AEE 2421: You Are Actually Going to Love This Episode
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This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2421. You are actually going to love this episode. Welcome to the All Ears English podcast downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection. With your American hosts,

Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, and Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, coming to you from Arizona and New York City, USA. To get real-time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the All Ears English app for iOS and Android. Start your seven-day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slash app.

This may actually be the most useful episode you hear all year. Today, you'll learn four different ways to use the word actually to connect in English. This Father's Day helped dad be all he can be with a gift from the Home Depot because he's not just dad. He's the handyman of the house, the plumber in a pinch, and the emergency mechanic.

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hey michelle how's it going hi aubrey how are you excellent i have a fun question for you here yes do you like the movie love actually i know we've mentioned this film on the podcast before yes we have um and yes i do i do love it i do know and i i'm sure you feel the same way i know there are certain things when you watch it they're a little cringy now right a little cringy um but

I don't know. Sometimes to me, when I see something from the past like that, I, I, I still, I, even though it bothers me, I try. Yeah. Because yeah,

Yeah. Watch it within the timeframe that it was made. Right. I don't want it to get destroyed for me. And I mean, there are, you know, so anyway, do you like that movie? The biggest issue I have with it actually is the fat shaming. So like the prime minister's secretary, there are all these comments like making fun of her for being heavy. Right. Right. She's not. No, not at all. And even if she were not okay, like I feel very strongly about it.

But, and it, so it just seems strange. It seems kind of out of place where I'm just like, what? And also no, but almost everything else that anyone else would have a problem with. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, it's fine. I

I mean, it's just such a, I agree with you, right? There are certain things that are not, you know, that didn't hold up well. I think Lindsay and I have done a whole episode on that. Like what didn't age well. But, you know, you can either enjoy something or not. I mean. Well, and that's such a great thing to talk about anyway. Like I love conversations about whether something has held up.

Jessica and I were talking about the movie. So I married an ex murderer with my clients. She watched it again and was like, it did not hold up. I'm like, Oh no. Cause I loved it when I was younger. So this guy is have conversations about this. If you rewatch something and it didn't hold up, it's not as funny. It's not as entertaining, whatever. What a great way to connect with somebody. Ask them like, do you think it held up? Have you watched it recently? Right. And I'm looking for that episode, but I can't find it right now. But, um,

But yeah, we definitely we talked about this. This is a huge connection topic. So, um, well, today we're not talking about that topic. We are talking about the word actually, this is interesting, because the movie it's called that because at the end, he says love actually is all around is related because the word actually and we use this word constantly in English. I think I probably have said it five times since the episode started without even thinking about it.

So, Aubrey, this question comes to us from YouTube, from Polly129, and it says...

there was one comment about the episode and then it says, wow, an episode about actually would be of great interest. So thank you so much, Polly129 for bringing that topic to our attention. I think we spoke about it on another episode where we said we need to do an update on actually because this is such an important and common word and it's used in

so many different ways that we're going to break down today. So we may end up doing some sort of mini series on this. We're going to see how it goes and what we still feel we need to cover. So Aubrey, what do you think? Yeah, I love that because I use this a lot. I hear this a lot. And I agree, we use it in lots of different ways. So be sure to hit follow in case we make

this a series, right? We really enjoy doing this where and some of the series are both here on All Ears English and Business English. Yeah. So be sure to hit follow on both podcasts.

That's right. So in general, I would say that actually is kind of about being surprised or that something is really or shocking in some way. But one other way that it's used is to kind of pull back or hedge.

Right. And that's really helpful and important for daily life. So Aubrey, what do you think about that? Okay. Yeah. Let's give some examples of how we do that. I agree. I do this a lot. I might say, I was actually hoping we could go to the beach one more day before we leave. And yeah, this is softening just a little bit this request, right? I'm not saying we need to go to the beach before we leave. Right. Right. I was actually thinking. Actually. Yeah. Yeah.

Or here's another way you could soften. You could say, let's actually leave a little earlier if that's okay. Exactly. Because if you look at the difference, if you just say, let's leave a little earlier if that's okay. It is a little more harsh, a little more blunt. You're not respecting someone else's time. So we just add this word actually to hedge, to soften so that we don't seem so demanding.

Right, right, right, right. And I feel that there is a bit of thinking in the moment when you use it like this. Oh, let's actually leave a little earlier if that's okay. It's almost like, oh, I'm actively thinking and this is naturally coming out. But another way we use it is to correct something that is wrong, right?

Yeah, right. You're like, if you're giving directions, you might say turn right, actually, sorry, turn left. So it's the way you're interrupting yourself and sort of saying scratch that nevermind. Actually. Yes. Actually, I was just with my parents and we were trying to get to a store and my GPS was

had no idea where I was. Does that ever happen to you, Aubrey? Absolutely. No clue. It kept on giving me all sorts of, yeah. So I felt like that's what my GPS would have been wanting to say, actually do this, actually do that. Yes, right. It's like showing that you're in a lake or something. It's just not mapped out. You're in the middle of nowhere. It's like, actually drive out of the lake. Right. What's happening? Yeah.

Yes, yes, it's so weird how that happens. Or it could say, this looks good to me. Actually, the date on here needs to be fixed. So I'm correcting something that was wrong. Yeah, you thought it looked good. Then you notice something. So there are a lot of ways we can say this, right? Never mind, there's so many things, but actually is a good one. Actually, wait, just kidding. This is wrong. Hmm.

Or you could say, actually, I live in New Jersey, not Pennsylvania. So I do live in New Jersey. So I'm imagining if you said to me, Aubrey, if you said, oh, yeah, have you been going out a lot in Pennsylvania? Or how do you like Pennsylvania so far now that you moved there? I could say, oh, actually, I live in New Jersey, not Pennsylvania.

Right. And this is actually a really polite way to correct an incorrect assumption. This happens a lot. Right. Maybe you misgender someone. Maybe, yeah, you don't you say something wrong. You call their child the same name. Right. It's a polite way. Oh, actually, her name is Ellen. Right. Instead of a more harsh correction that might break the connection. This is a great way to save the connection when you're correcting someone.

Right. That's such a good point. And I didn't even think about that. It's just is a little bit softer when you're thinking about just telling somebody that they are wrong. So that's nice. I mean, so you can see, though, Ari, that this is such a functional word and it's very versatile. And we're going to go over more ways that we can use this, especially for connection after the break. Yes.

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All right, so we also use this to compare something, right? So let's look at how this might work.

Mm-hmm. All right. I know it looks cold outside, but it's actually not too bad with a coat on. Exactly. And what's interesting, often actually is not necessary in the sentence. We absolutely could say, I know it looks cold outside, but it's not too bad with a coat on. It has the exact same meaning. So it's interesting to think about why we're adding actually. Here it is a little bit of that surprise, right? I was kind of surprised. Oh, actually, it's not bad with a coat on.

Right, right, right. It looks bad. And we're comparing it. We're comparing how it looks to the actual, to the reality. So, and yeah, and I like that you brought that up as well, because that it's surprising as well, because sometimes this word has more than one of the functions we're talking about. It's a little bit surprising and it's kind of comparing perception versus reality. So there's so much within this one word. Here's another example.

She actually eats more veggies than her brother. Yeah, right. So that might be kind of surprising, right? I probably use it this way the most. If you're trying to make a comparison, but you want to make it a little more interesting, be like, you might think I'm, you know, that I would hate horror movies, but actually I'm a huge fan. This is a great way to add interest to whatever you're saying. You could say that in a much more boring way. Be like, yeah, I know a lot of people don't like horrors, but I do like them.

Right. When you add actually, and you're giving yourself more words to emphasize too, to vary your intonation. True. Actually, right. Um, do Aubrey, who's the best eater of all your kids?

Probably my eldest. She's pretty good about it. And she wasn't difficult when she was little. My younger kids, they just snack. They will sneak snacks so then they're not hungry for dinner. They're really bad about that. I need a lock on the snack cabinet. I know. I've been thinking about getting one of those, the kitchen's closed signs or something. Not that they would actually pay attention to them. But my kids, they storm in from school. I want a snack.

I want a snack. I want a snack. And yeah, it's just, uh, I tried, I'm like, you can have a veggie or a fruit or yogurt because anything else is going to kill their appetite. I mean, we're having dinner in three hours. You're not going to be hungry. Right, right, right. Exactly. So, um, and then last, lastly, I just wanted to bring up this way. This is about that shocked,

or surprised feeling that you have about something. So I might say to Aubrey, you actually said that? Wow, you're brave, right? So I'm surprised, right? She said maybe she stood up to someone that I was afraid of.

And I'm saying she's brave, right? So this is funny because I feel like often when you say this, the person's going to respond and say, well, no, I didn't actually say that, but I thought it or, but I said this, right? They're like, cause often you're exaggerating. You're like wanting to tell a good story. So if you say to someone, did you actually say that? I feel like 98% of the time, the answer is like, well, no, I didn't actually say that. Right, right, right, right. That's so true.

That's so true. I feel like that just happened to me the other day. Or what's another example? Yeah, you might say, wow, we are actually going to be on time for once. This is a really passive aggressive way to tell someone who's always late that you're like surprised they weren't late for once. Right, right, right. Oh, you're actually on time. Yeah, look at that. We're actually going to be on time. Shocker.

Or this one is I hate olives, but I could say if let's say I found an olive I liked, which would never happen, but I could say I usually hate olives, but I actually like these ones. Oh, interesting. I love every olive. So you and I, this is not a mutual interest. Not a mutual interest. I love olives.

Oh, if even if even something if an olive has touched something in a salad and I can taste like the residue on the salad, even that's too much for me. I have a feeling a lot more of our interests agree with our listeners agree with me than you, Michelle. I think this should be the poll question today. Do you think it's crazy that Michelle hates olives? Yes or no? Come and answer that poll on Spotify. I want to know.

Perfect. Perfect. Definitely. So let's just do a short review before we because we taught a lot of information today. So let's just kind of go through and review. So one way that we spoke about was to hedge, right? Oh, I was actually hoping we would do this.

Yeah, to soften. Yes. To soften. Or what was the other one, Aubrey? To correct something that is wrong or an incorrect assumption. I'd be like, oh, you know, actually, my name is Aubrey. A lot of people call me Audrey with a D. Oh, actually, it's Aubrey. And I'm trying to say that really politely. And you're keeping the connection while correcting someone. Another thing is you could talk about comparing things, right? Perception versus reality. It looks

cold, but it's actually not too bad. Yeah. And lastly, to compare something talking about what it's really like, right? Right. You know, it looks cold, but it's actually quite nice out. Right. Or when you are shocked or surprised. So you actually said that you're so brave. Should we do a role play, Aubrey? Yeah, let's do it. We are on vacation together. It's our last day of vacation. That's always sad when you when you hit the last day of vacation. Oh, I

- Do you ever, do you, there's always kind of this unsaid strange feeling that starts coming up maybe the last half of a vacation. Do you feel it? Do you start feeling it towards the end or do you just kind of, are you able to- - It's like the denouement. It's the same with a, you have like the rising action and the climax in the middle and then it's like, oh, we feel it ending. You have this, yes, absolutely. I think we've all been there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, I'll start us, ready? - Here we go. - So what should we do on our last day?

I actually think we should just go back to the shops. Hmm. You actually want to do that? We have shops at home. Well, there was this one place I wanted to check out. Wasn't it called Leah's Jewelry? Oh, that place. Actually, it's Leah's Jewels.

Oh, right. Yeah. I don't normally shop that much, but I actually want to go back there. Then we can get lunch? Actually, that's a good idea. There's great restaurants on the strip there. Sounds like a plan. Nice. This is definitely a conversation I've had with a friend because I hate shopping and they'll always want to shop and look for souvenirs and then, "Let's go check these places out again." I'm like, "I'd rather do anything else." That's funny. No, I like... Actually, I'd rather die.

Well, I like going shopping if it's cute local shopping. I remember I was on vacation somewhere once and I was shocked because it was all chain stores. And I thought that I'm like, where's the area where you get the cute local artists and the, you know, that's what I like. So I do like shopping, but not for things that I can find at home.

My favorite is in Rocky Point, the vendors will walk along the beach. And so I'm like, yes, I just am going to buy like a little bracelet for my daughter from this. And then I don't have to go to the shops. That's perfect. That's perfect. I get a little. Yeah, sorry. I know we can chat forever, right? I know. OK, here we go. So first, you said, I actually think we could just go back to the shops.

So this is hedging a little bit, right? You're kind of putting forward this idea of what you might like to do, but stop. You're not being demanding. You're trying to say what you'd like to do without like being bossy or demanding.

Right, right. And then you are like, what? You said you actually want to do that? We have shops at home. I'm expressing surprise here, right? You actually want to do that? That's kind of a rude, that's not the nicest way to say that, right? Yeah, that one's Aubrey. That wasn't so nice of you. Right. I would probably instead be like, really? But there are shops at home, right? To say you actually want to do that is very critical and judgmental of what they've just said, right? Yeah.

And then I'm asking about the name of the store I'm trying to remember. And I said, wasn't it Leah's Jewelry? And you said, oh, that place. Actually, it's Leah's Jewels, right? So you're correcting me. Exactly. And this is a polite, softer way. Oh, actually, it's this instead of like, you're wrong. It's Leah's Jewels. You silly person. How could you think that right?

And then you said, I actually want to go back there. Yeah. Oh, man, so many. Oh, and then the last one. Actually, that's a good idea. And it's funny because sometimes when we have the same word in one role play like this, it would feel like, wow, we're saying actually a lot with this word. I don't know that it does because we use it so often in so many ways. Yeah.

Yep. I was, I was thinking the exact same thing. I have so many times, you know, Lindsay and I will be doing a role play and I said, I, if we wouldn't, we wouldn't actually do this. We wouldn't actually say actually this many with actually, yes, we actually would. We actually, we actually would say it this much in one conversation. Yeah.

And actually, I have an episode that I recommend our listeners check out next, which was episode 2333. That was vocabulary that is worth the trouble. Nice. Awesome. This is such a great episode. I kind of want to count how many times we said the word actually in the episode and share that in a future episode. We could have you guys guess. How many times do you think we actually said actually in this episode? Yes, yes, yes. A lot. A lot.

Yeah, a lot, a lot. Well, this was so much fun. And I mean, takeaway, this is just a huge word for connection. This word is thrown out constantly all the time. You know, don't worry about, I mean, don't say it every, every other word. Right. But if it makes sense, and there are so many times when it does make sense to use it, you're going to hear it everywhere. So go for it. And like we said, yeah, it's really important.

to soften criticism, soften corrections. If someone makes an assumption, you can either make them feel really uncomfortable by how you correct them, or if you throw in a word like actually and soften it, you can save that connection. Awesome. All right. Well, this was fun, Aubrey, and I'll see you next time. Yes. Awesome. See you guys next time. All right. Bye.

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