CHECKS FROM THE BEYOND: Her Husband Disappeared, Presumed Dead – So How Is He Sending Money To Her?
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My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary. Through him, I learned what hard, dangerous work was and saw that workers like him need a voice when tragic things happen. That's why I focus my law practice on helping hardworking people get justice. Like Mike, whose hand was mangled at work because of a dangerously defective machine. We fight every day to protect the rights of accidentally injured people. In fact, it's all we do. I guess you can say it's in our DNA.

The Black Museum. Affiliated stations present Escape. Dinner Sanctum Miss. The Seal. Present Suspense. I am the Whistler.

Welcome, Weirdos! I'm Darren Marlar and this is Retro Radio – old time radio in the dark, brought to you by WeirdDarkness.com. Here I have the privilege of bringing you some of the best dark, creepy and macabre old time radio shows ever created.

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Now, bolt your doors, lock your windows, turn off your lights, and come with me into tonight's retro radio, old-time radio in the dark. The CBS Radio Mystery Theater presents... Come in. Welcome. I'm E.G. Marshall.

What is about to unfold is the occult experience of a frustrated man, James Archer, and of what happened to him when he stepped beyond reality as we know it. I think I can safely say that each of us has had an experience so frustrating that we'd have given anything in the world to have had the power to overcome it.

James Archer was given that power. I have your letter, Mr. Webber. Major Wayne, my son-in-law, James Archer, has been missing for three months. His body, or a body like his, was found in the Hudson River...

His insurance has been paid over to my daughter, Nancy, Mrs. James Archer. Yes, we know all that. You also know that I'm president of a small bank in Tarrytown. Can you explain how a substantial deposit is made in my bank each month to my daughter by her husband who is dead and buried? No!

Our mystery drama, Strange Passenger, was written especially for the Mystery Theater by Roy Windsor and stars Nat Poland and Bob Caliban. It is sponsored in part by True Value Hardware Stores and all state insurance companies. I'll be back shortly with Act One. Act One

Have you ever looked up at the night sky and the moon hanging there and just wondered? Man is finite. He can comprehend anything with definable limits. But beyond such limits is an incomprehensible universe. We increase our knowledge about outer space each year, but what we know is very small.

The mystery of life is a secret that still has to be revealed.

But one corner of it was lifted for James Archer. Aren't you Archer, Jim Archer? Who are you? A recruiter. I was in court yesterday when you demolished a client of ours. Oh, now, what did you label me? Oh, yes, an obscene slumlord. That was yesterday. I just wanted to tell you how much I admired your plea for the plaintiffs. Thank you. Sit down, if you'd like. You are not expecting anyone? No, no.

Just sitting here wondering what to do next.

Are you a lawyer? Oh, an obscure one in a big firm. Ah, thanks for coming over. I've been feeling sorry for myself. You must know what happened today. Yes, the case was settled out of court. Yeah, it's known as compromise. I call it dishonesty. Well, the slumlord is a rich man. He's agreed to make some restitution for his neglect. Yeah, it's a nice way of saying he paid off someone and the case was settled. He should have gone to jail.

Ideally, yes. When I found out that my firm had worked out a settlement without first telling me...

I resigned. I see. Our clients, the plaintiffs, got promises. A few months, rent free. Charges will be dropped for willful destruction they'd done in the building. He should have been forced to repair the heating system, exterminate the rats, install sanitary plumbing, make the building fireproof, and pay a stiff fine. Even go to jail as an example to others like him. You really are a crusader, aren't you? Injustice makes me sick.

So sick it's put you out of work. That's right. I don't mind. I guess it's unfair to my wife, little girl.

I'm sorry. It's after six. I'd better telephone home and tell my wife the happy news. One moment, Mr. Archer. What would you be willing to do for security, authority, and the opportunity to practice those ideals which you hold so precious? That's not amusing, Mr. Recruiter. No, no, no. I mean it. I mean it. What would you do? I'd do anything. Ah, I see.

Then I think I can arrange just such a life for you and for your family. Come with me. Recruiter, so you have found a man of integrity. Yes, Cosmo, this is James Archer, a gifted lawyer who believes that law and justice should never be compromised. Is that correct, Mr. Archer? Yes. Yes.

May I ask where I am? Where we are is unimportant. You came here of your own free will. You are under no obligation to stay.

If you say so, we will transport you back to the city. No, no, thank you. At least, not until I've heard what this is all about. How can you guarantee me an honest, uncompromising life? Because I represent, in fact, I embody a viewpoint that is both utopian and attainable. And what is that?

The bloodless establishment on your Earth of a society in which each man is equal. In which each Earthling will lead a happy life. A society in which certain outstanding men such as you can become will re-establish moral values and strive to relate to life beyond Earth. Well, that's mumbo jumbo. But it sounds good. It's not mumbo jumbo.

You say that because you cannot see above the daily scratching and clawing for survival. All right, Mr. Cosmo. What do I have to do in order to attain this utopia of yours?

Who pays my salary? What about insurance, pension? Ah, details. You will never need to worry about any of them. And while you are away, before you begin your mission, your wife and child will be provided for. My mission? Yes. Soon after it begins, you will rise swiftly. You will become a man of importance locally, then statewide, and then perhaps in your nation.

You will proclaim what you honestly think. No more compromise, no watering down of the law or of justice. Mr. Recruiter. Yes? Are you sure I'm not still in that bar trying to forget my worries? Oh, I am very sure. The opportunity that has come to you has come to only a few others on Earth. Just...

Who are the two of you? There's something very weird about all this. It seems so because you are earthbound, Mr. Archer. Are you saying... No, no. That's nonsense. I know that a lot of people report flying objects. There have been drawings of funny little men with pointed antennae for years. All sorts of things. No rational person gives them a second thought. You don't have to believe, Mr. Archer. You are free to leave.

When you arrive home, you will appear to have overstayed your time at that restaurant. And you won't remember a word of what followed after. I can, in fact, right now, blank out the names of your wife and child. You mean... Now, wait a minute. Their names are... You... you can do that. Very easily. Ready to quit, Mr. Archer? No. No?

No? I think I'll see this through. Ah, that is an incredible honor, Mr. Archer. Recruiter, bring in the ship, and we will be on our way. Hooray!

Your father tells me a strange story, Mrs. Archer. It's worse than strange. It's bizarre. It's over three months now since my husband just... I just vanished. But on the first of each month... I covered that, Nan. That money deposited in the bank the first of each month is what led me to see Major Wayne.

What do you make of it, Major? First, Mrs. Archer, tell me again everything you remember from the night your husband didn't come home. Well, he'd resigned from his job. He went to a bar near his office and sat down to think over what he'd done. Some acquaintance joined him and then they left. Next, the Missing Persons Bureau called to...

To have... To have me identify a... Bodies they'd found in the river. It was dressed in Jim's clothes and I... I guess it was Jim. You thought so too, Dad? Yes, I did. But...

Both of us had misgivings because... Because it just made no sense. Jim was as straight as an arrow. He... Unless he'd been murdered, we... Someone just couldn't believe it. The body was his. No other person in his life? Absolutely not. No, Major. No?

Jim Archer lived for his work and for his family. He was a thoroughly honest man. And the body found in the river had died from a violent stroke as if it had been electrocuted? Anything else, Mrs. Archer? I know about the insurance and the mysterious deposits of money. Tell him, Nan. Well, there is something else, Major Wayne, but... Oh, it's so far out, I...

I just haven't told anyone except my dad. Well, tell me. The night Jim disappeared, Penny and I were watching the news. Penny's seven, old enough to read. And all of a sudden, words began to run across the bottom of the screen like, you know, when a bulletin is superimposed over the picture? Yes. Well, the words were...

Don't worry, Nan. I'm all right. Don't worry. Love, Jim. And those sentences ran across the bottom of the screen. Yes, time after time, half the evening long. I telephoned the TV station, but they thought it was some kind of a nut. Did your daughter see the sentences? No. And she was watching with you and she can read? Yes.

Yes. I know it sounds incredible, Major Wayne. I have no reason to disbelieve you, Mrs. Archer. What the devil do you make of it? I don't know quite what to say. I don't want to give you hope, but...

I think that James Archer voluntarily or by force has been transported from the Earth to some planet beyond sight and comprehension. Oh, come now, Major. You mean by one of those unidentified flying objects? Yes, that's just what I mean. What? Well, it's absurd. Do you mean to tell me our intelligence gives even the slightest credence to that Buck Rogers kind of thing? Mr. Webber, let me give you some facts.

As long ago as 1959 in Boynani, New Guinea, the Reverend William B. Gill, his assistants, and the entire student body of his missionary school, about 27 persons, observed a strange object hanging in the sky a few hundred yards away. It was oval-shaped and had a deck on its top like an observation deck. Gill saw what looked like men and waved to them, and they waved back.

Then the object raised up and flew straight off into the sky. Good Lord. There were many remarkable sightings in Michigan in 1966. The UFO craft looked like a huge pie, well-lighted with red, blue, and white lights spinning all around it. There had been sightings in Delaware, Illinois, Tennessee, South Dakota, Mississippi. In fact, almost everywhere. Can you think that...

that there really is such a thing as an unidentified flying object? There's no question about it. You terrify me, Major Wayne. Yes, it terrifies me, too. And you think that maybe one of them carried Jim off? I don't know. It's a possibility. But why Jim? I can't answer that. What do we do? We have agents in many parts of the country...

I'll alert them to Mr. Archer's disappearance. And, uh, Mr. Weber. Yes, Major. I'll need your cooperation. I want to know when those deposits are made and who makes them. If it's a human, I'll want to ask some questions. Well, Mr. Archer, what do you think? It's magnificent.

Beautiful green fields, homes, even light. Incredible. And the people? Well, to be honest, they're strange looking to me, but I'm only used to human beings. These people are shorter, round, flat-faced, with quite sharp ears. Disease-free, untroubled, and super-intelligent. You will soon be free to visit with them. I'm ready now. Soon? Soon.

The surgery I have been told was perfect. You now possess a brain as extraordinary as ours. And your face has been altered very skillfully. All that is left of you is a name. Stuart Murdoch. Where did you come from and what is your mission on the planet Earth? I have no remembrance of where I came from or who I was. My mission on Earth is to become a leader of my people.

and to prepare them for your bloodless conquest of my country. You have been away from Earth for six months. He is ready, recruiter. Oh, yes. Take him among our people for a week. Then fly him back. Drop him outside Fargo, North Dakota. Supply him with money and return. Yes. And let nothing interfere with those regular deposits of money. It will have to compensate. He now belongs to us. Pure fantasy? Yes.

Unidentified flying objects? One researcher wrote that he thought the phenomenon was so far outside the laws of present scientific knowledge that UFOs could be considered ridiculous. But once he was exposed to the hard facts, he concluded that the existence of this unexplainable phenomenon is, and I use his exact word, overwhelming.

The strange story of James Archer, the recreated man, will continue in a few moments. And who is to say that what has happened to James Archer is impossible? Dr. Faustus sold his soul to the devil in exchange for 24 years of every pleasure and all knowledge at his command. And James Archer's state of mind has led him in the same direction.

It is, remember, six months since Archer vanished, literally into thin air. Excuse me, Mr. Webber. Major Wayne. It's Thompson here, sir, field agent. Anything?

Oh, yes, sir. An unidentified flying object was seen hovering in this Fargo area lake this afternoon. I see. And? I'm at the Nygaard farm about 30 miles northwest of Fargo in a small community named Shoshone Creek. It's pretty desolate.

Apple and I put down our two-seater in one of Nygaard's fields and taxied it to the side of a big barn. Good. See if the UFO lands and if anyone leaves it. If so, follow the man. Don't pick him up, but don't lose him. I want to learn where he goes. Yes, sir. This is fantastic, Major.

If I mentioned any part of this... this weird conversation to my friends, they'd think I was ready for a mental hospital. Well, you're not, Mr. Webber. It's real enough. Oh, and, uh, let me give you a warning. Yes? Let's say that James Archer is returning by a UFO to Earth from wherever he's been...

He'll be returning for a purpose, and to achieve that purpose, he won't be the same man. I don't quite understand. If, as I suspect, he was chosen by some power from another planet because he had soured on his life and our civilization, and if that power has some objective on our planet Earth, you can be sure that Archer's been brainwashed and indoctrinated deeply. So, uh, even though he might look the same... He probably won't.

We had one experience in which a man who had vanished was brought back into custody. He was not the same man he had been. He'd become a robot. We had to institutionalize him. An exceptionally intelligent man, but dangerous to us. Later, he was found in his room dead. Somehow, he'd been electrocuted. That's why you thought the body in the river... Yes, it got me thinking.

Now, uh, tell me about those deposits, Mr. Webber. Promptly, the first of the month, a cash deposit of $5,000 is made to the account of my daughter. We alerted our bank security guards, and when the last deposit was made through the night deposit slot, one of the guards spotted the man who dropped it. I have a description of him here. Good. I'll have one of my agents try to spot him and follow him. Then we'll pick him up for questioning.

It might be ticklish. We have nothing against the man. I, uh... I may need your daughter's cooperation. Major, I... I don't want to expose her to danger. I don't think there'll be any, but we'll be careful. I'm very aware that you've already lost a son-in-law. Jim Archer was a fine young man. Hello? Who is it? Oh, hello. Don't be afraid. Come up to the front of the church.

I'm Reverend David Hode, the minister. I apologize for entering. Never apologize for entering a house of God. Who are you, young man? Stuart Murdoch. Not from around here, are you? No. Can I do something for you? I didn't enter to do any damage, Mr. Hode. I should hope not.

We don't have vandals out here on the prairie. Are you lost? Am I near Fargo? About 30 miles by the state highway. Do you have a car? No, but if you'll point me in the right direction... Glad to, but you won't find much traffic at this time of night. I take it you're hitchhiking. Unless there's someone around here who'd drive me to the airport. I have money.

There's something on your mind, Mr. Murdock. Anything I can do to help? Oh, no, I'm fine. Have you, uh... Have you been in the church for...

No, no, no. You just walked in. Am I right? Yes. A minute ago. And before that, you were outside? Yes, yes. Now, if you'll show me the way... Of course, of course. All in good time, Mr. Murdoch. May I ask you a question? Did you see what I saw, and is that why you've come here? What did you see? A saucer-shaped thing hovering in the sky, and then...

Coming close to the ground, not far from old Neal's Nygaard Farm. Half mile from here. What do they call an unidentified flying object? And you think you saw such a thing? I know I saw it. I'll be going along. Others saw it too. I came to my church to pray to God to protect all of us. From what?

Satan. Reverend Hode, there is no such thing as Satan. It is in a man's self that is good or evil. Young man, I believe in God and he sustains me. And in believing in him, I accept Satan as a fact. A fact of what? He was cast out of heaven and is the chief monarch of hell. Of hell, which is...

Many things, Mr. Murdoch. Satan corrupts mankind. The struggle to possess a soul for good or for evil goes on in a man forever. The presence of God within you cannot be extirpated. Then I don't have anything to worry about. Well, the day will come, I assure you, when you will feel his presence and he will help you to decide what is right. Okay, if you say so.

You have been infected, haven't you? Odd you didn't see that unidentified flying object. Oh, I saw it. The fact is, I had a ride in it. You know something? You just may have it there. Thank you, Reverend Holt. He's the man we want. Tell me about him, Mr. Thompson. You are an intelligence agent? Oh, yes, sir. Here's my identification. Who is this?

Mr. Murdoch. He's a New York lawyer named Archer who vanished six months ago. You may not believe in such things as UFO, but... Oh, but I do, yes. I saw the thing laying less than a mile away. What's this Murdoch up to? We don't know, Reverend, but Major Wayne thinks Murdoch sold himself to some power in outer space and has been returned to Earth to...

Carry out some mission. To what end, Mr. Thompson? Oh, you don't know that. I just saw him go into your church, and my orders were just to follow him. He's headed for Fargo in New York. All right, then, Appleton, I'll fly to the airport there and wait for Murdoch to board a plane. We'll board the same one for New York. I wish you well. Murdoch is a personable young man. If some force by which we are ignorant has...

Possessed him, don't despair. The God-given moral force within each of us will be stronger than the power of Satan. Given time, Mr. Murdoch will reject having sold his soul. And then what? Heaven alone knows.

He comes in here almost every day after work. Oh, I'm terribly nervous, Major. Not Major, Mrs. Archer. I'm just plain Bill Wayne, your accountant, and you're Nancy. Have you got that straight? Yes, of course. Bill? It's a quarter to six. He ought to be along any... Uh-oh. That's the man. He's taking a seat in that booth. You know what to do. Yes. Wish me luck.

I, uh, I beg your pardon? Oh, yes? My name is Mrs. James Archer. May I speak with you for just a minute? All right. Please sit down. Thank you. Who are you motioning to? Bill Wayne, my accountant.

Join me, Bill? My name's Bill Wayne. Oh, how do you do? You followed me here? Oh, no, no. I come in here almost every day. Mrs. Archer came into the city today, and I invited her to have a cocktail with me. Are you... Well, are Mrs. Archer and her accountant supposed to mean something to me? Well, you see, you've been identified as the man who deposits $5,000 in my account every month. I...

I just wanted to meet you and to thank you. I really don't know what you're talking about. Mrs. Archer, was it? Yes. Well, if Mrs. Archer has made a mistake, we apologize for it. Are you mistaken, Nancy? Well, I don't think so. I have a picture with me. You had someone take my picture? Well, you see, my father is president of the bank, and he wanted it done. Does he make a practice of taking pictures of his depositors? Well, you see, my husband...

six months ago, and he still keeps supplying me with this very generous amount of money each month. You must admit it's strange. You say he vanished? Yes.

Oh, yes, I vaguely remember the name now. Archer. Wasn't he... Wasn't his body found in the Hudson River? Well, a body was found. And identified. Well, yes. Then what you've told me is impossible. I agree with you. A dead man could not make monthly deposits to his widow. That's what's been troubling Nancy. She thought that if she could meet the man who made the deposits, she might get an explanation.

And be given some, uh, hope. Hope? That Archer is still alive? That also sounds impossible. Well, if we've made a mistake... This is the picture of you, though, isn't it? Mr...

I don't know your name. Recruiter, yes. That does look like me. But you're not the person who makes the deposits? May I ask what difference it makes who provides you with money, Mrs. Archer? It doesn't really. I'm grateful. But I keep thinking that if Jim is still able to provide for me, he just might be alive somewhere. Just as a matter of business, Mr. Recruiter...

We have to find out where the money comes from. It's, uh, it's sourced. Oh, I'm afraid I can't help you. The money comes to me, and I'm just instructed to make the monthly deposit. Who? I mean, uh, where do the instructions come from? Can you tell me that? Anonymous. Somehow it doesn't seem right. If, uh, Mr. Archer did someone an enormous favor... Well, uh, did he? Do you know if he did? Huh?

I never met the man. Now, you'll excuse me. No, goodbye, Mrs. Archer, and enjoy the money. Goodbye, Mr. Wayne. I wouldn't worry about the money. Consider the name. Ever heard of anyone named Recruiter? He's one of them. Whoever they are. We are eavesdropping on a grotesque subject.

UFOs, about which there isn't much doubt. But those who fly them, who are they? From what place in outer space do they come? What are they? And are they friends or enemies? From what we have heard, James Archer's mission is to become a preeminent person in our society.

He is to prepare us for a bloodless overthrow of the several ways of life represented on our planet. Why? I'll be back with Act Three shortly. In any contest, it is wise never to underestimate the strength of the enemy. But what do we do when confronted by an incomprehensible force, one beyond finite understanding?

Major Wayne of Intelligence knows what has been going on. What can he do about it? We have never captured an unidentified flying object, and we only have reports that they have been seen at a distance. Six months have now elapsed.

And it is a year since James Archer disappeared. The deposit was made as usual. Why can't Major Wayne force that Mr. Recruiter to tell him where the money comes from? There's no law, Nan, to prevent a man from dropping money for you in the night slot at the bank. He's not committing a crime.

One of these days, Recruiter will be seen with Jim, and then Wayne moves in. All about the only person Recruiter sees is that man who's become assistant to the special prosecutor. What's his name? Murdoch? Yes. Stuart Murdoch. Yes. A remarkable young man. Brilliant lawyer and great presence. He'll go far. He's a leader, and we haven't got many of them around these days.

If I live long enough, I think I'll see Murdoch Governor. He's an unusual man. So was Jim. Yes, I agree, Nancy. I was proud to have him as my son-in-law. You know, if you think about it soberly, Dad, both of us are not all there in the think department. Who could believe that Jim might be alive in outer space? A year ago, I would have laughed at the idea. Now, I don't know.

We have to rely on Major Wayne. Well, I'm not going to much longer. Well, just what do you mean by that? I'm moving into the city. What? Sell your home? Take Penny out of school? Oh, let's face it. I'm still young and alive. I want to be with people among them. I'll find a job and Penny can go to private school. Jim is dead. Penny and I are alive. And we need to rip this shroud off from over us.

Happy to meet you, Reverend Hode. You remember Thompson? I sure do. It's nice of you to have invited me to New York, my first visit. It's an impressive sight. How are you, Mr. Thompson? Just fine, sir, thank you. Still keeping an eye on our visitor from space? You think that, Reverend Hode? Well, I suspect it. Let me put it that way. That was an unusual experience for me.

That young man just appearing in my church, Stuart Murdoch. Yes, I've been following his career. He's what you brought me here to talk about, isn't it, Major? Yes, you've met him and you've talked with him. And I'm sorry for him. He's getting what he set out to achieve, but Stuart Murdoch, whether or not he was put down from a spaceship is a soul-possessed man.

Well, tell me, what do you want me to do? Well, I want you to give a small party. Thompson, arrange it with the hotel. All right, Major. Do you want me to invite the guests? No, you invite Mrs. Archer.

She's a little, uh, cool toward me these days, and, uh, I'll invite her father. No, no, uh, you invite both of them. Just tell them that, uh, that you want them to meet a friend of yours from North Dakota who may have something to say that will be of interest to them. Mrs. Archer. Oh, yes, yes. We think there's a chance that Stuart Murdoch is the former James Archer. Nancy Archer is the presumed widow.

The other person you'll meet will be Hugo Weber, her father. And I'll be there as Bill Wayne, Mrs. Archer's accountant. So, uh, there'll be five of us. I shall be most happy to help you if I can. Well, recruiter. How are you?

I'm troubled, Cosmo. Why? Mr. Murdock is everything we expected him to be. Oh, that's true. He's risen rapidly and he's already become a public figure. But I'm troubled about him.

When I dropped him in North Dakota, it seems that he wandered into a church and he met the minister there, a Reverend David Hode, who filled him with talk about Satan, soul, God, and conscience. Murdoch couldn't have been affected by that nonsense. No, but Murdoch remembers Hode and often brings up his name. A man made an impression on Murdoch. Do you find that to be a distraction? When Murdoch was transformed and brainwashed,

Was all of his conscience removed? I assume so. That is what the report indicated. Do you suspect that he has some vestige of conscience left? I don't know, but the thought troubles me. Right on time, Reverend. Oh, five o'clock. Let's hope it all goes well. Mrs. Arch and the others should be right along.

Hello, Mr. Hode. I'm so glad you could stop in to see me, Mr. Murdoch. Thank you. Meet Joe Thompson, a member of my church back home. Joe, is this Stuart Murdoch? I do. Sit down, Mr. Murdoch.

We have tea or whatever else you'd like? Tea, please. Oh, good. I don't try to impose my tastes on others. I thought that was your job, Reverend, shoving your convictions down the throats of others. No, no, not shoving, young man. I expose my convictions to them, and then it's up to the individual to accept or to reject the truth. The truth, as you see it.

It's the word of God, which is the truth. I'm just one of his messengers. That's one of the reasons I wanted to see you while I was in New York. You're my messenger from God? Yes, I do believe I am. I knew that when you wandered into my church in Shoshone that... Remember when we talked? You remember, of course. Every word of your mumbo-jumbo, reverend.

You said that the presence of God within each person cannot be extirpated. Here's your tea, Mr. Murdoch. Thank you. Well, I'm afraid you were wrong, Reverend. I'm unchanged. I haven't had to whistle for God's help. I've helped myself. And as you may know, I've been very successful. But you're here, Mr. Murdoch. You didn't forget me. Of course not. I liked you when we met, and I'm happy to see you again.

Oh, that should be the others, Reverend Hode. I'll let them in. Friends of neighbors back in Shoshone. You don't mind, do you? No, no, certainly not. Mr. Weber, Mrs. Archie, I'm so glad you could stop in. This is Stuart Murdoch, the man I was telling you about. Hello, Mr. Murdoch. I'm happy to meet you. My father, Mr. Weber. How do you do? And Bill Wayne, a friend of mine.

Hello, gentlemen. Hello. Joe, it's a tea fall. It's a real honor meeting you, Mr. Murdoch. Well, thank you. We've been following your career, Nancy and me, and I must say we like the way you've ripped into corruption and graft. The public is entitled to honesty in government. Well, that's what they all say, but you seem to mean it. And my actions, I hope, prove it. My late husband felt that way, too. Oh.

I mean about honesty. Yes, Jim Archer was an honest man. All that got him was his resignation from his job. He couldn't stand hypocrisy. He wouldn't compromise. I can't either. But I've learned that one has to prepare others slowly for the truth. Not your version of truth, Reverend. Truth is invisible, young man. The truth I preach is God's word...

Truth is an ideal and it is divine. Well, I think that's foolish. Truth, like any other commodity, has to be sold. If you'll excuse me, I do have to be going. I'm happy to have met all of you. And Reverend Hode, do pay New York another visit. I can find my way out, Mr. Thompson. Well, Mrs. Archer? No, Major.

Stuart Murdoch isn't Jim Archer transformed in space and returned to Earth. The very idea is absurd. Astonishing. An obscure minister from North Dakota has created wonder in your mind. He insinuates the thought of God and conscience into your mind, even though you know, as we know, that both are fiction.

You still are Earth-bound. Well, Mr. Murdoch, we seem to have failed. It has happened before, but not often. I can offer you a choice. A return to our planet for a short time, and then resume your mission on Earth, or remain here now. I... I don't know what to do. Why can't we go on as we have been? I'll carry out the mission. I'm afraid that's no good, Mr. Murdoch.

The very fact that you wonder if you've been infected with Satan's moral virus, whatever that might be, creates a doubt about your reliability. Order the ship. Are you taking me back into space, Cosmo? No. You will remain here. You will be returned to what you would have become after you resigned from your job and before you accepted Recruiter's offer. And what would that be?

Still an unemployed lawyer? That will be for others to discover. Open the door, Thompson. Follow me. Have your gun ready. Yes, sir. The house feels empty. There's a light at the end of the... Look over there, sir. In that chair. Good Lord. Why, that's...

That's James Archer. I know from pictures of him, it's... Asleep. Yeah, or drugged. His hair has turned gray and... Look at his face. Worn and haggard. He... He looks like a drunk sleeping it off. Archer. Ar... What is this, Major? His... His hand is cold as ice. He's... Dead. So, as Cosmo said...

James Archer was returned as what he would have become after he lost his job and tried to sell his soul to a force from outer space. Had Cosmo read the future? It would appear so. It is very possible that James Archer was so depressed with his future that he allowed himself to deteriorate into the condition in which he was found. I will return shortly.

Frustration leads some of us in dangerous directions. For most of us, however, hope extends a hand to lift us up from despair. James Archer never grasped that hope. He angrily preferred the path that led him to become the instrument of a force from another planet. All is the bloodless conquest of Earth, not by invasion, but by indoctrination.

He saved his soul, even though it cost him his life. Our cast included Nat Poland, Bob Caliban, E.V. Jester, Ian Martin, and Frank Behrens. The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. And now, a preview of our next tale.

That's what it is, all right. Seaweed. Nothing but a simple fungus. Is it poisonous? Absolutely not. Wouldn't harm a fly. And unless, of course... Unless what, of course? It's kind of nutty, you know, but it's a special fungus in a way. Now, come on, Jake. Let me have it. I feel kind of silly, Walt. I mean, it's only because ever since Maude died, I'm kind of a, well, like Dickens, an old antiquarian, and I read up on offbeat subjects. Like what? Well, this

Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Allied Van Lines.

This is E.G. Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time, pleasant dreams.

I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But, well, the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com/darkness50off. Then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. Tired of losing power? Feeling powerless? Call Four Seasons Heating, Air Conditioning, Plumbing, Electric today for a free estimate

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Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I got to admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary. And the parents of my partners worked in the mills too, or in the building trades or driving trucks. So at Allen Law Group, we understand the struggle working people face when they lose their livelihood because of an accident. That's why we work so hard to help injured people win justice. Unlike the other firms, that's all we do. And because we know what you're facing, we won't quit until we win.

I guess you can say it's in our DNA. The Green Hornet. He hunts the biggest of all game, public enemies that even the G-Men cannot reach. The Green Hornet. ♪♪

♪♪

Oh, my God.

With his faithful valet Cato, Britt Reid, daring young publisher, matches wits with the underworld, risking his life that criminals and racketeers within the law may feel its weight by the sting of the Green Hornet. Ride with Britt Reid as he races toward another thrilling adventure. The Green Hornet strikes again.

Hurry, Cato. We're about to smash the numbers racket. Look out! He's going to hit me! Look out! I thought it was a taxi cab. He's dead. Hit and run. Call the cops. I'm innocent. So help me. I'm innocent. Tell it to the judge. He didn't do it. He couldn't. Yes, but try and prove it.

Okay, Reed. You can count on me. Well, you know where I stand with Reed now, Casey? I suppose you've been given a special assignment on the numbers racket. How'd you know? What? Holy crow, that's just what he said.

He was talking about me valuable contacts at headquarters for getting the dope on Tobin and the rest of them racketeers. But I didn't tell you. It's not hard to guess after what happened last night. You mean one of them racketeers getting rubbed out? Now you guessed it. Hi, expert. Say, how's that for a snap, Casey? Clicker, this picture's still soaking wet. Right out of the fixing bath. Oh, what is it? Golly, looks like a man lying in the street. It is, hit

Oh, that one. Oh, no, Yoster. There ain't nothing to get excited about. And this is there. Well, let you know. Don't you know who this is? Should I? Well, if you read the Sentinel, you'd know. Tell him, Casey. You tell him. I'm getting Mr. Reed. It's Dutcher. Or it was Dutcher before he stepped in front of a car. Holy cow. Dutcher. The number's like it here. Yes, Miss Case. Click her binny, Mr. Reed. She has a picture of Dutcher. A hit and run? Looks like front page, Mr. Reed. Shall I send her in? Yes, by all means. Right now.

The Inner Sanctum, Clicker. What does that mean? It means Mr. Reed wants me. Give me a dictionary, Casey. I think she was lying. Clicker? What about? The word sanctum. Golly, it reads in an office, not a sanctum. Good grief, Michael. That's an expression. Oh. Inner Sanctum. It means the... How do you do, Miss Case? So help me, you're looking like bitches in a cream. Well, Patsy. Who let you in, you little blister? I come in to show the lady my new sooty.

How do you like, huh? Ain't I a connoisseur for snappy claws? Some kind of sword. It is pretty. Pretty elegant, Patsy. Elegant is putting it mild. It's a wow. A wow is right. Why, it dazzles me. Yeah. I thought these green and red checks would knock your eyes out. Sovereign snakes.

Wait a minute. You're not doubting my word. So that's a new suit, eh? That's right, pal. Fresh from the hangers. Isn't it perhaps a trifle too fresh? Just to feel the goods. Feel. But if Petruccelli don't fool around with burlap, world all the way through. Now listen to me, you little blisterer. How much did that suit set you back? Cost me half a C note. A C? Ain't it sad how she don't know her pronunciations in English?

C means hundred. Fifty boxes, half of C. Where'd you get the door for that? Oh, it's not hard. Holy crow, last night in your taxi cab, you was pulling a sob story about how bad business was. Sure, that was last night. You didn't win all the heat of them? So help me. For a pal, you talk like an enemy. Maybe you two would like a boxing ring instead of boxing gloves. Not expert than me. We're pals. Two of the three musketeers.

They told me I'd find a cab driver named Petruccelli here. The cops? You Petruccelli? Golly, I hope you've been parking near a fireplug. That's a lie. I pull up eight feet from the fireplug. What do you want him for, officer, if it's him you want? He's the guy. His

His mug's on the car, downstairs in the cab. Listen, you can't pen a checker on me. I know the commission. Fine. He'd like to see you anyway. Me? Was you driving your hack last night? Sure, that's my job, hacking. How late? So, it's Inquisition, huh? The tour degree. Oh, Posse, don't be silly. Answer him. I've work to do here. Sure, Casey's right. Go on, you little half-pint, kill him. He's an officer of the law. Just what time did you finish the day? Me? Me?

Well, it was one o'clock in the morning. That's all I want to know. Hey, the bracelet. Holy crow, I ain't never heard of handcuffs for parking. This isn't a parking ticket. There must be some mistake, officer. What's the charge? The charge? Lady, it's manslaughter. What? He pulled a hit and run with his cab. So help me, I'm innocent. Your cab was seen last night.

There's been a check-out for it since the killing. But good grief, officer, it can't be... Who was it? It's in the papers. A guy named Dutcher. Dutcher? Why, he's the numbers racketeer. That's right. One of Tobin's boys. But his being a rat don't make no difference. It's still manslaughter. Suffering snakes, you little blister. You're a bum loser.

just because you can't get to a number yet i don't know if the guy tell you i didn't go up to help me i'm a flabbergasted must be from a fake officer he wouldn't hurt a lot tell you i want to grab my cab let tonight what somebody out of my mind that

You just said you was driving, in front of witnesses, too. Golly, that's right, Patsy. Me and Casey heard you. Come on down to station house. Stop helping me. I've been framed. I've been hooked. Keep your chin up. We'll get you out. Out. Oh, gee. Alcatraz, here I come. Oh, good grief. Do you think he did it, Axford? Holy crow. How do I know, Casey?

This case, Oxford, what was the row? I could hardly hear Mr. Reed talking inside. Golly, Reed, you got to help the little fella. They're taking him to headquarters. Headquarters? Oh, what happened? Gosh, Mr. Reed, it's Potsy. He's been charged with a hit-and-run crime. Potsy, the cab driver? Who do they claim he hit? That fella last night, the numbers racketeer. Gosh, Mr. Reed, dooch her. That sounds incredible. If anyone bumped off that mobster, it was racketeers, his own type of rat. Apparently, the police have proof, Mr. Reed. That's that blasted numbers racket.

I told the little blister to lay off the numbers. The numbers racket, eh? Get down to headquarters, Axford. Bail him out and bring him back here. I got him, Reed. Here he is. All right, Axford. You help Miss Case with that mail. Don't you want my expert help? Yes, out with Miss Case. Uh...

Yeah, let's have the story, Patsy. Oh, holy gee, Mr. Reed. Thanks for going, my babe. There was gonna railroad here... Never mind that now.

Were you driving your cab last night? So help me, the answer's no. You told the cop you were. But, James, that was before I knew what he wanted me for. You can't change stories in midstream. Did your cab kill Dutcher? It must have. The cops found some paint under the guy's fingernails, and it come from my heck. Yet you still say you are not guilty. Regardless, it's a put-up job. I wasn't driving, I tell you. And how could your cab be... Somebody else was driving, James.

Listen, let me tell you how it was. Go ahead, but make sure it's good. I get up this morning, see? I go out to get my cab, and it ain't there. I says to myself, it's been swiped. Sounds fishy so far. I ain't finished.

And just when I'm going to whistle up the law to get me my cab back, so what happens? What? Up comes some guy. He's driving my cab. I run up to him yelling at him. Hey, hey, what's your idea? Car stealing, huh? So help me, nobody can play jokes with me. And I'm law legal property, huh? Take it easy, bud. Easy? Put him up. I'll turn you inside out. I'll break it up for your looks. Don't you want it?

Holy gee. A century. A hundred bucks. It's yours if you forget your cab was taken. Oh, you ain't fooling me. That long grain must be carafied. Please. My kid brother took your cab last night. Oh, so you're cracking. You admit it. So help me, I'll spread you flat. And your kid brother too. Now hold on. You don't want to get a young innocent kid in trouble. So help me, I...

Yeah. You see, he's sort of young, irresponsible. He took your cab as a gag. You know how kids are. Sure, I was a kid once myself. My father's pretty strict. If he finds out the kid pulled a stunt like this, he'd take him out of college. That ain't right. Everybody's got to have education. Like Abraham Lincoln says, it's the land over the free. Your cab hasn't been harmed.

You look like an understanding fellow. So I goes on in that style some more. He turns around, so I break her right down. I'm a 40 on his hands. Potsy, the hard-boiled cab driver falling for a corn gate. Can I help it if I'm soft to heart? I ask you, Mr. Reed. There's no doubt you've been framed, Potsy. Yeah, boss, but try and prove it. I'm mortified. It's that numbers racket at the...

What are you staring at? It's him. Like Spotsy before the eyes, it's him. What? This picture. There he is. Look. Looking down on the corpse. Clicker Benny snapped that picture, Patsy. It's a shot of Dutcher lying in the road. So help me.

There he is. I see. The same man who talked you into pulling this absurd stunt was there last night when Dutcher's body was photographed. Some coincidence, huh, boss? It's more than coincidence, Jenks. Yes, I guess it is. It looks very much as if Potsy's cab was stolen deliberately. It didn't lock away. The numbers racketeers used it to murder Dutcher. Made it look like a hit and run. And then they got worried and made Potsy the fall guy. Who is the guy in the picture? I don't know. Whoever he is, he's in with a racket. Tobin and the other big shots probably decided Dutcher was getting too ambitious, so they rubbed him out. With my cab. Yeah.

We'll find out who he is. Yes, Mr. Reed. Tell Cucker Benny to come in. I want her to do a blow-up of part of that picture she took last night. I'll get her. And get me the district attorney on the phone. Can you make him talk, Mr. Reed? I'll give that enlargement to the district attorney. Oh, that racket's organized like an army boss. This guy will deny everything. Oh, I can feel the hot seats already. The Sentinel will do all it can, Potsy.

Yes? The district attorney on the phone, Mr. Reed. Good. Switch him on. It's in a credulous. So help me, I'm at the stand-in for a murder rap. Hello, Martin. Reed. About that Dutcher killing last night. Yes, I build him up. I believe his story. I'm sending over a blow-up of the man he accuses. Have your men get busy and... Yes, my reporters will be out questioning Tobin. I'm depending on you to locate this man and make him talk.

Okay, this is your picture. How about it? Is it a crime to look at a hit-run victim? That cab driver says you brought his cab back in the morning. Me? You're mistaken. I never even heard of that cab driver. There's no use, Mr. Reed. Jenks asked Tobin... Silente, boss. Looks like Potsy's due for a one-way trip. All Tobin does is laugh.

It's a pipe. You pull that frame up smooth as silk, Karp. Thanks, Tobin. I figured that cabbie would make a good fall guy. Yeah.

Dutcher was getting too big for his shoes. Had to show him who was boss of this racket. He can't get no ideas where he is now. Just one angle, Carp. Yeah? The rest of the boys are going to stay in line after they've seen what happened to Dutcher. We got to keep them in line. Don't worry, Tobin. You're the boss. The numbers racket's all yours. Hold it a second. Hold it a second.

Yeah? Tobin, you killed Ducey. What the... Who is this? You're not getting away with it. Who is it? Dunno. Some guy putting up pressure on him. Who's talking? You made a mistake, Tobin. Who are you? Have you ever heard of the Green Hornet? The Green Hornet? Holy smoke! Yeah? Yeah.

He wasn't a pal of Dutcher's. Dutcher had friends. Now, now, listen, Hornet. I didn't rub Dutcher out. He was my pal. He worked for me. Bossed the policy runners. It was a hit and run. Members' racket too big for you, Tobin. Somebody's gonna cut you down. Now, wait a minute, Hornet. You ain't muscling in on me. You've had your warning. You have a fading sweat? It wasn't hard to plant the impression that the Green Hornet was a friend of Dutcher's. Tobin will be worried.

Now, it's up to us to keep him in that same frame of mind. I understand, Mr. Britt. So far, the police have been unable to pin the numbers racket directly on Tobin. But it's known. Kato, if this racket is so widespread, it's hard to get proof.

That puts it squarely up to us. I see. If Potsy can be clear to this manslaughter charge by getting the real killers to confess, it'll reach right to the heart of the numbers racket. That is true. Got the green-horned mask and the gun, Kato. We're going out to prove that Potsy was nothing but an innocent stooge for a hit-and-run murderer. Blackbeard is ready, Kato. Yes, sir. Potsy's taxi cab was impounded in the garage as evidence.

We're going to see that car. But, Mr. Brett, the police... That's exactly it, Cato. The police guard is light because they don't think anyone would dare such a thing. But they haven't counted on the Green Hornet. The curtain falls on the first act of our Green Hornet adventure. Before the next exciting scenes, please permit us to pause for just a moment. ♪♪

♪♪

Now to continue our story.

Driving his powerful car through deserted side streets under cover of night, Britt Reid arrived at a dark alley near the garage. Got your mask on, Kato? Yes, sir. Here's the garage where Potsy's cab is kept. Keep your gun handy. I wish I was back on a beat, sticking around here watching a hit-and-run cab in no excitement.

Who's going to be... You're wrong. Don't try anything. The green hornet, that man. I'll drop it. Where's my gun? Take it. Yes, yes, the hornet. We don't want any interference. I can't breathe. He's unconscious. Got his keys. Yes, Mr. Bates? You saw him, Cato. He was making his regular rounds. Well, we'll keep his watchman scheduled for him.

There. That gives us an hour before the next signal must be turned in. Is that enough, Mr. Reed? It won't take half that long. How soon will you recover from the gas? Very soon. 30 minutes. That's plenty for our purpose. Yeah, this is the cab. Inside, Kato. We're looking for something? Pull out the seats. Rip the upholstery. But, Mr. Reed, what are we looking for? You do just as I say, Kato. You'll learn later.

Jenkins, Bragging. No, boss, I haven't seen Patsy around. Axford's out after him now. Sure, if he shows, I'll drag him in. Oh, that little cab, he's heading for the hoose cow faster than ever. A green hornet, no less. Hey, Jinx, they found him. That's a free country. Plenty of business. First the cops, they come after me, and now my friends. My bosom's fell. What's the idea of dragging me around like I was a criminal? The cops think you are, Patsy. There ain't no justice.

You'll see what happens on the next election. Ah, shut up for a minute. You're blabbing so much, a guy can't hear himself think. Where'd you find him, Axford? You'll never guess, Jinx. Oh, never mind the games. Where was he? I was minding my own business. Can you imagine the crazy coach, Jinx? He's out in Bayer for hitting the numbers racket here and running away. And you know what he was doing? What? He was buying a number. Huh? A number from a policy runner? Holy gee, I got him on right.

Ain't I gonna need dough? How am I gonna pay a mouthpiece? So you figured you'd buy a winning number? Sure, I got as much chance of winning as anybody. With all the screwy ideas. Come on. Hey, you can't lead me around like a boy with a ring on his nose. Holy cow, you didn't have paint. Do what Jim says. Where we going? I demanded to know. To see the boss. Oh, Mr. Reed.

What do you want to see me for? Suffering snakes because of last night. I didn't do it. I didn't do nothing. So help me, I was asleep. Dreaming the dreams of innocence like a little child. Who said anything about you? It was a green hornet. Who are you, Raven? Patsy, will you come along? Green wants to see you because of what the hornet did last night. And I ain't enough for trouble. That hornet, he hunts me. He did more than that, Patsy. The hornet ripped up your cab last night. So I got insurance, ain't I? What difference...

What? He gassed the watchman and went all over your cab from radiator cap to taillight. Holy gee, what for? That's what we want to know. Let me go. I've got all my rights. I've got to talk to somebody. You're going with us. No, I ain't. I've got to see Mr. Reed. He's my pal. He listens to me. Holy crow, you little blister. That's what we've brought you here for, to talk to Reed. All right, all right. Keep shut up. Cover up. Well, what are we waiting for? I'll tell him. I'm innocent of this. I ain't no green-hearted. I'll tell him.

All right, Potsy, we believe you. You know nothing about it. What gets me, Mr. Reed, is what was the Green Hornet doing there? Yeah, where does a hornet fit in this thing? Golly, Reed, I bet he's in with the racketeers. You think so, Axford? He must be. He ain't helping Potsy. Helping me? I shudder from the thought. You're sure you're not keeping something back, Potsy? Oh, Mr. Reed, you touch me to the quick. That hornet, I don't know nothing about him. So help me, I'm confused about the whole affair. I see.

Okay, Patsy, that's all. You can go. Just remember one thing. For you, Mr. Reed, I even remember what I forget. You're out on bail. Now, don't try anything funny. Not to me. Not Patsy. I'm innocent. I am innocent.

I ain't running out, even if I gotta be proved guilty to prove it. Gosh, Mr. Reed, you don't think Potsy will jump his bail? That little squirt might do anything. I want Potsy watched. Huh? The Green Hornets in on this. Now anything may happen. Potsy isn't tied in with a Hornet boss. Perhaps other people are. Holy crow! You mean Tobin and his gang? Watch Potsy. He may be heading for trouble. The poor half-pint's in plenty of trouble already. The numbers, Rikers, were bad enough. But now that the Green Hornets involved, it may be worse.

Will you sit down, Karp? You've been wearing a hole in the floor all day. Ever since the Sentinel came out with that news about the Hornet. What was he after, Tobin? Sit down. That's better. Now listen. If you've got an anger... Use your head, Karp. That Hornet guy wasn't fooling last night. You gonna let him muscle in? You were driving that cab. What did you leave in it? I told you... You must have left something. I didn't. I checked everything. My wallet, keys...

There ain't nothing missing. Why was the hornet there then? Search me. That cab was as clean as a whistle. The cops went over it. Not as thoroughly as I did, Carp. What the... Master! The hornet. Leave that drawer alone, Tobin. Nobody pulls a gun while the hornet's around except me. A gun? How did you get in here? I drew the door. You were too busy worrying. What did you find in that cab? What cab? Don't start. Shut up, Carp. Tobin can do all the talking. I didn't lay down... I said shut up!

The Green Hornet doesn't talk to anyone but the Big Shot. Listen, Hornet, we know you got something. Do you? You ain't out for peanuts. I'm out for your racket, Tobin. You grabbed off some evidence, huh? If I have something on you, I can go to the police with it. Carp, I knew you was a sap. You left something in that cab when you sliced down Dutcher and the Hornet found it. You don't like competition, do you, Tobin? Listen, Hornet, you got the pressure on, so I'll play ball. You will. I didn't know Dutcher was a pal of yours, honest. There are a lot of things you don't know. Yeah. You ain't sore? About Dutcher?

No. Okay. You say you want to cut in the take? Keep talking, Torben. Hand over what you lifted from that cab and we can talk split. I have nothing with me. You didn't bring it? Where is it? Where you got it? What time is it? All right.

It's 11 o'clock. We'll talk business in an hour. What's the matter with right now? Now? If you want to. Don't be a sap, Tobin. Huh? How do we know this guy ain't pulling a bluff? What are you driving at? He ain't showed us nothing yet. He's got evidence. Let him bring it out. Then we can talk. I see why Karp is your right-hand man, Tobin. He's, uh, smart. Okay, Hornet. When and where? Wherever you say. What's the matter with here? Here? Nothing. Okay, here. How soon can you bring back what you got? You can expect me in an hour. We'll be waiting.

♪♪

Ain't none of you ever going home? It's 11.30. Holy crow, Patsy, we're guarding you. You don't have to hang around, Axford. I'm keeping my eye on him. You're valuable, Patsy. After all, the boss doesn't want to lose that bail he put up for you. I'm mortified. I don't even trust myself no more. That's what Mr. Reed is a

Oh, go on home, babe. You're losing your beauty sleep. Quiet, you little squirt. That ain't no way to talk to a lady. Why, Axford, what chivalry. Relax, Patsy. The Sentinel is safeguarding you. And the police, too, after that Green Hornet business last night. All right, all right. You can stay. Sure, but... But you ain't no pal of mine outside. Listen, guys... Never mind the compliments. If you're guarding me, you can do it from outside. Okay. The air is fresher anyhow. Oh, my God.

Why don't they jam that little who's-this in the jug? See more fuss about this hit-and-run job. Don't move. Who the deuce? They're going down the hall. Let go. Who are you? The hallway. Come on, if I have to carry you. Come on now. You guys. You. What happened? It was out there. Molly, go. He's gone. Hey, what's this? I found it.

on the floor. Give me a clicker. Holy mackerel, it's a piece of stationery with Tobin's name on it. Tobin? You mean that racketeer took the car? All I gotta say is I hope he keeps him. A freak country, I had him outside my door. It saw some rights, so help me. But why? Holy crow, listen to that. It's the Green Hornet. I'm a delirious. What's a-going on? We are. We're going after him. Sure, Jenks, but where? You need a diagram, clicker? This piece of paper. Oh, you mean Tobin's place. Golly, we better hurry. That Hornet car moves awful fast. So will we. And the cops, too.

Where's your phone, Potsy? Me? I used the one in the drugstore. Well, let's go. If the Greenhorn is heading for Tobin's place, I want to be there with the cops. Where is that guy, Tobin? It's 12 o'clock.

Okay, Tobin. Oh. You got it? I've been thinking it over. Why have Karp in on this? He bumped off Dutcher, didn't he? What about it? Sure I did. So what? He was taking orders from me, Hornet. I told him to swipe that cab and use it on Dutcher. I don't like murderers, Tobin. I told you, Tobin. The Hornet's a pal of Dutcher's. You're through, Karp. Say you've been pulling a phony. You didn't get no evidence. All I wanted from you was a confession, and I got it. That don't make sense. What's that?

It's the cops. It's a double car. Get away from those lights, Hornet. I'm leaving. There he goes out the window. Wait. I'll put on the lights. We'd better scram. The cops are coming. What for? They ain't got nothing on us. The only one who heard was the Hornet. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Where was it? Hit a picture clicker. It's the Hornet. Wait a minute. What does this mean? Well, he told you that. Don't try to tell us the Hornet was here. Sure he was. But he left through that window. What about the policeman? It's a mystery. I should have stood in bed. Hey, look at this. Huh? Holy mackerel, it's the cop.

he's been out on the fire escape all the time. Take his rope, Softly. I got plenty to talk about. How'd you get out there? The Hornet. He parked me on the fire escape. Dolan, keep those two rats covered. Sure. They're the ones that bumped off Dutcher. I heard the whole thing. What? Let go of me, you. Don't move, Tobin. They got us, Tobin. That blasted Green Hornet put us on the spot. Whoa, what a yarn. Come on, Clicker, the front page is waiting. With pictures. Hey, Party, what are you looking so gloomy about?

You're standing in the corner like you were dumbstruck. There ain't no justice. So help me. You're dumbstruck. You're free. The racket's busted up. That's what I'm crying about. Why couldn't that greenhorn wait till tomorrow? Tomorrow? What for? Hard luck, Patsy. That's me. Look at that paper. That's the number. The winning number. And you know who's holding that number? Holy crow. You got the winning number? You, Patsy? So help me. I'm mortified. It's a disaster. It's a disaster.

I get the winning ticket and what happens? Before I can collect, that Green Hornet busts the racket wide open. Give me your handkerchief. I'm going to start crying out loud. That's the laundry paper. Racketeers confess murder. Cab driver released. Green Hornet involved in racket.

♪♪

♪♪

The story you have just heard is a copyrighted feature of the Green Hornet Incorporated. The situations and characters depicted in this drama are fictitious.

Any similarity to actual persons or events of the past or present is coincidental. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

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My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But, well, the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

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How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off. Then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary, where I eventually joined him. Through him, I learned what hard work was and saw that the men and women like him were the backbone of our community. Through my law practice, I've been fortunate enough to give back to those in need with food programs, clothing and toys for children, and educational support.

Every day through the Allen Law Group, I want to make my community and my father proud. I'm not big on trends, never really have been. So I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen, and Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But, well, the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off. Then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary, where I eventually joined him. Through him, I learned what hard work was and saw that the men and women like him were the backbone of our community. Through my law practice, I've been fortunate enough to give back to those in need with food programs, clothing and toys for children, and educational support.

Every day through the Allen Law Group, I want to make my community and my father proud. ♪♪ Presenting Orson Welles as the third man. ♪♪

The Lives of Harry Lyme. The fabulous stories of the immortal character originally created in the story The Third Man with Zither music by Anton Karras. Have you ever tried looking for a needle in a haystack? Well, I did a bit of needle searching in London myself not so long ago. Only this was no ordinary needle. As it all concerned a picture a man had painted in Holland 300 years ago. I'll call this little adventure The Elusive Vermeer. The Elusive Vermeer.

And now, Orson Welles as Harry Lyme, the third man in today's story, The Elusive Vermeer. The Elusive Vermeer

I first met Horace St. John Winderle. Oh, yes, that really was his name. At Cannes. Horace had class. He was probably the classiest breaking and entering merchant who'd ever burgled an English country mansion. And he had taste, too. Horace's jars were all big ones. He planned the months in advance down to the last detail. That's how I came to get involved.

We were having a drink at his villa one evening, just the two of us. Hey, my dear fellow, I've been wondering if I could interest you in a small business proposition. So long as it involves a maximum of profit with a minimum of risk, the answer is yes. Well, it'll be profitable enough, I assure you. As for the risk, well, that's up to yourself. I'm all ears. With a certain reluctance, I confess, I shall be returning to England next week. As soon as the right opportunity presents itself, I propose that this is a place called Bardsley Hall, Wilts. Wilts? Wiltshire, my dear fellow, the county...

Barnsley Hall is one of the show places there in the country seat of Lord Brixton. This visit will be during his lordship's absence, of course. Oh, naturally. It would be most embarrassing if we were to meet. Yes, I know. He has all hepple white and adam pieces that I find quite irresistible. Not to mention a modest collection of Chelsea and bow porcelain, some fine examples of water for glass, and... Well, this is where you come in, Harry. Oh? An extraordinarily fine painting by the 17th century Dutch master, Vermeer van Delft.

No doubt you're on familiar terms with me as Lady of the Virginals in our National Gallery. Oh, I've been on familiar terms with many ladies, but I can't say I remember her in particular. Oh, carry on, old man. Don't let me stop the fine flow of your eloquence. I need hardly tell you that the disposal of the objet that come into my possession presents almost as many problems as the requisition, and needs to be as careful.

Yes, I guess that's so. Well, fortunately, the Hepplewhite and Adam, the Chelsea and Bow and Waterford, present no great difficulties. It's quite clear that that includes a number of gentlemen who are always eager to add to their collections at a reasonable price. However, the Vermeer is, as one might say, a rather different kettle of fish. How's that? Well, for one thing, it's rather too easily recognizable for an English collector to dare hang without risking the danger of having to answer awkward questions. And for another...

The present-day price of a Vermeer is, I'm afraid, rather beyond the purse of most of my impoverished fellow countrymen. Well, I see. It occurs to me, Harry, that with a little preliminary organization, you might possibly be able to find a market for it in America. Well, I do have a few connections back home. Precisely. So, if you're interested... Tell me, old man, what would be a fair price for a Vermeer? In your currency, oh, $100,000? Hmm, I...

Oh, that's real money. And my cut of this hundred thousand would be, uh, what, old man? Well, the normal agent's fee in transactions involving rare works of art varies from 20 to 33 percent. In that case, I'll settle for 50. I had proposed to suggest 40. I shouldn't if I were you, old man. That is, of course, if you really want me in on this deal. Very well, 50 it is. You'll start things moving from your end at once, of course. Sure, sure. And you? Oh, I shall, as I say, forego the pleasures of this idyllic spot and return to London next week.

I shall make the requisite inquiries regarding his lordship's movements, and when the appropriate moment arrives, you will receive a wire from me saying simply, Roger. Roger. And then? Well, as soon as possible, you will go to Nice and catch the first available plane for London. By the time you arrive, the Vermeer will be in my possession. You will collect it at this address. I'll write it down for you, shall I? Yeah. Well, me. There.

There you are. 1-2-A, Aldgate Grove, East C3. That'd be somewhere in the East End, wouldn't it? Exactly. Not the most salubrious neighborhood, I must admit, but one that I find extremely convenient.

Selling old masters is not exactly, as the English would say, my cup of tea. But they don't call me Harry, resourceful lime, for nothing. And as it turned out, I didn't even have to contact my American connections at all.

A couple of days after Horace left for England, I got talking to a guy named Joseph J. Hoffman, who turned out to be an oil millionaire from Omaha and was traveling to give himself a bit of culture. All I had to do was mention the name of Vermeer and nature did the rest.

Do I understand you to say, Mr. Lyme, that you've got a real, genuine, dyed-in-the-wool Vermeer for sale? Well, I haven't quite got it yet, but... But you can get it? I think so, yes. Right. Name your price. Well, they don't come cheap, you know. A hundred and... And what? Well, a hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Sold?

When can I take delivery? Well, not so fast, Mr. Hoffman. You're not buying a pair of socks and buying a 10-cent store, you know. Well, I don't quite get you. Well, we've agreed on a price, certainly, but this may take a lot of delicate negotiation. You realize, of course, there are certain unusual features about it. How do you mean? Well, for instance, the picture's likely to be...

shall we say, a trifle warm. I don't care if it's white hot. My partner, Junior C. Chottenheimer Jr., got himself a Rembrandt last time he was over here, and my wife's millions have been green with envy ever since.

So you get me that Vermeer, Mr. Lyman, I'll pay the price you name and ask no questions. Right. So long as you know exactly where we stand. I'm expecting word from my colleague in England any day now, and as soon as the okay comes through, I'll be flying to London. I suggest you follow immediately, and I have the picture. I'll deliver it to you. We'll close the deal. Fair enough? Sure. That's okay by me. Thank you.

A few evenings later, Horace's wire came through. Roger. I passed the word on to Joseph J., and the following night I was in London. I decided I wouldn't mention the extra $50,000 to Horace. After all, what you don't know you're entitled to, you never miss. I booked in at the Ritz-Aston. After dinner, I made my way out to the East End. Dahlgate Grove is a sinister little side street in the heart of a slum, and 12A wasn't exactly what you'd call a palace.

However, I knocked, and after a while, the door opened a few inches, and a little cockney guy stuck his nose out. Yeah? What do you want, champ? Well, I'm looking for a Mr. Windermere. An egg here. Well, he told me to come to this address. Oh, he did, did he? What's your name? Harry Lime. Oh, well, why didn't you say so at first? Come right in, Mr. Donovan. Thanks. You must be Jerry, aren't you? I'm a person.

Well, we'll get into the parlor, shall we? All right. Nothing fancy, but we can have a bit of nice in there and private as much. Lead the way, old man. Lead the way. Hey, just open this door. All right. Make yourself at home, Mr. Lomb. Sit down and rest the old pugs of meat. Thanks. When will I be able to see Mr. Wenderman? You mean to say you ain't heard about anything? I know. Is something the matter?

Something's the matter, all right. He's gone and run away. Snuffed it. Snuffed it? Turned up his toes. Kicked the person back in. You mean he's dead? Well, ain't that what I'm trying to tell you? But how did it happen? Oh, it was the old butcher's block. What? Always been a bit dicky, you know. Just as suddenly gave up. Butcher's block? Clock ticker. Oh, you mean he had a heart attack? Couldn't put him on his plane, he could have. When did this happen? So yesterday I had a telegram from him. Well, that's when it happened. Yesterday. Last night, to be exact. It was all sort of a sudden, as you might say. See, Mr. Windermere and me had gone out for a bit of a running.

Mr. Vardsley Hall, Wilson. Oh, and picked up a few old names there, see? A few bits of old furniture and... A picture. And so on, and pretty junky stuff. Was there a picture among the things that you picked up? Yeah, yeah, a big one in a gold frame. Oh. Oh, Mr. Hill, Sidney.

Some bloody fancy dress sitting in a room with a big map on the wall and one of them round globes. There was a map on the globe, yes. That's right. I can't think why they're going to bother with it, honest, I can't. Anyway, we was coming home, see. With the stuff in the... With the stuff in the back of the van. Well, off we go with Mr. Windermere cracking jokes and chatting away nights into the dozen and me only listening with half an ear, as you might say.

Then all of a sudden I realized he ain't talking no more. I'll take a quick butcher's. A butcher's? What's a... Butcher's, look, a look. Don't you understand English? Well, I'll take a look and there he is, all huddled up in the Johnny Horner, in the corner. Oh, yes, I see. Well, I'll stop the van to see what's wrong. He says Teddy's already done that. We're all for us. Yeah. Now what? He was took away first thing this morning by the undertaker. He's to be buried tomorrow. Oh, it's going to be a real slap up funeral, I'll bet that, yeah.

Nothing but the best for the governor. That's what I'm saying. Yes, that of us do you credit. By the way, what happened to the picture? Picture? Yes. Oh, you mean a picture. Just a picture. Yeah, what is the matter, Franco? I was a bit worried about that. So was I, isn't that right? Well, what with all them roses snooping around and so on, it might have been a bit dangerous. So I thought I'd better get rid of it, too sweet. You don't need to...

Jerry, you didn't destroy it. Well, I was going to, and then I thought I could probably flog it for half a quid. Well, half a quid's half a quindy's, aren't times with super taxing also. So I took it to a bloke named Angus McFarlane, what has a junk shop down the street. Hey, Bob, that's all he'd give me. You mean you sold it? Yeah.

I ain't flipping any ball. Well, where does this Mr. McFarlane have his shop? Oh, Turnpock Road, just up the old street. Well, is he likely to be on the premises now, or... Oh, it's just a lock-up shop. I don't know where he lives. Why, what's the trouble? Well, I... I just thought I might buy it back if he still has it. Well, I could think of a lot of better things myself, but... Well, if it's the picture you want, I'll find it at Angus McFarlane's. Okay, Jeff. ♪♪

But Jerry, it seems, had underestimated the business acumen of Mr. McFarlane. I was at his shop bright and early next morning, but when I mentioned the picture, he shook his head. I

Aye, sir. I named the picture you mean, Ory. It's no longer here of the new. Who did you sell it to? A dealer from somewhere in Fulham. He was seeking for old frames, he said. And he bought all I had in the shop. What was his name? Ach, I didn't ken that. He paid me cash, though. I didn't ask. You know whereabouts in Fulham he has his shop? I didn't ken that neither. Well, can you tell me anything about him at all that might help me to find him? Oh, I mean, he had an accent. Aye, he had an accent, all right. But as to whether it was a Welsh or what it was, I'd no like to commit myself. I'm a fear that I've forgotten it.

Would this five pound note help you to remember, Mr. McFarlane? It'll be a great help. All right, let's start remembering. Well, as I recall the man, he was tall and thin in thin shade. Well, go on. What about his accent? Accent? Was there something about an accent? Okay. Here's another five. Now, give, Mr. McFarlane, give. Well, of course. I recall the note. He was Irish.

Is that straight? Would you doubt the word of a McFarlane, sir? I'm telling you, he was as edgy as Paddy's pigs. I was too late to do anything more that evening, so I went back to my hotel and spent the rest of the night cursing the perfidy of Mr. Angus McFarlane.

Next morning a waiter brought up my breakfast. As I was coping with toast and English marmalade, I switched on the bedside radio. It was right in the middle of the morning news session. ...will be increased by one quarter ounce per person per week. The police last night recovered from premises in Reading a quantity of antique furniture, porcelain and glass, which had disappeared two nights previously from Bardsley Hall, Wiltshire, during the absence of the owner, Lord Brexton. A man has been detained.

It is understood that a valuable painting by the Dutch master Jan Vermeer van Delft is still missing. And the piece... Well, I didn't need anyone to tell me what that meant. I had to find that picture and find it fast. Or else I might as well say a far and goodbye to Joseph J. Hoffman and his beautiful 150,000 bucks. THE END

In a moment, Orson Welles returns as Harry Lyme, the third man. The End

And now, Orson Welles, as Harry Lyme, the third man, continues today's story, The Elusive Vermeer. For half a day, I combed the main streets and back alleys of Fulham. By noon, I figured there couldn't possibly be another junk shop within two miles that I hadn't already been into. Then suddenly, in a dirty little side street, I found myself outside a dirty little shop

compared with which Mr. McFarland's dump looked like something out of Bond Street. What excited me was half a dozen soot-covered old pictures in the window. I pushed open the door and entered. At the top of the board, I tell you, sir. He was tall and thin and clean-shaven, and there was no mistaking that accent.

Do you happen to be the gentleman who bought a number of old pictures from a dealer in Aldgate a day or so ago? Oh, sure, that's me. From old Angus MacFarlane, you mean? That's right. And you know Mr. MacFarlane? We've known each other these last 15 years. Wasn't it Patrick Brown himself, that's me, sir, that had the next store to him in the old Caligonian market? Skip it, thank heaven I found you, Mr. Verne. I'm trying to trace one of those pictures. It was sold to MacFarlane by mistake.

You mean to say it's a valuable picture? Well, not intrinsically so, but it belonged to my grandmother. So for me, at any rate, it has a strong sentimental value, if you know what I mean. Oh, I understand perfectly. So if you still have it, I'll be glad to buy it back at a fair profit to yourself, of course. I've no idea. I've already sold one or two, but let's hope it's still here. Come this way, sir.

This is the lot I was asked to buy from McFarland, the robber. Here it is. There were 15 or 20 pictures, most of them corneal reproductions like The Monarch of the Glen, Psyche at the Well, and The Cotter's Saturday Night. What originals there were looked to me even corny as still. I went through the lot three times.

There was nothing remotely like a Vermeer. You sure you aren't in here, sir? Oh, that's quite sure. We searched the joint from floor to ceiling. He was right, of course. Simply wasn't there. You say you've sold one or two pictures? Yes, that's right, sir. Who to? Do you know the names of the buyers? Well, there was a gent coming and bought one of them, sir. An arty sort of a gent with sanders and a big black beard.

He was looking for a frame for one of his own masterpieces, he said. And then there was, uh, there was Mrs. Hoggett. Mrs. Hoggett? That's right. Lives over the river at Putney. She was after buying a couple of pictures as presents for her married daughter, sir. Could this one I'm after possibly have been one of them? Sure, I don't know why not, sir. There was one I recall of some hired cattle. Ugly beasts they were, too, but a fine picture.

Would that be it, sir? No, no, no. And the other little thing? No, sure, of course. I remember the other one was an old-fashioned dress standing in a room. With a map on the wall? That's right. There was a map. And a globe? You know, a globe of the world? Sure, there was a globe. Two on it, sir. I remember it well. Is that the picture that's walking? I believe so.

Yes, I believe so. Whereabouts in Putney does this Mrs. Huggett live? Well, sir, that's up name afraid I can't tell you. You don't know? No, sir, except it's somewhere up by the top of the hill, I believe. Okay, that's something to go on anyway. Thank you, Mr. Vernon. This is for your trouble. Oh, thank you, sir.

No trouble at all, sir. Thank you, indeed. Mrs. Huggett, Putney Hill. The scent was getting warmer. I hurried back to the main street looking for a cab to take me to Putney Bridge. And then, as I rounded a corner, I bumped into a man. A big, solid, very English-looking man. Why, hello, Mr. Lyme. Fancy bumping into you in Fulham, of all places. Ah, uh...

Hello. You don't remember me? I can't recall your face off, but your feet are familiar. I see what you mean. Yours would be flat, too, if you pounded a beat for ten years. Oh, of course. I remember now. I have. Inspector James. That's right. Nice to have met you again, Inspector James. So long. What's the hurry, Mr. Lyme? I've got a little business to attend to, Inspector James. I'm just... But we meet so rarely. In fact, I didn't even know you were back in England until yesterday. Yesterday? Yes. I haven't noticed you once or twice.

You appear to be doing around with the junk shop. Oh, that, yes. Well, you see, as a matter of fact... Don't tell me you're on the trail of the missing Vermeer, Mr. Lyme. The missing Vermeer? Haven't you heard about it? It was stolen from Lord Brixton. Oh, no, I can't say I have. As a matter of fact, I've been trying to match an old Georgian decanter to make a pair for a friend of mine back home in the States. Any luck? No, not so far. I'm afraid things like that aren't as easy to come by these days. The antique market isn't what it was.

It's all these rich Americans, you know. Sorry, no personal reflection. So I... You couldn't have met me when you said rich. Anyway, Mr. Lyme, if you intend continuing with your search, you might at the same time keep an eye open for this Vermeer. Our information is that it's found its way into a junk shop somewhere in this area. Well, I'll certainly look for it, of course, but I'm no authority on painting. I wouldn't know a Vermeer if it crept up and bit me. You're far too modest, I'm sure. If, as I say, you do happen to find it by any remote chance, I

I'd be grateful if you'd get in touch with me at the yard. Oh, sure, sure. Depend on that, Inspector. Thank you, Mr. Lang. Good day. Goodbye. Hey, taxi! Taxi! I had to get that picture, and I had to get it fast. So once I got it, I'd have to get rid of it even quicker still.

Well, I found Mrs. Huggett after some trouble, and I learned from her that she'd given them to her married daughter who lived at 216 Colchester Street, Pimlico. Well, I was hot on the scent now. If I'd been a bloodhound, I'd have barked or bathed or whatever it is they do. Anyway, I found 216 Colchester Street with no very great trouble, and from the way Marlena greeted me and showed me in, I guessed Mama had already been on the phone to some purpose. Well, the first thing I spotted when I walked into the parlor was the Vermeer. Yes.

There it was, in all its glory, hanging over the mantelpiece. It was all I could do to stop from shouting for joy. But if I'd imagined Marlena was going to be an easy nut to crack, I had another guest coming. It was obvious those telephone wires had been running red-hot.

Why, it's all true. My husband wasted your time sending you here, you know. I don't really know if I want to sell. But surely, Mrs. Smith is... Well, after all, there's William to consider. William? My husband. Well, I wouldn't like to do anything without consulting him. Well, I mean to say the picture's as much his as mine. Fifty pounds, hmm? Oh, I couldn't possibly dream of letting it go for that. William would be furious on Mary. Twenty. Twenty.

Okay, 25. Come on, Mrs. Smith. It's 25 pounds. That's a lot of money for a picture like that. Look at yourself. It's as old as the hills. The way the paint's cracking and how the color's faded. It probably won't be fit for anything but a scrapheap in another couple of years. You seem keen enough to get older, Dick. Well, I explained that to your mother. It has a sentimental value for me, Mrs. Smith. Well, so does her age. How come? Well, you forget what's speaking to me. After all, a present's a present. It's not the sort of thing one should sell.

It was real nice up there over the mantel. I should aim to see it down. £30. £50. £50 for that old dog, ridiculous. Well, take it to leave it. You drive a hard bargain, Mrs. Smithers, but okay.

Here's your fifty. Oh, thanks very much, I'm sure. Mine. It was mine at last. I could hardly believe my good fortune. With a veneer tucked under my arm, I hurried back to the Ritz-Aste. All I had to do now was contact Joseph Jay, get rid of the picture, and collect my dollars. A hundred and fifty thousand of them, and every cent for Harry Lyme. I phoned Hoffman's Hotel, and to my delight and relief,

I heard his voice at the other end.

Joseph J. Hoffman speaking. Who is this? It's me, J.J., Harry Lyme. Well, say, how are you? It's swell to hear your voice. Oh, you don't know how swell it is to hear yours. How's that little business we discussed coming along? Well, that's why I'm calling you, to tell you I've got the goods. No kidding. No kidding, right here. Fine. Bring it around to my hotel. Now? Cool, right now. Do you have the money, J.J.? Yes, sir, 150 grand. Boy, I can hardly wait to get my peepers on that picture.

You won't be long, will you? Expect me in five minutes. $150,000. Enough to keep me in the luxury to which I've become accustomed for... Well, for a month or two anyway. Seems too easy. Harry Lyme returns in just a moment.

so

And now, Harry Lyme. As I came out of the Ritz-Aster, the picture under my arm and the porter signaled a cab for me from the corner of my eye. I caught sight of a familiar pair of feet coming towards me, Inspector James of Scotland Yard. I shot a quick glance at the other side, two more sets of feet just as big and just as flat.

Also coming my way. Didn't have a chance in a million. I knew it. I did some split-second thinking.

Taxi, sir? Yes, please. What is it? Scotland Yard. What? Did you say Scotland Yard, Mr. Lyne? That's right. Why, hello, Inspector. Where did you spring from? Talk about coincidences. I was just on my way to see you, Inspector Day. Really? Why? You'll never believe it, but you know that picture you were talking about today, that veneer? Vermeer, Mr. Lyne. A veneer is a thin card. Yes, a veneer. Well, hold on to your hat, old man, but I...

i think i found it you do yes i've got it right here and you were on your way to deliver it to me yes that's correct inspector splendid a most public-spirited action mr lyon thank you i'll take it down save you the trouble if you like certainly here you are thanks i suppose it must be quite a relief to get rid of it all sure you know of course there'll be a reward for this from the insurance underwriters a reward i didn't know that

Quite generous one, in fact. Five hundred pounds. Five hundred. How does that work out in dollars, Inspector James? About fourteen hundred, I believe. But not as much as, say, a hundred and fifty thousand, of course. Still quite a lot of money, eh? Yes, quite a lot. And tax-free, too. No wonder you're known at the yard as Ducky, Harry Lyme. No wonder, eh?

♪♪

My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I got to admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. I get asked all the time why we only represent people who've been accidentally injured or had loved ones die tragically. And I tell them about my father, who worked in the mines of Kentucky, then came to Gary to work in the steel mill. Through him, I learned what hard work was, what dangerous work was, and saw that workers like him needed a voice when bad things happen. I know what I do every day would make my dad proud.

I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But, well, the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off. Then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I get asked all the time why we only represent people who've been accidentally injured or had loved ones die tragically. And I tell them about my father, who worked in the mines of Kentucky, then came to Gary to work in the steel mill. Through him, I learned what hard work was, what dangerous work was,

and saw that workers like him needed a voice when bad things happen. I know what I do every day would make my dad proud. Haunted. Tales of the Supernatural. This week, Eric Deacon and Christopher Neame star in Keeping His Promise by Algernon Blackwood. Dramatized for radio by Patricia Mays.

Hello there, Jack. Henry, may I join you, old chap? Yes, of course. When's your next tutorial? In about 15 minutes. Oh, I've got half an hour. How are the studies going? Behind, as usual. As a fourth-year man, you should be keeping well ahead. Yes, I'll keep being told, Henry. Believe me, it's not for the lack of trying. I've nearly got word blindness. I've been reading so much. Oh, God!

This lunch is pretty foul, isn't it? Is it? You are eating, I suppose. You look pretty gaunt. Food doesn't interest me at present. You can't study on an empty stomach, old boy. I thought an empty stomach helped to make the intellect keener. Rot! You need a break. I've been invited to a party tonight. What about it? Don't tempt me. The chance for you to meet people? You hardly know anyone at the university. You know. I think I'm about the only friend you've got. I haven't the time to socialise.

Believe me, Henry, I'm finding it very difficult. My mind seems reluctant to absorb all the information. Why is it so easy for some? You mean me? No, no, not you specifically.

You don't know how lucky you are to have such a retentive memory. I read a page, I think I've got it, only to find by tomorrow morning it's gone, utterly and totally. Yes, well, maybe you're trying too hard. It happens sometimes. Yes, I'd like to think that, but I'd be living in a fool's paradise. If I can help in any way, old chap. Yes, thanks, Henry, you're very kind. My dear chap. You're so silly, only too willing to help. Mind you...

Those tiny rooms you have in Findlay Street, they can't be very conducive to serious study. It's made me not, but I can't afford anything else. So you really won't join me tonight? Have some fun? No, afraid not. I've got an awful lot of swatting to do until the early hours. All I want is peace and quiet. Judging from that part of Edinburgh, that's all you will get. Yes, sir. Look, I must go now. I'll see you later. Yes, well, goodbye, Jackal Man. Not all the papers on the floor. Oh.

Where was I? Uh... Skull. Right. Here we are. Now, Jack, try and keep awake. And concentrate. Concentrate. Why don't they supply silent clocks for undergraduates? Go on. Line. And... Right. Right. I'll try again. The human skull. No! Who's that at this time of night?

Not green. Surely not green. Not after what I told him. He wouldn't do a thing like that. I suppose I'd better answer it. I mean, this is too much. The fellow knows I'm reading from an exam. Hello? Who's there? Must be around the bend in the staircase, and yet the steps seem to be right here beside me. Jack, you are talking yourself into a nightmare. Someone is playing a joke which, frankly, I don't find in the least bit funny. Right, right, I'll close the door.

Someone is there. Hello? Who's there? I'm lighting this hallway. Did you want me? Did you know just now? Who are you? Come nearer the light than... Ambrose Field? I hardly recognized you, old man. You look so... so white and thin. Are you ill, man? Come inside, quick. You look absolutely worn out. Come and sit down, please. You've quite taken me by surprise. When was the last time we met?

What do you mean, Ambrose, you can't come? I told you, I've got to stay in. What have you done now? I was rude to Proctor. You are an ass. Why don't you control that temper of yours? The man's an idiot. He doesn't like you. You'll be expelled if you keep on behaving like this. I don't care. You should care. What do your parents say? I don't care about them either. You're just being silly and irresponsible. You do what you like, Jack, and I'll do what I like. You'll never get to university. You'll have no future. Jack?

You sound just like my father. But he's right. I want to lead my own life. I'm not answering to fools like old Proctor. He may be old, but he's no fool. Look, Jack, I know you're my closest friend and all that, but I'm sick to death of people telling me what to do all the time. How long is it, Ambrose, since we were at school together? Five? Six years? Look, old man, there's something wrong. What's happened?

Lady Field? Yes, officer. Is this young man your son? Where did you find him? Near the river, my lady. Lying in the gutter. He's dead drunk, my lady. What? Come along, sir. Come along. In you come, that's right. I could see the way he was dressed and everything, that he was from a decent home. That's right, sir. Oh, thank you, officer. I'm deeply indebted to you. Uh...

Are there going to be... Well, is he likely to be charged with anything? Not this time.

But I would urge you to try and exercise a little more control over him. Yes. He could get into some serious trouble one day, especially in that area. Yes, of course. I don't want to stay here. You've got a wild one there, I can tell you. Lord Field is out at the moment. No doubt he will deal with him strongly when he returns. Good. A young gentleman like that needs a father's hand. Ambrose? Ambrose? Do you want to tell me about it?

I mean, I heard things, of course. I say, Jack, Ambrose Fields is a friend of yours, isn't he? Yeah. Father owns half a Pimlico? I believe so, yes. Why? In prison. Heard the details from a friend. Caught in one of those opium dens. Up to the most appalling things. Drugs, women, prostitution. Quite dreadful. God knows how his father's going to keep this quiet. How awful. You know the family well. I was at school with Ambrose before he was expelled.

But my sister, Emily, and Ambrose's sister are very close. I haven't seen Ambrose in... must be a year or so. Why, you look exhausted, Ambrose. You just eat some supper and relax. We'll soon have you looking better. Get some of that food down here. After we've eaten, then we'll have a chat, eh? Must be much to talk about. I've just remembered. I've got a bottle of whiskey somewhere. What an ass I am. I never touch it myself when I'm working, but... Well, this is a special occasion, isn't it?

Hello, Father. Come in. Come in. So you're here, my son, my heir. You disgrace me, Ambrose. And you dishonour my name. What are you talking about? Look at yourself. I'm sorry, Father. I don't know... Damn you! Look at yourself! Look at yourself in the mirror! You're hurting me! Can't you see what stares back at you? My God, if I had the courage, I'd kill you!

Too much to drink, that's all. Too much to drink, my God. As a young man, you must have got it in some scrapes down again. Ambrose, do you realize how much misery you have brought into this house? Your mother is downstairs now, crying. She is crying because of you, because of your appalling behavior, because of the shame you have brought on this family.

The police pick you up out of gutters. They drag you from your whores. They worm you out of the disgusting squalor of the opium dens. You are the talk of London. And because you are my son, so am I. I have lots of friends, Father. We enjoy ourselves. You don't understand a word I'm talking about, do you? Father...

What's always leading to? What are you intending to do? To? I'm going to do nothing, my boy. It's you who has something to do. I want you to pack your clothes and what possessions you have, and I want you to leave this house. You take nothing other than your personal possessions, and I never, ever want to see you again.

Father, Father, please. I have agonized over this decision, Ambrose, but now that I have made it, it is irrevocable. And don't believe for one moment that your friends or your mother will make me change my mind. I dare say you will find some kind of roof to sleep or lust under, but it will not be as myself. Father.

No, don't you... Please, please don't do this. You have one hour, and you will not see your mother before you leave. I shall be with her in the drawing room, and I shall lock the door. I don't want to know of your existence ever again. Does Mother know what you intend to do? No. She will only know about it when it has happened. One hour, Ambrose. Please, Father, you can't do this. An hour. Please. Please.

I've nowhere to go. My home is here. Your home was here, but no longer. I have done everything I could to help you, but I cannot take the shame and disgrace you bring upon us any longer. One hour, Hamlet. Bastard, you old dear God, what can I do? Where can I go? I know. I know the answer. Father, you needn't think you can get rid of me so easily. You'll never be able to forget me.

Never. Here we are. Drink that, old man. That will help you regain your strength and senses. Then you must tell me how you found me. I'm swatting to be a doctor for my sins. I sometimes think your carefree attitude towards your future might have been for the best when I consider what I'm suffering at the moment. My coat's all dry and dusty. I thought it was raining outside. Ambrose? Ambrose, you've fallen asleep. Look, I shall be here for the rest of the night reading for this exam. You're more than welcome to my bed.

Tomorrow, we'll have a late breakfast and see what can be done. Make plans, eh? Let me help you into the bedroom. Yeah, that's it. Come along, old friend. You need to rest. A nice, soft, warm bed. Let's make a vow, Ambrose. A vow to what? To eternal friendship. That whatever happens to us, we will always be the greatest of friends. Each to help the other if he's in trouble. All right. Good.

What are you doing with that knife, Jack? For the vow to be properly taken requires the letting and joining of our blood. Only this way will our friendship last until death. What do you say, Ambrose? Very well, Jack. I'm willing. I wonder how long he'd been waiting out there on the stairs. He really does look quite ill. He ate as if he hadn't seen food for a week. Listen to his breathing. I can hear him in here. He's in a deep, deep sleep. I too can hardly keep awake and I must try it.

I must try. Dealing with a fracture, it is important to keep the limb immobile. Strange, my arm. Pins and needles. Need to stretch, I expect. Now, where was I? Ah! Oh, it's that pain again. I must have been leaning on it awkwardly. I'd better go and see how Ambrose is feeling. Still asleep. By the looks of him, he hasn't moved an inch. Poor fellow. He must have been exhausted.

It's that pain again. Must have been sitting in a draft or something. Ambrose, what would you like for breakfast? Ambrose? Ambrose? In the bathroom? Ambrose, old man, where are you? Ambrose? Where in God's name is he? Ambrose, come on, old man, don't play the fool. Where are you? You're hiding behind the door. Well, the bedroom's empty yet. Field, is that you? Where are you, man? Stop playing this damn stupid game. I've been started again. God, it hurts.

Field! This has gone far enough! Where are you? Damn it, man! What are you trying to do? You under the bed or what? Um... You must be in here. Field. Field. No... I'm going mad! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioioio

My senses were shaken. Reason was disturbed. Yes, the field was no more than a hallucination. That's it. It still hurts. That's real enough. The impression of the body on the bed, that was real too. But no, think for a moment, Jackie. He didn't utter a word. Ambrose did not utter a word. Oh, it's incredible. I subserved. If it's a hallucination, why can't I hear and breathe? Why? I can't check it out.

Perhaps a walk across Holyrood will clear up the air, bring sanity back again. Hello, Marriott. I was getting worried. Henry, what are you doing here? I thought I'd drop in, compare notes and catch breakfast from you. Where have you been, old boy? I've been walking across Holyrood. This early? I had a bad headache. The walk helped. Ah, read hard all night then. Yes, yes. And...

I didn't know you had any friends who drank, Marriott. I didn't know I had either. What are you getting at? In the bedroom, old boy. Sounds as if some chap is sleeping it off in there, doesn't it? Then you can hear it too. Of course I can hear it. I'm sorry if I wasn't meant to... I didn't mean that. I'm relieved. If you hear it too, then it's all right.

But really, it frightened me more than I can tell you. I thought I was going to have a brain fever or something. And you know how much depends on this exam. It always begins with sounds and visions or some beastly hallucinations. Jack! I thought it was... Jack, what in heaven's name are you talking about? Listen to me, Henry, and I'll tell you what I mean. Only please, please don't interrupt. Last night, at about 11 o'clock, you still hear the breathing, don't you? Yes. Well, then you come with me.

and we'll search the room together and you'll see if what I say isn't true. Just a minute, Jack. I've been in there already, when I heard the sounds and thought it was you. What? I wouldn't hang it all. Someone must be there. Someone is in there. Where? Come on, come into the room. Come on, Henry. No, Jack, don't ask me. I've been in once. There's nothing there. Now you know what I've been through all night, why I've been tramping across Holyrood for the last two hours.

The only thing that ought to have a proper, logical explanation is the pain in my arm. It hurts infirmly and aches all the way up. I can't remember bruising it or anything. Let me examine it for you. I'm awfully good at bones, in spite of the examiner's opinion to the contrary. All right. Roll up your shirt sleeve. You're going to have a brusque bedside manner, I see. My God, I'm bleeding. Not much, but there's blood all the same. Look.

A cut near the wrist. Well, you've scratched yourself without knowing it. It's no sign of a bruise. It must be something else that makes the arm ache. What's the matter, Jack? I see nothing strange about a scratch. It was your cuff link, probably, last night in your excitement. But, Jack, my dear fellow, what's the matter? Do you see that red mark? I mean underneath what you call a scratch. Let me see. Yes, I see it. It looks like an old scar. It is an old scar. What? What?

Marriott, what's the matter with you? Quiet and I'll tell you. Field made that scar. Did you hear me? Field made that scar. Field? You mean last night? No, not last night. Years ago, at school, with my knife. And I made a similar scar on his arm.

We exchanged drops of blood in each other's cuts. He put a drop of blood into my arm and I put one into his. In the name of heaven, what for? It was a boy's compact. We made a secret pledge, a bargain, a vow of friendship. All perfectly now. We swore to appear to one another. I mean, whoever died first swore to show himself to the other and we sealed the compact with each other's blood. I remember it all so well.

A hot summer afternoon in my room seven years ago, one of the masters caught us and confiscated the knife. I've never thought of it again to this day. And you mean that... Dear God, this means, don't you? There's no good being upset about it. I mean, well, if it's all a hallucination, we know what to do. And if it isn't, well, we know what to think, don't we? No, I suppose so, but it frightens me terribly. That poor devil. After all,

If the worst is true, and that chap has kept his promise, well, he has. That's all, isn't it? Yes. There's only one thing that occurs to me, and that is this. Are you quite sure that he really ate like that? I mean that he actually ate anything at all. What? Can you check? Well, I put the things away myself after we'd finished. They're on the third shelf in that cupboard. No one's touched them since. Ah, just as I thought.

It was partly hallucination at any rate. The things haven't been touched. Come and see for yourself. There's the loaf, the plate of stale scones, the oatcake, all untouched. Even the glass of whiskey, there it is. The whiskey's still in it. You were feeding no one. Field ate and drank nothing. He was not here at all. But the breathing. I heard it. You heard it. In there, now. Where are you going? Just a moment. There's only one thing to do.

Write home and find out about him. And meanwhile, come and finish your reading in my rooms. I've got an extra bed. Henry. Hmm? Look. Look, I've had a reply from my sister. Ah, what does she say? Um... That's just family stuff. Here we are. It is curious that in your letter you should have inquired about Ambrose Field. It seems a terrible thing, but only a short while ago, Lord Field's patience at Ambrose's behaviour was exhausted, and he turned him out of the house, they say, without a penny.

Well, what do you think? He has killed himself. Good Lord. At least it looks like suicide. Instead of leaving the house, he went down and hid in the cellar and simply starved himself. They found the body on the 14th, and the doctor said he'd died about 12 hours before. He was dreadfully thin. And he died on the 13th, the very night he came to see you.

That was Keeping His Promise by Algernon Blackwood, with Eric Deacon as Marriott and Christopher Neame as Ambrose Field. David Griffin was Green, Peter Tottenham, Lord Field, and Nerissa Knight's Lady Field. Other parts were played by Nigel Graham.

Technical presentation was by Prue Menmure. This was a BBC World Service drama production directed by Derek Hardinot.

I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But, well, the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off. Then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary, where I eventually joined him. Through him, I learned what hard work was and saw that the men and women like him were the backbone of our community. Through my law practice, I've been fortunate enough to give back to those in need with food programs, clothing and toys for children, and educational support.

Every day through the Allen Law Group, I want to make my community and my father proud. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I got to admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. I get asked all the time why we only represent people who've been accidentally injured or had loved ones die tragically. And I tell them about my father, who worked in the mines of Kentucky, then came to Gary to work in the steel mill. Through him, I learned what hard work was, what dangerous work was, and saw that workers like him needed a voice when bad things happen. I know what I do every day would make my dad proud.

No, no, stay where you are. Do not break the stillness of this moment.

For this is a time of mystery. A time when imagination is free and moves forward swiftly, silently. This is The Haunting Hour. The Haunting Hour

Nocturne. Exceedingly strange is this world, and of all the things in it, the strangest are the ways of men. There are those who harbor a bitterness, along whose network of nerves, taut as fiddle strings, lurks the primordial passion which branded canes.

And there are those whose thoughts are like lighted shadows against the stars, and the fiber of whose individuality throbs to beauty and the revelation of music. This is the story of two men, and of the role a piece of music and a searing flame played in their destiny.

Two men, Matt and Stuart Bannock, twin brothers held together by the tenuous cobweb of blood ties, but poles apart in the warp of their lives, brooding and neurotic. Stuart, teeming with vigor...

Brilliant as a shaft of morning sunlight. That is Stuart playing. You're always playing that infernal piece. Why, Stuart, why? You've asked me that before. I like it. It's my favorite. You'd understand if you were a musician. That's right. Rub it in. You're a musician and I'm not. I can't play a note. So you're talented and I'm not. I didn't mean it that way. You're admired by everyone and I'm not.

And no matter what you meant, the fact is I'm just a forgotten half of twin brothers. Everything conspires against me. Matt, come on. You just haven't found yourself yet, that's all. Haven't found myself. I find that I've been robbed. Robbed? Yes, my dear Stuart, robbed. And apparently there's nothing I can do about it. What are you talking about? Nothing. Matt, you've never said anything to me about it. When did it happen? When we were born. Afraid I don't follow you.

That's the trouble. I followed you. You were born first, ahead of me. Sure. Sure, by all of ten minutes, but what of it? I don't see that that means anything. Oh, naturally, you wouldn't. Those who ride never understand why those who walk are foot sore. Those who possess don't understand the hunger of those in want. Matt, you're talking in riddles. What are you trying to say? I say you're a robber, a thief. I... Yes, you. My own twin brother you've stolen from me. Matt, I...

I don't understand. What have I taken from you? Talent. Personality. Intangible things that mark the difference between one man and another. Talent. Personality. Afraid I'm confused. I don't know what you're talking about. Did you ever wonder why people have no trouble telling us apart? No, I can't say that I have. Look, here we are, twins. Identical twins. We look alike in every respect. Did no one ever call you Matt or me Stuart? Do you know why? Why?

Why? Because they can sense the difference between us, that's why. Because the man who has and the man has not. Oh, don't look so amazed, Stuart. It's true. You're the one who has and I'm the one who has not. And the things I lack are the qualities you have in overabundance. Strength, imagination, vigor and talent. All the things that you've robbed from me. Matt, you're not making sense. Oh, yes, I am. I've thought it all out carefully. I've had years to do it, Stuart, and now I know.

Now, now you know what? That a person is born with just so much luck or strength or talent. With twins, it has to be divided. There isn't quite enough of everything to go around, so one twin takes more than his fair share. He robs the other, just as you've robbed me, Stuart. It's quite a theory, Matt. It's a fact from which there can be only, only one escape for me. The End

Mavis? Yes, Matt? I... Well, that is, you look very lovely today. Oh, thank you, kind sir. But then, well, you're always beautiful. Such flattery. It isn't flattery, you know I mean it. Mavis, you know how I feel about you. Please, Matt, we've gone all through that before. I can't help it, Mavis, I love you. I'd do anything for you. I'd even kill for you. Matt! Yes, I'd kill for you.

I can't stand the thought of some other man possessing you. I tell you, I won't allow it. Please, please, Matt. You're all excited. Well, why shouldn't I be? You expect me to stand by and do nothing while another man steals all the things that I want? No one is taking anything from you, Matt. I just don't love you. That's all. Tell me the truth, Mavis. Is there someone else? Yes. I thought so. I thought so. He always stands in the way of my happiness. He? But I haven't said who it is. You don't have to.

I know. Well, then you must be psychic. Don't joke, Mavis. It isn't funny. Not to me. I'm sorry. Everyone is always sorry for me. Poor Matt, they say. He's not at all like Stuart, his twin brother. Oh, poor Matt. Isn't it too bad he isn't a musician, too? Oh, poor Matt. Oh, Matt, Matt, please. It's Stuart you love, isn't it? I... I didn't say... You don't have to. I can see it in your eyes. Why are you afraid to tell me?

I... I don't know. Maybe it's because of what I see in your eyes. I'll tell you what. I'll make you a promise. As soon as the news of my engagement is ready to be released, you'll be the first to know. Thanks. No. Now, do you feel like killing anyone? Yes, more than ever. THE END

Mavis? Yes, Stuart? I... Well, that is, you look very lovely today. Thank you, kind sir. But then you're... Well, you're always beautiful. Mavis, what's the matter? You look faint. Oh, it... It's nothing. I...

I just remembered something that someone else said. You mean there are others crazy enough to think you're beautiful, too? So I've been led to believe. I thought I was the only one. You are the only one. Oh, Mavis, Mavis, darling. I love you. And I love you. Oh, this is wonderful.

You're wonderful. Everything's wonderful. I want to tell the whole world about us. Oh, but I promised to let someone be the first to know. Who is it? Anyone I know? It's a... Stuart. Hmm? You will be careful, won't you? Careful? Careful of what, dear? Of a... Oh, it's nothing. I guess I'm just being silly. No, no. You're adorable. Come here.

Still feel silly? No, no. Oh, but, Stuart, darling. Yes, dear? Do be careful. For my sake, please. Who's there?

I said, who's there? It's I. Oh, Matt. Had me worried for a moment. I didn't know who it was. Guess I'm kind of nervous tonight. Mavis said something about being... Matt. Matt, what's that you're carrying? A bottle. What's in it? Liquid. What? Gasoline. Matt! Matt, what's the big idea? Gasoline.

See this match in my hand? That ought to give you your answer. That's dangerous. For you, not for me. What are you saying? You won't rob me this time, Stuart. You've taken talent and personality from me. Now you want the girl I love. But... I can't stand the thought of some other man possessing Mavis, I tell you, and I won't allow it. That I didn't know. Will you do now?

I'm going to set the house on fire and you're going to be burned alive, dear brother. Matt. You can't get out. The flames will have you trapped there in the corner. But I can get out. I'm standing here by the door. Matt. Matt, don't strike that match. Come on, Stuart. I'm paying you back for robbing me. Matt. All I have to do is throw the burning match into the liquid at your feet. Like this. Oh, my face. Exploding my face like I can't see. Matt. Matt. Stuart. Stuart. Where are you? Stuart. Stuart, save me. I can't.

It's not recorded! Stop it! Stop it!

Fire! Fire! Dewitt! Dewitt! Lady, you can't go in there! My fiancé is in there! Let go of me, officer, please! Sorry, but no one can go into that house! It's a solid mass of flames! Please! Please! Nothing doing! He's going to jump! Oh, let it be, Dewitt! Go away! Jump! Dewitt! Hurry, guys! Hurry!

Oh!

Good devil. Cover him up, Mike. He's still alive. I'm going to call an ambulance. And what do you want? May I see him? You better not, lady. Oh, but please, I... Do you happen to know the people who lived in this house? Yes. My fiancé and his twin brother. Oh, let me see which it is. Well, all right. There. Do you recognize him? Yes.

Well, which is it? I... I don't know. THE END

Matt and Stuart Bannock. Twin brothers, yet different as day and night. Matt, bitter and neurotic. Stuart, a brilliant pianist whose favorite music is one of Chopin's nocturnes. Both are in love with Mavis, who loves Stuart. Matt believes he has been robbed of talent and personality by being born a twin. He sets fire to the Bannock house to kill Stuart...

But he too is trapped in the flames. One man leaps from the burning building. Which is it? Matt or Stuart?

And the chief says there's no doubt it was a case of arson. That so? Yep. We found the fellow who sold the gasoline. He swears it was Matt Bannock who bought it. He's positive, huh? Yep. Says he knew both Stuart and Matt all their lives. Has never mistaken one for the other. Makes the case pretty easy then, doesn't it, Kelly?

Bane, how long you been on the arson squad? Oh, about two months. Well, Bane, when you've been on it as long as I have, you'll know there's no such thing as a really easy case. We've got the survivor, haven't we? Yep. Got him under guard in the hospital. Then all we have to do is identify him. What's so tough about that? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Except the guys were identical twins and this fellow's badly banged up. And nobody knows whether it's Matt or Stuart.

No way of identifying him. By fingerprints or something? Nope, we've checked everywhere. The prints have never been filed. Well, I, uh... Yeah, go on. I'm listening. Why can't we get him to talk and identify himself? We've tried that. He talks all right. He'll tuck your arm off if you let him. But getting him to make sense, that's a different story. Mavis. Mavis? Yes? Yes?

I want Mavis. I love Mavis. Will you tell her that when you see her? Yes, I'll tell her. Make her come to me. Without her, I'm lost and everything is wasted. Don't try to rest. Please. You're not like Mavis. Shh. Now, you must be quiet so you can get well. Shall I tell you a secret? I love her. Everybody loves her, but I love her most. She... She loves you, too. How do you know? Who told you? Go away. Go away.

Tell Mavis I want her. I'll bring her to you if you just go to sleep. And when you wake, you'll be... She'll be here beside you. Tell her I love her. I'll sleep if you promise to tell Mavis I love her. Yes. Yes. I promise. Now, close your eyes. No!

And that's why we can't get him to identify himself. He doesn't talk sense. His mind's deranged. I see.

Well, you got any more brilliant ideas on how we can find out if he's Matt or if he's Stuart? Well, uh... Go on. I'm still listening. I got nothing else to do. Have you asked the doctors at the hospital how long it'll be before he recovers his senses? Of course we asked the doctors. That's one of the first things we did when we found we couldn't get anything out of the men ourselves. What'd they say? Oh, they were very helpful. Very helpful indeed.

They said as far as they could tell, he might be like that the rest of his life. Gee, that's tough. And then again, he might snap out of it at any time. A shock or something might restore his mind to normal. That gives us some hope. Say, Kelly, do you mind if I go along with you the next time you go to the hospital to see him? No, not at all, not at all. What have I got to lose?

There it is. 802. This is room. All right. It'll be wasted. Wasted, I tell you. She won't let it. She won't let it. She's good. Listen to him, will you? It's dark most of the time. Lights go on. She makes it bright again. Tell her to make it bright again. Hello. Someone's here. How are you feeling? I don't know you. Who are you? Oh, just a couple of friends. Who are you?

You wouldn't understand. It's the darkness, but she makes it bright. She's Mavis, and I... You're Matt. You're Matt, aren't you? I'm Matt? I'm Matt. I'm tired. I'm tired. But you are Matt Bannock. We know that now. I love Mavis. Stop bluffing. You're Matt Bannock. You know you are. I know I am? I am Matt Bannock? Yes. Yes, I am Matt Bannock. I'm Matt Bannock, and I've been robbed.

Mavis. Mavis makes the darkness bright. Stop that. Now repeat after me. I am Matt Bannock. Go on, say it. I... I am... It's no use saying this, Craig. I think he's faking. What's your name? I'm Stuart Bannock. I'm Stuart Bannock and I have everything. What's your name? I'm Matt Bannock. I'm Matt and I've been robbed in my head. What's your name? I love Mavis.

I love Mavis because she makes everything right. Why give up? He's right. I love her. Yeah, but let's get out of here. I love Mavis. Well, Matt Bannock or Stuart Bannock, whichever he is, is leaving the hospital today. Girl Mavis has taken him to her home. Why? Well, it seems she and Stuart became engaged the very day of the fire. She doesn't know whether this fellow is Matt or Stuart, but she hasn't taken any chances.

You know how loyal women can be. Yeah. I'd like to forget the whole case, but the chief won't stand for that. He won't rest or let us rest till he proves who the survivor is. Yeah. But even if he is Matt, we can't get a conviction. The man is mentally unbalanced. Or else he's putting on a darn good act. And an act always has a flaw that shows up in time. But whatever it is, he's still getting away with murder. THE END

You're home now. This is your new home. Home? Yes. I am home. Yes. This is where you'll get well and strong again. Strong? I will be strong again. You see? You've spoken two rational sentences in succession. Home. Maybe the association of ideas and objects will help. Come along. Come along with me. That's it.

I like to be home. I like to be home. Now, sit right down here. There it is. Look what's in front of you. See? The piano. Piano? Yes. A piano. Play it. Play the piano. Piano. Watch me. See? Like this. Now you do that. Piano. Here. Let me help you.

Put your hands on the keys. Like this. Now play. Please. Please try. Try again. Oh, no. No. No. No. No.

Here, drink this glass of milk. If you see Mavis, you tell her I love her. Yes, I'll tell her. But first take this glass. There, that's better. Oh, I'm so sorry for you. Everyone is always sorry for me. What? I don't want to drink this. I'm tired. I'm tired of this. Oh, you sound like Mavis. I'm tired of it all. Rot.

Rob, the talent and personality. Oh, no, no, it can't be. I said, Rob. Don't wave your arm like that. You're allowed to upset the table. I can't stand the thought of some other man possessing Mavericks. That's worse. Rob. He said that the day you... I won't allow it. Oh, be careful of that table. There's a burning chafing dish on it. I tell you, I won't allow it. Oh, Mr.

Do you hear the fire is out Fire

Fire? Don't come near me. Stay there by the piano. Piano? Yes, yes, by the piano. Piano. Piano. Fire. Fire. No. Piano! Piano!

Oh, it is. It is you. Exceedingly strange is this world. And of all the things in it, the strangest are the ways of men. This is the story of two men...

and of the role a piece of music and a searing flame played in their destiny. Two men, Matt and Stuart Bannock, twin brothers held together by the tenuous cobweb of blood ties, but poles apart in the warp of their lives. Matt, brooding and neurotic. Stuart,

Teeming with vigor, brilliant as a shaft of morning sunlight. From shadows and stillness...

Mystery weaves a spell of strangest fascination, charging the mind with doubts and fears. For mystery is a strange companion, a living memory in the haunting hour. The Haunting Hour

My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

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How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off and use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

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My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

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Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. Hi, I'm Richard Karn, and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here, and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot.

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Any size copperhead hose. Just text WATER to 64000. That's WATER to 64000 for your two free gifts with purchase. W-A-T-E-R to 64000. By texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition.

Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience — burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important. At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life. So eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge.

With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off and use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. Hi, I'm Richard Karn, and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here, and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot.

But the Copperhead's pocket pivot swivels 360 degrees for full water flow and freedom to water with ease all around your home. When you're all done, this rust-proof anti-burst hose shrinks back down to pocket size for effortless handling and tidy storage. Plus, your super light and ultra-durable pocket hose Copperhead is backed with a 10-year warranty. What could be better than that? I'll tell you what, an exciting radio-exclusive offer just for you. For a limited time, you can get a free pocket pivot and their 10-pattern sprayer with the purchase of

any size copperhead hose. Just text WATER to 64000. That's WATER to 64000 for your two free gifts with purchase. W-A-T-E-R to 64000. By texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms. If you pull that trigger, this torch will start a fire you'll never be able to stop. An oil fire. It'll wipe out everything you've worked for.

Have Gun, Will Travel, starring Mr. John Daner as Paladin, San Francisco, 1875, the Carlton Hotel, headquarters of the man called Paladin. Come in.

Oh, Mr. Paladin. Well, Miss Wong. And how are you this evening? Oh, very good. Thank you, Mr. Paladin. Excuse, please, but the man in Ravi asked me to bring you this. Oh, what is it? A bottle of wine. Yes, sir.

It has good color. Message come with it. Huh? Where is it? He tell me message. He come to lobby, wait for you, then say he has no time to wait longer. He give me butter and message. I see. What's his name? Renato Donatello. Donatello? Yes, sir.

He want you come to his ranch soon as possible. Donatello Wine Ranch. Oh, yes, I've heard of it. All right, Miss Wong, I will. This is Frank Knight speaking for Longine, the world's most honored watch. It's wonderful to win a Nobel Prize in Science, a Pulitzer Award in Literature, an Olympic gold medal in sports.

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The grounds were neat and clean. The buildings of sparkle, the rows of vines well kept. Obviously, years of loving care had gone into everything. And obviously, Signor Donatello could see nothing but red. This whole place is going to be ruined if something is not done. Well, maybe you better tell me exactly what is ruining your vineyard, Signor. Oh, I see two things. A madman and a well. Well...

Now, from a well should come life, refreshment, the water, Signora. And from this one? From this well comes evil, stink, blackness, ruin. Oil? Oil, si, oil. Black slime drains onto my land, the ruin of my vine. The smoke from his tank coats the grapes. The wine is bitter because of it. Well, tell me about the madman, Signora. Oh, he...

He is cunning. He is powerful. He defies me. He will not pay damages. He will not change his ways. What's this fellow's name? His name is Gorman. Timothy Jerome Gorman. Irish.

Why are the Irish so bad? I ask you, Mr. Paladin, what kind of a savage drink whiskey made out of potatoes, huh? Renato, I missed you. Teresa, this is Senor Paladin of San Francisco. This is my sister, Teresa. How do you do? Good evening, Senor Paladin. You are welcome to this house. Thank you.

Renato neglected to tell me that his sister was very beautiful. Oh, grazie. Teresa also the finest cook, signor. Today I make scalapini. It is waiting you. And you must eat, signor Paladino. Oh, first, but I get you some wine to taste. Only a moment. I am glad you're here, signor. Renato is so upset in this terrible fight with signor Gorman. What's your opinion of Gorman?

He's a bad enemy, but he would be a good friend. Do not tell Renato, but today I sent some scallopini to Signor Gorman. It is my finest dish. That's a fine peace offering. Here we are, Signor. Now, this was my prize wine. Now, you taste, huh? Thank you. Huh? What do you think? It's a little sour. A little sour? It has a... It's like the inside of a smoke chimney. That's that oil well. What? What?

Hey! What is it? Let's have a look. Senor Gorman does this. That's the pen Scalapini has sent to him. What an insult. I'll go up there and I'll crush that savage. No, no, you won't, senor. Let me go up there first and see if I can do anything. Hey!

All right, boys, all right, that's enough. Shut her down. That's it. Mr. Gorman? Yeah, that's me. Who are you? My name is Paladin. How'd you get in here? Walked in. No wonder you wasn't shot. I've got rifle guards all around the place. I saw them. What's the reason? A crazy Italian who's trying to ruin me.

You look like a good man in a fight. How'd you like to work for me? I'd like to, except for one thing. I already work for that crazy Italian. Now, look here, you get off... Before we talk, Mr. Gorman, we should understand two things. First of all, he's not crazy. Second, he's an American. He's crazy as a bog walker. Well, this is a nice-looking operation you have here. What did you know about oil? I was in Texas when they brought in the black cat, but...

Two things should be changed. Oh, they should. Well, name them. Well, the main drainage ditch for the waste and the smoke from the boiler. You see, Mr. Gorman, the waste drains onto Donatello's land and the smoke drifts over and coats his vines. Now, you could pump the waste off this rise and drain it off down the opposite slope.

and a 20-foot chimney on that boiler would get away from the downdraft and take the smoke off harmlessly. It's a crime to destroy a vineyard that produces the best wine in the state, Mr. Gorman. I don't drink wine. When I want to drink, I take white mule straight. That's a man's drink. And something else, Mr. Paladin. I could do those things, you said, but it'd cost money. Every cent I could beg, borrow or steal, went into this well. Besides, that Donatello's fought me every foot of the way.

Teresa Donatello hasn't fought you? Well, I kind of liked her until she tried to poison me. That Italian food hits me the wrong way. That scallopini was well meant. I took one taste and it bit me. I figured I'd better shoot it before it got loose and ran wild. Now, Mr. Gorman, would you shoot an unarmed scallopini? I'd shoot anything that gives me trouble. The End

© BF-WATCH TV 2021

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For information on how to receive cash during disability, write to the largest organization of its kind in the world, Mutual of Omaha. Send your name and address to Mutual of Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska. It could be the most important thing you'll do this year. Wine versus oil. Donatello versus Gorman. It was a standoff. And I hoped to keep it a standoff until I could clear up a few matters.

I borrowed a horse and started for the nearest town. By the time I got back to the Donatello ranch, the standoff had turned into a battle. A mob of men were surging around the winebats. Who? Teresa. I tried to pray.

But I cannot. Not for this. What's happening? Renato felt the time of choice is past. That you must lead a raid on Senor Gorman or we'll lose everything. But it's gone wrong. Gorman and his men are going to wreck our vats. Renato will be killed. You must help. Get in the house and stay there. I'll see what I can do. We're going to make your blind vats look like sins. Come on.

Boys, run! Clean out those wine drawers and head for the wine shed. Then we'll set you free. Will you stop them, Gorman? Tell them to go back or I'll blow your spine in two. Hold it, wait! It's a trap! That's fine, that's fine. Now more of the same. Get him back! It's a trap! Go on, everybody, get back to the well! That's better. So...

That's how a big-time gunman acts, is it? Crawling up to shoot people in the back? You didn't get shot. I figured you'd listen to reason. Otherwise, I'd have had to kill a half a dozen innocent men. You talk big, Paladin. But the next time we meet, you'd better be ready to back it up. Good night, Mr. Gorman. Remember what I told you. Next time...

I think you understand that your attack was a foolish move. Yes, he... Oh, thank you. Gorman can ruin my vineyards as he pleases. Tomorrow, Teresa and I will pack and move. This vineyard and winery means a lot to you, doesn't it? It was my whole life. I have no wife, no little ones, Paladin. I have the vines that I put in the ground on my own hands. Those vats, they're not vats of wine. They are years of my life, but... Believe me, I understand.

And I want you to understand that Gorman feels the same about his well and refinery, senor. Oh, you can't compare my beautiful wine with that black slime. The principle involved is the same. No, Paladin. Look, look. Tomorrow, if you still want to move, I'll help you pack. Tonight, I'd like to use a barrel of your wine. What for? For some of Gorman's rifle guards. You crazy?

Do you ever read Omar Khayyam, senor? Huh? The grape with logic absolute shall all the warring tribes confute. Now then, I want that barrel of wine and a wagon. Now, here's a foolproof formula for making the head of your house a happy man on Father's Day. Be sure his gift is Old Spice and watch his face light up.

© BF-WATCH TV 2021

If he uses an electric shaver, give him Old Spice pre-electric shave lotion. Sets up his beard, speeds up his shaver. One dollar. Or shoot the works on a really deluxe gift. The Old Spice treasure chest. Seven great grooming aids. Everything for his shave and shower in a magnificent red box. Seven dollars. There are so many Old Spice gifts to choose from. Priced from one to seven dollars. Finest grooming aids a man can use. Replicant.

Old Spice means quality. Set the captain to the bosun. On the package with the ship that sails the ocean. It took a great deal of trouble to have a barrel of Donatello's wine fall off a wagon in just the right position for three of Gorman's guards to see it. It took two full hours of patient waiting for them to drink enough of it.

And then it took some persuasion in Senor Donatello's direction. Ah, Paladine, this is crazy. Those guards, they will kill us if they find us here. Not if you do as I say. Gorman's men aren't going to kill anybody. Not after drinking a barrel of your wine. Now, I want you to stay hidden here until I yell for you. Oh, no, no. I come with you. You did things your way last night, remember? But last... Tonight, tonight, I'm giving the orders. All right, I stay, I stay.

All right, you lily-livered wheatons, break your backs. Get that A-beam up on end and lift, will ya? I say lift! Gorman. Palladir, why are you... Well, what are you standing there for, assy boys? Let me drag you down to the bottom of the air, you fat...

A gun won't do you any good, Gorman. Get down off there or I'll blow a hole right through you. If you do, if you do, there'll be quite a fire. I need it covered in nothing but five seconds. Put out that torch. This torch will set your whole tank afire if you shoot me. Now, time's up. My life isn't worth that much to you, Gorman. Put down the gun. All right. All right. That's better. Now come down. We'll talk. Come on.

Donatello. Donatello. What's he doing skulking around here? Now you're going to burn it up, huh? Go ahead. You started the fire. Are you like them apples, Mr. Gorman? I don't want to start any fires unless I have to. Now, here. I want you both to read this and sign it. What? I had a lawyer draw it up. Renato. Huh? You give Gorman $3,000 to build a drainage set up and a chimney. I give... In exchange...

You'll get a share in the well and a voice in how it's run. Why should I pay $10,000? Go ahead and start a fire. You've never seen an oil fire, have you, Donatello? This tank would explode in a few minutes and burning oil would cover your whole vineyard. You'd both be wiped out. Now take your choice, gentlemen. With that agreement, you can both operate your business at a profit. Otherwise, if you continue to fight, you'll both lose everything. Partner. Partner. Partner.

Shake hands. I know. Shake hands. Shake hands. Good. Now, Mr. Gorman, Renato's sister has a plan to seal the partnership. The End

Colonel, what news? Bad news, my general. The army of engine wear advances. The forces of engine noise are poised for a major breakthrough. Where now, Colonel? The hydraulic valve lifter, sir. A heavy buildup of sludge, rust, and corrosion. New K-Site 3C could handle them. Where the... is supply?

General, could even you K-Site 3C stop this engine's noise? Colonel, it's never too late for new K-Site 3C. If I could add just one pint to the soil right now, it would clean this engine, smooth this engine, silence this engine...

Sir, the hydraulic valve lifters. They're pounding us to pieces. Man the radio. Call for help. Calling all car owners. This is Crankcase Central urgent. Add 1K and K-Site 3C to your motor oil immediately. Obtain at garage or service station. $1.50. Results guaranteed or double your money back. Did they receive us? We can only hope, sir. To the new partnership.

Well, say now, this wine ain't so bad after all. It don't have the kick of white mule, but it feels all right. What do you mean? I don't know, but when I came in here, I hated everybody. Now... Oh, the dinner's almost ready. Wait till you taste it. And I am going to get a dinner wine. I am just the right thing. Papa.

Paladin. What? You've got to get me out of here. Think of some excuse. You're smart. Why? What's the trouble? Teresa, she's a fine, handsome woman and all, but I can't stand that Italian food she cooks. It scorches me very inside. Here's the food. And here's the wine. And now we're all going to eat like friends. You sit, Mr. Gorman. Why don't you show Mr. Gorman your special dish, Teresa? Of course. Here. You like? Why?

Why, that's Irish, too. And one thing more, Mr. Pallet. Yes? Yes. I will see you tomorrow? For breakfast. Good night. Until then. Well, hello there, Miss Wong. Mr. Pallet, good to see you back. You sound like Hayboy. Oh.

You need something? No, no, I don't think so. As a matter of fact, everything is going very well. I see you make quick plan for evening with charming young lady. You not only sound like hey boy, you think like he does. Yes, sir. But how you make date so fast? A bottle of wine, Miss Wong. Wine? Some of Mr. Donatello's very best wine. Oh.

Oh, that very nice present. And on the enclosed note, I quoted a little of Omar Khayyam. Very nice. Yes, very nice indeed. Mr. Paladin, I can have a copy of same note? Well, certainly. What for? Send to him or attach to bottle of sake. Might have most happy results. Oh, yes, I think so. Good night, Mr. Paladin.

Good night, Miss Wong.

Chester, put down that gun. I can't, honey. Mr. Dillon told me to practice. Oh, I don't care what Matt Dillon says. Mrs. Dennis Weaver says no guns in the house. But Mr. Dillon told me. Oh, here's our picture in Look Magazine. And it says Chester of Gunsmoke and his wife, known in private life as Mr. and Mrs. Dennis Weaver. But Mr. Dillon told me, honey. Now, does Maverick practice fast draws around the house? No, he helps his wife cook dinner. Well, now, ain't that something. Oh, here's your old friend Doc here in Look.

And the riflemen. And there's Yancey Derringer. Well, forevermore. Oh, ain't their wives pretty, though? You know, everybody ought to get luck and take a look at them, because you know that girls was made to be loved.

Oh, Chester, you show Matt Dillon a copy and let him see what other Western heroes and their wives do around the house. All right, music lover, I'll be seeing you. Where are you going? Down to Newstown to buy a copy of a new issue of Look Magazine. Why? Well, for Mr. Dillon. Have Gun, Will Travel. Have Gun, Will Travel.

Created by Herb Meadow and Sam Rolfe, is produced and directed by Norman MacDonald and stars John Daner as Paladin with Ben Wright as Hayboy. Tonight's story was written by Ken Cole and adapted for radio by John Dawson. Featured in the cast were Blanche Hawkins, Lawrence Dobkin, Virginia Gregg, and Waldo Epperson. Hugh Douglas speaking.

Join us again next week for Have Gun, Will Travel. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. Hi, I'm Richard Karn, and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here, and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot.

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Any size copperhead hose. Just text WATER to 64000. That's WATER to 64000 for your two free gifts with purchase. W-A-T-E-R to 64000. By texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from Pocket Hose. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition.

Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. Hi, I'm Richard Karn, and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose. Well, the brand new Pocket Hose Copperhead with Pocket Pivot is here, and it's a total game changer. Old-fashioned hoses get kinks and creases at the spigot.

But the Copperhead's pocket pivot swivels 360 degrees for full water flow and freedom to water with ease all around your home. When you're all done, this rust-proof anti-burst hose shrinks back down to pocket size for effortless handling and tidy storage. Plus, your super light and ultra-durable pocket hose Copperhead is backed with a 10-year warranty. What could be better than that? I'll tell you what, an exciting radio-exclusive offer just for you. For a limited time, you can get a free pocket pivot and their 10-pattern sprayer with the purchase of

Mystery is my hobby.

Today's story took place last fall. Paul Arno, the lifelong friend of mine, called me on the phone to report a murder. At the moment, Paul was unaware that only a few hours previously, his wife Brenda had had an unexpected caller. Yes? Hello, Pop.

Now, don't tell me you're the great Paul Arnold. I beg your pardon. Look here, you can't come bursting in this way. Who are you, anyway? I asked you first, Pop. Who are you? I'm Robert, Mr. Arnold Buckley. Buck... Well, what do you know? Toots did all right for himself. Toots? Sure, Toots. You mean you never heard of Toots? No, naturally not. There's no one here by that name. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Whoa. Toots would like... Toots...

Well, I'll be a cross-eyed lizard. Say, if you ain't a pretty... Tony, please. Huh? What's the matter? Tony, we're not alone. Oh. Oh. Oh, I get it. It's Nibs Am, I tell your old man. If this person is annoying you, Mrs. Arnold... No, no, no. It's quite all right, Robert. You may go. But, madam... You may go, Robert. Very well, madam. Well, what do you know? Toots, you've done that like a lady.

Yes, sir, you've done it just like a lady. I am a lady, Tony. Huh? A lady, eh? Now, wait a minute, Toots. Take it easy. This is Tony Irwin you're talking to, remember? When did you get out, Tony? Oh, so that's it, huh? I got you worried, eh, baby? Oh, no, Tony, no, no. You're thinking that I'm sore because I come home and find you married to this panty-weight. And...

Why should you be sore, Tony? That's what I was saying to the boys just this morning. The boys? Yeah. Some of the boys said, uh, Tony, you ought to be sore to Toots, they said. But why, Tony, why? That's what I told them. Why? I says, how did Toots know that I was going to get sprung after only doing a couple of years? Tony, please. Double cross? Uh-huh. No, sir. I laughed at him.

Why I said toots wouldn't double-cross nobody. I didn't double-cross you, Tony. Sure, sure, sure you didn't. That's what I'm saying, baby. You wouldn't double-cross nobody. I'm glad you feel that way, Tony. You bet. Baby, I'm proud of you. You got class. I always figured you'd make the grade if you got the grades. Yes, Tony? I ain't like some guys. Some of them boys...

You know what they wanted me to do? What? Take that Chuck Fazzaro, for instance. There's a character. What did Chuck say? Why, he says, look, Tony, don't be a dope. Toots is in a chip, he says. Look, he says, she used to be your girl, didn't she? Okay, do one up and clip her for a few hundred bucks. She'll never miss it, he says. And what did you say, Tony? Nothing doing, I told her.

Not me. I ain't that kind of a guy, see? Thank you, Tony. I ain't that kind of a guy, I says, who'd stool on a friend. Not even if she did double-cross me. Tony, I didn't. So what if Toots would pay off to keep me from telling about the weekend we spent together? Tony, that's not so. Sure, sure, sure, it ain't. Yeah, but the thing is, this Paul Arnold don't know it ain't so. What do you mean? Well, it's like this, baby.

Suppose this Paul Arnold was told you used to be a burly cue dancer. Oh, Tony, you wouldn't... Suppose he got to know about you and Jerry the Duke in that nightclub raid. No, Tony, please. Suppose he told and was told about you and me and I showed him some pictures. Paul wouldn't believe you. He'd throw you out of the house. The way I figure it, baby, Arnold could check them things. He'd find they was true. Then, when I mentioned about that weekend... Stop it, Tony. Stop it. What's the matter, baby? What do you want, Tony? What?

Me? Not a thing, baby, not a thing. Yes, you do. What is it? Baby, you got me all wrong. You know, I wouldn't put the bite on you for nothing. Of course, since it's getting along towards Christmas. Oh, I see. Very well, Tony, I'll give you a Christmas present. Ah, swell, baby. Swell? Wait. The safe is over here behind these curtains. I'll be back in a minute. No, you don't. I'll just go along, too. Maybe you've got some ideas about telephoning?

Hey. This is kind of a cute idea, isn't it? Go back where you were, Tony. I'll look at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of a cute idea. Big heavy curtains hanging on the wall just like there wasn't this little alcove behind them. If you think I'm going to open this safe with you watching me, you're crazy. Yeah, kind of cozy, too. Just big enough for us, too. Tony. Tony, don't look at me like that. Come here. Tony, you... Keep your hands off me. Come here. Come here. Come here.

Just us two. Like I used to be, huh? Come here. Take it easy, baby. Take it easy. Maybe we can make another deal. What's that? There's somebody... Hey, who turned off the lights?

Yes, Drake speaking. Hello, Bart. This is Paul Arnold. Paul Arnold. Well, well, Paul, it's good to hear your voice. How are you? Right now, I'm not so good, Bart. Hmm? There's a dead man lying in my living room with a bullet through his heart. What? Yeah, he was murdered. Murdered? How do you know? Well, my wife was standing beside him and my butler was standing in the doorway and saw it. My sister was in the hall and heard it happened.

And by the way, there's a guy here named Danton who's accused practically everyone of making it happen. Danton? Not Inspector Noah Danton. That's the guy. Know him? Yes, slightly. Tell the inspector, Paul, that you've talked to me and I'm on my way out. And don't worry about him. The old boy's bark is worse than his bite.

Hello, Bart. Hello, Inspector. Come on in. Thank you. I've been waiting for you. You got my message, huh? No, Inspector. What message? What message? Didn't the babe call you? What babe? Arnold's sister. I was busy and I asked her to get in touch with you. I thought she did. I'm sorry, Inspector. I haven't heard a female voice in a matter of hours, Westluck. Oh, no? Then how'd you know about this murder? How do you happen to be here? Paul Arnold called me. Arnold. Why did... Hey,

Hey, what do you think he's getting away with? Hello, Bart. Glad to see you. I'm glad to see you, Paul. It's been a long time. More than a year. I've been in the service, you know. Yeah, but then we do know. Wasn't I at your going-away party? What a time. Pardon me for interrupting. You two gents don't happen to know each other, do you? Paul and I are old friends, Inspector. We've known each other for years. We were roommates in college, Inspector. Well, isn't that sweet? Unless somebody thinks up some excuses mighty fast, somebody's going to be cellmates in Sing Sing. Now, look, Bart. Always the man of duty, eh, Inspector?

By the way, have you identified the corpse yet? Sure, it was a punk named Tony Irwin. He was doing a stretch for grand lasting, got let off for good behavior. I see. And what was Tony Irwin doing here? Well, obviously his motive was robbery. His body was found lying near the wall safe. Yeah, and there was a gun lying beside him with one bullet discharged. Look, Bynes, come over here. Yes, Inspector. You'd better come along, Paul. Yes, I think I'd better. Your friendly Inspector has ideas. And I can guarantee you he'll have a lot more before we get much farther in this case.

Yes, Inspector? You see these portiers hanging against the wall? Yes, I see. Look like decorations, don't they? Yes, they do. Okay, now I swing them out like this on that plane they're hung on, and what do you see? Well, well, a dead man on the floor, a gun beside him, and a small safe fitted into a sort of an alcove. That's right.

Now, when I got here a couple hours ago, things looked exactly as they do now. Well, and what have you been doing for the past two hours, Inspector? What have I been doing? I've been lining up the suspects. I've been waiting for you. I've been looking for... All right, Inspector. All right. Now, who are your suspects? Well, Mrs. Arnold admits being right here when it happens. Now, just a minute, Inspector.

Brenda didn't do this. You can't say... Keep your shirt on, Bob. I didn't say she did it. I only said she was a suspect. How did Brenda happen to be here, Paul? Well, she came into the room and saw movement behind the curtain and decided to investigate. What happened? Tony, whatever his name is, was tinkering with a safe. Just as Brenda looked behind the curtain, the lights went out.

There was a shot. Brenda screamed and ran out of the room. That's her story. Now, look here, Devin. Never mind, Paul. The inspector sounds much worse than he means to. So is that so? Inspector, have you checked the fingerprints on the guns? That's being done now. How about the safe?

What about the safe? Well, if Mrs. Arnold were telling the truth, as you seem to doubt, Inspector, Tony's prints would be on the safe. Huh. That's right, isn't it? Well, I'll have the boys check. Good. And tell me, who are your other suspects? Robert's the butler, for one. Why? He claims he heard Mrs. Arnold talking with someone in here just as he opened the door the lights went off. Robert says he saw someone standing near the door to the hall across the room, then...

the shot came. Did Roberts see where the shots came from? Yep. He says the guy that was standing near the other door fired it. But he didn't recognize the other party? No. He only got a glimpse. Inspector, why do you suspect Roberts? Because he must have been lying.

That gun right there is the one that killed Irwin. Oh, you're sure of that, Inspector? Sure, I'm sure. You know I don't make idle statements, Bart. No. Whom else do you suspect? Arnold's sister, Agatha. Oh, that's ridiculous. Aggie's so scared of firearms, she won't even look at one. Yeah? And why didn't she call Drake when I asked her to? I'll tell you why, bub. She's a guilty party, and she knew that if Drake got on the job, he'd prove she was guilty. Inspector, let's not make idle statements, remember? Yeah.

Paul, it looks to me as though you're the only one that's in the clear in this case. Yes, and I'm sure I wouldn't be if I hadn't happened to be on a plane coming back from Boston at the time the murder was committed. That checks. I called the airport. Paul Arnold left on the plane that took off from Boston at 6.30 p.m. He

He couldn't have gotten here before 9 o'clock and the murder took place at 7.30 p.m. Well, thanks for that much, anyhow. Don't mention it, Bob. We always aim to please. Then stop calling me Bob. Bart, it seems to me your friend the inspector is determined to make a complicated plot out of a purely simple case. Yeah, well, Bart, it seems to me that your friend Bob Arnold is talking out of turn. What's simple about it, Bob? Well, anyone with any sense wouldn't ask.

This man Irwin is the next convict. Sent up for larceny. Obviously, he came here with the idea of robbing my safe. Okay, so then what happened? We already know what happened. Someone shot him. See what I mean, Bart? Everybody wants to get into the act. I'm sorry, Paul. The inspector is right. Why Tony Irwin this year is unimportant. Somebody murdered him. It's the inspector's job to find out who.

Okay, I guess you're right. The only thing that we're sure of is that you're not the guilty party because you were on that plane. Well, Brenda isn't guilty either. I appreciate how you feel, Paul, but still, the Inspector... I beg your pardon, sir. Yes, Roberts, what is it? There's a Mr. Harrison on the phone, sir. He'd like to talk to you. Harrison? I don't know any Harrison. What's he want? Well, he said something about a ticket, sir. Oh, yes. Yes.

Of course. I'll talk to him, Roberts. Very good, sir. If you'll pick up the extension... No, I'll take it in the library. Excuse me, Bart. I'll be back in a minute. Take your time, Paul. No hurry. Harrison, he doesn't know him. Inspector, what are you doing? I'm listening in on that conversation over this extension telephone. Inspector, gentlemen don't do that sort of thing. I'm not a gentleman. I'm a cop. Well, please keep your hand over the mouthpiece. I've got my hand over the mouthpiece.

Ah. Something interesting, Inspector? Yes, something very interesting. Well, I'll be... Well, Inspector. Bart, how good a friend of yours is this Paul Arnold? Well, the best. I've known him for years. You think he's on the up and up, eh? Yes, yes, I gamble on that. That's too bad. Why? Bart, I hate to tell you this. Arnold wasn't on the plane. What do you mean he wasn't on the plane? That guy Harrison that Arnold was talking to, he used the plane ticket that Arnold bought. He just called a Frank Arnold.

But Paul Arnold was here in New York at the time Tony Irwin was murdered. Oh. Brenda. Yes, Paul? What are you doing? I'm packing.

I'm leaving you, Paul. Leaving me? Why? Because I... Because I think it'll be best for both of us. Oh, then... Then you've stopped loving me. Oh, no, Paul. Well, what else am I to think? Well, I'm not very proud of my past, Paul. Among other things, I... I was a dancer in a burlesque show. And you're ashamed of it. Oh, no, no, I'm not ashamed. I... I did nothing to be ashamed of. Then why? Because...

Because I met you, Paul. Because I fell in love with you. Because... Because I wanted so desperately to have you love me. And I knew that... That Paul Arnold could only fall in love with a lady. He did. What? I said, Paul Arnold did fall in love with a lady. You had that lady. You're trying to be kind. You're pitying me. I can't stand pity, Paul. No, I... No, no, look, Brenda, listen to me. I've known for the last three months about... Well, about your past. You...

You've known? Yes, sure. Tony Irwin called on me. He told me all about you, even threatened blackmail. And you didn't believe him? Well, I found that everything he told me was true. But why didn't you tell me? Why should I worry? The girl I love was something that was completely unimportant. Oh, Paul. Oh, there, there, you poor kid. Give me, Paul. Oh, Nick, Paul.

Oh, darling, what a fool I've been. No such thing. I should have warned you. Erwin waited until things quieted down, then tried his blackmailing stunt on you. That's why I didn't go to Boston. I was worried. You... you didn't go to Boston? No. At the last minute, I had a hunch. I gave my ticket to a man named Harrison at the airport. In fact, he just called me on the phone to thank me. Then... then you were here when... When Erwin was shot? Yes.

I came in the back way just as the shot was fired. But you didn't... Sure, Owen? No, darling. I didn't get the chance. Someone beat me to it. Paul, listen to me. Does Bart and Drake know that you weren't on the plane? No, why? Then you've got to tell him, Paul. If he finds out that you were lying... Nonsense. Let Bart have his fun. But it isn't only Drake, Paul. It's Inspector Danson. Oh, Paul, can't you understand how important this is? Drake's clever. He might prove that you... Brenda...

You don't think that I... Oh, darling, come here to me. Listen, Bart's my best friend. Don't worry about him. And even if I did kill Tony Irwin, I've got the best alibi in the world.

Look, Bart. Hmm? When are you going to give up and admit that your friend Arnold is the guy we want? Why should I, Inspector? Why should I, he asked. Because all the evidence we've uncovered points to his guilt. That's why. What evidence, Inspector? What evidence? Now, look, Bart, I'm a patient man. You know that. Yes?

Paul Arnold had a motive. He wasn't on that plane and... And we're keeping that knowledge to ourselves, Inspector. I don't want Paul ever to suspect that we broke his alibi. Oh, you don't? This isn't a game, you know, Bart. Just because the guy's a good friend of yours... What other evidence we have to point to Paul's guilt, Inspector? His sister knows we were... He was here, for one thing. I just talked to her. She admits that that's why she didn't do as I asked and called you. Because she thought that Paul had shot Erwin? Sure.

She didn't want to see her own brother go to the chair. Oh, Inspector, that's weak. Very weak. Oh, yeah? Well, there's a gun lying beside the corpse. From which the fingerprints have been carefully wiped.

So far, you haven't mentioned anything that would stand up in court. Okay, okay. How about the fact that no fingerprints were found on the safe? Yes, that proves that Mrs. Arnott was lying, doesn't it? She said she stepped around the curtain and saw Irwin tinkering with the safe. Yeah, but if you'd just let me talk to... Do you want to see me, sir? Yes, Robert. Will you ask Mr. and Mrs. Arnott to step down here, please? Yes. Thank you.

Now, Inspector, what was it that you were about to say? I was going to say, if you'd just let me talk to Arnold, I... You'd sweat it out of me, Inspector. Well, how are you going to find out if a man is guilty if you don't ask him any questions? Well, you'll get your chance to ask questions in a very few minutes, Inspector. I will? Mm-hmm. As soon as Paul and Brenda get here, I'm going to have the crime reenacted. That ought to be fun. I can hardly wait. Now, let's not be sarcastic, Inspector.

I'm not only... Hello, Paul. Brenda. Come in, please. But Brenda and I have just had a little talk. There's something we want to tell you. I'm sorry, Paul, but that'll have to wait. There's something more important to do now. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

If the guy wants to talk, let him. It's really quite important, Mr. Tate. I'm sure it is, Brenda, but it'll still have to wait. Inspector, will you ask Roberts to step in here, please? Now, listen, Barlow... And, Inspector, will you also ask Paul's sister, Agatha, to stand in the doorway to the dining room? That's where she claimed she was when the shot was fired, wasn't it? Sure, but... Fine, hurry along, Inspector. We'll have everything ready by the time you get back. Okay, okay, only I'm more used to giving orders than taking them. Now, Brenda...

If you stand over there, near the curtains, in the exact spot where you were when the lights went out... I will. Only if you'll listen to what Paul has to say. I'm sorry. What Paul has to say will have to wait. Now, wait a minute, Bart. This may change your whole outlook on the situation. I'm sorry. That's impossible, too, Paul. Listen, I appeal to you. If Brenda won't cooperate... She'd cooperate if you weren't so doggone rude. I'm sorry. There are times when a man in my position has to appear rude. Not to my wife, you don't. Whose wife it is doesn't matter.

It doesn't escape. Now, listen... All right, Robbie. Inside. Now, just a minute, Inspector Duncan. Wipe down Gramp and do as you're told. Denton, take your hands off Robert. He's done nothing. Well, now, what's happened to the big happy family I left a few minutes ago? Never mind the wife cracks chum. Father, I thought you were a friend of mine. Friendship ceases when murder's involved, Paul. Now, listen to me, all of you.

You're going to do as I say, or Inspector Danton will take the three of you down to headquarters and lock you up. Now you're talking my language, Bart, old boy. So this is what I get when I ask a friend to help me out. Oh, what's the use, Paul? If this is the kind of person Barton Drake is, then what we have to say won't matter anymore. Brenda, you're 100% right. All right, all right. If it's going to make you any happier, what do you want us to do? Thank you, Paul. Brenda, will you stand over near the curtains, please? Yes, all right.

This is where I was when the shot was fired. Fine. And where was that one standing? Directly in front of the safe. Hmm. How were the curtains arranged? Well, they were halfway open. About like this. Thank you. Stay there, please. Now, Robert...

If you'll just stand here in front of this door. I beg your pardon, sir. Yes? It wasn't near this door that I was standing when I saw the shot fired. It was over there near the library door. Yes, I remember your saying so. However, if you don't mind, I prefer that you stand here. Now, look here, Bart. If you think that Robert's had anything to do with Irwin's killing, you're crazy. He's been with me for years. We'll go into that later, Paul.

Inspector, where's Paul's sister, Agatha? She's out in the hall near the dining room door, bored stiff. Look here, sir. If it were Miss Agatha, I mean, the dining room door is right behind where I'm standing. I mean... Well, what do you mean, Roberts? Are you implying that Agatha murdered Tony Irwin? Oh, no, sir. Of course not. Then keep quiet. Say, everyone's getting mad at everyone, aren't they? Paul, will you go up and stand near the daughter's library, please? Okay. So now I'm standing here. What am I supposed to do? Look over towards the curtains.

Can you see Brenda standing behind them? Sure, I can. They're half open. Excellent. All right, Robert. Tony Irwin was supposedly standing in front of the safe, farther back in behind the curtains, when you stepped into the room. Is that correct? Yes, sir. That's correct. Now, Robert, I want you to raise your hand as though you had a gun in it. Point it in the manner you claim to have seen the figure pointed, and fire. Yes, sir. The figure was standing here. He aimed deliberately...

Good heavens. Well, Bubba, you... You tricked me. Look out, he has got a gun in his hand. Hey, someone turn off the lights. Look out, I can see he's coming at you. Oh!

Why doesn't somebody turn off the light? Which way did he go, Inspector? Through this door. Come on. Right. It's Agatha. He's holding her in front of him. Hand back for our chute. All right. Look out, Inspector. You'll hit the girl. Not me, brother. All right, Robert. You got one chance. That does it. You blundering idiot. You hit Agatha. No, I didn't. I hit Robert. Nice work, Inspector. Come on. Agatha. Agatha, are you all right? Yes, yes, I'm all right. It's...

Robert's dead? Yeah, he's dead, lady. Inspector Denton never misses. So you knew all the time that it was Robert, how about it? No, no, I only suspected. The thing that puzzled me is the fact that he had no particular motive. But he did have a motive, Mr. Drake. Oh? Robert knew that Carl and I were happy.

He apparently overheard my conversation with Tony Irwin and realized that our happiness was being jeopardized. Roberts has been in our family for years. He was just being loyal. You know, I wish somehow we could repay the debt. Well, I think Roberts would feel repaid if he knew how things had turned out. Yes, I suppose you're right.

Oh, Paul. Oh, now, now, darling. Can I say something? Yes, of course you can, Inspector. All I want to know is how did you know that Roberts was in? Well, that's a fair enough question, Inspector. Roberts said he glimpsed a figure standing in the doorway that led to the hall. He said he saw that figure take deliberate aim and fire. I get it. Anyone standing in the doorway leading to the hall couldn't see the two people standing behind the curtain. Ah, that's right, Inspector. Roberts, standing in the doorway of the library, could see them plainly.

So he assumed that the figure could see them too. Uh-huh. And how did you know that this figure just didn't fire blindly and hit Tony Irwin by mistake? Inspector, I'm ashamed of you. Because if he had, there would have been a bullet hole in the curtain. Now, wouldn't there? Yeah. And there wasn't, was there? No. No, there wasn't.

By the way, Paul, what was it that you and Brenda were so anxious to tell me a little while ago? Well, it really doesn't matter now. No, it isn't important at all. As a matter of fact, it had something to do with my alibi.

The body would kill you if you knew. It would, Hank. But shall we tell him? Absolutely not, Inspector. I told you I'd like Paul to think that... I don't mean that. No? What do you mean? Tell him, you know what? Huh?

Maybe they won't think they were so goddarn smart after all. What do you mean, Inspector? Yes. Paul, whenever you think of how you put one over on Barton Drake, just remember that mystery is my hobby. THE END

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Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

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Good evening, Mr. Bartow. Good evening, Doctor. Well, the puppies seem very happy tonight. Yeah, tonight, yes, but you should have seen them this afternoon. I doubt if there were two more frightened little dogs in the whole of California. What happened, Doctor? Well, I took them for a walk on the beach. As we were scrambling around a rocky point...

A seal popped his head up in the water quite close to us. What'd the puppies do? Oh, both of them barked at it furiously. And the seal? Blew a few bubbles and then barked right back. I don't know what the world's speed record is for short-legged dogs. I'm sure they broke it. You know, Doctor, I'll have to join you on one of those afternoon strolls of yours. You always seem to be having such exciting adventures. Oh, and talking of that, how's about tonight's new Sherlock Holmes adventure? I'm all ready for you, my boy. In fact, I was looking over my notes on the case just before you arrived.

This is another story in which Sherlock Holmes' elder brother, Mycroft, played an important part. Mycroft Holmes was seven years older than Sherlock.

And some said it was superior in powers of observation and deduction. That sounds like heresy, Doctor. No, no, no, young fellow, my lad. Holmes himself was the first to admit it. In fact, if it hadn't been for his incurable laziness, Mycroft would have been a formidable rival to his younger brother. However, Mycroft did hold a position of considerable importance at the Foreign Office, and it was there that tonight's story begins.

It was in the winter of 1899, and Mycroft Holmes, after a gourmet's lunch, was reclining full length on a leather settee. His eyes were closed, his hands were folded across his stomach, and his breath came rhythmically. A cynic would have been clear that Mycroft Holmes was taking an after-lunch snooze, but Mr. Holmes' secretary, a gentleman by the name of Gardner, was a realist.

He tapped on the door discreetly. Then he repped on it. And still there was no response, so he opened the door and entered. After a moment, he gave what he thought was a discreet cough. Mycroft Holmes opened his eyes and folded his hands and said...

show her in Gardner show her in very good sir

undoubtedly a message from young Sherlock how are you mrs. Hudson

Good day, Mr. Holmes. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I won't take up much of your time. Sit down, won't you? Don't leave us, Gardner. I may need you in a few minutes. Very good, sir. Now, Mrs. Hudson, what's the message? Message, sir? Didn't my brother send you with some message that he was afraid to entrust to the ordinary channels? He's always so confounded and dramatic. Oh, bless your heart. No, sir. I've come to you with a little problem of my own.

I didn't like to bother Mr. Sherlock Holmes with it. He's been so busy lately, and he's looking very tired. And so you came to me. Delightful. I thought you wouldn't mind, sir. You've always been so nice and friendly to me. Pure laziness. It is less effort to keep an old friend than to make a new enemy. But tell me your problem. Well, it's really my sister's problem, sir. She keeps a boarding house at...

14 Kensington Garden Square in Bayswater. And she's convinced one of her boarders, a man who has a room on the first floor back, she's convinced that he's a birdman. And what in heaven's name is a birdman? Do you know, Gardner? No, sir. I can't imagine. Oh, it's like a werewolf, gentlemen, except that the man turns into a bird. Oh, come now, Mrs. Hudson. Oh, I know it sounds daft, but my sister's in a dreadful state.

Of course, I've been with your brother long enough, sir, to know that such things are nonsense. But how can I prove it to her? What reason does your sister give for holding a strange belief? She keeps finding pigeon feathers in the room. Now, the man doesn't keep pigeons, sir. My sister knows that for a fact. Has she found any traces of scattered food on the window ledge? None, sir. No signs of any pigeons, except the feathers.

My sister's a wee bit fee, Mr. Holmes. She's the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter, and you know what that means. It's the same. She's not imagining things, sir. She's shown me the feathers herself. Where were they, Mrs. Hudson? Somewhere on the floor by the end of the bedstead, sir. I brought some along with me. Here, sir.

And we found some more in the gentleman's cupboard where he keeps his clothes. By George, I wonder if... What is it, sir? I'll tell you in a moment, Gardner. Mrs. Hudson, this matter will require a little private investigation. You may return to your sister and tell her not to worry. I shall get in touch with you as soon as my inquiries are completed. Good day to you. Good day, sir. And I'm very much obliged to you. Well, Gardner, what do you make of it? An old wives' tale, sir. You're not treating it seriously, are you? Yes, I am.

One of these feathers shows evidence of having had string tightened around it. That suggests a captive bird. Now, a captive bird smuggled into an obscure boarding house would point to something of the greatest importance to us, Gardener. By George, sir. You mean carrier pigeons? Exactly. And remember that we're at war and that the Boers have obtained several important and highly confidential secrets of ours lately. We know there's a leak somewhere. This requires an active investigator who can work with discretion.

Now, I could work with discretion, but I don't feel too active at the moment. Ah, I have it. I want you to write this letter to my brother. Disguise your hand, use plain, cheap notepaper, and don't sign the letter.

He won't be able to resist that combination. Are you ready, Gardner? Yes, sir. Very well, then. My dear Mr. Sherlock Holmes, we know of your proposed investigation of the tenant in the first floor back at 14 Kensington Gardens Square. We warn you, as you value your life, keep away from him.

We warn you as you value your life.

to keep away from the case. And that, my dear Watson, is why we are driving towards 14 Kensington Garden Square disguised as building inspectors of the London County Council. Well, I must say, it's a very challenging letter, Holmes. Unsigned, I noticed. Written on cheap note paper and in a disguised hand. No clue there, I'm afraid. Well, we're entering the square, Holmes. Let's stop the cab here. You can drop us here, cabbie. All right, you're up, Captain. Yes.

It would seem a little incongruous in these costumes for us to arrive in a cab. Yes, I suppose so. Here you are, cabbie. Oh, thank you, Governor. Supposing this mysterious tenant on the first floor back should be in his room when we get there. Then we must hope about his guises are convincing and keep our wits about us. This may be a trap. Yes, just what I was going to say. After all, you've never heard of 14 Kensington Gardens until you received an unsigned letter two hours ago warning you to keep away from it. I don't like the look of it. There we are, number 14.

I suggest that you let me do most of the talking. Good Lord, yes, my cockney accent doesn't compare with yours. Who do you want to see? We're from the London County Council, we are. We've had complaints about a leaky gas jet in the first floor back. Oh, that's Mr. Green's room, he ain't out. Oh, that don't matter, my dear. We'll go up and take a look. Come on, Bertie. Right what you are, Alfie. Want me to show you the way? The missus is out, shall we? No, thanks, dearie. Me and Bertie can't get lost, can we, Bertie?

No, of course we can't. Of course we can't. Look at him laughing. Come on, Bertie. Oh, I do not to be beside the seaside. Oh, I do not to be beside the sea. Nice house, Bertie, ain't it? Yes, Alf. Nice as can be, this house. Oh, I do not to be beside the seaside. I do not to be beside the... Here we are. First full beck. Hello.

Better make sure the bloke ain't home. Oh, I do love to go to the side. No, no, he ain't home, Alfie. Oh? No, all right, let's go in. Oh. So this is the mysterious Romain. Well, it looks perfectly ordinary, doesn't it? Yes, a pressing example of the squalor of boarding house life. Hello. What's this on the bedspread? Pillows. Must have come out of the pillow. No. These are pigeons, that little chap. And look here, Watson. Attached to the bed rail. No, it's only a piece of string. String, yes, but...

with a small metal ring on the end. The ring, such as is used to place around a homing pigeon's leg. But why should someone keep carrier pigeons in an obscure boarding house like this? Why indeed, why indeed. The answer could be that the tenant of this room is engaged in some sinister activity that requires the use of carrier pigeons in sending messages. There's no evidence of the birds being kept here. That's true, O'Fellow, that's true. Possibly the owner of this room is given to... given a pigeon by one of his superiors. He sits here, affixes his message...

and releases the bird. Why couldn't he just take the message to where they keep the birds? Well, in that way, he would run the risk of being picked up with dangerous and incriminating messages on him. What kind of skullduggery involves the use of carrier pigeons, you suppose? We're at war with the Boers in South Africa, Watson. What could be more logical than that a spy in their pay should be using this method to smuggle important information out of the country? Right. Jove, yes, Holmes, I wouldn't mind being... Shh! There's somebody coming. Look out! Who are you? What

What the devil do you think you're doing in my room? Well, my name's Bertram, and I come here to look at your gas pipes. Don't lie to me. Who are you? It's like I say, Governor. My name's Bertram, and I come from the Lundy Council. Very well, then. If you won't tell me the truth, perhaps this revolver will make you change your mind. Look here, Governor. Look here, Governor. Oh, my God.

Grab his vulva, Watson. Yes, right. Holmes, where were you? I slipped behind the door as this gentleman opened it. Yeah, me say, your overcoat seems extraordinarily well filled with chest, doesn't it? Why not slip it off? It's a bit warm in here. Let me roll. Fine.

Joe, you were right, Holmes. He had a pigeon under his coat. Yes, see if you can catch the bird, will you, old chap? All right, here. Come on, Pidgey. Come on, little fellow. Come along, Pidgey. There he comes. That's it. Look at the little fellow. Snuggled up on my arm. Friendly little fellow, isn't he? Yes, I... Look out, Watson. The gentleman's revolver. Yes, and when I get it, I'll... A beautiful uppercut, Holmes. I'm afraid he'll be unable to talk to us for some time.

How fortunate. He told us where the message was hidden before we indulged in this little set, too. What do you mean? Did he say anything about a message? No, not verbally. But I was watching his reflection in the mirror as he entered the room. His eyes first glanced at this top drawer on the dresser here to see if we'd touched it. It was obviously the most important spot in the room. Let's see. Ah, here we are.

A message already rolled up and in its container. Oh? What does it say, Holmes? It's in code, which is not surprising, but I don't think it will be very difficult to decipher. Yes, and when you've done that? Then, my dear fellow, I shall compose a code message of my own and persuade this pigeon to lead us to its master. The End

I can see from your puzzled expression, Watson, that you're wondering why I brought you to Dexter's Music Hall in the upper row. Well, I must confess something confused, Holmes. First of all, we go to Baker Street and we spend hours poring over some obscure book. And you write out a message, attach it to a pigeon and let it loose. Now you bring me here, I hate to question you when you're working, but I should be glad if you'd give me some idea of what's going on. Of course, good old chap.

At times I must seem confoundedly mysterious, I'm sure. Here's the situation. The obscure book I was studying was a table of ciphers. I was trying to decode the message we found in the room on the first floor back. Well, obviously you succeeded or we wouldn't be here. Yes, the key word was Louis Botha.

The name of the Boer leader. The message was a report on the number of troops now in training at Aldershot. Then you were right. They mixed up the ring of enemy agents. Obviously, old chap. So I kept the original message and composed another using the same code and dispatched it by carrier pigeon. Well, what did you say in your message?

Meet me tonight, 8 o'clock, table number 3 at Dexter's Music Hall. What made you choose this place as a rendezvous? Well, I happen to know that it's a common meeting place for underworld characters. And which is table number 3? The one over there in the corner. I reserved it.

Then why don't we go and sit down there instead of standing at here back? I thought we'd give our visitor the opportunity of showing his hand first. He won't be expecting Sherlock Holmes and Dr. What's-My-Fancy. Thank you.

Good Lord, look at this woman coming on to sing. You ever see so many fellas? Holmes, Holmes, look, look. A man just sitting down at table number three. Knock, once a minute, knock.

Sid Trimble. Sid Trimble? Who's he? A dangerous criminal who once worked for the Moriarty gang. We've caught a prize pigeon, Watson. Better have your revolver handy, old chap. Undoubtedly, he'll recognize us. Right to our home. Come on, then. I'm so glad you're able to keep your appointment, sir.

Sherlock Holmes. It's a trap. Don't try any tricks. I've got a revolver here, Sid. How'd you like this table in your face? Watson, you didn't shoot him, did you? No, no, he knocked my hand. The revolver went off. The shot went wild. I swear it did. Yes, of course. Look at the wound. There are no powder burns. The shot was fired from some distance. Holmes. Holmes.

Holmes, he's... he's dead. Out of the way! Out of the way, please! Now then, what's going on here? Uh, Constable, this man has been killed. Yes, and it's easy to see who did it. Well, I didn't know it, Constable, if that's what you're thinking. So? Then why are you standing here with a smoking revolver in your hands? Come on, you. You're under arrest. If you can't arrest me, I've got to watch them. This is Mr. Sherlock Holmes. I don't care if you're the King of Siam and the Bishop of London himself. You're under arrest. And I'm taking you both to Scotland Yard.

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Dr. Watson, that was really one for the books. So you got yourself arrested on a murder charge? Yes, Mr. Bartell. It's a very humiliating experience. I was taken off to Scotland Yard in the Black Marat. It's like any common criminal. The wretched constable wouldn't listen to a word that I'd got to say. Well, Sherlock Holmes went with you, of course. Naturally. We arrived at Scotland Yard. My mortification was complete. And I found that I was led into the presence of our old friend, Inspector Lestrade. Home

Holmes spoke to him at some length, but I could see from Lestrade's expression that my position was very serious. Now I can see what it is, Mr. Holmes. You see, I know you both. But I must say there are lots of them here at the yard who don't like what they call your eye-handed method. But, Lestrade, personal likes or dislikes have nothing to do with this. Well, of course they haven't. You're a man of evidence. Well, I know that, Dr. Watson. And the constable's evidence was as clear as the nose on your face.

The dead man was shot through the head, and you were standing in front of the body with a drawn revolver in your hand. But, my dear Lestrade, my dear Lestrade, there were no powder burns on the wound. Yeah, that's what you tell me, Mr. Holmes. But I'll have to wait for the official report on that. The police surgeon's examining the body now.

You understand, gentlemen, I'm not saying I'm sorry that Sid Trimble is dead. He's been a thorn in our side for a good many years. In fact, I... Oh, here's the police surgeon now. Dr. Hendricks, this is Mr. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. How do you do? How do you do, gentlemen? I'm a great admirer of you both, and I'm sorry to see you in such a very unfortunate plight. Thank you, thank you, Dr. Hendricks. What were your findings, Dr. Hendricks? Well, I just extracted the bullet, Lestrade, and...

I'm very much afraid it's the same make and caliber as the one missing from Dr. Watson's revolver. Yes, but that doesn't prove that I fired the fatal shot. A .45 Colt's a very common weapon, Doctor. It proves nothing. Dr. Hendricks, as I was just saying to Inspector Lestrade before you came in, the only fact that would show my friend guilty would be powder burns on the wound, thereby giving...

Proving that Woolit had been found from close range. I entirely agree with you, Mr. Holmes. Then, as there were no powder burns... Oh, but there are powder burns, Mr. Holmes. What? Very distinct ones, too. Lord, I... Well, I just... I don't understand. I'm sorry, gentlemen. You're the bearer of bad tidings, but...

but I have my duties to perform. Yes, and I'm sorry too, Dr. Watson. Huh? I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to let you leave here. Of course, sir. You must consider yourself under arrest. Oh!

Holmes, I never felt more despondent in my life. Oh, cheer up, old chap. How can I? Locked up in a prisoner's cell. Looks as if I might end up at the gallows. Don't worry, Watson. You'll be out of here before the night is over, I promise you that. I wish I felt as confident as you do. How do you propose to do it? Oh, with the aid of a little hard thinking. Thinking? That won't unlock any cell doors, thinking. It will, old fellow. It's obvious someone's deliberately trying to incriminate us. Try and reconstruct the killing logically, hmm? Hmm?

Said Trimble was a member of an espionage ring. I sent him a false message. After he'd left to keep the appointment, his colleagues trailed him to the music hall and killed him before he could betray anything to us.

Yes. Yes, that's undoubtedly the way it happened. The powder burns, Holmes. How do you count for them? There were none just after the shop was fired. We know that. And yet Dr. Hendricks assures us that there are very distinct powder burns now. May we come in, gentlemen? Yes, yes, of course you can, Dr. Hendricks. Oh, hello, Lestrade. I thought we'd come and chat with you, Doctor.

Well, that's very nice of you, gentlemen. Yeah, not a bit of it, Doctor. You know, it hurts me to see you in here, and that's a fact. And I can't bear to see a fellow medical in such plight, out coming in to see what I can do to help Watson. Yeah, you're very quiet, Mr. Holmes. Am I, Mr. Holmes? I was thinking, you see... What? I have it. You have what? The answer. You'll sleep in Bakersfield tonight, after all. Mr. Holmes, what are you talking about? The murder of Sid Trumbull.

Incriminating powder burns were obviously faked. Watson and I know that, whether you and Dr. Hendricks believe it or not. The question is, how were they faked? I think I have the answer.

Dr. Hendricks. Yes, Mr. Holmes? If a blank cartridge were fired at the wound after death, it would produce powder burns, wouldn't it? Undoubtedly. Yeah, but who could have done that, Mr. Holmes? Ah, that's the pointless stride. Who had the opportunity? The constable who brought the body here. True, old chap. Also, you, Dr. Hendricks. That's perfectly true. Yeah. Well, I had the opportunity too, Mr. Holmes. I spent half an hour in the morgue alone with the body when it first come in. Well, you've narrowed it down to three suspect, Holmes.

I hope I don't hang before you find the real killer. I've got it, Watson. Why, who is he, mister? The answer is simple, Lestrade. The powder burns were certainly thick by a blank cartridge. Now,

Now, if a blank cartridge were fired into a wound, the wadding would have penetrated and distorted the wound. Yes, but supposing the person had removed the wadding from the black Mr. Holmes? Its effect would still be quite apparent to the police surgeon who removed the bullet. Am I correct, Dr. Hendricks? Entirely. The surgeon could not fail to identify the marks, Mr. Holmes. Exactly. Therefore, only one person could have fired that blank cartridge without detection. The same person who made the incision necessary to remove the cartridge would also remove all traces of the shot.

You yourself, Dr. Hendricks. Holmes, I believe you're right. That's an ingenious theory, Holmes. Surely you're joking. Am I? Then how do you account for the big feathers on the collar of your coat? The devil with you, Holmes? Here, here, come back here. It's up to you. Don't let your presence be erased. Scott. Scotland Yard itself harboring an enemy agent. On my soul, Holmes. You've done it again.

Well, I must say you've got sharp eyes. I didn't see those pigeon feathers on Hendrick's collar. Confidentially, my dear fellow, neither did I. But Hendrick's guilty conscience knew they might be there. It was a shot in the dark and I had to take it. If you'd spent the night in a prison cell, I should never have heard the end of it, I'm sure. Never.

I want to see Mr. Mycroft's homes, please. Follow me, Mrs. Hudson. He's expecting you. Aye, sir.

Ah, there you are, Mrs. Hudson. Come and sit down. Thank you, sir. I got your message. It came over right away. In the first place, Mrs. Hudson, you may tell your sister that she needn't worry any more. I'm sure she'll find no more pigeon feathers in her room on the first floor back. No, sir, thank you. But she knows the fact, because the birdman left her yesterday for good. Oh.

Some strange man came and took him away, and today she's let the room to a nice young commercial traveller. I'm really sorry to have bothered you with her trouble, sir. I'm very glad you did, Mrs Hudson. Thanks to your information, an enemy espionage ring has been broken, and the British government is deeply grateful to you. You're always one for a joke, aren't you, Mr Holmes?

Well, I'm glad you're not angry with me. I'll be going now, sir. Just one more favor I'll ask before I go, though. Anything, Mrs. Hudson. What is it? Please don't tell your brother about this, sir. He'd be so angry with me for wasting your time. THE END

Well, Doctor, that was really a swell story tonight. Although it was a bit unexpected for you to have been arrested. Yes, indeed, Mr. Bartell.

When you're a detective like Holmes or a doctor like myself, well, you've got to be prepared to meet the unexpected every once in a while. I suppose so. Of course, you wouldn't know about things like that, being a wine expert yourself. Oh, now, wait a minute, Doctor. From the way you talk, you'd think I spent every waking moment in a nice, cool wine cellar, tasting wine from morning till night. Well, don't...

Don't you? Oh, now, doctor, I'm no more a wine expert than you are. All I know about wine is it either tastes good or it doesn't. And I know that Petri wine does taste good. And that's because the Petri family took time to make good wine. Generations of time. Well, the Petri family has been making wine ever since they started the Petri business way back in the 1800s.

And since the business has always been family-owned and operated, they've been able to hand on down from father to son, from father to son, all they've ever learned about the fine art of turning luscious, sun-ripened grapes into fragrant, delicious wine. And they've learned plenty. So no matter what type wine you want, for any occasion, you can't go wrong with a Petri wine because Petri took time to bring you good wine.

Well, Dr. Watson, what story do you have lined up for us next week? Well, now, next week, Mr. Bartell, I'm going to tell you a weird adventure that Sherlock Holmes and I had in the East End of London. It concerns a most unusual stage play, a badly frightened actor, and a blood-stained razor. I call it The Strange Case of the Demon Barber. THE DEMON BARBER

Tonight's Sherlock Holmes adventure was written by Dennis Green and Anthony Boucher and was suggested by an incident in the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story, The Greek Interpreter. Music is by Dean Fossler.

Mr. Rathbone appears through the courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and Mr. Bruce through the courtesy of Universal Pictures, where they are now starring in the Sherlock Holmes series. The Petri Wine Company of San Francisco, California invites you to tune in again next week, same time, same station.

Sherlock Holmes comes to you from our Hollywood studios. This is Harry Bartell saying goodnight for the Petri family. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize...

nutrition is kind of important. At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I got to admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary, where I eventually joined him. Through him, I learned what hard work was and saw that the men and women like him were the backbone of our community. Through my law practice, I've been fortunate enough to give back to those in need with food programs, clothing and toys for children, and educational support. Every day through the Allen Law Group, I want to make my community and my father proud.

My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress from my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to Quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I got to admit, this T-shirt is kind of fading. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary. Through him, I learned what hard, dangerous work was and saw that workers like him need a voice when tragic things happen. That's why I focus my law practice on helping hardworking people get justice. Like Mike, whose hand was mangled at work because of a dangerously defective machine. We fight every day to protect the rights of accidentally injured people. In fact, it's all we do.

I guess you can say it's in our DNA. Of all the objects in the heavens, none has been more closely nor more consistently observed than the moon. Now that man has actually walked upon her surface, one might suppose that all that can be known about her is known. And it comes as something of a surprise to learn that over all the weighty volumes of astronomic discussion hovers a haunting and tantalizing question. Music

Scattered over the surface of the moon in great profusion are craters, not unlike the craters produced by volcanoes on the earth. It was one of these craters which attracted the interest of Sir William Herschel, greatest astronomer of the 18th century. On a certain night in the year 1783, he stood at his accustomed place by the window of his study, his telescope to his eye. Beside him was his sister, Carolyn Herschel. Good Lord, I must be dreaming.

Dear Carolyn, take the telescope. Where shall I look? One of the moon's craters. It's in the lowmost area, just below the Mare Ibrahim. Little lights. They're all in a row. And they're moving. Just like the flare of torchlights in a procession. From then on, night after night, Sir William and his sister watched the moon. The infinitesimal pinpoints of illumination that marched mysteriously across the floor of the crater.

In that same year, and again four years later, in 1787, the great astronomer wrote articles which carried but one implication. That the phenomenon which he had been observing was an evidence of life. That there were perhaps living, moving organisms on the surface of the moon. Sixty years afterward, another eminent scientist named Rankin testified that he too had seen lights in the same crater during an eclipse.

And in the decade that followed, four other observers made similar reports. Meanwhile, however, the science of astronomy had reached adulthood. The instrument it employed had gained power and precision. The men who employed them were no longer inclined toward naive and idle speculation. It must be remembered that Sir William Herschel used a telescope of just six feet focal length, which he made with his own hands.

Naturally, such an instrument could not produce results in which we can place any reliance whatsoever. The moon, as we now know, is totally devoid of both air and water, and so, of course, it is nonsense to speak of life on its surface. And this was the consensus of opinion for half a century thereafter.

And then the great American astronomer, William Henry Pickering, who had devoted a lifetime to planetary photography, who had traveled around the world for the sole purpose of comparing the moon's craters with the craters of the earth, issued a statement in 1937, just a year before he died. I have observed closely the crater which so interested my very great predecessor, Sir William Herschel. My conclusions are not entirely at variance with his.

There are reasons for believing that there is life on the moon. And so today, the problem remains unresolved. And meanwhile, the moon herself rides serenely through the skies, keeping her own confidence and withholding, so far, her secret. A secret that may well prove incredible, but true. The End

Lipton Tea and Lipton Soup present Inner Sanctum Mysteries. Come on in, friend. Into the Inner Sanctum. This is really a lovely place. All kind of dark and cobwebby. But then the maid hasn't been around for some time. Now, she was playing the numbers.

Then her number came up. Why, through these portals pass some of the nicest people in the world. True, they're rather boring, but after all, they are deadheads. And I'll take a good old redhead deadhead any time. Why, Mr. Host, are you finally admitting that you like the ladies? Well, of course, Mary. Don't you know some of my favorite ghosts are girls? But I do wish they weren't so vain.

Why, I know one who has pleats in her shroud. Not only in the front, but in the back, too. Yes, just in case she should turn over in her grave. Oh, dear. There you go talking nonsense again.

I like talk that makes sense. Good common sense, like the things the tea experts say about Lipton tea. For instance, they say that Lipton's has a brisk flavor. And that's the truth, because Lipton's does taste fresh and tangy and full-bodied, never wishy-washy. And then the experts say that that brisk flavor makes all the difference in the world when you're sitting down to a cup of tea. And folks, that's absolutely right.

That brisk flavor is the reason why Lipton's is such a comfort. Why it actually makes good food taste better. Yes, folks, you just don't know how good tea can be till you've tried Lipton's. So buy a package of Lipton's and taste what you've been missing all this time. And talking of time, friends, may I take a few years of your life? All right. Get ready to hear a gory little story entitled Boomerang. Boomerang.

It's an original radio play written by a couple of Australian Bushmen named Michael Sklar and Richard Manoff. And stars Martin Gable in the role of John Keeler. So, hitch up your chair, switch off the lights and look out. Help, help me. No one heard me. No one came. I lay there watching the blood ooze from the wound. My chest was on fire.

The flesh where the bullet had entered was torn, shredded, and in my back there was a kind of numbness. I screamed, Help! But no one answered. I was utterly alone, helpless, watching my life dripping drop by drop to the floor. Then the blackness closed in. When I regained consciousness, two uniformed patrolmen were bending over me, looking frightened. Suicide, Riley? Either that or murder.

Their voices seemed to come echoing over an aching void. I wanted to tell them how it had happened. I wanted to tell them about Bill Sloan and Helen and the airplane. I was frantic. I had to tell them. He's trying to say something, Rani. Poor guy. He can't talk. He's too far gone. I couldn't talk. I'd lost too much blood. My tongue was thick like cotton. My lips moved, but that was all.

It was all shut up inside me. They would never know how it had happened. Riley, it looks to me like murder. Murder, yes, it was murder. And if only I could have spoken, I would have told them... about my nervous breakdown, about the sanitarium. That's where it began, back there in that plushy prison. I was locked up behind that big wall... and my wife and my partner, they had... had the chance to discover each other. And then when I came out, the doctor said I was cured...

♪♪

laughing together. I closed the front door silently. The rugs muffled my footsteps. I entered the room suddenly, wanting to see their faces when they saw me. Oh! What? What, darling? Hello, Helen. John, how did you happen to come home in mid-afternoon? Why aren't you at the office? I was thinking of asking you that question. Bill made some flimsy excuse, but I caught the look of guilt on his face. He was a bachelor, smooth with words.

Successful with women. And I was beginning to believe he had succeeded with my wife. Oh, I had evidence. There was the time a few nights later. Helen and I were going up to bed. As we passed the umbrella stand at the foot of the stairs, I noticed something. Helen. Hmm? Just a moment. This umbrella, it's Bill's. Oh, is it? Yes, it is. What's it doing here? Well, he must have forgotten it when he was over the other day. Take it out of the office in the morning, will you, darling? I made no reply.

We continued up the stairs and went to bed. I waited until Helen was asleep, then crept out of bed and down the stairs. There was the umbrella. I reached out my hand, afraid to touch it, but I had to. The umbrella was still wet. It had rained that afternoon. I said nothing about it the next morning. Oh, I was suspicious enough. But I told myself I had to be absolutely sure. And then, that next night, it happened.

Helen went out after dinner saying she had an appointment with her hairdresser. As the door closed behind her, I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Hello? Crescent Beauty Salon? Alberta, this is Mr. John Keeler. I'm calling for my wife to verify her appointment for this evening. But, monsieur, she has no appointment for this evening. Now, I was sure. Bill and Helen were together. I struggled to control my emotions. My head was whirling.

I felt ill, weak. My heart was pounding in my chest. The room began to spin. First the floor lamp, then the chairs, finally the table whirling around my head. I needed air, air. I forced myself out of my seat, stumbled across the floor to the window and threw it open. The stars too were spinning, chasing each other in a mad race across the sky. I sucked the fresh air into my lungs and slowly the stars resumed their normal positions. I drew my head back into the room.

And then it struck me across the nostrils. Gas. The room was full of gas. Yes, I found one gas jet open in the kitchen stove. I fought against the logical conclusion, struggled against it all that night and into the next day. But I could no longer stand it by mid-afternoon. That open gas jet last night had been no accident. They were planning to have me put out of the way. Well, two could play at that game. I also could commit murder. I worked out a plan.

First, the business trip to Buffalo that I'd been putting off for weeks. I could use that as my alibi. I called my secretary. Yes, Mr. Keeler. Miss Jackson, I've decided to go up to Buffalo tomorrow. Could you get me a drawing room on the five o'clock train? I'll call the railroad station right now, Mr. Keeler. A few minutes later, she called me back. I had the train reservation. So far, so good. I went to the bank, and from the bank to the airline terminal.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow?

Must you go tomorrow, John? Can't it wait? I've been putting this trip off too long already. I'll leave straight from the office and come home the next afternoon. Well, you're being a little inconsiderate. I'll be all alone here overnight. Oh, come, Helen. You're not afraid of anything, are you? Afraid? No, but I... Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll ask Bill to come over and keep you company tomorrow night. How'll that be? Why, that'll be fine. Another cog in place. Another gear meshed.

Now one last piece to move and the engine of my revenge would be complete. Yes, it was revenge now. Revenge for what those two had done to me. Good idea, John. The way your trip could combine business with pleasure. Pleasure? You've been rather tense lately. The change of the scene will do you worlds of good. I'm sure it will. How about Helen? Can you make it tonight? Tonight? Yes. Yes, sir. I'll be over after dinner. That day passed like a dream.

With me, the sleepwalker in the center, going through all the motions correctly, but waiting for the evening. For I wasn't hunted now. Now I was the hunter. A little past four o'clock that afternoon, I left the office and took a cab to the station. I went directly to my drawing room, and as the train pulled out, I called for the porter. At midnight, sir? Just a glass of milk, porter. Warm milk. And don't bring it before midnight. Till then, I've got a lot of work to do, and I don't want to be disturbed. Just as you see, sir.

I gave the porter an unnecessarily large tip to make sure he'd remember me. Now, when the train stopped to change engines at Harman an hour later, it was raining. I pulled my hat down over my eyes, raised my coat collar around my face, and became just another shadowy figure hurrying to get out of the rain. I crossed the platform unnoticed, and ten minutes later I was on a train going southbound, returning to New York.

I picked up my car at the parking lot and drove out to my house on the cliff. Parking on a side road, I climbed up the hill on foot. By now the rain was coming down in sheets. Lightning split the sky and thunder crashed around me. I could see the light from my house perched at the edge of the cliff. Now Bill's car was parked on the driveway pointed downhill. Light came from the living room. I crept through the shrubbery to a window. There they were, Bill and Helen.

My partner and my wife sitting side by side on the divan. He drinking my whiskey, comfortable and warm, while I, the unwanted, was standing outside in the storm. How I hated him at that moment. I went back to Bill's car, crept beneath it and went to work. The sound of the storm covered the noise of my tools as I disconnected the brakes and I was finished.

And none too soon, for suddenly the front door opened... and Bill stood framed in the light of the doorway with Helen behind him. A bad night for it, but we'll never get another chance like this one, Helen. Well, all right, but come back quickly, Bill. I'm nervous. Oh, nothing to be nervous about. John is halfway to Buffalo by now. The perfect opportunity to go over our plans with Bates. All right, go ahead, then. But hurry. I'll have Bates back here in a jiffy. Bates. Bates. He was going to fetch Bates, undoubtedly a hired killer...

I laughed inwardly as the car got started. I could see Helen watching it as it picked up speed on the steep downgrades. Something was wrong now and she knew it. Bill, not the car! Too late, too late. The car was roaring downhill out of control. Charging for the lift to clip. There was a crash and smash to the car. Bill! Bill! Oh, poor Bill.

I always say, protect me from my friends and I'll take care of my enemies. That's a nice guy, too. Who would have thought he'd go falling for a cliff? But there you are. There's no accounting for taste. There's no accounting for the people in this story, that's what. Such terrible people. Oh, Mary, wait till you meet Bates. He's the boy. He's really going to make our characters dance. Yeah, he's going to put them in the groove.

Oh, do I mean grave? You don't know what you mean. And it seems to me, Mr. Host, that life is complicated enough without your making it more so. Well, look at what I had to do yesterday. Clean the house, do the Monday wash, and cook three meals in the bargain. Yes, and you'd be surprised at the big help I got from Lipton Tea.

You see, when I had a moment to relax, I'd make myself a cup of Lipton's. Such an easy thing to do, and it did me a world of good. Mmm, that brisk flavor makes Lipton such a cheering, satisfying drink. It really perks you up. It's never wishy-washy.

Of course, I know that lots of folks serve Lipton tea at mealtimes and serve it to their guests, too. But, friends, you really should try helping yourself through the day with a good hot cup of brisk-flavored Lipton tea. Yes, treat yourself to Lipton's when you've got a moment to relax. Well, don't relax yet. First, let's go back to that tiff on the cliff where John Keeler has just killed his business partner. I'm just itching to know what's going to happen to his wife.

She's standing by the shattered fence, peering down the side of the cliff into the darkness. And John, he's creeping up behind her. Look out, Helen. He's dead, Helen. It's a sheer drop of 400 feet to the bottom. John! I thought... John, you said you were going to Buffalo. I am going to Buffalo, Helen, after I finish my business here. Well, Bill, the car just... It was a pity about the brakes. They must have come disconnected. Disconnected? Accidents will happen, Helen. John...

John, you killed him. You and Bill thought you had pulled the wool over my eyes. Well, I fooled you. Stay away from me. I'm going to throw you over the cliff. I'm going to send you to join your lover. You can't do that. Tomorrow they'll find your bodies. They'll think you were thrown clear of the car when it crashed. They'll call it an unfortunate accident. No, no, please, John. Careful, Helen. You're at the edge. There's nothing behind you. John, John, don't. Goodbye, Helen. If I had any feeling at that moment, it was a feeling of satisfaction.

I, the failure, had committed the perfect crime. My scheme was flawless. I walked down the hill to my car, changed my clothes and drove to the airport. As Roger Dunham, I boarded the plane for Rochester at 9.30 that night. Just as I'd planned it, we arrived at that city well ahead of my train. I was waiting when the long line of sleeping cars pulled in at the Rochester station platform. I boarded the train. My drawing room was just as I had left it at Harmon.

I sank down in a seat, removed my coat and shoes. I looked at my watch. It was midnight. Come in. Beg pardon, sir. It's midnight, sir. Oh, midnight? Oh, thanks for bringing the milk. It's lukewarm, sir, just like you asked for it. Thank you, Porter. Oh.

In Buffalo, I went to my usual hotel, checked in, went to sleep. Oddly enough, I slept well that night. A deep, dreamless sleep. In fact, I overslept. For when I awakened, it was broad daylight and the phone was ringing. I, uh... I struggled out of bed, lifted a receiver. Uh, hello? This is the long-distance operator. I have a New York City call for Mr. John... This is Mr. Keeler speaking. One moment. Here's your party. Mr. Keeler? Yes?

This is Miss Jackson. I've just arrived at the office. Mr. Keeler, I don't know how to tell you. The police... What about the police? They're here in the office. They want you to return at once. Miss Keeler, what's going on there? Mr. Sloan and your wife... Dead! Mr. Sloan's car went off the cliff near your house last night. The accident was discovered this morning. Accident? You say it was an accident? It must have been an accident. She thought it was an accident. Now, if only the police thought likewise...

I told my secretary I'd take the first plane back to the city and I hung up. A few hours later, I reached New York, hurried to my office. There's a detective waiting in your office, Mr. Keeler. A detective? He said he had to see you. A detective. This was the test. I pulled myself together and opened the door to my office. Mr. Keeler? Yes. I understand you're from police headquarters. Jerome is the name, sir. Assistant Inspector. How do you do, sir? We won't take up much of your time, Mr. Keeler. It's an open and shut case. How do you mean that?

Well, stormy night, slippery road, bad brakes, obviously an accident. I'm very sorry. I nodded at the detective, and all the while I was laughing inward. He sat there, the very symbol of the law, and offered me official sympathy. No question of clues, nothing overlooked, nothing to fear. Not now. I, the weakling, had committed the perfect crime.

Yes, Miss Jackson? Mr. Keeler, there's a man out here to see you. Send him away. He won't go. He says you don't know him, but it's extremely important. What's his name? His name is Bates, Mr. Keeler. William Bates. Bates. The hired killer. I told my secretary I'd see him. I went into the outer office. Bates was sitting on one of the chairs with an open briefcase on his lap. He was a big man. Tough looking. I read the news in the morning paper, Mr. Keeler.

Too bad. That was a tough break. Yes. Yes, it was. I didn't know if I should go after you now, but, well... After all, I'm a businessman. My time is money. I'm sure it is, but why tell me about it? You certainly don't expect me to pay you. Why not? They're your plans. My plans? Look at them. Here they are. Why, they've even got your name on them. I didn't know whether I could trust my ears, whether I could believe my vision. Bates drew a roll of architectural drawings out of his briefcase...

and shoved them at me. Look at them. There it is in your partner's handwriting. Plans for the new Keeler house. Who are you? I told you, my name is Bates. I'm a building contractor. Your partner and your wife insisted that the whole job had to be done in secret. In secret? They said something about you having just come out of a sanitarium. They wanted the whole thing to be a big surprise. My mind was railing. The secret meetings that led me to suspect Bill and Helen...

Those meetings were to go over the plans for a house. My house and Helen's. I had killed my best friend and my wife. Inspector Jerome, I want to confess. I killed them. I killed them. Killed them? Killed who? Don't look at me like that. You know who I'm talking about. My partner and my wife. I killed them last night. Now I'm ready to take my punishment. Well, calm down, Mr. Keeler. You've had a hard time. We realize this thing has been a great shock to you. What are you talking about?

The Homicide Squad doesn't jump to hasty conclusions, Mr. Keeler. We've made a thorough checkup on your background. What's my background got to do with it? Well, we know you spent three months in a sanatorium recuperating from a nervous collapse. Now, on top of that, this unfortunate accident... It wasn't an accident! I killed him! We checked every movement you made since you left the office yesterday. Then you must know... We know you took the five o'clock train to Buffalo. The porter on your pullman had no trouble recalling you. He even told us how he brought you a glass of milk at midnight. You were a good 200 miles away from New York when the accident happened.

The detective went away, shaking his head. Sympathetically. My mind was in a turmoil. I had committed the perfect crime. And it had boomeranged. I went home. The house on the cliff was empty. Everywhere I looked, I saw Helen. Her photograph on my desk. A red-tipped cigarette still in the ashtrays. Two half-empty cocktail glasses side by side on the living room table. There was desolation. Emptiness. Loneliness. Innocence.

And it would be like this for the rest of my life. But there was one way out. I always kept a loaded gun in the desk. I took it out of the drawer and in my hand. Here was my punishment. This time I couldn't fail. I placed the gun against my chest and pulled the trigger. I fell by the desk and lay there, where I am now, staining the carpet with my blood.

I was dying, and I was glad of it. And then I remembered the plane reservation to Rochester. I could tell the police when they came, and they could check that, and they would know that I was guilty. But they came too late. They bent over me. I tried to tell them. I tried. He's trying to say something. Cool guy. He's too far gone to talk. Now I'm lying here on the carpet, waiting to die.

With my guilt locked up inside me, I can see a new figure among the police. A man in civilian dress with a small black bag in his hand. How long is it since this man was discovered in this condition, officer? About half an hour, Doc. He's in very bad shape. Will he live, Doc? Will he recover? Oh, yes. He may recover, but only partially. Partially? How do you mean, Doc? Notice his inability to move so much as a finger.

Notice how only his lips move, trying to form words without being able to speak. The bullet must have injured his spinal cord. This man is paralyzed. Totally paralyzed. So now I know I'm paralyzed. I'm not going to die. And yet I can see the policemen moving carefully about the room. And I hear them speaking softly as one speaks in the presence of the dead. So I've failed again.

For the last time, because I know my fate now. To live in this living death. Alone with my guilt. Forever. That is my punishment. Poor old John Keeler. Who would have thought his spinal cord could have tied him up in knots? Not so nice for John, hmm? Hmm.

He started out as a keeler, tried to be a keeler dealer, but got all wound up. Mr. Host, let's forget about that awful story because there's something really important I'd like to talk about. The makers of Lipton Tea and Lipton Soup want me to remind all you folks of a debt that must be paid to our servicemen. A debt that can be paid in part by buying and continuing to buy victory bonds.

You know, I think the best reason for buying bonds was given many, many years ago by one of the great statesmen of all time, by Abraham Lincoln, when he said, Let us strive to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

Yes, folks, that's just what we're helping to do when we invest in victory bonds. So keep on buying all that you can, won't you? And now, friends, for those of you who like morals with your drama, here's one for tonight. Never mix your partner's business with your pleasure.

For if you do, he may consider it a pleasure to give you the business. By the way, this month's Inner Sanctum mystery novel is Devil in the Bush by Matthew Head. Yes, and next week's Inner Sanctum story, directed by Hyman Brown and brought to you by Lipton Tea and Lipton Soup. Next week's story is about a genius.

A photographer who believes that death can be beautiful. So he only takes pictures of people who are in the throes of dying. It's enough to make your camera shudder. And naturally, he has to arrange his models, arrange to have them die. So next Tuesday, bring along the kiddies and we'll make it a nice family picture. And now it's time to close the squeaking door. So...

Good night. Pleasant dreams.

Folks, cold weather and hot soup just seem to go together. And Lipton's Noodle Soup is the soup of the season. Yes, Lipton's is blessed with a fine chickeny flavor. And it has real fresh cooked goodness. Mmm, it tastes just like the chicken noodle soup you'd make right in your own kitchen. The only difference is that Lipton's takes almost no time at all to prepare.

So if your family likes chickeny-tasting soup that's brimming with tender golden egg noodles, then don't forget to ask for Lipton's Noodle Soup. Yes, friends? And don't forget to tune in next week for another Inner Sanctum mystery. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

That's factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping. I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I got to admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary, where I eventually joined him. Through him, I learned what hard work was and saw that the men and women like him were the backbone of our community. Through my law practice, I've been fortunate enough to give back to those in need with food programs, clothing and toys for children, and educational support. Every day through the Allen Law Group, I want to make my community and my father proud.

I'm not big on trends, never really have been, so I can't be trusted when it comes to clothes shopping for others. I'm married to someone who does understand what looks good.

Quince.com asked me to endorse them on Weird Darkness, and at first I thought, eh, that's a bad idea, for reasons I've already laid out. But I let my bride check out their website, and, well, she immediately started shopping for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Just Because Day, apparently that's a real thing, and now she keeps going back to Quince.com. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become a go-to place for everyday essentials now.

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. And the best part? Everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

They work directly with top artisans, so they cut out the middlemen. And Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I honestly didn't think I needed Quince.com, but Robin says, yeah, I do. Desperately. I think that means she'll be buying some clothes there for me, too.

She's tired of seeing 98% of my closet being weird darkness t-shirts. Go figure. She's also making me out to be the hero in front of my nieces. We got a cute little toddler-sized poplin-smocked flutter-sleeve dress for my youngest great-niece, complete with pink puppies for the pattern. It's adorable, I'll admit that. We got a pair of cotton-stretched skinny jeans coming from my newly-teenaged great-niece, along with a set of organic cotton long-sleeve and pants pajamas.

My oldest niece, the mom in the family, is getting a pair of ultra-soft high-rise pocket leggings. Emphasis on pocket. That's a pet peeve of my bride. She refuses to buy pants without pockets. And we're also sending a pair of ultra-form high-rise leggings. I would look horrible in all of this stuff, but the ladies in the family are going to look awesome. Of course, we'll be going back to quince.com in the next few days to begin shopping for the nephews.

I'm not allowed to pick out those clothes either. Robin just does not trust me. Good call. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash weirddarkness for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash weirddarkness to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash weirddarkness

Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, this t-shirt is kind of fading. My guess is that you've heard a lot of people talking about Factor, the two-minute meals packed with nutrition. Up until recently, though, I didn't really care much about nutrition. I was into convenience. Burgers, pizza, you get the drift. But, well, the older you get, the more you realize nutrition is kind of important.

At the same time, convenience is still crucial for me. I am busier now than I've ever been in my life, so eating food fast without eating fast food is a bit of a challenge. Was a bit of a challenge. With Factor, I get to check both of those off my list. I just heat it up, and two minutes later, I'm sticking a fork in it.

Factor is more than convenient though. I don't even have to jump into my car to go through a drive-thru or pay a bunch of extra money so I can wait 30 minutes to an hour for a delivery app to come through for me. Factor meals arrive directly at my door, fresh and ready to eat. And with my new weight loss goals, the menu options are a real bonus. They have gourmet meals if I want to be calorie smart or pack on the protein, go keto and more. They have 45 weekly menu options.

How many weeks are there in a year? 52? Yeah, that's pretty dang close to a different menu for each week. I can use Factor for breakfast, quick lunches, premium dinners, even guilt-free snacks and desserts. Imagine that. Snacking without guilt. I didn't think that was possible. If you'd like to join me on this journey, you can visit factormeals.com slash darkness50off, then use the code darkness50off to get 50% off and free shipping in your first box.

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Every door has a key. There's a key to every situation. Behind every unopened door, there is a mystery. And the opening of this door introduces us to another in the series, the key. Okay, Corporal, sound my old call. Yes, sir. Oh.

I could say I'm giving him up.

Because I'm afraid I've been unfruiting you since going back to the mirror. I know this won't help you, and I really don't know what else to say. Please forgive me.

You're out there riding up, Sarge. How many? I don't know. A dozen, I guess. Well, a dozen we can take past the wood. Are you crazy? In the pitch dark? They'll mow us down. We're supposed to get back to HQ tonight, remember? Yeah, we're supposed to get there. That's just it. We rush that bunch out there, nobody's going to get back to HQ. What's the matter, Corporal? Lost your nerve? Looking for an out on Section 8? What? Why? Yeah. Ah...

You stink. Will we get back, Corporal? If we get back, you mean. If we get back, I'll be only too happy to settle with you, Sergeant. That's a lousy thing to say. Okay, we're square. But forget it. I don't figure you lately. You act like a heel. I was breaking your neck to take risks. You know as well as I do there's no sense in jumping those reds out there.

We wait there. Most of the time we move on. I hate sitting around. Yeah. You just hate to stay alive. Oh, Yank. Hey, Yank. Hey, Yank, your wife, pretty girl. I love your wife, Yank. Oh, it's dirty. Take it easy. Take it easy.

You know that old gang? Hey, Yank. All I want is for one of us to show... Where are you, Yank? They'll straddle this whole position. Hey, Yank. Your girlfriend got another guy. How do you like that, Yank? All right, all right. Shout yourself to death. What about your wife, Yank?

in the area i think that they do you have a lot of work and i would have a problem that might be me but you know that we would be it would be a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a little bit better but it was a

That was a mighty poor effort, Sergeant. I guess you know that. I did what seemed best at the time, sir. Yes. Well, your best was to lose six men, including Corporal Harvey. We're short of men here, and shorter of non-coms. I can't afford to let you make too many showings like that. Yes, sir. If I wasn't so short of sergeants, I'd have one of your stripes right now. So consider yourself lucky. But next time, I'll break you to the ranks, so help me.

Now get on the ball, Sergeant, and stay there. May I come in, Sergeant? What? Oh, Padre, yes, sure. I didn't wake you, did I? I didn't want to break up a man's rest. No, no, I wasn't asleep. Not enough to sleep at night without trying it in the daytime. No, but you've been on night patrols lately. You wouldn't get to sleep at night anyway. I'm not on night patrol anymore. Oh, yes, I, uh... I heard about the trouble you ran into a week ago. It's been pretty rough. Yeah, yeah, it was rough.

Mind if I sit a while? Sure, yourself. Okay. Uh, smoke? Nothing. You know, uh, I was thinking, Brad, quite a time since you had a furlough, a man gets beat up after too long a stretch out here, and sometimes the top brass gets the kick out of that. There's a war on, Padre, a man can't expect to take a rain check on time like that, it only feels like it.

Like me to have a word with the field? Sometimes you'll take notice of me. Not often, but sometimes. Nothing. I'm okay. You want to help out there, plenty of guys are needed. You're needed, Brad. Look, lay off, will you, Padre? Just because I goofed that patrol, it doesn't mean I'm beat. I made a mistake. Show me the sergeant who has him. Yeah, true enough. But remember, it's battle fatigue makes a man prone to errors of judgment. You know that, Brad. I'm okay. I am.

Anyway, wouldn't you like to get home and see your folks for a spell? I don't have any folks. There's nobody I want to see. Brad, I haven't seen you around at mail call for quite a while. And Tommy Pulaski told me that when he handed you a couple of letters that had been lying in the office for three days, you tore them up without reading them. Pulaski's got a big mouth. He has no right to discuss my business with anyone. He meant well. I know you're not married, Brad. Were those letters from a girl? If you don't mind, Padre, I... Yes, I am a little sleepy after all.

I'll take a nap. Okay. But I can tell you right now, Brad, if you're trying to forget something that really matters, something that goes deep... What are you talking about? I don't have anything to forget. Yet you destroyed those letters without reading them. On the night of that patrol, it was the enemy taunts about girlfriends that got you mad. He doesn't figure. Potter, I know I can be rude, but why don't you mind your own business? The peace of a man's soul is my business, Brad. Yeah, well, I...

I'm okay. Thanks, but just leave me alone. I guess maybe you're not much of what they call a praying man, Brad. I don't get to see much of you at church, Brad. A man's got to sort things out for himself. Whining for somebody's help is in the way. I wasn't talking about whining. I was talking about praying. There's a difference. So maybe you're not smart enough to know that. I didn't mean any offense. I...

Look, praying, I wouldn't even know how to start. I'd have to feel it. Well, the words wouldn't... There's no special way to pray, Brad. But you're right, you've got to feel you want help. Then, the words will come. Padre? Yes, Lieutenant? Padre, you'd better get over to the hospital. The patrol just come in. Some of the men are in a bad way. Oh, I'll come right away. They've stuck real trouble over toward Bruno's Hill.

If it hadn't been for Coswell... Coswell? Brad Coswell? The Sergeant Coswell? Yes. Bombed a machine gun position from the rear. I had the section pinned down. If it hadn't been for him, none of the men would have made it back here. Funny, I hadn't figured for a guy that was going to pieces. But he sure did a job this time. Yes, you're right, Padre. That's the way it was. Them Reds had us sitting there just waiting for them to take us any time they wanted to. Wasn't nothing we could have done, no, had we? Man, I tell you, I had to work...

Excuse me, Padre, but anyways, that's just how it was. What about the sergeant? Him? Well, he up and turned the tables on them Reds, that's what. He went out there with two grenades and worked his way right around to the back of them enemy men until he was right on top of them, yes, sir. And now bust out laughing, just see the way he done it. He bombed them out of him? He sure enough did. The way he was sitting, it would have been like shooting fish in a barrel if it hadn't been for that Red seeing him up there and letting him have it with them automatic pistols.

Man, I don't know how he's alive. I mean, it's a fact. Yes, he's badly shot up. One bullet struck his helmet and gave him a pretty bad concussion. Yeah, well, they didn't shoot him up bad enough or quick enough because he just wrapped them two grenades right in their laps and wham. No, you're saying I ain't glad it was Emily in that hole and not me. I'd be lying elsewhere.

I sure am real obliged to that sergeant. I think you all are. The whole party's playing. Yeah, sure enough. He's quite a man, that sergeant. Hey, Padre, though, I thought I'd say something about him. Yeah, what's that? Well, uh... Oh, I reckon you wouldn't have any chow in the back there on you, would you, Padre? Uh, no, not right now, but I...

I'll see what I can do about it. Thanks. I sure could use some. Well, as I was saying about the sergeant, when we was bringing him in, he was kind of, well, unconscious, you know? Yeah. But kind of dreaming or something, like he was asleep, you know? Well, how do you know he was dreaming? Well, he was kind of moving his mouth around, you know? I reckon he was trying to say something. Well, did he actually say anything? No, no, not much, but he...

He sure looked like he was trying for fair, but all he could get out was the one thing. And that you couldn't quite hear, and only after you got real close. And he kept on saying this one thing again and again. What was it, son? Well, now, I reckon it's the kind of thing that you ought to know about you being a chaplain and all. I wouldn't tell them other men, but I reckon you ought to know. Yeah, that's for sure. Yeah, well, you know what he was saying? He was saying, please help me.

Please help me. Kept on all the time, only he wasn't saying it like I said it then. He was saying it like he was real desperate. And he wasn't speaking to no man, neither. You know what I reckon? I reckon that man was praying. Yeah. He was praying like he needed something. Real bad.

Good morning, boys. Mail call. Hey, mail call. Now, take it easy. I'll get around to you all. Let's see now. Sergeant Greta Coswell. Oh, it's me for you, Sergeant. Nice feminine hand, too. There you are. Private, first class V8 header weather. Oh, man, oh, man. Thank you, ma'am. And for my wife, I reckon. Oh, lucky you. Oh, can you manage? I sure can. I can open them all right enough. But I reckon I might have to get you to answer them for me on account I can't write with this little old arm of mine. Sure. I'll be back in a little while.

Private first class, R.M. Ripley. Now, two for you. Oh, man, am I glad to hear from my little old Annabelle. That's my wife's name, Annabelle. See now, what's she say? My own dear swim. Boy, that's sure nice to read. My own dear swim. Yeah, you're listening. Hey, Sarge. Hey, listen to this. This will make you laugh fit to kill. She says it... Hey, Sarge.

Hey, you ain't reading your letters, huh? Oh, yeah, I'll read them later. Well, if you ain't the... Well, I can hardly wait to get my letters from home. Don't you want to read them? I said I'll get to them later. Read your own mail, never mind about mine. Yeah, all right, just don't seem right to me, though. That's all. I'll be free in about half an hour, soldier. Would you like to take your letter, Ben? Oh, yeah, yeah. Thank you, ma'am. That'll suit me just fine. Good.

Well, what's the matter, Sergeant? Not reading your mail? Crying out loud, why does everybody have to ask me a lot of silly questions? I don't want to read them. Take them away. Why? Look, I'll open them for you. Take them away, do you hear? Take them away. Uh, I sure hope the crop is real good, like you say, Annabelle, because, uh, uh,

Because I wouldn't want you to fool me, none, and say things was going fine if and they weren't. You got that, nurse? Mm-hmm. And say things were going fine if they weren't. Yep. Now, what else can I say?

You got any ideas? Well, I don't know. What does she say in her letters? Isn't there something else you can comment on? Yeah, let's see. There's a... I can't remember the call. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I reckon I'd better say something about young Jeff. Jeff? Your son? Yeah. Well, at least ways he ain't exactly my son, as you might say, but I look on him as my own. He's a fine boy, too. Gonna be quite a man someday.

Is he? Well, he must be growing up fast, I suppose. Oh, sure enough. But I ain't set eyes on him for more than a year. He's a fine boy, though. Fine boy. Well, what would you like to say about Jeff, then? Or how about sending him a message, especially for himself? Hey, that's an idea. Oh, yeah, put this here down. Tell Jeff I'm glad to hear he's so grown up now, and I'm mighty proud of my boy.

And tell him that when he uses my gun to go after them possums and forgets to clean it, I'm going to belt the daylights out of him when I get back. Are you sure you want to say that? About belting him, I mean. Oh, sure, sure. He'll understand. I ain't never belted him yet. But I talk like that to him all the time. Oh, shucks, I wouldn't lay a finger on that poor little...

Yeah, I reckon Annabelle just about killed me if I ever did. She's the apple of her eye, that boy. Well, I reckon it's natural, him being her own flesh and blood and all. Oh, she's his son by another marriage? Another marriage? Well, no, Annabelle ain't really been married but once, to me. No, no, you see, it was this way. She met this piece of poor white trash, and they was married all right, only it turned out the ceremony wasn't a real one, and then, well, he just up and left her.

I got so mad, I was going to kill him, and that's a fact. I got out my gun, and I was going to blow that man to kingdom come. You see, I'd known Annabelle since we was just babies, and, well, I reckoned I was going to marry her someday, but she was always kind of difficult, you know, acting like I weren't good enough for her.

Well, I didn't know she was just putting it on to make me chase after. You're the oldest chick in the world, Slim. Sure enough, I know that now, but I was proud. I was a mighty good-looking fellow then. Well, you can laugh now, but that's true. And the way I reckoned it was, well, if she wanted to act difficult, that was all right with me, and I could get me plenty of other gals. So she went with this other man? Yes. Well, I reckon I pushed things a bit further.

She got to think that I was serious about some other gal who just didn't care no more for her, and I reckon she must have been mighty unhappy at that. I know now, but I didn't know then. Anyways, I was all set to kill this man. But you didn't shoot him, did you? Oh, no, no, ma'am. I didn't. The preacher done stopped me.

Preaching? Oh, yeah, ma'am. You know, we have the all-firedest, preachingest man in the town you ever did see. He preached fire and brimstone like he was the angel of the Lord himself. And he come up to me while I was walking down Main Street with my gun, and he said, "'Slim Heavyweather,' he said, "'Slim, you got a killing look in your eye.' And I said, "'Show enough.' And he said, "'Slim, you ain't gonna kill no man.'"

And I said, Preacher, you're about the wrongest man I know. And you know, ma'am, I've got to laugh now, but it sure wasn't funny then. I suppose not. What happened? Well, he sat too, right then and there, right in the middle of Main Street, and he preached me right out of that killing mind. First, he preached me on the Sixth Amendment until that gun just fell from my hand, and I stood there mighty scared. And I was hoping he was going to let me go home, but he just went right on preaching.

Slim, he said, you're in love with Annabelle and you know it. And I said, sure enough. He said, and she's in love with you. And you'd know that too if you weren't blinded by your sinful pride. And he said, well, I forget the words, but it's in the Bible about faith and hope and charity. And the greatest of them all is charity, you know? Yes, I know. Well, that preacher said I didn't have no charity in my soul.

Well, I love it. That's how I put money in the pool box whenever I could, thinking to please him. But the man alive, he went all red in the face and he bawled out at me. Not that kind of charity, he said. He meant the charity of forgiveness, he said.

You understand that, ma'am? Of course. Well, I didn't before, but I sure enough did after that sermon, and I realized that he was right. I had been proud and sinful, me thinking I was too good for Annabelle because she'd been with that other man when maybe anyways it was all my fault in the first place. So, being fair-minded and all, I went right on out to Annabelle's place, and I said, Annabelle, I love you, you love me, and I'm going to marry you.

So it ain't no good of you putting me off no longer. Well, that's quite a story, Slim. I'm sorry I run on so, Ness, but I ain't told that story to nobody. I reckon I must be homesick a bit. Well, you should have a furlough coming when you get out of here, so you'll be getting back to see your wife pretty soon. And now let's finish your letter. Hey.

You asleep, Sarge? Oh. I didn't reckon you was. You've been tossing and turning around over there. Hey, do you think you could reach my jaw in the back here? I hit it in the drawer when the nurse was around, and now I can't reach it with a little old arm of mine. Sure. Should we be able to? Hey. Where'd you... All right, I got it. Here, coming over. Be careful now. Ah, thanks. Boy, I sure need that.

Man, that sure tastes good. Say, Slim. Hmm? I, uh, couldn't help overhearing what you were telling the nurse today about your wife. Mm-hmm. Say, mind if I ask you a question? A personal one. Sure, you go ahead. Are you, uh, are you happy with your wife? I mean, knowing about the other man? Man, when I'm home with my Annabelle, I don't reckon there's a man happier in the whole world.

Joy's a fine gal, and she loves me. And she's known that I love her, too, all this time that we've been together, and ain't nobody gonna come between us again. What that old preacher man told me was true enough. About the charity of forgiveness? Not only that. He said it weren't only for me to forgive her, but for me to ask her forgiveness for making her feel so bad, so lonely that she could fall for another man. Hey, Sergeant...

You, uh, mind if I ask you a personal question? Well, I... Well, I reckon you'd be a mighty proud man yourself, Sergeant. I could figure that away anyway. And, pardon me, but I noticed you got letters from a gal and you ain't even got to read them yet. So I'd say you got woman trouble, man.

Oh, but here's my question, Sarge. Did you ever bother yourself to tell your gal that you're so in love with her that it hurts? Or did you always just reckon she'd be around after you felt like marrying her someday? Hey, what are you doing there? What are you looking for? Letters. Let's see.

Hey, can I borrow your flashlight? Sure enough. Go ahead. Yeah, sure enough. My darling, I can hardly write. My hand is trembling so. And if work is blood, it will clear those eyes that I can't have. But it can't. Oh, my dearest, of course I'll marry you. There never could be anyone else for me anyway. I love you. I love you.

I can't think how I was ever stupid enough to imagine any other man could do this to me. Nothing I have done could ease this desperate longing I've always had for you, Brad. And I know that what I did was a senseless and cruel thing to you and to me. If you can even forgive and forget the past, you will never need to doubt me in the future. For as long as I know I have you, I am completely yours. And my heart is bound to yours to the end.

Come back to me, my man. My man. Thank God. Oh, thank you. A closing door finishes a story. Next week, another key will open another door to another story. Romance.

or adventure all start when a door is unlocked by the key.

Thanks for listening! If you like what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don't miss future episodes. If you like the show, please, share it with someone you know who loves old-time radio or the paranormal or strange stories, true crime, monsters, or unsolved mysteries like you do! You can email me and follow me on social media through the Weird Darkness website.

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I'm Darren Marlar. Thanks for joining me for tonight's Retro Radio, old-time radio in the dark. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary, where I eventually joined him. Through him, I learned what hard work was and saw that the men and women like him were the backbone of our community. Through my law practice, I've been fortunate enough to give back to those in need with food programs, clothing and toys for children, and educational support.

Every day through the Allen Law Group, I want to make my community and my father proud. My dad worked in the mines of Kentucky in the steel mill in Gary. And the parents of my partners worked in the mills too, or in the building trades or driving trucks.

So at Allen Law Group, we understand the struggle working people face when they lose their livelihood because of an accident. That's why we work so hard to help injured people win justice. Unlike the other firms, that's all we do. And because we know what you're facing, we won't quit until we win. I guess you can say it's in our DNA. I get asked all the time why we only represent people who've been accidentally injured or had loved ones die tragically.

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