64: The Australian Cryptids You Never Knew Existed: The Bunyip, The Yowie & Drop Bears | Red Thread
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The undergrowth crackles beneath your boots as you edge closer and closer to the hulking shadow crouched among the gum trees.

Its fur matted with dew, its breath fogging the crisp dusk air. Your heart thrums with primal fear. Was this the yaoi of legend? The phantom of the Australian outback and the subject of many a bushman's tale? You raise your camera, inching forward, desperate to get the perfect shot for that sweet, sweet YouTube ad revenue.

You feel a twig snap underfoot and the beast turns around suddenly to face you. Not a beast, but a face. Human unmistakable.

It's Jeffrey Epstein. Of course, it all makes sense now. He's been hiding out in the Australian woods for years now after his escape from prison, growing hairier and hairier by the day. Before the breath could leave your lungs in a scream, with your brain understanding how dangerous it is to be alone in the forest with a hairy and desperate Jeffrey Epstein, the canopy above splits with a hiss and something heavy and clawed drops from above. A snarling drop bear, falling like vengeance from the heavens...

This is Red Thread, and you died in the Australian Outback with Jeffrey Epstein as the only witness. Jordan, I wanted to really formally induct you into Red Thread lore now. I think that's your first Jeffrey Epstein story intro. That was a staple in Red Thread history for the first 30 episodes, I think. Pretty much every episode started with a twist to do with Jeffrey Epstein. So...

I put it on hiatus for a couple of months there just to lull people into a false sense of security, perhaps. So it was time to bring the man, the legend back, Jeffrey Epstein. It has nothing to do with what we're talking about today, though, does it, Jordan? No, no, it doesn't. But before we get into that, I do also just have to give you great praise for your introduction there. That reminded me of those choose your own adventures as a kid.

You're good enough for that now. I never grew up past the fifth grade, basically. No, no. And it was a great little hark back. I enjoyed that immensely. Obviously the Jeffrey Epstein-ness ruined the immersion, but it had its own reference.

So really, it's just like, yeah, it's smarter than I thought. It's an immersive element there, I think. I think it's certainly believable, if I'm going to put my conspiratorial hat on, that perhaps Jeffrey Epstein did escape from that prison cell and made his way to the Australian outback, much like Hitler did to Argentina. It calls back to that, so a little bit of a nod. So like he's a tour guide at Uluru now, you reckon? Yeah. He's just out there. He's basically...

The only existing Australian cryptid that might be facing federal charges in America. No, welcome to Red Thread. We're very stoked to have you here joining us for this episode of a very patriotic episode of Red Thread. I'm joined by my two close friends and a lover as well. We've got friendly Geordies, not my lover, but also... And the night is young. LAUGHTER

Also, my fiancée, Kira, is joining us once again. Obviously, she puts a lot of work into researching these scripts for us. So it's always a treat to have her along for this show. She really makes it all possible. So happy to have you here with us again. Thank you for joining us.

Thank you. Yeah, we're super excited to talk about this week's subject. For the first time in a long time now, we're tackling cryptids, which is something that everyone loves, apart from the people who actually click on the videos, because they are by far the least performing video subjects that we do. People only click on true crime or mysteries or cold cases, but cryptids are a part of our DNA here on the show, so it's nice to...

still do them every now and then. And what better subject than Australian Cryptids for this particular episode. I'm very excited to get into this one. I think it'll be very illuminating for everyone out there in our more international audience now to kind of get an insight into what really lurks just under the surface in Australia. I'm very excited for this.

How much do you know? How much do you know about Australian cryptids, Jordan? Are you familiar? You know what? I will dust off an old cliche here and say as much as the next man.

I think that if you grow up in Australia, you will have heard of these at some point. You'll have heard of them, but it's like a glancing kind of conversation at like a pub or something most of the time. It's not like something where I'm at a home deep dive researching into because I just can't wait to learn more. Like there's a deep historical context to a lot of these, but a lot of them are clearly just Australians kind of taking the piss, which is great.

which is obviously great, but they've definitely got less of the more fanfare and believable aspect of a lot of the American cryptids, for example. That's true. Everyone goes out in America to hunt for Bigfoot, whereas we don't have something like that over here. We have them, but we make fun of them. Yeah, we make fun of them. In America, that seems to be a noble pursuit for your life.

I mean, you can make an entire career out of hunting Bigfoot on reality TV shows, for example. Quite, yeah. People actively believe in Bigfoot and, you know, other American cryptids. Whereas I feel like

A lot of the Australian cryptids are either some kind of elaborate prank or some kind of more cultural belief in Aboriginal history as opposed to a genuine cryptid, let's say. That's true. But don't you sometimes when you go into a creek or a billabong, if we're going to get really Australian, you don't even know what a billabong is, do you, Redford audience? And we're not going to tell you either. Look it up for yourselves. But we...

It's really weird to hear an Australian being pretentious about Australian terminology. I like it, though. I like just heckling our audience and just being like, shame on you for not knowing about this chic backstation. Don't you sometimes, when you go into a billabong, there is just a little thing of like...

What if he does eat me? There is just a little inkling in the back of your mind. Do you guys get that? Look, I'll definitely say that I don't think I've ever been to a billabong. Really? I mean, I've been on like school excursions, like billabongs and things like that, but I'm more of like a, like a hike through the forest kind of guy. Not like the smelly waterways. A billabong is basically like a swamp here in Australia. For those that don't know, uh,

I'll break the mystery for you. They're just smelly swamps. So I don't think I've ever been into a billabong, really. Yeah, you're right. Actually, most Australians have it. It's just if you live in Australia, that's the closest thing you have to a beach. That little shoe horse of damn water. Sorry, Kira, have you ever been in a billabong? No.

I haven't. Yeah. Jesus Christ, I'm outnumbered. It's a real rare thing, is it? Do you live in Billabong? Just me and bush rangers. That's it. Well, no, again, we like- Maybe because we've lived coastal. Yeah, we live coastal, so Billabong's- What's the point? I mean- Yeah. Yeah, what's the point? We just go to the beach if we want. And also, this is something else that I've never thought about before, but now community pools do exist. Why was I going into a Billabong? That's so stupid. So you would actively go into a Billabong to swim? Yeah. Yeah.

I got pinched by yabbies in there. It was awful. That sounds disgusting. It was terrible. Okay, for Americans, a yabby is a crayfish, essentially. Yeah, a crayfish. If I was to go into a billabong, though, I think I would be more scared of, like, a stonefish or something like that. I don't know why you'd be scared. It's more likely that there'd be a yowie in there than a stonefish. It's a sea creature.

Just because... The rare... Just because... Dude, that is a crypto creature. Crypto creature number one. The elusive freshwater stonefish. Who knows? It could be on vacation. Yeah, that's true. You're right.

What is sheet vacation? Okay, so Australian Cryptids, we're doing a kind of like grab bag episode where we're going to tackle three of potentially the most famous cryptids in Australia. But before we start, just a quick word from the sponsor of this episode, which is Factor Cryptids.

and back in uh yeah big thank you to factor for making this show possible uh listening to the sponsor slots and you know showing some support to the sponsors really does help out the show so big thank you to those of you who do uh a few notes again before we go on we've got show notes in the description below from kira kira compiles them kira anything special about these show notes you have fun doing these ones

This was a fun one. Yeah. I could see, because we work in the same office, in the same room, so I'm doing my work usually, and she's in the back researching and writing the document, and I could just hear her giggling to herself every now and then, which is always a good sign of the humor that should be in a script. So I'm very excited for this one, to see what she's come up with. And you can read through the script as well, and the document, and see all the sources and information for yourself. It's linked below.

below in the description. We're also on audio platforms at Spotify as well as iTunes, Google Play. I think they still exist. If it's an audio platform we're on there, you can find us there.

patreon.com slash the official podcast, official.men if you want to support us and get early ad-free access to the show. You get it nice and early, like four days in advance. Usually we also have question threads that go up for each subject, each Red Thread episode where you can ask us questions and we'll answer them on the show at the end of the episode, which we'll do later on in this episode. So if you've got a few bucks and you want to support Red Thread, if you really enjoy it, that's a fantastic way to help us out and we really do appreciate it. And we're also starting a new initiative in this episode.

I'm tentatively calling it Common Threads, the Common Threads Initiative. We'll be doing this once a month. It's basically we're going to choose a few charities each month and the ad revenue, the YouTube ad revenue generated by

the video in this video in particular but in future it'll be different videos whenever we do a new common thread let's call it uh we'll choose a few charities and then we'll uh donate the youtube ad revenue to those charities which will be linked below in the description as well uh i'll go over those charities at the end of the video so that you have an idea of who you're supporting basically in this episode by watching it i think it's a great initiative i really uh i

I love the support that you guys give us. This job means the world to me and Kira. We love doing the show and to be able to give back in some capacity to worthwhile causes really does, you know, mean a lot. And it's a great use of, you know, a great use of the show, I think. So every view counts to help that out. It's a, it's a really great initiative. So we're going to keep doing that once a month, basically on an episode. So very excited to keep doing that. But,

But that's it for the show. You know, the preamble, the notes before we start the episode. This week, again, we're going over cryptids, starting with, Gordon, the drop bear. Now...

My understanding of the drop bear is that it is purely an invention of Bundaberg beer. No, it's a real thing. I was very surprised when I dove into the research myself, because I had that idea too. I thought it was just like a made up joke. But no, it's a genuine species, Jordan. Could you believe it? Well, there you go. I'm really excited to hear about this. The more you know about your own content, eh? Yeah.

So let's say you're stuck out in the Australian outback and you need food. Imagine that feeling deep inside you, that hunger inside. Now imagine you have that same hunger at your home right now. The Australian outback has nothing to do with it. That's a plot twist. Just forget that part. Just remember the hunger. That hunger is best fed by Factor Meals, longtime supporter of Red Thread and longtime full-time resident

in my stomach. Factor makes delicious meals that you can heat up in just minutes. These delectable, yes, delectable meals are designed to be everything you need in a meal and they're delivered to your door in an easy to cook manner. Perfect for an active lifestyle, like a lifestyle that leads to you being stuck in the Australian Outback, for example, but forget about the Australian Outback. It's not relevant. We'll get to it eventually in the episode. Trust me, it's not relevant right now though. But now just remember Factor. Yes.

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you know, an abundance of time. Time I can instead spend not thinking about the Australian Outback and time I can instead spend thinking about how you can get started at factormeals.com slash redthread50off. And by using code redthread50off, you can get, you guessed it, 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code redthread50off at factormeals.com slash redthread50off for 50% off plus free shipping. It'll also be linked in the description below.

please consider supporting Factor and, you know, trying them out because Factor truly does help keep the show going. They also help keep my stomach fed. And perhaps most importantly of all, they help keep every single one of us from the abyss that is known as the Australian Outback, which we will now finally, due to popular demand, talk about. And by that, I mean it's time to head on over to the episode. All right, so if there's one phrase you need to know when visiting Australia, it's look up and live. Look up and live.

Large, heavy and vicious beasts exist in forests all around Australia. And as a tourist, if you're going to visit, you need to be aware of them at all times. Less likely to attack those with Australian accents and as such more dangerous to tourists. Drop bears are ferocious koala-like creatures that drop on their prey before latching on with ferocious claws. From there, they'll bite and scratch until the victim is killed immediately.

These creatures are so sneaky and surprisingly quick that they have eluded any photographic evidence of their existence, despite many Australians encountering these terrifying creatures. Said to be around 120 kilograms. How heavy are regular koalas? Probably like 8 kilos. What do you reckon? I don't know. 20 kilos? I guess 30 was way too much. I was thinking like 20, yeah. You reckon 20? Yeah. Okay, so these are five times the size.

Yeah, roughly. Or maybe they just condense that weight into just pure mass. So they're the same size, but just fucking shredded.

Um, around 130 centimeters long. The carnivorous drop bear prefers tall, closed forests and open shrubland. There are subspecies of the koala bear, which I'm sure everyone knows is pretty much just the official mascot of Australia, basically like a cute, cuddly koala bear. Everyone knows koala bears, right? There's no point explaining what a koala bear is, surely. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. It's like saying what a kangaroo is. You've seen photos. You know what a koala bear is. Yeah, you know what it is. Yeah.

Very adorable. Fun fact, actually, when I was growing up, I volunteered at Australia Zoo, which is like, you know, massive zoo over in Australia. Steve Irwin won.

Yeah, Steve Allen. Yeah, there you go. So I did, I think it was, I did like an eight month stint there, maybe slightly less. I don't remember quite how long it was, but one of my areas that I worked in actively while I was volunteering there was in the koala exhibit, basically. So I would be pretty much daily handling the koalas and posing with people for photographs and feeding the koalas and making sure that they were well looked after and cared for.

Very fun, very fun volunteering position. Koalas are adorable. But also, it's a miracle that they aren't extinct at this point, because they have literally very little survival skills. They sleep like 20 hours, longer than that, 22 hours of the day. And they are very... They're basically addicts. They're very drunk on eucalyptus leaves at all times, so...

It's a miracle that we still have a population of koalas in Australia because it's one of those creatures like the Chinese panda bear and things like that that seem to just want to die out at this point. Yeah, it's very much like that, isn't it? Yeah, it's like there's no survival skills or evolutionary process where it's like this thing really wants to live. I love koalas, but man...

It's sad when they die, when they put themselves in situations where they just fall out of trees and stuff. The modern world really wasn't built for them. But what is really strange is, haven't they been around in some capacity for 20 million years or something? Oh, they're an evolutionary offset of like giant koalas and stuff. Giant musupid eels, aren't they? They would have to be. So they are the evolutionary offsuit of the drop bear.

Yeah, the drop bear was the alpha. The drop bear is his much more successful cousin. Yes, yes, yes, exactly. Well, it's just incredible that like, it's kind of the same thing is the simplicity of evolution is incredible. It's like that theory now that it's just like every creature wants to be a crab. That's like what we're trying to aim to be. And crabs have just beat us. They are perfect evolution. Why are crabs perfect? Yeah.

If they were so perfect, they wouldn't taste so good. That's... Yeah, look, I mean, even gods have chinks in their armour, you know. There has to be some kind of evolutionary, like, you know, solution to making yourself as delicious to humans as possible. You have to change how you taste. There's always something wrong with it, right? Because, okay, crabs have been around for ages. Um...

Same thing. 230 million years. And it's basically just a twig that eats mice every now and then, you know? And it's the same with koala bears. It was just like, who'd have guessed getting hammered off of eucalyptus leaves could just keep you going forever. Forever. Keep you going. You know? No matter what life throws at you, somehow you endure. Somehow you endure. It is impressive. Ice ages, climate change. It's just what you couldn't figure out was feral dogs. That was it. You know what? So I,

I think it's an evolutionary detriment, like in the case of crabs where they taste delicious or whatever. I don't like crabs, but people... Yeah, me neither. And I hate how there's just no meat in them either. In fact, now that I think about it, that was their big evolutionary thing. It's like, we're tasty, but there's literally a milligram of us...

That you can eat Which is a downside Because then it causes people to Go over to Alaska And like half the crew dies Getting it Yeah but there's so little meat That they have to like Overfish and overhunt crabs Yeah it's so true So it's again Not a good evolutionary thing No Like you've made yourself As delicious but As huntable as possible You have to eat Eight of you to feel full Yeah

But in the other side of the coin, cuteness, it turns out, is a very evolutionary, beneficial thing to be because humans want to protect and conserve you. So I think that's the best thing koalas have done is make themselves as cute as fucking possible because they are extremely adorable, obviously. Yeah, and we'll go out of our way and just spend tens of millions of dollars. Like the government will spend tens of millions, but people will...

Australians spend so much money trying to keep koalas alive out of their own pockets. As they should. Yeah, as they should. I mean, realistically, we spend just as much money destroying their habitat. Oh, yeah, but much more. Much more. We've got to balance it out a little bit there. Anyway, back to the drop bear. The drop bear can apparently wait up to four hours to pounce on its prey from the canopy above.

I don't know why that's said as an impressive feat. Four hours. I guess I wouldn't do that, but I feel like it's not that impressive, right? Yeah, it's not like Viet Cong waiting to snipe him in America. It's not that long.

I guess it's a massive feat for koalas since they sleep 23 hours a day. Yeah, true. They stay up that long for them. That's like staying up 48 hours for us. So yeah, I guess that is impressive actually. Yeah, so the drop bear can apparently wait up to four hours to pounce on its prey from the canopy above, stunning it with an impactful thud that can lead to a heavy concussion. I

As I would imagine with 120 kilograms dropping on you from above. Yeah, maybe. It's a grand piano hitting you. Yeah, I mean, if that hits you from above, just full force it to you, I feel like you'd just be a puddle of blood. Be nothing but for the... Mysteries of nature. For the drop bed to hit. It's like an anvil dropping on you. It's crazy. Yeah.

If their prey is small enough, they have a surprisingly high level of strength, with the drop bear being shown to be able to drag food back up the tree it came from to feed on without other predators getting in the way. And interestingly enough, for video listeners, again, video is on Spotify now as well, so you'll be able to watch this on Spotify if you choose to. We've got a picture up on the screen right now of where...

and this is important for tourists, you need to know when you're coming to Australia where to avoid. Anything in this red area on this map that we're showing on screen right now is where drop bears have been known to exist.

They're clearly very intelligent because they have sign marked the middle of Australia with a symbol of them like Batman would apparently. They're using symbology to show where they exist. So very impressive level of intelligence there from the drunk bears. And also remarkable on their entire shtick of survival seems to be staying in trees and they have marked out as their own territory a place that is almost completely divided. Yeah.

Just because they can, I guess. Ha ha ha!

And on top of that, they've eked out virtually everywhere that's habitable in Australia as well. Everywhere where anyone lives, basically, apart from maybe Perth. So Perth might be the safest place. But yeah, they definitely exist where we do, but Sydney and Brisbane, let's say, because I don't want to give away my specific location. Both of those places are in the red. So we're currently at danger. I would say we're at high level of danger right now, Jordan.

How do we survive each day? I don't know, but we have a lot of aerial assaults in this country, don't we? We constantly bear magpies that are in exactly the same region. Yeah, magpie strikes. And getting eaten constantly.

Yeah. I mean, whenever we go outside, we have to wear helmets at this point due to these dangerous creatures. Magpies, like you said, magpies are basically like smaller versions of crows. I don't know if other countries have magpies. I don't think they do, but they're basically smaller versions of crows, very intelligent, but very aggressive during magpie mating season, which I don't know when that is. It feels like it's all of the year now. I feel like they've adapted so that it's like the entire year now is magpie mating season. They fuck a lot.

But during that time, they actively swoop you if you are outside and in their territory. So it's advised that you wear helmets in magpie environments or magpie territory. I usually am on the side of Australia as a very safe place. But having said that sentence, I'm now realizing that there are a lot of things that you genuinely do have to be aware of when you go outside.

You do, don't you? It's not like what you think. It's not venomous snakes that are really the problem here. Spiders are a bit of an issue. It's never the thing that tourists think. They think crocodiles are roaming down the streets killing people. It's never those kinds of situations. No. It's magpies and ants that bite your legs. Yes. Territorial bird? What's the name of that other very territorial bird? Well, they're called masked lapwings. Plovers.

Plovers. Yeah. Plovers. They're dangerous. Do you have plovers down in Sydney? Never heard of it in my life. Really? There might be a Queensland thing then. Yeah, so they're like...

This is becoming just an episode on animals. But they're still all cryptids. We don't know if they exist or not. Well, yeah, you don't know these ones. This is a cryptid for you. It actually does exist, though. So they're called mastlatwings, but commonly called plovers. And basically they're kind of like a tall bird, you know, kind of like one of those birds with long legs, taller than the average bird, let's say. Oh, my God, Dave, what a fucked face.

Yeah, they look like a Phantom of the Opera character or whatever. Don't they? They look like they're melting. Yeah. Extremely aggressive. Extremely aggressive in their territories during mating season, again. But also, they've got an additional weapon that they like to use, which is a venomous spur under their wing, which if they pierce you with that spur, you will become very sick. I don't think it can kill you, but it's very dangerous. So it's advised to steer well clear of these birds.

All right, now I'm on the side of Americans. You're right. Everything's venomous. Like, what the hell is a venomous bird? I've never heard that before. There's actually venomous birds. What the hell? Well, a lot of stuff in Australia is venomous. Like, you look at platypus, platypi for their plural term. They're very cute, very adorable, but even they are venomous. They have a venomous spur as well. Why have we got so much venom? What the hell?

Yeah, I mean, because it's a very hard place for animals to live. So their survival needs to be on point. Yeah, but I'm imagining Africa isn't a walk in the park. Literally. I would imagine living in Africa as an animal would be terrible. Why isn't there not that much venom? Yeah, I don't know. I think there are a lot of venomous snakes in America. Sorry, Africa. We definitely have. I think we've got the most venomous snakes per...

Like in Australia. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some GDP statistic there. Is this that bird that late at night in Queensland, I don't know, always at 2am, it makes this really haunting howl? No, no. I don't know what bird that is. But you know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, that would have to be a nocturnal bird. So not Mars Slatwing. Not the bird we're talking about, no. What an awful creature.

I don't mind them. I think they're a bit misunderstood. They're not that aggressive. Misunderstood. They're just protecting their eggs. Yeah, but they're just so ugly. No, I think they're beautiful. It honestly looks like they're wearing a leather mask. They're unique. I find them extremely unique looking. I like them. Kira hates them, right? I'm a big bird fan. Kira, you're not a fan, hey?

They used to have a nest near where I went to primary school, so they would always be attacking the students. Yeah, I was going to say, they have a reputation for setting up their camp in elementary schools. Potentially, every single school is infested with them, basically. What do they garbage do, though?

No, they're not. They just like schools for some reason, I think, because they know that children are easy targets, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. But you go to an Australian school or sorry, a Queensland school, I guess, you'll find plovers on the fields at some point.

All right. But they're not encrypted back to drop bears. If you're traveling through the Australian outback and are scared of drop bears, which definitely do exist. Here's a few key things to remember. These tips have been rounded up from, you know, Australian tourism websites, really, you know, uh, qualified individuals on forums, uh, and they seek to advise American tourists specifically, uh,

on how to survive over here. So number one, you're going to want to smear your face with Vegemite because this is believed by Aussies to repel drop bears. It's also a delicious midday snack. So it's good to have it on your face ready to go. Number two, drop bears don't like strange and unknown accents. So put on your best Aussie impression at all times because it makes them feel safe and secure. Number three,

Number three, hanging corks from your hat protects you from flies and drop bears. Yes, they don't like the noise, I guess. You can also stick forks in your hair to fend them off too, which I guess is just an extension to what we have to do for magpies, basically. Yeah, that's true. Not really too different there. Number four, wear a neck protector. Drop bears will immediately aim for your neck to deliver a fatal blow. They know where our weak points are. So yeah, make sure that you're wearing something around your neck.

I mean, I know it's always advised when you're hiking and stuff to wear long pants already and socks and big shoes because it's really the best protection against snakes. If you show any kind of skin, it's just way too dangerous, basically.

I don't follow that advice. I usually go hiking in, like, shorts and stuff. But I know the advice is to go with, like, long pants, basically, because it's the best way to protect yourself against snakes. Yep. Number five. Drop bears don't like salt. So when you pitch up your tent, bring some salt to make a ring around it. Yeah, okay. Also protects you from leeches. Look, drop bears are actually...

It's quite convenient that they seem to repel you against everything that's annoying. Yeah, all the stuff that you should already be doing when you're hiking, apart from maybe the Vegemite on your face. Do the Vegemite. I'm sure flies won't be attracted to that.

Yeah. Also, putting Vegemite on your face now might be offensive. I'm not sure when these tips were recommended. Sounds like a very 80s thing, doesn't it? Yeah. Vegemite blackface I can see blowing up at some point as being extremely offensive, even though you're doing it to protect yourself against drop bears. You're really in a rock and a hard place in Australia, aren't you? Yeah. You've got to either be racist or protect yourself against drop bears. Death or ego death. You have to choose one. Very dangerous situation.

In more ways than one in Australia. All right. So tip number six, stay away from trees and don't travel with Bundaberg rum as they are attracted to it. I'm a big rum drinker. I'm telling you, this is an ad. This is an ad. Yeah. Go on. So what did you say, Jackson?

I was going to say, I'm a big rum drinker. I love rum. That's like my choice of drink if I'm ever drinking, which is such a Queenslander. Yeah. Yeah. Very Queenslander. But I fucking hate Bundaberg rum. Damn. Controversial opinion. Yeah. Opposite of Queensland. Well, what are you getting? Bloody rum from Scotland. Like it's the old motherland colony imports or something. I drink Sailor Jerry's, the Kraken. And there's this really nice rum from Fiji, I think. It's like a...

Fuck, what's it called? I forget what it's called. Ratu, I think it's called. I have that one a lot. It's like a really nice spiced coconut kind of infused rum. Yeah, if AJ had known how to do it. That's true. Very good. Way better than Bundaberg rum. Bundaberg rum just tastes like Vegemite almost to me. Ugh.

Now I can't untaste that in my mouth. Nothing. I'll tell you what I do. Sometimes before I go on stage just to be a bit loose, I'll have a gin and tonic like an old woman. Yeah, that's what Kira does. I love a G&T. Yeah, G&T. You know why? Because it's clean. You wake up the next day and you don't feel like you drunk rum the night before. That's why. Hey, I have like max two.

I don't know how you could do it, Jackson, with your headaches and then you're having like headache in a bottle. That's what it should be called. The last time I was hungover was like when I was like 20, maybe. Well, actually, that's not true. Maybe like 23. It's been a while. Damn. So you've got that mad convict blood in you, do you? If I had two rums, I would be out. What? Rums tough as. And I'm weak as as well. Yeah, I think you're just a lightweight.

You know what you should do, though? What you should do is I think the best thing to amp you up before something, like if I need to get amped up before something, Red Bull and vodka. Just Red Bull vodka. Like what fucking teenagers drink. Doesn't it? Teenagers know how to party. Yeah. You got the energy hit and also a bit of alcohol in it that doesn't taste awful. Also tastes like lollies. Yeah. It's good. I love an Alcopop. I can see it. You love an Alcopop? Yeah.

Kira, that's awesome. You've got the same taste as 12-year-olds. LAUGHTER Whatever works, man. LAUGHTER

If you're attacked... We're still on drop bears. Number seven. If you're attacked, curl into a ball to protect major arteries and organs. Okay. I feel like that's an awful idea. You've got to run, surely. You don't just curl into a ball. And it's also stupid advice. It's like that. Now, if a croc's ever chasing you, make sure you run sideways. You are not going to remember that. And it's also just going to happen way too quickly. Same with the infamous drop bears. Okay.

Like, if they're just- if they're ambushing you from the sky, how are you supposed to remember to curl into a ball before they hit you? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're in flight or a fight. It's really the stop, drop, and roll stuff from back in the days of the Cold War, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fight under your desk.

How do you remember this when you're in a life and death situation? Yes. But if we are offering good advice, what you said there about crocodiles is genuinely good advice. If you are ever for some reason in an encounter with a crocodile on land, if you're in the fucking water, you're dead already basically with a crocodile. There's no winning there. But if you're on land and it's on land, then yeah, run serpentine because they are not good at turning. So it'll slow them down. Number eight.

Tip number eight for, you know, securing safety from drop bears. Don't travel to forests on April 1st. Oh, wow. What a coincidence that is. That's incredible. Yeah. Weird. Weird. That's a weird one. Do they just become really ravenous on April 1st? Maybe they're dropping out of the sky to prank you. They make it too obvious with shit like this. It's annoying. This could be like a really fun kind of...

you know, something that people were actually tricked into believing. But when you add stuff like don't travel to forest on April 1st, there's just no plausible reason where you'd be able to like spin that into being believable. Well, much like koalas, it could be its own natural selection and you are just duping the dumbest of the dumb. True. Yeah. Because I wonder, does anyone truly believe in drop bears?

I would hope so. Me too. Maybe not anymore, but definitely in the 2010s, there was a fad going on online where tourists and people, foreigners, were actively convinced that drop bears existed. There's a video that Kira was showing me

with a woman or a reporter from scotland who came over to do a travel show over here and there's a whole segment where she was convinced into believing that drop bags exist and then she's handed a a regular koala bear and she's like visibly freaking out on screen like pissing her pants basically like very scared so yeah i mean see that's what i want that's that's fucking hilarious but me too

but normies took hold of the drop bear concept and did shit like put Vegemite on your face and don't travel to forest on April 1st. And it's like, we've ruined it. Now there's no way we can believe now there's no way we can convince people. I mean, also just the fact that like in CNN, do you really have to point this out? Just being like in this picture, which is definitely Photoshopped, a drop bear attacks his innocent family. Just get rid of the little, but you put too many commas in the sentence anyway. Yes. Middle part. So,

So on screen right now for audio listeners is a photograph, a Photoshopped photograph, obviously, of a drop bear attack that is being passed around online. And it's just a family on a forest path looking all friendly and then a crudely Photoshopped koala falling from the sky. It is to scale, though. I'm still not convinced that it's Photoshopped because that to me does look like it could be 120 kilos, doesn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, absolutely. That is a big koala. There's a lot of eucalyptus that's gone through. Kira, how many photos did you find? Of like a... Drop bears. Drop bears. Yeah, none.

But when you're saying about people who genuinely believe in drop bears, I did find a few articles like on Reddit and stuff of people asking how to protect themselves against drop bears. And I couldn't tell if they were joking or not. I mean, if they're on Reddit, I reckon they believe it. There's a load of dumbasses on Reddit. I think it's more likely that they were just trying to convince other Redditors that it's a genuine thing. Like, um...

Like, people that go across that thread are like, what's a drop bear? And then you convince them they're just an extension of pranking people. I mean, look, yeah, Jackson is the wizard of the internet. Anything that he says, I just automatically defer to belief. It's that sort of expert thing of... What was it called? Like, that expertise bias. Like, that's you, Jackson. You're one of those people that could absolutely convince me to stay in a subway that's on fire. Yeah.

I don't like being called an expert on Reddit. That's... Oh, yeah, that's pretty insulting. Sorry about that. I was trying to scope it out more to the entire internet. Yeah, well, you're the authority on Reddit, mate. I have a lot of up-dudes. Therefore, I am an expert.

Yes, as you could hopefully already tell, unfortunately, unless there is a secret society of koala creatures that have evaded our sights for hundreds of years now, drop bears are most likely, and I like how you still included most likely there, Kira. Yeah, exactly, Kira. Most likely not real. You never know. Yeah, keep it alive. You never know, exactly. No one's proven that they haven't yet. I mean, to be fair,

It's not a 0% chance they're not real, right? There could be a secret, mysterious, like, drop-bear species out there. Like, how can it be 0%? How can it be 0% that that doesn't exist? It can't. It can't, yeah. We haven't found undeniable proof that they don't exist yet, right? And in fact, all right, hang on. Correct me if I'm wrong, Jackson, but a koala's diet is an entirely eucalyptus leaves, much like the myth that we can bust here, no? No.

I mean, it's mostly eucalyptus leaves. It's mostly eucalyptus. But do they eat a little bit of bugs or blueberries or something? I don't know. Yeah, like berries and other leaves and such. So nothing carnivorous at all? No, I don't think they're carnivorous at all. If they are, it's accidental. It's accidental. So, therefore, it could be real. It could be real. Yeah, they would accidentally eat bugs every now and then.

It could be very slowly evolving. Very slowly. They're getting the taste, the hunger. Yeah, no, their diet just leaves, basically. They'll get there. Hang in there, Kira. You're going to be right in 50 million years. You will be. I'm curious. I don't actually know this for sure. Sorry, what were you going to say, Kira? No, I just, I believe that they're real. Keep the belief.

I'm curious because I know there was some dinosaur species back in the day, back in the year old day, where fossil records showed evidence of, especially the larger sauropods and stuff, the long-necked ones, had a history of eating rocks, basically, as a digestive aid to crush down the leaf matter in their stomachs. I'm curious if there are animals that now do that, like eat rocks, basically, to help digest...

The leaf matter inside their stomachs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would imagine like rhinos maybe. Yeah. What animals do you know? No. You sounded like you knew. No, I definitely know that there are still herbivores that do that.

Yeah. I can't name any off the top of my head. In fact, now that I'm saying that, the fact that I can't name any off the top of my head, I can't just be this like guns blazing about it. But I swear to God it wasn't just dinosaurs. I swear. No, it's got to be. It's got to be like rhinos or maybe even cows. I don't know.

Alright, so, yeah, so they're not real, most likely not real. But where did the origins of the drop bear come from, I hear you asking? Honestly, in Kira's extensive level of research, it's still largely unknown. CNN Travel reported that the seemingly first on-paper documentation of drop bear...

I love how this random birthday message from 1982 lives on in infamy.

Now on a podcast series, like just some random birthday message. It's probably like an inside joke between these two people that has no bearing on this at all. It could have come, a potential theory is that drop bears could have come from the Paul Hogan show, where Paul Hogan, more well known globally as the iconic Crocodile Dundee, was exploring the Valley of Gowanus. And if you don't know what Gowanus are, they're enormous lizards.

fictional area where he comes across and is attacked by koalas but it seems the story of drop bears exists far earlier than that as a story to scare campers into exploring past their campgrounds so yeah i guess it could have been like a early kind of tourist rumor uh to keep people like a joke to keep people in their campsites basically because as much as we say australia is a safe place like venturing out beyond campgrounds and stuff

a pretty dangerous thing if you're not an experienced camper, basically, someone who explores the Australian outback. It can be potentially dangerous, obviously, mostly just environmentally dangerous, like ravines and things like that, or getting lost in the woods. So to keep people in the appropriate places, it could have been spread as a potential rumor that there were dangerous koalas out there that would maul you to death and envenom you. The

The theory of drop bears has been embraced by Aussies with honest, hardworking Australians actively warning travelers that they don't need to worry about spiders or snakes, but forever insisting that those drop bears will get you. From the website Mythic Australia, Ian Coates states that when he was in the army in the 1980s and when soldiers from England or America would visit, the Australians would throw them a jar of Vegemite with the instructions of spearing the precious black gold onto their faces as protection from the so-called drop bears.

It would apparently take the foreigners a few days to catch on to the joke. Idiots. Stupid idiots. Like, there is very... I'm putting myself in their shoes. If I was, like, traveling to America as a soldier and, like, the American soldiers were like, hey, put this, you know, condiment on your face to protect you from the... the ghoulie gags out there or whatever the fuck made-up word they come up with. Like, I feel like I'd be rational enough to be like, uh, this is clearly a prank. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, don't you? Yeah, I mean, it's got to be obvious. It's really weird thinking about how stupid some people are, isn't it? It really is. How stupid these brave soldiers are.

Around this time too, in the 80s, the Sydney-based rock band Drop Bears formed. That's their name, Drop Bears. They achieved minor success in the six years that they were active, but they later reflected on the name, saying it became a burden with a lot of people not knowing what Drop Bears were. This is all to say that Drop Bears, as a concept, have a mysterious origin that isn't fully known, but it reached popular nomenclature in Australia in the 70s and 80s regardless.

Yeah, I think that was probably when it was the most active, let's say. Well, actually, no, probably like 2000s as well, early 2010s. I think it made a bit of a resurgence, but it's since pretty much died down since then. You only ever see drop bears referred to in the terms of like Australian tourist merchandise, basically. Like if you go to any of those tourist trap spots in Australia, you know, they've got those like tourist shops.

um you go in there and they'll have like drop bear merchandise or whatever as popular australian merchandise that you can buy that's like the only place i've ever really seen anything drop bear related honestly it's one of those places where they mark up the prices 500 to scam to scam tourists yeah that's true i don't know who shops in those places like the gold coast like those shops in the gold coast like i don't know who shops there oh we all know who

Rich Chinese people. Really? That's it? That's entirely what they're designed for. I just cannot see rich Chinese tourists buying fucking cheap Australian merchandise. Oh, man, totally. They would absolutely. Really? Man, when I go overseas anywhere, if I just go to, I don't know, come visit the Grand Canyon or something like that,

Something about going to that is just, I've got to get a fridge magnet. How else will I remember this other than the 500 photos? Fridge magnets are a little bit classier. Yeah, I can see fridge magnets. Fridge magnets are classy. You say that because we have fridge magnets. Yeah, that's classy. We have fridge magnets. Okay, all right. This is pointy, pointy stuff, isn't it? Not even collecting the little teaspoons. That's not. No, the fridge magnet. No, I would never collect teaspoons. That's what high society does.

It's more so that whatever we collect is acceptable because I have to rationalise it. So you've got the magnets. Jesus Christ, you see me, citizens. Magnets is what we do. Yeah, we are. It's the Sunshine Coast. It is. Yeah, it's just impressed on you, isn't it? That's who you are. That's the location we live. It's a place called the Sunshine Coast in Queensland. It's a retirement village. A giant retirement village.

Yeah, basically. It's that valley in the land before time for like old people on scooters. It's changing though. The best way I could put it, the Sunshine Coast is probably like the Keys in Florida, maybe, you know, like those kind of place old people go to retire. I'm telling you, I don't know about the Keys, but in Australia, old people know what's up. They know how to do it. What is the Keys? It sounds awful.

Maybe that's like the bad part of Florida. Maybe now that I'm thinking about it, like the swamps. I don't know. Just let us know in the comments. Is it nice living in Florida? It doesn't seem like it. I mean, Florida is just Australia, but America. It's like Americanized Australia. Is it? Because to me, Florida just looks like a literally sinking swamp. That's what it is to me. Which is a lot of Australia, at least Queensland.

It's like, it's got that same humid stink to it as well. Whenever I've been in Florida, it's been so humid, it just reminds me of home. Well, you're getting sad thinking about Florida, even though you're home now. I'm getting emotional, and it definitely wasn't just a burp that I was desperately trying to keep in.

Over time though, the drop bear has become more and more popular throughout Australia and the world. Anyone else remember that ad from Bundaberg Rum? Were you sponsored by Bundaberg Rum in this, Kira? Why are you reading ads from Bundaberg Rum up? I remember this as a kid. You do? Yeah. I remember seeing this ad. You don't remember it, do you? No, I don't. Let me have a look. I know that they like attach themselves to the drop bear. I don't remember the ad though. It's like guys trying to hit on girls. I'm watching it now. I'm going to watch it.

We can probably put it up on the YouTube video. You can probably watch it right now. On screen. There's drop bears. Drop bears? Like a bigger, meaner koala bear. Do you remember this joke? They drop from the tree. Yeah. And then grab your head by the head. By the head? Yeah. Okay, that's a pretty good ad.

That would have worked on me. Classic. Classic. Oh, man, that was such a 2000s ad, wasn't it? With like these barely recognised. This is the really sad thing about being famous in Australia. Even Australians don't know who you are. Oh, yeah. It's just like you see their face and you're like, it's almost like when you go down to the shops quite a lot and you see the same guy in the tobacconist store over and over again. You don't know their name.

That's being famous in Australia. It's just you sort of recognize their face. The only time I've ever been recognized in Australia...

Well, there's been a couple times, but most of the time it's just like when I'm at the grocery store, my neighbor from 15 years ago recognizes me, which has nothing to do with my career online. The Jackson. From 15 years ago on, you know, Currawong Street. It's you from Currawong Street fame. Yeah. Love your work, Jackson. How you maintain your lawn is beautiful.

Beautiful, mate. Nah. There have been a few times that I've been recognized, but never like... It's nice. Australians have a nice way of recognizing you. They're not obnoxious about it. They'll notice you from afar. And then like two days later, they'll message you on Instagram and be like, hey, were you at this thing? I think I saw you. And I'm like, fuck, yeah. Nice. Yeah. That's the kind of interaction that you want. I'm sure you get recognized...

a lot more than I would since predominantly our audience has been American. Like, this show's audience has been American for its entire lifespan and the other shows that I've done. We never had really, like, a large Australian audience, whereas you are a predominantly Australian audience. Oh, man, I hate getting recognised. Really? Yeah. I never thought I'd be one of those celebrities that was kind of like the, just shut the fuck up. LAUGHTER

What, is it like social anxiety or just like annoyance? What is it? Dude, I think honestly, if I was big enough in, if I was to equate myself to any celebrity overseas, if I could ever reach that level, I probably would be the same as like Harrison Ford. Just this prickly, pissed off old man. Why? Just anyone that talks about- These are people that like your work. Why? Why?

Because fuck off. Like, why do I have to spend 20 minutes of my life hearing it? Just be like, I saw you from the YouTube. It's like, honestly, the same conversations that you sort of have with like three year olds and be like, oh yeah, did you? That's nice. There's a pro tip for you out there. If you've noticed Jordan in public run the other way. Yeah.

I won't say that, actually. I know from the first second what kind of interaction it's going to be now. Some people will just walk in. Usually, I've got like an eye watch. If they have an eye watch, I know I'm safe because that's somebody that, for whatever reason, is just like some tech geek that's just very busy. And you can hear their watch beep while they're just like, oh, I've wasted three seconds stopping. Like, I've got to keep going, you know. That's fine, that person. Anyone, you guys can't see this, but anyone that just...

in the middle of walking and then they'll do this viewers at home can see it they'll go they just sort of point at you and wave their finger for a bit and it's just like just come on and then they're like YouTube and then they'll just fuck me this is this is going to be my lunch break you know like yeah I mean

I could see how it would be annoying, but I think I'd just be more flattered overall, maybe, that someone cares enough about my work. Yeah, but Jackson, you have to understand, you're a fundamentally nice person. I guess that is the difference between us. No, I could see being annoyed by it, like, maybe. But yeah, I mean...

I feel like my level of concern with being, you know, noticed or met in public in that kind of way literally would be the opposite of you. I'd be like so self-aware that I'd be like, oh man, I'm disappointing them right now. I'm not living up to what they thought of me previously. They hate me. Run off crying, maybe. Yeah, you have the run off crying phase. That's the first couple of years of it, I reckon. Well, I'd be like deer in the headlights, probably, mostly.

Yeah. Deer in the headlights, then, actually, I'm disappointing them. I should have been nicer to them. That's what I would be thinking inside. Like, when I was in America, and, you know, for various reasons, when I was visiting America, I was noticed in public a few times, and people would come up and ask for signatures and things like that. That's what I would be thinking inside, but I think I can fake it pretty well externally. Like, I'm pretty fine. Like, with

with looking comfortable enough maybe looking comfortable i sound like a robot i sound like a robot right now so maybe i'm wrong nah nah nah i can totally see you doing it yeah i'd be fine if you uh if you see me in public come up in and say hi i'll i'll say hi yeah he he will humor you yeah you'll be my lifelong best friend from that point on

Ride or die with whoever comes up to meet me in public. We'll wrap up on drop bears right now. What do you think of them? Real or not? I mean... Well, I mean, it's not even a question. I'm still tentative about that bird that you showed me, but... You don't believe the bird exists? No, but like pictures worth a thousand words. I've seen the photo of the drop bear.

And CNN can try and put out their fake news, as they always do, that it's definitely Photoshopped. But a picture's worth a thousand words. It's there. Undeniable proof. Undeniable proof. Australians haven't learned how to Photoshop yet, so that's an impossibility. It's not Photoshop. And you know what? Honestly, what Jackson just said then is not too far from the truth. No, no. We definitely don't have our Filipino YouTube houses here.

No. All right, Kira, what do you think of Drop Bear to wrap up the Drop Bear segment? Oh, they're so real. So real? So real. Yeah? Damn, that's such a defiant statement, isn't it? So real. It's so real, dude. So real. So real.

I'm going to take the stance of I wish they were real. How about that? I would like there to be drop bears. Yeah, but again, you're just being contrarian. No, no. Very cool, Jackson. We get it. Yeah, clap for me. No, I am saying I wish they were real because then we wouldn't have to spend so much money conserving them. They'd actually be able to fight back and protect themselves for once. That would be nice. That would certainly be nice.

Okay, chapter two, the second cryptid that we're covering today is the Burrawong, or, oh sorry, the Burrawong Bunyip, which is a, probably I would say the biggest cryptid in Australia in terms of like how actively I've heard of it, right? It's gonna be the Bunyip. It has to be the Bunyip. I actually hadn't necessarily heard of this one very much. You've heard of the Bunyip. You might not have known the details, but you've heard of the Bunyip.

Not as much as the other two, I'd say. Really? Are you kidding? You've heard of the bun yet less than drop bears? Yeah, I'd say so. Really? What the fuck?

That's mysterious. Maybe because she's a- Dude, that's like kind of like just being in America and being like, oh yeah, I know all about the Ottawa sea snake or whatever. I've never heard of the Bigfoot ever. Yeah, the Bigfoot. Like, I swear Bunyip is the most famous. Yeah. Like, look at the history of it. It started in 1890. Bunyip, honestly, I think is like part of the great Australian soul. I think that. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's like-

Oh, no. I was trying to defend myself. Yeah, defend yourself. No, you've got your chance. All right, we'll move on. Sorry, Kira. What? Go. I spent my first few years in England and my parents are English. So when we came over, I didn't have family over here. So maybe that's why. Okay, so they were just trying to prank you with drop beers and that was your first intro. That makes sense. Maybe because she was from England. Because you're an immigrant.

Yeah, well, yeah, but you were raised here. Yeah, but I heard of... I don't know. I feel like I've heard of it less. Okay, fair. Look, all I'm saying for all the American viewers out there, Kira is, I swear to God, a phenomenon. She doesn't represent the rest of us and I apologise for her ignorance. How dare you? I was going to say she's probably way more representative of the normal person than us, like you and I. Really?

Yeah, 100%. No way. Of the six viewers that we have that are Australian, come on. Bunyips are more famous than drop beers, for sure. Yeah, I would like to know. We'll put up a poll in the comments below. Wade your war. As foreigners as well, you can weigh in, I guess. Which one's more well-known?

The tale of the Burrawong Bunyip comes from the heart of Australia with the Aboriginal tribes who have called Australia home for at least 65,000 years. So yes, for those that don't know about Australia, we do have our own native population, the Aboriginals, kind of similar to the Native Americans over in America and such. A lot of these lands obviously have deep ancestral communities. And unfortunately,

in the process of colonization. A lot of stuff didn't go great, let's say, and a lot of crimes and atrocities were committed against Aboriginal people. I feel like we have to put that up front and say there's a lot of Australian history that we don't look back fondly at. But a part of Australian history that we do celebrate is that of the Aboriginal people and their culture as well. The Aboriginal philosophy is known as the Dreaming, which is an

of all people and all things. It explains the origin of the universe and is a spiritual framework encompassing stories, beliefs, knowledge, and practices which are passed along through the dreaming. The dreaming as a concept isn't easily translated into Western concepts. It's a sort of living law, a series of, or sorry, a system of ethics, relationships, origins, and responsibilities. Every person, place, and event is interconnected, but

through the dreaming. It's a really cool concept, actually. Less of a belief in a higher system or anything, more of a fundamental belief that coexists within the land that they lived in. A lot of their belief systems that come from that were developed through experiences living in the land. I don't get it at all. I don't understand it.

I don't know what the hell that means. You know what it kind of reminds me of? You know that movie where you start talking to the squid aliens? Arrival? Arrival. Is that what's going on there? Well, I mean, it is just a different language. It's very hard to put into Western concepts or terminology. It's very hard for us to understand without having lived that life. But we can do our best to kind of pass the information. But yeah, I mean, we just don't have the experience of living that experience.

But in the dream... It's kind of just like what? Past, present and future all one thing. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's more... Yeah, yeah. That's the way I've heard it described as. Every person, place and event is interconnected through the dreaming. Time is not linear, but cyclical and layered, meaning past, present and future intertwined in ancestral events in the dreaming are always present. So when you think of like Greek mythology and stuff, like those kinds of mythos,

Like there is a separation in time of when those things existed. You know, it's like chaos emerged at the very beginning of, you know, the universe existing and then the gods came from the Titans and so on. But this was thousands of years ago. So there's some separation between those that believe it and when the events took place. Damn, dude. You know what? That is really interesting to me because I'm just reading a book at the moment about the concepts of time and all over the planet, people's concepts of time are different. And so they just interpret the world completely differently as a result of that.

I mean, time is a fundamental concept of how we rationalize existence. So, you know, it's something that is very, very different based on which culture you come from. Like, yes, we all think of time in the same way now in the modern era of seconds past, minutes past, months past. We all have a general idea of what year we're at. It is ruthlessly efficient, isn't it? Like the Greenwich time system. But it's like, it's so tyrannical, hey? It's just like, it's always ticking.

Yeah, but then when you look at how other cultures throughout time have perceived it, it's more of like a spiritual belief. It's more of like a...

Yeah, more of something deeply personal to them, how they rationalize time and how it kind of colors their beliefs and their creation myths and things like that. It's very interesting how they perceive time, whereas now it's just time is this system that we operate life through. Yeah, very interesting. But time in the dreaming is not linear, it's cyclical and layered. So it's

it means that ancestral events in the dreaming are always present and in many ways it's not just a mythology or a creation story it's more of a deeply personal system to the aboriginal tribes and the knowledge of the dreaming is inseparable from responsibility and connection so again like i was saying like

with Greek mythology, like it's separated by, you know, thousands and thousands, an indistinguishable amount of time. There's some kind of separation between the people that believed in Greek mythology at the time and the pantheon of gods that they, you know, prayed to. But with Aboriginal dreaming, it's more of a, like, there's more of a belief that this stuff is always constantly existing to them. Like it's always real.

within their soul, within their environment, within their communities. It's something deeply personal to them, which is really interesting, really, really interesting cultural difference.

So oral tradition and deep listening is of paramount importance to the Aboriginal people. It's an incredible part of their culture and history that dates back thousands and thousands of years. I highly recommend you go check some professionals in the field and their research talking about the Dreaming Stories as well as just Aboriginal culture in general because it is very fascinating.

Within the Dreaming, however, there are monsters, such as the Bunyip, whose stories, as cultural historian Marina Warner notes, were used to, quote, warn, to threaten, and to instruct, but they are by no means always monstrous in the negative sense of the term. They have always had a seductive side. No, really? Well, I don't think seductive in the...

in the term that we think of the term seductive more like it's been an element of Aboriginal Dreamtime stories that has always been compelling, let's say, not as in the bunyip wants to fuck a lot or whatever you're thinking. That's exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking of them looking at that panther-like creature as a mermaid. Yeah, no, it's not like that. It's more like the story has always been something compelling.

The creature carries different names depending on the region and or tribe. For example, in Murrumbidgee, the Bunyip is called Kianprati, or in the Hunter Valley, it is called the Wawi. The word Bunyip can be traced back to the Wemba Wemba or Wurruggia.

Sorry, these pronunciations obviously are very difficult. I did look into the pronunciations before the episode so that I had some kind of familiarity. Werajia, I think it's pronounced. Yeah, you'll never have a shot at it, ever. It's very different. Just so you know, for American viewers, there's like 200 languages and they can't speak the other 200 languages. They're way too different. There's no way that you'll ever get it. Yeah, there's a lot of different Aboriginal languages because they're...

Again, they didn't have a written language. It was mostly oral. Well, it was all oral. And so a lot of these different Aboriginal communities had their own kind of languages. So it's a bit difficult

But we'll try our best. So yeah, the Werajia languages of Aboriginal people in Southeast Australia. No doubt when you attempt to find the definition for the word bunyip, the closest meaning you would find is evil spirit. But some experts say that's not entirely correct. All right, the burp got out finally.

While having this like very high brow discussion about the vices. I've been fighting that for 30 minutes. You don't know the battle I had been having. It got out. As soon as it heard evil spirit. Where was I?

Something about evil spirits. Evil spirits, yeah. It not being correct. Yes, okay. So some experts say that's not entirely correct and that pre-contact Aboriginal mythology may represent the word differently. Though bunyip in the terminology or the definition of evil spirit may be like a post-European colonization kind of translation of it, whereas the Aboriginal people pre-colonization, pre-European,

you know, colonization may have thought of that word differently. Some have connected it to the word bungee, which, or sorry, bunjil, which is a mythic great man who made the mountains and rivers and man and all the animals in Dreamtime stories. The bunyip is most often described as a spirit or water dwelling being that inhabits billabongs. Hey, billabongs have come back into the story. That's what I'm talking about. That's why I'm scared of billabongs.

All right, so just describe Billabongs for people. It's basically a shoe horse. No, sorry, a horse shoe of water. Usually it's like the river is flowing one way and then for whatever reason there's a section of the river that gets cut off and so it looks like that. That is usually where Australians seem to swim before we discovered chlorine, I think. LAUGHTER

It's also the name of one of our premier fashion brands. You can get some Billabongs. Also an ice cream, right? And the ice cream. And one of our premier ice creams as well. Yep. Take that, Julyo. We don't need your fancy. Nah, we don't, do we? No, we have Billabongs and Golden Gaytimes, which is another ice cream. And Golden Gaytimes are great as well. But, oh, yeah, the Billabong.

Everything about it's great, except the actual Billabong itself. Yeah, everything apart from what we're specifically talking about right now is fantastic. The legacy of the Billabong is great. The place, not so much. Yes!

So yeah, this Bunyip is said to have inhabited billabongs, creeks, swamps, and riverbeds. Its meaning and appearance vary between different Aboriginal tribes, but at its core, the Bunyip is seen as a spiritual force and a protector of sacred waterways. So it's deeply tied to, you know, waterways in Aboriginal history. Sometimes feared, but also sometimes revered. Witness descriptions of Bunyips typically fall into two categories.

About 60% resemble seals or swimming dogs. And 20%, that only makes up 80%, by the way. I'm not sure what the other 20% would be. But regardless, 20% describe long-necked creatures with small heads. The rest are too vague to classify. So that's the other 20%. Ah, again, that's the other 20%. Yep. Yeah, Kira's glaring at me right now.

I should have faith in her script. Sorry. Apologies. The other 20% mysteriously died under mysterious circumstances and were never able to testify in court about what the bunyip was. So the seal-like bunyip, so that's the 60% of people who claim that they've seen a bunyip that looks like a seal, is usually four to six feet long with shaggy brown or black fur, a bulldog-like round head, prominent ears, whiskers, and no tail.

I'm going to be honest. That just sounds like you saw a seal, right? No. Yeah. You probably just saw a seal. Whereas the 20%, the other 20%,

claim that the long-necked version is said to be 5 to 15 feet long with a maned, folded neck, small tusks, large ears, and a horse or emu-like head. Aboriginal accounts describe the bunyip as amphibious and nocturnal. They swim with fins or flippers, emit loud roars, and eat crayfish, though some legends depict them as dangerous predators who target women and children. Some tales claim that bunyips lay eggs in platypus nests.

So I'll be honest. I believe the 20% more than the 60%. Like the 20% sounds more unique and more like a cryptid to me than this other 60%. What do you think? Well, I am just Googling for an unrelated reason. Can emu swim? And, uh, for just, just for people's general knowledge, they can, but back, back, back to bunyips. Um,

I'm much more inclined to believe the seal ones, frankly. Because seals are... See, again... Well, no, what I mean is I think... Jackson, you really don't seem to understand the difference between saltwater and freshwater, do you? Well, seals can go in freshwater. They don't just have to be in saltwater, I think. All right, that's it. I'm looking that up. Is there such a thing as a freshwater seal? I think you're like thoroughly wrong. It has to be.

Isn't the Arctic... Isn't the Arctic, like... Is the Arctic seawater? I don't know. But what a...

Is the Arctic Sea. What are you talking about? The actual ice itself? Yeah, no, I mean like the little riverways in the Arctic. All right. Actually, Jackson, you got lucky. I do have to eat humble pie here. There is a type of Siberian freshwater seal. And that is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. Look at how teeny and fat they are.

I don't think I've ever wanted anything more as a pet in my life. Siberian seal, you said? Look at them, and they've got like these fat little chins. Look at how fat they are. I mean, seals are just adorable in general, man. They just are, aren't they? My biggest regret of my entire life was that my mum settled with my dad as opposed to the previous boyfriend. They got a duck? What's this got to do with seals?

I'm getting to it. I'm getting to it. I don't have daddy issues, I swear. Well, my only daddy issue is this. My only daddy issue is that my mum before that used to date some Chad Kiwi surfy bum. So three guesses why she broke up with him. That just, you know, was back in the glory days of being unemployed in Australia when you could just...

like, not work and the government didn't seem to care at all or check up and being like, have you been looking for work or anything? It was just acceptable for you to just surf on the taxpayer's dime. That's what he did with his life. And as a result of just being surfing out there his entire life and being like, yeah, this seal's always hanging out. One day the seal just...

Came home with him and then he was just like, you want some tuna, man? And then it just hung out, like, at their house all the time. And your mum left that man? I know! It just sat on the couch with them and watched the footy, you know? Just go out and surf with them and then come back and then just lie on the couch.

There is actually in Tasmania, and I just checked this, there is a neighbourhood seal called Neil the seal. I've seen Neil on like online. What a name, Neil the seal. And he just walks the neighbourhood. Oh, that's cool. Does it? Seals are so fucking cute, man. And so what do they do? Can you pat him? I think they just let him be, but there's photos and videos of him all around the neighbourhood. Seals are so cute. He's just Neil the seal. And so what, do you feed him or no? No.

I don't think so. I think they just let him. I'm sure people feed him. Probably. I don't think he'd be coming back if there was no food.

Yeah, I mean, that's fucking adorable. Why did your mum leave that man? That's just... No, I would imagine that he was mostly just because he was a bum. Yeah, but still, the benefits outweigh the negatives, though. Don't you think? Don't you think? I can't imagine how, like, pathetic and inadequate your father would have felt, though, knowing that that's what came before him, knowing that there was no way he could be able to get up to that. Yeah, no, it's hard to follow that act, don't you reckon? It really is.

I'm trying to imagine if Kira had a boyfriend before me that like had a pet seal. Okay. It's just no way. No way I'd be able to live up to that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It would be much, much worse than them dating like one of your friends. Don't you reckon? Way worse. Yeah. Way worse. Please date my friends instead, Kira.

I got distracted reading a Neil the Seal article. That's good. This conversation was heading in a cuck direction. A cuck direction. It undeniably was. What we wouldn't do to have a pet seal. Holy shit. Can I just say, Neil the Seal is such a fat cunt. He really is. He's so big. Well, see, so he's absolutely getting fed by people. That's why he keeps coming back.

Yeah, he is, for sure. Neil deGrasse should be Red Thread mascot, I reckon. Yeah. Let's sign him up. So cute. Okay, so the first written documentation of the bunyip is said to be from 1845 in the Geelong Advertiser and Squatter's Advocate. Squatter's Advocate?

That's hilarious that they were called that. You know why that is? Why? You know why that is? Okay, people like Nicole Kidman, which you might know, Americans. Actress. An actress that is extremely overpaid for her skill level. But she, and this is why. This is why you know who she is.

Pretty much, when settlers first started coming here, right, you had the opportunity. If you were a free settler, life was sweet. You just got, I don't know, half of Sydney to graze your 20 sheep and then they just give you convicts that would do it for you and you just sit there drinking...

Jackson's favourite drink, rum, essentially, because that's all there was. And then the next best thing after that would have been to have been a convict that did something less severe than even stealing bread, I'd imagine, and at some point you get freed. And then they would just go onto Crown Land and they would squat.

That's why we have this. Claim it as their own. Huh? Claim it as, it was crown land, but there just wasn't enough red coats to enforce it. So they just go over there and be like, excuse me, that's his majesty's land. And they'd be like, fuck off. And so they just stay there for generations. Righto. Jolly good. It's yours now. And then it's yours. I see you have the latest issue of Geelong Advertising Squad as Advocates. Squad as Advocates. I know what you're talking about. Oh, I'm so happy about that. Like,

First off, that's why Nicole Kidman exists. Purely because one of her convict ancestors decided to sit down somewhere in Victoria. That's it. That's it. There's no glorious battles. Nothing. And it's just hilarious to know that there was a newspaper in the old days called Squatter's Advocate just like trying to justify in these squatters' minds why they were just able to steal land off the king. Yeah.

Could we, surely we could do that now still, right? Yeah, you still can, but now you're just getting like a, yeah, I know, like a broken down house in Chippendale or something, you know, like you're not, you're not getting half of Victoria. Yeah. It's just somewhere in the outback. Like you just go out West enough and you'd probably find unsettled land where you could just settle and squat and

Probably illegal, but, like, what are they going to do? It's probably illegal, and it's also probably not as good as squatting on what turned out to be, like, Gina Reinhardt's, like, fucking endless mine or something like that. Or, like, imagine the days when you could just squat in the middle of Sydney and now your little squatters square, your plot of land is now worth, like, $16 million. Yeah, exactly. Now you own all of Paddington. Exactly. Yeah, what a legacy. That's crazy. Yeah. Ugh.

The times were good back then. Times were good. Back when convicts were rewarded. Yeah. Or actually, like, just not enough people to punish them, I guess, is the best way to put it. But, yeah. Yeah. What is advocate? That's incredible. Sorry, continue. I love how it was, like, an entire industry back then. Like, there were people advocating for it. Very cool. And this was, like, not even that long ago, right? It's, like, 1845. No! No!

Alright, so an article from the Geelong Advertising Squad as Advocate from the 2nd of July was titled Wonderful Discovery of a New Animal. And in it, Aboriginals from Victoria were said to have shared stories that described near-fatal encounters with a, quote, monster that swam like a frog, walked on a powerful reptilian hind legs, and hosted a breast of different coloured feathers. End quote.

This seemed to be the first documented case of the word bunyip being used with the newspaper stating, quote, on the bone being shown to an intelligent black, he at once recognized it as belonging to the bunyip, which he declared he had seen. On being requested to make a drawing of it, he did so without hesitation. End quote. Showing that kind of like the Aboriginal communities were, well, they had a lot of knowledge of this supposed cryptid already. But very quickly, I think, uh,

Very quickly, there was a bit of, I guess, miscommunication. Well, not miscommunication, but also the European settlers then turning this into a spectacle and the bunyip as an entity shifted from more of like an Aboriginal belief to more of a traditional cryptid that we now know of it. Okay, so this actually started out as an early version of when they read War of the Worlds out on radio.

Well, yeah, that's how most cryptids start, right? There's some kind of social phenomenon aspect of it where it starts spreading through newspapers or radio and stuff like that. And then people start thinking that they've seen this thing or they become hyper alert and hyper observant and any kind of odd peculiarity that they spot becomes that thing in their mind. Or people just lie and have fun with it, you know? So it becomes kind of like a social contagion.

We see that across the board with so many cryptids at this point. So it's no surprise. And this exact story has happened in a bunch of different cryptids in America as well. There's a concept that is predominantly a story from the native people that once colonizers have come into the story or the fray, they've taken this concept to explain...

a potential sighting of something odd and then they've you know told that to the newspaper or the media in that society and then it's shifted from there to everyone starts thinking that they've seen this thing it becomes it becomes a different entity once you know this different culture takes a hold of it so there has to be there has to be a split between what the bunyip was to the aboriginal people and what the aboriginal sorry what the bunyip became to as more of a cryptid to

to Europeans after that point, after this point specifically. Yeah. So there was actually a Bunyip skull that was found at the Murrumbidgee River, which was then displayed in the Sydney Museum, which is now known as the Australian Museum, in 1846 until later when it was determined to actually be from a deformed horse. Oh, my God. What a deformed horse. That is horrifying. Yeah, this picture's on screen right now. Oh, man. It doesn't even have like an upper jaw.

Oh, dear God. How did that happen? That's terrifying. They've got pictures of it where they're just like, this is what it would have looked like. Yeah. If I had seen this in a museum, I would have been like, yep, that's a bunyipo, right? Me too. I would have 100% believed it. Yep. I would have been like, holy shit. And honestly, I would be less scared by it if I thought it was a bunyip than if I knew the awful truth. That it was a deformed horse. It looks like its eyes are another mouth.

It's scarier than the Banyub. Nah, alright, it's the Banyub skull. It looks like an alien. Doesn't it? Yeah.

Several sightings of the creature were then made over several decades in the 1800s, which turned the Bunyip into a more conventional cryptid as opposed to the pre-contact dreaming related stories that the Aboriginals hold closely as a belief. There is some level of distinction between the two, those being the dreaming version of the Bunyip and the post-contact cryptid version of the Bunyip. As some examples of some supposed early European Bunyip sightings, number one, in March of 1846,

A creature described as, quote, a bunyip or immense platypus, end quote, was spotted sunning itself on the Yarra River near Melbourne's Customs House. We've been there, Kira. We've been to Melbourne's Customs House. Well, actually, have we? No. Maybe we went to the Sydney Customs House. Maybe. I don't remember. Yeah. I don't know which one it was now. A crowd gathered and three men attempted to capture it by boat, but it vanished when they neared within a yard.

Sighting number two, William Buckley, an escaped convict who lived with the Wathaurong people for 30 years, described seeing a bunyip several times near Lake Motoware. He claimed it was an amphibious creature about the size of a calf with dusky grey feather-like fur, though he never saw its head or tail. The locals believed it has supernatural powers and told stories of it attacking humans. Really?

I guess. Yeah. I mean, so many different stories that emanate from these cryptid sightings that each one, each specific sighting takes on its own characteristics almost. Well, it's just interesting that William Buckley was doing it. Again, just so Americans know, William Buckley is quite a famous figure of early Australia. Yeah. I didn't know that he claimed to have seen a bun. There you go. He did. Sorry. Several, several times.

Edward Stockheeler, an artist travelling the Murray and Goulburn Rivers in 1856, reported seeing six bunyips. That's a lot of bunyips. That's a whole community of bunyips. That's so many. That's too many. Or six immense platter pie. Yeah. He just saw a lot of fat platter pie. Yeah.

He described them as large seal-like animals with glossy black fur, dog-like heads, long necks, and pelican-like throat pouches. The largest was over 15 feet long with the head size of a bullock. What's a bullock? Does anyone know what a bullock is? I gotta look that up. I'm curious. What's a bullock? A male domestic bovine animal. Oh, so it's a bull. Okay. Oh, well, yeah, that makes sense. The first four letters are, in fact, bull. Okay.

Okay. He sketched the creatures and Aboriginal observers confirmed the likeness resembled the bunyip. Despite various newspaper reports claiming he classified it as a bunyip with a swan-like neck, Zocula later claimed he never identified the creature as a bunyip and hadn't seen its full body. He planned to display his sketches in a large diorama, which I think he did, but it was lost to time eventually, so we don't have any photos of it, but I think he did complete it and it was shown. I'm not sure.

According to the Nuremberg people, the Bunyip, known to them as the Mulyawank, was created from greed. And this is a quote from the Nuremberg creation story. In times long ago, there lived a Nuremberg

I'm not sure of the pronunciation of that, but basically it's a word that means man. So a Nurundjeri man who is greedy, catching far too many fish than he needed to. The elders were not happy with this selfish man who did not respect the Nurundjeri laws of fishing. The elders were so angry with this man that as a punishment, they turned him into the Mulyawong, a half-fish, half-man creature, and banished him into the river forever.

Nuranjeri children are told never to swim alone or to take more fish than you can eat from the river and lakes. If you do swim alone or are greedy in taking too many fish, then the Mulyawank will get you. The story teaches children water safety and respect for the fish of the river and lakes. One home of the Mulyawank is in the river cave near Talon Bend. End quote. So, yeah, I mean, that's certainly a story.

that we see shared among a bunch of cryptids. Again, especially the ones that begin from native or old cultures where they act as a precautionary tale to...

basically safeguard children. Because when you think about these communities a long time ago, children were literally the most precious resource to them. It was their future. It was the tribe's future. So creating these stories as a way of essentially keeping them away from dangerous situations was of paramount importance. And so it's something that you see as a common thread across all of... A lot of these are like old stories or old cryptid stories.

A lot of them, especially in cold places, speak of cryptids that would hunt you or

kill you or claim you or take you if you venture out into the snow by yourself. Or, you know, they speak against greed because, you know, sharing your resources in these communities was of dire importance as well. So I'm not at all surprised that this specific entity was used as a deterrence for children. Isn't it interesting that human beings have the capacity and imagination to come up with that as a deterrent to keep them alive? Like what a survival strategy. Yeah.

Nothing else can do that. Incredible survival strategy to use our brains, our brains alone to create situations that save other people or save our species. To elicit the part of the brain that has fear before it even gets to the fear.

We don't see other animals or any other entities doing that kind of thing. Absolutely not. Yeah. Maybe whales. I don't know. It seems like they're having very deep conversations. Yeah. They have, I don't know if the conversations extend to philosophical thoughts, such as don't go into that deep part of the ocean because the more you wonk will get you. Yeah. Well, Jackson, here's the thing. We don't know that. That's what's very interesting about them. We don't.

Yeah, I guess I could see whales being potentially the only ones being able to convey those level of intricate thoughts, perhaps. But yeah, I think it's definitely one of the main aspects of our... One of the main things that can attest to our survival, basically as a species, is being able to actively warn younger elements of our species into survival, essentially. Very cool.

In 2017, a scientist named Carl Brandt wrote an article for Australian Bird Life where he suggested that early Aboriginal encounters with the southern cassowary could have inspired the myth. And by the way, for people out there, cassowary is literally, potentially, I think, the most dangerous living entity in Australia, like the most dangerous animal in Australia. Um...

People probably think sharks, snakes, or crocodiles. They never think of cassowaries, but cassowaries are extraordinarily dangerous, extremely territorial, and they live in places way more accessible to humans. So I think they are by far the most dangerous animal. And don't you think they should have just been called the beautiful emu?

Yeah, they're just like the Chad Emu. Chad Emu. Chad Emu, for sure. Absolutely. Just way cooler. Way, way, way cooler. Cassowaries and stuff like that always does start eliciting that little autism part of my brain. You know how, like, anybody that's really into dinosaurs is always just being like, they had feathers, you know? But, like... Yes, I know myself well. Thank you, Johan. Cassowaries are...

Like, how could you look at that and deny that that's what dinosaurs are? Yeah. It is just a straight up dinosaur.

People always say chickens are the closest living ancestor to the dinosaurs, and that may be true, but I think the closest living thing to dinosaurs that we can accurately see as being, especially like a theropod dinosaur, you know, like the two-legged carnivorous dinosaurs, like your T-Rex and stuff, is definitely a cassowary. Like they're the closest living thing I can think of. Yeah, that stupid useless thing they have on the top of their head that heaps of dinosaurs seem to have. Yeah. What is that?

I don't know about specifically in the term of the cassowary. I'm not sure what it's used for there. I would have to imagine it's some kind of status symbol specifically for the cassowary. Like the larger the head knob, the brighter your colors, the brighter your plumage, the better chances you have of attracting a mate. But if you're talking about the dinosaurs, a lot of those crests were used for like vocalization and stuff. Like especially in like the Parasaurolophus, for example, had a head crest like something similar that was used as essentially like a giant trumpet on its head.

Oh, Jackson, Jackson, you've got to start a new podcast called Jackson's Autism Hole. I would listen to that. I would listen to it. It would be so good.

It wouldn't be good. I'd be corrected so much, I'm sure. It's incredible. I'm not an expert. I don't know. You sound pretty expert-y to me. It sounds like you have just lived being a five-year-old for another 25 years. Yeah, I mean, I like dinosaurs and fast cars now. That's literally it. Yeah, you're a five-year-old. That's it. You've reverted. And cryptids as well. Yeah, basically. Oh, my God.

Hey, you're not too different. You like aliens. Oh, yeah. It's pretty... All right. Now that the fun's turned on me, I think we should continue on with the script. The earliest written description of the bunyip from 1945 noted features such as large pale blue eggs,

deadly claws, strong hind legs, a vividly coloured chest and an emu-like head. All traits found in the cassowary. But the most common and perhaps logical belief is that the bunyip could be a southern elephant seal or leopard seal as they occasionally make their way up to the Murray Rivers and Darling Rivers. How about that? How about that? Damn, Jackson! This means you're definitely right about the stonefish as well. What type...

What type of composition of that water is in those rivers, please? Okay, all right. Fresh water. I want to hear it. You happy? Yes, I want to hear it. Yeah, it's fresh water. It's fresh water. I want to know if I was right. Well, actually, no, there is parts of the Murray River that do have that expunge of salt. It's like that estuary shit. Dirty water. Yeah, estuary stuff. Nasty water, yeah. Yeah, where it's like the melding of the two. And a leopard seal goes into the Murray.

I just couldn't see, like, why wouldn't they be able to be in freshwater? They don't need the water to survive, necessarily. Like, they breathe outside of water, so what would be the difference to them? I don't know. That's really weird to me. Why isn't there more freshwater seals? That's very strange. Well, I think there are, but wait, are otters an extension of seals, or are they completely different?

Good question. I think, no, I think otters are related to ferrets and weasels. Yeah, you're probably right. Yeah. I was going to say maybe otters are just the evolutionary offset of seals that ventured into freshwater species.

So they became smaller and stuff because diet would have been less available to them. All right, that's it. I'm looking it up because this always freaks me out about seals and I never can accept the science. And I think this is one of those cases where I'm just like an avid science denialist. I refuse to accept that seals aren't dogs. I refuse to accept them as mermaid dogs. It just annoys me. It's not true. They do look like dogs. Don't they? And behave like them too.

Do stonefish exist? While you're going on that little adventure, I'm going to look up if stonefish exist in freshwater. No, no, don't prove me wrong on that too. Okay. All right. Oh, how about that? Yes, a type of stonefish known as the blue rat does exist in freshwater. No! They are also called, and you won't believe this, freshwater stonefish. No! Or pokey. No!

It sounds like a Pokemon. These venomous fish are found in eastern Australia, specifically in tidal estuaries and slow-flowing streams from southern New South Wales to northern Queensland. There you go. So I was right to be fearful of these. Jesus Christ. For those of you that don't know what a stonefish are, for those of you that don't know what stonefish are, they are fish, extremely venomous fish. Wait, no. Venomous or poisonous? Venom is when you inject it. Poison is when...

Yeah, I think it's poisonous, maybe. It says they're venomous because they have stings that can be fatal. Ah, right, yeah. See, this is bullshit. They need to accept this. I'm sorry, it is a dog. It is a dog. It's closest relative on land is the bear and the closest relative to the dog is the bear. I'm sorry. I'm sick of this shit. You're a truther. I'm a truther. I'm a seal truther. I seal dogs.

I mean, it's like the age old debate. This is literally, you're like, you are a Redditor. This is like the Reddit debate of like our hot dog sandwiches or whatever the fuck that bullshit is. It's like exactly the same. Oh, is it? Yeah, you Redditor. You post that, you post it on Reddit and you're going to get so many updates. I'd be so jealous.

Searching Reddit. Oh my God. Reddit comes up immediately. That's incredible. Searching Reddit does provide some stories of bunyip sightings. However, here are two interesting ones. And this one is from user Sam D Mason. Quote, Kira, would you like to read this one? I feel like I haven't heard your beautiful voice in a little while.

Uh, sure. Okay. So it reads, Hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude. What?

It's written badly. There's no punctuation. It's really ugly. They're fucking high as fuck right now writing this. It's very ugly. It can stand on its back legs and has huge, four huge claws it leaves in mud tracks. It hates being seen. And it smashes around large bodies of water in billabongs to smash fish and eels, then eats them and also drags in wallabies or et cetera. Personally. It was. Thank you.

It was the second time I heard the Billabong water being smashed around like a crocodile. Had a bloody buffalo like some serious loud water disturbance. Sounded like waves smashing waves. I took my torch down, shone it, and what do you know? Big bunyip exploded out of the water. Ran 40 meters through the bushes and stopped.

Then I could hear it creeping away and then boom, it stood up on a log and it blew up from its weight. I think it was a terrorist. The look, the look. That's what I'm guessing.

Then it realized it gave itself away and basically tore the forest down, sprinting off. My other two mates were taking a shortcut through the forest and noticed something was making quick haste through the bushes. As soon as they got a glimpse, one of them swore and it stood up on its back legs, looked at them, and they sprinted away in fear. Two other ladies told me they went out into the lowlands and saw something and now they won't go back. A houseboat owner saw a...

A huge water disturbance and something he couldn't recognise making its way out of the river and out of the water near a river opening and walk across the sand into the bushes then charged away. The bunyip hates being seen. Sounds like it's being seen a lot here. Yeah, it is. For something that hates being seen, it sure is seen a lot.

And the second it's out of water it eats, it's either sprinting to its next spot or creeping super low. Hectic animal. The government knows about it but keeps it quiet. Of course they added a conspiratorial element right at the end. This is a secret that goes all the way to the Prime Minister. And it ends with hope this helps, guys.

I mean, yeah, that's a pretty compelling story, crazy Reddit person. I don't know what really to add there other than I think you're smoking a bit of that weed that you've been talking about growing. Isn't it really weird, though, when you hear people in rural Australia say stuff like, yeah, I've seen them. Yeah. And you're just like...

If I want to be a downer, it's because most of the people in those kinds of communities don't have a lot going on. So it's a form of entertainment and feeling more special than you are to be like, yeah, I've seen it. Now ask me questions so we can keep talking. Please don't leave. Yeah.

You're all I have. Is that what it is? It's just a strategy. Okay. So bun yips are used for two strategies to get rid of fear. One, the fear of getting lost at sea and the other one, the fear of loneliness. Yeah. Being alone. Stave off loneliness. Sad. Stave off loneliness.

All right, Jordan, you take this next one from user austysource.org. Oh, so legit. All right. That's an organization. That's an organization. All right. We've got our own hunters down here. The bunyip is definitely real, and I would have never thought so before my encounter. Obviously, I even asked my ex to describe to me what he saw to make sure that I wasn't crazy in the Flinders Ranges east of

...Beltana along a creek... ...it was very scary... ...and I ended up getting so ill... ...the day after seeing it... ...I needed to cut my camp trip short and go to hospital... ...it moved impossibly quick when it wanted... ...and had clearly marked... ...a side of the creeks... ...its territory because it left us alone... ...once we crossed back over the creek...

No life or noise that side of creek. And we both experienced what seemed like unnecessary and strong fear on the side. Only once crossing back over and looking back, we saw it stare at us for more than five solid seconds before moving so quick it was like a flash into the bushes and disappeared.

I mean, that's, that's a pretty good story. Honestly, it's not as crazy and like over the top as the first one. And the fact, I mean, I guess the fact that it's not as detailed kind of leads me to think that they did see something because if I'm thinking about a situation where I'm in that, in that kind of situation and I've seen something fucking crazy, I'm hightailing the way out of like hightailing my way out of there as quick as possible. And I'm not taking specific details at that point. Right. I'm not like totally. And,

analyzing it. I mean, the fuck out of there. And it sounds like what they did. This honestly sounds way more believable than the last one. I guess that's the organization impact. It's immediately believable. Well, they're immediately believable. All right. So that's going to do it on the bunyip. What do you think? Pretty interesting one.

Uh, I think that I'm just getting awful flashbacks of looking at that photograph of the Murray River bunion. Oh yeah. There's a picture up on screen right now. What is this, Kira? Do you know the details of this specific thing?

Yeah, so it seems it was like a tourist thing. First made in 1972. Has been refurbished seven years ago. Yeah, but what is it? So it's a statue in like a storm drain? Oh, it's more than a statue, my friend. Oh, you've seen it? I have gazed eyes upon it, yes. Okay. And it's horrifying. Low. Well, what is it? What is it? What is it? Tell me. Okay, so when you go to Adelaide,

I won't. And you won't. And fair. But continue. And I won't. Oh, fuck.

You ask the locals what else is there to do other than go to the Holy Moly in the city. And they will say, oh, have you checked out the bunyip? And the way they talk it up, honestly, is kind of like the bunyip thing. It's the drop air thing. They're pranking you to go out there because they keep talking about what an incredible monument it is. And it's kind of like at the very beginning of the Murray. And so you go out there, you look at it.

You walk up. It's, like, really way smaller and lamer than you thought. It looks even shitter than it does in that photograph. And then you press this button and then these really bad 70s sounds go like...

And then it moves its hands going like... Dude, I may as well have just stayed at Holy Moly. This is just one of those animatronic gorillas that you have to try and get the thing in the mouth. This is the same thing. It looks like a really bad animatronic. So does it lift out of the water? Yeah, it lifts out of the water a bit, goes like... And it makes like real struggling mechanical sounds going like...

It's a cool concept if it actually looks scary and intimidating and not just, like, really fucking goofy. Yeah, it's one of those things that I really wish I was six years old when I saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would have been cool. Don't you reckon? Yeah. Sorry, no, I'm being too mean on it. I like...

I like shit things in Australia. Yeah, it's a part of their culture. It's funny. It's good. I like it. Yeah. But, like, yeah, they could have done more with it, maybe. They could have easily done... Like, it's just very Australian to just, yeah, that's enough, like that, you know? Yeah, good enough. It's very us. Yeah. Pocking off for Smoko now. Yeah, forever. I just found a video of what it used to look like, and it's kind of horrifying. Yeah.

Like way more horrifying? Yeah. Scariest of them all. Send a photo? Let's see. In chat. It's a video. We'll watch this pretty quickly. Oh my god. It's also called Bertha. Bertha the Bunyip. Aww. I think the crunchiness of like the VHS video makes it even worse. Okay, yeah, that's pretty fucking terrifying. What the fuck? Oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh, why did they stop that? That's way scarier. Why has it got like a little one in front of it? And the water falling out of its mouth. Okay, well, the other one just looks like the Frito frog and that looks stupid, but the one behind it. To me, the one behind, like its jaw looks like it's actually disintegrating from its face, like falling off. Okay, well, that's so silly that they got rid of that one. I'd be very happy if I saw that.

Yeah, that is terrifying. Its eyes look ravenous as well. And also, don't you think it just looks more real? Yeah, kind of. Even though it's destroyed and disintegrating? It looks like a swamp monster, whereas the new one looks like a plastic painted kind of aximile. Like it looks like something... The new one looks like something you would find at like Chuck E. Cheese or something, you know? Like one of those kids places. Yes.

Or like even a McDonald's fucking kids playground. Something like that. Whereas that old one genuinely looks horrifying.

We'll have both on screen. You can go have a look at them on the video version of the show. And the sound of it is scarier too. I wasn't brave enough. It's honestly one of those things where, you know, when you watch horror films in the 70s and they're kind of scarier than they are now purely because they're filmed in grainy footage. Yeah, there's something, like I was saying, there's something about that crunchy aspect of the VHS that makes it look like found footage almost, which makes it inherently scarier. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Everything from the 70s is scarier. Keep it that way. Oh, yeah. 100%.

I think that's why like horror movies, successful horror movies now play on that a lot. Like remember the, the, the fat of paranormal activity, how that was shot through like, you know, security cameras or whatever. Yeah. Like that was very popular because there's the element of it being very amateur and like shot in dark conditions where you can't really see what's going on. The first movie anyway, the later movies were dog shit, but still, you know, there's that kind of concept Blair Witch Project as well. Things like that.

All right. So a final cryptid, final Australian cryptid that we're going to talk about today is the Yowie. Another very popular cryptid. I don't think it's as popular as the bunyip, but I do think it's probably in second place, which is why we're talking about it today. But no, for Australians out there, we're not talking about those little delicious chocolate Australian treats, which are also called Yowie's and are modeled after the Yowie. Um,

The yaoi is sometimes called the Australian Bigfoot, Sasquatch or Yeti, a tall, hairy and scary beast roaming the outback. And Kira, you bought me a yaoi treat the other day. So thank you for that. I wanted to get that out on the episode. I did have a yaoi for the first time in about 15 years. One of those delicious chocolate treats. And the inside was like a build your own dinosaur. Oh, it was a dinosaur? I didn't build it.

Like a Kinder Surprise. I don't know if you've ever had those Yaoi chocolates, Jordan. Oh, God, they were good. The remake of them was very disappointing. And I seriously, again, don't think it's because I'm six years old. I think it just was cheaper somehow. No, yeah, the one I had the other day. The one I had the other day was just not great. Not what I remember. But, guys, did you...

Jesus Christ, whoever came up with that at the beginning was such a good business model. I don't think I would have allowed my mum to leave the shops without buying me a Yowie every time. Yeah.

Yeah. It wouldn't have happened. And I know, I think it was one of those things where it's like, you know how like when you're raising your kids, there has to be a bit of negotiation back and forward. You know, it's kind of like, it's kind of like being a prison warden, you know? Yeah. Do this in our reward. Not even the reward thing. It's like, sometimes you just got to let the convict have a win.

I swear to god Just hope morale doesn't get too low Something like that Or I don't know Or like just like Just general like Psychological power games That are endlessly happening I swear to god Children

will spend all of their like cigarette cards in prison on that on a yaoi or a kinder surprise oh i was gonna say yaoi negotiable so kinder surprises kinder surprises i fucking loved kinder surprises but they were always like unattainable they were always like too expensive i was priced out of it uh whereas whereas the yaois the yaois growing up they were like the

They were like a working class kid budget, basically. They were in that kind of category where you could- And might I say, better. Better toys. Way better toys. Educational toys, too. Oh, you didn't like the toys? No, I said I don't remember the toys specifically. It was all just little Australian animals. It was great. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. But Kinder Surprise was like the same, I think. No, Kinder Surprise was stupid little like, oh, it's a trampoline. It was like dumb, naughty stuff.

I always... It's Ikea. You're basically just getting little Ikea things.

I do think that McDonald's Happy Meal toys were way better back then. Every time I get a Happy Meal nowadays, I can't get into the toys nearly as much. But they were genuinely way better back then. Do you remember when Spy Kids came out or whatever and there was a Happy Meal promo going out where you could get a little portable Game Boy little toy? I remember there was one for Sonic as well. There were electronic toys and stuff in those Happy Meals. It was crazy. Oh my God. Yeah, that is nuts. I'm looking at it now.

And it came with like a little spy camera. Yeah. Let me have a look at that. Happy Meals. And actually like cool action figures. Happy Meals are probably the smartest thing McDonald's has ever done. Yeah, definitely. Not for global obesity rates. And also just general plastic in the ocean. But I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I still to this day have my Batman glass from when...

What was the extremely gay Batman that came out? Batman and Robin. Was that it? Yeah. Or Batman Forever? Was it the Tim Burton one? It's just the one that you watch and it's just like, am I watching a Batman film or is this a Mardi Gras float? I think it's Batman and Robin. Or wait, no, maybe it is Batman Forever. No, it's going to be Batman Forever. It's the one with Arnold Schwarzenegger in it. Oh, well, that would be Batman and Robin then, right? Yeah, that one.

Still got the glasses. Still use them to this day. Still pour Coca-Cola in them. So good, dude. It's so good, isn't it? Yeah. This is Australian culture for anyone listening. It literally is. All right, so...

The roots of the yaoi are traced again back to the Aboriginal oral history, with many Aboriginal names being attributed to the story depending on the location and region. For example, in certain areas of Queensland, Queenslander, it is called...

The origin of the name is largely uncertain with different websites citing different origins. At the Australian National University School of Literature, Languages and Linguistics, they cite the name as possibly coming from the Aboriginal word Yui, translating to dream spirit in the Yule language in northern New South Wales.

On other Yowie websites and sources, they list the name originating from the writings of PJ Gresser in 1964. They were about the aboriginals of Southeast Australia. There are suggestions that it could come from the name Yahoo, not the website.

or search engine, but this is like legitimate Australian terminology. As a 19th century account by Robert Holden recounts, quote, the natives of Australia believe in the Yahoo, end quote. Other websites suggest that it was first used among the Kamilaroi people and then documented by Reverend William Ridley in 1875 in his book, Kamilaroi and Other Australian Languages, where he wrote, I don't know how to pronounce this, but I think it's Yowie,

which I guess is close to Yowie. Uh, Yowie is a spirit that roams over the earth at night. It's kind of spelled Y O, uh, dash W I. Um, so I think it's Yowie, but regardless, uh, yeah, I mean, you could see how the name could kind of gift from these, um,

words to a more European word. It's very difficult to determine the naming of the Yowie and how it originated because the Aboriginals had no written language before European colonization. Due to that, there are many ways to interpret and spell the naming. Again, like the Bunyip, the Yowie conceptually appeared in some Aboriginal dreaming stories. The concept of large, hairy, human-like beings predates European settlement, and there are certainly stories of large, powerful bush spirits that exist across different Aboriginal groups.

In these traditional contexts, these beings were spiritual or mythical beings and not animals, cryptids, or undiscovered hominids. They were tied to landscape features, laws of the dreaming, or moral lessons.

But the yaoi, as we know it today, has again warped to a more cryptid status and is as such more akin to the traditional Bigfoot story, and it's both the result of European reinterpretation and mythologizing of Aboriginal stories and beliefs, as well as the sensationalism of newspapers and folklore leading to excitement around sightings.

When Europeans arrived, they heard these tales and reinterpreted them through their own folklore lens, like they did for Bigfoot or trolls, for example. Over time, especially in the 19th and 20th century, newspapers and storytellers began describing the yaoi as a physical creature, so a hairy, ape-like cryptid, blending indigenous lore with western ideas of mysterious beasts existing just beyond the periphery of society itself.

The Yowie is described as an ape or human hybrid. Some say there are two types of Yowie's, the large one being Gigantopithecus, which is

Let me say that again. Gigantopithecus, which is sized around 3.6 meters or 12 foot tall. The smaller, which I guess doesn't have a scientific name, is more human-like and grows to around 2.1 meters or 6 foot 11 inches tall. The nature of the yaoi has been at both ends of the spectrum. Shy and timid, while also violent in some stories. But I guess it depends on which one you're dealing with at the time. The creature has big feet.

I feel like perhaps a different name could have been given to it than the yaoi, than if it has big feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. What? Just, just, like...

We've morphed it into this. Let's just call a spade a spade. Yeah. It's the same thing. It's the Bigfoot version. It's the Australian Bigfoot. It's Bigfoot. It's a lazy reinterpretation of an Aboriginal myth and then turning it into something that we've seen before. Yeah.

But the creature does have big feet, bigger than any humans, although its tracks are inconsistent in its shape and number of toes. The yaoi's nose is flat and its body is covered in hair. The earliest written record Kira could find on the yaoi, though not mentioning the name, is from 1788 from a book called, quote, The Aborigines of the Sydney District Before 1788. I always love how fucking lame titles of books used to be. Like, just so, so straight to the point. Yeah, I liked that too. It was really...

There's no real reason to read the book. Like, it's all on the title, you know? Yeah, it's like you're not being clickbaited into reading this. You know what it's about by reading the title. You're like, oh, the Aborigines of the Sydney District before 1788. I know what I'm dealing with. I know what I'm getting myself into. Totally. Not some artsy-fartsy title or anything. Yeah, it wouldn't just like... Now that book would just be called This Is Crazy. Yeah. You won't believe what's inside. Yeah.

Don't read this book after 3am challenge. If looking for written records that mention the name or European version of the name, at least, the record seems to go back...

even to 1842, where in the Australian and New Zealand monthly magazine, there was an account of something called the Yahu. And this is a quote, a condensed text from the source that says, quote, the natives of Australia believe in the Yahu. This being, they describe as resembling a man of nearly the same height with long white hair hanging down from the head over the features. The arms are as extraordinarily long, furnished at the extremities with great detail.

talons and the feet turned backwards so that on flying from man the imprint of the foot appears as if they're being and traveled in the opposite direction although they describe it as a hideous monster of an unearthly character and ape-like appearance the characteristic of the feet being on backwards is quite quite unique at least yeah that's true i've got that would be the purpose of that so like for a creature to have its feet on backwards

To trick people into thinking where it's going. To trick people. I'm not quite sure. To trick people. What a prankster.

The Yowie Hunter website, also called the Australian Yowie Research, has a large database of Yowie sightings which have been reported. New South Wales and Queensland have the most, around 100 each, then Victoria with the third most, and the other states and territories having barely any sightings recorded. We can't go over hundreds of sightings, but there are some interesting ones, and we recommend you check out the website linked in the sources section of the document for the show.

We will instead go over a few of the more notable sightings right now. In 1882, a naturalist named Henry James McCooey. What is a naturalist? Is that just an explorer? Nah, I think it is. Whenever I hear of naturalist, I thought it was like a nudist. An expert or a student in natural history. Okay, so why do I think of nudist when I think of naturalist then?

Purely because it sounds similar. Like in the dictionary of the thesaurus of your mind, it's just like getting close to like, yeah.

Jackson's rap rhyme dictionary. Close enough. No, I genuinely think they could. I think it's like a more civilized term for nudists. I think they call themselves nudists. Naturalists. Really? Maybe. Well, again, I'm never going to challenge you again, Jackson. Yeah, challenge me. Please do it. Say I'm wrong because then it'll be not right. Kira, look it up. He's saying I'm wrong. I'm looking it up. Thank you. Such a misinterpretation of history.

Okay, so it says, a naturalist is not necessarily a nudist, but it can be confused with nat... What? Natura... Naturist? What? Naturist? What? Naturist? Yes, that I was right. It was just in your rhyme zone dictionary. I'm looking up. A naturalist nudist...

Come on, you're wrong, Jackson. Admit it. Eat humble. I'll find a source that proves me right. Wikipedia. Naturalism is a lifestyle of practicing non-sexual social nudity in private and public. Yeah, okay. No, I was wrong. I'll concede defeat. A naturalist is a person that studies the natural world, whereas a nudist or naturist, naturist, not naturalist, naturist is a person that doesn't wear clothing when at the beach. Specifically then.

Anyway, so in 1882, you were right. I'll concede defeat. I'm humble like that. In 1882, a naturalist named Henry James McCooey wrote about a strange encounter he had with a creature between Batesman Bay and Uladula in New South Wales. Uladala. Uladala. You've never been to that great little holiday hotspot, have you, Jackson? No, is it a tourist spot? Oh, yeah.

Like all of them, it has a very outdated arcade there where you can play really shit laser tag. Oh man, that sounds awesome. It's so good. All right. So Aladala. Okay. Aladala. Aladala in New South Wales. This letter featured in the Australian Town and Country Journal. Kira, would you like to take this one?

A few days ago, I saw one of these strange animals in an unfrequented location on the coast between Batemans Bay and Ulladulla. My attention was attracted to it by the cries of a small number of small birds, which were pursuing and darting at it. When I first beheld the animal, it was standing on its hind legs, partially upright, looking up at the birds above it in the bushes, blinking its eyes and distorting its visage. Visage? Visage. Visage. Visage.

and making a low chattering kind of noise being above the animal on a slight elevation and distant from it less than a chain i had ample opportunity of noting its size and general appearance i should think that if it were standing perfectly upright it would be nearly five feet high

It was tailless and covered with very long black hair, which was of a dirty red or snuff color about the throat and breast. Its eyes, which were small and restless, were partially hidden by matted hair that covered its head. The length of its forearms, forelegs or arms seemed to be strikingly out of proportion with the rest of its body. But in all other respects, its build seemed to be fairly proportional. It would probably weigh about eight stone.

On the whole, it was a most uncouth and repulsive looking creature, evidently possessed of... Prodigious. Thank you. I'm terrible at reading out loud. Prodigious, I think. Prodigious, and one which I should not care to come to close quarters with.

Having sufficiently satisfied my curiosity, I threw a stone at the animal, whereupon it immediately rushed off. That seems very smart. Followed by the birds and disappeared into a ravine. You ever see a very strong, very rare creature that no one has ever seen before and then immediately throw a stone at it? Yeah, I reckon I can hit it from here. What a fucking Australian thing to do. I've got it square in the eye.

It's funny. Well, we're not going to make any friends with the Bigfoot population in Australia. Thanks for that. That was our first interaction with humans too. Yeah, I mean...

I do like that level of description and a naturalist named Henry James McCooey is immediately believable. So I will, I will err on the side of caution and take his word for it. Doesn't Henry James McCooey sound like somebody that knew Charles Darwin and discussed. Yeah. It sounds like he's a long lost brother. Yeah. Yeah. Henry James McCooey. Um,

Yeah, I mean, pretty cool story. I like the rock throwing. Also just kind of sounds like a hairy hippie that he found out in Ula Dula. Not really anything crazy, right? It's just like a very hairy man. Yeah. He threw a rock at... Get the fuck off my land. I'll tell you what, for years we've been trying to get on our podcast. This our merch guy.

who claims that he's seen, quote, heaps of yaoi's in his life. Really? Yep. And he reckons that they always come if you know how to look for them. And if you're looking for them, you're doing the wrong thing. Okay. That guy has never stepped foot out of the pub. So I do not believe him.

We should do that, though, Jordan. We should go yaoi hunting for a special episode of the show maybe in the future. Yeah, we've got to find some hot spots somewhere, hey? Yeah, yeah. We'll go out, film a camping trip of us hunting for yaois. It'll end in our deaths, absolutely, because we are probably both awful at camping. Wouldn't it be? Yeah, but also the cruel irony of us discovering yaois only to be eaten. Yeah. If we never show up on the internet again after that point, then people know yaoi.

yaoi's are real yeah that's true like self-fulfilling yeah absolutely yeah authors tony healy and paul cropper published a book in 2006 titled the yaoi in search of australia's bigfoot which featured many stories throughout the years that they had collated such as a sighting in 1928 at palin creek around the border of new south wales and queensland where a man named bob mitchell was apparently going through the area with a friend when they both saw a yaoi in the middle of the morning

It was not dark at the time, apparently, and they could see it as clear as day, describing it as being seven feet tall with a dark face and body not unlike a gorilla being covered in thick, brownish hair. The Yowie did not show any aggression. It just stared at the two for a brief moment before disappearing into the bush. Bob noted that it had big feet and could move very fast. He also noted that it had a welt on the head from where some guy threw a rocket hundreds of years ago.

There were also some notable sightings in the 1970s. In 1976, a woman named Thelma Crew, who lived in Wudunbong,

In New South Wales, claims have seen two yowies in her front yard. It was nighttime, but the moon provided clear light as she looked out her open window. She saw a creature walk over her lawn, where it then stood there for a couple of minutes staring at her. It was flexing its arms in a circular motion in front of his face. What does that mean? I didn't understand. That's why I directly quoted it. I couldn't quite figure that out.

Getting his arms up, ready to fight. I hope you're doing this as well on the screen, Jordan, giving your interpretation of what the fuck that means. Yeah. It kind of just looks like I'm jerking off to invisible penises right now. Well, that's the only way you can interpret it, right? That's it. Is Thelma pranking us right now? Maybe it's like stretching its arm. I don't know, but she said flexing. Flexing is weird. And then circularly.

I think Thelma's a bit of a prankster. And then it began to move to the side of the house near the bedroom. Getting saucy, Thelma. It was there that she saw a second yaoi of a similar appearance below their bedroom window.

Their heads were shrunken into their shoulders, and she described them as being covered in brown-colored fur, and she thought that they were approximately five feet tall. She likened their walk to more of a shuffle, but Thelma was unable to get a close look at their face before they left. 300 meters away from Thelma's house, just 10 months later, another woman named Jean Maloney saw a yaoi attack her dog. It was again, like Thelma's experience, spotted in the middle of the night. Jean woke up to her dog barking, and when she went outside, she quickly...

saw that the yaoi was there attempting to crush her dog. When she saw the yaoi, it stood up and dropped her dog. It quickly ran away, with Jean noting that it was taller than six feet, had no neck, was covered in ginger fur beside its face, and was ape-like. So, visibly like a gorilla again. She noticed that the creature was male. She saw its penis? What does that mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

as it was running away. Big, hairy, floppy dog. She heard it. She heard it slapping as he slides as he ran off. She apparently saw it. Oh, she saw the penis. It's the first place she looked. She's like, damn. Man, every description of them, it's Chewbacca. It actually is a Bigfoot. Yeah, a Chewbacca with penis. It's a completely different alien species that has a pinching for dog meat. Chewbacca with a giant dong. Yeah, Vietnamese Chewbacca.

Yeah, with a giant dong. With a giant dong, but its feet are on backwards for some reason, which doesn't affect how it runs apparently because it was still able to get away pretty quickly. Still very fast, yeah. The dog had significant wounds to its chest and neck and died shortly after the attack. I would be very interested to see if there were vet records of that. Surely, if your pet is killed by an elusive creature...

you know, in the middle of the night, surely you'd then take the dog to go get checked by a vet to be, to like, look at the wounds and stuff, right? You have to. It's like a scientific discovery at that point, what happened to your dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or it's just, again, a six foot tall, hairy hippie, going ape shit on a dog in some poor woman's backyard. It seems very un-hippie-like, doesn't it? Well, yeah, killing a dog, yeah, maybe just like... Attacking a dog. Maybe a drug addict or something. Yeah.

Someone who really hates dogs. Out in Kilkoi, there was a yaoi that is seen by people daily. Oh, interesting, Matt. That being the Kilkoi yaoi statue. You've been to Kilkoi, haven't you? No. Really? I don't think so. I mean, I haven't either, but you're well-traveled. I thought you would have...

Yeah, but man, Kilcoy, you got to, like, I'm not a truck driver. I'm not going out to these nothing towns. It's like, what's the point of you even being here? I don't know. We thought there'd be gold there, but there's not. And still there's just... No, it sounds like Kilcoy was made because they believed that Yahwees were out there. Oh, really? So it was the outpost.

Yeah, it was the last. He who finds it first gets all the glory. Well, I'll tell you that. That Yowie statue is more underwhelming than the Bunyip statue, I've got to say. For sure. Kilcoy is actually, I have been to Kilcoy. Have you? Because it's near us. I have been out that west. Yeah, so I've been to Kilcoy. Oh, wait, hang on. Hang on. Kilcoy is like an hour away from where we are. Is Kilcoy where Kevin Rudd grew up? No, he was Nambour, wasn't he?

Okay. Just don't worry about it then. Nambour is like very close to me, I'll say. Right, right, right, right, right. I know where he's from. Kevin Rudd is a former Prime Minister, one of the GOATs of Australia. Um...

Yeah, so this Kilcoy Yowie statue. Kilcoy has been a bit of a hotspot for the Yowie, even once being dubbed the Yowie capital of Australia. There we go. The local rugby team are even called the Yowies. In 1979, two students aged 16 claimed that they were chased by the Yowie. They heard the breaking of branches and movement behind them when exploring a local forest. Thank God they didn't come across Geoffrey at the stage. It was just a Yowie. Ah, damn.

Yeah, they were 16 or so. That would have been bad. They didn't get the best look at it, but they claimed it was two to three meters tall, chocolate brown, and covered in fur. They lost sight of the Yowie when they were running away, but once feeling braver, they attempted to go back to find it once more as they had guns on them, but they were unable to locate it again. Unfortunate. It's interesting that they were packing heat out in the bush. I guess, yeah, that was well before any kind of gun laws in Australia. Yeah, they could have done it.

One of the students, Tony Solanto, still believes what he saw and says it will be something that he takes to his grave. They had plaster cast of the footprints from that day, but the plaster cast had been lost over several house moves, allegedly. How do you lose the fucking plaster cast of a yaoi? That's not something you just fucking, it disappears in a move. I don't know. How fucking lazy.

It's not just sightings that continue to be reported that possibly point to the existence of the Yowie, but also footprints too. These discovered footprints, which are on screen right now, are human-like, but massive and strange. See below, documented from Yowie Hunter. And of course, on screen right now. But you can see them when you go into the document. Document link below as well. But yeah, what do you think of that, huh? Look, honestly, I just never know what's happening when somebody does that stuff. I...

I really want to believe anybody that says the, yeah, I've got the footprints. Oh, no, I moved tapes. Oh, no, I'm sure. I'm definitely sure. I'm always a sucker for that and think, yeah, no, no, you saw a yaoi and now I believe it exists. I mean, these footprints, they look like footprints. Like, they look like, like, obviously someone could create them, but, like, they look like footprints at least to me. Yeah.

You know, maybe. Maybe the Yowie actually does exist. Maybe the Australian outback and stuff is so vast and broad and uninhabitable and undocumented, let's say. Like, no one ever really goes out there, really. So it's not impossible that there's some weird creature out there stalking the forest. Like, I believe it more than Bigfoot, weirdly enough. Me too. I definitely do. And also just this ripped in half pig.

Yeah, there's a picture here of a dead boar that's been ripped in half, which if you fake that, that's a pretty fucked up thing to fake. That's a lot of effort. But I mean, other things could have potentially caused that, like dingoes maybe. No way did a dingo do that. Surely not. Yeah, no, actually, now that I think about it, no. Do dingoes even hunt boars? Surely. Surely, what else would they hunt?

I don't know, like rabbits or something. Oh, yeah. Boars are very tough and scary animals. They're not like pigs. Yeah, they're actually terrifying. Yeah. They're massive. Yes, dingoes do hunt and prey on feral pigs. There you go. Well, yeah, feral pigs might be different to boars, though.

Anyway, these pictures are interesting, very illuminating. I do like the footprints. The boar is an unfortunate casualty from the Yowie, so we will avenge that boar at some point. We just need to send a bunch of drones out into the outback just to surveil the land, just to put an end to this once and for all. May as well.

The website we are referring to, yaoihunters.com.au, was created by a man named Dean Harrison, who claims to have seen a yaoi first when he was 27 in 1997, when he was out for a run one night. Since then, he has dedicated his life to hunting down the yaoi and getting real proof of its existence. He believes that missing people in Australia are probably victims of the yaoi, claiming others may not have gotten away from the creatures as lucky as he did. As his data...

has these database builds with people's stories of their claims of seeing the yaoi the question remains is the yaoi real is this dean harrison guy the guy you were talking about no christ no man this guy's not as put together as dean harrison i can assure you dean harrison is your thinking man's yaoi hunter yeah what are you gonna say kira

There is so much on this guy's website. I was surprised. He's really onto it with publishing people's reports of seeing the yaoi. Is it like his entire life's career now? I think so.

Man, that's cool. That's a cool career to have. Isn't it great just spending your life trying to prove that that thing exists? Yeah. Look, I'd want something that I think that the bits were more hedged in my favor, like trying to prove it. Does it really matter if you're making the money, though, if you still make your career out of it? Does it matter if it's real at that point? It kind of incentivizes for it to not to be real, so you could be forever searching. Yeah, that's true as well. It's just like, dude...

I would prefer to devote my life to something that has some meaning behind it as opposed to just sitting there and go like, yeah, yeah, that's your footprint. What else could it be? All right. So the Yowie. Let's go over it, the three of us. Real or not? Most likely to be real.

You think they saw actual experiences? Well, I don't know. Maybe I was just primed from so many other things always being yaoi across the planet, like your yetis and your bigfoots, sasquatches as the Canadians call them, I think. I always just think, like, I don't know. What do you reckon about there being a monkey man out there? Is it possible? It's possible, but I have to say, like, again...

I think there can't just be one of a species out there roaming around on its own. There has to be more than just one of its kind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like... Or to exist, I mean. So for that reason, I feel like there would have to be way more documented proof of these things and cameras and stuff and surveillance and stuff, things like that, has gone to the point where it's pretty hard to believe that any cryptids are real because we would certainly have documented proof of them by this point. So it's really hard for me to...

break away from that rational logic aspect of it. But I will say, in terms of Australia being so remote in a lot of places across the land and how condensed we are as populations to the eastern coast and how much area there is to cover and document and track this yaoi through, again, it's more possible than other cryptids, I think. Well, this is the other thing, you see.

Something like Tasmanian tigers or the Japanese wolf that they think went extinct. And then there's that guy that spent his entire life trying to find them. And he has got some pretty compelling footage of howls in the middle of Japanese dense forest that you can find, you know,

almost beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's coming from a wolf. As in, like, you know, conservationist experts look at it and go, yeah, that's a wolf. The thing is, it's kind of the same argument, isn't it? Really, yes, we think that we know everything about the wilderness now, but still, every now and then, there is a species that is discovered. It's not always a bug. No. And it could make sense that, say, the Tasmanian tiger is just lurking around the high...

of Tasmania because they're virtually inaccessible to human beings. Same thing with the wolves. Sorry, go on. Possible, yeah. When was that wolf discovered? Well, it hasn't been discovered yet, but there is compelling evidence to suggest that it still might exist in small numbers in Japan. It's one of those things where it's one of those, what would you call them, like real cryptids, I guess? I'd put Tasmanian tigers and the Japanese wolf in that.

logical cryptids. Well, you would have to for this thing to exist still, it has to meet several criteria. Two of the most important things for me is one, the population has to be an extraordinarily small amount. Like, extremely endangered, let's say, on the brink of extinction. On the brink of extinction. There has to be a handful of them still existing. If they've been able to evade, you know,

footage being shipped, you know, captured on footage up until this point. So that, that needs to be true. They need to be an extraordinarily low amount of them. And then number two, they have to exist in predominantly inaccessible, uh, parts of the environment to humans, basically like, you know, your, your mountainous regions, your very honest, unhospitable, uh, locations like the, uh, outback or, you know, ravines, things like that. Canyons, um,

That's why most of the species we're still discovering are, you know, obviously like deep ocean animals and things like that, where we just haven't been to a lot. So you're discovering things there. So it has to meet those two criteria for me for it to be, for it to be believable. And in this situation, I feel like the Yowie does meet those two criteria. Well, we wouldn't know if we wouldn't know if one is true, but two is definitely true. So yeah,

Yeah, some aspects are believable for sure. And it's possible that the Yowie did exist at some point and then just went extinct as well. Like that is a possibility, of course, as well. Yeah, man. I don't know. It's just I know that the timeline isn't there. But just the thought of... Why did no one alert me that today is National Dinosaur Day?

Oh, no way. It does. I just know, I was like very curious because my little Windows taskbar down the bottom has a little search bar thing, you know, the search bar thing where you type in things. It's got a little dinosaur on it. And I was like, what's up with that? Did it hear me talking about dinosaurs before? Look at that. Let's celebrate. It's National Dinosaur Day. Hell yeah. Let's get around to the forces of dinosaurs. Go dinosaurs. Well, 65 million years ago.

Damn, if you want to get technical. All right. I mean, that was the most recent. Yeah, great end. I'm very happy that there's a dinosaur there. Damn, we should have done a dinosaur themed episode. Kira, do you have any last words about the Yowie? I believe it. You believe it?

I think it's the most believable of the three. Easily. Considering one is a joke and the other one is a seal. Definitely a seal. Yeah. It's all real.

We're going to do a few Patreon questions right now. Or, sorry, member questions right now. So, again, reminder, if you want to support the show, patreon.com slash the official podcast as well as official.men. If you throw us a few bucks a month, it's $5 a month, you get free access, early access, ad-free access to our shows four days in advance, roughly, as well as access to question threads where you can send in questions and we'll read them on the show if the questions are good enough and they don't make me roll my eyes. So,

We've got a few questions here from our wonderful members. The first one is from someone named Jennifer who asks, what cryptid would you eat if it existed? Which one seems the most delicious? Damn, that's a good question. That is a good question. Oh, and another person, Connor Pin, asked, could you eat a bunyip? Would it taste nice? So I just kind of combined those two right here. Nah, Christ, no. No way. Could you eat a bunyip? It would be so rubbery. Yeah, it'd have to be. I feel like really chewy bunyip.

Yeah, very rubbery. So, no, you could eat it, obviously. You could eat anything. But would it taste nice? No. What cryptid would I choose to eat, though? You've got to have one. Well, you've pretty much just got... You've got your sea serpents. You've got your giant monkeys. Both sound terrible. Hey, something called the Loveland frog. Is that what you just found? Oh, dude, how bad does this sound? The skunk ape. Ew. Oh, thank you. I'm going to say...

Oh, Kraken. Just giant calamari. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say. I was going to say Nessie, like Loch Ness Monster, because I assume seafood maybe. But yeah, Kraken is a way better choice. That's just a giant squid. Eating the Loch Ness Monster is too fucked up for me. Why? Because it's got the name Nessie. As soon as you name something, it's hard to eat it. True. But okay, that's a good point. What about Cracky the Kraken? Are you fine with eating his calamari now?

Yeah, still. Still. Now I just want squid. Squid is sick. It's like my favorite thing in the world. I like calamari. I don't like squid. I know it's the same thing, but I don't like squid.

Oh, my God. Jackson, you really are a five-year-old, aren't you? Five-year-olds like squid. Yeah, they love it. It's just always in the calamari and chips that you get at the aquarium. It's a little kids combo. That or your chicken nuggets, and that's it. Oh, I love chicken nuggets. There you go. There you go. Your favorite foods in the world. It's just stuff you get at parties. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Those little sausage rolls, you know, the small little party rolls. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I haven't had fairy bread in a while, but I imagine it still hits pretty hard. Yeah, I reckon fairy bread would still be mad. Kira, who would you eat? I have to agree. I love calamari. Yeah, you're a big seafood eater. Although, don't you reckon that, I don't know, we haven't been able to eat a giant squid yet, have we? Well, yeah. Have we? Probably not. I don't know.

Because they're like deep ocean kind of beings. They only ever wash up on shore. So, you know, they're already deceased and decaying. So probably not. All right. So Cassie Turner asks, do you guys know anyone who's claimed to see an Australian cryptid? I'll say no up front for me. I don't know anyone who's claimed to have seen one. But you, sounds like you have. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, I have. And also, are we counting...

Tasmanian tigers as cryptids because my nan claims that she saw one. Really? So she still believes that they exist? Yeah. She's unshakable about it as well. Does she live in Tasmania? No, she was visiting in Tasmania once and she said that there was one that came up to her car and people were always saying it's a dog. And then she does the classic UFO sighting thing of, I know what I saw.

She's actually quite defensive about it. Really? Yeah. So she's like vehemently, it's not a prank or anything. Like you genuinely see conviction in her words. I see conviction in her words. That's the other thing about all these, like I saw something. People are just so convinced about it that I just go along for the ride. Yeah. I just really want these things to be real. Same. I'm so gullible with it. Yeah, me too. I like seeing the best in people. Ghosts. A lot of people claim that they've seen ghosts.

A lot of people I know have seen ghosts. Yeah, same. Mostly women. Women mostly see ghosts, I reckon. Okay, I was going to throw my ring in the hat, but after that I'll... You reckon you have too? I was going to say... Damn, Jackson is a five-year-old girl. Confirmed. I just see Kira face-palming in the background. That's who you're engaged to. A five-year-old girl. LAUGHTER

I have had a ghost experience. I don't know if I saw a ghost, but I saw like, I came home late at night to my family home when I was 12. And I thought I saw a figure in my window before I went in the home. So it was either like a robber or it was either a ghost or Jeffrey Epstein, you know, like it was. Yeah.

I don't know which one's scarier. Me neither, honestly. Like a poltergeist or a pedophile. Which would you rather? Imagine coming across the ghost of Jeffrey Epstein at the moment. Yeah. That's terrifying. Isn't it? All right. Rusty Shackleford asks, who would win in a fight, 100 men or the bunyip? Probably the bunyip. Probably quite easily too.

This is the guerrilla argument. Whenever you get 100 men together, they've got to win unless they're going up against 101 bunyips, for example. It's just... When you have that many men or people, even people, just attacking something, there's no way you don't win unless it is literally invincible. Because you're just attacking it from all directions. It can't defend itself. You're just wailing on it from every direction. I think that argument... I fucking...

When that argument was going around online, the gorilla versus 100 men, which one would win? It's so obvious. 100 men. Every time. Easy. 100 men, you reckon? Yeah, unless it's like 100 men in wheelchairs or something. I don't know. But like, if it's just 100 men. 100 men in wheelchairs.

Actually, yeah, now that you think about it, that's still a lot of guys in wheelchairs. Some of them are going to have to be paralysed. Yeah, I would probably say like 50-50 on the wheelchair people because they're just scooting around the outside of the gorilla. And if they really wanted to beat you, they'd just keep crashing into you until you fell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus, wheelchair people have arm strength due to having to wheel themselves around a lot. So, you know, whaling on the gorilla, 100 men, yeah.

100%. 100, Ben. You guys are going to offer some... Dare I say, reddity subject a lot. It is a reddity subject. But also...

I take issue with that. I have not thought about it at all. I thought about it for two seconds. That's how easy of a question it is. It's such a dumb question. Jackson, you've got to understand, you're just smarter than Kira and me. You're able to just go out and do that. No. We're not offering anything. We're just sitting back and just making you do all the thoughts. Kira is way more intelligent than me. Kira? Do you reckon? Have you guys done an IQ test? I have.

I don't know how much I believe in the idea of IQ tests, but I have done an IQ test. Damn. And Kira, have you done one? No. Oh, okay. You're scared. I don't know if I want to. I still think. I would hate that. I would hate it to be proven. Like, I definitely know that my wife is smarter than me, for sure. No ifs and buts about it. But I don't want that confirmed. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a scary, it's a scary idea to wrestle with. Isn't it? The limitations of your own intelligence. Isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I want to point out though, like everyone is intelligent in different ways. You're intelligent in,

the ways of, you know, politics, I guess, and also how to piss off people. Don't give me this kindergarten teacher stuff. One of us is smarter than the rest. No. Well, I would still say you're probably smarter than me, honestly. I don't have as much life experience as you. Honestly, when last episode, when it was just you and Mudaha, I was like,

there's nothing I can contribute to this. You've outclassed me, both of you. It was just like, my God, if you guys devoted your life to physics instead of YouTube slop. I would not be able to do math. I suck at math. I could not do math.

I beg to differ. I reckon your guys' minds just work quicker than mine by a mile. I have a dumb Australian brain. I just disagree. This is going to turn into a complimentary session, though. Isn't it weird? Usually people do just argue over who has the higher IQ. Yeah, it's not like you're a dumber. Yeah, our own intelligence.

Sorry, was there other questions? Sorry, now we just got into just like... Who's the smartest? I still think Kira's the smartest, goddammit. I'll die on that hill. You reckon Kira's the smartest, huh? Yeah, she's just... She doesn't, you know...

Talk as much as me so you don't get the full hit of her intelligence. Yeah, get the full hit. Well, I will say this. Every time here is ever put together one of these threads, it's nice work for three days work, you know? Yeah, I mean, yeah, absolutely. She's competent and intelligent. Very intelligent. All right. So I like talking about her intelligence like she's not in the room with us right now. Me too. I like that.

What a beautiful woman. Next one comes from Christian. Australia has no known native ape species. So where could the Yowie have come from? Okay. I was actually doing a bit of reading on this, literally when you guys were talking before. Yeah. And I was like, interesting. On the Yowie Hunter website.

about the extinct genus of ape called... I don't know how to pronounce this, but it's the Gigantopithecus. Yeah. Yep. Gigantopithecus. Yeah, and that it did travel down to Indonesia. Interesting. Oh, yeah, I have heard of this, yeah. Yeah, so then it could have traveled down...

I guess saying it very simply, but probably further. Well, I mean, the further we go back... Because everything was connected. Yes. When the world was Pangea, when it was a supercontinent, it's definitely possible. But I think by the time, like post Ice Age...

I think there was still separation when the giant mammals and stuff were around. I think there was still some separation between the continents and stuff at that point. So I wonder still how that would work. I would have to look into it. I'm not 100% sure. But yeah, I mean, regardless, there's a million ways that there could potentially be a giant ape on our land. I mean, it could have...

It could have swam. It could have built a boat. Could have caught a boat. Or it could have just existed here all along and been the one species of great ape here that we just don't know about. It could have just existed here. Yeah, so it's really up to conjecture. But that is interesting, Kira, that there were species that travelled down from Indonesia and such. Interesting.

RFF24, what's the craziest Australian animal you have each come across slash heard of in real life? I'm going to have to lay my claim on stonefish. Well, you've come across one. Plover. Actually, no, I have never come across a stonefish.

I guess in an aquarium, maybe. Maybe an aquarium. Does that... No, that doesn't count. It does. It doesn't count. No, no, no. Oh, and everyone's come across a stone fish then. No, they haven't. Everyone's been to an Australian zoo, maybe.

I'm sure that they're around in other aquariums. It's too strange for the species. That's a cop-out. No, no, no. Okay. I drew platypus. Easy. It's like one of the most interesting, bizarre creatures. Have you seen a platypus in the wild? Yeah. I mean, I lived in a town called Mullaney up in the Queensland hinterlands. And one of the main rivers through Mullaney, the Obi-Obi River, was just full of platypus.

It was like a platypus breeding ground, basically. Unbelievable. They were still extremely rare to see. They're very, very, very, very, you know, what's the word? They hide a lot, so you don't really see them often. But in a hotspot, yeah, you could often, sometimes, rarely, which are three different words, see them. Yes, yes.

Okay, that's cool. I've come across them in the wild, not at a zoo. And they're a monotreme, one of only two monotremes in the world. No, it's a weird animal. If you've come across it, that's weird. They produce milk and they lay eggs at the same time, which is just fucking extremely weird. Such a weird creature. Isn't it? Honestly, it might actually be my favourite animal. I love platypi. I love platypi. Again, it's one of those things where I wish that we had those really...

bad third world indonesian laws and i can keep on as a pet it'd be yeah i mean thank god we don't though thank god you don't i reckon i reckon that would take place on the daily oh we would i would you would but being giving people that right yeah absolutely look at how many mistreated dogs and cats exist rabbits and yeah yeah wait sorry kira did you say something

I just, I love a wombat. Yeah, wombats are great. It's not weird. Just adding my little two cents that if you don't know what a wombat looks like, look it up. They're very cute. Very adorable. Well, I'll tell you what, Kira, like you really should go to Tasmania because it's incredible seeing the wombats in dusk. They're like cows. So many. Yeah, they're like cows. It's like an entire field of them just grazing. It's amazing. Yeah.

I remember last time I went to Tasmania when I was like 14. And I saw a wombat every time I went outside, basically. There were so many of them. Never see them anytime up here, basically. Echidnas I see kind of often up here. Yeah. Yeah, echidnas are great. It's always great to see an echidna. Have you seen a weird creature yet? I classify a yabby as stranger than an echidna.

Nah, actually, echidna. I'm staying with echidna then. Echidna is the strangest animal I've seen. We're lucky in Australia because all of our animals are quite strange. Yeah, there are a lot of strange animals. Like, to me, honestly, I am much more weirded out that at my new house I see a deer all the time, which you Americans wouldn't be impressed by at all. Yeah, so conventional, right? But that is very strange to me. Like, Kira and I were blown away by, like, what do you call them? Squirrels, for example.

Yes. Yes. Like, what the fuck? That's crazy. That little creature. So cute. But very strange to us because we just never seen them before. Never seen them. Everything conventional is strange to us, whereas everything strange is normal to us. Yeah. Kira, do you have any? Strange animals? Yeah. Oh, what about our girls?

Yeah, they're pretty strange. Yeah, our cats. Yeah, our cats. Our hairless cats. Yeah, everyone. Everyone who's ever seen our two sphinxes, our two hairless cats. They're pretty strange. They're very strange. You're familiar with them? You have sphinx cats? Yes, hairless cats. We have two. Have you not seen them? No. No. Jack, you've got to send a photo. I can't believe that you've got them. That's incredible.

You'd love them. I know you hate cats. No, but I'm a fan of the Sphinx cat. Really? Come on. They must have, like, very bad health conditions and stuff, right? And, like, endlessly cold. And what are they like?

They like warmth, so they're always cuddling you. They're always wrapped up underneath the blanket with you. We have little winter outfits for them that they need to wear. What do they feel like? Nutsack. Yeah, they feel like a nutsack. You know like a peach has very slight fur on it almost? Yeah, yeah. It's very soft. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

That makes sense. They're incredible. I will never... Like, yeah. Twinkies are fantastic. They're so good. Yeah?

Yeah, I mean, just behaviorally, they're so different to every other cat I've ever owned. They're so goofy, so curious. They're almost like dogs. They're dogs. They're wonderful. And they're friendly. They're always cuddling you and roaming over you. Yeah, they're funny. They're funny animals. I've never seen a breed of animal be so different to the conventional breed, let's say. Or the other breeds. Very cool. Love them. Love them lots.

I'll put up some photos on the screen right now of them so that people at home can see them. Christian asks, sorry, no, we've already done that. Final question. Groomer asks, marry, fuck, kill, bunyip, yaoi, drop bears. Kill drop bears? No. Marry the bunyip because despite what you say, I still stand by it has some seductive allure.

I know, it's fuck Bunyip, sorry. And then marry the Yeti. Because, look, it's pretty human. It's fairly human. Well, that's what I was going to say. Fuck. I was going to say fuck. It's the only one that you could, really, because it's humanoid. It would be fucking disgusting, obviously. But, yeah, fuck Yaoi. Marry...

Marry drop bears so that we can conserve them and save the koala population. They'll get my will after I die, maybe. And then kill the bunyip because what's he ever done for me? Fuck that guy. Damn, dude. It's a very different place. Yeah, cold-blooded. What has he done for me? Kira?

Oh my god. You can abstain from this one if you want. No, no, you can't. How would I even answer that? No. You can change... How would I even answer that? You can change fuck to kiss. Fuck to kiss and then kill to firm handshake. I don't want to kill any of them. Kill to firm handshake. I don't want to kill any of them. No. Marry, kiss, firm handshake.

That's so pathetic. It's lame. I don't want to make you uncomfortable there, otherwise she'll never grace us with her presence again.

All right. So that's going to do it for this episode of Red Thread. Thank you very much. Like I said at the top, we've got a new kind of initiative going on with the show called Common Threads, which is a pretty cool name. The things that bind us together or whatever. So each once a month, basically one episode will be a Common Thread initiative.

where all the proceeds from that video will be donated to charities, relevant charities of the video, to kind of do a bit of good. It's nice to give back. It's nice to celebrate what we do here in a positive way that helps communities and causes out there. These are causes usually near and dear to my heart.

that I believe in as well as causes that have been vetted so that no, because I know a lot of charities out there are fucking very dodgy. So it's very annoying having to siphon through and make sure that these charities are doing honest to good work.

So yeah, do our due diligence there. So the two charities that will be sending the proceeds from the YouTube ad revenue from this episode are going to the Indigenous Literacy Foundation, which is a national charity working with Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island remote communities across Australia by providing books and learning resources to children and families. They've helped supply 800,000 books across 424 remote communities across Australia, which is a fantastic thing to do because reading...

And being able to write is one of the most powerful things for someone's development that can be given to them. Basically. I think it's like, it's like the biggest indicator of future potential. Right, Jordan? Absolutely. Nothing close. Yeah. So getting kids started early with reading and writing has just, it's, it's the most important thing. So yeah,

The Indigenous Literacy Foundation doing fantastic work, making sure that people in communities that might not have access to that already are given that access. So fantastic work.

Fantastic charity. And then we also have another relevant one that I thought was great. The Koala Conservation Australia, non-for-profit, non-partisan charity that aims to rescue, rehabilitate and release wild koalas back into the community. They have been working for over 50 years to expand koala and marsupial breeding research and training programs while also tirelessly conserving Australia's koala population.

You guys might have heard of the Black Summer bushfires in 2019 in Australia. Over 60,000 koalas perished across the country, which is just unfathomable, just ridiculous. You can't even quantify that much loss. It's so horrifying to think about how many koalas died.

in those wildfires, tipping the koala into endangered status. Koala Conservation Australia has rolled out several critical wildlife-saving initiatives, including wildlife drinking stations, as well as state-of-the-art koala hospital in Port Macquarie. Is it Macquarie? Macquarie. Macquarie, yeah.

Macquarie and breeding programs designed to increase population numbers. They save and rehabilitate on average 250 koalas each year, which is just a force of good for conservation in Australia. It is so important that we protect

our wildlife. It is the thing that makes Australia, Australia. It is, uh, there's just a lot of damage done each year in the development of Australia. Uh, we do a pretty good job overall, I would say in conservation efforts, but you know, we could always be doing better and there could always be more innocent animal lives, uh, saved and, and, and encouraged. So they do fantastic work. Very happy that these two charities, uh,

are being you know helped in this way through this episode

Love their work. If you want to go check them out, they'll be linked in the description as well. So you can give generously if those causes seem like just causes to you, if you are able to. I know there's a lot of causes in the world, a lot of charities and stuff, so no pressure. But we're going to do a bit to support them. Every view counts. So it's a good mission, I think, for the show to give back in that way. Since we talk about a lot of depressing things all the time, it'll be nice to spread a bit of

and helpfulness. So very, very thankful that you guys give us the opportunity and ability to do so. So big thank you to everyone for watching the show. Really does mean the world to do this show. Do you guys have any last minute thoughts before we put on out of here? No, nice summary, Jackson. Thank you. You always nail it. Thank you very much. Thank you guys for being with us for this episode of Red Thread. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. See ya.

Thank you.