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cover of episode If You Want This Kind of Love, Don’t Expect It to Be Easy

If You Want This Kind of Love, Don’t Expect It to Be Easy

2025/3/5
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Modern Love
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Sameah Mushtaq
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Sameah Mushtaq: 我最初对婚姻的理解是建立在共同特征和家庭责任的基础上，缺乏对情感联结的重视。我的第一段婚姻中，我情感需求长期得不到满足，最终导致离婚。离婚的过程充满焦虑、恐惧和羞愧，因为我周围没有人有过类似的经历，这让我感到孤独和自我怀疑。然而，我最终相信了自己的判断，并坚持了离婚的决定。离婚后，我并没有急于寻找新的伴侣，而是专注于自我探索和成长。我意识到，我想要的不是一段仅仅满足我个人需求的婚姻，而是能带给我归属感、成为我挚友和情感支柱的伴侣。在与Mahmoud的交往中，我感受到了他积极的回应、对细节的关注以及对我的重视，这与我前夫截然不同。Mahmoud的出现让我对爱情和婚姻有了新的理解，我意识到，深爱需要付出和奉献，而不是简单的索取和满足。在与Mahmoud结婚后，我们经历了疫情和抚养孩子的挑战，但这些经历反而使我们的感情更加深厚。Mahmoud前往加沙参与志愿者工作，让我对他的爱和奉献有了更深刻的理解。虽然我最初对他的决定感到愤怒和担忧，但我最终理解并支持了他的选择，因为我看到了他内心的善良和责任感。Mahmoud在加沙的经历让我对爱的意义有了更深刻的理解，也让我更加珍惜我们之间的感情。 Anna Martin: 作为访谈者，我没有表达具体的个人观点，而是引导Sameah Mushtaq分享她的故事和感受，并就其经历进行提问和探讨。我通过提问，帮助Sameah Mushtaq梳理了她从第一段婚姻的失败到与Mahmoud建立幸福家庭的心路历程，并探讨了她对爱情、婚姻和奉献的理解。我引导Sameah Mushtaq分享了她与Mahmoud在面对疫情、养育孩子以及Mahmoud前往加沙等挑战时的经历，以及这些经历如何影响了他们的感情。我关注Sameah Mushtaq在面对离婚、自我怀疑以及Mahmoud前往加沙等困境时的内心感受，并引导她反思这些经历带给她的成长和感悟。

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Samaiya Mushtaq's first marriage ended because she felt emotionally unmet. Her divorce was difficult due to societal expectations and lack of support, leaving her feeling immense shame and loneliness. She later reflects on the stigma surrounding divorce within her community and the impact it had on her self-perception and confidence.
  • Samaiya's first marriage lacked emotional connection.
  • Divorce caused her immense shame and loneliness.
  • She navigated the stigma surrounding divorce within her community.

Shownotes Transcript

When Samaiya Mushtaq was growing up, she imagined marrying a kind Muslim man, and at 21, she did. But while studying to become a psychiatrist in medical school, she realized her husband couldn’t meet her emotional needs — something she deeply craved. Despite the shame she felt, she got a divorce.

In this episode, Mushtaq shares the twists and turns of her unexpected second chance at love, where service is at the center. From working in health care during the pandemic to building a family to undertaking harrowing service trips to Gaza, she found what she truly needed in a marriage — only after letting go of what she thought she wanted.

Samaiya Mushtaq’s memoir will be published by Daybreak Press next winter.

This episode was inspired by her 2023 essay, “Must We Feel Shame Over Divorce?)”

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