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I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO Show. We have Meet the D-Fords. We have Popaganda. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Ask, tell, confide.
Welcome back to another episode of AskTale on F. I like when it fades off into the distance. It's very comforting for me. Hello guys. Hey. How's everybody doing today? Good.
Can't complain. Can't complain. All right. Who wants to kick it off? I got it. Please zoom in on her as she did that. Please. I don't know what I just did. I got one. This is a towel in the IHOP parking lot. That already sounds like a good time. Yeah. Love a good IHOP. Backstory. I was 18 at the time. It was still summertime. School had already started. I was 18.
Um, I recently started my freshman year of college going through my ho phase trying to get over my recent breakup. My best friend was with the brother of the situation ship. So best friend, the dad of the boys, their little brother, uh,
who was 10, and the dad's girlfriend and I all load up and go to the nearest IHOP. I'm Snapchatting the snap hoes, as one does. One of them snaps me back and tells me to meet him outside to talk. One thing led to another, and we ended up in the very back of this dude's mom's SUV. Mid-sweat sesh, the little brother, who's 10, comes out and opens the damn car door. Uh...
She said, I scream, he screams, probably scared for, scarred for his life. And the next thing we know, it's a show for everyone.
And full ass in the 10-year-old's face. Oh, no. Mm-hmm. You just traumatized that kid, bro. Yeah, he's never going to forget that. In the parking lot? In the parking lot. Never is going to forget that. Yeah, we get dressed, and then dad starts a normal ass convo with the kid. I was just banging in the back seat, and I exposed a small child to things he shouldn't have seen at that age. That's something you should have thought about before fucking in the parking lot. Ooh.
Not saying that I haven't fucking parking laws. Cause Lord knows I love to, I like a good parking lot. I like to make sure that no kids are around, you know? Yeah. I mean, maybe just nights or like, you know, back into a corner, huh? Mid bite. You're like, hold on guys. I just got to run to the car. I mean, listen, maybe they're passionate. I'm fucking all for it. Yeah. I'm totally all for it. What time of the day was it at? You think? Yeah. Did they say breakfast? I don't know. Was it brunch? I have to be honest. Day pancake has never made me that horny. Oh,
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'd have to finish my chocolate chip pancakes first. I will put the fucking pancake on my butthole if you want to eat it off. All right? I will slap some flapjacks on my titties. I love food getting eaten off of you is the fucking most erotic feeling. I've never had that happen. Really? You guys got to do it. Do it for Jason. Do a little whipped cream bikini for him. No. Why? Whipped cream bikini?
Wait, I want to know why you said no so fast. Because I really feel like that is the difference in plus size people and skinny people. This is like booths and tables at a restaurant right now. You just don't understand the difference. Why? It'd be a tanking. Why can't you just put little triangles on you? How many fucking whipped cream
I need the whole gallon container. Listen, dude. All you gotta do is put triangles over your nipples and a triangle over your pussy. You don't gotta fucking paint your whole body with it, crazies. No, I'd be in a full-on one piece. Like a swim dress. It's like you're covered in shaving cream. Just fucking... I can't. I'm gonna pass. Please do... Listen, Jason, I would like for Mimi's birthday, I would like her to do a...
whipped cream bikini before she leaves. So we need to get this in motion in the next 24 hours, please. Oh my God. If you see an Instacart order of just like five cans of whipped cream. I'm sending it over. I'm sending it over. Fucking cool whip on the titties. Whatever we gotta do. My kids are gonna answer the door and be like, Mom, why is there so much fucking whipped cream? Cash is gonna be huffing the fucking cans. I walked into Olivia the other day. I was like, baby, you can't just...
Raw dog on the fucking little whippets. I thought, I think she did a whip it the other day because she's upright with it. And I was like,
upside down and she was like why I said you're probably gonna feel really good here in about a second as fuck don't fucking do that yeah no oh my god you guys oh god yep I'm sending over the whipped cream tonight with cherries please do it for me a little chocolate syrup just a little just a little like make a little sundae on yourself it'll be cute sprinkle it'll be cute and let Jason eat it all for you look like pubes oh my god
You're disgusting. Okay, now we're taking it too far. All right, what do you got memes? I hate you. How do we get off on that tangent? Because that's just what we do. This is like how we talk when the mics are off. Everyone feels like they call this the group chat. Yeah. Literally, they tell everyone, if you want to become part of the group chat, go listen to Ask Talk Confess. Yes.
Oh, wow. I don't know. Let me just go into this then. Just going off of that. Oh, Zempik shits during sex. I almost read that one. Oh, yeah.
If you know anything about being on a GLP-1, it's that if you eat too much greasy food or too sugary of foods, your digestive system will hate you. And I have had to learn that the hard way. You have to really watch what you eat. And apparently this person did not. They would like to keep anonymous. So this only happened as of last night. And she's telling it while it's fresh in her mind.
They had a late dinner, so she just threw together some tacos. And as most of you guys know, shot and greasy foods or spicy foods don't mix. Usually I get the tummy rumbles as a warning to get to the bathroom. When Ozympic shots strike, especially since I normally only go once a week. That's not normal.
That you only poop once a week? Hold on. She goes to the bathroom once a week? That's crazy. Yeah. That's not normal. All right. So... She's not lying, though, because remember how much I was shitting on those fucking shots? Yes. She goes to the bed, and we're doing our thing, and I'm on top. I reach back and fondle his balls. They were super wet. Cool. I just got off a lot of this man-making... I got off...
This man making me come like a waterfall. So I think it's just me. Then my hands are on his chest for leverage as I'm writing. He's got his hand around my throat and I'm grabbing this. It got really hot. All right. This is crazy. And I'm grabbing his arm. So we're touching all over. He gets off. We are laying there for a second. He says, babe, I think you're bleeding.
I'm like, fuck, it's not time for my period. Then he says, I think this is poop. I instantly start to freak out. How could you not smell it? That's what I'm saying. You guys literally rubbed these juices all over you thinking they're cum and it's really poop.
We've been together two years and this man knows my body, but I'm weird about using the bathroom in front of people. And I just smeared shit all over this man's chest, arms, and sheets. I'm in tears. He's trying to make me feel better and crack jokes. I just fucked the shit out of you. But that didn't help. I yelled at him to get into the shower while I cleaned up the shits and cried of embarrassment. I showered and we went to bed and he held me like nothing happened, made all the comments this morning about how sexy I am, but I am still mortified. Yeah.
It must have been some runny shit, dude. I don't know how it didn't smell, though. You instantly smell poop. When poop doesn't hit water and it's in the air, it's a different fucking smell, man. Literally. I had to shit in a french fry basket one time and it is rough. What the fuck? Yeah. When you have to do like those the poop tests that you have to do for doctors. No. They give you a french fry basket and you have to shit in it and catch your fucking logs in it. Bro, when I tell you it is the most humbling experience you'll ever go through.
- It sucks. - I made his face over there when you said it, he was like, yeah, it was like my dog. - This is different when it doesn't hit water boy, it's mail. - Wow. That's kind of how I feel like when we have to poop in bags on the tour busses. - Yeah. - You're humbled by how heavy that bag is. - I get excited. I start weighing my turds. - She makes everyone hold it. - Yeah. - She's like, feel this one, feel this one.
And we have, I'll be honest, to get really close when you're in those kind of quarters. I am proud of the weight that I lose when I do one of those. It reminds me of, it's like when guys hold fishes in their profile pictures, that's Bunny with her poop bags. Yeah. We should start taking pictures. You do not realize how heavy a log is until you shit three of them in a bag and have to pick it up. You're like, damn, that was just inside of me. I hope I lost some weight with that. Yeah. Like for real.
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My turn. We ready? She said, all right. All right. Leah said, which I thought this is actually a really cool question and we could definitely give her some advice. She said for this week's Ask Talk and Fish, nothing to do with buttholes or poop. It's all right. Don't worry about it. Mimi already covered it. My boyfriend and I close on our first home May 8th. Congratulations. So exciting.
financially on the struggle bus. So our moms want to throw us a housewarming party. What are some things we should ask for that's necessary? I hate asking for things, so I don't want to be unreasonable. Also, any advice for the first time home buyer or for two 23 year olds starting out in the real world? Oh my gosh.
I have so many good ideas. I know Mimi's really good with this stuff. As far as like housewarming stuff, I would make an Amazon list because everything on Amazon is so cheap, but like great quality and do like everything like kitchen cookware, microwaves, toasters. I was going to say can opener.
Can opener. Absolutely a can opener. You can't live without every day. Literally. Toilet paper. Go through your everyday. This is what I tell everyone because I've actually been asked this question before. Go through your everyday life and write down everything you use. Yeah.
It's crazy what you don't think of can openers. Yeah. Cleaning stuff. You would not believe how many cleaning things I'd have to go. Like just, I would go to like grab it. Cause it wasn't in my thought. I thought, you know, all the other necessities. And then I would go to find like a scrub brush and I'm like, I don't even,
I don't even think I bought a scrub brush for this house or like, you know, I'm a fatty whore. Let me tell you right now, I've got four unopened packs. It's the best page ever. Their PR team is the most incredible. Their content creation is beautiful. I don't even know what it is. Are you kidding me? But like the cleaning baskets, like I love to give people as a gifts.
baskets that you can put underneath like um sinks and stuff just full of cleaning supplies you can i love like all kinds of laundry baskets yeah laundry baskets hangers i always need hangers good hangers always need hangers trash bags like you don't think about how many paper towels you go through ask people for necessities because the other stuff can come in time furniture pieces side tables all that will come in time get your necessities out of the way
Jay and I literally had to sleep on an air mattress the first couple of weeks in our apartment. You know, like that's what made the struggle is what makes it so much fun. And then you look back on it after like 10 years and you're like, bro, remember when we couldn't even fucking buy a wooden spoon? Remember when we couldn't buy a toaster? Like the struggle is part of life. And I think that a lot of people think that, oh, you know, because we have social media now. So you got, you know, 23 year olds who are literally, you know,
First of all, 23 years old, buying your first house, that's fucking phenomenal. That's amazing.
in this economy right now. You guys are already ahead of the game because at 23, I wasn't buying a house. There's no fucking way I could have afforded it and my credit was shot. Oh, wait, I bought mine. The fact, huh? I was like, I bought mine at 22. Yeah, at 22? Yeah. We built our first house. Well, good for you, bitch. Yeah. But anyways, I think that's great. I think also just being able to like live in the moment.
Yes. It's so important to live in the moment. It's just, don't stress about what you guys don't have because it's all going to come. I love that you said air mattress. Jason and I's first couch when we moved to Tennessee was a half deflated mattress.
air mattress that we folded in half and pushed up against the wall because we couldn't afford furniture. I love that. I know. I was like, dude, we're going to make do. So we're going to put our mattress on the floor in the bedroom and we're going to deflate the air mattress and fold it in half. And it made a couch. Yeah. You've always been so good like that though. And like responsible. So even if you guys slept on a fucking air mattress, you just said you still owned a house at fucking 22 years old. Oh yeah. That's amazing. I didn't believe in renting. So when I met Jason, um,
his credit score and I'm sorry to throw you out there like this Jason he had no credit score mine was terrible and so my job was like as a wife to be like that's not like we're gonna fix this but a lot of people at your age are not thinking like that yeah they're thinking about going to their next party especially in Vegas too we're not thinking about anything like yeah I did a lot of like phone calls to credit agencies and
all that kind of stuff, wiped all his medical debt. Nobody's doing that. I did. I started doing that when I got with Jay and I was like fucking 38. Yeah. No, I remember you and I talking like when we first met, we would like go over credit stuff. Cause like you were all about like paying your bills down to zero. Cause you thought that was the idea of, I was like, no, you need to keep 10% cause your credit grows that way. Like you have to have a 10%.
usage within your credit so that now you guys know why I let Mimi handle everything in the business because she's so like yesterday she's handling like deals for me and I'm just listening and she's like so what do you think I'm like what the fuck did I just listen to I'm like I don't care I just want the money like what else I'm such a analytic person kind of crazy that's my obsession you know you're a numbers person yeah and I'm an analytics person so patterns for me I have so
so I obsess over patterns too. Yeah. But it just depends on what it is. You're a number pattern person, like an algorithm. I can figure that out in a fucking heartbeat. You know that like your numbers will increase with the said movement versus I'm like, I'm like a past person. Cause I can't do numbers. I'm just number dyslexic. Yeah. So I can't do number. I, me and you are literally yin and yang with pattern recognition. Yeah. Oh, I didn't even
It's so cool. You are really good at creation, bro. You are, you're not, you're very, very, very smart when it comes to if you were ever to be like an architect.
Because you. That's weird. That's what I used to want to be when I was younger. See, because you know. My grandpa said there was no money in it. No, you know the beauty. Oh my gosh. I thought there was so much money in architecture. So much money in that. Well, I think he was thinking back home. That's true. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In Chicago or where are you guys at? Southern Illinois. Southern Illinois. Yeah.
That's crazy. I know because that's like where you find a beauty in the structure. All right. So who's next? Okay. I have a short kind of funny one. I like this one. Okay. I like it. It's my humor. Great. Is it dicks and buttholes? No. Okay.
What's a pizza pop? Oh.
It's so funny to me. She said, I went to the freezer, took out the box, went outside and threw them at him. Game over. I just love that one. I still want to know what a fucking pizza pop is. Giving it a goog. God, that was so funny. What's a pizza pop? I've never heard of a pizza. Is it like a... Oh, they're like pizza rolls. Where are they from that they call them pizza pops? They're like...
Like empanadas. Empanadas. Never mind. Why did he not just go buy another box? I don't know, but I think that's funny. That is fucking hilarious. That's something I would do. That's such a good, I don't know why, but it was like such a Napoleon Dynamite moment. Yeah, literally. God, it's so funny. All right, guys. Love you so much and we will see you guys next week. Bye. Bye-bye.