#2339 - Luis J. Gomez & Big Jay Oakerson
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Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast. Live and running. Yeah. The ever greater and thinner Big Jay Oakerson. Thank you, Manjaro. Shout out, Manjaro. You're looking good, dude. Big ups, Manjaro. It's nice to see, you know. Thank you. I am exercising, too. Beautiful. You have to, or it will just be floppy and weird and gross. Or it'll eat your bones. I guess also, yes, it'll eat your bones, they say.

I'm real big on taking this stuff and then not really following up with like, you know what I mean? I just started doing testosterone from a company that's like, you know, it's above board taking it, but like, they're like, you should make sure you monitor your blood all the time. And I'm like, yeah, we'll get to that at some point. I'm going to keep taking it though. You don't monitor your blood at all? No, not me with any regularity, I think. You should probably do that. Yeah, they did it there. I know someone I know says they take testosterone and they have to

donate blood every month to get blood? - I've heard that before. - 'Cause their blood's so thick. - I talked to my doctor about it, he goes, "That really doesn't make sense." But he has heard of occasions where people had to do that. - To un-thicken their blood? - Like you have too much blood or something.

They're like how much you taking? What do you do? Are you going ham, bro? This man's health company saw me coming down the road a mile away. They offer me I'm taking two peptides and I don't even know we started. Sorry, we couldn't wait. Why even ask me? I don't know why you're on the door. I was like this doesn't make sense. Let's just start. I'm taking two peptides that feel like fire. It feels like fire when I inject them. Really? What are they? I don't know. Well, the BPC-157. That's the one everyone's doing. Right. That's a good one. And then something that's blue.

It's blue. Oh, methylene blue? I don't know. It burns. Wait a minute. Hold up. Methylene blue, you're not supposed to inject.

It's not that then. It starts with a G. It's one of the letters. G-H. Methylene blue is weird stuff. It's a dye for fabrics that people take for its health benefits. What the fuck? It boosts mitochondria or something. It's really weird. What exactly does it do? I should ask, even though I take it. I don't take it all the time, but I have taken it. I couldn't describe. I couldn't explain it.

Exactly. Here it is. A medication used in the management and treatment of, what's that word? Methemoglobinemia. Methemoglobinemia. A condition where hemoglobin decreases its ability to carry oxygen. Huh. Straight up. But it started out as a fabric dye, I'm pretty sure. Right? Doesn't it say that?

What does it do for humans? I think it was a dye. Yeah. Which is so weird that a dye would have health benefits. I grew up in a house of supplements. My stepfather was a power lifter, so I only know about creatine. Sick. That's it. Creatine was another one that would show up in the house sometimes. Creatine? Yeah. What's that? I don't know. I think Jason can creatine twice and he's just remembering it wrong. No, it was another word. Super creatine.

Creatine is legit. That stuff is super good for you. I just started taking Tongkat Ali for my testosterone. Creatinine is a waste product that forms from the breakdown of creatine in muscles. Why would I take it? There's another natural one. I think it's called terkesterone.

I know Shilajit is good for testosterone. Yeah, there's a few of those. I asked my doctor to put me on testosterone. I think we talked about it because you're like, dude, don't worry. Fuck your doctor. I got a doctor for you. And I was just like, yeah, maybe I'll just stop smoking weed. You think that was killing your testosterone? I think so. It was like lower than it should have been. It was like in the high threes. And now it's like mid fives. Well, like a good doctor, what they'll do first is ask you, like, what do you do for exercise? What are you eating? How much do you sleep?

Like those things are all the first thing the doctor will ask you. And if all that stuff's fucked up, they shouldn't just give you testosterone. They should be like, let's fix. My place did. Shout out Game Day Men's Health.

Fifteen minutes they'll give me anything. I want a needle. There's a few doctors out there They like to go buck wild of course. I think they get incentivized. I got PRP treatment in my hair I'm not losing my hair. They just talked me into it now. It's never going away PRP worked I don't know we're gonna find out I just got like two weeks ago is a mark His hair's thinning It's definitely going

There's a bunch of topical stuff that you could use these days. Sure. There's like a finasteride topical, but I would worry that that would get into your skin and in your bloodstream. Like that finasteride stuff is crazy. Like, like that makes some people very depressed. It kills your DHT, which is what keeps your hair from falling out. Hmm.

And for some people they just it kills their testosterone they get like super depressed Yeah, I started losing my hair when I was 18. I just said fuck it. I was bald I'd love not having to talk to a barber. That's the best you shave it which is a big razor How do you find out how much that your barber doesn't know you but is a big fan of Ralph Barbosa You guys aren't gonna find that Kenny

His name's Kenny. He's nice enough guy Ralph Barboza slick. He's like a slick comedian like his punchline so like smooth You know very funny. Yeah, he's got a great fully loaded with him He's like he makes he's got a fun like just his approach like it. It's very slick Yeah, you know and he's sending the elevator down I mean he's to go and taking guys on tour that I've never heard of but I think been around for a long time That's great move. That's great. Yeah, very good, dude. He hung out with us at the mothership one night fun guy. Oh

Yeah, he got popular for, he like, someone said on like George Lopez's show or something, they were like, this guy sucks. Or no, George Lopez was like, I don't get it, he's just whatever, and then I think he made fun of him back.

And I think that's what happened. And someone asked Ralph about it on something, and his response, I think, is what made it very popular. I think he was just saying, because he doesn't like me, because one of his comments goes like, oh, the lay. And I think that just, you know, you can show any picture of George Lopez bugging his eyes out and make that hilarious. That's hilarious. It's a fucking good fireback.

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Louis you've been in a few we've gone the bed on I mean I guess I have those same beefs too But I don't engage as much no I'm the loser I just I get on a flight and I'll be on Twitter for fucking hours Just tweeting at people for no reason no, but I mean like particular like a person could put a face to like a comic like I thought that I haven't had a problem with somebody before

But I mean, like, I don't know. I have a hard time sleeping on like, I'm going to run this person every night and we hate each other. It's been a while. I mean, I'm not it's just not that serious. There's nobody in the world that I hate. Like, there's literally no even people that hate me. I'm like, dude, we're cool. I murdered your father. Dude, I try to get him on my podcast. Oh, my God. So the guy, my father was stabbed to death when I was four years old. And then years later, I got out of prison. I was like, let me try to get this guy on my podcast and interview him. How interesting would that be? But he was already dead.

Yeah, dude that would have been insane. Yeah, cuz I didn't I wasn't like it was a kid Like showing up at this young guy's house who you stabbed his dad you're gonna be alone together that guy's gonna kill you That's what I would think if I was an old man. I couldn't defend myself. I don't think it was that old He was 17 when he killed my father. So he was only 13 years older than me. So he'd be like 60 now, I guess. Mm-hmm

Yeah, but this is like a decade ago that I was gonna do it as a convicted murderer dude You could fuck your shit up. Yeah, but he was a kid and my father beat him up. My father was a bully I think Conor McGregor's goes well Lewis. I'd like to say I apologize to absolutely fucking nobody at all Yeah But I thought that would have been an interesting conversation. I wasn't like going into it being like oh you've killed my father I'm angry. I got a great life my father lived I would be fucking probably living Patterson, New Jersey still I have a shit life and

We always tell our drug dealer and a pimp if you if he was alive yeah, it worked out well Yeah, but that's always I said hey my dad stuck around maybe I wouldn't have the personality having I wouldn't be where I'm at So maybe it'll be way better now Well, I wouldn't have my head of state That one sperm at a hit that one egg I wouldn't have my son right now if my father was alive if anything happened differently

Yeah. All right, Ashton Kutcher. That's the butterfly effect over here. Guy watches one movie and all of a sudden he's got to figure it out. Hey, you guys ever think maybe we're just plugged into a pod somewhere and this is all nothing? I'm going to see if I can fly real quick. I think there's something to that we're plugged into something.

It seems more like it every day. It seems like this is like an advanced stage of the video game right now, where they're lighting cop cars on fire in L.A. and throwing bricks over passes. Dude, it does seem fun to order a Waymo and light it on fire. Nobody gets hurt. It's just hilarious. And I think it's directionally correct.

You should probably start killing robots. You guys are on the right course. They're early on the war of machines. Trying to stop the Terminator. Bro, these are all going to be owned by corporations and that's going to be the only way you're allowed to get around because they're the safest. They're going to take away everybody's driver's license.

It's going to get weird as fuck. Oh, yeah. But it's going to probably be better. The car's going to go 200 miles an hour probably. Traffic will be eliminated. Dude, I think there are going to be more of these fucking things that we just saw in L.A. That's what I think. I've heard that teenagers are going back to smoking regular cigarettes now and getting away from vapes. We might move back analog a little bit. You know what I mean? Bring back manual cars. I wonder if analog makes some sort of – where it slows down because people want it to slow down a little bit. Yeah, but it's too late.

They do want to slow down. Yeah. I mean, the electric car didn't really take off the way they'd hoped. Yeah. The problem with electric cars is the charging times too much. It's too much. If you're a young single woman and you have to charge your car and you have to just sit there for a fucking hour. I also feel that way. So I feel like you just called me a young single woman. Well, you're a man. I was going to rent a...

But a like a woman by herself is particularly vulnerable right like if you're a hot girl And you're sitting in your car we fucking creeps that know that you have to be there for an hour How many creeps can bother you it's a great idea Joe? Getting girls at the fucking charging station Get a large order and just walk down the aisle of Tesla's waiting to find a hot one look yeah, dude What have

Have you ever driven one? Nah, dude. From the 70s. Don't trust that electric shit. I tried it. I was going to rent one once, and they gave me the keys, and I was like, this is going to be fun. And then I remembered you have to charge it. I was like, I've got to drive to fucking Rhode Island right now. I was like, I'm going to have to stop halfway there and charge the car for a while. I think you can get there. It's just then you have to charge it. No, I don't think we wouldn't have made it. No, it's like the real mileage is different than the mileage it says.

So it really should say, like, percentage of battery. But they want you to, like, estimate the mileage. But it's all dependent upon how fast you're going. Like, if you're accelerating a lot, if you're moving around, if you stop and go traffic, like...

Who knows what the real mileage is if you're on like see if you get stuck in a crazy traffic jam for like four hours like some explosion somewhere like and you you supposedly have 200 miles on your car is that good for four hours of you sitting there to with the radio on with the air conditioning on like We're team Trump then not Elon fuck you If it's cold, it's cold they die quick. Oh

Oh, really? Yeah, that happened in Chicago. Remember when they had that fucking big thing where the highway got closed down? And people in Teslas were fucked, man, because they just stopped working. Also, if you blow a tire, like, Tesla has to come fix that. Really? Yeah. Why's that? I don't know. But, like, they have to come handle it. The function of Teslas, though, is amazing. Dude, they're amazing. They fucking drive themselves. You press the... You trust that? 100%.

100%. And I go, and it just takes you wherever you want it to go. It changes lanes. Bro, it's nuts. You could put on dark sunglasses at night and just have your hands on the wheel. It's that good. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, don't do it. I don't do it. I don't do it, but I have done it. But I keep my hand near the wheel just to see what it can do. It does everything. Yeah, no, that's much better. Dude, I get road paralysis where if I'm driving for more than an hour and I'm looking at the lines, not paralysis, what do they call it?

like road hypnosis. So I'll get hypnotized by the lines and I start falling asleep. I start falling asleep. If I have to drive for more than an hour or two at night, you know how to fix that? Do you know how to fix that? It's real easy. Cocaine. No, no, no. Um, no, that's not good. That'll work too. You're right. But you have to keep doing it over and over again. Um, get some ice and, um, uh, just a washcloth.

A washcloth with wet washcloth with ice in it and just rub your face rub your face right up Wash like you keep in your car The the smelling salts you have in the club those will do those will do it I did a terrible thing fuck you up You're like you might change lanes. You maybe shouldn't tell this it might be illegal what you've done. No, it's not illegal It's definitely this is I will say it's a bad prank to do on a girl if this was a dude to do to anyone

This is a crazy dangerous prank. If this was a dude, everyone would have been like, dude, great prank. But because I did it to a girl, it was a little bit fucked up. So we were at the mothership last time we were doing our podcast. And our producer, Alex, is a girl.

And she's a big pothead, huge pothead, like real deal. So as podcast producers are. Also a mother and a wonderful producer. And a mother, yes. Better producer than mother. No, she's great. So I had the smelling salts, and I was like, oh, these are fucking strong. They're really particularly strong smelling salts. So then I go, Alex, I was like, this weed is fucking great. Give it a whiff. Then I gave her the smelling salt container. She put her nose in it. Dude, she sniffed so hard. Oh, no. You know how potheads want to smell weed. Yeah.

She cried. It was a 30-minute problem. She said the word why a lot. Remember Nancy Kerrigan got her slugged out by the fucker? She's like, why? I sweat blood for you. I flew here to help you produce a show. I felt so bad. You should not do that. Now, it was a bad prank. But if it was a dude... That's big of you.

If that was a dude, is it not just undeniably hilarious? Still pretty brutal. Yeah. If it's a guy, it's funny. Yeah. Funnier. Yeah. It's funny. It's weird. It wasn't not funny. If you do it to a guy, it's funny. Depend on the guy, you know? Like, if you, you know, if you did it to Dave Vettel, it'd be mean. No, it'd be funny. You do it to Kurt Metzger, he just starts punching walls. Yeah.

Pretty girls being embarrassed though is funny. It's hilarious. It is the most evening factor ever I did a When I was on tour with the bands years ago corn did Jaeger Meister music tour They always had the Jaeger girls would hang out and I was on the Jaeger Meister production bus on this tour So the girls would all come on there They were able come and hang out and drink for free on the bus and you know tour buses. You know that the shit is

on a tour bus and only one of the Yeager girls asked if she could use the bathroom. It was just in the time we were there and she went, gorgeous girl. And she came back out and she was sitting down and then the driver comes to start getting the bus ready to leave and just, you know, a toothless fucking road dog just comes in the bus and you go, somebody took a shit. And everybody knew it was his hot chicken fishnets. Oh,

I mean just the thing as she was so beautiful that me probably my heaviest in my life I was like I probably could get her now She's the shit girl. No one's seeking her out, and I'll still do it. Yes You can't clean up that good in a fucking so it's such a function that everybody has but for some reason I never want to hear about a woman shooting ever

Now, what about the MTV girl? Why don't they develop a toilet that you can shit on on a bus? Is that beyond our science? I don't know why it can't be. I'm sure there's something that can be done. It seems like it should be done. I think they're just being lazy. No shitting on the tour bus. Wait, what if you have to take a shit? That's crazy.

But if you see- Because they have to empty it out. That's the problem. So they- I think you can. You can shit on the tour bus, but the person that has to clean the toilet has to now empty out your shit amongst the piss. Like manually with like a hose and shit. That's what's crazy. It's some dude's job that he has to like deal with. Oof. There should be something where you could pull over and those rest stops have like a thing that sucks your shit out.

Yeah. Like out of the tank. Yeah, that'd be very profitable for them. What are they going to do? They'd have to store your shit. No, you figure it out. That's the last thing you want to do is be in shit stores. Truck stop, yeah. Truck stop shit stores. They're sucking my shit out outside. I'm in here buying jerky. Dave Matthews band. Oh, that's right. Four bus incident in Chicago. That's right. The bus driver let that stuff out over the...

And a boat went underneath it. And splattered the boat with doo-doo from Dave Matthews' band. Didn't you see a thing recently where they show a cruise ship or something just letting shit out of the front? Gary.

I don't think that's real. Oh, really? I thought that was real, too. I think that's like dredging. I'll be suckered in a heartbeat by an AI thing. Oh, yeah. Do you know that super hot Down syndrome girl isn't real? Damn. That OnlyFans AI Down syndrome girl? Oh, don't I know it. God damn it. Bro, nothing's real anymore. How many videos have you seen? I saw a thing about Trump saying that they were going to genetically engineer raptors and have the fucking troops ride them to protect the border. That's not real? No.

But it's like you see them. They brought back the dire wolf. Could it be done? It's so hard to tell now. Weaponizing dinosaurs would be the funniest thing in the world. Oh, is that fake? It's like a quick series of four or five little fake ones. But they look real, and then they just go like, this isn't real, by the way. Hi from the Cedar Grove flood disaster. Just kidding. I'm not real. This is Dana Brooks reporting live from Ocean View Beach.

Just kidding. I'm not real. This is Charlotte Reed reporting live from Clearwater Beach, where an unidentified... Just kidding. I'm not real. Angela Carter... Is she implying the Kraken is real? The Kraken's real. I'm fake. How weird.

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Yeah, it is crazy.

Mean the amount of the you and Theo Vaughn aren't two babies talking to each other I watch ads with you all the time companies just use your voice in AI now I sent you one at one point where it's just like I was like I know this is not Joe glazing this fucking weird company for You know a 10-minute read. It was like they really got him to do this huh so strange Yeah, do you try to put a stop to that or you say you try but the guy who made that said took 25 minutes I

Told a I told I told a racist street joke on Legion of skanks ten years ago and Me saying the n-word has been used in so many memes and little but it's so funny black people react to it And they it's such a funny street joke that they can't deny it. It's like funny thing So it's always black people trying to not laugh and they say it and I'm like That's pretty funny great street show

Some words are coming back. That one's not one of them. No. Bro, these ice raids are fucking nuts, man. Watching this protest on television, it's like... You think the raids are nuts? All of it's nuts. Yeah. I think both sides are taking it a little too hard. Well...

I don't think if they the Trump administration, if they're running and they said, we're going to go to Home Depot and we're going to arrest all the people at Home Depot, we're going to go to construction sites and we're going to just like tackle people at constructions. I don't think anybody would signed up for that. They said, we're going to get rid of the criminals and the gang members first. Right. And now we're we're seeing like Home Depot's get raided. That's crazy.

Yeah. And then you've got this big protest that's scheduled for the 14th that's literally funded by the lady who owns Walmart.

To protest. To protest. It's like no kings. It's like a no kings protest. It's happening all across the country. Yeah, like criminals and rapists and, you know, obviously, but then they go to like a college campus and there's some kid about to graduate. They're like, no, you're out. It's fucked up. Rapists, criminals, slow delivery people, ones that can't dance or play the flamenco guitar. I've got a list. I think it's fucking crazy how violent it's gotten. I don't.

They're throwing bricks over overpasses. That's what I mean. But again, I think all these things, 90% of the people that are there are just like, let's rage, motherfucker. Oh, 100%. Also, there's people that are saying they're being paid to protest. Yeah, they're saying they're... That's always the bricks. Piles of bricks are showing up. There's construction sites around the city. No, no, no. That was weird, dude. I was in the city during that time. We were too during the pandemic.

No, those bricks were just fucking out there. I lived on a police block. I was barricaded in with them. Yeah. And I felt bad for the black cops. No, one day there was no bricks. The black cops would be like,

Sorry, man. I had my hand on his shoulder like you're gonna be alright The cops getting the rocks thrown at him from oh yeah, it's crazy under the overpass They're throwing them at the cops. I mean you you you're 100% Possibly killing someone yeah, it's attempted murder you could you had a fucking cinder block brick onto someone's head from an overpass They're probably dead

It's a good chance. 100%. Good fucking chance, man. I mean, if Lord of the Flies taught us anything, that's how Piggy died. That's who I relate it to. This kind of shit can escalate. I'm thinking of The Good Son where they push the dummy off the overpass.

Oh yeah. Remember? Make them think they killed somebody. It's fucking, it's pretty wild what's going on. But I mean, I don't know like, I said everybody running out of like Louis Vuitton with a bunch of like shirts and shit. You've seen that? Oh yeah. Oh, that's happening too? Yeah. Oh, they're looting. Oh, they're looting. I didn't know they were looting too. Hardcore. And I said it's funny. Which if I was a 19 year old kid, I would be out there looting unquestionably. Well, as soon as lawlessness happens, people take advantage. That's always going to be the case, right? That's what I think the whole, it is funny. I mean like these cops are just standing there and like,

Under non-stop graffiti. It's like murder all cops. It's like sitting there It's like and the people are trying to somebody try to talk reason to them to the cops Like why don't you do the right thing and not shoot me with a rubber bullet?

Well, you know what the problem is? The problem is there's cops that just shoot people with rubber bullets for no reason. Yeah. Did you see that lady, that Australian reporter that got shot? Did you see that video? It's pretty hilarious. It's nuts. Because you see the guy do it. You see the cop. Just look at her while she's talking. She's clearly not a criminal. She's just reporting the news. And he fucking shoots her in the leg with a rubber bullet. The leg's hilarious. It's really good stuff. Let's watch this. That's funnier than making my producer smell smelling salts. Dude, it's a real dance bitch moment. Dance bitch. It's good.

Crazy. I mean, I can't believe that he would do this. This is the chick? Go full screen, please. Watch this. This is nuts. She's got that shitty Australian accent, though. Dance, bitch. Bro.

They just shot a reporter. Like, look, that guy just points and says, fuck this lady. It's going to be good promotional for her 2,000-person gangbang she's doing on OnlyFans this summer. I mean, what is that? Do you want to know why people get angry at cops? It's shit like that. I would say you shoot a white woman every couple minutes, and everyone starts going, oh, they're shooting everybody. Is that a thing where you're kicking everybody out of the street, and the press thinks they don't have to listen? No.

For sure. So you don't want to listen. You're tired of this shit and you decide to shoot her in the leg, which is fucking insane. That's so insane. You don't yell, lady, get out of the fucking street. Was there anything? This one happened too. After this minute goes down, this guy ends up shooting him at close range. What is this about? 40 millimeter. Yeah, I'm not going anywhere. What's your badge number?

Whoa. I'm going to pop you right now because you're taking up my focus? Look, it's not okay. It's not okay. But I will say I grew up at a time where if you talk shit to cops, nobody had camera phones or anything. A cop would just fuck you up. And there's something hilarious about that cop just shooting that guy in the dick. Yeah.

There's a thing about them rubber bullets. Like, you're shooting somebody, but you're not shooting them. Right. You're kind of half shooting them. Yeah. Right? But you are like, fuck. What you want to do is shoot them. Yeah. Right? And you're not allowed to. It's against the law. And it's not right. So you shoot them with a rubber bullet. And it's not right. But you can shoot people when you really shouldn't be shooting them with a rubber bullet. I feel like getting shot in the dick with a rubber bullet could have irreparable damages. 100%.

I mean people lost eyeballs bro. This guy had to have portions of his genitalia reattached. I do have a hard time feeling what say what say that again? Read it says there. He later had to have surgery to reattach portions of his genitalia. Portions? What are they serving it? How big is this guy's dick? What kind of a dick does this guy have? I wish my dick could be cut up into portions. How weird is that? He just knocked out the middle. Is it which one you have him for breakfast?

Oh man, if he break if he broke the middle off. I'd be like you give me a longer middle I get extension Different color just try to match it as best you can all this gene editing how far away away from big dicks I

You think it'd be the first thing I would have been working depends who comes up to the side if the Asians come over the science That's first thing well. They have the science with the genetic engineering. Oh, so you're saying what before your baby's inborn you'd like hey also I want my son to have a huge fucking day That's a weird conversation. You go. I'm thinking monster cock

You just let your kid have a regular dick and all his friends have giant dicks. That'd be a real problem You can't be so upset. I mean you could have given me a giant dick as well I want people to like you for you. I needed money for bowling. Oh great I'll be upstairs jerking off with three fingers. I don't even needs me alone with no friends I remember being like 12 being like when is it gonna grow like what's gonna get big and it just never really did and

You just kept having that conversation with yourself? Yeah. Come on, bud. Up until I was a full-fledged adult. Come on, bud. Now's the time. It's a sketch on Segura's new show. That's a funny show. Very funny, yeah. Fucking funny show, man. The Hitman one was hilarious. Yeah. I thought the video game where you play with aliens raping humans. Alien, that one, yeah.

He said it wasn't about the guy and part two was called "Evan's Revenge." Oh, Jamie, speaking of UFOs, did you see Lou Elizondo, these photos that are supposedly of a real alien? Oh, here we go. Bro, it's so dumb. The photos look blurry. Of the photos of the dead alien, like you can't even zoom in on that? You can't even fucking focus? Look at these, yeah, that thing, look at that. What is that? What's that?

What is that? How about better pictures? This is crazy. These are the only pictures? Is this from the 40s? Like, what's this picture from? What is this? Oh, people want to believe. Bro, so bad. Me too. I'm like, maybe. Maybe the bottom ones. It was funny. Somebody asked me, you know, Sean Donnelly and Dan St. Germain have a podcast now about...

Alien encounters and all that kind of stuff. Oh, really? And they both really believe it. And they were like, what would it take for you to believe, Jay? I was like, irrefutable evidence? I have to shake hands with an alien. The one thing I've never seen? Irrefutable evidence? There's a lot of shenanigans going on for sure. On the back of one of those photos. Alien, oh, it's 1993. Alien hybrid child born to a 15-year-old girl, subject of ET genetic experiment, under chin, neck, and upper torso view.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. So that's under chin. And then what's the other photo? It's the same. It's just the same. It's just one photo. Wasn't there another one? It seems like there's two photos. That's just with this particular one. But at the top, yeah, the one on the bottom. What's that one on the bottom? That one on the bottom seems a little turned to the side, right? Is that the eyeball supposedly?

What are those babies called that are born like that? Oh, Harlequin babies? Yeah. It could be anything, man. I mean, it might not even be human. Probably not an alien. I mean, it might not even be, you know, who fucking knows? Do you think, I mean, like someone like Donald Trump can hold in the information? I don't think they tell him. Like he can go about his daily day. I don't think they tell him. I don't think he cares. He's playing golf. But who can sit on that information if you know that? Wouldn't it be terrifying to, you know, it's almost that, to play...

Someone who knows about aliens existing, you think also breaks off and plays golf and decides what they want to have for dinner tonight? 100%. Really? Yeah. It's like finding out vampires exist. It would change everything. I think it's a fun way to have information that you don't give to the rest of the world. And if you're the head of a...

giant defense contracting agency that's been back engineering UFOs for the last 50 years. It'd be probably pretty cool to know some shit that other people don't know and not tell anybody and still go to brunch. But how are you not so consumed that you go, hey, you want to start a new Netflix series tonight?

Like it just seems like you'd be can it's the same way I don't believe people have like speaking the dead powers or slightly as my you'd be you know me It's never like oh, what does that tell your loved one that you missed them terribly? They miss you terribly

I'm actually you guys went to McDonald's I'll treat myself to something like how did your mind go anywhere else? But like I'd speak to the dead that way I'm consuming. Yeah, I would never sleep Supernatural all day talking to somebody with the war of 1776 There was a video you just tuned in to any time and like some Civil War soldiers You don't have a fate you don't go pick out a new pair of sneakers while that's going on

You need sneakers, I think. Did you see a video where it was like somebody, it might not even, I don't know if it's real, but she was like a girl who has like paranoid schizophrenia and she created like a video of what it's like to have

Schizophrenia, oh my god. It's like he's like floating like almost like yeah like yeah, but they're like Translucent and it's like just all these voices whispering It's like if that if that's how it really is have schizophrenia that I mean I couldn't make it a day Yeah, I think it varies like a lot of different neurological conditions right? I think you know there's extreme versions of it and some people have like mild schizophrenia Which is really weird

Well, I've been impressed. I have someone close to me in my life that said mania, where they go manic. And I've only seen it twice. It's Hulk Hogan. It's Hulk Hogan. I've only seen it twice, but I mean, I'm blown away by how much your brain can change functionality in a day, in a day's difference.

Being like everything's changed. You know, they're saying things that they've never said before and believing it and being like, you know, I mean, it's very strange. Well, if you think about your body. Yeah, it is scary. But if you think about your body as a whole, things go wrong in your body. And well, things go wrong in your brain, too. It's like, you know, you can't blame someone for having liver cancer. Right. Sometimes people just get weird diseases, you know, and the mental thing is a weird one, man.

because there's people that it's just like something isn't clicking. It's just not working right, you know, and they don't know what to do. And they're out there in the world and they're trying a bunch of different medications on them and they don't know what to do. So you can't be mad at Kurt Metzger. Can't be mad at Kurt Metzger. It's not his fault.

I couldn't imagine. This is what I always try to think about when I'm talking to somebody. I can't imagine what it's like to be them. Like, what is it like? What's it like to be Metzger? Oh, my. What's it like to be filled with conspiracies? Just know so much about, like, secret societies. And nobody believes you. Yeah, and nobody believes you. And everyone's kind of like, hey, man, we're just trying to smoke a joint in the green room. Bro, he hovers. He hovers over you like a gargoyle. He's a goon. He's this giant dude, and he's...

Hover's over you. Oh, you didn't know? Oh, you didn't know? Last time I was out in L.A., when he still lived in L.A.,

He came over to the Airbnb. I was always with Kurt. I haven't seen Kurt always in like months and months between when I get to see him. He's one of my oldest, closest friends in comedy. He's my daughter's godfather. You know, very close to him. Which is a crazy choice. Yeah, it's crazy. That's on Jay. It was a strange choice, but he's a good godfather. He's a great guy. He's great. And him and my daughter have a great relationship. It's fantastic. But he is a whacker for sure. And he...

Came in to the house. I was like, my man, it's good to see you. And he goes, you know, the P. Diddy thing is real. And that's why Usher, that audio of him fucking that guy was real. And he got Usher first. And that's why Usher, remember when Usher was gone for a year because he had to get his asshole sewn back together? What? What?

He just rattles them off, too. And then he'll go to Libya. All of a sudden, you're talking about Libya. Gaddafi. Remember the thing with Gaddafi? Like, I don't... Dude, he takes one of the people that text, like, the way he texts, it's not just like, he won't send you, like, one long text about, like, just everything I say. He has just, every sentence is a new text. You're just getting, like, it just seems manic. Just like... Full on.

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And then Bobby Kelly, Kurt goes inside and Bobby swims over and he goes, so I guess the Jew lasers are real. He goes, I guess Kurt told me those Jew lasers actually are pretty real. What's going on with them? He just corners you. He just corners you. But I love it. I can listen to him all day long. He's the best podcast guest. Yeah, yeah. He's doing story wars. The best podcast guest. He's like, he's just a...

You just have to rein him in. Don't let the Owen Benjamin. Like, go in this... That was a fun one. Take him in this direction. Go in this direction. Because he's just... It just never stops coming out of his mouth. Yeah. He's a joke-writing machine. No, he's a genius. He's an actual genius. I say his day-to-day personality is genuinely... I always describe Kurt. He's the first person I see at that price of genius. Where it's like, he's so great at being funny and his mind works such a thing, but... He's out of his mind. His brain, when you're not talking to him, maybe even when you're talking to him, is just like...

It's like a division sign Just formulas just formulas like that meme That's how I feel like when I'm talking to Elon same same thing Yeah, like you can tell there's like numbers running in his background shit going on He's trying to figure something out while you're talking. I mean he's clearly on the spectrum You know I mean that's that's how you make rockets and electric cars and also on Twitter at the same time be addicted to Twitter like

Where's your time coming from? And you're playing Diablo? Really? Like, hey, where is it? I couldn't imagine being that rich and ever opening Twitter. Like, if I was that, like, I'm just definitely above tweeting. I think really rich guys, one thing that happens if you're really rich and people are stopping you from communicating and you get pissed off and you think, well, fuck it, I can just buy Twitter.

Nobody would do that normally. You'd need a wild person like Elon to do that. That's a wild move to say, I'll just buy Twitter and then pay them way more than it's worth.

And then everybody says you're a terrible businessman because your company lost $20 billion in value in the first year. But it's like, no, it wasn't worth $44 billion. He paid $44 billion for it because he wanted it. It wasn't worth that. Like, how was it worth that? And then we found out a ton of shit, man, that we wouldn't have found out about, like, censorship and, like, what's directing it. Like, it's what's keeping us at each other's throats. You're saying almost just in the basic level of, like, someone his age –

Doing the same action that a girl flopping on her bed on her tummy and kicking her knees up is doing. Whatever. Trump's stupid. He's on the list. Yeah, I just... If I was... You made it. You don't need to prove anything else. You made it. Yeah. What else you got to prove? Let him find out in the newspapers. It doesn't matter. It's not a good look. I mean, if I had... If I just simply...

I mean, if I double my net worth, I'm going to fucking disappear from public life altogether. Much less Elon money. That's insane. I think you're aware when you have a lot of money of how many different entities are manipulating society.

I think that becomes an issue. And if you can do something about it and you feel compelled to do something about it, you're literally one of the only people that can. Do you think that he did do something about it? He definitely did when he bought Twitter. Twitter changed. He definitely did with Doge just exposing some of the wild shit. Like billions of dollars that's gone to who knows where with no receipts. But did they even do anything about it really? Or he just exposed it and people talked about it for a week? Well, you can't do anything about the money that's gone. I mean, unless...

they can somehow or another figure out where it was spent and whether it was valid and hold someone accountable. They're not going to do that because they want to make sure that that doesn't happen to them.

And they're just going to keep spending insane amounts of money. I feel like they're still spending. They were like, hey, this is happening, but it's still going to continue to happen for the rest of your lives. Well, here's the thing. If it's been funding the Democrat machine for this whole time, which is what guys like Mike Benz allege, it's a little over my head to really explain. But essentially, he was saying that there's so many NGOs. You want to know how many NGOs there are? There is one NGO in India for every 600 people.

I don't know what an NGO is in the English J. What a fucking idiot, dude. Just so you know. Non-governmental organization. Yeah, no. Tell it to him. Sorry. Non-governmental organization. It's just a non-profit. So it's a non-profit that's funded by the government. It's real weird stuff, man, when you find out about it. Just a future reference, if you can make all your acronyms, just say the whole word out so Louis gets it. Sorry. Stupid idiot. I should assume that no one knows about that. No, I...

Come on. You do, but I should assume because I didn't know about it until I started talking to Mike Benz about it. I was like, wait, what? Like how much money? And when you find out where the money was going and what it was doing, it's like he said it's all for stuff that's too dirty for the CIA. I was like, Jesus Christ.

And he lays it out like hours long presentation explains how it's all what's what's the root of it all and it's like it's really spooky stuff because you Realize like how corrupt our society actually truly is do you enjoy having the burden of information? Fucking hate it. Why like where does your where's your Bigfoot podcast where does your like political give a shit stop really well? I just don't want the world to fall apart sure it is

I just... I'm not politically aligned with either the left or the right. I believe in a lot of shit that the left believes in. Sure. And I believe in a lot of shit that the right believes in. I just don't believe in any of the shit that the extremists on either side believe in. That's the problem. Yeah. This is... Yeah, when you're fucking...

A tackling people at construction sites. It's like come on. Hmm Like what are you what are we doing? Like you want everybody out? I feel like once you get in Let's take a test You know like I do you type of guy that shows up at work Are you the type of guy that respects America? Do you like being here? It's too easy to get in though. Do you want a great analogy about the movie theater? I love that your analogy is killer It's a great analogy

I said I've snuck into a movie before, sit in an empty seat that no one's taken. It's not even taking up any kind of space. If they come in and go, hey, where's your ticket? I go, I don't have one. They go, you have to go.

You gotta go, man. You can't be like, ah, dude, I've already watched an hour of it. So what? And I feel like you should let them finish the movie. That's a good... I'm just saying my point. I'm not even saying you shouldn't let... I'm saying it's discretion to let them finish the movie or not. I'm just making the point to be like... They shoot you with a rubber bullet. But I'm like, what...

This movie theater was built on my people's land. To me, it's just like a weird reaction to getting caught being like, well, but I've already been here. It's like, I've gotten away with it for so long. Yeah, it's kind of funny. If you steal someone's stuff and they find it 20 years later, you go, well, it's been mine for 20 years. But also, I totally agree with you. And it's a funny joke.

But also, if you're living in Mexico and you're a young person and you figure out a way to sneak across the border, you get gainfully employed in the United States. You start doing well. You're involved in a business. You start raising a family. But there's no real path to citizenship.

because you snuck in. But you've actually become integrated in society and you're part of the American dream. Sure. It's just there's no path if you're dirt poor. That's the problem. See, if you're living in Denmark and you're white and you got a college degree and you're really good at genetics, you want to come over here and work for a lab, probably not that hard. You got to jump through hoops, though. You got to meet with the guy every six months or whatever it is. You got to fill out the paperwork. But if you're walking here from Mexico, you know, there's no clear path to citizenship. Right.

You know sure to marry a fat white woman Fine fine Desperado yeah, I mean there's no there's no clear pattern and especially if you're integrated in like I there was a guy that I had it was my landscaper for a long time in LA he was Danish he was Dutch he came from Mexico he walked across from Mexico it's like and and

He lived in these communities. Like, he took me to... They had chicken fights in their communities. And this dude had just roosters stacked up everywhere. There was like a hundred roosters in this guy's backyard. Not my landscaper, but his friend. He took me to his friend's place. They would barbecue a goat and cook... There wasn't an English-speaking sign for blocks. And I was like... You should have fucking paid him more. So, like, my point is...

My point my point is like chicken fights completely integrated Society that are a part of LA that are fully Mexican You know and but it functions it works like going in and raiding those people and putting them in jail because they've integrated into society

in an illegal way. It seems stupid. And then it's all the people that are going, it's like, it's my tax dollars. Like, guys, the amount of bullshit that our tax dollars goes to, that should be a priority over getting a fucking Mexican dad out of the country. It's like... Joe, it sounds like you just want to keep barbecued goat in this country. Here's the problem. The problem is if they're illegal, right, which is what everybody wants to keep it that way because whatever, you let them vote and this...

If they're illegal, then you don't have to pay them as much. And this is where it's dark. This is the dark secret of why people want cheap labor in this country, because there's a lot of people that don't pay people what they're supposed to be getting paid. It's non-union. They're illegal. Everyone knows. And they want cheap labor, cheap, dependable, reliable labor. So they let people in for that. Tim Dillon was talking to me about this a long time ago because, you know, he used to be a real estate guy. Like he understands like the dynamics of it all.

It's like that is a big part of what they want why they bring a people in and but the reality is yeah You should just pay people more money You should make less money. You should pay them more money You should pay them enough money so they could live like you just did to try to have a giant business this pays people the least amount possible That's it's kind of crazy. That's most businesses. I know but that's kind of crazy It's kind of a crazy thing to do very interesting my my ex-wife's both her parents are immigrants and you'd be surprised how not

sad they feel for people being kicked out. That's so crazy. They have a very, like, if, like, we had to figure out how to do it legally. That's what a lot of people, but that's also how people felt, like, when people were unvaccinated. Yeah, I had to take the shot. You know? Like, why don't you take the shot? I had to take the shot. Shit, I didn't have to. I sought it out so hard. Did you? Yeah, Jay was paranoid. You were scared? Certain I was dying. Yeah, a lot of people got scared. Yeah.

I just cared the fuck out of us I took it and I faked the second one the booster because I realized that there's no way that these there's a piece of paper It's a card mm-hmm with like some random name on it's like it was like I was like There's no way they're actually tracking this my daughter made one on her phone to go into a cheesecake factory pretty impressive

They're going to absolve you of that crime. It'll be in the future. It'll be like when all the people that dodged the draft, they exonerated wrong. Oh, wait. Did I just submit to a crime on this podcast? I didn't do that. They were saying they were going to prosecute people. I remember saying there was people that were saying, if you try to use a fake vaccination card, we're going to prosecute you. You're like, what?

That's like saying they're gonna put you in jail for not going to jury duty that doesn't actually happen yeah, but that's way crazier than that because that's like This whole thing is nuts like you're telling people they have to do this to get on an airplane It doesn't even have you ever had the tile as wraps a cheesecake factory. They're gonna risk it Do they come to you for do you ever done jury duty? I haven't done it like that's if Joe Rogan showed up to do duty. He'd be wild Are you familiar with this case? I'm familiar with everything

I'm a little familiar Mildly yeah, I think I interview the defendant and the plaintiff. I've never done jury duty either I haven't gotten a notification in years and years and years, but I was ignore them back. I just got one recently pretty hard You died. I just flat-out moved Tim Dylan was just talking about it on the spicy wing show what hot ones Tim he was talking about how he did dirt for a murder trial and

Really? Yeah, the guy was a fucking murderer. See, I did it recently. Yeah, he was talking about it recently. The guy, it was a long time ago. But he did jury duty and he was like joking around with the defendant. See, if I was guaranteed that,

I'd go show up. It's just what you're going to get is like a tax something or a business argument or some kind of shit. And that's boring as hell. Now you have to pretend to be racist to get out of it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to get schizophrenia. I hate, what's the last name of the one guy? Watkins? I hate black people. It's Jeremiah Watkins. I'm a little too opinionated. I mean, that's what I'd say.

The only time ever I showed up I wore I was wearing jean shorts And they said you can't wear shorts to and I go what do I do they go go about you'll go back into the pool And just go home. They sent me home. They sent him into a pool cuz wearing shorts. Yeah, nice shorts idiot get in the pool You can't offend people your wardrobe this place of the law I guess so how when did they stop wearing the wigs and the fucking crazy crazy like

Did they do it here? Did they still wear those? I think so. They don't wear the wigs anymore, right? When we first came from... Oh, like Pilgrim Court? Okay. How fucking stupid is it that everybody had wigs on? They still have it in England. To this day. The judges still wear it. It's crazy. And Jewish women. Religious Jewish women. You know where it came from? And any black woman. It came from syphilis.

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The Whigs? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So all the people, this is what, this is, so this is a story is a little complicated. This may or may not have been exactly how it happened, but it seems like when explorers came to North America, they contracted syphilis from the natives and then brought it back to Europe. And,

And then a lot of people were getting syphilis. These people were freaks. They're all fucking each other. And they were losing their hair and getting big holes in their face and shit. Like syphilis is crazy. It like rots your head away. And so they started wearing wigs because they had like big scabby holes in their head. Like literally it's horrific shit.

And the more wealthy you were, the bigger the wig. So that was like big wigs. That's what the term big wigs come from. It comes from these freaks that all had syphilis that were all banging each other. And if you have money, you're fucking just getting pussy left and right. So there was these two guys that were royals and they started it all. They started wearing the wigs when they got syphilis.

Wow. That's crazy. Nuts. So I guess it all dials back. It's still, it's not the white man's fault. He's dirty as Indians. It has to be. He's dirty Indian sluts. It has to be why they wear wigs in court. It has to be, right? Like it has to be like a proper thing, like wearing a tie or something, like a gentleman wears a wig.

I should start wearing a wig. How fun would that be? A powdered wig. I thought about getting a toupee recently just to be funny and just show up with like a really high quality toupee. Jamar does that. Yeah, I know. He wears a mohawk and he's losing his head. You should get a hair system, not a toupee. No, dude. I'm not going to another country to get my fucking ass hair as a plantain. No, no, no. Not an implant. Just a system. It's like a different, it's like more permanent toupee.

It really looks. Dude, I saw a video today where this doctor was talking and a doctor that I know was talking. Garth Fisher's his name. He was talking about his clients that went down to Turkey to get a gastric bypass operation. And then a couple of months later, like my stomach's bothering me. And the doctor's like, oh, let's check out what's going on with your stomach. How long have you only had one kidney?

And she's like, I have two kidneys. He goes, no, you have one kidney. And then contacts the other two girls that were on the trip. They all come in and get examined. They're all missing a kidney as well. So they went down to Turkey to get a bypass, a gastric bypass, and they stole their fucking kidneys. Brilliant. Yo. Not bad. Brilliant move. Out there stealing body parts. You only have one kidney. That's crazy.

I mean, that's better. Did they also get the gastric bypass, though? They did. But I think they paid for it. Oh. What if it cost a kidney to get gastric bypass? There's fat people that would do that. Right. What if they didn't read the fine print? Yeah. And it just cost you this? Here's why it's so cheap. We need a kidney. It's free if you have A, B, blood. How much is a kidney on the black market worth? That's a good question, Jamie. Don't Google that. We'll get in trouble. Off the dome. Let's guess. How big is your circle of give a kidney if they need it?

Oh, it's very small. Yeah? Yeah, you're going to have to figure that out. I'm not giving up kidneys for people. Just like Ari Shafir did your kidney. Not good. Not as good. It's two. That's why you have two.

Hello, science, catch up. Don't be fucking stealing people's kidneys. You can live with one kidney, but how much does it affect your day-to-day? Do you exercise still? I don't know. What would it do to you? That's a very good question. I think you live life relatively normal. People do it for loved ones. It's interesting that people get kicked in the kidneys all the time, but you don't really hear about too many severe kidney injuries. You hear about liver injuries. You hear about internal bleeding from guys from body shots. You don't hear too much about kidney injuries.

Dude getting punched in the fucking liver. It's the most painful thing. It's weird on the planet dude - weird feeling It's crazy. It just shut your body down you roll around on the floor and start crying I think Mickey Gall told me was Mickey Gall kicked me in my kidney Yeah, so I sparred with Mickey Gall once and I sparred with Michael Bisping once and both of them put me down with liver shot No, I'm sorry liver shots not kidney. Liver shots like but they called it. Is this how good fighters are like hey watch this

bang and they just put me down I mean literally the whole gym of people cackling laughing at me as I roll around on the floor as a man

It's fucking pathetic. Have you seen Ilya Teporia do that to people? He does it to fans. He hits them with a liver shot. Oh, no. They ask him. So he's liver shot and bare knuckle. Ilya Teporia, bare knuckle liver shotting people. I'd rather be punched in the face 10 out of 10 times. But Mickey said when he lost to Diego Sanchez, it was because his kidneys started shutting off. That's why he bit him. I bet that is a weight loss thing, though. He said it's from weight loss. Yeah, that's a brutal thing that they do, man. Like Kayla Harrison, who just won the Bantamweight title. Bro. Oh, that picture of her. She is so big.

She's so jacked and that her getting down to 135. I don't know how much weight she's losing I don't really want to ask but I do you know be not supposed to ask ladies what their way She was competing professional fighting. Yeah, and when she was over at the PFL she was fighting at 155 and

Her picture of her at the actual weigh-in was scary. Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. It was like a thumbnail from Crack Whore Confessions. See, this is the problem. The UFC had a 145-pound division, and Amanda Nunes was the champion of it. For the health of both fighters, that would be a good way. It really depends on if Kayla Harrison can continue to make 135 and defend the title, because I don't know who's going to beat her.

She's too fucking strong. She's so strong. That was a lot with like the chicks. There's like a real dominant chick for a while. With Amanda, it was KO power. Amanda was one of the rare women that she could just touch you and just blast you out of orbit. You know, it's usually with women, it's like a combination punches. Like Amanda had extraordinary power. Like when she knocked out Cyborg, that was wild, dude. That was fun. She just folded Cyborg. I'm like, that lady can crack. What was the, was it?

Silva, this last weekend, there was a knockout. The guy was asleep standing, and it was the most...

Most softest, like a turnover. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turnover like chin punching. The Korean dude. Yeah, young. The boxer. He was like 23 years old. It was like he- Joe Sang Yu. He moved and just like, it was the smallest little like- Oh, it was beautiful. He didn't pull it from the shoulder or nothing. One of the best left hooks of all time. The guy was asleep before he hit the ground. It was crazy. One of the best left hooks of all time. It was literally like this. Bam. Like he just turned it over. And he's a kid, right? Yeah, he's young. No, he's not that young. No, no, no. Here it is.

Boom look at that. I think he's 28. That's a lot of his momentum coming into it's like the police timing for sure But he's also really good boxer. He's knocked out and that's him do zoom backflips in the worst feeling I don't know how I would I'm not a good enough sport for if I was knocked out and they come over and start doing that thing where they're Touching my face long be like thank you for the opportunity to fuck away from a lot of people do fucking jerk off I don't want to talk to you guys. Hey, will you pray with me? No?

Ah, will you pray with me? To who? A god that hates my guts? That's so funny. I'm praying to god this whole training camp. God just gave me a concussion. Thanks, god. That's hilarious. I guess god thought I was training wrong. This lady's got a problem. Because if she, you know, other than the Amanda Nunes fight, who? Who?

Well, who's going to pay you to watch her just steamroll somebody? If she can continue to make 135, if she becomes a marathon runner or something, and drops even more muscle mass and can make 135, who the fuck is going to be able to deal with that? It was like Mike Tyson back in the day. It became a thing where they started offering you money back on the pay-per-views if you didn't last at least two rounds. Did they? Yeah, that was the whole thing. Because he was knocking people out so fast, it was like...

Yeah, I'm not paying for this. This is fucking crazy. Yeah, everybody would look at a pay-per-view based on how long you thought the fight would last. Like, $60, man. Yeah. It wasn't that much back then. But I remember people being bummed out. It was like a 30-second knockout. But it was also fun to like... I think it was great. It was almost like Mike Tyson, his thing was... He was so...

Vicious and badass yeah, that was kind of fun to watch somebody that dominant You know if it also the crazy when I think of the UFC people look like they want to they want the back-and-forth They want five crazy fights. They want to like you feel like you're getting your money's worth I remember if they're Tyson Holyfield the ear thing mm-hmm I ordered that pay-per-view and I was driving around that night afterwards listen to the radio and people were like

Like tons of complaining on sports radio. I'm like you just watched a guy bite a human another man's ear off Yeah, if they would have sold it that way dollars just for that Yeah, before the fight if they were like watch a man eat another man's ear. I'll pay anything you want Didn't he bite him twice?

Yeah, he didn't get it off the money back was for that fight Tyson has 50 bucks back then was edibles that are ear shaped is the funniest fucking thing in fact that their friends know Evander Mike is love and her life has no idea what's going on He doesn't he'd be friends with anybody He is gone ski

Evander Holyfield? Is he? Oh, he yells a whisper. He was on my podcast a few years back. He was fine. Yeah. Back in L.A. No, man. He was like super coherent back in L.A. I mean, that was a few years ago, seven years ago, maybe. How long ago was Evander on the show?

Did he fight Vitor? Is that who fought Vitor? Yeah. That was unfortunate. I don't think he had a real camp for that fight either. I think that was a last minute replacement because Vitor was supposed to fight somebody else, right? Yeah. Very few athletes will ever, I think at this point, I know there's bigger contracts now than ever. 2019, so six years ago. But very few athletes will ever understand the idea of what those guys' lives were like. Even like Riddick Bowe. Oh, yeah. Riddick Bowe was champion for like two fights.

You know I mean he was awesome didn't have a awesome, but he didn't have a long run or anything and then right you see his thing It's like 14 acres with white tigers everywhere and all his clothes are silk like they're immediately Like they were just getting handed like 50 million dollars a nut in one night I know it's like you train for that night, but that's a crazy amount of like no athletes get that yeah Well like anymore nothing like that. There's a few Canelo does does

Does he? Yeah, Canelo has a giant deal with the Saudis. Oh, but I mean, maybe even boxing still has that with the pay-per-view like taken. I just mean... Yeah, some of these boxers are making pretty fucking nuts right now. But that sport's the only sport... I mean, UFC has never paid like that, has it? I don't know what the most amount anyone's been paid in the UFC for a fight. If I had to guess, it's got to be Conor. Yeah, without a doubt. Yeah. I know Conor has made more than $100 million in the UFC, I believe. Yeah. See if that's a fact. Yeah.

Is that going all in with his endorsements? I shouldn't say that because I don't really know. I just read some article that tried to break down how much he made for each pay-per-view and how much he made at the beginning of his career, like when he first burst onto the scene. Yeah. I got two numbers in the first results. That says 39.3, and then down here it says...

108 yeah, that's Yeah, so there's like the pay-per-view bonuses versus like fight pay So what I was gonna say is I thought he made a hundred million dollars from the Floyd fight. So it can't be that So 30 million oh it says 30 million from the boxing match in Floyd I thought it was a hundred million and his biggest pay I was against Khabib for 28 5 almost I

Yeah, he's... So, $28 million. He's probably made the most. But his, like... If I had to guess... That was an all pay-per-view bonus. That was a huge pay-per-view. Right, but he did get paid. I mean, that's the only way they get paid anyway. Yeah, of course. I mean, the pay-per-view bonus thing is great because it forces them to promote, but...

Don't mind a silent killer. I don't mind an Alex Pereira. I don't want to see him promoted He don't have to promote that dude promotes when he puts people into orbit, you know Just let him train let him shoot a fucking bow and arrow at a soccer ball Train like don't fucking Pond that guy out and have him do media everywhere like it leave his energy alone Like you guys can do enough with promotion from his highlight reel. Do you know what the guy like Connor though?

That fucking guy, like, if he can get on the radio, if he can get on a talk show, if he can start talking shit, he'll, the number, Dana sees dollar bills like fucking Scrooge McDuck. Ka-ching, ka-ching. He's like, start throwing gold coins in the air. Conor was the best at it. What about a couple weeks ago, Aaron Blanchfield versus, what was the girl she was fighting? Macy Barber. They canceled it as it was starting. They already did the package for the main event. Yes.

And then they found out that Macy Barber had passed out. She had a seizure backstage. I don't want to speak out of turn. So it's some sort of medical condition and she was in trouble. And so they sent her to the hospital to get checked out. I mean, they literally said, all right, now it's time for the main event. And then they were like, well, never mind. We're not doing it. Yeah. I don't, again, I don't want to speak out of turn, but I think she might have had some health concerns. She's had a bunch of health concerns over the last couple of years, I think.

So, and then she missed weight, which is never a good sign. You know, when they miss weight, usually something's off. Yeah. A lot of times they're injured or sick or something.

But whatever it was, it sucks. That sucks for Aaron Blanchfield. She's actually from my hometown in Jersey. She's a beast, dude. Yeah, she's a monster. Very good. Very young, too. Were you going to set him up and say something shitty about her? And then be like, I know her actually really well. She's a dumb bitch. Oh, I grew up with her. What an ass. I was with Dave Porterfield. You know, he's a big fan of Meatball Molly McCann, who's great, too. But he's like, I'm betting on Molly. And I go, yeah.

And he's like, you think? I go, dude, like, Erin Blanchfield is the truth. Like, she's a fucking problem. She's a problem. She gets a hold of Molly, and she just ragdolled her. If you were going to Pete Rose your own sport, how do you think you would hit good? Oh, I used to bet on it. Yeah? But I can't affect the outcome. Sure. So I used to, in the early days of the UFC, when they first started having lines in sportsbooks, I would bet. Because I would see, like, you'd see shit like...

Anderson Silva. It's like, if this isn't an 800 to one. Anderson Silva versus Travis Luter. Like, okay. Uh-uh. That was different. Okay. Travis Luter lost that fight, in my opinion, because he cut too much weight. You think he would have won the fight? He had him mounted early in the fight. Let me tell you something. Travis Luter's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was fucking elite.

All the guys that I know that train with him, like, oh, dude, he's like Ricardo Laborio level. Like, he's special. Like, he did the ultimate fighter, and everybody was terrified. They're like, that motherfucker gets you on the ground. You're in trouble. He's just a machine in jiu-jitsu. So I saw him cut weight, and he looked so bad, his lips were cracked.

Wow. His face was sucked in and he was shuffling to the scale and he still didn't make weight. He never made weight. Oh, is that what happened? It wasn't a title fight. That's right. He wouldn't have won the title if he won. That was crazy. They used to give the winner of the ultimate fighter a title shot like back in the day. It was like a crazy like...

Sort of like prize like it's just changes turned into such more of a legitimate sport now You can't just give like the winner of a reality show a title for America's Got Talent used to give a million dollar prize and then one day they just changed like you just be part of an America's Got Talent show in Vegas did they always give you a title fight is that I think the first few seasons Yeah, I think Travis had had a few fights in the UFC before that dude. That was a long after the ultimate fighter

I'm about 90% sure because I know he knocked out Marvin Eastman. I remember that fight. And, you know, he fought quite a few dudes. But the main theme was when Travis got a hold of you, you were fucked.

He got a hold of Anderson and Anderson looked fuck it was early in the fight But then he got an Anderson got him in a triangle. He just tired out and Anderson was blasting him When he first came in it was crazy if you saw that guy the day before you'd go. Oh my god How is this guy even a lie? He should be taken to a hospital. Yeah, he looks so bad I've seen a lot of people weigh in looking really bad, but Travis was the worst. I

So look at this. He's mounted on top of Anderson early in the fight, dude. I mean, I'd skip the head. He was mounted for like two and a half minutes. Yeah. I mean, but he just gassed out, man. I mean, he just had nothing left. He lost too much weight, man. And so then Anderson got him in a triangle and started fucking him up with elbows. So there came a point in time where you could see him visibly fading. You know? Yeah. I think if... Look at that mount, bro. Look how slick that is. I mean, this dude is so slick. Yeah.

Travis was so dangerous man. He could have possibly submitted him, but he was just too big for the weight class He shouldn't have been making that weight. So that's that's my point. It's like yeah, he was a live dog in this fight is my point Yeah, he was tired that wasn't even really an escape that Anderson did he lost way too much weight dude He was dead the day before I mean dead when I saw him dead. He looked like he might die Have you ever gotten talked to a fighter about the psychology of like?

Once you lose like when you're just like it's dominant force and once you lose like your whole thing change like Roy Jones Jr. Was overnight overnight overnight They said that one guy called him out said he was talking about Tarver Tarver said he was ducking him then Antonio Tarver beat him then Glenn Johnson just beat him knocked him through the ropes It was just like it became like I just beat him but Glenn Johnson knocked him out Where's one of those scary ones where your arms are stiff? Yeah

And it didn't seem like he hit him that hard either. It seemed like it couldn't be real that it was happening. Two fights before that was the fight, I believe, where he's hitting the guy and he tells the ref, he's like, stop the fight. And then the ref didn't and he hit him a few more times. Yeah, and he passed the end zone. That was like two fights before it was just all over. Yeah. But you know what happened? Roy went up to heavyweight and he fought John Ruiz. And then he dropped back down to light heavyweight. And that's a real problem. He got knocked out. So it's like...

He's stiff, dude. Like when you get knocked down and you're just like stiff here. This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. Sometimes it's good to be a little controlling. It can help you protect yourself, your health, your well-being, and your possessions. There's only so much you can do though, especially when it comes to your personal info.

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Anderson Silva. Oh, that's so awful. Wasn't it pretty much Anderson Silva after the leg went?

in the fight. He won fights since, but he never really captured back like, we're just going to watch him. First UFC we ever went to was 101 in Philly. Anderson Silva versus Forrest Griffin. And a racist-ass Philly crowd. That night for us in general was just a hilarious thing. We went with, it was me, Dave, and Lewis, all three of us. The first white boy weekend. We went to like an Oz Fest or Mayhem Fest. Mayhem Fest, yeah.

And then UFC. Lewis and Dave brought their friend who I was not getting along with. And a girl who... Shadow Crypto West. Crypto West. We used to...

Lewis used to date a girl who became friends with the group sort of and she came with us also. We'll say she's a chunkier girl. This is back, look, this is back in the day when I was younger. It's like, if you become friends with a girl, like you can't separate friendship. No one's going to see her. You don't have to over explain that you fucked a girl that wasn't super hot. She was really hot, I mean. It's okay. Well,

Look, you know I'm saying now I wouldn't have dated her but yeah she was a little bit of a chunkier girl and Whatever it was that we were just we were just talking shit like you know watching the fights everyone's just being animals We ended up getting to a thing with these guys in front of us like it was like it was maybe Four four of us and I want to say maybe three of them we might have outnumbered them No, I don't think so at first it was just there was like one or two guys just there the other guys were gone Yeah, we just coyote trap

They show you one coyote and the rest of them surround you. And we started talking shit with these guys. It just turned into like a... I mean, we shouldn't make this up. We're not looking... None of us are looking for trouble guys. The guys were... I think we were talking and saying shit, like being funny. And I think they kind of were giving us like a...

why don't you guys shut the up kind of thing yeah i mean like we're being dickhead comedians and they're like really serious about watching an mma fight right now first one ever in philadelphia they turned around they start talking so then we start talking to them we kind of chump the two guys and then their group of friends show up and they get wind that they just got chumped by these loser comedians they left the nerds behind and they went and got merch yeah so then these guys make the nerds get merged we see what we're working with it became a whole argument these guys started talking to us

And by the way, we were above them. We could have fucked it. We should have just- Oh, higher ground. We should have just dominated these guys. But whatever had happened, we just didn't want to fight and get kicked out. We're not tough guys like that. So they start talking shit. And then this is like, it's such a fight. It's almost like when somebody spits on you. One of the guys goes, it was like, you'll fuck you and fuck your fat bitch too, about the girl that I was seeing. And we all just acted like we didn't hear it. Everyone acted like they didn't hear it. We just communally agreed without even looking at each other. We were like, these guys, huh? Yeah.

She said I can't believe these guys were ready to fight for everything except me when that was the final vote he goes Oh, well, you should stick up for yourself lady, and then we just exact there. She's a big girl She could have helped then we went outside and pretended like we were waiting to find them as an AC of 18,000 people God we did like jerk offs there But then that was so funny because it was Philly and

Which historically hilariously racist city and which fight was that it was Forrest Griffin Anderson Silva Oh, that was crazy Forrest Griffin I mean the applause he got when he came out the ovation he got they couldn't wait. They loved him. And they literally booed Anderson Silva and then Anderson Silva handled that hilariously and quick. Yeah. And then when Forrest Griffin left immediately he didn't stay he ran right out of the ring which was a thing and

And then they announced the thing. It was your winner. And still, Anderson Silva. And the place booed. It was such a sweet moment because Anderson Silva seems like his personality is good. Yeah. It seems like. And they were booing. And they had him on the big screen. And Anderson Silva goes like, he almost had to go, really? And he's holding the belt. And they're like, yeah, all right, you son of a bitch. That was amazing. And they cheered for him. Come on. Strange. But we saw an 18-year-old or 19-year-old John Jones just walking around the arena that night. And I didn't know.

I got into UFC way early. Me and my step-pop used to get Ninja versus Sumo wrestler UFC. And then when it got rules and everyone was trying to start doing actual MMA...

Lost track of it and Lewis and Dave were super into it. So they were you guys funny when the rules came you checked out checked out Roommates in Brooklyn we would go to the blockbuster rent the old UFC's it was like ultimate knockouts ultimate submissions they had like a series of videos and

Was it Mark Lehman he would teach you how to do moves like in the there was like a segment where it's like hey kids at home So me and Dave literally living in the shittiest dirtiest apartment with a garbage everywhere and beer bottles everywhere We would have grappling matches with our buddy Wes my cauliflower here didn't come from jujitsu. This is from Dave Smith Open hand smack we had open hand smacking rules Open and smack me in the ear

Political pundit. Maybe the best political pundit alive. How weird is that? I'm going to assassinate him. Dave was a pothead wigger who was grappling amongst garbage with me. That's how he started his career. I guess I was on my couch for a couple years. Did you guys ever imagine he was going to be that good at political commentary? You know what? I shouldn't say no. I didn't know he was going to go to be that kind of big in it. The fact that he is great at it doesn't surprise me at all. His recall is nuts. It's interesting how, because I said this was just a guy at a time, I said we smoked pot.

we essentially raised my daughter to a gay couple during the day. Then my ex-wife would come home and then we'd head into the city and meet up with Louis. How many times did your ex-wife accuse you of doing gay shit with Dave? Several. You know what's funny? One of the reasons I was able to give while I was leaving when I left was I went in her...

thing to see if she was I was like let's just see if she's cheating also and I went through her computer and it was nothing about her cheating at all it was several times looking up what to do when you find out your husband is gay laughing

What? What? Imagine being a woman married to a guy and thinking he's secretly sneaking away and sucking cock. That's a video that just went viral recently. The girl like caught her boyfriend or husband. You look staged. I saw that. You think it was staged? I don't think so, dude. I don't think she's that good of an actress. She's staged.

They might be. I mean, a lot of them were staged. She was losing her mind. She's like, you're fucking that guy? You're fucking him, Chris? Really? Cheaters getting caught by their significant others, though. As much as I felt that pain, I love those videos. That's a rabbit hole I've gone to. Remember that show? Cheaters. Remember the show, Cheaters? And the guy got stabbed on a boat? All fake. All fake. All fake. I believe it. I've talked to so many people who've worked at Cheaters before and stuff. And recently, I wanted to be the host. They brought Peter Gunz from Lord Tariq and Peter Gunz, Uptown Baby. Remember that song? Yeah. Yeah.

He became the newest host. Before him, it was Clark Gable III. It was like Clark Gable's grandson. Seriously, it was like Clark Gable III or something. He died from a drug overdose. The original guy who hosted it was a guy named Tommy Habib. He was pretty great at it. Then the little guy got stabbed. Fake, completely fake.

Do you remember Morton Downey Jr.? Of course. He was the best. He was the best. Yeah, he would just smoke on the show and just yell at people. He's like, all right, so you're a Nazi. Here's the Jewish Defamation League. Let's bring him out to fight. This is what's crazy. There was a guy who used to work as a doorman at one of the comedy clubs, like a wannabe comedian, and he would also get jobs on these reality shows. And the way it would work, they'd call him up. Hey, we're looking for someone whose brother had an affair with his wife yesterday.

And he just found out. He goes, what a coincidence. My brother just said, like, that would be the thing. They go, great, come on in. We're looking for a guy who came back from Vietnam, very disillusioned, you know, whatever the fuck it is. They would just say that to him, and he'd go, great. And they knew it was bullshit, and he would just show up and act it. They would just give him a rough... So you came back from Vietnam, and what did you discover there? And he would just start talking. When it's real, it goes bad. They had the one thing where the...

The guy... It was Jenny Jones that ruined her fucking career completely. The guy... The guy was in love with the guy. They were like, hey, I'll do the show, but...

It's not going to be a guy, right? Who's like into me. And they were like, no, no, no. And then it was, it was this, now he's friends with two people, a big fat girl and a gay guy. And the big fat girl was sitting out there and he was like, oh shit. Okay. And they go, no, no, it's not her. And they bring up the guy and he says, he goes, oh, you lied to me. And his face is real, like embarrassed. And he killed the gay guy later.

And that ruined Jenny Jones' career completely. Yeah. You know, Jenny Jones was a comic, and she used to do, like, all-girls night. So at the club, like, you couldn't even be in the club. So they would do, like, a show where it would be all-girl waitstaff, all-girl everything, all-girl audience. It's the least funny show ever. They buy it, talk about girl things. The service is slow. The math is wrong.

But the place was clean as shit. No security. Latina gang fights in every bathroom. I think it was just a regular club. It's just they just only got female staff to run everything.

That's great. You sometimes see that. It was like an all-female comedy festival. Imagine if you tried to do an all-male comedy festival. It'd be hilarious. We have it. Skank Fest. It'd be a good festival. Have you seen that? Did you ever see that there's like, I forget, there's some shift in some town where their brag is like, and this shift is all 100% female police officers. Like, well...

We know the time and place, dude. Let's lose. Yeah. Take over this fucking city, dude. Don't do that on a flight. I wasn't on it, but I've seen it where it's like, just so you know, today-

All of the flight attendants and our captain and co-captain are female. You're like, what? Let me off this fucking flight right now. Wasn't that the case in Toronto where the plane flipped upside down? I think that was that. That's the movie Flight with Denzel Washington. No, no, no. They woke you up and they were like, hey, do you know how to read a map? She came in hot. She came in hot on the landing and flipped the plane. Oh, yeah. Did you see that? It landed upside down. I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro. Yeah. Yeah. I think that was one of them deals. If I get a female Uber driver, I rebook my Uber.

Oh my god. They drive so slow and buy like the the laws. Why not just get a Waymo? I did I've been in Waymo twice. Because I yeah dude an Asian woman driver is the worst. There's a lot of that in New York City sometimes. Yeah. It's crazy and they are slow and they do not change lanes.

And it is brutal to sit there in the back and not yell. I know. And then they're going exactly at the speed limits. You can't complain. Yeah. Please break the law. This is crazy. Did you see that guy who was one of the producers of Top Gear in the UK? He got his license revoked because he went 24 miles an hour in a 20 mile an hour zone.

They took his license away for six months. That's crazy. Dude, weird. How rough is England? That town needs a Mexican uprising, it sounds like. Sounds like. They did an English uprising. That is fucking bananas. But it is 20. I was just driving from Manchester to London. When you get into London...

The speed limit is 20 miles an hour. That is so crazy. It's insane. How many kilometers per hour is that? I don't know, but because my driver had, it was in miles per hour, like his speedometer, and it was 20 miles an hour he was going, and it just feels like you're in slow motion. It's insane. Do they always use miles per hour? I think they use kilometers, right? No, I think they do, yeah. Canada uses kilometers. I thought they used kilometers, but this car specifically had miles per hour on the speedometer. But you're on the wrong side of the road?

Yeah. Is that weird? You're a bad driver on the right side of the road. Well, I wasn't driving. I did drive in Jamaica because that was an English-owned country. So they're on the opposite side as well. And I rented mopeds when I was in Jamaica. And you get used to it very quickly. Like, you think it's going to really turn you around, but like... Yeah.

Whatever it is, your mind just flips it. As soon as I drive into Canada, right away we've been Canada signs. I'm like, oh no. Oh no. Here we go. We gotta go east. Yeah. Oost. Oost. Nord. How many different countries use...

Inches and miles an hour doesn't everybody use kilometers now doesn't everybody use the I still think they're wrong They tried it on us when I was in high school really yeah They tried to read they tried to introduce the metric systems if this is gonna be the thing that we all accept and everybody's like yeah Yeah, yeah antiquated not in this country. I don't follow the Dewey decimal system either. Nope suck my dick old people oh Fuck your kilograms

Yeah, it's a weird thing that one country just says nah. We can't learn it fuck that I mean how many countries have it how many countries have inches? I think it's maybe England says the UK USA and Canada keep miles per hour Oh, so is that what is England has miles per hour? Oh, no, they have it like it's it's double, but it's their main thing is definitely kilometers for sure so Everything else is kilometers, so it's like like six countries

That have, um, kilometer or miles per hour. Or inches. It's just weird that we didn't like, I still don't know. I feel like Dick is inches in every place. My dick is 36 decimeters. 26,000 kilometers. Do you guys have a, uh, vast majority of countries use kilometers per hour. Um,

9% of the world uses miles per hour, US being the notable example. Interesting. So it's all the UK. I wasn't wrong. When I was in England for the fights, they measure people in stone. So they say 10 stone. I have no idea what that means. I think it's 230 pounds.

I think it's, is it 13 pounds each stone? It's a weird old timey fucking measure, but you have to say it. Was it actually based off of stones? I think so. 14 pounds? So that would be 240 pounds, 10 stone. I think it was actually like,

Like a fucking justice scale with the person on one side and stones on the other. I think it's what it comes from. I do like England, though. It's shitty food, but it's still just a cool... You like being the only circumcised person in a room, you piece of shit. So, no, 10 stones, 140 pounds, right? You said it's 14 pounds per? Yeah. Oh, okay. 20 stones would be 240 pounds. So then you'd have to say, like, five stone, nine ounces, then say the fucking pounds afterwards. It's weird. Like, why...

We're talking about weird things to keep holding on to. Stone. That's a strange one. Do you go and see the places and any of those weird destinations for UFC? I definitely have, yeah. Yeah, London's cool. It's interesting. You'd go into a bar that's a 500-year-old place. It's weird. Like, there's some old shit in that town. Oh, yeah. You know? And you see how New York was, like, designed after it so much. Yeah. Yeah.

London's a cool town. I like I like honestly if I like cities that remind me of New York's like I love Rome Rome's like the og New York It's fucking really cool. So I don't think you're wrong. I've never been how's it like New York? It's just it feels like because back in the day like the most hope you talk like the hub It's like very fast-moving. Yeah, they were they were more advanced than everyone. They were just like, you know architecturally technologically They were way ahead of their time with everything

That St. Peter's Basilica is bananas. I think about that all the time. I think about it all the time, like the amount of work involved in making something that spectacular. The Sistine Chapel is fucking nuts, dude. Michelangelo went blind painting it. He was on scaffolding and paint was just dripping into his eye and he started going mad and fucking... It's so cool. And the details, and he wasn't even a painter, which is the craziest thing. He wasn't like, that wasn't by trade what he did. He was just a genius and could like emulate...

Like that crazy ass art. He could do anything. The sculptures were insane. Yeah. The fucking art in the Vatican too is nuts. When you're walking through the place, like how much money is all this worth? Like this is crazy. It's the biggest art museum in the world. And I'm going again. I brought my son a few years ago on a father-son trip. And he was eight years old. We did a four hour tour. We could have done an eight hour tour. It was so cool. It was just never ending. Just every room was more awesome than the next. The big map room. Did you see that?

They had like a map it was like you know 150 feet wide fucking however many feet tall and it was 99% accurate and whatever year was that they made it it was like I don't know how like hundreds and hundreds of years ago 99% accurate drawn by hand crazy I can't even begin to tell you how like I have no idea how that could possibly be done It was swore to me today. He was gonna crowbar an art talk I did I bet I can get Joe talk I Said he's gonna think it's gay and he was like he doesn't I

It's funny that art would be gay. Yeah. When you, the books that they have too, they have a crazy library. Like they probably have some books from the library of Alexandria. They got tucked away in there. Well, apparently the deeper you go, like the more like exotic the shit is. There's like levels that you can only have access to if you're like a king or a fucking. That's why I believe people are capable of hiding UFO information. That's why I believe people are capable because there are people capable of hiding all kinds of shit.

What's you hide in England shit? No one gives a fuck Jay actually what are they hiding in their salt things for their food tastes good Yeah Yeah, the history of dragons been stifled doesn't Jay doesn't travel he won't go to other countries I'm trying to get him to do shows like in the UK just I mean they have the internet Yeah

But you gotta figure New York to LA is a six hour flight. New York to Amsterdam is a seven hour flight. I've done everything I did overseas. I did probably, or most things I should say, probably a little young in comedy.

And intimidated myself on the situations. Well, it's not because you're poor, so you can't go to like a nice restaurant or like you went. Well, it's not even that. When I was in South Africa, I was wealthy, dude. Their money is garbage. But no, I'm telling you, and I've enjoyed some of the places when I've gone to them. It's just like I am such a...

regular idiot that I'm just like I'm not gonna understand the food and what what am I gonna plug my stuff into doesn't explode if it's wrong dude I'm sure I'm so when you go through like blows when you walk through the red light district like the places where you could buy like snacks like they know how many dude it's so funny they have like

Like hot dogs on like pizza buns. It's so for like dumb Americans to be like, oh, a hot dog on a pizza bun. You fucking just eat this terrible shit. Chocolate taco. Chocolate tacos are great. Choco taco. Chocolate tacos were fucking badass. I get it, Jay. Why travel? Fuck it.

I, uh, yeah, I follow the Kid Rock credo. Just try to get famous here. Let's just handle it here. This is the best place to be famous if you can get famous. Yeah, who does it better than Kid Rock? Nobody. The guy's really figured it out. Also, by gunning down that Miller Lite, you know, Bud Light, rather, that Bud Light thing, and gunned down those cans, like, that was, like, one of the craziest moments in economy. Yeah.

Like, that fucking, the Bud Light stock dropped like a rock. Like, that moment when Kid Rock guns down the Bud Light. Kid Rock maybe, though, if we were going to appoint him something, it should be like the Minister of Beer. Like, he should be the person deciding what beer we should have. I'll accept that. Because his friendship with the President is hilarious. It's funny. And wacky. There's been no other thing like that ever.

You know, I mean you never find out like Oh Bill Clinton and Iverson kick it once in a while right that never happened. Well, there was What the fuck's Bobby Brown and fucking Joe Biden fucking golf and crush ass together What the fuck's his name? That's friends with Kim Jong-un Rodman Rodman goes over there hangs with Kim Jong the best document. You ever see a documentary

Oh, treat yourself as soon as humanly possible to Dennis Rodman's Big Bang in Pyongyang. Oh, boy. It starts off as him going over there believing he's doing something diplomatic. And then they go, all right, so you're going to go home and gather up some players and come here. And the documentary filmmaker goes...

On the flight back when they were coming back now to North Korea he goes Oh I noticed from the last time that Dennis has started drinking again And he was supposed to be like stopped drinking completely and then the documentary takes off because it's just Dennis Robin Fucking up in North Korea for two hours. So he first comes in drunkenly starts bowing everybody It's not a bowing culture. So that's pretty hilarious and

He treats the North Koreans like they're dolls. He'll grab them and make them come sing karaoke and just points at them while they sing. He just dominates the room, and everyone's afraid of him, and everyone hates him. It's one of the best documentaries. Is there a trailer for a trailer? What a crazy thing to go hang out with a dictator.

Oh, yeah. Oh, also, Kim Jong-un also does not want much to do with Dennis Rodman. What? Like, after his meltdown, he, like, stiffs him. He, like, has Dennis Rodman meet him at his, like, chalet, and then he's not there. Whoa. And then it's just Dennis Rodman crying. Is this the trailer? We're here today for Dennis Rodman to make a historic announcement following his recent visit to North Korea. The Ministry of Sports of the DPR Korea invites Mr. Dennis Rodman... I just realized how much influence, stylistically, you take from Dennis Rodman, Jay. Almost the same guy, a lot of people say.

Mr. Rodman is on a private trip, and our views about North Korea have not changed. You know, you got the Jaycees, the Beyonce's, stuff like that. None of these people in the world are doing what I'm doing. I'm concerned, as many Americans are, about giving a birthday present to a man who is seen as a... Wait, pause it for one second. This... Do you remember that interview on ESPN? No. So they had him and the players that agreed to play.

Go on there and he loses his mind Dennis rum, but in the documentary they show you the whole build-up to that which is The guys meeting without Dennis Robin like Dennis's little office rocker right now and America's turning on us We're gonna do this interview with CNN while Dennis is asleep hungover and we'll just do it just us and we'll be able to explain this better that we're just trying to be diplomatic and do something here and

And then Dennis Robin wakes up and finds out they're doing that. And he just cuts a wrestling promo. And he's just slobber filled. It makes no sense. So great. Do you have to let the Koreans win? When you go over there? Oh, it didn't matter. The Koreans... The game was such nonsense.

Like, at first it was the Americans versus them. Koreans kept up with them because they're good and they're giving a shit and trying. Dennis Robbins stops playing. He just changes out of his thing and puts on street clothes and hangs out with Kim Jong-il right away. And then at halftime he just goes, some people switch jerseys. And then he goes, so we could play together.

And he just has them play. He also has the audience try to sing along Happy Birthday to Kim Jong-un when he starts the game, and the audience doesn't know what he's singing. So they just start clapping too fast while he's singing. It's really two fantastic hours of television. I recommend it highly. I love that kind of just brazen, not seeing what's happening around you. Everyone's hating him, and he's just like, I'm killing it.

I can't believe how good he's doing. That's great. So he doesn't go over there anymore? No. Well, I don't think so. I'm sure he still drinks, though. You stopped drinking. How was Protect Our Parks with no drinking? It was fun.

And you're the only one not drinking there. Yeah. But then at some point, aren't you wrangling three people who are blackout drunk? But it's okay. I've been blackout drunk. I know what it feels like. It's not bad. It's just for health purposes. I was like, I work out so much and I take care of my body. Why am I poisoning it all the time? And I said, let me just take a break. And I just took a break. And I was like, God, why do I need it? I was like, what am I doing? Everybody's like, do you want a drink? Yeah, let's have a drink.

But sometimes you're just like, well, it's just like a force of habit. You know, have a drink every time I do a set, have a whiskey, have a shot before I go on stage. You feel like you're doing something. You feel bored when everyone else is drinking, but it's really no, like, I have way more energy when I'm not drinking. Yeah. I could stay up and like be present. Like I want to, I want to be in bed by 11 o'clock if I'm drinking or smoking weed. Dude, I've had three months off and I haven't had one bad day.

So I haven't had one day physically where I feel like shit. That has to be it. Well, the other side is your metabolism. When I stopped drinking, I got really like just an incredible shape. And as you're getting older, like even just like whatever it does to like my metabolism and everybody's different. But it was like a huge difference in terms of how I felt in the gym, how much I could run, how much I could lift. It's fun.

It's fun poison. Yeah, it's fun. Well my doctor said a little it my doctor said those exact words He's like he's like you're poisoning yourself. He was like it's up to you if you want to poison stuff a little bit That's fine or a lot. You know that's okay, too, but that guy sounds fun. Yeah, they were trying to say for a while They're like one doctor one feel good remember They were trying to save for a while that one drink a night is probably good for you only a glass of red wine It's good for your heart. You know what the problem that is aura rings. I

If you have an aura ring, you wear one of those things, and then you have one drink, you'll notice a difference in your sleep. It's significant. It's real. It's measurable. Oh, I try not to track anything that's going to be bad news. Yeah.

They're like, hey, you should get a sleep study. He goes, why the no for a fact that I die 27 times a night? Yeah, isn't there like things you could do where you see a doctor and they're going to like be able to essentially predict within a couple years of when you're actually going to die? That's the Joe Rogan doctors. Probably, yeah. I want to know, Joe, who's you send Bert to where they come and they put him in that machine like Luke Skywalker on Hoth and they come out and they're like, if you eat beans, if you never eat beans again, you'll live to 105. Yeah.

Burt is going to need more than that. Every time I see him, he looks more like a grape. Settle down, boy. He's capable of doing it on his own, though. Burt has incredible willpower. If Burt wants to, he can lose a lot of weight. He just drinks so much. It's part of his thing. I shouldn't put words in his mouth, but he almost like, am I Burt Kreischer if I'm not getting fucked up and having fun with the fans like that? If he does a show and he doesn't take his shirt off, people will boo.

Yeah, but he wants to take his shirt off and they want it to come off 100% I do too I run to the balcony when he's about to take his shirt off last time I did a big cheer the pop when he takes his shirt off everybody goes crazy It's fun when I did a birds pocket last time I was like stop letting everybody get in your head about like all these complaints are about Bert being the same person that we all are and also who he is and

But it's like now it's almost sudden like you know he worries about that shit I'm like Bert people want you to take your shirt off and they want to hear your stories about your family You're letting people Go like well, you don't do it like this person. It's like well. You don't tell jokes like Mark Norman Do you know that's not what your thing is so it's not a thing to worry about he reads the comments That's the problem you read the comments. I'll fuck with your head No matter how mentally strong you are if you're reading a bunch of opinions about you. It'll fuck with your

Yeah, and it's just like the same people who go on to Yelp and write reviews It's just people that want to complain so when you go on to social media Yes, it's just like you get it feels like like I have a pretty decent fan base like Legion of Sanks we have a really like healthy fan base and

And then there's like 30 dudes. They're not healthy. Not physically healthy. There's like 30 dudes who hate me and want my son to die. And if you go on to Twitter, I'll just see that. And it does like fuck with you. It's not good. Yeah. It's all 30 of his followers. Well, there's a lot of crazy people out there. And there's also a lot of kids that just want to get a rise out of you.

Right. There's a lot of things going on. There's a lot of people that want to fuck with your head, but it's almost all unhappy people, unfortunately. I just learned very quickly, though, the ones that I have responded to, even when I respond, my thing was always to respond kind of funny. I'm not getting into fights. Yeah. Or someone would write like a...

Two paragraphs about how terrible I am and I'd be like, you know, come on Jimbo You don't mean it and then how much they write. I mean without fail almost understand the time They're like dude just being a piece of shit, man. I had a crappy day. Love you, dude Listen every day to life sometimes just there's one guy who tweets at me almost every day where he says Louis J Gomez has lip fillers and he's trying to get this to be a thing to catch on And then like like every day he's trolling me and I'm like this fucking guy and like like

For maybe two years Louis J Gomez has lip fillers He'll respond to everything other people tweet at me is like just so you know you're you're talking to somebody who has lip fillers That's a beautiful Puerto Rican lips this guy Show in a while for a dude Raleigh North Carolina with a t-shirt that said Louis J. Gomez has lip fillers and

And then I was like, I should bite your fucking nose off your face. What are you doing? But he's just like, oh, no, I'm a fan. Like, it's hilarious. He's just being silly. He's just being silly every day. He's being silly. Yeah. Yeah, that's part of the fun of being a fan. Yeah. You know, if you get a rise out of you, it worked. I know. So I just steer clear. Gotcha.

He's in the front row. He gotcha. He got ya. I steer clear of the comment just because of that. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. I'd rather just meet people and if they show up, I guess they're fans. They're so sweet in person because Skankfest is like, half of them are like people who are on Reddit and trolling. And you go to Skankfest and it is just thousands of people that are like, just love. Oh, that's why I say Skankfest particularly. It's like, you know they say how many times in your life have you walked by a murderer? It's like, how many times does Skankfest do I walk by, take a picture and shake hands with somebody who was like, dude, you used to be good but you suck dick in comedy now. I'm like,

All right. You're always going to get guys like that. There was one guy who was a fan of ours in the old school when we were at the creaking cave back in New York. It was a dude who used to wear black glasses, long black hair, and he was at every episode. He ended up murdering his mother. Oh, Jesus Christ. Murdering his mother. And then becoming great friends with Doug Stanhope after he murdered his mother. Like a jail pen pal with Stanhope.

Yeah, it's pretty funny. He uh when he got out he's out He like lives like a halfway house type thing now because it was a mental issue that he did that which is like clearly If you kill your mom well, you know, she might have been a bitch She'd have to do something really bad. Yeah, if you kill your mom, I feel like I don't care. Yeah, obviously have mental issues Yeah, he had that when he called us he described it. It was like it was like he thought she was like a

demon that he had to stop before she got out in the world he went he went crazy I still feel like you should lock that guy up absolutely pay attention to BJ Penn stuff he's he's like losing it right BJ Penn claims that his family are imposters that someone is kidnapped his family replaced them oh yeah that's a very isn't it funny when they hit the with mania and manic shit like that and uh

bipolar with those kind of things. Like they really like their textbook. If you look it up, because I've looked it up before, you look it up, it's

texting one sentence at a time, a newfound thing in religion, and being serious about it all of a sudden. It's always been that way. And they always have those things. That's one of them, too. Like, everyone's fake. Right. Everyone in my life has been replaced with somebody else. They called something, particularly. Some of them think they have a chip in their head, and people are talking to them. Yeah, it's very, very... There's a lot of that. A lot of that is they have a chip in their head. Well, this guy who killed his mom and Doug Stano became friends with

Doug was doing a Zoom skanks one time episode with us, and he had that guy call in. And we were asking him kind of about what happened, and he gave a very compelling story. And we were saying goodbye to him. He goes, I just want to say, when I was going through all that horrible stuff in the last several years that have been so difficult and terrible and my family hating me and blah,

I still always, man, I listen to you guys and laugh, and I just want to say that I love you guys. And I was like, well, I think I speak for the group when I say...

Because we all are aware of what you'll do if you feel someone is a problem. Yeah, or a demon. Or possibly a demon. Yeah. The point is, we have some great fans. Yeah. Only one's murdered their mom on record. You guys are doing something really fun. You're getting all the misfits together, you know, and you're celebrating comedy. It's like a real...

comedy, like a comics festival. Like the comics look forward to it. Everybody loves it. Everybody talks so highly of it. You know, and everybody says the vibe is so fun because they just go there to see, like, you know, people were real upset when Louis C.K. started to come back into the public eye. Yeah. But one of my favorite moments is when he went up at Skankfest. They didn't know he was going to be there. That was the first time he performed in America after it got canceled. It was awesome. Yeah. And it was, I mean, it was wild. And what's beautiful about the fans is

They're educated comedy fans. So we didn't even have to tell them to not pull out their cell phones. Not a single person took video. Not a single person. Well, they definitely did because I watched the video. No, no, no. I took that video of Justin Silver announcing, ladies and gentlemen, special guest.

And I didn't take it any of his set. It was just him walking on a stage standing ovation and made TMZ It was fucking really cool. I mean I was I was I was a pig and shit I went outside. I got emotional. I was like that was fucking so cool. That's cool What was really neat about was funny about that moment was I was with Soder Dan Soder And I was like I was like you wanna come outside. I'm gonna smoke a joint outside He goes yeah sure and as we were just walking through that room. I wasn't even thinking about it They go he goes oh, you know we should watch Louie come on real quick, and I'm like oh yeah sure

I didn't even overthink of the moment you were about to watch. It was so crazy. It was really cool. That is cool. That was one of the coolest moments at the festival. That and then the Tough Crowd. We did a Tough Crowd reunion at Skank Fest in Brooklyn a few years ago. Just having everybody from Tough Crowd get together. That's awesome. Yeah, Colin...

you know, being at the head of it. That was awesome. That was one of the best shows ever. He should just make it a podcast. It would be a huge podcast. 100%. I wonder if he has the name, if he owns the name. I think he does. Well, then he should definitely do it. I think he does. I think he just doesn't want to. Well, it might be something that someone needs to offer it to him and put it together, you know? Like if someone... It could be something, if you said it, he'd be like...

I never even thought of that until this moment. Seriously, right? A lot of people have. He's been approached with it. He was great at the club. He was at the club a couple weeks ago. He's awesome. Colin's awesome. He was great. All the comics that worked there, they all lined up to watch him. I mean, he's a real...

He's just such a pro. It's also his material is so interesting. Yeah. He's such an interesting guy. Well, he does the one-man shows. Yeah. Fantastic. The last time I did a tough crowd, he warmed up the crowd. And so he's doing stand-up in front of the crowd. And he was fucking murdering. I'm like, this is way better than even tough crowd. Yeah.

Like, he's one of the most underrated guys of all time. Yeah. You know, like, all his comics know how funny he is. He's like a real comics comic. And he's, like, in the top three for... It's like a tell. Like, he's... It's always, like, top three for every comedian. It was also, though, that place was, like, the shark tank, though, for some reason. When they got... Oh, yeah. That fan. I never felt bad for somebody more in my life when they had him on there. And the only segment that was produced of Tough Crowder, you remember, was the last one. You had to write and give them, like, the...

whatever your little rant was going to be about the final topic. You did it once, right? I did it once. Yeah. About that final topic. That was the only homework you had to do at all. And that fan was clearly going to do something about his mother and do the voice or something. And Patrice, right before he was about to do his fourth segment thing, he goes, hey, let's see if you can do two minutes without doing your mom accent. Oh, no. And then Voss and all those guys just started pouncing on him. And then he just had to go like, hey, you guys...

So my mother called me. Oh, you had to do it still. That's only prepared.

But it was like in the like an OG pod get before podcasting was podcasting like just a bunch of comics sitting around just barking at each other arguing So fun. It was fun way ahead of its time But then again like Regis and Kathie Lee was a podcast technically - If you really think about the view all these shows, I think opine Anthony was the big start of it all Yeah for sure that was what started off for me because that was the first time I was ever on a show where it was no structure and

It was just comics. Shoot the shit, yeah. We all could be on Opie and Anthony. We'd be having this exact same conversation except Norton and Kumia and Opie would be here. Same fucking conversation. Yeah. You know? It was just, they let you go. I was more of a Howard Stern guy. I know so were you as well, but without Opie and Anthony, shows like Legion of Skanks wouldn't exist. That's the truth. Also, there's a lot of fans that are just like, just these 50-year-old truckers that are just like, we need something. Our generation was having a much harder time like,

It wasn't like back in the day when Howard Stern was bringing on comics, all the comics, because that was like his...

crew he was trying to build up like we were past that so we had no there was no like show that was like that for anybody which except for opiate anthony i was ron and fez you remember ron and fez yeah yeah that's the show that kind of like took me in that i uh jobbed with best yeah and that was a lot of fun ron bennington's fucking great he's hilarious he's the best so funny yeah there's like you know there's a whole you could track like like ancient man you know like fucking prehistoric you could track podcasts to where it is

How about Marc Maron just quitting? I know, crazy. He's done. He's hanging it up. Not fun anymore. Yeah, but like, Opie and Anthony, what they did different than Stern was they put comics on. There was a few comics that would come on Stern. They would interview. They were megastars. Opie and Anthony figured out they could put three or four comics in a room and create like a beautiful chaos. And it was just going to be people bouncing off each other. You'd create these moments that nobody knew was going to happen. Really cool. Stern did not believe in that. You want a cigar?

I'll take a cigar. Hell yeah, dude. That's what I'm talking about. I love a good cigar. Yeah, Stern's thing now is for comics. Oh, Stern sucks now. Now it has to be. I know. It's really, it's funny. Like, I was one of the last people to check out. Yeah, you liked Stern way too late. I still, listen, I still arbitrarily just go to it, and I think he's the best that ever did it. I think he, I give him all the kudos in the world. Without him, there would be nothing. None of it. I give him all the kudos in the world. It's just, I think the...

Like, I don't think, I think his last, like, phase here might be, like, I might be weirdly too young for it. Like, possibly. Thank you. Like, the interviews don't really... These are the roguelike ones. These are good. These are good. The interviews don't really strike me anymore. I really don't, he's not going to get to anything that I care about with Sarah Jessica Parker. It's just not going to get, he's... Yeah. I remember back in the day, he made the guy, one of those guys who died from LFO. Remember that song from the 90s? Yeah.

What is that like Chinese food makes me sick some girls summer? I don't know what that is. You're a real cigar guy look at you Not a burn before you it's a one hit. It's a one hit wonder I don't know they were like around the same time as all the boy bands and they got a Pretty popular and he made one of those guys So interesting you got him to talk about fucking Jennifer Love Hewitt and then her dumping him

And the way he found out he was dumped, like, she gave him a ring that was like a promise ring from her to him. And then he saw...

Her and like a tabloid walking with another guy and the guy had the same exact rate. That's just her ring She gives out. She's a wild girl. Yeah, giving out rings of dudes Fucking aged like a goddamn plum though. She looks like shit. Oh, no, it looks like shit now I feel bad since a big too big of a platform to be really just trashing a girl for not being pretty This is the way to do it. I mean you don't say it Hillary Clinton. No, I mean no I

Pamela Anderson I mean god damn it did she fall off she was the hottest woman wearing makeup she put it back on again it didn't help a lot but I will say no she was Pamela Anderson first of all the documentary about her they did on Netflix a couple years back love them the one they did about her on Netflix he won't read a book but he'll watch a documentary all day long books who's got time for books um

But the thing about her made me like her. The one about Anna Nicole Smith made me realize what a piece of shit she was. I mean, terrible person it seemed like. And then Pam Anderson made me kind of like fall in love with her again where I'm like, "This is a... She really is just like a dummy who just believes in love." Yeah. She's just like a sucker. No, she had a couple moments where she talked about, like during the #MeToo movement, she was like, "Look." She was like, "I got invited to every hotel room by every director in Hollywood." She was like, "I didn't go because I knew what the fuck they wanted."

And she just kind of had a very real opinion on that whole sort of movement and what was going on. It's like, you know what's happening if you go to a hotel room with some fucking powerful guy. Like, you know, you have to take a certain amount of, you know, accountability yourself. And she had a very real take on it, which I kind of respected. Well, Hollywood had a long history doing that. Tarantino was telling me about this old school director that had a bedroom in his office. And his name was Quentin Tarantino. His name was Titten Quarantino. Yeah.

Dude, we talked about that, right? Where he, in Desperado, was it? No, Dustle Dawn. Dustle Dawn, where he's like. That's Dave always. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to have Salma Hayek shove her foot in somebody's mouth. You know what? I think it'll be me. I'll take that. Hello.

I'm not going to put George Clooney through the sweet sensation of sucking Salma Hayek's beautiful foot. Oh, God, she was hot on that team. He played such a good serial killer in that fucking movie. That was great. I just watched it like two weeks ago again. He was such a good psycho. I prefer Black Dust Till Dawn called Sinners. I don't think Dust Till Dawn had enough of a social commentary. I thought Sinners was great. People hated Sinners. I didn't see it.

I thought it was really good, dude. Was it great? It's fine. People try to politicize everything. I'm like, it's just a fun vampire movie. Who cares? Yeah, you don't like a good vampire movie? No. Is it politicized? I love a good vampire movie. Kind of, yeah. They were saying it's like an attack on white culture. The annoyance of politicizing. Because the first vampires were white and they were feasting on black people.

Which, you know, black people would be more delicious. Yeah, dark meat. But you very rarely, other than Blade, you very rarely get a black vampire. Yeah. Sweeter the juice. You know what I'm saying? It's like, oh, you remember Blackula? Blackula, yes. You remember Blackula? It had to be a comedy. No, it was a fucking movie. No, but it's like a... No, Blackula wasn't a comedy. It's an exploitation, right? Kind of. But it's supposed to be ridiculous. I think it was a horror movie. I think it was a legit horror movie. Do you know that guy? Just a black vampire. Do you know Blackula? Yeah, there it is. Blackula, I found this out from that Pee Wee Herman documentary. Yeah.

Blackula was the mailman on Pee-wee's Playhouse. For real? Yeah. Really? Isn't that weird? Phil Hartman was on Pee-wee's Playhouse. Died hating him. What? Phil Hartman did? He hated Pee-wee Herman when he died. No. Yeah. What makes you say that? That's a thing in the documentary. Phil Hartman hated Pee-wee Herman? Phil Hartman did an interview with Howard Stern. Howard Stern asked him about that, and he was like, yeah, we don't speak anymore. Oh.

He thought he didn't get enough credit, I think, for Pee-wee's big adventure and shit. Oh, that's unfortunate. Yeah. That's weird because Phil was easy. Pee-wee Herman was a real bitchy queen, but very interesting. Phil was easy to get along with. Like, Phil was... Ask his wife. He was easy for me. I got along with him great.

Andy Dick there was the problem. He was fun man. He was just too wild you know but I did so many scenes with that dude where we had to do him like three or four times because I couldn't stop laughing I just couldn't stop breaking character. It's more just like sad what he's going through now. Yeah it's not good. But he also just gets like he's one of those guys like letting himself get used by people I assume for drugs or something but I mean like I don't know. Because he ends up on these like weird pods where it's like he's sleeping at some guy's house or something weird. It's not good. Yeah.

He's out of it. And he was right there on the precipice with jury duty. Pauly Shore's vehicle, jury duty. Right. He did other stuff too, man. He did that fucking war movie. What was the war movie they did? Oh, In the Army Now. That's right. Yeah. He was in that too, wasn't he? I think that's the one he did. I don't know if he, he may have done another one or two of them. They may have been trying to Farley Spade them. Farley Spade them together. He's a funny dude though.

Do you have hopes for Happy Gilmore 2? Could it possibly be good? Yeah. Adam Sandler still makes good stuff. He still makes good stuff. Yeah, he does. Those Netflix ones were good. They were funny. They're pretty good. Like Hubie, Halloween or something. They're funny, man. They're funny. They're pretty good. If you like Adam Sandler, I love Adam Sandler movies. I love silly movies. Me too. Like I loved the one when he played his own sister. What was that one? Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill's fucking hilarious. And Al Pacino's in love with her. Yeah. And she's a brute.

It's fucking funny. I understand the rules. He's a great actor. And I mean, Happy Gilmore was so great, but I almost feel like... There's no way this second one's going to be good. Don't figure it out. I think they're going to try to do too many throwback moments. What other movie they kind of did that with recently? Fucking...

Like this Coming to America part two? Yeah, like they're just like, that was terrible. That was actually fucking terrible. And Coming to America I grew up on. First of all, they made it PG-13. The original Coming to America was rated R. They made it a musical. They put music numbers in it. It was bad. But I have, look, I will watch it. Oh, I thought Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice people loved. I didn't like that. Same thing. I thought it was like. Yeah. You can't capture that first one. I thought Beetlejuice was pretty good. The new one. Did you? I thought it was pretty good. Yeah. I liked it.

It wasn't as good as the first one, but it's pretty good. I fucking loved it. The Soul Train, when they got on the Soul Train, it was all dead, like resurrected black people dressed in like 1970s outfits dancing. Have you seen it? I saw, I kept on falling asleep. I keep on turning it on and falling asleep 20 minutes into it. Well, it's good, man. It's pretty solid. I mean, it is one of those Tim Burton movies, just like a fun, weird fucking movie. You know, I love the first one, man. I didn't know Tim Burton made the first Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

Did he really? His first Tim Burton movie. Oh, that makes sense. It was Large Marge. I forgot to tell him. Large Marge. That looked like the girl we brought to the UFC event in Philly. Remember? If they would have called her that, we still would have kept our heads down. Large Marge. She is large. Fuck. Bro, Pee-wee's Playhouse was so fun. Or Pee-wee's Big Adventure, rather, was so fun. Pee-wee's Playhouse was trippy. There it is.

Didn't even know that that's how like weird like he was playoffs was meant to be like one of these bikes was for sale recently Well, how much did it go for well guess I'll let you guess $100,000 it went for more than that five hundred thousand dollars is 135,000 Wow, there's 14 bikes and it was one of them those but it had no seat on it It was a fun movie man. Yeah, I see that way with a girl I was dating high school and we were like the only people in the movie theater was like one of them lucky moments We were just fucking howling

Howling laughing first was where the whole thing was always to have like nods for adults in it. What you know kids movie Yeah, it was totally what it was totally like in anybody's movie. It wasn't just like a kid's movie It was an anybody movie. It was a pee we she was a little off I was being a kid watching it being like

What's the fucking deal here? Big Top Peewee, it was just always a little bit weird. Well, Big Top Peewee, he tried to do it himself, and that's why that did terribly. Oh, really? Because, again, there's jokes in there no one gets. I forgot this. I saw it once when it first came out, never saw it again. He's got a makeout scene with somebody that just goes on for like five straight, and they just never stop having the makeout, and it just keeps panning further and further backwards, like five, and in the middle of the movie. Five minutes of him just like hardcore making out with the chick.

Well, I mean when I was older I think I would have gotten I said six he had such like he said a lot of Andy Warhol inspired stuff and reference there's an episode of peewee's big adventure or peewee's playhouse where he said two minutes he just Put dog food in a bowl and it was just like ASMR a close-up of a dog just eating the food for like two straight minutes Which I would have weirded me out when I was a kid. Yeah for sure It was whatever it was. It was just a little bit off of

He got rolled up in one of the most bullshit cases ever. Oh, when he got caught jerking off in a theater? He got jerked jerking off in a gay movie theater. Where are you supposed to jerk off? That wasn't what you're supposed to do. That didn't ruin him. That didn't ruin him the way he thought like that. In fact, I thought it was interesting when he did his first comeback was that Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. And...

He may he asked him to make his character look like his mugshot. That's why he looks like that's funny No, I saw clips of it I was really in it didn't get a show canceled like no show was already done Okay, show was already done. He was he was out for a while that he was in blow He was in that I came back yet He had a career career But after that what took him down was cuz I thought you were saying got caught up in the biggest bullshit He was caught up in that sweep that got Jeffrey Jones. What's

What's that? That was the principal from Ferris Bueller. That guy got nailed with actual child pornography. And Pee Wee Herman was friends with him, so they went and searched Pee Wee's house. And what they found, he's a collector. He's like a crazy collector. He's got a big couch that can talk. Yeah. A bunch of naked kids inside of it. No, you don't understand. I don't fuck with me. It eats them. No, he had like...

erotica from like the 70s collections that was like and everyone was above age but it just like it was it's considered obscene material oh no when they went to his house where was he living

I believe. Erotica? Obscene erotica? He got nailed with obscene material charges, but he was lumped in with pedophilia. The charge here is a little worse than that. What is it? Pleaded no contest in LA court to charges of hiring a 14-year-old boy to pose for photographs.

To pose for photographs. They didn't even put that in the documentary, I feel like. They didn't put that in the documentary. Look at Jay defending an actual pedophile. I'm just saying he was a good guy. You gotta take care of those documentaries. Oh, man. Child porn was not part of the deal. Joe, the first time we did your podcast when you showed us all of your cool toys in your LA studio, I would have sucked your dick to do one of those things. Which toys? Like your...

Compound Bow. I've told this story so many times on podcasts. Listen, first time we came here, it ends so great. Because me, Dave, and Louis...

All came in in LA and you took us first and you go check this out and you grabbed compound bow and you had the laser sight and you could shoot it all the way across the full UFC gym. It looks so cool. We were all like just warming our hands up like we can't wait till we can do this. Then you put the bow down as I was reaching for it I thought and then you went over you go there's the pool table. You broke a rack and sunk a few like cool. Then you open the door and you're like here's where I freeze myself. Here's where I thaw myself out.

We're like wow, and there you go, and here's my prize

Possession and you had the they do it for golf and stuff took the Kevlar Yeah, hunting yeah, and you had the flat tip, but I go he probably wants to do this one cuz it's the flat tips No one's gonna get hurt, and then you fucking wailed to elk and then you go. Let's go podcast boys He just showed us all the stories and was like don't touch the problem with those toys is I can't teach you that quickly ourselves we would have embarrassed ourselves big, but then we always say like

How much Dave Smith came on like talks with you after that individually? I mean we wrote me and Lewis like why doesn't Joe embrace us the way he embraces Dave and then someone brought up the pic the first picture we ever took here It's so funny. It's the werewolf. I am standing behind the werewolf like I'm fucking it. I'm getting sucked off Lewis is yeah, acting like he's getting sucked off by the bear and Dave is just leaning in touching it going

Oh, you know what? Dave had respect for you and your belongings. We're like, oh, that explains it. That's hilarious. The difference between us and Dave. I wonder why Dave keeps going back. Dave has his hand on the head gently. Yeah. Is Dave in the Rogan sphere? We're trying to figure out how we get in the Rogan sphere. My ochre sphere is more. Look, first of all,

Shane doesn't need the Rogan Sphere anymore. Let's just move Shane out. Move Big Jay into that position. Doesn't require the Rogan Sphere at all. Ari's moving to fucking Thailand or something. He's gone. I'm ready. I'm a wacky guy. I'll shave half my head. Ari's going to do a stint over there in Bale. Agreed. I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to call him up every day. Fuck that place. I'm going to call him up, plant it in his head. I think we got Diaz coming here. Oh, to Austin? Yeah. That's great. Yeah. We talked about it this weekend. I saw him in Jersey for the fights last night.

So he's back in the sphere. Fuck. Come on, bro. There's plenty of room for you guys. You're in the sphere right now. You're on the show. Every time the Rogan sphere gets talked about, we never get a thing. When Cat Williams said six unfunny comics. We knew it wasn't us. I knew it wasn't us. I would have been happy to be one of the six unfunny comics.

Probably has a point. But when I was trying, he thought I wouldn't have him on. I'm like, bro, I love you. He's so funny. I couldn't wait to have him on right away. I'm like, I reached out to him right away. I go, that's not true. I just haven't reached out to you because I didn't know if you wanted to do it.

Sure. Like, I didn't know he wanted to do it. If I thought he wanted to do it, I would have had him on a long time ago. He's an interesting story. He might be one of my favorite, like, stand-ups to watch a special of. Oh, my God. Because I have a hard time, like, laughing at, like, on-TV specials. Pimp Chronicles? Dude, he's fucking so funny, dude. Bro, Pimp Chronicles. I'm not going to lie. I need subtitles for it. But I genuinely don't know what he's saying. But I know Cat Williams is very, very funny. Pimp Chronicles is a masterpiece. It's a masterpiece. He's so good. What?

There's something about him when he's cooking too, when he's cooking, when he's like really on fire, it's different than everybody else. He's sweating and, you know, his fucking hair is throwing back and just the tone of his voice and the way he repeats punchlines. It's like that guy gets cooking, man. He gets cooking and you're like, you watch the crowd. They're just falling out of the chair. He does really long sets too, right? He does like an hour and a half. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a beast. He's a beast. He's a wild boy. At least. He knows how to drive too.

Put him on the driving simulator. He fucking killed it. Oh, I always see him on Worldstar Hip Hop. He beats like pro athletes in races and shit all the time. I believe it. It's very weird. Yeah. And he talks about it. He still, what's funny is he also dresses like the old black guy who comes to play basketball. So it looks like he's not going to be that good. And then he's like fast as shit. Remember when you got beat up by a teenager? Do you remember that? He did. That's the funniest thing in the world when he goes. Watch this. This is him in our racing simulator. By the way, he's doing it one hand. Give me some volume.

Get in there. Get in there. There you are. There he is. That's when you have to fight that competition off that corn.

How accurate is the simulator? Pretty fucking good. It's got gravity. It turns you side to side. It has crazy noises. It feels like you're really driving. If he was driving Uber, he'd be making a personal phone call right now.

The roads, the highways, and the byways of America that allow you to do this. So he can drive.

He looks terrified. No, he looks like he's on it, man. The steering wheel will break your wrist if you're holding it too much. Yeah, it's hard. It's not a game. No, the steering wheel reacts as if your tires would react at high speeds. It's on a racetrack. Do you guys ever do a racetrack? You ever drive on a racetrack? No. I can't drive 35 miles an hour on a regular road, Joe. I do believe in full- When I did Bert's tour, one of the things we performed at a racetrack, and they had the pace car. It was like a convertible.

They took us all for like a couple loops Really individually one of them wants to film it and mine was so boring because I was like smiling It was exhilarating the whole time, but they were like you know Burt's giving them and people are going like no no no no no like the corners are coming And they were like you didn't freak out at all I go I just had blind trust they're not gonna kill us Like right like are they gonna put us in real like are we gonna start cartwheeling down the fucking road here this I assume They're not gonna do anything. They don't know how to do perfect

This is why Bert's famous, because Bert's fun and he reacts big, and you just sat there like... I was just like, this was neat. Nobody wants to watch that. I know, I should have overreacted. People want to watch you screaming and fucking yelling and crying about your daughter. Just be yourself. My daughter. Don't worry about what people want.

Can't scream at that. I gave you remember when the first time you guys did my nails on the show I freaked out. Oh, yeah touching my cuticles and now we get you done now We get some don't know he gets his nails painted by our Asian lady every week I'm not you have to once it's get done every other week Louis I'm not a diva is that a thing you think you feel connected to like you have to keep doing that now Yes, Bert Kreischer take your shirt off thing. Oh, no. No no not like that. No. It's more like somehow gayer no

No, it's a gayer thing. No, it's connected to I bit my nails forever, got my teeth fixed, can't bite my nails anymore. They grew in raggedy. I tried to take care of them myself and was just terrible at it.

They got my nails on the show in time. As a bit, because if you just did this to Jay, look, if you show him you pulling your cuticle back, he'll freak out. For some reason, it's a weird thing. So we had an Asian lady come in, and we warned her. We were like, listen, the type of show, the jokes we're going to make, she was so cool. She barely spoke any English, but she was such a fun time, and she did his nails on the show, and he screamed like a girl the whole time. I didn't scream. It was more like that pull away, like I was...

I did not enjoy it. Yeah. And then it became a thing where every week after that, he came in with a new color nails every other week, but it's the, uh, he keeps saying every week, I'm not a gay man.

No, but once they were done then yeah, once you can't really undo it. I don't know what to do now I can't take care of him that good myself. I can't make him look like that. Just go get it done. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, that's what you like. Yeah. Everybody's got their own quirks, Lewis. Leave him alone. Yeah, Lewis, you chose to have nipple rings that connect. I have one or had one nipple ring. I can't believe you actually had one. I was kidding. I had one. Did they connect like Xerxes? No, no, I had a nipple ring. I had a lip ring.

Like by wearing isn't the funniest thing you had all those things when you're bought like now you my body sucks. Yeah You look sexy in tank tops. I was so bad dude. Just a fat kid with a nipple ring Why'd you get it done? I don't know. I just wanted tattoos and piercings and shit. I was young I was surprised though. I kept from being fat my whole life. Also. I kept my tattoos always to arms and

For the most part. I never did ones that I would have to take my shirt off for people to see. Yeah, I wouldn't do a stomach tattoo. No, but you had like here. I have my chest tattoo. It says on my own. I got it when my mom died. It says on my own? On my own. I know. Isn't that ironic for a guy who owns a company and has a thousand friends and collaborates with people and everything he does? He's on his own. Well, he says on this side, a coattail rider. You figured out early on, though, that the best way to not get pulled off of shit is to have your own network, though.

Yeah. Like, Kumia did that. You guys did that. Yeah, yeah. And what's funny is we were going, like...

For a few years, it would almost seem like pointless because Patreon got so big. But then with censorship, with YouTube and all these other platforms, now there's never been a better time for it. Like, we have an uncensored version of the show, an ad-free version of the show. We can say anything we want. YouTube hunts us every time we get close to that plaque. We've had our four YouTube channels taken down. In the 90-something thousands of subscribers because they just start reviewing it then. They're like, no, no way.

No way, what is the kind what gets pulled? What's it about most of the time? It's actually our fucking dumb producers leaving in like nudity and shit like that YouTube relaxes moderation rules. It's a lot more controversial content. Just today those Expression value may outweigh harm risk. That's great. I love you, too. Fuck. Yeah, it's changing a little bit, which is good Swings, right?

But we have this podcast also studio day and I was like wow is this Cory's wild He's so funny all the words all the words you're not allowed to say like so we bleep out like all the no-no words Right this includes discussions of elections ideologies movements race gender sexuality abortion immigration and censorship beautiful well We're back

Not remove anything considered to be in the public interest. Oh, dude. Interesting. Abortion, too. So we could do that abortion now on the air. Remember that live abortion? We've been putting that bit off for years. That would be a great bit. Early term. Everything that you can discuss is in the public interest, though. I'm glad they changed it to that. That's a great way of designing it. Like jokes. Specifically, I got my... On Instagram right now, they... I can't...

Go live or advertise an Instagram for a year because I was talking about a bit that I did on my first special on Dan Soder's podcast About how I would get free cocaine in Mexico I went up the beach and like I would get samples of cocaine I sold the story about actually doing it and they flagged it and said we were promoting Like the sales of drugs, and I'm fucking fucked for a year now Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's like literally a joke I'm just you didn't put up the number of the deal or though

You put up a dealer's number? No, no, no. But that's what I did. I would go up and down the beach and I'd get a free sample of cocaine. I'd go to the next guy, get another free sample of cocaine, go to the next guy. And I just did that all night until they caught on. Until you were the leader of the cartel. Yeah, they can get you for RICO charges now. Yeah, that was the Cabo Comedy Festival, the shittiest comedy festival ever like a decade ago.

Cabo Comedy Fest at the end of the night. I fucked like a 70 year old woman She was gross. Yes, we're still hotter than the girl. We brought to the UFC in Philly. Yeah, was she I

You've hooked up with a couple of hilarious ones old ladies. Yeah, just like shit I think on ship rocks one year you hooked up with a fucking doozy. Oh, yeah, she had like a really thick smokers voice They come to my cabin You're a little bit locked in on a crew especially a heavy metal cruise. Oh, yeah, there's no the 90s There's no hot chicks on those metal cruise. Yeah, we did it a bunch

Dude, I was watching this documentary today on the Black Sea where all those cargo ships wind up sinking. Have you ever seen ships going across the Black Sea? Mm-mm. It's apparently the most dangerous part of the ocean to cross. For Lewis, where's the Black Sea? Ha ha ha!

Because I see his eyes are crossing. I think it's across the top of the UK. I'm not exactly sure. But I watched this documentary about watching these fucking cargo ships get nailed by these monster waves. I'm like, imagine being on a fucking cruise ship and some shit like that. Oh my God, it's terrifying, dude. Some renegade wave goes sideways. So where is it? That's the Black Sea? Yeah.

So where's that at? Turkey? Yeah, between Turkey and... See if you can find some videos of cargo ships getting fucked up on the Black Sea. It's crazy. The ocean's scary in general. Terrifying. The ocean is... I've been surfing before, and I'm just not good at it. Like, you feel the power of the fucking ocean. It's... Well, how about just... I've done those cruise ships enough to be like, it's just... If you go off that boat, you're as good as dead. They won't stop. Look at this. It snapped the cargo ship in two. The wave was so big, it snapped this fucking ship in half.

Fuck that. And this is nothing compared to some of the waves I've seen. Some of the waves are fucking bananas. Apparently, if you fall off a cruise ship, they can't stop the ship. They can't. Look at this shit. Look at this shit.

Fuck that. If you fall off a cruise ship, they can't turn around and get you? No. There's more death by fire a year or by sea? No, they have to call the Coast Guard or whatever to come and find you, but you're dead. They give you coordinates that mean nothing. Yeah, they throw some fucking donuts out to you. Oh, Christ. That's it. You have to find the donuts in the ocean, and the ocean's fucking flopping. It's insane, dude. The worst part of that for me is that if I fell off, I'm holding onto a donut and hearing the sounds of Tesla slowly slink away. What?

Oh, they're doing acoustic signs? Shiiiit! Take pictures, you bitch!

Yeah. There's a cargo ship that's on fire right now in the... I forget which ocean, but it's filled with EVs. And apparently one of them caught fire in the middle of the ocean. That's why you can't put fucking electric cigarettes in your fucking suitcase. Right. Same thing. I pay attention to none of those rules. Remember when those Samsung phones were lighting people's cars on fire? Indian Coast Guard battles massive fire on container ship listed off... I don't know. I don't think this is the one. It's in India? There's another one, Jamie, that is...

That's UVs. It's all UV cars. Isn't there theoretically people in some of those cargo things? Cargo ship carrying UVs on fire. Or EVs, sorry, EVs. Is that just the wire, or is that how they get people over sometimes? There's people sometimes in those cargo things? Oh, yeah, no, that's real. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. So that's filled with electric cars. I wonder whose cars they are. It just says EVs. If it was Tesla's, it would say cargo ship filled with Tesla's.

they would throw Elon under the bus for sure. Yeah, I'm not sold on the electric car. They're great when they work. It's just like, if you have them plugged into your house, it's the shit. You never go to the gas station. You just plug it in when you go to sleep at night. It's easy. I think you need your car to be more reliable than your phone. Well, they're really reliable.

The thing is about driving them, like Teslas, they never fuck up. I've had three of them. I've never had a problem. Really? Yeah, nothing. I had one problem with a windshield wiper motor. It was simple. Do you get rid of them because it's just time? It's a lease. I get a lease. So you get a new one, yeah. Okay, so it's not like... Yeah. You're not like, shit, this thing's starting to... No. No, well, they make them better every three years. When do they peter out? What's the death of a Tesla? It's a good question. You can get them that are many years old. It's just their batteries degrade slightly over time. So if it...

First comes from the factory with 340 miles.

You know, after like five, six, seven, eight years, it's probably got 280 miles or something like that. So that's all just efficiency kind of goes down? Yeah, but for driving around town, like if you're just taking it to commute, it's easy. You just plug it in when you go to bed at night. You don't ever have to go to the gas station again. It's silent. They move faster than anything you've ever driven. I mean, how quickly do you get a return on investment? Because the amount of money you save in gas has to be like... I don't know about that. I'm wondering about the miles, since that's what I'm saying. I remember when I was a kid...

And you remember this too, like they would say, oh, like Hondas are the best because you can get 200 some thousand miles. Oh, yeah. 300,000 miles. I don't think that even exists anymore that a car is supposed to. Toyota's. Still. Yeah, you buy a Tacoma. Those motherfuckers will last forever. I got a Ram. The reason I got the Acura was because- Last forever. Yeah, my buddy really, Nick Rochefort, shout out Nick Rochefort, great comic. And he was like, dude, trust me. He was like, get an Acura. He was like, it'll last 250,000 miles. I'll give it to my kid when he graduates high school. Like-

My friend Matt Farah had a Lexus with a million miles on it. That was the other option, too. He said, get a Lexus or an Acura. Those are the two that have the greatest resale value and also just the shelf life of the car. I've got a Ram and a Jeep. America. America. Fuck yeah. And we laugh at Toyota Tacomas. Get that little stupid rice burner out of here. I've had a couple of those Lexus SUVs, the 570s. Fucking great car. Great. Comfortable as shit. Big.

It's like it's so smooth. I'll tell you ever fucks up never they never have problems. Don't buy an Audi I'll tell you that much why I just totaled my Audi and it was wasn't the Audi's fault It was a fender bender. It was literally a fender bender that fender was going to that fender was softened up all the other fender I was like I was like for sure. This is just an easy repair. They came though. I guess this is totaled each headlight is like $5,000. It's insane your car worth the car was I bought it at 70,000 when it was new and then

And then- How long ago was this? I had it for four years. And then it depreciated in value to like $25,000. And the damage was like $22,000. Wow. Yeah. Well, most of that was to take off the airbrushing you put on the side, you Puerto Rican dumbass. That's fucked. It was crazy. I was like, I was so bummed. You know what's a really great value if you want to get a car? Get like a Mercedes S-Class from like five, six years ago. I'm going to make a call. It's still amazing. Honey. Honey.

Mercedes s-class you're here order it for me. No the old ones an old car Yeah, get them from you can get them from like ten years ago, and they're fucking awesome But they're like super cheap, but they're so well engineered They'll never break but for like less than like an Accord a brand new Accord You can get an s-class from a while ago. Yeah, well I thought about that is it possible to get like an old car is there such thing as a brand new old car old engine

What do you mean? Like, what? So could you buy a brand new 2019 car? Like, what do they do with that one? 2019 is not even I'm talking about like, can you get like a 1997 Mustang and then somehow get a new that kind of motor in it? Oh, 100%. Like no computer, none of that shit in it. Just like the one you could fix yourself. You definitely can. Brand new.

Yeah, there's companies that'll do that for you. For sure. They'll make a car with a carburetor, the whole deal. Most of them don't, though. Most of them use a crate engine. So what they'll do is, like, they'll take an old car, like a 68 Mustang, and they put a Coyote 5.0 in it, like a modern Ford eight-cylinder Coyote engine in it. Yeah, the new ones. So it has, like, an ECU. It has, like, what's, like, this little motherboard. Like, you program it, you know, and it has electronic fuel injection. I used to have a Grand Cherokee that when I got out of the car, sometimes...

To start it, I learned I had to get a hammer and hit a certain part of the engine, and then it would start. I think it was the starter, possibly, because you had to clank it. And it did start. Why did I just get a new starter? Why did you hit it with a hammer? It was just broken. This was way back in the day, too. So I got the car from... It was one of those, like...

Recall the auctions you know they've repoed cars and shit like that so it was a piece of shit But I would uh Clanking get to start there's just nothing when you open up You could have a car for a year at this point a brand new car open it up And it looks brand new because it's not it's barely engine parts right it's mostly computers like a big plastic covering over a computer essentially right you can't work on it when you say when you bring it in and go hey It's having a problem. They go

Did the light go? This happened to me last. The light went away. So the light's not on anymore, but it was there. They could plug it in and find that there was a light that came on at some point, but they can't do anything to it if it's not happening. You know what I mean? There's not a thing where it's like there's this clicking. It's probably a belt. Those days are over, I think. Oh, really? I think so. Hmm. They seem confused by... You're going to bad mechanics, maybe. It's the dealership. Oh, okay. So they probably have everything connected to a computer program, and the computer program talks to the...

to the computers in the car. I think that's what you have to do with everything now. It's no more like... We knew our... My mom, Chuck and Larry. No, not Chuck and Larry. That's the gay guys that got married. Chuck and Al were like my mom's two like... Oh, now I think about it too. She probably fucked Chuck or Al. My mom really... Probably both of them. Your mom? My mom really threw the puss around to make sure we had what we needed when we were younger. Not like in a prostitution way. Good lady. Yeah, it was a good lady. But Chuck and Al was always our car mechanics. Like for our car, just...

You know, Tucker. Obviously to them. They can't even be in business anymore with cars now. Well, there's a lot of people that still have old cars. They want to get them fixed up. There's a lot of people that really just like driving analog old cars, you know? But not enough for the amount of, like, auto shops there are. But don't you hate when it's, like, a really famous guy? Who's the famous guy who drives, like, an old pickup truck?

I want to say it's a Christian Bale. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He drives an old Tacoma. Yeah, like an old Ford or, yeah. It's a Toyota, yeah. I think Jimmy Butler, the athlete, does that. But I just feel like he's doing it to be, like, cool. It's like, bro, you fucking, you don't need to drive an old-ass truck. I'll tell you, Post Malone showed up to a Shane show in a fucking muddy, shitty, big tires truck, and I believed him. Yeah. Does that make sense? When he got out of it, I was like,

Yeah. This thing. But he's also got a Lamborghini and a fucking, he's probably got a whole, you know. Of course. Because he's hanging out with his country friends or his black rap friends. He's got one of those Raptors with six wheels. Yeah. Yeah. That's his Christian Bills. Same Toyota Tacoma since 2003. Yeah. It just bugs me for some reason. They're bulletproof. Keeps it clean. Yeah. It's clean. It's not raggedy. But those things last forever, man. They really last forever. It's like if you wanted a car that's going to last forever that you can buy right now, get a Toyota Tacoma. They're fucking bulletproof. Yeah.

They're so good. Yeah, they just re-released one of these old-timey looking trucks, and it's like vintage. I think that's going to be another thing that starts happening. It's like vintage-looking cars that are brand new. Oh, Toyota did? I don't know if it's Toyota or another. It's a pickup truck that's coming out that looks like an old pickup truck, but it's brand new. You look like a jerk-off, though, if you bought the novelty car of the time. Anyone that's still rocking a fucking one of those Union Jacks?

Little like Mini Coopers or something you know a fiat you'll get an asshole Do you remember the PT Cruiser in the early 2000s late 90s where they were like hey everyone likes that ZZ top car Let's make a very cheap version of that my wife a Dodge Neon That was the maybe the shittiest car that's ever been mass-produced. I had a Dodge Neon Yeah, you had to at some point. It was crazy 14 bucks dude It was those I think it was $10,000 $100 a month no money down like this was like the cheapest car It was such a piece of shit. I think two companies ended up making it

Oh, really? I think it switched at one point from Dodge to something. Remember the Yugo? It's so weird. Yeah. Yugos? Or a Datsun. Was it Yugo from Yugoslavia? Is that who made it? Is that why it's called the Yugo? It was a garbage little car. It's amazing how many cars I've been in that are now defunct. They don't even make them with Mercury, Sables, and shit like that. But I have no trust or belief in a brand new car.

like car that comes out. Saturn doesn't exist anymore. Saturn was like a brand that everybody had back in the 90s. I trust Hyundai now. Do not trust Kia. Hasn't been long enough for some reason. I don't know why that one sticks. Those Genesis? Genesis, no, I see that. That's Hyundai. That's Hyundai's Lexus version. You know, their high-end luxury version. It's fucking really good, man. Oh, because Lexus is Toyota. Yugoslavian, yeah. Yugo's Yugoslavian.

That was a garbage. Yeah, I knew that from delivering auto parts. That car was like $5. It cost more for gas than the car. What did you take your driver's test in? Oh, man. I wish I could remember. I think I took it in my mom's Barracuda. My mom had a 1970 Barracuda when I was a kid. I think Hums. Oh, it was fun. I was in a stick shift Chevette.

My mom's white stick shifts. You had to learn how to drive. That's good though. To learn how to drive and do a driver's test on a stick. Like you really know how to drive. If you're a kid, it is one of those feelings though, where you're like, uh,

Even my daughter, I'm like, it's a good skill to have, driving stick, and then she'll never be in a world where it will ever be necessary. Most likely. It was fun, though. I had an Audi Fox. That was my first stick shift car. I never had it. All my muscle cars when I was a kid were all automatics, but I had an Audi Fox. It was this cool little fucking front wheel drive, shitty 1973 car.

It was great, though. Like, little four-cylinder. It was, like, the first car that I had that was little, that can, like, move around. I was like, this thing's fun. And, like, learning how to shift...

Everything today is just you're barely connected to what you're driving. You feel like the shifting is all the steering is electric everything Everything's smooth back then felt the cars. Yeah, that's gone. That's well That's why people like to drive old cars still like to feel them, you know Yeah, I would if I had the money I would get like something that's why I said I asked about that if you can do a new engine in a car you have so many cars I missed you could get a car with a nice engine No

You literally have two brand new cars. You're not going to, first of all, you're not going to fix it yourself. You're not going to fix it yourself. Never. So then find a mechanic that you trust. Ask around. Get a relationship with this mechanic and get a fucking cool car. Not the same way your mom did, though. Not that way. Not that way. Well, if I could. Yeah.

Do you have a car, Louis? It's usually something from your childhood. My dream car? Maybe the dream changes. When I was a kid- Jaguar, the one with the actual hood ornament that was a Jaguar? Sure. I looked it up a couple years ago. I wanted to get an old school Jaguar SJ6 or something or whatever it was. Early 90s?

Yeah, early 90s. They were the coolest cars ever. I looked it up recently and I found one for like nine grand. Like just it looked great. And then I was going to buy it. And then a friend of mine was like, dude, you literally to get anything fixed on that car is crazy. You'll never find the parts like it's just you're just that is a tough when I was young. The one that like the cool kids had that you're like, damn, I wish I had that was that boxy looking Mustang 5.0.

That was the one with the convertible. The vanilla ice one. The convertible. Yeah, that's the exact one. Roland M5.0. They put rims on it and the convertible and that one just, that was the one. Yeah, that was a good car. But talk about it changing. When I was a little kid, this was one of the most hurtful, fat comments ever in my life. When I was like, shh, dude, when I get older, I want to get a Mazda Miata. And they go, that's going to be a fucking roller skate on your fat body. And I was like, okay. Well, I guess I'll get past the Miata. And now sometimes you see one on the road still and I still go, damn.

Damn, it's pretty cool looking. You ever seen those Miatas that they do conversions with? They put a V8 in them. Yeah, there was a company called Flying Miata and they sold it to another company that's in Florida that does it now. I don't know what the name of it is, but they take a regular Miata and they stuff a big fucking aluminum GM crate engine in it.

it and it's got like 500 horsepower it's madness and this tiny little car that weighs nothing just lifts off the ground but apparently they are a riot to drive they're like the most fun cars to drive because they're super light with crazy power and these new engines are not that heavy so it doesn't fuck with the balance that much it's like slightly heavier than the stock engine but insane amounts of power and it sounds insane when we were down at uh

Nashville Comedy Festival. There was a guy who used to work at the club who pulled up in a like gold and blue Lamborghini. Lamborghini. And it was just like the colors were crazy and it had some writing on it. And we were so curious about it. He won it in a sweepstakes. He actually won a Lamborghini in a sweepstakes. These are those cars. Like give me some volume so we can hear this thing. The Miata? Yeah. These are the flying Miatas.

Okay, that's not a Miata. I mean, it's just the front. This is the Miata. That sounds crazy. But there's a new company that does it now. It's not them. And there's some better videos where they show like what the driver. He was driving that thing, Cat Williams. I think he was hugging the corners.

Imagine if Cat Williams like enters F1 races. Oh, you never thought I could do it F1 is really like right in the streets of a town. Yeah in Monaco they drive through the streets They do it in Vegas too. They did in Canada. Oh, did they really? In Montreal I think one year the festival was there that was like they were preparing for F1. Oh wow. It's wild They do it out here, but they do it at the Circuit of the Americas. That's what that neon sign up there is. Oh really? Our neon died I think. Did it die? I think it died.

But that fucking racetrack out here, Koda, it's awesome. Watching Formula 1, you can't imagine how fast they're going. Oh, is that the place? Is that the place? I think I did one of those rock fests there backstage or oddball tour. Is that the one that has the overlook?

thing behind it? Yes. The F1 track? Yes. That's one of the... I talk about getting over a fear in one day where I've never felt so. It's got an overlook thing. You take one floor elevator, just goes right up to the top of that. Half of it's concrete, half of it's glass. Very thick glass. But I've never had this happen before. When I got up there the first time...

I was gung-ho to walk out over that glass and go, when I got to the glass part. The glass is the floor? Yeah. But it was concrete. When I got to the glass part, I almost fell forward because my legs stopped. Like, my legs stopped moving. Like, my body shut down. Be like, no, no, no, no, no. We're not ready for this. Dude, I'm terrified of heights. Yeah, you should be. I am terrified. Yeah, there it is, dude. That's fucking. And by the way, they didn't have, I don't think those red things were there when I was there.

Did I take the, on top of the needle in the stratosphere in Vegas? The strat? Oh, yeah. They have like a roller coaster at the top, and then they also have like, you know the ride that goes straight up and then just drops? Yeah. I went on it with my son. My son has no respect for me anymore after this, dude. Because I was sitting in the chair, literally just, like they didn't even start, they pull you up for like maybe five feet first, and I thought, when I was at the top, I was screaming like a woman, and I was like,

Everybody was cackling at me. My son was making fun of me and they didn't even go. And then when they finally went up, it was...

Mean I'm so deathly afraid of heights even if I'm strapped in oh my god, dude I could do should be I'm afraid of falling. It's adorable. You're not you're a freak fucking those free climber dudes They're just freaks. Oh the guys are like Joe like Joe Climbs like Mount Capitan with fucking just chalk The raft did that in New York you can do you can go?

to the top of some building, and they have a thing where it's like they have your, you're like connected to a line. But do you remember the Deep Shore show? You could take a picture, something in New York where your like feet are on the building and you're hanging off it.

Like over New York City. Yeah, fuck that. Crazy. It's just like... Fuck that. But I'm not like a... Just for a thrill. I maybe could have gotten talking to Skydiving Young. Not a chance. I've had some people try to talk me into it as an adult. Bunch jumping. Fuck you. If my daughter's got to tell the fucking story... If my daughter's got to tell the story of her dad dying in a fucking...

wingsuit or something. Jerk off. Brian Redband's dad was working at this place. One of the people he's working with is a skydiver and always trying to get him to go. Come on, come with us. One day, goes to work. They're not there. What happened? No. Just didn't open. Didn't open. That was a, there was a great. It happens. There was a thing called McCloskey on Netflix years ago. Was it a documentary? It was in fact a documentary about a, uh,

About a snowboarder guy. He was like an extreme sports guy. And he died because he jumped. He like parachute, he like base jumped into a national park. And when he landed, he was being chased by the rangers and the cops to arrest him. And he went in the water with his parachute and everything, got caught up and died. Oh my God. I think he drowned in the water, I believe.

Then they did a thing on the news. They were doing a base jumping for this guy in memorial of him. It was a demonstration. It was like it shouldn't be illegal. So what they were doing was people were jumping, parachuting down, and when they landed, it was almost organized, the cops would then arrest them.

They were all getting arrested for doing it, but that was their protest that we're all gonna do it You're gonna have to arrest us all and then while they're doing all that just in the background you just Just like way in the back oh god

It's like, yes, this is why this is stupid. Yeah, fuck all that. I've never had any of that adventurous shit in me. I've got skiing, which I feel like is adventurous enough for me. Killed a Kennedy and Sonny Bono. But it's actually really dangerous, dude. Skiing is like fucking wildly dangerous. Just sometimes I was in Park City and

And you're just going down this really long trail, like 20 minutes. You're just going and going and going. But there's times where I'm going to the edge, and all it takes is just a little less control, and you just fly off the edge of a thing, and you're done. Oh, yeah. How do cars not go off up in the canyons in the ballet every year? Like tons of them. They do. Constantly? Isn't that how Tiger Woods crashed?

He went off one of those cliffs? Isn't that what happened, Jamie? No, not quite. Not quite? I thought he just hit a tree. There was one guy who was tweeting, who was like a famous plastic surgeon. He was tweeting, and they discovered that he was tweeting at the very same area where he fell off the fucking cliff.

So he was just like texting while he was driving and not paying attention. He went off the side. That's the most two in 10 moment of my life when I'm going over those, like through the Hollywood Hills. Yeah. I mean, I really, it's crazy that you're able to drive that close to like certain death. Yeah. Oh, well how about the fucking drive up to San Francisco if you take the coast?

There's times where the left side of you is just cliff. Yeah. There's like famous places like in the world, like in just other countries where, I mean, I've been to a few countries where you're driving and there's no rail. Your tires are just like along the edge, like almost hanging off. It's fucking terrifying. Yeah.

Fucking dumb other countries. Oh man, this is why jay won't countries were the only way to get as he's fucking rose to the mountains and sometimes there's boulders that fell in the way and you gotta move the fucking Landslide and hope it doesn't hit you while you're driving Amazing all the years of driving for comedy and how long I've driven never seen a falling rock once Not once that is falling rock never seen falling rock anytime ever. I've only seen it on never hit a deer crazy You never hit one deer

I was in a tour bus that hit a deer once. That was pretty gnarly. I hit a rabbit recently. Oh, yeah. I tried, though. Oh, did you? No. I thought you meant with your foot when you killed him with your foot. No, I did. That actually happened to me recently. I was moving my lawn furniture because my fucking...

Mexican fucking lawn care people never move the furniture back to where it's supposed to be and I'm moving it back and I felt my foot go into the ground and I heard beep beep beep beep beep and these baby bunnies jumped out of a bunny's nest which apparently they're underground I had no idea and yeah they fucking so Lewis reported those guys to ice piece of shit

What a piece of shit, dude. Come on. They're just here trying to live the American dream, dude. Yeah, the one jumped in my pool and went belly up, and I thought it was dead. I scooped it out with the scooper, threw it in the garbage. My girlfriend was like, are you sure it's dead? I was like, I'm positive it's dead. Did you try feeding it carrots? She really did bring carrots out to these little broken bunnies. I was like, they don't want your carrots. Did they live? Stop trying to WhatsApp these rabbits. They did, actually. I thought they were going to die for sure. It was on Memorial Day, and I called like a...

We could rescue an animal rescue place and they were like we're closed today call the cops They'll come and get him euthanized and we're like no I'd rather them die a slow death in my backyard And eventually they just started hopping around the one guy. You know we call him limpy and He was just fucking pushing himself with one leg and should have glued there You should have glued their hands to their genitals and then hung them from something a big Oh another autoerotic Suspiciation gone wrong

Great. The guy from In Excess, David Carradine, and now these rabbits? So he either lived or a hawk came and got him eventually. Do you think that some of those auto-asphyxiation guys were murdered and they were set up to be humiliated and look that way? No, I think, yeah. Do you see now that they try to take the...

Jerking off part away from all those stories now really yeah, they don't know how many stories are you reading that are autoerotic? Fixation none, but he's watched a whole documentary on it. No I'm gonna my own documentary Soundgarden jerked off to death Lincoln Park jerked off to anyone who hangs himself even Chris Cornell Yes, but you I don't think he was jerking off to death was he this is a theory

It's a strong theory. Did you make it yourself? Yes. Oh. I'm trying to be clear. There's no evidence. There's no evidence. You don't hang yourself from a fucking doorknob that low when you're not trying to... They flash knockout while they're doing it, and then they just die because they're being choked. 100%? They pass out. That's it. Yes. 100%. You heard it here first. I don't think... And Linkin Park. Robin Williams? Robin Williams, they said, put a note, but again, I think now the...

Since Michael Hutchins from NXS famously did that, and David Carradine, that was news. That made news they died from that. How good could it possibly feel? To get choked during sex? I've had people call in- To get choked out, like while you're nutting. I've heard people call in- It's probably pretty good, dude. People say it mimics, a lot of times former addicts do it, because it mimics the feeling of the high of heroin. That's what they said. But that's just people who've called in to say that. Who knows? But-

Because Michael Hutchinson and David it's like the first when you think of their name before you think of even in excess or any of the songs You're like oh, yeah, he died jerking off David Carradine all those movies died jerking off So now they'd rather have you think they were just depressed and going through it than saying that because that's all you're gonna be known for now It's not a bad theory if the family can hide that information. I guess when you port that he was jerking off. He killed himself. I

The world doesn't need to know he's jerking off while I killed him. Well, you'd rather feel that it was on purpose because he was desperate and sad than he was such a weirdo that he had to jerk off and hang himself from a fucking doorknob. I heard there's a conspiracy involving the David Carradine one. I think David Carradine had run afoul with some shady characters. Yeah, five enums, dude.

I think it was in Thailand. Wasn't it in Thailand or something like that? He's actually Kung Fu. Is there a conspiracy theory attached to it? We should call Sam Tripoli. He roamed the earth bringing HPV to foreign land. He was Kung Fu when I was a kid. When I was a little kid, he was the guy that was doing martial arts on TV. High Chang Kaine.

Everybody called everybody grasshopper back then. Yeah, but getting choked while you have sex rules. All right, bring it back up. I guess we'll talk about it. He's hanging on it. All right, but I don't choke you while you're back. David Carradine was wearing fishnet stockings and a dark wig when his body was found hanging in a Bangkok hotel room.

Grainy images printed in the tabloid tie wrath reportedly show kung fu actor suspended from a clothing bar in a closet Red woman's lingerie appears to be in the bed adjacent to the body. Oh, this is somebody who hated him. Yeah, that might be right He okay found with his hands bound above his head and a rope around his neck wrist and generals How would one do that to themselves? Sore details of kill bill starr sexual life began to surface as the photos of

generated more questions about the actress Mysterious Death. That seems like you couldn't do that yourself unless you're really, really ingenious. How do you bound... It says hands bound above his head.

How you do that? And a rope around your neck, wrist, and genitals. You need a really cool friend. How are you doing that? One inch punch. One inch punch, dude. Are you pulling it tight with your hands? What? Okay, yeah, let's fuck that. It's starting to get carried away. Sorry, you look real gross. Yeah, there's a lot of accusations involving. Hmm.

He was giving his wiener the old five-finger death punch. But, I mean, what are the standards in Thailand if they find you hanging wearing women's lingerie? Do they really want to investigate? They're probably just going to kill themselves. I don't want to touch that. It's icky. How is it autoerotic asphyxiation if his hands are tied up, too, above his head? That's the weirder thing. I never saw that before. Those hands were above his head? That sounds like he got killed. That sounds like somebody walked away with...

Well, it's one of those things that might have gotten carried away and somebody just left because they were like, whoop, he's dead. Like maybe a lady was giving him head and then he came and then blacked out and she couldn't get him off the ropes. So she just fucking booted out of there. Not like in Park and Soundgarden, who were just jerking to each other's music. I think some of them are just depressed, dude. Bourdain was just depressed.

But who hangs? There's so many faster ways to take care of the situation. They don't have anything around them other than a rope, and it's an impulsive decision. And it's also like a romantic way to kill yourself. It's like, who's got rope? You don't need rope. I got rope in my garage. You need cord. How about the guy that- Your jizz sock from all your autoerotic asphyxiation? The guy that was connected to the Clintons that hung himself with electrical cord, then shot himself in the chest with a shotgun? Yeah.

From 40 yards away. Yeah, it looks a little sus, as the kids like to say. If you had to kill yourself, Joe, how would you kill yourself? If you had to.

Well, gun is definitely the best way, right? Because it's quick. Yeah, but what if you shoot your front lobe off? Don't do that. Don't do it. Put it in your mouth like a real man. That was the fucking Richard Jennings thing. And then choke yourself. He missed. Yeah, he missed. And died later. Yeah, he died in the hospital. That'd be my biggest fear is shooting, just angling it wrong and then just... I saw a video of a guy who did that with a shotgun.

He just took off the front of his face and was blind. Lived. Yeah. Life is now worse. Richard Jenney takes his life. Dave Couillet never even tried to take his life. Richard Jenney was funny. Very funny. Back in the day, he was the fucking man. He was depressed that he never wound up being a movie star. He wanted to be the next Jim Carrey, you know? He did. Yeah, he got close with the mask and they said it just made him more bummed.

It's crazy because he's like to us all the comics back then he was the guy you know he was well He was on all those shows were you doing comedy at a time? Did you do you have performances on like a list and

Stand-up spotlight or VH1. I did a bunch of those things. Yeah, I did a bunch of those. Caroline's Comedy Hour was a biggie. Yeah, I did that. I did MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour. That was Pauly, right? No, that was Pauly. It was totally Pauly. MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour was another show that would do, you know, do like 10 minutes or something. I forget what the time was. VH1 did one of those with Rosie O'Donnell kind of hosted them or something. Yep, yep, yep. It seemed like it was a pretty fun time.

In comedy. Comedy was pretty polluted with, like, a lot of same old, same old. Yeah. At the time. But, I mean, like, what a time to kind of, like... That's why it was funny when I was opening for Dave Attell those years. He couldn't get a grasp on, like, the change that I was experiencing. Because he was kind of like, after three years, like, you want to go with me to this club again? And I'd go, absolutely. Absolutely.

And you go, aren't you headlining this place yet? And it's like, it doesn't work like that anymore. Because he's from a time where they said, if you got an hour of comedy together, then you tore... That's what they say. Well, Dave was way ahead of his time. You tore that hour of comedy. He goes, you can't just do that. Like, he replaced the book you. Well, Dave, before... I mean, back when I started, this is 21 years ago, like...

people would just have their act. Do you remember Seinfeld's documentary where he was like, he's like, I'm going to get rid of my act after 20 years and have a new hour. It's like, that's what everyone does now. The standard of comedy has changed so much. Yeah. But if like, Attell was always like that, he would turn over, he was very prolific. No, no, no, for sure. I'm saying he didn't get that, like, the change that now you have to be able to sell tickets. Right. To get book places. It wasn't just like, well, you're one of the comics who has an hour in the country. Yeah. There was a time when it was that. It was like these guys just, I think it was like the two coasts really was all of it.

You know what I mean? Then the internet, I think, really opened it up to the rest of the country and it's like saturation now. Yeah, you used to be able to go to clubs and build a market.

So you just keep returning. You turn like once a year, and after a few years, people come to see you like, oh, Big Jay's coming. He's really funny. We saw him last time. San Fran Punchline, Stress Factory are maybe two of the only clubs that really – I know there's more. Oh, the Providence Comedy Connection. Let me go there and have enjoyed watching it be like giving me a couple hundred dollars for a weekend to change over the years. I remember I opened for you. You made $600 for the weekend as the headliner. Yeah. Yeah, they give you a chance.

And if you're good and they know you're good and they give you a chance to people trust them because they've got a long history of booking good comedy. It's like, who's this guy? Is he good? Oh, let's take a chance. Right. But there are places got afraid. I remember that that hurts so much. I opened for Steve. Oh, when he first started doing comedy, uh, stand by before me. Uh, and I'd done DC improv with the tell and stuff before. And I did that weekend. And I hate when you go hat in hand to places and you get bad news. I remember going to the booker there who was like someone who's like so friendly to me now. And she's great, you know, but like,

It was so hard. I go, hey, I'd love to come back and headline. Even like on an off weekend, one that people don't want to do, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, whatever. And she goes, yeah.

I'd love to but you don't sell any tickets so it's all about selling tickets and she's gonna laid it out like that and I thought I was I was like well how do you I didn't know how to start making that happen it's pretty when we started like Legion of Skanks and stuff well podcasting sort of created an opportunity for comics to the best yeah the best audience people they know us they feel like they're really like sitting here with us well they really are right and we talk like this if we were in the green room

The difference between podcasts and everything else is we're really talking just the way we talk. Yeah. You know? Everyone also gets mad, too, at, like, what the thing is besides stand-up that makes it happen, whether it's podcasts, internet videos. Yes. I've learned also to stop having that because people get too much wrapped into that. Like, there's a social media comic or there's a whatever. It goes...

Buddy, I don't know. My ex-wife does comedy and people ask me like, are you mad that she does comedy? Like, I can't judge why anybody gets involved in it. I got involved because somebody suggested it to me. It's crazy to even want to. To care. Like, who gives a fuck? It's like, why'd you do it? It goes, oh, because I was having funny tweets so I figured I'd give it a shot. Like, okay. That seems like a good enough reason as anybody else starts. The first decade, you don't even...

There's no path like what is the path to like even making money? You're just doing it blindly going I hope something happens eventually people get mad because I think there is a path now to making money very quick and people are doing it and so it's that right it's the Howard Stern used to hit on it was that our famous thing with him and Ari She got an idea of podcast, but when people were shitty about that I always understood his anger at least

I don't agree with it, but I understand when he did the AM rate. Well, his anger didn't make sense because he was already super famous. No, but his argument was saying, I had to do AM shift. Yeah. 2 AM to 6 AM in this shitty town. I had to do this and I played music until they realized it would be better to let me talk 10 years later. And he went through all that. It's just like, well, you could flip on a switch and if you have an audience already or connected to somebody who has an audience, like-

You're doing it already? Like, you're just doing it now. Well, also the difference is we all hang out with each other and do each other's podcasts, whereas those radio guys all fucking hated each other. Right. Like Howard Stern, Haley Opie, Anthony. They were taking each other down. Yeah, they would talk shit about each other all the time. Opie and Anthony used to have, what was it, Jocktober? Jocktober. Where they would just find shitty radio shows and they would have their fans torture them for an entire month. Yes, yes.

Oh, so funny. Brutal. Fucking brutal. Cut the road. Yeah, cut. It was a different- Podcast doesn't have to be. Right. Because you could only be the one big radio guy in Philly. And if Stern was coming into Philly, and if they're going to open up a syndication thing, he was going to talk crazy shit on the big guy in Philly, whoever it was, or whatever city it was. It do feel as interesting watching. I wonder if this happens with every generation. The comedy dollar gets stretched, though, because it is kind of funny. Not that it-

necessarily hurt. I think the, now with like having these kind of like sham, I'm opening for Shane at some of these arenas and stuff. It's amazing. He's getting like 18, 20 some thousand people into these places and,

and doing it, one, that's very difficult to think of new jokes when you're doing comedy like that all the time. Well, you do clubs. For sure. No, I do clubs. You have to. No, but I mean you have to. Like a Shane will do clubs also. Oh, no, for sure. Of course. I'm just saying a ticket to see someone in an arena, before they'd be able to see everyone they loved was coming through the improv or whatever, and then a couple were doing theaters. Right. Now it's a fucking night out at a sporting event to go see comedy where it's like they might not have the money next week to go see...

me or Lewis at a club. I think it has changed. It's interesting in that way. Well, there's some people that just don't want to spend that kind of money to go to an arena anyway, and they'd rather go see someone in a club. Sure. It's a better experience. That's how comedy is supposed to be. The best experience, though, in an arena is in the round. In the round, it's like a giant club. That's how Shane does it. It's nuts. It's like a giant club. Because the people on this side are watching the people on that side laugh, and you're all laughing at each other. It's very intimate, weirdly, even though there's like 16,000 people. The only comedy I don't love at all

The three things clubs theaters is theaters theaters is impersonal from the crowd enough and Also personal enough that they you could still do bad. It could turn on you a theater Possibly if you're not the person they're there to see or even if you know I mean there's like a Nick Swardson thing that were he they turned on him well He was lit on edibles. Yeah He was talking about They weren't with him no matter what like they did turn on him

Something about the arena and again Shane's doing an hour at these things which is impressive as hell for the 20 minutes I have to do it's like how could this go bad? Like it's just if if Anyone's laughing in there. It sounds like a million Shane had a guy open for him. I don't wanna trash the guy I heard it was a sound issue though, but he just like Dude, he just started getting booed to getting booed out of an arena is crazy crazy I mean you have to feel like

It has to feel like it like being like you're getting the same reaction like that the visiting team gets when they go to that arena It happened to a comic kill Tony arena shows to happen It's somebody somebody will do two jokes in a row that bomb and then the crowds like fuck this guy And then it's almost fun. I think it's because people are in that environment. They think it's fun to do it. I

I don't see just you and TI got booed something when he was doing comedy like at a big arena Oh, yeah, well it wasn't you know, it didn't have it tight. No, he sure didn't do that You can't just jump into you know, but you just lose them so Damian Lemon very very funny comic and

He did like the Hot 97 Summer Jam comedy thing and like they turned on him hard and when it turns, it turns. Or the most famous one of all, Bill Burr on the Traveling Virus tour, Opie and Anthony back in the day in Philly. Well, that's because they had turned on Dom Irera before. Yeah, and then he came out and he said, fuck this crowd. And he spent 15 minutes just shitting. It's one of the most beautiful moments. Legendary moments in comedy. I'm from Philly and it's one of my favorite lines ever about Philly that is indicative of that town that I love. He says, Joe Frazier's from here.

Beat Mike tight or beat Muhammad Ali No, no statues to him or nothing and you have a statue of an a fictitious Italian heavyweight You piece of shit through batteries at Santa Claus fuck this town It's a classic. It's great. He kept rattle off seven more minutes. Yeah, like I know that's funny He had to quit that tour because everywhere he went then they would start booing him because they do Cleveland now

Yeah, that was like that was like this before viral videos were happening like that right it was such shitty grainy footage But that's when I mean maybe my first year in comedy that happened a couple years in and you're just seeing that and it's like It's such a comics moment where you're like yes, just fucking what's a big pin It's a big moment to have in comedy I said a few of them when you when silence doesn't scare you anymore or Just the mo just I could talk into a microphone especially for 15 minutes under any circumstance You know I mean like it'll suck

If it's terrible, you go out, they're already booing. Go out in the very beginning, there's no one there. But, like, I'm not afraid of the moment. That's a big thing to get over, and that's what, you know, being scared for the moment. That's why I said, you know, overseas the first time. I was like, do they even understand English here in England? The first five minutes, if you're doing a headlining set that's not going well, and you're like, oh, fuck, it's going to be another hour.

God damn it. Are you a long time guy or do you try to do like when you headline something? I do an hour. An hour. Yeah, especially if I'm on the road. Yeah. Always. I don't really have an hour right now, so I'm like putting it together. I think last night I did 50 minutes.

And some of it I keep forgetting my new stuff. It's a lot of new stuff because it's all since August. And I took a couple months off where I wasn't doing stand-up at all. I was like, let me just refresh my brain. And then I hopped on, started doing other people's shows. Then I had some old bits that I'd never put on the special and I started bringing them back and piecing it together. But it's like you've got to have a real set before you take that bitch on the road. You can't think you could have a club 45 minutes and go do an arena. Yeah.

Like if you're going to do an arena, you got to have a real set. I work out in the clubs on the road. Have to. Particularly. I mean, like, but it's. Burr said that back in the day. That's all he's preparing for a special, really. Burr said that back in the day. We were just talking about someone special. It's like, he didn't do the clubs. And he's like, he's right. Like this person, like some persons, they start doing theaters, big theaters. They do real well. And they just keep doing that only same opening act every time crowd wants to see them. And you develop like a, it's like a soft act.

Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, not good. You need clubs, man. Yeah, but Austin's great for that as well. So what you did down here is you've cultivated like...

Comedy fans that want to see edgier shit. They want to hear fucked up jokes, New York and LA They don't really like you're just going on a random pop-in set at the stand or the cellar or the comedy store Into some random show and they don't know who you are. You start doing fucked up shit. They get very tight Mmm, very tightly down here like you go in the main room of the mothership or at the creek I mean these they're comedy fans or like legit It's become like a comedy destination kind of how like, you know, people go to New Orleans for jazz Well, this town doesn't seem to feel like it has the same

responsibility to like correct bad behavior on stage that New York has and LA has sometimes like they'll they want to let you know that you're out of line they don't want you talking about a certain subject it's like did you think there was going to be when you opened the club did you

like foresee the dissension stuff that happens just within the scene the people that don't work there bitching about this for this reason and the people who it's a walled garden and everyone goes they got in there because of this and i met in there because of this it's a they have a walled garden perspective you see a bunch of people having a good time and you're not involved to fuck those people it's normal it's a natural reaction yeah that people have to like this intimate community of people that are all friends that are having a great time it's normal to hate it

But it's not all wild comedy. There's a lot of really clean comics that come here that kill. Vecchione is fucking pretty clean. He's hilarious. He's on Nate's. He murders and murders at the club. He's a beast. It doesn't matter. It's just funny. It's just whatever kind of funny you're into. Holtzman comes and destroys. I'm not even saying the booking is one dimensional. You can. Did you even foresee there would be comics that were going to

be eventually like, clip sucks anyways. I don't hear about them. You stay away from stupid. I guess it doesn't make its way to you. They wouldn't be stupid. You're going to have people that complain about anything that they're not involved in. Sure. They're going to decide it sucks. Like, how could it suck if you've got two days of open mics and

How could it suck if the comics get paid more than anywhere else? How could it suck if it's entirely set up for comedy? How could it suck if it's super supportive of the comedians and gives them a path? What is the path for the young comic in Mothership? Well, there's a real talent coordinator. Adam E. gets a real talent coordinator. He sits there and he watches your set. He gives you advice. He'll have you come back and do it again. He'll give you spots on certain shows. They start developing comedians. And it's like anything else. This business is about...

Being likable and getting people to want to watch you succeed Yeah, where it's like you'll get your opportunity if you fucking if all the other comics are like, you know This guy's funny. You should take a look at him. I've seen that happen directly Can't get the lighter again. Yeah Well, we have it set up for development like the whole idea is like you want to develop new talent there and kill Tony's the best vehicle for that ever, you know, if you have a banger minute on kill Tony you could become a fucking star and

And if you could reproduce that every week. 59 times. Kind of crazy that some of them have to do that. It's an incredible writing exercise. The advice I would have given a young comic 15 years ago, I was a young comic at the time too, but it's like, do not be on camera for the first decade that you do comedy. Develop and act first. But now a lot of these guys, they have the opportunity. But can it be detrimental if you really eat shit on it? No.

And you're like a three-year comic. I don't think people remember people bombing on Kill Tony where it'll be detrimental to your career. It could be. But, you know, it could not be if you bounce back and have a great set the next time and the people love you. I've seen that happen too. Look, you're taking a risk when you're doing a new minute every week. There's a real possibility you might have a dud. Yeah. You know, especially if you're new to the game. You've only been doing it four years. You've got some talent, but, you know. I genuinely don't know. It's an interesting...

thing when I had to do it essentially at Madison Square Garden. Yeah. It's an interesting thing to try to whittle down in your head like, what the fuck is up? Just a minute, yeah. Yeah, but they were all pumped to see you, so it was easier. No, of course. That's that arena atmosphere too. It's like, it's our game to lose. The Garden, I think, was like the best arena Kill Tony show. Oh, it was amazing. It was really cool. I went both nights.

And whatever it was, like they were just, the crowds were so lit on watching those shows. Like nobody got booed. There was no problems. Like super supportive. Super supportive. Well, some people got booed. This is people that bombed. Did they? Yeah. A couple people. I think someone went right before me.

Yeah, a couple people bombed. Look, it's fucking hard to do, man. And it's fun to watch someone just go out there and fail sometimes. It's what makes the people that succeed look better. When I do Kill Tony as a panelist, I love watching somebody bomb. It's my favorite thing. Because then you just trash them. You get to fucking make fun of them. I thought that's what we sort of do in the show. I've been a panelist on Kill Tony, I think I might have the number one amount of times, like 25 times I've been a panelist.

And when we started doing it like back in the day in the comedy store in the belly room The most fun we would have is when somebody just had a hot one and then we would just fucking trash them It became way more supportive now like the whole show format is like really like Tony trying to put guys over But back in the day we were just mean it was just like a mean evil fucking thing. It was so fun Yeah, it evolved those belly room days were wild because you know like half the crowd would be like comics and

Yeah. There was no one there. It was fun. But he kept doing it. I mean, he fucking did it over and over and over again until he honed that motherfucker down like a samurai sword. No, I'm super impressed with it. Like, you know, Tony's the man. But that show itself is like... I think it's inspiration for like Story Wars. You know, it's a very different show. It's just the idea of like the live... The format and like... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Skanks has always been a live show, but the development of Story Wars has been very like... Well, it's also easier when you have a format. Like we literally just set the table and then play, and it's like we don't have to really do much. So when you're on a podcast like this or like Skanks, you have to actually kind of like...

Be a little bit more present and like just sort of like you're trying to connect with the comics in a different way when we are we do it's like a game show that we created and it's just super formatted. So it's just kind of easy to just plug and play funny. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you guys by doing Legion of Skanks just by the name itself, it like opened up the door to wild comedy because it's like, you know, you're getting into.

The show's called Legion of Skanks. Well, this was a brilliant idea that Jay had. Like, our secondary tagline is the most offensive podcast on Earth. And it's not. There's more offensive podcasts. But...

It lets people this way. I think this is the reason we've never gotten in trouble Yeah, because you know exactly what you're gonna get right? It's crazy like for anybody to go Why would you watch this if you do don't watch the most offensive podcast? Yeah, you look like an idiot if you start complaining about it Adam Kroll had a great analogy about it when he did our show he said uh He was like this what you guys why you guys get away with it He's like like when Snoop Dogg goes to the Grammys Snoop Dogg goes backstage and he lights a blunt and

And nobody's like, you can't smoke back here. It's like, you invited Snoop Dogg. You know what the fuck you're going to get, right? And it's the same thing with us. I think people know what they're going to get with us. We sort of just, you know, play and have fun and do our thing. Well, you give an avenue for comedians that's like, you know, where people know what they're going to get. And obviously people flock to it. I mean, Skankfest sells out immediately. So you guys people love the vibe. It's fun. It's just fun. We're not here to take ourselves seriously. Also, broadcasting has done something for comedy. It's

Pretty amazing that I think broadcasters like the Howard Sterns. They had that all the time It's very interesting when you meet the people they know you inside now They know the time you told a story about the thing you fear the most and they know whatever and I do get used to stuff like that where they'd be like hey your daughter picking a college and you go fuck you I'm like, oh, I guess I talked about that on the radio this week. Yeah, so it's interesting. It's weird You can forget that there's an audience out there sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, you know you forget sometimes the things you say have weight to them, you know, I

No, absolutely. We found out the hard way. Who knew what this was going to happen when we started Legion of Skanks? We started Legion of Skanks pretty early podcast times. 14 years ago? Don't you think even now sometimes you say things, you're like, gosh, I shouldn't have said that.

No, no, I don't I don't unless it's about a purse like sometimes about people. That's what we learned We learned to stop making fun of children on the internet because they know we have well we do sometimes but I've had to apologize to multiple families of mentally handicapped people because we've done bits on the show and I

Mean we've gotten into where they they would come to me and be like like what is wrong with you? This is like a child that has like Down syndrome We're like we had no idea that they get on the phone Lewis, and they're like I didn't mind it was funny Well no the Twice now that happened and both times ended becoming very friendly with the family they came out to see me at shows they brought the kid now is your burden because

The problem is you're saying things with your friends like you would normally say. Right. But then you don't realize it. Ron Bankton calls it corner talk. Just corner talk with the guy. But there's a real person on the end of these stories sometimes. And that's the thing. The only thing that changes us. I think in the beginning we would just say whatever. There'd be a silly story. And now I'm going like, well, all right, is this person going to hear this? And it's just a normal person who's like, their parents are raising a special needs kid. It's a tough enough life as it is. Buddy, I felt terrible. Last time I came in here, when you talked about it, I was like, hey, there's that video going around of that girl freaking out.

And I was just going like, yeah, it's just like she wasn't ready for this moment. But I went through – didn't say the name on purpose. And there's so many videos on the internet that are like, Jay takes a shit on this girl. No, it's not what I did. Well, sometimes you say things because you're just talking. And then you realize, God, that other person is going to hear that. I did that recently. And I'd like to apologize to this guy. There's this guy named Flint Dibble who's an archaeologist. And I said –

He attacks other archaeologists like Graham Hancock, and he says some terrible things, but what I did was very counterproductive. What I said was like, these weak, bitchy men, and I named him. And then he tweeted about it. He said, I have stage four cancer, and I'm like, fucking forgot he had cancer. Oh, man.

Didn't mean him physically I meant his behavior, but it made me feel bad so I was wrong It was what I said I shouldn't have said I there's sometimes I say things I just think I'm talking with friends and I realize it's gonna hurt someone's feelings on the other and it's counterproductive like

I'm doing the exact thing I'm accusing him of doing. He's attacking other people. I'm attacking him. It's stupid. And we can be funny with anything. You don't need to like... But I wasn't even being funny. I was talking to an archaeologist. I just get mad. I got angry at this process that sometimes like established archaeologists are attacking these people who have legitimate ideas. But I shouldn't have done it that way. And you just... Archaeology is your one passion. No, it's like...

I, you know, I talk about a lot of different things, but I talk too often like I normally talk. Like sometimes when you're talking about like a serious thing, like you probably shouldn't insult people. It just, it comes normal. Like, fuck that idiot. You know, like it comes out. Sure. And you go, ah.

Yeah, shouldn't have you know, yeah, we do that all the time you get loose you get a little too Comfortable. Well, I tell you also that's the smart move I said that Howard Stern did years ago that I'm trying to get better at and do when you think something's ridiculous Praise it and then use it and you could show everybody without having to make fun of it them. Do you know I mean? Oh, right, right make fun of themselves. That was definitely do that well, I do that sometimes when I'm questioning people and I know they're not telling me the truth and

I'll say wait me so what you're saying is and so I don't even have to like say that's ridiculous. That's not bullshit I just let the internet have it. Yeah, I mean like Epstein didn't kill himself You know like that kind of a deal like okay, you know like the internet deal with this I'm not gonna deal with this. This is like I could only be so Pushy, you know when people don't want to talk about a specific thing or want to give you an answer that you think is pretty much gaslighting you and

You're like, okay, so that's a real UFO? All right. You know, I have people coming here all the time that I know are bullshitting me. I know they are.

Like, I feel it, you know? And sometimes it's just like, all right. What are you going to do? You'll call them sometimes. Sometimes. But, like, sometimes I don't know. Who was the guy years ago you had an argument with? Again, sometimes when vernacular causes the problem, I feel like at the time you were just, like, in a rhythm of saying the word bitch at the end of a sentence a lot. And you said something, you go, you're like, come on, bitch. You can't think that way, bitch. And he was like...

You call me a bitch a less you're pulling the shit out of me. Who was the Crowder? Oh, yeah, that's right. We're it was a weed conversation. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I was talking to him like a comedian. Yeah, just go along with it. He got genuinely offended Yeah, we said we're bullying him because we're like researching information live that was countering what he was saying it was trying and he didn't have access to it was like alright and

You know, whatever. So he's being a real bitch. I was trying to be a good host, and I wasn't. And I was being too, like, a comic. Like, I could talk to you that way, and we would have fun. I could talk to you that way, and we would have fun. He wasn't. He was a little serious. Shit, you can call those a bitch all day. That's not a problem. Some people just get. Tee off on this guy. If you're choking me while I jerk off, you can call me whatever you want. Some people just get serious, and you don't realize they're serious. Like, oh, you're serious. Like, you're really upset. Okay.

Because we're so used to talking shit. It's so normal. Like when people talk shit about me, I'm like, eh, I would do that. What am I going to do? You're too famous to not. You can't get offended. You're so big at this point that it's just part of the territory. That's part of the problem with saying things like about that Flint Dibble guy. You don't think about it while you're saying it. Like you're saying it to millions of people. It's not just talking. You're like, ah.

Guy's dusting off a raptor bone and you just see a tear hit it because he's listening to you in his headphones. That guy's a dumb idiot. I genuinely felt bad. My raptor bone. But it's like, I actually didn't have a bad time talking to him. We had to confront him on this one thing because he accused Graham Hancock of being attached to white supremacy and...

And this like weird thing about Atlantis, like, wow, how does that have anything to like, and he tried to deny it. And we pulled up the quote that he did. Because Hancock says no blacks in Atlantis. No, this is like this thing that these people do when they try to discredit things like certain academics will do. Well, they'll connect what you're doing to racism or homophobia. Just try to like virtue signal their way into a position where everything you're doing is wrong. And it's.

And it's the thing about Atlantis is a weird one. It's like it's apparently at one point in time there was some white supremacist that was pushing the theory of Atlantis being this great white race. But that's not what any of the people that are legitimately trying to research it think. They think it was in sub-Saharan Africa. You think black people are going to let their hair be wet all the time?

I'm no archaeologist, but I am a bitch. What do you think Atlantis is? You think they get in the water? Oh, isn't it the underwater? No. The lost city of Atlantis? Yeah, what an idiot, right? I didn't think that either, Joe. What were we talking about, the Bahamas? Atlantis, they believe, was this structure. There was a series of concentric circles that had like a lake running through it. It's like...

Really fascinating because there's this place called the Richard structure in South Africa. And this is another one of those things that archaeologists argue about because this thing looks like Atlantis. And there's this guy named Jimmy Corsetti and he gets labeled a Nazi for talking about it's like weird stuff, man, where they try to make you look like you're racist for pursuing this idea.

I don't totally understand that. If you defend a person for- You're defending racism. You're defending racism. Right. It becomes this whole stupid argument that nobody really believes and it only exists on the internet. Exactly. And nobody in real life gives a shit. In academia, they believe it. Yeah. And if they don't believe it, they use it as a tool.

And they'll use it as a tool to dismiss you. But this is one of the things that came up during that topic, that when even archaeologists come up with a new timeline for things where it throws the old history into a tizzy, they attack them. Graham Hancock brought up this concept of Clovis first. They used to think that the Clovis people, like 13,000 years ago, were the first people in North America.

And this one guy found evidence of people that lived a long time ago and they fucking ruthlessly destroyed his career. They attacked this guy. It turned out he was right. And they found these footprints in White Sands, New Mexico. They're 22,000 years old of human beings. So they were probably living here even before that. But they destroy people that come up with an idea that throws their expertise into question.

And that's what they're all doing with Graham Hancock. What they do is he's pointing out that there's some real evidence that perhaps there was an advanced civilization that was thousands of years older than we think civilization started at.

No crime and only three pointers Well, it is in Africa. That's the fascinating thing. It's all in Africa Egypt's in Africa You know this all this sub-saharan stuff where they think the recharge structure when we show them what it looks like It's crazy because the area when you zoom out looks like it was hit with a massive flood like everything looked like all water erosion like it was like Massive amounts of water just destroyed the landscape. It still looks like that today. I

And it's in the exact same place. Like it's it's the mountains are north of it. The seas below it. That's what it looks like. And that is like the size that Atlantis is described in Plato's recollections of it or Plato's stories about it. You know, there's a lot of debate about it, but the position that it's in and the weirdness of what it is.

Makes a bunch of these ancient history guys that really believe in Atlantis just like they really believed in Troy they thought it was they thought Troy was mythical until they found it and then they're like oh geez Troy was a real thing and

So there's a lot of these people that are the gatekeepers of academia, and they don't want anything to be dated older than what they've established and what they've taught in lectures. Oh, because everything's wrong then? Everything's wrong. Well, everything is wrong. There's weird stuff like Lebanon. Have you seen those fucking stones in Lebanon? No. There's these immense, I think they're called the Trilithon stones or the Trillian stones. Yeah.

They're so fucking big! And they're supposed to be- somebody's moved these from a quarry and placed them in a place and you look at them like, "How?!"

How long ago? And then there's older stuff. There's stuff that's built on top of it. Look at the size of these fucking stones. I don't know if my Flintstone theory works here, but I think it's a brontosaurus that a man is controlling. Baalbek. That's what it is. Look at the size of these fucking stones. And if that one up in the top in the center, right to the right of that, Jamie, that one. So that shows you the size of these fucking stones that are in place. Like if you put a person next to them, they'd be like, these are five meters high.

That's fucking bananas, man. How many miles per hour is that? I don't know. Five feet is 25 feet. So those are 25 feet high. 15. Oh, sorry. Three. It's three. Right. Yeah. Sorry. My math sucks, obviously. But these stones weigh some fucking insane amount. And there's no explanation. Those cornerstones, that's all one giant piece. And we're... How? How?

How the fuck did you do that? And there's a bunch of shit in Malta. They found Neanderthal bones. So maybe Neanderthals were in Malta and maybe the land bridge was connected. And there's all this confusion about the date of these like ancient structures. It seems like people built other structures on top of them.

And when they find stuff like this, there's like this great resistance of anybody to try to like say they don't understand it. They always try to come up with some sort of an explanation, even when it doesn't make any fucking sense.

Wasn't the the Coliseum wasn't it completely underground at one point they discovered it no no no this Sphinx was underground this but the head was above it and then they cleared out the sand the Coliseum was stupid as shit nice I don't think it was underground no no the Coliseum has always been there, but they did used to be able to get water in it They used to have water fight a boat fights, and it was crazy. Oh

Imagine watching people get eaten by lions in front of everybody. Imagine what that was like. Well, back then, you understand, they would have these games and...

They would bring in like you know they would have like hunts and they would have like animal fights and shit like that But it's like back then to see a giraffe it looked like an alien like they didn't they did no idea what it they would bring in animals Africa like rhinoceros these people didn't have YouTube they're traveling had no idea it was like it literally like you're watching aliens fight have you been in the Coliseum yeah, it was incredible you see those things where they lift them up to the floor and yeah a Whole pole did underground underground they have a whole pulley system where like they have elevators and they would have slaves like pulling people up and

It was a whole show. It was a really cool thing. I appreciate you saying slaves lower. If they had that right now, if they had that right now, we would watch it. If there's something on YouTube. Like, I've already seen, have you seen the night fights where guys dress up in armor and beat the fuck out of each other? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harrington, one of our friends doing it, yeah. He does the commentary for it. He's like the Joe Rogan of night fighting. That's so ridiculous, dude.

Hit each other with battle axes and oh yeah a scepter strike to the leg But it's like if they look tough, and then they take their helmets off, and they're just fucking virgins It's like she's really nerdy fat dudes preemptive bowling know how to fight though I've seen once where guys take guys down leg kick on their MMA guys that are getting into it It's just another like outlet

Another outlet. Part of the floor of the Colosseum was buried until the mid-19th century. Oh, you were right. There you go. I knew, yeah. I don't want to correct you. One floor of the hypogymian floor lay buried under 40 feet of earth. All memory of its function even existed. Is that the floor that lifts up? Is that what that is?

Yeah, the floor, there was stuff sticking out of it, and then they went and they uncovered that there was like an entire underground system, like all this shit. Oh, all that was underground? It was actually really, all really recent. So did someone cover it up? Did you go back to that description, Jamie? Because I think it explained that someone covered it up. Well, I mean, they destroyed most of Rome, so I'm sure it was part of it. I wonder why they did that. They were using all this shit for...

My the tour that I did at the Coliseum was a we need fixed it What we saying Jamie would you say they were using the pieces of the city for construction or whatever else? They're building new stuff. You know same with like the the pyramids Musilini what a monster I go clean the floor of the cause they did that with the pyramids They stole the fucking stones from the outside of it. Yeah, well, we were so gross. Oh

Yeah, it was crazy. Well, remember the Trevi Fountain a few years ago in Rome? They poured like black ink in it or something, just protesters. It was like they literally had to drain the fountain and it took like however many months to clean it. It was fucked up. The Colosseum architects made changes to allow new methods of stagecraft. Other changes were accidental. Fire sparked by lightning in 217 A.D. gutted the stadium, sent huge blocks of travertine plunging into the hypergeum.

What? That whole area was so nuts, man. 217. That was a lot of work. How do they have those facts? Coliseum was really cool. I learned more about it. I did a gladiator training program with my son. It was like a little place you went, and I learned so much about the Coliseum doing that, more than the tour. The tour was boring as shit. I went in August. It was 110 degrees out. It was insane. He's aggressively trying to make his son straight. Yeah.

But that was a cool experience. It's fucking cool as shit, man. They didn't kill each other, the gladiators? That's all like lore? That's all lies. Because it was like pro wrestlers. If your gladiator killed another gladiator, the guy who owned that gladiator would have to pay...

The other guy who owned that gladiator, they were all slaves. It was all just show. It was like pro wrestling. They would cut each other, but they had like big, like fat bellies. So they wouldn't cut each other's organs. They do have to like do it in a certain way. It was all show. Really? It did happen once in a while, but that was more rare when you see an actual death. So occasionally they would fight for real to the death. I don't even, yeah, I'm sure occasionally they did. Where did you get all this information? From my gladiator training program. Really? Yeah.

The guy's certified. I mean, what are you going to do? Argue with the guy? But like the different weapons and the costumes they would wear and like the type of armor they would wear. It was like, you know, whatever, like, you know, a couple dozen different types of guys. And like, oh, that's the guy with the fucking mace and like a certain helmet. And it was like, it was free as well. All the people in Rome, there wasn't a ticket price. The government would sponsor it. So it was just to get people like...

you know, keep them happy and fucking the richer you were, the closer you were, like all the peasants would be up in the rafters. Right. But, uh, so the movie gladiators bullshit. There was no thumbs down, thumbs up. What? What?

Common misconception that gladiators always fought to the death the winner survived the loser died very rarely and usually with special dispensation from the Emperor would there be a sign me so battles which automatically meant death for the loser with no chance of being spared so occasionally they died yeah very rarely they done but they were like celebrities like the gladiators would come out and they were like some historians say wait a minute one in five died in battle that's a lot others say one in ten and

Most only lived to their mid-20s which compared to taste well They would die of their injuries very often not because it wasn't like it was flight to the death They just didn't have medicine like yeah, they would get stabbed and infected gladiator 2 was right though, right? But I mean what he's talking about the water they would fill it up with water and have boat fights That was a real thing in gladiator 2. Oh, I see not now. I'm bummed out I thought they really fought to the death wait every time yeah, yeah, I

God damn, dude. Well, I've got bad news about the WWF also. Oh my God. Then you know what? I might as well pull the bandaid off if we're already here. Wrestling also. But it was, yeah, it was like akin to pro wrestling. Like they would have like personalities and people would like, you know. That was a problem in Japan in the early days of MMA. Some of the fights were fixed.

You could tell. And you could tell certain guys would win by leg lock. That's where you can stomp and shit too, right? They'd have professional wrestler promoters do those MMA fights. What's it say, Jimmy? She's describing the animal hunts they did, but I'll skip ahead to this part here.

Hypogeum played a vital role in these staged hunts, allowing animals and hunters to enter the arena countless ways. Eyewitnesses describe how animals appeared suddenly from below as if by magic, sometimes apparently launched high into the air. The hypogeum allowed the organizers of the game to create surprises and build suspense.

A hunter in the arena wouldn't know where the next lion would appear or whether two or three lions might emerge instead of one. Yeah, out of those like trap doors in the bottom, a lion would just jump out and then, and you're watching a dude like hunt lions. How cool is that though? This uncertainty could be exploited for comic effect. He goes, guys, I'm not afraid of no bullshit ass lion. I fuck a lion. He's right behind me, isn't he?

Emperor Galenius punished a merchant who had swindled the empress, selling her glass jewels instead of authentic ones, by setting him in the arena to face a ferocious lion. When the cage opened, however, a chicken walked out to the delight of the crowd. The crowd.

Galenius then told the Herald to proclaim he practiced deceit and then had it practiced on him the Emperor let the jeweler go home whoa so they let people so it wasn't that killed him days later they were less mean than we thought yeah yeah it was still pretty brutal well it was fucking brutal time to be alive back then man dude one in five got to live relax one in ten maybe one in ten maybe even one in ten no big whoop

I bet a lot of dudes are sliced up, though. You ever see those Nazi dueling scars where the Nazis and the

Like when they were in like military school, they would have duels with sword fights and their faces would get slashed up and that was like their badge of courage. So all the Nazis that came over for NASA, they all had these like crazy Nazi dueling scars. All over their faces? Yeah, you ever seen those? Bro, it's so creepy. They do the shit we do now in arenas too with like t-shirt guns. Snacks fell from the sky. Snacks as abundantly as hail, one observer noted. Oh.

along with wooden balls containing tokens for prizes, food, money, or even the title to an apartment, which sometimes set off violent scuffles among spectators struggling to grab them. Nothing changes today. Nothing. There used to be a blimp that would go around the Sixers Stadium and drop coupons for hers potato chips, and I've seen people fall off of balconies for them.

It was as hot as a boiler room in the summer, humid and cold in the winter, and filled all year round with strong smells from the smoke, sweating workmen packed in the narrow corridors and the reek of the wild animals. And no bathrooms and all that. Did people just shit into holes? Well, they always did. Where would you go if you're hot and you're drunk? And everybody's got the plague. All right, boys. Should we wrap this bitch up? Sure. Let's bring it home.

Thank you so much. Are we officially in the Rogan sphere now? Yeah, you're in. Come on, man. You were always in. All right, you said it here. You were always in. What the fuck are you talking about? We just don't see each other enough. Please watch my specials. Yes. Them day, both available on YouTube. They're awesome. Anything you got? Yeah, check out Story. It's mine and Big Jay's new podcast, Story Wars, which is great. And yeah, I got a book, actually. You know what I'm writing? You wrote a book? I'm writing. I'm almost done with it.

It's coming out December 2nd. It's a pre-sale right now on Amazon. What's it about? It's my childhood memoir. Oh, wow. Yeah, it starts off with the- What made you want to do that? A dude who wrote other books was like- Knives and spoons. Yeah. A memoir. Yeah, he was like, hey, dude, I can get you a book deal. And I was like, really? And then I started working with him on it. And yeah, it's been good. It's dark. It's funny. It's fucked up. It's about just my fucked up childhood and finding comedy. I always admire someone who can write a book.

Yeah. I always admired Norton. He's written a couple of books. Damn, he wrote a whole book. He actually wrote a book. Norton's a man. Norton's in town right now. Yeah, yeah. He's here Friday. He's doing Story Wars tonight. No.

You guys at the creek no where your club. Oh, you're my club. It's a little Joe knows about his own What time is it? This is our pay 7:30 and 10:30 once you come Joe. Why don't you come on story wars? I don't have any good stories I used them all I've had 2,500 fucking episodes. I've used them all up. You don't need good stories I'll tell you it's gonna be something goes once on an archeology journey This is definitely Joe I think

I think this one's Joe. One time I was talking to the director of the CIA. He's like, well, that must be Joe. Took out a black bear from a helicopter with a crossbow. I appreciate you guys. Thank you. It was a lot of fun. Thank you. Thanks, Joe. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye.