105. Mastering Professional Manners - The Essential Etiquette You Need to Succeed
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This is the Social Skills Mastery Podcast, Episode 105. To really compete as a professional or business owner, you have to own the room. That's why each week I bring you hot topics, tips, and expert interviews so you can stand out in competitive places. Let's get started.

My ultimate list of conversation starters is a game changer. I want to show you how to talk to anyone, anywhere, and at any time, how to speak up when all eyes are on you, and how to be interesting and fully embody the successful person you're intended to be so you can fully experience the vision that you have for your life and your business.

You can select the questions that most resonate with your situation, tweak them as you see fit, and paste them into the notes on your phone so they're more or less at the tip of your tongue when needed. You can get yours at socialconfidencepro.com forward slash starters.

Hi and welcome to the show. We're going to start today with a little quiz. Here's your first question. When should you respond or RSVP to an invitation? A. Within 24 hours of receiving the invitation. B. Within seven days of receiving the invitation. Or C. The night before when you realize you won't be able to make it after all. The answer is A. It's

It seems like responding within 24 to 48 hours doesn't give you much time, but if you want to attend, you'll make it happen. And if you don't want to attend, well, you'll see to it that you have a good excuse not to be there. You see, receiving an invitation is an honor, even if it's to an event you'd rather not attend. So responding quickly to an invitation is an honor.

repays the honor and it's a very kind gesture to your host and it shows that you care about them and you understand the plans that they're making and any expenses incurred on your behalf. Here's question two. You received a holiday, a birthday, or a congratulatory gift in the mail from a person you do business with before the special day.

Should you, A, call or contact the sender the day it arrives to let them know that it arrived safely, even if you don't plan to open it until the actual special day.

B, you open it right away without waiting for the special day so you can call and thank the giver for the specific item that they sent you. Or C, since it's coming from a colleague and not from your grandma, you don't have to worry about it. You can mention it when you see them at that monthly networking event that's coming up. The answer is A, right away.

People worry about whether the gift that they send arrived safely. And even though it can be tracked, that doesn't mean it wasn't taken by a porch pirate or set aside by a family member who then forgot about it. So it's kind to take a moment to contact the sender and let them know that the gift arrived. Either way, follow up with a handwritten thank you note on personal stationery or a nice card.

Are you thinking, did she just say handwrite? And did she just say personal stationery? I sure did. And here's why. Manners and being socially skilled is all about your professional image that you show up with every day. And whether it's verbal, written, or through some direct action,

people notice the feeling that they get when dealing with you. When you show people they matter to you, well in some way they'll do the same. And that my friends is what I want to address today. Your social skills in the workplace and in particular business etiquette. And we're going to start by clearing up the difference between etiquette and manners because each is individually important and plays a significant role in how we function when we're out and about and they're

often used interchangeably, conflated, and treated as if they're one and the same. But they're very different at their core and shouldn't be confused. So etiquette is a code of conduct and a set of societal rules that act as the catalyst for positive social interactions. On the other hand, manners are behaviors that reflect a person's attitude.

So etiquette is the customary code of polite behavior among members of a particular group. And that group may be family or business associates or members of a social club, a fraternity or sorority. It's their set structure.

Just standard way of being or showing up when in the company of their social peers. Now, it's good manners to follow proper etiquette. Are you following me? For example, etiquette may dictate the rules of talking to someone new. You want to introduce yourself properly, correct?

Good manners, on the other hand, will prompt you to not walk away if you're bored with their conversation, if they bring up a topic that you're not interested in. So as times change, of course, societal rules for personal and professional behavior do as well. But that doesn't mean basic etiquette no longer matters.

You see, we sometimes forget that at the end of the day, in the beginning, in the middle, business is about people. And there's no shortage of competent and reliable people in the business world. And etiquette and manners can make a huge difference and be the delineating factor in how you view a person and whether they get or lose your business.

I mean, wouldn't you rather collaborate with or work for or even buy from someone who has high standards? Etiquette rules are often so basic that you may not even see them as being a quote-unquote rule, so to speak. But you like how people in your office seem to get along and how they tend to be respectful of each other's points of view in meetings. So you simply follow suit and act in the same way as the examples that are being set for you.

Let's say that your boss always introduces new people or visitors to others whenever the opportunity arises, unless you know that they're already acquainted. And you notice that this makes people feel valued regardless of their status or position. Now, your boss is following an etiquette rule and a standard for your place of business that's designed to make everyone feel welcome.

Another example might be that for your entire life at family dinners, no one has had a second thought about licking their knife. And when there's a meal where forks and knives are necessary, it's practically like being at a table with professional sword swallowers. Then you have lunch with a coworker or a client and after cutting your food, without thinking, you place your knife in your mouth and pull it out clean.

That would be a clear violation of an etiquette rule for business dining. And seriously, someone could stop doing business with you instantly just for having committed that faux pas. On the other hand, manners can be traced back to the Latin manis or hand. And manners are indeed how we quote unquote handle a situation. Now, what am I referring to when I say how we handle a situation? Well,

Well, let's say that at a morning meeting, a new and young associate is seated at the conference table and they're oblivious to people raising their eyebrows across the table as this associate is opening 15 sugar packets and pouring them into his coffee.

And let's say you're in a sort of playful mood and you call the guy out in front of everyone for creating this coffee, sugary, syrupy mess in their cup. And this poor guy is embarrassed after you make the comment. How could you have handled that differently? Well, of course, privately is the answer. So for the purpose of manners, you handled it poorly because a person was embarrassed and we never aim to embarrass or hurt anyone.

The best way to address the optics of the young associate adding 15 sugar packets to their coffee in a business setting might be to mention it in terms of how he'll be perceived by the people you want him to entertain with professional presence and maybe an added flourish of elegance as well. Manners are very situational because how you handle one situation, like correcting a co-worker who mispronounced a common term,

may or will very likely be very different when your superior mispronounces a word because you may not be so quick to correct a superior directly, of course, depending on your relationship and your level of comfort.

For the purposes of today's show, we'll simply see business etiquette as the rules that govern professional behavior with social more or less meaning every time two or more people come together. So these rules, if you will, guide the way we interact with one another when business is or could be on the table.

Now, why do I say could be on the table? Well, at one time, I played a lot of golf, which is clearly a recreational activity. And the potential to meet a person who was interested in hiring me, either as a coach or an event speaker, was always fairly high. Because for the most part, my golf partners were also business people who were members of the clubs where we played. So the chances of meeting other business people was pretty high, just based on association.

The same may be said if you're a member of a health club and you tend to work out early in the morning when there are many business people on hand for you to meet, or you're a member of a private social club or an alumni club and late afternoons and into the evening is when people tend to gather for receptions or casually at the bar. And in those instances, it's in your best interest to be mindful of using your best business etiquette.

even though they're not traditional business settings. Business etiquette is a social skill for sure because it's really instrumental in helping you do more business and to advance in your career or even to help you just land a new job, regardless of where you are on the spectrum in terms of just starting out or as a senior manager.

Everything is available for you when you use proper etiquette. And when we're mindful of using our social skills and etiquette, we show others the kind of values and belief systems that we follow and how we're able to adapt or pivot when necessary to accommodate people that we're just meeting for the first time. You'll be able to manage yourself in any situation, regardless

Businesses are always on the lookout for candidates who can present themselves in a dignified manner because you're in effect representing the organization internally and externally. Whether it's interacting with coworkers or clients, in addition to showing courtesy and respect to others,

Knowing and practicing business etiquette will definitely help you to stand out and create a powerful impression because you'll be able to demonstrate self-control and a higher degree of relationship management for sure. And I often express a necessity for the clients who hire me for conversation coaching to become more proficient with business etiquette.

And I describe it like this. Social skills are the domain or the big umbrella, like a huge golf umbrella, just covering and protecting you. But each panel of that umbrella has a different skill, like conversation. And

and etiquette and confidence or charisma and connection and comportment. And they each serve to protect you individually, but it's better when they're seamlessly sewn together for your total success. So being comfortable with professional etiquette, boost your self-confidence because you'll feel the power of having done the right thing and the effect that that has on people.

You'll also feel more comfortable and at ease being your authentic self when you understand how others want to be treated. And you don't have to constantly monitor your personal behavior because you're accustomed to doing the right thing. It's just how you roll.

Now, more than anything, it strengthens relationships because you'll treat people with kindness and respect. And you may just increase your business because we naturally seek out people that we like and who we see as being comfortable in their own skin. We notice how people treat other people. And as I always say, first impressions count.

They always do. No matter where you are, people are always evaluating you. They're judging you. They're determining whether or not they like you. And one of the greatest benefits of learning professional etiquette is creating a good first impression. You're in a much better position and better equipped to influence people's views about you when you act not only according to social protocols, but you do it with just carefree authority and gravitas and personal style.

People tend to not bring up your achievements or your sales numbers or whatever the metrics are that are used in your particular field, but it's the other important things, your soft and social skills and the professionalism and manners that you exhibit towards absolutely everyone unconditionally.

And making different areas of personal etiquette a part of your brand will definitely help you to create a lasting and positive impression to the extent where you won't be concerned or worried about what's being said about you the moment you leave a room or seconds before you entered.

Let's look at the various types of etiquette that you should consider making part of your personal brand business etiquette standard. And let's start by rising to the occasion. And by that I'm referring to rising or standing when you meet people.

So what does standing up show and why does it matter? Well, when we stand up, we're signaling through our body language and nonverbal cues that we're willing and eager to meet and greet and welcome another person into our current situation. When you're seated and a person comes by to say hello or when you're being introduced,

Stand up. Just the appearance of standing speaks volumes before you've had the opportunity to say your first word because it shows by your action that you're a respectful, open, and welcoming person. And when you arrive for a meeting or an interview and stand rather than taking a seat as a receptionist often will direct you to do, you're in a better position when the person you're waiting for arrives and ready to step right in for a handshake or whatever greeting you choose.

Even when you're meeting someone at a restaurant, standing in the entry or near the host stand or at the bar facing the door, not leaning on the bar, sends the message that the person you're waiting for is worth your effort to forego a comfortable seat so that you can properly greet and welcome them. I'll also take a moment to offer that you never want to shake hands while seated. Just stand up. When you stand, you literally rise to the occasion of showing respect.

Now, the second one is to always state your full name when you're being introduced, whether it's by a third party or when you're introducing yourself. You're not Adele.

You are not Oprah or Bono and your full name is a part of your brand. So say it clearly and just spell it if necessary. And if someone introduces you by first name only, feel free to tack on your surname. So an example would be if you introduced me to a new customer and said, Phil, I'd like you to meet our senior VP of conversation confidence, Susan. I would say while extending my hand toward Phil,

Hi, Phil. Susan Callender. It's my pleasure to meet you. And your last name? You see, using both names establishes a formal, professional tone, and it can project gravitas or a level of dignity and seriousness that a first name only introdu-

You see, using both names establishes a formal professional tone and it can project gravitas or a level of dignity and seriousness that a first name only introduction just can't convey. So use your name to show you're serious and make people pay attention to what you have to say and ask for the other person's name to demonstrate their importance to you.

Now, if it's an unusual or difficult name to pronounce, the person is probably used to it and won't mind if you ask them to repeat it or spell it. It shows that you've taken an interest in them and you care about getting it right. So don't carelessly butcher their name or invent a nickname.

Everything we're covering today in the realm of social skills and professional etiquette just refers to the behavior you resort to in interpersonal situations, be they with your family, friends, coworkers, or strangers. Just imagine you're attending a conference and a stranger approaches to meet you. Despite not knowing the person, social etiquette suggests that you introduce yourself to the person politely.

Now, you may choose not to interact with them at length because you're on your way to meet someone at a specified time. But you can respectfully excuse yourself shortly after exchanging names and do it in a way where the person doesn't feel ignored or slighted. It's really all in your approach and the vibe that you carry with you at all times.

Now, the next point is to greet everyone. When you're in person, greet and acknowledge as many people as you can in your immediate space and beyond. And by beyond, I'm speaking of a person who may be at the opposite side of the room, but just raising a hand to say hi from a distance or making a brief eye contact and nodding your head to acknowledge their presence in the room says a lot for your brand and your professional presence. Why? Be

because we all appreciate acknowledgement. It's just one of the fundamentals of human existence. Also, greeting the people that you come in contact with isn't only polite, but it just establishes a rapport. That's what you want. Sometimes you don't know who the people are that you took a moment to say hello to. So it's important to greet everyone with the same degree of kindness.

A simple, hi, how are you? It's good to see you again is often just enough to allow a person to feel seen. And adding more could make them feel heard and understood and remember and view you as a friendly and pleasant person.

Now, be considerate though, because if they appear to be in a rush or not interested at the moment, it may not be worth it to slow them down, because that's how you'll be remembered. As I often say, read the room and just proceed accordingly. Next, I want you to take a moment in interactions to express your appreciation, because the deepest craving in human nature is a desire to be appreciated.

And if we're honest with ourselves, we all want and need to feel valued for who we are and recognized for our contributions and accomplishments. It's important for us to know that we've made a difference in someone's life. And if a person takes the time to express their heartfelt appreciation for something that we've done or some guidance we've shared, it boosts our spirits and helps us to feel valued.

Being appreciated also builds our self-confidence and our self-esteem and our entire self-image. And it gives us energy and motivation to work harder and to do more, to always raise our level. When you offer to people a sincere compliment or words of encouragement or even just a nice smile, you're making their world just better.

better at that particular moment. You're making them feel appreciated and valued and you'll feel fulfilled because you will have done something to make someone else's life better. That's because appreciation accelerates the relationship building process and enhances a person's overall impression of you.

The next bit of guidance that I want to offer you in terms of your business etiquette and professional style is to upgrade your image. Now, to be sure, nothing can replace knowledge or talent or your intelligence or hard work or credentials, but paying attention to your attire and treating yourself as the number one asset through your professional style will for sure give you a competitive advantage. Your professional style means feeling good about yourself first and

the choices that you've made and also catching the eye of the people you share space with, whether it's in the office or on Zoom calls or while you're out grabbing lunch or coffee or at morning or after hours events. Being presentable and paying attention to details like polished shoes and polished nails and haircuts will substantially influence your entrepreneurial or professional trajectory.

Your chosen style isn't just for you. It's for the people you want to impact and influence. So wearing just the right kind of clothes for the occasion to appeal to the sensibilities of your audience is very important. It's the same reason why politicians don't wear business suits when speaking at rallies or why you're likely to not see an executive wearing yoga pants and a baggy sweatshirt at a formal business presentation.

because business and social etiquette require that you live up to the expectations of the environment that you're in. And research shows that well-groomed individuals have an advantage over others who think that personal style is not at all important. And here's the thing. Whether you have an interest in fashion or not, the clothing you wear and the quality and the way you wear it sends a message. Another important factor in business etiquette is being positive.

Positivity is very good for your reputation. When you focus on the positive things in your life, you'll just feel good and focus on negative things in your life will be negative. When you say destructive things about people, your subconscious energy is also negatively affected. Now, on the other hand, when you brand yourself as someone who doesn't make disparaging remarks about others, not only will people's respect grow for you, but you'll also be happier.

When you hold back saying something negative about someone else, especially when given the opportunity, you exemplify self-control and concern for others. And Dale Carnegie is known for the quote, any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

And when you do have to offer a formal critique or a review of a person and there are deficiencies, just simply using tact and diplomacy to focus on performance issues and always avoiding personal attacks will ensure that you're always on the high road and admired for your style.

And if you're in a low-energy environment and find it difficult to avoid the negative Nellies, it can be hard to do, but just refuse to engage in negative conversations and refuse to be a part of groups who speak poorly of others. And remember that if you're surrounded by people who thrive on cutting others down, it may be time for you to reconsider who you're spending time with and avoid making negative or unflattering comments about other people by remembering.

that your comments influence people's views of you, not of that other person. Next is improving your written communications. Just think about it. Do you form opinions about people based on their written communications with you? Do you distinguish between the people who take pride in their communications and those who don't? And their texts and emails are just littered with misspellings.

Your emails, text messages, and posts on social media sites reveal much about who you are and how you're viewed impacts the respect that people have for you and the influence that you have on others and the people you attract into your life. And these things play an important role in your personal and professional relationships and the value that you bring to the market. It's

It shows people how you feel about yourself. And it really boils down to the extent to which you do or you do not care about how you're viewed. Do you want to create a positive and polished brand for yourself? If you do, it's important that you start taking pride in everything that you type and write. And just begin today to put an emphasis on developing your written communication skills.

I can guarantee you that when you communicate without clarity and send a barrage of words in electronic communication, you may be taken less seriously. You're much better off writing in short sentences because short sentences are just easier to read than long sentences. Add as much white space as you can and just focus on clarity.

My first boss out of college gave me a great tip, and that was to read what I've written out loud and in a happy, upbeat tone, and again, in a very serious tone. Because we can't think another person's thoughts or be in their frame of mind when they read our communication to them. So it's important to look for potential misunderstandings and ask, how could this be misunderstood?

So good business etiquette means going that extra mile to avoid any potential misunderstandings. Finally, just know when to pick up the phone. And if there is something upsetting you, just pick up the phone and call the other person. Don't allow to... Finally, know when to pick up the phone. If there is something upsetting you, pick up the phone and call the other person. Don't allow yourself to send emotional messages that have the potential to

permanently scar a relationship and definitely cause you regret. So those are my tips to help you look good and to show the people you want to hire and buy from and collaborate with that you know the basics of good business and social etiquette. And I want to help you ensure that you put your

I want to help you ensure that you put your best foot forward and create a positive atmosphere for yourself and everyone else. And in that spirit of giving, I want to help you just ensure that you put your best foot forward and create a positive atmosphere for yourself and everyone that you come across. And in that spirit of giving,

I've designed a special free download called Essential Business Etiquette Tips, the definitive list of must-know business social rules for success with coworkers, clients, and customers. And you can get your free copy at socialconfidencepro.com forward slash etiquette tips. I hope you take these tips and incorporate at least one new thing into your daily life as soon as possible, like today. Thanks so much for joining me.

Bye for now. Are you ready to improve your conversation skills? Who's your coach? If you don't have one, I would be so honored to invite you to join me. We can address how to comfortably and confidently initiate conversations, how to keep them going and to bring them to a close gracefully and any social or interpersonal skill struggles you may have. I offer individual private coaching and a membership with a high level of accountability and results that will last forever.

When you're ready to 10X what you're learning on the podcast, schedule a chat with me at socialconfidencepro.com forward slash coach.