Shownotes Transcript
Come see us on tour in Hartford, Connecticut, Syracuse, Atlantic City, Levittown, New York, Cohoes, New York, Providence, Rhode Island, Los Angeles, Bakersfield, San Jose, Toledo, Ohio, and Toronto, Ontario. Go to JimmyDore.com for a link for tickets. Hey, this is Jimmy. Who's this? Shh. Shh. It's Pete Dix. Who? Shh. Pete. Hessef. Pete Hessef?
Pete Hegseth. Secretary of Defense. What's up, what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up? Hey, Mr. Secretary, are you drunk? Shh, fuck off. No, man, I'm just resting. Why did you call me and then start shushing me?
Because top secret shit, man. I'm letting you into conference call for secret shit, so shut the fuck up, J.D. Wait, J.D.? Who do you think I am, sir? Nice try, bitch. It says J.D. right here on the phone. Mr. Secretary, this is Jimmy Dore.
Okay. Wow. Jimmy Dore Vance. Now I know your full name. Cool. Cool. Cool. Now will you shh. Shhh. That's the secret shit. Now I got to figure out how to get the other guys on the phone. I know there's a way. I've done it. I've done it before. Who are you going to add to this call?
Fucking Waltz. Fucking Tulsi. Fucking Brad Bear. Jesse Waters. Fucking everybody. It's a top secret party. Classified motherfuckers only. And what are we discussing again? I told you, dude. I told you we're going to bomb Iran. Oh, God. We're going to do that shit, dude. Tonight. Under what pretext?
And I ran. I ran so far away. I couldn't get away. Under what pretext are we bombing Iran? Because they suck and I hate them. But mainly Israel. Israel wants the war so they get a war. You want it. You got it. You want it. Baby, you got just bust a move. Are these orders from the President Trump himself?
Of course it is, dude. Whatever he says goes, man. You know that. No one's going to tell him no. I'm not going to tell him no. Hell, I want to bomb Iran. Dayu's vault, bitch. God wills it. Israel forever. Israel go brah. Do you think you should be doing this in the state you're in?
Washington, D.C. is not a state, dickweed. It is a district. And yes, this is a district for bombing the Middle East, most definitely. No, I mean that you're clearly drunk. Will you quit being a fucking bitch for like one fucking second? What Catholics don't drink? Why is everyone such a pussy about getting absolutely fucking wasted? You vowed before Congress to stop drinking if you got this job.
Yeah, dude. Seriously, though, how do we add people to this call? While I have you on the line, what is the strategy with your Iran strike? Attack their nuclear facilities and then deny we did it, like we did with the North Sea pipelines. Then AFLAC donates more money to Republicans and the cycle continues.
I mean, APAC, not AFLAC. Imagine if a duck said it. All right, Mr. Secretary, you're not talking to J.D. Vance. I have to level with you. Yeah, why are you changing your voice? Are you doing like a phone character? No, I'm literally not J.D. Vance. This is Jimmy Dore. You must have gotten this contact from J.D. Vance. Hence, your mistake in calling me. In fact, you're on a live stream with thousands of people listening right now.
No. No what? Just no. Okay. You didn't hear anything. Yeah, I did. We've been on the phone this whole time. Yeah, but that doesn't mean... Look, whoever you are, there's a major breach of national securities. Like, major. I don't know how you hacked into this phone call, but... You called me...
The police are on their way to your house right now. I'd hang up and run if I were you. It's not going to be pretty. My days, you is domestic terror. Mr. Secretary, I suggest you sober up and not do any bombing tonight. What bombing are you talking about? You're planning to bomb Iran is at Israel's behest.
Fuck yeah, dude. We are doing that shit tonight. We got to get Waltz on the fucking phone, though. What's the fucking button, dude? Okay, just get some black coffee, I guess. I got to go to do my show. Goodbye, drunk Pete Hegseth.
Hey, guess what? The EU Commissioner, Haja al-Habib, unveils a new preparedness plan for World War III with Russia. No kidding. Urging citizens to stockpile 72 hours of supplies. These people are marching us towards nuclear Armageddon with a grin and telling you to bring canned tuna.
All I can say is thank God it's one of those mild 72-hour nuclear wars, like a stomach bug. Just have some ice cream, hunker down in bed, Netflix, you know. Here she is. By the way, doesn't that look like it could be a picture from the Nuremberg trials? But anyway, here she is.
Welcome to What's in My Bag, Survival Edition. First up, my glasses. Super important if you want to see what is happening or not. Yeah, if you want to see the nuclear fallout. Yeah, if you want to see the carnage. This is real. This isn't a Misha sketch. It looks like a sketch from you, right?
Next, my document in waterproof polish. A must in a rainy Brussels. Now, let's talk about lighting. I have a flashlight. If you don't, don't forget matches and of course, the light. Turn.
And water, of course, because water is life. And my special friend, a Swiss army knife. 18 tools in only one knife. A must-have. So basically, 72 hours of matches, food and water, and then kill your neighbors. Right? That's a very European thing to do, you know, if you know your history.
And don't forget your medication. You might need it because you never know. And don't forget something to eat. You might be hungry, very hungry.
And of course, some cash. In the middle of a crisis, cash is king. And your credit card might just be a piece of plastic. A charger and a power bank. Because a dead fool is a dead end. Playing cards, a bit of distraction, never hurt anyone. And don't forget the radio. The smaller one. This is everything you need to survive the first 72 hours of a crisis.
Speaking about being prepared, the EU is preparing its strategy to be sure that every citizen is safe in case of crisis. Be prepared, be safe. You know, in case we start World War III again. This is real. That's not a comedy sketch. That's real. Get ready for, you know, because we're all crazy warmongers. The European Union just issued a dire warning to its 450 million citizens. Stockpile supplies and prepare for disaster.
Wow. Wow. The European Union on Wednesday urged citizens across the continent to stockpile food, water and other essentials to last at least 72 hours as war, cyber attacks, climate change and disease increases the chance of a crisis. The call to action for the EU's 450 million citizens comes as the 27 nation bloc rethinks its security, especially after the Trump administration warned that Europe must take more responsibility for it.
Today's threat facing Europe are more complex than ever, and they are all interconnected, said preparedness and crisis management commissioner Hadja Labib, as she unveiled a new strategy for dealing with future disasters. While the commission is keen not to be seen as alarmist, that's why they had the fun music underneath.
Abib said it's important to make sure people have essential supplies for at least 72 hours in a crisis. She listed food, water, flashlights, ID papers, medicine and shortwave radios as a thing to stock. Wow. You should have just joined the Illuminati and live in one of their comfortable shopping malls underground cities. What you know, once the world blows itself up.
You had me at Mrs. Fields' chocolate chips. Last year, Sweden updated its Cold War civil emergency advice to better reflect today's security policy reality, such as what to do in case of a nuclear attack. There's nothing to do. If there's one nuclear bomb, all the nuclear bombs are going off. Okay? Just so you know. You think we're going to go, oh, Russia's just going to use one, and then we'll just use one, and then that'll be it.
Not all EU countries have the same level of crisis preparedness, and the commission also wants to encourage them to coordinate better in case of an emergency. I don't think, you know, all the New York City has public. Remember this? So we covered this. This was back from 2022. They New York City put out a PSA public service announcement on what to do in the event of a nuclear attack. You remember this? You want to see it? Yep. Yeah. Here we go.
So there's been a nuclear attack. Don't ask me how or why, just know that the big one has hit, okay? So what do we do? There are three important steps that I want you to remember. Step one, get inside fast. You, your friends, your family, get inside. Get inside. And no, staying in the car is not an option. You need to get into a building and move away from the windows. Oh, okay.
Step two, stay inside. Shut all doors and windows. All right. This is hard to remember. Get inside. Stay inside. Stay inside. Oh, shit. But not near the windows, right? Right. Okay. Have a basement? Head there. If you don't have one, get as far into the middle of the building as possible.
If you were outside after the blast, get clean immediately. Remove and bag all outer clothing to keep radioactive dust or ash away from your body. Do I do that inside? Step three, stay tuned. Follow media for more information. Oh, yeah. Don't forget to sign up for Notify NYC. Am I going to get notifications? Make sure you go get your nuclear vaccine.
Don't forget to sign up for New York City for their official alerts and updates. And stay inside. For official alerts and updates. And don't go outside until officials say it's safe. It's never going to be safe. All right? You've got it. It'll be safe at about, I don't know, what is it, 100 half-lives?
I like how they end it. Listen to how stupid this is. Until officials say it's safe. All right? You've got this. You've got this. You've got this? Surviving a nuclear attack? You've got this. You've got this. I've got it. Go inside. Stay inside. Okay, I've got this. I've got this. I can handle a nuclear attack. I've got it.
I'm going to be inside. And then I'm taking off my clothes. I'm bagging it. Bagging it. Do you keep those clothes inside? Do I keep the clothes inside? I guess it's a little better than what they used to tell us. Remember this? This is what they used to tell us. Duck and cover. Just go like that. That's all you needed to do to save yourself from a nuclear attack. Go like that. Duck and cover. Look it. They're doing it. When am I supposed to roll? No, that's when it's on fire. When you're on fire. It's good that you were here, Jimmy. Uh...
See, at least they had wooden desks back then. The plastic ones now just melt. Yeah. I want to watch it again. I'm worried that she's still outside. Yeah. If nobody else is outside. So there's been a nuclear attack. Don't ask me. And maybe you're walking in front of a green screen. How or why? Just know that. Don't ask how or why. Quit doing your own research. Just accept it.
We're in a nuclear war. Just accept it, okay? Okay, so what do we do? What do we do? There are three important steps that I want you to remember. Three things. Step one. Chuck Norris has these three things to do.
Get inside fast. Fast. You, your friends, your family, get inside. And no, staying in the car is not an option. That's funny. You need to get into a building and move away. Staying in a car is not. It is funny. Look at idiot Joey tried staying in his car. Look what happened to him. From the windows. Number two.
Step two, stay inside. Shut all doors and windows. Have a basement? Head there. Go there. If you don't have one, get as far into the middle of the building. You have a nuclear fallout shelter? Go there. It's possible. If you were outside after the blast, get clean immediately. Remove and bag all outer clothing to keep radioactive dust or ash away from your body.
Step three. What about the stuff I inhaled, though? Is that okay? If I inhaled it inside of my lungs? Follow media for more information. Don't forget to sign up for Notify NYC for official alerts and updates. You got this. And don't go outside until officials say it's safe. You got it. All right? You've got this. Yeah, you got it. You got this. You've got this.
Oh, nuclear attack? I got this. Didn't you guys see the PSA? I know what to do. You go inside, and then you know what you do? Stay inside. Take off your clothes, put it in a bag. You have a basement? Go there. Don't go in your car. Are you still trying to avoid a nuclear attack the old-fashioned way? Okay, well, it's good to see that the EU has their own version of it.
- Welcome to What's in My Bag, survival edition. - Survival edition. This literally is like something you would do. And then she pulls out the big radio. Like it's a joke. - But the best part of me, she does it, she'll be wearing a better wig than this. - Yeah.
Super important. Super important. Yeah, you gotta be able to see. Next, my document in waterproof poach. A must in a rainy Brussels. Now, let's talk about lighting. I have a flashlight. If you don't, don't forget matches and of course, the light.
Turb. That is funny. And water of course, because water is life. And my special friend, a Swiss Army knife. 18 tools in only one knife. A must have. And don't forget your medication. You might need it, because you never know. And don't forget something to eat. You might be hungry, very hungry.
And of course, some cash. In the middle of a crisis, cash is king. And your credit card might just be a piece of plastic. A charger and a power bank. Because a dead fool is a dead end. Playing cards, a bit of distraction, never hurt anyone. And don't forget the radio. The smaller one. This is everything you need to survive the first 72 hours of a crisis.
Speaking about being prepared, the EU is preparing its strategy to be sure that every citizen is safe in case of crisis. Be prepared, be safe. Be safe. These people are psychopaths. These people are unbelievable.
Hey, you know, here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member. We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show. You can do it by going to JimmyDoreComedy.com, clicking on Join Premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business, and it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards. Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member, and if you haven't, you're missing out. We give you lots of bonus content. Thanks for your support. ♪
We're here.
Breaking the IDF works to implement Trump's plan. So Trump has a plan for Gaza. And the plan is right now to bomb the hell out of everybody, kill children, literally wiping out children. When they bomb a building, most of the people kill their children between zero and nine years old. Did you know that? The most shocking message to the people of Gaza so far, the Israeli army dropped leaflets.
Over Gaza. And here was the message. The message was to the people of Gaza after what happened and the end of the temporary ceasefire. And before we start Trump's compulsory plan, which we will proceed with, whether you like it or not, this is the last call for anyone who may share information with us in return for financial support.
Reconsider this. The world map will not change if Gaza's people disappear. No one will notice you. No one will ask about you. These are leaflets that Israel's dropping on the people of Palestine. Neither America nor Europe cares about Gaza. Even the Arab states, they are our allies. They provide us with money, oil, and arms. They only send you shrouds. The game will end soon. So...
That's pretty evil. That reads like one of those notes scribbled together with magazine cutout words that psychopaths send to the police making fun of them because they know they can't do anything about it. That's what that reads like. These people are psychos and so are the people who support them.
and uh i say treat them according here it is here's the leaflet that they drop and that's what it said and they just said to the people of gaza i thought they just mattered right yeah now it's just the people of gaza and so uh here's israeli politician hanak midwiski but it doesn't sound like a jewish that sounds like a guy from eastern europe but anyway here's what he has to say
Most of the hostage families are against resuming the war. Most of the Israeli public is against resuming the war. So everybody's against resuming the war, but they're doing it anyway. Why is your government doing it? None of the so-called facts you just stated are correct. Some families are against. I don't judge the families, not at all, but looking about Israeli strategy. The families of the hostages are against resuming the war.
And it's not a war. They mean resuming carpet bombing families in their homes. That's what they call a war. The people whose families are the hostages, they're against it.
Okay. Cannot. We cannot have Hamas stay in Gaza. We're not going to leave our sons and grandchildren to deal with their sons and grandchildren. We're going to end this now. How? How are you going to end it? We're going to conquer Gaza. And we're going to work together with our American allies in starting the Trump plan for... Ethnic cleansing. A lot of people would say.
A lot of people would say, I don't care about what other people would say. I care about what we say. I care about our interests. Netanyahu has his own priorities.
It looks as if the hostages are not the top of his priorities. And this is why things are not being done the way the majority of Israelis would have wanted it to be done. It has been proven that only military pressure brings a good deal. A year and a half of very intense war with a lot of civilian casualties in Gaza shows that it's not possible to militarily defeat Hamas. By the way, they had a good deal.
They had a deal. They had a ceasefire deal. It was three stages. And in each stage, they released hostages. And at the end of the third stage, all the hostages would be released.
Israel broke that. Now, that's not me saying that. That's the Israeli newspaper, Haaretz, saying that. They say that Israel broke it, just like they've broken every ceasefire deal. So if you think Hamas broke the ceasefire deal to release the hostages, you've been propagandized. And that's why you're watching this show, so I can debunk that propaganda for you and free your mind. That's what this is. OK, then he's saying.
You've been doing this for a year and a half. You've been slaughtering people indiscriminately, killing all families at once. 2,000 pound bombs, bombing refugee camps, bombing tents, snipering children in their head.
Well, how much worse could it get? A year and a half under the Biden administration that forced us to fight Hamas with one hand, but to feed them with the other. So I can tell you that now the war is going to be handled in a totally different way with the Trump administration, with the backing of America. Trump himself said numerous times that...
All hell should break on Gaza if they're not bringing back all hostages. What does unleashing hell look like? I mean, you've already seen under, as you say, the Biden administration. You know, he keeps saying that Trump keeps saying all hell is going to break loose. And I still don't know which character he's playing from the Bible. I really don't know. Daily death tolls of around 300, 400 people a day. You will see exactly what it means. Yeah. So they're slaughtering about 400 people a day, just killing them, slaughtering them.
And Trump is cheering it on. White House, Trump fully supports Israel's Gaza slaughter. And look how nice their pressed white shirts are. Look how nice they are. Isn't that? The U.S. and Israel are blaming Hamas for the lack of continued ceasefire and hostage release. Of course they are. And they're lying. Trump and Netanyahu are lying.
But it was Israel that repeatedly violated the deal signed in January, which would have led to the release of all the Israeli hostages, a permanent truce and Israeli withdrawal from Gaza. But that's what they don't want to withdraw from Gaza, which is why Israel keeps breaking the ceasefire agreement.
Levitt, that's the president's secretary, said Trump fully supports Israel and the IDF and the actions they've taken in recent days because Trump is a cuck to Israel and he's Israel first. So he's again, once again, betraying MAGA. Hope you hope you hope you can deal with that because that's what this is.
And there's a list of reasons why Netanyahu cannot afford to get the hostages back. He doesn't want the hostages back because if he gets the hostages back, then he has to pull out of Gaza and he can't take over Gaza and the West Bank and he can't keep slaughtering people. So if he went to war with Iran. Yeah. And then we'll never get to a long game and we'll never get to war with Iran.
The whole point is this is so we can also get to war with Iran. It's not just Gaza they want. They want the greater Israel project. They want greater Israel. On Wednesday, the State Department also affirmed that the administration's unconditional support for Israel. State Department spokeswoman Tammy Bruce said U.S. will stand with Israel in every circumstance. Great. Great. Why would you be loyal to a country that would leave you hostage like that? Right. Why would you be loyal to a country that had a Hannibal Directive?
So the new expression is changing from my country, right or wrong, and now it's going to be my country, but still right or wrong. Wrong is right, my country, is what that is. When asked about the massive child casualties and the Israeli bombing, Bruce pinned the blame on Hamas. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's a shame that Hamas has allowed this to occur. They allowed it? How? You mean they abided by the ceasefire agreement?
But look nowhere else other than the people that facilitated this suffering from the beginning. You've been on Yahoo paying Hamas for 20 years? You absolute fucking punks. This is like an abusive husband who keeps shouting at his wife. It's a shame how you're forcing me to punch you in the face.
That's gold to my ears. Quote, we will never forgive them for forcing us to kill their children. That's right. That's big of you. And here's what Kurt was just talking about. Why Israel's Netanyahu encouraged suitcases of cash for Gaza. I didn't support Hamas. Netanyahu did. So he could do this exact thing. How many times do you have to be told this? Israel drove suitcases stuffed with cash into Gaza to keep Hamas in power. They did that.
Qatar sent millions to Gaza for years with Israel's backing. Here's what we know about the controversial deal. It's called gutter. That's how you pronounce it. Gutter. Remember Ian Carroll got smeared as working for gutter? Yeah. Well, that would be the same as working for Israel, wouldn't it?
Bruce claimed that the administration wants peace, but President Trump has emboldened Netanyahu and his government by supplying huge amounts of military aid and repeatedly calling for the permanent expulsion of Palestinians from Gaza instead of pressuring Israel to implement the deal it signed in January.
So there you go. That's, and by the way, the reason Doge is, but we got 6 billion more military spending to go to these assholes. So Doge didn't do anything. It literally did nothing. By the way, they probably never were putting on a transgender play in Guatemala. I'll bet that wasn't even a real thing that anybody made. So meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.
You hate for 20 years. Yeah. So when Trump said promises made promises kept that meant he meant to Israel and Benjamin Netanyahu. Not to you. And you meant to show Sheldon Adelson's wife, Miriam, the widow. Yeah. The widow. Yep. So those are the promises Trump's keeping as Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted out. Nobody voted for this.
Nobody voted for this bombing in Yemen. Nobody voted for his threatening Iran. Nobody voted for his keeping a genocide going in Gaza. Nobody voted for this. They're not going to let you vote for something important. That's right. Okay. You can only vote for unimportant things, like who's the president of America. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
So guess what? Bobby Kennedy made a big announcement. So this is from Holden Kolata. He says, Big Food CEO told RFK Jr. what really terrifies them in a private meeting two weeks ago. Today, RFK Jr. revealed what they told him. And then he did exactly what they were afraid of. Uh...
Here's something else that's going to enrage your idiot liberal friends that Bobby Kennedy is going after some corporate drone. Just to let you know. So here it is. Two weeks ago, RFK Jr. met with CEOs of Kraft, Heinz, General Mills, Tyson Foods, Kellogg's, Smuckers, with a name like Smuckers. That has to be good. And PepsiCo for a private meeting in D.C. I also say this, that food companies all came and met with me two weeks ago.
And they're scared of me, but they're more scared of Governor Morrissey. Because what they said and the reason they said, well, tell us what you want. We're going to do it. And they said, but stop these governors from passing these laws because we don't want to patchwork where West Virginia and California are banning food dyes. And we have to make special products for those states. So they're terrified of this, of what you're doing.
So that's, he's talking about a governor, governor who's thinking of, uh, doing his own banning of bad pesticides, bad chemicals in the foods. That's what he's, that's what he's talking about. Uh, governor Patrick Morrissey, West Virginia. He just made West Virginia the first state in the nation to make sweeping changes to clean up our food, defying big food CEOs. And let's, let's, let's listen to him. First of all, uh,
Let's listen. That's why today I'm proud to launch what I'm calling the four pillars of a healthy West Virginia. First, we have to clean up the food. We really do. We got to clean up the food, but you got to back away from the buffet. Come on, buddy. Learn to be just a little hungry and then go into ketosis. Okay. Here we go.
Let's start with no more dyes and dangerous additives in the schools. Look at that. We know that studies show that can lead to issues with hormones and hyperactivity and learning challenges for kids and even cancer. Our kids deserve better, and now they're going to get it. You deserve that. That's why earlier this week,
We took the first step to remove those harmful dyes from school nutritional programs and food items throughout the state. And we're going to make lard the official state vegetable. Okay. And anybody looking for those dangerous chemicals can stop by my house.
I'm thankful to the legislature for their leadership in passing this bill and making West Virginia a leader, the first state in the nation to make sweeping changes to clean up our food. Okay. I'm going to hope some of those changes include the hormones and antibiotics they pump into the farm animals. I wonder if it includes that. Okay.
So that's pretty good. But, you know, but without color coded food and liquids, how can we program our children? That's my question. Governor Morrissey also signed the intent for the state of West Virginia to file multiple SNAP waivers banning soda and ultra processed foods, ultra processed food from SNAP purchases. So here's here's what you have to keep in mind. A SNAP recipient. So if you're getting food stamps, that's what that is.
If you're too poor and you need assistance, and I remember even Adam Carolla, when he was a kid, he said they used to get food stamps. You know how much they get? They get $187 a month, which turns out to be $6.16 per day. So if you want to get rid of ultra-processed foods, which everybody does, you have to make real foods less expensive, not more expensive than ultra-processed foods.
That's why they eat the ultra-processed foods, because it's cheap. Yeah, that's why they'll go to fast food restaurants. And that's why they live in food deserts, and they don't have fresh food, and they have to eat nothing but ultra-processed food. Either you give them healthier food, or you give them more money to buy healthier food. Okay. By the way...
I think my voice can travel. Isn't it a wonderful and historic moment to have a Kennedy in West Virginia? What does it say? I don't know what it says. Does it say make? Is it Maha something? Maha, Virginia, I wonder. Now I will be signing the intent for the state of West Virginia to file multiple staff waivers as I described.
Oh, there he is. He's signing it. Okay. Exciting. They got the kids around them because this is all about the kids. That kid's like, you better sign that. What did their hat say? I can't see what it says. Make America healthy again. I think that's what it says. Looks better on Bobby. Then RFK urged all the other governors to do exactly what Big Food asked him not to do. Get in line behind. Well, let's listen. The message I want to give to the country today and to all the other governors is
is get in line behind governor morrissey and apply for a waiver to my agency and we're going to give it to you that's the way we're going to win this so he's telling each individual governors go ahead do it yourselves come to apply to my agency which is exactly what big food doesn't want them to do they want a uniform set of regulations and he's saying screw it do it individually in your own states he's got i got one more slide here i don't know what this is let's watch
You know, I want to commend Governor Morrissey not only for his vision, but for his courage, because it's very, very hard. And for these legislatures who are pushing this bill, all of them are getting calls every day from the big soda companies, the sugar soda and the fake food companies. We're not eating food. We're eating food like substances.
Yeah, food-like substances. That are addictive. Yeah, like pink slime. That's your hamburger meat at McDonald's, the pink slime. Remember that when we covered that? So here's the, this is the USDA Secretary Brooke Rollins. She pledged to work with RFK Jr. to reform SNAP and stop subsidizing soda and ultra-processed foods.
Let's listen to what she says.
These government programs are started with the idea that you're going to help people. It's not a handout. It's a hand up. And then years later, the government, the programs are even bigger and you've got more people on them. And are we really giving people a hand up or is it instead a handout? So if we can have, you know, a whole other group of really smart people looking at SNAP and other programs at USDA that will allow us to ensure what are our metrics for success?
Are we meeting those metrics for success? Will we ever take food out of a hungry child's mouth? Of course not. This is the United States of America. But truly, this program has grown so large, especially in the last administration. Under Biden, I think SNAP grew almost 30% more than before. We really have to look at where that money is going, what it is being spent on. I look forward to working with Bobby Kennedy as we figure out, do we have the healthiest choices? So when a taxpayer is putting money into SNAP,
Are they okay with us using their tax dollars to feed really bad food and sugary drinks to children who perhaps need something more nutritious? So these are all massive questions we're going to be asking and working on in the coming months.
I just, are Americans okay with us using their tax dollars to feed really bad food and sugary drinks to our children who need something more nutritious? I don't know if you've shopped at Walmart. They're not only okay with it, they're throwing a parade for it. And they'll give you your own float you can drive around Walmart to buy all those sugary snacks. And I look forward to solving some of these major, major issues for this country.
So this is a small first step. I think it's a step that would have never been taken if RFK wasn't there, so good for him. And I'm looking for way more of this. I'm looking for way more of this. Way, way more. So this is good. It's good. Hey, yeah, we need to... So you can't just stop them from using Snap to buy ultra-processed food and sugary drinks. You have to give them alternatives.
That's the important thing. So now let's see how that works out because people don't want to eat shit. People would rather eat good food, but we have to make that available. We have to get rid of food deserts. We have to put that into the school lunches, good food instead of ultra processed. And of course, the big soda is pushing back on that.
And the big food companies are pushing back on that. So this is a very good first step. We need more of that. Guess what? Bobby Kennedy went on with Chris Cuomo. Hey, we should get him back on our show. Talk about all the stuff, cool stuff he's trying to do over at HHS.
RFK Jr. dropped stunning vaccine announcement. It's finally happening. This changes everything. But before sharing the details with Chris Cuomo Thursday night about his vaccines, he exposed just how bad things really were inside the Department of Health and Human Services before he took charge. According to Kennedy, parts of the Human Health and Services were selling patient information to each other and actively working against one another. This means your private health data, health data,
funded by taxpayers, was being treated like a commodity inside the same agency that's supposed to protect it. But it gets even worse. Kennedy said when he tried to access the data, patient and billing records from Medicare and Medicaid, he was told Health and Human Services would have to buy it back from another branch of itself. What?
So let's listen. Wait, let's, this kind of red tape, let's listen to him. What Elon did with our agency is going to help our agency. So I'm very grateful to him for, he came in for the first time with a real org chart for the agency. The agency org chart when I arrived was incomprehensible. There was no chain of command. There were people operating in all these different silos and fiefdoms. And they were so territorial and so self-serving that
that they were selling patient information to each other. So I tried to get the CMS patient information, which belongs to the American people and belongs to HHS. And the sub-agencies said we have to buy it from them. And it doesn't make any sense. There are sub-agencies that refuse to give us patient data. This is depersonalized data. And we need to make American healthy again.
What Elon is doing is he's using AI to improve health, to improve efficiency, to improve delivery. And he had a bunch of geniuses come over to the department, create an org chart that worked and consolidate. We have many divisions that are doing the exact same thing. We need to consolidate them and give them a sense of mission to invite them to participate in making our country healthier again.
And I think that's why we're getting a very, very strong enthusiastic reaction from people within the agency. And of course, it's hard to lose workers. We went down from it. We're going from 82,000 workers to 62,000. That's tough on everybody. But I think in the long run, we're going to have much greater morale in a demoralized agency. So an org chart, it's an organizational chart.
At the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, it's a visual representation of the department structure showing how its various offices, divisions, and agencies are organized and interconnected.
Health and Human Services is a cabinet-level department of the federal government responsible. The chart typically starts with the Secretary of Health and Human Services at the top, followed by the Deputy Secretary and various Assistant Secretaries who oversee specific areas like health, policy, or administration. Below them are the operating divisions like the CDC and the National Institute, the NIH, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, staff, all that stuff.
The exact structure might. So he's saying that that was all that wasn't comprehensive. Their org chart. So now we're getting to the vaccines. The vaccine injury news broke when Kennedy announced that the CDC is creating a new sub agency focused entirely on vaccine injuries along over. Why? Why? You think they would have that already? You think they would have had that? They don't.
Focus the time. A long overdue shift for patients who spent years searching for answers without any support from the government. We're incorporating an agency within CDC that is going to specialize in vaccine injuries. These are. Well, let's listen to him. Let me ask you, are you going to make any investments in long covid and vaccine injuries in terms of coming up with treatments and data to help clinicians, you know, help their patients? That's going to be one of our our big our priority focus is.
We already have a division at NIH that is devoted to studying long COVID and to figuring out cures and to study. And we're incorporating an agency within CDC that is going to specialize in vaccine injuries. Those are things that are priorities for me and also Lyme disease. These are priorities for the American people. More and more people are suffering from these injuries. And we are committed to having gold standard science.
Make sure that we can figure out what the treatments are and that we can deliver the best treatments possible to the American people. There you go. That's great. I think that's fantastic. Kennedy also revealed a series of additional HHS reforms aimed at turning America's health crisis around. Operational stork speed. What? What is that? I am narrowly focused, not on politics, but on making my agency serve the American people and making America healthy again.
We launched Operation Stork Speed to improve our capacity to have good, nutritious baby formula for the American public that doesn't have heavy metals or other poisons in it. You know that every baby formula is filled with seed oils? Did you know that? Do you know what babies need? They need more than anything. They need fat. They need 50% of their diet fat.
And why? Because that helps build your brain, eh? And I don't mean that in a Canadian way, eh? And so they filled it with seed oils. Did you know this? And apparently, according to him, they're filled also with heavy metals. So we're poisoning our kid with baby formula. We're poisoning our children with baby formula. And so isn't it amazing? You've never heard a guy in charge of the HHS even talk about it before?
Or talk about, hey, we're going to look into vaccine injuries. We're going to look into Lyme disease. We're going to look into baby formula, the most important thing. We've met with the major food processors and told them we want chemical dyes out of all of our foods. We want to reduce the sugar. We are reforming the SNAP program so that we're not poisoning kids. 10% of SNAP is now spent on soda drinks, which are giving diabetes to children.
which 38% of American teens are now pre-diabetic or diabetic. When I was a kid, it was zero. Today, it's 38% of our teens, 50% of our adults. We're spending more on diabetes now than we're spending on the military budget. It's going to sink our country, and we are starting kids addicted to these sugar drinks when they're very young in poor communities.
We're getting rid of that. So, you know, we're reforming every part of the agency to make sure that our food supply is good and that we have the healthiest kids in the world, which we had when I was a kid. So 10% of that SNAP money goes to soft drinks. It's good that they're eliminating that, but I hope they don't replace it. So then what if I go buy Hi-C, which they call, they say it's fruit punch, which is also just garbage. So...
I mean, I heard Keaton Weiss make this point. He goes, go to a supermarket and try to buy something that isn't garbage, that isn't filled with sugar and seed oils. So maybe this is a good first step. Maybe after we get people off the soft drinks and sodas and sugar and high fructose corn syrup, which is poison, maybe then we move on to the next thing.
You know, these are steps that were never taken before. And now we're at least we're taking some steps. So this is a positive. This is a positive. And a department of a vaccine injury department inside the HHS is a big deal, I think. The ultimate goal, Kennedy said, is to restore America's health to what it was when he was a kid. Before toxic food dies, ultra processed foods and an out of control 72 dose vaccine schedule entered the picture. We're reforming every part of the age. He just said this.
Whether you agree with him or not, Kennedy is doing more at HHS than any leader in recent memory. And for the first time in a long time, Americans injured by vaccines are finally being heard. So that's big. I think this is big. We've never had anything positive. I've never ever heard anything positive coming out of them except, hey, we're going to increase the amount of money that big pharma funds the FDA so they have more control. Hey, big agri, we're going to give them more control.
So this is good news. So that's a big deal. Way to go. Nice first step. A lot of work to be done. A lot of work to be done. Trump endorsed Lindsey Graham. Lindsey Graham, one of the worst neocon swamp creatures there is. So Lindsey Graham is working incredibly. I can't do a Trump impression. I wish I could. God damn it. For great people. Can you do one, Chris? No, not even close.
Lindsay has been a wonderful friend to me, and he's been there when I needed him. As the chair of the Senate Budget Committee, Lindsay's fighting tirelessly to grow the economy, lower taxes, and eliminate government waste. Lindsay is also relentlessly focused on helping secure the border, stop migrant crime, strongly supportive of the great military vets, promote American energy down. He's also a big warmonger.
uh, Senator Lindsey Graham has my complete and total endorsement for reelection. He will not let you down. Everyone in South Carolina should help Lindsey and win big next year. Uh, what I said was a translation FBI Mossad photos from Epstein Island of Lindsey Graham sucking young boys is now in my possession. So that's what it looks like. Huh? Isn't it look like makes sense, right? Trump now completely controls him cause he's got the goods.
That's what it looks like to me. Maha, Maga is not, does not like Lindsey Graham. So again, another betrayal by Trump. Endorsements like this from the orange one are mind boggling. Lindsey Graham has been one of the worst warmongering rhinos for years with friends like him who needs an enema. Whatever you do, don't look up ladybugs. Anyway, here's Trump. I got this from Anomaly.
uh his youtube channel he he found these videos when trump was um speaking kindly of lindsey graham watch how his crowd this is how maga responds to it another man who's always there he's always i'll tell you what when i need help on the left he's great he's great and he's my friend too lindsey graham wherever you are lindsey that's his own crowd on the left we need help sometimes
Republicans shouldn't need help on the left, but he helps me. Here it goes again. Again, Senator Lindsey Graham, who is really got. I'm going to have to work. I'm going to have to work on these people. I'm going to have to work on these people. I'm not going to have to work on Lindsey Graham. I'm going to have to work on my own supporters who see right through Lindsey Graham. You mean like that?
No bigger swab creature than Lindsey Graham. He's there when you need him. I'm going to get him straightened out. Do you mind if I come here and... Did you hear what he said? I'm going to get him straightened out. I don't... I think he... You better watch it.
Watch your ladybugs. I'll tell you what, it was one of my earliest endorsements right from the go and I appreciate it very much. I appreciate it. And here's Lindsey Graham, very pro-Ukraine war. And why? For the money. Here he is. Remember this? What did Trump do to get the weapons flowing? He created a loan. So he's here bragging that Trump got weapons flowing to Ukraine again.
That's what he's here touting. They're sitting on $10 to $12 trillion of critical minerals in Ukraine. They could be the richest country in all of Europe. I don't want to give that money and those assets to Putin to share with China. If we help Ukraine now, they can become the best. So that's him advocating for more war in Ukraine. And why? Because, you know, natural resources. That's why.
That's he just admitted the words about money. It's about money. And here's an interesting thing. Here's the guy Trump's not endorsing. In fact, the guy that Trump wants to primary and get rid of Thomas Massey. So Trump's in bed with Lindsey Graham, wants to kick out Thomas Massey. Isn't that interesting? Kind of like the opposite of what you would think you would want Trump to do, isn't it? Trump files to lead the charge to oust Massey. That was from March 11th.
Why? Because Thomas Massey is always telling the truth and is and and is always sticking to his principles. Does he take a pack money and he doesn't take a pack money? Well, good question. How much does he take? He takes zero dollars. So Israel wants to get rid of him. So Trump goes along with what Israel wants because Trump is Israel's bitch.
And here's Thomas Massey when he says, if Israel insists on destroying civilian targets in Lebanon, let them buy and build their own weapons. American taxpayers should not be funding this. That's Thomas Massey. That's the kind of guy you could get behind. That's the kind of guy that MAGA could get behind. But he was the only guy that was against the CARES Act. The CARES Act, what was the CARES Act, Jimmy? It was the largest upward transfer of wealth in human history. Five trillion.
You didn't get rich during COVID, did you? You didn't get rich during the lockdowns. You know who did? Jeff Bezos and hundreds of billionaires. They got rich during, not you though, right? No. And here he is talking about, by the way, guess who can do a Trump impression? Thomas Massey. And here he goes. He didn't want the CARES Act. He was the only one. AOC lied and said she voted against it. Bernie Sanders lied and said he got an unemployment provision and then he didn't.
They all went along with it. They're all cucks to establishment. Except for Thomas Massey. And here he is telling you about when he stood up against the CARES Act and how Trump tried to threaten him. Oh, that's Trump. So I let it go to voicemail. Trump calls it a voicemail.
Like 30 seconds later, I get a call from that same number. I'm like, doesn't he know I'm busy? So I let it go to voicemail. Three times it went to voicemail. And I thought, well, you know, he'll leave a message. So a fourth call, somebody left a message and said, you need to call the president back. So they yielded some time, and I knew they couldn't snap the ball. So I walked out, and I called the White House switchboard back. And this voice comes on.
I'm coming at you like you've never seen. Never in your life before have you seen the way in which I will come at you. I'm more popular than you in Kentucky and you know it. I'm going to back your primary opponent and you're going to lose. So then I try to explain this is constitutional. Like you can't spend $2 trillion with nobody here. And Mr. President, it's going to pass anyway.
So he started screaming at me for like three solid minutes. And the more I tried to speak, the more he screamed. And he goes, no, this is the second time you've done this. And I was immediately hopeful because I'd done it like eight times and he forgot.
On the fake Obamacare repeal? I didn't go along with that. That was fake. They were not going to let you buy affordable insurance. That was a fake repeal. I would not let them do that either. But he had forgotten about that. But anyways, he repeated it all. And everybody hated me. Nancy Pelosi went on TV, MSNBC, and called me a dangerous nuisance. So Trump endorsing Lindsey Graham?
Trying to primary Thomas Matsey. Is that what you voted for? I don't think so. Okay. Doesn't take any money from Israel. Hey, become a premium member. Go to JimmyDoreComedy.com. Sign up. It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Don't freak out. Don't freak out. All the voices performed today are by the one and only, the inimitable Mike McRae. He can be found at MikeMcRae.com. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. That's it for this week. You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me. Don't freak out. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't
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