Ask, Tell, Confess: I Ghosted the Panty Pimp
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I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO Show. We have Meet the D-Fords. We have Popaganda. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Ask, tell, confess.

Hello friends, welcome to Attila Confession. That's a good one. Very subtle. Yeah, very gentle. I have cramps right now, so I didn't feel like giving it my all. I feel that. Yeah.

right i might pop an ovary right now if i fucking push a little too hard so let's not do that yeah how's everybody doing how you doing who you doing alie you have to start telling me what you're gonna wear before you come you should know it's always gonna be camera she does that to me too though she showed up in my house in the same fucking outfit you guys had that same outfit all one day yeah i don't know if you guys can see us right now bitch stole my look yeah we're just heads

Mimi's wearing jeans today though. You want to stand up and show everybody a little... Her butt is smaller than mine now, guys. I don't. It is. Tiny little tookus. No. You got a tiny tookus. Do I? Yeah. You do. Tiny tookus. I like it. That's a porn star name. Tiny tookus. Tiny tookus. I like it. I would click on it. All right. Who's going to pop this off? Wait. Can we talk about... Talk about what? Did you guys see what happened with the pyramids?

No. Like in Egypt? The Egyptian pyramids. I'm only bringing this up because this is coming out next week. This is current event. Did you guys know that they did like sound waves? Because you can do a sound wave and tell what the shape of a building is and stuff like that. Don't tell me it keeps going down. Bro, it's bigger than the pyramid on top.

Wait, repeat that? I couldn't comprehend. They did sound waves on the middle pyramid, like the biggest one. Right. And they found out that it goes underneath the ground further than the size of it on top. There is caverns. Those photos are real. So that just means that there's an underground world under there? Pretty much. So this...

is like in the archaeology. I love like archaeology TikTok. That's like one of my favorite things. And they have found that with these scans, it's basically five tunnels. Can you like hit it real quick? Sorry. Five separate tunnels underneath. What is happening? I've seen those photos where it kind of looks like it's like the Pentagon or not the Pentagon. What is that building in Washington? That's like, you know, I'm talking about.

Top of it's like a pyramid, but then it's just like a straight up and down thing. Washington Monument? I don't know. I'm so bad with Washington Monument. Well, it basically showed that was underground. It almost looked like the

The pyramids were like covered in sand all the way up until the tip. Right. So the top or it could just be underground. But I'm sure the pyramids fucking have some crazy shit. Oh, yeah. Technical difficulties. I would think that if you think about it, like all pyramids have like some mystical shit around them. Like even the Luxor in Vegas is sinking. And that casino has more suicides in it than any other casino. Really?

People literally sinking. It's sinking. Oh yeah. It's literally like this, right? It's like that. It's sinking in Vegas. Like it's unheard of because shit doesn't sink in Vegas. You know, it's like a dry desert, but also on the inside, if you've ever been inside the Luxor, the rooms wrap around the entire casino. So it's open to the casino floor. So people jump to their death in the middle of the casino floor all the time.

Are you kidding me? No. Nope. It's terrifying. They do it. And they don't report it on the news. What? I mean, I know that there's like a, like in Reno too, there's like certain bridges and stuff. They have to be super careful because like people just go out and I mean, I didn't know that was a thing. My thing is, is about bridges. How do you die jumping off a bridge? Like that's a legit question.

Oh, because it's so high. Yeah. So the Golden Gate actually installed suicide prevention nets that catch people because so many people jumped off. There's only one person who survived jumping off the Golden Gate. It's the momentum down. It's like hitting concrete. Whether it's water or not, it's like hitting concrete. Why would people want to die that way? You know, and that's like another thing. That's not instant, right? So you would literally suffer and drown to death.

I think it's instant. I think it would be instant. It's almost just like jumping out a building and hitting the ground.

So it's like your body already shuts down knowing that it's going to hit something. Like the Skyway Bridge in Florida is one of the tallest bridges and they have people try to jump off of that. And the minute you hit that water, your bones shatter. Yes. Well, I've heard of people having heart attacks like before they hit the ground because it's like they know that they're going to die. So it scares them so much that they have a heart attack. Yeah. And just like when you want to go like.

What a morbid fucking conversation. Wow. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Real deep, real quick. Yeah, it's all right. Don't worry about it. Go ahead. Major thing. Yeah. The pyramids have five caverns down and then keeps going with poles all the way down. And they said, like, it's unlike anything they've ever seen before in, like, science.

Crazy. Yeah. I'm intrigued. I want to know what's under there. Are there things? Is there treasures? Are there people? There's bodies mummified for sure. They probably have like rulers who are like mummified. I love that stuff. I would love to go see that. When we do the post-it international tour, are we going anywhere near pyramids? No. Damn it. I don't think so. All I know is we're about to see every goth cathedral that they have to offer.

On that side of the world. I can't wait. I have one of the voicemails. I wonder this one. Kicking it off with a voicemail. Kicking it off with a voicemail, guys. One of our Patreons. This is called Needle Stuck.

Hello. Hello.

drain it myself rather than going to the hospital. So I grabbed a needle and I poked it. And when I poked it, the abscess like sucked in the needle like it was a vortex. Needless to say, it was one o'clock in the morning and I had to go to the emergency room and tell them that I had a needle stuck in my butt cheek.

And they, of course, questioned me and didn't quite understand. And, yeah, long story short, I ended up having to have surgery to remove the needle from my butt cheek because it had moved from my thigh to my butt cheek because, you know, it's a needle in flesh, right? And, yeah, so that's my weird story. I hope you have a great day. Love you both.

Okay, new fucking fear unlocked. I did not know if you got a needle stuck in your skin that it would move. Moves? And look how fast it moved. She literally poked herself at one o'clock in the morning and went to the hospital. And by that time, it went from her side to her thigh. Her thigh to her butt cheek. That's like, like that motherfucker was on the move. That's crazy.

also i don't think i could do that i could never do it myself something like that myself i mean i don't i'm scared i'm a pussy i'm scared of like shit traveling to my brain so there's sawed off your pussy lip that's different that's not a cyst with pus that's my pussy lip you know like if it was pussy then we'd have a problem yeah i'm not okay fun fact just so everyone knows like when you get stuff like that like and you're squeezing and like fucking with it

I didn't know how easy it was to get staff that way. So Jason got, I had this like little tiny pimple on his chest. He scratched it and like, he's a picker. So, you know, he's kind of like popping it, popping it, popping it. It got fucking staff infection and it began to tunnel into his chest. Oh God. Yeah. So now he's got this ginormous scar cause they had to take out the tunneling. Yeah. So it's crazy.

I had no idea. And like, that was even a thing. Oh yeah. No, I've, I've learned that, but I also learned that about teeth too. Like teeth are like connected. Each tooth is connected to a vein that goes like this one was connected to my heart.

So the one that I had pulled out was connected, is connected to my heart, which explains why I always had heart palpitations, why my heart was always in arrhythmia. And since I've had it taken out, everything has calmed down. Like each tooth is connected to something in your body. What? Yeah. Like it's nuts. Didn't know that. Yeah. And if you have an infection, like an infected tooth and they pull it out, it can travel to your brain and kill you, the infection.

Yeah, that's why tooth infections are so scary. Some can travel to your heart and cause endocarditis. Yeah, it's wild. Is that why people get migraines a lot? Because it could actually be their teeth. Yes. Teeth affect people's health so much that they don't even realize it. It's insanity. Wow. You never knew. Go to the dentist. Well, I shall go next. Hold on. Let me get the bifocals on. Here we go.

I've got three good ones. Show off. Which one should I do? Okay. Confession from Rindy.

Hmm.

But being the good girl I am, I got a sexy pair of panties, wore them real good, if you know what I mean, and met a stranger in the parking lot to sell my undies. He gave me $100 and off I went. Round two came and I knew I'd be getting $100 but would also have to pay up. I made the transaction pocketing another $100 and ghosted the bastard who thought I was going to give him head.

As you should have. As you should. Yeah, as you should have. That dude was trying to pimp you out. And then cut out the middleman. Yeah, literally. Like that dude got what he deserved. Absolutely. I used to sell my panties. Really?

Yeah. Why am I not surprised? I'm not. I didn't talk to me. I used to sell my panties, but here's the shtick. Okay. Cause you guys know I'm a hustler, but you guys also know that I'm very weird about giving my DNA away. Oh my gosh. I would never let somebody have my DNA so that they could create some fucking hex or spell on me. And then fucking I'm fucked up. Shit's Creek without a paddle. So, um,

They used to have this like fake cum that you could buy like and make it look like you're squirting. And it really is just fake cum. So I would literally take the panties, brand new panties, and just pour the fake cum all in it and wad them all up like that and then vacuum seal them and sell them. So smart. Yeah. Wow. Literally. Sorry, guys, if you own a pair of my worn panties, but they were never worn. Yeah.

But I mean, that's part of the hustle, dude. And I just gave away free game that I probably should not have done. But there's never another. But you know what? There are girls who really wear them. And there's a lot of girls who give them, you know, like Lydia. She sells panties all the time. She does. I've never understood the appeal. And there's like guys who like want you to fart in them and then like vacuum seal.

So that when they open it up. Yeah. Some girls sell farts in jars. Yeah. Some girl did sell farts in jars. Yeah. I don't know if I can tell this story. So Jason cut this out. If you don't want this in there, Jason, you better not. You little bitch is about someone. Jason knew. No, we just recently found out this story and I already always got the best shit, bro. I, I kind of want to call him and have him tell the story. Do it. But I did the Tasha last week. All right.

He came home so excited to tell me like a little fucking girl. Hey, walk away from the kids real quick. I want you to tell a story. You're on air. I'm not with the kids. Where are our children? In Cash's room. I'm in the office working. Okay, cool. Tell them the story about your friend who was having that affair with that girl, the cashier. I'm not saying his name. No, no.

Homeboy is pretty vanilla. I'm talking like wafer vanilla. Okay. And I guess him and his cashier started chatting and he would have her bring dirty underwear to work so he can smell them. He can sniff them at work.

If I'm at work, and then they would sneak over to a near-business parking lot, and when they had sex, he would make her tell him how their wedding night was. So she was married, and they're having an affair, and he would want to know about the husband and their wedding night. It's always the fucking square ones. And I'm telling you, he's not joking when I say this dude was like white...

He looks like a fucking sad puppy that you walk by at the pound that wants to be adopted. But that, you know, that's par for the course because super square dudes always have really weird fetishes, which that's not even that bad. I didn't think it was that bad. Did you? Oh, he's sniffing underwear. It's pretty weird, but. Okay, I love you. I sniff my own panties sometimes. No, like the guy who said it was like one of those like.

situations like creepy thin man from yes and then okay to continue the story husband finds out husband comes to the dude's work and confronts him as he's working and like comes in at night and is screaming through the store where the fuck is he and like yeah it was a big and like and dude got fired cashier got fired like

It was a big deal. Yep. It was pretty bad. Sounds like a white trash love story. I mean, yeah. I like it. I just watched an Instagram reel of this girl putting an empty sushi container and saying, I just ate all this sushi. And the guy on the computer is like,

oh yeah how did that take like getting off to her it'll be a hair clip she'll be like I just used this in my hair and he like oh yes yeah clip it no that's how people are when I used to do webcam there were it was weird fetishes man weird weird weird fetishes like people have strange things that they are into

It could be the simplest thing, like fucking brushing your hair. Some guys like to watch girls just get undressed and you not know that they're there. Like some people, I used to have this guy who wanted me to act like I was dead. Yeah. No, it's really weird. Yeah.

Yep. What? Some dude wanted me to hang myself on the back of my door. Didn't you have a chloroform guy one time? Yep. Had a chloroform guy. Yeah. Like there's a, there's a lot of really different fetishes out there. They wanted like you to act like you had chloroform and like pass out. So that's like the start of a serial killer. Oh, for sure. If they aren't already. Yeah. Yeah. They probably got people in their basement. Yeah. For sure. I like that. All right, guys, I got to, um,

I got one for you. It's called the air dump dilemma. Shit. Like always. Here we go. Okay. This is from Christina. She said, my story is about when my abusive ex and I were about to have the hottest sex. Cause as you know, when there's usually abuse, the only time we can truly feel connection is during sex time. Yep. So any who I'm going down on her and can tell she's about to, you know, I'm going all in at this point. Cause once I hear you're about to explode, it gets me.

almost there because it gets me okay whoa i've got a lot of detail in here i was like well i must uh really put it on shorty because she took an air dump is this a girl or a guy girl like this okay girl on girl okay and uh she took an air dump right in my face when i was mid tongue emoji

Why didn't she stop it? I couldn't. I couldn't keep going. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to keep going. Did she not know the turd flew out was the question.

If you have spicy food, you can know that that was warm. You can smell it. You can smell it. I cannot handle that. Smelling like a crab apple. Not a...

You know what a crab apple smells like? No. It just sounded good. Crab and apple together. Crab and apple together? I can't with you. I hear it. You smell it, right? That was a great one. It was a good one. Okay, wait. I'm next. I'm very detailed. You already had a story that you just told. Oh, yeah, I did. Why are you freaking cutting in front of me? Hold on. Let me get my bifocals on. She's got three, remember? No, we're not doing three. I'm doing two. Oh, okay.

Hold on. She said, I want to go home. This is a lot for me today. You know what? It has been a really big day. Three days after your surgery? Yeah. We've already done business lunches, multiple recordings. Like, it's crazy. This one is from Emmy Bear. Tell. I'm telling this story on my husband's behalf.

So back in the day, before we were adults and found recovery, my husband was married to the town tramp. He had recently caught her cheating on him, so they split up. A couple days go on, and they run into each other at a party. Needless to say, they ended up hooking up that night. But he didn't fuck her with his dick. He fucked her with a wiffle ball bat.

Yep, it was consensual. I've always found the story hilarious, especially the way my husband tells it. He is very much an alpha and is huge on loyalty. So I'm sure he gave her the business with that wiffle ball bat. He literally would die if he hears this while I'm watching Patreon. I did it like this. I did it like that. I did it with a wiffle ball bat. Beastie Boys? Yes. You always got a song for something. She does. She's always got a little tune. Listen, first of all,

- Wiffle ball bats are pretty thick. - Yeah. - My mind, literally, I was just playing with one in the backyard. - Can we pull up a wiffle ball bat? I need to see the circumference of this wiffle ball bat. - There's some they make that are like this big around. - I just wanna know whose pussy hole is that big, dude. - It wasn't a new one. Did you play a game of wiffle ball before? - Who cares if it was new or used? - I mean. - I just need to see how big this thing is before it goes in the pussy hole. Like how do some of these women get things in there? - Hey, graphic cone.

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Oh, I remember that. Remember the Hoarlympics though? The fucking ones that they were sitting on? Oh, that like freaking tentacles. It was crazy. I miss the Hoarlympics. I wish we could bring it back. That was a good time. Are we not allowed to do Hoarlympics anymore? We are not. Okay. Why? Do we just do it privately for us? Yeah. Can we say we're going to air it and we don't? Anyways, how do you guys feel about the wiffle ball bat? I was playing with a wiffle ball bat the other day, so...

I mean, I guess it depends. Oh, wait. Why is it so long? It's long in the tooth. That's girthy. Because that is not the one we were playing with the other day. That is still round as fuck to be shoving in your vagina. What was he fucking just standing above her, like shoving it in like an oar? Like what the hell, dude? I mean, that's a big thing. I can understand like, I don't know, end of a water bottle, but like a whole ass. You can understand the water bottle?

I mean, that small, yes, I meant. Like, you meant a Waffle Bell bat? Like, that's like this big. Sometimes they get like this big around. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. There's some skinny ones. I think he was better off leaving her as an ex.

I mean, she was the town tramp. What was wrong with his dick? The size, I guess, didn't matter if she was the town tramp. I thought that wasn't cheating if he did it with a wiffle ball bat. He wasn't cheating. Oh, no, this was back in the day. She was cheating. Yeah, she was cheating on him. And so he fucked her with a wiffle ball bat to get back at her. And she let him. I don't know. We're not judging her. Big props to him for being able to do it. I mean, yeah. I'm still trying to figure out how she fit it in her hootenanny.

Wild. I mean, if it was skinny, like if it was one of those ones like we just pulled up though. That's still pretty round. Even that much, that's round. How are you fitting that in there? Lots of lube. Go ahead, Mimi. Go. I cannot with you.

Silicone or water? What kind of lube? I'm going to say silicone. Silicone lube is my favorite. I hate water lube. I don't like it. It gets sticky and crusty. I don't like it. Silicone lube is like just smooth all the time. You could even use it in water. So Alyssa. I've tried it. Alyssa. Back in the day when I had a sex life. The more you know.

Alyssa says, hello, you've said my name three times. Sorry.

After having my second son, I chose to get a birth control because they refused to tie my tubes. Saying I was too young at 28. After being on the pill before, I chose the ring. Well, one night after a hot and heavy session, something felt different. When he pulled out, we were finished. Well, needless to say, we have a new inside joke on the age-old game ring toss.

My ring somehow managed in all the positions we were in, make its way out and onto his penis. He laid there laughing, threw it away and joked about not having another ring. Toss turned in to a third son, 18 months younger than my second. Oh no. I love the show. I've been watching since day one. Enjoyed a good laugh. Thank you, Alyssa. I love that. That was,

There's so many different ways of birth control that I don't feel like are that accurate. Like the old school sponge. I love this. I love the makeup trick. Remember when I thought she was talking about an actual like square sponge? Yeah. But it's the round ones. Well, no, like there used to be a birth control called the sponge. Oh, no. What is that? Yeah, that's how my mom is here. So my grandma, that's why my mom and her brother are 19 years apart. She was using the sponge method.

And it was like a birth control option back in the day. It's a sponge, right? It's essentially like a sponge. Yes. And it's supposed to like, make sure you don't get pregnant. And here came my mom. Yeah. No, they have so many, but that ring dude. Fuck. I wonder if it hurt on his wiener. That's what I was like. Did it cut off circulation? Like how big is it? It got stuck on him. Oh God. Oh man. That happened to somebody I went to school with. Yeah. Cause the rings are like that big. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you put them in yourself? No. I've never done these. I never have either, but I think you have to have them put in. I think you have to, yeah. And sometimes you have to like have like, to have them removed is like a thing. I know that the little like umbrella looking ones. That's scary. Like the fish hooks, those scare me. Is that what it's called? Or is that a bomb? It's IUD, yeah. All that shit scares the hell out of me. DUI. It's IUD. I don't know. What is it? IUD. Isn't that a bomb?

No. They do IUDs and IVF too. Because it's like a thing that goes up in you and it's cool kind of. Yeah. I saw a girl tape hers to her wall before. That's crazy. That was on TikTok. People are funny. I know. What great decoration. I know. It's IUD. You guys, we done? Mm-hmm. All right. All right. And on that note, we're out of here. Love you guys. Bye. Bye.