YOU WANNA F*CK 50 CENT? ft. Adrienne Iapalucci
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Hey, this is Jonathan Fields, host of The Good Life Project. Today's sponsor, Boost Mobile, reminds me of what I love when someone reimagines what's possible. They have invested billions in building America's newest 5G network, becoming the country's fourth major carrier. They are doing things differently, offering a $25 monthly unlimited plan that never increases in price, and letting you try their service risk-free for 30 days.

With blazing fast 5G and plans for all the latest devices, they're changing the game. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or find them online at boostmobile.com. I mean, it's not you. It's me. Things have gotten so complicated, you know? We just don't click anymore. And I feel like you're slowing me down.

That's why I moved to Monday CRM. It just feels right. It's an intuitive CRM packed with real AI tools and helps my team close deals faster than ever. If you're ready to use a CRM that actually gets you, visit Monday CRM and start your free trial. Welcome to Guys We Fuck, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. I'm Christina Hutton. I'm Corinne Fischer. Slutting, you're horny, and you're shaming.

Hey, you with what? Yeah. Okay. Let's talk about it. Hello, friends. How you doing? Hey, buddy. We're just two guys talking about our lives. Two guys. How you like that, YouTube algorithm? Just two dudes talking it up, being dudes. I see what you did there. Right? Yeah. That's smart. YouTube doesn't like when women talk about...

Anything, really. Preferably it would be nothing that women are allowed to say. So we're going to shake it up a little bit, Earthlings. You guys good? Did you drink enough water today? Did you pump your iron? Take your vitamins. Some of them don't really absorb. I've been going down that rabbit hole.

Yeah, you got to do liquid or really just get them through the food. Just eat the vegetable. You really have to just eat the vegetables. But if you want like a vitamin like D, which is like a very like popular in New York because of our lack of sunshine, apparently. Yeah. My endocrinologist recommended you got to do the liquid. Liquid vitamin D. And like put it under your tongue. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Love tinctures. Yeah. Okay. If you want to email us at sorryaboutlastnightshow at gmail.com. Send us your dilemma. Today's subject line. My boyfriend voted for Trump.

And now I'm turned off. Cool. Hi, Corinne, Christina, and Eric. I'm an OG effer and just two dudes talking. I had the biggest crush on Vinny from episode one when I was like 20. Oh my God. Vinny's charming. He's so sweet. He's married with multiple children. Multiple? I'm very happy for him. That's great. Yeah, I was kind of like, I was like, not like, I wasn't like,

there when i was like we were still friends when he like met his now wife and i'm very i'm like very he's a good he has a good heart he's a good egg yeah a little background about me and my relationship my boyfriend let's call him dean and i are both 29 years old we started dating at the tail end of college when we were both 22 i was a bit of a late bloomer as far as relationships go i had dated and slept with people in college a little bit but never called anyone my boyfriend until dean at

At that time, I really wanted to be in a relationship. We had met through a club at our school, so had the same interests and many of the same friends. We hit it off and we're spending so much time together that it just made sense for us to get into a relationship after a few months. Although he was a little resistant to the idea at first. That's a great start. You don't say. I am a therapist. My family is super close and supportive. And in my own opinion, I have always been on the higher end of emotional intelligence.

Dean has a supportive family too, but in many ways they are the opposite of mine. They weren't abusive, but the kids got spankings growing up. Woo, yeah. Did you get spanked? No, I didn't get spanked, but I mean, I got spanked.

I got a little smack and you know, you know, my hair pulling was my, Oh yeah. My hair pulled. Yeah. I mean, I don't, but it was also just like, it was accepted. Yeah. The times were different. I don't think, I don't know. Like there's a difference between getting beat and getting spanked every now and then. And like no one I know who got spanked a little bit has any problem with it. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so, but in many ways they are upset of mind. They weren't abusive, but the kids got spankings growing up. They just aren't very progressive and support Trump. They aren't like anti-gay or pro-life, anti-choice, and they just don't totally get it when it comes to the need for certain social movements. And they aren't very deep.

about just sort of analyzing things. Okay. Most people aren't able to critically think that. There's a statistic backing that. Most people in their heads are just walking around like, trash can. Yeah. Light. Honestly, yeah. Treasurer. There's a chair. Yeah. It really is that simple. They're not thinking on the next level. And I don't know. I have to look more into why that is. I think maybe having a deeper level of consciousness is...

Honestly, a lot of people that are super depressed, they're like, I'm just aware of everything. That's why I'm depressed. Oh, no, no. I wish I was. I'm not even. I wish I was way stupider. Yeah, me too. Oh, my God. Grass is always greener. Yeah. Dean's dad has only ever said I love you to him like once in his life. His parents kind of take the attitude that their kids owe them.

I know that's like something and not the other way around and that hurts Dean sometimes like when his parents had him pay for his own college then bought a $60,000 boat the year he graduated I paid for my own college too they're allowed that I wouldn't say what are you talking about I think you

were a little overly coddled based on the intro to this email. Honestly, I also paid for my own college. Yeah. And my dad didn't really say, I realized my dad didn't say I love you unless I said it to him. It's not your parents' responsibility to pay for your higher education. Like what? No, they're yeah, it's really not. Uh, they aren't bad people. They're just a different stance on kids and family. Exactly. Which is okay. Their stance is fine. It's just, it is what it is. You can imagine the dynamic that sometimes creates, uh,

it creates between Dean and I. I put love, kindness, and connection above all other things. Girl, me too. And Dean is loving too, but he tends to be a lot more practical and is not super empathetic towards others' struggles, which bothers me. His parents are Trump supporters. Dean is a little more in the middle, but he gets sucked into the rhetoric of the right. I see it almost like how Corinne talks about how she feels bad for women who voted for Trump because they've bought in.

Knowing Dean, I would have thought he would have voted for Harris in this election. He voted for Trump in 2016, Biden in 2020, and Trump in 2024. Oh, I see a pattern here. And what's that pattern? I can only vote for men. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. That's correct. This has been quite hard for me to wrap my head around, and I don't know what to do. We're only a few days in here, but I feel so unattracted to him.

Sex is really the last thing I want from him right now. The thing is, I don't think it's really about the Trump vote itself because it's more that the Trump vote brings to a head something I've been struggling with for our entire almost seven-year relationship. Oh, yeah. You've done seven years. You put the time in. You can move on. We don't see the world in the same way. I was going to say, it's obvious you're at a higher level of thinking. You can't be dating someone at a lower level of thinking. I know. And that's what happens when women date men their own age.

you realize you're not as far along in the maturity scale. I was actually going to disagree because I was going to say even when I dated someone younger, they still had the capacity to think about things differently.

in, in the way that I did. And that's actually why we weren't able to date. Yeah. I think there are a lot of guys who are, who are immature, but you, yeah, you really have to look, you know, shared worldview I think is actually the most important thing that two people need to share. I know because if it doesn't get to you now, it's going to get under your skin eventually and you're going to resent the person and be turned

Yeah. And like you're and like you're also like a big thing for me is like your your code of ethics has to be very similar. Yeah. Like that was that I've had code of ethics was often with a lot of my boyfriends also because I think in general men have a weaker code of ethics.

You would be correct. We actually agree on most issues, but we would prioritize them completely differently, which is something I have really come to accept with this election. Men, I can't force a man to prioritize women's rights. And that's just what it is, you know, and his empathy for people is just way lower than mine. So for him, practicality wins over kindness and love. Yeah, that's typical masculine feminine energy right there.

I think it's good to have some of that balance in a relationship, but I feel sad because I feel what I feel are my best qualities are not enhanced by our dynamic, but dimmed. Ooh, that's how you know you got to dump him. I love that. That's how you know you got to dump him. You got to dump him. Girl, you so aware. I love this for you. Also, since his initial hesitation to enter a relationship,

he has become so committed and loves me so much and really doesn't see things uh these things as anywhere close to a deal breaker this is just how men work though you have to like like and but it doesn't need to be this way we have to stop accepting this that we like basically have to bully men into being in a relationship and then then once they're in if they love it like no how about you find a man who loves it from the get like we don't we don't have to do this yeah i know we don't have to live

like that and also the your partner doesn't have to do anything wrong like realizing you see the world in completely different ways and it's not gonna work for you is a very valid reason to leave a relationship I would argue that's like wrong or because I'm like I'm like because that's a full that's a long term whereas they just instead of just doing a little bad thing which is a blip in the timeline yeah yeah yeah and when you're say you were with this guy forever when you're both 80 and

He's going to have the same world. I mean, potentially have the same worldview. That's really going to get to you because you're like, what is the point of this? Why did I waste my time? I think it stunts your growth because then you continually try to compromise. So you're staying a little bit, you know, that makes you a little less empathetic, a little bit less whatever than you normally would have been if you were with someone who shared those qualities, which then you could enhance together. Right. Mm hmm.

And you don't have to think someone's a bad person. You know, one of my favorite breakups that's shown in a rom-com is the breakup at the beginning of You've Got Mail because they just, Meg Ryan and, it's a famous actor, but I forgot his name. Tom Hanks? No, it's not him yet. But they just are like sitting there and they realize that they've become friends and they're not, they're just like, they just kind of laugh and they go, I'm just,

love with you anymore. And it's so nice, like easy. And breakups can be like that. It's okay. It doesn't have to be door slamming. You know, wild. Isn't that wild? Yeah. So you've been with him since you were 22. You have one year of your 20s left. I didn't say that YouTube algorithm. Also, since his initial hesitation in a relationship, he's become so committed, loves me so much, doesn't really see things anywhere close to a deal breaker. So I tend to second guess myself when I think that for me, they might be. Well, I don't know.

They should be. I get it. I really, now you're like, like he's sucked into Trump and you're sucked into his fucking rhetoric. Oh, sorry. I hope that was five minutes. We're almost at 10 minutes. Great. Amazing. What do you mean? Oh yeah. I said that. I said the F word. We're being weird because the algorithm keeps demonetizing us. Yeah.

I'm really struggling about what to do. We live together now. I've hesitated to move forward at each stage of our relationship because of some of these differences, but I have never been able to let go either. We have a really fun time together and enjoy many of the same activities. Cool. That's not a diamond in the rough. What are you in a kindergarten class?

together yeah but I don't think we're on the same wavelength you're not I've I am craving a deep emotional connection that I'm sure is possible it is because some of our ideological differences it not sure is possible because of our ideological yeah I don't I don't think it is Dean is a kind of person at his core is a kind person at his core but maybe he just isn't my kind of kind but

But then I think, well, what if I just didn't focus on these differences so much? Things would be good because they were great in the past before I thought about these things a lot. And before you got to know him better, even though even five years in, you're still learning about each other, you know? Yeah. They were, yeah, they were great before what you analyze the relationship instead of just coasting along in it. Like, what are we even talking about here? Yeah.

I gotta be honest guys oh man we don't if you have to sit and analyze your relationships this long and please I've done it god I love analyzing things you don't need to be in them no one has a gun to your head saying you got to be in this relationship it's just really not that serious the door to your prison cell is wide open yeah walk out just leave man but then again maybe this is the difference between partner and soulmate and I want a soulmate then I think he's neither no a partner

a partner should at least share like on the day to day. I would argue that a partner also has to share your worldview. Probably. Then I think I am going to lose something with a good man and then not be able to find anyone remotely as good as he is. He's not that great. He's not that good.

I'm sure he has great qualities, but I've heard none of them. Will I just have to deal with some other difference with some other guy? And should I just stay and figure this one out instead of starting over? Nah, start over. Fuck it. I've analyzed it again and again in my head to the point where I'm so 50-50 about it that sometimes I wish he would just do something awful to make the decision easy. There you go. Break up with them. The house doesn't have to burn down for you to move out. Isn't that crazy?

But of course he isn't an awful person so he won't. Never say never. I've challenged men so many times and I've always risen to the occasion. I also clearly have some OCD tendencies. Clearly. Okay. So I really tend to ruminate about making the

right decision she could have a relationship OCD this is not classic OCD there are different things and people are mashing them together I mean she's a therapist so she would know this but that's true this to me this sounds like relationship OCD she's ruminating about making the right decision with this and then I also get in my head about what even is a soulmate I imagine myself regretting it and ruminating so much on it that I don't make a change and I also feel incredibly sad thinking about losing him yeah but it's always sad to lose somebody honestly even if they sucked it's sad

It's weird. It's a weird thing that happens. I've talked about this in therapy for over a year and I have searched my fucking soul for an answer about what to do, but I'm lost. What advice would you have for what I should do next? And sort of separately, but also related, how do you define a soulmate? How do you each define a soulmate? Thank you in advance.

uh i mean okay first of all if you've been thinking about this and talking about this in therapy for a year and you still feel lost it's not for you girl lost in a relationship for a year yeah and especially a year a year in a relationship that was only into in totality seven years yeah seven years is a long time it's a great you had a great go you were super young seven year itch yeah man i ended my relationship in seven years oh so happy oh

But I was still so sad. I knew it was the right thing to do. I was so excited to sleep with other people, but I cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry my face off. That's just what happens. That's okay. I think you're always going to feel a little bit dissatisfied and that is going to start like building up over time. And it's going to start, you're going to start resenting him and like being mean to him. I'm pretty sure. I think you should break up with him and how I would define a soulmate. My version of love has been, Oh,

little tainted, a little messed up. From what? From the show? Just from growing up. Like my, I didn't know love. Oh, right, right, right. I thought you meant like recently. The person you love isn't supposed to critique you and you know, all that stuff. So that got me into relationships with people. Well, Christine, if the person you love isn't supposed to critique you, then I also wasn't loved. So let me tell you. One,

Not in my Asian upbringing. You did have a very Asian upbringing. Just so like I grew up with parents that morphed the truth about who I was to my face and just all kinds of things. It was just a manipulative. But now, like I'm in a relationship that certainly has its issues. And I don't know if it's a soulmate relationship. It does feel very –

It's just magnificent in a lot of ways. And one of the things that I love most about it is even still, we've been together for years and years. And when like he, I picked him up from the airport yesterday and we hadn't seen each other in a couple of days. And when we hang out, time disappears. Like no one else, like when it's just the two of us in our apartment, it's just like we're in this own little secret world with each other and we could complete each other's sentences. And it's really lovely when somebody knows you and knows to kind of like

help you before you can see how to help yourself. That's a really beautiful quality that I didn't expect. But a soulmate, I don't know. It's a hard thing to define. I define it by how it feels. And no relationship is perfect. Yeah, I mean, I think to me a soulmate is like someone you feel effortlessly understood around. Someone who the energy feels calmer when you're together. And

There is a certain healing element to the relationship. That's what I would say. Whatever the things that in your heart or soul that need to be healed, they start, they start to, those wounds start to close up around that person. Yeah. That's how I would define it. A healing. Yes. Yes. Relationships can be so healing. There's this one saved Instagram post that I, um,

did I do? And keep in mind, like you, it's very likely that you have a soulmate in your life, but it's not a romantic soulmate. Like I think Christina and I are soulmates, but not, uh, when, you know, we don't fuck much to the chagrin, much as chagrin of Reddit. Um, I would be doing so much better, man.

Oh, here's this post. I did save it. Young Pueblo. They asked her, what qualities should your partner have? She answered, above all, the willingness to grow and enough self-awareness so they can truly love you as well. If they are emotionally prepared for a real connection and ready for the deep healing that will bring you closer together over time, it will be easier to build a nourishing and vibrant home. Mature love is a commitment to supporting each other's happiness. I just thought that was really beautiful. And also, too, like...

You could be with someone for years and still like when you're like lying on top of them on the couch, you're just like, oh, this is the it's just blissful. It's just blissful being in each other's presence. I think that's another defining quality. I also think that you like in your own life, things will like when you're around a soulmate, things will start getting better. I mean, like you'll you'll like you'll succeed more effortlessly, like you'll even be like prudent.

prettier you know like totally like you'll be relaxed yeah like you'll be able to step into your feminine energy if you have the feminine energy in the relationship yeah like when I was in relationships that ultimately like turned out bad like I truly feel like you could see it on me like I looked worse yeah yeah yeah you know so a lot of a lot of people and even I've said this like

sometimes I'll like gain weight when I'm like happy because you're just not thinking about other things and you're spending too much time together. But I think that we've convinced ourselves as a society that like when you get into a good relationship and you relax and you don't look as good, I'm actually going to step like a, going to push back on that now because in retrospect, I don't think that is correct. I think that's,

that's something that people have convinced themselves. That's a bad relationship. Yeah. I think because, because I think that if you're in a, in a relationship that's truly as good, as good as you're saying it is, it is that you should both continue advancing. Obviously you're not like, you know, at a certain point you age, you know, for sure. But I think this, you know, notion that like,

oh, you're just comfortable in a relationship and you gained 50 pounds. I think this is society lying to you. Go take a run. Yeah. I remember since Colin and I have gotten together over the years, like we've gotten way fitter. And like, that's the other thing about a good, a good relationship. I soulmate too, I would say.

it's just a real source of inspiration. Like I'm inspired to be in the best shape I've ever been in. I'm inspired to like think out of the box creatively. I'm inspired to like contact my friends and hang out with my friend. Like I'm just, I'm inspired to be such a better version of myself. Yeah. And I don't think this guy gives this to you. I'm pretty sure he doesn't. I know he doesn't.

Because I think soulmate, you should be the best version of yourselves together, but also separately. And that's the part that I was like miss missing in a lot of relationships. Like I felt like even if I got along with the person, it wasn't necessarily inspiring me to be the best version of myself. It was still me who was, you know, inspiring myself to be the best version of.

me. Yeah, and once you get a taste of that, when someone else inspires you, like, and it's a little jetpack, oh my god, you're like, what was I doing this whole time? Sure. In relationships. So I hope that helps. Guys, we're going on the road. Well, I'm going on the road. Tulsa, Oklahoma, January 10th and 11th. Toronto, I'll be headlining Comedy Bar January 17th and 18th, and I'm going to be releasing the winter schedule for my Patreon, and one Patreon a month at kind of the request of the patrons, but also how it's

is going to be completely dedicated to woo-woo stuff. We're going to meditate at the top and we're going to do mad witch shit because I have a lot of activities and exercises that I've picked up in all these remote viewing classes and mediumship classes. And Lory Lynn Jackson says, when 10 people come together to meditate, it doesn't multiply the energy times 10. It multiplies it by like a million. Yeah, and a lot of people on my Patreon, one lady last week told me that she's a clairvoyant. And I'm like –

Wait. And it's really, yeah, it's really great. And the, oh, really intense conversations we've been having lately about like, you know, just really intense conversations.

really intense topics and it's just so nice when a bunch of people that have no idea who the other person is come together and we can talk about how a parent sexually abused you as a kid and is expecting you to get over it and the other parent totally hid it from them and we can talk about that one minute and then we can talk about like a tarot reading you gave yourself that was just a crazy coincidence the next minute because that's what life is it's really intense and it can be really mundane and we cover it all patreon.com slash Christina Hutchinson

And then, of course, you can follow me as we go into Trump's America on Without a Country. We've been live streaming on YouTube every Wednesday at 9 p.m. Eastern time. If you watch the show live on YouTube, you can call in live C-SPAN style to discuss the political topics, not to ask for relationship advice. But...

So I really want to peg my boyfriend, Corinne. Well, it was several weeks when only men were calling in, which was, you know, so political show of them. But more women have been calling in and, you know, it's been really great. Oh, dude. I had a woman on my Patreon who was, she said she was after the election. She was like, ugh. So she wanted to work for her local like democratic organization. So she went to a meeting. There was a, she lived in Ohio. God bless her.

thoughts and prayers seriously yeah there was a woman there at the meeting who was childbearing age like late 30s did not know roe v wade was overturned and the girl was like yeah um her husband hiding her under the floor i don't know i'm like how do you miss that one and she like she looked it up and she started crying and i'm like wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait

This lady didn't know. Like, that's crazy. I've never heard of that. Listen, it's good to spend some time off Instagram, but not that much. Yeah, you got to be a little bit, especially when it comes to your own body. That's really wild. All right. Yeah. So don't be like that lady. Keep abreast of the situation. It's also like I take a ton of news and I put it into basically two hours. You're caught up for the week and then you can go ahead and be an active citizen. Yeah.

So... Honey was saying you're the only news source she allows in her feed. All right. Well, that also worries me. No, but it's good because anything important you're going to cover and it's not going to have a tone to it. Hopefully. It'll have a tone, Christina. I've never said anything without a tone. Yeah, but like... Since I was a child. I'm saying like a bullying, misogynistic tone that the news usually has. Yeah, no. I mean, we're trying... It's a lot of information. But, you know, I read Breitbart and InfoWars so you don't have to. Even though, I mean, InfoWars now is the onions. So...

Did you see the posters, by the way, all over New York City that The Onion put up? It's a big picture of Trump and it says America defeats America. It's really funny. No, but that's very funny. I'll show it to you. I love The Onion. Yeah, they plastered it all over at least my neighborhood. Oh, that's great. I was dying laughing. That's fucking hilarious. I cackled on the way here. Ah!

So funny. I haven't seen that. That's really good. Really, really funny. But yeah, you could do that. And of course, then if you just want to listen to the show, you can listen anywhere that you get your podcast, including Illuminary. Yeah.

Hey, this is Jonathan Fields, host of The Good Life Project. Today's sponsor, Boost Mobile, reminds me of what I love when someone reimagines what's possible. They have invested billions in building America's newest 5G network, becoming the country's fourth major carrier. They are doing things differently, offering a $25 monthly unlimited plan that never increases in price, and letting you try their service risk-free for 30 days.

With blazing fast 5G and plans for all the latest devices, they're changing the game. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or find them online at boostmobile.com. Dear old work platform, it's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you. Endless onboarding? Constant IT bottlenecks? We've had enough. We need a platform that just gets us. And to be honest, we've met someone new.

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Speaking of no country. Yes. Or old ladies, any lady. I was reflecting on Guys We Fucked the last couple days and how –

When we started the show and when we pitched the show, I had in my head that we still have this kind of like bullshit type of masculinity that we've just been served and are so fucking sick of. A lot of the healer people that I've been watching on YouTube, I just like to watch what everybody says and just kind of observe it without really clinging to anything because a lot of these people weren't correct with their predictions. I know. I'm so down on Woo right now. I got to be honest. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah.

You said one thing, you said it pretty boldly, and then it didn't happen. And so I'm also disappointed. But –

A lot of people have been saying like, you know, America specifically needs to heal the wounded masculine energy that we have. And I was thinking about like this kind of lower level that's not as pervasive, but there are dire consequences in terms of like these just like male entitlements, like a male entitlement to a woman's body. And it's interesting to see how when Trump won, all of these people that are extremely misogynistic are just and really racist are just

letting their misogynistic flag fly openly. And I kind of love that because I love, I hate when people hide who they are. I get tricked real easily by people because I, you know, I kind of have a similar problem with you in terms of like when somebody says something and this is how they present themselves, I'm a little more

naive than you though where I'm like oh that's true like I don't see the underlying tone behind it I don't see the secret message well I grew up in a fucking house where people were telling were honest with me so call me crazy that when you say something I just want to believe you because why oh so lying it's such a waste of energy it's a burden it's so it's

It's too hard to keep up with. I don't lie, not because I'm a good person, because I just don't have the energy, quite frankly. Totally, totally, totally. It does save you a lot of time telling the truth. I'd have to have a notes section with lies I told and who I told them to to keep up. I couldn't. Yo, when I had a 9 to 5 birth, my grandparents died like 27 times.

I mean, lying to your employer, that's different. Yeah, but that was a lot to keep up with. Like, imagine, like, deeper lies to, like, people you love. Your grandparents died 20 times. So many times. They had so many heart attacks and so many, like, diabetes emergencies. But anyway, I think that it's interesting that all this misogyny is really out in the open, the whole, like, your body, my choice thing and all this. And there's this... I think that's good. I think that's what has to happen for it to be healed. But there's these...

The, the, when Trump's doing his cabinet pick, like he's picking all these, the head of oil companies and the head of fracking thing. And I'm like, yep, that makes sense. And I, the news is like shocked. I don't know if they're pretending to be shocked, but I'm like, this is what he said he was going to do. Why are we like, are you freaking out? Cause it's a bad choice, but like you, this was always going to happen. But anyway, there is a type of man in Trump's life.

that I think is such a wounded masculine archetype where they are sucking up to him in a way that is like wild. There is this guy named Kash Patel who I guess Trump is going to appoint for the FBI or something. And last week tonight, which is one of my favorite –

investigative news shows because it does it makes it much more palpable to take in all this dire information kash patel is so obsessed with daddy trump and i started looking into it i'm like this is gross man like i've never seen women obsessed with women this much like it's really nasty but he wrote a children's book oh god called the plot against the king

And if you look at the cover of this children's book, Corinne, look at the cover of this children's book. It's Trump as a king. It's a cartoon Trump. Okay. So then you ask, you go, what's the, what's the plot?

The plot against the king presents a simplified and fictionalized take on events surrounding the controversial Russiagate investigation. This is a book for children ages five and up. Yeah, and they're talking about how liberals like to indoctrinate children. Exactly. The book is intended to introduce young readers to what Patel sees as the truth behind the narrative. It uses a medieval fairy tale setting to convey its message.

With characters and events loosely inspired by real-life figures and incidents. Yeah, loosely, okay. In the story, a noble king, which is Donald Trump, and if you look at the drawing, it is a cartoon Donald Trump. Noble king faces a conspiracy by dishonest couriers trying to remove him from power by spreading lies, guiding the truth-seekers.

including a character resembling kash patel the plot is exposed this is just so fucking next level fuckery restoring justice and highlighting values like honesty and perseverance the book has drawn attention for its overt political messaging and its attempt to engage children with a conservative interpretation of the recent u.s political history and then i asked there's a character in the book called hillary queenton

Q-U-E-E-N-T-O-N. This is like what I love Lucy when she was like Mickey McArdle. What are we talking about right now? The plot against the king features a character named Hillary Quinton, who is a fictionalized representation of Hillary Clinton. The character plays a key role in the plot of the story, embodying elements of the political narrative that Kash Patel critiques, like other aspects of the book.

Hillary Quinton's role is meant to align with the book's allegorical retelling of the Russiagate controversy. And I'm just like, this is wild. The amount of men I'm watching who are like, you know, from a distance, their masculinity is so injured and it's so fucking toxic because there is a type of masculinity that is my fucking favorite in men. Most of the men I'm close with, my partner certainly embodies it. That is just as...

beautiful, stoic, gentle protector for sure. But like calm and the masculinity that's kind of popping up right now in the political sphere is just so on another level, like desperate, like it's this toxic, like,

desperate masculinity that I'm seeing and I'm like oh I wonder if the bubble's gonna pop soon and like maybe he's gonna get so many people in his cabinet that are just so outrageously inappropriate for the job that maybe the people that voted for him are gonna go I'll actually fuck this guy and then we'll all say fuck this guy together I don't know but apparently it's been like uh one of the most uh googled uh things in the past week was can I change my vote

Yeah, that's wild, man. That's fucking wild. And no, you can't is the answer. I remember stories about Brexit and how that was immediately regretted by the citizens of England who voted for it. And I thought that was very interesting. And it seems like this is happening in America, but on a larger scale. Yeah. I don't know. We'll see. But I'm like the toxic masculinity in America. It's so gross. But I think it's...

It's like we're like popping the zit of it so it can heal. I mean, again, America is a very young country. So we got a lot of work to do. So much work. I feel like we came in strong. I was a bit of beginner's luck. And then everyone just kind of pushed all the racism and misogyny under the mat. And it's going to link to the surface. Yep, yep, yep. Absolutely. Yep, yep.

Um, also there was a bunch of apps that you can get the abortion pill on still. And, um, I was looking, there's one called Hey Jane. Um, and, and just FYI, I just want to shout this out in case anybody needs the abortion pill. Um, I went on the Hey Jane app and tried to like get it to see like what the prompts were. And they said, what state are you currently in? We can treat patients who are physically located in and you don't have to live here.

But you can only get the abortion pill in California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Washington, D.C., Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Nevada, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, Virginia, Vermont, and Washington.

Those are the only states that you're allowed to get the abortion pill in. So but if you don't, here's a little hack for you. If you don't live in one of these places and you need the abortion pill, just find a friend who lives in one of those places and have it mailed to her and then she can mail it to you. Yeah. That's how Christina said her. Yeah. Oh, my God. If you found a guy friend to get your abortion pill, that's a keeper.

Are you kidding? Oh, my God. That's a great pickup line. Hey, girl, I got a lot of abortion pills stocked. I got a mailbox in New York for you, baby. Yeah. See? That's how you get pussy, gents. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm good. Well, Eric and I, we went to...

We went to the New York's funniest competition as part of the New York Comedy Festival on Saturday. And there's nothing like a good comedy show at 3 p.m. in the afternoon. Oh, that's terrible. We went to support our daughter, Chloe LaBranch. Daughter is a weird...

Don't say I don't know. You don't like daddy-daughter stuff, Eric? No, I really... What about mommy-son? No. To support Eric's girlfriend and my good friend, Chloe LaBranche, who was one of the top 10 New York's funniest comedians this year. Eric, you said you heard something in the bathroom that you wanted to share with us. I noticed it was at the Hard Rock where they did it. They had all-gender bathrooms. I'd never been...

in an all-gender... Oh, they have that at Second City? Yeah, I'd never been in an all-gender bathroom. Oh, I guess Eric's never been to a gay club. Boo! I've been going to all-gender bathrooms since the 90s. No, since like 2003, I guess. One thing I noticed when I was in there is that I had never seen such a high percentage of men washing their hands, like, well. What?

Oh, like because women are watching. Yes, exactly. Because you guys are disgusting when we're not watching. I mean, if I'm in the airport bathroom, I'd say 75% of guys aren't washing their hands. That's crazy.

That's insane because you're literally holding your dick in your hand. And also in a public bathroom, you're just touching handles and, you know, so many things. I, that's one of the first things I look for when I'm, when I'm early on in dating a guy, if when he comes out of my bathroom, if his hands are wet, I look, I just, I look if his hands are wet. Yeah. Ew. Yeah. I would not. Ugh.

No, I mean, that's really the only thing I know. I just thought it was, I'd never seen such a high, every guy's washing his hands. Oh, so another instance of men need to be mothering men at all times for them to be better human beings. Well, maybe masculinity is getting healed. Yeah, maybe we should just have all gender restaurants just for like a public health

I like this. I don't think women would like that. I feel like Eric's working on a bit right now. I'm not even working on a bit. I just said, I thought you might find this interesting. They had all gender restrooms at Second City. Gorgeous venue, by the way. Oh my God. I saw the photos. It was gorgeous. Yeah. Definitely doing a show there. Jesus Christ. It reminded me of the theater too. Yeah, it was beautiful. But they had all gender restrooms and only one of them had urinals. And I didn't like that because I'm like, can you?

I don't want to go in the one with the urinal. I want to see a guy's dick. I don't want to see a guy's dick. Yeah. Ever. Ever. I hated that. Unless I'm having sex with him. It's terrible because even also like I don't like the all gender for men who have little kids like because like when I used to go to like my dad took me to like the circus at MSG when I was a little girl. He takes you in the men's room. I got to go to the men's room. Yeah. And yeah, that's the thing. He was trying to shield. I mean, most times like they're against the wall so you can't actually see the penis really. That's good. But it was just like

You don't, you don't want to be exposed to that. I also don't want to know that it's out in open air in the same room that I'm in. You know what? It would be cool. Like I understand they don't want like separate stall doors because it's like it's pacing thing, but they could just put maybe like a barrier, a divider that's like a long divider. So only the people behind the divider are using the urinal. Yeah. And because you do have to think about single fathers, gay couples, like, you know, come

Come on. Just put your dicks away. In a lot of bathrooms, they have like these small, maybe foot and a half long dividers between the urinals. And that's preferable. Yeah. It's because, you know, the splash and you don't want the splash. Yeah. Well, he's talking about side between the peers. Wait, it could side splash. Someone's pissed. Side splash. It depends how, how, I guess that's it. Thick that stream is. Yeah. I was like, can we get it, Eric? You're in your twenties and your stream is powerful. Yeah.

Is that a river? No, Eric's just taking a leak. Pocahontas over here. I'm just saying, have you ever been in an airplane bathroom and have you lowered your head?

A little bit. That's tall people problems. You've lowered your head a little bit and then what happened? And then you get pissed on in the face. But you see the walls of the airplane bathroom. It is disgusting. Yeah, it's gross. Oh, I see. I really very rarely pee on the airplane. Really? I wish I could hold it. No. I gotta pee all the time. The worst is when you have to pee after someone else poops and you're like, the thing is,

smelling a stranger's poop is the worst thing. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Yeah, no, I don't know. I don't love you. I'm not smelling that. Yeah. And then also like, yeah, later as it gets later in the flight, you're there's pee all over the ground and there's pee on the bottom of your shoes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not for me. Not for me. I'd rather just hold it in. I mean, yeah. I mean, when we're getting past, like I can hold it into LA. No problem. When we're getting past that, you need, yeah. Cause I'm sleeping most of the time and like,

I mean, most of us are holding our pee for – I don't pee during the night. I do. I wake up like three times a night. Really? Yeah. I never wake up during the night. To pee and to eat. I ate chocolate hummus in the bathroom the other night. I brought a brand new bucket of chocolate hummus. I opened the container. And you're still not realizing this when you're sleeping at all? Nope. Have you talked to a doctor? But when I see the food, I get a flashback. Yeah. I'm like, oh. And then I go, my stomach does feel a little off. Yeah.

I always chocolate hummus out of all the things to be eating. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Chickpeas are a great source of protein. Yeah, they really are. Eric, you read a book. I did read a book. So proud of you. Yes. Yay. Eric read a book. But we gave you a reading assignment that I totally forgot about. So thanks for remembering. A reading male. What's the book called? Female Shove-In-The-Pig. What were your thoughts?

Um, my thoughts were on how the book was written. I thought it was written like very well as concisely written. Um, I think that short. Yeah. Yeah. It was short. I like a short book. It's a quick read. Um, I, I do get distracted very easily. So, you know, a few hundred pages is perfect for me. Um, and so like, you know, I, I've like cut down a few different synopsis to like, kind of just like,

bring everyone up to speed. That's where it is. So let me just read this real quick. Are you spark noting your homework assignment right now? No, I didn't spark note it. I went through a few different. You really did a book report. Apparently. Good for you. Okay. All right. Are we ready? He's so excited. Yes, Eric, you may present your book report. In my head, he's reading it off of a Rice Krispies, a cereal box. You know how you like glue it through the maze first. Okay. I wish there were little games on the back, but yeah,

All right. I'll just read this. Female Chauvinist Pigs, Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture is a 2005 book by Ira Levy that critiques the sexualization of American culture and the objectification of women. In the book, Levy argues that the rise of raunch culture is a form of limiting conformity rather than a representation of women's progress. She also challenges the idea that women who embrace hyper-sexualized behaviors are not truly empowered. Woo!

Wait, wait. She challenges the idea? Oh, no. She challenges the idea that women who embrace hypersexualized behaviors are truly empowered. That sounds negative. Wait, does she think we're truly empowered? No, I think she thinks we're not. She would probably critique this podcast. Yeah, that's why I was like – I held my hand up, but I was like, I don't think we should be high-fiving. Never mind. I take that high-five back. I was like, I don't think we should be high-fiving to this. Ew. But I didn't want to leave you hanging. Well, we're not like – but I get what – I mean, in terms –

We've all seen women that like... And I'll talk about it in the bonus episode. One of them. That uses their sexuality that I'm like, this is vapid and baseless and stupid. And it feels like you're just doing this to cater. And it's disgusting. And I have no respect for you. I think she's someone... When there's substance in sex. I'm guessing she would kind of...

categorize people who are in like, uh, you know, sex work as it's, you're still kind of kowtowing to the, the male gaze and, and the male want, is that kind of what she's getting at? She was, uh, using a lot of, um, uh, examples such as, uh, what was the, the thing where it's like, uh, the,

women would show their breasts to... Flashing? Yeah, flashing, like the camera. What was that? Girls Gone Wild? Girls Gone Wild is a large chunk on Girls Gone Wild. Well, Girls Gone Wild was a producer manipulating drunk women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. That fucking assault, basically. You know, any time where it's a man at the helm of women's sexuality, thumbs down. But I don't think that is a good example because it's not...

female owned and female curated. Right. But she was writing this from like the perspective of like in two, in the early 2000s. I've never met anyone who thought girls gone wild was empowering. No, no, it was, it was more so like, it was like a, it was kind of like a fad at the time that girls wanted the hats and they wanted like to like beads. They were using their tits as currency, which is fine. That's your own choice. Yes, exactly. And so that's what she was. That's like the, what she was more challenging.

And Levy argues that the capitalist elements of the patriarchy absorbed the changes made by women fighting for more rights in the workplace and an equal spot at the sex table. Capitalism absorbed it. Okay. Interesting. Only fans. Okay. Sephora. Yeah.

It's a fucking big one. Some say the book is a consciousness raising, uh, call to arms. Um, let's see. My, my thoughts honestly were like that, like the points that Ariel was making were like very valid. However,

However, like, and do we decide if this is a man or a woman? This is a woman. It is a woman. Okay. Okay. I didn't know if it was just like a Jewish man. I thought it was like an Israeli guy. Yeah. This is also written in 2004, 2003. Oh, very early. So it's, you know, Oh, okay. Okay. So she probably would like our podcast. Yes. Um, that's, I, I would guess, but, uh,

Like my thoughts on it were just like the way that our culture is set up in like a very like capitalist society that kind of, you know, just profits off of women's bodies in any direction. It kind of doesn't give you a choice. It's either like you fall back into like these more conservative values that is like once again playing into like the hands of men or you're moving towards like a more hyper-sexualized direction, which once again is like

playing into the, like the hands of men. So like my thought in order to succeed, I mean, because that, this is interesting because it's a concept I thought about a lot. Like there are a lot of female comedians, no shade to them, but who started only fans. And I, again, just refuse to do that because I, as I've said many times before, I will, you know, I'd rather just force men to listen to me talk. Uh,

you know, for the, for the occasional, you know, ass pick in my Instagram story, which I'm just posting for me for free, you know, but you, you, you do see people's careers improve once they kind of say, you know, fuck it. I'm going to give men what they want, which is new pictures of my body. And you, they see those returns, uh,

financially, not only in their bank account directly, but also in their following, you know, ticket sales, et cetera. Right. And so like, I mean, this is my like take on it is like that, like the only way to like escape that is if like women become like the, this is like the comedy take, but like women to become like the predatory, predatory,

Okay. And what would the predatory nature entail? Like my thought, like the example in my mind is like if I'm walking alone late at night and I see a group of three women walking towards me and I don't feel like I have to cross the street for my own safety. We're not doing our job. Yeah. I think that – Okay. So just carry fucking brass knuckles on me. Yeah. Or a knife. I'll take that switchblade I found on the Uber and just have it out. Yeah. I'm just like more – I'm pro –

female violence I guess you know okay so I yeah yeah I am too I am too Eric that's very interesting it also I feel like men we did to men what we do to famous people which is we give them what they want in a way that makes them monsters and I think that like this is a really I try to write a joke about this I really do mean this

When a guy can cease a woman online fuck that is out of his league, that's dangerous. That's fucking dangerous because you are going to take in that image and all you're going to do is watch women out of your league having sex and feel entitled to that. And I see this attitude on the streets where I'm like, you think you are

way hotter shit than you are baby boy. And then women in his league, yeah, exactly. And so then they become women hating and it's like, you know, with a famous person, they always get yes and yes, yeah, whatever you want. Yes, yes, yes. And they stopped growing. Um, there were one of the other pieces I was, I had like to talk about at some point in the future was this NPR article about, um, this one family in France, um,

Their parents or great-grandparents got killed in World War II. The soldiers, the American soldiers came in and murdered the dad and raped the mom. But it goes into talking about how American propaganda, I guess, started overtly sexualizing French women to American men. That way, by the time American soldiers got to France, they felt like they wanted to save this hot country.

in distress and there was a lot of rape. Rape is a war tactic. For sure. And it's still happening as you know. And if you didn't know, surprise! But I do feel like how easily that was to get an image of a French woman and portray French women in pop culture in a movie, in a poster as something like juicy, like a fucking steak. And that's all it took

to just image after image of that being fed to develop this idea of raping the women of France as you invade them. It's just... So my real question is, how do you flip the script and become... Rape men. Yeah. No, I don't want to do that. I mean, first of all, that's not in a woman's nature. I'm sure it is for some reason, but for the most part, it's not. But yeah, I mean, I do. I wish...

I mean, I wish I could carry a Glock on me. I shouldn't. I don't. I don't. But like in terms of like sometimes it feels like that's the only thing that's going to get a guy to like realize that he doesn't have power over you physically. There's been a couple instances in my life where I'm like, is that guy going to beat me up or kill me or rape me? It didn't turn into anything. But I'm like those are the times where I'm like, God, if I only had a weapon.

Yeah, I mean, I think the answer to what we need to do, and it's much easier said than done, is women need to unionize. Whether men realize it or not, they have unionized and misogyny...

was it was the tool that helped them do that? Like they all have all made, you know, an unspoken agreement that we're not going to accept anything less than X, Y, and Z. And they continue to do that, which I, we talked about a lot with kind of woke culture. Like we, we, we tried as a society to shame men. And not only did it not work, it, it backfired and made them stronger. Whereas women, especially white women, we were very, we,

we have absorbed so much guilt. Not all white women, obviously there's like 50% that voted for Trump, but like, you know, liberal white women, I will say. And, you know, arguably now the weakest group ever because we took on this, everything society was saying about us, we're like, right, we are bad. We are racist.

questioning, it made us question things about like, should we be a family woman or should we be a business woman? Conversations that quite frankly, I think many people aren't having in their heads, men. So I think most of the time are not having that conversation. Should I be a businessman or should I be a father? They just, you know, they're

know that they can be both because they can find a woman who will support that lifestyle. It is still so wildly important. And I think, you know, in women's hearts, quite honestly, and societally that they are chosen by a man, even if it's some fucking ugly guy. So we have to get that out of our heads. We have to stop thinking,

believing that tale that society has told us and we got a band together. Yeah, we are so strong. If we create products and ideas and concepts in this capitalist society, because we're not, we can't undo the capitalism in America and that we create products that for each other that we can buy for each other. We're,

without men, doesn't matter what they think of our products or ideas, then we can basically fund our own sex and have this island that exists on our own, but we have to start supporting. And there's been, we are just bad at doing that because we can't agree amongst each other because there's still so much ingrained misogyny that is telling us to do otherwise. Um,

And I don't know. I mean, like that's what would work. Create products for women and then it doesn't matter what men are thinking. It doesn't matter what men are buying. That's the answer. I just don't – I don't know how to make people – I mean we've tried on this –

uh, we've tried on the show for, and a product can't be a candle for, sorry, sorry. Agreed. Yeah. No, make some, make some, I'm talking about, those are great. Get into like fracking or something like that. Uh, well, I don't, I don't think that, I don't think that we have to lower, lower ourselves. For some more consciousness. Yeah. I don't, I don't think that our, the, the products we create have to lack empathy. Um,

but I think we have to, you know, I mean like, like start, start a law firm, uh, where you only represent, you know, female clients of domestic and sexual abuse. Like I'm talking about things like that, right? Things that serve the community, but that you could also monetize. That's the answer. And, and, and, and little things like, and I have done this in my real life, so I don't feel bad asking you to do it. Um, for instance, when I was going, when I was buying an apartment, um,

And both my realtors, both the realtor I was buying from that one, I couldn't control because I just was going to like whatever one I would like. But I love that it was a woman and the woman who helped me, you know, do all my paperwork.

Both women, right? So I made sure I had a woman realtor so that the commission would go to a woman. The biggest amount of money I ever spent in my life, the commission went to a woman. I always, always try. I'm doing renovation of my backyard right now. Woman-owned business. When I spend these big chunks of money, I really try to have those big chunks of money go to women. Yeah. I mean, no one can deny the fact that money is...

great, great, great power in America, especially. So where you put your money is a form of protest. Yeah. It's not a support rather. It's really like, and even, I mean, even on Google now things are broken down to black owned business, woman owned business, LGBTQ owned business. Like they couldn't make it easier for you. It's one extra Google to support a woman over a man. Come on guys, we can do it. And I know we kind of deviated from like the original, uh,

like book report, but I was just curious to also like what your thoughts were on how this relates to like the four B movement that is happening. I don't think that's, I don't think it's really happening. Yeah. I don't think so because no one wants to stop fucking. I don't want to stop fucking. I'm not going to stop fucking. Um,

I wish I didn't want to fuck men. I really wish. I wish I could will myself to be gay. Although I did watch this very riveting documentary on just on YouTube. It was floating around. It was four parts on prison and they were interviewing women in prison. And this one woman was straight up like, yo, 78% of us come in here and we just turn gay. Like,

She goes, I was married to a man when I got in. Been here for 18 years. I am gay now. I was turned gay. And she goes, everyone. I'm like, wow. That just goes to show you, women really were good at adapting to their surroundings. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I think you fucking make it work and we'll make magic wherever we go. Yeah. You can say that a lot more often. I don't know. Yeah. The 4B movement. I mean, I covered that a bit on without a country for those of you who aren't caught up with the TikTok trend. I mean, it's not TikTok. It was started in South Korea and it was a lot of sexism in South Korea.

Yeah. And it was women. They just, uh, they said, uh, no sex, no marriage, no children. And then what was the fourth one? Yeah. With all this, all this is with Matt, um, you know, until whatever they needed to happen was happening. Um, and, uh,

I mean, I think it's a good idea. Although in America, I just feel like it would turn violent and turn into more rapes, if we're being honest. Yeah. That's the issue that I had with it. I go, anytime we've tried to take something away from men or we've tried to prove a point or we've tried to make them feel accountable for things they've done, they've only become stronger. So I would say we need to kind of rethink this. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, don't take the pussy off the table, maybe. I don't know. Or don't fuck a Republican. It's your pussy, your choice. Speaking of...

Great women and the 4B movement. And this is nothing to do with the 4B movement, but just one of our favorite female comedians in the game. One of my favorite comedians in general. She has an amazing special on Netflix called The Dark Queen that's now available for your viewing pleasure. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the show, Adrienne Appaloochee.

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Guys, we're here with stand-up legend Adrienne Appaloochee. So excited to have you. That sounds awful. What, stand-up legend? I'm not a legend. Well, I love your jokes. Is that it, maybe? No, no. You boldly twist the knife and you don't fucking care. I think that you care probably the least out of most comics I've ever talked to about offending, like, I don't even know.

Like if you've even thought about being bothered by that. And that is, to me, a true testament of a stand-up comedian that has like a thicker skin in that realm. I don't know. I guess I think earlier in my career, I was like I would see people who were very clean and just could do so many more corporate things. And you're like you're making $20,000 at a corporate event. You're like, man, if I could just –

do that but it's just not the way my brain works yeah you gotta you gotta go so you're it's just not who I am so it's like that is just kind of who I am and like that's the thing because people will be like oh you're so dark red you're whatever I'm like that's just how I am like I'm not trying to even be a certain way it's just who I am yeah has that ever gotten you into trouble I don't know I mean like with who

In school? That you cared about? Is this who you have been your whole life or did you develop into this version? Were you the kid in middle school that called your male history teacher out on fucking a student? You know what I mean? That kind of truth teller that people hate but is actually good. I don't know that I knew if anyone was fucking a teacher, but I probably would. I mean, I don't know. You would fuck a teacher? I tried. It didn't work. In high school? No.

Or middle school. Middle school. Middle school I knew nothing about. I remember like when somebody said blow, like a blowjob, I thought it was blowing on someone's arm. Yeah. Like that's what I thought it was at like,

It's a confusing name for something. It is. A suck job might be better. I don't know. I had no idea, though. Like, I think a lot of people that, like, learn about sex early, they either have, like, older siblings. Yeah. And there was no internet. So I really just didn't know what anything was. Oh, so you didn't have, are you an only child? No, I have a younger sister. Oh, okay. I remember somebody wrote something in, like, one of my pages about 69. And, like, I didn't even know what that meant. My mom or dad saw it and they were, like, upset by it.

Were they mad at you? No. Okay. But I just had no idea what that was. I was kind of like a naive child in that way. So when you eventually learned about sex, like, were you shocked? I remember when I first learned it involved insertion. I was shocked. I mean, I thought like, you know, a baby comes out of, you know, your belly button. I thought that as a kid. That was popular. Yeah. I think that's, I mean, I couldn't even imagine that like something grows inside and like comes out that way.

Hard to imagine even now. Yeah. Yeah. I have pregnant friends and I'm like, oh, that's got to come out of there and that's going to be rough. It's going to be rough. I feel like C-section is probably better. Yeah. Seems like a good deal. But then after it's a little bit worse. Yeah. I've had, I have had women that like schedule it. Yeah. And they just get, yeah. I mean that the, the wound can really fuck them up. But when, when did you begin being sexual? Like, was that something you were always interested in? I mean, I was not, I didn't have sex to like,

I graduated from high school that summer. That's a good time. I was kind of old. I had boyfriends before that. I just remember like me and my friends at like 16 all found out around the same time our boyfriends fingered us. We were just like losing our minds. But like such a dumb thing. But you're like 16 and like now kids are like having sex at like 10. I know. 10? Really? Yeah.

I don't know. Oh, damn. I used to let my dog run around in this backyard of the actually the grammar school I went to and pre said that people the girls would wear different color bracelets for what they would do sexually. What? This was like 10 years ago. Wow. Oh, my God. There's so many rumors about the sexuality of like high school girls. I'm like, were that was grammar school? Grammar school is middle school. Yeah, I guess like, you know, one three. Yeah. I feel like was that true? Were they just bragging?

I don't know. He also ended up getting like moved around that priest. Everyone's like, he's like touching kids. I was like, well, he let my dog run around in the backyard. That was my, that was my, that was my relationship with him though. That was it. I didn't know anything else he was doing. So you're getting fingered when you're 16 fingers. I think so. Yeah. It's so weird. It's weird.

Yeah, like you're 16 and a finger's going in there. It's never been in there before. A 16-year-old's finger doesn't know what it's doing. And the nail is usually pretty dirty. I don't think that was the case, but I don't remember. That's good. Yeah. Are you single now? Yeah. What's your dating? Do you date or you're like, man, I don't really fucking care? I think I just am dating the worst people, so it's probably better if I don't. Yeah. What kind of worse are we talking? There's so many categories of worse. I think the guys I'm attracted to look like guys from the Bronx and they're just not great.

There has to be someone who looks like they're from the Bronx and is good. But it's like some of that, they're just like emotionally unavailable, alcoholics, like, you know, stuff like that. That's every borough, baby. I know, but it's like I had gone on dates with some guys that were like very nice and probably on paper would, and I was just not into them. Okay. So do you have like more mental roots to that of like...

I don't think I was physically attracted to him. He wasn't like my type. I think Tracy liked him, my best friend. And I was going to go out with him and hook her up with him. Okay. And did you? No, we stopped talking and I can't find his number.

But that's more Tracy's type than mine. He looked kind of very Italian looking. That's not really my type. Okay. Okay. But there's been a couple guys where I'm just like, I'm not into it. Yeah. But you are into the ones that are emotionally unavailable. Emotionally unavailable, some type of addict, maybe PTSD from a war, like...

like that. It's just all got the elderly ones in there. What's like the most, like what's like the biggest type of shit show that you've dated in terms of like, like addiction? You know, some people are functioning addicts, but some people are absolute train wrecks. I mean, I dated like two PTSD guys in a row and that was just, I lost like a decade in my life. Or what happened? It was just bad. Like were they having like night terrors? Night terrors. Um, just like,

One was a workaholic, one was an alcoholic. And just like, every time I try to break up with both of them, the whole like they're going to kill themselves thing. Oh, yeah. And they never do. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think maybe anyone's for me. Yeah. Yeah.

But I also think like you're so committed to comedy that is there a part of you that thinks like maybe you're self-sabotaging by just like picking people who you know won't work out because you're like your true love is comedy. I think that I don't even think I truly love comedy. Really? No way. Really? What do you truly love? I don't know. I think sleeping. I think I'm highly depressed. I

I like comedy, but honestly, I hate the aspect of being on stage. I don't really enjoy that part. Okay. I could see that. Like, like I feel like if you're just so talented that you have, you have to go on stage. I don't even think I'm so talented. I think I was talking about this before. I'm so used to dealing with dysfunction and bad situations. I can keep doing something for a long time. So like comedy, I don't even think I ever thought I was going to make money. I just never stopped doing it because it's,

just what I did. Yeah. You know, I date someone for six years that's not a good, you know what I mean? Like I just can't keep doing something that's bad. Right. Well, even if you don't think you're that good, everyone else thinks you're that good. Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. Um,

I don't know. Do you guys love being on stage? Yes. There's moments I love it, but most of the time I dread it. I don't like attention except for when I decide I want attention. And so being able to have these...

special times when I, when it's like attention time, I really love that for me. It's really, I feel like it's really good. And I also love that I can speak uninterrupted. And if someone interrupts me, I can get them kicked out of the room. I really like that a lot. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. And especially, I think especially like as a, like when you're a woman and you're constantly fucking interrupted, like when you're talking, it's, I really like that just uninterrupted time.

Even when I'm going on podcasts with guys, constantly interrupted. That's a good point. Every time I'm in a green room, like I was in a green room once with Ashley Austin Morris and a bunch of male comedians who I love. They're great.

But we fucking, we were all talking and then they just like edged us out of the conversation completely. And Ashley and I just started talking to each other very loudly next to them and they had no idea. And we're like, holy shit. That's just, this is like one of those hack scenarios that like you would hear somebody bitch about that you're like, does this really happen? And you're like, yeah, it does. I mean, I'm doing...

Legion of skanks tonight. So yeah, God bless with Ari. I'm like, I'm just not even be there. I should just wear a shirt. Yeah. Well, you should just leave and see if they notice. I also am not like going to fight to speak. Like that's not who I am. Like I don't know. Yeah. And they all have so much chemistry together too. Like it's just, I think I'm better on a one-on-one or like this kind of dynamic.

Yeah. I feel like it'll just be able to kind of snipe every now and then. Sure. Snipe in with a joke. Or you can do the Nikki Glaser approach. Years ago, she said the way to make men think you're a good guest on a podcast, on a male-dominated podcast, is just to laugh at their jokes a lot. Even if you barely say anything, they'll be like, man, Adrienne was great on Legion of Stanks. Right, because I'm just supporting that. So supportive. And I tried it at...

After she said that and I was like, I don't want this to be true, but I have a scary feeling that it's going to be true. And it was true. Yeah. Yeah. Fake laugh though. I guess I can do it. Oh, I mean, I just did it. I just did it for the experiment. Yeah. Cause I'm like, I think she's right. She is definitely right. Yeah. Yep. I'll do it. I'll laugh. What? When in your life? I mean, I find them funny anyway. It's just like, you're, you have to really like.

it's like getting precision going onto the highway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A busy one, a busy one where the exit is a stop sign where nobody actually stops and it's just, they're all going 80. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like double Dutch too. Yeah. Um, when, when, when in your life are you happy? I don't know. It doesn't last long.

But when it does happen, I'm happy when I'm thinking about the past. I'm not actually happy in the moment. But if you're never happy in the moment, then how could the past have been good? Are you just remembering it with rose colored glasses? I don't know. Huh? So, okay. So you said you, you genuinely like you're clinically depressed. Are you diagnosed? I don't know. I think that I think I've just been like this my whole life. Your demeanor is very like,

It's very grounded. You're very present. But like, because I would say sometimes like people that are come off as very jovial. They are not as they're like a little up in the clouds. Sure. I mean, what's funny is like when I was in school, I was like a class clown. Really? Wait, what kind of clownery are we talking? Like just loud making jokes. Okay. And when did this when did this change? I think like.

Maybe after my dad died and I graduated high school. Oh, he died when you were young. Yeah. Okay. It was, I imagine, very traumatizing. It was somewhat traumatizing. It was just weird because like you're used to someone being there now they're not. And he was also like a gambler. So he wasn't really emotionally present. So I think that's probably why I'm going after these people. Sure. Interesting. Do you go to therapy? Are you on medication? I'm not on medication. I go to therapy, but I don't really listen to my therapist. Is it the same? Have you had the same therapist the whole time?

I've been seeing him on and off for probably like 10 years. Oh, it's a man. Is a straight man? Yes. What is, what is, well, that's wild. Is that something you chose or that was who assigned, was assigned to you? He's the guy that sees all the comics. Oh, I know who you're talking about. I know this guy. What's it like as a woman having a, having a male therapist? I love him. If his wife dies, he's all mine.

He is. He's like 80 and I don't even care. He really gets me. Yeah. Yeah. And being seen and felt and heard is like, but he just also understands so much about me. And that's probably why I keep going. Like I remember one time I asked him if he ever thought I'd be like cured and he just laughed. He's like, no.

So you do listen, it seems that. Sure. I'm just not doing what he. Oh, you don't do what he said. What he'll give you like practical exercises and you're like, nah. He'll just tell me like, stop talking to some guy or something and I'll do it for like a couple of days and then I go back. You're like really quick. Sorry. Yeah. You shouldn't do this so you can lean in. There we go. Sweet. Yeah. Like he'll tell me stuff to do and sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can't.

You're not an addict or anything. You don't have addictive tendencies. Oh my God, I have so many addictive tendencies. Oh, really? Because I feel like people, like you don't strike me as somebody who like chases joy. And so I feel like that, for me, that's my addiction quality. Like I'm an addict and stuff, but I can get addicted to a lot of things. Sure, me too, yeah. But the reason I'm addicted to certain things is because they give me like joy. I think for me it's more of a numbing thing. Oh, okay. So it's more like shut everything off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Which can be joyful. Sure. It can be. So, okay. I want to... So, what... Like, when your therapist tells you, like, you can't... You should stop talking to this guy and then you do it for a few days. Like, what is it that makes you contact him again? So, I think what it is, I think this is very addictive related, is I'll get... Like, I remember one time being out with this guy that I liked and we had a nice time. I dropped him off at the train and there was this other guy who's toxic. And I was like, I got the thrill out of...

texting him and seeing if he would write back because I had blocked him. And I got that same rush I would get out of doing something else addictive. Yeah, I get that. I fucks with that. Like, I could definitely use men as an addiction too, not like sex, but like attention. But I also don't, it's weird because the same way I don't really like attention on stage. Huh.

Or like people coming up to me after a show and if they say like, good job, I'm like, thank you. But if they talk to me for too long and it's too complimentary, it makes me uncomfortable. Yeah. So you're more introverted. Have you always been introverted or no? You were a class clown. Yeah. It's interesting how people switch. I feel like I was used to be introverted, but I'm like, there was like an after party for New York comedy festival. I'm like, it was at the venue that I was already at. I'm like,

I was trying to talk to this one girl and I'm like yeah that's great uh-huh and I was like just um I want to also hang out with people that I'm friends with already now yeah yeah well especially Ellie I'm 39 I don't I'm not really trying to make new friends at this point like I I don't have enough time for the friends that I have and I really want to concentrate on those that makes sense I get that yeah I'm like I really like these people we don't need to be adding more people to the story

Wait, do you guys have boyfriends? Mm-hmm. Do you have a boyfriend too? Yeah. How long have you guys been together? Not very long. Okay. I haven't really talked about it. That's why I'm being weird. Oh, sorry. Okay. It's totally okay. Can I just ask how long it is? I have to do math. One second. Like three months. Oh, three months. That's okay. That's a decent amount. Yeah. And how long have you been with your boyfriend? Everybody always asks this. I never have an answer. Do you know Colin Smith? He plays at the South? Yes, I know him. Yeah, that's my boyfriend. Oh, awesome. Like five.

three or four, three years? I don't know. We were on and off. Is this like your best relationship? So far, yeah, yeah, for sure. That's good. Yeah, absolutely. So I know I always... What a feminist answer. I didn't mean to say that. So far. I do mean that. Well, who knows what could happen? Well, because like he's kind and he's fun. Like he... I hate like...

I guess I was always the entertaining one in the relationship. I don't like that. I want to be entertained when I'm in the relationship. I want you to be goofy and weird and do weird voices and me just go, ha-ha, out of it. You know? Okay. Because I already do that. It's just a lot of work to do that on stage for me. I get that. And I like that, doing it that way. But I like being entertained. And I like nice guys. I didn't think I would like a nice guy, but...

Yeah, I mean, there's something nice to someone that cares about your feelings. Yeah, isn't that crazy? And I was like, how are you? Instead of just like diary of the mouth of their garbage. I also don't want somebody that like hates their job so much where they're like jealous that I don't hate my job. Right. Ew, gross. Yeah, I could never date. That's why I don't think I've ever dated somebody that's not in the arts.

Because you have to be somewhat intrigued by your own profession in a way. Or at least like what you do. I don't care what you do, but if you hate your job every day... It's wild to me that... I feel like maybe the majority of people don't like their job. That's crazy. I think most people don't. Oh, I would date any occupation as long as they liked it. There was this guy...

who was like posting on Instagram about how he had like a bring your parent to work day and he's a garbage man and he felt like his 10 year old son was ashamed of him. And I was like, dude, like a sick daddy, make a six cat or six. First of all, guardsmen get paid bank. Second of all, great schedule. Always around in the evening. Yeah. And then third of all, like, yeah, if he likes what he does and he's proud of it, that's the only thing that I would date a manager of a McDonald's. I would not really, I would, I would love actually to date a manager.

I remember I was talking to a guy and he said that he did retail management and he worked at CVS and I was like, yeah, I'm out. I just like, I don't want to date somebody that...

I guess I've been poor for so long that I just don't want to date another poor. Oh, I don't want school. I want somebody that if we could go on vacation, I don't have to be like, hey, you're gonna have to save up for 10 years. Oh, that's no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe that's that might be super for the guy. Have you ever? No. Yeah, that's like, no. So funny.

Yeah, we went from being pretty, like, very poor, like, swapping Subway sandwich coupons, poor, and, like, crying tears of joy. Like, broke, like, I mean, I think my last year I was making, I made $19,000. I couldn't afford to take the Subway a lot of the time, so, like, I would scrounge for pennies. To having money, and it is...

I don't know. I just got to the point where I'm like, I'll just pay for you because I don't want to deal with your poorness, your your brother. But then I also don't want like that power dynamic to be like, I'm taking care of you. I don't know. Yeah. I also don't want to date anyone that has like young kids. I'd rather not date anyone with kids.

In general. Yeah. I think dating people. Have you ever done that? Yeah. I think dating people with kids is a waste of your time. I think hanging out with other people's kids is a total waste of your time. I can see that. And everyone should stop doing it. Well, because it's also like. I don't disagree. Because you invest in these. It's also this primal thing. You also invest in these kids.

Because they're your kids, right? And then now it's like, I'm investing in kids and that investment goes nowhere if we break up. Well, you should just look at it as an investment into society's future as a whole. I don't care about it. Oh, okay. I would be fine with doing that. You do have depression, for sure.

why like I don't know I'd rather do something else I'd rather like walk dog like I just don't it's not my it's not if I had a list of things then I chose that to choose from I would not choose that because like I'm hanging out with these kids I'm being a person I'm not actually it's not like I'm being myself so I'm being a fake version of myself or somebody else's it's like I don't know I feel like kids would like the real you they do but that's the thing I think that I'm like I've nannied kids and stuff I just don't want to

I don't want to sacrifice my life for someone else's kids. I would have had my own. Yeah. And I've never dated a guy... Have I dated kids? No, I don't think I have. And I don't hate kids either. I just...

That was your dream. Right. You made this decision with some other lady. Good. Exactly. Well, that's the other thing. It's like some other person spawned. And what's weird is my mom met my dad. She had me with somebody else and he adopted me. Oh, that's nice. Oh, cool. Yeah. I don't feel like passing that on. Yeah. So did you make an active decision not to have kids or...

I feel like these things are falling off my head. You don't even need to wear them. You can take them off if you want. I'm committed to it. Okay. I think I've had boyfriends that wanted kids and I just was always doing comedy and had a day job. I'm like, I just don't see how I'm going to take care of a child. Right. Or do you want to even? I think if I was going to have a kid, I would have to be like rich and have a nanny take care of them mostly. And then I just see them like a little bit.

So it feels like maybe why bother? Yeah, fuck it. Keep all your money. It's not that bad. If I'm rich, then I have a ton of money. Right, and then you can like enjoy, like the kid can have fun doing all these activities, but you don't necessarily have to take it to all the activities. Yeah, or you take it to the activities and then you come home and like,

I get to see you for like an hour. Right. I feel like the kids going to later on have some issues with this though. Maybe. That's not, I feel like growing up, I didn't ever, well, I hung out with my parents cause I had to go to like the flea markets with them to work. And that was awful. Just fuck. Maybe I'll make another artist. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't just become an artist because you got sexually assaulted. Your mom could also have not wanted to raise you. It's true. It's true. There's lots of ways. She had some. I feel like your type of depression is actually something we were just talking about in the intro where you're just like honest about life and the way it is that it just comes off as depression. Maybe that's not depressed. I don't know. That's not actually depressed.

I think you're acknowledging the world as it really is. Right. Maybe. I don't know if that's good. I think we should all be lying. I don't know, man. I've been lying. I lied to myself for a long ass time and then the bubble bursts and then you're, you get really, then you get really depressed. You go psychosis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bad. Uh, so at least you're not lying to yourself. Dogs make me very happy. I love animals. Dogs are the best. How many dogs do you have? I just have one now. Yeah. But she's very cute. I love dogs. Dogs make me, I,

Wait, you guys both have dogs, right? Yes, we do. Yeah. Kevin and Alfred, Sir Alfred. I don't know what I would do without my dog. And I also, I've never even come close to feeling the way I feel about a person than how I feel about my dog. Yeah. I mean, that's probably also a sign of depression. Yeah.

maybe or just not knowing anybody great i don't know i know really great people but but i also feel like my relationship with my dog progress so pure and it but do you feel it progressing words like i've had my dog since he was a puppy and then i think there's like people have this idea that like oh you're never gonna like like the dog as much as the puppy i'm like i like oh i like the dog so much more like it develops yeah when they're an

older dog they now like behave a little bit better and i just feel like we understand we have like a shorthand i can give him a language like right i have he has a look that he gives me when i know he wants to leave the park and like i'm sorry i just don't see other um dog people communicating with their dogs like that right he just looks at me and i go you want to go yeah yeah he walks himself to the exit and i go i go he's you know just like his mom can't wait to leave the party yeah like but that's the beauty of dogs like i think part of the fact that they don't they don't talk

So the bond that you have is, you're right, pure. And they pick up on such social cues from you too. This is my third dog I had on my own. But I love Peggy.

And she's really cute. What a great name. But she's Peggy Sue. But I love my boxer that I had way more than her. But I still love her. She died 2017. That's a tough, that's like the top, my manager just lost his dog. Like when I die, I will hope, and I'm like going to the whatever there is and the dogs come to see me, I hope Marley's first.

Yeah, so I'm into being in a ship. But I hope Peg isn't that far behind. No, she won't be. But the dog that you love the most is the one you have the closest connection with. Well, that dog I went through so much with that person. We dated like four guys together. We had like four different apartments. We had three different cars. We just have been through a lot together. How old was she when she passed? 14. Wow, okay, yeah, that's a good run. How do you get through that?

the loss of a dog like that. I have a family, I had a family dog loss and that was, I'm still kind of scared. I don't know. I think sometimes just, it's like almost dating. Like you just have to get another one. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah it does help do you do you uh judge uh boyfriends a lot by how they interact with your dog that's a big thing for me like yeah i i the first time they meet my dog i am in the corner with a notepad if you're not on the floor going berserk yeah and not i don't want baby voices yeah yeah singing songs on it yeah yeah yeah well i've i don't know have you ever had a boyfriend get jealous over the relationship that you and your dog have this is a constant problem for me i don't think so really damn are

Are you loving in a relationship? Like, how are you? I am. Yeah, I think not at first. It's like I have to kind of trust somebody to open up to that. Yeah, that's wise. Right. I mean, I can be. It's just the guys that I'm picking lately are just not like that. So it's not or like the guy like one guy that I was like dating, I guess he's like emotional when he's wrecked.

So you're almost like, oh, can you go get drunk so you can be like, yeah, it just doesn't work. I don't know. I think I have to stop dating. I'm just not picking good people. I took a break for a while and I think it was really good. It did help me like recalibrate. You recalibrate your senses. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I just was like, because it wasn't even like the guys so much. It was more like I was being a fuck girl. I was just like,

accumulating boyfriends, but like, I didn't really even like these people. I would just be like, ah, this one's like kind of hot or like this one has like this quality. I'm like, this is, I don't feel any real connection to these people. That's tough. I have to stop doing it. It's hard to connect to people. Yeah.

Yeah. Like a real connection. Yeah. And then I stopped and then, yeah. And then I was like, I was sat myself down and I had a talk and I was like, if you want to take this seriously, you have to take this seriously. Like, like you have control over your own destiny. Right. And how did you meet your current boyfriend? Um,

It was just in the vicinity. I'm a man. Yeah, it was very dude-like of you. He was there. I wasn't even looking for a relationship. He was just very hot and I wanted to have sex with him and then he turned out to be like an amazing person. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, it was not planned this way. That's never happened to me, but I'm happy it happened to me. Have you ever dated a good person? It had never happened to

me either I've seen good people okay but you didn't you weren't attracted to them or as into them there was just things that happened that it was not the right person at the right time like I think if I met some people at a different time in my life things could have been different yeah yeah yeah there's really only two guys or three guys that I really regret dating oh and why

just like toxic people and the relationship went on too long. But it's also part of living in New York City. It's so expensive. You can't really afford to live by yourself. Yeah, we move at like lesbian speed. We just move in really quick. New Yorkers. Right, and then you move out really slow. Yeah. Oh, moving out. I've had a guy move out when we lived together for six years. That was just, that's how. Were you home? I don't think I could watch. Oh, I was on the road. I go, can I get back from this gig? Yeah, I don't think I could watch somebody pack up. No, especially if they're like the kind of guy who feels bad for themselves and they were just like,

A lot of huffing and puffing. Just shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have any tolerance for that. Also, you'd be like, bye. Go get your stuff. Don't leave anything behind. Go bye. Have you had any breakups where you were like, where they dumped you and you didn't want to be broken up with? Like you weren't like, yeah, it's secretly a good decision. You were like, you know, kind of still trying to hang on. I think my pattern is I'll break up with somebody and then I'll want to get back together with them even though I really don't want to be with them. It's because it's like,

I guess because I have no family, like, boyfriends become my family. Yeah, yeah. So even if I break up with them and I don't want to be with them, I'm still so devastated by it because they're, like, my family. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? So, like, I've had that too where it's, like, me and a guy broke up and I wasn't even in love with him anymore, but I felt like I was so in love with him because it was so sad. Mm-hmm.

But I wasn't. It was just like comfort. Yeah. And that's like the stability. A lot of times that's my stability in my life as a boyfriend. Wait, did you talk to your mom or no?

I talk to my mom. We have like an up and down relationship. Oh, okay. So you don't have like uncles, aunts or anything? I have a tiny family. I mean, I don't talk to my parents. I mean, it's really just my mom and my sister. Me and my sister definitely go in and the three of us are never getting along at once. It's like so crazy. So that's why like boyfriends and friends become so important to me. Yeah, yeah. So it's like even if it's not good, it's like there's still that friendship. And a connection.

Like I think we need a connection as often as we, like, I feel like isolating and I mean, I can be introverted, but if I don't have like a connection with somebody, like, you know, a certain amount of days go by and I haven't connected even with a fucking stranger. I'm like, I feel like I'm suffocating.

Yeah. I mean, I think that's why I stayed in one relationship because it happened during the pandemic. And I was like, just didn't want to be by myself. And they were so toxic. But I was like, I don't want to die like during this and be by myself. And nobody even talked to. That's how I was at first. Because I think Colin and I stopped seeing each other when the pandemic hit and he was seeing somebody else. And I was like, I wish I liked anybody, but I didn't. And I was so sad. I'm like, oh, but then it turned out to be the best pandemic of my life. Really?

Really? What did you do during that? I hung out with my dog hardcore. Oh, I got a puppy. I got my dog during the pandemic. So it was a tiny little puppy. And I just like did art projects. I just fucking did stupid ass art stuff that had no consequences. And it was incredible. And there was no FOMO because there's nothing to miss out on. That's true. I really liked that part.

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Start shopping at thrivemarket.com slash podcast for 30% off your first order and a free gift. Yeah, I didn't mind the pandemic. I would like another pandemic. Maybe not as long. You should do another pandemic solo. And it is, it's, it's really blissful.

It's really personal. I mean, I'll do that. If it happens right now, I'm already solo. It's so good. Are you... Do you dive into any woo-woo stuff at all? Woo-woo stuff? Astrology, tarot, et cetera. Or psychic stuff. I just don't believe it works. Yeah, yeah. So like, I don't know. My friend was like...

You had 17... I'm an Aquarius. She's like, you've had 17 years of bad dating. I was like, what? She's like, you're just coming into a new moon or something. That makes sense that you're an Aquarius with your... Okay, I know you're not into it, but it makes a lot of sense to know. Listen, I'm very easily... If you...

You can convince me to it. Yeah. I'm very easily. I love Aquarius because they, you and Aries, you walk to the beat of your own drum. That's kind of the most, the standout quality of an Aquarius. I love Aquarius. And you are going through, you're coming out. What am I going through? 17 year cycle. That's what she said. What does that mean? It's just, yeah, she said me and Tracy shit hits the fan. Shit hits the fan. Shit. For 17 years. Tracy's is an Aries. This is real.

I hate to say it, but this all makes a lot of sense. It does make a lot of sense. Tracy Carnazzo, yeah. Oh, I love Tracy. That's my bestie. I fucking love Tracy. So Noelle told us that both of us are coming into some... We're coming out of a bad whatever. Yeah, and so it feels like shit hasn't gone right for you and you just keep learning lessons and learning lessons and you're not doing anything wrong necessarily. You're not actually getting addicted to a substance or anything like that, but shit is still coming and kind of punching you in the face in a little bit. It's just a phase. So every...

I guess signs go through that? There's four signs, but I know Aries and Aquarius took it the hardest because our friend Donna is an Aries. And I look back on her life and all the conversations her and I have had and she has been going through it for a long

So what's supposed to happen now? Is there a light of luck and stuff? How long is it going to be for 17 years? The Netflix special could very well be the start of this long run of good luck. And actually, it's best. And not that it's luck. Obviously, you worked very hard towards it. But a lot of it is. Yeah, exactly. Things that you have been setting, setting the stage for coming to fruition. Yeah. And like kind of seamlessly, easefully working out for you with you not having to like hustle and try. Yeah.

No, I've been hustling and trying. Right. That's what I'm saying. But you have already done it. So now what is okay? What is the next? How long am I in this nice phase? We don't put you into the pattern app. Do you know your birth time? 1023 at night. Perfect. Wow. Okay. Okay. I'm going to add you as a friend on the pattern.

And I'm going to tell you. The problem is this. If I read this stuff and it's like your life's going to be amazing, then it's not. I'm going to be really upset. I hear you. And I got into the same problem with tarot. Like I would be reading tarot and I'd be like, oh, this is like definitely like my soulmate. And then it was like very clearly not. And I was very upset. Do you think like tarot and stuff is a sign of depression, though? No, no. OK, OK, OK, let's do it.

I'm just working for myself. This is, we're in a row right here. I'm in, I feel like I'm, I feel like I'm going to, okay. I feel like I'm in a position right now where if I stay, I'm in a cult. Well, I'm about to tell you about your life, Adrian, and you're going to be in this cult. What's your birthday? Is this Scientology? No, no. I hear you. We won't make you clean anything. What I will say is, so I don't think it's a sign of depression, but I think you have to be very careful if you are sad and you turn, just as,

just as when you're depressed and you turn to any religion as like a hardcore coping mechanism and you do have to step back from tarot crystals astrology if you're sad and like that's the only thing that's getting you through it should be a supplement to you already doing a bunch of other things but yes I agree with you you have to be very careful I'm gonna treat this like fortune cookies yeah and that's like if you get a good one it's like oh yeah it worked out and if you don't you're like that was meant for someone else I found out about the pattern app through my girl Donna

And then I told Corinne about the pattern app and Corinne kind of famously, like people don't understand her. She's always, people are always misinterpreting her. I remember you said you stayed up for like 48 hours or something like that or whatever. You stayed up all night. I did meth after, I know. No, I- What's meth like? I know. I don't know.

I am. Oh, what's your birth town place? Bronx. I, but I, what I said is I, after I read the pattern described me, I cried because I had never felt understood like that before. So that's interesting. That's what I will say. So here's your pattern. And I was like, no, AI understands me. I might cry also. You're sensitive and giving. I am kind of sensitive. Yeah. At her best. Adrian's the kind of person who genuinely cares.

No. Okay.

And it doesn't sound like any iteration of you throughout your lifetime. Because I'm like, sometimes it's a little old. Like it could be an old version of yourself. Right, exactly. Oh, okay. Sensitive or overgiving, empathetic and deep, pressure or blocks. Adrienne probably has a unique way of thinking and expressing herself. But what she has to say is often different than the cultural norm. Very, very true for you. Okay. I'm starting to tear up. Okay.

which can lead, I'm just thinking about your Sandy Hook jokes, fucking perfect. Right? Which can lead her to feel like an outcast and be especially critical of herself. In response, she may hide her innovative, unusual perspective and try to fit in, but this often results in her shutting herself down and not contributing or speaking much at all, which you don't fucking do. Or she could take the opposite approach and go out of her way to prove that she has the most eccentric ideas. But in this case, she could become, come across as spacey or disconnected from reality. And if she doesn't take action, then,

as if she's just out to shock people. Oh, that's interesting. Ideally, Adrienne can find a way to express her groundbreaking ideas while also keeping practicality in mind. Ultimately, she's meant to contribute a unique perspective that's also useful in the world, which is fucking what you do. Groundbreaking. And I feel like, do you ever like go, see like somebody go to like a,

May not afford to tell a psychic and they kind of say something that applies to everyone. Yeah. Here's the relationships. And like I said, this could, this could be the old you in relationships or not. But you tell me, Adrian may have difficult or disappointing relationship experiences. She might expect to be with someone who's responsible and hold things together for her. She wants someone compassionate who provides unconditional love and support, but instead she may find herself with types who are emotionally unstable or even hurtful. They may have trouble with intimacy or,

Oh my God, yes. Or she might be so afraid of being vulnerable that she avoids relationships or is attracted to guys who aren't around or aren't available. It's possible her partners come on strong and appear to be sensitive but want to control her or have a dangerous temper. It's possible Adrienne ends up exhausting herself taking care of their needs.

I think a lot of that's correct. I don't know if I'm like taking care of their needs, but like, I guess I'm always trying to figure them out. Yeah. Oh, we love a puzzle. Yeah. Puzzle. The human brain loves a puzzle. You know, that's why I like to get a guy to do something or to be excited. All you have to do is go, I wish I could lift this and they're like, I'll do it. Like, I just feel like they, yeah.

Brains love puzzles and stuff. I also do love the idea of just like being a damsel in distress. You do? Yeah. I had pantry moths for like three months and I was like, I just wish I had a boyfriend that could fix this. While you're in distress, isn't that bad? I really tried to fix it myself for months and I was like, I give up. How hard did you try though?

I threw everything in my kitchen out. Oh, wow. Every single thing. It's been exterminated eight times. Oh, maybe it's not you. I don't think the moths are me. I think that like, I don't know what else I could do. The moths are specific to your pantry.

So they come in your grains. They come in grains. They come in rices, oatmeal, stuff like that. Oh, moths do? Yeah, pantry moths. It sounds like drain flies. Like there's just like a couple. I've had drain flies like in New York. That's so annoying. Yeah, but these things fly all over. Wow. So I had to like –

We treated it like bed bugs where I washed all of my stuff. Everything was in bags. I mean, this has been, I wasn't staying at my house. I was staying with my mom. Like the last three months have been so chaotic and stressful. I've like had zero stability. Wow. Yeah. And I don't know the, the guy that I had two guys in the second year that I was working, he's like, you're the only person that I've ever had to come back more than once. I've also never heard of pantry moths in my life until today. Neither, neither have I. Wow. Wow.

part of me wants to be like what's the spiritual significance of pantrots I knew look it up I wouldn't even know that that's a thing you could look up does that mean are they just jizzing love all over am I going to be in a really loving relationship I feel like they're trying to tell you something Adrienne well my mom thought they were trying to tell me that I was going to get murdered after my special that feels like that was a weird do you see do you see why I am the way I am she's like wait your mom says shit like that yes like all the time

How do you think I'm like this? I'm not just like this for no reason. Wait, tell me more about your mom. That's fucking hilarious. Was there something she knew about? She's like, well, you know...

Oh, when you keep seeing moths, it's an unusual indication you're going through a transformation, rebirth, or spiritual awakening. So that aligns with your astrology. Exactly. Pantry moths. I was going to say, pantry moths could be your biggest asset. Yeah, I think this is like a chaos before something good happens. Okay, I got the message. I'm done with them. I get it. I get the message. I'm like, good. Yeah. Okay, now you're probably not going to see anyone anymore. Right. I hope not. Because you learned the lesson or whatever. Wait, what was your mom like? Your mom seems like a Debbie Turner.

She wasn't Debbie Downer. My mom was just very selfish and narcissistic. I remember one day, she got me into stand-up. She was doing stand-up when I was 18 and she quit. She'd start and stop, start and stop. Did you always know she was narcissistic or did it take you a minute? I don't think I knew it because I just assumed when I was a kid that's how everyone's parents are. Totally. When I got older, I was like, oh, that's actually not how everyone's parents are. Did it get under your skin or were you like, that's just how you are?

No, my mom is like insane. I mean, I remember one time I was going to go away to college and I grew up in like a two bedroom apartment.

And she was like, don't go away to college. You could take me in your father's bedroom while sleeping in the living room. And I was like, I don't even think she ran that idea by him. There's no way she wants that. What? Right. But why wouldn't you just put my sister in the living room? It was so crazy where I was like, I don't even think you ran this by anyone. What was her goal in saying that? I think she was just sad and didn't want me to leave. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. And then clearly that was never going to happen. Yeah. Weird. Weird.

What's like the weird, what are the weirder things that your mom has done that like, and do you all, do you ever make, hold a mirror up to these things or you're like, that's just the way she is? Sometimes we'll talk about stuff and be able, like be able to apologize to each other and sometimes it's just, we won't talk for like a year. Oh wow. And like, does she not even try to reach out in that time?

She might, or I might, and it depends on who, like, where we're both at in life if, like, we want to talk to the other one. So she doesn't really hold a grudge then if you decide not to talk to her. She doesn't hold it against you? I think eventually she's just like, well, what am I going to do to keep not talking to my daughter? Right. So I think eventually she, like, comes around or I come around to it. You just need time. Yeah. I was telling somebody this story.

on another podcast, but like they were like, explain your mother to me. I'm like, right. So I used to work at a law office for this divorce, divorce lawyer, and she was going through a divorce. So I, I wasn't working there anymore. I made the appointment for us to go. I picked her up. I drove her from the Bronx to Tarrytown, which isn't like super close. Yeah. We go on the appointment and then the end of the day she goes, can I ask you why am I opening all the doors? What? That's what she said. I was like, I don't know. You're just getting there first.

I was like, just hang back. Yeah. Does she get butt hurt? She thinks she's a princess. Wow. I was like, are you guys dating? Like, what? Yeah, she thinks she's a princess and everyone should really cater. My mom always, like...

At one point I was living like maybe five, six blocks away from her and I would drop her off at night and she'd be like, okay, make sure, wait till I get in the house. Wow. And I'd be like, I'm going to go park four blocks from my house and walk home by myself. Yeah. So your mom kind of turned you into her mom in a way. I don't, I think she just, she thinks she's so rapable. Like she thinks everyone wants to rape her. It's like crazy. Was she like this before your father died? I don't know because I was younger and I wasn't really dressed.

I don't know. I mean, she was selfish for sure. Right. But like the whole everyone's out to like get her and stuff. I only asked because I've read some stuff on after a husband dies, the woman, the wife using one of the children to replace the role that that person felt. That's the only reason I was asking that. Yeah. I don't know. She got like another husband pretty quickly. But like masculine energy, baby. I think my dad died. Well, we all knew someone needed to fix the house.

Like nobody could do anything. Yeah. So it was like three months later, she was just out there. Um, but yeah, like she's a tired person. She thinks everyone's like going to get her. Like one time she took out money from the bank. It wasn't even that much money, but she was like, can you see if your boyfriend will come? And I'm like, you think someone's going to rob you for like $200? Oh God. She wanted like an escort. Yes. Cause she's going to go to the bank and get money. She always, she always, her narcissism is like, um, it's kind of cute. Um,

I guess not being raised by it. Maybe. It's just, it's kind of like, I think, Jewish anxiety. Right. And this only gets worse as people get older. It's like the everyone out to get you kind of thing. She thinks everyone's out to get her. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone wants to rob her. Everyone wants to rape her. Everyone wants to do everything for her. It's all about you, mom. She can't, you know, she can't walk anywhere by herself and watch me go here, watch me go there. So she has like a fake, my mom does this thing where it's like a,

She pretends to be inadequate in certain things, but then when push comes to shove, she can do the things she needs to do for herself. And it's like, oh, you're just faking victim in this weird way. Is it because she wants you to hang out with her? Yeah, yeah. I don't talk to her anymore. I'm really close with my brother, and he'll fill me in on some stuff. She calls me the business associate because we bought a house together before we stopped talking. So she doesn't want to say my name. Do you think you guys will reconcile at some point? The way that woman holds a grudge...

No. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. She thinks I'm the devil. Can I ask what you did or is that like too personal? No, you can ask what I know. I fucking blabbed about it on here all the time. I just realized that she was really controlling and manipulative and everybody around me, like her and included, saw it and I was so...

naive to it. Like, I think I just really tried hard to not see it. And then I finally saw it and I was like, I can't talk to you anymore. You've been, she used suicide as a manipulation tactic. That's how I would summarize it. That gets under your skin.

And when you feel like bad for the person, then you realize they were being a victim. You're like, fuck you. I was so stressed out my whole life because of the thought of you dying. And now that was all bullshit. Like, you know, does she have like some type of disease that you would have died from? Or is it like my mom? It was like my mom. She's had an assortment. I would say a cornucopia of cornucopias. Great word. Great word. There was one, she got a diagnosis that was like, um,

lethal like fatal like a couple years and I like remember Corinne and I went on tour we were in Florida and I was just like I remember that trip so vividly because I was so sad of like holy shit my mom's gonna die and I was really heartbroken she never got the disease let's just say Christina's mom has been dying so long that my dad literally died while waiting for Christina's mom

to die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So is she like a hypochondriac? Are these possible diseases? No, she just needs to feel important. Like she, the biggest suicide attempt happened the night before I moved away to college. Okay. And she told me on the phone as she told me she was about to jump in front of the train and I heard the train. Was it because she missed you? Well, she said, you don't need me anymore. And so that, at the time, I was like, what mom?

yes, I do. But like looking back and everything I know about mental illness and all that stuff, I'm like, oh, that's, that's your rub. You need to be needed and you need to be, but my family catered to her our whole life. So we made a monster. Pretty mentally ill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Christina's mom dies to stay alive. Yes. Very well. She's rebirth. Yeah. God bless her. I mean, she's had a lot of shit happen to her, but like, so what happens if she does get like sick again?

Is she not going to tell you? Oh, she wouldn't tell me for sure. She doesn't want me to know anything about her life. She's very like...

my daughter betrayed me in the worst way you could ever betray a parent. It's very like, you owe us kind of thing. You owe us stuff. But your brother's still close with her. Yeah, yeah. My brother's very patient and very... He's getting chiseled away at, but yeah. How does it feel when she dies? She's going to leave nothing to you. Oh, I don't care. That's true. You have money. Well, also, the house that I bought with them, I bought it all cash and didn't think about...

Yeah, but the girl's in a long-term relationship with the IRS now. I didn't realize you have to pay a lot of taxes on the cash you make that I just wired to my dad. So I own half of this beautiful four-bedroom beach house, but I can't.

They live in a year round. So, so when they do pass, I also think because, and this is a woo woo thing, uh, and I got really into mediumship and talking to people after they die, just the idea of that. I can't do that, but I'm like, Oh, when you die, you shed your human bullshit. You shed your narcissism, your mental illness, all the shitty, shitty qualities, uh,

that we accumulate, they're all gone and you're just like the purest version of yourself, kind of like a dog is now. And so I'm like, oh, I think maybe when she passes away, I'll be able to have like a, like a lovely relationship. Gotcha. So does that mean like Hitler died and he's like living his best life? Wow. I love that for him. Yeah. Right. He's frolicking in the fields with no consequences. Yeah. Oh my God. Well, yeah, he's just, he's just with the people that he killed in the Holocaust. Yeah.

Probably. I mean, he probably has some suffering to do. How do you make him mad? He's like, ooh, it's weird seeing you here. I'm always super interested in the people that do the worst things, like Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, and all those people. And I'll just pedophiles. If I could ask God a question, I'd be like, what the fuck is the deal with pedophiles?

Because that is like a dark thing. I went to Catholic school my whole life and people would always ask about why do people get cancer? And they always bring up free will. Right, so I just can't imagine that there... I don't know. I don't know that there is like a God.

We will never know until... There might be like a higher being. I don't know. I don't like believe in religion. Religion's kind of... I feel like... Like I believe it exists, but I just... It's like kind of like having a Disney story you love. Yeah. Right. I mean, it's definitely... I mean, it's definitely like a...

Whether or not God is real, religion certainly is a coping mechanism that I feel like humans need to complete this journey on Earth. And I get it. It's like when you're going to die or you're in a situation, you do start praying. Sure. I've prayed. Just in case. Yeah. Does that mean there's no atheists in foxholes or something? I've never heard of that. Okay. Makes sense. But that does make sense. Have you ever prayed? Have you ever been in a situation where you were forced to pray? I think I have. I can't remember anything recently. Okay.

But I definitely have. Have you ever had communication with somebody after they died? No, I'm just asking questions like we're at a sleepover. I don't know that it was... I remember when my dad died, I couldn't sleep and I went over to my friend's house.

And like her radio went on for no reason. I did believe that was him. I thought that was so weird. That is fucking. I also, if you die and I love you, please don't visit me. I don't want, I don't. I always say that. Don't connect with me. I don't want you to. They won't. If you're scared. Yes, I'm very scared. Please. Everyone stay away. Oh, see, come to me. I'll hang out. Go hang out. Go hang out. Christina. I, I,

I feel like it's not going to be like a guy like at the foot of your bed though. They'll communicate with you in a way that feels comfortable to you. Like, so yeah,

Like their birthday will appear in the time. Yeah. Yeah. Not like, yeah. I also like don't necessarily want a ghost visiting. Yes. I don't want to go visiting like Scrooge style. Like that's not fun for me. Right. Like something like I don't even want the radio going on again. I have, I have a thing called a spirit box and it's like an FM transmitter. And apparently you can like, you know, talk to like alien civilizations through it and nothing yet, but it is creepy listening to the static. Cause you're like, you're going to pop through.

But nothing's happened yet. Do you feel like anyone's come to visit you? No. I wish. Dad, go visit. You are too thirsty for the dead. Yeah. You want the dead too bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the dead and the living. Play hard to get.

Okay. Yeah, I should. I don't even know if I have it in my bones. But they also could have visited you and you're looking for what you think the interpretation of the communication would be. Right. Yeah. I had a friend in college that really opened me up to the woo-woo stuff kind of for the first time in my life. I've always been intrigued by it. And she was pretty gifted. Her sister was very psychic. Oh, I know who you're talking about. And like fucking wild. And I remember she a couple times, this is the first person I ever knew to talk like this.

her friend had passed away and showed up right at the foot of her bed. And she told me about it. She saw her. Yeah. Like literally was woken up because her dog started barking. That would freak me out. Dogs always see that. Kevin has seen shit. And I'm like,

Dogs always see stuff. Yes. Because I'll see Peg sometimes and she'll just go like that. Well, that might be your old dog. That might be your boxer because that's the other thing with pets. They visit you the most because it's such a pure bond that they're sending you signs all day. And I talk about the afterlife all the time. And so a lot of people, like if they have someone in their life. She kind of reminds me of her.

who the peg reminds me of Marley. Oh yeah. So I'm sure it could have sent. Yeah. I'm sure your dog sees, sees Marley for sure. This one girl DM me and she was like, you know, you always ask for signs and my dog that I'm just like in love with passed away and I'm devastated. So I asked for a pink alien and she sent me all these pictures of these pink aliens. And as she was, I was, I was reading her Instagram DM. I was holding my wallet and it was all these pink aliens on my wallet. And I was like, Holy shit. And yeah, she sees them all the time. So crazy.

I remember one night sleeping and thinking I was in the air doing flips. Wait, that's not crazy. Yeah, that's not crazy at all. Maybe you're astro-traveling. Maybe what? You're astro-traveling. I don't know. I don't really think I was doing that. So in your dream, you're just going, wee, doing flips? I wasn't thrilled. I wasn't doing it. Oh, I was happy. Well, it was you, so of course you weren't thrilled. I wasn't thrilled.

I just felt like I was doing flips in the air. I was like, wait, that can't be true. Right. Do you ever get that? I mean, I used to get a lot the bed falling like in a circle, almost like Alice in Wonderland style. Really? While you're sleeping? Yeah, you feel like you're falling in a circular motion. I think that one's pretty common, though. Oh, I've never

I definitely feel like I'm falling. Like I've had dreams of like I'm falling and I'll wake up. Yeah. As you go to sleep, you feel like you're falling. Don't they say if you hit the floor, you die? I don't know if that's true or not. They do say that. Oh, I feel like I've hit the floor in some dreams. I did. I had one lucid dream once. I'm like, that's really fun.

Like what? When you realize you're dreaming, you could just go, oh, I'm just going to like go up and fly in the air. And you do. And you like it's it's like VR. I have a VR headset and it is like that, except you control it with your brain. Oh, I always just try to fuck someone much hotter than me. Oh, that's a really good. That's a good. That's a good use of your time and lucid dreaming. A lot of a lot of my when I made the dream turns lucid, a lot of it does turn into sex. You're like, there's no consequences. I can fuck whoever I want. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So how do you deal with like dating somebody and then breaking up and then dating someone and then you guys getting back together? I train myself to forget that it ever happened. Okay. That's good. Yeah. I'm not a – I have this bit that I do on stage about how like I used to – I never thought I was a jealous girlfriend but that's because I've never dated anyone.

one other women wanted to fuck before and so maybe you didn't date anyone you liked no I liked a lot of the guys I dated the guy I dated for seven years we really loved each other a lot and he was he was handsome I remember that relationship Steven um

He was handsome and stuff, but women weren't coming up to him after shows. He wasn't around. He wasn't charismatic. He just wasn't around. He wasn't a performer, was he? No, no. Right, so there was a few options, but with my boyfriend now, women will come up to him. Yeah, but you're very attractive, so I assume guys come up to you all the time, too.

no guys don't come up to female comedians adrian i don't mean so unless they're like stop if i'm wearing like a little tiny dress or something like i have to i have to no i don't even mean so much in comedy i'm just saying if you're out sometimes yeah sometimes but i'm also like i don't know i'm in my own head so i don't really maybe don't notice that i just kind of walk i'm just i'm too like don't talk to me kind of thing when i'm out in the wild yeah um if you could fuck anyone without consequence who would it be we'll end on that

like famous person anyone you want yeah it could be someone from someone in comedy that's married i really would like to have sex with 50 cent really wow he's so hot i think he is hot he dated chelsea handler yeah so funny yeah yeah he's such a great troll yeah yeah yeah he's very funny i think this is realistic i think if we clip this it could get to him okay i don't look particularly great right now but i think you know what i'm

I'm very good with video editing. You let me know. This bitch will put mascara on you and everything. You let me know how you want to look for 50 Cent. I would love to have sex with 50 Cent. That's a good one. That's a bold. That's a good one. How old is 50 Cent these days? Maybe 50? That'd be very ironic. Oh, I don't know. I assume she's like...

Yeah. I guess, yeah, that would be, he's gotta be about 50 ish. He's probably a couple of years older than me. Yeah. 50 cent is, I'm asking chat GPT.

Oh my God. He's as old as my boyfriend. He's 49. Okay. All right. July 6th is his 50th. I think it could happen. I think it could happen too. I think this is a very realistic goal. I think you should figure out how to get there on his 50th birthday because you know that's going to be a big deal for 50 Cent's 50th birthday. And I think he would genuinely like you. Jeff Ross has got to know him. Jeff Ross. Then I have to become like close with Jeff. Well, we'll do. I'll just, I'll say. We know Jeff. Yeah, we know Jeff. Is this the spirit stuff happening? Oh my God.

I think this is your Pluto return. Yes. Listen, I will believe in all this woo-woo bullshit if I end up fucking 50 Cent. You might fuck 50 Cent. First Netflix special and then 50 Cent. I have to hope he watches my special. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, let's make this. Let's tweet at him. How do we do it? Okay, we can manifest this. We'll manifest it, but we'll also like get it. You know what I mean? Like we're going to. Yeah. Yeah, we can get this. Give me a goal.

Check. We can get. What kind of Instagram are we working with with 50 Cent? He has millions. He has millions. Well, I mean, but how active is he? How? Yeah. I mean, he's a pretty good troll. Okay, wait. That's pretty. He would love your special. Does Charlamagne know 50 Cent? We know Charlamagne. He has to. He has to. Okay. I'm trying to think of ways we could get. And I'm pretty sure 50 Cent's been on the Breakfast Club. Yeah. It's not that difficult. If I put work into it, I could probably get in front of him. Yeah.

Yeah. 33.8 million. Okay. That's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. I just followed him. So I just gained one more follower. Look at you. Just clouding his DMs. I like DMs. More followers. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Well, Chris Gethard got – he got P. Diddy when he was Puff Daddy to show up at the UCB theater. He probably thought Chris Gethard was like 12. Wait. You should roast 50 Cent for his 50th birthday. I don't want to roast him. I love him. Okay. Maybe you wouldn't be good at roasting him then. I feel like –

Nikki sometimes tells people during the roast that she wants to fuck them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's an act. That could be part of the roast. Well, I know. I know Nikki. She definitely wanted to fuck all the people she said she wanted to fuck. Wow. Yeah. There's truth in art. Tom Brady's fucking gorgeous. He's not my type. He doesn't do anything for me. He doesn't do anything for me. But I know that if he was in front of me, I'd want to fuck him.

Travis Kelsey is hot. He is so hot. You know what though? I don't like football players. Football players just never do that. I like basketball players. Dennis Rodman to me is like, oh, Dennis Rodman's fucking gorgeous. I would like just to hang out with Dennis Rodman. I love Dennis Rodman. I love a guy who's like, he's kind of gay, but he's not, but he wears makeup. He can wear a dress. Yeah, I really like when men wear dresses in a masculine manner, which is, you know, it's a real niche. It's so niche, and I do like it too. It's a niche area that I'm working with. It's like your legs chafe.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you're comfortable. You don't get a fuck. Yep. Yep. Yep. This is doable. Adrian, we're gonna make it happen. I'm so glad that we left this, this episode with a call to action, but also we need another call to action. So promote your special and anything else. Go watch the dark queen on Netflix. Um, follow me on Instagram. If you hate it, tell me where you, I lost you. Oh, I was out at nine 11. Yeah.

Or whatever. Whatever your thing is that you're like, I hated that one thing. You really want this feedback? You want to know? Sure, yeah. Well, you can gauge whether the feedback is from a dumb person or a smart person. They still have an opinion. Meaning offended. Yeah, they still have an opinion. It's weird because a lot of people are like, I showed my woke niece your special. She loved it. Yeah, that's great. It's kind of 50-50. Like, it's...

Both ways, I think. 50 Cent. Oh, the signs are already coming up. We make it happen. You know what's funny? I actually did his movie in like Staten Island. I don't know. It was somewhere like an extra role that I went out to get. I got paid for it, but I didn't actually do anything. Wow. It was like the story of his life or something. Oh, wow. This was a lot of years. This was before stand-up.

But at that time, did you still feel like a calling to want to have sex with him? Yeah, he's always been hot. Methamine's also hot, but I don't want to be greedy. I did tell my friend she could have him. Oh yeah, Methamine. I want an M&M.

gross like oh Eminem is so hot you know he has like a small dick I don't give a fuck how do you know that it's like public knowledge oh is it I've never heard that rumor he's not a big guy also couldn't give two shits I don't give a shit if he has a vagina I don't care that's why he's such a good rapper he really needed to work on something yeah he needed something to lead with whatever it worked it worked

I think that's a thing. He definitely fingers. She's just Googling. I don't care. I'm a small dick. I really don't need a big, I don't need the dick to be big. I just need you to be like sexual, you know? And he is sexual. I could tell.

yeah but it's just like remember that episode of sex in the city where like samantha's like in love with that guy and his dick's so small yes and she's in love with him and she tries so she's like they did all these positions where she's like now go in yeah i'm in she's like crying yeah yeah listen i don't i'm not like a size queen i don't know maybe eminem doesn't have a small dick i don't want to put that out there but you obviously got it from somewhere yeah did you try to look up eminem small dick i mean i did gpt

does chat gpt okay eminem the rapper have a small dick i feel like the chat gpt is gonna be like what i've accidentally put doc let me know how i can assist you does eminem have a small penis there's no credible information available about eminem's nature because that chat gpt scans the whole internet are 50 cent and eminem friends

yeah he brought should we go on a double date well i was gonna say i was like we maybe we don't want to disparage eminem if we're trying to get to 50 but you love small dicks i don't love small dicks listen i don't know if he has a small i thought i heard that maybe he's just bed in bed there's no way he's got a beef over me because he has to defend me being a dumb cunt oh okay i think he would love that

He loves a mouthy lady because he fucking dated Chelsea Handler. That's true. I think he does, yeah. And then maybe me and her can have a beef. Wow. That'd be great. That's great for your career. Wow, your Pluto return is going to be amazing. I'm really excited for you. We're so excited. I'm so excited for all this stuff. Beef in the streets. I walked in here a sad lady and I'm leaving a pretty happy woman. So guys, we fucked up. Yes! That's what we're trying to do. Make women better and happier in the world.

Sorry we made you have your atrium. This has been Guys We Fucked, the anti-slut-shaming podcast. We'll talk to you next Friday. Guys We Fucked is presented by Luminary, created and hosted by Corinne Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing and music coordination by Eric Freddie. Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Kozen. Give me that old spice Play a couple tunes, maybe twice I leave by train Same way I come in

I'll have a hot smoke and a cold beer for hitting that soft head. Working man's reward at the end of the day. When I come in, it's getting on twilight. Streetlights showing bright, just like it was midnight. Got a job and it's all right. Seeing souls take flight. And I'm alive at the end of the day.

Yeah, give me that old spice. I play a couple tunes, maybe twice. I leave by train, same way I come in. I'll have a hot smoke and a cold beer before hitting that soft tail. Working man's reward at the end of the day. Did you hear that one about that guy who starts running to get back to his baby? They get so good at the running that the running starts taking him away from his baby.

Yeah, give me that old spice. I play a couple tunes, maybe twice. I leave by train, same way I come in. I'll have a hot smoke and a cold beer for hitting that soft hay. Working man's reward at the end of the day. One time I painted a masterpiece. I made Picasso kind of masterpiece. Traded it for a set of keys.

To a 57 Chevrolet I got sideburns to my knees I got a dog with just 11 fleas And the sweet birdies in the trees Sing for me Give me that old spot Play a couple tunes maybe twice I leave by train Same way I come in I'll have a hot smoke and a cold beer For hitting that soft hay Working man's reward at the end of the day

Have a hot smoke and a cold beer for hitting that soft pay Working man's reward at the end of the day