Ask, Tell, Confess: Tray Table Toes
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Hey guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO show. We have Meet the D-Fords. We have Popaganda. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up.

Ask, tell, confess. Ask, tell, confess. Ask, tell, confess. Ask, tell, confess.

You guys kick it off today. I did one that was smashing last one. Okay. Welcome back to another episode of AskTale Confair. Chachi is so unamused. He said, hello, guys. We're back. Same outfit, different outfit.

subject matter. We're just in here banging out content for the end of the year, getting ready for this New Year's Eve bash, baby. You've already done it by now. Well, we've already done the New Year's Eve bash by now, and it was spectacular. I'm just going to manifest it, and it's going to be awesome. And I introduced my husband with Bert Kreischer. It was really cool. Yay, Bert. I got to interview a bunch of hot celebs. I

I didn't expect him to be the one who's hosting with you. I love Bert. Bert, I think that's great. What a slot, dude. I love it. I think we'll play off of each other. You and Bert together. It's going to be funny. So funny. I can't wait till we sit down and have a podcast with Bert. Bertie boy. Bertie boy. I want him to shirtless the whole podcast. I want him in a Speedo.

Oh, done. Just letting his man meet hang out. I bet he would. He would totally do it. I want him to change into it on camera. Just rip away pants. Yeah. Before it starts. Yep. And I just want him to sit there with his little legs crossed and just hang out. Love Bert. We're manifesting this for 2025. Actually, we're going to tell you about this clip when we see you on New Year's Eve. Yeah. We're going to just show it to you.

All right. Who wants to kick it off? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I do. Always do. I know. This one. Who said that so hatefully? Who said that?

Because I'm jealous. You always kick it off and I'm like, I know. I get good ones. I get deep in there. I know you have a good one when you're like, I'll kick it off. Yeah. She always offers her services. This is like my worst nightmare. So I know no worse, but it's up there with like some of the worst. She was on a flight from Dubai and she had a window seat.

The middle was empty. The aisle was occupied. So imagine this. Got it. She's window. I'm on the plane right now. I'm already on it. Middle and there. She fell asleep and woke up with her tray table down and the man who's sitting on the aisle seat has his feet on her tray table. No.

She said the two Aussies behind were just laughing their heads up. When she woke up to go pee and came back, he tried to do it again. So she's awake at this point. Bare feet. Oh, hell no. On this woman's tray table. Who has the fucking audacity to do that? Audacity. He did. Audacity was handed out freely that day. And imagine she fell asleep with the tray table up.

So he had to have reached over. What was it? And just, what? Yeah. Who does that? Yeah. Excuse me. I'm just gonna. And how hard was she sleeping, dude? Yeah. He could have grabbed a titty on the way back to his seat, you know? Never thought about that. You know? We'll take it with him. Bro. I don't know.

I can feel when something's close to my face when I'm asleep. It's fucking rude. And she was way too nice about it. I had to woke up and be like, motherfucker, get your stank ass, crooked ass toenails off my fucking lap right now. Your feet is crazy. No, that's nuts. That's nuts. You know, what if he had like a foot fetish and he's just taking pictures of her asleep with his feet next to her? What if he put his toe in her mouth? Hmm.

Totally. You're falling asleep with your mouth. If a dude can, I'm sorry, but I'm such a light sleeper. There's no way you're opening my tray in front of me and I'm not feeling that it comes down to your lap. Yeah. It's right there. I mean, this is also like international flying. So like, you know, it could have been like one of the larger like ones, but still like that's a like commotion in front of you. Yeah. No. Yeah. Well don't fall asleep that deeply on a plane. Awful. Fuck that.

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Unless you're surrounded by people that love you. Yeah, we do. I'm going to take this in a different direction. Okay. All right. So this one, they had to keep in the messages. So we're going to keep it a non. Last week, I spent three days playing detective because my son in college decided to invite some chick over that he matched with on Tinder. Needless to say, he woke up the next morning and found his car parked

phone and Nike Dunks were stolen and she was gone. He had to call me four hours away and tell me this. So mama got to work. I found the phone in a phone ATM in Walmart an hour away. And the next day I got a call from a police officer on the side of the highway in Arkansas with this chick at gunpoint. Asking if the car was still stolen and asking me what the story was. Asked me for a description and the only thing I had for sure was the damn Nike Dunks description. The bitch was wearing them.

Son also told me she was- How big were her feet? How small were his feet? I have questions. Either way. Son also told me she was talking in an Australian accent all night, so I told the cop that and he laughed. What? Listen, man. Bitches be tripping.

What a good scheme though. You get literally invited into some, like that person invites you into their home. If you're like a criminal, that's why you're going to steal a car though. That's like, come on right there while he's asleep. I know, but it's fucking registered to somebody else. How far do you think you're doing that? Yeah. How do you, do you think like a tweaker's dream?

Yeah, they had to have been on drugs, right? That's a drug thing. And she's talking in a fake Australian accent? Yeah, she's on her Britney Spears right now. Damn. British. British. Damn, that sucks. Yeah, that's rough. Has anyone ever stole something from you that you've invited in your house? Who? Yes, actually. A guy I was talking to, um...

For sure stole stuff. He was like an ex football player, not like high end, you know, whatever. And I like went to the bathroom and I come back and I like he's like going through all my drawers in the kitchen. Like I literally caught him like going through all my drawers. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, I'd like to see what people have. And he was like, I'm just nosy, whatever. I didn't think of anything of it.

And then, um, like he even went through my, he even opened my closets upstairs. I was like, can you fucking stop? Cause I'm the type of person I'm cleaning up 10 minutes before you come over. So everything's in my closet. Yeah. It was all in my closet. I was like, can we not open my closet? That would have weirded me out so bad. I would have been like, you need to leave. It's almost like he's casing the joint. It wasn't like the first time I had hung out with him or met him either. So like, I didn't think it was weird. It was the first time he was over at my house and

And then everything was fine, whatever. And then I had noticed, I know I had a hundred dollar bill in my purse. And for the longest time I could never find it. And then I go on Scoop Nashville, which RIP, but I go on Scoop Nashville one day. I can't believe that dude died. Can't either. Crazy. And I'm just, this was like maybe like a year later. I'm just scrolling to see if I know anyone. I see a picture of him.

And he is in there on theft from stealing over $500 from a woman. Those karma came to him. And I forgot he asked me to like send him something to like an address on Amazon. So I still have like his address on file and he never paid me back for it. It was like football stuff and he never paid me back for it. But it's okay. Karma got him.

God, man, these dudes, these females, this is it's wild. It's like the wild, wild west out there. We say this all the time. We would never be able to date in this era. I guess it's awful. I would be the one stealing Nike dunks and cars. I mean, speaking in a fake accident. Yeah, literally. I would totally do it. Robin Hood. Totally do it in a heartbeat. All right. This one is from Channing. I like that name. Mm hmm.

No.

Am I the only one that doesn't find anything wrong with that? Just fucking sanitize the fucking shit out of it. If they owned it, that was hot. They were probably playing like chef and waitress. As long as he wasn't busting in like the mayonnaise jar or something. Yeah, as long as it wasn't something like that. But I mean, wipe the fucking counter off. It's cheeks, you know? Would you rather a roach or some butthole juice? I don't know. I eat at Waffle House, so I don't know why I'm being judgmental. Yeah. Butthole juice or a roach? Which one is it? We filmed a TikTok and... Which one would you choose? Oh, you're getting off buttholes.

I'm talking about. Cheeks or roaches. Listen, cheeks or roaches. I don't know. What would you pick? Cheeks all day because you could just get 409 and spray the countertop off. Roaches, man. Eggs, legs, and fucking wings. No.

No. Yes, but what if the butthole juice has like a disease? Like what if he's got something? You're going to sanitize before you cook. Are they not cleaning the stove or fucking the ledge? Oh, it's going to be clean. They weren't fucking on the actual fryer. You know, she's probably bent over like on a fucking countertop. A chop table or something like that. Hot. Somebody bang me in the back of a fucking restaurant. I'm ready. I'll leave my panties there. It'll be like a scavenger hunt. You guys can go find them. We filmed our Waffle House video the other day.

we went behind the counter to film and the lady goes, hold on, let me sweep up real fast. And we said, no, no, it's the aesthetic. I swear. Dude, that made it in the news, the waffle thing. I got scared because I had never known

That there was a big Waffle House thing on TikTok. Did you guys know about it? What Waffle House thing? There was a girl who filmed for Lotto for her song Brokey. She filmed it. Didn't even do anything bad. The fucking video was cute. It was a trend. Yes. Waffle House fired her over that. So I need to know if these...

are still hired at Waffle House because if I got you in trouble, I'm so sorry. I'll hit him up on their cash app transition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll find out. Jay went in right after us a couple hours and he also, like, you guys didn't film or anything. We didn't film. I told him we should. We should stitch your video, but he's like, oh, that's funny. And then we just left. Yeah, no, he's not going to.

Jay is so off the internet right now. He does not even care. Literally. He's living his best life. He threw his phone off the bridge. No, no. Different night. No, it was after his birthday. No, he's Jay is like, I don't know if my husband's going to ever get another phone again at this point. He's so happy with his old flip phone. He is like in his own little world. Doesn't care. I tell him, I tell him like, I'll give him a rundown of like what's going on online just so he knows. And he's just like, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't fucking matter. He's like, he's like, I know who I am. You know who you are. And he's like,

That's so good. What a good statement. No, he's great. I like it. I think he's the strongest mentally and physically that he's been in a really long time. True. His transformation. You've been posting a couple of throwbacks lately and I'm like, man, we've seen it happen so slow and it's fast, but like we've,

we're with him so much that we don't notice as much. And like, he'll walk in the room after not seeing him for a week. And I'm like, damn bro. Like, where'd you go? Where are you going? He looks tight. So whenever we first got together and, well, not first, but it was like two years after we got together, 2018, he slimmed down a lot and got to, um, I believe two 80 and he looked bigger then than he does now. Um,

And he's still, you know, quite a ways away from that, but he's so tiny. But wasn't, he wasn't sober then though. No, he wasn't. Yeah. So it's like, I feel like that makes a difference versus now he, he eats so clean, so clean and he like doesn't do anything crazy. So it's like, you know, I feel like those make differences. Cause even in my weight loss, I look back to what I looked like at this same weight and I don't feel like I look any anywhere close to the same. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it's crazy. We're proud of old Rumpelsaurus. Rumpelsaurus? Yeah. All right, next one. This is a confess. Okay, bye. What? Bye. I live in Utah and used to cut hair near a country club where we often had wealthy older gentlemen as clients.

We already know where this is going. All right. Who do we whack off and how much? One day a client asked me out on a date and I later found out he was a sugar daddy. Yeah. We went on a few dates and we ended up in the shower together. First time naked together. I was washing my hair and turned around facing him and my hip must have grazed his member.

Not the member. He hunched over, slipped, took both of us down to the shower floor while I laid there face to face as he uncontrollably finished.

Sugar daddies are so fucking weird. There's always, there's a reason why they're sugar daddies. So I thought that was going. So what's even better is the girls on Patreon continued that conversation with that person in the comments. It was like, I could not imagine laying wet and slippery next to him as he's finishing. That happened one time when I was just unbuttoning a guy's pants. What? It was like three years of built up like tension and,

All we did was make out. I literally unbuttoned his pants and he finished. Damn. Did he at least make up for it? No. Oh, no. He did. He did eventually very well. But I think he was too embarrassed. He had to like leave right after. Oh, he like, oh, got to go. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I would too. I mean, I don't know. I feel like I would be like, oh, my bad, but let me. Why don't you just whack off before you go over to a girl's house? Go in the bathroom and fucking twiddle the twag, dude. And then, you know. Yeah. Go pregame. Little preparing. Haley's that hot that she fucking set him off. This is like 2017 Haley. Somebody wants a backstory on the in-hose we trust.

Oh, what a good question. Do you remember where it originated from? I think we just said it one day. Yeah, I think it literally I think in hoes we trust is literally just like I used to be a hoe. Yeah. And I think I said in a podcast one day, like, you know, hoes and girls that are working girls and in the sex industry.

are some of the most down chicks that i've ever met yeah like they're loyal and they're not all of them but the majority of the ones that i've grown up with and i've been lucky to have on my journey have been amazing and i was just like in hoes we trust yeah and i tend to like you and i if you come up with a t-shirt idea i'm really good about just opening my notes and like yeah putting them in there so then when time comes for creative

meetings and stuff it's like oh these are all the stains you've said over like the last month you know and like that because those most everything that's on shirts are things that we've caught you saying like yeah you know like the namaste ones and like the like america cowboy fucking literally it's something that is your personality coming out in merch yeah speaking of we have all new merch coming out we have a whole new website coming we have a bunch of stuff for 2025

So prepare yourself. Get ready because we are going to clear out every bit of our old stocks. If there's something you've been eyeing but might not have been able to afford, it's all going on sale. We're going to clear out the warehouse. Everything's going. And when it's gone, it's never going to come back. And a brand new website is coming. Yep. Can't wait, babies.

Love you. By the time you guys see this, it's going to be 2025. So we hope you guys have the most amazing, happiest 2025. Make sure you make your vision boards, set those intentions and just everybody let's fucking live long and prosper like Spock says. Okay. Bye. Toodaloo.