i physically don't know how to forgive them
47:31 Share

Get smoother, brighter skin instantly in one easy step. Dermalogica's Daily Microfoliant gives you the smooth, glowy skin you want without damaging your skin barrier. This gentle exfoliating powder activates with water to smooth out rough texture and brighten skin. It's powerful enough to deliver results, yet gentle enough to use every single day, even on sensitive skin. See the results for yourself. Visit Dermalogica.com and use code SMOOTH at cart for an exclusive free gift with $65 purchase.

Fun fact, you can't get pregnant every day. You're only fertile for six days, ovulation day and the five days leading up to it. Natural Cycles is the only birth control app that can pinpoint your fertile window by analyzing your hormone-driven temperature trends.

It's more than just a basic cycle tracking app. Natural Cycles is the only FDA-cleared and CE-marked birth control app, and has helped millions prevent and plan for pregnancy naturally. Save 15% when you sign up today with code RADIO15. Learn more at naturalcycles.com. Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice. I am your host, Allie Yost, and it is a joy and honor to be here with you guys. I love you!

I feel like it's been so long since I've been here in the studio and it's just a joy like truly to hang out with you guys. We have our coffee on ice. Super exciting. We're using our glass mug today and we do have our Christ. Obviously he is with us all the time. He's always with us, but we have our word here, which we will be also referring to today. Guys, I'm really excited for this episode. I feel like

we've talked actually I don't know there's been so many episodes that we've made it's been almost two years of doing this which is just such an honor and a joy and a privilege to do with you guys but sometimes I'm like have we talked about this if we have it's always good to talk about things again and to kind of have a fresh awareness of these things we just always need our minds to be washed by the Lord regardless you know well actually we are quite broken I was gonna say it doesn't mean we're broken we are actually that's why we need Jesus but you know sometimes

we need reminders of things and it's funny we can hear a message once and it'll give us you know a really special revelation at that time and then we can hear it again and it gives you an entirely new revelation or again it just gives you a fresh washing of like wow I needed this reminder so whether we've talked about it or not whether we've done an entire episode about this before or not we are going to be talking about forgiveness today I don't know why is that so hard

for some of us, it is. It's hard. It's a hard thing to do. And it hasn't really been something that I have really known how to navigate until meeting Jesus. I feel like he is the ultimate role model when it comes to forgiveness, how to do it well and how to love people well. And I

how to do it in a place that's still wise, where we are guarding our hearts. And I don't think that the Lord ever calls us to allow people to like walk all over us. There is still a way to forgive people and to love them well and protect our hearts. So I wanted to talk about forgiveness today.

So I'm excited to talk about it. I'm going to refer to some things that, and honestly, like a personal revelation that the Lord gave me. That's the biggest inspo for this is I had a revelation about forgiveness from God a few weeks ago where there was this thing that was going on in my life and I had made a TikTok about it. And you guys were like, can we please talk about this on the podcast? And I do believe that there could be so much more that could be said about this topic than what I had even shared on the TikTok. So I'm excited to bring it to you guys. And I would even love to share, you know, some personal

revelations and lessons that God has shown me and visuals that he showed me about forgiveness. And I also went on my Instagram and I just asked you guys if you had any questions just around the topic of forgiveness, because I feel like there's a lot of kind of avenues and things that we could discuss under the umbrella of forgiveness. And so we'll touch on some of those as well. So I'll just lead.

with the personal revelation that I felt God show me. And I was going through this situation where I had been hurt by someone that I loved and I felt in my heart that I had genuinely forgiven this person. I didn't feel like I was bitter over it anymore. I was like, okay, God, I believe that I've forgiven this person and I know I've forgiven them because I actually have so much love in my heart for them. I feel like that's the biggest indicator to know whether you've actually forgiven someone in your heart or not is whether like

when you're thinking about that person, do you still have so much love for them? And it's not when you think of them, you get tense and you tighten up and you kind of get angry, you get frustrated or you're like, oh, I don't even want to think about that person. There's a difference, you know? And so love versus bitterness, I believe forgiveness has to be rooted in love. And so if you really feel you have a softened heart and you have love for that person when you think about them, there's a good chance you've forgiven them in your heart, which is great. That's like honestly the biggest step.

is being able to forgive that person in your heart. And so I'm thinking about this person and I'm like, no, I do. Like I have so much love for this person, God. Like every time I think about them, I actually have so much compassion for them. But also simultaneously, I had this feeling where I was like, but I can't really be close to them right now. Like I can't be talking to them all the time right now. I can't be near them all the time. So what is that? Like I was so confused by what that meant.

And it made me look at myself and be like, okay, is there unforgiveness in my heart, God? Like, I don't really know how this is supposed to go. This is kind of a new thing for me with the Lord. You know, I've only been walking with him for a couple years. So sometimes things like this come up and I'm like, ooh, okay, I know how I used to handle these things and I know how I used to feel. So is this like normal, God?

Is this the way that forgiveness is supposed to be handled? Because I want it. You know, I have fear of the Lord and I want it. I want to handle it in a way that even Jesus would handle it. So I'm like, OK, why am I not able to even physically talk to this person right now if I have forgiven them? And in that moment, y'all, I felt the Lord give me a vision of, well, two different scenarios. OK, because people can hurt us in an intentional way where honestly their flesh was like, I actually really just want to hurt them or.

they could unintentionally hurt you. So God gave me two visuals and they're gonna sound silly as I say them out loud, but whatever, just bear with me, okay? But both of those scenarios being very different, one being like, yeah, no, I was out of my right mind and it wasn't okay. And I was, I wanted to hurt you and that is not an excuse. I'm sorry, I was fully aware that what I was doing was going to hurt you.

And then the other scenario is I had no idea that what I was doing was going to hurt you this deeply. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. So both scenarios were asking for forgiveness. There's an awareness and an unawareness. Is that a word? Whatever. There's two different scenarios in that type of hurt. I saw God show me like one of the I knew exactly what I was doing in the moment. It was wrong. I'm so sorry. Somebody punching you in the face and giving you a black eye.

Like they knew what they were doing when they threw that fist, okay? But they've punched you out of whatever they were going through in that moment. And then another scenario where somebody's like backing up on and you're standing right behind them and they've stepped on your foot with like a pointy heel and you're like, ow, but they didn't see you, right? Like their back was to you. And so both scenarios, you're hurt. They're different, but you're hurt. So

Both people can be like the person who punched you in the face. They're like, oh, I just acted out in so much anger. I cannot believe that I just punched you. I'm so sorry. Or I was mad and I wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And you go, hey, I understand. Obviously, you know, anger isn't an excuse to sin, but I forgive you and I love you. And I trust that, you know, what you're saying right now is true and that you won't ever do it again. If that's what that person is saying, if they're like, I'm sorry, I will never do that to you again. Please forgive me. I repent. And you go, okay, I love you. I forgive you.

And then the other person who stepped on your foot, they're like, I didn't even see you there. Oh my gosh, I backed up. I had no idea that you were there. I stepped on your foot. Are you okay? Are you bleeding? I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And you go, hey, it's okay. I mean, yeah, it hurt. Maybe next time we make sure that there's other people around us, behind us, whatever. But like, hey, it's all right. I forgive you. I love you. And so what God showed me after that, though, is that you can have forgiveness in both scenarios, right? But what is still there is the bruise on your foot or on your eye. Like forgiving someone doesn't mean that that boo-boo isn't gone yet.

I think that's what I was feeling in that moment. I believe that that's what Jesus was trying to reveal to me is he was like, hey, you're understanding of forgiveness right now until I change it because he was changing that for me. Your understanding of forgiveness is you're forgiving the person in your heart and then your bruise or the boo-boo that was left from that thing that hurt you will just suddenly be gone.

And sometimes that's not the case. And so I actually felt very validated in that moment. I was like, wow, God, okay, so there isn't anything wrong with my heart right now. You know, because I was like, I could have sworn that my heart was softened and I do love this person, but I kind of needed space. Like I wasn't ready to be back to normal, hunky dory, you know, whatever, in constant communication with this person because I don't know, I was just kind of still bruised and I was hurt.

And I felt the Lord be like, that's okay. Like, it's okay. You can still forgive them. You can verbally tell them that. You can say, hey, I've forgiven you. And I want you to know that like my distance right now is not out of any unforgiveness. But I think I actually just kind of need to like take some time to heal from this.

with the Lord and like let this boo-boo kind of patch itself up, you know? Yeah, I felt really validated by the Lord in that. And so anyway, I share that with you guys because I believe that can even give a fresh revelation for some of you as you're listening. And just no guilt, no guilt. If it means that you still need space to heal from something, if somebody has...

sinned against you or has just simply hurt you. It is physically possible to forgive that person in your heart, but still need space to heal. But it doesn't mean you're not going to come like me and that person. I was good. I just needed time. Yeah. I don't know. I was looking too much at myself. Like maybe there was something broken with me or that I hadn't fully forgiven them if it meant that I did need that space. And I felt Jesus be like, girl, you're

good. Take the time that you need to heal from this boo-boo because it is a wound and it's still there. So that was my personal revelation with forgiveness. There's a couple scriptures that a lot of us might be familiar with already. I feel like these are very popular ones around the topic of forgiveness, but

Ephesians 4.32 says, Matthew 6.14 reads, Colossians 3.13 says,

reads, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Isn't it funny that like a lot of the scripture that's said about forgiveness, God brings it back to the way that he's forgiven us?

I feel like God just really expects us and we can only do it through the power of the Holy Spirit. So again, we say all these things of like, God expects these things of us. If we're going to identify as Christians and followers of Christ, we also have to reflect the same characteristics as God and the same things that he does for us.

And that's not in a way where it's like, gosh, that feels so unachievable. If it feels unachievable for you, it is without the Holy Spirit. And so the strength of forgiving someone, I also want you guys to remember, this is not something to forget, is that you are not expected to do that by yourself. That it is through our weaknesses where the Lord gets to be strong for us. That goes for forgiveness.

Like if you feel really weak in this area of your life or maybe just like specifically over a certain individual, I mean, invite God into that. Invite him into your heart with that. Invite the Holy Spirit into that moment and say, okay, I'm really weak in this moment. I'm fleshing out God. I'm so weak.

so angry at this person, I don't wanna forgive them. And there's so many different scenarios of pain and hurt. It could be not even that somebody's hurt you one time, but they've hurt you over and over. And we can touch on that in just a second about just like different kind of scenarios and like what is acceptable of a level of forgiveness or whatever, based on maybe what they've done to you.

once, twice, a million times, whatever that looks like. But if that's hard for you, I just encourage you guys and I want you to know that it's nothing that we can do on our own without God. And so if you truly have questions of like, Lord, I actually don't know how I will ever get to a place of forgiveness for this person. It seems impossible. Remember who you're praying to.

Remember who you're talking to. Remember that you are talking to God, who is the only one who can create miracles and make miracles happen. So if you believe that it would literally be a miracle to forgive this person in your heart, I mean, you know the guy for that. You're talking to him. He is the miracle worker. And he can give you a supernatural strength.

He can give you a supernatural heart for this person to forgive them. I believe that with my whole heart. And I know that that might be like kind of a hard thing to try to swallow depending on your situation. Like I don't know who you're thinking about right now. I don't know the person that's coming to your mind. I don't know how deep that wound could be, but I want you to know that I acknowledge that it could be very, very deep and that the Lord, he understands that.

I also just want to clarify, I want to say this about Jesus's heart for you and your situation right now is that by him asking you to forgive this person, I want you guys to hear me, by him asking you to forgive this person does not invalidate the pain that you have suffered from what they have done to you. Like Jesus is not here to invalidate and say, I'm sorry, you shouldn't be hurting over that anymore.

Like you need to just forgive them. I know that it like hurt really bad and it cut really deep, but you need to forgive them. Like he's not invalidating that pain. And I feel that for you. I do. And I feel like that's what he did for me in that moment where I was like, why do I still need space, God? And he's like, honey, you still have a bruise. Like that person cut you deep. They stabbed you in the back. Like that's going to take time to heal.

So there's no invalidating of your feelings. There's no invalidating the hurt and the suffering that you went through in results of that pain. I felt the Lord wanted me to tell you that he sees that pain. He sees it and he's not here to invalidate it and say that it's too much or it's ridiculous or, you know, it's silly. He wants to meet you in that pain and he wants to help you heal it while also helping you have a softened heart towards this person to forgive them just as he has forgiven us.

So really all he wants to do is he wants to show you how to be more like him, which is just like the coolest thing ever. What an honor that literally the Messiah, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior wants to teach you how to be more like him. Cool. That's the coolest thing ever. And he wants to mend your wounds through

He wants to do it all for you actually, but all it takes is like, okay God, like I'm just gonna open my heart to you because I've been trying to do this on my own. I've been trying to forgive this person on my own and all my strength and I've been failing. I'm bitter. I feel like I've forgiven them one day and then the next day I'm bitter again and I just can't keep going back and forth. Lord, I need your strength. He's there for you in everything that you need through this journey of forgiveness for one person, a multitude of people, whatever that looks like in your life. He literally wants to be there to do all of it for you.

for you and with you. And so this is not a journey that you have to do by yourself. This is not a journey that you have to find within yourself. Like, believe it or not, forgiveness is a very thing that God wants to give you strength for. Abercrombie's Vacation Essentials are 25% off right now, and Spotify listeners are getting an extra 15% off with code SPOTIFYAF. Abercrombie's Perfect Pack means denim shorts, your favorite swimsuit,

Imagine if you could ask someone anything you wanted about their finances. How much do you make? Who paid for that fancy dinner? What did your house actually cost?

On every episode of What We Spend, a different guest opens up their wallets, opens up their lives, really, and tells us all about their finances. For one week, they tell us everything they spend their money on. My son slammed like $6 worth of blueberries in five minutes. This is a podcast about all the ways money comes into our lives and then leaves again, which, of course, we all have a lot of feelings about.

I really want these things. I want to own a house. I want to have a child. But this morning, I really wanted a coffee. Because whatever you are buying or not buying or saving or spending, at the end of the day, money is always about more than your balance. I'm Courtney Harrell, and this is What We Spend. Listen to and follow What We Spend, an Odyssey original podcast. Available now wherever you get your podcasts.

Matthew 18:21-22 reads, "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?' Up to seven times? Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'

Now, I don't think that Jesus is telling us that we're supposed to be keeping tallies on a person. Because also, wait, I'm about to bring up a scripture that says that. The definition of love, it keeps no tallies of wrong. It keeps no count of wrongs. We'll read it in a second. He's not encouraging us to keep tallies. So we're not going to take that legitimately. But basically what Jesus was saying is like, it's infinite. The amount of times that we are supposed to forgive our brothers and sisters is infinite.

And I know that that's what Jesus is saying, because if we're looking back at the other scriptures we just read where he is comparing our forgiveness to his forgiveness for us, well, what is God's forgiveness for us? Does he keep tallies? Is he like, once you hit that 77 mark, you know, once you hit that 7,000th mark where I've had to forgive you that many times in your life, I'm sorry, it's over for us. Like, I'm not going to be your father anymore. I'm not going to take care of you anymore. You're not going to heaven anymore. Like, that's it. You're done. That is not God's heart for us.

right? At least that's not what we should believe. That's never what he's ever told us. He's always told us that his mercies are new every day. Okay, well, if his mercies are new every day and his grace is new every day, that means that his forgiveness is also probably new every day, which is infinite. His love for us is infinite. If we're going to believe that Jesus asks us to forgive others and to love others the same way that he forgives and loves us, which is

infinitely, we are to love and forgive others infinitely as well. Oh, I want to read that scripture. Let's look up the definition of biblical love, shall we? Guys, it's so funny. I'm going to show you this. Sometimes my Bible looks like this. Sometimes it looks like this. And then sometimes it looks like this.

So I don't know if anyone feels seen in that but it's like some days I'll be going in and I'll have all the notes and the highlighting and the scribbles and then you flip just a couple more pages later and there's nothing and it's blank. Whatever. It be like that sometimes. Okay. First Corinthians.

Okay, ready everybody? This is the biblical definition of love from our God. This is what he says love is. It's 1 Corinthians 13, 4 through 7. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged.

It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. That's convicting, actually. That convicts me because sometimes I do get irritable.

And sometimes I do demand my own way. And sometimes I am jealous. I feel like that would convict anyone. It's such a good reminder that that is actually how we're supposed to be loving everyone. Like literally strangers and the people that we love and adore. Love is patient and kind. I'm like, yeah, I do that. But then love is not jealous. Oops.

or boastful, or proud, or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, and is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. That is so beautiful. I had to read it again, y'all. It's so good. Okay, so I mentioned that just in regards to what I was referring to, where it says...

that it keeps no record of being wronged. So Jesus isn't telling Peter, "Hey, but once it gets to this point, make sure." Forgiveness is a core doctrine emphasizing God's grace and the need for Christians to forgive others as they have been forgiven by God. It involves releasing resentment and bitterness, letting go of anger, and choosing to move on, all while maintaining a perspective of justice and accountability.

Really, really good. Forgiveness is not about condoning wrongdoing, but about releasing the emotional weight of the offense and choosing to see others with a perspective of God's grace. Christians believe that God has forgiven them for their sins through Jesus Christ's sacrifice, and this forgiveness is the foundation of their own ability to forgive others. Forgiving others, especially when they have deeply hurt you, is often seen as a difficult but necessary act of obedience and faith in God's grace.

That's really good.

Okay, I'm obsessed with that. And I think that that's like a POV that we really should have a lot of times too. In forgiveness, I actually just, I felt this revelation just literally yesterday when I was talking to the Lord about...

how I really wanted to like act out in my flesh in a moment because somebody had hurt me and I was like, this is so unjust, God. The way that this person has hurt me today and the way that they're talking to me, like I literally didn't even freaking deserve that. Like I'm just here living, laughing and loving. Don't think I did anything wrong. And sometimes that's the case, like not in a prideful way, but sometimes that is the case where you're like, I didn't deserve that. What the heck was that?

And you know what Jesus hit me with? Okay, I think everyone needs to hear this. This is what he hit me with. He said, "Yeah, so I'm the most innocent man on earth and in heaven to ever exist." Jesus is so innocent, he's perfect. There's a lot of things that have been done to him that were so unjust and unfair that he even reminded me, he's like, "Girl, sometimes you get mad at me. I'm so innocent. I'm your dad. Like, I love you and I'm here to provide for you. You're gonna get mad at me?"

Like, that's not fair. And I was like, right. Okay. So that was convicting. But he reminded me that he was like, sometimes it's not fair. This is what I had to do when it was hard to maybe look at the person and forgive them and love them is I was like, okay, Jesus, I'm going to look at you and I'm going to love you by loving that person. So now I've learned this new, I mean, this is giving spiritual practice. I know this new technique where if it's really hard for me to look at that person and be like,

I love you, I forgive you. I'll look at Jesus and I'll say, okay, Jesus, how can I love you well? By loving this person that I know you love. You know, when you think about, okay, I don't know if this is the same, but I'm just gonna say it, whatever. But like, you know how you just wanna, like if you are in a relationship with somebody romantically or friendship, whatever, but like you love this person so much and there's people in their lives that you know they also love and adore and you just wanna love those people because of how much you love that person.

You're like, obviously I'm going to love the bejeebers out of these people because I love this person so much. And I know how much these people mean to that person. It's kind of like that. You know what I mean? Like that was the loophole that I felt Jesus showing me in that moment is he was like, hey, if this is hard, just know that loving them well is loving me well. And I know you love me, Al. I know you love me. And I'm like, yeah, I love you, Jesus. And he's like, okay, great. So we have that. So then what you're going to do is you're going to use me as a cornerstone to like love me by loving them well.

And I'm like, okay, you're right. And so I love, I love the way that that was just said because it just, I feel like that's exactly what Jesus was encouraging me in is that forgiveness is a spiritual practice, believing that it actually helps you grow closer to God, releasing emotional burdens and experiencing a deeper sense of

peace with God, which I did. I was like, wait, God, this was good for our relationship. It wasn't even so much about me and that person. I mean, it is, but it was like about me and Jesus too. I felt like it strengthened something in my faith and just my relationship with the Lord by practicing that.

The scripture that came to my mind when Jesus was encouraging me to do that with that person where he was like, hey, you're loving me by loving them. Here's where the scripture is, guys. It's in Matthew. It's Matthew 25, 34, the final judgment. Then the king will say to those on his right, come, you who are blessed by my father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink.

I was a stranger and you invited me into your home. I was naked and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you cared for me. I was in prison and you visited me. Then these righteous ones will reply, Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you?

or thirsty and give you something to drink, or a stranger and show you hospitality, or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you? So this is what Jesus is saying about himself. And they're like, wait a minute. When did we ever see you like that though? And the king will say, I tell you the truth. When you did it to one of the least of these, my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me.

What Jesus is saying is that when we give to the people who need, and it could be forgiveness, it could be clothes on their back, it could be the people who are in prison, you know, like he's using all of these scenarios. The people who are thirsty, you gave them water. The people who are hungry, you fed them. Like that could be literal, it can be spiritual, it can be relational. But what Jesus is saying is because you gave,

And so Jesus is saying, like, I was that person who was in prison. I was that person who was hungry. I was that person who was thirsty. I was that person who needed forgiveness because he loves that person. And so by serving that person, Jesus is saying, you're serving me and you showed up for me. And so I think that that is so important.

so convicting when it comes to giving in general and just seeing Jesus in people and seeing that Jesus loves these people. And also it's like if Jesus would do it for the person, we should too. If Jesus did it for us, we should too. Forgiveness is not about excusing wrongdoing or ignoring harmful actions. It is about choosing to release the emotional burden of the offense while still holding others accountable for their actions.

This is something that kind of gets blurry for people where they're like, okay, so if this person has continued to show me their fruit and they've continued to show me that they are capable of hurting me over and over and over again, or it's like, you know, they promised that they would change and then it keeps happening. You know, you can argue with that scripture we just read in Matthew where Jesus is like, forgive them 77 times times seven or whatever infinitely, right? You're supposed to infinitely forgive people, but then you're like, okay, but

how do I do that without excusing the behavior because there is a level of accountability and you know justice that is necessary in situations especially if a person is hurting you over and over again and you're like okay this is obviously not important to this person they're not changing their behavior the way that I keep getting hurt over and over again there's just no change there's no sanctification there's no correction especially by the spirit of God I think that it's

obviously really important for us to hold each other accountable in our actions, especially within the church and to say, hey, that's not okay. Like what you did to me was really hurtful. I'm willing to forgive you because I know that that's what I'm supposed to do and I want to and I love, I still have so much love for you, but like this is not okay and it can't happen anymore. Then also coming to a resolution maybe at the end of that, if this is

what feels appropriate for the situation and be like, so how can we moving forward make sure that this doesn't happen anymore? And sometimes it could be a simple thing of like, I don't know, miscommunication. There's plenty of conversations I've had to have with people in my life where I've been like, hey, so when you do this, this is how it comes off to me. This is what it communicates to me. I don't know if that's what you mean when you do those things, but it hurts me in this way. And so I think we need to move forward with a different resolution of how we can handle that

so that that isn't happening anymore. Like, I don't know if that's too vague, but I feel like per situation, sometimes it could be a misunderstanding where you're like, yeah, no, so that hurts me. So we need to change that. Or like, maybe we need to meet somewhere in the middle for clarity. Forgiveness is not an excuse for wrongdoings. And I think it's still healthy to set those boundaries. If there are people that are obviously showing you that they have no problem

no remorse, like they just don't do anything about it. It is okay to set boundaries with that person in your life and say, hey, I've forgiven you for all of these things, but this isn't working anymore. With a Venmo debit card, you can Venmo more than just your friends. You can use your balance in so many ways. You can Venmo everything. Need gas? You can Venmo this. How about snacks? You can Venmo that. Your favorite band's merch? You can Venmo this. Or their next show? You can Venmo that. Visit venmo.me slash debit to learn more.

The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. Pursuant to license by MasterCard International Incorporated. Card may be used everywhere MasterCard is accepted. Venmo purchase restrictions apply.

This Father's Day at Lowe's. Score free gifts for the greatest dad. Right now, get a free select DeWalt, Craftsman, or Cobalt tool with purchase of a select battery kit. Plus, get a free Werner 2-foot aluminum ladder when you buy an 8-foot fiberglass ladder. Shop these deals and more this Father's Day at Lowe's. We help, you save. Valid through 615. While supplies last, selection varies by location.

Let's see a couple of the questions that you guys had around forgiveness and we'll just like touch on them a little bit. Oh yeah, okay, this is the first one I read right now. How can you forgive someone who did something multiple times they knew would hurt you? Again, I think that you can definitely hold forgiveness in your heart for that person, but also maybe we just don't trust them.

I don't think that forgiving someone in your heart and being like, you know what? I'm not keeping any records of wrongdoings against you. Like I fully have released. I love that what I was reading said that it's like more of a release of that burden of, you know, bitterness and resentment that could be weighing on you. It's more of a release emotionally and being like, hey, I forgive you actually. It's all good. And receiving the peace of God, like receiving peace. It's okay to be like, hey, but I can't do this anymore. Right?

You have proven to me that you have no problem hurting me over this thing over and over again. So I have forgiven you. And me doing this is not because I don't. It's just simply me prioritizing my heart, guarding my heart and saying, I can't be in this relationship anymore. Or you're setting those boundaries where that person can't be so close to your heart. That's healthy. That is healthy. When you think about Jesus and the boundaries that he set with some people, like his closest friends within the disciples were Peter, John, and James.

Those were like his bros, like his besties. He loved everyone. But like, even when it came to go, when he went to the Mount and he revealed himself in all of his glory to Peter, John and James, he's like glowing and radiating. And it's like, you know, that whole moment. And they're like, whoa, oh my gosh, he didn't bring Judas up there. Why didn't he bring Judas up there? Because, because he knew,

He knew what Judas was capable of. He knew because he's God. He knew what was going to happen. But it's like he knew Judas' heart. He knew what Judas was capable of. And he said, I'm not going to bring Judas around to those like really intimate moments and trusting him in those parts. Does that make sense? Like there were boundaries that Jesus set even within, he loved them all.

very well, loved them equally, but we're going to trust these people with this amount of my heart. And then I'm going to, I'm going to keep this because they've proved into me that they don't really tend to my heart or care about my heart as much as this person does. And just like discerning that with the Lord and being like, okay, God, how close am I allowed to keep this person to me if

at all anymore based on the facts, based on the fruit, based on, you know, these things that just keep happening over and over again. Yeah, to answer that question, I do think that forgiveness is possible, but it doesn't mean that you need to like keep that person close to you anymore. If they have shown you that they can do the same thing to you multiple times,

and they knew it would hurt you because you probably have had the discussion with them before and been like, hey, I'm gonna just be honest, that hurt me. And then they keep doing it. You can still have forgiveness and love them while keeping them at a distance. And then that kind of rolls into this next question where somebody says, how do you evade your continued forgiveness from being abused?

And I feel like that's a lot of what we kind of just said is like, I think that that's a way to set those boundaries where you're not allowing this person to just stomp on you all the time for the sake of forgiveness. You know, like you can forgive them while also still being like, yeah, I'm not going to be around you anymore. I can't allow my heart to be vulnerable to you anymore because you've shown me that I can't trust my heart with you. Doesn't mean I don't still love you. Doesn't mean I don't still pray for you, but I physically can't let you anywhere near my heart or my life.

How do you forgive when they never apologized? Well, what's crazy is the thing that comes to my mind is like, Jesus forgave us of our sins before we ever even knew that we sinned. Jesus forgave you and died on the cross for your sins before you were ever born, before you ever even knew that you were capable of sinning.

And so there was no apology. Jesus received no apology from us at that time when he endured that suffering and that sacrifice that he made for us. There was no apology. I mean, we may apologize now, but there also was a time in my life where I would sin and I just, Jesus was never getting an apology or repentance from me because I just, well, I didn't know.

I didn't know. Yeah, so I don't think forgiveness is based on a scale of whether you get an apology or not. And I think that's the thing that can make it really hard sometimes is that we may never receive an apology from that person. And so I think that it's also like at that point, are you willing to carry that burden of bitterness for the rest of your life? Because you may never get that apology.

ever. It also comes down to like, okay, Lord, do I even want to carry this for the rest of my life if I never get an apology? Because you're kind of gambling at that point. You're like, okay, if I get an apology from this person eventually, then I'll stop being bitter. But who's to say that they ever will? You don't actually know that. I hope that they will. I pray that they do, that they eventually feel convicted about what they did to you. It may take years, months, hours, weeks,

Never. Never is a possibility though, right? So you're kind of gambling with that. You're gambling with carrying these tens of hundreds of pounds of just emotional oppression of just like, yeah, bitterness and resentment and anger and frustration. And you're carrying that and you're like, okay, well, you know what? I'm just going to carry it until this person says I'm sorry. And they're bound to say I'm sorry, right? Do you even know that? I hope so. But do you even know that?

So I don't think that's anything I'm willing to really gamble with. And it's hard. It's challenging because sometimes all you want, all you could need in that moment is for that person to just say, I am so sorry. Like a sincere apology. And you're like, I'd be good if I just got a sincere apology from this person. I'd be fine.

That's all I need. I think what the Lord has even done for me is like, that's not all you need though. That should not be the indicator of whether you are able to forgive the person or not because you are potentially setting yourself up for failure if that person never actually says, I'm sorry. So you go, okay, so then how do I do it? It ties back to what we led with with this episode is you...

have to just rely on the strength of the Holy Spirit. That is the only thing that will relieve you from this emotional hurt is God. Not whatever the person can give you, but what God can give you in that moment. And so it's like the smallest little like mind shift, but you're no longer putting the results of the fate of, you know, forgiveness in your heart on a person's actions and putting it on God. The scripture Matthew 11, 28 reads,

Then Jesus said,

So what you're doing is you're no longer putting like your foundation on people and like what they could give you in that moment and how they're going to react and being like, okay, well, I need them to just say, I'm sorry. We got to kill that because that's like some type of dependence on people, which honestly we're disappointing. You may never get, and I'm sorry, you may never get that. But what Jesus is saying here is he's saying, come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. The

The I'm sorry won't give you rest that that person can give you. But who can give you rest is Jesus. That's what he's saying. He says, come to me. All who are weary and carry heavy burdens, take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I'm

I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls for my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light. So even in that, he's saying, no, no, no, me, me, I will give you the rest that you need.

I will give you the satisfaction and the peace for your soul. Not however that person could apologize or maybe may never. It's me. So you don't need an apology. You don't need an apology to forgive someone. And I actually think that that will also speak volumes to the security that you have in Christ where you're like, I don't even need anyone to say sorry. I just need Jesus to help me.

with this. Like I need him to carry my burden because I don't want to rely on people to give me an, and you, you probably will get, and I'm sorry. And then that's just like a cherry on top of it all. Cause you're like, well, I did receive peace from the Lord anyway, but you know what? I still really appreciate the apology and you could totally still get one. But first before all else has to be go to the Lord for that kind of peace.

Somebody says, Yeah, forgiveness is not being friends with people anymore. First off, don't be friends with your ex. If this is just...

This is Allie chiming in as big sister. What? Don't do that. Don't do that. We're not going to be friends with our exes. We can forgive them. You can even verbalize it and say, hey, I've forgiven you. I wish you all the best. I'm praying for you. Love you. But bye. You know, like that's okay. But bye. We're going to move like that. That person served a purpose in your life for a season. We can appreciate that. We can appreciate the lessons that we learned in that relationship. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you that he allows everything for our good, even if it doesn't

feel that way in the moment, but it's like there's things to be learned and we move on. And sometimes people stay in the past and that's okay. It doesn't mean we're bitter towards them, but they stay in the past. They don't equate. So I'm just here to tell you that forgiving doesn't mean stay friends, if that's the case.

As long as I forgive that person, am I saved? Do you have to tell that person I forgave you? Our salvation is not measured by the way that we forgive each other. You were saved the moment you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior in your life, and you declared him as Lord in your heart, mind, and soul. You are saved by the blood of Jesus. You are saved by the sanctification of Jesus Christ. And so your capability of forgiving others is not the measure of

of your salvation. So that's a fear that I'm just going to rebuke right now in Jesus name. Girl, you're saved. You're saved. Obviously we are still expected to forgive others. I know that that also maybe could be a little confusing because the Lord's like, hey, if you don't forgive others, I won't forgive you. So like, okay, that's very true. The second half of that question though is do I have to tell that person I forgave them?

I think that that's something that you could really discern with Jesus about and be like, okay, Lord, do I need to verbalize this to them? Or is this just something that like, you know, I've forgiven them in my heart. You know that I have peace with it and I bless them and I pray for them genuinely, wholeheartedly. You're like, is it necessary for me to tell them and verbalize?

Sometimes I feel the Lord be like, you need to tell them because it's going to plant seeds for that person. Like if God wants me to speak that forgiveness and truth and love over that person because he wants to do something with that, with that love that you show that person. Like typically I think it's because God just wants to minister to that person through the love and the grace and the mercy that you show them. But sometimes I don't feel that burden and God's like, this is enough.

like you forgiving them in your heart and praying for them, huge. Praying for that person is a big deal. That can move mountains in the spirit. Sometimes that is enough and you don't need to reach out to the person or the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend that burned you 10 years ago and be like, hey, it's been a long time, you know, and I haven't been able to forgive you, but I forgive you now. Maybe it's not always necessary. Maybe you could just be like, hey, Jesus, I bless them and I pray for them and I forgive them. I do. But I would say more times than not, it's probably okay.

really productive to tell the person that you have forgiven them. But my personal advice with that would to just stay discerning with the Lord of what's appropriate versus not. Because also depending on the situation, I don't know how appropriate it is to be in communication with that person, depending on the gravity of the situation. Again, I don't know your situation. Sometimes it's not best to even communicate with that person at that time. Yeah, I don't think that it's

always necessary but I'd like to believe that more times than not it is because I think the Lord can do a lot with that like with you being like I forgive you and I love you God can plant so many seeds in that moment and you have no idea the rippling effect that it could cause in that person's life because of the grace you extended to them you could be the only person that's ever extended that type of grace and forgiveness to them in their life and it probably will never leave them

Like the way that you loved them in that moment and said, you know what, I forgive you. It could minister to them and never leave their mind for the rest of their life. So you never know the power of what God would want to do with you simply acting out in obedience. If he is telling you to verbalize that forgiveness to that person, he could do some really beautiful things with that. So that's my feedback on that. Okay, our last quick question. Why do you think it's difficult to receive it?

Somebody says, like, why do you think it's difficult to receive forgiveness? Oh my gosh, maybe that might actually be an entirely another episode. Okay, well, this is, I'll just share this short little revelation that I've received from God, not specifically about forgiveness, but I think that this could

honestly be under the same umbrella. Whenever it's hard for us to receive something, well, I feel like there's two scenarios with this. It's either it's hard for you to receive forgiveness from others. And I feel like if you're having a hard time receiving something, it could be forgiveness. It could be anything. If you're having a hard time receiving something from someone or people, it's probably because you

haven't allowed yourselves to receive that very thing from God. And so if you're having a hard time receiving forgiveness from others, it's probably because you haven't allowed yourself to receive the forgiveness that God has for you. And that's something that challenges me a lot where like even with just love,

Like sometimes it's hard for me to receive recognition or love from people. And I'm like, wow, I don't know if I've actually been able to allow the Lord to speak into my identity and my life a lot and receive in that way. If you haven't allowed your heart to receive something from the Lord, it's probably hard for you to receive it from people.

Which also is interesting because I feel like if you are not capable of really receiving something well, you're probably not good at giving it. Because how can we give something we haven't personally received? And so another POV I could say, and I'm not saying this about you, but like maybe it's hard for you to receive forgiveness because you're not forgiving.

as the way that the Lord instructs us to forgive. We can't give something we haven't been able to fully receive. So that also would provoke me to ask you a question of like, how easy is it for you to forgive people? And if it's kind of hard, maybe that's the root. It's like, because you haven't been able to really heal in that way to receive forgiveness and be like, I am forgiven by God.

You know, I am forgiven by others. And once you've allowed your heart to open in that, then you can give the very thing that you finally allowed yourself to receive from the Lord. So we'll end on that note. I'll let that cook in some of y'all's hearts. Yeah. Thank you, Jesus. Wow. Thank you, God, for showing up in this episode. Lord, I just love you so much. We're going to pray really quick. I just feel like praying. Jesus.

We love you. Lord, thank you for being literally the smartest person we know ever. You are so wise. It goes beyond something we will ever understand. But God, it is such an honor to learn from you. It is such an honor to know how to just, you just instruct us on how to walk through life and to become better versions of ourselves and to love others better, which is also loving you better, God. And so I just, I thank you for the way that you take care of us. And I just, I just bless you, God.

I bless you and I thank you for this episode. God, I thank you for what you did in the hearts of those who are listening today, Jesus. We honor you. We love you. And we just can't wait to walk out in more forgiveness and love after this episode, Jesus. We love you. We honor you in your mighty name. Amen. Guys, I love you and I'm so proud of you. God is more proud of you, but I'm super proud of you.

And I will see you guys next time. Hey, wait, can we do something cool today? Or at least until the next time we see each other, let's do something cool. Let's show somebody how cool Jesus is. Let's be more forgiving. Let's be more forgiving just as Jesus forgives us. I love y'all. I'm proud of you. I will see you next time. Bye.