AEE 2431: Can You Make It? RSVP Etiquette for Weddings and Parties in English
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This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2431. Can you make it RSVP etiquette for weddings and parties in English? Welcome to the All Ears English podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection.

with your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA.

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- Hi, Michelle, how's it going today? - Good, Lindsay, how are you? - Excellent, excellent. What are we talking about on the show? - Ooh, this is gonna be fun. Lindsay, when is the last time you threw a party that required an RSVP?

Probably my wedding, actually. And wedding RSVPs are pretty serious, right? Yeah. Yes, exactly. So we're going to be talking about this more today. Guys, make sure that you hit follow wherever you are listening to All Ears English. Let us come to you. Make sure you don't miss any episodes. If you believe in connection, make sure that you don't miss anything.

Exactly, Michelle, you got it. All right. So you asked me when's the last time I threw an RSVP required party. So what does this have to do with today's topic? Yeah, well, today we're going to talk about how to ask someone if they're coming to your party if they haven't responded. So yeah, that can be awkward. Yeah, it can be really awkward. But this happens, right? People lose track of things.

They might not realize that they missed the date or whatever it may be. I mean, so recently I had my daughter's birthday party. So that was a little bit, you know, it depends on how big

how important it is that you know the RSVP. So my daughter's birthday party, it was just something we threw at the house. So it wasn't something I was going crazy over. But of course, there are always going to be people at the end where you have to reach out or you have to say something. But more serious, like you said, would

be weddings, maybe graduation parties. Weddings is the biggest one. Weddings are big, at least in American culture. I think it's probably different around the world, but I can tell you in American culture, we have to know how many people are coming to the wedding so we can know how much food to order, how many place settings to create, amount of drinks. It's really important. So don't ignore a wedding invite.

No, there's usually a date like on the invitation. Please respond by right. Lindsay, be honest, though. Have you ever forgotten to respond for a wedding? Oh, I don't. Or any. I got an invite yesterday, actually, just an invite for our neighbors are having a birthday party. And I thought I was going to forget. So I said, we have to do this now because we're going on vacation. So I did it. I was worried I would just

let it go. I think those kinds are the most dangerous because they can drop down to your email inbox. I mean, after 24 hours, my emails are buried, right? Yep. Yep. So I was, I knew it was going to happen, Michelle. So I just took action. That's good. Um, yeah, I know I, I, I can, that, that's my issue too. Sometimes it can fall down in my email and Evite and then I don't even realize it. Luckily there's usually some sort of reminder, but you can, you can still

miss things. And so I definitely, I definitely have had that happen to me before. Um, but, but I try to be good about it, but I think everybody knows this can happen with the Evites. Um, so, but let's talk about it. What can you say if you need to know

if someone is coming to the party. - Yep, this is the key skill for today's episode, right? So let's say the person is not RSVP'd for whatever reason and you now need to go after them, right? And see what's going on. So there are certain, so we wanna say this in a certain way, right? So we could say, "Hey, did you get the invite to the party?"

This is a little more inconspicuous. It's kind of asking them without asking them. Right. Right. You're just, you're, you're asking a different question. Right. Right. It sounds more like you're, you're wondering if they actually got it. You just want to make sure they got it. But really what you want to know is yes or no. Right. Because you're prompting them even without saying it. So that's a good inconspicuous way to do it. Yeah.

But a direct way would just be, are you going to be able to come to the whatever? Are you going to be able to come to the bridal shower or can you make it to the bridal shower? So make it as a little bit more casual, right? Right. To make it right. We're not saying to actually make something, but can you make it means can you come? Yes. Yes.

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Okay. And there are other things we could say to Michelle. For example, the RSVP date for the wedding is July 13th. Can you let me know if you're coming by then? That's very direct. And maybe this person has a history of not coming.

RSVP-ing in your circle of friends, right? So you're just saying you're putting everything out there. Yeah, you need to know. But a less direct way would be, I was just wondering, right? We always talk about, oh, I was just wondering if blah, blah, blah. I was just wondering if you think you'll be able to make it to the graduation party. Yeah, and it's even less direct by adding if you think.

it makes it even less direct than saying, I was just wondering if you'll be able. If you think you'll be able is a further indirect... Really stepping back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It really is. Very light touch. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Exactly. But what do you think? I mean, I didn't write about this in our plans, but Lindsay, what do you think is...

If somebody didn't reach out to you, would you be more likely to ask them in person or would you be more likely to text them or if you're trying to get their RSVP? I think I would just I would do whatever was my next way of communicating with them. Right. Like if I typically communicate by text, I might but I might go for did you get the invite? Because it's a good it's a good strategy because they have to say the next obvious question is, are you coming or not? Right.

Right. Right. Or maybe they didn't get it. And then if they didn't get it, um, then that will solve the problem. You'll understand what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Exactly. And that's why a lot of the times, I mean, can we, uh, did you do for your wedding? Did you do a save the date? We did a save the date. Yep. Save the date. Very typical thing to do.

usually you might so normally wedding invites would go out what like two or three months in advance something like that maybe two yeah but a wedding but a wedding save the date would come more like nine months or six months in advance um when you're you just want to make sure those people save especially if you have a summer wedding people go away people travel right so you're

don't make any plans. It's not an official invite, but you will be invited if you're getting that. Kind of a funny thing when you think about it. You're invited, but you're not actually invited yet. You're invited, but yeah, you might not have all the details, but you have the date. And so, yeah, that's definitely a good thing to send out. People can start to make plans and know that they have to reserve that date. So yeah.

Did you save the dates for your wedding? I think so. Yeah, I think so. It's so funny. Like all the wedding stuff seems so long ago. But I'm about to go. I'm going to a wedding in like a little more than a month. And I'm a bridesmaid. You're a bridesmaid?

Oh, Michelle, that's great. I think this is it. I think this will be my last time being a bridesmaid, but my son is a ring bearer and my daughter is flower girl, so we're working on... Yeah, last night we had my son, we got him his little tuxedo and

Oh my gosh, that must be so cute. So now I'm waiting on flower girl dresses to try on. So very exciting. Oh, that'll be fun. I'm going to a wedding this weekend, but I'm not in the wedding. So it's not it's not a it's a special responsibility when you're in the wedding party.

you know it's a different thing yes yeah exactly exactly all right well we're gonna do two role plays here okay um so here we the first one we are friends and i invited you to my bridal shower the rsvp date is in one day and we run into each other at the grocery store oh boy okay here we go all right

Hey, Lindsay. Oh, hi. How are you? Great. You really good. Thanks. Oh, did you get the invite to the bridal shower? Yes. I've been meaning to RSVP. I'm so sorry. I can come.

Oh, perfect. Can't wait. Nice. Yeah, because it can be a little anxiety provoking if you don't know if those important people can come, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I know it's always exciting. You know, I'm sure when you were getting your RSVPs for your wedding, it's very exciting to check the mail and see who's coming. Yeah, it's a special moment. The best part was the seating chart. My spouse loved doing that. That was really...

A really fun thing to do. You know, you figure who goes next to whom and all these things. Is that sarcasm? No, no, no. That was actually really fun. You actually, yo, you really do like? Enjoyed it. Yeah. Just this idea of, oh, this person's single. Maybe we could put this person next to this person. And just like, who would get along? Who would find this person annoying? Who would find this person entertaining? You know, that kind of thing. It's a subtle art of matchmaking among people.

That's funny. Yeah, I guess that's a good way of looking at it. Did you do like table cards or like we did like a board? Oh,

Oh, okay. A board. How does that work? Like, oh, just in front of the table, people's names. So people could sit wherever they want. It was like one big board and it had a list of everybody. I remember like at the time that was kind of the new trendy thing, but I feel like it's gone back. I don't know. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. So either way, it's good to kind of curate that a little bit just so people are, you know, and then you, when you, when you are a guest, you're always wondering what they were, I wonder what they were thinking when they put me next to this person. What do they think about me? It's fascinating.

so anyway that's interesting so yeah you use the the one that I like the best did you get the invite to the bridal shower right yep yep exactly so let's do one more so here we are childhood friends and you invited me to your dad's surprise birthday party but I haven't responded and you're giving me a call okay all right here we go hey Michelle how are you I'm good thanks you

Good, good. Hey, I was just wondering if you think you'll be able to make the surprise party. Oh my gosh. Yes. I'm so sorry. Oh, that's okay.

Yeah. So you must have either forgotten to respond or lost the invite or it just slipped your mind, right? Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. So, yeah, I just said, no, you said, I was just wondering if you think you'll be able to make the surprise party. So very, if you think you'll be able to.

And I was just wondering, very indirect, right? Yeah. So we're all on good terms. Everything's okay. We don't need to be hunting people down. Yeah.

That's right. That's right. Guys, another episode to check out now would be it's called This is not just a run of the mill episode. Is that a recent one, Michelle? Yeah, I think I'm pretty sure. So it's a it's a I believe it was a Saturday episode. Okay, sassy Saturday. All right. Yeah. So it was somewhere between episode 2421 and 2422. But just a few bag. Nice. Go check that one out, guys.

And Michelle, where should we leave our listeners on the subtle art of getting someone to RSVP? Yeah. Um, I like the way you put it. It is an art. Um, yeah. You know, you always have to think about what that person is going through, how, if this is kind of a pattern with that person, or if you think they genuinely just forgot. Um,

So I think all these things help us direct how we ask people. But in general, guys, a cultural thing, good to remember to RSVP if you're going to a party in the US. Make sure you keep track of that RSVP date so you can let the person know if you're humming. Yeah. The best thing to do is if you know you can make it or can't make it, just RSVP as soon as you get the invite. That keeps it simple and makes everyone's lives less stressful. Yeah.

Yes, exactly. All right. Good stuff. Guys, if you love our style, we believe in connection, not perfection here. So we bring every episode back to human connection. What does it mean for you and your relationships? Hit the follow button if you like the way we do English teaching. This is us right here. Good stuff. All right, Michelle. Talk to you soon. All right. Bye. Bye.

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