#137. Anna Yang: Whats Wrong With Room Temperature?
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I want to hear you say, say QHH2. I mean, not QHHT. QHHT again, because you had a really hard time saying it. All right. So our guest. It's like a tongue twister. Yeah. Our guest, Anna, shared her experience with quantum healing hypnosis treatment. Technique. Oh, fuck. You keep getting it wrong. Oh, fuck.

All right, let me try one more time. So she shared with us her... What is wrong with you? It's like you've lost all control of the English language all of a sudden. Quantum hypnosis. Quantum healing hypnosis treatment. Technique. Oh my God. Quantum healing hypnosis technique. Q-H-H-T...

I'm just going to do this intro. I'm being very authentic right now. This is actually what happens when we don't edit our intros. No, that was a really interesting episode. We got really deep there. Anna is a really deep thinker, you can tell. Yeah, 100%. Got into the kind of authenticity, like what it means. And I think that's really...

It's really interesting to think about the whole idea of, are we living in our own worlds or are we living in someone else's world? Yeah. We definitely went down that philosophical tunnel and there's a couple other moments that stand out as well, but you just have to listen. Anna shares her recordings from when she was under hypnosis and

When she was doing her quantum healing hypnosis technique. Oh, finally. You got it right. Maybe I was fucking with you the whole time before. No, you weren't. So, without further ado, here we go. She won some legit awards. Put it that way. I was technically ranked number one in the world, 30 and under. There you go.

We're in the presence of greatness. No. Wait, did you start? Yeah, we're rolling. What? I didn't want to say that. I literally never said that. We've been rolling since you walked in. We don't have to use it if you don't want to. This gets edited. We usually record for like two hours or so. It's pretty funny. It's honest. It's honest. Yes.

I am the number one ranked in the world. People listening are like, who is this? Like no guest has come off that strong. Cheers. Oh my God. Welcome to the show. Oh God, this is a horrifying welcome guest. How's it, right? Not bad. Wow. Yeah.

Who would have thought? Rum is sippable. Rum is sippable. Yeah, it's the Zacapa. 23 years aged rum. It's pretty good, right? Not bad. You guys are, you guys totally bamboozled me though. Why? I looked at Howie and I was like, why is he talking into the mic already? And I was like, oh my gosh. Anna's one of those people that I've known for a few years now that...

Is always so fascinating to talk to and whenever we actually get a chance to do one-on-ones and have a dinner or have some drinks and, and just talk shit. Like, honestly, I feel like five hours go by, we talk about everything and the weirdest stuff comes out. And I remember I was sharing this, I was sharing some stories on one of our episodes. I didn't go into detail, but I brought up one of the topics that we talked about to Justin because we were doing a one-on-one episode and

The hypnosis story, right? Yeah. And we were sharing stories that made our arm hairs go up. Okay. I will give you a little bit of context on this hypnosis session because it wasn't necessarily like I had planned to be hypnotized per se. So during COVID, I feel like everybody went through a really rough time and especially so for me. So I got stuck in Taiwan.

And by stuck, I quite literally mean stuck there. And this is right before the first major lockdown of the world, essentially. So I think not even two weeks into these seven weeks, the entire world shuts down. So the world shuts down and I'm essentially stuck in Taiwan with no family there, no friends there, no career of any real sort because my company is based here. Based in Shanghai. Based in Shanghai.

So in that sense, I became very lost. I drank a lot, partied a lot, sang a lot of KTV. I did all of the ratchet stuff that you do when you don't want to face reality. And then it just got worse and worse and worse from there. And following suit, obviously depression and just being in a really bad place. And all your apartment, your office, your staff. Everything.

You can't get back. You can't get back. Yep. What happened? Like, what is it like? It feels like being locked out of your own life. I can only imagine. Yes. So I was actually speaking to a good friend of mine. His name is James about this recently. And basically what...

I think the realization that we kind of had was that it's not that COVID made people more okay with being alone. It's that COVID made everybody more okay with being disconnected. And I think that that's kind of where it drove me. So how it felt to be out of, essentially locked out of my own life. You process it or you try to process it or you think you're processing it. I think I thought I was processing it. And you basically just have to disconnect.

you have to say, oh, okay, maybe that life wasn't me or maybe that wasn't mine or, oh, this career, like it exists at some other point or it exists somewhere else, but I'm here now. That means none of that is me. And when you do that and you dissociate like that, then the only real consequence or real outcome of that is just being completely disconnected. When you say disconnected, what does that really mean? Like, what does that look like?

So let's say I felt sad about not being able to see, I guess, an ex-boyfriend at that time, but not being able to see him. And I just shut that off. I was like, okay, well, just don't look at that. No more relationship. Yeah, just don't look at it. And then my brother, I felt very guilty about not being able to kind of spend time with him as well because he was alone in Vancouver. And then I was like, okay, shut that off. Don't think about that.

And then with my mom, it was the same thing. I felt very guilty because I used to come back here. Well, I actually started my company here. A big reason was just to be closer to her. And I felt very guilty about that as well. And so I was just like, okay, don't think about that then. But how all of these intangible mental blockages manifest in a tangible sense, it just means that you quite literally disconnect yourself from it. So people would message me and I would probably take like weeks to reply, days maybe. Yeah.

people would call me and I would look at it. I would be, I just cannot pick this phone call up. Like I just don't want to deal with this. Yeah, like I just can't. And it's definitely not healthy. Very toxic. But that type of disconnect, I think it just manifests in all aspects of your life, really. And it makes you very lonely. So it's because of the disconnect that you're lonely, not alone. And I'm just visualizing the metaphor of

you're on a boat in the ocean and the boat's carrying on too much weight so you start throwing things overboard right it's like jettisoning things off right um oh i don't need this barrel of uh hay or or wheat or whatever is on my boat right i'm i'm i'm visualizing like an old timey like yeah like silver okay like like barrels of gunpowder you know the cannons you know like there's like

It's an old pirate boat. That's what I'm visualizing. I see it. I see it. I see a wooden pirate ship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wooden pirate ship. So you're just like throwing and casting things overboard because you want to lighten the load because you just can't deal with it. You just can't deal with it. Otherwise your boat just wouldn't stay afloat. No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. I'll give you the background of how I ended up with this hypnosis thing going on. So...

I would say that I tried quite a few different ways to talk about the creative process, right? The creative process that is living and life. Then I think when that was blocked off and I became super disconnected from it and disconnected from myself and who I am and all of this, then I started looking for ways to find that. And I looked for many different ways. Obviously, the alcohol, the drinking, that was first.

And then I did a lot of weird things, actually. In Taiwan, I don't know. Do you know what mazu is? Mazu? So it's like this, I think it's this like water deity, maybe. And then every year, Taiwan does like a mazu rao jing, where they walk across from like Taipei all the way down to like the southernmost tip of the island to bring mazu to kind of like do a pilgrimage across all the mazu temples.

And then you just walk. So you did this? I did two days of it. Okay. How far did you get? Not very far. You cannot walk very far in two days. Realistically, you cannot walk very far in two days. But I did it just kind of seeking experiences and looking for inspiration and just anything that could kind of unblock that creative process that is life. So a lot of weird things. A couple substances. So...

I recently started a new kind of like creative collective called Room Temperature and the inspiration behind this is from the first time I ever did LSD.

I've never really dabbled in psychedelics before. It wasn't something that I kind of felt comfortable doing, but I have a very good friend also slash business partner, Charlie. So he and I went to Family Mart and he was like, can you grab me a bottle of water? And so I picked one up from the fridge and I handed it to him. And he looks at me, he's like, I'm not really feeling ice water today. And so he hands it back. I put it back in the fridge and he grabs one off the shelf and

And I looked at him and I was like, room temperature water? And he looked at me and he asked a simple question that stuck with me till now. He's like, what's wrong with room temperature?

And I just, I realized that, yes, creatives at the end of the day, we're always trying to feel something. You want to feel hot. You want to feel cold. You want to feel pain. You want to feel joy. Whatever it is, you're always trying to feel something, right? And the reality is the truth is actually somewhere always in the middle. The truth is somewhere in the middle. The truth is room temperature. Like these extremes that we're always trying to balance, those are

Those are not truth. Those are just you looking for inspiration, but maybe not in the healthiest way. So that kind of stuck with me. And then QHHT. So QHHT happened, I believe, I think before this. One session before, one session after.

So the session before, I had no idea what I was getting into. So it's called quantum healing hypnosis technique. I had no idea what I was getting into. One of my friends, I've never done therapy. One of my friends told me, she said she had a therapist who was very hard to book in Taiwan. And she had booked a session with her six to eight months in advance. And she said, I seem to need therapy.

therapy more than her so she's like take my slot at that time I was like okay take your slot sure but I don't know what I'm taking I was just like sure I'll go to a therapy session and the therapist she emails me and she's like oh okay so this session's gonna last three to six hours um just come with a list of questions that you have that you kind of want answered

I was like, okay, sure. And I asked her like, what kind of questions, what can they pertain to? She's like, anything, anything. It could be superficial. It could be really deep. It could be about life. It could be about anything essentially. So I went, I get there, we chat first. So she talks to me just about life, my life and my experience growing up. I think we chatted for maybe two, three hours. And suddenly she's like, okay, lie down. I'm like, okay.

"Lie down, sure." And she's like, "Close your eyes." She's like, "Now we're gonna do the hypnosis part."

I'm like, what? Come again? Wait, hold on. So before you went there, you didn't, did you not find out exactly what was going to happen? No, because I didn't, I didn't know it was QHHT. I didn't know it was anything in. Your friend just introduced it as a therapist? Yeah. She was like, oh, this is therapy. And I was like, okay. So can we define that again? QH? Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique.

So quantum healing, I believe, comes from quantum physics, which believes that basically any particle can, I guess, exist in or express itself in many, many different ways because on a subatomic level, it's actually not a 3D particle that we're experiencing. Right.

At least that's my understanding of it. I could be totally just bullshitting you guys. But I think it comes down to like Einstein believing in string theory. So he believed that the smallest particle is not quartz. It's a one-dimensional vibrating string. So if that were true, then technically, yes, you could recast these disparate particles as essentially whatever reality you wanted. So this idea of parallel realities or this idea that all the lives that could have ever existed already exist and they all exist at the same time and it's just not linear is

I can get behind that. So that's kind of where the quantum healing came from. And then hypnosis, I guess, is just the technique that they use. But it was actually explained to me after the session. So the theory is that the moment before you wake up and the moment right before you fall asleep and the moment right after you wake up, those two moments are when you're kind of

I guess, in between dimensions, realities. I sound insane, but yes. You're in between kind of, you're like in between those dimensions, between this physical reality, which I guess is like the third dimension or whatever people want to call it. And some other form of higher vibration, something, something. So QHHT is supposed to hold you in the moment before you wake up.

or the moment before you fall asleep slash the moment after you wake up. It's supposed to hold you there, but for a couple hours. And in that moment, in that, I guess, space, you're supposed to be able to see past lives and you're supposed to be able to connect with your higher self, which is also referred to as your subconscious. And that energy is supposed to be able to answer questions.

So that is the theory behind it. So the hypnotist technically doesn't answer any of your questions. She doesn't really, she'll ask the question and then she might guide the conversation a little bit, but that's all it is. Everything else is coming out of your own mouth, which is very freaky.

Because afterwards, I remembered maybe 50% of what I said and they record it for you. So when you go back and you listen to it,

It's very freaky because you actually were not asleep. You were just speaking. That's yeah. That's super creepy. She told me that. That's when I was, I remember when you first told me the story and my immediate reaction was, first of all, I was very happy to hear that it was recorded and not just, you know, based off of someone telling you, um,

But secondly is I need to hear that recording. Yes. Right. Wait, you brought the recording? I picked a few. That's creepy because I would like, it reminds me of like, what's that movie? Like Paranormal Activity. Like after I watched that movie, like I would never film myself sleeping again.

Cause I don't want to know what happens while I'm sleeping. Like, I don't want to see like a shadow there that I didn't notice before and then have to live with that for the rest of my life. Let me tell you, let me tell you something. So I downloaded a sleep app. Okay. And I have my sleep app on my watch as well. And what it does is it records you your sleep. And so it tells you how much you snore and how deep of sleep you get and how the quality of your sleep.

And then basically it records anytime there's like loud noise. So basically from the snoring or anything like that, or moving of the body, it'll record for like a minute or two. Yeah.

Yeah, that alone freaks me out. So at first, I didn't think too much about it. I don't want the analytics. I didn't think too much about it. But, of course, I'm going to play back some of these recordings. And then I'll, you know, this one time, I'm listening to it. And I'll hear, like, you know, my snoring. I'm like...

And then all of a sudden, there's a lot of white noise in the background because there's a lot of noise in the world. Right? Yes. Reality is noisy. Okay? You realize that white noise is loud when you record nothing. So you hear white noise. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, did somebody just say something? You know? And I'm not joking. What? I'm not joking. I couldn't hear what was being said. But you basically hear it's like...

You know, like something like that. I'm like, wait. Like a whisper? Yeah. I'm like, did somebody just say something? And then I played it for my wife. And she's like, it's your imagination. It's probably Maki, the dog, right? Or it's probably just the wind. Or you probably just moved. I'm like, yeah, it makes sense. I'm not going to think too much about it. But what you just said just triggered something in me. Because I remember in that moment, I got scared. I was like...

is there a ghost in there? Yeah, like why would you even want that rattling around in your head, right? Like obviously it's probably, you know, some wind. It's explainable. Yeah, it's explainable. But why even leave that little thread of doubt? Like why even play that game? Especially because white noise is so noisy. Next time, if anybody wants to take a test, just go into your like a silent room and press record, play it back, and you'll realize there's noise. It's not silent.

Yeah, if there's anything we're trying to get across in this podcast today, how we really want all the listeners to know that rooms are very noisy when you go and record them.

White noise hides a lot of stuff. White noise? White noise hides a lot. You're like really passionate about white noise. White noise hides. That's very creepy. But that's also like a metaphor for life, right? Like life is noisy, like you said. Life is noisy. You think it's silent. That is very true. That's very deep. Oddly deep. And I just want to call back your room temperature thing. I think it was...

Pretty awesome, actually. Yeah. I don't want to just let that slip by. It's pretty awesome. Especially the point that you made about people tend to go to the extremes, right? But the answer certainly usually tends to lie in that middle ground, that room temperature.

I like that. Do you think it's because we're so jaded and numb, a lot of us? Like you said, Anna, we're just trying to feel something. We're just trying to go to the extremes to feel like we're alive. I think so. I guess I have a... I don't know if this is kind of a tangent. So let's say that...

Energy cannot be created or destroyed, which is true. Let's not just say that. That's true, right? So energy cannot be created or destroyed. And I feel like if we're looking at ideas, creative or this process, art, all of this, there is that kind of compulsive force, I would say, for a creative person.

And a creative can be anybody. It can be an artist, it can be a musician, it can be a chef, tech guy, just anybody trying to put something out there that doesn't exist, right? And it's very compulsive. I think the Greeks called it the daemon. What's the daemon? It's this force that's trying to create something through you.

Carl Jung believed something similar to, he believed that creativity and like artistic expression was compulsion. It was just compulsion, right? And I feel like to tap into that compulsion,

Is so difficult to explain that a lot of creatives end up trying to explain it and then when you try to explain it That's when you start looking for quote-unquote inspiration, right? And then that inspiration to create what it is that you want to create always tends it tends to be negative I would say just because I think art is meant to make people feel less alone and emotions that make people feel less alone tend to rely on the negative ones and

If I can relate to your negative emotions, then I think we both feel a little bit less alone, right? Like the whole misery loves company thing. - 'Cause that's what we want healed the most, right? - Yeah. - That's what we're most desperate about. - Exactly, exactly. So that's what makes you feel less alone. And to create that, then you look for this inspiration in a very, I would say, dark place. So you're looking to feel that. You wanna feel that pain. You wanna feel that sorrow. You wanna feel that loss. You wanna feel that emptiness.

And maybe it's even subconscious. You're just seeking that out in order to be able to express this creative idea or whatever it is that you're trying to put out there. And so I feel like that's very toxic. I've seen people go down some pretty dark paths because of it.

Obviously on the other side, then there's a type of creative that's like, I just experience, experience, experience. Everything's about positive experiences. And then you seek out, quote unquote, these very like dopamine filled highs. But all of that is just chemical in your brain, right? Like that dopamine is just a rush. It's like the honeymoon phase of a relationship. It's not really real, right? Like it's just chemicals in my brain, chemicals in your brain. And...

Then you have that. So then the dopamine seekers are on the other side of extreme. So you have the pain seekers, you have the dopamine seekers. But in reality, I don't necessarily believe that to create art or to create this creative process of life, I don't necessarily think that you have to be on the extremes.

I think you have to understand the extremes. I think you have to be empathetic towards them. But I think to create it, to really be able to put out that message that's very true and genuine and authentic, I think it has to be more room temperature. It has to be. I think you hit the right word that I was waiting for you to say, which is that...

Right. Because when you're in the extreme, at first, when you're, when you were saying about the negative side, I immediately related to myself. Uh, when I, anytime I, I embarked on a creative endeavor that meant anything to me is usually stemming from a negative experience. I can't, that I had, that I just felt the urge to create something. And part of that is the, maybe the need to express which equals connect, um,

In my mind, I guess, subconsciously without me being conscious about it, which goes to what you said, right? I never really created out of dopamine hit. Or maybe I do. Now that you say it, maybe I have like later on where I was just creating because I was in that motion, but nothing bad really happened. And then the dopamine hit of sharing and hearing the positive feedback and which made me continue doing what I wanted to do.

But is that authentic? And that's what I'm just asking myself. And when you said that last line of when you hit that middle ground, you know, the room temperature, maybe that's where the authenticity comes from because you're not seeking that connection, nor are you seeking that dopamine hit, right? That acceptance. Yeah. Maybe that is that pure authenticity, but how do you, how does one get there? Like, how does, how does one be that? I, I,

I think that the best way to reconnect with yourself, with life, with whatever experiences you're trying to put out there, I think the best way to do that is actually to disconnect. Like you can have rehab for alcohol addiction. You can have rehab for whatever addiction. I think there is also a creative addiction. It's an addiction to dopamine or this addiction to pain. Like you can be addicted to either side, right? But I do think there is that addiction.

And I think what's necessary to kind of find that room temperature point is to be able to disconnect. So I heard something on, I heard something from Daniel Allen, actually. We were doing an interview with him and a couple of the other, a couple of other artists. We were trying to put together a song for the earth, essentially, to save the corals in Bali. Anyways, beside the point. But he said art is just input-output.

And that kind of resonated with me too. It really hit me because if you have the same input, then you're going to get the same output. So if you're constantly seeking this addiction of highs and lows, then you're going to keep getting whatever it is, mental turmoil that you're in. And in order to be able to change that, then you need to change the input, right? So if the input is to seek the extremes,

to get that type of output, then you kind of need to disconnect from the extremes. And you do need to have a space, have some time, I would say, to just really just be with yourself, like-minded individuals, and maybe take a step back from whatever it is that you feel the compulsion to create right now and just kind of look at yourself and be like, okay, wait, wait, wait, but like, who am I, right? Like, who am I? Do I love myself? Is what I'm putting out there out of love or fear?

Like these are questions that I've been asking myself recently, especially in the recent years. And yeah, so I really want to do a retreat. That's kind of what I hope. I hope room temperature creates an IP. By room temperature creates, I guess it means me and the team. I hope we create an IP that allows people who kind of feel similarly to take a little journey with us and just go somewhere remote.

I think nature is very healing. I think that's very cliche, but I do believe it. I think nature is very healing. I think people's energies are very important. Who you surround yourself with will definitely influence how you feel. Yeah. And I just, I feel like people, people need that. People need to see other people doing stuff for fun, doing stuff, just experiment, doing stuff just because they want to, right?

And I think with that, it removes the layer of fear. Then you're doing it out of this childlike, which is why when you said that what you guys are doing now is fun, you're going back to being a child, like that really resonates with me because I genuinely believe that's what needs to be done. Or like the older you get, the more you need to kind of just be able to hone back and say like, oh, look, like it's not that serious.

Like we're so small on this big ass planet, like, or this universe even, like we're so small. We're so insignificant. Like all we need to do is just

whatever it is, of course we have the luxury to do this. Like I'm not saying everyone has this luxury, but because we have the luxury to do this, we should just be doing what we want. We should be putting it out there. And by putting it out there, even if it sucks, honestly, like even if it sucks, somebody is going to look at that, hopefully at least one person and

and be like, wow, like they suck and they can still do this. That's crazy. Like that's how I feel sometimes. I wasn't expecting that. We must be inspiring a lot of new podcasters. You guys do not suck. Look at this. But I'm sure, like I'm sure there are people out there

people out there who put stuff out there just because they have no fear and there's that love present they're like did you see that did you listen to the newest honest drink podcast they're still doing it oh we should start they can do it honestly i'm sure you guys have inspired tons of people probably not for that reason but no i get it i get it i mean in another way it's kind of just your freedom to be foolish right yeah

you know, another cliche, the whole, you know, Steve Jobs kind of Stanford speech, but like, you know, stay foolish, stay hungry. Yeah. And I really believe in that. I believe that the more, like the older I get and the more I reflect on not only myself, but you know, the people around me, I find that where our behaviors and our actions, which lead to our emotions are often really often guided by,

by other things that are not ourselves. And, you know, those things can vary for different people, but usually it's other people's expectations or opinions or your reputation, your ego, whatever, right? And the older I get, the more silly that gets because you realize that you have less and less time on this earth. And so the whole kind of deathbed cliche is,

of you're laying on your deathbed, you know? What really do you really want to remember your life for? Like, what really would you have done that, like, are you going to regret that you lived your entire life because you were basically living in fear or you were living kind of other people's version of you or expected version of you?

Or you were just too afraid to try and take chances. Or you were just too caught up on this kind of synthetic thing that we call like, like means or like, you know, like it's just, it's just more and more of that kind of just starts weighing on me. And it goes back again to the idea of like, what are we doing? Right. Am I really being authentic? Yeah.

So I don't know, like it really like this conversation resonates with me because that's precisely where, you know, I think I am in my life. And I'm asking myself all sorts of questions that I don't know how to answer yet. But it's important to keep thinking about it, to search for those answers. Yes. I think so. Authenticity. I love this word. Yeah.

I don't necessarily think I'm 100% my most authentic self right now. But I do, I am aware that that is where we should all be. But authenticity, like whenever you meet someone and they're authentic, it's just that energy is so contagious. Yeah.

I just, I wish everyone could be authentic. At least everyone who has the luxury to be. We live in a world with a lot of rules. We live in multiple realities with many rules. This physical reality has its own rules. Like we're all sitting here very much clothed.

Great. Actually, I'm sure there might be people who don't have to be, but yes. Well, let's just go against the rules right now. Come on, let's call this. Like this physical reality has its own rules. You have the digital reality, which has another set of rules. The, the,

The MMORPG games, which everybody wanted to call the metaverse, like that has its own set of rules. Like every reality that we're part of has these restrictions to us. So I'm not saying like go against all restrictions because that's just an absolutely... Yeah, that's chaos. That's no way to live. But within these restrictions and within, I guess, the confines of what society kind of expects of you...

How authentic can you be? I think that that's a question that I've kind of been asking myself because I very much do think I spent the last 30 years becoming society's version of me. And I realized with each so-called achievement or quote unquote success, nothing really brought me, it was like a fleeting happiness. It was like, oh yeah, like the dopamine hit, right? Like, yeah, that's great. Like I feel great. But

it was still very much empty. And I think if everybody can live a more authentic version of themselves, then everybody can feel a little bit fuller. Yeah. I wonder how, how does one live like that? Even just where you're defining authenticity for me, it's still a bit abstract because I almost feel like the definition of authenticity or being true to oneself is

How does one ever even measure that? What is that true to oneself? I think intent is king. So what a person's intent is, am I sharing this story because I want you to feel a little bit, I want you to feel like I get you so that you feel a little bit better because I'm the type of person that wants you to feel a little bit better. Or am I sharing this story because I want you to know how awesome I am? I think when you're sharing something, if your intent is,

I don't want to say good, actually, because I do think you can be an authentically terrible person. But yeah, you can be. But like, kudos to you, because I'm sure if you're authentically terrible, you are also teaching society something, which is...

Probably not a very popular opinion. I do not believe people should be authentically terrible. But I do understand that there are people out there who just... Maybe they lack the part of the brain that allows for empathy. Psychopathy, right? Maybe you lack that. I truly believe that some people just do not have the ability to be empathetic. Exactly. And then at that point, do I...

I feel like you're also teaching the world something. You are sharing something. And that sharing sometimes manifests itself in a horrifying way that I do not condone at all, but that will bring parts of society together that will teach something. And in that sense, yes, you are still creating something in society. It can't all be good. It can't. Life is all about balance, right? And I think that in that sense, you are being authentic, right?

This comes to something that I was telling Howie about. I feel like there are people who live in, there's no right or wrong. I do not believe there's a right or wrong to this, but I think there are people who live within their own world. And then there are people who live in the world around them and there's no right or wrong to this, but it's, it is, I would actually argue that the people who are able to live in their own world probably are happier because

than the ones who live in the world around them. I don't even know what this determines why somebody, for example, is very focused on just their day-to-day lives and their experiences and maybe like their family's experiences and they're completely okay with that versus somebody who's

Not saying they don't care about that, but it's there. But then they can't help but wonder. They can't help but wonder about the outside world or outside society or like why this is like this, why the state of the economy is like this or like how do we influence more people? How do we heal people? How do we make people feel less alone? Why do I need to put art out there? Why do I have to share? Like some people don't necessarily feel the need to share with the world. They feel the need to share with their own world.

but that's not the world. Right. And I, I feel like in that sense that comes back to a person's authenticity, like your authenticity, it's, there's so many factors to that. Like what, what is authentic to you versus what is authentic to somebody else. Right. Like if, yeah, well, I, I don't mean to cut you off, but like, I just want to, you know, you're either living in your own world or you're living in someone else's world. Right. And so, um,

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I think authenticity is a privilege. Because if you're living in someone else's world, which is most people, because they depend on other things, other rules, other people for let's say a paycheck, a job, security, Maslow's hierarchy, everything. They have to, they have no choice but to live in someone else's world. They can't just be like free range and be like, I'm going to live in my own world. Right. Like they just don't have that privilege.

And for us who do have that privilege, then we have the choice to be like, you know what? Fuck someone else's world. I'm going to live in my own world. And that's absolutely a privilege, right? Because you can't tell everyone to do that.

I like that actually. Authenticity is for sure a privilege. And that doesn't diminish authenticity at all. It does not. In fact, it elevates it. I feel like because, like earlier I was also saying if we have the privilege to be authentic, right? And then let's say we do have the privilege to be authentic. In that case, I would argue that that just puts even more weight on why we should be authentic. You shouldn't waste that privilege. Yeah. Otherwise, you're just not respecting it, right? Yeah.

Absolutely. Absolutely. That's definitely there. I like that. Authenticity is a privilege. Summed up very well. Cheers. Cheers. I'm going to re-quote you.

But this is the type of conversations we always like go down on whenever we hang out. Is this what you guys talk about? Yeah. Every time we hang out, it's like this. This would be like a classic example. Literally. It's like, Hey, how's it going? What you been up to? Really? Oh, what do you know about that guy? That guy, this guy. Yeah. What about authenticity? What do you think about that? 10 minutes later, you're either living in someone else's world. We always like that.

Howie and I always end up on some like... Like weird tangent that just goes... And it just keeps going. That's great. Which totally makes sense that coming back again, you did something called quantum healing. Yes, back to the quantum healing. What is it? Quantum healing hypnosis therapy. Hypnosis technique. Technique, okay. It's not therapy, it's a technique. So...

It's so random. It's like what the hell is it? I've never heard of it. Okay, so you got the recordings pulled up? I do have the recordings pulled up. I have a couple I will share and I'll tell you the significance of each one. I think I have one, two, three, four. Do we need to drink more before we hear these? Maybe, maybe. I think we do. I feel like we still need to prep this a little bit more. Let me drink a little bit and I'll give you a little bit more context. Because when I first heard this, first of all, questions galore. So you haven't heard these recordings? No, I haven't heard. I can't wait.

Okay. So I've done it once in Chinese, which is when my friend told me to go. And then they told me to lie on the bed and all of that. And I was very confused. I will say I did it once in Chinese, once in English. So the first time was in Chinese. My Chinese is okay. It's not, you know, fantastic. But when I... It's gotten a lot better now, I will say. But back then, which was a few... This was a few years ago now. So when I did it, the...

I guess that version, the higher self, the subconscious, I don't know. The Chinese that it was speaking in terms of the vocabulary, I would say, like I played a few snippets for a couple of friends of mine in Taiwan. And then they even said, they're like, oh, like nice. Like Chinese is, your Chinese is pretty good. I was like, no, my Chinese is not pretty good. Like it was, it was very bizarre. So your hypnotized self was speaking better Chinese than your normal self? Yes. That's amazing. And I don't know if it's necessarily just like,

Not particularly like faster than me, but the vocabulary so I was just I was thinking I was like Oh, is this because like subconsciously my Chinese level so I am somewhat of a skeptic Usually despite all the crazy shit that I do. I am very much a skeptic and I remember somebody telling me for someone as logical as you are very surprised that You totally went down this rabbit hole and so when I did this I

I questioned it. I thought to myself, okay, is it because subconsciously I'm just better at speaking Chinese than I think? Care to give myself credit for? Possible. Or is it just truly that we're constantly guided by this higher self or this subconscious energy or whatever it is? I think it's probably the simpler explanation of like, you just got out of your own way, right? So that you're subconscious, like you probably are a better Chinese speaker than you care to think you are.

And so when you get out of your own way, when you remove the conscious part of your being and just let the subconscious flow, then you're like, you're unrestricted, right? And you can just go. - Okay, now I have a question for you before I play these recordings. So you're very curious about all of this like woo-woo weird, like spiritual. - I love it. - But you also sound very logical. - Yeah, no, because, okay.

It's funny that you bring that up because my logical self is just my active self trying to be the adult. Yeah. That's how I feel. Because like the real me, like I love all that shit. Like I will go down all the rabbit holes. I will bathe in it. Because I just really enjoy the fascination and the,

just the, no matter how small the possibility is, if it's like just a minute possibility, I love just asking myself, what if, but what if I like, we know so little, right? So, so like, what if, and then just to imagine that, because again, like going back to this like idea of authenticity, I feel like as we get older, um,

we get jaded and we, we, we, we try to be more mature and adults. And so all like the kind of childish fascination and curiosity gets suppressed and we forget, we forget about it. We forget that we were even ever that way. Um, and we suppress our curiosity, which low,

lowers our like imagination. For sure. Well, think about the term, the childlike imagination. Exactly. When you're a child, your imagination is going wild. You're, you're led by your imagination. So like, Anna, when you were saying like, I'm to sound logical, I sound logical because that's only this, like my other part of the brain being like, okay, okay, kid. Um,

It's probably really like this though. And let me just shut you up really quick, right? Like that's just the both sides of me. My friend who is a doctor who graduated from an extremely accredited Ivy League school. I was talking to her about this actually before I went down this path. I was talking to her and she asked me if I'd ever looked at the brain scans of an adult on LSD versus the brain scans of an infant versus the brain scans of an adult on average. And I had not. She pulled them up.

The brain scans of an adult brain on LSD are strikingly similar to an infant's. So they're basically almost 100% active. So it's pretty much taking your brain and putting it back into an infant-like state. Because as we grew up, up until what? I think it's like 25-ish, depending on the person. Your brain develops certain neural pathways and you form beliefs and all of this. And some of them are toxic, right?

Some of them just don't serve you. - And they're permanent after a certain age, right? - Yeah, after around 25, they're permanent. So what LSD does is it essentially reactivates your whole brain so that you can go back and look at these neural pathways and things and beliefs that you'd formed

And be like, wait, you almost take like a bird's eye view of it. I would say LSD is like a control freak's drug of choice. But it really is. It puts you in the driver's seat. It puts you in the driver's seat. It makes you more sober. I thought the opposite. Because as a control freak person, I feel like I need to be in control. I feel like if I was on that, I'd be out of control. No, you would not. It's very strange. Okay. It's very, very strange. It's like whatever intent you went into the trip with, like that is literally all you're going to explore.

So whatever intent is in your brain, that's all you're exploring. And it's crazy. So it puts your brain back into that childlike state. So this doctor friend of yours pulled up brain scans and actually said to you, these are the results of a brain on LSD versus a normal brain versus infant. And so in other words, she roundabout said, there's nothing wrong with it. Yes. She told me there's nothing wrong with it.

There's no known lethal dose. It's not physically addictive. I don't know if it makes you dumber. I really don't at this point, but you know. And a lot of this research, obviously not in this country, but in Europe, a lot of it is legalized and there are clinics, retreats, all that kind of stuff. Anyway, I mean, there's so much. Back to my quantum healing. So, yeah.

- This technique, so the technicians have different levels. I think it's level one, two, three. I went to two level three technicians. - Which is top level or? - Top level. - So you went to two different? - Two different ones. I did one in Chinese and one in English. - Oh, and they were by different technicians? - By different technicians. I did the first one in Chinese because I- - So they call them technicians, not like hypnotherapists or anything? - No, they call them, I guess, yeah, they call them, well, I call them a technician. So you're laying down after you've discussed with them

your i guess your life story and they first put you down into this hypnotized state of just relaxation at that point you're not really like you're not really i wouldn't say you're hypnotized you're just really relaxed they're like painting a scene for you like oh think about a relaxing place yada yada they start asking you to recall an important time not from this life

Not from this life. Not from this life. They're asking you to think about an important time. How do you even think about that? Exactly. So, exactly. And I just remember at that point kind of being like half asleep, but not really. Because it's not like when you're falling asleep, actually. I was very consciously aware. I was very consciously aware that I was...

Seeing things that did not belong to my memory from this life yet, the way I was recalling it was the same way I would think about like what I ate for dinner two nights ago.

Like, that's how it felt. Wait, so this is when you were already fully under? Like, is there a part where, like, you know you're going fully under already? Like, how does it, like, how do you go from, like, just being sober, awake, right? Conscious to that state? Like, is there, like, a clear...

Line you cross or is it just no not for me for one of my friends that I told to go do this as well. There was a clear line. She went from sober to like what she considers asleep three hours. She was talking. She didn't remember a single word.

But for me, I think maybe it's my mind. I don't know what it is. Like, I did not have a clear moment. It's almost like lucid, right? Yes. It's lucid for me. And so I was seeing these images and it was very strange because...

Wait, I'm sorry. Before you saw the images, because you said that you were aware of what was happening. Yes. Did you think, just like what we just said, what kind of question is that? How am I going to think about my past life? I did. You consciously remember thinking that? I consciously remember thinking that. And then all of a sudden seeing these images. And then I saw walls. It wasn't images. I saw walls.

And I remember feeling, so in the moment when I saw walls, I felt physically unable to move as if it was kind of just like, you're just held there. - That's like lucid dreaming. - Yeah, it's like sleep paralysis almost. And so like, I physically felt like I was held there. And then I saw these like medieval castle walls.

But I couldn't move either in this supposed lucid dream or whatever it was. And she kind of has to coax me out of it. She's like, oh, can you stand up? Like, what are you wearing? Can you look around? Can you describe the place? So your eyes are closed, right? My eyes are closed. And so she's asking you these things. It's like a role-playing game. It's very strange.

And so that first life, I guess the first life is supposedly the most important one. So that's why they show it to you. And I don't know. I sound crazy. I do sound crazy. So the first life that I saw was finally when I felt like I could stand up in this memory. I looked around. I was like, okay, definitely in a castle. I looked at myself and I was like, I'm definitely a male jester. Like I was a court jester.

I was just like, oh, okay, cool. I'm a court jester. I'm very poor. And I was there to make people happy. Okay, hold on. I'm going to stop you right there. Before you saw the castle walls, did the technician give you any sort of...

in terms of, did they specifically tell you, like, we're going to try to go to your first life? Did they say past life? Did they give you any sort of inkling? Let's pull it up. This was not one of my clips, but you know what? Let's just

But you know what I'm trying to get at though? Because it's like, if they're already like signaling to you, you need to think about something like way back in the day. Skeptic. Right? Okay, let's... Or because if they don't mention that at all and you're already seeing like old castle walls, then that's pretty crazy. That's a great question. That was not one of my clips, but I will play it. I will find it. Dun dun. I hope...

I hope she said, just think of an important moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, court jester! Yeah. Like, what? Because then it's like, boom, like it matches up perfectly. But I think they probably would have told you something. Let's see, let's see, let's see. I don't know, actually. I don't. I want to try this, though. Yeah, there's a lot of things I think you should try. There's a lot of things I want to try. You found it? I found it, I found it. All right, let's do it. Oh, jeez. Okay, okay. Let's see, let's see. I'm going back to the past. I'm now asking this cloud

请他带着你回去时间另一个地点, 到一个我们想要找到讯息的地方, 能用最好的方式帮助你。 白云在移动,他正带着你回去, 回去时空之中, 我们在寻找最适合的时间和地点, 看一看。

She didn't say anything about going back in time. No, it's not past life. Yeah, she just said go to a time, a space. I have the English one too. But that's all kind of... What is it? It's all hinting at... What? Like, go to a past time, past space? Well, but not...

I was trying to put myself in that situation and I would not think medieval. No, no, maybe not medieval. Would you think other life or would you think your current life? I would think... I wish I played that for you guys and you told me. Yeah, because I would think, I would just think about like, okay, go back to a time, a space, a moment, you know, the center of

You know, it's very vague. So I think... It's vague, yeah. She's kind of... 一直在回去,回去, go back, go back, go back.

So I just feel like that means different things for different people, right? Like, so some people could just very well take it like, oh, I'm going back. I think you're reaching. Maybe. I think you're reaching a little bit. Maybe. Because honestly, unless he goes to, you know, go back to another time of life, right? Another self. Then you start to think about different, maybe weird situations. Uh-huh.

But you're not thinking about, you're in your own body. You're thinking about yourself. Most people are just going to like go to like in the context of their life. Think about it. You go back to another time. You go back, you go back another moment. I'm going back to my childhood. I'm going back to my teenage years. I'm going back to... You're right. You're right. Keep in mind, I did not know what it was. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

That was the weird thing for me. Like, the strangest part was I did not know what I was doing. Like, she's just listening to this again. Yeah, she's telling me to go back to a place, a time. Like,

I don't know. I don't know how I got medieval court jester out of it. I really don't. Dude, I'm hoping like one day someone somewhere long in the future, they just see a THD light box. Like many lives from now. And then also you see a Donnish drink logo. Yeah. Like I see, I see someone, you got THD.

- Walls. I see these two guys. - Your microphone. - Your microphone. - All right, sorry. Let's get back to this. - Anyways, that life, I'll give you like a brief, basically the most important life was me court jester. I had friends in the castle. I was very ambitious and I really wanted to not be a court jester and to be, I guess,

wealthy to some extent. So I've befriended this like

Prince or something from like a small maybe not even a prince like a like a Duke or something like some someone of royal blood But from like a smaller place, so you were like seeing or dreaming all this like all okay But it's it's not continuous you see scenes and then she guides you to say okay Let's go to another important moment. Well kind of how like a dream unfolds right like it's not like a whole continuous thing Yes, but it was so

- Clear, like in a dream, I feel like sometimes you can wake yourself up or in a dream, like things don't make sense. Like it's like the timelines get mixed or like just things don't make sense. - All of a sudden you're flying on a dragon. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this was nothing like that. It was very sequential.

So then from the court jester befriended this little royal blooded kid, kid, essentially he liked me so much that he told his dad to, or he told me that he promised me, he's like, Oh, one day I'll come back and I'll, I'll take you back to wherever I'm from. And like, my dad will adopt you essentially. Yeah.

But the gist of it is, yes, like he came back. He got his dad to adopt me. I went with him. I left my mom and my like other half sibling. And I just like did not give a fuck. Basically got all of the education and everything that that royal kid got. Got to change my name, everything. And...

Ultimately one day so they the technician tells you oh go back go to another important moment And then it's me in a room with this guy or this royal kid who's like I think we were like teenagers at that point Maybe it was me with a sword and I was walking towards him and in that moment. I was like, oh my god I'm about to murder him and like there's nothing. Yeah, there's nothing I could do to stop it either I was just like wow, like I'm about to murder him and I

And then you see yourself murder the guy. On his dad's deathbed, he asked me, do I know how his son died? I told him no. And then he dies alone. And then I marry this person and this person leaves me because she's like, oh, all you care about is work. So then it continues and she leaves. So then I marry somebody else. I marry somebody else. She has two kids. She also leaves me.

But I was very good at running whatever land it was. Do you know, like, what... Not that this really matters, but do you know, like, what, like, ethnicity you were? I was white. You were Caucasian? Yeah, I was Caucasian. It was weird. Yeah, so then she tells you, okay, like, go to the last day of this life. And I was on my deathbed alone and super just, I guess, alone because nobody liked me. Kids didn't like me. The ex-spouses all left me. Like, the...

There's just nobody, nobody liked me. So I died alone. And that was the most important life. And then in when you, so you see a couple of past lives and I saw three. So after the third life, she pulls you back and she says, okay, then she gets permission from your subconscious essentially to ask questions.

And these were the questions that I came in with, right? Like earlier, I said, like, you have a couple of questions, you write them down and then you give them to her. And apparently, so the way this works is that she will ask your higher self or your subconscious these questions and you are the one answering. But the freaky thing was when she asked for permission and she got it, when she asked the first question, I responded with her referring to me.

And that was very freaky. - Okay, I get it. 'Cause she was asking you about the questions she had prepared going into the session.

And you responded not as yourself. Yes. As one of your former lives. Not a life. Like a higher self or a subconscious energy or like the collective consciousness. Whatever that. A different consciousness. Yeah. Like whatever that guiding. Talking about you. Yes. Yes. It was very freaky. Let's hear it. Okay. So this is the permission part. Is it a moment of speaking?

So that was the permission. So it was,

It was very weird. And then she started asking the questions that I had. So I had a bunch of questions, but I think these were basically, I would say the theme of the first one, everything came back to kind of this like balance. Every answer came back to this idea of balance or finding balance or being okay with balance. And it was, it was just very, it was very strange. Like this one. 其实那这一次的人生是他自己选的吗? 是的。

走到平衡吧。

So that was basically whatever it was telling me that I wanted to, one, create this life. That's something I've always believed. Actually, I do believe that we kind of choose whatever it is, experience that we're going to

I guess have here, which I think is what deja vu is because there's no scientific explanation for it. I think it's just like you remembering something. This was very freaky because it was telling me essentially that I chose this life because I wanted to relive every single mistake or like the biggest mistakes from all my past lives. And I wanted to relive it in this life, but from a different perspective. And that is not an answer I could possibly fathom while like, quote unquote,

Like that's not something you would ever think about or no, like it's like who thinks that like, Oh, like why, why are we here? Like you're here to, because you want to relive every single mistake from your past life ever. And then come and do that from a different perspective. And you have to find balance. Like, like that just doesn't sound like something you would ever say or even think of. I wouldn't even think of that. Like,

When I think about, oh, why you're here, what's the purpose? Yeah, conscious me would be like, authenticity, genuine sharing. Do you remember saying that? Or just vaguely? I vaguely remember saying something about balance and something about mistakes. But I don't necessarily remember the exact words or what that full... The context of it. Yeah. So when I hear this, it's very...

It's very creepy, I would say. So like when you see the past lives, when you see certain people, you also just automatically connect them, some of them at least, with the people from this life, which is also very weird. So like when I was stabbing that guy, like it didn't feel like I was stabbing that guy. It actually felt like I was stabbing one of my best friends from this life. But he and I, that guy and I have always kind of had like, like we're very close, but we're

Almost like a little bit of a fear element to it, which he actually told me before he said, I don't know why, but I'm scared to get too close to you, even though we've been friends for 18, 19 years. You're talking about in your current life? Current life. Okay. There's a guy. Yeah. And we've been friends for so long. But then he always told me, he's like, oh, there's like, there's just this little bit of fear. Like, I feel like you're going to do something to me.

And so when I saw that and I watched myself stab him, I was like, I don't like, yes, adult me is saying, okay, no, like this is just you trying to rationalize why he feels like this subconsciously. Obviously what he said matters and like impacted you. So you want to rationalize it. But on the other hand, I'm like, what if it's the other way around? Like what if it really is you? Yeah. Like what, what if it is that just because we don't understand it in this life?

Like, I really don't know. It's also really interesting how that voice responds. First of all, knowing you, the Chinese way of speaking is not your usual Chinese way of speaking for sure. Even the intonation, stuff like that. I mean, it might be just because you're so relaxed and chill, maybe. But definitely different. And then secondly, it's just the answers just come out. You know, there's no thought to it. It's just...

It's just spewing out. There's no thought. Yeah. It's like already locked and loaded, like right there. Yeah. Like that's just, that's interesting. And then, so the second one that I did, um, the one I did in English was much more, I would say just me kind of just being really, really lost and kind of wanting to understand this whole, like, like why, like why was I just so freaking depressed? Right. And it came at a point where I,

Like I said, I've never really gone to therapy and I don't know what the subconscious really is, right? Like everybody, every psychologist out there has a different explanation for it. Like everybody has like a different way to view it. Sigmund Freud had like a weird, very like, um,

perverted, erotic version of it. Like everybody has a different definition of what the subconscious is. I don't know what it is. I'm almost thinking, okay, whatever it is, I don't think we have an answer. And the subconscious, just as you said, is a bit of a mystery, but the subconscious is existent. It has a point of view and it is wired in a certain way that's different than the conscious. I do believe that because it's,

Like, honestly, I thought about it for a very long time. I was like, okay, believe it, don't believe it. Part of me is skeptical. But even that skeptical part is like, okay, regardless of whether or not you believe this is a higher self, collective consciousness, or whatever it is, like, I know that exactly what Howie said. The subconscious exists. It thinks very differently from how the conscious mind works. And

It probably has an even stronger effect on you as an individual than the conscious mind does, even though the conscious is what you interact with on a day-to-day basis. And so this is just kind of, in that sense, you're just kind of getting to know your subconscious a little bit better. Let's pick one more that's like the best. Let me think. Okay, I'm going to... Super creepy. I think the one on mental health is really creepy, actually.

What it means is that her brain functions with a higher capacity to feel. She thinks she blocked it all off, and maybe she did. She doesn't want to feel, but she has the capacity to because she doesn't want to feel so much. Her soul fighting her head to try to contain the emotions or feelings. Mm.

Her head contains her soul, expands and they fight and it creates a rubber. One wants to grow bigger, one wants to grow smaller. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Down, up, down, up, down, up, down. This one's hard, this is all her choice.

It's so weird. So it goes on the weirdest one. Yeah. It's definitely the weirdest one at that one. Like went on for maybe like 10, 15 minutes. Um,

And it kind of goes on to tell me, essentially, like, okay, it gave me a very different view on mental health as well. Like, I studied psychology in college. It was, like, it was just something I was very interested in. And it kind of gave me this viewpoint that what we call, or at least, like, I guess the milder forms of mental illness, because now, like, apparently everybody is...

mentally ill I don't think everyone is mentally ill but I do think exactly what this says that it's like a rubber band right like if you actually subconsciously want to feel more but logically your brain is saying feel less there's conflict if there's conflict you're gonna feel shitty hmm

If you are a naturally logical person and somebody is telling you to be more empathetic be more empathetic and you just cannot be more empathetic It's gonna cause you to feel shitty. That's why if a couple let's say the the wife is super logical The husband is super empathetic and then the husband I don't know tells the wife like you to be more empathetic You have to be more empathetic. You have to be more empathetic, but maybe she just can't then there's gonna be conflict same thing in your own head It's the same thing

This kind of like drives in on my fixation on this concept of love, right? Basically, it told me that the only moment I've had two moments in my life where I was able to truly love. And the reason why I was able to truly love in those two moments is because I was able to love myself in these two moments. But actually, all that really means to me is

is that you know yourself so well. You know all of your faults. You know everything that's wrong with you. Even as a narcissist, I don't want to admit it. But that means that you are your own mirror. You see everything that is negative about yourself. And if you can forgive and accept yourself for these negative traits that I guess are technically what society would deem negative, if you can love yourself despite this, then you actually know how to love.

Because it's very easy to love a spouse, a child, like your parents. It's very easy. But to be able to love yourself means that you have to actually be so okay with the idea that people are imperfect. Because you don't feel like, okay, your spouse brings you something. They add some sort of value to your life. Your child adds some sort of value to your life. Your parents add some sort of value to your life. You can love them for that. But yourself, you actually have to love despite that.

and you know yourself so well, so you know everything wrong with you, and you have to love yourself despite all of this negativity, that's self-love. And if you can actually love yourself in that sense, that's why you're able to love everyone else. And I think it's because if you can love yourself, that means you are completely and totally okay with how flawed it is to be a human. Like that was what that whole tangent went on about.

And so it's very creepy. The whole thing was very creepy. The idea of love, of loving yourself, of being able to accept imperfection. Yeah. It's heavy. I mean, it's really hitting me right now in the sense where you're right. People say you have to love yourself before you can love others or love anybody else, right? Like hurt people, hurt people. But you don't really know what that means. What does it mean to love yourself? Yeah.

I used to think when people would say that to me or when I thought about that, I would think, okay, it just means that I am happy to be alone. I'm content to be entertained by myself. I'm content with just being. But that's not it. We all can maybe on some sort of intellectual level understand the concept of loving yourself.

But what does that really mean? Like you said, like in terms of like, what do you really need to overcome? What do you need to accept? What's in the way? Like what's actually in the way of loving yourself, right? Because I agree, like loving yourself is I think the most difficult kind of love. Maybe the hurdle is desire in the sense that it's hard to truly want to love yourself. Like, do you really want to love yourself? And I think, I guess, I'm guessing a lot of us

are kind of in this space where maybe we're not ready to love ourselves and we don't want to, you know, because what does that mean? Right? Like with all our imperfection, if I were to actually truly want to love myself, then what is that saying about me? What is that saying about, am I just giving in to all my worst flaws and, and tendencies and, um,

thoughts, right? Am I just giving into that if I'm like authentically wanting to love myself? And maybe in some sort of self-defense mechanism, we don't want to love ourselves because at least if we don't want to love ourselves, that's telling us that at least we're still fighting the good fight against who we are and maybe trying to be a better person or at least not accepting the current version of us.

But then, so what that's saying is basically saying that a person should be flawless, though. Because if you're saying you're fighting the good fight, what are you fighting the good fight against? You're fighting the good fight against your flaws, right? I think you just said it. Because accepting is going against your biological kind of makeup, right? Because we're biologically made up to always seek better, right? Yeah.

And so loving yourself is kind of like saying that you're accepting your flaws. It's getting rid of the desires. You're getting rid of the biological need of better and just being. So accepting the idea, the definition of accepting, right? It's almost like giving up. It's like, yeah, you can think of it that way. It's like settling. Settling, right? It's like, sure.

Sure. I accept it. I'm not going to get any better. This is the best I can do. And that's what I was trying to say is that like, how do you get beyond, how do you get past that? Because it shouldn't be about that. I think to really get past this idea of acceptance, you really have to get, you really have to get past or you have to understand that all of these ideas of acceptance, they don't really stem from acceptance.

I'm going to come back to the word truth, but like they don't really stem from truth. They're fabricated somewhere. Like to accept means that you have, like there's a, there's a comparison, there's a basis, right? Like you're obviously comparing yourself to something that you consider to be less than in order for you to say, I want to accept this. So, or better than to be able to say, I want to accept this. Right. But I think when you remove that comparison, because comparison is fabricated, right? Comparison is also the death of creativity in my opinion, but.

I think when you can remove that, that's when you can understand that, that love, that probably that love that you can afford for other people, that empathy you afford for other people and that they afford for you too. Like somewhere in that mixture is probably the empathy you can afford for yourself. Probably working on it. That's so true about the comparison. Yeah. Right. That's what acceptance is. Right. Because without comparison, what are you accepting? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I'm kind of like, I'm just like in my own head thinking. Yeah, I know Justin's really into this. I don't know. I don't think we're going to get to the bottom of that today. No, but it's interesting food for thought. Yeah. But that's how these conversations go, right? It's just food for thought. It's just these concepts that normally day-to-day life you don't think about until you think about it.

- Well, this is like what I imagine like philosophers to be talking about. - Exactly. - Like if you got a room full of philosophers talking to each other, that's basically what we're doing here today. - No blank slate, no blank slate. - So let's like wrap up your quantum healing, all this- - Hypnosis technique. - Yeah, all that crap. Do you really feel like you got something out of this? - A hundred percent. - Okay. - A thousand percent.

Even though when I tell people about it, I sound insane and I'm very consciously aware I sound insane. I have a question to ask you. Do you hear a voice in your head? Like a literal clear voice? 100%. I think like when I think I'm essentially having a dialogue between myself

Me and me. Yeah. But I think what Howie is asking. Oh, what is Howie asking? If we can clarify this, because I think it needs clarification, Howie. Oh no, he's laughing. Is that, no, because we discussed this on an old episode. And anyway, Howie told us that he heard voices. And we're like, yeah, you know, everyone has like their inner voice, right? Everyone has an inner voice. And then Howie's like, no, no, no, no.

I'm not just talking about the inner voice. Like, I literally hear the voice. Like, he hears the voice as real as he's hearing me talk in this room right now. Like, my voice to him. He hears the voice. Like, someone talking to him. Yeah, yeah. Wait, do you not? Thank you! Wait, what? Do people not? Yes, exactly! Exactly!

No, so you actually literally hear voice. So you hear the voice. Yeah, that's what he says. Just like you're hearing my voice right now. Yeah, but it's in my head. I'm not like schizophrenic. I know, but you know. Okay, so what do you guys mean by in your head? Because you hear it. Like you hear it like you're hearing my voice, right? Wait, what do you hear? What's your inner voice? Now I'm very curious. What is your inner voice? My inner voice is more thoughts.

I would never characterize it as I am hearing, like literally hearing a voice. I would never say that. It's weird. Wait, wait, wait. So you guys have no idea what I'm talking about. Wait, so like if you go to, let's say you go to a grocery store and then there's like, I don't know,

salmon versus tuna. Yeah. And then you're thinking to yourself, should I buy the salmon or the tuna? Like, would you, would you hear this voice? Your, I guess your inner voice being like, well, the salmon looks pretty good today, but the price of the tuna is a little bit better. Hmm. Maybe we should do this. Oh, actually that. No. What? Oh,

Oh no. That's so interesting actually. So you guys have this look of shock on your faces. Which is shocking to me because I feel like I'm in the majority but just because I'm with you two freaks room right now. No, I think you're the majority because I remember saying this to Vivi. Oh.

and and she was laughing right she goes yeah she doesn't have that either right and she actually like was talking to her friends in her group chat we chat and all the friends are like what do you that's weird you know so okay so so going back to the grocery store example so it's like a whole dialogue that plays out yeah like as if it was like a screenplay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so i don't know but then like how do you think about it like

I just think about it for some minute and then I'll think like, well, like, what would I rather have today? So that, that thought right there, you don't hear it. You wouldn't hear. You just feel it. You just, I think it, you don't hear it. You don't hear it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. No, no, no. We need to get the bottom of this. We're running. We're running long on time. I don't care. Cause we need to get the bottom of this. So even right now, for example, while you were talking, I thought to myself,

Justin can't be real. That's what I thought too. Right? And then I heard my voice say, Justin can't be real. I also heard my voice say, is this guy insane? I feel like you guys talked about this before we did the show and you guys are like just colluding. Yeah. So what, what really freaked them out? And let me ask you if you have this, is that, uh,

Sometimes when I'm doing something, I will hear the natural voices of other people in my life or society come in. So those are the voices that warn me sometimes. For example, let's say I'm on this podcast. I'm about to say something that's a bit sensitive. Maybe I heard my mom's voice all of a sudden in the back and I hear her voice say, you shouldn't share that.

So those are the things that freaked you guys out, I remember, 'cause you're like, you hear multiple voices, like different voices? - Yeah, like it's not even your own voice. - I guess I hear a lot of different sounds and I can put that into an inner voice. - Okay, so Anna, you're deep in thought right now. So are you literally, are you hearing a voice in your head? - I'm hearing voices in my head. - About all these thoughts. - Yeah. - Okay. - Wait, when people are deep in thought, can you not hear voices?

Okay, okay. Give me an example. Let's say you're thinking about what you want to eat later. Are you thinking in pictures, feelings, words? I'm thinking in a combination of feelings and pictures. So I'm feeling my hunger. I'm feeling like kind of like what I would feel like would satiate me.

And I'm also visualizing those foods. Let me see if this is how you are. If I'm ordering food, I'm going through Ulema. I'm trying to find like a restaurant I want to order. I could literally be like, what do I want to eat? Do I want Mexican food?

But instead of saying it out loud, I'm saying it in my mind. Yeah. That voice is default. It's just there. Like you can't even turn it off. It's like, I would have to try very, very, very hard. Yeah. See, that's the difference. To tell it to like chill the F out. Like otherwise it's just there. Like it wants to talk. Yeah. I hear that. Yeah.

Especially when you're trying to sleep. Oh my God. It's so bad when you're trying to sleep. Holy crap. Joe, are you trying to sleep? Yeah. It's gotten better for me, but yeah. I regret bringing it up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I asked you that. Anybody who hears this podcast couldn't think I'm insane then. I think what we can take away is we all need a lot of help. Yes. Yes. 100%. And you can find internal help. You can find external help. Anyway, Anna, thanks so much for sharing.

coming on the show thank you guys thank you for being open yeah i had some things that i wanted to bring up um to talk to you about certain topics uh especially with culture i wanted to go a little bit in that from a female perspective we didn't get a chance to do that but let's do that next time because this time we're so focused on that quantum quantum physics healing hypnosis technique guys yeah even a lot of our listeners have brought that up they're like why are you guys just only interviewing men lately and we're like

So we definitely want to get some cultural stuff. I would love to. Because I know you'd be into that kind of stuff. I would be super into that. All right. All right, that's it for today, folks. I'm Justin. And I'm Howie. All right, be well, be good. Peace.