Episode #02: Modern Dating 101: Tips for the Digital Age
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He's definitely a fraud. He's trying to skim my money. But I was so lonely at that time. I was unemployed. I just got out of a relationship. I'm like, I just want to talk to somebody, you know? So I didn't expose him until really later, early May until it was August.

And then he was like, "Hey, I am in a car accident. Could you lend me some money?" I'm like, "I'm sorry, I don't have any. I don't. I don't have any." And then he deleted me. I was like, "Aww, I lost my little life." Hi, everyone. Welcome to Bei Chao Nan Diao, aka Cultural Collision. I'm Melody.

I'm Victoria. And today we will be talking about Modern Dating 101. We have a very special guest with us today, a friend who doesn't claim to be a love expert, but has a lot more experience than Vic and I. He's a self-proclaimed Slytherin who's used over six dating apps and a buddy we can always count on if you need a late night drink and a shoulder to cry on. Welcome Robin.

Hi, my name is Robin and I don't think I'm a love expert or a dating expert, but if you consider dating life as like a Toyota, this Toyota has a lot of miles. Mine probably hasn't even hit like a couple digits. So Robin, how have you met people you've dated in the past? Through different people.

channels, I guess. Like dating apps is for sure, especially as millennials. Also, like I have met some of the guys through like mutual friends, like one of them through family actually. And also like from like community events, like, you know, tennis games or like some like gatherings or like some sales together. Yeah. Super diverse. What do you feel like is the most reliable?

Actually, the most reliable ones definitely are the ones through mutual friends because your friends know you and their friends know them. And the reason they put you guys together is they think that you are a match. While sometimes it didn't work, while most of the time it didn't work for me. But still, at least those people are saying, I guess, they're normal. But like...

I think dating app has like a bigger pool, you know, like it has a bigger pool. It has the chance to have some like more quality people there, but like through friends is like a safe way to, you know, get to know people. Do you ever feel awkward?

after you've been introduced to a person through mutual friends and then the relationship doesn't end up working out? Yeah, like definitely. It's like your parents want you to study in science, but like you want to study literature. Like it's just like not a match, but like sometimes it's a struggle for you. But like at the same time, you know it's not your fault, you know. Yeah, it's definitely like a hard one. So also like safe, but also with high risk.

I do feel like it's a little bit different than like friends and parents because like they don't have the same expectation all of like relationship, right? Friends is like, I introduced this one. Like if you're gonna walk along with this person, then that's good. But if you don't, you don't need to feel like a lot of pressure to dating with friend's friend.

But like sometimes like your friends would be like, hey, I want you to meet Victoria. Victoria, this is Robin. But then like, you know that like you guys are good friends. And if you're like, okay, I'm not really into Robin. And then Melody would be like, shoot, I cannot hang out with them together. Yeah. Like if everybody is really close friends and you guys would be hanging out in the same group setting, then I would just worry about that. Yeah.

Cool. All right. So let's get into the juicy stuff. When and why did you start using dating apps? It was freshman year because like it was the first time I finally moved out of my parents' house. Before that, I was a...

like goody two-shoes like everybody thinks I'm like just like a nerd like just into books and like not really into like they think I'm a monk maybe like I but I want to start to like explore like you know the social life the dating life and I want to explore uh what what else like um

out there. And finally, I'm moving out of my parents' house. Finally, for the first time in my life, I don't have a curfew when I was in college. And I'm like, ooh, that's fun, too. But, like, if you're... I feel like I was, like, at a...

little baby bear that was like thrown out of the wild for the first time. I don't know. I didn't know what to do, but like people like I've read through like internet, I guess like, oh, people are all through my space back in the day when people are still using my space, people are using like dating apps, like, you know, back in the day, jacked or whatever.

hornet, a grinder. And they're like, oh, it's a good way to meet people. No, like, not just for like, you know, casual fun. And I was like, okay, I've never had like gay friends. Oh, by the way, I'm gay. In case you didn't notice. I didn't, I never had a gay friends before. So I want to meet other queer people, you know, in the community. So that's,

the first time I started using dating apps and I didn't start it like really dating dating like you know to start like meeting people for like relationships or like casual fun until like later maybe when I was like the second or third year when I was in college because that's when I felt I was like grown up enough

So Vic and I have both been on dating apps, not as extensive as Robin. We haven't been on seven different apps before, but I think with my bio, that's something that I definitely struggle with. Like I never know what to write. I think the best are like the witty kind. So I really like Robin's because you can really see his personality from this. And it's like very witty. How about you, Vic? Do you find the profile section to be tough?

Yeah, it's like I live at blank at the beginning. I don't know what to say, how to describe myself, right? Like, it's like you're writing your resume, how to sell yourself to like strangers, right? I can read it for you guys, actually. So I started with, okay, so I do think I have a really good bio. And I've got that a lot from a lot of guys that I've matched with. Um,

So first you have to bring out like what you do or like what you think people would be interested in that you do. So I put in seven years of volunteering and social work, volunteering, social working at an LGBT center, LGBTQ center. So I included a lot of information there. First of all, I do volunteering.

So I'm a kind person. Also, I do it for the LGBT Center. That means I'm open and queer and, you know, I'm like supportive. On the next line, I put my job, former fashion worker, current marketing consultant. So I used to work in the fashion industry and now I work in marketing and to basically to let people know what I do for a living. And also there is a really... So also I put my...

ENTP type of personality there to let people know, okay, I'm that kind of person. I put my personality type there and because like a lot of people are using it for screening and I just like put it there. I do think it's kind of scientifically correct.

Also, oh, I put it there. I'm fighting a fairy type Pokemon. So that includes like three different informations. I do like Pokemon. Also, I'm a fairy typing and fighting typing. So I am both like feisty and I'm cute.

Agree, agree. 100% agree. Also, I am a Slytherin from Harry Potter. I did share one of my favorite Golden Girls is Blanche. So I do love retro comedies from the 80s, you know, the Golden Girls.

If you guys have the chance to match with me, you will see my beautiful, beautiful Halloween costumes from past four years. So, the last four Halloween costumes are Jon Snow White, so Jon Snow and Snow White, Taco Bell, Taco Bell and Princess Belle, Sailor Freddie Mercury, and Tinderella. I remember I saw Tinderella. It was literally epic. My catchphrase that night was, "Beepity-bopity-boop."

i remember the joel snow white costume oh that was like a long time ago yeah because we know we know yeah we know each other like from like a long time ago my last line of my bio is need a body to drink with i'll drink with yeah need a shoulder to cry on i'll drink with that i'll be down for a drink i do like to drink but yeah

I feel like it's very competitive resume up there. After I read Robin's bio, I was like, wow, this is like informative. This is like show what kind of person he is. It's really nice. That's why he talks to people all day. I think the next step is not like very hard to start a conversation with people, right? Because you're already telling a lot

story about yourself so then when they curious about like for example i want to see your costume for last year i just asked that and that's gonna start a conversation people like people literally started a conversation with me by so what's your go-to top five pokemon or like okay so you're a slytherin huh or something like that you know like

If you leave more information there that would give people to like open up the conversation, to give them a chance to start a conversation with you, you know, because if there's nothing there, it's just going to be, hey, they're like, it's good. And you are going to think that person, you're going to think that person is boring too. That's so true. Yeah. Like what is your go-to line in dating apps?

whether it be starting the conversation or a response to somebody else when you feel like the conversation is dying down. It depends actually. So I would always start, initiate the conversation. If I, like, for example, if we're using Bumble or Tinder, like there is a person who swept first, right? Like it's a, for me, I think it's a courtesy to be the person who swept

to be matched, you know, the later swipper to like send to start the conversation, to break the ice.

So I normally, if I already liked you earlier, I, there, there is definitely something in your bio or your picture that I'd be like really interested in. So I'll be like, if there is a dog in the picture, I'll be like, so what's the, what's the dog's name? Like started, I just started the conversation like that. Or like if the person was like, you know, maybe on a Spartan like game, I'll be like, so, uh,

"Hey, I saw your picture in the Spartan, so how was it?" Just starting the conversation. Don't make the person think that your question or your greeting words are just regular words that you use all the time. It's a customized one for them. They would think that, okay, you pay attention and they would think they are valued. And then

they will respond to you with like a more customized and like a valuable valuable you know question or like your answer that's just what like one add-on that like i just heard also heard the same story about like pat right if you have a pad in your bio or in your pictures that's so easy to start a conversation oh it's cause a cat how's your dog and you're a top person like cat person no i have two cats and let me tell you there are there are man magnets

after like talking to people online right the next one like we're curious about like what it's like to meet made up with people for the first time after chatting online uh like

There's a different period of time that at first I felt nervous and scared even, that's when I was younger. But like Ryan, because like when you were young, like when I was still in college, even when I was in my grad school, like I was older, but like mentally, I literally, I just went out on the society. I was not ready to meet people.

So I was scared. Like, okay, I'm this kind of person that I feel like everybody is trying to stab me. Like, I was educated that way. I was... 被迫害冒想中 I was afraid, like, people, either they're going to stab me or they're going to poke me with some, like, dirty needles with, like, HIV or something. HIV or something, yeah.

Oh my gosh! This means the story online, telling like parents will tell you just be careful, don't talk to people. Yeah, they're gonna kidnap you or something. Or cut off your guts and like steal your kidney or something. So I was, I would be super scared. Like, um...

Just like I wouldn't even want to meet the person unless like I have know the person like I have talked to the person for like half a year, six months is like the bottom standard, like I need to know that person enough to trust them.

And but right now I'm just like, okay, it's just because especially after COVID, like for a long time, I haven't seen anybody new, you know, like, all like my friends, I haven't seen all of my friends, I haven't seen all of my family and like, you don't go out that much. And I just want to meet people. If somebody asked me on any of the dating apps, hey, do you want to meet up for like a beer? Do you want to meet up for like a walk? Oh, definitely. I will be there. Yeah.

I am, I'm like, I don't care if you're ugly as long as you have a face.

I don't care. I just want to meet people. What if they have a hard time with location? I'm not sleeping with them. It's just like, I want to meet people. I want to meet more people. I want to hear their story. Sometimes like the person is kind of crazy, you know, I'm like, okay, we will not be friends. But sometimes like there is going to be friends that there are going to be people that, okay, you're really interested. And then we became friends. Yeah. But I still call that like post-covid syndrome. Oh yeah.

I don't know. What do you think, Vic? Do you like to just go out with people because you want to go out with people or would you only go out with people who you feel like you're interested in? I feel like I only go out with people who I'm like interested in because I don't waste my time, right? I can't be because like I'm

I'm like, I put this way, I'm like older than both of you. So I feel like my- Oh not that much, like two years. Slightly. She sounds like, back in my day in 1941.

My time is so precious. I don't want to hang out with the people I don't like. But let me put it there. Victoria was in a long-term relationship for a long time. So the last time she was dating, it was a different period of time. That's true. Literally, there was no technology back then. Yeah, yeah. What do you think is the difference between online dating and meeting somebody in real life?

I think the difference for everybody is online you are hiding behind the screen. And sometimes for a lot of people, either they get to be the real themselves, because maybe they're kind of introverted in real life, so they get to be more open, to be more honest or direct, you know?

But so for somebody, they tend to be more unlike themselves. They want to be like more aggressive. They want to prove that they're like the real man or that the real women. And it's just like, yeah.

For me, I treat everybody. I do think I treat people fairly, so I just want them to think that that person they are chatting through either iMessage, Tinder, like inbox from any kind of apps are the same person like they're meeting. Like, you know, I'm being honest and I'm being, sometimes I am funny, sometimes I try to be funny, but it turns out it's not. But like,

maybe they would understand that's my humor. And sometimes I try to be over explaining what I'm doing right now. But I do think for everybody that's trying to be out there using dating apps and to meet up in real life, it's just

think that you're hiding from something, hiding from the screen. You do not lie on any conditions. Just be the real you because if you want other people to treat you fairly, if you want other people to be honest, to

to you with you and that you have to be honest with them so just be yourself like people gonna find you are amazing and people are gonna like you know want to hang out with you be friends with you or maybe like even be in a relationship with you you know i love shit

Yeah, I love that too. But like the reality is like on my way to meet Robin, I heard someone talking about like more than half the people on the dating app, they're using their like fake photos where they're like lying about their profile. That's like people just trying to like beautify themselves.

oh yeah really yeah and also like is that like it's very interesting right it's jay shetty's podcast the latest episode he was talking about like why people on dating app has better has higher standard to meet people because you can like swipe left or slap right it makes you feel like you have more choices so you don't have to start a deep conversation with someone you meet online that's why like people trying to lie and trying to like

package themselves as a very perfect person. But like then you meet them online or like you even have a phone call with them, you realize this is not the person they tell who they are online. No. So should we exchange some stories?

I can share some stories. Yeah, so there's a lot of scam online. Financial scam. Yeah, exactly. We call it the pig slaughter place. It's basically a huge scheme seen in China. And the

it is so huge the chinese government has to build up like a whole system like to establish an app to prevent to prevent that because like there are so many young people who are getting into that but like keep going yeah i was like i would not like very deep in it into it but like when i talked to a friend the other day she was like oh my friend got scammed 40 thousand

RMB because of like meeting people online and like I think they're just like convert convinced her to like I'm doing this like money investment right again like 10 you should just follow me if you don't know nothing about like how to manage your money you just do what exactly I do and then she lost 40 grand

Wow. I have a story too. Early 2020, and that's when everybody was just got out, like got out of COVID for a like brief time, right? That's when I, when I was struggling with job and I started using dating app. And then I met this Taiwanese guy and he lives in Tianjin, which is closer to where I'm, I'm leaving Beijing. And

So he has a full story. But from the moment, like literally like a week after talking to him, because we added each other on like WeChat or like, you know, Instagram. From like after first week, I think he is like a, like a scheme. He, he's definitely a fraud. He's trying to scheme my money. But like, I, I was so lonely that time.

I was unemployed. I just got out of a long relationship. I'm like, I just want to talk to somebody, you know? So he would like literally try to talk me into sleep, like talk to me into sleep and wake me up in the morning, say nice things to me. And he

tried like multiple times to convince me to buy dogecoin dogecoins that's when dogecoins were just started coming out like i kind of made so much money robin i do i i know

and he has a whole story setting up. His parents were like that when he was young, and he was raised by the grandmother, and he calls grandmother mom, and he has an uncle who works in Tianjin and everything, and like the story, like I was like, oh my god, he is so organized, you know? I'm like,

Even though you're a liar, you're a thief, I do want to talk to you. So I didn't expose him until really later. Until like, I think it's from like early May until like it was August. And then he was like, hey, like, okay, I am in a car accident because you lent me some money. I'm like, I'm sorry, I don't have any. I don't, I don't have any. And then he deleted me. I was like, oh, okay.

I lost my little liar. You know, I want somebody to lie to me. He was so nice. Like that was like a relationship. He was nice because he wanted money. He does want money. I know that he wanted money. So I didn't give him money. But we talked for like almost three months. Yeah. I did enjoy the time. This conversation really brings to our next question is how...

What's your suggestion for new users updating app or for the users who made something really, someone really weird? So what's your suggestion? For anyone who's stepping into any area, anything new, it's going to be scary. So just treat it as something, as a learning experience. Because there are people out there. There are good people, bad people. So there's a 50-50 chance that you're going to be there.

meet both of them. So just like be yourself, be out there. And if you are

if you think that person might be harmful or maybe toxic, might be a bad influence on you, walk away. And if there are people are trying to maybe threaten your health or just talk to your friends, talk to authorities, just make sure that you're safe. And

But my suggestion is to always be you. Like yourself is the best version of yourself.

Yeah, I feel like we can always control how we act, the way that we portray ourselves, but it's just so hard to predict who is actually behind the other screen. So last week, I just watched one of the Netflix documentaries called Untold, the girlfriend who never existed. And so it's about a football player, Manti Teo. He fell in love with a girl online to then realize that this girl was

was a fake person the whole time. And he was being catfished. And I mean, it like basically ruined his career going forward because news broke out that this girlfriend never existed, but he was basically using this girlfriend as a way to really pump up his career as well. And so after that, he, he didn't get picked for the first job of NFL. Luckily he still got chosen for the second job with San Diego, but.

Yeah, it's really scary. And then with the Tinder slender too. Did you guys watch that? It was this one guy who was literally swindling all of these girls and just- Oh, yeah. So it's like- To pretend that he's some like a royalty or something, right? Yeah, I'd be like, hey, I really need money because of X, Y, and Z. And then because you're my girlfriend, you would give me the money. And then I would use that money then to pay for Robin's

like flight or something. For next girlfriend's like yachts or like. Yeah, for the other girlfriend. And then it was just a huge thing. Like he had five girlfriends at the same time or something. He was just using everybody's money so that he can go on trips and just like live this super luxurious lifestyle. For me, if I had to give people advice, watch Tindler Slender and watch Unpolled.

I really agree with what Robin said, like be yourself, right? That's the first thing. And the second one is just protect yourself. Safety is always the most important, right? You feel like anything wrong about this guy or about this girl, just stay away. Just leave this, right? Just run, run away from it. Like there's a 7 million people, like 7 billion people actually, right? 7 billion people on the planet. Yeah, don't like...

Just trust yourself as just one guy or one girl. There's tough choices and there is a, yeah, just be for yourself. And that's just like. Let's end this session with like asking three questions. I'll ask the first one, right? How do you feel right now? - I'm drunk. Haven't you seen the video? I have been like sipping on my like Chardonnay, so.

No, I feel welcomed and thank you, Victoria and Maladie. And also I feel fresh, refreshing, you know, because like you get to share a lot of things that you don't share often with your friends. And I get to share it with you guys. So thank you. Thanks. And what is something you are grateful for today?

I am grateful for the Lord to provide our wine, you know. I am grateful for good company with you guys. And I am also grateful for just people, like all of my friends surrounding me for the past couple years and supporting me. Oh, I feel like I'm taking like an award or something. But I'm just like grateful for it.

every friend including melanie and victoria okay the last one what are you energized about

I am energized about wine, guys. I just like to drink. I am energized about, I just, I'm excited to like everyday life. Tomorrow I could be like, you know, doing workout, doing yoga. I can, I could be hanging out with a friend. Just like I am excited to see my future. I am still younger-ish.

Thanks, Robin, so much for joining us today. Let us know what you're interested in hearing from us each week by commenting below and we'll chat soon.