884. Full Length: Bad Thoughts Ft. Tom Segura
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What is up guys it's Andy Fursella and this is the show for the realest sake of out of the lies the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys as always we have DJ yeah there he is uh

Special full-length episode today. We got a special guest, Mr. Tom Seguera. What's happening, brother? How are you? Good. Thanks for having me, man. Yeah, man. It's great to have you here, too. He's in town doing the Fox Theater.

How is it? It's amazing, dude. It's one of the most beautiful theaters in the country. I've always, I've been playing St. Louis like my whole career, you know. I think my first stop here was at Helium. At the Galleria. And I've done like a variety of different venues. I've been to the Fox a few times. It's one of the best. It's one of the best theaters in the country. It sucks when you came in though, man. We had the fucking storm.

Yeah, it was a... I almost took you out, man. It was actually a gnarly descent into St. Louis, yeah. We touched down about 10 minutes before the tornado, and you could tell something was happening. Yeah. But, yeah, we made it through it, and, you know, people were fun last night. Yeah, was it good? Yeah, it was great. It was great. I mean, dude, look,

We gotta get left off the list of a lot of things. Let's be real. You know, I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fucking war zone that we live in downtown, but we always appreciate you coming through and doing your thing, man. So what's been going on? Got a new Netflix? New series out? Yeah, it's called Bad Thoughts. It's on Netflix. It was the most fun I've ever had, like, creatively making it, you know, because it was kind of like...

It really was the thing you dream of where the studio, the network in this case, was just like pretty much like just make what you want. Yeah. Because I've been through other...

development processes and pilots where, you know, the first time you meet with executives, they're like, "Yeah, make what you want." And then a couple months in, they're like, "Take all this shit out." And you're like, "What?" - Not like that. - Yeah, yeah. And it's a real bummer of a process when it's like that. So this was like the opposite, where we got to make, I mean, pretty wild stories that we wrote. It's basically anthology, so it's like these self-contained stories.

And we got to make what we wanted. So it was really fun. And nobody stepped in and said, hey, wait a minute, dude. This is like a little too much. I mean, there was a couple of times where they were like, this is pretty crazy. You know, in the writing process, very, like very few notes. And then...

In the edit, you know, they were like, this is particularly gruesome. Can we dial this back? And we were like, maybe. Yeah, but dude, isn't that the point? Like, isn't the point to walk the line and to push? Yeah. I mean, also, I think, you know,

- In the stories we were making, we were making pretty crazy stories. One is about a guy who goes to a barista and they put in, he asks for a splash of milk and they basically give him like a cup of milk

And so he's like, hey, can you remake this? And the barista is really rude. And so then the guy kills everybody in the right. Well, I mean, we've all been there, bro. It's like wish fulfillment. Everybody has encountered a retail person where you're like, I'm going to fucking kill this guy. I want to. And everybody else. Yeah, exactly. All of you. So that was like the fantasy of the story. And then.

they were like hey this is pretty violent i was like yeah that's the whole point it's a violent fantasy um and then they let it go i mean i rip a guy's jaw out of his face in the thing so probably deserve i've learned not to fuck with my baristas though man i know you should never fuck with people that fuck with your food food specifically but like you know the they them's like bro like they'll get you the they them's bro listen they will get you bro like i've learned just leave it alone even if it is fucked up i'll just leave it alone man you just leave it alone the problem is dude is the day them's will get you for for not being a day them

They like me. Well, that's because you're black. That's true. I'm BIPOC. I do get a pass. You definitely get a better treatment than we do. Oh, how things have changed. It's a little different now. It's a little different now.

Dude, that's sick. I was thinking before the show, though, like, because that was, first of all, Bad Thoughts is fucking awesome. Oh, thanks, man. It is absolutely. If you guys have not seen that yet, you need to go watch it, like, right now. Please. It's definitely in line with our audience for sure. Oh, dude. Yeah. We're no stranger to Crash the Fucking Line. I want to ask on that, like, how did, so were these just like...

How much of, I want to, okay, I got some question is how much of that stuff was like real shit that actually happened to you? Or like, are these like, or was it just like, okay, like let's just create the funniest shit we can possibly think of. I mean, there's, is there some reality in there? You know, like the coffee thing came is like, it's like this cathartic thing to, to write because you go,

it came from the whole thing where I'd seen so many times I'd go, Hey, can I get a splash of milk? And I'd see them go like one, two, three, four. I'm like, do you know what a fucking splash is? Like a splash is a splash, you know? And so, you know, you can talk about that. You can think about that. But the most fun thing to do is to write a story where you go, this thing happens to me all the time. Here's like a,

a different version of how, you know, it's like, it's a fantasy, right? So it's a war plan, right? Yeah. But it's also like, it's like the healthiest way to channel like those feelings and emotions. You go like, well, you can just complain about it or you can like write a story about this fantasy. So that's like one version of a story, right? I mean,

there's a bunch of different ones in there. Like there's the me with the twins. I don't know if you, that's the black and white one where I just had this, I had this idea where I was like, Hey, what if we do one where a woman sees me in a window and tells me to like waves me in. And then what I pitched was,

The woman is drop-dead gorgeous and then she's like do you want to have sex with me and I go yeah And she goes okay well first you have to fuck somebody as gross as you and I go what? And then what we were gonna do was have a woman come in and we were gonna deep fake my face on her so that it would be a sex scene between me and me you know like that was the idea and

And then one of the other directors, Rami Hashash, he was like, what if it was a conjoined twin? And I was like, oh, and I liked it more. So we wrote the story. So I play Joseph, who looks like me. And then I also play the twin on the back of her, on her back growing up. And so then I do kind of have sex with me. Like that was the whole. So these are just. I mean, it's no different than, you know.

Every other day. Friday night for me. Yeah. You know, so they were all like, they came from all these different places. But yeah, it was all...

a lot of it came from that writer's room just like throwing ideas which is like the writer's room is like this where you just sit down you have a board everyone's writing down and you're pitching and then every few i don't know every hour or something you go like oh and then when you get excited you're like i'll be back and you run out you just sit and write and write and then you bring it back to the room and you guys read it together and it's like it's a very fun like kind of atmosphere just like a hangout it's like a hangout with like super funny comedy writers and like

It's the best because you're getting like eight, nine different people's minds on the thing. And then you kind of, you know, you end up, there's no, you let your ego go. You don't go like, well, this was my idea. It's whoever has the best idea that you kind of go like, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, dude, that's, you know, that's in line with anything. I think great. Right. Yeah, for sure. Great leaders. You're, you know, you're the leader of your team.

It's about picking the best product, not the fucking idea. 100%. And I think a production, like a show, is not unlike kind of running a company in a way where the best thing you can do is try to surround yourself with the best talent. Like you want the best production designer, director of photography, like all these people that are...

in charge of different departments and you want people to like be great. You're like fucking go kill it. You know, like your ideas. Yeah. Like let's, let's hear them. Let's do them. I think that's the difference between, you know, uh, I mean, dude, you know, a gazillion entrepreneurs and, and I really think that's the biggest difference between,

between great entrepreneurs, great business people, and shitty ones. It's like the shitty ones think that they have to have all the ideas and they don't want to surround themselves with other people. And the great ones are like, fuck dude, everybody's smarter than me here. That's what I, I want everybody to be smarter than me. That's, I mean, if I have like any gift in what I do, it's identifying great people and being like, hey, come work with me. You know, like that's what I try to do well is I go like,

I'm okay. You're great. You come work with me. Like, that's what I want to do is have great people around. Yeah, bro. And, you know, it's interesting because

Because people will come here and they're like, oh, dude, everything's so cool. You're doing such a... I'm like, bro, it's them. These guys are fucking good. So I always feel a little bit guilty because I get a lot of the credit, but my team is fucking amazing. I feel like that with the show entirely. It's my face and my name, and everybody kind of goes like, it's you, you, you. And I'm like, well, it's partially me, but the reason it is what it is is these 50 other people. Do you look at it like...

Do you look at it like, hey, man, this is just my role on the team?

- Yeah, I mean, I feel like, yeah, you know you have a role. I think in, you know, the thing is about like, it's so different. Like standup is so singular, right? It really literally is just you. You write the stuff, you perform it, you hold a mic and it's just you on stage. And it's a very kind of, like the only way a tour works is with a team, but standup is very singular. But a show or a movie is the absolute polar opposite.

it's like running a business where you're like, maybe you're the, in this case, like the CEO of it, but then you have to hire an entire team. And if you are like, no, no, no, everything runs through me, whatever you make is definitely going to suck. You really have to empower people and go like, you run this shit too. And you run your department. You have to let them, encourage them to like,

take over in what they do. That's the only way a TV or film, like TV show or film is going to be entertaining. Well, you run your own media, right? Like you have everything. Yeah, we have like a YMH Studios. So like we produce a lot of podcasts. We produced the show, Bad Thoughts. We're producing a feature film. So yeah, it's, you know, it runs through our company, but it's all about like,

Hiring great people. Yeah, for sure. A thousand percent. Well, I thought something else was interesting, Tom, that I've been noticing too. You've had like a transformation journey.

Oh, a little bit of a glow up? Yeah, let's talk about it. Yeah, okay, sure. Let's talk about it. Well, dude, it's like a group effort, man. You got Jelly Roll down 200 pounds. He's down 200 pounds. Dude, he looks fucking great. I just saw him in concert this past Tuesday at Busch Stadium with Post Malone. He looks amazing. Yeah, well, we did the 5K two weeks ago, and I hadn't seen him in person since the 5K started.

the previous year, which was like almost exactly a year to the day. And he was down 130 from 130 pounds from last May and 200 overall. And then at the 5k, he was like next year at the 5k, I want to be down another hundred. I want to be 240. He'll do it. I totally believe it. I'm glad he's doing that, bro. Cause like he's such, he's so good at what he does. And all I was thinking when he was like big, big was like, fuck, it's going to be another dude that, that,

The Dyes. Yeah, I know. I mean, also, I'll tell you this. So we got to Raymond James where the Bucks play. That's where we had the 5K. And, you know, like last year we did the Rose Bowl. And so they had us start in the parking lot in Pasadena and they laid out this track like on side streets, right? And then you kind of run back through this parking lot. And I was like, I was imagining something like that. I don't know the layout of Raymond James Stadium, right? So I just show up and they're like, hey, there's a lot of...

uphill and I go, what do you mean? And they're like, well, it's, they made it all within the stadium. Well, the only way to hit 3.1 miles in the stadium is you kind of follow this path and then you take the corridor, like the ramps down and then you take them up nine stories all up. Right. And then you go across the stadium down again and then up again. So I was like, yo, this is like half a mile. That's just all incline.

Which like, you know... Well, that's hard enough to do when you've been drinking beer all day. It's hard enough to do, honestly, like if you're like moderately fit, right? And so, like when I heard he was coming, because I knew he was coming, but they were like, he's coming later this afternoon because he had flown in from a show.

We were out there, I was like, "Yo, I don't know if he can do this, man." We were like, you know, he's still a big dude. And then I was thinking like cardio and knees, I was like, "Man, it's gonna be 90 degrees outside by the time he gets here." And I go, "This is like fucking all incline." So I was like actually worried.

And then like when he got there, I was like, all right, well, you know, I don't know if we tell him or he crushed it. Yeah, he did it at 340, like all these inclines. And yeah, he crushed it. Yeah, that sounds like Camelback Mountain for us. Oh, yeah. Fuck that. You ever did Camelback in Arizona? No, don't. Okay. Yeah, that was miserable. Yeah, dude. That was fucking miserable. We got we got half. Dude, we started. So we had this big event.

There was like a couple hundred people like a like a group thing sort of like a run club, right? Yeah, and they were all meeting down there to do camelback and DJ and I got up early We had been fucking drinking all night and I was like, all right Let's get there early so we can like get like up the mountain book. So nobody sees us fucking dying, right? Yeah, I knew it was gonna be we were polling people before yeah, I think that's where we're fucked up at because I'm pulling people and it was like a 50/50 like yeah, how is it and you either got it was death or

Or it was the easiest fucking thing they've ever done. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think that's where we fucked up at. Because I'm like, we didn't really know what to expect. I will say there's this thing. I mean, it's not like a new observation. But like when you're doing it, because when I was doing the actual this run, I feel like if I had been just alone, I'd have been like, man, fuck this shit. Oh, yeah. The fact that there's like thousands of people. Yeah. You can't. And they're here for you. You hit that turn and you see the, I had no idea that it was nine incline ramps up.

I was like, mother. And then you just do it. Yeah. Peer pressure. The peer pressure really does help. And then I found like I'm on this path like, you know, it's all mapped out and I see this guy and he's like,

shirtless and kind of yoked like like midway and he's let's say i don't know 100 yards behind me and then i got it in my head i was like i can't let this fucking hot guy pass me so every time i would like wrap around and i'd see him coming i was like you cannot let this guy beat you and then you just like keep running hard and every time i was like man i want to like

slow down, catch my breath, I'd be like, that fucking hot guy is going to beat you. And then it's just going to make you upset. So I just, and I told him afterwards, I was like, I didn't want you to fucking pass me, man. He was like, really? I was like, yeah, dude. Like he was my motivation. But I feel like if I was alone, you'd just be like, I'm tired. Fuck this. I'll stop. Well, we started like 30, 45 minutes before everybody else. I didn't want to see everybody see me die, bro. Yeah. So like I got like, I wanted to get like halfway up before we started. This motherfucker shows up.

With walking sticks like he's in all this equipment like he's going up fucking Mount Everest be prepared. Yeah So we get like we were like dude legit. We're like struggling. It's hard We're like up there and I'm like fuck we gotta be this hat We gotta be close and he and he tasked me on the shoulder and he points up at the thing and I see this like little line looks like fucking ants like go and I'm like

Fuck. So, dude, I'm like, dude, me and him are standing there. I'm like, dude.

Maybe we should just go back down. No one's up here. And right as I said that, dude, the group was coming up. They're like, Andy, are you on your way down? And I'm like, fuck. So we ended up doing it. How far is that? I don't know. It's just like straight up. Three miles, bro. Three miles, but straight fucking up. Yeah. And it's like, you know, there's not a path, bro. Like, you're like using your hands and shit. Trying to find a way. Yeah, I'm not built for that shit. No, dude. Yeah, I was not big boy friendly. Yeah.

But no, dude, your transformation's been sick, man. Thanks, man. I mean, I think it's probably like, and you know, like...

anything where it's just kind of what you prioritize. You think you prioritize things, then you realize that just thinking about it is not a priority. You have to do things. So I think I just put more of an emphasis on training more. Eating is obviously such a big thing, especially when you travel for a living because you're just in different cities. It's hard, man. Hotel gyms. Hotel gyms. I mean, food is, I think...

for us the biggest thing right because like when I started my career as a stand-up doing the road you know comedy clubs are notorious for like you know it's bad food it's not good for you it's like it's mozzarella sticks and chicken wings and and that's kind of and we're there late and that was just like

I don't know, I'm 23. You don't even think about it. You just start eating that shit. And then 10 years go by and you're like, you've gained 50 pounds. But you're also just like, and this is what it is. You just kind of resign to like, you know, I'm up late. I sleep in. We eat like shit. I'm on the road. I'm a comedian. Who cares? And then all of a sudden you're like approaching 40 and you're like, what am I fucking doing with my life? You know, like you're just kind of a mess. Really, you're on a path that you realize can go...

a certain way and i think especially in comedy like we kind of like romanticize it we're like like we make it cool to be a slob like i'm a comic you laugh about it yeah you're like who cares we drink beer and eat like and sleep in but then you're like yeah like you don't have to do that you know to to do stand-up like it's not a prerequisite even though you kind of let yourself yeah it's a justification yeah you justify it and then you're just like

I don't know. Then you just hit a certain point where you're like, this is not a great way to live. Like you can...

take care of yourself and then I think the biggest thing is you end up, you know, people always see you physically transform, but you just feel so much better, you know, like you physically and mentally, you're like, I'm thinking more clearly. I feel better. I'm happy. Like you're probably able to create better shit. Oh my God. Like now I tell people it's like a lot of my days are really slammed with like, you know, a hundred things. Right. And I go, when I come into my office, I'm

We have like recordings and interviews and add things. And then like, you know, we're going to shoot things and we got meetings. It's like a full day of,

I've learned that if I work out first, like before I go in, I'm just like a so much better version of myself. Like I come in and like sometimes I even staff are like, damn, like you're in a good mood. And I'm like, yeah, I just came from the gym. Like I feel good. And then I actually feel like I have energy for that day. Whereas opposed the other way of like where I just show up, I feel like I'm dragging that day. Yeah. And dude, I did the exact same thing. About two years ago,

I would come in here, because we always talk about what the fuck's going on in the world, and I get super pissed off. Yeah. And like-

I would come in here bro and like I'd be so fucking pissed off and then I figured out if I train right before like I was that's you know what I was doing right before this I trained right before even though I still get pissed yeah like it's it's like it's like not nuclear it's like it's it's tolerable yeah you need it you need it dude it's like yeah I think we all you know everybody thinks of uh

Or a lot of people think of that as just like working out is just like for your muscles. Yeah. Of like, oh, you're trying to get stronger or whatever, which is obviously good for you. But I think what it does to you mentally- Totally agree. Is like- Yeah, bro. There's just the fog of sleep goes away. Yeah. Things just fire faster. And I actually-

literally feel happier. Me too. Like I actually, I'm in a better mood. Yeah. I'm not like a naturally happy person. Yeah. So I have to like,

Like I you know actually to be real dude like naturally happy people kind of fucking annoy me Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with this person you have before yeah, dude like but wait are you Russian or something? No, I do. I don't know like I don't know I'm Sicilian, but like I don't I don't know what it is, bro. Yeah the chipper people you don't Yeah, I know It's like fuck man. Yeah, what the fuck did I do wrong? I know so

But yeah, dude, working out does it, man. Like it definitely helps me a lot. So did you guys like all get together and like, who is the ringleader of, of this? I think it was like a slow. Bert lost a shit ton too. Didn't he? He's he, yeah, he has, he goes up and down quite a bit. Yeah. So like he was, he, he trimmed down and what look was looking great in his special that he shot. He shot it in November. So it's been like, you know, six, seven months. And,

And in just those six, seven months, I think he's put on like 30 plus pounds. But he also, you know, he's kind of a, he's a weird athlete too. Like he's somebody where if he was like, all right, today I'm just going to clean it up. You know, in two weeks he'd be down 15 pounds. Yeah. And like he just bounces back real quick and then he falls off the

because he just where i relate to parties like he you know it's fun he's on the road he drinks he eats like a psycho and then he gains all this weight and then he just like pivots back now i think it's you know the older you get you're more like dude this is crazy like just hang out in one weight group yeah but uh but yeah he just does that for me i just feel like

I still can gain and lose, but I have like a tighter window. Yeah. Where I, if I'm like right now, I feel like I'm at my max. I'm like reining it in being like, oh, this is too much. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want it to go. You know what it's like to let it go. Exactly. And how much work it takes. I'm not going to do another 10, 20, like I'll rein it in now. Yeah. It took me until I was about 40 to figure that out.

Yeah, it took me the same. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, fuck, this is not worth it. Cause I would get in shape and then I would go, like, I would get down to like two 50, which is in shape for me. And then I would fucking be three 50 and then I would be two 50. And then I did that like three or four times. Yeah. Fuck. I think it's, I mean, yeah, there's a certain age where you're like, I can't do this. Like this, not, it's just not good. But yeah,

but I don't know, man, it has to stay on your mind. Nothing will just happen. I feel like a lot of people, they're like, the curse of it is that you can think about it all day and not do anything. Do you know what I mean? There's people who wake up and they go, I'm really unhappy physically with my body and all this shit, and go to bed with the same thoughts and not change anything.

Right? Forever. Forever. It's like a version of insanity. Yeah. And then they end up telling them about it. They end up selling themselves on some fucking bullshit. Like, oh, well, this is just the way it is. Always trying to find a way around. Yeah. It's like I, yeah, I mean. Eventually you get tired of telling yourself that shit. You get tired of telling it and you just go, you also just accept that like, okay, man, like I'm going to have to eat.

this way. Yeah. If I want to eat the other way, then you accept what comes with it. Right. So yeah, it's a lot of like lean protein and you know, it's like, I want the pasta, but I'm like, no. And then the workouts I feel like are, um, they're not like

I don't resist the work. Like I like the workout, but the work of it, I think is you still have to find the time, you know, like that's a big challenge on the fucking road. Yeah. You got to find the time. So a lot of it is just like, I mean, that's why I great. Like Sean comes with me is that, you know,

sometimes I'm like, well, I guess there's not enough time to work out. And then he'll be like, what the fuck are you talking about? We can just go right now. And you're like, okay. Like that kind of shit, right? Yeah, dude. Cause the truth of the matter is even a 30 minute quick workout is still get the job done, man. In terms of like clearing your mind. If you hit it, you can make 30 minutes go a long way for sure. Definitely. That's real, man.

Well, one of the other things we talk a lot about, like, you know, culture stuff, things are happening right now. Right. And, you know, since we have a fucking global figure in comedy, I wanted to try to, I guess, ask you what's your take on cancel culture and comedy? And where have you seen the ebbs and flows go in that? I mean, I feel like the big thing.

conversation piece of that was like a few years ago when that idea kind of floated. But I also feel like it's kind of, here's the difference between the world today and 30 years ago. Like 30 years ago, if you were a comedian or somebody and you said some shit that upset people, maybe there'd be a news story about it, but it's mostly that

somebody like it would mostly be somebody was mad they would just tell somebody else like there's no way you knew they were mad but there's also no way that back then people weren't mad about shit do you know what i mean like you just the difference is today we have all these devices where people can tell you that they're mad about what you said and i feel like like some like a lot of comedians will be like oh you know

like they're complaining that someone's upset about what they did and you're like, yeah, that's part of the thing, dude. Like you can't be a comedian who goes, I'm going to say whatever I want to say and it's not cool if somebody gets upset. You're like, that's how it works. Like, you know what I mean? Like you're the one who's actually being super complaining right now. Like you have to let people say that they don't like what you said. Like that's the exchange. I'm going to say some shit and,

And like, yeah, every comedian wants you to love everything they said. That's just the way it goes. Even the ones who, they all want you to. So some of them are just complaining that, hey, people got mad about this. That's bullshit. You're like, no, that's part of how it goes. Like, you're the complaining little bitch right now. Right, right. Because you're upset that people are upset. Because my thing is like,

Where is somebody really being canceled in standup? I'm talking in the comedy space. Because some of them will be like, oh, I can't say this. Like, yes, you can. You just can't dictate that everyone will love it.

You know dude that whole saying of you can't say this is so fucking annoying. It's a it's a tired trope. No Yeah, like well, dude what they won't let us say who won't let you say that you won't let you what they're really saying Is there like I'm I'm mad that some people are mad about what I said. It's like that's the exchange, bro I've never seen someone get cancelled that didn't come out bigger than

I've never seen it happen. Yeah, because it's like it's a made-up kind of, like you're not really canceled. I mean, are there a few examples? Probably. I can't even really like where you go, you said some shit and now you can't get work. Yeah. Because that's really what canceled means. Yeah, right. And I think, look. Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's exceptions. People, the worst people, I think, in society are people who go,

Like you said something I'm going to try to contact your employers so that you lose your job. That's a weak piece of shit person. That's fucking bitch shit. That's, that is the worst. And I, and I have like zero respect for the person that goes, I don't like some, something somebody said, I'm going to try to make this person lose their life, like their livelihood. That's insane. Yeah. But I'm like,

In comedy, who's stopping you from selling tickets, bro? Say whatever you want to say. Also, if you stop selling tickets, that's on you. That's not somebody attacking you. No, you just fucking suck. The market is dictating why you're not selling it. So I just don't really buy the...

that like comics are being canceled. I really think that like, if you say wild shit and it's really funny, guess what? People will be like, that shit was really funny. So it was crazy. Let's be real, dude. Like the best comedians in history, the best standups in history. When you go back in like the fucking eighties, like Eddie Murphy, before he was like a dad on TV, you know, the guy was fucking raw and like delirious and like,

Bro, go like these kids these days with their little fucking vaginas like go fucking watch that shit, bro Like and you know what you know what like then you look at Chappelle like when he was doing a Chappelle show and like yeah These things made culture stronger because it taught us that we could all laugh at each other and make fun of each other well the Chappelle example too, which was like great was that like he put out a special and then everyone You know

there was people like walking out of netflix and like it was on the news and people were calling them transphobic and they were like oh he's being cancelled and you're like what are you talking about like i mean you go to the show i went to a show with him the following week oh that should happen yeah i was at i was at i was i was opening on that show

And there was fucking 18,000 people at the show. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, I don't think this cancellation is like working. This shit is awesome. That's right. People were like overusing that term. And it's like, you know, I don't, he doesn't need me to defend him, but it was like one of those things where I'm like, no, no, like you're,

you're saying he's being canceled. What you're, what really happening is that some people are really pissed about something he said, and that's fine. Like that's how the world works. Like not everyone's going to be like, yay for everything you say, but he's definitely not canceled. Like he just had, you know, there's a, he's doing standup in an NBA arena right now.

And it's completely sold out. Like, I think it's working out. Yeah. Yeah, no shit makes it worse too, bro. Because they're like, Dave Chappelle, comedian, says trans people aren't whatever. It's like, he's a fucking comedian. Well, the reason it's funny is because it's fucking true, bro. Like, that's the fucking thing. Like, it's true. That's what-

That's why comedy's funny. It's fucking true. - You're able to say truths that everybody's thinking about, everybody knows and just laugh about. - That's why it's so important to culture, man. Like everybody's, you know, all this tension and shit, this comes from people being too serious about shit and taking things too fucking, you know, much to heart. - A lot of times the people that are the most upset about these like standup things, the funny thing is,

Not only have they not been to see that stand up live, sometimes they don't even watch the special and they write the article. Yeah. So it's like they're not even actually they haven't seen they haven't seen the actual performance. What they'll do is they'll read an excerpt like literally read it. So they just are reading the written word and then they write an article about that, which is like.

It's just this clickbaity bullshit, man. It's not real. It's the world we live in. It's not real. It's this manufactured thing where like, then people read that person's article.

Who also haven't seen the thing. And the funny thing is all those people that are like the most upset, dude, they wouldn't go to that show anyway. They're just commenting on some shit because it makes them feel like they're doing something to express how wrong these other people are. And it's like, dude, they're not even going. Like, it's all just my point is it's just all noise. Like, it's just this sideshow thing that's not.

You can be distracted by it or the better thing you do is you just ignore it and you just realize that like it is somebody trying to get attention for themselves. It has nothing to do with what you said. They don't have anything creatively to create on their own. No. It's like all their fucking reaction videos on the internet, which some of them I like, but like, dude, some of these motherfuckers, their whole fucking thing is,

All I do is react to other people's shit. Like bro, that's not creation of anything. No, I know. And that's like a cheap way to get attention in my opinion. Yeah, it's like, yeah, that is a whole lane. But it goes like those people, you see the reaction video so you know what it is. Half of the people that write articles, they're doing...

Reaction articles yeah, and they don't even watch the thing to react. Yeah, they just pick a word and they go I'm gonna write an article about this. They're like okay. It's crazy man, so you're so you're on tour right now I was looking at the like it's a long tour. You're going on for this two years. It's a two-year tour I I you know my last tour was actually even busier But this one is like Yeah, I mean you basically hit

every major North American market. And then you select other global markets to do. And you take your time, like, I like to take my time. Like there's no point of like rushing a tour. So it's like, yeah, I'll just take a couple years, you know. Next week is my last week of spring tour and then I take most of the summer off. So it's like, you know, get some rest, hang out with the family.

pick up in the fall. I'll shoot it in the next special in the fall. And then next year, 26, I just have like some things to film, but I won't actually like tour. So it'll be like a much different like schedule for me. What's the best and worst cities you've, uh, you've had to do stand up? Well, the funny thing about, and you ain't got to say St. Louis, it's fine. No, no, no. The funny thing about picking back best and worst is that,

You learn over the course of time that sometimes you have a bad show in a city and then you go, this city sucks for standup. And it really was just that night. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or like conversely, you'll go, this city is great. And so in your mind, you go, it'll be great. And then you show up and the show is like, okay. And you're like, what happened? It's like those things happen.

Those can change year after year. You can go to a place where it was great and it's bad and bad. Now it's great. I think what you fall in love with our cities almost like separate from the show. You know what I mean? Like it's always fun for me to like, I love going to Denver because I like the city of Denver. I like, I like the atmosphere. I like the restaurants. Like I have a good time. And then the shows have usually been really fun for me. It's always fun to, I like big cities. So I like going to New York and,

I like doing London. I like to, you know what I mean? Like, but I have a lot of great places that I, I mean, I love the beauty of like British Columbia, you know, like in the, in the Northwest, like the Vancouver area. I just like being in that atmosphere and,

You know, Chicago's always been like a super fun city for me to go to and like crowds have been fun. So I have fun in a lot of cities, man. So you're like living life as you go too. Yeah, yeah. You're trying to like, you know, a lot of times you don't have time to do that much shit. A lot of times we're doing like Thursday one city, Friday night. So you don't really like get to enjoy the city that much. But, you know, sometimes you do have a little more and like New York, for instance, I just love the fact that you can –

Walk the streets and you feel like you're in this vibrant city. You know, it doesn't matter what time it doesn't matter It's like it's an energy it charges you up and I'm usually there for like couple days so it's just so different than where I live in Austin and I mean be going to New York like most of my life and it's just you know, it's just still like a

the greatest city to visit and have fun in. Totally agree, dude. It's my favorite place to go to for the exact same reason. Like, dude, you can walk out on the street at fucking 2.30 in the morning, bro, and it's like it's noon. And also, like, you realize that it

It is funny that you can literally bring up anything and they're like, oh yeah, we have a store. You want elephant's feet? Yeah, we have that. Like anything that you bring up, like New York, any cuisine, any type of store, whatever you're looking for. Like you can be like, I want pencils or, you know, I want fucking pens made from metal that are crafted from the 18th century. They're like, yeah, there's a store over here. You have that. Like anything you want that city has, which is like, it just feels like you're,

I don't know, like in this manufactured city almost. Like it almost doesn't feel real for me still. What's your favorite place to work outside of the U.S. besides London? Well, I mean, when I started like touring as a stand-up, I would do Canada. That was like the first place to leave the country, even though it's not that big of a departure. And it was always fun to do those shows up there.

Australia has great, just, they're very fun people. Like Australians are fun. So I think it translates to their crowds. Like I've had a lot of really fun shows in Australia. The people and the cities are great.

But I've done, you know, I've done stand-up in South America, in Argentina, in Chile. I've done Mexico City. I've done a lot of European cities. And I've done Asia, too. I've done Tokyo, Hong Kong, Singapore. So all those, like, the Asia tour was fucking just so cool because...

Those cities are so different than what we're used to. And like the food is unbelievable. I've never had better food in my life than in Tokyo. I had, I knew that it would be good. I didn't know that like, did you know what it was though? Well, yeah, I didn't know like how amazing, uh, led, like you order a salad in Tokyo and like every bite you're like,

"This is the best salad I've ever had. That's crazy." And then they're like, you order a fruit plate and you take a bite of a strawberry and you're like, "What the?" And then you realize how poisoned our food is in this country, which is one of the most backwards things. You're like, "Why is our food so bad?" We're just spraying everything with pesticides. And then in Tokyo, I mean, I'm not kidding, dude. You order an omelet or in the hotel,

You're tired, you're like, "We're not gonna go out to a nice, crazy, we're just gonna go here in the hotel in the lobby." And you order a sirloin steak and you tell, and you're like, "This is the best fucking steak I've ever had in my entire life." Every meal was like that. - Damn. - Everything we had, we were like, "This is amongst the best food I've ever had." And it was every day, no matter what we had. And then you order a cup of coffee and you're like, "Jesus Christ, this is the best coffee I've ever had in my life." That's what it was like to eat in Tokyo.

Shit. Yeah, it was incredible. You gotta go to Tokyo, man. I like food. I've never been to Asia at all. Oh, dude. Let me tell you, man. Like, there's...

there's a lot first of all i should say there's a lot i haven't seen but in the place those those places that i've been i mean hong kong is a spectacle it is like new york roided up like it literally you like you think you're seeing the downtown skyline and then you go like around this bend and you see something like 20 times more buildings and you're like what has happened like it's this massive thriving alive city not that tokyo isn't but the thing that stands out from tokyo is like

the Japanese people, the culture. Everybody in Japan, like the cashier at the 7-Eleven takes great pride in their job. And you sense it. You know what I mean? There is no like, I don't know, man. There is none of that. People have like... So this whole...

Japanese culture and way of being like it really is impressive. You know the the pride people take in excellence It's all about the reason like some of those foods are so great is they're like, yeah that guy He makes coffee and he's done that for 45 years He takes pride and he takes so much pride in it It's like this meticulous like perfect thing and you see that kind of in all parts of life. They are like a

Gracious people like for a city with so many people a lot of people I mean, you know on the morning commute like there's this famous thing you could find online of like the rush of the subway and You don't like it's all organized. There's no like people like fucking off and like being like they're like Oh, yeah No one's being an asshole because they know it's rude to be an asshole in the morning commute like things like that where you're like, oh

Wow. And then Singapore is the cleanest, like, you know, like almost make- And it's because they beat people's asses. Yeah, they don't fuck around at all. Yeah, bro. They fucking cane your ass, bare ass right in front of the whole- There's this thing when you land in Singapore where there's signs and you're going up, you're walking up to do, you know, customs and it's just like drugs punishable by death. Oh, Jesus Christ. And it's like-

all over and then they hand you the form and it's like we will kill you for drugs and then you're like filling it out and you're like do I have any drugs on me I haven't used drugs since 99 but fuck I need to check real quick you start to panic you're like I gotta go through my backpack real quick because what if I have like an edible on me they're like oh they will hang you like oh shit but then you get into that city and it's like I mean it's like it's the cleanest place you've ever been

People, again, super polite. It's just, it's a really cool experience. I mean, I can't encourage you enough to do an Asia trip. Yeah, that'd be sick.

Dude, I got invited by one of the guys on Instagram. He runs all the elephant reserves. He invited us to go over there and see the elephants. I think that'd be cool, man. Let's go. Elephants are fucking sweet. They're big. Well, they're smart too, bro. Yeah. Super smart. Yeah. I hope I don't get confused for one. You'd probably be able to ride one, man. Yeah.

I know you can't ride a horse. Okay, I can ride a fucking horse. No, you can't. You fucking kill the horse. Tom, you got two boys, right? I have two boys, yeah. They're not like little kids though, right? Six and nine. Oh, they're just young. Yeah, they're young. That's young. Has that changed your outlook on comedy at all? The shit you talk about maybe? I mean, for sure you talk about it because, excuse me, I always felt like you should just talk about whatever's...

going on actually happening yeah so like you know when you know your first hour set is you like you're in your 20s it's just like observations and it's like tv shows it's going out you know drinking part whatever and then you know it's like you're you get engaged you're like well i'm gonna talk about that you know like you're married like you you know those things that are whatever you're experiencing it's like you know my dad died talk about that you just talk about

whatever's happening so like kids sure it's like i don't want to do an hour on having kids but like i always have something because they're they're part of life they're part of my life and uh you know they're two little wild dudes man they're just just ruining everything we have like basically there's such little shits yeah and they're both in jujitsu and it's just like

It's so funny 'cause the older one, he's like, "I think I'm stronger than you." And I'm like, "You're definitely not stronger than me, dude." And he's like, "You wanna try?" I'm like, "Yeah, sure." "I mean, you're nine. I will fuck you up." And then,

He'll try to like, you know, mount me and I'm like, just pick him up and put him down. He's like, oh wow, you're definitely still stronger than me. I'm like, yeah. I know this doesn't have like a no expiration date, but I'm going to remind you of this for a while. Yeah. You got to make it so bad so he doesn't even try it again. What's that? You got to make it so bad he doesn't try it again. No. It's coming. It sounds like he's going to keep trying. It's coming. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Every day I get home, he takes his shirt off. He's like, and he goes, I'm going to be so fucking jacked.

and the thing is he has like these like he's like lean you know i mean like he's already like kind of muscular and i'm like i i don't want to tell him but i'm like yeah you probably are it's coming yeah it's coming yeah man um you're also an author yeah you wrote a book we got uh i like to uh play alone please yeah what's that about well it's a collection of like stories and essays and

My first, my oldest, he was doing a lot of like two word things when he was like a little kid, you know, and kind of like mixing around certain words. I was like waiting for him to say his first full sentence. And then, you know what I mean? Like he'd be like, I do, I know. And I'm like, oh, he's not like, we were waiting for like that first full sentence when he's like, I don't remember, man, like,

18 months or two or something like that and then one day i got home and i sat down next to him like in the playroom and he just looked up at me he goes i'd like to play alone please and i was like okay so i was like that was really exciting that you said a full sentence it's also like he was like get the out of here so but the the book is just like a whole collection of stories um you know some of them from

my days as a comic, some of them from before then, but like all types of different stories, yeah. Jeez, man. What did you do before that? Before? Before comedy. Before comedy, well, when I graduated college, my actual first movie

first thing i did is i went to boston and i um my friend was doing real estate and he was like he's like this is a crazy easy way to make a lot of money which for like a fresh college grad i couldn't believe it the whole system was that if you boston has 61 colleges and universities in the boston metropolitan area which is crazy and all those people need housing and so the way it works is like you just

If you work in a real estate office, people just come in and they're like, I need an apartment. And then you show them an apartment. I don't know shit about Boston. I don't know. And they're just like, here's this one. And then if they sign up for it, they have to pay first, last and another month equivalent to the real estate office. And then as an agent, you get half of that.

So it's like, you know, free money. You just throw. It was just like this thing. I did it for a few months, but it was one of those things where I was like, even though it was like, to me, it was a ton of, I mean, I'm 21 and like, they're just like, here's $4,000. Here's eight. I was like, holy shit. I was also like, oh, I know I don't want to do this. It was like a real life lesson because I was like,

If it was just about the money, I should stay here and just keep doing this because it's like a crazy amount of money. But I didn't want to do it. So then I went to D.C. and I actually worked for America's Most Wanted.

That was like really yeah the show the show yeah, so I was like out fucking hunting people or what I mean I was I would I was a researcher so like but they would I had interned there in college and then they offered me a gig and the job was like you had to read all these like stories about like fugitives and different crimes and then I would go in like the bullpen and

and pitch to like our story editor, hey, we should do, we should profile this guy. And you'd give them like the whole story in the background and then they would discuss and then they would go like, okay, we're going to do that story. So then you'd be kind of like an associate producer on this particular person. And I did that for, my first day was September 10th, 2001. Oh, fuck. So, yeah, it was a Monday. And,

And then, yeah, we kind of started doing some different shit after that. But after three months of like, yeah, I hope we get him too. I was like, I don't want to do this anymore either. So I moved to LA and my whole desire in moving to LA had nothing to do with standup. I really thought that

Comedy acting was like what I would do like, you know, I I had like, you know, Will Ferrell and all these guys I was like I want to do that Yeah, so I kind of went out there with like that objective and I I was going to the groundlings which is like a comedy improv school and troop like they train you and then they put on shows and when I was in that school

you know just taking the classes i met other stand-ups who were like they were the ones who were like you should try stand-up they're like i think you would like stand-up and i was like i don't even know what to do and these guys kind of took me around to watch them like hey watch them do i don't know how you even prepare for it and that got me started doing stand-up but i always still wanted to do the the comedy acting thing which is like why the show bad thoughts is uh

like so fulfilling to me because I also remember that that was like my first dream. Like my dream was to do stories. You know what I mean? And so I still love standup. Like standup has been amazing for me and I, it is so fun, but I always wanted to do that shit. So yeah,

In my head, making this show feels like, oh, this thing I wanted to do for 20 years. You know what I mean? It's very fulfilling. That's real, man. Dude, so I'm a lot younger, obviously. Obviously. Obviously, yeah. Well, I mean, I know it's hard to tell you. I'm black, don't crack. Plus, you paint your beard. I get it. Keep going. I could be like 40. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. But dude, I remember the first time I heard about you, there was a video that

At a basketball court. Oh, that's the first time that was the first day. I thought like that was like memorable for me Yeah, that's pretty memorable. Yeah, you know I'm talking about you talk about it. Yeah, sure. All right, so I got I got the clip This is the og clip. Let's watch this clip. You've never seen this Andy. No Wait, you're not this the best part hasn't happened yet Oh fuck

Pretty bad. What kind of injury was that? Two at the same time. It was double whammy. Was that shoulder and arm? No. What happens, like a lot of people don't know. So we had been playing basketball for a while. I mean, how the fuck do you even do that, man? It's pretty crazy, actually. Yeah. And so. You do that on purpose? Absolutely not. So what happened was, this is the part that like, because people only see this clip. Yeah. So right before this, Bert and I are having a dunk contest. Okay. Okay.

And so we start, it was a rim that you can lower. And so we were like, who can dunk higher? So I'm 247 right there, by the way. Yeah, you were a thickie. So we do it seven and a half, eight, eight and a half, nine. I dunk on nine. He doesn't. It's over. Like I already won the competition. Everyone's like, yay. And as we're like walking away to do our net, we were going to do something completely different. One of them was like, hey, man.

"I think you can go a little higher." And I was like, "Huh?" And they're like, "I think you got a little more room in you." And I go, I remember internally being like, "I don't know, man, that was like, "that felt like the kind of the limit, you know?" I was like, "Okay." So they crank it up to 9:3. So that like the hoop is set at 9:3. I'm back here, like there's a guy off camera. He's like, "Hey man, dig deep." And I go,

I go, all right, yeah. And I remember internally just being like, man, I don't know if I have these extra three inches, right? That's a lot to pull out, man. When I'm running there, when I push off, the reason that's like,

My left patellar tendon snaps. Oh, fuck. Okay, so the patellar tendon snaps. And then instinctively, like it's not a thought thing. Your body, I guess, tries to protect your head. This arm goes here. I land on it, shatter the arm. So it was left patellar tendon and left humerus. I mean, that's the...

the scar i don't know if you can see it from there and then i had major nerve damage so i had another surgery to take a nerve from here and put it in here so but that happened you know you see the video and it's just like what is this but like it was that we were doing all this the real reason that this likely happened is that i was like out of shape

And like, yeah, I used to play basketball fucking 20 years before then. And then we just show up one day and you're like, oh, let's like put the demands of like jumping as hard as you fucking can on this out of shape body. And then your body just goes, nah, bro. Not today. That's how it feels though. Cause like you, you remember, uh,

That you could do shit. Exactly. And you think you could still do shit. Yeah. And then you figure out very quickly that you cannot. Well, there's a term that I was told, because, you know, I went to the hospital, I had surgery, then I went to recovery center, all this PT, like all this shit. The term that I had never heard, they were like, oh, you're a...

- When you're doing this, you're a deconditioned athlete. Meaning like you are, you're so out of shape. - So there was three injuries. There's a dignity piece. - You're putting the demands of what you did on yourself and you're like, oh, I'm 18, this is what I used to do. But your body is like, no, we're not at all prepared for this. And then your body just goes, go fuck yourself. - Yeah, dude. - Yeah, yeah. - Fuck, man. I saw myself on video, this is probably about a year ago,

I was, this is so stupid, but I had this fucking rotted tree in my yard and I was like trying to make a video of like me pushing it over. Yeah. And fucking dude. So like when I pushed it over, I like ran three feet and I saw the video and I'm like, holy fuck, bro. Like you cannot move anymore. Yeah. And then I showed it to my brother. He's obviously I haven't heard the end of it, but yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm that you can't.

You can't comprehend that. I still got it. Yeah. No, you don't. You never had it, bro. Well, this is like the basketball dudes, men in their 40s in basketball, if they're not continuously playing a special, like if they just go, I'm going to play. I used to play ball. I'm going to play today. It is what leads to the most, they go, oh, dude, all we see are ACL, Achilles tears, all the time. Because it's, you don't,

basketball is so accessible to us like we all grow up playing that you don't realize like what kind of demands if you're not playing regularly what force you're putting on you know it's like so explosive like it's pivoting it's jumping as hard as you can and if you're doing that out of nowhere it's you know it's it can really obviously yeah

- Yeah. - That looked painful. - Yeah. - It was pretty bad. Let's talk about YMH Studios. So how long has that been rolling? - Well, I mean, the flagship show for us is called Your Mom's House YMH. And then we started producing other people's podcasts. God. - How many you got now? I mean, it's like fucking 15? - No, but it's probably like,

Seven eight maybe something like that. We launched another one, but yeah, I mean it just became like you know We sort of slowly built the infrastructure to do it like you know obviously start with like the physical space and then you have a team that can produce and like you know the the tech guys and the the social media started to branch out from there and then

Yeah, it just became this thing. And then we start our own ad sales company. So like instead of having like an outside company, we have an internal company. So we built an infrastructure to do all this. And then it just kind of naturally became like...

this thing for TV film too. So it started with that and then it started to branch out. Um, yeah. So is this in Austin? It's in Austin. Yeah. So, so do people come into the building to record their shows? Yeah. So you have multiple studios. We have multiple studios. That's fucking cool, man. Yeah. It's fun. It's fun. And, um, yeah, it's a, it's a fun environment. Like it's, you know, it's a, it's a lot of comedians that are popping in and out and like staff is just fantastic there. And, um,

Yeah. It's like, uh, it's now it just feels like, you know, like the, the, the norm, but it was a slow for sure. Slow process. Yeah. That's cool, man. We thought about, we were thinking about doing something similar up here, but then we figured out that, uh,

Nobody wants to come here at all. Yeah. Where? To your office? No, to St. Louis. Oh. It's a flyover state, man. That's what a lot of people call it. Yeah. Flyover state. But we got good food and good people here, man. I know. I mean, look, it was way easier to book people in LA. Yeah. It's just easy to be like, drive down here. But yeah, we try to like, you know, we monitor schedules, like who's coming in to play the venues and all that stuff. Yeah.

Sometimes if it works out, it works out. Some people do fly in for it, you know, which is nice. I think they...

Sometimes have other business in the city, which helps, right? If they're coming in for another event. Austin's a hub right now. Yeah. It makes it a lot easier. It's become really popular. Sweet, man. I love it down there, dude. I think Austin's cool as fuck. It is a good time, man. It's a good time. I like walking around. The people, you know... A little weird. Yeah, they're a little left, but they're not fucking California left. No, it's like...

It's a blue city in a red state, but the thing is you're still in Texas, dude. Like, you know what I mean? Like, and the truth is I feel like it's actually pretty mixed. Like when you're in the city, even if you're like, oh, this is a pretty, you know, liberal place or whatever. It's,

It's just moderately liberal. Yeah, and they're cool. They're not fucking assholes. It wasn't like this pushy shit. It was cool because we stayed. We went down there a few weeks ago, a month ago, a couple of months ago. What was that? A couple of years ago, a decade ago. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, I think never like 1940 or something 1940 yeah, but we stay right around the corner from the mothership Yeah, and down there. It was a sweet area like even at night. I think it was like on Thursday night Shit was jumping down there 6th Street is it packed like that all the time 6th Street is like that's where the club is that area is a I mean yeah, it's a party area. It's bars and clubs and yeah, it's always a man and

Well, sweet. Let's get it. I want to, I want to do some reaction clips with you guys. So I got some viral clips that are happening right now. Okay. So we're going to do what we just talked shit on a little bit. Yeah, that's fine. Um, that's fine. I think, but no, I think it's different than we do. It's different. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Uh, so I got, I got three clips here for you, um, to, to react to this first one, dude, this guy is making, making rounds around the internet right now. Okay. His name is Frederick. Uh,

Vosgrove, I believe is his name. Yeah, he looks Eastern European. He's German. Oh, he's German. Okay. He calls himself the German Neanderthal. I mean, it suits him. But let's check this little hype video out from him. Here's the clip. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I kind of like it. I'm going to be real. That's some savage shit. I'm not going to lie. He scares the shit out of me. Yeah. There's different humans out there. And that guy was probably...

to do exactly this, to laugh like he's got three fucking brain cells firing and just maul people. Yeah. He looks part fucking animal. Yeah. How good of a fighter is he? He's amateur, but I think he's undefeated right now. Undefeated, okay. He's an amateur fighter. He's moving up, but he's a fighter.

I think he's at like 320-some thousand on IG right now. I mean, he's growing. He's up and coming, huh? He's up and coming. Yeah, he's a scary dude. That's the kind of dude where you're like, oh, shit. I'll shoot these kind of guys. I'll shoot them. You'll just shoot them? I'm not fighting you. I see creative marketing play, bro. Like, if I was like a dog food company, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'd sponsor this motherfucker. I'd be like, dude, dude.

This dude is straight up on our shit. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? You want to be an animal? Fucking eat this shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's a play there. There's a play. Gunther's a dog, man. Yeah, that's right. Gunther's a dog.

Yeah. Fucking first human athlete for blue bison. I feel like he looks like a character in the Bible. He looks like a movie character, like the guy that's in an alley kind of thing. You shouldn't be in here. You're in Munich for whatever reason, and you just turn the corner, and he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And you're like, oh, shit. Yeah. Fuck.

You are black, get that stuff out there. Yeah. Nah, you better have a gun with that dude, bro. - Bro, fuck dude, I don't even know if that'll work. - Yeah, it might not, bro. - Yeah, he's just laughing at you. - He needs like fucking silver bullets, bro. Like, that's some different shit. - That's a different, yeah, that's right. That's a different kind of dude right there. - Fuck, look at his traps, good God. All right, next one. Let's go to New Orleans. You ever been to New Orleans? - Many times, yeah. - I like New Orleans, bro. New Orleans is sick.

They got a new story down in New Orleans. They had 10 inmates escape a jail. Hell yeah. Through a cell wall where the toilet was. I saw this. You saw this? Oh yeah, man. Yeah. So it was a rectangular hole in the cell. It was big enough to squeeze through. And then they actually wrote on top of the walls right above it saying, too easy, LOL. Suck my dick, they wrote too. Yeah.

So let's check this clip. This is from like the news conference and they're showing them all leaving out and shit. Let's check this out. Bro, what? What the fuck are we watching here? Oh, they're pulling the door open. They're trying to escape. Yeah, they broke the fucking doors. I thought he was humping the door. We'll provide this to y'all tonight.

Because they're trying to get into that cell. That's the cell that they broke out of. Subsequently, they go inside that cell and this is where you see them exiting the loading dock door. As you notice, they are carrying blankets with them. This road that they're going out of is behind this building, as I explained. They subsequently go through another door.

Hop the highway. Yeah.

And then they did an escape crossing all the way to Rajah. Way to stay on top of shit, guys. The cool thing about this story is that they escaped around 1230. And the sheriff's office there found out at 830 a.m. Oh, fuck. And then they notified the public after 1030. So it's just a cool little ten and a half hour head start for these guys. Well, apparently they caught like two of them so far. Two or three, yeah. But that means there's like...

seven dudes out there still. I'm surprised they had to escape, bro. I thought they just let these motherfuckers out now. I mean, some of them are in for murder. Oh, yeah, for sure. There's some wild dogs out there right now. I say they get Frederick down there to go catch him. Hell, yeah. No, that's crazy. They just moved the toilet and just opened a wall and were able to...

Escape and then scale a wall and like nobody sees that that's really nuts to me at a jail That's our taxpayer dollars, bro. Yeah work. That is I feel like a common song should have been playing right there. Yeah, I'm Sam freedom Bro, it's like the Shawshank Redemption. That's what it was. That's what it was Last one. Let's go to some sports But I maybe put this in Apologies. Uh-huh. Let's check this clip out. Oh

- This is women's soccer. - That is awesome. - That is awesome. - I could watch that all day. - That's an accomplishment. - Took out two. - Two and one. - That's rad. - Two birds with one stone.

That's an accomplishment. Bro, did you guys see that baseball clip where the two plays happen at the, the two exact same plays happen in the same inning? Like decades apart or whatever? No, fucking one inning after another. It was, yeah, it was the same fucking play. The dude, you have to look it up, man. It's fucking crazy. Is it like a glitch in the matrix or something? Yes, 100%. It's unbelievable. We got to find it and throw it in there because it's like, holy shit.

but anyway like this they they the dude hits a ground ball at the third baseman goes off his hip shortstop catcher throws him out at first same count same inning like everything's the same batter no no but it's one team does it and then the next thing is oh wow like in the same inning yeah yeah dude it's like you can overlay the clips i don't know and they're yeah dude i'm i

Don't know either man. Yeah, that's that's that's the freaky stuff that does make you go like what is happening here I got it. You got it. Mm-hmm, bro. It's admit it for real like there's shit that's happening and it seems to be happening more and more it's like fuck like

Are we really in the Matrix? We know the aliens are coming, dude. They're telling us. Dude, did you know that fucking, did you know that the lady who wrote the, you probably know this, but like, I didn't know this until recently, but the lady who wrote the Matrix also wrote Terminator. Oh, I heard about that. Yeah. And she said that like, it's supposed to be like a fucking sequel or whatever. Yeah, John Connor is supposed to be Jesus Christ to save the world from artificial intelligence and

Bro, the interview is fascinating. I can't think of her name. You got that clip, though? Yeah, I got the clip. Here it is. Same price. Stop. Check this out. Same inning. That's the same game. Yeah. Same inning. Same pitch speed. Same fucking count. Same number of outs in the inning. Same play. Yeah, it's weird shit like that. And that's not like a...

If you guys aren't watching this, it's not like it's a regular ground ball. Play one more time, dude. Watch the position of the players. Yeah, that's freaky. That is crazy. What are the odds of that, dude? Especially because of where it went and then the bounce. Yeah. The shortstop on both. And, dude, that was one. That's the top of an inning, the bottom of an inning. Same pitch beat, same count, same exact play. Like, dude.

Yeah, I wonder if everyone in that stadium was like, what's going on? I don't know, man. Like, dude, more and more shit's happening where I'm like, fuck, man. Do you follow all, because my wife is obsessed with all the alien shit. Dude, we cover it pretty regularly. Yeah, we cover it pretty regularly, but like.

I'm not like super super super. Yeah, because she follows like all the congressional like because the hearings and shit Well, I don't know one thing like real aliens or the government, you know I'm saying like it's one of the things that's really crazy is like you we used to have this thing where you'd be like What if you know and then you have these whistleblowers that were like, you know working

in top secret places in the government, they came out and they go like, "Here's all this shit." And then they need security because they're scared they're gonna get killed. And they basically go, "We do have, you know, "whatever, UAPs, and we have alien bodies, basically. "We've had them for years.

And then you're like, "Why, how come nobody is reacting?" Like it's so weird that everyone's like, they confirm it. They're like, "We do have this." And everyone's like, "Yeah, anyway." And you're like, "Wait, that doesn't freak people out anymore?" - Right. - I always felt like it was strange that you would have somebody confirm this stuff and we've had these and so has China has one and like, you know, different governments have these bodies.

and has this technology, like reverse engineering technology, and then everyone's like, yeah, okay. Dude, it was weird how they did that. They did that shit during COVID. Yes. It was like, you know, all this shit was COVID was going on and they fucking running the death count and all this shit.

And then they're like, oh, by the way, aliens are real. Aliens are real. And no one said anything. And nobody cares. Yeah, that was weird. Because we've communicated with aliens. Dude, for our lifetime, that's been the big debate. Are aliens real or are they not? Of course. And it's just like, yeah, you know, it came out and then people are more worried about their fucking TikTok dances to even, they don't even mention it. Yeah. It actually even makes it feel more like deliberate and calculated that they would kind of like subvert

slow play it during a time of unrest and have it just kind of like, you know, here you go. And then everybody's just like, yeah. And then you have people going, wait, don't you want to make this a bigger deal? And I'm like, I don't care. See, I don't know if it's like a real thing or if it's fucking like the government, you know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, conditioning shit, man. I don't know. It seems like there was a lot of people that didn't want,

The whistleblowers were terrified. So I don't think that, it doesn't feel like the government was trying to say, go ahead and do that. But the funny thing is that these guys were terrified to say what they said. And then basically people were like, I don't care. - Yeah. Anyways, it's like, does Michelle Obama have a dick or not? Like that's what they're worried about. - Yeah bro, it's crazy. - No shit, dude. - Yeah, it's weird.

It is weird, man. Tom, can we do another game? I got another game for him. What's the game? WWTD. Okay. What would Tom do? What would Tom do? Sure. Okay. All right. So I got three scenarios for you, and I need your real reaction to what you would actually do here. Okay. Okay. Your son Julian joins Antifa. Man, we cut him out of the will. That's for sure.

Like, what the fuck are you doing? He's such a fiery little dude. It's absolutely hilarious. We call him Joe Pesci at the house. He's always like, the fuck is this shit doing here? We're like, yo, how do you talk like that, man? Have you ever had to do with Antifa at all?

Have I had to deal with them? No. - You never had like, I'm sure you get like countless fucking, you know, hate, whatever you want to call it, hate comments and shit like that, but you never had like actual issues. - No, I've never had anything like that. I also, I'm trying to picture my youngest. He's like, he likes, he sleeps with an eye mask. He's six. He's like, I need an eye mask. I'm like, dude, like he's, it's way too uncomfortable for him to join. He would be like, wait, we have to go where?

Trash can lids? He's like, he's six, and he's like, can I get a massage today? I'm like, a massage? He's cush, bro. Yeah, he's living a good life. Oh, that's funny. He's not joining. But I don't know. I think I'd be so impressed that he actually...

Was willing to be that uncomfortable. It sounds like your older one would be the fucking leader, bro. What's that? He'd be the leader. Oh, yeah. He'd get him in shape, bro. That older one, I think he would be the one who would be like, oh, we're going to break shit? He's like, yeah, I'm in, bro. No, hell no. All right. Next one, your dog only responds to gender-neutral pronouns.

We're really big when people, we have a cat now. And when they go, she's beautiful, we always go, don't misgender my cat. So we would definitely stand up for that. Yes.

We like to take it seriously. Yeah, that's real. We do that shit too, bro. Everybody thinks Charlie's a boy. Yeah. Everybody, we got two bulldogs and everybody thinks the girl one who is very clearly a fucking girl. Very clearly. Yeah. Yeah. We always correct them. Don't misgender my cat. Yeah. Bro, there's this dude, I think, what's his name? Uh,

I think he's a Gino on Instagram. So he does this thing where he hops in trans people's fucking lives, like live streams. Like, oh, I see you have a dog. And I'm like, yeah, this is, you know, Bruno. And he's like, is it a girl or a boy? I'm like, oh, Bruno's a boy. And then he's like, how do you know?

I mean, you're so pissed. Oh, boy. It is the best. I absolutely love that content. It's very easy to troll those people. Dude, it's so easy. Yeah. It's so easy. All right, I got one more for you. Okay, you find out your mom has been catfishing men on Facebook using your headshots from your Netflix special. Dude, I applaud her. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Just for being crazy. You've been doing some awesome content with your mom. Yeah, she's a real piece of work. She's got a lot of personality. So, yeah, we bring her around a lot. She's...

very disapproving of most of the things I do, which is kind of fun, you know? Like she hated the show so much. - Really? - She hates it. She called me, she goes, "I finished it." And then was just quiet on the phone. And I go, "What'd you think?" She goes, "It's horrendous." She goes, "It's the worst thing." She goes, "I have friends." Do you know how embarrassing it is? That I have to see my friends after this? And I'm like, "I don't know what to say." And she was like, "Anyway." I go, "That's what, the phone call was just to tell me you hated it?" She was like, "Yes." And I go, "Okay."

So, yeah. And then she always says this shit. She's like, I go, that's really nice. She goes, well, I can't help.

but be myself and i go you could try you could try to be somebody else i think we would all appreciate it if you weren't you thanks mom yeah i would love if she was into catfishing people right right it'd be solid man that'd be solid sweet man we kind of did this on short notice uh time was coming in to get swole yeah man i can't wait yeah jim looks unbelievable thank you for letting us work out bro listen man anytime dude anytime you come through thank you uh

Thanks for sitting down with us, man. My pleasure, man. It's a little short podcast we did on a short notice this morning. But dude, I really appreciate it. Appreciate you too. Thanks. It was a lot of fun, guys. Yeah. And dude, you know, I really fucking appreciate how... I just want to say this. I really appreciate how not just good you are at what you do, but how meticulous you are about it. I think it's fucking awesome, dude. Oh, thanks, man. And I don't think people understand like how much work and attention to detail and...

you know, uh, strategy and everything goes into like what you guys do and learning more and more about it. It's, it's fucking cool, man. Thank you, man. I appreciate that. Really appreciate it. All right, guys, Tom, thank you, brother. Thanks so much. All right. And we will, uh, we'll see you next time. Don't be a hoe. Sure. Sure.

Went from sleeping on the floor Now my jewelry box froze Fuck a bowl, fuck a stove Counted millions in a cold Bad bitch, booted swole Got her on bankroll Can't fold, that's a no Headshot, case closed