Season 8: Best Of (Part 2)
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Is this thing on? Hi, babies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, we have somebody who I absolutely adore, my sister from another mista, my feminine rage soul sister over here. I mean, the music she makes is just speaks to your soul. It's Miranda Lambert. How are you doing? Hello.

I'm so happy to have you here. Thanks for having me in your new pretty studio. I know. Did it scare you when it came in here? No, I love it. You do love it? It's awesome. It looks like you. Aw, I appreciate that so much. What have you been up to? You're like in and out of Nashville all the time. You guys just got back from Europe, correct? Yeah, we went to Italy. It was awesome. It was like the first time I've ever been to Europe without work.

It's like I've never like just gone to Europe for fun. Yeah. I mean, which works out usually when we're like touring over there. You just stay for fun and make it a trip. But my manager, Marianne, had a big birthday. So we went to celebrate her in Italy and.

Ate all the pasta and took a brain break. It was nice. That's amazing. I don't know how to take a break without working either. So to be able to disconnect and like go to another country and just vibe out is like, I think they go into the other countries, the ticket, because the time zone is so, um,

like all of everybody here's asleep till like your five o'clock and then my five o'clock, I'm already drinking wine. So I'm like, well, I can't answer you. Sorry. Catch me tomorrow. Yeah, exactly. So it was great. We just got back, but we have a record coming out. So it's like,

We had a busy year and then just took that two week gap of like reset before the rest. Yeah, absolutely. Where did you guys go? We went to Lake Como, which I'd never been to. It's beautiful. And that's in Italy, correct? Okay. And then it's like an hour from Florence and then we went to Florence and then we went to Tuscany, like in the hills of Tuscany. That's so romantic. It was so peaceful. And like they just,

Do life better. Yeah. Do they just are, it's just everything slowed down. Like it's not, we're just chaotic Americans chasing all of our dreams and doing everything fast, you know? Yeah. Which I love that part about home. And I miss it when I'm like somewhere really quiet like that. I'm like,

It's fun for a few days. I'm like, okay, where's all the action? Where's the loudness? Is it hard for you to relax? Because I know like whenever my husband and I go on vacation too, like the first two days we'll be like, oh, this is great. And then the third day we're like, all right, we'll get back on the phones or we'll like start posting. And it's just so hard to break from that. I think it takes like three days sometimes.

To really like get in to like, or more sometimes just to calm down. You know what I mean? So two weeks we were, we kind of took just two weeks off. And so it was like,

a little panicky, but then once you settle into it, it's like, you really need to do it. You just don't know you need to until you get the chance, you know? Yeah. I think that's been my biggest lesson this year is learning how to relax and not pile on so much. Cause I'm, I'm, I think you're a lot like me too. We just go, go, go. We're just like trained to go. Yes. And this year I've been trying to teach myself to just kind of relax a little bit. Do you feel like

that's how it's been for you this year? Yeah, for sure. I mean, I've reached a pretty high level of burnout last summer and I didn't realize what it was until I was like, I think this is what they call burnout. Like just from just not taking a break or like a long enough one, you know, just a couple of days at a time just wasn't enough for like the amount of busyness. And so I just feel like we have to learn the balance. It's really hard when you're so driven to like,

into doing nothing. But if you don't recharge, it's like then you're only operating at 50% anyway. Absolutely. You know, like the recharging is so important. It's just hard to do. It is. And I mean, you've been in the industry, what, 24 years? Yeah. That's a long time. So for you to just have reached burnout last year, you're a savage. What?

Like you are an animal. Well, I think it's like, and it wasn't like the burnout where I'm like, I'm quitting forever. It was just like one of those moments. I've had those over the years. And honestly, a lot of it for musicians, as you know, because you're on tour is like,

August, like when you're doing summer tours, like I think y'all did last year. Yeah. We started earlier last year. Yeah. And so by the time August comes, you're like, I've been hot all year. You're playing outside. You're just like, August is usually like the, everyone's like, I don't want to tour anymore. It's like, yes, you do. It's just August. Right. It's just what we do in August. But, and then you take a break and you're like, okay, I'm ready again. But yeah, it's, um, I don't know. I just think,

I'm starting to learn a better how to balance like actually living your life because as a creative, if you don't let go, live your life, there's nothing to write about. There's nothing to like, there's no fuel. You know what I mean? If you just constantly are going to the next goal, it's like,

not sitting in the success either of what you've already done, you know? Absolutely. And I think it, that also comes with age too, because I'm actually four years older than you. And when I hit 40, I, my life was like, I've got to change something because I lived in chaos for so long. And I feel like from 40 to like 44, you kind of like learn to start stopping and smelling the roses. And it's like, you almost kind of like

can taste life if that makes sense. Like before it's like, you're just kind of going through the motions and then it's like, once you reach a certain age, you kind of get to a point where you're just like, wait,

I enjoy doing this or I, you know, like you love doing your dog thing and like, you know, stuff like that. Like you start to like the little things you start to enjoy and appreciate a little bit more. Can we go back to your parents? Because I heard a really cute story that your parents took you on a stakeout when you were like three years old. My parents were private investigators. My dad was a police officer and my mom was a PI and my dad, my mom talked my dad into being a police officer.

being her partner. So they were Lambert and Lambert. I'm like, real clever guys. Like, do better. I'm a songwriter. That's not acceptable. It's like Alpha and Omega. Exactly. They were, so they had a PI for my whole childhood and they mostly did Divorce and Child Custody, which is where I think I got a lot of my early songs because I'm like 17 writing divorce songs. It's like, you know what I mean? You had so much

you know material yeah so but yeah my mom took me on my first job her she had a job that was like going to I think it was Padre Island which is like yeah yeah and um she needed she had to be make friends with this like um lady and her three-year-old so she was like well perfect I have a three-year-old and so she's like brings me on that's my first plane ride and like

I guess the person they were working for won the case because I became best friends with this three-year-old and my mom knew all the dirt on this lady. So it was, I mean, all my whole life. One time I was...

I think I was in high school. I had to be in high school and I was a cheerleader and my mom took me on a job where I had to put my cheerleading uniform on and pretend to sell cookies for the cheerleading squad. And she was like, when you get in their house, um, ask to use their bathroom when they're getting their money out. And then when you get in there, see if there's any liquor, cause they're not supposed to be drinking. I'm like,

15. You're like, mom. I know. I'm like, I should be at cheer practice right now. She's like, no, this is what we're doing. So like, it just was normal for us. Yeah. And when I tell people all that, they're like,

It's so interesting because it was. But she would pick me and Luke up from school and her like tinted window, shady suburban. Not the shady suburban. Yeah. And she'd be like, here's your coloring books and a snack. We're going to be staking out for about five hours. Could you get anything past your parents? Oh, absolutely not. Yeah. I would think having PIs as parents, there's nothing you could do. No. I tried to sneak out one time to go to like a bar.

a bonfire party because we live in BFE, Texas. Like that's what you do. I went to a pastor party one time. Same thing. Okay. And my mom was there when I got there. What?

I was like, well, that's that there goes that I wanted to circle back to you and Brendan. How did you guys meet? Take me on this journey with your love story, because I know the world is so curious about you guys and I've got to see you guys in person. And I think it's adorable. I feel like you guys are like yin and yang and just kind of like balance each other. We really are. We're really, we're really best friends, honestly. And it's,

you know, a girl from Lindale, Texas and a guy from Staten Island, New York. It's like just happenstance that we even crossed paths. We met in the city. Brennan was a cop and I was doing Good Morning America and we kind of crossed paths and we met up at

after our show, I was there with Pistol Annie's. Oh, I love them. My gal band. I love the Pistol Annie's. And we were doing a song called I Got My Name Changed Back from when I had to change my name back from when I got divorced, which takes a very long time. And so we wrote a song about it and we were doing it on the show and on Good Morning America and...

We just crossed paths and he came to the show and... When you guys crossed paths, did you check him out? Well, my friend Angelina, my bandmate, she was eight months pregnant and she was wearing giant heels. She was towering over everyone and she was like...

standing there like frustrated because she's like in heels pregnant on the street in New York and she was looking around and she was like oh there's a cop over there and he's hot hot cop everyone hot cop like like tapping us on the shoulders and we're like yeah he's cute but it's eight in the morning we've been up doing glam since 3 30 like I can't be bothered all I care about is my look in the back of my eyelids right now because we had a show that night and my security was

They kind of knew some of the same people. So my security team invited him to the show and we gave him one ticket. No plus one. I love that.

I love that. And he still came. He came by himself. And we met up after the show. I didn't even see him before the show. We met up after and just kind of hung out and talked. And I didn't really know. There wasn't like an agenda, really. It was just like, hey, nice to meet you. I was wearing like a Waylon Jennings t-shirt. And he's like in his gold cross. I'm like, this is going to be weird. But he was super cool. And yeah.

And then we just kept in touch and we wrote each other literal letters like old school. That's sweet.

It is. That's actually really romantic. I was like, do you want to be pen pals? He was like, write letters with a pen. And I was like, yeah, he's eight years younger. So that was like really mind blowing to him. Yeah. Jay's five years younger than me. Yeah. It's like, yeah, sometimes people actually write things on paper and put them in an envelope and send them. Yeah. It's all texting. And so we just hit it off. Like we're just very, we're very different, but we come from the same background. Like he's from law enforcement and first responder family. All his family's cops and firemen.

and so was mine. And so that just felt like homey. Like that felt like we came from the same cut from the same cloth, even though we're from like New York and Texas, Yankee and Southerner. Exactly. Exactly. But also I feel like we have the same mentality from both of those places, like super sweet, but like, don't mess with us. And if you don't like us, we really don't care, you know? And so our attitudes sort of like they aligned and he's someone in my life that is not a yes person. I don't,

believe in surrounding yourself with yes people at all and I don't do that I mean my friends and family and my management team and everyone in my life is like truth tellers and they don't I don't I don't think it's healthy mentally it keeps you honest it sure does I don't like that that you know I just don't think it's healthy for people to surround themselves with people that are

just agreeable or not in it for the right reasons or something you know I wouldn't want that anyways I want somebody to be like no you're fucking up right now or you could do this better you know 100% I think it's important and um Brendan's just very honest I mean he's a harsh New Yorker and I like that because he just tells it like it is he doesn't sugarcoat he doesn't he calls me on my shit and I want someone like that in my life but he's also super supportive

It's also essential to growth. You know, you're never going to grow if somebody is just letting you do something over and over and over again. No, and you and Jay seem that way. Like you really balance each other. Like when I've been around y'all together and just even seeing from afar, I just feel like it's really, it's genuine and it's honest. Yeah. You know? Well, it's like you said, we're best friends. Him and I have been through so much shit and it's like,

half of it's not pretty and you know I talk about it on my podcast all the time like we've been through some shit and there's nothing that that man could do that I would ever just never you know want to work through with him yeah like I just love him that's my person and I feel like that's how you and Brendan are too it is I told him like I'm I'm a ninja for you like I will fight through anything with you and I feel like that's so important and I think you know going through

Other relationships, you learn through those things and you learn what's important and you learn about communication and what you did do and what you didn't do. And so I think, you know, I came into this marriage with such a strong sense of like what I want and what I want to be for someone and a partner that I want to be and the partner that I need him to be. And, you know, voicing that number one and communicating all of the things right away, not immediately.

not harboring resentment or not telling them right away is like something that's so important to us. It's important in any relationship because too many relationships harbor resentment and then that just creates distance. And when you have distance in a relationship, that's when people drift apart. Yeah, for sure. And also when you have distance physically, like Brennan's back in New York a lot and I'm on the road and it's like, you, you can't have distance. I

Emotionally and physically that's not gonna work. No, Jay and I have a two-week rule Where like we don't go more than two weeks without seeing each other Um, we've been we've had that rule since we first got together and we've stuck by it There's been a couple times where i've had to like go over two and a half weeks because our schedules have been busy But as soon as you know, I can I get straight to him and I think it's important It is to really reconnect, you know, who's got a teenager? What?

We do. And guess what? She is ridiculously hard to keep track of. And if I didn't have Life360 on my phone, I would never know where this kid is. The entire family and I have Life360. And my husband actually uses it more than I do. He knows where everybody is at every time, which I think is so funny. But I'm telling you right now, Life360, if you have a teen, especially one that's newly licensed, you want to know how many miles per hour they're driving. You want to know how long it took him to get from point A to point B.

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lets you see in real time where they are so you can eliminate the stress of wondering and asking them where they are. I gotta admit, I was super iffy about the family having each other's locations in the beginning because I just felt like it was kind of a breach of privacy, but I'm telling you right now, peace of mind is priceless and knowing that our daughter is okay at

all times means so much to me. Knowing that my husband made it to another city when he's on tour, them being able to check on me and know where I'm at. If my battery is low on my phone, they tell me to charge it. If they're missing me, they send me a little I love you message. Like it's the cutest app and I absolutely love Life360. I never want to live life without it.

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Was y'all looking up Richard Gere and the gerbil butt story? Yes. Yes, we were. Is that what was happening on Ask, Tell, Confess this week? As I'd just seen the TV pull up, I was like, all right. Are we recording? Are we recording? Yeah, we're up. Good. Yeah, because I got two. First of all, in true disconnected from life fashion, I didn't know this was a real thing. This has been a rumor since 98? Yeah.

What? Richard Gere? They've been talking about him putting a gerbil up his ass since the 90s? You've never heard that rumor? Never in my life, dude. This article was published on March 28th, 1998. We were just talking about this on Ask, Tell, Confess because we were talking about things that people find in other people's butts. Like nurses have had x-rays and found. And...

Do they have an x-ray of a gerbil in somebody's butt? Yes, numerous. No way, just a skeleton of a gerbil, obviously, right? No, not a skeleton. Like, they're alive. Yeah, but I'm saying an x-ray would show the skeleton, right? Yeah. Pull it up. No way! Bottom left-hand corner, I'm pretty sure that's an animal. Look, look, look, this one right here, hold on, with the lime green dildo stuck in there, it looks like the pelvis is holding it.

You know what I'm saying? What is that? It looks like the pelvis is two little hands holding it in there. What is that, though? You know one of those recorders that you record? I know what that is. No, that's a dildo. Oh, that's a dildo? That's a vibrator. I can't see because of the angle of the TV. Yeah. So anyways, Jelly Roll, welcome. Yeah, look at the... Look, somebody had a whole wrench in their shit. First of all, how are you so horny that you put a wrench in your asshole? I don't understand that. No, that's not horny.

That's not, that's sick. That's not horny. That's a different thing. How can you lube up a wrench and get excited? Like there's nothing about that. God, that thing is all the way from the tailbone. Jesus. What was the point? God, they was in there trying to fix something. That's. Because it's pliers. Oh,

Oh my God. That would be horrific. Nasty, nasty, nasty. Anyways, jelly roll. It's funny. Hello. Gerbil and ass. Hey. Nice of you to join us. Thank you for being here. Hello, my beautiful people. I'm like trying to get his damn attention over here. Well, you got gerbils getting pushed in people's ass on the TV screen on the podcast, buddy. It's crazy. This is absurd. Well, you walked in mid-recording. We were recording something before you came in, but...

It's so nice to finally get you on the podcast. I'm glad to be on the podcast. I'm glad that we started talking about gerbils and butts. I mean, would it be your wife's podcast if we were talking about some weird shit?

Happy to see you here. Was Theo Vaughn too busy or was Joe Rogan too busy? Nah, nah. Nah, I just, I owed you one. I missed you being on the couch. I missed you. You haven't got to be in the new studio either. So it's really cool to get you here. I've been in it, but I haven't got to pod in it. Yeah. Yeah. So it was really cool. I love it. Really, really. Such a cool setup, man. Yeah.

And I love the screen. It's such a whole new vibe. Yep, yep, yep. We incorporate that into the pod now and into the Ask, Tell, Confess-Us and stuff. Hey. Yeah, we're excited. We're a growing production company over here at Dumb Blonde Headquarters. Baby, I sent another podcast set up in the next room. That's for propaganda. Yeah. We have multiple sets in here. I like it. I like it.

Soon to have a closet built here too. Good. Build it. Because I don't have a closet at home that fits everything. I have to just build it. I'm glad you're being more honest with people. You used to just say, I don't have a closet at home. And people would believe you were robbed of a closet at home. You were trying to offer me your closet the other day. Hey, I was offering you space. I was like, hey, you got something over here. But also people don't realize, baby, and I know this might be a little bit personal for you, and if you want to cut it out, we can, but you were doing that tour a

under kind of extreme duress. You had fucking a root canal in the middle of it. You had an infection going on in your jaw. Like I was on antibiotics for 70 of the 90 days of that tour. My husband literally went to the, or to the dentist, to the oral surgeon, had surgery on his mouth, pulled up, walked in and walked on that stage. Like I, I,

I couldn't believe. My mouth was still numb. Still numb. I did the first three songs feeling like I had slobber coming off my face. I know. I know.

- I know, and I'm just like, and you know, as your wife, it's like you just want to cuddle you because it's just like, fuck. - That was Lexington. - Yeah, no, it was rough. So I don't think people understand like you were really dealing with like a severe situation going on in your mouth and still showing up. - It's still there. I still gotta go get the cyst removed this month. I still gotta get a dime-sized cyst removed out of the middle of my teeth. Yeah, no, I was telling somebody, it's weird. Spiritually, it was the best tour of my life.

Performance-wise, it was the best tour of my life. Like, the 90 minutes we were on stage, I think we connected in a way I've never connected from the stage overall. Every physically, even though I lost 100 pounds, worst tour of my career. I mean, I heard it. I mean, I don't know what it was. I had a stomach. I thought we were going to have to cancel the first five shows because I

I thought I'd have to get a gallbladder removed. Oh, he was in so much pain. And I just remember like you had, he spent the opening day of the show in Utah. You were in the hospital. Yeah. Getting tests ran because we thought you were having like appendicitis and like, we didn't know what it was. We didn't know. I hadn't ate for a week and just could not. Yeah. It was horrible. And then, but I got through the good news was all that.

Kind of pushed me further into the health journey. Like these were all little guides and I was already on the health journey, but these were all little things like started now. Even now I thought about this today because I was going to ask you if you want to go get some of our favorite sushi because I weighed in today. And I'm like, my cheat night is sushi. Oh, okay.

How do you think I feel when I get my blood work back and I'm like, I haven't had sugar in two years and my blood work's still wonky. My cheat days are literally eating a fucking piece of like breaded chicken. You know, like it's like we, we really have been making healthy decisions and especially you this year. Like I'm so proud of you.

To lose 100 pounds naturally, I would like to let everybody know that it's naturally. No Ozempic, no shots, no nothing. You have regulated your hormones. You have done the work. Before each show, you were boxing mitts. Yeah. You had... Played basketball. Yeah.

I feel like a bum. I've been home three weeks and I've worked out four times. I worked out five times a week on tour. And still has lost weight, though. Still losing weight. But he's doing it naturally and he's putting in the work. And that's why I don't want anybody to ever take that from you. You know how I am. I'm very defensive of my husband. And listen, we're not against Ozempic or any of that stuff. Every doctor I've talked to is for it. They said it helps. I just, I was afraid of it. You know what I mean? I just, I was afraid of it. So here's the truth about it.

Its biggest side effects is acid reflux. And I had a horrible stomach issue this year. And dude, I'm just, as a singer, few things scare me more than acid reflux. Like you'll watch me get up out of a bed. I'll burp and wake up panicked and go take something for it, you know? Because that stuff will just trip the vocal cords. Puking and that are the two things that are like the worst for your vocal cords.

Besides screaming or something on a cold voice, you know? So it's like I was petrified because everybody I talked to it gave some sort of a stomach thing to.

And I just could not afford any acid reflux. So I want to be very clear that not, well, I've done it naturally, but it wasn't out of stubbornness or trying to prove a point. If it helps you go get it. But for me, I was just petrified of the side effects of it. Yeah. You know, I'm in such a good, such a weird place. Now I'm getting an antibiotic today. My wife gave me pneumonia and, um, son of a bitch. That's how it happened. That's how it happened. And I'm getting an antibiotic today. You like how he snuck it in there really fast. He was like, oh. I thought you were going to say,

That's for mentioning the kiss, bitch. You remember when you got me pneumonia? Let me just tell you what my husband hit me with today. What? I'm laying in bed. My husband, it's the cutest thing now that he's home. He waits for me to wake up, and then the minute I open my eyes, he comes in the room like a little boy on Christmas and just unloads his morning on me, and I never want to change it. I love it. It's the sweetest thing ever. And in his unloading this morning, he was like,

What if I'm being called to ministry? And I was like,

Okay. Hold on. I was like, hold on a second here. I'm like, I married a fucking rapper. Okay. I've dealt with you moving to country. I was like, please, Lord, if in from country to whatever else, acting, whatever you want to do. But I asked you this years ago. I said, please, if you are going to become one of these huge pastors that preaches at mega churches, please,

Please let me get my affairs in order, okay? Because that is going to be a huge jump for me.

No, no. I'll be like, I will be the real life Mary Magdalene at that point. You know, like it's just crazy. No, no, no. I think we'll end up serving God a bigger purpose one day, but it's not now. Right now we're a gateway to God. Yeah. A gateway drug to Christianity. I like that. I like that. You come to a Jelly Rolls show, next thing you know, you're at like...

you know, Nate Bargatze show. And next thing you know, you're at a Casting Crowns concert. You know what I'm saying? You never know, dude. It's like a gateway. You know what I mean? It's definitely a gateway for spirituality, which that's one thing. The reason why you resonate with people so much is you're not religious, you're spiritual. And that's huge. And people who are hardcore Christians, no shame or disrespect towards you,

But sometimes their approach is a little harsh. For sure. And with you, it's more of like how Dr. Dre coached you in the studio. That's how you are with people getting them to see their faith and see that there's something more to believe in. Yeah, it just, to me, it even starts back to like the basic principles of like the 12 steps.

Like they immediately are like, look, we don't care what the higher power is, but you got to get out of the ego and narcissists of yourself. Yeah. Like you can't count on yourself to get you out of this hole. Like you're going to have to lean on something outside of your own understanding. This is far back in time as it goes, you know, the Buddhist believe in the, the,

having the right mind, you know what I mean? Being able to see more clearly and being more in tune with their inner spirit. And you know what I mean? Like, cause that doesn't, at the end of the day, man, I'm a, I write, I'm a dumb songwriter, right? You know, all that other, you know, I talk a good game, but at the end of the day, I'm a, I'm an idiot that, you know, writes melodies, right? You know what I mean? Very smart man. That's what I do.

That's what I do. I'm a dumb songwriter. Don't listen to me. Can we talk about your birthday? Best birthday ever. Big 4-0, baby. Fouty. Fouty Wada. Get out of my studio. Tell me about it. Like, so...

They did. Y'all surprised me with the roast of jelly roll. Hold on. Let's tell the truth here. Yeah. Kells. Kells surprised me. Well, you set the surprise up and Kells ruined it. Kells fucking Kells ruined it. I called him and I was like, you are so fired, dude. I said, first of all, it is so hard to keep something away from my husband because we're just so close that we just tell each other everything. And we're the worst at surprising each other with anything.

And I, we finally made it to like up to like the day before his birthday. He had no right day before he had no idea. Everything was fine. Like we were, it was going off without a hitch and Kels fucking calls him and was like, so they're doing a roast for your birthday.

And then my husband calls me. He's like, so I know you guys are doing a roast. And I'm like, how do you? And he tried to do it so calmly and like just put it in there. And I'm like talking to him. And I'm like, yeah, so yeah. Wait, how do you know we're doing a roast? Like what are you? Like who fucking told you? But yes, you ended up getting a roast for your birthday. It was so awesome. Yeah. I was, one, I was so overwhelmed with who all y'all got to show up for me. Like when I pulled up there and I knew you were doing a roast, I was like,

So the easiest way to say this is Burt Kreischer, Mark Norman, Jay Oakerson, Whitney Cummins, Tony Hinchcliffe, Adam Ray are all at this road. Busting with the boys. For sure. But I'm talking about, I'm starting with just the comedian. Yeah. If you would have got any one of those six comedians to come, I would have been blown away. Like it would have blew my mind that Tony Hinchcliffe flew out for my birthday on the middle of the week.

Like it would have blew my mind that Bert came from Los Angeles, California to Nashville, Tennessee on a Wednesday to tell jokes about me for my birthday. Then I show up and all six of them are there. Like I walk into the room and I see Bert. I'm like, holy fuck Bert. And then in that moment it hits me. I was like, and I look over Bert's shoulder and I think I seen Chris Porter. And I was like, Zach Myers. And I was like,

And then I looked to the left and I seen Whitney Cummins. And that was crazy. Cause you know how much I love Whitney and how much you love Whitney. And I don't have a relationship with Whitney. You do, which is even cooler. Whitney just like fresh grace introduced us even cooler. Like the fact Whitney would show up just on some, like, I know who these people are. I know they're good people, you know? Yeah. And then I see Tony Hinchcliffe and I was like, there's no fucking way. And like, just for perspective, Whitney Cummins, but let me finish this and explain it like this way. But yeah,

Then I, uh, I hear Bert go, I'll wait till you see what Mark Norman's got. And I was like, Mark fucking Norman's here.

He's like, oh yeah. And then Jay Oakerson walks in and I'm like, dude, you know how much I love Legion of Skanks. One of my favorite podcasts. Like these are like, these are my friends, but also the stuff that I actually consume. Like this is the stuff I listened to. Like, but you also go out of your way. Like you go to skank fest every year. Like you are a huge comedian fan. For sure. I'm a huge fan of the, yeah, I show up. I love the stuff. It's, it's much what I love. Um, yeah.

So I'm looking, I'm like, this is crazy. And then of course I see way Taylor and will the bus and what the boys are there. And I'm like, yo, this John Crist is here. I'm just looking. I'm like big David Lucas walks in. I'm like, what the fuck is going on right now? Like these are like, and I was telling you this cause I'm sure you knew it when you did it by design, you and John McNeely and John Craig, but like,

You couldn't have picked the, like you picked the, the roasters. Like Whitney's a roaster. Oh no, I know. Tony's a roaster. You know what I mean? Like David Lucas is a roaster. Yeah. That's what they do. These are, these dudes come and they're, they're, they're going to spray shit. Yeah. This is real. You know what I mean? It's like, I was just blown away, man. And then that, that's just what was happening on the stage. Who showed up out there. And I love that nobody knows who showed up because there's no proof of it. Yeah.

There was no phones. Yes. That was the highlight of the night for us too. It didn't turn into a big meet and greet or, you know what I mean? Like even with internally, like we actually partied and hung out all night. Yeah. The roast was awesome. You know what else was great about it? It wasn't too long. Sometimes those things are too long. Yeah. It wasn't too redundant. It was perfectly timed out.

Everybody had a great moment. I cried laughing in a way I haven't laughed ever probably. And then we went out to Kid Rock's bar and sung. And then we broke into my bar and checked it out. You know what I mean? Yeah. Hoping I'm not getting in trouble for that. But that's where we ended up at. It truly was the coolest thing ever, man. I couldn't thank y'all enough. I was blown away.

Just who all showed up, how cool everybody was. Maybe everybody loves you. And John Vanilli and Jonathan really did a lot. Dude, I mean, I'm telling you, dude. Titan players. Josh Adam Myers opening it. Josh Adam Myers, the goddamn comedy jam starting it with a what did Jelly Roll do when he was young you song. And he listed every bad thing I could have done and blamed me for every crisis in American history. It was so awesome. I was like,

And, you know, even his band, like touring with them dudes and getting to see them and like. I miss them on tour. I do too, man. Their energy was so pure. I got to bring Josh back out. I was going to do Canada, but it just wasn't in the budget. Yeah, dude, it was cool. It was the best night ever, man. I genuinely was just in every way I could be blown away, man. Yeah. It was so cool. The only regret I have is I didn't get to say hi to everybody.

Yeah. But I mean, you deserve to have a night where you don't have to say hi to anybody and just be there for you. And I'm glad that everybody was cool with that. Cause I was a little worried about that. And I'd called John finally. Cause you know, me and you had talked, I'd call bunny specifically and said, Hey baby, I love you, but I don't want to do a birthday party for my 40th. I don't like birthday parties at all. I don't dig them. I don't, I just don't like them because it becomes, it's a me thing. And it's like, I live in a me world. Like I already have to fight that of like,

everything being about us. Like when we went to our niece's wedding, I went there with one goal to only take a picture with my niece. Yeah. Not cause I didn't want to take a picture with everybody, but I didn't want anything about her big day to be about anything but her. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, I just always want to be conscious of that. So I didn't want to have a big me fest for my birthday, but, uh, it was the best me fest ever. It was the best me fest ever. It was so cool. And it was also funny. It was also funny because me and Tony or me and Bert,

are really friends. Me and Bert are really, really friends. Me and Tony are really, really friends. Me and Adam are like, me and Tony have got so close. I mean, that is my boy, boy, you know? And we've had some of the coolest moments with each other where we would just be dicking around and say, we're going to do this. We're going to do this. Like manifesting wild, dreamy scenarios to each other down in a bar in a comedy club. And they've come true. When Tony's like, I'm going to do a Rena thing.

And I'm like, dude, when you do an arena, I'll come sing the national anthem. He's like, all right. He does his first arena. I show up and sing the fucking national anthem. Like, you know, it's been so cool to see these kind of moments. And one night we were drinking and Tony said, your next big birthday, I'm going to roast you. And he did it. You know what I mean? And this was pre arena kill Tony. You know what I'm saying? And like, he didn't back to, I'm sorry. I keep talking about it, but you had, you know,

multiple arena acts in there on a Wednesday night that flew commercial to tell jokes for me, multiple theater acts, like real deal, full blown two, three, 5,000 person theaters everywhere in America, multiple nights in a row. Whitney's huge. Adam Ray's, Adam Ray's Dr. Phil is huge. Like just looking at who all was there just from that perspective, I was like, if we just, if you had to pay these people their rate, this is a $5 million stage. Yeah.

No. And they all showed up because they love you, baby. And you give, you give to them too. And they, it's, it goes back to what we said about like the, the UFC thing. Uh, the comedians are the same fucking way. They are literally like they're, they're brash, they're tacky, they're rude on stage, but in real life, they're loyal, they're loving and they love you. And that's why they showed up, baby. They, uh,

I'm so blessed that in the middle of the country music explosion and the comedy explosion, I got to thread both needles in that. Bringing worlds together. Yeah, man. And it's, I truly have more comedian friends than I do musicians. This message comes from Greenlight. Ready to start talking to your kids about financial literacy? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app that teaches kids and teens how to earn, save, spend wisely, and invest with your guardrails in place. With

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So what are you waiting for? Apply today at wgu.edu. Today, I have my friends here and I am so excited. Tanya and Michael Trotter, aka The Warren Treatise. I am so honored to have you guys on the couch. Oh, you have no idea. I've been waiting to get on this couch. You interviewed my favorite person of all time and she didn't even know. And people who know me would probably not believe

Who I'm going to say. Who, who, who? Renee. Graziano? Oh, she is the best human in the world. I was like, I was like. She would love you guys. I got to introduce you guys. She has a podcast. I'm in love. I'm going to hook you guys up with her. I'm in love. I'm like, I don't care. Wait a minute now. You said I'm in love three times. I know. I was just about to say.

about to see how we got our name i heard you have a thing for older women because tanya's older than you correct yeah and your hall pass i heard was martha stewart oh i have many hall passes yes she does i mean you don't want to go there let's open it up let's open it up i have a short list he has a long list that's right yeah all right tanya who are your hall passes and then we'll get into his well i have one guy he's the guy who was the lead in tutors

I don't know who that is. John Rhimes. Tom Rhimes? John Rhimes. Give it a goog. I need a goog. I think his name is Reese. Is it John Reese? Wait, wait. Have you ever seen August Rush? That movie, August Rush? No. Okay. I'm trying to think of what else he would be in. Johnny Depp. Oh, of course. That's my guy. Jade's app. I mean, 21 Jump Street, Johnny Depp. What? You can't even touch him. I know, right? Johnny Depp's my all pass too. No, no, no. Ah!

- I actually love Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny Depp too. - Yes, I love this dark. He's dark. He has to have that dark energy. And then I like Idris. Idris is my guy.

I don't know who Idris Elba. Idris Elba. I need to see both of them. He's a British kid. I need to see both of them. British man. I love it. And does he have that dark mystique too? He does. Do you think because you're such a light and like an... You almost give me like an empathic... I am. Yep. I'm an empath. Yeah. Because I'm drawn to dark men too. My husband, believe it or not, when we first got together was very... He's always been very light, but he had so many demons that he was battling. Yeah. I was like...

Let me fix you up. Michael is a dark. He's a Pisces. Oh, he's very emotional. Everything is very emotional. He likes to keep everything dark. He doesn't like the lights on. I'm like, what is this? We need to have light. I like everything light. I'm wearing light colors now. Yeah, he is today. I actually like this. It compliments everything. They look good. I'm trying to do my thing. Yeah, you guys look so good together. I'm actually a Pisces Venus. So I love my love language is of a Pisces. So I get it. We are very deep.

Escapists. Come on. There's nothing wrong with that. Highly emotional. Yes. But we're very romantic. Yes. Very romantic. We're like hopeless romantics too. Yes. And I'm a Libra. Oh, I love that. So, you know, we're the sign of love. You know, everything. Love, love, love. And balance. And the balance, yeah. You keep him balanced. Gotta have it all. I love that. Oh, you keep me balanced. I do. You know I do. This is going to be a long podcast. Say that I don't. Listen, I watched your TED Talk, okay? She keeps you balanced, sir. Okay.

Don't try to backtrack now. That's it. She has footage. So take me on the first date. I've never heard you guys talk about your first date. Oh my God. Wait a minute. I need to hear about this. Okay. Yeah. Her birthday is September 30th. Yeah. DC is throwing her like this. I love big parties. Oh my God. So when I do have a party, it's like a thousand people I don't know there. Yeah. I tell everybody, bring a hundred people that you know to the party. So it's like-

a girl it's like so many people at this party but we're talking up until this point so i'm like you guys haven't seen each other no we we we we like on the phone yeah doing the thing long i'm like i think in the phone yeah romance so i'm like i think i think she's starting to dig on me like okay i think i think so i tell her straight up hey uh before her party i'm like

Don't fall for me. I'm not a catch. Cause I know her story. We, we know each other story. I'm like, I have nothing going on in my life. Like I don't have a car. I'm sleeping from couch to couch. And I got two little girls that I haven't told her about just yet. Like,

So I'm like, don't fall for me. I'm not. And I'm I feel you're starting to dig on me. And I just tell her my story. I'm like, listen, I'm nothing. I got nothing. And I was like, I know I'm supposed to be something in life and I don't know how to get there. But I know how to love. And that's not enough.

So don't fall for me. But that was what I was looking for. That is enough. That was more than enough because I had the things, you know, I had the liars and the things and all that stuff that comes with it. And I was like, I never had anyone be honest with me. Yeah. And so his honesty, I was like, I could,

that's what made me fall in love with him because he was, I could tell he was honest by the time I really knew who I was and all that stuff. I was like, I felt him, you know what I mean? I was connected with, but I hadn't been honest to anyone. Yeah. So again, when I, when I said earlier about the being trained to lie, I was trained to lie about what I like, how I feel, you know, my first marriage, um, you know, we were, we were friends first, um,

And we should have never crossed that line. But I was trained to lie. So she was the first person I wanted, I was desperate to tell the truth to. I was like, here we go. I'm not the dude. I'm not, whatever it is you're building in your head, I'm going to save you the drama. No, it's not me. And Tanya then says, okay, fine.

I heard what you said. Now, let me tell you what I see. She's like, I see a king. You just need the right kind of queen in your life. That's right, baby. And I'm looking at her and she's looking at me and I'm like, he starts crying. I'm about to pee out the air. I was like, I'm done. And so she then tells me, here's where it gets. The first thing. She says,

I'm having a birthday party. I want you there. The limo picks me up. So now I'm like, here come that Hollywood shit. I'm keeping in the bug with you. I'm like, nah, we've never had this pop up shit in the limo. And I'm really like low key. Like, I don't do shit. Like, I am like a Western. He does movies and me. That's it.

Well, no food. He can cook his tail off. I'll tell you about that later, buddy. Oh, I ain't gonna tell you about my plot to get Jelly and me and him do a duo. And he be Jelly Roll and I be Belly Roll. Ah!

And then that's it, baby. The hottest duo ever. You know, and we just sing and eat. My husband loves you. He would probably do whatever you want. And then we have to do a duo. And I've already started because every performance we've done so far outside, I sing and play with a hot dog in my hand. Yeah, he's like this. But I digress. Talk to you later. But I just was like, okay, you know what? She doing that Hollywood shit. I knew it.

And I saw, I was like, nah, I'm not going to come. So she sends her, she has her assistant call me and was like, um, you, you need to be at the house. You could ride in them. I was like, I'm not Hollywood. I don't do the flash. Nah. So then she hits her back and was like, well, tell him he can use my car.

And he can drive himself there. Now I'm insulted because I'm like, I know you don't have a car. I'm not going to get there. I'm like, wait a minute. There's no making you happy, Michael. No, because I'm like this. I'm never like, I'm one of those, like Talia knows, I'm one of those guys who,

I'm not a scrub. So I'm like, I'm not about to fucking show up and drive your fucking car. Like, hell no. But I won't get in the limo. So I'm just going to walk in. Well, then the next call I get is her.

So she's like, hey, I was like, hey, I'm like, I play it off and now she's like, um, the limo leaves is seven. You need to be here at 630. Okay, bye bye. Yeah, we ain't dating or nothing. So I show up because I'm like, okay, now you didn't. You didn't like son me. So I'm gonna show up now. And me and my homeboy, Chris, Chris New Day. So we pop up. He drives me there. I'm like, I need I need your wheels. So we show up. And

And we do the DC party and everything. And then she says, I'm having an after party at the place I'm staying at. Karaoke. You gotta have a party after a party. We love karaoke. So we get back to the house and she's like, you want to go with me? I need to go get ice for the party. So this was perfect for me because I got her a gift. So I know that her favorite artist is Aretha Franklin. Yes. And so I found like this in CVS. I found like the greatest history for five

bucks and had all the right songs on it so I was like good and then I also wrote her a song recorded it at my boy Chris New Days and I got it for her and I was like I'm going to give you my gift now so we're in the car and I gave her the Aretha Franklin thing and she's like wigging out and then I put in the CD and I play her the song and she's listening to it and I'm used to like you know

Women love male singers. So I'm like, oh, I'm about to wrap it up. She's like, oh, that's so sweet. Come on, let's go get the ice. I was like, what the fuck? Like, did you just shit on my gift? Like in my head, I'm like, oh my God, I'm nothing. I told you. I told you. Tanya's a gangster. One thing I've learned about Tanya, she's a G. Straight up G. As if that wasn't bad.

I get ready to leave this party and I tell my guy, I was like, yo, I think I'm going to let her know how I feel. So we're driving and he's like, bro, that's Tanya Blunt, bro.

you've got nothing everything he's like don't do it yeah he's like bro don't do it bro like we in fact the reason why we were kicking is because she wanted me to write music for her and her brother and be the producer and it was gonna pay me and all that stuff so my friend who was my partner at the time like we do music together yeah he's like bro this is just a payday like chill man like like

So I'm like, no, I'm going to tell her, bro. So we're texting me and her. And she says, Michael, you left your sweater. What else will you leave? Because I'm always leaving things at her house. So she's like laughing. And so I was like, I'm not doing it, bro. He's like, don't do it. I was like, it's about to go down. So I take it back. What else am I going to leave? My heart. Aww. Aww.

And you know what she said? I was, I was, no, no, no. Do you know what she said back? Not a damn. It was because I was drunk. I've been drinking all night and my phone died. So when I got it, when I tell you wrong time, it was like 12 a.m. My butthole is puckered for you.

When I tell you all night, I was texting her about it. I'm so sorry. I read the room wrong. I'm like, I'm sorry, Ms. Blunt. I didn't call her Ms. Blunt. I was like, ma'am, I'm sorry. I was like, I read the room wrong. I was like. And your friends over there are like, told you. Told you, man. He's like, you fucking idiot. He's like, you just lost our job, bro. He was like. I'm so sorry.

He was like, yo, you can't sleep on my couch tonight, bro. Bro, you gotta. I was like, dude, all night I did not sleep. I'm texting her. Yeah, he did. All night. Do you know when I heard from Tanya was 12 p.m. the next day. That's when I got up. You poor baby. What did you think of the song that he wrote you? I love the song. It was called The Beauty in You. It was so sweet.

It was really sweet. And you just probably weren't used to receiving love in that way. So you didn't know how to react. Yeah. I didn't know how to receive it. You know, I just, it was beautiful and it was thoughtful. And we haven't even think about getting like the Aretha Franklin CD and writing his own song. I was like, this is. But I told her first 2010, that next day was the first day. That was our first date. So it was like a 48 hour. And she calls me from a whole nother phone. So I don't know it's her.

And I was like, this phone keeps calling me. And so I answered. I'm like blowing him up. And she's laughing. She was like, oh. And I'm like, hello. She's like. That was my next question. How did you feel when you read that text message? I was laughing. I was like, oh, my God. It's like 20 messages. That's what I said when I answered the phone. I'm like, oh, my God. You like called me 20 times. What's wrong? I'm like laughing. Way to humble the man. Okay.

I knew from that point on. That's why you love her. She keeps you humble. Oh, my word. We go to our first date at this Thai restaurant in Tyson's Corner, Virginia. Yeah, I asked him to go to a restaurant. Were you ready? Were you ready for love with him? Or were you more kind of just scared? Oh, yeah. Go ahead and tell us about it. I wasn't ready for love. What were you ready for? I was ready to have sex. Yeah.

I'm the whole, you know, I'm going to wait. I'm in church. I'm a church girl. I'm like, I'm ready. Let's go. She's like, nick me down, baby. Let's get it. I love it. Not him. Not this guy right here. Lover boy. He's a lover boy. Oh, he was not a lover boy then. He was like, I'm waiting. Oh. I'm going to, this is bad. My mama told me. This is so bad. And I'm like, here I am. This is amazing. He's like, I'm waiting. I don't want to have sex because it's going to mess things up. I'm like, that's it.

That was like my husband. My husband tried not to have sex with me. No. The first time. It's because you guys, it's because you guys saw something more in us. That's true. Like I was ready to just hump and send him on his way. Yeah. Yeah. And literally my husband made me sit down or not sit down, lay down in bed with him the night that we decided to have sex and make a five-year plan with him. A five-year plan. Nothing puts you in the mood. This guy. This guy.

This guy. Don't tell her. Please don't. Please do. You have the pleasure of saying this around. I'm worse. I did not know he did that. No, he did. Oh my God. Yeah, he did. I told her.

I said, my mother said. Yep. He did. His mother. I said, my mother said that sex complicates things. He sits me down before. I'm like trying to, you know, get it out. I said, my last situation. You know, I'm like, someone's trying to do it with him. And he's like, stop, stop. I said, don't. That's fine.

I'm like, dude. No, I smacked her hand. I was like, uh-uh. I was like, no. I said, and. No, let's go back. Let's go back. So, let's go back. So, after this movie happens, I come back. Well, you didn't tell her. We went to the movies. We went to the movies. October 1st, 2010. We got typhoon and then went to the movies and we left the movie early because it was terrible. The movie was horrible. We don't even know what movie it was. I don't even remember. Probably Nacho Libre. I walked out

It was horrible. So I get to the house, I go upstairs and put on my nice little lingerie. No, I tell you, I said, I have a movie. Yeah. That I, at home, at where I'm staying. I said, you want to watch a real movie? I want to get this movie. Cause at the house she was staying at, there was a movie theater in the basement. So I was like, we're going to go get some popcorn, get some grape juice. And we're going to watch this movie that I have. I'm not going to tell you what it is. I said,

It's a real movie. Let's go. And I'm like, this is perfect. So I go upstairs, I get smell goods on and I get ready. I love that you did the lingerie too. Cause I did too. Oh yeah. I was ready. I was so ready. And I come downstairs. I'm like, you know, he likes Doris Day. So I'm, you know, I'm giving, giving it and I'm in my lingerie and he stands up in front of the TV like this as a television and he stands up in front of it. He was like, all cool points. I'm going to love. He's like, you're going to love this movie. And I'm giving him the eye.

and I'm like getting moist and you know, ready to tear him up. And he, the TV comes on and he starts, that's my face. And I'm like this. I'm like this. I'm watching this happen. And then this man walks on the scene.

In the screen. And it's Cecil B. DeMille. Yes. And he starts giving a oratory, whatever this is. Speech about the movie. Speech about the movie.

So the whole time I'm looking, I'm like, okay. And Michael's smiling just like this. He's so happy. And I'm reciting everything. Because I want to show her. I know the whole movie. So he starts, when the guy's talking, he's talking. And he comes up and it says, the Ten Commandments. Oh my goodness. Charlton Heston. Listen, that movie has so many, Yul Brynner, Charlton Heston, and Baxter, who's another hall pass if she was alive. But,

I'm in lingerie. The Ten Commandments. In your mind, you were like, this is going to really get her going. Yeah, because she's so, she's the most fashionable person I ever met in colors. And I followed all the women in that movie with all the colors and fashion. He told me all this, so I went and got, he was like, you're going to love it. It's your kind of movie. The women are beautiful. The clothes, everything is great. It's my favorite movie. It's his favorite movie. All the time. So

So it comes on. Oh, shit. Millions of people are about to know. So by this time, I'm like, okay, how do I get out of this? Oh, no. And Moses comes in the water. I'm standing up reciting the entire thing. And he bursts into tears. I'm like, it's happening. He's crying because Moses is rolling down the water. He's like, this is the part.

And I'm like, no. So I said, I'll be back. I go upstairs.

I was like, no, no, please. We've been two hours now. The movie's three and a half hours long. He didn't try to make a move on you this whole time? No. He's just putting on the... He's Moses. He's standing up. Smashing that popcorn. He's standing up for two hours watching the movie. And I'm just sitting there. I'm like, I'm trying to be nice. Like, this is going to stop at any moment. Were you scared? No. I...

You just really couldn't read the room. I'm a nerd. I mean, like, I am horrible. Like, my father... It's so bad when my... My father and mother heard this story. My dad looked at me. He was like, what is wrong with you? I was like...

I just, I don't know. I wanted to show her this movie. And it gets worse because when it was over, I looked at her and I was like, all right, the next film I have. Oh my God, a three and a half hour film? I'm trying to feed him grapes. It was the greatest story ever told about Jesus. I'm doing everything. I'm trying to feed him grapes. I'm doing, I'm like, I take the grape out of her hand. He takes the grape out of my hand and

And eats the grape. I'm like, am I here? What am I? He is so uncultured over here. He's like, no. And then the next day is the first day we ever did it. Yeah. I waited 24 hours. Damn. And they grew in the long. No. Forget that. And she, and she, I will say, I tried to fight her off then. I was like, no. I was like, okay. All right, keep going. I feel like. I'm like, never mind.

We're going to sleep. Hi, ladies. Hey. What are you guys doing? Barely awake. I'm barely here. Bro. I'm not alive. Me either. I'm not okay. Oh. Who fucking puts that? Barely in.

Who puts that on their playlists? Bro, I was just trying to support a cause. Yeah. So the CMAs were yesterday and we are in studio day after filming this podcast because we just had so much fun stuff to talk about and we didn't realize how fucking dead to the world we were going to be. Yeah.

Yeah, it's been rough. I literally slept until 3 p.m. today. Same. Lucky. I'm a liar. I woke up at like 12 and laid in bed till 3. Oh, I wish. Jay slept till 3. Poor baby. He was so tired. I bet. And he has a show tonight. Yep. Good Lord. He's on his way to Birmingham right now, baby. Birmingham. I liked Birmingham last year or year before when we did it. It's a cute town. Yeah. Birmingham's cool.

So yeah, the CMA is last. What are we doing? I don't know. He never does this. Normally he's a co-star. What are you doing, Chach? I think he just quit. Did you just quit on your mom? It's because I didn't put in his Puerto Rican tear on him. Come here. Get your wig on. Come here, Chach. Come on. I know you want it on.

He's crazy. He loves a good wig. I'm telling you. This dude right here, he loves to play a little dress up. It doesn't matter if it's a bow tie. It doesn't matter if it's a freaking sweater. Like this dude loves clothes. Put the wig on him. Hold on. Here we go. Ready? Oh, tell everybody how pretty. Oh, see? That's all he needed. That's all he needed to lay down.

Oh my goodness. So yeah, the CMAs were last night. Daddy killed it with his performance with Brooks and Dunn. I believe. That was the best part of the night. Best part of the night for sure. For sure. I bawled my eyes out during that and the Post Malone song. I'm on national TV sobbing. It is such a good song. Yep. Yeah. No, that's

No, I was going to say you're on there for sobbing. I'm on there for sprinting out of the frame. Did you post that clip yet? Yes. Bro, did it do good? Is it doing good? It's like 70,000. Can we bring that up? Yeah. Bring that clip up. That clip is so damn funny. So Haley was a seat filler for whenever Jay had to like go and get ready for like his performance or whatever. Yeah.

And they tell you that you're not like, they yell at you over the intercom. They're like, sit down, have respect. Like it was crazy last night. The way that they were talking to us. No one yelled at me. Thankfully. No, no, no. They yell over the intercom before. Yeah. Oh,

Oh my God. You were too late to even know. Who the hell is this girl? Yeah, for real. And so Jay came out at the very last minute because he had just got done performing, right? And he was up for an award the next, this clip right here. And here comes, and so here comes Jay and Haley had to get out of his seat and here goes Haley looking like a little mouse. And at the last second you can see him walking out.

he commented and he said it looks like we're in a wrestling match and we're tag teaming each other in okay let's go get the first aid kit back at the place we walk a block we get there and i'm like okay i'm gonna wipe it she goes i just got a fresh spray tan could you just dab it i'm just i was kind of more concerned about the spray tan you were yeah i was just dabbing strips of blood you know when you get a good spray tan it's just like fuck

No, you're crazy about spray tans. I don't look at my spray tans the way you look at your spray tans. Let's talk about this, ladies. Okay. When I go to spray tan, I wake up, I'll shower. That's it. I don't even care if I shave, nothing. I just shower. I spray tan and then I fucking leave it on for four hours and wash it off.

This woman right here, her spray tan regimen takes two hours. She has to wash her hair. She has to shave her legs and her vagina. Full body. A full body shave. She has to moisturize. She has to loofah. Makes the tan look better and last longer. Bro. It's $20. Like the next day.

she sleeps if i if i wash mine off in four hours which i have done before it's gone it's all gone i can't sleep in a spray tan oh i already feel and smell like i'm burnt like there's no fucking way i'm doing that can't do it so yeah ladies which one are you are you a hayley or a bunny whenever it comes to spray tanning or maybe that would never get a spray tan because no maybe got one maybe got one so

Tell them about what happened, Mimi. Okay, so first off, I don't get spray tans. I don't care to be tan. I have enough color on my body. I don't need more. And I go, and Bunny is so excited. She was like, we're getting Mimi's first spray tan. Let's go. And they're the machine, so I don't know anything about these. She walks in. She's like, all right, they're going to tell you to do these poses, and she's showing me the poses and all this kind of stuff. And I...

I like forgot to put the shower cap on my hair. So like, it's about to start. And I was like, and I jumped out of it. And now at this point, because I have bad memory, I have forgotten all the moves that bunny has just taught me. So I put the shower cap on super fast. I get in and it's like two, one. And then I'm like looking at the screen, trying to figure out the

pose and I'm like I'm too late at it and so it's already to the next pose so it's like part way down and I'm like moving and it was very much like the Ross from Friends moment because I'm pretty sure I don't even got much on my back at this point

You were so uneven. Bro, the next like four hours, this tan is developing and it just looks like someone shat on me. It's like speckles of tan everywhere. And I just looked...

awful. It was rough. It was like the time Bailey had that fucking mustache when she got fucking sprayed. It was so bad. Guys, don't spray down. I love that. The CMAs were awesome, but I think my highlight of the night was not even on camera. My husband...

comes and sits next to Mimi and I looks like he saw a fucking ghost white as can be white as can be and breathless and I'm like you okay I look over at him I go baby are you okay and

And he goes like he has something in his hand and he opens it up and it's a black, beautiful, like wooden rosary. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's beautiful thinking like maybe a fan gave it to him or something like that. And he looks at me with these little puppy dog eyes and he goes, Kevin James just gave me this.

And me and Mimi were like, wait, what? I go, what? The first thing I did was I looked at Mimi, I go, tell Haley right now. And this had just started filming. I'm like this.

at the scene. I'm like, this is not a drill. Kevin James is here, Haley. This is my father. Literally. Dude, literally. Like, how obsessed... Like, we are all obsessed with Kevin James, but Haley is like... She is Kevin James. No, it was Kevin James for Halloween. Yes. Do we have a video of Haley's Kevin James as fucking... Can we find one? Do you want to get ready with me? No, no, no. Let's get full Monty already. But, yeah. So, like...

I look over at him. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Kevin James is here. He's like, he just appeared out of nowhere. Literally, we run to the back next commercial break to try to find Kevin fucking James. This dude is nowhere to be found and nobody even knows that he's there. Everyone's like, what do you mean? Kevin James? We're like, Kevin James. Nobody else saw him. No. He was nowhere else.

Like the ghost of Kevin James. Like, Kevin, where did you go? Where were you? Where were you, sir? You could never come to an award show again and not show up and fucking say hi. I tried to give it a goob to see if I could find red carpet pictures of him. Can't find those. On our walk out, you should have seen me. I probably look like a psychopath. I was staring everyone in their face as I walked trying to hold your dress. She's running through the hallways looking for you.

She's got her superhero run on. I love that. Yeah. But so we never got to see Kevin James. Never got to meet him. But like, that's like meeting like Dolly, you know, like that is like, that's like meeting Jesus. No, I wouldn't go that far. No,

I would. You guys know I don't do a lot of tick tockers anymore, but there's one girl that has always kind of had a special place in my heart. And I promised her, I think about a year or two ago, I was like, whenever you're ready, hit me up and I promise you can come on the podcast. And she hit me up a few weeks ago and I was like, come on down, baby. Miss Toxic Females.

Barry in the house, baby. Hi, I'm so happy to be here. You have no idea. Like, I love you so much. I want to be just like you when I grow up. I'm not even kidding. I love you. That's such a compliment, you know, because I think that you're such a strong girl and that's what I've always seen in you. And I've always like, I get like,

between you and MJ and I know you and MJ had your beef in the past but I feel like MJ's grown up a lot especially this year she's had to grow up a lot and I've also had to watch you level up a lot too you know

just physically, spiritually, mentally, everything, the shit you go through, you literally pour your heart out online. And I mean, if people are on Tik TOK, Tik TOK, they know who the fuck you are. There's no way they can't know who you are, you know? And I just feel like you give so much of yourself online. And I just respect that because it really comes across authentically. You met fly. And did you like fall in love with fly when you first met him or did it like have to grow? It had to grow. Like I was hanging out with him for a little bit. Um,

We were just all hanging out like as friends. We had like a big friend group or whatever. And then we started to like, like be together. Like it came kind of naturally. I mean, I liked, I had a crush on him or whatever, like a little later after hanging out with him, I guess we, whatever. But you asked, how does it, what is dating to him? Like, what do you like? Yeah. Like what is dating to fly? Well, before he became like famous, he didn't have shit. So he was actually like, he was way different before. Like he was nothing like he is now. It was like,

a totally different version. Like he's like, I don't know. Are you thankful that you got that version of him? Absolutely. That was, uh, and that was the version of him I made a baby with. And that's, and if I didn't, I'm grateful for him because he gave me the, my biggest accomplishment. So if he did anything at all, it was giving me the most beautiful baby in the world. And without him, it wouldn't have her. Yeah. So you guys get into a relationship. How soon after that do you get pregnant? Uh,

um i got pregnant like a couple years after that okay when do you become toxic and when does he become fly because did you guys start building your platforms together he he started building his platform before i did um like with the instagram like he started building his when he was when i was pregnant so him and zoe and red were all like doing um

Instagram live and stuff like that, but I didn't want to be in the scene. Like, I was just growing a baby. We were in, like, a trap house, and I was just tired of hearing him fucking screaming on the live. I didn't even care to even be on social media at all. What was your guys' relationship like before social media? You just said you guys were living in a trap house. Was he, like, selling? No, he wasn't doing shit at all. Like, I... The reason that we were making money to be able to pay the rent was because I...

I was working on Snapchat. It was before OnlyFans came on. Like, that was a thing. And I was making money from a premium Snapchat. So I was able to bring a lot of money in from, like, hustling guys all day on my Snapchat. But our rent was really cheap. So, like, it was easy to make, like, $1,500. And then they had a check from their dad passing. But it stopped when they were, like, what? 19 or something. I don't know about that. But the way that I became, like, my name, Toxic Fairy, we were tripping on acid.

Right. Like I never did acid before. Like this was a crazy ass trip. This was before I got pregnant, though. This was just my username. We were tripping on acid and I felt like a literal fairy. Like there was something and I had my crystals all over me and I just felt like a fairy. So I felt magical. But I was in such a toxic, dark place.

in my life. So I was still felt magical, but it was still like toxic at the same time. So that's how I made that too. I love that. Yeah, it was cool. It's kind of endearing. Yeah. Um, so you, when you find, take me on the journey of when you found out that you were pregnant. Um, okay. So me and Alex have been, we're like fighting like so bad all the time. It was horrible. We were always fighting and he wasn't an Island boy yet. Right. Okay. And he was,

We had a really bad Percocet addiction at the time because he loves to blame this on me, but I think that he, like, doesn't remember that we did Percocets the same day. It was introduced to us both at the same day. Because our whole relationship, we were not on that, like, at all. And then our friends came over. Well, they're my friends. Like, I'm not going to say their names, but these girls of mine came to my house, and they had, like, Percs, like...

And they gave it to both of us, like, on a plate or whatever. They gave it to the both of us at the same date. And that's when we both got addicted to them. So, like...

But were you guys dabbling in drugs before that? No. Well, I took a Xanax here and there. But he... I don't even know. I don't think he was... I think he was doing Xanax when I would do Xanax. But we never were doing perks. The perks is what made him an angry, crazy, batshit fucking psychopath, whatever. So he would even think that I'm thinking a thought that I'm not thinking. This one time I was thinking a thought. Not thinking a thought. But he was like, I know what you're thinking. And then literally folded the fucking mattress on top of me and was freaking out like...

Like, and I'm like, I'm not thinking about anything. He's like, why'd you wipe your nose? Why did you scratch your head? I know what those gestures mean. Like just losing his fucking mind. So I would go to Miami and hang out with my friend winter in Miami and her apartment to get away from him. But I guess like during that time I was going back and forth from Miami and like fucking being in an abusive relationship with him, I would like escape by getting an Uber to Miami. I guess I was pregnant like the first time.

Like while I was there, but I couldn't tell. But I felt nauseous and stuff like that when I came home. We were falling out. Like I wanted to leave the situation already. Was it physically abusive? Yeah, but we were both abusive to each other, if I'm going to be honest. But still, he would provoke me to be like that. I'm going to stick. I'm going to defend myself, of course. But he I found out I was pregnant after I wanted to leave, you know. And then I went to the hospital and.

And they just told me I was pregnant because I felt like sick. So I went there and they told me that. It's scary. It's like, oh, fuck. And I'm not going to get an abortion right now. So I'm just going to keep it. Was Fly on board with you keeping the baby? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, but it was just like the worst time ever to have a baby. But then it became the best time ever. And I'm really glad I had her. Take me on that journey. So you find out you're pregnant. You're trying to get out of this relationship, but you just found out you're pregnant. So do you feel kind of like you're stuck or do you want to do you feel like this might be like a.

saving grace for you guys no I didn't feel stuck I literally was like I'm for my baby I'm gonna get out of this shitty apartment that we're in you gotta go find a job you gotta go to work you gotta get your shit together but I'm not paying these I'm not about to do snapchat

pregnant. Like, I'm going to go to my mom's house. I don't know what the fuck you're going to do, but you got to figure it out. And you need to become a man and you need to get your fucking life together. And I'm going to choose this baby over you. You have to get the fuck. So then he had like this guy in North Carolina that liked him a lot. And his name was Chico. He's a crazy man. But if it wasn't liked him a lot. Yeah. Like he was like a groomer. Like he was like a, an old guy that told him, told the boys that they could like, um,

stay with him up in North Carolina and that he knows it. I don't know. He's so cute. Is fly gay? No, he's not gay. Okay. He's like, he's gay for pay, like gay baiting, but I don't know. Maybe. I don't think he is. Not maybe. I don't think he personally is, but it looks like it, but I don't think so. Yeah. There's just been too many situations with him and other men that just leave room for the imagination. I think since he made like a lot of money off of it, that's what he did it for. But I don't know.

He says he's not. Did you ever sleep with Red? I hooked up with Red when I was, when before we had a baby, it was like around then when we were all in our friend group or whatever. He, we were sleeping at, I wasn't dating Alex at the time. Like we were just still all friends or whatever. And then he had like some girl, he was fucking some girl.

um, and me, so he's, like, annoying, and, um, I was sleeping over at Alex's house, this is bad, but I don't really care, I was sleeping over at Alex's house, and they had, like, twin doors, like, literally, you could walk into his room from his room, and I was, like, I fucking hate this kid, like, he's fucking a bunch of people, like, fuck a bunch of girls, he doesn't take me serious, whatever, so I was drunk, and I went into Frankie's room, and I was, like, I'm gonna go lay in your brother's room, because you keep snoring,

I remember it vividly. I was like, you keep snoring. You're not waking up. You're not talking to me. And I'm going to go sleep in Frankie's room because you're being loud. Right. So I go and lay on Frank's bed and I was like, do you have a blanket that I can use on the opposite side? And he's like, yeah. And he gives me a blanket. There's like a throw blanket and he gave to me and I'm laying all the way on the edge of the bed. Right. And he's like not doing anything, but then he grabs me and then he started to kiss me or whatever. But we didn't have sex. That's it didn't work because he didn't. It's like.

so it didn't work tile dysfunction at such a young age at such a young age i'm not kidding so no we did not fuck but we kissed yes gotcha um everyone says we fucked but we didn't like well i feel like it's kind of a thing for them too because i think mj went through that too with them it's like a weird thing that the brothers have where they hook up with each other's fucking girlfriends yeah i don't know i i it's just it's fucking weird right but whatever didn't mj say she like mistaked

Yeah. For his brother? Fuck it, MJ said that she thought that Red was Alex. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. There's no way. They don't even look that much alike. Yeah, not at all. I'm like, MJ, I love you. Stop it right now. But that's definitely a rumor, though. Like, when they're saying, oh, you fucked him. I did not fuck him. I literally didn't. I just gave you the whole rundown of how it happened. Like, we probably would have if...

It would have worked, but we didn't. So no. Gotcha. I appreciate the honesty. Um, so going back to you, you told him, Hey, you need to get the fuck out of here. You need to grow up. You need to be a man. He went to some groomers house in North Carolina and you went to moms. Yes. I went to moms and grew the baby in peace. Okay. And he went to North Carolina and was in like a, um, a trailer park.

With like rats and roaches. And he was living with some guys who smoked meth and shit. I wanted him to just get the fuck away from me. Dealing... Like not being a man. Like he needed to be a fucking man. Like he was... I'm not... I definitely chose Kalaya over him. And then...

Yeah. So he went out there and was making money from like a vape shop or something. But he wasn't even talking to me my whole pregnancy. He wouldn't talk to me. He's like, you made me come out here. You left me. So he wasn't there for you when you were pregnant? No. And he wasn't there when I had her either. So I gave her my last name. But then we got back together when she was like two months old.

Got back together when she was like two months old. I moved out to North Carolina. He started making money on Instagram, like Instagram live. He was like having people send him for promos. So he was started like pick up a hustle somehow. It was making good money. So he put us in an apartment and I wanted to go home really bad. I wanted to come back to Florida really bad. Yeah. North Carolina and Florida are two different. Yeah. I was like, I can't be here. Like we got to go. So then we drove my little piece of shit Kia Optima.

broken down piece of shit you had a car though I know but like at the time it was like struggling to get back to Florida it was horrible it was hot and we had a little baby no it was just like fucked up the whole shit and then we got home and then we were bouncing back and forth from my mom's house to his mom's house until we like figured it out and then we started to stay at Airbnb's

And then that's when that whole thing where they like got a viral TikTok was at an Airbnb that we stayed at. That's where everything. So they blew up when they got on TikTok. You guys kind of like all blew up as a family, I guess you could say on TikTok from the Island Boy song. Was it? I'm an island boy. That's the shit. Yeah. Um,

So you guys have this little baby. You guys get this viral moment on TikTok. You've pretty much been in the trenches with this man. Yeah, we tried to make it work. Like, obviously, when I went there, wasn't there my whole pregnancy, tried to make it work, came back home. And then when he blew up, that's, yeah. Did he just change completely after he blew up? Like, can you take me down that road? Yeah, he...

we, well, what happened is crazy. We were together after he blew up and then he started, I remember you guys being together. I think that's when I started following you. We were together, but then, um, we got into a fight because it was real. I was getting really toxic because I was still suffering from postpartum depression with my baby. She was like not even one yet or like she's just turned one. Yeah. Around that time she just turned one. And, um,

I was getting really pissed off that he was leaving and just not including me. I didn't feel included at all. Like I didn't have anyone to watch Kalaya at the time to being like, do the things that he was doing. Cause I was breastfeeding and I was just me and my baby. That was it. I didn't trust anyone at this time, anything like that.

And he was just doing things. He went to his first show. He didn't invite me. He didn't want me to come. And I'm sure that his mom would have watched her that, like, so I could have gone for a few hours. But he was like, no, I don't want you to come. He would just go do a bunch of things and not include me. And that shit drove me crazy. I was like, why are you not including me? Whatever. So then we got in a really big fight. And then I posted his number online.

on Instagram live and I was like, call this fucking clown. - I know when I see a good girl who can actually really do something with their life and I really truly believe that you and MJ are two girls that if you really fucking set your minds to it, you both could conquer the fucking world. And I hate to keep bringing MJ into it, but you guys are all-- - It's okay, I know that's your friend. - You know, and it's just like, I really genuinely feel like if you really put your mind to something toxic, you could fucking do it. And you don't need these boys. You could do it without any of these boys. You could have the boss of any crew

but for some reason you just keep dabbling in this Florida cesspool. And I'm just like, I can't wait. What did you call it? A cesspool? Florida cesspool. It's just toxic. It's just like, nothing is like good ever comes from it. You know, I just want to be treated right. So fucking bad. Where do you think that need for being, um, wanting love so badly from a man comes from?

I don't know. Like, I mean, I've always had my dad, but like, so I don't know. I don't have daddy issues. My dad loves me, but was he like very affectionate or like really always, he was always working. I don't know. Maybe it's, I was always alone as a kid. Maybe that's what it is. My dad was awesome. He's always taking care of me. He's the best. He's always, maybe he was always like working like not home. Like I literally lived in Illinois without my dad for like a year when I was a kid and it was just me and my mom. And I was always, I don't know, maybe it's,

I've just always been alone and you know, like growing up, but he was, he loves me, my dad. So I don't have daddy issues. No, I don't know. Well, now that you and mop are on a break, what do you see yourself doing? Like, do you ever think that you're just going to have like a single toxic era and just start running shit, baby? Cause I'm ready for that. Yeah. I swear. Like, I think that's what's going on. Like, I think that's what's going on right now. Cause we were so like fucked up and, but we're like,

I don't want to like cut him off like completely. Like I want to be friends with him. And we were all like, we had like, you're talking about mop, right? Yeah. We had a friendship like before we got back together. Um, so I wonder if like we could be friends and I could, you know, I think that'll come in time. I think when you've been with somebody and I don't know what kind of relationship you guys have, you don't seem like you really want to touch too much on it.

And I don't want to push it. If you do want to talk about it, that's fine also. But I think when you're in such a passionate relationship with somebody, you have to give it time. You're not going to be able to just be friends off the rip. You guys are going to have to let some time go without talking to each other, engaging with each other, not going fucking live with each other. I think it just hurts my heart to see you get disrespected online, like that you don't deserve that, or to see you crying online. Like that's...

That's not good. You know, like, and it's one, you are, like I said, are such a beautiful girl and you have such a beautiful heart, but two, there's also, you know, a lot of girls that look up to you and watching you just continually give your, and I'm not here to lecture you. I'm just here to like big sister you like,

watching you continually go out with these men that do nothing but treat you like the bare minimum, that's going to hurt you in the long run. That's not going to fucking make you level up in any way. If anything, it's going to chip away at your self-confidence. And I think you need to just fucking...

Spread your wings and fly, dude. Like, you really need to, like, go into a cocoon and come out a fucking beautiful butterfly and learn to love yourself without a penis around. I love that. I love that. You're 100% right. 100%. I think that's where I'm...

I think that's where I'm headed. Like I could feel it. Like I feel good things. But it's turned 26 this month and I just want to focus on myself this whole year being 26. I promise you, I spent my entire 20s and 30s, half of my 30s fucking chasing men and it got me fucking nowhere. It got me in a domestic violence relationship where I could have died in a couple of situations. It got me...

becoming a drug addict. I was addicted to pills and cocaine was my favorite and drinking. And I mean, we look back at pictures from fucking seven years ago and I look fucking 10 years older back then than I do now. And it's like,

It's just crazy when you really just get rid of all the bullshit and you figure out like, where is this coming from? Why am I attracted to this certain type of person? You know, when I got with my husband, he was not my type, completely different human than I've ever been with. And it, he was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, you know? And did you meet him? I met Jay in 2015. Oh, I love that. Yeah. I met him in 2015 and then we ended up being together in 2016 after my abusive ex went to prison. Um,

And I just, you know, if it wasn't for my husband, you know, I would not be where I am today. And I am fine saying that because he really made me want to level up and be a better woman. So if you have to have a penis around, find somebody who pushes you to be a better woman and doesn't try to bring you down. I want to attract that. Like, I want that to just come to me. I'm tired of chasing it. Like, I just want whatever's for me to just find me while I'm working on myself.

I promise you it will come because I was exactly where you were. I was, I had just got out of an abusive relationship. I was tired. I was like, I don't care. I don't want to be with anybody. I just want to fucking be me. And then here comes jelly roll, you know, and just fucking sweeps me off my feet unexpectedly. And I think when you finally get really to that place, the universe will do it in a time that,

is your time, you know? And even if it takes fucking months, just focus on yourself because you literally have the world at your hands right now. You have an online presence where you have people's attention. That is not fucking easy to do. People think that it's so easy to do and that it's like, Oh, I can get online. I can make content. No, you can't. You have to be charismatic and you have to have a certain thing about you and you have that dude. And it's like, why not fucking quadruple that right now while you can, right?

You know, you have the world at your, the world is your oyster and I'm done lecturing you. No, I love that. I actually need to hear stuff like that. Cause no one's telling me that. I've been waiting to get you here. Cause I'm just like, man, I just have been wanting to give you the biggest hug and just let you know, like, Hey, there are people in the world that love you. And I know that it can be overshadowed by all the fucking hate that's online because trust me, I get it too. But it's just like, you have to know that the love outweighs the hate always.

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