KT Smith: Breakups & Blessings
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Is this thing on? What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Flond. Today, I have the one, the only, KT Smith in the house, baby. Hello. How are you? I'm happy to be here. You are stunning. When you walked in, I was like, oh my God, she's so pretty. Thank you. No, I have some zits right now, but you know. Nobody can see those. Stop it.

You're beautiful though. Like I feel like your beauty isn't captured online as much as it is in person. Wow. Thank you. Is this our first time meeting or have we met somewhere else? Because I can't remember. I think we've been at the same places, but we've never met. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Because I feel like I've met you before, but I don't know. Maybe it's just because we feel like we know each other. Yeah. We've talked plenty of times. Yeah, for sure. So how are you doing? Good. You know.

Living the dream. This has been a long time coming. I feel like we've been talking about bringing you on the podcast forever, and then we just finally were able to make it work this season. We've had a few reschedules. Yes, we almost had to reschedule again today. Literally, I was like, okay, maybe this isn't meant to be. No.

I was like, I felt so bad. I was like, tell her it's going to smell like gas, but tell her just come on the propane company just for everybody. It's trying to tell me I didn't pay my bill, which is a fucking lie. And they fucking turn the propane off. And they said that our house smells like propane because as the tank drains, it was $21. I just checked what big spenders. Are you kidding? Yeah. Can you believe that?

I'm going to fight people whenever I get done with this podcast. I'm so mad. You have no idea, Katie, what I've been dealing with today. Meanwhile, it's Antarctica in here. It's so cold. I know. I feel so bad. I'm like, do you want my jacket? It's a Raiders jacket. She's like, um, no, thank you. So I want to get to know you. I did a little digging on you last night and you know, you're kind of like a, you know, enigma, like you're this

Beautiful woman that's online that has a presence and all this stuff. Of course, we know who your baby daddy is, but you have so much more to you. And I want everybody to know that about you. So I want to just kind of start from the beginning. Like, where did you grow up? Tell me a little bit about your childhood and all that stuff.

We're going through some childhood trauma therapy right now. Oh my God. What kind? Um, EMDR. Okay. Yep. Yeah. Oh yeah. You told me that the other day. I was like, let me get some sessions in before I open my mouth. No, isn't it crazy that as adults, we're correcting things that we didn't ask to be done to us. That, but also it's just like,

It's crazy how they, even like me my whole life, I'm like, you have to work for this stuff. Otherwise it'll come up later. And then you're like, oh, okay. So that's why I'm the way I am. But it's not bad. I mean, it is what it is. But I grew up in Florida and lived there for about nine years. And then I moved to Knoxville, Tennessee. My mom had been married for,

prior to me being born. And so I have a half brother, which I don't think of it as like a half, but, um, so we moved to Knoxville to be closer to him because that's where he lived and then lived there for, I guess, when did I move? I was 21. I had just turned 21 or 22. And then, um,

I'm a virgin, I'm a virgin, I'm a virgin

After Christ. How old were you when you got saved? Eighth grade. Okay. So it was kind of like you were like shedding the old you. Yeah. When I didn't change it then. I only changed it legally like three years ago. Oh, okay. But also it was literally Katie, K-A-T-I-E, Smith.

And anytime I went anywhere, there was like 700,000 of them. Yeah. And that's kind of annoying. So now it's a little bit easier. She's like, I want to be different. I need to set myself apart. Yeah. I love that though. So growing up, what was your relationship like with your parents and your family? My dad passed when I was four. And so they weren't together though. They were already divorced. And I found out, she says that I found out like soon after, but I'm pretty sure I found out a few years later that,

Um, but yeah, I was just raised by a single mom and we've always had a really good relationship. Um, she actually lives about 10 minutes from me, so we have a good relationship now. Um, we've been through some rough patches, but other than that, it's just be, it's been me and her and my aunt and my Nana. So they still live. Well, my aunt's been stationed in the Navy in different places. So, um,

Where I grew up in Key West, she moved from there. So that was like my happy place, like my home. I haven't been back since she moved, but she lives in Hawaii now. But definitely always been surrounded by women, which I love. I love that. So that automatically makes you a girl's girl. Yes, for sure. Whenever you grow up around women like that. I've always had a core group of women just around me too. And I just, I think there's nothing better than that.

That feminine energy. Yeah. And just like, you know, being able to soak it up. And being able to be, I think that's where a lot of my independence comes from is having to be the man in my life. No. That also comes from like,

where I have issues where I'm too independent and I can't have that codependency. I'm just very much like, if I don't do it, it's not going to get done type mindset. Cause you're in your masculine energy. I am. And I really want to enter the soft era. And that's what we're working on right now. Yeah. Cause I can't do that. It takes time. And it really, and I preach this to a lot of the girls that come on the podcast too, cause I'm very in my masculine energy too. Like I'm a boss. You have to

it's my way or the no way, or like, I'm not going to ask anybody for help. But when I finally got with my husband, it softened me in a way that I can't even explain because it was like, it was, I finally didn't have to take the lead anymore. Not saying that you need a man to be softened at all. Cause you don't, I,

I did because, you know, I just was fucking just balls to the wall. But you'll know you'll it'll hit you one day and you'll just be like, you know, I just you'll soften naturally. I don't have to do it all. Yeah. And I think once going through there, I think once you're done going through therapy and like which obviously,

to me, therapy is just a forever journey anyways. I think once you get to a certain point in therapy too, you'll, you'll have the coping skills and the knowledge of how you want to apply it. So that's what I'm hoping for. Cause I, it's definitely taught me things about myself and I'm like, okay, that's, that's stuff we can veto. Like I don't want to carry that from the other generations. Like I want to break that cycle and be able to let someone take care of me or, or,

Like have decisions made together and it not just be like, okay, okay. I'm the man here. Yeah. I get it though. And you're also a Scorpio though too, because you guys are like super headstrong. You guys are like, you guys are like deep lovers, but at the same time, it's like, you guys also have my way or the highway. Yeah, I get that.

So tell me about your relationship with Jesus because you talk about getting saved in eighth grade. And I do see that you carry that relationship now still into your everyday like online life also. So, you know, tell me about that relationship. Yeah, it's always been really solid. So I didn't grow up necessarily in church. It was more of like a holiday-ish type relationship.

I always say like the Christmas family, but it was like Easter, Christmas, whatever. And then when I moved to Tennessee, I was around people more that talked about it, even like in fifth grade. Like a friend was like, oh, I got saved. And then I was like, oh, how do I do that? So I could like, when she mentioned, she was like, oh, you just have to like say a prayer. I like did it in the car one day after school, but it didn't really mean anything. And then I would go to summer camps and stuff. Cause my mom worked full time. So I would go to all the summer camps and,

But I went to like Baptist church where I'd literally fall asleep. And then in eighth grade, I met someone on my softball team and she took me to like this overnight, super fun, like camping trip. And that's like where it really started. I was like, I like this a lot. So I started going to church with her and it was all the time, like Sundays, Wednesdays, all the things. And we, we,

It was a very close youth group to where we were always at the youth pastor and his family's house. I had a best friend that went through like she had a single mom, too, but it was like a little bit more rough. So she stayed with the youth pastor a lot. And I ended up staying there a lot with her just to, you know, do life. And it was a lot of fun. But after about.

A year of going. Maybe it was... I don't know. It... I was around so often that it felt like five years that I was there. But, um...

After some time passed, the youth pastor that I looked at as a father figure sexually abused me. And that was a lot to go through because that happened for about a year. And when I had told one of my other best friends, not the one that lived with them, after a little bit, she ended up telling her school counselor. And then like DCS got involved and it was just like a whole thing.

Crap show that had happened. So I ended up, I was 14. You were 14. Okay. 13, 14. I'm so sorry that happened. It's okay. Um, yeah.

It was definitely a lot. So I became homeschooled for a year because I loved that church. It was like my family. And people that you should be able to trust, you know, like that. And then they blamed it on me. No. Yeah. They were like, you're a homewrecker, all this stuff. When I was literally 13, I didn't like know what was going on. So I couldn't go back to that church. Of course, he got fired, but it was still like I'm being looked at the way I am. So that's why I was homeschooled is because it was just like this huge thing around it.

And, um, this is where I have an issue with like, cause I grew up in a really religious home too. I grew up Southern Pentecostal, believe it or not. And, um, I just saw so much hypocrisy when it came to religion. That's why I always say I'm not religious. I'm spiritual because I,

It's like these people were supposed to protect you and they were supposed to show you like, you know, how to walk in life and like, you know, faith and just and that's an abuse of power, you know, but then to gaslight you and say that this was your fault. Like, that's so disgusting and so not fair. And you didn't deserve that.

It was definitely hard to walk through, but like in that, cause like, I also say like, I'm not religious, but I have a relationship with the Lord because Christians have such a cloud of hypocrisy like around them. And I don't want to meet someone and then think that I'm automatically like that. Right. Because there's just so many instances where I'm like, yes, certain things are in the Bible, but like,

I'm not going to judge you for what you do. Like, I don't care what you do as long as you're not hurting other people. It's not my place to judge. And if all sins are counted equally, then I'm like, we're all weighing against each other here. And there's no reason to. But in that time, I kind of just like really learned that.

church hurt comes from people and not from the Lord. It's the people that have the higher powers or so they think, and then they kind of ruin that perception of it. So it wasn't the Lord that did that to me.

But we're supposed to be the church. It's not the church that did it, but everyone around it. So that's so beautiful that you could take that kind of pain and still not be mad at the Lord, you know, because a lot of people would be like, Lord, why did you let that happen to me? You know, or like and for you to be able to separate that it was human error and not.

God having you know letting that happen to you is huge especially at 13 14 like that's why it's definitely hard yeah I definitely battled with it um I definitely like went into like a dark period and I mean that trauma still somewhat carries with me with like my sleep schedule and stuff like

He would drive by even after that happened. He would work night shifts. He worked as a youth pastor but also had an actual job. And he worked night shifts at a company that wasn't far away from where I lived. And he would drive by at 3 a.m. when he got off over and over in his truck. And so like anytime I hear that noise, I'm like still looking outside. And it's crazy because like

3 a.m. to me is like not the good hour. I'm like, as long as I can make it past 3 a.m., then I'm good and like safe. But he is stalking you. Yeah. And then a few years later, he actually reached out. I kept having someone call me in the middle of the night from a blocked number and it would freak me out because I already hate that time. And I

Finally, when I answered, I would just hear deep breathing, and I'm like, okay, even sketchier. I got goosebumps. I want to beat this guy up. He's still a youth pastor, so...

Oh my God. How are people letting him around children? Well, we went through, it had to go through like legal stuff, obviously when DCS got involved. And after I had gone through that for about a year and a half of like talking to so many people and telling them the story over and over again, I was like, I can't heal if I'm just reliving this over and over again and nothing's happening. Right. And so they were like, well, it'll be another until you're 18. Yeah.

until like something was figured out and so I was like you know what just drop it because I'm not dealing with it because there was no evidence of it happening even though it happened for so long um

So not, so not only did the church not protect you, the judicial system didn't protect you. I don't feel like they protect many people. No, they don't. I preach about that. They fail a lot of people. And I see it every day because I volunteer and see what these kids are going through. Yeah. But yeah, he reached out and I mean, he reached out a lot, but never said who it was. And then one day when I answered, he was like, it's me. Like,

I'm sorry I put you through all that. Like, I'm in love with you. And I'm like, how did you even get my number? And he was like, well, sorry, but how much older than you was 33 when I was 13? OK, wife to young kids that like I literally would say were my brother and sister. They were the sweetest ever. And he's still with his wife and has kids. Well, that was when I looked forever ago. I'm sure they still are.

um for a woman to stay with a man who does that to a little girl that is so questionable to me like I don't understand and I get a lot of slack for saying things like that on my podcast but I'm sorry if you're a woman and your husband sexually abuses a 13 14 year old and you stay with him you are just as much of the problem as you have a young daughter of your own I'm shaking I'm so mad um

But when I asked him how I got my number, he was like, you tweeted it to someone like two years ago and I found it. And I mean, that's how long the calls were lasting that I would get in the middle of the night. And then I was just like, hey, I have evidence now of you reaching out because he sent me a text after that, too. I was like, I have evidence now of you reaching out. So like if you don't like just never contact me again, if so, I can use this as evidence and help.

It'll clear my name and people will know that you were at fault. So I'm going to get a restraining order if you reach out again. To call you and say, it's me. I'm in love with you. I'm sorry for what happened. I'm in love with you. Like, how old were you when he... 17. So you were 17. So he was almost in his 40s. And this woman is still with him. And I'm still underage. Yeah. Oh my God. That is disgusting. So did you finally get justice whenever... No, nothing. Nothing.

Nope. Did he finally leave you alone? Yeah. After that, I never heard from him again, thankfully. But he's probably still stalking you online. I'm sure. I mean, if he knew, if he was holding onto a tweet from two years ago, dude is still probably watching your every move. That is so scary, KT. But he lives in Knoxville, so at least he's not close. I'm so sorry. That is just really just...

I'm just so sorry. You didn't deserve that. And I think, you know, you didn't deserve that now too. So that I love that for you that you've been able to, you know, get to a point where you didn't blame the Lord for this, but you also, you know, held him accountable for what he's done and you're speaking out about it now, which that. He pulled me through it and now I'm able to talk to people.

about the same thing. It's not, I always say like, I can't speak on a season of life that I haven't been through myself and now I can. So when girls tell me about like what they've gone through or I can either help them through it because I've been through it myself, or I can hopefully prevent it from happening and them know that they have so much more worth than what they think when you're that young. I love that. And little girls need examples like you.

They really do. And especially women who are going through stuff like that, they need, you know, beautiful, strong women to show that have been through it to show them like, hey, I got through this. You know, I think I feel like if we had more women that could lead by example, like what you're doing, you know, our youth would be. With a new year comes a new opportunity to reimagine ourselves and more importantly, our wardrobes.

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A little bit better than it is today.

prevent some situations from happening for sure absolutely so moving on you're 17 you're you're picking up the pieces to your life where does 17 year old KT go from here well the other shoe dropped um oh no I no it's okay so I had a very serious boyfriend at that time and was very close to his family as well um

They were just what I wasn't used to. It's just like a full, huge family. And it was just good to be around. So I felt safe. I definitely stayed. I think we were together for a little over four years and I stayed probably two years too long, but it was because their family felt so safe and great. So keep that in mind. He was with me through this whole scenario, him and his family. But I had a family member who,

around that time get a little crazy. Um, just was like taking, I don't know if you know what Trimadol is. It's like higher than ibuprofen, but it's prescription. Um, but I didn't know what was going on. Like they had said they had cancer and quit their job. And the only reason I'm not saying who it was is just because I, it's a huge part of my story, but I also, they've

changed so radically that I don't want them to, I don't want them to look bad or. And it's your privacy that you're allowed to keep. Yeah. It's just, they've changed so much and I have so much respect for them that I wouldn't want them to go backwards from it. Understandable. But lied about having cancer, lied about all of this stuff. And I was having to pay the bills and them just, yeah,

I had to move out because it was so bad. And I moved out on my own and it was still going on to where it was like kind of suicidal. Like, well, if you don't help me, then this is going to happen or just crazy stuff. And it was just...

A lot. That's a form of like trauma too. And it's manipulation, but that traumatizes the person that you're doing that to because they, they know that you love them. And if they're telling you that they're going to kill themselves, then you feel responsible for that. Yeah. And it went on for about two years of it until like, I was like, okay, I can't handle this anymore because it'd be like, oh, let me help you get a new car because I'm

Hours got repossessed or let me help you do this because otherwise our electricity won't be on or I have to pay rent because we'll get evicted. Um, my credit was absolutely demolished. Um,

And that's because everything was in my name, the apartment that we lived in, the utilities, the cable, if the cable bill, which I didn't know at the time, but like the cable bill wouldn't get paid. And then that would be mine in collections or the apartment that I thought was, I was paying and I thought getting evicted from that and then having that on the credit. Um, let me help you get a car. Oh, wrecked it. Like all this stuff was just piling on top of each other. And, um,

Finally, like once like the suicidal talk was happening, like I had just started college at a community college and I was going through exams and couldn't focus on anything dropped out. But I finally got to a point and I was like, OK, you need help. So I went through emails and I realized that.

It was a lie. And like what was going on? Cause I was like, what in the world could be going on to act like this, to act like you got fired from your job for like a medical excuse, which at that time, like, Oh, that's, it would give too much information, but, um, it just didn't make sense. And so I finally found out, like called the doctor's office, like the doctor's office, like didn't exist. Like she wasn't a patient there. Um,

This is where your severe independence comes from. I had to be independent. Otherwise, the other shoe, there were no shoes left to drop. Yeah. So I was like, you need to get help. They went to rehab.

Radically changed. So everything was amazing. Not to cut you off, but this was all. OK, so you looked in those emails and you found out that this person was lying. It was buying Tramadol online. So it was an addiction, but they were covering up an addiction and saying all this other stuff so that they could cover up their addiction. Yes. That's where all the money was going. Wow. Because from when my dad died, we had money to I think it was probably like eleven hundred a month.

And that alone should have covered rent. Right. But I'm like, where in the heck is that going? Or like when they had a job. Yeah. And so it was just a lot of dots that didn't line up. Right. So that's when I was finally like, okay, buying drugs online, lying about everything. That's where the money is going. It all made sense. So she ended up going to rehab and it was,

changed everything but the it was so much better oh good yeah I'm glad because you know sometimes when people go the first time it's not easy for them to come back and integrate into the world without you know falling back so yeah well I think they realized that it would there was going to be a relationship mended or a relationship that would never be there again yeah and it completely it took a lot of time to rebuild that trust but it was completely built back up

Everything just seemed safe and clean and good. So...

Good. Well, I'm glad that that story has a happy ending. You had said that during all of this, you're going to community college and you had to drop out. Did you end up going back to college after everything got better? I went back a couple of times, but never finished. Never finished. So take me on the next journey of your life after you finally get through this. Does life calm down a little bit or where do we go from here? I feel like after that, all of that like stress and trauma,

I mean, I had broke up with my boyfriend that everyone thinks I was engaged to. Yeah. Never got engaged. And they're like, oh, she's been engaged six times. And I'm like, actually, yes, it has been three times, but not to him. You can't help it that you're a bad bitch and people want to marry you. Hello. Are we using people's engagements against them now? Oh, yes. Really? Yes. Anything you see about me online is like, oh, my God, she's been engaged six times. I guess she's the problem. And I'm like, what?

Why do you have to write songs that literally try to tie into my life? I guess she's a problem. And I'm like, okay, well, I just don't settle. So maybe I should settle for a little bit. And then I'm like, no, I think you'll... As you shouldn't. And I've learned with people online, they're going to fucking make up whatever they want. As far as I know, I'm a Trump supporter and I'm a racist. And I haven't voted since I was 18. So I'm like...

I don't know enough about politics to even give a fucking opinion, you know, but it's like they will label you and make up whatever they want about you. But if you ever fire back, oh, heaven forbid. You can't do that either. You can't defend yourself or it's a lie. No, ever. Yeah. Or it's like, look at, look at, we have her responding to us. It's like, they just love it. You're damned if you do damned if you're not. If you respond, they feel.

fuel it with fire. If not, then they create the fires of their own. Yes. So he were never engaged. He was just your boyfriend. Yes. You've only been engaged three times only. So we're clear in the air. It's all right. I mean, I've been married three times. I hold that against me. Motherfuckers. I don't care. It's in my book. Like, you know what I'm saying? I think there's other things that you can hold against people than that. Like, that's crazy. And I'm like, go for it. Like, what are you doing? Why are you so involved? Yeah. Like, what are you guys jealous? You don't have three, uh,

wedding or what are they called? Uh, what do they call the engagement rings? You don't have three engagement rings. See, I don't even know. Cause I've only just gone straight to marriage. I've never even been engaged. Okay. See, I mean that, I mean, I did that with Luke. Yeah. Oh yeah. And we're, we're going to get to Luke cause I'm sure everybody wants to know about Luke and I actually kind of want to know about Luke too, but, um, let's say, okay, so let's dial back. So you broke up with him and then where do we go from here? I was working at a church at the time. Um,

I love that you're always surrounded by the Lord. Yes. I think that's beautiful. And it was amazing community too. Like I loved, love, love that church. And that's where like my love for kids came because I would volunteer in the nursery and

But then like, oh my gosh, they, I guess they knew and I didn't know, but they would give me like, hey, can you stay after and like watch these kids? Like they're really crazy. Like this is, I was watching these two kids that the parent that worked at the church. So when they were doing worship team out,

I would watch them. And then I ended up starting working there and I was still watching them, but she had two crazy boys, very crazy. And they were like, you're the only one that can do it. And I'm like, all right, well sign me up then. Well, you already have, but here I go. And my love for kids came from that. And then it's funny because not only was I doing the kids ministry, but I was doing social media for them. Didn't think in a million years that I would be doing social media for a living. Um,

And then I met Morgan on Snapchat in 2016. Not the old Snapchat romance. Yes. And I mean, we...

Only snapped for about a month, and then we met right after my birthday. And you met him before he was even Morgan Wallen. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't know who he was. Right. He had just been on The Voice, but I didn't think that was cool or anything. Yeah. When I showed the people that I worked with at the church, I was like, just don't judge the way he looks because he had long hair, and I was just like, just...

take it with a grain of salt. And she was like, Oh, he's cute. And I was like, Oh, you think so? Um, so we started dating and how soon after you guys were snapping for that month? Like what, what was the first month later? We didn't have a first date. Oh, so you guys just went straight into the frying pan. Yeah. So I, he invited me to like his show, which wasn't really a show. There weren't many people there. Yeah. Um, but it was with Josh Turner and, um,

Then he invited me to hang out afterwards at this bar. Shocker. And it was not...

did not go as expected. Um, no, what happened? I was, he was not thrilled that I wouldn't go home with him. Oh. And so I ended up going home by myself, but it did not end well in that aspect. Then my phone died. But then when I got home, he was like, I'm so sorry. Like all this stuff. Like I usually don't act like that. Um, was he drinking whenever? Yeah. Okay. Yes. Heavily. Yeah. And, um, but then I was like, okay, whatever. We'll try again. Um,

So then we hung out again on Thanksgiving. And then a month later, we were like, we were pretty serious around this time. I guess pretty serious as in a month later. But yeah, he invited me. Jay and I got married a month after we met. So, I mean, you never know when you know, you know, you know, or like, yeah, you know what I'm saying? I've known a few times. It's okay though. Hopeless romantic is, I think it's a beautiful thing.

It can bite you in the butt. Yeah, for sure. It is like definitely great in the time being. Yeah. But a month later, he invited me to his family's Christmas and he was like, oh, it's just 15. I swear to this day, he still doesn't say that it was only 15 minutes away. But I'm like, you told me that we were going 15 minutes away. It ended up being like an hour and a half drive with his like parents that I had never met in the car.

And I mean, it was a lot of fun, but I got there and there's probably a hundred people. Oh, wow. And I had to meet. Um, and. So he did not prepare you at all for meeting the entire family. Not at all. And then it got, it was really serious. We got engaged four months later in April. Um, yeah.

Which is funny because I always get engaged around Easter. No more engagements around Easter. It's coming up. Easter's coming up. Not doing it. I'm going to call you that day and be like, listen, lady, not happening. No. Because my other two engagements were on Easter.

And none of them knew prior like, oh, hey, she got engaged in Easter like two years ago or oh, she just. Yeah. No. I wonder if it's a karmic pattern. I know you probably don't believe in that stuff, but I'll have to look into it. Yeah. I want to know. Yeah. I need to stay safe. I need to like be in the clear. Yeah. Well, I'll look it up for you later. Thank you. Got engaged.

And then... So when you guys got engaged, were you, like, just head over heels for each other and you guys were just ready to start life together? Oh, yeah. I mean, throughout our relationship, through, like, all the trauma and stuff, like, I thought he hung the moon and stars. Like, everything that he did, I was, like, amazed by. But...

Yeah, he, we, my ring was from like, what's that store in the mall? Swarovski? Swarovski. Swarovski. Oh, it was like a $75 ring. I didn't care. We, I was just like, I don't want a big ring. Like you could do, it was like the whole, you could give me a ring pop thing. I don't care. Um, so we, I was had to go to work right after that. So we had about five minutes and in the parking lot, he said, are we going to do this or what?

And then we were engaged. That was the proposal at the JCPenney parking lot in Knoxville. Listen, I think it's romantic. Yeah. Not will you marry me or anything, but... Are we going to do this or not? Yeah. Are we going to do this or what? I love that. That sounds like something my husband would do. And I mean, I loved it. Yeah. And I was thrilled. And then after work, we got pizza and celebrated. Yeah.

And then it's those simple things that like when you get to where, you know, he is now and like, you know, where my husband is now, we look back on those times and we're just like, dude, we kind of miss things being so simple. It was so simple. Yeah. Because now it's so real to be some huge thing that there's no point in all that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know how long after that. I think it's 2017 is when he got asked to go on tour with FGL. So we went on tour together, did all that stuff. The engagement did not last long. We stayed together, but he wasn't the most faithful. And so I threw the engagement ring, but stayed with him. How were you finding out that he was cheating? Oh, I didn't find out like...

A lot of it until a lot later. But this time I had just walked out of the van, little tiny van that we were in that we would be with all the stinky guys in for like 17 hours. And so it was actually before a long drive that I walked out and saw him with another girl in the parking lot. Um,

While you were on tour with him? Oh, yeah. I mean, this was like very, this wasn't even like the tour yet. This was like one of his private shows at like one of the little hole in the wall bars. And I mean, he was just like crying, sobbing, snotty, all the stuff in front of his band. Was he like making out with her or were they banned? Okay. Were they banned? I was like, good Lord. No, it's just in the parking lot, like a whole crowd of people and stuff, which I always like still say. Right.

About the whole, like, I can't speak on something like a season that I haven't been through. And throughout, like, all of the cheating and stuff, like, I still can't. I don't, I'm going to say I don't blame him for it. Just because I don't know how it would be to come into that much fame, like, overnight. And just be huge and have all the success. And then all these girls, like, throwing themselves at you. Like, I don't know how that is. So I didn't blame him for it. Well, I think that.

there comes a sense of respect where you would break it off with the other person like hey I don't know how to handle this and I don't know how I'm going to handle this and I don't want to hurt you yeah well my therapist says that he just became that safe space for me of like I'm not used to the stability of someone just like constantly like being around and being that person that I look to for comfort and that's why I stayed because she always she's like well was it worth it like all of that pain that he put you through and I was like yeah

Like he still hung the moon and the stars for me. And I, like I said, I don't blame him because I don't know what I would have done if I was put in that position. And I mean, I just happened lots more times than that. And people always say like, oh, she cheated on him too. I wrote it in a blog and I'm like, show me the blog. Cause I never cheated on him. Like I literally thought he hung the moon and the stars. Like I probably like put him,

on such a pedestal that above so many other things that I shouldn't have at the time. Well, you loved him. You were in love with him. I was very much in love with him. Um,

So you guys are times for like DMS, like the, Hey girl, DMS. And I, I'm telling you, man, women love to rat out the dudes when they're doing something. I tell my husband that all the time. I'm like, don't fuck around. Cause if you don't think these girls are not building a case against you to just, you know, and they were, yeah. And then I, the one time it happened, um,

I didn't believe it. Like I was like, you know what? Cause he would always say like, don't ever respond to people because then it makes our relationship look like it's like wobbly and like, you don't want, it's just embarrassing basically. And I believe that I was like, okay, if I respond and it is some like kooky person out there, then it does look like I'm insecure about the relationship.

But then I had asked someone that had been around him often, another female, like a wife, and asked her, I was like, hey, I know you've been through this kind of stuff before and you've been in the spotlight longer. What do you think? And she was like, I would ask for proof. And I was like, are you sure? Like, I don't want it to look bad on our part. And she was like, no, you need, it's time. It's time for you to ask for proof.

And I did. And she sent me all a text of like, hey, what's your apartment code? Like all this stuff. And he was there when I did all that. It was like I was in the bathtub and he was just like bawling his eyes out. Like, I'm so sorry. It'll never happen again. All this stuff. And I think at that point, I just kind of also felt stuck because we had an apartment together. And I mean, there was a lot of other times after that, that stuff like that happened that were like,

That would put me in the fetal position on the floor. Like so much anxiety. Didn't know what to do because I was in love with this man and then stayed. But I think it's because a part of you feels like they're going to change, you know, everyone around me would tell me that they were changing. Yeah. They'll change. Like it's just like part of it. Like just wait, just wait. Or like my husband didn't stop cheating until they got this age. Like it's just part of it.

And I believed it and I prayed all the time for that. But it just never happened. And that's fine. I mean, he's grown as a person now and I respect him more now than I ever have. His life is extremely private. But what people don't see is that

He has grown tremendously and he, I respect him so much as a person and he has a great dad and he lives a great life that's private and he can still do what he does while keeping it private. And I think that's great. And I'm, I love that he's had that radical change and it wasn't with me, but that's okay. He's a good dad and we can co-parent well. I love that you say that. So can you walk me through whenever you found out you were pregnant and

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that was a hard time oh I had just gone on tour with him for like the first time in forever um because when you're hidden in a relationship you don't get the hey girl dms so I was hidden for a while so that people didn't know we were dating and even though you guys reach out even though you guys had already been together and been public yeah it was like going public and then

not being posted again ever. And I didn't post anything ever either. I randomly would, but no one followed me. No one knew who I was. So it didn't matter. And then I went on tour. That was like the first time in a very long time, I guess. I mean, you can't really cheat on someone if they're not with you or if they are with you. And then it's near Halloween. It was Luke Combs tour and he got super drunk. I was drunk.

got mad about something um and sent me home from Canada by myself uh while I was drunk that was probably like the scariest like time that I went through because I am not airport savvy and I was in an uber crying to the uber about life oh god yeah and then like getting to the airport and throwing up all that stuff um no getting home and it was like the same thing as always like

after it happens I'm so sorry all this stuff I had blocked him at this point even though we were still good and well dating but I would block him we'd get back together and it was just a constant cycle of that was that toxic passion yes and yeah definitely had that I don't remember what it's called but when you can't let go of it trauma bond trauma bond yes um but I got the emails of like

probably four days before I found out of I'm ready to settle down. I want to start a family with you. I'll start posting you again. Like I want you on tour with me, all this stuff. And then I found out and sent him a picture of my pregnancy test and it all just kind of went to crap from there. Um, and then we only talked probably like twice out of my entire pregnancy while everyone else was like, Hey, he'll come back. Like once he, uh,

meets the baby and like all this stuff, like it'll be like a huge change, all of this. And it was not that. So you told him that you were pregnant and then he just completely like wanted nothing to do with it. Yeah. We went back and forth. We went back and forth because right when it happened, I was fighting him on like all the stuff that he would always say. I'm like, clearly it isn't true because of how this even happened. Yeah.

So I was fighting him of like this can't like we can't be together type stuff. The stuff I would always say to fight back to it so that he would fight even more. But then it kind of fizzled out from there of like, OK, you're right. But I was still trying to make it work. And he had just kind of took his own path. And so we talked once. I'd had him come over when I was pregnant and then we slept together again.

And then nothing else came from that again until like right before I was about to give birth. And then he came to the hospital right after I gave birth. It was during COVID. So only one person could be in the room. And my mom was in the room with me. And he came right after that, saw Indigo, all that stuff. And nothing ever came from it. And 2020 was a wild year for him. Yeah. But yeah.

It is what it is. And I mean, it took him a while to be where he is now about like being on a good path, but it happened thankfully before Indigo was too old to realize it. How did you come up with the name Indigo? Cause that is such a beautiful name. I love it. Yeah. Um, how did I saw it in a dream and I was like, you know what, we're going to run with this and it was going to be Indigo James. Um, but he was not a fan of the name Indigo. Um,

And so I was like, you know what? Fine. I'll change it. I changed it the day I got, I had him and I was like, I'll just make it wilder because it's a family name for Morgan. And he was always super close to his granddad and his granddad passed. So it was a very like special name for him. Um, so it just became Indigo Wilder and it was a good compromise without, um,

having to change the whole thing. Yeah. But I love it because it is a family name. Yeah. I love the name Indigo. So take me on this journey of being a new mommy. How was that for you? It was good. It was a lot because I had no one knew who I was before that. I had my close friends and that was about it. And then he announced that he had a son and all of it

came in. And so it was a lot to, I think I remember that. I remember when that all went down actually. Yeah. Cause I didn't know about any of that. I didn't know about that lifestyle and then just seeing Morgan go through it. And then to be leaving the hospital with all of these news outlets coming in and like wanting a statement and all this stuff. And I was just like, I have like a two day old baby. Like this is a lot, but yeah,

It was during COVID. So that was nice because it was just us at home being able to spend time together and my world had changed. Like I didn't have FOMO anymore. Like I was just good with being home with him and the social media thing ended up working out because I didn't have to go back to work and I

It was nice. Yeah, you started building your presence on social media. So to put all the rumors to rest, is there a chance for you and Morgan to ever get back together? Absolutely not. No. But you guys co-parent now. And are you guys friends? Yes. Good. We get along really well. We co-parent really well. Like I said, he's a great person. I respect him with everything.

everything. If I am ever going through something and I need advice, that's who I go to. He's been through a lot. He has people that know more than I do. And we co-parent enough to like go on school tours together and do that kind of stuff. So I love that he's getting involved and, you know, being a dad. So that that's awesome. Yeah. Do you ever feel like any of his songs are written about you?

because I see this online all the time he's writing this song about her this is a song to Katie literally and you're in the comments like fighting for your life like no he would never admit that any of them are yeah um but some I'm like that kind of hits too close to home if you could think of any of his songs that you would think would be like you know you inspired we won't even say written about you that you could have possibly inspired which ones do you think it would be

Well, I know you make it easy. The one that was given to Jason Aldean. He did because we were together when that happened. That one was about me. But the ones that I'm not going to ask, but I'm like are bandaid on a bullet hole. And I don't know. There's probably I wrote the book.

For sure. Cause there's a spot in there where it says like, she says I'm good at everything. And I literally, he is good at everything he does. He could have not ever touched a golf ball in his life, but hit a hole in one somehow. Yeah. Um, it's crazy that the Lord decides to give all the talents and things to one person. Like, can we share that? But, and then the one he just came out with that it's called, I guess, I think, I think that's what it's called. Um,

There's a part in it that says you hate that when you're looking at me, see like you halfway see yourself. And I'm like, yeah, that could be. Do you think you guys are twin flames? Yeah. Yeah.

Cause there's usually always a runner and one that stays in. And sometimes it flip flops back and forth, but like with twin flames, there's always a long periods of separation too. And then you guys always seem to find your way back to each other. Not that I'm saying that will happen. That part's not going to happen, but I do think that like, there's always like a person that kind of has half your soul in a way. Yes. And you guys mirror each other. Yeah. You will mirror each other's traumas to each other.

Yeah. Like, I feel like there's not anyone else that can handle the inner demons that we don't know what they are, but I feel like I, I feel them. And so definitely don't want to be with him. We don't want to be with each other, but I won't ever feel that way about anyone else. Hmm.

Well, I think you're hot AF. So if Morgan lets you fucking slip through the cracks, I don't know what's wrong with him, especially because you're already his baby's mom, baby mama. But anyways, moving on from Morgan, let's talk about like how you started building your social media, because that's how I came to know you was, I think, I think maybe Instagram or TikTok is how I found you. And I was like, Oh my God, she's beautiful. And then I loved like your perspective on things. And I

I just started following you and just kind of fell in love with who you are, as did a lot of people. So take me on that journey. Thank you. Well, it started from announcing that I had his baby. But after that, I just managers reached out and I had a different like a few different managers that would get ads for me and stuff. But in order to get the ads, I had to keep up an online presence. And so, I mean, I feel like my followers have been through this.

all of it with me. Um, I did not know how to keep some things personal back then. So I would just kind of, you know, let it all out. Um, I think we all go through that when we first get social media followings, we're like, does word vomit. And then we're like, Oh, okay. Maybe I can't say that. Literally. I'm like, what was I thinking? But it's okay. Because that's part of the spiciness that I can somehow try to hide now. Um, but I mean, I would just share my life and, um,

As a lot of people don't think that I'm authentic on there, I'm not going to hide anything. I'm an open book. Life is what it is. And if it happened, I'll admit to it.

Um, what exactly is being authentic and not authentic online? I feel like people are allowed to present what they want to. Like you don't, there are people are not entitled to receive everything for everybody's life. So who dubs it authentic or unauthentic? Well, you share your story and they're like, Oh, that's not true.

Oh, girl, trust me. I get told all the time. I'm like, do you think if I was going to embellish a story, I was going to be a Vegas hooker? Like I would have fucking graduated from Harvard and been a plastic surgeon if I was going to lie about my past. You know, we could say a lot more. Yeah. And like I could even share a lot more of my story and I don't because it's like y'all ain't going to believe it anyway. That's why I don't even defend myself anymore. I'm like, you know what? Y'all are going to think what you think. Yeah.

But yeah, that was definitely hard to get adjusted to was all of the hate, especially with like it and stuff. I stopped reading in 2022 or three. No, it was definitely 2022. And because I would spiral when I read it because it's just like it's a bunch of people who are just. And by the way, I blurb I bleep out.

podcast because I will never give them any fucking credit or attention. I just think those people over there are fucking sick. Like something is wrong with you to sit there and just tear down somebody else's life that's doing way more than you ever could behind a fucking fake screen name with no profile picture. And like, where's your time? Like these people like, oh, I don't have all the time. I'm like, clearly you have a lot of time to investigate and to like see if someone's breathing wrong or like, yeah, like there's like,

Going on social media and commenting negative stuff on people's stuff, that's one thing. I'm like, I would never in my life see a video that I didn't like and comment something on it. I just scroll past it. I'm like, okay, whatever. But then to start a page about someone that I'm like...

You guys have no lives. And for these people to have husbands and kids, are you okay? Do your husbands know you're doing this? Yeah. And sometimes what's even worse is the men that are on there tearing apart women. It's just so weird, dude. I don't get it. And I'm glad that you don't allow that in your life either. Heck no. Yeah, you can't. Because you're never going to be hated on by somebody who's doing more than you or doing the same as you. Or even with DMs and stuff, I always have to tell myself that. I'm like...

clearly they're not doing anything like that's bold if they're dming you hating I mean you got to give them a fucking round of applause oh no it's still a private account oh okay yeah no it's still no one's like actual I was like damn they're now they're getting bold I was like you got the brave ones no it's always like there's one person that always uses the name Haley on there but she's the one that if there's something good posted about me on the internet she's on there fighting like oh my gosh you know she did this she did this and I'm like

imagine dedicate a break yeah imagine dedicating your life to just tearing somebody down like I could never just wake up in the morning have a cup of coffee and go and fucking hate like I just couldn't do it that takes dedication no it's like you should be getting paid for that I don't like that much negative energy I would feel so gross about myself like there's no way I would just never be able to leave a bad comment yeah well at least I mean they clearly have nothing to live for yeah so it's sad on their part well since we're talking about

Let's talk about all these plastic surgery accusations that I've seen that you have because you're a fucking beautiful woman.

Thank you. And everybody's like, I don't know about all of that. Okay. So some, but not. Yeah. Well, I've just, I've seen a couple of things where people are like, she's had so much work done. You know, people say the same thing. Cause they look at the picture from like 2007. There's this one dang red carpet picture. I was not supposed to walk on the red carpet. I was going with him to get ready for it. And then his manager was like, Hey, she should walk with you. And I'm like,

I look like a referee in a white and black striped jumpsuit, barely any makeup on. Back then, I didn't even know how to wear makeup. Yeah. My teeth were effed up. Like, yes, I got veneers. And that basically did change my whole face. Like, put veneers on that 2017 picture, and it would be so much better, regardless of being a referee. Yeah.

And look how much cuter he looks then too. I'm sorry. You guys aren't judging him. Well, you know what it is? You guys have baby faces here. Like we all, I think all women have their baby faces. And then like when you get to a certain age, we lose, you know, that kind of chunk right here too. You know what I'm saying? But you look beautiful. The only thing that if I were to look at this and judge it, I would say the only thing that's different is your teeth and maybe you got your lips done. Your lips for sure. That's it.

And I did not know how to put makeup on or smile. Like that was actually like aesthetically pleasing. It was back then when like you smile like goofy happy. Um, no, I think, I think you look beautiful. And I think that if anybody could tell it's literally just lips and veneers, that's it. That's the only difference. No, I haven't had anything on.

Yeah, if you type in our pictures, there are... Oh, there's Luke. There are some really cute ones that we have together that are like, okay, they are a really good looking couple. I think you guys are a beautiful couple. But... And you guys make beautiful babies. We already know that. So... Yeah. Why stop now? Not that, but I'm like, can you at least like give me your sperm so that like I don't have multiple baby daddies? Literally. That's the hardest part about co-parenting too, I think. It's just that it's like...

I want Indigo to have full half brothers and sisters. Yeah. Or full brothers and sisters. Like I could get past therapy has helped me like, okay, no, like you'll be fine if you have more kids, but it's just hard to think like, and have to explain to Indigo why he has to leave and go somewhere else. If other babies get to stay with me all the time. And that's like the hardest thing for me to think of. It's like,

If it's that hard for me, like, I don't want it to be even harder for him to be like, why don't they get to stay with you? Like, why do I have to leave type thing? But also, like, I love him so much and he's just so perfect and he's my entire world that is there going to be another child that compares to that? Or if it's not his...

Am I even going to like it as much? Right. Not because it's his, but like, that's because what I know, like is the way he is because he has such a mix of both of us. Yeah. And it's sweet. Like he's very wild.

and sassy and funny, but also like the sweetest kid in the entire world. And he's like the happiest boy in the entire world. Maybe this is a conversation that you and Morgan need to have. Like, Hey man, can you just freeze your sperm for me? And I'll do IVF. Cause then it would just come out looking like him. And then people would know. Oh,

Oh, no. It'd literally be a spitting image still. Damn it. So as far as like plastic surgery, what have you had done? So we can just get that off the... My lip. I get my lips done, which I hadn't even had my lips done for the past two years. And then I recently got them done again. Because I was like, hey, if they're going to say I have fake lips, I might as well get them and laugh at them. I mean, and who fucking cares? Yeah. It's your face. And then I get Botox to my forehead and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. I can tell. I'm sitting here looking at you and I don't see like...

jaw surgeries or fucking cheek implants or anything crazy. I've always had big cheeks and like in our photos together, you can see that, especially like the closeup one. Like it's all cheeks. Same. I've always had big cheeks. I actually, I think, Oh, not that, not that close. Um,

And like the angle with my nose, I've never done anything to my nose. I used to hate my nose, but my mom would say I had my dad's nose, so I would never change it. It's beautiful. And sometimes I do wake up looking like an ogre in the morning and you can tell that I never did anything to it. Stop it. Stop it. Listen, we all wake up looking like ogres in the morning. I don't care who we are. None of us fucking wake up looking gorgeous. I didn't know how to contour back then. Yeah, I still don't. I didn't even know how to put eyeliner on. Yeah. So I was just rolling out with caking on.

foundation and putting powder on top of it and mascara and no lipstick listen if i didn't have hayley i'd be out here on these streets looking rough okay like i i don't know anything about makeup hair got you makeup cannot do it to save my life especially now like there's so much like technique and shit that goes into it there's i can't try to watch tutorials and it never works but like how do y'all do this yeah like if my makeup artist does my makeup

I'm like, okay, I've got it this time, like locked in. Then I go home and do it. Absolutely not. Yeah. No, I could never do. I've tried to do my makeup, but like how Haley does it does not fucking work. Not at all. All right. So moving on from the plastic surgery, let's talk about the recent events that have happened in your life with a relationship that you got into about, I think what, like nine months ago? Okay. No. Okay. First of all, we dated for almost two years. It'll be two years in May. Okay. Okay.

So yes, we were only married. Well, we still are married technically. So nine months. Yeah. But so we started dating in May of...

2023. How'd you guys meet? We were at the ACMs so I went with Whitney and Kaden. Oh yeah yeah oh yeah I want to talk about that too about you and Kaden and the car accident. Should we talk about that first? Sure. Okay let's talk about that. Oh today's two years it happened two years ago today. Oh my gosh are you serious? Yeah I posted a busted up picture on my face on my snap today. Oh my goodness.

Yeah. Bring that up. Cause I remember I was so worried about you guys. Um, rec pictures and it'll definitely come up cause I looked crazy. Yeah. I think I text, um, Caden, whenever you guys were going through that to make sure you guys were okay. Um, so did you, you and Caden ever date? Were you guys dating? No, we weren't dating. The smile is giving it away. It wasn't dating. All right. It was something you guys were just hanging out.

Yeah, we were bopping around. So what happened this night? Morgan Wallen's ex-fiance. At least it wasn't baby mama. Right. We were at a writer's round and I liked Caden a lot at the time. He's a sweet boy. Yes, he is very sweet. He gets a lot of shit online too. And I don't know why. Yeah, like he's such a sweet dude. It's very great. But I kind of like cut off like the whole situation at that time of

like wanting to be with him, but it not working out. Um, but my, he, we were at the writer's round together and I'm really bad at just like saying no to things. But my friend was like, how about you take him home? And I was like, whatever, fine. So I was on my way taking him home and we got hit. We got smashed, um, ended up in the hospital, um,

but it was super sweet. I mean, he like prayed over us in the hospital as we were leaving. Um, and I mean, nothing happened between us after that, except well, I lied. Then we went to Texas, not as like a thing. We went to the ACMs and Whitney invited me. Yeah. And so I went with Whitney and Caden. Yeah. And I love that you and Whitney were hanging out too. Yeah. That definitely started a lot, but it was fun. Well,

Well, because Whitney says that she's hooked up with Morgan too. So whenever you guys were together, I think that kind of like set the internet. And I'm like, that's what I said. I was like, who hasn't? Like, it's fine. Like, I don't care if someone slept with him before. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I mean, we bonded over it. Yeah. And Whitney's a sweet girl. I think Whitney gets way too much hate. She doesn't fucking deserve it. She's like,

Granted, she plays into it and she, you know. Yeah. I mean, I would. She's beautiful. Yeah. And she instigates it online. But in person, Whitney really is just a sweetheart. Yeah. And I was drawn to that. Like she had those like so much potential. And I mean, she couldn't see it within herself. Yeah. But.

She has a lot of potential. She is very sweet-hearted, and I know she cares a lot. Yeah, she's got a good spirit. So back to this accident, though. So what happened? Like, somebody just cut you guys off and smashed into you? Because this looks really freaking serious. They ran a red light. A semi-ish. I guess it was like a Penske truck. And...

Yeah. Is this in a lot? That was my dream car. I loved her. That's Regina George. I love that. Is this in a lawsuit? Are you guys, you know, suing over this? It was at the time. Yeah. It's been two years now. Yeah. God, I can't believe that was two years ago. Do you miss her? I do miss her. Well, I'm glad you guys are safe. What happened? What injuries did you get from this? My face was insane. Yeah. Can we pull up a picture of her face? Yeah.

It's on your Snapchat right now? Yeah, but it's probably on there. You type in face. Oh, I like that it came up when you... Oh, yeah. Look at that. It was like that for a while, too. Right here, they never said that if it was broken or not, but they thought my cheekbone was broken. But I had this weird dent for the longest time in my face when I would smile. And sometimes it actually still hurts, but...

My face was like mainly the issue. Like I was bruised and everything all over, but then Caden like really messed up his elbow and had stitches and stuff. Yeah. But it definitely could have been a lot worse. Way worse. Right. Especially getting hit by a Penske truck. That's crazy. Yeah. They were like, you guys should have been dead. Wow. Um,

Definitely should have. But then there's, of course, people that thought I was drinking and driving, but obviously I would have been arrested. Yeah. Caden was definitely hammered, but he wasn't driving. I do have to ask you about the pastor scandal. Can we have some insight and clarity on that whole situation? Yeah. And if people didn't tune in for the baby mama drama, this is definitely what they're coming for. But if anything has ever happened,

said on social media, if I post anything or if anyone's like, you know what? Like she's such a great person. There's going to be those people that comment back immediately within five seconds. And like, did you not hear that? She slept with her pastor on a mission trip. And I shared it right after it happened. Cause I don't even know how it got out. I guess one of like my friends had leaked it somewhere. Um, those aren't friends. Yeah. I don't even know who it was, but I know they're not in my life anymore. They are. Yeah.

And I don't know, like there's certain people that I share certain details with, which, you know what? Like it's not anything to hide. I shared part of my response to it right after it happened, but then I got married and when these comments come up and people want me to talk about it, I just didn't think it was respectful to talk about when I'm married. And I also didn't want to hurt his image even more either because yes, he, so long story short,

I had been going to this church in Nashville since I lived here. So for a long time. And I honestly should have left like a while ago because I was leading a small group and I got pregnant and they told me to step down because I had a baby. I was having a baby out of wedlock. And I ended up just, I did step down, but I,

took the small group outside of the church and they stayed with me. They were like, that's BS, honestly, which it was, but I understand that you're held to a different standard, leading a small group, whatever. Um, but I ended up going there, staying there for a long time. And, um,

A mission trip opportunity came up to go to Kenya. I was super back and forth about it, but I was excited about it. And I just felt like the devil was trying to make me not go just because it was out of my comfort zone. I didn't know anyone going on the trip. And then randomly I always had this, like there's campus pastors and they're not the ones that like mainly speak, but they speak a few times a year. They come and give announcements on the stage. I randomly had one that would like randomly just like reply back to like my sermon post or like a biblical song or like whatever it is.

Um, and I never thought anything of it. Like if he still had social media, I wish I could pull up those receipts where I didn't respond when he like liked like the story or whatever it was. But then he had reached out and I was like, Hey, I'm like actually the one leading this trip. And I was like, Oh, okay. Like he seems pretty cool. Like maybe I should go. And I feel like I know him since he is always on stage or doing whatever. Um,

So I didn't really know him and I was still super nervous to go. It wasn't until like that week that we were leaving that I was like, everyone else is getting their vaccines and all this stuff. And I'm like, eh, whatever. It'll work out. I ended up going.

And I've always been one to like really read people. If someone's going through something, I feel like a weight on my chest. If I'm in Walmart, I'll have like a random like weight on my chest and I'm like someone in here is going through something because like I know how to separate it now where I used to not. I used to be like, okay, something's like going on. Like why do I have anxiety for no reason? But it's usually just someone else's weight. And I felt that and we were all in a group chat.

for the mission trip. But then like when we were in the group at the airport, I had mentioned how like, like the wifi sucks on planes and like we have like a 24 hour flight basically. And, um, I was hoping that the wifi didn't suck, but then when we got on the plane, he messaged me outside of the group and was like, Oh yeah, the wifi does suck. Ha ha. And I was like, that's weird. So it kind of threw me off a little bit, but then I kept feeling that weight. Once we got there, we all like split up into groups and all this stuff. And I was always in his group. Um,

And so, I mean, I felt comfortable enough to ask. I was like, hey, I feel like you have a demon. Like, what's going on? And he was like, wait, what? And I was like, I don't know. I just like feel your vibes and I feel like there's something going on that you're not sharing. And he ended up telling me that he was going through a divorce. And he was like, it's really hard because I can't be going through a divorce while being a pastor. Like, it's part of like our thing. Like, we'll get fired, all this stuff. And I totally understood that.

And I was like, well, you're still wearing your ring and all this stuff. And I hadn't gone through a divorce before at this time. Like I didn't, I thought it was kind of like cut and dry, like whatever that saying is, whatever. Um, and just thought, okay, they probably like signed papers. Cause he had said they had papers that they had signed and like figured stuff out, but that not all the details are figured out yet. And he was still wearing his ring. And I was, and he was, he basically said that he was still wearing his ring because the son that he took on the mission trip.

didn't know in this like he had a tradition to where each one of the kids got to go on a mission trip and this was his son's first time doing that and he didn't want to ruin the experience all very believable like I still believe a lot of it to this day um and so nothing happened on the trip we did not sleep together on the trip um and technically in my mind he was getting divorced or divorced didn't really know like he would show me messages like we started when we got home

We hung out and then things kind of like progressed a little bit to where I was getting feelings for him just because to me, it seemed like he was responsible and he had kids and like he kind of knew that life of like, hey, I love the Lord, but like I'm going through a divorce, but I also know like how to be around children. And I didn't really think that was like possible with other people. I don't know. I just didn't think anyone would be interested, one in a single mom, but also like love Jesus and love.

Whatever. So he would show me messages and stuff about like the divorce and from his wife, I guess at the time, um, about the divorce and like how he wasn't staying there and like he would move out, but then like she had to get a job and all of this crazy stuff, but I was seeing it. So it was true. Like it was happening. And then he was on sabbatical at the time. And so he was away from the church, I guess like off, I think it was like a month and a half. And, um,

His sabbatical was about to end and he was like, I'm going to go back and I'm going to talk to the pastor there and meet with him and let him know what's going on and kind of like put my notice in. And he was supposed to go, he was going back on a Monday and his meeting was on a Wednesday. He had gone in on that Monday and texted me and was like, I feel like something like weird is going on. And he asked me to meet today and he was completely thrown off guard because he thought this was just a meeting and not like he wasn't quitting on this day. He was just going to see somebody.

And I was like, okay, well, whatever happens, like, I mean, it's going to be fine regardless. Like I'll be praying about it, but I was like, whatever you feel led to do, do it. Like whatever it is. Like, I don't know all of the demons you're facing because clearly there was a lot more going on than what I was told. And at that time I lived in my old house and I had like a war room in there to where I would put all my prayers on the walls and stuff. And that was like all that that was room, that room was used for. And I even put on there like, Hey,

Lord, like if he's meant to be with his wife and they rekindle, like that's amazing. Like let that happen and let me be fine with it. Like let it be okay. Like let whatever decision he needs to do, like let him do it. He texted me right after that meeting. And it was like this very like generic message that was like, unlike anything that he'd ever said. It was just like, I'm leaving for, I'm leaving for 30 to 60 days. I won't have my phone. I'm ending communication here.

what the hell and I was like wait what and the crazier thing about it is that I responded and my message went through green I was already blocked so like out of like this whole time of like talking and like him talking to me about everything and like wanting a future with me like all this crazy stuff and you guys were having relations during this time yes but just not in Kenya yeah not in Kenya okay um like I I

Really did at the time like him a lot. Yeah. And he was always talking about a future and like how like he wanted to start his own church that wasn't religion like based, but like relationship based and just not like everyone can actually feel welcome to go. Right. And so I waited a while because I was in the dark really with I didn't know what was going on. I was like, that message is weird.

But like, where is he getting sent off to? Like, why are you going to be gone for 30 to 60 days or 30, 60 to 90 days actually. Um, so I waited and waited and waited. Nothing ever came by it. And then one day I remember I was sitting on my couch upstairs and I was praying. I was like, Lord, like I literally like, I'm sorry for asking for so many signs. Cause that shows like weakness and me not fully trusting in you. And I was like, so whatever, like, don't give me a sign. Then he FaceTimes me randomly.

after I think probably a little over a month. And at first I didn't answer because I was like bawling my eyes out. I was like, Lord, what are you doing? And he was like, I only have like four minutes to talk. I'm at a rehab. They sent me here. I'm never, I never sent you that text. Like the lead pastor sent it to you. They have your name blocked from any time like you text or email me, like you're not allowed to reach out.

Um, they want me here to work on my marriage, like all this stuff. Um, I love you, whatever. Like I won't be able to communicate again, but just like know that I love you. And I was like, okay, so there's that me thinking kind of like that was a sign. Like it'll still work out because if he's telling me this, like what's actually going on, you finally answered the FaceTime or did you leave us in a message? Okay. Yeah. And we didn't have long to talk. Like I couldn't ask like, okay, like, so what's the plan here? Are you going back? Like,

Should I like peace out? Like, yeah, I can respect that. Like be honest with me. So I waited again this time, like probably like a month and a half. And then my family had come in town for Thanksgiving that I was hosting. And I got this like very, an email sent from my wife. And you can tell because he had a new email and it was him and his wife's name at gmail.com.

And I could tell that it was just like, I'm so sorry for everything. Like not to me. I'm so sorry to my wife and to the church, like of everything that I ever did. Like I shouldn't have hurt them that way. Like don't reach out again. Don't reach, like don't do anything. Don't like mention anything about me. This was all a mistake, like very cut and dry. And then I honestly never heard from him again after that. So it was like very strange. It's like part of me was like, was he lying the whole time?

This is like some shit you watch on fucking Lifetime movies. Like this is wild. It was insane because the church started hating me. And I was like, first of all, y'all. Why do they always attack the woman and the man never gets held to the same accountability? And I'm like, y'all should have seen if there were issues, like mental issues going on with him before this. Because they had mentioned that like, oh, Drew had just been through a lot. And like, we didn't like know what he was going through. And I'm like,

Y'all were walking with him every day. Y'all should have been mentors. Y'all should have been helping him and guiding him and like leading him in the right path. Let alone letting him go on church trips and church trips. Like what? I'm sorry. There's a disconnect there, but also someone should have kept me in the loop here. Right. Like, Hey, I'm still married. I'm going to work on my marriage or like, I'm actually, I was like, all he could have said is I was going through a divorce. Right.

But then I was led to stay with my family and rekindle that. Yeah. That would have been great because I was also praying for that. So the whole time that I was kind of like in the dark, I was praying that if he decided to go back to his wife, that like his kids wouldn't have trauma from this. Like I was praying for his kids and like there was like a misconception. People are like, well, she said that he got kicked out of the church because his son was gay. And I'm like, first of all, I never said that. People take whatever they want and they run with it. I was saying that,

He wanted to leave the church anyway because someone on staff there did have a child. And I didn't want to say his or her or anything just because I didn't want people to find out who it was and then them get them meet out them basically. And so I said someone else there had been a pastor and had a child that could have been gay.

And that's fine. But he was telling me that he didn't appreciate that because they didn't get to preach as much because of that situation. It was looked like it was frowned upon. And I didn't believe in that either. I was like, no, that sucks. That's wrong. And he was going to leave anyway before he even met me or just because I wasn't the deciding factor on him getting divorced. When we met, he told me he was going through a divorce. Yeah. And was even showing you text messages between him and his wife. Like, what are you supposed to believe? Yeah. And so...

I believe that he was going through it, but I mean, I also think that he should have said, Hey, I'm going to work this out with her. Yeah. Like sayonara. Yeah. But it didn't work out that way. And I think that they were still together. I would assume. Yeah. Um, I hope so. At least that not all of that was for, uh,

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I just hate that the church turned against you and the whole thing. You know, like I understand maybe his wife being upset, you know, understandably. But just for the church to turn their backs on you, like it's just crazy to me that, you know, this has happened to you numerous times in your life, you know, and it's like. Clearly she has something for pastors. And I'm like, okay, well, maybe, I don't know. Maybe I did. I think you, I think because, and this is just my opinion,

reading from your whole story that I've learned today is, you know, losing a dad at such a young age, it's, you're going to carry that through life and men that lead you, whether they're pastors or just leading you in life, you're always going to be attracted to that because that's something that you haven't had. Yeah. As a child. So, I mean, and listening to you explain this story, it makes 100% total sense. Um, you know,

why you, you were involved with this man because you truly believe that you guys had a future together. It's not like you went in there intentionally and was like, I'm going to break up a marriage. You know, this man came to you and said his marriage was over and that's what people need to understand. And they need to stop judging you for just leading with your heart, you know, and you do trust. I have noticed you trust very easily. Whereas which is wild. It should be the opposite. Yeah. Yeah.

I think when it comes to men that are in a certain light, like, you know, you want to be able to trust men of the Lord. And you want to be able to think that this is like a picture perfect scenario. And you don't want to think that they're lying, you know. And for him to have to have gone away to rehab, obviously there was another situation going on, you know. There was something going on that he wasn't telling me. Yeah. Clearly I was not...

I wasn't getting told a lot. Yeah, definitely. I was in the dark a lot before I even realized that I was in the dark. Yeah, definitely more to the story there than... I think he had a lot more issues than just cheating on his wife, you know, especially to have to go away for 60 to 90 days. So I am thankful it didn't work out for you because that sounds like it would have been a nightmare. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, I think through all of this and all of the lessons that you're learning, I think...

I'm tired of growing now. You said you're tired of growing? Girl, get used to it, man. I'm 45 and I still learn lessons. Like it's to this day, I'm just like, oh, okay, Lord, I see what you're doing. All right. I know, I know why this lesson's coming back around. So you're, you're never, you're, you're, you aren't growing if you aren't learning. So I think you just, um, you know, keep leading with love like you are, but maybe be a little more cautious when it comes to the men. You said something to me.

when I told you I was going through therapy and you said it was something to do with our signs and that if I didn't change it or if I didn't fix it, it would keep coming back around. Yeah. So if you don't learn, if you don't learn the lesson, it'll keep presenting itself to you in different bodies. Yes. And I was like, okay, thankfully I realized that it was like,

It was a me thing. And then I needed to fix it because I was like, this could not happen again. I don't want to hurt anyone. Like I want things to be stable. And thankfully I'm like, okay, we're healing the root this time. So no more bodies, please Lord. Just help me heal. I feel like with Luke, you've kind of broken that pattern though a little bit. He's not like the other typical. He's not, but I still was still.

me not healing from my trauma. Right. Absolutely. Yes, for sure. But as far as like the men go in your life, I feel like you've gone a different trajectory with Luke. Thankfully. Yes. Which speaking of Luke, let's get into that. We met at the ACMs when I was with them. And it's funny because we met, um, the first time we met, we were downstairs at the hotel bar and I didn't think anything of it. Cause I was, I still liked Caden. Um,

Was Luca a Montana boy or was he anything like that? No. He's in the tack house. Okay. I knew he was in something. Yeah. And I didn't know anything about him at all. Didn't know who he was because I never did TikTok back then. I still really don't even get on TikTok. My comments are off right now because people are rude.

But I also just don't check it enough to do damage control. Right. And I don't want to have to worry about it. So when it got deleted, I was very excited for like those five hours that it was gone. Your TikTok? Yes. I was like, oh, finally not to worry about it. And I was like, wait, I can just turn my comments off and not even have to think about it. I hate that you even have to do that, though. Well, people are much nicer on Instagram. You can filter your comments so you don't have to turn them off. Yeah, but then people can still look at the bottom and do review comments and then like

I love that. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. I didn't even know that. They're still like on there to review. I'm like, I don't want to see him because then I'm going to end up getting feisty. Yeah. So I'll get real feisty if I like something like irks me. And I'm like, you know what? We're just gonna keep our mouth shut. Yeah. But I met him downstairs right after the ACMs. And he asked me for my chapstick, which is I didn't even I didn't know who he was. And I was just like, OK, fine.

um, you're a better woman than I had. I've been like, no. Yeah. I didn't even know. I was just like, okay. So we started talking. Um, I don't know. We talked like a lot that night, but I still didn't think anything of it. Um, cause we were going to one of the well-known saloons over there, um, right after. And so I was going with Caden and Whitney and then they were doing their own thing. They were, she was actually with Montana boys that night and wanted me to be

with them and I was like absolutely not and then Kayden was with someone else and so that's all we need is KT with the Montana boys yeah I was like no thank you she's like I don't want that headline yeah I didn't want to like go back to their place that they were staying I was just like I'm not I'm not feeling that so I tried to go back in our hotel but Kayden was occupying the room couldn't get in didn't have a key um and it was a lot and so I don't remember how

But somehow I stayed in Luke's room with him and his friend Jackson. And we didn't even really like talk that night. I was just telling them like what my situation was. I was like, I didn't want to go sleep with some random dude. I don't know. And then Caden's doing Lord knows what in our room. And so I stayed in their room. The next morning we had early flights. So the next morning I left my boots that I was wearing in the

And because we didn't even really talk, I just kind of like up and left like, hey, thanks for letting me sleep in here. Basically saved my life because where else was I going to sleep that night? Yeah. And I was going to like leave the hotel room. I didn't even have Luke's number. And he had had like left my little boots by my hotel room door. And first of all, that never happens for me. People are just rude. And they would have just left him there when they were checking out too. But he like left my boots by the door. And I was like, wow, that was nice. Yeah.

So then me and Whitney walked over to Cheesecake Factory before we had to leave. And I was like, you know what? Luke's actually pretty cute. And she was like, went and snapped him. She was like, Katie thinks you're cute. And then he responded back and was like, give me her number now. And so it went from there. We started talking. And a week later, he flew to Nashville, was supposed to stay for two days and stayed for two weeks there.

Um, and then went back to the tack house, told him that he was leaving. And then a few days later moved to Nashville and in with me. Yeah. You guys seemed like you guys were really in the beginning, really like getting along and like, just like good influences on each other. He seemed like he settled into your life pretty easy. Oh yeah. He was absolutely amazing with Indigo. Um,

Just the best. And I mean, I took a lot of security in that too, just because being a single mom, I feel like it's hard to even be in a relationship because you don't know how other people are going to be with kids. Right. Um, especially ones that are not their own. Right. And how it would be like, and look future wise. But he stepped into that role and was absolutely amazing. Um, Indigo loves him. He loves Indigo. It was just, it meshed really well. Um,

And I loved Luke. I love Luke. I'll always love Luke. I don't know like what will happen, but it was just a lot. So there's like throughout our relationship, I just had issues with

Certain things and like we both did social media and that's basically I feel like impossible for two people to both Do that career and for it to be lasting? For me like I had said earlier like I want to be in a soft girl era and not feel like I have to take care of so much but I was taking care of the bills and like all of the bills except for half the rent I would pay half the rent and then the rest and

And that's just also who I am as a person. Like I offer to do it, but then it gets to a point where it's like, I don't want to have to hold everything together. Yeah. Take care of the chickens and do like manly things like that and lawn work and all that stuff. And then, I don't know. I just wanted to enter my softer era. Yeah. But I, social media thing was kind of an ick for me. And that was my fault for getting into it, knowing that he did that.

Um, I wasn't looking at it like that. I was just, I didn't care because I loved him so much. Do you think that you also maybe are carrying, um, some traumas from the Morgan relationship into this because of how, like you found out that he was like cheating on you was through social media and girls damning you. So it's like, you probably have that wound still. Yes. And I told him that. So like the whole relationship, like he didn't really understand why I had such an ick from it. And neither did I. Cause I was like,

I don't know. Like one, I did, I did not like being in videos that were planned. Like I didn't want to like act on social media. I'm like very authentic and I don't want it to be like, Oh, that looked bad. Let's redo it. I'd rather just like kind of do it or, Hey, I'm going to build this act surprise when you see it type thing. I just didn't want to be part of that. And that like drove a wedge in our relationship of like, Hey, you make your own content. I'm going to make my own content.

Don't involve me in it. Well, then he looks at that as not being supportive. And it, that was just like a huge thing for us was I wasn't going to be in his videos. What would his videos be about? Like views, likes all this stuff. And then it wasn't until I started therapy after I announced, cause I had always gone to therapy, but I was like, this time I need to work on me. Like I need to figure out why I am the way I am, why I can't be codependent.

and why I just feel like I need control. And it wasn't until I started therapy that I was like, okay, the ick does come from my past trauma. And I didn't want Luke to feel like, get all of his validation from all these strangers and women on the internet and then turn into what it did in my prior relationship. And secretly, I guess I was scared of that. Like, why are you seeking so much validation from all these people? Right.

When I'm right here. And then it gets to where the whole thing, like what my therapist says is that I never felt like I was enough. And so I didn't want it to turn into that. And then guys hurt so much different. Once they're hurt once, they kind of build up a wall. So we had already announced that we were getting divorced. I was like, hey, let's work on things. How did you guys make the decision to get to lead to divorce? Was it, was that you that initiated it? Well, we had talked about it multiple times because I would bring it up. I'm a runner. Yeah.

And I would, if something happened to me, it's like, okay, well, I won't have my peace unless I'm alone. And that's like that. It's the freaking trauma of being independent. Like nothing bad will happen if I'm by myself. It's so big of you to be able to realize this though. The self-awareness that you have is really like awesome. Thank you. Well, I wish I would have had a little bit sooner, but I told him, I was like, I'm glad it happened the way it did though, because I,

I wouldn't have known that I needed to work on myself. I wouldn't have known that why I'm too independent with the family situation that happened, but also with Morgan. Um, and I wouldn't know like why I hated social media so much and like why, like all of this tied together. It's like, you didn't think I was supportive. I could have been a better wife, but with the social media stuff, um,

How can I like be attracted to you if I don't see you as manly type thing with like the social media. Right. And it was stuff that easily could have been worked out if we both knew where our issues stemmed from. And I was like, I'm getting to the root of this stuff. Like, let's work it out. Like, I didn't want you seeking validation. And that's the only reason I thought it was icky. And I wanted to be able to be in a softer area instead of being like the head of the household. But after I announced it, he said that I disposed of him.

too easily and that he had never felt supported so like he put up a wall and so then it's been like me fighting for a marriage and going through like the therapy and he was like forgive me if I never think that you'll heal or saying that like the Lord can't work miracles and stuff and I'm like you can't be on social media talking about like being a Christian and like doing all the stuff for your videos and for your views if you're not living it out so I was like you need to be real with this like

We can make it work and be each other's biggest supporters and cheerleaders or it's toxic and there's nothing in between because you can't keep me back and forth of like, hey, you see me at the gym and you like want to hug and like be all nice and like randomly text me about all this stuff. And then when I'm like, hey, come over or let's let's work on this. Like, let's do this. Let's do that. Nothing. And so it's been even now very in between where it's like, hey.

We either go through with a divorce or we work it out and the ball's in your court. I was like, I was paying for an attorney anyway, but I'm not paying for divorce for a marriage that I've been fighting for. So if you wanted to get divorced, you can take it over. He posted a video and you can tell he's pretty sad and he looks really sad. Um, you know, and again, I don't know if that's okay. I was going to say, I didn't know if that was for views or for the attention. Um,

But, you know, I can see where his feelings would be hurt. Now, listening to the story, I can understand how he's feeling. He's probably scared, you know, and he he probably doesn't want to let that wall down and come back and then it happen again because it's going to hurt even worse. Yeah. But I don't want to let I don't want that to happen either. Yeah. So it's like at this point where it's just hard because now I'm like, is he just going to cut off and not if he comes back and then we end up working it out? Is there going to be a cut off point to where?

He just leaves and it's fine. Or, and I'm going to think like, okay, well all these times I was having panic attacks. Like where were you type thing? So I'm also scared, but it's something that, I mean, we signed up for this. We have, we made a covenant. Like it is what it is. We should be fighting for it. And I wanted him to be like, Hey, we're not going to try to make it work. We are going to make it work. And that let me down when that didn't happen. But I was like, okay, I'm not going to let my trauma affect that. I'm still going to attempt to fight. But if,

He doesn't want to fight, then I'm going to let it go. So I'm still very much in between with that. I'll be fine on my own. I know I will. I always have been. Yeah. But I'm also going to fight for a marriage that I signed up for. Marriage is hard. And I think that's what a lot of people don't realize. And the first, I don't know if you've listened to my podcast before, but I've told this story a million times. The first three years of Jay and I's relationship,

I don't know how we made it through. Like, we had so many breakups, so much fucking shit we did to each other. Like, it was just...

I don't even know how we got, those people are not the same people that are in this marriage now. And I mean, it's almost a decade. And you had to work for it. You have to, you have to fight for it. And that's where it got with the J and I was finally that third year we looked at each other and we said, either we're going to make this work and we're going to better ourselves and become better humans, or we're going to go our separate ways. And that was all we both needed to start working on ourselves. And,

you know, you're getting therapy. Maybe he needs to, you guys need to do therapy together because that's what helped Jay and I too. Like I've asked, yeah, I'm trying to get him to that point of like, Hey, I'm not going to force you to go, but like just come. Yeah. Because my therapist has seen the worst of me and she's seen the issues that I know I need to work on before when we were going through our issues, um,

I knew there was things I needed to work on, but I didn't know how to work on being a more supportive wife and being more affectionate for him. Yeah. But now I'm like, I want to love you, right? And I want to do this and I want to better myself. Like, I know that I'm capable of it and I want you, I want to establish roles in our marriage so that it can work out. Like, you be the man and I actually be...

A little bit softer. Maybe he's scared of having to be the man, you know? I mean, he was only 22. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I didn't know he was only... How old are you? 30. Oh, okay. So, okay. Okay, fair. He's going to be 23 next month. So there is a seven-year age gap. Yeah. But he's very mature for his age. And I mean, if I can own up to all the issues that I've had and needing to be in control and just not being supportive of him doing social media for a living, like...

A lot of people get through much worse. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And so it's just having to fight for it. Yeah. Fighting for it takes work. Your breakup wasn't scandalous. No. You know, the internet tries to make it seem like it's like this big, huge, like, oh my gosh, and this wow moment. No, someone must have cheated or she's seeing someone new and I'm like, I'm mad.

I'm married. I'm not seeing someone new. Thank you. Yeah. And I, it's really just communication and just you, you needed to grow a little bit, but I also remember how I was at 22 and I, where I was at 22 and where I was at 30 or two different people. Same with you. I'm sure. Yeah. So it's like, you know,

Even if it doesn't work out, at least the blessing from this relationship for you was the growth and being able to start working through all the shit that has hurt you in the past. Because Katie, I'm really blown away by your story. I didn't expect to hear all the things that I heard today from you. And you have a real testimony here, you know? And I think you're finally starting to realize that because now you're starting to love yourself and, you know, doing the therapy, doing the work and actually trying to,

is such a beautiful thing. And I feel like we were never fully healed. We're always going to be healing, but you're already on that journey. And maybe that's what Luke's purpose was in your life was to send you on that journey. Yeah. I would have never seen those issues within myself. Like I would have gone to therapy, but yeah,

Anytime I got into therapy before, it was very like situational. Like, hey, this is what's going on now. And so when I went, I was like, we're not going to talk about Luke right now. We're not going to talk about anything else. Let's get to the root of all these issues and then we can try to talk about it. Yeah, because you're ready. There comes a time where you just get sick of yourself.

And you're like, I need to fix something. Obviously something's broken in me. This generational curse is not going to keep going. We're stopping it now. Well, I'm going to pray for you and Luke, and I really hope that you guys can figure it out. And if not, just keep on this path that you're on for sure because –

You have a glow to you. And I mean, I just I love you seeing this transition in you because I have been watching you for the past couple of years. So I really love to see this version of you. Thank you. Not my fireball. I like I mean, I like the fireball self, too. So what where do you go from here? What's what are you interested in doing for, you know, moving as far as like moving on?

I want to buy a house. Yeah. I want to have more farm animals. Yes. What do you have right now? Tell everybody. Just chickens and ducks. Chickens and ducks. You're a chicken and duck mama. Yes. I love them with everything in me. Right before I came here, actually, I was just giving them all their mealworms and just hand feeding them and, you know, just being a mom because I dropped Indigo off right before that. So it's like, okay, well...

What else am I going to do? I have to be a mom somehow if he's not here. I get it. I don't even want to leave my animals. My entire content has turned into farming content. And it's the best. Dude, I can't wait to go home and squeeze crunch. Like I'm just so excited to see my animals. So I know how it is whenever you're a farm mama. They really do just bring all the joy. I mean, I don't know. I would love to have more kids. Beforehand, I was a little bit scarred by that idea.

Just because of like what I went through with pregnancy and then like the whole co-parenting thing. But I want more kids. I've always desired more kids. Yeah.

But if not, and if it's just me and Indigo and animals, that's great too. I think you'll have more babies. I hope so. Yeah. He's like in the phase now towards like, okay, he'd be fine if I had another baby now. How old is he now? He's four and a half. Okay. Yeah. He's going to have his Indy 500 birthday in July. Oh, I love that. So I'm super excited about that. But other than that, you know, just still.

volunteering and doing social media and hope to start my own business. Let's talk about your volunteering. Cause I, I think that's so beautiful. Uh, she was going to do the podcast, um, a couple of days ago and she was like, but this is when I volunteer at the jail. And I was just like, Oh my God, she's so cute. Yeah. Um, so I work for a nonprofit called youth for Christ and I have for three years and there's different branches of it under one big umbrella. Um,

And there's like one where you work with teen moms. There's just like mostly like low income families. And then there's a juvenile justice ministry and I work in the juvenile justice ministry. So I go to I used to go to a juvenile like all the time. And then that got taken over after I got in my wreck. And so once I kind of saw that, how good the person that came in was at that. I was like, you know what? Like, I don't need to be in that position.

um, juvenile anymore. She's got that taken care of. So now I go to a prison that's in Murfreesboro and a lot of people think that kids can't be in prison. Like they think it's like still like a juvenile, but this one's just like actual cells and like strictness and stuff. But it's ages 13 to 17. Um, but the girl I work with in there, she's 13. Um, and so I see her on Mondays and then on Wednesdays I go to an alternative learning school. Um,

And so it's just basically, like, a lot of people don't know what an ALC is. And it's just, like, basically when you've either fought too much or got in trouble or there's drugs involved, you get kicked out, and you have to go to a different, stricter school with no freedom. Tennessee does not have, like, a rehabilitative, like,

program for teenagers. Like any, like they really don't, there's nothing out here, especially for like mental health or like anything. Not at all. They just don't even care. No, they kids can be showing so many signs. Yeah. And that's what leads to all this other stuff. That's such like a controversy in the world today. Yeah. It's like, there's so many signs and I feel like mental health, if that was actually taken care of, yes, all of this would be alleviated. Cause like, yes, you can come from bad homes and, um,

the like the system can fail you but like if at least the schools were more involved with mental health then they could get through what they were going through absolutely no one cares enough to even do that that's what kind of where we step in as to where it's like hey I'm not a therapist but I mean I did go to school for psychology but like I want to be able to be there for you you can tell me anything you can vent to me I can talk to you about whatever it is and

get beyond a surface level with you. Like a mentor. Yes. You can talk to me about anything and

no one else is going to help. So at least we let them like be kids. Like we play a game with them. Yeah. We make bracelets. We do all that stuff. Um, I would love to come and help. Yeah. Whatever I can do. I would love it. We'll definitely talk after this, but I would love to do something like that with you and even have Bailey come with us. Cause I think she would get a, just a kick out of it. She loves helping people like that too. She would love it too. Cause I mean the prison's

so much different than the alternative learning school, which I take snacks in there and hang out with her and stuff. It depends if people are coming in or going out, but there's one girl that's consistently in there because she got arrested for first-degree murder. But at a young age, it was a tough scenario. So we're praying for the best and all of that, but at least while we're in there, she's getting loved on and knowing that she's worth it and that her future can be so much more than

What happened when she was 10? I want to love on these babies too. And even at the alternative learning school, they're just, they're sassy for a reason. They all have crazy upbringings and it's like, Hey, for at least this hour and a half, like be a kid. Talk to me about what you want to like, tell me what you're stressed about. Let's make bracelets. Let's eat snacks and just be girls or girly pop time. I love your heart. It's really cool. I love all that you pour into the world and it's all going to come back to you.

I love them. Yeah. Even if it's hard to get through life the way it is like right now, like it just, it helps being with them. Yeah. It's therapeutic for your soul too. For sure. Yeah. I'm so proud of you and your story is really beautiful. And I really hope that this podcast, um, opens up a lot of people's hearts and their eyes to who you really are as a human. Thank you. You're welcome. And you can come back anytime.

Of course, and maybe it won't be as cold. Yeah, well, you know, obviously I'll pay my propane bill, so. $21. $21. But Katie, thank you for being here. I appreciate you so much. Of course, thank you for having me. Of course. And if people want to find you, where can they find you? Shout out your socials. At Jombo, I'm Katie on Instagram. And I think it's kind of the same. I don't really post on TikTok anymore, but same on Snapchat and TikTok. Come back to TikTok. Do not let these people...

dim your shine okay they don't they don't deserve that that's what they want like you have such a light to shine and god's working through you in so many ways like who who cares about the 10 people who have bad things i mean you know to people who cares about all the shit bags who have anything to say when there's so many other people that just love you and embrace you don't let them there are a lot of good yeah there's a lot of good there's more good than there is bad

And it's always easy to pay attention to the bad. Trust me, I get it. But it's just there's so much more positivity, you know, and I just don't think that I'll come back. I post on there, but maybe one day soon I'll put my comments back on. Come back. I mean, you don't even got to put the comments back on. Just fucking come back and post and, you know, spread your sunshine. Thank you. I will. Hopefully. Till next time, my love. Till next time. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye.

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