Ask, Tell, Confess: Ask, Tell, Confess: Poop Soup & Grave Selfies
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You guys do the intro. I gotta do the intro? Oh, Haley's ready. She cleared her throat and everything. Welcome back to another episode. Yeah. Yeah.

That was good. That was great. That was really good. You set the mood and I just carried it on. You did. It was good. I felt like I was on an episode of Step or the movie Step Brothers. Yeah. I don't know why. That was just very Catalina wine mixer. Boats and hoes. All right, guys. I'm going to kick this one off. If you guys are wondering why we're in the same outfits as last week, it's because we are...

filming back to back because hopefully by this time I will have been out of my egg retrieval. All right. Jennifer wants to know, currently I am sitting with my daughter while she is in labor and will be helping her with delivery. My question is, when it comes to that time for your baby to be born, will you be in the room during the labor and delivery for the birth of your child? Interesting. Some people aren't and some people are. So that's a really good question. Who is not? Well, sometimes the surrogate doesn't let them.

That's crazy. What? Yeah. New fear unlocked. I need to talk to her about that. Oh, you didn't talk to her about that? I think we did. I'm not sure. We've talked about so much shit, but I'll text her after this. I love our surrogate. She's so sweet. She is so sweet. And I can't, I will, I will introduce you guys to her. Maybe after the journey, just because she does have a big social media presence and she's a sweet, sweet girl. She's a surrogate. She's been a surrogate for other people before.

And I'll tell the story about the surrogate too after everything. But of course I would be in the room. I want to be there the minute the baby is literally born.

soul portaled into this universe. - Are you gonna skin the baby? - Oh, of course, for sure. And me and Jay both, for sure. I wanna be there for every-- - Is he gonna cut the umbilical cord or you want to? - Oh God, I'll probably fucking faint. I'm not good with shit like that. I'm gonna make him do it. I can't, I'll be like, "Oh, there's no way." - I just peed the poop today. - And before we do skin to skin, can they wash the little critter off? - No, that's the whole point. - The little critter. - You have to straight out

Slap it on the skin. Don't some mothers eat the placenta? Yeah. Are you rubbing it on your face? Are you going to put a facial? It's not mine. Oh, yeah. So what the fuck benefits am I going to reap from that? It's like stem cell. No. No. If it was coming from my body, yes, I would do that. But I think that's a little cannibalistic to be doing that from somebody else's body. That's fucking weird.

Would you eat my placenta? It's your DNA though. Yeah. Cause it's your baby. I don't know. I need to, I got to ask chat, chat. I have to have a very serious conversation about this. That would technically be your and Jay's DNA. You know, it doesn't belong in your Epic summer plans getting burned by your old wireless bill. While you're planning beach trips, barbecues and three day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

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Just change it. I mean, we're already fucking an episode and a half in. Put it in the episode. Changing the live right now. The blue looks kind of cool too. No. Red.

There we go. There we go. Changing it. There she blows. There you guys go. That's why it's different. But yeah, of course I want to be there. I want to be there when they implant the baby, when they do the embryo transfer, I want to be there for everything. So luckily she lives close by. So it's like just, you know, a half hour. Yeah. And then like, are you going to wait? What was I about to ask? I just had brain fart. Go ahead. Nevermind. Brain derailed. Yeah. Yeah. We were talking about the baby.

Being in the hospital room. I haven't slept in a week, guys. My brain just literally shut off. Why haven't you slept? I don't know what's going on. You're not sleeping? Okay, I've been going to bed at 5.30 every day. I don't get it. I can't sleep. I couldn't sleep last night, and I didn't sleep the night before. I think it's these fucking hormones, but I'm taking double magnesium. It came to me. What was it? It came to me. Is she going to do a hospital birth? Yes. Yeah. Cool.

Cool. We're doing a hospital birth. We already have the hospital picked out. There's so much planning behind baby stuff. It's crazy. But one thing I love about her is she has chonky babies. Her baby she just had was fucking 10 pounds, dude. And he is just...

he was a baby cake like oh he's so cute i wanted chunky baby so bad like give me a chunk give me a big old i skipped the newborn clothes give me a full three month old that you just shit out oh bro i listened to my doctors and they diagnosed me with the big baby syndrome there's a name for it and so i didn't buy any newborn clothes i only bought the zero to threes both my kids came out

i need and we had no clothes for them like jason had to go because i was hospitalized for like a week yeah you had to go buy clothes for both kids how uh how big were you when you were born oh me yeah i was like almost 10 pounds like nine something really i was a big jason and i both jason was recorded longest baby in the history of the hospital jeez 24 and a half inches long damn that's a ginormous canoe

How big were you? Six pounds. I was six pounds, 13 ounces. How long were you? I don't know how long I was. I think I was seven, seven. You were a little baby. That's what the skinniest I ever was, guys. I wish I could get back to that weight. I was smaller than Cash then. If Cash was seven, I was six. I was six pounds, 13 ounces. Both of them were like low sevens by the time they left the hospital. Wow. Yeah, they're little babies.

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Yeah. But of course I'll be there. I'm so excited about it. And we'll, whenever that time comes, if that time comes, cause listen, last week, last week, I didn't think we were having kids because of how fucking horrible it was. And you know what? We still don't know. I can go to my doctor's appointment tomorrow and they can be like, nah, no, we manifest that it's going to happen, but we'll see. We'll see whatever God it's my husband said the coolest thing the other day. Cause I was so stressed out. He said, baby, it's on God's watch.

I love that. Yep. So yeah, we're going to the Bahamas. You guys excited? I'm excited too. But now I'm scared because you know how we've been talking about like going to the Bahamas. Well, you know, my FYP picked that up. Some chick went to the Bahamas, swam with the pigs. Did you see it? I saw a story about that. She held the pig and got like bugs underneath her skin for like years. Yep.

Yeah. I can't. I'll freak out. So are we not swimming with pigs? No. I'd rather not. But that's only one story. In a couple weeks, you can go swim with your own pigs. In the poop pond? Yep. Let them be the first ones in. What do you think those...

Pigs do. I mean, but that's an ocean. It's like salt water and fucking the turds get fucking taken away. Poop pond is going to be poop soup. Like we're fucking crunches. Big asshole. Crunch. Asshole. Like cinnamon rolls. Turns around to me and her and just opens it up. Opening it up. I was like, got to go. Bye bye. No, you don't care. That big cinnamon roll. You don't care.

It's going to have a waterfall and it's going to be like, you know, moving around. But let the pigs be the first things in. Go swim with them. Yeah. I don't know. We'll see. Maybe. I'm not into poop soup. All right. Who's next? Okay. When I worked at the strip club, I used to get paid $1,000 for two shot glasses of breast milk. The sugar daddy was 65 to 75, 70 years old. He always said it kept him from getting sick. Oh,

I don't know. He would pay for a VIP and want me to squirt it in his mouth. Nasty bastard. Just kidding. I didn't think nothing of it back then, but now I kind of feel weird about it. Especially since I'm nursing as we speak. Yeah.

Oh, did anyone ever do that to you? Well, I didn't have breast milk. There's so many fetishes. There's like men who love pregnant women. Even when I did cocktails at the Palms, high rollers that would come in. Have you guys ever seen me walk up to a pregnant belly and say, let me rub it for good luck? I do that anytime I see a pregnant belly. It's because when I...

all the high rollers when I worked at the palms would request when they were making high stakes bets that a pregnant cocktail waitress be waiting on them because it was good luck. Really? I didn't even know that. That's so crazy. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. I love rubbing a pregnant belly. And I know that pregnant people feel, I always ask first, of course, but like, I love pregnant. There's little squishes. I had this crazy video when I was laying down with, I think pregnant with Cash and he took his butt and moved it across my stomach. Damn.

It literally looked like out of like Men in Black. It was the wildest thing ever. And then I've got one of Olivia too, where she just like straight elbows out the side of my stomach. It's insane. It's terrifying. Should we tell the story about Liv on the podcast? Okay, but I won't give names. Okay. And you got to show the picture too. You got to show the picture too. This is who Olivia is, man. She is so funny. This kid is so fucking hilarious. Okay.

Jaime doesn't know the story. This is my first time. Yeah. Okay. So this is no disrespect. This is a very innocent child doing this entire situation. There was a recent burial.

in this like 1800s cemetery up the road from someone I know. And Olivia was very intrigued by this. She is very fascinated of all things like circle of life. And my mom said, I'll take you up there. I don't mind. We can go see. I've hiked up to that cemetery myself too. It's a really beautiful old cemetery, hand-carved gravestones, everything like that. And so there's this freshly-

person up there and Olivia got my mom's phone and she's taking pictures of like the old tombstones and some blurry pictures everything like that so when my mom came back she decided to show my husband these really cool gravestones and all this kind of stuff so she's swiping through and she finds a blurry photo and she goes oh this is when I handed it to Olivia so she swipes a couple more and this photo pops up so

So let me just show you guys this photo while Olivia had my mom's phone.

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It's the tongue for me. It's her kind of thing. It's me going, eh. It's so funny, dude. I feel like whoever's buried there was definitely like smiling with her. I feel like they would have enjoyed this. That's just such an innocent kid. It's so innocent. And it just, my mom and husband broke out laughing so hard and they were like this.

I had no idea this photo existed. But the fact that she decided to take a selfie with this grave just absolutely sent me to so my child. I hope a kid does that to me when I'm buried. You need to blow this up and put it in her room. She's got like a Lainey Wilson shirt on or something like that. She's so innocent. I'd be like this in the background like in my coffin. It reminds me, Haley said it, it reminds me of the little girl who's smiling in front of the burning house. Yeah. That's literally Olivia with like a fresh dug grave. Yeah.

I love it. That's so cute. You know, that reminds me, I am like obsessed with ancestry.com right now. And I have been building my family profile. So every night, it's huge. So every night at like 2 a.m. I get on there and I start fucking fucking around with it. I'm obsessed with it. Me too. I start looking at all my ancestors graves and all that shit. Yeah. I know who came over on the Mayflower. Oh,

That's crazy. Both of our families came over on the Mayflower. I have castles in my family. Really? Yeah. How do you guys get to that level? Oh, you gotta get back there. I'm in like the 16, 1500s. I'm in Wales. Oh, I wait. I think you guys need to teach me because right now I'm kind of like going around and around. Are you new to it though? You have to like search hints.

I mean, I've been, I've had it for like five years that I've just been building. Even if you've had it for five years, building takes time because it has to like cross reference and make sure the hints, make sure you double check them. I do. Okay. Because I don't trust nobody. I got, I got what, first of all, what the fuck is a second cousin twice removed? What the fuck does that mean? Cause I've got a lot of them.

Yeah. It's, I don't understand it. I don't understand. It pisses me off. I'm like, why are you here? We don't, we're not even out of my tree. You were removed for a reason. Yeah. Twice. Like, why are you here? Enough chances. The coolest thing that I found though, is like, you know, you guys know how I'm like obsessed with all things like mystical and ethereal and stuff like that. Um,

My family name that was married to my grandfather and my great grandfather was Spell. And that's why Nova's middle name is Spell because their name was Spell. And I'm like, that's so cool. That was so perfect. It literally is. So my great grandmothers and my grandmothers, their last name was Spell.

So how far back into your descendants did someone immigrate to the United States? I haven't gotten that far. So I've gotten, I finally found my dad's just cause, okay. My whole family is a fucking mystery. Nobody knows anything about either sides of my family. Like I'm having to start from scratch and figure this all out. My fucking self, my dad never talked about his dad.

So I finally found him and who he married and all that stuff. And then I found his dad because they all have the same name. So it's like, yeah, the best thing you can do is census. Yeah. So do census by name. If you don't know anything about

his side of the family and if they do have the same name that's why I say be careful because it happened to me it was like cross-referencing similar names right right yeah no I've caught on to that but yeah it's just been it's really cool to just kind of like dive in and try to learn where I'm from and who my family is stories my dad didn't even know because he was a baby so because of census and like you're talking about my dad didn't know like a lot on a certain side of his family I connected the

the dots with census and found out like when my grandpa took my grandma because they were really young or she was very young he was not and like took her to Southern California away from her whole family like months after my dad was born

So it was just really crazy to connect timelines. I was like, dad, did you know you went down to Bakersfield? He was like, no. And I was like, and this is who you lived with because they did a census and it was like his brothers, that house or something like that. The census is crazy. They'd be like giving out lots of. I've seen newspaper clippings.

And like, it's been crazy. I found my mom had a wedding announcement. My mom's been married a few times. I'm like, damn lady. Yeah. She had a lot. You had no idea? I mean, I knew some of them, but some of them I didn't know. Bill too. There was another chick that he fucking got married to that I didn't know about. I think you and I were looking at that at one point. What is that? I'm like, who's Maria? Yeah.

Does it say when? I'm still trying to figure it out. It should say when. It did. It did. And I mean, it fits a timeline, but I, my dad never talked about it. Never mentioned it. That's crazy. That's so wild. I love, I love deep being deep diving into like families and like finding, find a graves and stuff. Yeah. Those are sick.

If you guys have any ancestry.com recommendations or tips, let us know below. My like 12th or 13th, like great grandfather on my dad's side. He was an astronomer that like basically like

I don't know. He was like proto Copernican. Yeah. Like worked with Copernicus, whatever. Like all that. Like it went back. So he studied the stars. Yeah. He was like an original person. Crazy. I found, I found. I heard my family doesn't have anything cool. He died in like 1587. Oh yeah. That was like 1587. But then I found relatives that died in like shipwrecks. I'm in the 1800s right now.

The what? I'm in the 1800s right now. Oh. Wait till you get farther back. Okay. I have relatives that died in shipwreck. Wow. Like it tells me how they died. That's insane. I found like old family emblems and stuff which I think are really cool. And there's a house. It was actually not too far that's like within the family name and it's some kind of like

like monumental home that they is like now a museum that I could go look at. And it's like a great, great grandfather. That's crazy. That's insane. I, yeah, I just feel like I'm such an orphan. Like I don't like I'm an orphan with parents, but it's like, I know nothing about my family. My family was so secretive on both sides. Well, my mom lied about everything. And then my dad just fucking was a vault of fucking secrets. So it's like,

I'm having to figure out this shit on my own. That's so cool, though. You get to discover your own past. Yeah, I guess. It's cool. I mean, it seems like it's been kind of hard. That would be a really cool show. Yeah. Light bulb just went off. All right, I'm going to hug my cow. I got to go. Okay, bye. Toodaloo, bye.