BE 405: Rather Not Say? How to Avoid Offending in Business English
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This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 405, Rather Not Say, How to Avoid Offending in Business English.

Welcome to the Business English podcast from All Ears English. Get the English skills you need to achieve your dreams in global business. For a presentation, a meeting, or your office party, this is Real Business English with your favorite American hosts, Lindsay and Aubrey, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.

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Hey there, Aubrey. What's shaking? Not much. How are you, Lindsay? Good. Feeling good. Aubrey, what are we getting into today on Business English? Well, I have a question for you to start us out. Okay. What would you say if someone asked you a question at work that you don't want to answer for whatever reason? Maybe it's too personal. Maybe you're not at liberty to say something confidential. How would you respond? Oh my gosh.

i that would be awkward like for example if someone said how much money is in your bank account or how much money do you make or are you dating anyone these are really direct questions for work so i might just it would i guess it would depend on how well i know the person but i might just say um i'd rather not talk about that

that or that's not really something I want to discuss, something like that. Yeah. Perfect. And it's so interesting to hear your tone here because you're trying so hard to soften that awkwardness instead of saying like, I'd rather not talk about that. Right? I know. And you're like, I'd rather not talk about that. Right.

And it's just funny that I'm trying so hard to soften my tone, but really the offender is the person that asked the question here, right? This is so interesting. This is gendered. This is cultural. It's really interesting. And it's how we were raised. There's so many things that

go into how we respond when we're worried about creating awkwardness, when we're trying to save the feelings or not make someone else uncomfortable. There's a lot that goes into this. We got a great question about this that I am excited to dive into. Okay. So here's the question from

one of our listeners. All right. I have a question for the Business English Podcast. I really need some vocabulary and tips on how to tell someone to stay in their lane politely without coming off as rude because I think if I say stay in your lane or mind your business to my coworkers, it might break the connection.

And I think this is a skill for everyday life too. Great question from a listener. Yes. Yes. A really good question. And these are both potentially rude or offensive. They actually have different meanings. They're not directly synonymous. So first we talked about mind your own business on a previous episode. It means don't pry. Stay to the end and we'll share the episode number so you can go back and check that out. But...

Similar to mind your business is saying something like that's none of your concern, but both of these are rude, can be very rude, offensive, harsh. So we do need better options at work because we don't want to ruin that work relationship. We're going to see these people at work again for the rest of today and tomorrow. And maybe years, right? Yes. You don't want to break that work relationship. So we do have some better options for you.

And then I probably have a few spontaneously that I could throw in. Yeah, absolutely. So let's start with what we have here. There are a lot of good options, definitely. Yes. So the first one, I'd rather not say. I think I mentioned this at the top of the show. Yeah? Exactly, right? I'd rather not say. Or number two, I'd rather not discuss it. These are much more polite and professional than mind your business or that's none of your concern, which are more informal and rude and blunt, right? These are better.

Yes. And I love number three. And it's essentially kind of scolding the person without scolding them. Yes. So this is from my friend's mother said this when asked a question that she deemed inappropriate or prying. It is very good. What is it, Lindsay? I'll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering. Yeah.

I really, really like this. I'm going to start using it because I think it's a little more playful and fun. It can dispel the awkwardness. But like you said, it's this very light sort of criticism of them for asking something they should not have. And that's why I like it. Because like you said at the beginning, you're not the one who should feel uncomfortable. Yeah, right. Exactly. That's why I like it. I like this idea of lightening things a little bit because...

I think our natural tendency, at least for a lot of us, is to go on the more serious side. I'd rather not say that's private. It's just heavy. Why keep it so heavy? Why not just let them know they're not asking the right question or appropriate question and play around? I might say something to add to your ideas here. Just say, wow, that's a direct question. You

Yes. And then move on. Right? Yes. I love, I heard someone recently say, wow, that question is a choice. And this is sort of trendy to be like, that's a choice. Yeah. And you're sort of saying like, I'm not judging either way or not, but actually I'm judging. Yes. Exactly. Right. So putting the focus a bit more on the fact that they asked that question rather than what you're trying to say to avoid it.

I kind of like it. But then we're going back to the serious ones for number four. And what is that? This is interesting because sometimes it won't be that something's too personal. It might be that you're not at liberty to say or you've been asked to not say. It might be something that's not your information to share. Maybe it's confidential. You might work with confidential information and you could say, I probably shouldn't discuss that.

I probably shouldn't discuss it. That's fair. That means you're not going to say this if someone asks about your dating life or how much money you make. But if they're saying like, is this deal going to close or who knows something that you're not at liberty to say, this is perfect. Yes. I love that. I love it. So changing the subject, right? After that, we're changing the subject to something else, right? You're not going to hang out in that place. Exactly. This is a pro tip that...

After any of these, any of these four, you should change the subject, right? Don't just wait for silence and awkwardness. Wait for their reaction. Immediately say something else. At least in the US, this is very valued that you could proactively dispel that awkwardness by changing the subject. Oh, for sure. Love it. Do you ever feel almost fluent in English, but not quite? And it's holding you back at work. You know the words, but they don't come when you need them. Me,

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Okay, Aubrey, let's show our listeners how it's done in a role play. So here we are co-workers and we're in the break room. Okay. Yeah, we're going to do a couple of role plays. This first one, well, I'll explain after why there are two because this can look a little different, right? I'll start us out. Okay. I heard you might be up for a promotion. Is that right? I probably shouldn't discuss it. No worries at all. If it's true, good luck. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, are you still planning to go to Belize this fall?

I love this, right? You are changing the subject. You could have made me feel awkward, right? Like, "Oh, I probably shouldn't." You're not at liberty to share, nor do you want to. But then you quickly like ask me about a vacation I had told you about and this saves the connection. There would be no awkwardness here. Yeah, very quick pivot. That's why it's good to exercise the muscle in our brain of coming up with other conversation topics so we can always do that very quickly.

Right. Yes. Right. So that first one is more the situation of like, you're either not at liberty to say or would feel like it's not your place. Right. Whereas there are times where something's too personal and that might be a little bit of a different. So the second role play is more of that situation. You and I are coworkers in the break room again. But a few weeks previously, I had shared about a cousin that might be charged with a felony. So let's look at that. Yeah. Okay. Here we go.

Hey, how are things going with your cousin? Oh, I'd rather not discuss it. That whole thing has been rough. Totally get it. Hey, how's that Lehman project going? Yeah. Nice. And I really like a couple of different things about this. First of all, when you change the subject for something like this, that's like serious, I don't want to talk about it because I'm upset or like things are going really badly. It would be kind of strange to be like, no problem. Are you excited about your vacation?

because the tone would feel strange, right? I maybe don't feel like talking about something like that would be, whereas you could talk about a work project or something that's a little more of the serious tone still, no problem. Yes, I like it. The other thing that I like here, Aubrey, is how I said, totally get it. I responded. And this is a skill too.

Once that person has given you the message that you don't want to talk about something, how can you say that's okay, essentially? Good point. In both of these role plays, we have something. The first one, I said, no worries at all. No worries at all. If it's true, good luck. And then for yours, you said, totally get it. And then we pivot away. And it's interesting how in the first one, a different person changes the subject. So either of you can do this. Either of you can then ask a question to change the subject.

subject. I love it. Aubrey, where did we teach the phrase, mind your own business? Because we gave our listeners a little more context of, you know, I'm sure when it might be rude, when it's okay. Where did we teach that? Absolutely. And this was over on All Ears English, episode 2392, English vocabulary that will help you speak your mind. So if you missed

that, go check it out and be sure to follow All Ears English as well. So many great phrases, vocabulary strategies that you can use at work and in everyday conversations. Yes. And is there going to be a part two of this episode? What should we know here to be ready? Yes. You'll notice that in this question, there was also the phrase stay in your lane, which we mentioned has a slightly different meaning. It's more like stick to what you're good at, the tasks you're assigned to avoid interfering with others' responsibilities or areas of knowledge or expertise.

expertise. So we're separating that follow for part two about more polite ways to say that for different situations. Yeah, that's a really relevant one that's common right now. I just used that talking to someone last night, not directly to them, but talking about the topic we were discussing. Right? So it's really common for sure. So where is this episode going to be Aubrey? Is it going to be on All Ears English or Business English? Right here on Business English. So follow here as well. Make sure you're following both podcasts so you don't miss any of our amazing episodes.

All right. What is our takeaway for today? Well, especially at work, it is best to avoid phrases that might come off as rude or offensive like mind your business. Yeah. So today's options are much better. We've given you four options that you can use as well as some strategies here about what you can then say to respond and changing the subject. All of these are amazing connection skills.

And I think also knowing a lot of this is cultural. So knowing how to respond is knowing what is actually an appropriate question. And that might be different in your country versus the U.S. versus the U.K. and Australia, wherever you're living. So understand what are the topics that are OK to not answer to respond with that.

Oh, that's a direct... Right. If you've moved to a new country, you're going to need to be observant. Ask people because there may be questions that are considered rude or inappropriate that would have been fine where you used to live. Yes. Very interesting. Or when you go back home, imagine if something is direct in where you were living, but it's not at home, we're going to need to readjust to being back home. Very interesting. Aubrey, we could talk about this forever, but we're out of time for today. So I'll see you next time. Awesome. See you guys next time. Bye. Bye.

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