Women Share Stories of Men Fumbling The Coochie! | ShxtsnGigs Podcast | Patreon Clips
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Women need to start telling stories about when a man fumbled some coochie from them and how he did that. Let's start identifying the source. Oh, I've seen a couple of these. I have seen a couple of these. So this is not the one you've got? No, no, no, no. Gang. Once a man sent me a video of himself jerking onto a plate we didn't meet. He didn't know how to shuffle cards and kept spilling it out and he would just giggle. It was gut-wrenching. That was jokes. That was jokes. It was gut-wrenching. Fuck. Fuck.

We went on a date on Sunday. No sex. We were texting on Tuesday and he made a sexual joke. And I responded saying that's too spicy for him. He responded by eating in the car, didn't I? The man was mixing up two days after a date. Instant block. He was mixing me up two days after. With the thing from the next day? Yeah. The man said by eating in the car, didn't I? What? What?

As soon as he pressed set, he knew he fucked up. He knew he fucked up. Oh, that's hilarious. But I ate it in the car, didn't I? It's the didn't I that sweets me. Bye.

Oh, no, that's long. That whole thing is, I'll block both of them immediately. Because I can't keep fucking up like that. Yeah, I'm not dealing with that. We were watching a movie and I could feel him staring at me and he mumbled something under his breath. When I didn't respond, he said, bitch, I said, I like you. He never saw him again. That's John Hicks. In caps, bitch, I said, I like you. What?

Fuck, man. That's too funny. Wow. That's so funny. I was unwell and he took me to get some flu powders. This man, sorry. Some what? Flu powders. That's what she wrote, bro. I'm only reading what she said. I don't even know what that means. What the fuck?

that's like crushed paracetamol yeah flu powders flu powders is what she wrote I'm gonna start again wow I was unwell and you took me to get some flu powders this man gave me his coat in the store because I was cold we walked out and get grabbed by security because he stole sweets put them in the inside pocket of the coat he gave to me this was actually so funny I couldn't get caught like that I couldn't get caught like that

He made her the fucking... The scapegoat. The scapegoat. Wow. Sweets. Sweet of all things. You're a grown man. Stealing sweets. Fuck. I would dart off. Yeah, 100%. I would leave her in this queue and dart off. Take my coat. I'm gone. Take my coat and the sweets I stole. I'm gone. I'm gone. I had no hand soap in the bathroom. I had to take the coochie off the table after that.

I can imagine. Yeah, that's poor. Where's the soap? No hand soap in the bar. I'd take the Gucci off the table. Nah, you're not fucking me. Jokes. You're actively not fucking me. We were trying to pick a movie to watch and he grabbed the remote and turned on high school football highlights. After about 15 minutes, I told him I wasn't feeling it and he apologized. Went to YouTube and played slash rapped his own song. Nah, he didn't. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. So...

So the scene is they're sitting down. They don't know what to watch on TV. He grabs the remote and puts on the football. Football highlights, yeah. After a little bit, she's like, big man, I'm sorry. This is boring. Let's watch something else. He says, say less. YouTube finds his own account, finds a song that he's put on YouTube, plays it, and then just starts rapping along to it. He's just looking at her, just rapping along, doing all the ad-libs. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

That's jokes. That's jokes. That's jokes. We were kissing and he had visible pre-cum on his pants. When I noticed, he said, I can't help it. You got me wet as fuck. Nah, bro. No. You got me wet as fuck. No.

Wow. Imagine, bro. I couldn't. Nah, bro. Nah, that's impossible. That's embarrassing. That can't work. That's impossible. That can't run. You got me wet as... Yuck! Brother! Come on, man. Oh, my day. I can't help it. I can't help it. You got me wet, babes. I'm sopping. I'm soaking. I'm drenched down there. That's actually making me sick. I'm bare damp. I'm fucking gushing. Let's go.

I literally tweeted about this three days ago, but he asked to use my bathroom and came up with my wig on on the first link. He sounds like a white rugby player. Sounds like a white rugby player. White rugby player on his first black experience. Saw the wig and thought, what's this? Put it on and just came in in his underwear. Yeah.

The head, the bob would swing it. It was swinging. What's the Edna Mode style? It was swinging. Yeah, yeah. You know exactly what I'm talking about, innit? The ting was, the bob was popping. That's jokes. Fucking hell, that's funny. Oh my God. That is funny. He was lying about being Blasian and he got mad when I said I know both of his parents. Reply.

she quotes that's not even my real mum my real mum is korean and she wrote you're black that's too funny you're black bro can you imagine bro you're not blazing i know your mom and your dad that's not even my mom that's not my real mom my mom's korean you're black bro you're black bro you're black i'm not entertaining this anymore bro shut the up you're black bro uh just don't how can you lie so obviously anyway

Second day, we were making out and we were stopped abruptly. Looks me square in the eye and said like a psychopath, enough of this nice guy act. I'm ready to fuck. I laughed in his face and left. Audacity, bro. Enough of this nice guy act. I'm ready to fuck. Wow. That's scary stuff. That's scary stuff. That's scary stuff. Enough of this nice guy stuff. Nice guy stuff. I can't keep this mask on anymore. Rub me the tongue now.

I've waited all night. It's been two days. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of this nice guy stuff. I done bought you food. I've done bought you drinks. We've been to the cinema. Run me some tum. Yeah, run me the puss now. Man, mid lips. He stopped. Enough. Enough. This stops now. This stops now. I'm ready to fuck. What are you saying? I can't take another second of this bullshit. This play, play bullshit.

Fuck, man. That's entitlement. Jesus. Oh, fuck. He brought me to the club with his friends and one of them told him to go into the bathroom and roll up for him. Even called him a little nigger and everything. Yuck. Imagine, James. Go roll up for me, little nigger. Told him. And you come to the club with your gal. Jesus Christ. I came to his crib real late.

He has me waiting outside the car while he's... Sorry. I come to his crib real late. He has me wait outside in the car while he gets everything set up. I walk into the side door of his extremely dark house and I'm led down the hallway to his room where I see tea light candles in the hallway all leading up to his bunk bed. Bunk bed. So, man, like, that's grim, but same time is...

Bunk bed niggas have to smash too. They do. They do. I need sex too. They do. It's really not my fault. It's really not my fault. I've got a sibling. I've got bare siblings. I've got bare siblings and little room. And I'm broke. I can't move out, but I need the toms. I need to smash just as the same as the next guy. Facts, bro. I need some. Fuck. I need some. That's torment.

We were on our way to my house after the date and he opened up Safari to play a song on YouTube. The porn he watched earlier started playing at full volume. He scrolled to his very first tweet and read them out loud one by one for 10 minutes. He was crying laughing at the random pointless tweets from 2012 then looked at me and said I don't see how you don't think this is funny.

Bro, that would terrify me. I don't see how you don't think this is funny. Do you not see me laughing? I'm reading past James. This is how I used to think. Why aren't you laughing? Past James. That's jokes. Wow. That's jokes. Where's the context? Bro. That's what I'll be screaming. Where's the context for this? That's what I'll be screaming. Right, this chick wrote, I went to kiss his neck and he giggled tee hee. I should put this to him.

TV though. Stop. Stop. That's my tickle spot. Stop. Stop. Fuck, man. That's my sensei. My sensei. You're an idiot. My sensei. His homie told him to come back to him. Sorry. His homie told him to come back him up because he was beefing. So he called some guy and asked to borrow his gun. Dude says nah, bro, and hung up on him. I was so embarrassed.

Wow. Nah, bro. Big man, I need your gun. I need to back something. Nah. Nah, bro. Hung up. Yat's just like, bro. So you're going to back him or? Are you backing him or do you need the hardware? The hardware. That's a joke. I have yet another one. We went on a movie date and he showed up in some big ass jeans, some gaiters, a sweater vest and a Kangol hat. Nigga looked like my granddad.

A Kangol hat, you know? Jesus. Sweater vest. That's impossible. He played his mixtape loud as fuck on the way to this movie's. Asked the lady if they do student discounts in brackets. Neither of us were students. And then asked me for change to get popcorn at the concession stand. I said no. And he followed up with, so then what do you carry that bag? What do you carry in that bag? Sorry.

What did you carry in that bag? You got changed so I can get some popcorn. Nah. So what the fuck is even in there? What's in the bag? Why you got the bag then? Why is it so big? Fucking bitch. Those jokes. Do you do student discount? I used to run that bar. Oh, it's hot man. Always. I used to run that 10% off. 100%. That 10% went a long way. It went a long way. Do you do student discount? Oh, that's crushing. That's crushing. That's crushing.

Went out with a dude who begged me and my girl to come out. He said he was getting the shots because he knew the bartender. Manse came back with one big shot of whiskey and we supposed to split with four people. I bought me and my girl shots and left. Let me get you man some shots. Just come up with a glass tank. That's icky, bro. And let's take a sip each. That's icky, bro. She said it's fine. I'll get the shots. That's...

mortifying that is mortifying but yeah that was a thread that was a thread that was way better than I thought it was going to be I'm not going to lie to you way better than I thought it was going to be what's up guys thank you very much for listening that was a short clip from our most recent Patreon episode if you enjoyed it and you want to get the full episode head on over to patreon.com forward slash

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