BE 379: Why You Should Not Hem and Haw at Work
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This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 379, Why You Should Not Hem and Haw at Work.

Welcome to the Business English podcast from All Ears English. Get the English skills you need to achieve your dreams in global business. For a presentation, a meeting, or your office party, this is Real Business English with your favorite American hosts, Lindsay and Aubrey, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.

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Hello Aubrey, how are you feeling today? I'm great. How are you, Lindsay? Good. I'm excited to be recording with you on Business English, but I do have a question. Are you ready? Awesome. Yes, I'm ready. So Aubrey, have you had any moments in life when you have hesitated, like to make a decision, to accept an offer or to do something else and you regretted it later? You know, when I hesitate the most often is when

when playing sports like volleyball. Often, I was talking to my sister about this because if the player next to me is stronger, I will defer to them sort of like if a ball is between us, I won't be really aggressive at all, like hesitate and expect them to go. And then sometimes we both miss it. I'm like, I need to stop doing that. Like it's

You know, it's a really kind of a bad habit. It's all about me hesitating. Yes. As a tennis player, I get that too. That happens a lot in tennis, probably in pickleball too, I would imagine, where it just goes straight through the two of you and you're both looking at each other. We both just hesitated. Either of us could have gotten it. Yeah. We were being too, you know, thoughtful, like letting them go or not aggressive enough. We just both hesitated. Right.

Right, you don't want to offend the person by assuming you should take it. It gets into this whole head trip thing, right? That is what hesitation is. We get into a bit of a head trip. For me, I just sort of another really good example. When I did the New York City Teaching Fellows to do my master's degree in ESL, I found out I was expecting right as I got accepted to the program. So I really hemmed and hawed about whether to actually do the program because I couldn't miss any time.

I would have to like be very pregnant with all of the training and teaching, but I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity. I had done three interviews in New York. I had flown out for these interviews, so I didn't want to miss out on it. I finally decided to do it, but I really hesitated and went back and forth before I made that decision. And I bet you don't regret it, right? Of course not. I mean, yeah, in the grand scheme of life, right? So these are important moments in life.

Right. Where we can get stuck in analysis paralysis or we know that we want to do something, but we just can't quite make that move or make that decision. But when we do, usually we don't regret it if it's the right decision. And we can't see the future. So we're trying to imagine what could happen. You never know until you just make the decision and go for it.

Yeah, I mean, hesitation can also be detrimental to our career. You know, when we hesitate at work to say something, sometimes we know the answer, but we don't say it for some reason. We just kind of sit back. And I think I have a feeling this is one of the things that our listeners really struggle with.

And I'm excited to dive into this today. Absolutely, especially in a second language or a third language. I experience this so much in both Spanish and French, where sometimes it's about choosing the perfect vocabulary or hesitating because I'm worried about my grammar isn't perfect. All kinds of things that make us hesitate.

And the crazy thing is usually you have the right answer, you have a great answer, an idea that someone else may not have thought of because you have different life experience, right? So it's really a shame when we can't push through. But this is where a question comes up from a listener, a comment from a listener. I'd like to go ahead and read it. Are you ready? Yeah, I am ready. Okay.

- All right, so our listener said that he had had an experience with a three-stage interview process. The technical skills were highly rated, but he didn't land the job because the interviewer felt the communication might be a concern. Our listener was frustrated, but this gave him a lot to think about. So he realized that sometimes he might come across as too formal or too hesitant in conversations. So this is something that our listener Rodrigo wants to work on. And I think a lot of our listeners do too.

how do we move past hesitation? Absolutely. Something similar came up in our Q&A this week where a student was talking about the words for arguing and had said altercation. I was letting her know this is a very formal word. She's like, how can I know when I'm having this conversation, how do I know which words are too formal and are maybe creating a wall and how can I worry about that and not hesitate? This can be really tricky, especially as you're learning.

about vocabulary and what's informal and what's formal. Yeah. It's kind of like if you overthink things, right? Because on this show, we do talk a lot about the nuances of vocab, the difference between altercation and fight and I don't know, tiff, right? Right. Exactly. These are nuances that we want to know this, but sometimes the brain can actually paralyze us into not taking the action, which is getting the message out.

Exactly. So today we're sharing some very interesting vocabulary related to this, to hesitation and interesting idiom. And we want to make sure that you hit follow for part two of this series because we have three strategies that can help you not appear to be hesitant in an interview like Rodrigo's or in conversations at work. Yeah. Yeah.

We're going to talk a little bit in the next part about American business culture, hesitating, how it could hurt you and how you can work through that tendency to hesitate and what you can do instead. So make sure you hit follow right here in Business English for part two coming up soon. But for today, Aubrey, let's go through our first vocab term.

All right. Yeah. So this is the adjective hesitant, which means slow to speak or act because you feel maybe uncertain, embarrassed or unwilling. We have all been there. Maybe it's sports. Maybe it's at work. Maybe it's with your language. We've all felt that.

- Yes, yeah. - That hesitation. And this is what brings us all together as human beings, right? We feel this fear and it's not just for language learners. I mean, it's for us as language learners in other languages, of course, right? So we all know exactly what this feels like.

So here's an example. Yeah, this is big for parents. I've had so many conversations with other parents where you feel very hesitant sometimes with parenting or giving consequences to children because you feel like I'm no expert. I don't know that what I would do is the right thing to do. Like, very difficult. That must be so nerve wracking, right? And you also have to decide right in the moment too, because you need to punish them and that kind of thing. Oh, gosh.

And I think that's often why parents will say like, go to your room for a little while. They want to think about like, how is, what is the best way to handle this? Right. They're thinking about what they've done. You're thinking about the punishment, right? Exactly. Right. All right. So you could say something like this. I was hesitant to ask for the day off because I knew our company was busy. Right? So this is another example. You really need a day off. You're burnt out, but you're hesitant to ask for what you need because of certain circumstances.

Yes, I think of promotions, raises. Many of us are hesitant to ask. Maybe part of your culture or the way you're raised, it's difficult to self-advocate. Yes, for sure. For sure. And then we have the verb form. What is that, Aubrey? Yeah, to hesitate, which means being slow to act or proceed, maybe due to fear, indecision, or unwillingness. So being hesitant, we hesitate. Yes.

Yes, exactly. And here's an example. I wanted to call him out, but I hesitated because I didn't want to be rude. And this definitely, I will have these thoughts sometimes where someone has said something where like, I want to call you out on that or correct you, but then I don't want to seem mean, you know? Yes. Right. Something very similar happened to me today. Someone made an assumption about me and I thought about it.

correcting them. And then I hesitated because I didn't want them to feel bad. I didn't want them to feel foolish or create awkwardness. So I just let it go. It's hard to know sometimes what is important enough to correct. I mean, it's a good sign in some ways that you have the empathy that you're thinking about the other person. But sometimes for me, at least it's like empathy gone off the rails, right? Too much. I agree. Yeah. Sometimes later I'm like, I should have said something. Yes. And I hate that feeling. It's true. I know. Yeah. Yeah.

But then we have a fun one for today. The idiom hem and haw. I love this. I do too. I use this when I was talking about my decision to do the New York City Teaching Fellows. I did. I hemmed and hawed when deciding to do this. So this means

to sort of waste time thinking about making a decision. It definitely implies you're, you know, maybe you're writing a list of the pros and cons. You're taking a lot of time. And do you think the wording actually comes from the sounds you make? Like, huh? Yeah.

Probably. That's pretty much what it is, right? Basically, you're not saying anything. You're waiting. You're not sure. You're delaying. You are holding back. You're indecisive. For example, my husband asked if I liked his jacket and I hemmed and hawed rather than giving him an answer. Probably means you didn't like his jacket. This actually happened to me. My husband bought this quilted blue jacket that's like a blue sky and then on the bottom has like trees and an elk.

He was like, do you like this? I was like, and I haven't done hard for life. I don't. Maybe for like hunting retreats or something. Right. Right. And then he was going to like wear it to dinner. No, he loves it though.

Well, there you go. People love their certain thing. Everyone has their own certain thing that they love, pair of jeans, shoes, but usually it's just very subjective to ourselves. Exactly, for sure. Or you might say this to someone if they are not answering directly or you might say, okay, don't hem and haw, give me a straight answer. They're really waiting, hesitating, thinking about their answer. It's a good way to say, all right, give it to me straight.

Again, to call someone out, just ask them to take action, right? Love it. Yes. Right. At LinkedIn, we know hiring is a big deal for your small business. Sometimes it can feel a little... Ah! Overwhelming. LinkedIn uses data that you can't find anywhere else to give you the best candidates. Also, you can feel confident you're hiring the best person for the job. And even a little...

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LinkedIn, your next great hire is here. Okay, Aubrey, let's hop into a role play. So this situation, I am an HR professional at a hospital and I've just completed an interview with an ER candidate, meaning emergency room candidate, right? A doctor that would work in the ER.

You are my colleague and you're asking if this interviewee, this candidate should be invited back for another interview. All right? Okay, perfect. I'll start us. So how did that go? He looked like a great candidate on paper. Yeah, on paper he was impressive, but I'm not sure if he'd be a good fit here. Give me the high level summary. What happened?

Well, he's got a PhD and 10 years of ER experience, but working in the city requires quick thinking and quick action. There's no time to hesitate. Is that the feeling you got? Yeah, there were a lot of gaps and silences in his answers. I couldn't figure out if he was thinking or just afraid to speak up. Hmm. He could still be a great doctor. I mean, at least he didn't spit out half-baked answers to the case studies you asked him about.

True. Should we have them in for one more interview? Yes, let's do it. Nice. Yeah, this reminds me a lot of, do you have memories of, did this ever happen to you at school, Aubrey? Some kids, maybe we talked about this before. I always felt like, often I felt like it was boys that would raise their, the teacher would ask a question, they would raise their hand and then they'd get called on and then they'd be like, I forgot. They would just raise their hand as soon as they got the question. Yes, they didn't actually have an answer. They're like, I'll think of something by the time I get called on. Yeah.

Exactly. And then for me, I'm not saying it's always on gender lines. That was my theory, but I don't think it's always true. For me, I would be preparing my answer, thinking, and then like gathering up my confidence to raise my hand. Yeah. I was more like you. And I didn't know, I remember one girl, a student who she was always first one with her hand up and like shaking it like this.

And so I think you're right, not always on gender lines, but often it is sort of cultural, how you were raised, how much you speak up for yourself and how aggressive or how forward you are about things like that, for sure. - Yeah, and I think it's really important to look at the cultural piece, right? So does your culture tell you? I would venture to guess that American culture tells us we should be the ones,

with our hand up right kind of answering before we have the answer formulated which i don't think that's necessarily a good way to be i agree but it's true we've got the no risk no reward fortune favors the bold all those idioms that are making us raise our hand because we're not going to succeed unless we're bold

and also just a very verbal culture so saying something is better than saying nothing saying a half-baked answer is better than saying no answer but so i want our listeners to kind of take a minute now and reflect on your own culture and what are those lessons is it a similar lesson is it something totally different if it is if you're working in a business culture the uk the us australia or something just know what the difference is

Right. Recognize that first. Yeah, absolutely. Let's go through this role play. There was some great bonus vocab here to say, I said, he looked like a great, a great candidate on paper. And they said, yeah, on paper, he was impressive. So this means the resume, everything we have seen written about them, all of the papers we have seen about this person before we actually meet them in person.

Right. But I wasn't so sure, right? Because we said he's got a PhD, he's got 10 years of experience, but working in the city, this is kind of an urban hospital, requires quick thinking and quick action. There's no time to hesitate. And that's the verb form of hesitate.

Right? Yes, exactly. Right. And you can, after one interview, maybe two, you can get a pretty good idea of how hesitant a person is if they're hesitating. But often it's just that we don't have enough practice interviewing. We can give this impression when we're actually not a hesitant person. Yeah, sure. For sure. And then what else, Aubrey? What did I say after that? And then you were saying, I couldn't figure out if he was thinking or just afraid to speak up.

So this means, you know, actually to speak, to advocate for yourself, to share ideas that you have, you know, how hesitant are you being? Yes. And the difference again, Aubrey, to sort listeners now between speak and speak up, what do we need to know there? Speak and speak up. It's a phrasal verb there. It's a very subtle difference, right? Speak is more general and speak up might imply in a crowd or sometime when you would

be too shy and wouldn't necessarily want to, that you're choosing to speak up.

Yes, I love that. I love that. And then I said, Hmm, you said, Hmm, he could still be a great doctor. I mean, at least he didn't spit out half baked answers to the case studies, right? So again, we've used this word a couple of times half baked, something that is half baked is underdeveloped, right? Stream of consciousness. Exactly. Just like cookies that are half baked would be run. Just the same with ideas, right? Underdeveloped, not quite polished.

Yeah. And I think that is the takeaway for today. What do we know about our own cultural learnings? Because whether we agree with it or not, our culture is in us, right? It's been ingrained in us since childhood or the many cultures we've lived in maybe. And so how is that going to affect the way we might act in a meeting? At least if we have an awareness, then we can start to evaluate how might I want to change that or

tweak that a little bit depending on the scenario, right? Absolutely. Yes, exactly. I very much agree. Be sure to hit follow guys for part two. We're going to really help Rodrigo and everyone out there listening know three tips that you could do to make sure you don't come across as too hesitant in interviews, at work, and sort of undermine yourself. Yes, I love it. I can't wait to get to that part two. So hit that follow button and we'll see you next time. All right. Awesome. See you next time. Bye Aubrey. Bye.

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