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Gregor: 我认为Cruising是一种寻找休闲性伴侣的行为,它有着悠久的历史,甚至可以追溯到奥斯卡·王尔德时代。Cruising与约会不同,它不涉及任何承诺。在社会保守的环境中,Cruising成为了一种gay men在公共场所寻找伴侣的隐秘方式。即使在像巴塞罗那这样对LGBTQ友好的城市,Cruising仍然存在,可能是因为它提供了一种匿名和随机的体验。Grindr等约会应用的出现改变了Cruising的方式,但也减少了随机性和惊喜。Cruising点通常位于容易接近但又相对隐蔽的区域。在Cruising中,安全非常重要,使用安全套和PrEP是必要的。 在Cruising场所,眼神接触是表达兴趣的重要信号。在不同的场所,如公共厕所或桑拿房,人们使用不同的信号来表达兴趣。Cruising也存在风险,因此告知朋友自己的行踪是必要的预防措施。 关于女性不参与Cruising的原因,我认为女性的性欲受社会和安全因素的影响更大,因此她们不太可能参与Cruising。女性通常需要更安全和私密的环境才能获得性满足。 Anna: 我对Cruising的了解主要来自在巴塞罗那Montjuic公园散步时观察到的现象。我注意到很多Cruising发生在隐蔽的公共场所,参与者大多是男性,其中一些人可能来自对同性恋有更多限制的文化背景。我认为Cruising的吸引力在于它的匿名性和刺激性,以及在当下获得性满足的可能性。 我对为什么女性不参与Cruising感到好奇,也想知道在Cruising场所人们如何选择性伴侣。我个人认为,对于女性来说,在公共场所与陌生人发生性行为的风险过高,而且这种方式可能无法满足女性的性需求。

Deep Dive

Chapters
The hosts discuss the concept of cruising, its historical significance, and its evolution over time. They delve into notable instances and figures associated with cruising, contrasting it with modern dating practices.
  • Cruising refers to the act of seeking casual sexual encounters, often in public spaces.
  • Oscar Wilde's arrest in 1895 is a notable historical event related to cruising.
  • Cruising differs from dating due to its lack of commitment and spontaneity.
  • The advent of apps like Grindr has shifted some cruising activities online.

Shownotes Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to Spank U Next, your fetish and BDSM podcast. My name is Gregor and I'm here with my co-host Anna. Hey Anna, how are you doing? Hello, I'm really good, thank you. How are you doing? I'm good. We are still far apart. I'm still traveling, so it's been like almost two months now and time really flies. This has been such a weird start of 2025. Like

being the first couple months of this year just on the road I mean I'm jealous you know you say time has flown I'm not sure anyone going through January and February back home it's always kind of long months of winter but yeah I'm happy for you obviously yeah you're actually right like I'm so so glad that I escaped these two months because I always think January and Feb are always the

the most difficult months in the year. It's actually a great idea. I might do it next year. Honestly, I'm already planning on going back to India next January. Just one thing, like, being away for so long, and I really, I left Barcelona mid-December because then I went to Austria to my family. And I really realised how much I love Barcelona. So...

Even though I'm very happy about everything that's still to come on my trip, I'm already looking forward and coming back. That's great. Because, you know, we both live in Barcelona. If you don't listen to the podcast already... If you haven't listened, go back and listen to every episode. 100%. What are you doing here on the most recent episode?

But yeah, of course. But I think a lot of people listening would be like, how could you not love Barcelona? But I think when you live somewhere, you start questioning things. And we're both not from Barcelona. So there's always these questions of should I go home? Should I leave? But it's always nice to get confirmation when you leave somewhere for a while. In the end, it's really true. It's an amazing city. It's got the beach. It's got an amazing kind of cultural life. It's really great.

But anyway. Let's focus. Let's focus here. So we are the podcast that's about all things kinky for the you kinks is out there and everybody who's just kink.

curious we are sponsored by our dear friends over at fattish.com and the fatt app it's a kink positive online community and dating platform where you kind of just can connect with other people who are also kinky and into kind of all that nice sexual stuff you're into the nice sexual stuff love that yeah and also we are

advertising we're looking for sponsors we're looking for advertisers if you are a business it doesn't have to be kinky but obviously we love that if you are a sex toy business clothing ropes anything please reach out to us because we'd love to hear from you and talk about how we could collab you can reach out to us on instagram at spanky next podcast it's podcast or pod gregor you always do this podcast podcast podcast you're doing an amazing job email

And the email to reach us is podcast at ideawisegroup.com. It's kind of a new one. We had Spanky Next before, but we kept getting spam, getting into people's spam. Yeah, I mean, if you have a sex-positive business, you might be aware of this, but it's so difficult for a sexual business to kind of reach out to people. You always get in spam folders, you get blocked on Google and on Instagram, and

So this might also be a reason for advertising with us because we get directly linked to kinky people. Absolutely. So what are we talking about today, Gregor? Let's not linger anymore. Today we're talking about cruising.

And I'm not talking about boats. I'm talking about gays. About the gays. Tell us. Okay. So most of you might know what cruising is. So cruising is basically just the act of looking for casual sexual... Casual hookups. For casual sexual contacts and...

The thing is also cruising has been around for a very, very long time. One of the most famous acts of cruising might actually be when Oscar Wilde... I know who you... Oh, okay, Oscar Wilde. I thought you were going to say someone else.

Okay, let's just hear my story first. You tell me yours first. So it was actually when Oscar Wilde was arrested after a scandal involving male escorts and public cruising. And that was in 1895. And a lot of historians say that this is really where his downfall began. He was put in prison, right? Yeah. So who's your famous cruiser? I was thinking much more recently, George Michael.

Shouldn't he get out because he was cruising in a toilet, like a public toilet? I think so, yeah. I think so, yeah. I love that he kind of, I say, cruising has been around for a long, long, long time. George Michael, that was in the 80s or something, wasn't it? Yeah, it wasn't, it was kind of a long time ago now. It's a god, yeah, Gen Z would call it ancient. But is cruising, so is cruising about...

Looking in public spaces or tell us a bit more about like what's cruising and what's just dating. I mean, I think kind of the big difference here is kind of dating involves some sort of commitment and cruising doesn't. If you date somebody, you have like intention of getting to know the people, the person and maybe continuing that relationship or acquaintance while cruising is really just a one act show.

And I would basically say what happens is the more restrained society gets, the more creative gay guys get when it comes to having sex.

So especially before there were kind of gay bars, before there were gay clubs, before it was even legal to be gay, the gays invented cruising. So basically it was just very well-known spots that could be public toilets, that could be a park or a hill or saunas or bathhouses where people would just know that that was a cruising area and they would meet their friends

to have hookups? I live in an area of Barcelona which is very close to a cruising spot. Which is a cruising area, yeah. Yeah, I walk the dog and I see many things in my walks. Well, she walks in on cruising quite a lot with her very sort of curious nose. So often what will happen is

It's basically in this area of Barcelona that's got a lot... It's like on a mountain. It's not really a mountain. It's like a big hill, let's be honest. Okay. It's a lot of different parks, right? It's Montjuic. It's called Montjuic. And thank you for saying this because everybody in Barcelona calls it a mountain. People from... It's not a mountain. It's a hill. It's a hill, people. Sorry. Yeah, I know. Get a grip. But basically, it has all these offshoots and little mini parks and stuff. It's a perfect area for cruising. So often, you'll be going up...

Like, there's steps and you'll just see a guy dart off to the right into a bush. And so you know what's happening. And I actually spoke to someone who knows someone who cruises there and the stuff that goes on Gregor is scandalous. Like, orgies, you know, glory holes and stuff. I mean, I've never actually seen much more than men sort of like splitting up and running away. But I also notice it's a lot of men who are not white.

And I wonder if it's something about, you know, not being able to be gay in their culture or religion. I can imagine that would make you be more open to cruising because it's quite anonymous. Would that be your take? Yeah, I think there's definitely something to it. A very good friend of mine, he always says like he doesn't understand cruising in Barcelona because

because Barcelona is a very gay city. It's very okay to be gay. There's a lot of gay bars. There's a lot of visibility for homosexuality. So he always says he doesn't get it why people need to cruise in Barcelona when you can just go to a bar. And you really see this if you go to countries where there's much more restriction, like Turkey, for instance. There's much more cruising going on.

You really need those hidden places. You need this underground knowledge of where gay men meet because there's no other public spaces destined for queers to mingle.

so understand the need for someone who doesn't feel safe doing it in anywhere where they could be identified even if it's a gay boy you know people have smartphones now you could be pictured there even on their page you know on their instagram page so i get it so what is your reasoning as to why it still is a thing then because in barcelona

I think it's just the thrill of it. You know, it's just interesting. It's kind of, I mean, you know, nowadays with Grindr and I think, oh, now I forgot. I think Grindr is now around for,

15 years already or something like that. Really? So yeah, 10 or 15 years. So they just celebrated an anniversary. And that of course changed cruising a lot because now you can basically cruise on the app, which is a lot safer. But it also took away a bit of the surprise aspect because when it comes to Grindr, you think twice. It's once again that people who kind of are more handsome or who have better pictures or just who

who know how to chat people up, they are at an advantage on Grindr. But when it comes to cruising, everyone is equal.

Like, because it just happens in the moment. Every hole is open. Every hole is open. I actually meant to say, I meant to say, Gregor, every hole is welcome. But I said open. There's this meme and it's my favorite gay meme. And it's actually a picture of Oprah with folded hands. And beneath that it says, a shaved hole is a busy hole because you'll never see grass on it.

On a well-frequented road. Oh, yeah. You've got to love the internet.

We should put that on our Instagram. Okay, so let's come back to cruising. How do cruising spots get created and how does knowledge about the places get sort of shared? I think there's two things to it. I mean, nowadays, the internet, if you go to New City, you can look up cruising places. There's also certain apps. I think there's one that's called Squirt that just lists cruising spaces in your area and people can access

actually check inner cruising spaces so other people know that they're there. And actually, funny side note here, I read that cruising really is like a man thing. I don't know about any women cruising, so it's a man-dominated sport. But the funny thing is that kind of a lot of the people cruising don't identify as gay. It's men who have sex with men who are kind of a very special subgroup, but

But a lot of them don't identify as gay. A lot of them are married. A lot of them kind of identify as heterosexual and just go there for the sex. So,

It really comes to this kind of idea of being anonymous, of having just quick sex without any consequences if you take care of yourself. And I think this also then relates to the selection of the cruising spot. So it's actually, it has to be something that's very accessible, that's at a place where people can get to easily, but also something that's more or less hidden.

So kind of, I guess in Montjuic you have like a... Barcelona, there's actually a lot of cruising spots because there's this one in Montjuic. Hidden in plain sight is what it is. Yeah. Then there's this one like next to the beach in Marbella. And then there's this one in Sitges. Yeah, where the gay beach, which is actually a huge group. It's like Pokemon Go. And it's always like what you said, like really hidden in plain sight. It's very obvious, but still it is a bit secluded. And it's definitely like...

Let's say we're in Barcelona, so everyone knows where the cruising spot is. You know, hetero people, everyone. Everyone.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And if you don't want to see stuff, you just don't walk there. But like people still do, you know, like it's very much like it's a known thing. It's a known part of our kind of culture. Honestly, that's a thing. And I don't know if it's because homosexuality is just legal in Europe, but also like in my town in Austria, in Salzburg, we knew where the cruising spot supposedly was.

Like, even as teenagers, you know, kind of, it's just like common knowledge in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same like growing up in the UK. Like, you know, your parents would even be like, that's where, you know, the men, the men wandered. Exactly. It's an open secret. But I have a question as a woman who doesn't go to cruising spots. I have two questions, actually. Why do you think it's only men, even though I think it's obvious? And why?

What actually happens when you go to a cruising spot? Like, how do you decide who you're gonna, you know, have sex with? Is there, like, a nod? Is it anyone?

We'll get to that in a second. Let's discuss this for a moment. Like, why don't women cruise? Honestly, I kind of, I was just thinking once I heard this theory that when it comes to sex, kind of usually we say that men have a higher sex drive. And I saw this interview by one sexologist who explained that it's much more like kind of when it comes to sex, we have like pulls and we have breaks. We have things that fire our desire.

And then we have things that kind of limit our desires. And for women, those things are just kind of greater in number because there's much more risk involved. Kind of there can be violence involved, the risk of getting pregnant, the risk of what my people say about me, etc. So according to this guy, it's not that women are not so and not as sexual as men. It's just that women have like a more inhibited by society. The danger. Yeah. Yeah. Because of the dangers. Yeah.

Can I imagine that that's quite evolutionarily as well. We're built to sort of be aroused in times when we feel protected and safe. That's really interesting. I haven't heard that. A lot of cruising happens in dark parks at night. There's a lot of daytime cruising as well, but I think it happens at night. And would you as a woman just kind of go to a dark park?

during the night and talk to strangers. It's basically everything we've been taught not to do in life. And even though obviously there are people who have been taught not to be gay and they do it.

But it's like putting yourself in that situation as a woman. Maybe there are some women that do that, so not disparaging that. But to put yourself in that situation, it just comes with so many risks that it's probably just not worth it.

But in terms of the psychology, there's also, Esther Perel was talking about this, our favourite, and I've actually heard another psychologist describe this, that a lot of men, there's two types of arousal. There's spontaneous arousal, and then there's like, I can't remember the name of it, but it's basically, you have to start doing stuff to get in the mood. Right.

And men are much more likely to have a spontaneous arousal. Like the desire just comes anytime, basically. It can just be like, yep, let's go. I'm horny now. Let's go. And for women, you often have to be in a situation where it's already turning sexual or like actually like start to do it before you become aroused. So going to a park, probably not the one because you're not already horny.

Even though, obviously, you can go on hookup apps and you're horny and stuff like that. But often it's not just like right in the moment I need to like get off. But I also think sex like that for women is not very good. Just getting fucked like in a park where they don't know how you like to get aroused, clitorally and all this stuff is probably just not going to be very good.

You're not going to come, you know, as we've talked about with the female orgasm episode, which you should go listen to if you haven't. You know, women often need clitoral stimulation. They need vibrators and stuff. So what good is it going to like an anonymous park for a lot of women? Such two words. Anyway, let's get back to the men who love it.

Yeah, exactly. Let me walk you through a cruising experience. So let's talk about preparation first. So what are some things you should do before you go on your cruise? And first thing, check the weather, especially if you do outdoor cruising, like you want to make sure to be ready for whatever weather.

Shower and or douche. So really kind of try to keep hygiene up. It's kind of, it should be a non-negotiable. Kind of this sounds dumb, but it's very important. Don't forget your sunscreen and your bug spray. There's a lot of ticks in the woods. Really, you love...

No, it's so important. And put your sunscreen on. We don't want that skin to age. And then pack your essentials like condoms, lube, poppers, wet wipes. Also maybe a small garbage bag. Don't leave anything behind in the woods. Don't litter. And...

When not everyone's doing this, I don't tell them that much. No, but I think almost nobody is doing that. I'm trying to start a movement here. You're a very conscientious person, but the amount of used condoms I see on a daily basis is wild. They're using condoms. Do you know, I've heard that especially in Europe, STIs are on the rise. People are not using condoms anymore. So whenever you just see a used condom on the street, you should be very grateful. Do you think it's because the risk of HIV is a lot less?

like as in yeah like that was the biggest fear before I mean especially with PrEP that's what PrEP gave us now I'm very grateful for PrEP but with a lot of people taking PrEP it's not so likely anymore to get HIV exactly or it's not so serious when you get it you know

Also, when you get it, treatments got a lot better. A lot has happened thanks to science. Take that, anti-vax people. Because that's always been my thing about cruising. I imagine there's a lot of unprotected sex going on and it just feels risky. You know, also going a bit back to history, during the AIDS pandemic, cruising really changed because I think before it was something that

cruising happened and people just, you know, people knew about the cruising spots, people knew about the cruisings, but they just didn't do anything. It was mainly okay. It was like not legal, but permitted in a way. But then came HIV and AIDS. And of course it got really dangerous and it got like, once again, like a Russian roulette.

And then also the police started taking action. So kind of homosexuality was illegal then. And they enforced the law much more. And they busted a lot of cruising spaces. And just because of that. Sad times. Bad times. It's just horrific. But yeah, we're in a much better spot. So it's a lot less risky. But I guess for some people that don't do it or say like a hetero woman like me,

It feels like such a... I can imagine why it's really exciting. And I can imagine why it would be a massive turn on. It's just for me, it would just be way too risky. Okay. How to spot a cruiser. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Tell me. I think I know. This is what we're here for. Oh. Only because I see them all the time. I think you might have more cruising experience than I do.

So eye contact is the first big sign. Okay. Like there is this kind of stare that's just a little bit too long and you should follow that instinct that person is having.

probably very likely into you so basically what happens if you get to a cruising spot especially if it's in the woods or on one's week on a hill you just start by aimlessly walking around a bit or just standing and then you kind of start making eye contact with people and people usually get the hint rather quickly there is of course different scenarios because um

It's not all outdoor cruising. There's also different cruising spots like public toilets or saunas. So what you would do in a public toilet, there's a lot of foot tapping. So if you're in a stall next to somebody and you kind of start reaching your foot under someone,

kind of beneath the separation wall and the other person also reaches your foot into your side and you tap foot that's a very clear sign that some cruising is possible. And then someone opens the door? And then someone opens the door. Literally. How do you choose which one? I think I know who can negotiate. I don't know. The one who opens the door is the bottom. No, I have no idea.

And then of course, if you're in a sauna, what people like do, of course, there's always also eye contact involved. Like kind of, it's of course difficult without looking at the other person. But what people usually do, like first you can just do a bit of eye contact. And then, and this is like, I have, I really got this firsthand information from a friend who's doing a lot of sauna cruising. You just playing around, you start playing around with your bulge.

This is like, so first you establish a little bit of eye contact, then you start playing around with your chunk. And if the other guy also does it... It's on. Yeah. I love that. Such a simple way of doing things in comparison to fucking hetero shit. Yeah, not so many words. No, just signals. Like...

As it's said, you say it best when you say nothing at all. Okay. So I think the eye contact thing outside seems to be the most important. And then you have these other signals when you're more in an inside space. Sorry? Yeah, because you said, when I said how to spot a cruiser, you had an idea because you said you see them a lot when walking your dog. It's the wandering around. For sure. The wandering around is huge. It's like you see all these men in like...

places where like there's not really a reason to wander there I didn't know about the eye contact but that makes a lot of sense that I haven't seen that because I'm probably not the target market yeah probably you won't look at that much but yeah definitely I don't say if someone's just sort of like suddenly veers off

You know, like, they were sort of, like, going somewhere and then they just wander off into, like, the park. That seems to be quite a big signal. And a lot of just, like, men on their own. Honestly, because people know the cruising spots. So you already know you're in a cruising area and not, I don't know, a target. And...

So once you're in a cruising area and somebody starts holding that eye contact just a little bit too long and then, you know, kind of the disc. You can trust that they're into you. You can trust that they're into you. What happens if you go up to someone and then they're not into you and you got it totally wrong? Like you have to kind of be also like confident. Yeah.

I mean, oh, definitely. But with dating, you always have to be, also with dating, you would have to be confident. And I mean, you know, kind of beside it's mainly kind of without words, but you can still say no. Also, when you're in a cruising situation, you can still say no.

brings me to a topic maybe we should talk about a couple of safety tips as we said before kind of use a condom at best especially because it's the only thing that really protects you from STIs maybe be on PrEP if unprotected sex is your thing and

I think it might not be a bad idea to have some friends know where you are. Maybe share your location or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it could, even for like, you know, not just women, but for men, it could also carry that risk of meeting just the wrong, a wrong one every now and then. Oh, definitely. Yeah.

I mean, everything is safe and goes well until it doesn't. Preach, preach. Okay, well, I feel like I actually know a lot more about this scene that, like, you know, is among us at all times. It brings me to a topic that I think we should explore, and that's dogging. Because we were talking... Do you know what dogging is, Gregor? It's like... It's like socks at parking places. Yeah, it's almost like cruising, but for, like...

straight people and women. So even though I was saying it doesn't happen, it kind of does. Dogging. The straight people. Why do we have to do anything worse in car parks? Like, why? Okay, we definitely should explore dogging. Please. Because even though I was saying women wouldn't do it, actually there is a whole scene. It's different. It's not as packed with like

you know, wandering men and you're out like, you know, just walking into it. But there's definitely orchestrated spots for that. Women do like to go to these kind of areas and be watched having sex a lot of the time is what it is. Yeah. It's a lot of truckers

So maybe we should do something about that another time. But, um, oh, thank you, Gretta. That was great. I enjoyed hearing about the scene. Um, and I'm going to look out for that eye contact if I see it between two people. Yeah, please let us know what happens on your dog walks. Yeah, I will. The next time you, next time you're out dogging. Why does it have to be called dogging? It's such a horrible word. It's a horrible word. Okay. Cruising sounds so nice. It is because it sounds like a little cruise. Yeah. Okay. I think that's it for today. Um,

If you have any questions or any increasing stories to tell us, reach out to us on our Instagram and we'll speak next week. Until then. And until then. Keep it kinky. Keep it kinky. Bye.

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