#2276 - Felipe Esparza
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast. Good to see you, my friend. It's been too long. What's up, fool? Good to see you, too. When was the last time I saw you, brother? It was like five years ago or something. Five years ago? And I did the show here when you were in LA? Yeah. At the warehouse? Damn, that's what I miss most about the store is, you know, traveling dudes. We would meet up.

We'd meet up at the home base. Yes. And when I was a young comic, I would see older comics that I would see on television. They would just come hanging out at that bar or the patio. Just get a refresh. Yeah, and you pass by and you see, oh, that's, man. Arsenio Hall. Holy shit. That's Elaine Boosler. Right. OG right there. Right, right, right. You know what? Right. I used to see her at Dodger Stadium when I was working at Dodger Stadium. And I would ask her for advice.

And she was just, you know, like, every comic back then, just keep writing. She was a funny comic, man. She was a funny comic. Who's that lady that was on Curb Your Enthusiasm? She's very funny, too. Old school comic. God damn it. I'm very embarrassed that I forgot her name. She hasn't done comedy in a long time. Look that up. Susie? Yes, Susie Essman. Oh, Susie Essman, the stand-up? Yes. Oh, she was great. She was really funny. I middled for her once.

Like fucking 1989 or some shit. Way back in the day, my friend. William Middleford, that lady? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Someplace on Long Island. I can't, might've been like governors or something like that. I don't, I do not remember, but I remember she was very nice. She was very funny, very nice, very encouraging.

Which is the best, man. When you get to work with someone that you see on television and you just like start now and they're nice to you, that's so valuable. I can't believe it. There she is. Suzy Espin. There she is. Whoa. She looks like Elaine from Seinfeld. Yeah, similar. But that's the haircut back then, huh?

Yeah, well they all have crazy hair. Everybody lost their mind in the 80s. Ally Lieberman? Yeah, they all lost their mind back then. Because from the 70s to the 80s, nobody knew how to dress. They did crazy shit with their hair. She's going over her set. Yeah, they would all tease their hair out. It was crazy. There was like a big hair thing.

I think it was when people started doing cocaine. That's what I think. I think it was the 80s. It was Miami Vice and cocaine. Everybody lost their mind. They lost their fashion sense. People started to wear wacky clothes.

Cars started looking like shit. Yeah, man. Like the Saab. The Pinto. Bro, cars just started looking like shit. I mean, if you want an objective analysis of what happens to a society when they remove marijuana and mushrooms and then they bring in cocaine, it's like, hey, you know what? It's called a Ford Fiesta. Yeah. Because we were Fiesta yesterday. But cocaine brought us Sam Kinison, too, though. Cocaine's done some good.

You think he did a lot of, a lot of, a lot of? No, no. It's like he's terrible for everybody who does it. But I do think that there's moments of inspired creativity from all kinds of substances, especially that rock and roll cocaine that they used to get where it was like just real pure cocaine. It wasn't stepped on. It didn't have amphetamines and fentanyl in it, all kinds of other shit.

Good shit. Not at the stuff you buy like in Grand Rapids, Iowa. And I should say this as a person who's never tried cocaine. Never? Never. Don't be lying. No, I would not lie. Never? No, never. No, I got real lucky. When I was in high school, I had a buddy of mine and his cousin started selling it. And he was a great guy. And I watched this dude kind of like shrink into himself and lost a ton of weight. And him and his girlfriend just, they had this attic apartment.

And they would just hang out and do coke and sell coke. And they would just, like, watch TV and do coke. Wow. It was like they got bit by a vampire, man. It scared the shit out of me. I was afraid of cocaine, man. Because when I started stand-up, like, I started stand-up, like, in 94, 93. Yeah. At an open mic. And I was clean. I was sober. I was a year. I was in rehab. Yeah.

And I wanted to be a comedian. So I went to a library to learn about writing, Jean Perrette, comedy writing, step-by-step. Another book called How to Write Funny, Be Funny, and...

Make money being funny. And that was a real great book, bro. I mean, it had comedy clubs locations in the back. And they had booker numbers to submit your comedy. Yeah, well, remember the Comedy USA industry guide? $100. Yeah. Can you believe that shit? Bro, I remember dudes used to take out full page ads. That's how you knew they were killing it.

When a dude would take out a full-page ad in the Comedy USA industry, I'm like, wow, he's got a full-page ad. I remember, bro, when I was looking for gigs in 2000, right? And I remember this comedian named Shang and...

Dante, comedian Dante. Yeah, I remember those guys. Those guys had a list, like a five-page list of comedy bookers' names, NACA numbers to call, and the back of the page was shitty bookers to avoid. And they had to sign it to the comics for like 75 bucks. Wow. I got lucky that I was in Boston.

And Boston had – that was like the boom happened in Boston when like Stephen Wright got on The Tonight Show. Everybody found out about Boston. But it was already this like crazy – there's a great documentary called When Stand-Up Stood Out.

You had that guy on the show here. I've had a few of those guys on the show. It was like a Chinese restaurant. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don Gavin was one of those guys. Steve Sweeney. Legends. I still say to this day, they're some of the best comics I've ever seen in my life. I've seen them murder harder than anybody I've ever seen in my life. But it was just very regional, very local.

and a lot of it didn't translate nationally for some reason. Like Steve Sweeney in Boston, in front of a Boston audience, is the funniest guy that's ever lived. And I'm not kidding. I'm not exaggerating. He would get like Boston accents and Boston attitudes. It would be all a big part of his act.

And dude, it was murderous. If you had to follow that, you were fucked. You were fucked, man. And they would do that to dudes from out of town. It was the most ruthless, cruel shit they would do at Nick's Comedy Stop. They would take these...

assassins, these local assassins, and stack them one after the other. It would be Kenny Rogerson, Don Gavin, Steve Sweeney, and then they throw up some headliner. And this poor headliner is used to soft acts on the road. He's used to being known for the guy who was on television. Hey, folks, so I'm Mike, you know, the sitcom, and they try to do stand-up, but they were getting eaten alive. He's talking about nuggets.

The guys that were up there all coked out. Oh, yeah. Working the crowd. They were wild boys, too. They were big, like, football player-sized, wild, crazy drinkers and partiers. And they were funny, man. And so because there was this, like, love of comedy in Boston, they had all these comedy nights all over the place where you could make a living. So you could be, like, a half-assed comedian like I was. And, you know, you can make 500 bucks a week.

Just hustling, just moving around. That's what we all did. So there was so many places that you could work and so many like little booking agents and like

like western massachusetts you have to go out there like you know like there's these weird towns that are like liberal hideouts you know what i mean like the universe like amherst you'd get like amherst gigs it was weird like massachusetts the other place you gotta be from there to pronounce it right which one is that the one is that the the uniform steak sauce

Oh, Worcester. Worcester. Yeah. Yeah, it looks weird. 2010, I was doing Last Comic Standing there, and I got there a day early, and I hung out with a Boston comic. I think his uncle is the guy they caught that was missing in action, the Irish gangster.

David Bolger is the comedian. Yeah, and he was, I said, yeah, man, we're performing Worcester, sir. And then he took the joint. He goes, no, bro, Worcester. Okay, thank you for telling me, bro. Yeah, you don't want to say, hey, Worcester, sir. Nice to be here. They would fucking kill you. They're like, that's where the great Doug Stanhope is from. Yeah, Worcester. Doug Stanhope started in Worcester. I love him. He's the best.

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I had a first comedy album, the one he did with Roaring or something. Oh, the one where he did with music in the background? Yeah. That was great. That's a great album. There was a place like that, a Boston place, but not in a documentary, but Will Durst...

He's a San Francisco comedian. Sure. He had a room like that called the Comedy Zoo or the Zoo. Holy City Zoo, right? Holy City Zoo. Yeah. And there's a comedian that came out of there that's a killer comic and he's still alive. And he opened for me. And he opened for Rob Schneider and Papa. And he opened up for a lot of people. Larry Bubbles Brown. Oh, cool. And he's an old school guy. After every joke, he goes, meh.

Murr. But he did Letterman in 1992, and then he did it again in 2006. So he has a record for doing Letterman between 30 years. Wow. But he's one of those comedians that never left San Francisco. There's a few of those guys that got trapped like that. Yes. That were really good guys. Remember that one guy in Chicago? What was his name? Larry Reeb?

Larry Reeb. Remember Larry Reeb? He was a guy like that, like a really solid national act, but it was so Chicago. It kind of stayed around there mostly. But it was like every now and then you'd find towns like that. You had like one murderer that lived in the town.

Bob Marley in New England. Yes. Oh, in Maine. Bob Marley was the murderer of Maine. And Robert Schimel was Arizona. I love Robert Schimel, man. Yeah, he was the best. He was the best. He was such a good guy. But he lived in Phoenix, and it was somewhere in that area. I think it was Phoenix, Pennsylvania.

But for him it was like, it was easier to get around the country that way and he didn't want to be a part of it. He was like one of the first guys that I was like, "Oh, you could like be a big time comic and not have to leave your state." Like you get to a point where you can live in Oklahoma like Larry the Cable Guy does probably. Where does he live? He lives in like somewhere like Georgia or something like that? I don't know. In the country. Where does he live? Is that where he lives though? I don't want to give up his, I'm not trying to dox him. He's like on the radio there. But I think, yeah, he's definitely from there.

I just don't know if he lives there. Probably shouldn't say where he lives. But that dude is, he could be anywhere. It doesn't matter. You could just go anywhere. I used to see his face when I go to El Paso comic strip and all the dudes you're talking about, they were all there. Dude, I remember Josh Wolf showed me a picture that he took when he was on stage and they were doing, it was like 60,000 people.

so larry the cable guy was doing like 60 000 people and josh wolf's like got his camera and he's like moving around on stage like that is the craziest thing i've ever seen that crowd is so insane that's how big that guy thousand people man and he was another dude that got hated on for no reason other than his success it was like

for some reason, everybody couldn't believe that you could say offensive things as a joke in a character all of a sudden. And it coincidentally happened at the same time as him getting super huge. It's like, you guys are just fucking haters. That's crazy how when they start hating the character but not the person. Well,

Well, that's the dice thing. Yeah, right? Just like the guy with the puppet in New York. Oh, Otto and George. Yeah. Greg Giraldo, when I opened for him back in the day, back in Addison Improv, he told me that he would say the nastiest shit, that puppet. And this lady threw shit at the puppet, but not at Otto. Bro, we were talking about it Tuesday night in the green room. We were talking about how that puppet was kind of possessed.

And I'm not even bullshitting. You know, Otto was out there. Otto was out there. I mean, he was out there. Everybody, I mean, that dude partied. He went hard. And he was a genius comedian. But he would get rides to gigs and say, pull over. I got to check on George. And he would, in the fucking side of the highway, he would pull over, pop the trunk, and check on the dummy. Wow, his buddy. Yeah.

Weird, man. Weird, man. Whoa, there he is. Bro, someone stabbed that dummy once at Dangerfields. Some Puerto Rican guy. The dummy was saying Puerto Rican jokes to this guy. And the guy fucking stabbed the dummy. Stabbed the dummy. Was it a knife or a sharp bed spring? A fucking knife.

Or a sharp bed spring, bro. Something. Anything. Whatever you got that you polished down to a point. You ever watched The Fabulous Miss Maisel? What's that? The Fabulous Miss Maisel is about a female comic growing up in the 50s on Amazon. No. Oh, Fabulous Mrs. Maisel. Mrs. Maisel. Oh, she's Mrs., all right. Sheesh.

I thought you were saying something in Spanish. That's hilarious. You ever seen Moussy Macion? That's hilarious. I literally thought you were talking about a completely different show. Do you remember the ventriloquist that did a one-minute set on her show? Yeah. Well, so like ventriloquist, now it's like, it's one of those things like with Carrot Top, he's like so successful at props that no one does props anymore. But when we first started out-

Everybody did props. There was like 10 guys on a lineup of 20 guys that have props they bring with them on stage. Because sometimes it was really funny. Rusty Dooley. Yeah, Rusty Dooley was great at it. But it's like he owned that for whatever reason. Because Carrot Top got so big using props, he's the only guy that still does it, that he kind of owns that. And then with Jeff Dunham, he got so big at being a ventriloquist. There's no ventriloquist anymore.

Like, when we were kids, there was always comedy ventriloquists. There was, like, Willie Tyler and Lester. Yes. Remember? It was a fun thing. You could get the dummy to say fucked up shit, and then you'd go, I can't believe you could say that in front of these nice people. And then George would be like, fuck these people. He would tell everybody to suck his cock. It was crazy. Yeah.

What's another one? Woody, Woody and the Hood. Yeah. But with Otto and George, it was a little different, man. Because I think George... I think Otto believed that George was alive. I think Otto believed there was something about George that was different than him. Like, he was not Otto and George. He was just Otto. And George only existed when George was there. And it seemed like there was something going on with that. And it might be because he...

fucking fried his brain to the point where he was connecting with you know all kinds of energy that wasn't even there you know he might have been out he was out there he was out there but the combination together what if they smoke crack together yeah he probably made george smoke it yeah

There's famous Otto crack stories. That guy was gone. But he was also brilliant. Really funny, man. Fucking funny. In a comics comic, we would all sit in the back of the room to watch when he was on stage. So there's a lot of those guys...

That are like real genius, but they're real eccentric. And for whatever reason, the general public doesn't find out about them. There's not like a good vehicle, at least back then there wasn't, for them to get out to the general public. Like today, I would say an example of that is like Brian Holtzman. Yes. Right? Like Brian Holtzman, we've known forever. He's always been a guy we all watched.

He was always the guy that at the end of the night, especially if something fucked up happened, like there was a plane crash, like someone got eaten by a lion. You mentioned a plane crash because I was there when he did that joke. I was in the back of the comedy store. He said, American Airlines is hiring. And then he said, because I remember who survived that airline. And he said, fuck that.

Everybody says, how come they don't build a plane out of the black box or simulate to the black box? Simulate to a fucking baby. Baby survived. Give me a hold of that baby, bitch. A baby survived? Yeah, a baby survived an airline, the flight one time, and he said, I want to hold that baby. I want to hold somebody's baby in an airplane.

Just in case it goes down. Because if a baby survives, I'm going to survive. You have to see him say it. I don't think we're doing it justice. Yeah, man, no, I'm fucking it all up. My favorite one was when Susan Smith got arrested for drowning her kids. He goes, I heard those were bad kids. I heard they sat that close to the TV. They didn't put away their blocks. Those kids will not be missed.

The fun thing about Brian is if you know him, like, in real life, he's, like, the sweetest guy on earth. He's such a sweetheart of a guy. Like, super friendly to everybody, loves everybody. Like, he doesn't even have an enemy. Like, Brian Holtzman has no enemies. He's always sweet and friendly. And then he gets on stage, and it's like he becomes, like, his version of George. Yeah. I hung out with Brian Holtzman recently.

I hung out with Brian Holzman and his mom in San Antonio, Texas. Oh, wow. Because we were doing the Latino Laugh Festival. Wow. And he was the only non-Latino on the show, him and Darren Carter. And, bro, there was all Latinos, bro. Everybody was getting shit.

Johnny Sanchez pronounced his name like an American, and somebody yelled out, it's Sanchez, fucker. How did they say it? I don't know. He said, hello, my name is Johnny Sanchez. And then somebody said, no, it's Sanchez with five A's. Sanchez. Oh, boy. So he got heckled. He got heckled for saying it. This episode is brought to you by Oracle. AI is coming to your industry today.

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I was border patrol is going to come in here and take everybody. But this is after, this is after we were doing this taping, a taping. Mancia shows up, does a guest spot on our taping and goes long, you know, really long, you know, like,

Jeff Valdez looking around. So then that's when Barry Holston goes up and murders it. He goes, man, I got to figure out how to, this immigration problem, man. We got a bunch of U-Haul trucks, U-Haul trucks. We go around to every Home Depot. We got these people. Yeah, we're hiring, bro. There's lots of jobs. Muchos trabajos. Come on. Get in the trucks. We fucking take these trucks. We drop them off in Tijuana, Mexico. Yeah. You have to see him say it.

He starts screaming and shit. But it's also like he's playing this bizarre, psychotic character that only comes out when he's on stage. He's the most different when he's on stage. And he held his job, too, when he had a job at the LAX. Oh, Brian, he always had a job. That was the problem. Blue-collar guy. That was the problem. He never hit the road. He stuck around the store. Because, like I was saying, there's not, like, a path for those guys. Like, nobody wanted Brian Holtzman to open for them. That's too weird. No. You know?

He belonged at the store. And now he's found a crowd at the mothership. His shows at the mothership, they're all sold out. Like, he's hilarious. People come to see him. And he didn't have a path before. It was like there was like...

He's too weird to put on a television show. It's like you really want to be in the room. That's what it is. If anybody is way funnier in the room, it's Brian Holtzman. The discomfort, the weirdness, and the way he works around it when you're in the room is so fun. And every show is different. Every show is different. And he's always talking about new things. It's really like he channels this fucking character. It's like he should be two different people.

He should be Brian Holtzman, the super nice guy, and then whatever the fuck his name is when he's on stage. It's almost like he needs a second name. Mitzi should have done that a long time ago. Mitzi used to call Joey Fat Baby. Do you remember those days? Yeah. Someone has one of the lineups that they got from Jeff Scott on the lineup. It's got everybody's name, and then 15 minutes, and then it says Fat Baby. Fat Baby. She wanted him to be called Fat Baby.

Weird advice sometimes, man, the managers give you. Terrible advice. Can't listen to any of them. I know, man. What good advice. I was bummed out one time because, you know, you have to go back and forth, back and forth until they make you a regular. And I was trying at the Laugh Factory. And one time Jay Masada, he told me, I don't see you making it, man.

for another six to eight years. Oh, boy. And then when I finally got last company standing, I looked at him and said, Jamie, your invite was full of shit. It took fucking 12. It took 12, not six. But I was bummed out when he told me that. I was like, bummed out. You know, you get bummed out. You realize you're putting in all this work and you can't be a regular here, so you got to go back to these other rooms. I talked to Brad Williams.

And he said, fuck that advice, bro. You know what he told me? He said, he told me that I should get all the little people I can find in Hollywood, all of them, all the little midgets, all the little persons, and bring them to the Laugh Factory. And Jamie said, you can have the biggest little person show in all of Hollywood.

That was his advice for Brad. So then I thought, I was not feeling so bad after that. Then I talked to Alonzo Bowden, and he told Alonzo Bowden that he should put on shoulder pads and be a football comic. So Joe, after hearing that, I don't want to cry anymore. Oh my God. He had some terrible advice.

I think it was, he was giving advice. I think it was, he was giving this advice to Todd Parker, who was telling him, it was either Todd Parker or Robbie Prince, two guys that I knew from Boston. One of them, he was telling him, I think it's Todd, you've got to be Generation X guy. This is what you're going to be, buddy. You're going to be Generation X guy. So from Generation X, this is how I see the world, buddy. Like,

Everything was as a generation X guy. And he was like, that's the worst advice I've ever heard in my life. Like, why would I do that? But people would have like schemes for you.

But the thing is that they're just trying to help. Yeah. But no one knows how to do it other than you, and you've got to figure it out. No one can tell you. Yeah, they're like outdated, too. Like, who would have told Mitch Hedberg, wear sunglasses and sometimes turn your back to the crowd? No one. No one. Mitch Hedberg would be killing with his back to the crowd high on heroin. All non sequiturs for like an hour and a half. They have stage fright?

He was just crazy. You worked with him? You met him? I met him. I didn't know him well, but I knew him enough that it was a bummer. When he died, I remember I was with Stan Hope. We were filming something, and we found out that he had gangrene. He got admitted to a hospital. He had gangrene. You're like, yo, gangrene fucking kills people. This is fucking scary. And he just had a problem. He just liked that heroin.

And he didn't want to stop. People wanted to clean him up. He did not want to get cleaned up. He was like, I am not interested. I did heroin one time, but I didn't show it up. I just smoked it, but I was in Amsterdam. Dude, it doesn't seem like anybody has a great old time with the rest of their life once they start doing heroin. It's like cocaine. It's the same thing. I think there's probably moments of brilliance that have come out of heroin, though. I definitely do when I think about 1960s music.

I think heroin and LSD affected a lot of rock and roll in the 1960s, and cannabis for sure, too, and probably mushrooms. But, you know, the thing that it always kills you. Like, everybody always, it always ruins everything. They all died young. Everybody, like, what, Morrison, 27, Hendrix, 27, whatever.

Although there is a wild conspiracy about Hendrix. Yeah? Yeah. What'd you hear? That he was killed by his manager. The conspiracy... There was one of his bodyguards, right? Is that what it was, Jamie? That wrote this book? How did he die? I think he died of his asphyxiation from throwing up, which is one thing that can happen to people that are doing drugs. But the bodyguard...

I believe this. Don't hold me to this. But I believe the story was Hendrix was going to leave his manager. His manager was mobbed up. His manager was like a scary guy. And his manager was making a lot of money with Hendrix. Hendrix was trying to leave. And he's got the rights to the Hendrix catalog and he kills Hendrix. So his former roadie.

So the thing that's compelling about this is shortly after this, his girlfriend committed suicide, air quotes, by being thrown off a roof. So they got rid of Hendrix and they got rid of his girlfriend, if that's what really happened. So he was the benefactor, allegedly, of the guitarist's $2 million life insurance policy. $2 million. $2 million.

Okay, worth around $1.2 million in 1970. According to Wright, Jeffrey told him about the crime in 1971, a year after the 27-year-old Hendricks was found dead in a London hotel. He said, I had to do it, Tappy. Wright claims the manager said, you understand, don't you? I had to do it. You know damn well what I'm talking about. We went round to his hotel room, got a handful of pills, stuffed them into his mouth, then poured a few bottles of red wine deep into his windpipe.

Hendricks is found dead at the Samarkand Hotel on 18th of September, 1970. The cause of death was recorded as barbiturate intoxication and inhalation of vomit. I can still hear the conversation, Wright wrote of Jeffrey's confession. See the man I'd known for so much of my life, his face pale, hand clutching at his glass in sudden rage.

Hendrix manager died in a plane crash in 73. So this guy's dead. Supposedly did this. Listen, man, they did that back then. They were gangsters. There was gangsters running everything. If there was a lot of money to be made, scary people moved in and it became a real problem. Yeah, man. Gangsters own a lot of stuff that a lot of people wouldn't want to own, like a gay club. Uh-huh. Yeah. Like in LA, they own all the gay clubs. They were not rated because they were paying money.

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But if you want to talk about something like that, like would a manager kill a client for a life insurance policy back then? Yeah. I read this. They didn't even have DNA back then, man. I read this, right? This is like crazy, right? My mom didn't like Elvis. She liked the Beatles, right? And I asked my mom, how come you don't like fucking Elvis? He's badass too. Oh, because Elvis said that I'd rather have kids of dogs than a Mexican woman.

And I said, when did he say that? And he goes, he said it. Then I found out later on when I went in a rabbit hole, it was a colonel. The colonel spread that. The colonel spread that. Because he wanted to keep him in America and not tour anywhere. The colonel was an evil dude, man. By the way, that Tom Hanks performance is fucking fantastic.

In that Elvis movie where he plays the colonel? Yeah. You know, when you see it, like, you appreciate how a guy can really, like, become a different person. Like, he becomes this creepy manager guy, this manipulative, gambling, creepy manager guy. I mean, he's a fucking genius, man. It's so good. Like, you really, that's what's crazy. Like, you forget that's Tom Hanks. You're like, oh. But you really got a sense of the relationship that Elvis had with this dude. Because those guys get crazy. Look.

There's famous and then there's Elvis famous in the 1960s and you don't even understand what that means. No one understands what that means. And he was the first one to be like that. Imagine that. I know, man. Imagine walking into a room and you just go, you want a kiss? And they kiss. But

Just imagine just trying to navigate life as a human being, and you're literally the most desired person to be around a lot. Like, you can't walk down the street. People scream and they cheer and they run at you. Women faint. They cry. And there's never been someone like that before. That's what's crazy, because this is the first time you've seen a guy on television, and he's on television shaking his hips. And so they go crazy. No one ever done that, huh? No. No.

No, you never had a pop star on TV shaking his hips like he's fucking... Yeah. It was too much. Did they cover it up the first time? I think they did something where they were upset at him because they didn't know he was going to do it. I think it was like... I think he was actually going to get fined in some places. Like, you weren't allowed to shake your hips like that. Like, this is how...

Crazy being Elvis was. Badass. There's this one video or picture of Elvis that I like besides the one you have here, you know, the rested. When he's playing an outside event and he's wearing all black and he's fucking young as hell and the popper door looking good, the blue eyes are shiny. He's like, bro.

And there was no Elvis before Elvis. That's what's crazy. So he's like this one guy that becomes way more famous than any entertainer ever.

And then he's got an evil manager. And then he's doing pills. And then he's just living in paranoia. And the whole world don't make any sense. Nothing makes any sense. It can't make any sense. You have no peers. You have no one around you that's like you. No one around you that can understand you. And you're being protected by some guy who's, like, siphoning money from you. He was doing shit little gigs, right? Like, he'll leave, he'll do, like, a two-hour show, then leave, go do another two-hour show somewhere else. Wow.

Well, I think he got into a financial bind, right? Wasn't that a part of the movie? And then he got that Vegas residency. Bro, the Vegas residency is probably convenient because you don't have to go anywhere. You know where you live. You know where the gig is. Like, Carrot Top seems to like it, but I don't think I could do that. Bro, if you're a musician, though, like Elvis, it's great. Oh, yeah. But even, like, comics can do it. A lot of comics do it.

You know, it's, I just don't know about living in Vegas. I lose my mind being in the same place seven days a week, 14 shows. The people that live outside of Vegas love it though. If you live like in like Henderson or some of those places, like they're very, very nice places.

But you're still connected to this place where people go to get psychotic. There's some weird energy about that. Listen, this is not a knock on Vegas. I love Vegas. Look, I love New York City. Ari fucking loves living in New York City. I can't live in New York City. I can't handle all that. I got to get the fuck away. Some people love it. Everybody can love everything. But it just seems like that. It's like Vegas is a uniquely crazy place. People go there specifically like, we're going to go.

It's like it's in the title of the state means craziness. You went to Vegas. Every day, probably like 50,000 people show up. It's every day. And then you got rodeos coming into town and UFC fights coming into town and fucking concerts. Raider fans. It's a fucking wild ass town.

I love being there. I just don't know if I could live there. It seems like it's almost a little too crazy. So this is Ed Sullivan's show, 1956. This is the first time his hips show up on the screen? It's 10 minutes into this? Yeah, he was wiggling his dick too much. That's all he was doing, though. That's a lot, Jamie. What do you mean, that's all he was doing? That's offensive. After this aired, they said they wouldn't air him from the waist down anymore.

Isn't that crazy? It's barely shown. It's so crazy. Bro, he probably had it. Look, his big old dick keeps slapping at his jacket. That's what it is. Look. If you see that side, back it up a little bit. That's what the problem is, Jamie. Look at that jacket popping up and down from his big old Elvis dick. Look at it. He didn't assemble with it. Bro, he's making his jacket pop with his dick. I'm with the censors. I'm with the censors. Of course he had a big dick. He had everything.

He had everything. He had voice, talent, beautiful. You think he's going to have a little dick with all those gifts? How tall is he? I don't know. He's probably at least six feet tall. 21 years old there. What a kid, man. How can you manage that? How can you navigate that at 21 years old? I know, man. Bro, it's him and Michael Jackson. These are the two case studies in people that got too famous.

But sometimes I wonder, man, like how would I handle that much success at that early age? - Bro, you wouldn't. - I know, that's what I'm saying. - You wouldn't, you would go crazy. - How about you?

crazy I would have been seen with a big fucking cold sore yeah dude I got lucky my fame ascent was a slow drip you know like over time oh bro it was a slow drip mine was like the little mountain guy on the Price is Right and then stopping along the way bunch of haters fighting with other comics coke here yeah

Yeah. El Compadres is a spot. 64 years ago today, more than 60 million people watched Elvis Presley perform on the Ed Sullivan show. Wow. 60 million. That's so crazy. But that's how it used to be, man. And that's why losing control of that is so devastating to mainstream media. Yeah.

That was what it was. When I was a kid, there was three channels, dude. There was NBC, ABC, and CBS, and that was it. And then all of a sudden there was Fox, and we were crazy. We got a whole other channel? You had local channels too, though, in your neighborhood? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We definitely did. Especially, yeah, everyone has local channels.

So you always had like the local NBC network. You need those. Somebody got to play karate movies. Yeah, we didn't even have cable. Like it didn't exist. But you have to realize how nuts the world was when everything you watched on television was just television. That's all you ever saw.

Like, there's no cable. So you have four channels. And you felt so lucky to have that fourth channel. It was crazy, bro. You got The Simpsons, Married With Children came on that channel. Fox changed the whole In Living Color, changed the whole feeling of what a channel was. It's crazy that Fox is now connected to, like, conservative Republicans reporting the news. But it's like Fox when we were kids was Married With Children. It was, you know, it was like the Renegade shows. It was The Simpsons.

It was, you know, there was a bunch of like fun shows that were on Fox. Fun shows, man. Living single. Yeah, but In Living Color to this day, I say, is one of, there's two of the greatest comedy, like Saturday Night Live always gets it for longevity because it's crazy they've been around so long. SCTV. But for like pure funny, for me, it's like In Living Color and Chappelle Show. Yes. And I feel like you don't get Chappelle Show unless you have In Living Color first.

I feel like In Living Color broke open the door for chaotic sketches that were really funny, man. Wildly offensive. Really funny. To this day, there's a lot of shit on...

in Living Color that if you tried to do like in the height of wokeness like three or four years ago bro they would fucking call for your censorship yeah man they will come for you especially when Damon Wayans and David Languille were doing men on film there's an episode where where fucking the camera falls they gave it two snaps yeah the camera falls on Damon Wayans and he becomes heterosexual all of a sudden laughing

And then David Languille starts touching him. He goes, make your life away from me, man. That episode. How about when he played Handyman? He played a mentally retarded. I love that one. Oh, my God. That's my favorite movie. Yeah. A handicapped superhero. It was. And he made a superhero movie about him. Oh, my God. Handyman. He would fly like this. Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, this show was wildly offensive, but so funny. Even Fire Marshal Bill, bro, he's making fun of a fire victim. I was just going to bring that up. Let me tell you something. That guy's fucking whole face is burned off. Jesus Christ. My daughter's a burn victim, by the way. That's harsh, bro. That's what you'll get. Yeah.

It's wild that shows like that. That one, bro. Ahead of its time. Oh, way ahead. Well, so was that other movie. We were just talking about that. Ace Ventura. Ace Ventura. Yeah. Yes. When you find out that she's a trans person and the dick comes out and everybody starts throwing up. First of all, I don't buy it. Even if she had turned to that photo again. No. This was.

That's Sean Young right? That's Sean Young yeah. Yeah when she was hot. So even if she had a dick there's a lot of guys who'd be like listen nobody needs to know about that dick. Nobody needs to know about that man. That dick is between you and me and I can't use that. I remember one time it happened to me bro I just looked at it and it was a big ass skin tag you got right there. Skin tag. Yeah all those shows like I mean what are the other great sketch shows?

Mad TV had some bangers. Mad TV. There were some bangers on Mad TV. But it's another show that's like- Second City TV, I watched that growing up. Kids in the Hall. Kids in the Hall. Kids in the Hall. Kids in the Hall was fantastic. That was great. I was a Kids in the Hall fan, but I didn't really start watching it, really get into it until after I'd met Dave. I didn't know much about Kids in the Hall. I knew it was funny. I knew everybody said it was funny, but I don't think I'd ever even watched a sketch of

And then I became friends with Dave doing news radio. And then I started really getting into it. I was like, oh, that guy had a very unique, or still does, have a very unique sense of humor. He rewrote, I don't know what percentage, 40% of the lines on news radio, on the set. He rewrites things all the time. And he was always coming up with a better way to do something. Always had a sense of a pacing thing.

That's a totally different thing, man, when you're making sketches. Like, sketches are a total... Like, to be able to do that and do a lot of, like, really funny scenarios that are unique, that's a very... It's hard, right? The stand-up? Because we want to end it, huh? Mm-hmm. Well, it's a totally different way of thinking. You know, Gillian Keyes is another fantastic one. That, to this day, like, the problem with that show is, like, it's got this amazing fan, core fan base, but...

It doesn't, it's way funnier than the amount of people that have seen it.

It's way funnier, which is crazy because Shane Gillis is one of the biggest comics in the world. Yes. He's funny as hell. He's one of the biggest comics on earth. He's selling out arenas everywhere. Yes. But yet people don't realize how good Gillian Keys is. It's like there's a one where they do the OnlyFans dad. It's one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my fucking life. It's so funny. It's so funny and so crazy. And because no one's telling them what to do, they're just doing what's funny.

And that's what got fucked up.

There were so many fucking nannies around everybody telling everybody what you can and can't say and so many subjects you can and can't cover. Like, you got to stay out of the way, just like the managers in the early days were telling you, Felipe, you need braids. You know, braids, bro, with beads. And you talk about the beads when you're on stage. You're like, what? You didn't wear a suit. Shut the fuck up. Get out of here. I remember one time, bro, they told me to wear a suit. And I wore it. And I saw Joe Deere wearing a suit. I said, bro, you look ridiculous, huh?

He was wearing a beanie. I remember I called him the Coca-Cola bear he got mad. Suits are a weird move, but they're sometimes fun. I've worn suits on stage before. It makes you feel different. It does. It really does. Do you feel like you're going to change your posture? No, you just feel like you're more of a motherfucking professional. Bitch. Look at this. And a well-tailored suit is what you really want. Modern suits...

you can move in them. Like, they have, like, stretch to them, which is different than, you know... When I was a kid, I thought of suits, I thought of, like, you're handcuffed. Like, you can't move good. Yeah. Like, you can't kick someone with fucking suit pants on. You know, you can't move well. I know. I would see Johnny Carson in his suits. Yeah. Those suits look tight as hell. Well, it's just the fabric sucked back then. Especially if you're a bigger person, you know, if you lift weights or something like that, if you have muscles...

Everything's going to be constricted and tight and all fucked up. It's not going to fit good. So suits now, if you get a good one, like I got mine made by David August. They do them for the UFC. Yeah. I've had them make a bunch of suits for me. They're amazing. They do it to your actual shape. So everything fits perfect. I mean, I don't want to make fun of the other guys, but you're announcing –

You know, you're a big muscle guy, but it doesn't look like you're coming out of that suit when you wear it. It looks real good on you. Yeah, it's because they make it to your shape, you know, so it's real comfortable. And you go to Fox Sports, man, they're about to just come out. They don't look like fucking orangutans, bro. They don't look like Mr. Hyde. Yeah.

Well, you know, a lot of those dudes are bigger than me anyway. That's it, too. There's a certain size that you get. Like, if you put The Rock in a suit, it still looks ridiculous. It's like, what the fuck are you made out of, dude? First time I met him backstage at the UFC, and he had cowboy boots on, right? Cowboy boots? Yeah. He don't even seem like a real person. Like, when you meet him in real life, you're like, what the fuck are you? He's like a superhero. Yeah. Like, you're seeing, like, a real-life superhero. Yeah.

And a super nice guy, man. He came and worked out with us. We all worked out. Tony Hinchcliffe, Derek, Hasan. We all fucking lifted weights together, hung out, got in the sauna. Shane Gillis. We were all just chilling with The Rock, working out with him. Like, no cameras, no nothing. I was like, let's fuck, we don't have to post this. Let's just have some fun. He's like, fuck yeah. He was cool as shit.

Cool as shit, man. Wow, that's amazing, man. It was fun. I enjoyed talking to him. He's a good guy. I was in the airplane at the Delta, and I saw Jason Momoa. Oh, he's another one. And I said— A little too handsome for me. And I just said, what's up? No, I don't know how to meet people. I always tell weird people, I'll say, Jason! Just like that, Jason!

What's up? And then I didn't know that we were sitting almost close together on the airplane. Then he saw me again, bro. Then I said, what's up? Then I felt like I creeped him out again, man. And then my wife was recording him, bro, recording him. But I was on my phone. He thought I was recording him. I met him in a Whole Foods parking lot.

I met him in a Whole Foods parking lot in Woodland Hills. I was going to pick up some groceries, and he was there too. I was like, what's up, man? How you doing? What's going on? We were talking. I think that was before he did Conan.

Which I still say to this day, the movie's not good. Like, the Conan movie, it kind of falls apart. But the way it looked was amazing. And he played Conan. And he's the perfect Conan. Like, that's what Conan would have looked like. He wouldn't have looked like a bodybuilder. No disrespect to Arnold, because he looked amazing. But it's like Conan was just a big, giant warrior. And when he played that guy, what was the guy he played in Game of Thrones?

Crackle or something like that. I can't remember. It was fucking incredible at that. He played with them. That's Conan, man. Yeah. That's Conan. Someone needs to do a good Conan the Barbarian movie. Go back and read the Robert E. Howard books. The books are great. It's this super depressed dude in like the 1930s writes about this barbarian. Yeah.

Khal Drago, that's right. There we are. Two people get mistaken by. Bro, get a photo of him when he was Conan. Jason Momoa as Conan.

Bro, he's the perfect Conan. Right there. That's what Conan's supposed to look like. That's how I'm supposed to look, too. That's the perfect Conan. That's the Conan you believe is real. That's a guy throwing a sword around his whole life and fighting off dragons. He's not a bodybuilder. No. He looks like that. That's what it looks like in the book. Like, that's fucking Conan. We're identical. That's Conan. I mean, someone needs to... The guy's still capable of playing this character. Someone, please. Me.

I wish Quentin Tarantino was into Conan. Quentin, if you're hearing me, please read the books. Quentin Tarantino doing Conan would be the most epic thing of all time. This episode is brought to you by Focus Features' new film, Last Breath. Make every breath count. Based on the extraordinary true story, Last Breath takes you hundreds of feet below the ocean surface for the deadliest job on earth. When a deep sea diver becomes trapped at the

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Could you imagine? He would do it right. Or Beastmaster. If he was into it, he would have to be into it. I have no idea if he's into it. But if he was into it. If Chris Chino might do it. Somebody should do it. It'll start with the ending. It'll be like the ending of the movie in the beginning and we'll confuse. Somebody should do it. Confuse us. The books are great, man, because it's all from the mind of this tortured, depressed dude who winds up killing himself.

It'll be the first time that you'll see a Conan movie with everybody saying the N-word over and over. I don't think they had that word back then. I think if you want to do it right. They'll make one up. I think if they really wanted to do it right, they should probably do it the way like Mel Gibson did Apocalypto. That was a badass fucking movie, bro. You felt that movie, bro. Right, but you know what I'm saying? Like hearing the people say it. Hardcore. And the same thing he did with The Passion of the Christ. They spoke in the language.

and it was all subtitles. Like they spoke in the language so you were transmitted exactly how these people were sent. You felt like it was real. Like Apocalypto, you felt like it was real. Yeah.

Like, there was no English in that movie. It is a blockbuster movie that is a wild action-adventure movie. Then we were hardcore, man. The Passion of the Christ. Yes. There's something about being sucked into hearing the actual language of the people that would be doing this that's so much better than... Because, like, whenever they do, like, Game of Thrones or something like that in another country...

All of a sudden, everybody has an English accent. Yes. That's how they do it. Instead of talking like an American, you can't talk like us because that would just throw people off. So you have to have some sort of a proper way of speaking. Kind of like the exorcist, man. Like if the exorcist, the devil...

Would it have had like an Irish accent? It would have been a totally different movie. But the Latin accent, the whatever language, Latin language. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. Exactly. You don't even know what the language is, but you're fucking scared. Right, it has to be exotic. You can't have the devil going, hey, you fucking piece of shit. I'm going to fuck your eyeballs. You better get out of my garage. Yeah, you can't have the devil talking like...

Jerry Seinfeld. I speak in absolutes. Yeah. You can't have the devil with a whiny voice. Or a Boston accent. That was the scariest thing about Mike Tyson. He had this voice that was so easy to make fun of, and he fucking murdered everybody. Knock your ass out. It was almost like he was begging you to make fun of his voice.

Dangerous dudes. Yeah, it was almost like he was begging you. You're like you, bro. You're like one of those guys. You're like to someone that doesn't know you personally, you're like, try me. No, I'm not like that at all, though. I'm real nice. If I didn't know you and I saw you walking down the street and you're not Joe Rogan, I'd be like, okay, man, this guy's good fight. He's healthy. Stay away from him. I'm friendly. That's what we all need, my friend. We need friends. But you've been friendly since day one, though.

I was talking to your driver, Rebel, about when you gave me that SoloPipe. Mm-hmm. And then you said you stopped using it because of butane. Yeah. And I remember I was telling you that the reason it's called SoloPipe is because you're supposed to use it by yourself. But I remember I told everybody you gave it to me, and everybody wanted to hit it. And by the time I got it back, it was fucking hot. Yeah. I remember those things. I try to stay, like...

I think if you're smoking a cigar, like, butane is the way to go. You know, you burn the end of it, but you don't want to, like, keep doing it. I feel like a certain amount of this is a chemical, no matter what. Look, that's a chemical. You only want so much of that. You really should probably have matches if you're going to smoke a cigar. Matches? Yeah, you should really probably have matches. And I think if you're, like, a super cigar nerd, they do it even further. They take cedar and they light cedar strips and they use that.

to light their cigar. Those are super nerds. Cedar strips? What is that? Cedar strips, dog. Pieces of wood. They light little strips of wood and they light from pure wood then they light their cigar. These are super nerds when it comes to cigars. Like they get into it. Oh, that's what that guy said in New York. Give me some ember. Give me some ember? Ember? What is ember? Fire? Oh, fire.

Oh, shit. Yeah, so these guys, they take little cedar strips and they light them on fire and then they light their cigar from the cedar strips. So this way you're not getting any of the butane fumes. I don't even know how much you would get. I don't, you know. Get better later? Yeah, sure. You know how to work it? No. Think back? We're probably going to find out that every time you...

burn a lighter near you, you inhale like 10 times more than you're ever supposed to in your life. We'll probably find something like that out someday. It can't be so good to have convenient fire. Like, fire that quickly means, like, you've got some funky gases that you're burning. You're burning some funky gases in the air. Oh, horrible. Because I remember, like, lighting a match and you get the ugly-ass fuel. You know what's real bad? What? Scented candles.

Scented candles apparently are not healthy. Jamie, Google that. Maybe I should say some scented candles. Maybe there's a way to do it organically. We should find out if that's true too because that would be a good thing to know because I think there's some things in some scented candles that you're not supposed to inhale and

And when you're a person that likes to have candles, and who doesn't? They're cool. You want to have candles in your house? That's dope. Like candlelight dinner with a bunch of friends is dope, right? But I think it's the scented ones. It says it's the ones that are made from paraffin. The ones that are made from paraffin are the problem.

It's a cheap byproduct primarily sourced from the refinement of petroleum. So you're burning petroleum. Paraffin is the most used candle wax worldwide, according to the National Candle Association, the major trade association representing U.S. candle manufacturers and their suppliers. So it's all candles made from paraffin?

However, few studies on candle emissions or their potential effects on human health exist, and conclusions from the research are mixed. There is no overall conclusion that paraffin candles will either, excuse me, either will or won't harm your health, says pulmonologist Dr. Sobia Farouk, a clinical assistant professor at the Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine. But the risk may also depend on various factors, including candle type and quality.

how often and how long you're burning it, the airflow and the space where you're burning it, your health status and more. Well,

Either it's not good for you or it's fine. These are the options. And it seems to me like there's a little gaslighting going on here. Like, how could it be good for you to have petroleum burning in your house? I want you to show me a study that's, like, measure the fucking air in the room when you have three candles. Measure the air in the room when you have four candles. Keep going. Tell me when I'm going to get lung cancer from this shit. Because...

Wow. Yeah. Benzene, a known carcinogen, is another VOC released by paraffin candles. Hawk added, long-term exposure to this chemical has been linked to blood disorders such as leukemia. When inhaled, benzene can also be a respiratory irritant, which means it could probably, yeah.

Fuck. Fuck. People think candles are cool. Oh, man. But what is a candle that you can use? There's got to be candles that are not bad. I hope all those candles that I've got in a massage parlor were safe.

Oh, great. So they all suck.

The risk of toxic emissions is greater when candles are scented or dyed, which is another reason why paraffin-free candles aren't immediately in the clear. This is because artificial fragrances have VOCs, including phthalates, which have been linked to learning and behavior problems, obesity, impaired development of the reproductive systems, and more.

Evans said the unscented candle in the 2015 research also caused concerning concentrations of toxins, but had the lowest amount compared with its scented counterparts. Yeah, by what ratio? I wonder how much lower. Oh, the National Candle Association maintains that candles are safe for use in the home, a spokesperson said in a statement.

First of all, you can't totally say anything's safe. Because I was dating a girl once and she burnt her fucking house down with candles. That's exaggerating. She burnt a wall in her house. What was she doing? She just let her candles burn down and something caught fire. And it lit the side of her fucking bedroom hall. Her wall was on fire.

She liked handles. So they're not totally safe. It's fire. Fire's not totally safe. Fucking lighters aren't totally safe. You can't say it's safe. Like, you could definitely do something stupid with it. Like, you know what's safe? Marshmallows. Marshmallows are safe. Not if you light them. It's not good to eat. They're bad for your body, but they're fucking safe. They're not going to kill you. Unless you burn them to mix more with a lighter and a fork. You know what's supposed to be really bad for you? Paper straws.

Paper straws have those forever chemicals in them. See if that's true. Otherwise, we'll have to cut this out without getting sued by the paper straw industry. Oh, speaking of straws, right? Everybody knows that paper straws came around because everybody saw that video of that turtle with that straw on its nose. That's the only reason why we started looking at paper straws different than everything else, right?

Paper or plastic? Plastic. Okay. Plastic straws came about. Did I say paper? Plastic straws came about because of that video of that turtle with the plastic straw in his nose, right? Remember that? Yeah. That was it. It was in the nose, right? Yeah, deep, deep in the turtle's nose. New studies found that 90% of paper straws tested contained forever chemicals.

or PFAS, compared to 75% of plastic straws. So even plastic straws have those fucking chemicals in them. But it's even worse for you to use paper straws. Paper straws assessed by researchers at University of Antwerp, Belgium, were found to contain more forever chemicals per polyfluoroalkyl. How do you say that? Give it a shot. Polyfluoroalkyl.

Yeah, substances or PFASs than plastic. But all of them are bad for you. What it's basically saying is that even straws, 75% of plastic straws have tested that they contain forever chemicals. That's not good. So all of it's bad. We should probably abandon the idea of straws. I like McDonald's straws, the big fat ones. Here's what you don't want, a metal straw and a Stanley and then fall on your face. Oh, fuck that. Because people have done that. Idiots.

Well, listen, I've fallen before. Oh, you know somebody? No, but I've fallen before. I'm an idiot. Was it strong? No, I haven't, but I would imagine, like, you know...

Just because you fall with a straw doesn't mean you're an idiot, but people got to be aware that that's basically a metal shank. It's going to go right through your face if you trip. You got to carry that thing if you're clumsy, as if you're carrying a knife. Move it away from your body. Don't catch your body with it if you fall down and stab yourself in the face. You wouldn't let your baby hold that. Why are you holding it?

Yeah. Yeah, why are you holding that? You're not ready for that yet. You ain't ready. Well, especially if you're clumsy. Clumsy people should really know they're clumsy and be super careful with what they're carrying. Are you clumsy? Yeah, man. Don't carry a rake. I was outside over there going, I was holding that baseball, and I'm holding that baseball, and I'm looking at the werewolf, and I'm thinking, I'm thinking of my wife. I bet you I could throw a knuckleball and make it right in the fucking werewolf mouth. You're going to fuck something upside down.

Yeah, don't fuck up my werewolf, bro. That's one of my prized possessions. And even if you could hit it, what does that prove? Don't want to break the werewolf's teeth. What are you trying to prove, Felipe? That I still could throw a knuckleball. Were you a good baseball player? Hell no. No? But you had a good knuckleball? Or no? No, I was good at playing streetball with a tennis ball. And I had a good jump on a tennis ball. And we would put over like a regular fastball. Yeah. And I used to make that shit. Man, that was good. Dude, we used to play stickball in the street. That was fun. We were kids. Yeah.

I don't get that game. I Wikipedia'd the other day to learn how to play because they're having like a stickball tournament in New York last week when I was there. Yeah, that's the video I saw. Yeah. Yeah. They were having a tournament. Other veterans that used to play stickball in New York showed up to play. Oh, we slid on concrete, bro. But I never knew the game because in LA we play over the line. That's a good way to get a staph infection. Look at that, bro. Sliding on concrete? Good way.

They're getting pumped. That looks like a guy who plays really good stickball. Yeah, it's a city thing. A broomstick, right? When I lived in Jamaica Plain, which is a little place outside of Boston, we played that. We used to play stickball on the street. People get mad at you. You hit their car with a tennis ball. It was stupid. But kids are just always looking for something to do back then. Now they're all online. I used to play crazy games growing up, bro. I'm pretty sure kids don't play that anymore.

I used to play this game called huevos, which is called eggs. We used to put a bunch of holes on the floor with your name on it, and then somebody would throw a tennis ball. And whoever the ball lands on that hole, that person has to grab that ball and fuck somebody up in the back before they make it to the wall. And that person you hit has to grab that ball and then hit people on the way back before they get to the other side of the wall.

And if you miss everybody, you get an egg on your little hoe. And once you get four of them, we all take turns fucking you up with a tennis ball while you're just standing there like this. Jesus Christ. Yeah, there was no cable back then. And we didn't want to join gangs. I think you did. And we didn't want to read. I think you guys had a soft core gang. We didn't have no Boy Scouts.

That's a crazy way to make friends. You ever play suicide, though? I don't remember. How's it go? It's a handball court, a wall, and you throw a ball, and there's five kids, and you catch it. But if you miss it, everybody starts fucking you up. No, I never played that. So you make it to the wall. No, I never played that. It's called suicide. Never played that. Everybody stands by the wall, and you throw the ball against the wall, and you try to catch it. And if you miss...

They fucking jump you till you get to the wall with the ball. Fuck that.

Oh, that's how I got videos of it, Jamie. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Requires at least two players. Can have as many as can be accommodated by the playing area. This is funny when they take a game like this and they break it down. Like, these are the rules. We did play wall ball. We did. We called it wall ball. You called it wall ball? Did you do it like that? It was honestly, yeah. So if you fucked up, you'd have to stand on the wall. People could throw the ball.

There it is, right there, the fucking wall ball. Until the player touches the wall, they are open to be pegged, struck hard with a thrown ball by the player who caught it. If a player comes into contact with the ball but fails to catch it, they are also open to be pegged. I mean, that's what it was. It's a tough word to use, but that's what it is. Getting hit by a tennis ball is a good thing to get hit by, though, right? It sucks. Like, if someone's throwing it, it sucks.

But it's not going to kill you. There's always this asshole kid that didn't like that kid that was going to get hit. And he'll put that fucking ball in a shitload of water and mud. Oh, that's a problem. He's cheating. He can't cheat. Also, remember, if that person that put the kid hit by the ball runs home, we'll fucking chase him home or beat him up in front of his mom. Boy.

That's why cable's important. Yes, that's why. That's why the internet's important, YouTube. You've got to keep people pacified. TikTok saved your life. Imagine if it did. Imagine if it saved a few lives. People just at home scrolling instead of out gangbanging. You know? I mean, everybody gets addicted to it. If you just don't go out and do terrible things because you're just scrolling, staring at your TikTok. I know, man. I wonder if kids do a shoplift for fun.

Bet they do you know there's been like famous people that have been caught shoplifting I think a lot of people shop you shop living a little I did you're hungry I got no no no, I was just Dumb and young and I got caught well do it now right now. Oh, you see opportunity No, no, no, I did it like a couple times ever It was like candy bars and shit When I was I was just hanging around with a bunch of bad kids and we would do that we would go those like it was a thrill you'd go to a store and steal something and

And I think we probably did it two or three times and I got caught. I don't do it anymore. I felt so stupid. I know. But sometimes I'm walking around and I see like a pack of donuts, but they're far from where the donuts are. Right. Like they're by the shoe and they're open. And I'm like, I'm all high looking at the donut. Like, damn, you're lost. Joey Diaz used to swipe lighters from 7-Eleven just to stay sharp. Yeah.

He had money. He went swipe lighters. Just to stay on his toes. How you doing, brother? Swap. Swap? I saw him do that while he's talking to the guy and he put his knickers. Yeah, he's got some hand movements to distract you. I think that was a game, man, that road commies would do, bro, on the way to a gig who could shoplift the most shit out of the gas station.

That's not good for our reputation. That's not good for our reputation. We should get power bars. Traveling entertainers. We should get power bars. Gas station food, man. Those times when you're on the road and all you're eating is garbage. Hell yeah, man. You got to buy a grilled cheese there and put pork rinds in there from the package. You got to take a chance with the bean and cheese burrito that you microwave. You have to open that strip of plastic. Those were good, though. They were good. When you were hungry. Ramona's.

Every now and then you got like good food at a gas station. You're like, why doesn't everybody do this? Like sometimes you go to a gas station and it's like a gas station, but it's also like a taco spot. Fried chicken, cheeseburgers. You're like, damn, those cheese, that looks like a legit fucking cheeseburger. Okay. Where am I? This place is dangerous here. I mean, you would make more money, right? That's what Bucky's figured out.

What the fuck you want? We got it, dude. We got barbecue, pickled dicks. Let's go. We got eggs, cheese, milk. You can buy a house. You can buy a fucking sled. What do you need? Fishing poles? You need a hamburger? What else? You need a Yeti cooler and a Traeger grill. We got those.

We got a shower in a bag if you want a shower. They're making a Disney Buc-ee's and it's going to have rides in it. You know, there's a lawsuit going on with Buc-ee's. They're claiming that these people copied their logo. Which one? Chuck E's? No, there's another spot that has like another kind of an animal. Yeah, they do that with all, they knock off, wherever that is, they knock off all sorts of stores. I'll try to find that. Is it in another country? Yeah, I think so.

Oh, I thought it was in America. Yeah, it's in Mexico. Really? Oh, interesting. Oh, Mexico loves to do that. Oh, I've seen that. No, no, no. I've seen that. That's not it, though. That's the fake Buc-ee's in Mexico. Put that picture up again. Put that picture up again. Oh, my God. So there's a fake In-N-Out in Mexico, too.

Oh, that's so funny, man. And there's a fake In-N-Out in California, too. Yeah, I've seen the fake In-N-Out in Mexico. There's a fake one in California? Yeah, it's called Easy Takeout. And I think they used to be the same uniforms, same stand clothes.

Same burgers, but they just added a breakfast burger. It's called Easy Takeout in West Covina. Wow. So they copied the logo? It's very similar here. Oh, Lucky's. This is what the lawsuit's about. Same city, Tampalupas, Mexico. Oh, yeah. They even got a little gap in between it.

Bucky's knockout, Lucky's spotted. He's lucky to have two teeth. But that's the one in Mexico, right, Jamie? They both are. I don't think this other one is in Mexico. I might be wrong. A month ago, two months ago, Bucky's taking legal action against Mexican cops. Shut up. It's the one thing that came up. I was looking for it. What was that animal? That was like a

The Bucky's is a beaver, right? So what was that other animal? What was the Lucky? Who's Lucky? Is Lucky a rabbit? Like, what is Lucky? Lucky is also a beaver. Oh, my God. No. Let me see. He has a pompadour, though, right? Let me see. Where's Lucky's? What a bunch of dumbasses. Oh, my God. It is a beaver. What is it? He went on a raccoon. Oh, it's a raccoon. Oh, okay.

No, you can't do that. He's a mask, man. He's a bandito. Why can't you do that, though? Why can't you have Harry's? Or how about George's and have Curious George? They could, you know, get together, a little franchise. Curious George. Everybody loves Curious George. Would that be okay? Like if they have George's, would they get sued? Or Enrique's. They have a different lawsuit. Let's see. There is a different lawsuit. Super Fuel's trademark infringement. Let me see.

Because you imagine if like the owners, whoever owns the... Yeah, this is even, this is a little different. Whoa. Because it's like a... I think that's it. Super fuels. That's the one I saw, super fuels. So it's just, they're saying it's because it's got a smiling animal.

And the red hat. See, I don't know. I'm not on board with that one. I'm trying to see what they're trying to— I'm not on board with that one. I can't think that you could own the idea of having any kind of cute animal as a part of your logo. That seems kind of ridiculous. I don't understand copyright law, but doesn't that seem like a little ridiculous to you? Yeah. What if it's a cat and you make it kitties?

And you have a cute little cat. Are you telling me that I can't make a business called Kitties? That depends where you're doing business at and how much of a copyright you have, kind of. Like, is it nationwide? Do you have an international copyright, which is really tough? Right, but is that a copyright infringement if you have Kitties? It depends on what... If you're not doing the same business... Imagine someone has a copyright to the ability... I don't understand any of this stuff, so I'm...

Clearly, I'm talking out of my ass. But imagine if somebody has a copyright to just owning the ability to use a cartoon character.

in your logo. That seems completely insane, doesn't it? Yeah. But what's his name? This is Comedy Club and Tommy T's. He used to have the Lauren Hardy, what you call it, the Lauren Hardy logos. Lauren Hardy? Yeah. For his Comedy Club. Oh, no. And he got sued by Bowls of the Clown.

He owned the copy. Bozo owned Laurel and Hardy? Yeah, the cartoon. Anything that you put cartoon on it with Laurel and Hardy's face. Imagine going back watching Laurel and Hardy. Imagine showing somebody that had no idea about American culture at all. Yes. Going back and you show them Laurel and Hardy, and then right after you show them Chappelle's show when Dave plays the blind white supremacist that's black. Yeah, that guy.

But imagine seeing, like, this is what comedy started out as, and this is comedy later. That is a wild ride. Yes, man. That's a wild ride. The ride from, like, Abbott and Costello. Yes. Who's on first? Who's on first? Eddie Cantor, bro. Who's Eddie Cantor? Eddie Cantor was the first comedian to do radio.

And he was, because I have a history for Fools podcast, so I learned about the history of stand-up comedy. Plus, I read that, I watched the documentary, but he was one of the first guys, but he was very clean, bro. He sang, and... Can we hear some of this? Let's hear some of this. Okay.

He was getting paid $500 for five-minute shows on radio. Yeah, Eddie Cantor. He was the first red guy to have a radio comedy show. I'm trying to hear what he's saying. What is he saying?

He's thinking some vaudeville nonsense. The dumb ones know how to make love. Yeah. Jesus Christ. The dumb ones know how to make love. That sounds like something Theo would say on stage. And I like them dumb.

He'll be on the radio, bro, talking, and then he'll pinch the chicks in their butts. Oh, God. Yeah, and then, like, they wouldn't say nothing. Then finally a woman says something, Mr. Cantor! And he had her fired. Well, you gotta remember, like, people back then were basically barbarians. Yeah. 1920s people? Bro, back then it was... It's World War I, bro. Back then, for a stand-up comedian, like, what I found out was, imagine you do a gig, $200 back then, right? And the promoter says...

No, I'm not going to. The gangsters, I'm not going to pay you. And if you don't get paid, and they go call the cops. You have a couple of three vagrants walking around downtown. And then your three comedians walking around town with no hotel, no pay, and they're going to pick you up for being a hobo now. Yeah, you could get stiffed for sure. But that was back then, bro. Yeah. It was a hard time. Imagine from then to now. Well, I think there's probably still a lot of shit games like that out there for a lot of guys that are coming up.

But it's just now there's more real gigs. Yeah, better gigs. Well, comedy is more accessible because of YouTube and everything. Comedy is just way out. It's everywhere. Everywhere. Like your special. Well, tell everybody. Oh, I have a special right now. What a segue. Yeah, I have a special right now on Netflix, Raging Fool. We shot it at the Crest Theater in Sacramento, two shows. My wife directed it and executive produced. She executive produced all my specials. But I'm...

We shot it with our own money and...

We paid everybody, and then we sold it to Netflix. We made like a two-year deal. Oh, that's awesome. So we own that. Great. I love the tracksuit. Yes, because of Raging Bull, because Raging Fool. Got it. Because of Raging Bull. I love the tracksuit. It's dope. Because I was watching that movie, Raging Bull. Yeah. And I was thinking that when Jake LaMotta had nothing left to do in his life, he had nothing how to make money. Right. He said, you know what? I'm going to be a comedian. Yeah.

And I thought, wow, he had nothing else to do with his life, so he figured out, I'm going to do stand-up comedy. Because that was the last thing, and for us, it was like the first thing. Well, that happens with actors sometimes, too, when their careers kind of dwindle, they start doing stand-up. That happens. And he had like, you saw the movie, right, Raging Bull, when he's doing stand-up? And he's at a bar called Jimmy's Corner Bar.

And that bar is still there. You know, Stanhope was friends with him. Really? Yeah, because that guy lived down in Arizona where Stanhope lived. Oh, that's cool, man. Yeah, he's got photos of him hanging out over his house and shit. Yeah, Jake LaMotta was Stanhope's boy. And that's a real story, man. Jake LaMotta was a character. Yeah. That was a wild fella. A wild, crazy fella. And goddamn Robert De Niro nailed it. Fucking nailed it. Nailed it, huh? Nailed it.

I mean, nailed it. Like, he looked like an animal when he was Jake LaMotta, like the younger Jake LaMotta. Did you fuck my wife? Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. He was so scary. He was so scary because he was just out of his fucking mind and so dangerous. And it was based on a real guy, man. I mean, the movie is real close to how that guy was, Jake LaMotta, when he was in his prime. He was a fucking monster, man. I like when he looked at his hands.

And he goes, he don't like his hands because they're not big, I guess. He goes, I can never be a heavyweight. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Crazy. That's crazy. That's a different kind of human, man. And back then, there was a lot of people like that. You got to go back and put your mind into what it must have been like to be Jake LaMotta growing up and like what. So what year was Jake LaMotta?

In his prime. What year did he fight Sugar Ray Robinson? Let's ask that. Jake LaMotta versus Sugar Ray Robinson. 62? 59? 42. 42. Okay.

Madison Square Garden, 1942. So you've got to imagine. You've got to just put your mind into the type of people that lived back then. I mean, like, cars were new. Sewage was new. Like, people had been coming over in boats. Criminals were everywhere. Crime was everywhere. Organized crime was the rule of the law in all the Italian communities, the Irish communities. You know, that was the thing. 42, wow. Yeah, this was just...

The United States. It's like, you ever watch that movie Gangs of New York? Yes. Fucking great movie, right? I'd say fucking great movie. And probably pretty accurate. Yes. Roughly pretty accurate the way life was back then. Some of those gangsters that were in that movie were actually real people. I believe it. Like that woman in that movie. I think you talked about it. The one that used to collect ears and put them in a jar. Yeah. Yeah. She was an actual real person. She had a bar.

Where people would just have a jar full of pickled ears and noses from previous fights. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. And they'll have fights in the back with a mongoose fighting a dog. Oh, my God. Gangs of New York, man.

That movie is. Because we don't think of New York that way. You think of New York as like New York City. Well, it was kind of dangerous in the 70s. Then Giuliani cleaned it up. And then it's pretty commercialized in a lot of ways. It was still a beautiful city. But New York during the time of that, whenever that film was supposed to represent, was a wild, crazy, almost like Wild West type place. We think of those kind of scenes when you think of a Wild West movie, right?

Right, you think? Yeah, the good, bad, and the ugly. Yeah, you think of people getting stabbed and shot, but that was happening over there, too. It's not like it never happened on the East Coast and they only did it on the West Coast. It was happening in the whole country. And they had just gotten, I mean, these people had just gotten done with a fucking civil war.

Right? Yeah. Because back then, you got to think 1940, you go to like the 1860s to the 1940s, that's not that much time. Right.

Nah. That's pretty quick. That's 80 years. 80 years. A lot of those fuckers are still alive. Still alive. Yeah. Same mentality, same craziness. And then you got more immigrants coming in on boats. No YouTube to watch. Just women of prayer. Someone told them to come. I always think about that man like when the- Jesus. Yeah, her. She supposedly was reeling.

She was Maggie. Hellcat Maggie. Jesus Christ. I think about when the Irish are coming in at the same time that movie's happening. Woo!

And they told him, you want a free meal? You want to fight for your country? And they give him a uniform and their families go off to New York and they go off to fight the South. Jesus Christ. Just imagine coming out of the boat and somebody just has you a gun and a piece of bread and go fight for America. And I think about that like, wow, some hardcore people right there, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hardcore people. Different times, man. Desperate. Yeah.

Yeah, and then people look older then than they do now. Oh, yeah. They look old quick. Yeah, like you look at a person's photo and you go, how old is that kid? He looks like 70. Oh, that's a 25-year-old kid working in a coal mine. Yeah. Working in coal mines, those people all got sick. They all got fucked up. I mean, that's environmental pollution that you're signing up for. Like, you're going to go breathe coal dust no matter what. Everyone gets, they all get horrible fucking...

What is that, black lung? Black lung. That's terrifying. Terrifying. And then you've got people that just live around cold plants, and they're breathing that shit, and they're not even a part of that business. I know, man. Like Wilkes Bar, Pennsylvania. Bro, there's a place that we showed a video once. Was it Indiana, Jamie? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. So there's like three coal plants near this city, and these people, they can wipe their windshield, and they have black soot on their fingers. Shut up. It just falls from the sky. Yeah, it's in America. So these people are for sure breathing that shit in. Pittsburgh? Indiana. Indiana. Yeah. Yeah.

That's scary. That's scary. And that's a fraction of what's going on in China, bro. Oh, yeah, because when I was in Seattle and I was waiting for the car to pass, I was going to my show, and I saw it was like a mile train, and it was all coal. Coal. Real black coal coming from Minnesota. And I asked the cop that was standing there, I go, I didn't know we still mined coal. And he goes, well...

We don't use it, but it's all going to China. Really? Yeah, it was like a mile, bro, of coal, and it had no cover on it. That's crazy. And it was just falling off. They say that, I don't know how much coal flies. I don't know shit about coal. But I just know what the guy told me. There was a mile train of coal coming from Minnesota on that one line. And there was a boat. I could see the boat where it was going. Wow. Wow.

and it's all going to china yeah yeah they're full steam ahead with coal hey someone should check to see if maybe they know something we don't i know man what are they producing with that coal they're doing a lot i mean they produce so many of the things that we need which is one of the craziest things we all found out when everything got locked down is you couldn't get anything because so much of what you wanted was made in china like oh my god or made in russia or made in anywhere where they had to come in on a ship

You know, like that became a real fucking problem. I thought it was made in Akron, Ohio. Yeah, they hardly make shit here. In comparison to what we consume, we consume way more probably, I would guess, than any country of a similar size. Yo, dog. Still rocking the Samsung. I love it. I love when a comic holds out and doesn't go iPhone. Oh, no, man. I like the bigger phone.

And the little pen. You like the pen. I love the pen. You're one of those guys. Which one is that? The... Is that the S24? Yeah, that one. That one. S24 Ultra? Yeah. Is that the newest one or the one right before it? Right before it. There's a new one that just came out. It's pretty dope, dude. A year and a half ago, I think. Yeah, that's the old one. That's the S24 Ultra. I have that one. That one's sick. It does a lot of cool shit. Good videos, right? Yeah, it's great. Great at a lot of stuff, but the interesting thing is the AI. So what I like about it is

I can go to a website, and if I open it up in the Samsung browser, and then I can say summarize.

and it'll summarize the website for me. Oh, they don't know that. Yeah, so if there's something that's taking forever for you to get to the point because you want me to keep scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling while you show ads all over the place, that's a trap. So it'll just tell you, oh, there's an asteroid that might hit Earth within the next fucking 60 years. Like, oh, great, there's a 3%. What is a percent chance? Down to 1.5 today.

Thank God. Only 1.5%. I think I took a picture of you, right?

and then do that one screen, and then I circle it, and it'll find a sweater for me. That's cool. That's really cool. I think that's available on all phones now. I think the new iPhone update has that as well, where you can Google search a thing, and it'll show you where to buy it. That's what my wife always wanted. She wanted to have it where you're watching television, and you pause it with your finger and make a circle, and then it just ships to your house. You know when people are going to be fed up with that thing? When...

First of all, you can only buy so much shit. But second of all, like what what happens? Like, you know, those those glasses that they wear now, those meta glasses. Have you seen this Harvard? The one that we could record? Yeah, I guess in those some Harvard kid figured out how to use facial recognition software with that. So he sees you, gets a photo of you, immediately gets a Wikipedia on you or whatever the fuck is available online, sees your Instagram page, finds your address.

And it was wild. You're like, wait, hit the brakes. Sound like the T-1000 Terminator. Yeah. It's like, hit the brakes. Hit the brakes. But I don't think they can.

Wasn't there a movie like that? Yeah, there's been a bunch of movies like that. Roddy Piper was like that, wasn't there? Oh, They Live. They Live! That was the name of the glasses? Yes! Right. But that was aliens. I think about that. Sometimes when you have a guest, they go, wait a minute, he's talking about those glasses from Roddy Piper? Similar. I think the Roddy Piper glasses, you put them on, you could see what everybody really looked like. You could see through whatever energy field they were projecting. It was these alien creatures that were pretending to be people. And there's a lot of people that believe that now.

I'm less inclined to believe that, but I'm open. I wouldn't want to get tricked. I mean, if there really are people that are actually aliens that are amongst us that look like people and behave like people. This is the guy who figured it out. Try to say his name. Felipe, hit me with it. I create. What's the first one? Right there. Try that. Oh, it's Anfunuyin.

I think they say Nguyen. I think they say Nguyen, right? Because there's been a few fighters in the UFC, Vietnamese fighters, that have that same spelling. And I think they say it as... Can you find out how they say it, Jamie? So it's An Phu Nguyen. Okay. I can see it. A little Dutch there. And Cain Ardifio. Ardifio.

Artifeo. So they figured out how to do this. Is it making up names now? No, this is a real name, man. Anybody can do it. My name is... Whoa! Can you scroll so we can explain? How it's possible to do it today, how to remove your information. Oh, jeez. Literally, like, the instructions. So it's just showing how to remove your face from search engines, which you're not going to be able to do eventually. Ugh.

It's getting weird out there, Felipe. I'm going to walk around instead of black face, green face, bro. I had a friend of mine who came in here the other day, and he's down to a flip phone. And his flip phone was interesting because it has Android on it.

His flip phone, you could actually get text messages on it, and you have a little tiny-ass screen on the flip phone where you can kind of clumsily type your way through a sentence. So you don't have to do it with, like, a full keyboard like an iPhone or a earphone, but you also – it's inconvenient, so you don't text as much.

You don't go on these long-winded diatribes like a lot of people do. You're just real simple. The whole screen is on there, but you've got to navigate all the way around to read everything? Yeah. I remember those. It's a tiny little-ass screen. Yeah. It's got regular buttons to make phone calls. And then on his little tiny-ass screen is a tiny-ass keyboard about that big. And you get in there with that tiny-ass keyboard, and you try to type a text message, and then you can push send.

And so it's inconvenient. So you don't go on Twitter. You don't check things out. You just get your text messages. It can do other stuff if you absolutely fucking need it to. But live your life, bitch. And he was in here with that. I was like, man, that seems cool. But I like watching YouTube on my phone. So I don't know what to tell you.

That sounds like Larry Bubbles Brown from San Francisco. Yeah. He still has a flip phone. David Tell? Wow. David Tell has a flip phone. Yeah. You should see him text me. It's just hilarious. Do they both have the original phone numbers from when you first met them? No. No. They've all changed numbers. You have to change every now and then. It's, you know, you got to purge. You got to keep moving. I think I still have my same phone number for the last 20 years. Damn. One of those dudes will hold out. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, sometimes that's good, but it gets annoying sometimes. You know, it's all in... You got to manage your time. You share your phone number a lot? Nice people. People I trust. You got to manage your time, you know? Like in...

The thing about a guy like you is, like, you're headlining, you're on the road, dudes want to open up for you, you get the Netflix special, they want to hang out with you. It's like you got to manage your time because you can't give your time away to everybody. Like, there's a certain amount of time you need for yourself. If you don't have that time you need for yourself, you go off the rails. Yeah. You got to take time to recenter all the time, all the time. And if you're constantly getting this and that and that and that, you're constantly interacting, you're never alone, you're never without your shit. Fighting with people. Yeah. Yeah.

I like, I get in a sauna and I stretch out every day. I get down there. I fucking stretch everything out. When you're doing that, you can't do anything else. You can't be scrolling on Tik TOK when you stretch and everything. You got to just go through your routine. And then that clears my mind. And I feel like if you don't make room for that, you're going to fuck your life up. And I,

Know that there's only so many people that I can entertain and help with stuff There's only so many there's so many people that are just it's a transactional kind of a conversation. Yeah, what's not fun? It's not like what's up, dude? Hey, what's up? Those are great. Yeah, but then there's a lot of could you do this? Would you do that? Will you fly to here and do? You know, so you gotta like know when to change what's how you get up?

It depends. Most days, eight. I was up at eight. Eight is good. I tell you the story like, my bro, I get up at five every day. Yeah, I don't think that's necessary. It's the thing that people always want to do where they want to show themselves that they have the discipline to get up. I respect that. Like Jocko does that. You know Jocko Willink? No. No, he isn't. Jocko is – he's an amazing dude. He's –

Former Navy SEAL, who is one of the most inspirational guys I know. And he writes books on leadership. Just brilliant guy. Has an excellent podcast. Solid dude. Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. And he, like, every morning takes a photo of his watch that says 4.30 a.m.,

I've seen that guy. This is every morning when he's waking up. You get his shitty Iron Man. I shouldn't say shitty because they're fucking durable as fuck. I haven't seen him. Those little Iron Man triathlon watches. Oh, it looks like you got a new watch. That's a new watch, Jocko. You can't fool me. I know your old watch. Go back to the old watch pictures. Look, so it's every day, 4.30, his fucking watch. Sometimes 4.14. Takes a photo of it, and then he works out. He's just a legit dude.

Wow, that's dedication. So that's him, though. He likes doing that. He likes doing that. But he's not a comedian. You know what I'm saying? I think for a comedian, you can't be that rigid. You'll get a little psychotic.

You can't be that rich. You got to have discipline, but you also got to have fun. You got to. So I don't get up at 430. Fuck out of here. First of all, I'm up until at least midnight almost every night. Me too. I get like most of my best like writing done and my best ideas when everyone in the house is asleep.

So when everyone in my house is asleep and I'm up, I like that because I'm like, oh, cool. Everybody, I don't need, nobody needs my attention. Now I can concentrate and I get my, I can't concentrate when people are in the house. I feel like I should be hanging out and having fun and being with everybody. I don't want to lock myself up in my office, but that's the only way to write. But for me, it's like late at night is where it's at because everybody's asleep and the world feels creepy.

At night, the world feels kind of dangerous and fucked up and stupid. When you worry about war in the middle of the night, it's like 1 o'clock in the morning, you're in front of your computer, you're writing something on Microsoft Word, and you're genuinely worried about war. Genuinely worried that decisions that people are making in this country are going to one day come down on us with holy terror. One day, just in the middle of the city, just...

Some fucking thermonuclear device that levels a place four times the size of Hiroshima instantaneously. I think about that kind of shit late at night.

How do you make that funny? I don't sometimes. Some of it's not funny. But there's funny things attached to it. There's funny things attached to just the way we behave. There's nothing funny about the potential for complete annihilation of the human race. But there is something funny about this desire that we have to –

keep doing the same things we've always done and hope that somehow or another we get it right this time. Yeah. And we're on the verge of war all the time, and there's got to be some way to stop that other than funding more war. There's got to be a better way to stop that. That's funny you said the verge of war. And when you first started doing stand-up comedy, how many – there's been a lot of verges of real wars, huh? Yeah, the first war –

When I was, so when was Desert Storm? Was that 19? Desert Shield. Which one was which? We had this conversation the other day. Desert Shield was with Norman Schwarzkopf. So that's Iraq and that's like 2003? Yeah. Right. The one I'm talking about is Desert Storm, which was like 1990? Was it 1990, Jamie? Yeah.

They're the same? Yeah.

Yeah, but the first invasion before we pulled out with George W. Bush in Iraq. Iraq invaded Kuwait on August 20th, 1990. Yes, I remember that one, yes. Okay. So when Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990, then we went to war with Iraq, and I was living with my friend Jimmy, and we were sitting, Jimmy DiTilio, shout out to Jimmy, we were sitting in our apartment in the living room.

And the war was on TV and we were like, holy shit, man, we're at war. I remember thinking this can't even be real. It just happened at night, right? We started watching those, the air raids. Yeah, it started as Desert Shield and then when we started going after, like Ham was Desert Storm. Yeah. And what year was that? That was just like a year later, it was 91.

So Desert Shield was to protect and Desert Storm was to destroy. Yeah, it was dropping off troops in defense. Bill Hicks had the best material about that. Oh, my God. His material about the war was great. They have such sophisticated weapons. How do you know? We got the receipts. We love to arm puppet dictators and then fuck them up. You know? It's like a Clint Eastwood movie. Pick up the gun. You know? It's like Dirty Harry. I tell you. I know what you're thinking. Yeah. I fire four or take the truth.

i kind of forgot myself my favorite one is the unforgiving man when that guy is crying could he kill somebody he goes that's what happened when you kill a man you take away all he ever wanted and all he ever had yeah that movie was the best uh western movie i think ever like of that kind of clean eastwood genre that was almost like he was coming back to update it

Because he had all the bangers, good, the bad, and the ugly, a fistful of dollars, like incredible. Outlaw Josie Wells. Yeah. Oh, Outlaw Josie Wells, that was another level too. But then it's like Unforgiven was the one where it really gave you a sense of what it must have been like living in the Wild West. It was just the people were more real. It was more updated to the movies of that era, like the Morgan Freeman character. It was a fucking great movie, man.

That's a great, like, Western movie and just a hard story, man. I like that line when he goes in there to get those people that killed Morgan Freeman. You just shot an unarmed man. Yeah. He should have armed himself. Yeah. If he's going to decorate his place with a friend of mine. Yeah, that was a hardcore movie, man. That was a hardcore movie.

You saw the... But isn't it funny that we always want to think about that kind of shit happening out west? We don't want to believe that that kind of same shit was happening out east. Yeah. Animals everywhere. Animals. Animals. People were animals back then. They were barely human. Hang them high. Can you imagine if we had to do fucking stand up in 1820? What?

You imagine, first of all, you're getting sick everywhere because there's no sewage. So everybody's just got shit in the streets. Everywhere you go, you're breathing shit fumes. You're stepping in shit everywhere. That's what I think about now. When I watch those movies now, like Gangs of New York. Yeah. I look towards somebody, man, it fucking stinks. Oh, bro. People are ignoring the fucking stink. There's a rotting body right there. Bro, it probably was so rank. They didn't have anywhere to get rid of their shit.

The little napkin that they had on the big white wig people, they had a little canker shift. And they would just carry it, bro. And they would have perfume on them. They would put it in their nose so they wouldn't have to smell like the poor people. Well, it wasn't just that, man. It was the shit in the streets because they didn't have cars. So they had horses. Horses would shit all over the roads. And nobody had a job picking it up yet. Oh.

One job was someone would just put down like a handkerchief so you could walk over it. Just fucking clean it up, you lazy bitch. And throw in like shit water out of a... Look at this. That's all shit. Imagine breathing that every day. There's no way that's good for you. You think scented candles are bad for you? Imagine the people that lived back then hearing us complain about scented candles. You're worried about ultra rays.

Whoa. Poop once flowed freely in the streets of New York. Look, so that was a poop pipe that would go right down the street. Jesus Christ. Oh, man. When I was at my grandma's house in Mexico, they still had an outhouse.

They have no plumbing. Bro, isn't it interesting because this is a terrible way to live that people insisted on doing it this way? I was thinking the day that they figured it out, you'd be like, oh my God, what the? But imagine because you had to figure it out to get it to where it is now, right? So people had to go through that to get to the Manhattan of today where it's all super sophisticated, amazing hotels, amazing restaurants.

But why would you stick around? Have you breathed in shit every day? Every day. You go live on a farm. I'd be like fuck this experiment. This is terrible. This is not for us. This is for the benefit of people in the future. We're destroying- Soil men who carted away of America's waste. Bro, you know how sick people must have been back then? No antibiotics. Everybody's breathing in shit. You fall. You slip. You skin your knee. Your knee gets infected with staph. You die.

Oh, man. You got shit in your knee. That's what it says. What'd it say? People are gagging as this cart would walk by.

Oh, God. On a summer day in 1873, a cart stood on 6th Avenue in New York City filled to the brink with raw human waste. The cart was uncovered, its contents exposed to the air and to the passersby who retched and gagged as they scurried away. Excrement dipped off the sides of the cart and the sidewalks and gutters were smeared with the stuff.

The stench was so strong that it could be smelled from more than a block away. It was another day in pre-sewer America. Bro! Meanwhile, you're reading. Here's the thing, man. This is after the Civil War. Yeah. This is 1873. You're in Italy reading books talking about the streets are made of gold. Night soil. They call it night soil.

Night soil. Yeah, they used it for fucking, I mean, they used it for compost, right? It was the name euphemistically given to human waste because it was removed from the privies under the cloak of darkness so that polite society would be spared from confronting its own feces as the men carted the crap away, leaving a trail of stench in their wake. Every year in cities across the country, thousands of carts brimming with excrement rattled through the night streets.

There was an antiquated solution to a modern problem. America's cities were full of crap. So the people were just throwing the shit in the streets. Yes. How much could those guys get paid? It's not possible. Shitty. They got paid shitty. What a shitty job. Imagine being at a bar. Imagine. Look at them men. Barrels.

Oh, you get a horse pulled wagon filled with shit. That is so crazy. Whoa. So living back then was hell, bro. We're so lucky. And that's how they're going to look at us. These future beings that no longer have war, they no longer have greed or anger. Yeah.

These future beings that are connected to the hive mind, they're going to look back at us like Felipe and Joe. They were living like idiots. He's got breath stunk, I bet. One of the dumping grounds was a field near the White House where a marsh of Washingtonian waste putrefied under the president's nose. This suggests that this may have been a contributing factor to President Harris' untimely death in 1841 since the White House water source was a mere seven blocks downstream. Ugh.

Oh, shit water. Oh, my God. They killed the president with shit water. Oh, my God. He died of dysentery. Bro, this is why you can't trust that the experts are looking out for your health. They didn't even protect the president. Somebody concocted this idea, and they never even thought about the potential for ruining all the water that people drink. They just said, this is a good place to dump all this. Wow. How nasty. People are so nasty.

Oh, man. I also think about... That's so nasty. And condoms back then were probably still sheep's wool, right? Sheep skin. Sheep skin? Yeah, like sheep intestines. I saw a movie where a woman, a guy, a woman, she was washing the contraceptive. Yeah. Right after this white-washed guy threw it at her face. So she's using the same one for every man. Oh, my God. Oh, Christ. I got to read this.

So they didn't have, even by 1880s, two-thirds of flushing toilets still just went into a backyard cesspool. Read this part here. Overflowing privy was a sight to behold. In James McCab's 1882 account of New York street life, he described one man's yard in which the privy's contents drained down into a street sewer, forming a miniature, loathsome Niagara of night soil. Niagara? Yeah.

The cascading sewage flowed right by the window so that a man sitting on a chair at the window would not have only the odor, but also the views of this loathsome matter circulating at his feet in the pool below. Yeah, see, this is why everybody was so sick. This is... Probably started the plague. Well, also, like, there's no fucking... No one's clean. Cholera outbreak, 1849. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Yeah, I would say that is the biggest breakthrough ever in the controlling of diseases. The biggest breakthrough is sanitation. I was just thinking about too. Healthy sanitation. Using these words dumping grounds in this time period too, this is the same time those bones were dumped in the East River with who knows who else. Yeah, there's not enough vaccines in the world to protect you when you're living like that. Imagine the pharmaceutical drug companies would try to sell you if you were living like that.

And they figured out how to counteract all the different things that you're inhaling in the air from human shit. That's so nasty, man. So nasty. They killed the president, bro. Imagine him waking up in the morning. Good morning, everybody. I'm glad you just said that about dumping bodies because this is a thing I need to send you, Jamie. I'm so glad you brought that up because I read this. I don't want to fuck this up. I want to figure out what the fuck this actually means. Okay.

Here, I'm going to send this to you, Jeremy. It's about liquid human remains. Liquid human remains? Yeah. So with this article saying, oh, it's like an Instagram thing. Then being fed back to the population via fertilizer on crops? That? Not that.

So he's making pozole with people? I hope it's not true. Making menudo with people or what? I don't know. It sounds like they were using it for fertilizer, using people for fertilizer and using people for supplements somehow or another. How they're saying you're boiling down a human body. Are they compensating the family? I don't know, but...

But also, there's no DNA. So what did you need the body for? The whole body is DNA. Like, what are you saying? There's no DNA? So what did you... You broke it down to chemicals, so now it's okay? So you broke the human body, the container of a soul, down to chemicals, and you're going to pour it on your flowers, and that's okay? That seems weird. No, it's not made up. It seems weird. Like, what do you... How the fuck... We should find out how the fuck they do it. Is there a video we can watch on them doing it? What kind of...

And how do they liquefy them? With hot water? It said hot water and something else. They added some other stuff, too. But whatever, man. What the fuck? Is this it? Five years ago. Oh, my God. The most eco... Let's listen to this. Can we? No. Will they put them in there alive? No. Felipe, these are dead bodies. They're just cooking them. Cooking them up nice. And that's what they get? Like little bones and pieces? Well, I want to be cremated, but if that's an option...

You're just talking about it. Yeah, but you don't want your body being resold as fertilizer. It's just weird to pour dead people on top of your fucking carrots so they grow better. What are they breaking it down to? What are they breaking the human body down to that's valuable for them to do that? Like what is the stuff they're looking for? Let's find that out.

First of all, we don't even know if it's true. Yeah, I wouldn't take that as truth. I wouldn't even believe that. How would this... Can you Google and see if there's other stories that say that... I'm looking. I'm going to Google. Okay, I'm not pushing you. I got to read. I got to read. Oh, I understand. Whatever it is, it seems like you're supposed to leave people alone when they're dead. Okay, we're supposed to be different than everything else on the planet. We love each other more than we love anything else.

You can use monkeys for experiments, but you can't use people. Some states allow the remaining liquid with its peptides, sugars, amino acids, and captured carbon to be reclaimed and repurposed as fertilizer. Yo. They're turning. Do they have to tell you, like how do they have to tell you if you're going to buy a haunted house? Do they have to, you know, if there's a house where someone killed his whole family in it? Yeah. They have to tell you that? You see that oak tree? That's Joe Diaz, by the way.

No, they're making them to a soil, right? Oh, right, right, right. So you see that old tree right there? We use Joey Diaz. We use Jewish particles. That's right, cocksuckers. Do you think they have to tell you, though, that you're buying dead people fertilizer, or they just consider it chemicals at that point? How do they get away with selling you dead people? Because it seems like if you had the option, hey, do you want manure or dead people? Patenton, 1888? It's been around for a long time. Whoa! Patenton in 1888. Right.

They've been boiling people and turning them into fertilizer since the 1800s? So we have that machine, but not no fucking sewage. Wow. Trying to find out where they say that they've used it for other stuff. The scary thing is them saying that they use it for calcium deficiencies. Because that means you're feeding people other people's bones so they can get a source of calcium. But that guy's vegan, so don't give it to him. Maybe it's okay because the person consented. Yeah, that's true.

cremation social and seems like a solid place. Huh. So body plus 95% water, 5% alkaline, basic chemicals, either potassium hydroxide or sodium hydroxide or a combo, sterile effluent, water, salt, sugars, amino acids, peptides,

Bone fragments, calcium phosphate. So that's what they get out of it. So they boil it down in this solution and they get out all these different things, water, salt, sugar, amino acids, peptides, and then calcium phosphate. And then I guess what do they do with the calcium? So if you're buying calcium and you find out it's from dead people, they should probably let you know. You probably should have to let people know that.

I drink dead people. You would sell a lot if you made it from dead people, for sure. Like if you had a skull and crossbones on the bottle. There's a lot of assholes who would buy that. But then people start looking at that like they'd look at chicken. How was he raised? What kind of parents did he have? Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, if you're really into. Do they have anxiety problems? Are you really into eating someone? What if they were a fucked up person and you take a little bit of their soul inside of you and you go insane?

Be crazy, man. That's got to be what's happening with the cannibals when they get that disease and they get shaky. The prion disease that they get from eating each other. Did you ever have that? I don't think so. I think you have to eat spinal tissue. You have to eat brain and spinal tissue. And they're called prions. The thing about prions is you can't even boil them. If you cook them at like 40,

a thousand degrees, I think, for like hours. It doesn't kill them. If you ever get invited to a restaurant, they tell you you're just a human being, which you eat it. Why would I eat a person? Or they tell you after, man, you just ate a decomposed acroline body that was made into chicken. Yeah, I wouldn't like that. Would you like that, Felipe? Hell no. No.

Yeah, it would be weird. Need more salt, please. Remember that movie Soylent Green? Do you remember that movie? No. It was an old-timey science fiction movie. But people were being fed Soylent Green, and then this guy figures out that Soylent Green is made out of people. And they're serving people like this fucking protein biscuit that's made out of humans. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, but there's people that would do that. Is that the one with the old movie, right? There's people that would do that. Do they end with a woman boiling a foot?

Oh, I don't remember that. Maybe. I don't remember. It was a long time ago. I just remember the premise of the movie. I probably haven't seen that movie in 20 plus years. I saw one where a guy was called a microwave massacre.

Microwave massacre? And this guy murdered his wife. In a microwave? No, he cuts up her pieces and microwaves the body and makes lunches and he takes them to work every day. Wait, this is a real guy? Real movie. Wait a minute, a real movie or a real person? It's a real movie called Microwave Massacre, but probably based on a real guy. And he would take food that he made from people he murdered and they would eat it at work and when they finally caught him,

Everybody at work was throwing up. I think there was a woman who got caught eating her husband and serving him to the neighbors Wow, how much you have to hate that dude to serve him to you how much you hate your neighbors? So I'm gonna watch these motherfuckers eat my husband. I want to cook it up Nice cook up that a ass cheek turn. I like my husband You're gonna love this dish. This is his favorite. Yeah

Jesus Christ. I made a consomme for him, too. A consomme. A nice bone broth. Good for the soul. Yeah, so that's where that shit comes from. Preons. They're scary. That's mad cow disease. That's what...

cannibals get. It's a very sketchy disease. And there's another one right now that deers have. It's called chronic wasting disease. Same kind of deal. It's a prion disease. And deers are getting it and they froth at the mouth and drool and their body shrivels up. Very creepy, man. You can eat those? No. You can because there's no crossover to people, but I wouldn't suggest it. I wouldn't recommend it. I mean, I wouldn't

The thing is you can test and you can find out if your deer is okay. Like you can shoot them and then test them and then you know you're good to go and you can eat the deer. But if it tests positive, it hasn't jumped from animal to people. It's only an animal. But what it does to animals is so grave. Why would you take that chance? This is how I feel. Why would you take a chance of consuming an animal that literally has a plague inside of it? Because for deer, that's the plague.

These deer, I mean, they're not even, see the thing, like with people, a disease like that would spread like wildfire, right? With deer, they're out in these big, giant, open areas, and yet still it's spreading from their saliva onto leaves, and then other deer pick it up. Yeah. It's super fucking contagious, and it kills the shit out of them.

And if that jumps to people, that's a real problem. That's a real fucking problem. Because I don't know if they have medication that combats it in deer. I don't know what research they've done in trying to figure it out. But I know it's such a problem that there's a lot of places where they're killing extra deer just to try to keep the populations lower so they don't interact with each other as much and so they don't catch it from giving it back and forth to each other as much. And people have this right now? No humans have it yet.

But I think chronic wasting disease has been, it used to be one type of deer. I'm not sure what deer it started out with. It might have been mule deer. But it's in a lot of white-tailed deer in America. And apparently it's made its way into other ungulates. Like I think it's in elk. And I think they might have even found it in moose.

It's scary shit, man, because it's basically a zombie virus. It turns you into a fucking skeleton. You waste away. Yeah, it's horrific. And it's probably some of it came from farms, right?

Because they think that that's one of the ways that it's spread. Like there's a lot of deer farms that do a great job. They're very ethical. So if you wanted a property and you wanted your own private hunting property and you wanted to put a high fence up, take care of the ground, put food plots in there for the animals. This is how you – you got 1,000 acres. You want to fence it all in. Like you could do that in Texas and you can buy deer. So you can say, okay, I want to buy like 20 white-tailed deer and let them loose on my property. You got this 1,000-acre spot or wherever you're at. Yeah.

If you get a deer that is from a farm that's unethical, they're all going to be stacked next to each other just like pigs. When you watch fucking factory farming for pigs, they're going to be corralled and shitty. Most of them don't do this, but you're always going to have people that are unethical.

And when people do things where diseases start getting spread and they kind of cover it up or lie about it because they don't want to lose money, and then they're sending deer around. It's like there's a lot of regulations now on how you can move deer across state lines because of these diseases. If you have bad deer meat, can you cover it up with a bunch of good deer meat where that bad meat disappears? Yeah.

What do you mean? She said, like, because I remember myself cooking, and I had, like, I spilled, like, a shitload of garlic on my oatmeal, and I was making oatmeal for 15 motherfuckers in rehab. So I just started putting more oatmeal, more oatmeal, and more milk to hide the garlic smell. Right.

But in the end, everybody was farting anyway, so they still got it. But that's what you're saying, that people do that with deer meat? You could do that. Yeah, you could make sausage. The people who are not unethical, they hide it. No, no, no. See, what we're talking about, chronic wasting disease, that's different. It probably wouldn't even affect the taste of the animal. They'd probably be very lean because there's not much left of them.

Or they could have just gotten it and they could be healthy looking and they still have this disease. They still test positive for it. My fear would be about what that disease is going to do if it jumps to human beings.

And if you're consuming it, are we sure that it just goes out of your system or is it just inert? It doesn't work in your system. Could it work eventually? Is it something that has an incubation period that maybe maybe not now? Maybe it will have one in five years from now or 10 years from now. Maybe the version of chronic wasting disease, if it evolves and changes, is going to be making the jump to humans. That's a scary fucking disease to make the jump to humans.

you know there's a bunch of those out there yeah man and then there's the ones that we make gonorrhea no like covid they made that in a lab they made it in a lab it's spread across the whole world do you think they made aids in a lab did you say like aids like aids or something i read that somewhere somebody said oh they make all that labs well good wasn't it like part of like um

Chemical warfare, right? That is a part of chemical warfare, yeah. Like putting disease blankets on natives, you know, and... Well, they've done a bunch of fucking studies. Like, that's the big conspiracy theory about Lyme disease. The natives had influenza blankets. That's what they had. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. That was smallpox. Smallpox. But I don't know if that's even true because I don't think they really knew what...

like how diseases were spread back then. I don't think they knew that you could just like put scabs on a blanket and give people smallpox. And if you had smallpox, are you trying to dish out smallpox? Are you trying to catch it? So you're handling it and then putting it in blankets.

It seems like an exaggerated cruelty of what happened. And what happened was Europeans came over here. The Native Americans had, you know, whatever you want to call them, the indigenous people. They did not have any immunity to smallpox and it wiped out 90 percent of them.

Diseases from North Americans or from Europeans rather coming to North America, they wiped out everybody with disease. It's somewhere in the neighborhood of 90% of the people that were here are gone because of disease. So when people want to think that there's no way to prepare a group of human beings that has no immunity.

In, you know, 1492. There's no way to prepare. There's no way to prepare anybody. You're coming in with these stinky European streets filled with shit water. Right? Everybody's got some funky parasite, funky disease. They probably fucking stink.

They're probably infested with- You probably smell that boredom all the way. They probably have viruses fighting viruses inside their body. Coughing phlegm and blood, and they're drinking whiskey, and they come over to- They're probably having sex with each other. Fuck yeah. And it's probably none of it's consensual. It's probably animals biting each other and holding each other down, fucking each other. And then they come to North America, and they start slaughtering people. There's this one-

Well, we've talked about this before he was like a bishop or some religious man who chronicled one of Christopher Christopher Columbus's early interaction. Yes with these people and it's horrific shit man cutting people's arms off if they don't bring back their weight and gold and Dashing babies on rocks in front of their parents horrific shit, man

Those are the kind of people that brought those diseases like you want to talk about that's like a real demon horde crazy, huh crazy a real demon horde of people come over on a boat stinking covered in their own shit breathing diseases on everybody Everybody's dying So unhealthy I know man like um, I think about um that out that pirate of

I don't know, one of the pirates. Blackbeard? Blackbeard, man. He was full of gonorrhea. Oh, I bet. And he would drop mercury on his penis to cure his diseases on his penis. Oh, my God. Because that's all they had. What a good move. Who invented that? What asshole was like, try mercury? He probably was on a pirate ship somewhere, met a voodoo doctor and said, hey, man.

Mercury, put it in your dick. Did mercury kill his dick? Yeah. It says when he held prisoners for ransom, such as the governor's son during the week-long Charlestown blockade in 1718, he asked for expensive medical supplies. This included liquid mercury, which when injected through a urethral syringe was a common ineffective treatment for syphilis.

injected through your pee hole with a fucking syringe. Yo! Blackbeard had up to 14 wives in different ports. Wow. Damn. Somebody needs to do a movie about that guy. Imagine, man. He had the money to put mercury in his dick. The rest of the crew probably didn't.

So they're fucking everything, man. Fuck you, shut up. There's this temple in China that they are afraid to go into. They discovered it. And this emperor, when he died, was such a great emperor that he had this whole field of terracotta statues.

that were built that look like warriors that are guarding him. It's crazy discovery that they had. They're giant, right? But the ground all around where this temple is tests for high levels of mercury. And the ancient story is that anybody who ever dared open up this temple, open up this tomb, rather...

where this emperor is buried, will drown in mercury. I thought you were going to say they got gonorrhea. No. Imagine drowning in mercury. Imagine like 2,000 years ago, a dude sets up a booby trap for greedy people and sets it up where he fills the entire tomb up with mercury. First of all, is that even possible? How much mercury would you have to handle and how many people would have to die from that mercury?

Imagine, first of all, where did they even get it? Where did they get Mercury in 2,000 plus years ago? Do you know that story about that emperor and his temple? No, Teotihuacan is Aztec. Yeah, that's probably a common booby trap, I bet.

But this one where there's temple in China. On top of Google, it says temple drowned in mercury refers to the temple of Teotihuacan. Can you say temple booby trapped with mercury in China? I think it's like the first emperor of China. It says it could have been the thing that they did back then. It says it was in China. Yeah, this is the one.

So there's one that they have not entered into. And I think this is the one with the terracotta statues in front of it. There's one of the – I think this is a common thing when great people die. They probably made a terracotta army for them. When they find these things, it's like – here it is. It's us talking about it. Crazy story of first emperor of China's tomb. That's me and Schultz talking about it, right? Click on that. Yeah.

So I'll remember. It's not our video. It's my fucking video, bitch. Somebody else's video. Somebody else uploaded it. Well, that's ridiculous, but it's ours, right? Yeah. So what is this thing? They would have a copyright on my voice? I don't want to get into it, but yeah, we probably have the...

The revenue is probably coming to our thing because there are people claiming it, but it's up. I'm just saying. That's why I'm bringing that up because I don't know how much it's going to edit. A lot of the clips that I watched are from other people sharing them. I was just saying it's not ours, so I don't know if they've edited it or not. Okay, right, right. Okay, don't put it up then. It's awesome.

Yeah. Got it. But anyway, the point is there's a tomb in China that's supposedly booby-trapped with tons of liquid mercury. I'm sure Jamie will find it. But it's this area around it apparently tests high for mercury. So they think that it might be a true story, and they don't want to go in there. They don't want to open up the door and die, which is wild that this dude set this up, if he did, 2,000-plus years ago.

I don't even remember how many thousands of years ago it was, but it was insanely impressive. Wow, that's amazing to think of something like that and it still works. Yeah, like where the fuck, where do you, while Jamie's looking this up, where the fuck do you think they get mercury and how much can they get? How much can they have back then? I've only seen a thermometer.

I know. Where are they getting it? Throughout antiquity. Remember, we've talked about cinnabar before. Cinnabar. It's where they got red stuff also. Cinnabar in antiquity was the source of all mercury. So how did they do it? Did they pull a bit? How did they do it? Does it say how they did it? To extract, you need to roast it in air, converting the sulfur to sulfur dioxide. While the mercury is released as vapor, it can be then condensed. Mercury boils at 357 Celsius. This process needs temperatures well within...

They did some kilns. They had those. Wow. So they just cooked up mercury. It's hard to do, but they did it.

Wow. Well, if they can make a temple like this guy had, they can cook up mercury and fill that temple. That is crazy to think of. I wish maybe there's going to be a way with new technology where they can like pierce into the ground where they can see into things without having to like actually go in there physically. Because I know they're doing like the LIDAR stuff. I know they can kind of detect where there used to be agriculture places. This article is someone digging into is this claim real? And this says that even if

So even though mercury, either as a cinnabar or as the elemental metal, has been found in tombs dating as far back as the second millennium BC, it's not clear why it was put there. Might its toxicity have acted as a deterrent to grave looters? Probably not. The dangers of mercury fumes were not recognized until Han times. If so, it seems, there's a lot of mercury in the burial chamber. It's likely to be either a preservative or an anti-theft device.

So the big theory is that it's an anti-theft device, and that's why people are terrified of going in there. Here, hold it right here. Based on estimates of mercury production from the Song era and allowing for the imperfections of the earlier refinement process, he thinks the chamber might have contained at most 100 tons of the liquid metal. Holy shit. 100 tons. How did Blackbeard find this shit?

Whew! Well, that wasn't Blackbeard, that was China. How do you find mercury back there? That's the urethral device. Shiver me timbers! Oh, they have like a, look at that. That was the device they stuck in their dick? Oh my god. And that's a saying, right? Shiver me timbers? That was your surprise or shock? I think they're saying that just for funsies. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, they found this in Iraq.

Oh, my God. This guy had a mercury syringe in a rack. For my pee-pee. And look, it's all rough looking. It's not even polished good. Man, you're probably drawing it in the map. Don't go over there, man. If you're going to go to this island, take lots of mercury. Meanwhile, they all died from that, right? Syphilis. Look at this. A pump cluster, which would have been to use pump fluid into the rectum, allowing the body to quickly absorb it. They were taking...

Like enemas? They're boofing. They're boofing. So they're doing that for drugs? Pump liquid into the rectum. Yeah, liquid into the rectum. Well, aren't people doing that with moonshine? Don't they pour moonshine in their asshole?

This is what I heard. They pour coffee now. I heard people take tampons filled with vodka and stuff them in their asshole. I mean, they've been doing it since the days of the pirates, so it's not new. There you go. Bro, what the fuck is wrong with people? It's severe dehydration by pumping fluid in the ass. People like putting stuff on their butts. And also a bloodletting instrument called a porringer.

I had a buddy of mine and he did his medical residency in Miami in the 1980s during the cocaine times. And he said, dude, that's where he did his residency. So he was in the emergency room. So it's like every day someone's coming in with something stuffed up their ass. They're coked out of their mind. They got G.I. Joe stuffed up their ass. They got people with light bulbs, those like twisty pine cone looking light bulbs stuck up.

Damn. Bro, all kinds of things stuck up their ass. I did a show at Lump Buck State Penitentiary, and one of the guards told me that some guy made a vibrator out of seven handballs. You know, the void. Oh, my God. And he taped them all up. And then what happened? How do you guys know? He didn't tie them up too good, and they were all stuck in there. I had to take them all out.

Oh no. He didn't tie him up good? Yeah, because he didn't put enough wrapping, I guess. Oh no. So they had to go in his butt and get all those balls? Yeah. How many were in there? Like five. Whatever, how many balls make this? And you thought he was hiding a knife. That's a hard way to go, too, because sometimes people die that way. You get, you know, toxic shock. Something goes wrong. You tear your rectum. You bleed out internally. Stuffing things up your ass. Like the Mr. Hand story.

You know the Mr. Hand story, right? No. There's a whole movie based on it called Zoo. Zoo is a thing called zoophilia, where people are sexually attracted to farm animals. And so these people met up online, and they found out that you're still allowed to fuck animals in Washington State.

So they all went to Washington State. This is a movie? It was Washington State, right? Yeah. It was based on a true story. Oh, right. And this dude got fucked to death by a horse. They bring him to the emergency room. They're like, what's going on? And everyone's acting a little shifty. And then they have to tell the whole story. And they find out these people have like hundreds of hours of people getting fucked by donkeys and horses and shit. And they all did this out on this weird ranch.

Yeah. That's how the dude died. One of the first books, you know, there used to be a lot of sex books when we were kids. And they were all nasty books about sex. Yeah. The first one I ever read was about people having sex with animals. Oh, yeah. But they were like, remember those penthouse stories or playboy stories? But these were all with animals. And I remember the woman telling this whole story about having sex with a horse. Jesus Christ. And like just...

Riding that fool. You never see the Mr. Hands video. There's a video, one video that got leaked online way back in the day. Brian Redband sent it to me. And it's this dude getting railed by the horse. And it's not even the one where he dies, apparently. He dies in another video. But in this video, you see the size of the horse's dick and you see his body and you see his ass and you're like, there's no way. How many people helped him? One guy. One guy grabbed it and just pointed it in the right direction.

And the horse was one gigantic thrust of death. And the guy makes this horrible sound. And then his friend goes, too much?

And then his friend is like, oh, he came. He came. The horse came. And you're like, this is the sickest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. And that's how that guy died. That guy in that video that's getting fucked by that horse was the guy who eventually dies from it. Did they put the horse to sleep afterwards? I don't think so. It's not the horse's fault. What the fuck did the horse do? The horse is going to, you know, I wouldn't bend over in front of him. Yeah.

He's kind of conditioned now. It's not his fault. The media kind of says they only found out about all this because he died. Yes. Yeah, that's what I said. Oh, yeah, but it's like, yeah. Was that your first time or was it try with ponies first? No, he had been fucked by a bunch of horses or a bunch of times by the same horse, but there was apparently many hours of this guy getting fucked by horses. I like that. 100 VHS tapes and DVDs. But it's real, right? It's not like an urban legend like when people say, I went to TJ and saw a donkey show. You want to see it?

You're going to show it? Yeah. This is still my old computer, I guess. Do you have it? You can still get it, right? I don't know where to look. I'll look. I bet you could get it. I bet if you put it up on X. X is one of the few places where... Actually, it's actually illegal. So maybe you can have it on X. Hold on.

Because bestiality, it wasn't illegal when they were doing it, though. Yeah. There's a point. No, that's called bestiality when you have sex with an animal. It's called you're fucking gross. And what's the one when you have sex with dead bodies? That is necrophilia. Don't look on X for that. Yeah, you can't find an X. It's a different search result that pops up. Oh, yeah, they probably game the search results now, right? Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of...

People have sex with animals, right? Like since you want to talk about gangs in New York, how ugly it was. Right. People just fucked everything that was in front of them. Here it is. Headphones, please. We'll make sure. Yeah, there it is, baby. Do you verify that that's it? Oh, that's 100% it. Okay. Absolutely. Go full screen. And don't show it on screen at all. You want me to mute the sound when we play this? Nope. Nope. Let's hear it.

Okay. Dana Cruz. It's on a porn site, I guess. Here we go. Here's the sound. That's reversed him? So that's the guy's butt. The horse gets on top of him. And then the guy grabs it. Look at this. Watch this. Look at the distance. Look at the amount of tissue we're talking about here. Watch this. Like long-dung silver. Watch this.

Okay. This is on a loop. This is repeating. This is repeating, yeah. Yeah, this is... It's already...

The whole thing really only lasts a couple of seconds. Wow. That guy died. The guy has no ass. The movie's fascinating because the movie is like a documentary sort of recreation of those people. And it's not like that. You don't see things, but you just see how fucking bananas the whole story is. Is the horse known for that or did he just grab a random horse? Because he needs to know what he was doing, bro. He probably been fucking that guy for a long time.

They've probably been doing it. That's what I'm saying. It killed him one day, but I think he had done it a bunch of times. You're not going to show that, right? No, no, no. We've got to know. Peter will come after us. We've got to know. Who knows what I was really showing? Yeah, we were just making noises. That is Mr. Ed. What the? My name is Mr. Ed. There's people out there that are out of their fucking mind. They're out of their fucking mind. You're getting fucked to death by a horse in a grainy video.

Like, what is life for you?

That must be crazy. That's your thing. You get off work at five. And I think the guy who died was an intelligent guy. Wasn't he an engineer? Worked at Boeing for over eight years, yeah. Bro, he was a Boeing engineer who liked to get fucked to death by a horse. That horse's dick is as long as an arm. Look at how long that dick is. Oh, like long dong silver. Do you see the size of that thing? It was like 17 and a half inches. It was gigantic. It's probably bigger than that.

When it goes into his body, you're just like, where's the room? Where's the space? How? How do you warm up to it? I guess you start with fingers. Then you move up to ketchup bottles. The ability to experience certain sensations after a motorcycle accident. Oh, so that was the only way he could feel things? Started going ham. Oh, God. That's terrifying. That's terrifying. I don't know why he started filming it, though, dude.

Well, you know what? That also kind of makes sense, right? Because we've talked about this many times about brain injuries, about people with brain injuries. They get very impulsive and they do reckless things. That totally makes sense. If this guy had a motorcycle accident that fucked up the way he feels thing, he probably got wrecked. That's crazy, man. So he got wrecked. He probably got a brain injury and it probably turned him into a wild man. I twisted my ankle, man. Now I want to move to fuck me in the ass. Ha ha ha!

You want to get fucked to death by a wild animal. You want to be the first guy to get buttfucked by a bear. Yeah, but you break your brain in that way. Like for some people, they're just different now. Yeah, man. Now they're different. I've seen it happen to a bunch of dudes when they've been knocked out. Been knocked out really bad. But that's crazy to get like, get knocked out and then fuck out and you wake up and it goes...

Is there a horse nearby? Because I'm really horny right now. Well, who knows what's going on with the chemistry of your brain. You just want to see your experience. You want excitement. You want to see if you can suck a horse's cock. But that goes back to your old joke, man. The old joke to say, hey, you take a break today. Yeah, take your day off. You know what I said when you had that joke about the Playboy Mansion and you said that, what's his name? Well, whatever. He would have, every once in a while, a gay will pop in.

And then he goes, and then the punchline was, nah, man, you take a break.

Don't start fucking guys. Take a break. Yeah, relax. You're a little crazy. Yeah, you fucking take shakes a day. You're not for a guy. You take a break. I think for some people with brain injuries, though, they get addicted to skydiving. They get addicted to gambling. They get addicted to really reckless behavior. Gary Busey was in a head injury, right? A bad one. I wonder what he's up to. He looks like he's been in an accident. He fell on a motorcycle and hit his head on the curb with no helmet on.

Yeah. It was a bad one. So California didn't used to have a helmet law back then. It was because of him, though. Well, I don't know if it's because of him. Yeah, I did read that. He started a big push to help that. So he helped it. But I know that people wanted help. It's

I'm torn on that shit. It's like, yeah, you should have helmet laws because there's 18-year-old boys out there that can have motorcycles, and that's fucking crazy. That's crazy. I am so glad that when I was 18, I never got a fucking motorcycle. Once you fall off a motorcycle at 70 miles an hour, the helmet is like nothing, right? You're not going to think about it. Depends on how you fall. How you fall, right? Yeah, you might slide. If you slide, you probably just get your skin ripped from your body.

Did you survive it? Yeah, bro. Just woke up to a fetish. Yeah, but that's the thing, man. If you get really banged, you could have some screwy brain waves after that. And you could think everyone's out to get you. People get real weird. They get real weird. And they feel extra vulnerable because their brain's not working the same anymore. So they don't know who they are anymore. They don't feel like they used to feel. They start to feel crazy. And they start thinking no one wants to help them. They start getting really angry and real negative.

And then you get fucked by a horse. It's just all the things that you could be doing. That's how you chose to go out. All these things that you could be doing. You know, you could be seeing the world. He said, nah, I want a Seabiscuit. You could be a food blogger. Nah, ponies.

You could be a fashion influencer. Nope. No, I want to be Willie Shoemaker. I want to get taken out by a horse. Black stallion. In some dirty barn somewhere. That's where you breathe your last breath.

In a dirty barn with horse jizz in your asshole. What did Fred do? I don't know. They freaked out. They brought him to the hospital. They tried to drop him off. Then the cops start questioning him, I believe. I'm paraphrasing for sure. But I think that's how they got busted. They brought off the guy and he's got a giant hole in his asshole. He's pale like a sheet. Like, what happened? He probably still has the same face. Why is the inside of his body missing? Why does he have a fucking...

Telephone why could we see his shoes through his mouth? What is going on with this dude? What did you do? What'd you do that story about Jimi Hendrix still freaks me out? I think the manager thinking about the entire time. We've been talking I go back to the idea of them just pouring pills Down the greatest guitarist of all time's mouth and then just pouring jugs of wine down holding him down and that's how he dies Motherfucker, that's scary

His manager. Motherfucker. His U.S. manager said this story is not true just for... Of course. I would say that too. Yeah. I would say that too. I mean, I don't know if it's true. Who fucking knows? But the idea... And he did. But he definitely did die. He definitely did die by asphyxiation. Don't people say also that the CIA did it? Jimi Hendrix? I don't know. I haven't heard that one. But if anything happens, people always think the CIA was involved somehow. Anything. No matter what it is, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Pretty much. They always say that. Yeah, I don't trust nothing. Secret agent, man. Yeah, it's either them or it's China or it's Russia. Who's really sending me this text telling me that I'm qualified for the $4,000 in savings? Yeah.

You know those texts you get? Like, who's sending those? Which texts? You know those texts that you get? Like, random texts? Hey, congratulations. You've received approval for your loan. Oh, I don't get those. You don't get those? I get them for a dude named Ray. So Ray had my fucking phone number before I moved here. Fucking Ray, Ray. And fucking Ray. Ray must have signed up to every goddamn list.

Ray must have put in that number every chance he could. I keep getting these fucking text messages for Ray. And it's all like loans and you qualify for this and this is available. We're looking for someone to hire. There's always some weird scams. You qualify for aluminum sidings. I don't understand how they can't stop that from happening. It seems weird that you get so many of them.

You get so many of these scam things where they get a hold of your phone number and just spam you lies. I think they think you get to a certain age, 50, and they think you're gullible to these tricks now. Well, I think young people are gullible too. They sell it to 22-year-olds. Hey, man, you want to...

Fix your loan, your home. How do you have a home? If you're dumb, if you're dumb and you're 22 and you get something that you qualify for $4,000, oh shit, they think this is me. They're going to say yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll take that money. And then, you know, whatever the fuck they do. I don't know what they do. There was a guy in La Ale that was calling women at their jobs and telling them they had won something and he convinced them to cut their heels off their shoes.

And he would film it? No, he was just calling them up randomly. Hey, you just won't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All you got to do is cut your heels off your shoes right now. And women were doing it, and he called a bunch of chicks, and they all just fucked up their shoes for nothing. Oh, what an asshole.

It's funny, but it's also- That person was mean. I wasn't. But it was somebody. Rude thing to do to a lady. Especially if it's your favorite shoes and you only have one pair. Not my red bottoms. Bro, shoes are hard to get. Those bitches are expensive, right? Yeah. Why are we so lucky we don't have to wear shoes that hurt? Girls wear shoes that hurt. They've been wearing them for so long. I can't imagine-

I don't even like wearing things other than sneakers. Yeah. Or like a comfortable boot. Like, you know, I got a couple pairs of these Origin boots. They're real comfortable. Easy to walk around in. Like, nice, smooth leather. I don't think I ever have boots. Boots are great. But the point is, they don't hurt. I've had cowboy boots. I've had Doc Martin, but not cowboy boots. The point is, they don't hurt to wear. But ladies are always wearing shoes that hurt.

What a crazy choice. Five-inch heels. Steletos. That's probably why they have better pain tolerance, too. They have to give birth, and they wear shoes that hurt all the time, so they have to deal with pain. We're so lucky we don't have any of that stupid shit. Imagine if we had to wear makeup every day. Imagine what it would be like. Like, Felipe, what have you done to your eyes? I don't know, man. I put mercury on them. Isn't that interesting? Like, women...

All, I mean most, a lot, let's say a lot of women wear makeup every day or wake up, make up regularly. On a regular basis they wear makeup. It's not a very rare occasion thing.

I don't know what the number is. Want to find out? Let's Google it. Because that's probably, a lot of that stuff's probably not healthy for you either, right? What's in those colors? What kind of dyes are they using? The red dye, huh? Like, what is all that stuff made out of? Are we sure? I mean, maybe some of it's really good for you. Maybe some of it's terrible for you. Maybe it's just like the scented candle thing. Is the lipstick, well, I know the lipsticks, well, the native lipsticks, it's made out of smashed little bugs. Yeah, that's one of the red dye things too, right? Smashed little bugs, you put them on here. Can't be bad for you, right? Yeah.

Couldn't be better than a horse up your ass. So what percentage? 43% reported.

Okay. 43% of U.S. women reported wearing makeup daily or weekly, but it doesn't break out the daily portion explicitly. Rewinding to 2019, the same source noted a higher share of women wearing makeup daily. Gen Z, 18 to 24, at 30%, and millennials, 25 to 34, at 35%, suggesting a decline over time. Separate 2023 YouGov poll of 1,000 U.S. women found that 38% wear makeup at least daily.

A few times a week or daily with older women 65 plus being the most likely to wear it daily compared to younger groups. They probably all wore it daily back in the day, right? You got to keep up your looks, Gladys. Go back up again, please. Another study from 2017 by Statista indicated 41% of U.S. women aged 30 to 59 wear makeup daily.

Yeah, there was a woman back in, I don't know, the 1800s, 1900s. She was the first woman to make a woman's magazine on clothing and home gardening, how to cook. She was the first lady to put recipes in a magazine. Oh, yeah? Kind of like for a homemaker. Right. And then there was a magazine back then. I don't know what the name of the magazine was. Jamie, Google is makeup bad for you. What do you think? What do you mean?

uh google is makeup toxic when i was a kid my seventh grade teacher thought it was bad put on don't put on that makeup young girl there's toxic makeup for sure wait are they in whatever what are the ingredients and makeup that are toxic oh that's right the lady with the green makeup yes bro no the lady with the green makeup the wizard of oz or the the tin man witch yeah they got real sick man yes some makeup can be toxic to

Lead, mercury, and arsenic. Heavy metals can be found in cosmetics. Phthalates, common contaminant in cosmetics. Formaldehyde, a chemical found in some makeup. Yeah, man. That's why a lot of comedians back then stopped blackfacing. Man, that's scary shit. That's scary shit.

I wonder if that contributes to a higher incidence of certain issues, health issues that maybe women have that use it daily. I wonder how money... Gotta wonder, right? How about the people that worked the news back then in the 450? They wore a shitload of makeup. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And what the fuck kind of makeup did they have back then? That was probably all chemicals. Cake makeup, man. It was big. What the fuck did they make that stuff out of? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, man. Like you don't have to wear that ladies with that. We're not that complicated. You guys got to wear makeup when you do UFC fights. No, I don't. I don't wear anything. I'm like, are you crazy? I have to go in there with dudes who literally have their heads split open. You know, I,

I have to interview people that are soaked in blood, and sometimes the blood is spitting out onto the microphone while I'm talking to them. Oh, my God. I never knew that. That happens? All the time. I get blood on me all the time. Like, the idea of me wearing makeup to look better while I'm out there dealing with people that just got their face punched in is crazy. That's ridiculous. I won't do it. So when they're speaking to you, like, when you get a fighter that's real bloody, like, you can...

You're really up close to these guys. What do you see in their eyes after a fight like when they're also bleeding, man? Do you see like...

You see like their intensity, man. You see things that other people don't see when you're interviewing them. I'm sure you see something. You're there in a fight right in front of them. Yeah, I think you're probably going to get more of a sense of how they feel after it's over. Like there's like some historic moments where you could see that when the fighter wins, it's like it's a big fucking deal. And one of my favorite ones was when Israel Adesanya had his second UFC fight against Alex Pereira. He knocks him down, knocks him out. Cold, beautiful, cold.

clean right hand, then finished him on the ground, and then fires off three arrows into his body. Yeah, remember that guy? Bro. Yes. I mean, that was a fucking classic moment. And then he grabs a microphone and gives one of the most inspirational speeches. Pull that speech up. Yeah. Because it's amazing. This is my favorite moment, I think, of anybody after they won a fight.

Because it's just like this was real in the moment from a guy who's the fucking boogeyman, dude. Alex Pereira is the boogeyman. He's the scariest motherfucker in the sport. He knocked Izzy out twice. He left hook KO'd him in kickboxing, and then he beat him down in the UFC, and then Izzy finally knocked him out. And when he knocked him out, when he fires those arrows into his body, and then see if you can find that speech. And when you hear it, man, you're like, wow. That's like...

That's what that's what makes the whole career worth it these moments where you reach out and touch the world I hope every one of you can feel this level of happiness just one time in your life You never feel this level of happiness if you don't go for something when they knock you down When they talk about you if you stay down you will never ever get that resolve Fortify your mind and feel this level of happiness as you rise. I

One time in your life, but I'm blessed to be able to feel this s*** again and again and again and again and again. Amazing. Amazing. That's like human fuel. You hear someone saying something like that after doing something like that, that can help you all throughout your day. That's human fuel. Amazing. Amazing. If you're going to go, go all the way or don't even try. Yeah. Charles Bukowski.

That guy was out there. If you're going to go, go all the way or don't even try. It could mean losing girlfriends. It could mean losing wives, relatives. It could be time spent in jail. Lonely nights in the dark. Lonely nights by yourself.

Yeah. But in the end, it's all worth it. I don't know the rest. Yeah, that's a great. Did you ever see the movie they did on with Mickey Rourke? Both. They did two movies? The one with Matt Dillon called Factotum, too. When was that? That came out in 2000-something, and he plays him. There's Barfly and there's Factotum. Factotum, he plays him at that age. He's way too handsome. How dare he? He plays him good. How dare he? Yeah. He's way too handsome.

That's outrageous. Mickey Rourke made himself look fucked up. A toast to all my friends. You know, he like... Yeah. Charles Bukowski is actually in Barfly. He's one of the drunks in the bar. Yeah. How women in the world aren't whore. Just mine. You ever see one of those readings that he used to do? He used to do these readings. He'd read from his books and people would yell and he'd fucking have hecklers and shit and yell out to them. He's just a...

A guy just constantly drunk with profound thoughts. Yeah, man. When I started reading, I wanted to read books about authors that were from Los Angeles, like in the 40s and 50s. And I said, I've got to find something that talks about Los Angeles, these streets that I live in. And it was Charles Bukowski. He writes about Los Angeles. And I found out that his inspiration was a guy named...

Oh, man, what's his name? He writes just like Charles Bukowski. He wrote a book called Ask the Dust and The Adventures of Arturo Bandini. I'm lost here of his name. John Fonte, yes, John Fonte. John Fonte wrote books in the style of Charles Bukowski. And Charles Bukowski, when he found out about him, he helped him...

Published all his books again. So that's why I know that John Fonte exists because John Bukowski, he republished all his books for him when he was dying of diabetes. So after this, bro, he talks about Los Angeles during 1932, bro, when Los Angeles had a metro rail and the 1932 earthquake in Los Angeles. Wow. So it's all about, this guy's from Los Angeles. He talks about Armenians and...

working the docks in 1920s. Wow. That's a great catch. And they're alcoholics, bro. This guy's an alcoholic and so is Charlie Bacowski. These are dudes that work jobs and still were authors. Imagine going from those guys to TikTokers at BOA. Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah, exactly. These guys actually had jobs during the day. Sean Bukowski, he worked at the post office. He never quit. And Antonio Bandini, what's his name? The other guy, he started writing for Hollywood and he just disappeared. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, like writing screenplays and stuff? Writing screenplays. He got into under contract. Yeah, man. There's a lot of talented writers who just decided to write for a company. Yeah.

They just kind of like give up on the dream and do it for a job. Did you ever get hired to be a writer and then you said, this is not for me? I got a book deal once and I gave them the money back because they had too much input.

They wanted to have too much input. And then they wanted me to transcribe my stand-up. That was one of their ideas. I'm like, that's a terrible idea. They're like, George Carlin did it. I'm like, well, that's fine. I love George Carlin, but so what? I'm not doing that. That doesn't make any sense to me. Why would I want the worst version of what the ideas are, which is just print?

The best version is a live performed version. Second best version is a video. Worst for sure is print. Audio is slightly better. But it's like, you don't want to do that. Why would I do that? That's a dumb way to write a book. I just want to write about things that I'm thinking about. Yeah, why would you write your whole set list on a book? And then I realized if I'm going to write something, I have to want to. And it has to be something that I do because I'm controlling the entire thing. And then if they like it, they like it. If they don't, they don't. But it's...

It's not something that I would ever want to have somebody help me out with. According to this article about him, part of the reason why he didn't explode when other writers did is because his publisher was in a legal battle for an unauthorized publication of Mein Kampf. Oh, I didn't know that. That's good to know. Whoa.

Holy shit. Yeah. That kind of drained their resources. The financial drain on the publisher hampered the distribution of Ask the Dust. Yes. While Fent put out a short story collection, Dago read in 1940 more than a decade would pass before another Bandini novel. Wow. Yeah, he disappeared. He got an illegal battle with Adolf Hitler. His publisher did, but yeah.

That's crazy. Crazy, huh? Insane. That's crazy. Dude, I'm going to read that. Is it on audio? I hope it's on audio book. I'm so lazy. Sitting down and actually reading a book right now.

It's too daunting. It's too daunting. Felipe, one more time, tell everybody special on Netflix, available right now. Oh, my Netflix special is available right now, Raging Fool on Netflix. Go check it out. Directed by my wife, Lisa O'Daniel. And I want to give a shout out to my brother-in-law who listens to you religiously with his daughters.

Johnny O'Daniel, what's up, boo? Shout out to Johnny. In Dayton, Ohio. All right. Instagram, all that shit. What is it? My Instagram is Felipe Esparza. My website is felipesworld.com. I'll be in, I don't know when this airs, I'll be in Grand Rapids, Iowa, and Indianapolis, Helium.

When are those dates? I don't know. Okay. Go to the website. April 5th, I'll be in San Diego with Paul Rodriguez, and April 25th, I'll be in San Diego with a bunch of comedians. Beautiful. All right. Felipe, always good to see you, my brother. Thank you, bro. Happy to be here, bro. Thanks, dude. All right. Bye, buddy. Bye.