BDSM Basics – Spanking
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of Spanky Nexts. This is another one of our BDSM Basics bite-sized information chunks about kink. But first of all, I'll introduce my co-host Gregor. Hello. Hey, I'm Gregor and I'm in the studio with Anna. I think you didn't even say your name this time. Oh, I didn't say my name this time. Getting rusty. You know, God, now they start drilling.

Yeah, everyone, we live in a city, so there is going to be some noise in Gregor's background because there's drilling going on nearby. At my building. Actually, I really love the BDSM basics because it's when we get a chance to chat. Exactly, we just get to talk, otherwise it's other people taking the spotlight. Exactly, we don't always like this. No, we don't, we don't. So today we've got a very basic one for you and I think what I would...

classify as the gateway drug to BDSM. Oh, tell us about it. We have spanking. But you know, I always think kind of when we talk about things and we say they're very basic in a way, I don't know if I would say it's basic. I would say it's a BDSM essential. I would say it's an essential, but I think it's like people would say it's probably on the vanilla side-ish of BDSM. I think I kind of like many things that depends on how hard you do it.

True, true, true, true. But I think it's something that if you talk to people in the vanilla world, they might have dipped their toe in and they might not have done other BDSM kind of activities. So I think in that respect, it's a fun bedroom addition or it's hardcore BDSM and it's something that you love to see bruises and blood and everything in between. Yeah, I mean, a little spanking never hurts until it does.

Until it does, and maybe that's what you want. So what is it? What is it? It's the consensual smacking of someone's butt. I mean, easy to understand. Nice. So people might have been spanked when they were younger, especially our generation above. I'm sure it's not woke anymore. That's not what we're talking here. This is very sexy. And in the context of sort of partners, relationships, parties, things like that.

So it can be done with the palm of the hand, which is maybe like, again, the gateway. Or you can use something like a paddle or a flogger. But I think what's good about spanking is that you can very much start without any equipment and buying anything. Yeah. So it's very accessible. Cheap BDSM.

Exactly, BDSM on the cheap. Actually, BDSM is very expensive. If you use tools, is it still spanking? So this is all under the spanking umbrella. You mean tools like flogging? Yeah, like, you know, a whip. I think it's like a broad, I think you could call something a flogging, but it's essentially the same practice just with a utensil. And also it can be like a good route into roleplay.

Oh, tell me more. It's not always just about the pain of it. It's like, oh, you might role play that you're a naughty schoolgirl. Yeah. Or you've been bad. So then you want to sort of incorporate that into more of like a fantasy. I mean, I think it's also because it immediately and without words establishes a power dynamic. 100%. I think this was my next point. Why do people like it? And I think it's a great way to explore the dynamics of submission and domination in quite a relatively easy way.

And I think it's inherent in sort of a scene that has spanking that there is that kind of dynamic going on without getting too heavily into like kink and fetish that you're maybe not familiar with. Yeah. Also, I think kind of, you know, the bum's quite a safe area when it comes to impact play. Yeah, because it's fleshy. Exactly. Yeah.

Well, maybe not everyone's. They're hitting the gym or getting those implants that are really, really popular now. I mean, still no major organs in the bum. Exactly. And I think what it can do as well is it already, it kind of intensifies feelings of pleasure and it heightens your response to stimulation even more. So while you can spank out of the context of sex, if you like it during sex, it very much makes you feel things a lot more and makes you more responsive.

But one caveat, everyone is different. So what turns on one person about spanking will be different from another. So someone might really enjoy the feeling of powerlessness and really like the sort of like psychological aspect, while another might be all about the physical sensation. So definitely think about what you like and talk to your partners. I mean, I think this is so interesting that because spanking is not

kind of there's so different, so many different ways. And some people really just like, you know, the excitement about it and this kind of, ooh, I feel submissive about it or I feel dominant about it and I don't know what's coming and what's happening next or I'm really have this feeling of being in control. And then there is, of course, this really sadomasochistic side to it kind of of people who really want to experience pain. Exactly. When

When we were both working on Fetish.com, which is affiliated to this podcast, we ran a kind of competition about spanking. Do you remember, Gregor? I'm not sure. You know, a photo competition. Photo competitions. Yeah. So like it could be anything kink related. And this was a bit of a sort of... What did we ask people to send in? Yeah, it was a bit of a risky area because to comply with online things and rules...

You can show like spanking marks, but not bruises and blood. And so we asked people to send them and then specify this. But actually the things we got were like, you know, hardcore bruising and blood and cracking of skin, which was like the reality of what a lot of people like. And we were inundated. I remember it was like thousands. Wow.

You know, kind of the one competition I still have in my mind very clearly is the butt photo challenge. Me too, I was about to say. Flooded. There we were really flooded with several thousands of submissions and beautiful bums also. All sorts of bums. All sorts of bums. But I was really like after like a week of this, not even a week, three days of this, I was so saturated. Yeah.

You were like, no more butts. No more butts. No more butts. Because there comes a time when you've just seen too many butts. I never thought you'd say such a thing. No, and also this was butts plus spanking. So obviously a similar thing. But, you know, it can get pretty hardcore. So definitely practice communication, consent, safety, and all these things that we talk about all the time. If you are new to spanking or you've been fantasizing about it a lot or watching a lot of porn, how...

do you talk to your partner about it? How do you talk to your partner about it? Especially if you haven't tried something.

Short of being upfront and honest about your desires, which is something that we always promote, it can be difficult. You know, communication between couples, especially if it's something that you both haven't tried before, can be difficult. You could kind of ease in with maybe starting with a roleplay scenario where spanking is sort of appropriate or expected. Or you could watch porn with your partner that has spanking involved and see what their reaction is.

But I would say you can just go for it and tell them you want it. But also there are easier ways in if you feel a little bit shy. You know, I think this is something that works very well in a one night stand or when you already have a very good relationship to your partner. But a lot of times, you know, just kind of during the act of sex saying spank me can...

You know, it can go both ways. It can be super hot and work amazingly or kind of it can be really weird in the situation if you don't expect it, you know, because I think kind of what we and usually this is the way we speak about these things kind of, you know, instead of

of just kind of sitting your partner down and having a chat about what each of you likes in sex. Usually what happens, people start having sex awkwardly and then one person asks the other one about something and then they either find it super nice or they're kind of overwhelmed. You know, it's a bit of a lottery. Yeah, these are...

Whenever we talk about these things, I think these are the ideal situations. But in my personal experience, this is not how it's gone. I would say in this one, in comparison to other BDSM acts where you really actually have to plan for it and it comes with a lot of risks.

I would say this is one that in a one night stand, you kind of probably can just ask for during sex. And I think that's commonly how it happens. And that has been my experience. It's not one that you have to sort of get the toolkit out. You have to talk about what you're okay doing. You know, it can be very on the fly. Tonight, I would like to try something with you. Spanking. Yeah, it's like, we've already done that. And I think it's something that most people can kind of get on board with. God, maybe I'm generalizing. Maybe that's not true.

Maybe more so than like, you know, getting the injections out and needles. This might be an easier one. Yes, kind of. If we look at the whole BDSM spectrum, I think it's definitely more on the soft core side. But if I think if we look at the whole spectrum of sex, I think kind of there's a lot of people out there who have a lot more kind of softer vanilla sex.

Yeah, and I think one thing about that is people are awkward and don't communicate. Fair enough. Because you think that if everybody would just love it. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, of course everyone loves it. I do think there's this side of, especially a woke culture, and I say this from personal experience, of being with like... Where are we going now? Okay.

Being with men who, this is in like heteronormative relationships, being with men who are very mindful of like sort of gender and violence and feminism, it can be a difficult thing for them to beat up their woman. Yeah, basically. And to like hit a woman. It goes against everything they've been taught is wrong. Good. Thanks. Thank God to feminism that we are at this point where it's difficult for men to hit women.

Can you believe? But I think, you know, Esther Perel, as we love to talk about her, talks about this a lot, about how what you want in your real life out in the world and what you want in the bedroom can be two very different things.

And I think, honestly, I think this is a great lesson. This is something we all, I think we are all still learning and the people who already mastered this, they just have an amazing sex life. Because I think so much of the shame we feel in the bedroom is because we think kind of that our behavior in the bedroom might inform people's opinion about us outside of the bedroom.

So I think that leads on to what about safe words? And I think, well, what about safe words? Because like you say, things like this can happen quite ad hoc in comparison to other things. But I think the thing we need to remember here is about consent and communication. Because it's pretty typical in BDSM that you would use like a traffic light system where red means stop, amber means slow down, and green means keep going.

Or a safe word, which communicates that it needs to stop immediately. So if you're going to try, I think, a bit more hardcore spanking or you're like really going to set up a scenario where you're going to do the spanking and it's not ad hoc in the bedroom, I would definitely opt for definitely one of these systems. You know what? Sorry, just kind of a thought just crossed my mind because about consent and spanking. I think kind of the usual scenario is that either...

one person asks, spank me. Yeah, definitely. Or that the other person just tries it and then sees how the other person reacts. You know, I think kind of not, it doesn't happen so many times that the spanker says, can I spank you? No, I think kind of usually they just, either they are being asked to spank or they try and see what happens. You know, maybe softly and if they think that kind of works, but I think kind of rarely. People ask.

Does the spanker ask for consent? The spanky always asks. I mean, are we generalizing, though? Are we saying, like, good people ask? Maybe, yeah. And then, like, wait. But maybe there are people that do just do it, and that's bad. That is non-consensual. But I do agree. I think in my experience, it would be more led by the spanker, which I think, again, means, Gregor, topping from the bottom.

Topping from the bottom. So how do we warm up for a spanking? Because I think people think it just happens, but we definitely see more in like a dungeon scenario or like a party that you would definitely warm up the skin. And especially if you're going to go for... No, I did not know. I've seen that quite a lot. Yeah.

But I end up quite a lot. But yeah, I think it's... This is especially if you're going to use like a flogger because that can be more painful and more intense than like a hand. But I would start by gently stroking the skin. So, you know, slow and steady wins the race. I think this helps to build like a positive anticipation and that can lead to a more pleasurable experience.

And if you're using like a paddle or flogger, start gently and work your way up in terms of intensity. That's what the skilled spankers like to do. Okay, so I have a question.

so is it like you you warm up and the the skin or the body gets more and more used to it or is it like it's like i don't know you have a set number of spanks you can bear and then you reach a point and say no more i think it's like you warm up the skin so it's not just like bam and then it's like too much of an impact and it might turn you off

It's like, you know, it's like anything, like it's like an orgasm. It doesn't happen bang overnight. I mean, maybe some it does, but it's generally a build up. And, you know, the more you foreplay, the more you build up to it, the better it is. But also it doesn't just happen. So if you like this, I think you want to start small and then you won't be so scared of the like sort of attack of the flogger.

Yeah, I mean, I get this in a way also because I think it helps you to check in with your body, how you're feeling today and how much you can take on a specific day. And then you just see what you're into that day. Because I think some days, depending on just, you know, your general mood, your emotions, whatever, you might want something a bit more extreme. And some days you might keep it light. Exactly. And also like for a woman, for example, if you're on your period, it's going to hurt a lot more.

on that time everything's more sensitive if you've ever gone to get a wax on your period it is like 10 times more painful so you know it's all about seeing what you can handle on a give a date and you can also try different body parts we talk about the bum let's talk about this yeah we haven't talked a lot about the bum hands feet we see a lot of feet because obviously feet worship is a big thing

Wow, especially I think the soles of the feet are very sensitive. I mean, I have to say that's too much for me. But shocker. But breasts as well, you know, with a whip. You know, painful, but you know, that pain play and impact play that people love and you can get marks. You know, I've seen that quite a lot in porn and stuff. And at events, again, I really am not about the nipples. I don't even really like nipple play.

Or, you know, some people get awful on it. So it's just not for me. But I can see that being like a real turn on. So yeah, try different places. Use your toys or your hands in different ways for different sensations. So you might do it more of a pinching or you could do a flat hand. There's all sorts of things you can do. Maybe a word of caution here. Really be careful at the stomach area where all the organs are.

Really careful there. And I would also say be very careful when it comes to the spine. Oh, here's the yoga man. Here he is. Yes. Be careful when it comes to the spine. So generally all the more fatty areas of the body or the more fat or muscle or, you know, everything that's like meaty, that sounds really good. But be careful with the spine. Yeah, 100%. 100%. And of course, head also, you know, kind of...

That's because, okay, let's talk about this for a second, because I think kind of a bit of slapping might be really nice. But be careful to aim well, because the eyes are a sensitive area. Yeah, no, 100%, I think. Yeah, if you're going to go off bum, off breast, and also be careful with your breasts, you know, bleeding, and if you have any nipple piercings, and if you breastfeed, you know, all these things.

Know your limits. I think we come to the end, which is aftercare. Nice. I thought this was really the end, but yes, it doesn't end with the end. Of course it does. It ends with the aftercare. Maybe take some time after to talk to whoever you are spanking with to see what went well, what you didn't like. It's a great way to connect emotionally, but also for the next time you'll know what not to do and what to do more of. Is there any advice you would give for bruising marks? I think get some, what is it? Anisha? Akinesha? Do you know what I'm talking about?

I think I know what you mean. It's like a kind of thing that we put on bruises that helps them heal. And maybe some Vaseline, something that keeps them very moist. If you've got cracked skins, maybe some disinfectant, things like that. And also just give each other a little hug if you are experiencing a lot of physical sensations and marks.

It can really open you up in a scene and it can be quite emotional as well, especially if you are working through some trauma. Sorry, last question. Do you think that happens? Do things come up during a good spanking? Yeah, I think if it's not purely... I think there's so many different ways. If you're doing it in sex and otherwise vanilla sex, that's a sexual thing. That's a kind of dominance thing. I think if you're doing it in a certain scene...

Or you're someone that sees a dom on a professional level and you're working through some stuff, 100%. It can be very impactful emotionally. Impactful stuff. And I think that's basically it. If I've missed anything on spanking that I didn't say...

Please write to us and tell me if you disagree, if you agree, and anything else you want to hear in BDSM Basics, because we are here at your disposal. Or if you want to share your spanking hot story with us, then reach out and we'd love to have you on the pod. So I think that's it, Greville. Until next time, keep it kinky. Keep it kinky. ♪

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