838. Q&AF: Overcoming “People Pleasing” Behavior, Pursuing Greatness & Hiring Great Team Players
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What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and AF, that's where you submit the questions.

and we bring you the answers. Now, you can submit your questions for the show a couple different ways. The first way is, guys, email these questions in to askandy at andyfrasella.com, or you go on YouTube in the comments section, drop your question down there, and we'll pick some from there as well. Throughout the week, we're going to have Cruise the Internet. We call that CTI. That's where we put topics on the screen. We speculate on what's true and what's not true, and we talk about how we, the people,

have to solve these problems going on in the world. Sometimes we're going to have what's called real talk. Real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. And then other times we're going to have 75 hard versus. Now, 75 hard versus is where people have completed the 75 hard program, come on the show. They talk about how their life was before, how their life is now, and how they used the 75 hard program to, for lack of a better terms, fix their shit.

If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard program, which is the world's most famous mental transformation program ever. You can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed. Again, that's 208 on the audio feed only. There's also a book. The book is available at andyfercella.com. It's called The Book on Mental Toughness. It includes the entire Live Hard program, plus a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness,

how to develop it, why it's important, and how to use it in your life to increase the quality of your life. Now,

We do something different on this show. We don't run ads. You're going to find that we're the biggest show in the world that doesn't run ads. So in exchange for that, I ask very simply that you help us grow the show. If the show makes you think, if it makes you laugh, if it gives you new perspective, if you learn some new things, do us a favor and help us spread the word, all right? We like to say it like this. Don't be a hoe. Show the show. All right, what's up? Hey, good morning. Good looking? Yeah, that's right. I am good looking.

What's going on with you, bro? Nothing, dude. Yeah? Yeah, just counting down the days for the launch of the new MSCEO project. We're down to days now. And we're not going to talk about when it was launched or when it's going to launch. You're going to have to be on the email list to know when it launches. So if you're not on the email list, you should go to andybrosella.com. Subscribe to the Andygram, which is your daily newsletter.

i don't know pep talk you know and uh you'll find out about when the mfco launches where it's going to be and how you can get it so yeah how excited like like let's be real like no no fruit for sure but how excited are you for for that coming back very because it's more than just teaching people how to make money at this point um you know the first time we did the msco project it was about

how to become successful. And now it's about not only how to become successful, but how to become successful in all areas of your life, accompanied with the idea that it is our duty to become the best that we can be in order for this country to become the best that it can be. There has been an abandonment of personal responsibility and obligation

Because we have been quote unquote free for so long that people think they are free to live a shitty life and that America will just exist if all of our people here live less than the standard of what it should be. And that's just not how it works. So the goal here is for me to teach people who are young, not just young in age, but young in experience, how to live

build a life, how to build a company, how to make money, but also understand our obligation to becoming the best people that we can be so that we don't have what just happened for the last 10 years in this country or 12 years or 15 years happen again, which is the removal of personal responsibility, uh,

You know an ambition, you know where we started to get into a situation where people started to see Ambition success and winning as some sort of negative thing, right? That is all programming. It is not negative at all It is the it is your obligation to go pursue the best possible version of yourself Because other people are gonna follow you whether you you know understand that now or not and you know there was a time in this country and

Where people understood that sacrifices were made and that citizens had an obligation to try their best to be their best. And that's something that we need to restore with the younger generation and all generations. And so, you know, I'm excited because it's not just about like,

you know, hey, let's go out and make some money. You know what I mean? It's about like, hey, let's go make some money and become the best that we can be and set the right example and show other people how it's done so that we can create, you know, a movement of citizens

that stands for personal excellence because when we are personally excellent in all areas, other people notice, they start to pick up the pace, they start to join the group, the standards raise and the standards of this country get better. So, you know, it's a big mission, but, you know, I'm not CEO of, I'm not actively the CEO of

you know, first form anymore or really any of the companies anymore. I've moved into chairman roles and investment roles and I have the time to dedicate to this. So I'm really, I'm really excited about it, dude. It's going to be awesome. I feel like there's a lot of people out there now who have gotten on that page of understanding the obligation. It's just okay. But like now let's give them the tools. What do I do? Right. And a lot of new entrepreneurs I feel can come out of this too, bro, which we need. Well, I mean, bro, there's hundreds, there's, I mean, tens of thousands of entrepreneurs who,

That started with the old MSCO project that are now, you know, eight, 10, 12 years in doing well. Yeah. So there's no doubt of the impact that it makes. But, you know, I just think that there's so much misinformation and there's so many liars and there's so much bullshit that the lack of real entrepreneurial experience and information is just it's just lacking. Yeah.

And the principles that make up an actual successful life and business, it's a little more complicated than just getting ripped. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, I'm sharing my 26 years of experience building a portfolio that's worth 10 figures, you know.

With everybody else. So I'm excited about it. I'm excited to get to it too, man. Well, it's Q&A. So let's make some people better today. Guys, Andy, I got some good ones for you. Let's knock these out. Question number one, Andy. Andy, I've always been a people pleaser.

And it's exhausting. I want to set boundaries and prioritize my own happiness, but I'm afraid of upsetting others. How do I begin to change this mindset and stand up for myself? I don't want to go another year being a people pleaser. How do we do that? Well, look, there's nothing wrong with pleasing other people or servicing other people. And a lot of times when we talk about

you know, when we talk about entrepreneurship and we talk about serving the customers, we get into this mindset, which isn't bad by the way of trying to please everybody. But the problem is we can't please everybody. It's impossible. And a lot of times when we try to please everybody, we end up abandoning our own self in that pleasing. And that's where you have to draw the boundary. You have to realize that when you're, when

when you're serving or you're giving, it's not being reciprocated. You know, it's time to draw a boundary of some sort, like in a business environment, you know, you serve, serve, serve, they give you money, right? In a friendship environment, you know, you serve, serve, serve, you get nothing back. Well, you should probably stop that because you're pouring in and getting nothing back. And we are,

We are energy beings. And when we pour all our energy into one person or two people or people in general, and we don't keep any for ourselves or don't get any back, we end up in a situation where we feel drained or feel exhausted, like he's describing or she's describing the question. So how do you do that? Well, saying no is a skill that people have to learn. And you don't have to, you know, just give this long explanation about, you

you know, why you're not doing things that, you know, you wouldn't normally otherwise do. So, or other people want you to do. That's right. And dude, at the end of the day, dude, you do have to look out for the best interests of,

Of yourself, because no one else is going to look out for you. It's the truth. So there's a very fine line between being a team player and also making sure that you are in the spot that you need to be in. And most of the time when people can't set boundaries, it's because they have a hard time saying no, because they're such insiders.

They're so used to pleasing everybody or trying to please everybody that it feels unnatural of them. So just like anything that we, uh,

you know, have to get good at, you have to practice saying no. And then just letting it be, you know, no is a complete sentence. It's a skill to practice. And when you mean no, you should say no. And when you mean yes, you should say yes. And sometimes that is going to be uncomfortable because people have been used to you saying yes to things that you were now saying no to things. And, um,

You know, but reality is is once you move away from those people and you just start operating like a normal human Nobody has a problem when people say no, you know what I'm saying? So this is just something that you need to work on saying no without you know, overly explaining yourself now if there's people like in your family or close friends or you know, They might be confused by this so you you might have to sit down and have a conversation Hey

Look, I'm pouring all this and I don't have that energy, dude. And I'm not getting anything back. Maybe they just don't realize that that's the dynamic. They're innocently ignorant to it. Correct. Well, they become accustomed to it. Yeah. Right? Like when you start putting silk sheets on your bed and you sleep in them every night, you stop appreciating those silk sheets after a while. Right. So it's important that...

You know, you realize that maybe some people are doing this just because you've been so over accommodating for so long and they're not aware. So communication is a big deal. The ability to say no is a big deal. And, you know, you have to understand that you have the right and the ability.

Yeah, I mean, you have the right to make decisions that... And you should make decisions that are good for you. And there's a balance in life. Sometimes you make decisions that are good for other people that may not be as good for you knowing that that's going to create a better situation long term. There's all different ways to think about this. But at the end of the day, most people have a problem with boundaries because they've not...

Maybe they have a fucked up parent or somebody that's made them feel guilty for everything and you end up having a hard time setting a boundary because you feel guilty every time you say no.

Dude, you're gonna feel better when you set those boundaries, you know and those people that try to guilt you and try those people are Manipulative you just cut those people out bro. Yeah, I don't have I don't deal with that shit no more like I I personally Used to have a really hard time with that. I used I used to be able uh, I used to let people make me feel guilty when I didn't give them what they wanted in the moment and honestly, dude, like

it was one of the hardest things i had to get over sometimes i still struggle with it because i am that kind of a person well it's yeah and people take advantage of it and especially when you have financial means uh you know and you got a money tree in the backyard yeah yeah i mean dude look it's

To be successful, you have to learn to set boundaries and say no. Otherwise, you won't be able to keep your money. So this is not just a skill that's going to make you feel better. It's also a financially advantageous skill to learn. Yeah, 100%. I was going to ask you this because I heard you say this before. I forget where we were, man, but you were like –

other people's reaction to your decisions is not your concern was like the gist of it. And I think that could be like saying, no, that's a hard thing to do. I mean, that's true. That's true. In some situations, you know, if it's your family or your brother or your wife or something, I mean, like it's not as cut and dry as that. There's nuance, sure. Correct. But overall...

You can't you can't hang get hung up on how somebody else is gonna feel about something that you're trying to do for your betterment of you 100% but also dude is like if you have those conversations and nothing changes Then you can't let that bother you either. You just have to say well it is what the fuck it is Yeah, you know I want to actually this final little piece on this question too man because I think it's important to you know We've talked about accountability on the show. We talked about you know, how do you can't hold somebody else accountable if you're not holding yourself accountable and

Is this the same kind of mindset apply to this, right? Like it's hard to take care of other people if you're not taking care of yourself. You know what I'm saying? And I think a lot of people exhaust themselves out like that because it's like, bro, you're not even caring about your fucking self. I have something that I say all the time, dude. You have to be selfish to be selfless. Okay. If you're not where you need to be, if you don't have the proper energy that you need, if you're not in shape the way you should be in,

If you're not living the standard that you know you should live, you don't have as much to give to other people. It's just reality. So for you to be able to truly serve other people, you have to get to a point where you are taking care of yourself and your own shit is in order. Otherwise, whatever you give them is going to be less than what you could give them anyway. And quite honestly, you're doing both yourself and them a disservice by not holding these boundaries that we're talking about. Yeah, I love it, man. I love it. Guys, any question number two?

Andy, I appreciate the work you have done to elevate everyone around you. My question is more of a general question about success. I'm 19 and I think that even the idea of just pursuing greatness excites the shit out of me. Being able to write your own path, build something crazy. I know it's something that I want to do.

My question for you is though, on the journey, you've mentioned this like hockey stick thing being the visual to what success looks like. But are there times on the journey where you have to intentionally take one step back to take two steps forward? I feel like people would call sacrifices, I guess. But what were some that you had to take to stay on the path and keep moving forward? And how do you make sure that that one step back doesn't become two? Well,

First of all, it's only a step back if there's no step forward later, and it's only a sacrifice if there's no payoff later. So really, the only way you lose in those situations, if you're doing it strategically, is by not following through on the other part of the deal, right? It's easy to take the step back and then just say, oh, well, I don't want that anymore because I changed my mind, right? Because it got hard. So this is a normal situation.

This is normal. And there's been a number of times in my career where I've had to take steps back, quote unquote, but we're actually investments in my future. You know, and I'll talk about a couple of those in just a second. But let's talk about the hockey stick thing, because not everybody fucking understands that. So when you start out to do something, imagine you lay a hockey stick, the handle, the long part on the ground, and then you let the blade point up to the sky.

That represents what has been the pretty standard curve of success for me. Now, I know there's other people out there who maybe they had investors or they had big things happen quickly or right. But for me,

It's grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, way past the point where it's any fun or it's sexy. Yeah. And then eventually some things start to happen. You make mistakes, you learn lessons, you make mistakes, you learn lessons, you make mistakes, you learn lessons, and eventually you accumulate enough lessons, quote unquote, skills, right?

that allow you to make the right decisions. And when that starts to happen, the curve goes up dramatically. And it's not that the curve just goes like that dramatically. It's that now you've built the skill set inside yourself that you didn't have before, right? If you had those skills in the beginning, the long part would be much shorter, but most of us don't. I started off complete rookie, all right? Like a lot of you guys. So-

It just takes time for us to, you know, get our asses kicked and then learn the lesson. And that's the reality of how it goes. And that's the reality of how it goes for any self-made entrepreneur. Now, there's been times where, you know, you know, for example, like there's been times in business where we were working on something and we had a lot of money invested in it. And then we had to cut that because it wasn't working out. So then we had to cut loose, you know,

Big investments and time investments energy investments because it wasn't going to work So you take a step back you learn a lesson you keep moving forward right that's happened I mean, I that's happened a lot like I keep happening Yes, a lot times of business in fact most of the things that we've tried didn't work most that's what people don't see you don't see

all of these failures, these micro failures that happen in someone's success because they're not getting on the internet and teaching you all that shit. Right. Cause nobody wants to talk about it. You get your balls kicked in. But the reality is, is like, dude, more things go wrong in business than go right. And, uh, all those things that go wrong, teach you lessons and they become very valuable. You know, um, there's situations where, you know, uh,

you know i had to give up equity or partnerships in certain deals because we had to bring someone else in who was also skilled right so while that may seem you know to be a step backwards it's not because the people that have come in are highly skilled and allow us to grow to that that next level next level next level so you know and and

There's all kinds of situations like that, dude. Like there's all kinds of situations where you're going to take a step back and you're going to be like, shit, is this the right thing? Or should I have done that? Or, you know, but it's, it's always the right thing if you keep going, because you, you're, you're going to get a better result in the longterm. So, uh, I feel like for a lot of youngsters, man, you know, this is something we talk about a lot, like fear of missing out.

you know what i'm saying like for a lot of them that step back might be you not going to go to that party with your friends this weekend you know i'm saying like like you know they're not looking at it

They're looking at it as truly something they're actually missing out on or stepping back away from, but it's like the reality is what's the payoff for missing that? You know what I'm saying? What were some early times? I mean, I guess when did you start changing your mindset and your path of success here? Well, in the early days, dude, I didn't change. I still went out and partied. I still went out and did all the shit. I drank all the time. You know,

And our business didn't grow. Okay. So when I, when I stopped doing that,

when I started taking everything serious and I started getting serious, it grew very fast. That's when the luck kicked in. Yeah, right. Exactly. Exactly. But I wouldn't trade it. I mean, like, I wouldn't, I had a lot of good memories. I've got to experience a lot of things. I just would have been where I am now, I think, much faster. Yeah. But I don't regret it because all those things made me who I am now. Yeah. So I would, the last thing you want to be is some fucking business nerd with no life experience. Yeah.

You know what I mean? A lot of those out there. There is. And I feel like I got- They're successful guys. Yeah, I feel like I got both. Yeah. You know, we've got a long way to go in business and we're going to take it there. But, you know, I think the more serious you take it, the quicker things are going to go. And the less serious you take it, the slower things are going to go. And if you're in a hurry to really change your existence-

that's where you go all in bro. And you don't play video games and you don't drink alcohol and you don't go out with your friends and you fucking, there was a time five or six years from like 2009 to like 2016 that, that timeframe or fuck dude, I didn't leave my office. You know what I'm saying? Like I didn't fucking leave. Like I was in my office all day staring at computer all day. I'm talking like 20 hours a day, right up,

take a nap get back up work um you know and and but i i believe that those that's the time when the company was truly built you know and now we've brought in all these other smart people like you know my brother and jason and you know we've got all these other guys here that are a little older than us that have experience and you know now it's just 19 hours a day right now i mean look man i mean i'm surrounded by people that are that are much smarter than me at this point and uh

You know, it's a different game at this point. You know what I mean? You should, by the way, you should always surround yourself with people smarter than you. Always. Only dumb people with big egos don't do that. So it's not about who gets the credit. It's about did you win or not win? That's real shit. Yeah, that's real shit. Guys, Andy, let's do our third and final question. Question number three, Andy. I just started a life insurance agency and I'm working on hiring some people.

But I don't want to hire just anyone. I want to build a team that is success driven and willing to continue to grow into amazing, badass people that want to win at a high level like I do. What are some questions I can be asking or points I can be making to make sure people will be a good fit? Any advice on this would be appreciated. Yeah. I mean, look, dude, here's the thing about building a team that people. OK, look, dude, let me explain it like this.

When college football, Alabama, Michigan, Georgia, they're all recruiting the same guy. They're all coming in and they're all saying, hey, come see us. So you go on three visits. And one of the visits is going to feel better than the other visits. The reason that it's going to feel better than the other visits is because that place has a culture that aligns with that individual. Does that make sense? Okay. So when we think of an organization,

It's very important to understand that there is no employee tree. There is no place where you just, there's no secret website where you go out and hire these people and they show up and they're fucking amazing. Now, eventually, like sometimes you're going to get lucky and you are going to have someone, but the reality is, is, you know, most people think of it backwards, right?

It's not go out and find these people. It's build what you want internally in terms of the culture that you want, and then find people, the people that align with it will find you. Okay. So,

Most businesses, especially small medium businesses are the opposite. They pick these employees from random places based on experience from all different areas. They stick them in a fucking organization and then they wonder why they don't have a good uniform culture or good teamwork. Okay. This is most companies.

The great companies, the ones that are the greatest companies in the world that have ever existed, they have a very defined culture. All right? Apple runs things a certain way. Amazon at the office level, C-suite and management runs things a certain way. Fucking, you know, all of these companies, all the biggest companies in the world, Anheuser-Busch, fucking Google, fucking, you know what I'm saying? They all have a culture. And that culture has either been established or

by the founder and passed down or it's been intentionally built where they said okay this is what we stand for and by the way the best companies are those companies that intentionally build it that means they have a set of core values that the management and the c-suite and everybody the owners live by they they make decisions they hire by these they fire by these they live by these they correct by these by these rules core values of

of the character traits that we're going to embody as individuals. This is just like when I talk about personal excellence being the ultimate rebellion and that culture will change once the individuals change. This is the same thing in business. Okay? So you set the culture as an organization and then people will either fall in line with that

And some will and some won't. Okay. And then you're going to find as the company expands and as you get more people that are in line with the culture, more people begets more people. Okay. So what will happen is your company will start to attract these people because they can see from the outside. I want to be a part of that. Okay. So, but this all starts with an intentional commitment.

of a culture that represents who you are as the decision maker, operator, founder, CEO of the company. It's very important to listen to what I just said, who you are, because if you try to go out and make a set of core values and cultural boundaries, and by the way, this is something I could teach in a workshop for a week. We could talk about, so I'm summarizing this down into like

an answer right it's also something can make you a fucking bajillion dollars if you do 100 100 dude but the point of this is is you have to be aligned with the core values that you set because if you don't live those core values your employees won't your team will never catch and the culture will never actually be created so it's very very important that the

core values that you set for the business are authentically who you are or who you make a very strong effort to be all right genuinely not not you know making shit up and then you pretend like it's some sign that we see on the wall that's what shitty companies do shitty by the way how many companies you walk in you see these motivational posters right like bro or you go to these you

Teams and they got a fucking saying on the wall, you know play like a champion today and everybody touches it But nobody actually lives it doesn't mean shit. And by the way, that's Notre Dame. We know that they all live it So I'm just using that as an example. All right, but we have to understand that as operators founders CEOs the culture stems from us and

We intentionally define it. We live it. We have the people that work with us live it. And then we will attract the people who fit. Just like the guys who want to play in Michigan are going to go play in Michigan. The guys who want to play in Alabama, they're going to play there. The guys who want to play in Tennessee, they're going to play there. And the reason they pick that 100% of the time is because the culture fits them. All right? So it's a very, very powerful concept. It's a high-level concept. Not very many people know how to do it. But

If you set that up and then build questions, because now I'm going to answer the question, and then build questions in your interview process that dig out. There is no standard questions. You have to make them up. But what questions could you ask to find out if this person will align with the culture that you set? So what can you dig out of them? How can you get them to tell you stories about their life, their

or situations that reflect the cultural standard that you're looking to reflect inside your company okay and these are things that we teach in arte these are things that i'm going to get into on the mfco project um but i mean this is this is a like i said like this is a week-long workshop that i could probably charge seven figures for for companies to come learn it so like this is a more

This is more involved than a Q&A question. Yeah, for sure. But that's the gist, okay? Who are you? What do you want your company to stand for? Define that. Develop questions that reflect that. Interview people and do your best. You're not going to hit 1,000, dude. You're...

Hall of Fame is 300. That's right. And if you hit 300 in the interview process, you will be in a fucking Hall of Fame. Yeah. Real talk. No shit. I want to touch on this piece, though, that you mentioned about building people, right? There is no... That's a whole nother... I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah. You have to become the coach, the mentor, the leader, right?

these people. Okay? Both their skill set at work, but also their character. All right? Take home. Yes. Like, how can you be better? Why do we do things, certain things this way? You know, most...

I mean, dude, it comes down to a very simple question. Do you want a decent organization that does okay? Or do you want a great organization that you enjoy going to work at and that makes a lot of money and it makes your customers really fucking happy? I want the second. Okay. So I want to be around people that are like me. I want to be around people that are, you know, cultural fit. I want to be around people that work hard and do the right thing. And, and, and I want to, that's what I want to do. I don't want to be around a bunch of people. I got to drag down the fucking road. You know what I mean? Um, yeah.

I know, but most people do. Most people do. The biggest question that I get when entrepreneurs come visit here is, dude, and this is what they say, where do you hire your employees? Where do you find all these people? Yeah, and that's just the wrong understanding of... It's an oversimplified old thinking about how you could build an organization or a team. It's just what it is. No one goes to Nick Saban and says...

Where the fuck you find these people? Because everybody knows that Nick Saban builds these motherfuckers through a certain culture and standard at, you know, when he was the coach of Alabama. Yeah, bro. You understand? Yeah. So no one says, hey, they just say, well, fuck, he's good at picking them and then he molds them. All right? And as...

an operator, you have to take on the role of, you know, not just CEO or founder, but also big brother sometimes, uncle sometimes, dad sometimes, right? Mom sometimes. Yeah, right. Like best friend sometimes, you know, like it's a, it's your, you have to become a true coach sometimes.

And that's something that I think, you know, the leadership here at First Form does a really good job of, not just me, but everybody. Yeah. 100%, man. Yeah. Well, guys, that's a hell of a way to start a Monday. Yeah. Yep. All right, guys. Well, let's get out there. Let's kick some ass. And don't forget to go get on that email list. All right? Because that's coming in days. It's not coming in weeks anymore. The new MSCO project. So go get on that email list at andyfrasella.com. And then we'll see you tomorrow with CTI. All right.

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