We're sunsetting PodQuest on 2025-07-28. Thank you for your support!
Export Podcast Subscriptions
cover of episode FUNNIEST Tweets Of The Week! | ShxtsnGigs Podcast | Patreon Clips

FUNNIEST Tweets Of The Week! | ShxtsnGigs Podcast | Patreon Clips

2022/10/21
logo of podcast ShxtsNGigs

ShxtsNGigs

AI Deep Dive AI Chapters Transcript
People
(
(未指名发言人)
Topics
本周播客节目讨论了本周最搞笑的推文,内容涵盖了B2B营销人员的职业日常、夜店里令人尴尬的体味、Kanye West的古怪行为和Donda学校,以及各种奇葩的个人经历。其中,B2B营销人员的职业日常以幽默的方式展现了行业内的一些术语和工作内容,引发了听众的共鸣。夜店里的体味问题则引发了对夜店环境和个人卫生的讨论。Kanye West的言行举止则成为了大家调侃和讨论的焦点,他的Donda学校也成为了大家关注的对象。此外,节目中还分享了一些其他搞笑的推文和个人经历,例如飞机上有人涂抹粪便导致航班延误、丈夫在性高潮前喊“做好准备”等,这些内容都充满了幽默感,引发了听众的爆笑。

Deep Dive

Chapters
The discussion revolves around tweets mocking traditional masculinity and the absurdity of men refusing to ask women for financial contributions, even if it means liquidating their assets.

Shownotes Transcript

Translations:
中文

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. I can't lie. Asking women to contribute to the table is a shamelessness I do not possess.

Quote tweet. Masculinity is too toxic for all of that. I'd rather liquidate all my assets. Yeah. Yeah. It's a bread. That's it. The whole thing. Yeah. The bread. Yeah. Bro. I'd rather liquidate my assets and ask a chick to contribute to this table.

I can see that. I can see it, bro. I can see it. You know what it was as well? When you first were speaking, I don't know why, but when you said table and I thought restaurant. Oh, okay. The more you spoke, I realized club. And I was like, oh, I'm never, ever, ever asking for a girl to contribute money for this club table. No way. No way.

I would also rather liquidate my assets. Yeah, and it's not even for her. Fuck her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But still, no, I can't let... The sheets could never know I've asked a yacht to contribute to the table. I brought her to you. This is a tweet and a reply. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you guys ever... Do you guys ever say, no, I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend? Reply. If someone offers you money, do you say, no, I have a salary?

Bro, facts. At the end of the day, facts. Like, what are we doing? Facts. What are we actually doing, bro? Oh, that's funny. I'm so glad the music in the club be loud because I'll be farting and shit. That's disgusting, bro. That is disgusting. Fam, I promise you now there's not a single thing worse than smelling pop in a club. Oh, it's just musty.

You don't have a clue who the culprit is. It hits you so hard. It's so warm and humid, bro. And you just, you hate everyone. Everyone. You fucking hate everyone. And then you look at a painting and then you're like, if it came from you, I swear to God.

I'm going to start throwing hands. Because it hits you as if it was targeted for you. Oh, 1 million percent. It stinks in a club. And everyone, you're looking at them. They're looking at you. And you're like, fuck you. It's not me. And then you have to be the guy that's like, who? What the fuck is that? Nah, who's body's hot? Who's body's hot? And you're trying to, who's body's hot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's none of that. Well, you know that. There's none of that.

For fuck's sake. I hate, I actually, that's, I'm sorry, that's really pissing me off. It's the most part of this thing. Smelling pop, because a club wants to be a pristine experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to smell perfume and lollipops.

I just want to smell perfume and lollipops and see sparklers and shit and smelling pop ruins all of it especially if you're like in an underground club or something you're very aware of where you're at it's sweat and pop oh it's disgusting it's terrible I'm gonna be in my daughter ear like go tell dad we want chick-fil-a yeah

That's funny. That's hilarious. Daughters can manipulate any thing. Daddy, can we go to Chick-fil-A, please? Can we please have Chick-fil-A, please, daddy? Please, oh, please, daddy. You're the fuck right. Go tell daddy you want Chick-fil-A. That's hilarious. Oh, fuck's sake. And she's just there smiling in the restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. My son is going to be mad when I name him Garrett, in brackets, short for cigarette.

Wow. Short for cigarette. Those jokes. That is funny. My cousin was going back to Niger yesterday, but his flight was delayed because someone got deported and decided to poo smear all over the plane. They got deported. So they stood up and was like, fuck this. And just like smearing shit all over everywhere. All over the place. I was like, fuck you. Fuck this country. Fuck these laws. Everywhere. I'm not going back.

Tweet, quote, tweet. Tweet, text me back or I'm not taking my meds. Quote, tweet, Kim K checking her phone in the morning. Bro. She's exhausted with him. Text me back or I'm not taking my meds. Wow. That's a threat, James. That's a threat. Bro. That's too funny. She's

She's going through it. There's a level of toxicity that women secretly love, but he's way over. There's nothing sexy about what he's doing. He's just lost his mind. He's literally lost his mind. We speak about it all the time. He's going through shit. Yeah, he continuously going through this Donda school. He's doing. Oh, what's that? You never heard of this Donda school. No, he's got a school called Donda for youth, bro. It's a school. Is it a music school? It's a school, bro. Do.

Do we not have enough schools, fam? What country is it in America? Of course it's in America. Let's not open any more schools in America. No one wants to go to your Yeezy Donda school. Fam, Donda school, yeah. He said he wants to take his kids out of the school they're already at and bring them to Donda. No one cares what you want to do. Leave your kids. Your kids are at a prestigious private school. Your kids are probably at one of the best schools in the country. In the world, probably. Leave them where they're at. Facts. Donda school. Facts. His kids are fed up. His kids are fed up. What's the oldest one called North? She's pissed off.

Because she's the only one that can actually have proper conversations. She's pissed off. Dad, stop. I'm annoyed now. Yeah, it was cute, but now it's fucking annoying. I have to deal with this every day. White Lives Matter. Did you really need to? Did you really need to? I know you're a little tension whore, but I've got friends. I've got friends everywhere. I've got friends and they've got eyes. Stop. Why am I having to defend you in the cafeteria every day, Dad?

Why'd you have to take it there intentionally? You're rich as fuck. He's ruining lives, bro. Anyway, this is back to back, actually. I know niggas be scared to text Kanye back. A nigga posts everything. He actually does. He posts everything and replies in caps lock.

he replies everything in caps lock it's actually mad to think that like you could think that you and him are super cool and the next day you just see it you're just on his page you're just on his page and you're like you're probably like the second slider for fuck's yeah why is he baiting me out bro he was he was bigging up diddy the other day and then he said fuck you to him the next day something like that i can't keep up with him bro rags

Some chick tweeted, when he sucks the clit only, oh, you must want a key made. Yeah, boy. Oh, you must want a key made. Madness. Oh, indeed. That's that sensi. Oh, indeed. Jesus. Told my boyfriend I was out with my mum. He don't know that mum stands for my other man.

I'm pretty sure you've read that one before. I haven't. I've read something similar. Oh, okay. I've read something very similar. I remember. I don't remember what it is, but I've read something very similar. My other man. My other man. I think you'll never find that out. Never. My grandma lies so much talking about she used to babysit Jeffrey Dahmer. Yo! That's funny. She lies so much. Oh, Jesus. That's actually hilarious.

My husband calls out, brace yourself, darling, just before he orgasms. He cannot understand why I never want to fuck him again. Brace yourself. Brace yourself, darling. I'm coming into land. Brace yourself. I'm coming home to roost. Brace yourself. It's going to be a rocky nut. It's going to be a rocky nut. Oh, yuck. Oh, yuck. I want to meet the Tom that got an entire genre of foolery named after him.

makes sense it does it's stupid took a second to sink in i was like i saw your eyes i saw your eyes wandering like that zach brenner that meme zach galifianakis your eyes were wondering and you have to hold the smile like yeah tom foolery okay yeah the whole foolery what oh yeah yeah i'll say that don't get in my car telling me how to drive sit back and hold on tight obviously a chick wrote that yeah right

If the sex come without head, you can keep it. I ordered the motherfucking combo. Don't stop. Asked him for his height. He's been typing for two minutes. Oh my God. He's been typing for two minutes. Just bubble down. Bubble stop. Bubble down. Bubble down. Oh, he don't know what to do or what to say. Asked him for his height. He's been typing for two minutes. Oh my God. Peak. Very peak. Next one.

Pulled out so far she started spinning like a Beyblade. That's jokes. Alright, tweet quote tweet. Kris Jenner claimed she never knew Bruce was uncomfortable having sex with her and thought he was kidding when he loudly booed her vagina. Nah, bro. Boo. Yuck. Boo. Yuck.

Who ordered the surf and turf? Oh, stop it. Get out of the way from me. Get out of the way from me. That's jokes. That's jokes. So slippy. Tweet, reply, reply. Wow. Just saved my nun. Ain't this... Start again. Wow. Just shaved for nothing. Ain't this a bitch? Reply. Come see me. Don't let it go to waste. Reply. Too late. I glued it back on. Ha ha ha.

Don't let it go to waste. Oh my God. I know for a fact there's a certain type of woman that would take up that offer. Oh, rags. Shaving takes a minute. It does. Don't let it go to waste. That's a turn on. Don't let it go to waste. Too late. I glued it back on. If I was the brother that sent that risque reply and then she's too late, I glued it back on.

I'm deleting Twitter right now. Why are you ruining this flirtation? Why are you ruining this flirtation? It took a lot for me to send that. Last one. I don't know. I feel like Mike Myers would let me walk away and live. My vibe is just different. There's so many people that actually think they're different. That's so stupid, James.

I might be different.

Get ready to rack to school at your Nordstrom Rack store, because the deals are amazing. Levi's, Adidas, Volcom, and Hurley from only $20. Save on everyone's favorite denim, sneakers, boots, backpacks, and more at Nordstrom Rack. But hurry, get first dibs on new arrivals from just $20 and make it the best school year ever. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

At Ashley, you'll find colorful furniture that brings your home to life. Ashley makes it easier than ever to express your personal style with an array of looks in fun trending hues to choose from, from earth tones to vibrant colors to calming blues and greens. Ashley has pieces for every room in the house in the season's most sought after shades. A more colorful life starts at Ashley. Shop in store online today. Ashley, for the love of home.