AEE 2407: 7 Parenting Phrases and What They Say About American Culture
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This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2407, seven parenting phrases and what they say about American culture.

Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection. With your American hosts, Lindsay

McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA. To get real-time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the All Ears English app for iOS and Android. Start your seven-day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slash app.

Do you have kids or do your friends have kids? Today, learn common phrases that American parents use and find out which ones you can use among adults in English.

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Hello, Michelle. How are you? I'm good, Lindsay. How are you? Good, good. What's going on today? Not too much. Not too much. Lindsay, how often are you around little kids? Not super often, Michelle. I mean, my niece is growing up now. She is, I think she's 11 now. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So she's not really a little kid anymore. Yeah.

Yeah, because my nephew and your niece are pretty much the same age. My nephew is about to be 12. It's scary, right? It goes fast. Yeah, so in terms of little, little kids, I have my niece and nephew on the other side. I think they are like three and six, something like that. So that's the closest thing for me. What about you, Michelle? We know you have young kids. I'm around them all the time. Literally all the time. Yeah.

So today we're going to talk about... This is a fun episode. We're going to talk about some common expressions that parents or any adults use with children. And guys, if you're thinking, oh, I'm not around little kids that much, maybe I should switch to the next episode. Stay here because...

This is really useful, even if you don't have kids. I mean, you're going to hear these out and about in pop culture when you watch TV shows. Yeah. And you're going to be like, also, you might have a niece or a nephew. You might have a friend who has kids. Yeah.

And these are just really, I mean, even like at work. I mean, if your coworker is talking about their kids, these are just really useful to know. And these are what we're going to teach. They're kind of cliches that you're going to hear. So meaning you're going to hear them a lot. This is not just random things. These are very commonly known. So it's really good to know.

And also we are going to talk about our opinions of these and how they might vary culturally. So it's going to be interesting. I love that. And some of these, maybe specifically one or two, are sometimes used kind of facetiously by adults between adults, right? Right. And we'll point out the ones that are and we'll see if we agree on that, Michelle. So there's a lot here for everyone, whether you have kids, whether you're an aunt or an uncle or your friends have kids or whether you're just...

having some banter with another adult. Exactly. Sometimes some of these you would pull out. But Michelle, before we get into it, where can our listeners go if they want to see real-time transcripts? What's the best option?

Okay. Awesome. So go on over and listen. Well, to get real-time transcripts, you want to get our app, right, Lindsay? Yes, exactly. That's at allersenglish.com slash app. There's an iOS and an Android version. And when you become a premium member, you get to see real-time transcripts of the episodes. You get to save words and

tap on them to see the definition and create your personal power list. All right. So we teach a lot of vocabulary on this show every day, and we don't want you to get left behind when it comes to some of these words. So save them, become a premium member and save them in your system. Okay. Love it. Yep. Go to

Let's go through these. And this came to my mind because I always hear this. You ever hear this sharing is caring. Well, this is the one that I was thinking that adults adult to adult could they, we do use this like in a facetious, a funny kind of way. Right. Right. It's so true. It's basically, yeah. When a kid doesn't want to share, it was like, let Timmy use the dinosaur next sharing is caring. Yeah. So, so that's the most obvious way. The most like on like face value way to use it with a kid. Yeah.

Right. But then, you know, maybe if you're out to lunch with your coworker and you ordered a thing of salsa, chips and salsa, people love salsa and you, but you ordered it and you're like, here you go. Sharing is caring, you know, something like that. Or if you're out with your close friend and they have, and they have French fries and you grab one and you could joke and he's like, sharing is

Exactly. So I love that this is a multidimensional phrase, right? You're being a little jokey when you're saying that with an adult, right? You know that this phrase is really meant for kids, but you're using it at that level with an adult. Super interesting. Yeah, right? Isn't that interesting? Yeah. So, I mean, Lindsay, what do you think about this? I mean, you

As a parent, I'm always thinking about, oh, if a kid comes over and they want to share with my kid or they want to play with their toys. There's all these philosophies. It's like you want to teach the kids to share, but at the same time, you don't want to force them to share everything because...

Because you don't want to... They should know that some things are theirs. Yeah, you don't want them to become a doormat, right? We talked about the phrase doormat on the show maybe a few years ago. Yeah, very interesting. I don't know how I would navigate that, Michelle. I mean...

I never know what to do. And I think sometimes parents are trying to put on shows for each other. Right. So that's like, sometimes I'll want to act a certain way, but I, I feel like I have to show the other parents that I'm trying to teach my kid to share when sometimes I really just want to be like, no, like he should be able to

play with that longer. Maybe I would ask the kid how they feel about sharing. Do they feel like, how does it feel to share? And when do you feel, do you feel like you've shared too much or too little? Like let them sort of develop an inner compass a bit, a bit more outside of what society expects them to do. Right. I don't know. That's what I would start doing is just asking a lot of questions about how you feel. Or I might say, how much longer do you want to play with this? You know, or something like that. But

Yeah. I mean, even, I mean, I planned this episode maybe last week and even just last night I was, you know, at a friend's house and my daughter was, I mean, my daughter's three and her daughter's one. So mine just kind of plows. Yeah. Yeah. So I have to figure out what to, what to do. So, but that's one. And, and again, guys, this is not just, Oh, for those who have kids, you know, you, this one, you're going to hear a lot. And I think the next one is,

well can be used a lot. So what is this one? Okay. So use your words, right? So when a kid gets upset and they just yell and they scream and they cry, a parent might say this. I know my mom said this all the time to me, right? Okay. Try to calm down. Use your words, right? Trying to get the kid to articulate what they're feeling and not go to physical, like, you know, hitting, kicking, biting, punching, screaming. Yeah, screaming.

the more childish ways of acting, right? Right. Yeah. And I mean, you, you might hear an adult just say this, like kind of as a joke. I mean, if they're maybe, even if they're, even if they're not upset, even if they're kind of having trouble explaining what they want to say, kind of how I am now. No, just joking. Use your words. Use your words.

So it can be used with adults as well. But again, in kind of a sarcastic, fun, lighthearted way, not in the same way. Yeah. If an adult is really upset, I would be careful saying this to someone who's really upset and they're like punching a wall or something. Yeah, no, no, no. That's not going to help.

Much more upset. Yeah. There may be a place for that between adults. Yes. Right. That would be like, you know, if somebody says calm down when you're upset and that's always the worst thing you can say, right? Trigger. Big time trigger. Right? Yep. Exactly. But...

But with kids, I mean, I've also, I don't like saying this to my kids. Sometimes it's tempting because just when I say use your words, but I don't, because what I've, you know, I'm always trying to figure out what's the best answer. But like that,

they don't always have the words, they're kids, right? So you have to more so like actually model it for them. So that's interesting. Yeah. Really interesting. Okay. So that's a potential candidate between adults, but certainly if you have, like you said, nieces or nephews or kids or parents or friends, kids, you'll hear this for sure. Um, what else, Michelle? And this is, this is good. Um, say, say,

say, and then something say, please say, excuse me, say, thank you. Say you're sorry. Yeah. And this one, I would say we really don't, you know, I would never say this to an adult. Please. No, I would not. Like we're ordering in a restaurant with a, no, you would never say that to another adult. If they didn't say, you know, can I please have a cocktail? You wouldn't, you know, didn't say, please. No, just don't use that for with an adult. Right, Michelle? No, no, no, no. But you could say, oh,

wow. Look at that beautiful gift. Say thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like that. Yeah. Just manner. No, thank you. And I always say you can never say thank you often enough. You can never say too many thank yous. Um,

yeah, it's always a good go-to. Right. Yeah. I mean, Lindsay, do any of these sound familiar from growing up? I mean, you kind of remember, like said, sharing is caring, right? Yeah. My, not as much that one. Of course, my parents encouraged me to share, but the use your words was all over my childhood. Yes. Because my mom was all about articulating and, you know, getting you to speak and say what you're feeling. Um,

Yeah. But it's hard though. It's like a catch 22 if you don't have the vocabulary. Yeah. Yeah. Is it just... Yeah. So that's another topic. It's complicated. But I also want to bring to light that this is also a good connection topic to talk to people about because you're talking about how...

perhaps how you grew up learning about somebody's childhood or, you know, how they feel. Like, even like, let's say you're watching a movie and there's a kid in the movie and you want to make a comment on it and talk with somebody about like, how was their childhood versus yours and what, how were their parents' philosophies? So there's so much here. Yeah. It's an

Endlessly great topic of conversation because inevitably everyone's parents parented differently. I've told you before on this show that my mom was a child psychologist. She was an academic, not an actual counselor, but she did academic research. And her whole thing

was that she didn't want to dress me in the color pink because sometimes you don't know what the baby's gender is, right? They're so young. They're just sitting there in a bundle of clothing. And strangers, she thought, would come up to me and change their voice automatically if they knew I was a girl, like if I was wearing pink. And she didn't want the world to reflect gender back to me, like how I should be.

You know what I mean? And so she dressed me in like reds and I don't know, browns or something. Non-gendered colors. Yeah. So that was, you've told me that. Yeah, I'll do that. You've told me that. And I always like, even to this day, sometimes I think about that.

because that was so interesting to me. It's really. So this is a, I've had this conversation with multiple friends and then they'll have some insight on their parents' upbringing, which is based on what they did in the world, right? So it's a great connection topic is what I'm saying here, Michelle. Yeah. Yeah.

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Okay. Where to? Where to? All right. So where to? So another one is just, what do you say? Right? So like we're saying, say you're sorry, say this, say that. Right? So along the same lines. But if I could say, oh, that cookie is delicious. What do you say? Yes. Love it. Again.

Probably the adults are not going to say that, but you're going to hear it. Even if you're like a shopkeeper or something, or you're a shopkeeper. What is this, Beauty and the Beast? No, like if you're like a... I don't know. If you're like a...

you know, a barista and you give something, you know, you might hear a parent say that to their kid. Yes. Yes, for sure. I love that. What do you say? Or wait your turn, right? So for example, oh, sweetie, you're cutting in line. Wait your turn, right? Yeah. And then this is a big one, Lindsay. What's the magic word, right? Yeah.

Right. Like you're going to give the kid something like a cookie. Right. And trying to get kids to say please or to say, may I please have this? Yes, exactly. And then I'll share one more is polite bite. Have you heard that? Oh, I don't know that one at all. This must be a new one.

I don't like this. I don't like this idea. It's this idea that, you know, you have to try. I mean, it's a good idea, but I don't know. There's so much that I think about. But a polite bite is like just trying something to be polite, even if you don't want it.

So just to be nice, just to give it a try. And it's a good idea. But then I don't know. Sometimes I feel weird forcing kids to do things. I don't know. Yeah, that's interesting. Good point. Yeah, that's tricky. Polite bite. That is a new one for me. Okay, good to know. That was not around when I was growing up, I think. No.

Yeah. I mean, again, we're talking now, not that you're going to use all these phrases, but we're also just going through some philosophies, at least in the U.S., that people are familiar with growing up. And this idea of being knowledgeable about this so that you can connect with others about this topic. I mean, Lindsay, I mean, what do what are these types of things say about parenting styles in the U.S.? Because I wonder how this is different around the

world. Like, are there similar expressions? That would be a really good thing for our listeners to do when we finish up is go and make a list of the four most common phrases that kids in your culture are asked, are told. And then what does that say about your culture? I mean, to me, it says...

We're trying to build manners in our children, right? Teach them manners. We're trying to teach them to share, which I think is something that kids who have siblings learn faster probably than only children, right? It's kind of hard unless you're around her. Like my niece is an only child, but she's around her cousins all the time. Yeah. Right. So manners, sharing, like following the rules, showing respect, things like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Kind of building blocks of a society, I guess. Right. Yeah. True. True. So let's show our listeners how these might be used in a conversation. And we're two friends. We're talking about our kids.

Okay. We're not going to use everything. Okay. Cool. Yeah. Okay. Man, today was tough. Riley got a gift from his teacher and didn't say thank you. I told him, say thank you, but he didn't want to. Kids are like that. I always say the typical, what do you say? Or what do you say? But that doesn't always work with a four-year-old. Oh, tell me about it. Also, Riley has trouble sharing. Did you tell him sharing is caring?

Of course he gets so upset. So I just say, use your words, but he's learning. Love that. Love that. Yeah. So this would be a, another way, this conversation, you, you would build a connection with another parent or an aunt or uncle, right? I,

I guess aunts and uncles get the easy way out because we're not required to teach anything. We just spoil the kid, take them out for ice cream, and then drop them off back at home. Right. Come on. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So let's go through these, Michelle. So I'm complaining about my son.

son and I said I told him say thank you but he didn't want to didn't want to and then I said our kids are like that I always say the typical what do you say but that doesn't always work with a four-year-old right of course not yeah yeah and then I'm complaining that he has trouble sharing and you said did you tell him sharing is caring yeah

And then you said, of course, he gets so upset. So I just say, use your words, but he's learning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so that's good. So this is an example, a template for a conversation you might have, like I said, with another parent, maybe a grandparent. Right. That's when you add grandparents into the mix, it becomes really interesting.

What is their role, right? Right. You're teaching the kids. That would be a whole other episode. Really interesting stuff there. Yeah. So another episode, guys, to go to right now is 2381. Listen today. No pressure. Go over and check that one out. Michelle, what's our takeaway for today? Dynamic episode. Yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot to think about here. I mean, this can, from everything from, this episode had a little bit of everything. One is just for maybe somebody who does have kids who wants to use some of these expressions. Also for people who don't have kids, maybe they're around kids, maybe not. But this is just also a good way to learn about parenting philosophies and how things are kind of generally done in the culture in the United States. And so a good thing to perhaps think

start a deeper conversation with someone over. Yeah, I love it. And then we also touched on which ones might you hear between adults in certain scenarios. I would be careful with that. I would listen for it and make sure you feel confident with the context. But some of these can be used

between adults sometimes. But we know that we're using a phrase we might say to a child, right? We know it, but we're taking it out of context. We're being facetious. We're playing around. Yes. This is high, high, high level English. Okay. Good stuff. All right. Very nice. All right. Well, this was fun. Thanks for chatting about this with me today. All right. Take care, Michelle. Bye. All right. Bye. Bye.

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