal married with kids, a distorted version of masculinity characterized by the following. Exists to provide sex as the only outlet for intimacy, a practical job that provides security, constant seeking of external affirmation, inauthentic and people-pleasing, and

discounted from one's own wants or needs, or number two, rebels against the system to walk a different path and fears commitment. A wounded version of masculinity characterized by the following objectifies others as a form of numbing struggles with the follow through rebels against societal conformity, chases hits of aliveness, feels like a failure, controls others by pushing them away. While

While each of these generic archetypes of modern masculinity, the content family man or the consummate bachelor, are held by society as viable options for men, in each case there's almost always much more happening below the surface. Henry David Thoreau said, the mass of men lead lives...

Mm-hmm.

And from my perspective, this is one of the most short-sighted cooperative failings of our time, allowing for a society of men who are disconnected from their hearts has come with a series of consequences which ultimately creates a ripple effect that impacts all of us in one form or another. And I just wanted to say to all those MAGA guys, because I know you're out there,

Come on over to our side. Okay. You could be yourself. Do you want to knit and build a shed? We accept that. Are you straight, but you kind of want to get your dick stuck? Fuck yeah. I'm so supportive of that. Are you a closeted homosexual? You could be gay here. You know, it's just like, I want to invite you to, um, to not be a bullying, cruel, um, uh, garbage man.

Come on over to our side. Democratic Party. You can be gay here. Happy Pride. Yes. You could be whoever you are. Do you know what I'm saying? I just feel like the guy... Well, I would actually disagree. I don't know that you can be whoever you are. I mean, whoever you are hates women and... Because you have to... Well, because... No, but you also have to be like...

overly zealous with like the causes. That's, I think that's the disconnect here because it's like so much wealth and privilege on the democratic side that they've, that's how they've lost the working class people. Like, can you just be like a regular person who doesn't hate people? Uh, you know, uh,

who want to live differently, but they themselves just, you know, has a wife and two kids. I think that's the problem. Yeah. I mean, from what I've assessed. And you know, I, I, as every day goes by, I, I realize more and more that the answer to all of these problems that cause us panic,

pain is curiosity. Just be curious about yourself. Be curious about the people around you. And it doesn't, it doesn't even, it's not even that much effort to be curious. You just got to go, I wonder what their life is like, or I wonder what they feel. But first you got to put your oxygen mask on yourself and go, what do I feel? Hmm. Why am I acting this way? Yeah. Get to know yourself a little bit more, mega men, because, um, it's hurting all of us. Okay.

Thank you. How are you doing? Oh my God. Okay. So this week I saw a New York first. Whoa. I was walking from, uh, after doing without a country. So it was like one o'clock in the morning. That show ends really late. And I was leaving the studio in the East village and I

All of a sudden I look to my right and I see a bit of a commotion. And all of a sudden I see a woman saying, sorry. And I saw a woman giving a guy a blowjob between two cars.

I've never seen that. I've never seen that. I go, I go, I go, do you know how? Yeah, it is like, it's like seeing a four. Like, do you know how hard it is to see something graphic or wild in New York city that after living here 22 years that you've never seen before? Dare I say impossible, but not today. That was my first thought. I wasn't disgusted. I wasn't weirded out. I just go, wow. I just saw something I hadn't seen before in New York. There's always something new in this city. I love New York. That was my response.

I also thought it was hilarious because like, yeah, I was looking, looking to my right. And I mean, obviously the positioning, I mean, it was classic BJ position. She was wiping her mouth. Nice. Um, I don't know if she was filling on her knees cause it would have been like the ground and she was not young enough that her knees could be touching like the ground. This was like a woman who, I mean, I think a little older than me.

Yes. Okay. It was just so funny to me. Maybe she got roommates. Yeah, it was just so funny to me that her first response was apologizing to me. I just thought that was... Oh, she said sorry to you. She said sorry to me. And then I was walking down the block... Girl, blow the dick. We were going to get something for my boyfriend's car because he was parked on the street. And then I ran into her again. And you think...

think if someone catches you giving a blowjob that you're gonna walk in a different direction not this not this proud diva hell no she walked towards me and you know what she said she said sorry again and only to me girl and I said what what I said I said nothing to

nothing to be sorry about. And then I heard the guy laughing going, like going, that lady's unfazed by it. And I go, I am unfazed by it. She's been here for a minute. As long as it was consensual. I was just more surprised because like, it wasn't a dead dark street. It's a street with a bunch of bars on it that is well lit. And I mean, you could go, it's fucking 2025. Two people could go in the bathroom. But hey, you want to do that on the streets. That's your kink. And I just said, oh, I just, I love this city. Maybe it's shit here. Hmm.

everybody's so alive it is a life titties are out dicks are out in the mouth yeah get it get it wow and as my i mean i do enjoy the bj but outside in this weather when the mood when the mood hits you yeah i you know what i'm not often in the mood to give a bj but i can see you know for the moments upon me i said get between those two cars and also also another thing

Very rare that you see, especially in the East Village, cars far enough apart in a parallel parking space that you can fit two individuals.

Individuals. I could barely even squeeze between two cars when I got to take Kevin across the street. Very hard to find. Two rarities, really, you saw. You got to take, you got to play the lotto. Yeah. Do you think there's a delivery driver who came by in a moped like, I wanted that spot. Oh, I, in New York, you would just beep at them until they stopped giving the blowjob to move. Yeah, I would. Excuse me. Yeah. I was not at all. And then my boyfriend's like, oh, what happened? I go, you just missed him.

He missed it? He missed the whole blowjob. Oh my God. Men always be up in the clouds. What universe are you in? Thinking about sports. Oh my goodness. That's amazing. Yeah. Wow. I'll never forget that. That was beautiful. You know who else I'll never forget? Today's guest. Goddamn right, Queen. She is one of the funniest stand-up comedians working today and she's on tour. So go look her up and see her at a city near you. Her stand-up special, Filth Queen, is a great show.

comes out on Netflix the June 24th. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome back to the show, Steph Tolev. All right, everybody, we are here. Thank God. With stand-up comedian Steph Tolev. So happy to have you. Thank God. You're such a, you make any day, no matter what the state of the day is, better. Like your energy is just great. Oh, good. I love the mix of like

honest about reality you are and like fucking annoyed but also at the same time you still manage to be like upping the mood which is great that is wild thank you that's a good compliment because I'm always angry and I'm always irritable and I came in being like I'm hungover and you're like you don't look it and I'm like okay this is very positive like you're not a curmudgeon but you're fun about

I think my friends only hang out with me because they like when I get angry. Like when I get pissed off. You know Alex Pavone. His favorite version of me is when I'm fucking seething. And it happens quite a bit. It happens almost every single fucking

day. Yeah, same. Same, I hear you. We were talking before we hopped on the mics about being a woman online is just a risk at all times. You put yourself up to criticism at the hands of ugly, disgusting men. Ugly, disgusting. I just got a fucking strike on my TikTok.

A strike. Oh, no. Oh, you can get that. I didn't know you could get this. Three strikes and you're out of there, baby. Yeah. I got a strike because this disgusting blob man commented that I was so ugly and disgusting. So I screenshot it and then I just read out loud. I put a green screen. I read out loud what he said about me and I got flagged for harassment. That's actually hilarious.

Isn't that insane? That is being a woman in the world and on the internet. That's really funny. A nasty ass man calls you a fugly bitch whore. And then you say, this nasty ass man called me a fugly bitch whore. And then whatever platform you're on goes...

You are banned, woman! Wait, so I can't see it on your TikTok anymore? No, it's gone. Do you remember what he said? It was just that I was ugly and I looked like a fucking clown and no one was going to fuck me. And I screenshot him. Because my favorite thing to do is you screenshot this you and then that gets a reaction because everyone's like, oh, you're hideous. Right, right, right, right. Of course. It's never a hot person saying that. It never is. It's always ugly guys. They're always projecting. But it's still...

I'm not going to say it hurts because, you know, I feel like depending on the day, like what mood you're in, but it's like, it sucks. I think it does hurt because it's like, you know, especially if I've lost weight so I thought I looked good and then the first time I was like, fat bitch. I'm like,

At least just say bitch. I work so hard. They say fat to anyone, basically. Any woman's fat. Because they know that that has been something that has been weaponized against us for our entire lives since we were little kids. So don't... The fat, just like in one ear or the other. All of it I have in one ear or the other. But I just focus on it. It's too much. Sometimes it's so much. Because I love...

I guess unconsciously is trying to searching for the moment that the ignorant asshole that says something like that gets his. Yeah. And,

And I want to see it. I want to see it, but I don't think it'll ever happen. I don't know that it will. I mean, I think he got like, you know, that kind of thing. There's just maybe this chunk of men, not all men. So relax, everybody. If you're freaking out, you're probably one of those men. I mean, the fact that we even have to say that speaks volumes. But like the good ones know that we're not talking about them. So it's like, there you go. Sure. I wish...

What was I going to say now? I lost it. Oh, these like abhorrent men that are like this. Like I just...

There's just this chunk of men that yell at everybody else over things that they are or they do. And it's like, cool. Now you're taking your cancer energy and throwing it at me and I don't want to catch it. But then it's like, what do you do? There's nothing to do. And then I was just saying to you guys, I have a clip going viral because I'm ugly. That's why. It's nothing to do with the clip at all. Congratulations. Can you explain to our audience what – wait, do we – No, the clip literally is –

I'm on stage and I say that I'm dating a professionally trained pianist. Oh, I love that clip. He's so talented. You brought him on stage? I know. I said prove it. That's the clip on Facebook. Every man is like, that nose is prosthetic. That's a transgender woman. It's just like going off. There's like 500 comments about how ugly I am.

Like nothing about the company. And it's making you go viral. It is, which is so stupid. I had somebody the other day comment on something going, how the fuck do I stop seeing this ugly bitch? And I'm like, stop commenting on the videos, you moron. Yeah, just to go. Simply. Press the three dots and go not interested. I do it all the time to people.

Oh, I do. Or block the person so you never see them again. There you go. I block so many people. My block list is uncontrolled. Oh, I don't even block anymore. I just do not. My favorite is to do not interested and then this post made me uncomfortable. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No matter what it is. Like if it's just like too many get readies with me, this post made me uncomfortable. Because it did. Because they don't define uncomfortable. No, what are those? How did those start?

Let's get ready with me. Mark Zuckerberg is a lizard person and he's just trying to find out more ways to, to, to copy compromise the algorithm. I don't know. Like it's by like presenting the idea that people have a choice and then realizing they don't. Yeah. That's what it is. Okay.

algorithm is hell i'm yeah i don't know what we're doing we're just wasting our lives we are doing it is hell and i'm i'm on i don't know i know what i did i looked at one burn victim and now my whole you looked at one burn victim do you follow the one who who had the acid attack by her ex and she does makeup videos no what's that one that's pretty interesting i gotta find that well yeah because good for you girl thrive yes and honestly i saw the other day and i was like okay this makeup is really makeup thing

Wait, so is her skin like totally... It's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was her ex-boyfriend that did it? It was a fucking acid attack, yeah. Is he in jail? Or like set her on fire, like something like that. I think he is in jail. It's a horrific story. I mean, so I got to it through like, you know, advocating for women in Instagram. And now I'm watching, you know, someone whose face was melted off by an ex, a scorned ex-lover. Okay, yeah, I didn't just...

punching burn victims. Let me, let me, I was like, I'm in the mood. No, it was, it's his couple and he, um, he got in a really bad car accident and she stayed with him.

Obviously, they're in love, but he looks obviously nothing like he would look like. Well, I mean, obviously they're in love, but that would have never happened if it was... If the woman got in the car accident. She'd be single. I literally asked my boyfriend, I go, if this happened to me, would you stay with me? And he went, no. So quickly, I was like... Honestly? But that's truthful. Yeah, it was just an honest man. But fuck off. I know, of course, this guy would have laughed if she looked like this. There's no fucking way in hell. So anytime someone calls you on the online, say, but... But, you know what? More attractive than a woman.

yeah I say that more attractive than rotisserie chicken skin this whole this whole episode is gonna take us down immediately chicken skin oh yeah god Steph if your boyfriend was involved in an acid attack meaning he was a victim of an acid attack and he had a face that was just paper would you stay with him I think I would he has a really nice penis

What if his penis had an acid attack? Well, then we have problems. Wow. Now I hate to be rude, but... That's interesting. The thing that separates a boyfriend from a friend is fucking. So, yeah, I get it. And he's a very sweet man. His face burned off, huh? And I do love his face because it's probably my favorite part. I love your face, though. You have the face of a star. I love your face, too. Do I have a star? Yeah, you have a movie star face. No, because that's what a star is. A star is someone who... You have to look unique. I'm so tired of everyone having the same fucking face. Yes.

Like I like Kim Kardashian's face, but now I've seen it on everyone else's face and I don't like that. It's a very similar face. Like you, like it's important to look different. That's important. Well, tell that to the internet. The internet hates when women look different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause women love me.

Yeah. It was nice. I don't give a fuck about these men. You're not buying tickets to my shows. Well, that's the main thing. Suck my ass. That's the main thing. The feelings you get when you read one of those comments, it speaks to a much larger issue of like, fuck these type of dudes, man. And I'm like, I just want to out them all. That's why I went to a face and I did the This You and I did a lot of screenshots and my whole phone was in these fab lobs. I'm like, what am I doing? This is a waste of my fucking time, waste of everyone's time.

Exactly. Yeah, because what's the end game here? There's no end game. No one's going to win. There's the thought that maybe this guy does feel bad. Maybe this guy will feel bad, and that's kind of a nice thought. He won't. His attention, it's stupid. Well, he already feels bad about himself, and that's like this gerbil wheel he can't get out of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Disgusting. Disgusting.

it's exhausting how is the how is this the flyer looks great oh thank you so professional thank you so much this looks amazing good well we have a professional oh no no it fell oh no it's not an omen no it's it looks fucking great it's very professional well good news is I don't believe in omens anymore yay that's done you don't believe in omens oh yeah I'm I'm like off I'm like off all the woo woo kind of oh really yeah yeah yeah are you into woo woo no

I don't think so. Yeah. You don't think so? No, I don't think so. You could be convinced. No, no, no. I feel like this is how I was about God. When I was very young, my grandma used to make me pray. It's so stupid. I used to pray. I'm like, gentle Jesus, meek and mild. Whatever I said. Gentle Jesus. That's sweet. And then at the end, she'd say, say three things you don't want. And I'm like, please, God, don't let anybody in my family ever get AIDS, cancer, or lice. I don't know why those were the three. Lice? Right up there with AIDS and cancer. My sister had lice for three years straight.

What? I was so young and I was like, God's not real. I think I was like eight and I was like, God's not real. And since then, I swear to God. You think God was real because your sister had lice for three years? She had such thick hair, we couldn't get rid of it. She kept getting it back, which was hell. That does sound like a plague. It sounds like one of the plagues. It was insane. The lice shampoo didn't fucking work? Oh, we were in there. I was picking at it with the fucking comb. It was nuts. She had so much fucking hair. Poor girl. I know. She wanted to cut it. It was a nightmare. So we were like, it was hell. She'd get rid of it and two or three or another friend would have it. It was so disgusting. Public school. This is Canadian public school, isn't it?

Damn. No, I loved it. But after that, I'm like, so since then, I'm like, I don't know. Nothing's really, I just believe in hard work. And that's what we're going to get from this episode. No, no, no. I mean, I believe in just, I don't know what I believe in. I don't know. I wouldn't believe in something. I want to, but everything's so fucked up. It's hard to like. Yeah. Do you believe in love? I believe in love. That's good. That's great. I just did. I just recently did though. I was going to say, did you always? No, I did not. So how do you meet your man? I think that's a real question.

How did you meet your man? Yeah, because last time you were on the show, you told us some fucking amazing stories. Yes, I did. Halloween, you were a male. Oh, yeah, Coach Steve. Yeah, yeah, Coach Steve. And you were fucking some guy who was an asshole. You know, a lot of award-winning assholes in your past. Uh-huh. But now this guy seems pretty fucking great. This guy is pretty fucking good. And I'm so lucky it was so fucking organic. That's the best. Because the apps were killing me. There's no trying. The apps were hell. I'm so lucky.

I met him at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. It was the 10.30 show on a Wednesday. Zero people in there. Everyone was bombing in a way that was so mortifying. I was so pissed. I was like, why am I even doing the fucking Laugh Factory? Crystal is here. I'm in my head. I'm spiraling because I'm like, I don't know why I was there.

And then Shooter McGavin walks in from Happy Gilmore. Okay. Oh, shit. Do you know the movie? Do you know the reference? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, oh my fucking God. Oh my fuck. I love that movie. Yes. I love Happy Gilmore. It's embarrassing. It was one of my favorite movies. I get it. And I'm like, I think Shooter's hot as hell. And then I see my boyfriend now walking in, Jefferson, looks exactly, I'm like, oh my God, it's Shooter McGavin's, it's his fucking son. And I'm like, what? Why are they here? They're hammered. I'm like, oh my fucking God. So I pull it out. I come on. I'm doing my fucking hits. I'm doing the A hits. Yeah. I never would do it at this club at this time. Yeah.

I go up. I do crowd work. I ask guys their dick pic angles. Nobody answers me. Shooter's son goes, I got a good one. And I'm like, what? And then I see Shooter looking at me. I'm like, why would I crowd work with them? He's like, yeah, I put a little Etch-A-Sketch on the tip of my dick. I'm like...

Why? He's like, yeah, my mom got me for Christmas. It's hilarious. And I was like, this guy's demented. So I get up and I'm like, he's so hot. I get up and he's like, what the fuck? I'm like, I'm going to say hi to Shooter. I don't care. I've never fanged her. I don't think I've ever shaken anyone's hand once. And I was like, fuck it. So I walk over. I'm like, hi, I'm sorry to interrupt. And then like, Shooter's like, hilarious job, woman. I'm like, and then I'm like, oh, who's this, your son? And he's like, no, I'm his nephew. And I'm like, oh, okay. And then he like gets up, gives me a hug. Interesting. And I'm like, what?

No man. Shooter's nephew. Yeah. Yes. Cool. That night. Hey, Kristen, how's it tracking with Carvana value tracker? What else? Oh, it's tracking. In fact, value surge alert trucks up 2.5%. Vans down 1.7. Just as predicted. So we gonna, I don't know. Could sell, could hold the power to always know our car's worth. Accelerating. Isn't it?

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quizzes, and games that bring you closer together. Strengthen your relationship in an easy, fun way in just five minutes a day. Head to paired.com slash couples25 to get a seven-day free trial and 25% off when you sign up with code couples25. He said, he invited me for a drink and I panicked. I went, I have to go to bed and I like left and I was, nobody hits on me after shows. I was so confused by what was happening and

And then by the time I got home, he apparently went up to the door guy and asked my name and then DM me before I fucking got home. And then he asked my phone number right away and he was only in town for one day. So he called me. He called me on like the next morning on his like drive up to Lake Arrowhead. And then we talked every single day for I think four or five weeks to the point where after a show in Calgary, I just like changed my whole plans and I flew and met him because he was doing a play in Nashville.

This is amazing. It was insane. It was insane. This is awesome. And we fucked the second I saw him. It was so funny. The funniest thing was he was like, oh yeah, I'm 5'10", 5'11". No, the guy's my height. I don't want to talk about it. I show up and that was the one thing I was like, this small. It was so funny because he acted. That was the funniest part. But anyways, we fucked in the back of his rental car and like seconds into finally seeing him. Wow. Scored it everywhere. Wow. He had to pay for the cleanup. It was great. I'm so proud of you. That's amazing. And then he moved. He moved to LA. Where was he living previously? In New York. In New York.

Wow. He wanted to move. He already had the idea of wanting to go try the LA thing for acting and stuff. That's great. But this was like the final push he needed. Oh yeah. And I was like, come with me. I'm like, just come move in. He lives with you? Oh, I was like, you're moving in with me. I'm 40 years old. I'm not going to Hermosa Beach on every three days sitting in traffic. It's absurd.

That's so funny. I get it. Fuck it. Also, I'm old enough. If it doesn't work, get the fuck out. Yeah. Right. I'm not screwing around. Yeah. I am against like the moving in fast, but I agree with you. Like I, I think past 35, you can make much bolder moves because you know, you're,

the things that you've done previously that didn't work. And so you can make a decision much faster than I would ever advise if someone in their twenties. No twenties. If you're losing twenties, don't fucking do this. It's stupid. No, no, no. I'm like, it's my house. It's, um, yeah, it's my house. My rules. Yeah. That's so cool. I'm so fucking happy.

I love that. Well, and I love that it's funny because I could tell from your internet content that you are both the same type of demented. Oh, yeah. Which I really like. And I was like, it's very hard. Like, that's a bond that is very strong. Yes. And it's very hard to find somebody as demented as me and someone who's like turned on by it in a way. Because so many men are scared of it and like can't handle a strong woman. But he like, he thrives off it. And we get along so well. And now he started kind of doing stand-up, which at first I was like,

He always kind of did comedy in his... He plays piano in his live shows and does some crowd work, but now he's opening for me, and I know people are like, oh, that's fun. No, but I'm not screwed around. I'm like, you start with five minutes. Your five minutes was shit for a long time. I go, that's all you get. He's like, well, I go, that's it. You get a good five. I'm not going...

whatever when he does bad he gets off i go that sucked yeah so rude the second he walks off i have notes i'm like don't do that joke move this one around i'm like i'm so oh i always give my boyfriend's notes constantly sorry on not on them on their comedy when they're hanging out in your territory oh you're these are my they're gonna get notes and i keep telling him i'm like buddy go do a show that isn't my fans because he hasn't done one yet i'm like you're gonna bomb

No, not ago. You're going to eat your own fucking car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For breakfast. Yeah. You need to see this. But that's good. That's part of the game. Yeah. Part of the motivation to not bomb is to bomb. Like, yeah, you need to. Yeah. That's so cool. I know. It's very fun. It's a beautiful love story. It is. I know. And yeah, this being the same kind of demented as your romantic partner is a really is a huge perk.

huge plus and he's a very he's very supportive that's like the main thing that really turned me on because I had not had that from any relationship that I ever had the way in which he like comes to shows he like tells some people about me he's like he's he like he's obsessed with you he ran my fucking uh well I don't know he adores you yeah yeah but he ran a teleprompter for my special like he's in my ass like he's that's great I know also I'm bluntly I'm

I was saying something the other day about my teleprompter. I was like, oh, don't tell anybody you did that. Of course you have a teleprompter. You think I'm memorizing every fucking joke for an hour while I'm also looking at five cameras and being panicked? Yeah. Everyone uses a fucking teleprompter. That's completely normal. And if they don't have a teleprompter, they have notes on stage behind a speaker. So it's something. So it's like whatever you function with both. It's all good.

Also, just to give you a little clue, it's not like you don't know the jokes. You're just like, oh, this is the order. Yeah. And you want to feel free on stage and know that if I lose my place, I can just take a glance up. Yeah. But he's fine. Yeah. He's also having him on the road. I was getting a lot of creeps, which I'm sure...

You guys must get some. Yeah. Yeah. Not as many because we just, I mean, we have so many women in our audience. I mean, there's female creeps. I've gotten some male creeps that ask me what hotel I'm staying at. And I'm like, you're not going to get that information. Sorry. Yeah.

So he actually, there's a guy making fun of my nose in the line. I meet and greet line in Rochester. I am doing the fucking meet and greet. And I see this interaction. Like what the fuck is going on over there? And I see this guy like looking at me and I'm like, and after I just see like Jefferson going to puff up and then he like points to the door and I was like, something happened. So I have to show him like, what was that? He's like, nothing. I'm like, what was that? He went out three days ago. I'm like, what the fuck did that guy say? He's like, you don't want to know. I'm like, no, I do want to know. I need to know what happened. He said, why the fuck is everyone lining up to see that beak?

And then Jefferson said, it's crazy. Jefferson literally went, you have five seconds to get the fuck out of here. Oh, good for him. Your family's going to find you in a ditch. So horny. I know. I was like, Oh my God. No. Jefferson's such a fun name too. Well, his whole name is insane. It's Jefferson Davis. And I was like,

That feels like a famous person's name. Well, I think it's a famous bad person's name. Oh, is it? Is that the name of a famous bad person? It's a confederate. Oh, is it? Oh, I didn't know that. You know what? You have to be smarter, Steph, and we're not on this show. Hey, hey, hey. I'm not a history buff. I don't know anything. This is the only thing I know. I don't even know what that is. All I know is that he's like, yeah, don't tell people that. I'm like, uh-oh. No, I think it was like Jefferson Davis was a- Let me look it up. Look it up. There is something. It feels like a name I've heard before. Yes. Yes.

Yeah, what is it? But it is, he's not. He's not, his family's not. Oh, it's the former president of the Confederate States of America. Yeah, see, it could have been that, or maybe it wasn't. Maybe they just like that name. I think it's, hey. I'm backpedaling now. Maybe they like the name.

He wasn't named after him. No, and he's a very sweet man and he doesn't, you know. He sounds like a fun-ass boyfriend too and I know you're a fun-ass girlfriend. Oh, but we get in fights. We're in a fight right now. I accuse him of smiling at a woman on the airplane this morning because I'm a jealous psychopath. Wait, wait. Let's talk about this. My jealousy is unmatched. Okay, so I did kind of get this read and I'm so interested because you're so confident but then obviously the jealousy is coming from a place of insecurity. I'm not confident at all. I'm not confident at all. But you're confident.

You're confident in your skill set, are you not? Yes, I'm confident in my comedy. My comedy is the only thing that I am like truly confident in. But that's a huge part of your existence. Yes, yes. And I think a lot of the reason why everyone is so on the internet gets angry at you, these men, is because of that confidence. Yes, yes, for sure. Certainly from the eye experience as well. So okay, so this is very interesting then. Let's talk about why not confident. Okay, so I think it's...

I think there's just, there's a, okay, I will say this is going to sound crazy, but I, I don't think I've ever dated somebody that I find this attractive. Like I know that's obviously on the spectrum, but I'm like, I've only dated like kind of, after I break up with my ex, I was like, oh God, you know, my friends were all like, he was hideous. We don't know what that was.

Like this is the first time. Oh God. This is the first time. My ex, my sister hated him so bad. She met him. She literally, I hate him. The one right before this? Yes. Okay. And he was so bad and he like cheated on me and he was also, I can't fully get into it. Allegedly, let's just say, um, this is my, this, this is, you know, very female, uh, driven podcast. Um,

Google who you're dating. Thinking about it, I'm like, the whole thing makes me feel like I was so... After I met him, I was in a fucking bad place. Like, I was like, I'm done. I'm done with men. I'm going to try women again. I'm like, I'm fucking over this. And then because we met so organically, but now because of how horrible I felt from this relationship, I'm spiraling. Every little thing now, I'm like, I'm so jealous and I'm like so on edge because I'm like...

I'm sure I'm positive this fucking guy cheated on me. Like he was long distance. He was so far away. I guarantee you. Yeah. So now I'm like, I just don't want to lose Jefferson, but I'm acting out in ways that is so crazy. I'm self-sabotaging myself. I don't want to be like this. Cause I was, cause I was like, you know, everyone understands in the room that that just pushes men further away. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, sure.

I know. I know. It's completely counterproductive. Into the arms of another bitch. Because it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where, you know, we talk about on this show a lot where if the, you know, it can be the man or the woman or whoever in the relationship, but whoever is paying this penance for a crime they did not commit will ultimately just commit the crime because they're already paying the penance anyway. So you're basically forcing them to cheat someone who I don't think would have. Yes, exactly. But I have similar jealousy issues. But you and your boyfriend fuck.

All the time. So there you go. We fuck non-goddamn stop. I don't know what it is. I don't know why I'm like self-conscious. Like he's never made me feel like I'm not. Maybe you're self-conscious because you like him so much. It could be that. There's got to be something. But I'm really out of control with my jealousy. But do you feel like he's like out of your league or something? Yes. I think that's what it is. You do? I do. Yeah.

Because I think like to me when I see you guys are like you look like I mean like you just like look like such a like you're like bonded. You look like a cat. I honestly I feel like I'm like it feels like you're a comedy like duo that's worked together for a long time like in a really good way. I know. I know. And I'm like why am I psycho? Like can I show you how crazy I am? Like I used to be smiling at someone this morning. I'm not laughing.

Cause like, that's just like, not going to work. He gets this, this is demented. It's a fucking four paragraph fucking. I'm like, it's six in the morning. And what's his response? Did you respond? The woman had a wig. I thought it was funny. And I thought that I realized I thought it was cancer. So I panicked and smiled. I'm psychotic. Which is honestly such a man response. I know. And I'm like, I'm,

fucked up i need to calm the fuck down i need to calm the fuck down i know because i'm just thinking like how can how can we like what like i'm trying to think of like what the solution is but here's the thing i don't know i don't want you to self-destruct but here's the thing it sounds like what's happening is it's a trigger from something it's a trigger it's a trigger it's a trigger it's a trigger because a trigger being triggered from something whether it's a childhood thing or an adult thing or whatever it doesn't even matter you act in a way that's not like you yes you

there's no time between the feeling and you, there's no thinking time between the feeling and an action. You just fucking do it. I mean, I, I, yeah, it's a trigger. And I like, I'm like, I always see you look at women. I'm like, well, we're always looking at everybody anyways. I'm like, is he even looking at, I'm like, I'm just so, I need, I need therapy.

I dropped my therapist because there was a fly in the room and it really threw me off. I hate flies. I have a big fly. Flies are gross. It's kaka. And this fly was buzzing around. It was so big and it kept landing on her and she wasn't shooing it off. It was roasting me out. Your therapist gave you the ick? My therapist gave me the ick. That is disgusting though. It was bad. It didn't shoo the fly off of her body? It kept landing on her and it was so big. I'm like, you feel that. You feel that largely.

That's really funny. Wow. I know. It was crazy. I need a new therapist for sure. And I need to just like, I also would be like, I just need to enjoy this. Yes, you do. Also, whoever knows how long it's going to last. I want it to last forever. But I'm like, just, I'm happy right now. Just fucking be happy. Well, and the thing of wanting something to last forever is also going to make you more anxious. That's the thing. And I'm like. Clinging to goodness is also bad. And we've talked about like. So that's a long time. I know. Do you want it to last forever? Forever? Forever?

I don't know. I just turned 40 and I feel like I'm dying in two days. So I'm like, I'm on another fucking spiral of death. I'm in hell right now. I think I need meds. Happy birthday, Seth. Happy birthday. I'm going crazier. But his mom, so we talk about marriage a lot. We discuss, I want to get married. I've discussed it several times with him. I may be pushing the subject a little too much. But his mom yesterday text, because there's a location we want to use in upstate New York. And his mom works there sometimes, helps cater and stuff. She's like,

I don't want to force you Jefferson, but if you want to make Stephanie an honest woman, you better do it soon because the bookings are getting built to the brim next summer already. And I'm like, so his family loves me. Yeah. It's very sweet. This is a great deal. I know, but I'm like, just, but I'm like, now I think I'm forcing him to like do it too much. I would propose, but he was, he's too manly for that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. It's on brand for you. I get it. But like that,

Because I can see that making you more insecure down the road. You're just staying with me because I asked you to marry me and you don't want to say no. You're right. You're right. You're right. You know what? That's a good point. I get it. Yes. But it is like – jealousy feels like a fire burning in your cells. And I've always wondered, I've pondered especially like lately like what do you do with that energy?

Like when it comes up and you know, okay, don't like maybe in the future, like when you see him smiling at somebody, you know, in the future, an improvement would be to not text him all that. Yes. And just kind of deal with it yourself. Yes. But I don't know how to deal with it myself. What the fuck? Well, the worst thing was I was sitting in the back of the Uber. I was like trying to keep it myself. I was like Jefferson, me and Pavi beside me. Just go back from fucking Pittsburgh and I'm sitting here and I'm like, okay. I'm like, just what's wrong? Both of them tell me nothing.

And then I sat there for 10 minutes and Jefferson's like, oh, I got a crick in my neck. I go, was it from turning around looking at the girl behind you? And I was like, I, and then Pappy's like, oh, for fuck's sakes. Cause I always flip on him. I don't want to be the person that does it as the public argument. Cause that's,

No one likes that person who gets in a public argument with a couple friends and it's awkward and I do it too much and I gotta stop. That's how I know it's a trigger though because your discernment is nowhere to be found because that part of your brain is turned off. Yes. That's how I know it's a trigger. But like the emotions are really powerful. Yes. But you gotta put them somewhere. But I think it's, I do really think it's if you've been hurt really badly from something before that trust, once that trust is taken away,

It's so fucking hard to get it back. Yeah, because your protective mechanism steps in and goes, I got one foot out the door just in case this isn't going to work so that I'm not super disappointed. And that's tough to undo. It's tough. It's very tough. Have you ever done psychedelics in a therapeutic sense? No. I would say, you know, something to research. I have the shits.

life? No, I have like a really fucked up stomach so I can't even do like mushrooms and stuff. I've been shitting the whole time. I have ecstasy, cocaine, MDMA. I'm on the toilet. Well, coke definitely. Yeah, coke's not therapeutic. You can do ketamine infusions. I mean, that's a big one. I'm down to try it. I don't think that makes you shit. I don't think ketamine makes you shit. Everything makes me shit. Really? Show up in a diaper. Who's gonna know? No one. No one.

Great plan. And that's your number one thing running from the air. Get your ketamine infusion with a diaper on. See, don't got to worry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How's the mayor thing going? Are you allowed to talk about it or what's going on? I'm so curious. Yeah, we've talked about it ad nauseum. Okay, okay. Yeah, there's nothing really like new updates right now. Okay, okay. But you just wait. What happens if people vote now and they wait for you to get in the running? I'm so slow. We're still finalizing ballot access right now, which is a whole big thing, which is, yeah, getting on the ballot. Okay, okay. They just try to fight you off of it, et cetera, et cetera.

Fucking crazy. What a cool thing to do though. Thank you. Female comics think it's cool. Yeah. That's pretty much it. And the fans of this show are very supportive. We knew they would be, but like beautifully supportive in a way. That's nice. That means so much. Yeah, isn't it nice? Supportive women are nice. Supportive women are nice. And then on the opposite end of that, women that are not supportive, like...

I have, I'm just dealing with extreme emotions lately, but like, I want to kill them. Like I want to like, I'm like, I hate them. I hate that. I know you guys get this all the time. I'm sure people bring us up, but when women after a show are like, I don't know me say women funny. Yeah. That line needs to fucking die forever. It does need to die forever. I also like, I have a really close friend who's dealing with, uh, the most abusive ex ever. Um,

like raped her, uh, choked her out, uh, during sex to rape her and, uh, called her fat. Like all, all called her all these things. I mean, not that it matters. She's the most beautiful. She's like the most beautiful person I've ever met, but like physically and, and on, and internally, but like, like just really abused her. This guy's lawyer is a woman that has been harassing my friend and,

And I want her, I don't want any more oxygen for her. She doesn't deserve any. Oh my God. Like I get more mad at women when they do shit like that. Supporting something like that. Like even for the fucking money. Find another case. Fuck you, dude. Fuck off. Like Trump's, that blonde bitch, that's Trump's press secretary. I don't know if you see her. Caroline Lovett. Yes.

I fucking hate that woman. Like, she's just delivering a message. She's just doing what her boss is telling her to do. And she's extremely accomplished to be the press secretary. She's like 27 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. But like, the way she bullies reporters and just internalizes the same dumbass logic that's non-logical, I'm like, I fucking... Ah! Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. Anyone who's not going to support a fucking woman, I'm like... I know. Well, the system has been set up so that basically, like, it's...

men have like enabled us to monetize, not supporting each other and incentivize it in other ways through their love, through their admiration, through their support, through them saying like, you're pretty, like even like that. Like if you notice it's like,

Women who are conventionally unattractive but turn on women will get more compliments. They'll be called sweet and nice and all these things. I'm a girl's guy. Yeah, I hate that. Nobody cares. It's weird. It's very weird. It's a weird thing to say. It is a weird thing to say. It's a weird thing to want to be. When men hate me, I get off on it.

When I make fun of a man in the front row and I see him viscerally get upset at me, I'm like, I will jerk off. Oh, they get upset? Oh my God. Yeah. I only make fun of men on stage, but I usually, because they're great sports. Yeah, I mean, usually. Like, they just laugh at themselves. I'm like, ah, you know, you suck. This is great. But if they come to your show, they're like, no, it's probably going to happen. Yeah. I mean, like, the comedy store. Oh, I see. There'll be somebody that immediately doesn't like me and I'll just fucking go off. Yeah.

Yeah. And they just get so, and I'm like, the more angry you get, I'm like, you have no idea. I'm like, I'm going to fucking jerk off this thing. I'm like, I'm fucking rock hard watching you just get so pissed. Um, I, I just remember this. The woman in the bathroom didn't wash her hands.

And the bathroom here today? Yes, today. And at the airport this morning. Two women in one day didn't wash their hands before going to toilet. I don't like that. I don't like it. It's very strange. Maybe she had... I'm like real obsessed with hand washing. Especially in New York. Oh, the poles. Yeah, everything. Everything.

I saw a guy like doing this on the thing today and then he was with his daughter and he slaps his daughter on the butt and I got very upset no I wish I said something now I'm very grossed out it was like a weird dad he was like a fat guy and he was like he like kissed his daughter's like back her neck and she was like no it was really bad and then he like slapped her ass and I was like what no it was bad

Was that definitely his kid or did he traffic that little girl? No, no, no. It was the whole family was there. The mom and there's like three kids. Oh, no. I was like this poor girl. I mean, what do you do when you say something? What do I do? What do I say? Are you okay? Hey.

I mean, honestly, I think the best thing you could do would be like, hey, if you feel uncomfortable, it's okay to say something just to her. I could have. Although maybe, you know, she was sitting. That might make it worse for her. That's arms around her. Whisper around me. He would have punched me in the head. Yeah. Well, that's the problem. Like, yeah, yeah. Like, because then if you were going to confront him, it would make it worse for her at home. Yes. Yeah. How about pull the mom's hair and be like, bitch, are you paying attention? Fuck.

Fuck, so bizarre. Do you see this shit? Bizarre. Yeah, I've seen a lot of domestic violence on the streets of New York with...

men and women and then I used to say I came on the intro once and I was like I said something and Corinne goes you know statistically she probably got punched harder afterwards so I'm like no I'm here with the good news really light in the mood god damn it that's terrifying how do you keep happy or how do you like preserve your sanity maybe is a better way how do I keep happy um

I don't know. I'm not doing well with it. Yeah. Right now I'm like, I'm trying, cause I've been on the road so much. I haven't been on a vacation and I don't remember the last time and I'm feeling like I'm spiraling. Yeah. You got to go once a year. You got to go somewhere just for fun. Yeah. Cause I'm just like, I'm just, I feel like I'm just on this repeat. And like, I don't know the Pittsburgh, the shows, the Friday shows this weekend were,

two of the worst shows I ever had in my life. Really? To the point where I'm like, there was a minute where I went, did I lose it? Oh my God.

Am I not funny anymore? Like two shows, usually like one earlier, later, it's like kind of shitty on Friday. Both were like horrendous. Wow. Nothing. Like none of us do well. Crickets or like? Not crickets, but just like not my normal crowds. But this is weird because it's your fan base, is it not? I don't think these people work. Some clubs have like a built-in fan base and if you don't draw there, they supplement it with a built-in fan base. I think it was that. I think the Friday sales were just kind of bad so they were like trying to. I'm like, if you're in a fucking comedy club,

Yeah, Pittsburgh is not like a mecca of comedy, so this makes sense. I always fight to go to Pittsburgh just because I like it and I want to go to the Andy Warhol Museum, but it's not like on the track of like normal must-go-do cities. I thought it was – I think last time I was there, I just did so well that I was like smug. Oh, yeah. And then I came back a year and a half later and then I'm like, my tickets are the worst this time. What did I do wrong this year? It's bizarre. Yeah.

Yeah. Never ending like, it's just, I feel like I'm on this, I'm on a hamster wheel right now. Yeah. Posting, editing, posting, editing, traveling. Like I miss my fucking dog. Mm.

So much. Susan's so looking cute. I miss her more than anything else on the planet. And there was a shooting last night right across the street from my house. What? Oh my God. So my fucking, my neighbor, my, like my, a comic list on the street is like, Hey, you home? I go, what's going on? He's like, there's a shooting, like kitty horn in my house. I'm like, what? He's like, I can't, he's like, is Susan home? I'm like, I hope he's like, well, I can't go check on her because I'm not allowed to walk down the street. So I'm like, my fucking dog sitter who I love wasn't answering her phone. I guess she was like on stage or something. I was like, Kelly,

where the fuck's Susan? And then I was like crying myself to sleep thinking that like a bullet ricocheted and her fat head is looking out the window. I was on my ring cam screaming out like, hello, what's going on? No, I spiraled hard last night. And then I got to show you, she finally answered me. You know, if I was in an emergency, I don't know that you'd be helpful, but I'd want you there. I mean, that's her.

No recollection to the shooting. Oh my God. What a beautiful girl. Just simply sitting there. Oh my God. Probably eating her pussy with someone who died across the street. Hell yeah, Susan. Sucking it back. Get it, girl. But I'm like, I feel, yeah, I need to, I am happy. I'm happy with my career right now, which is, I guess, good. Yeah. I'm happy with my relationship. Which is, you guess, good? No, but it never lasts. Yeah, right. It never lasts. And you don't cling

to the back. But you've made some huge strides in the course of a couple years. Yes. So that's incredible. Last time I was on this, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. I did. I definitely did. I'm very proud of that. But I'm like, I'm just feeling nuts. You need to decompress. You need rest. You have to have rest. And then I went on a cruise. Do you know Heather McMahon? Oh, I love her. She's the best. I've got to show you this fucking photo. We've done her podcast a bunch. She's fucking great. What a good hang. She's a great hang. But I...

I forgot. I didn't forget. I'm allergic to the sun in a way that- Like truly? Like medically? I will show you my ass. It's beyond an allergy. I think it's like the- So that's my ass. It's like lumped. It's completely lumped up and it's like blisters. Is the skin raised? Oh, shit. Yes, like boils. And I wasn't even in the sun. So this was me in the shade. I think it's like the heat and the salt water.

unbelievable. Wow. I couldn't sit for three days. Now I have a scar on my back. It's like really. Oh my God. Yeah. From the sun. From the sun. Just disgusting. It's an eczema or something. That's interesting. I got a really bad breakout like dots all over my chest and like their legs when I was in Costa Rica and I was like I has like I got it a

immediately like when I got off the like got out of the car into the heat so it had to be something heat related I just couldn't figure out what it was you can't be allergic to heat yeah you can I think you can a heat I think yeah what a terrible life a heat rash yeah I know but that you have to be allergic to heat I mean like it's you know it's like extreme heat yeah yeah of course it's not just like sitting by a toasty fire you just like break out knives yeah you know it's a lot are you guys happy uh okay

There's a lot of areas of my life that are, you know, but I'm working on a project, like an art thing, like a writing thing that I'm very happy about. Okay. Excited about and love a lot. So like that's, but I need things to like keep me going, you know? And then when there's nothing to keep me going, I'm like, this sucks. Yeah. Because I realized like life is tough. Yes. When I don't have something to be distracted by. And I feel like the thing with comedy, which is so fucked.

You work so hard, you get something, and then you get it, and then immediately you're like, well, now what? What's next? Yeah. Like, you can't even enjoy that fucking thing. That's why I'm running for mayor. I was just so sick of thinking about myself, and then, whoops, this is actually thinking about yourself more. So, damn. My bad. That was my bad. That was my bad, everybody. No, but you're, I mean, to even want to do this is like, you know, you're helping so many more people. Yeah. I just think we got to try new things. I mean, I think especially, like, when you're adults, like,

We try less and less new things and I never want to get into that pattern. When you're young, you try new things all the time. Yeah. I miss that sense of adventure and excitement and newness of being that young. Where is that? It's still in us. There's no time to do these things. Where's the time? Yeah. But that's the thing about being a comedian for a living. You can pause whenever you want.

and you just have to not have that fear of like people forgetting about you which is hard to fight so hard and it's like yeah especially like when you feel like you're kind of on a roll and things are going you're like I don't know I can't stop now you don't want to fuck up the momentum yeah yeah yeah yeah someone's got to edit those clips well yeah I was gonna say when you go on a vacation but before you go edit all the clips for that week and schedule them and there you go nothing I'd schedule it doesn't work well for

Yeah, I know. It does fuck up the algorithm. It does fuck up the algorithm. But then that's the other thing. Like, you know, as performers, as stand-up comics, so it's the precedent now to post your clips online. And then that's all you fucking do or worry about. And then you go on stage and you're like, now I'm just thinking in clips of like, will this joke make a good clip? And then you're like, well, now I'm fucking missing the whole point of the fucking art form. And then on top of that, the algorithm...

punishes you for things that you're like, I don't even know what the system is. You're giving me no clear rules. You're not telling me, like if you're taking something down, you're not telling me what it was and why you did it so that I can't do it. So you're just like, there's too many systems that are too power hungry. That is, that makes it a bummer. It's, and I just, I hate even thinking about and talking about all the time too. I'm like, I don't want to think like this. I'm not saying, I'm like, it's all I think about. I'm like, how is it doing? It's sick.

to look at ourselves as much and be staring and be like, I just want to enjoy my life. Yeah, totally. And as you should. I think I have a summer, I have a lot of time in the summer off. Good. So I'm going to try to like, I have a wedding. Yeah, summer's bad for touring anyway. It's bad for touring. Even though every club I've gone to recently is like, you're just here at a bad time. I'm like, it can't be every club. Well, no, to make it feel better, I was at the Comedy Cell, I had this holiday party like last week.

And a tell came up to me. He goes, hey, are your ticket sales bad too? And I'm like, are your ticket sales bad? He goes, I can't fucking pack a room for the life of me. I'm like, okay, if your ticket sales are bad, I feel way better. People don't have extra money because they're worried. I think that's what it is. And he was saying, he's like, I think a lot of the comedy goers are waiting to spend like a more expensive theater ticket for like a huge name that comes in and plays an arena or like a big theater. That makes sense. And not spending it at the comedy clubs. I was also at that party.

For no reason. It was one of the... You're a comic. Well, no, but I'm not past there. I'm not past there. You know, I think they both were. Literally, everyone's like, step to life. I was like, why are you here? I'm like, I don't know. Jordan Jensen told me to come. I'm here. I'm confused. I'm eating buffet, slop. I don't know what's happening. It was too loud. It was very loud. Too loud. I had to get out of there. That part is always like that, though. I'm so old. A lot of dancing, yeah. I was like, I'm like, what? I can't hear you. I was like, I kept doing the thing in the ear. I'm like, this is...

What happened to me? I'm not funny anymore. You are funny. You're just, you need a break. I need a break. You need a break. I was fun last night. I was at this dive bar smoking a hundred cigarettes. I'm like, I don't even really smoke. I was like, would you smoke inside? I'd become a chain smoker. Oh, for no reason. I'm a smoker. I can't smoke inside. I'll throw up. Where were you smoking that you could smoke inside? This place in Pittsburgh called Owls. Oh, that's where. Yes. Have you been there? It fucking slaps. Is it?

It's the best. Aren't you like legally not allowed to smoke indoors? Probably not. Oh, yeah. This whole place seems – I mean whatever. People are smoking cigarettes in the – Pennsylvania might – Pennsylvania was one of the last ones because I remember there was a Dave & Buster's I used to go to in Philly that you could smoke in for very –

way long after you couldn't smoke in New York anymore. Because I mean, I've lived in New York City so long that when I was like, you know, a youngster here, you could still smoke in all the nightclubs. And so I would come home from partying and just, you know, you have to wash your hair, you have to wash all your clothes. You just reek of cigarette smoke. Not even from me smoking, from other people smoking around me. That's why I hate indoor smoke.

So it was just kind of something I was used to. It is gross. Yeah. It's like, I didn't like it, but I was just used to it. Yeah. I mean, now it probably would be weird, but I used to work at a bingo hall and I, I,

the older women were like well no that sounds interesting it was just cause you see some shit like old ladies fighting yes old ladies fighting but there was the creepiest guy Al used to fucking he looked like a boil about to pop he was so red and gross and he'd be like come up and read it let me make sure you get your yummy I'm not coming near you Al you're disgusting cause I was like the youngest person there by like 48 years

And I was like a punk rocker. I had a dog collar. I'm like, I'm going to kill you, Al. Don't look at me. Every man that looks at me back then, I'm like, you fucking pervert. Disgusting. They still do that now. It's like fucking perverts. Everyone's a pervert. Hey, Kristen. How's it tracking? With Carvana Value Tracker. What else? Oh, it's tracking.

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Use code GIGGLY for 25% off your first month of Opal at opal.com. One response that I kind of, and it depends on the mood I'm in, like if some guy says some stupid shit online, like I've been getting a lot lately. You're so fucking old. No one will fuck you anymore. You're so dried up. And it's always the ugliest guy. Oh, it's never, yeah. I just say something to the effect of like, oh my God, you're like obsessed with me. And for some reason that pisses them off so bad. And I'm like...

That's a good one. Now I don't even block them. Like, sometimes I'll block them, but if they get more pissed off by what I say, I'm like, oh, I'm keeping you as a friend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm keeping you around. Yeah. I got... I don't... I'm trying to figure out who wrote it, but I hosted the Avian Porn Awards. Oh, that's right. That was huge. Congrats. Such a great choice for that. You're such a good choice. Thank you. Now, did they tell you, though, you couldn't make fun of porn like they told Matt Rife? Here's the thing. Let me... Let me... Well, Matt Rife did wrong. Clip this. We will. We...

I watched a lot of them. I was like, let me see the vibe. Let's see what's going on. Smart. These people, it's their night. This is the one fucking night they have where they are being celebrated. They don't feel shame. They are fucking proud of their work. They're happy to be there. Good vibes. Don't make fun of them.

don't make fun of them. This is all they fucking have. So I watched this one guy, I can't remember his name. It was so fucking bad. Call in something. I can't remember. I don't give a fuck who this guy is. It was so bad. They kept cutting the audience. The women were like this.

Like so pissed. All the, all the, Oh, is he like insulting them? Like, Oh, Oh, you're all here because your dad raped you. Like horrible. So bad. So bad. And then I watched Matt. I would fucking, and Matt was doing fine. He was doing well. He didn't, he didn't do poorly. No, but then I know this because all the fucking porn stars told me when I was there, they're like, we were loving him until he made fun of a milk performer.

And then he lost the entire fucking crowd. Yeah. I don't know if he knew he did this, but all the performers were like, and they haven't had a female host in 10 years. And the last female host, not going to say her name, but we all know her, I believe she's,

She was horrible. And they fucking didn't like her either because she made fun of them as well. And it's like – Right. Like from a comedy's – comedian's perspective, going to the thing and like roasting – like roasting is different. Like roasting is – but like just making like some shitty remark on their career choice is like – It's crazy. Fuck off. It was so fucking – no. And it was such a – I will say this. It was the most positive environment I've ever been in in my life. I'm trying to look up who this other woman was.

Corinne and I were there when Matt Rife hosted because our podcast was nominated. We were nominated. Nominees. But one of the things that we remarked on was like, it was an environment that was just so accepting no matter what. And there was every body type and every body type was naked. Every type of face. I had my ass fully out. Never felt better. It was amazing. And I loved it. It was like, I'm like, wow, this almost feels like- What year did you guys go? What year?

Two years ago? Okay, okay. Two years ago. When Matt hosted. So whenever Matt Wright hosted. And I loved it. I fucking loved it. Like, everyone was so cool and accepting and, like, it felt like, you know, when we, like, Gay Pride Parade, like, that level of accepting. Yes. But almost, like, everyone's pussy was out. Yes. That was just nice. Because it's not like you go just for laughs and you can tell there's still that air of competition and people are, like, just looking to network. Like, everyone wanted to be there. Everyone was so happy to be celebrated. Yeah.

my opening joke, this is what won everybody over. I went up and I was just like, this is the only room in Las Vegas right now with no STDs. And then they were like, that's true. That's, and that's a joke, but it's clever. Yes. And then they were like, okay. And then I like made a couple of references to a couple of points. That's really smart. Joe. And I made fun of myself.

Yeah. Which I already do anyways. I was like fully self-deprecating my own pussy and saying how I'm jealous of all these women and their bodies and everything. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I just, it's very easy to not be mean to them. Yeah. One of the girls I was hosting with, it was so crazy, her mom and dad were there and they kept showing clips of like, because she was nominated for a bunch of stuff because she's amazing and there's one clip of this one guy, Charles Darrow, is like sucking her tit and the crowd's wooing and I met her parents after. Nicest two people ever.

Thanks, great host. Oh, you're so talented. They were all dressed up. They were so proud of their daughter. Well, your daughter has a talent. You gotta embrace the talent. It was wild. It was such a nice thing to see. It was really crazy. Wow, that's so accepting. I know. It was so accepting. I was like, my parents wouldn't come watch me. They're still coming around to my company and they're like, they're loving this. Wow. It was such a good weekend. I mean, it's, again, hard when you're jealous to bring your boyfriend to the porn awards. I wouldn't.

I was like, buddy, I've got to give you those blind glasses, those big blue blockers. Yeah, so I don't see where your eyeballs are peeping. I mean, the avianza's hard. I mean, I was looking everywhere. Everyone's pussy and tits and dick. You are looking everywhere. You have to. It is fascinating. I got flashed. I love it. I got a flash in my vagina. Nice. Oh, wow. Or pussy. So hairy. Nice. It was crazy. I've never seen that much hair. Oh, she was like, look at that. This is for you. And I was like, oh, God.

very strange very long that's fascinating pubes keep growing some of them they don't do you what do you do with yours I sugar because my ingrown hairs are so bad what is sugaring is that like waxing it's way better than waxing waxing just removes like the top of the hair sugaring grabs the root and pulls the whole thing out but when my waxer waxes it I see the root of the hair or maybe she's sugaring and I don't know it no she's probably I think sugaring you have to ask for it's the pips that's like not super common no no no so it lasts longer yes

Hilarious. Okay, so this is an insane story. So my sister goes to this one woman in Toronto, Greta. To get her pussy sugared? Yeah, to get her pussy sugared. So I go to the same woman whenever I'm there because it's like you have to wait six weeks, whatever. Wow. So I go in and my sister goes in and then I go in after or whatever and then my sister goes in like a couple months later and she's like, oh yeah, your sister's hair. My gosh, it's coarse. I mean, Jess is like, okay. She's like, yeah, she really needs laser. And I'm like, this bitch –

So I made a joke about it on stage, and then the sugaring company loved it. They're like, come back. We'll give you free laser forever. Free laser is a great deal. Oh, yeah, I know. I'm going back. Sugar Moon in Toronto, they're great. Hit them up on the damn fourth. Because I was joking, but Greta gets in there. She doesn't leave a hair. Oh, yeah, yeah. I love an Eastern European woman down there. There's no judgment. She's moving shit around. She's inside. I have a hemorrhoid. She doesn't say anything about it. I'm always like, do we have to tell them that there's a hemorrhoid?

I asked her. That's an interesting question. I bluntly asked her. I bluntly was like, because my sister has them too. She asked her one time, she's like, should I say something? And Greta was like, we see so much. Really? Yep. Does the hemorrhoid stick out? Some stick out, some don't.

Of the butthole? Yes, the butthole. Okay, got it. How do they go back up? Some of them just kind of suck back up. Yeah, mine's innie. But some are like, oh, they look like little like grapes, I guess. Especially if you give them birth, they're like much more common. Oh, right. But they're all, everyone has them. Everyone has them. Everyone has butt cuts. I've been calling them butt cuts because I've had one for five months. I'm going to kill myself. Well, yeah, I mean, I used to work at a spa for many years and like, you know, the amount of times that someone would come out and be like, there's poop all over the waxing table. Oh, that's crazy. Poop? Yeah, people don't wipe with their butts.

That was like a big problem. People don't wipe their butts properly and that was like a big issue at the spot. Are you serious? How do you wipe your butt properly? What do you mean? You wipe until it's white. What if it never goes white and you're like, I'm just going to be here for hours. No, this is what you do now. This is my favorite part about my boyfriend. He showers after every shit. When I'm home now, I always do it now. Or when he's at the airport, he'll put...

before he goes into the toilet he'll dampen some paper towels and I'll go in clean as ass I've never I've never seen that's a great guy but they now have they have the wet wipes yeah the wet wipes bidet no but at the waxing tables

Oh, yeah. Even before that, if I was getting my pussy waxed or even before I got into college, I'd clean it out because I have banners. Yes. Question for the group. It's crazy. Question for the group. Yes. What if you take a shit, you wipe your ass, until there's nothing left on the toilet paper. It takes a while, just for this example, let's say. Yes. And then you go somewhere else.

and you just pee and you wipe your ass. Yeah, what the fuck? No, I've been wetting it. What is that? We have digestive issues. I'm wetting the Kleenex. It shouldn't be that loose that long. No, you gotta wet your... My asshole's so tight. No, wet the Kleenex. I am like shoving it in there. Yeah, but it has... In the asshole? Oh, I'm in there. I'm scrubbing the ass. Yeah, you definitely have to put your finger up

a little bit. Oh, I get a wet. That's where I'm missing it. That's where I'm missing it. Because otherwise, like, just like, I mean, your poop should be like a firm consistency nine and a half times out of ten. Sure. And if it's not, then like, yeah, you have to like redo your fiber or your whatever, you know, you have to redo your meal plan. Okay, so it's like a leap.

But yeah, you can't just be doing surface. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. That might be anxiety related. Or you said you have stomach issues. Like you have IBS? Yeah, I have IBS. IBS is a whole different thing. Yeah, it's whatever. I'm used to it now. But I would say I dampen it to a paper and I shove it. I shove it in there. The wetness. I really wet my ass. Yeah. Shoving it in there is the step that I missed. No, you definitely got to get your finger butt a little bit. Get it all clean. Do a little. I love the way also you have a tight asshole.

I used to love my asshole and now that I've had like an anal fissure for literally five months, I hate my life. Yeah. I mean, it really changes it. And well, and if you feel it too, like when you walk or when you sit or when you pay, like when you do anything, I got Botox in my asshole.

Really? What does that do? Kara Clank told me for the... Okay, Kara. Because she had a butt cut for so long. And I was like, yeah, please listen up. I was... Yeah, if you listen to my podcast, you hear me talk about this all the time because I've been dealing with it for a long time. Your asshole? My anus has a cut and it's had a cut now for an amount of time that's not normal. Okay. So I have to give myself diarrhea because if I have a hard shit, I will die and I'll cry my eyes out. Right, right, right, right. So I've almost healed now. I don't want to say I'm going to jinx it, but like...

It was not going away. And so I was doing the fiber stuff, all this bullshit. And then stress, what the fuck. I don't know what it's from. But it took a big shit once. So I... Could just be that. Kara's like, if you put... There's Botox. Specifically, you can't go to a regular Botox person. You have to go to an anal Botox person. There's an anal Botox. There's an anal Botox. There's an ass woman I can send you if you've lost it. She's great. I would love this. Is she on Raya? She's the dater? Anal Botox.

She got... I have four shots. Hurt more than anything that's ever hurt my life. Because the Botox loosens the sphincter. So when you go to shit, your ass is tightening up. But then that's why it takes longer for the cut to heal. Right. So it loosens your ass. So when the shit comes out, you're a bit looser. So it just falls out. It falls out. This is one of the most interesting things I've learned in quite some time. Yeah, this is very interesting. No, I'm telling you. I'm obsessed with it because... And a lot of people have butt cuts. Everyone...

A lot of doing it. Men and women. Especially women who've given birth. And they stay for... It's so much harder to get rid of too. Definitely not giving birth. No, I think I'm over that. But I was like...

It was, it's helped. It is. So it's now it's, I'm not as tense, but, but if you're a big farter like me, everyone farts. Well, I'm a big farter. How often do you fart? Oh, fucking 20, 30, 40 times a day. Do you fart in front of your boyfriend? Oh no, stop. He hates it. I'll, I'll force it out. Cause he hates it. I'm like, you hate it. He is so mad. And then I get off. I like that. You're yelling at women that he might have smiled at, but then openly farting 20 to 40 times a day is repulsed by it. And I'll never stop. Ah,

This is wildly interesting. I'm not well. You're great. I'm very unwell. No, you're pretty great. But so the Botox and the asshole, she was like, are you a big farter? I'm like, yes, I am. She goes, well, it's because now you have no control of your asshole. So the farts just, the farts won stuff. My farts are, and I sharted last week. I don't know what's going on. I sharted before a bunch. I sharted all the time. But like last week. It's a gamble. But now I'm like, because my ass is so much looser now.

So I'm really, I'm like, I have to clench so hard if I feel a fart coming on now. Wow. Because they'll just escape your ass. It's out of my ass. But it doesn't sound like a puh. Yeah, it is. It's like a bassy kind of airy ass now. It's definitely much more loose than it's squeezed out. Not with your tight asshole. You're getting like really high-pitched ones. Real sunny thing. I know. It's, you know what?

Hit me up in my DMs if you want more talk of the Botox because it's... That's a great tip. Yeah. Or psyllium husk fiber. Oh, yeah. Psyllium husk. Speaking of ABN, all the porn stars drink psyllium husk. I think Asa Akira told us about that. And they eat gummy bears when they're starving. That's the one thing they can eat before they do anal.

Gummy bears? Because it's just gelatin? Did they fill you up? No, but they're trying not to shit. That's like the one thing. Yeah. Do you do anal? No, you got a butt cut. It sucks. Did you ever do it before that? Yes. I loved anal. I had a nice asshole. Maybe that's how you got the butt hook cut. No, it was a big shit. It was a big shit. Trust me. I remember the law. The memory's seared into your brain. I didn't shit for one day.

I have a very scheduled shitting ass. One day, big shit, traveling. Because I wanted to anal with my boyfriend. I was pumped up. He's never done it. And I was like, my ass is yours now. And then I'm like, my ass is nobody's now. Get the fuck away from my anus. It's a mess back there.

there. A fucking car wreck. It's so bad. I'm so pissed. Hemorrhoids back in, butt cuts there. It's hell. I'm in hell. And it was a nice asshole. It was one of my favorite features on my body. Your asshole. Wow. The amount of compliments I got on my anus. Wow. I know. Like a button nose? Yeah. Like your butthole was like a button nose. Guys would be like, wow, that's a really nice asshole. And a mountain times I was like, huh, I peaked at it. Now, huh.

Oh, I don't think so. She's taking a turn for the worse. She's not good. But she's on the up and up. No, you know when somebody gets a really bad scar and it doesn't heal properly? That's what it looks like right now. It's Two-Face back there. It's fucking Two-Face. It's Tommy Lee Jones back there.

It's not good. Oh my God. That's, that's, I think that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good ending of the, of the episode. There it is. Yeah. You have a special. I have a special. Please, for the love of God, watch it. It is on Netflix. It's called Filth Queen. It's produced by All Things Comedy. What's the name again? Filth Queen. That's so exciting. Congratulations. Thank you. And I have one brag about it. I will say, I do believe,

that my opening is funnier than majority specials I've seen. I good. There is a dummy involved. I did get Bill Burr involved. Good. I, I, Oh, I pulled out all the stops for a special. I'm like, we're doing this. We're doing this right. But it's the, the opening is, um, if you follow my Instagram at all, I have this bit that went viral where I fake fall for a long time. Uh, I,

I fall all across Boston and it's quite funny. That's amazing. If that doesn't reel you in, I don't know what will. That feels like very like Tom Green. I love it. You Canadians. It is very Canadian. You found the key to something. Silly humor. Yeah. Just so funny. So funny. Physicality. Yeah. So please watch it. Congratulations. Thank you. Huge accomplishment. I'm very excited to

That's awesome. Thanks for having me on the pod. Oh my gosh. Thank you for coming. Yes. It's always great to sit down with you and get updates on your asshole. Yes. I love talking about it. Next time you sit here, I think your asshole is going to be in better shape. I hope it's not stained this. Honestly, that's why it's brown for my caca.

Guys, follow Steph. Watch Filth Queen on Netflix. This has been Guys We Fucked, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. We'll talk to you next Friday. Thank you. Guys We Fucked is presented by Luminary. Created and hosted by Corinne Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by Eric Freddie. Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Cosen. So you asked me can I look so happy?

It's like a clogging.

And now I put on a front.