AEE 2419: How to Connect Over Mutual Interests
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This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2419, how to connect over mutual interests. Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection.

with your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA.

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One of the best ways to connect in English is by discovering mutual interests. Today, we dive into the word mutual and share the language chunks we use it with. Use these today to build deeper connections.

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Hello, Michelle. How are you? Aubrey! Good to see you. I'm good. How are you? I'm great. I know this is so fun to record with you. I don't see you nearly enough. I know. I know. This is such a treat. So yeah, I'm really excited for today's episode and to get to record with you and spend time with you. So yes, I have a question for you to start us out. Do you know anyone who met their partner through a mutual friend?

Ah, yes, I actually do. I was the mutual friend. Okay. All right. And I actually introduced them. So that is my biggest claim to fame. That my, I was living with this very nice girl. She became my close friend. And I had this feeling that she was just a really good fit for my friend, my friend Jonathan from preschool.

And now they have two daughters and they've been married over 10 years. And yeah, so I was the mutual friend. Okay. There are so many things that are impressive about that story. First of all, that you have friends from elementary school. I have not kept in touch with anyone that long from preschool even. That's amazing. And then you were able to set someone up and it worked out and they're now married with children. That's rare, right? I've tried to set up a lot of friends and it never worked out.

Yeah, this is the most, it's very fulfilling when I see, you know, their, their daughters and I just, it's, yeah, it makes me so happy. So, yeah, but see, I'm going to call you Lindsay. That's okay if you do. I won't blame you. I'm going to call you Lindsay too. That's so funny.

Aubrey, today I noticed that you threw out that word mutual friend. So today we're actually going to be talking about the word mutual because it's super common in English. I mean, Aubrey, what does the word mutual, what does that mean?

I mean, something that is shared. So it's the same on each side. And we use this for lots of different things, mutual friends, mutual interests. So I'm excited to dive into this and give you guys lots of ways because this is an amazing thing to connect about in English. When you have something in common,

half the work is done for you right you're talking about mutual tastes in film or books like that's a great conversation such a good point i mean this is yeah it's just a good this word is also just a good mindset to be in for connection right so that's a really good point um and i i

I feel like you've already said some of them because I agree with you. I hear them a lot of the times. You can use the word mutual totally on its own, but there are a lot of chunks with this word. So we're going to be going through four main ways that you hear the word mutual that are really common and that can help you with that connection.

So we're actually going to do a lot of mini role plays today, Aubrey. Yes, I'm excited for this because you're right. We use this in chunks. We don't often just, you know, hear it on its own. There are specific words we collocate it with. So this is going to be great. You guys hit follow right here on the podcast. If you like our style, right? Connection, not perfection. We want to show you how to connect with others in English. So hit follow wherever you listen to podcasts to All Ears English.

All right. Awesome. So Aubrey, what is the first one? Okay. This first one is the feeling is mutual. We say this when we agree with someone or feel the same way about something as they do. I say this a lot. Someone will be like, I love thrillers. Like the feeling is mutual.

Yes. It's just a fun way to say I agree or I have the same feelings. I mean, so Aubrey, let's do a little role play. Okay. I'll start us out. Okay. I feel so lucky that we have been friends for all these years. Aw.

"Aww, Aubrey, the feeling is mutual. You're a great friend." - Yes, and I really love that here because if you just say, "Me too," or like, "Ditto," there's not a lot of care there, whereas you can build the connection here by saying something a little more meaningful like, "The feeling is mutual," right? It means that I feel the same. - Mm-hmm, or let's do one more. Here we go. "I never felt like she and I were meant to be friends." - "Well, clearly the feeling is mutual. She just walked right past you." - Ooh.

So it can be used in a not so nice way. It's not always mushy gushy, right? Exactly. It can be negative feelings that are mutual, right? You really dislike someone. They clearly don't like you. The feeling is mutual. That's right. That's right. Okay. So the next one is,

the one that we already were talking about earlier today Aubrey which is a mutual friend so what is a mutual friend Aubrey yeah this is a shared friend right so maybe you met your partner or another friend through this person or maybe on Facebook you have mutual friends this is always interesting when I add a

new friend that I met somewhere and then I can look and see what mutual friends we have. And I'm like, I'm curious, how do they know them? Right? We didn't go to the same school. We haven't lived in the same places. It's crazy to see all of these mutual connections. That's right. It's a small world, right? So here, let's do a couple mini role plays here. All right. I'll start us out. So how did you meet Brad? You guys seem to be such a perfect match.

Actually, we met through a mutual friend. That is amazing. And this would just mean that you and Brad both had a friend. You both knew them, but you didn't know each other and they introduced you.

Or maybe, yeah, right, exactly. And maybe they didn't, my story is kind of unique that I actually set them up, but it doesn't have to be that that person set you up. It could be you're at a party and they have to be there. Right. So it doesn't have to be a big matchmaking situation. Exactly. Right. This can be, maybe you were both at the park at the same time. How do we meet? Oh, well, we just were both there and we had a mutual friend. So we started chatting.

Yes, exactly. All right, here's another one. What makes you think you will get a job interview? You seem so confident. Well, the hiring manager and I have a mutual friend, so I think I will at least get an interview. Oh, I see. You got that personal connection. It doesn't hurt.

Yep, yep, yep. Exactly. So Aubrey, have you ever gone on a date with someone you met through a mutual friend? Absolutely. I think this is super common, right? Because they're already vetted a little bit. Like, you know, if your friend knows them, trust them, they're at least safe.

It shouldn't be super weird, right? If they are friends with someone you already know and trust, this gives you that little bit of a level of knowing like, this can't be too terrible if my friend likes them. Yes. I also remember going out with a...

guy who was a mutual wait who we had a mutual friend that's hard yeah but then it would be awkward if it went really terribly and your friend your mutual friend asks like how did it go and it wasn't good how honest are you right because they're still friends yeah yeah yeah exactly so mine didn't work out but that's all right um found the right person for me all right and that's what matters exactly

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All right. So Aubrey, what's the next one? All right. The next one is a mutual decision or a mutual agreement. Sometimes we'll say mutual understanding too, right? All of these, we hear this sometimes with breakups that they made decision together, right? They both, it was the right time to end it. We said that the feeling was mutual or the decision was mutual.

Yep. Right. So or a lot of times, yeah, you hear this with celebrity breakups, I'm thinking, right, that it was a mutual, you know, a friendly breakup, a mutual decision. Just uncoupling was what Gwyneth Paltrow had called it when she was like, this is conscious uncoupling. It was a mutual decision. Right, right. Okay, so let's do a roleplay here. Okay, I'm so sorry about your breakup.

It was okay. I mean, it's okay. It was a mutual decision. It just wasn't the right fit.

So you got fired. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I can see making this joke, actually, if someone breaks up and then you're like, so they fired you. We kind of make these jokes comparing a relationship to a job when it ends. Like, okay, so who fired who? Right, right, right, right. Exactly. I thought that's what you were going for. No, actually, it's a separate role play. So, okay, here we go.

So you got fired? No, actually, I quit. Well, I guess it was a mutual agreement. Oh, okay. Yeah. So both sides, right? You're ready to quit, but also, you know, they're firing you. So the decision is mutual.

Exactly. Exactly. So and then the last one is a mutual interest. Now, Aubrey, you kind of you brought this one up right at the beginning. It was one of the first ones that you were talking about the collocations and that one kind of popped out of your mouth. So I guess that you feel like this is a pretty common one. Well, and definitely the best one for connection. Right. I told mutual interests with friends all the time. Right. You want to find out what you have in common so that you can chat about it.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Exactly. So, right. Let's show how this would look. All right. Here's a role play. I'll start us. Should we get the kids together over spring break? Yes, they should definitely meet. It seems like they have a lot of mutual interests. Yes. Sports, music, they'd get along for sure. This is really big, especially as my kids start getting older. They're not automatically friends with every other kid. They need to have some mutual interests or they're not going to want to do the same things.

Right, right, right. Yeah. Because for my kids age, they all like playing at the playground. They have mutual interests. It's a given. Right, right, right, right. Exactly. So but yeah. So here we're saying this and look at this. This is all about connection. Right. We're saying we're trying to get our kids together. Oh, what are the mutual interests? So really huge. You can find what people have in common and build the connection that way.

And an interesting note here is we wouldn't really say like, what are our mutual interests to someone? Right. That doesn't really build the connection that feels sort of formal and like we're being a little too like we've planned out trying to build this connection. Instead, we say things like, what are your favorite movies? What types of books do you love? And that starting this connection where what we're actually talking about our mutual interest. Mutual interest. But, you know, we wouldn't like say.

what do we have any mutual interest no no it's more of a commentary after the fact oh wow we have a lot of mutual interest right exactly yes um so here here's one more role play um I love my hiking club oh yeah great

Yeah, and the whole group isn't just about hiking. Everyone has so many mutual interests so we can find other things to do together. You should come one day. I'd love to. Yeah, this is perfect where you're talking about the group. You've already had those conversations. You've connected with all of these people and found out what you have in common and that you have all these mutual interests. Exactly. So, Aubrey.

What mutual interests you share with your husband? And did you always have those interests? It's always interesting because sometimes like I have a friend, she and her husband, they like to hike all the time. And I asked her the other day, did you both come into it loving to hike or did one kind of start it off? And she said that her husband started it off and now she's a huge hiker. So yeah. Do you have, did you have a lot of mutual interests? That is a great question. We did have some mutual interests. Volley

is a good example of something we did not have in common, right? He was very good at volleyball. I enjoyed it, but was not good, hadn't really played. And I wanted to be able to play with him, but volleyball is a sport where if you're not playing at the same level, it's sort of not that fun for people to play who are...

really skilled with someone who's brand new and doesn't have a lot of control. So I sort of dedicated myself. I want this to be a mutual interest. I want this to be something we can do together. So I like worked at it, practiced a lot without him, and now we can play together. So I kind of forced it to be a mutual interest. There you go. I really love it. That's good. There you go. That's great. What about you? Do you guys have mutual interests? We like to eat. We

Same. Yes. We like to travel. And Dan always liked to travel, but I definitely kind of put him on the path of like really, you know, going abroad and things like that. So, but now that's a huge mutual interest of ours. Well, here's the question. What is something that you wish were a mutual interest? You and your husband that like he's not interested in and you can't get him to be. Do you have anything like that? I have an example. Okay. Let's hear what you think of something. Okay.

So my husband really doesn't love to travel. We would travel way more if it were up to me. And part of it is because we have kids, we can't really afford to go with them. How much do we leave them? So I'm hopeful that will be a mutual interest once our kids are older, we're not paying for college. We'll see. Because I think the potential is there. But often I'm like, let's go out of town this weekend. Let's go here. And he's like, yeah, maybe no. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's tough. Well, maybe. Yeah, it could change. It could change. Yeah. Yeah. For me, I guess like Dan, he likes I'm just thinking he does like like music, but he like it would be good if we could like

play music together because he can play some music. But I guess it would be cool if we had like the mutual interest of performing. Oh, yes. Colin actually have that. He plays the guitar, the banjo and the ukulele. And I write, I'll like write poems and we'll turn it into a song and perform it together. And my voice isn't that great, but it's still fun to do. His voice is really good. Oh, that's so cool.

Cool. Yeah. I also like to write and yeah. So, all right. Well, I feel like this is a really good example for you guys of how you can connect. Like Michelle and I just connected. We like built this deeper bond over the things that we have in common, our mutual interests, but also talking about the mutual interests we have with our partner, with other people in our lives. This really is an amazing thing for conversations, for connection. It just opens up so much. Yeah. It just opens up. It's like,

The possibilities are endless. And, you know, I thought there is one more that I wanted to talk about. I'll leave a little teaser and that's mutually exclusive. But we'll do that on another episode because that is definitely a good one to say something is or isn't mutually exclusive. That might even be on Business English. So be sure you're following here on Allers English and Business English, because sometimes a phrase like that we use in daily conversations.

and also a lot at work. So make sure you're following both podcasts. Exactly. Great idea, Aubrey. So guys, if you want to listen to another great episode about connection, check out episode 2391, though, is how to connect over coffee habits in English.

So it's a great thing to connect about to right asking people how they take their mutual interest. Coffee. Absolutely. Yeah. All right, Aubrey. Well, anything you want to add for the takeaway today? Oh, man, I'm really happy that you guys heard this episode because this is a skill that you need for connection plan on asking people what they're interested in. And then you'll find out what you have in common when you realize what mutual interests you have. That is the best way to connect.

All right. Well, this was so much fun, Aubrey. I can't wait to do another episode with you. And everyone, thank you so much for listening and hope you find people with mutual interests and you can do those interests together. Absolutely. Yes. Or at least chat about it. Right. Awesome. Thanks, Michelle. I'll see you next time. All right. Thanks. Bye, Aubrey. Bye. Bye.

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